Love Story
by AuntJackie
Summary: This is the story of Randy Orton & John Cena. Relive their happiness and their trials, their sorrows and their joy. It's ultimately a love story...SLASH
1. Prologue

**A/N: Had an idea for a story like this so I'm gonna run with it! I used my OC from my other stories, Angel, but that's it. To all my readers who have read this story before, thanks! To all the new readers, welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own no one from the WWE and/or their families. I only own my OC Angel. **

**Randy's POV**

Assignment: Who are you? Describe yourself as you want to be remembered by future generations.

There it is. My first assignment on my first day of therapy and already I've drawn a blank. I guess the first thing I should do is type the word "pessimist" because my first thought was, "Why the hell would any future generations want to remember me?"

So, who am I?

1) My name is Randal Orton, but please call me Randy.

2) 35 year old Superstar. Yes, I said Superstar. I'm not conceited. I wrestle for the best company in the world, the WWE, and that's literally my job title.

3) A Dad to two perfect children; a 7 year old daughter named Alanna and a 7 year old son named Angel. No joke. My kids are beautiful, brilliant and caring. They really are perfect. Like their Daddy. No, just joking.

4) A widower.

Please don't let my attitude fool you. I'm not some rich star trying to decide over Prada or Gucci. I also don't walk around with an iPhone stuck to my ear all day. I am well off financially, but I've worked hard to get there. I'm not a snob, though. I may be a little cocky because I'm confident in the things I do. I'm proud of my talent. I also know I am a great friend, a great Dad and was a wonderful husband. Yet, I'm still one of the most insecure people ever. Confused? Yeah, me too.

So, back to my life. I'm 35, a dad, and widower. So, to add more pressure to that, let's go to therapy to work out my issues! I guess the only reason I decided to go was because my thoughts were killing me. I needed to distract my mind somehow, and unfortunately I couldn't play with my kids 24/7 because they insisted on getting sleepy. I've also been the green eyed monster lately when it comes to my two best friends. They have an amazing life; not yet married but we all know its heading down that road. They're so in love and happy. I hate them. Again, just joking.

So, why were my thoughts killing me? My husband, John, died 2 months ago. Confused again? Not me this time. I'm Randy and my husband was John. In case you're still frowning, you must be slow so I'm going to spell it out for you; I'm gay.

I married Alanna's mom when I was very young. It was a huge mistake because I knew deep down in my heart I wasn't meant to be with a woman. I just wanted to do what was expected of me. It was a mistake in many ways but mostly because I hurt her. She's a great woman and I'll always regret making her waste those years with me. It was a big mistake but taught me a great lesson; stop hiding your true identity. It also gave me the greatest gift of all in my daughter. So, I can't ever truly regret it. Thankfully, we have become great friends over the years.

After John and I were together for awhile, we adopted Angel together. He fell into our laps after living a very difficult life for the first 4 years of his life. I'm proud to say John and I were able to give him a much better life and he's an amazing kid. I thank the day I laid eyes on him. In my eyes, he's just as much my child as Alanna is. Screw the term "adopted".

So, 2 months ago my whole world changed. I went from being in a happily committed relationship with a man I married (though it's not recognized in most places, of course) to being a walking shell just going through the motions for everyone else's sake.

John was not only my husband; he was my best friend. We met when I came to Louisville to train to be a wrestler. I don't know anything about him, but I know I fell in love with him the first time he smiled at me. His smile lit up the whole room. He had these dimples and when I saw them, my stomach dropped to the floor. For me, that's a good sign. He always told me he fell in love with me because of my eyes. I never got that. Most people will tell you my eyes are my best feature but not for the reason John said. My eyes tend to look a bit on the cold side which bodes really well for the character I play on the WWE. John, for some reason, always said my eyes were warm and full of love. He said he saw that the first time he looked at me. Apparently, my eyes laughed at him.

For a long time we were just friends; best friends. Hell, he came to my wedding. He was the first person who received a picture of newborn Alanna. I relished in the fact that we were so close. We knew everything about each other; could communicate without words. We had completely opposite personalities but the same sense of humor. We argued about what the best clothes were (his style was horrible) and what was the better type of music; rock all the way for me and hip-hop for him. Despite it all, we wanted to spend every single minute together and we could even finish each others sentences. Seriously, we made people sick. After a few years we became more and it was even that much more amazing. The way he treated Alanna as his own daughter made me adore him. It was no question I wanted to have another child with this man. He was the best father to these 2 kids. I could only attempt to be like him.

Now, he's gone. The love of my life is gone and all I do is think or dream of him. All my friends are here for me, but I know they need to grieve themselves. We were all a family but I'm not gonna dump my problems on them. They have their own. I have an amazing family and family-in-law, but like I said, everyone needs to grieve. I need to stand on my own with this for awhile.

So, I guess that's why I feel pessimistic. My life isn't interesting like you see on TV; it's sad and depressing. You might disagree. I have a great career, family and friends. I'm well known over the world and can buy anything I would ever want. Whatever. That's so not important. I would give it all back in a second to have just one more hour with my husband.

I guess to understand my feelings you have to know my story from the beginning…

**A/N 2 (March 2014): Going over this story and fixing errors and such. Forgive the craziness you will see for a bit...  
**


	2. Chapter 1

**2001**

The place reeked of sweat and multiple other body odors. Men and women in various versions of wrestling gear filled the room. Sounds of fists hitting punching bags and bodies hitting wrestling mats mixed in with the loud, excited voices of the wrestling hopefuls.

Randy was in Heaven. He looked around and felt his heart start to race with anticipation and his stomach clench with a bout of nerves. His eyes looked around the room and took a deep breath before taking another step inside the huge gym. He followed the signs leading to the door marked Office and knocked lightly on it.

"Come on in,"

Randy pushed the door and looked inside, "Mr. Briley,"

Daniel Briley looked up from his stack of paperwork and smiled when he took in the sight of the huge young man in front of him.

"Well, I'll be damned; if it isn't little Randal Orton all grown up!"

Randy smiled and walked over to the Ohio Valley Wrestling owner. He held out his hand for a shake but was quickly pulled into a huge bear hug.

"Mr. Briley, it's nice to see you again. It's great to be here, finally."

Danny nodded his head and motioned for Randy to have a seat. He dropped his body into the chair across from Danny's desk and placed his gym bag beside him.

"So, Bob tells me you wanna follow in the Orton footsteps. What; the marines didn't work out for you?"

Randy grimaced and shook his head. "No, sir. It was a mistake to even enroll and frankly, it's an embarrassment I'm going to have to carry with me forever. I hated having some guy screaming in my face and giving me orders. It was a nightmare. My parents warned me I wouldn't like it, but I didn't listen at all."

Danny leaned back in his chair and frowned. "So, you gave up and quit? How do I know if I take you in this program you won't give up and quit on me? You know how many people want to wrestle with OVW and go on to the WWE? Why should I take you, someone who has already proven himself to be a quitter because he didn't like being told what to do, and turn away one of the other hundreds of applicants I have sitting here in this stack? Because you're an Orton?" he smirked sarcastically.

Randy's eyes opened and his mouth dropped in shock. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to respond but Danny held up his hand. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

"Randy, you do realize you're gonna have tons of people telling you what to do here, right? Your last name means shit here; hell, it won't help you. It will probably mean you have to work 3 times as hard because of it. You will have coaches screaming in your face, trainers, fellow students and most importantly, me, every day. Is this what you really want?"

Randy tightened his lips into a thin line and narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, it is. I have wanted this for more than the 5 minutes it took me to walk in here from my car. The only reason I didn't pursue this after high school was because of my parents' hesitation towards it. Don't you think I know my last name is going to work against me here? Everyone is going to hate me immediately because of it. They're gonna think I'm some spoiled brat who's not going to work at anything because it's just going to be handed to me due to daddy's name. I can assure you, I will wipe those thoughts away the minute I step in that ring. I plan to work my ass off because this is my dream. I have no problem taking direction and screams, as you say, if it's going to help my craft."

Danny stared at Randy's face for what seemed like hours and he stared back just as intently. Finally, Danny's face cracked into a smile.

"Exactly what I wanna hear; passion behind the words. I've heard great things about you, Randy, and I think you'll do great here, but I need to be sure always. "

Randy nodded. "I understand. I won't let you down, but really, it's about me; I won't let myself down. You have nothing to worry about with me."

Danny nodded and stood up. He walked around from behind the desk and walked over to the closed office door. He pulled it open and stuck his head out.

"Cena, get in here, now!"

He left the door open and walked back into the room, leaning on the desk. He looked down at Randy, who was now staring at the open door with a frown.

"I'm gonna assign you a Big; that's a buddy. I do it with all my newbies for the first few weeks. It helps them learn the ropes and the training schedule. It also provides you with your first friend and confidant. Trust in this person; he will help you with whatever you need. You're getting John. He's a good kid and has been here for a couple months already, so he'll help you get settled in."

Randy nodded and looked at the open door as a slightly shorter than him man walked through. His stomach flipped at the sight of the blue-eyed, muscular man in a muscle tank and basketball shorts and he narrowed his eyes in confusion about the feeling.

"Hey, Dan, what's up?"

Danny pointed at Randy, who now stood up. "John Cena, this is your newbie, Randy Orton. I place him in your hands."

John smiled and stretched out his hand towards Randy, who smiled and shook it firmly. "Orton, huh. Sounds like I've heard that name before,"

Randy sighed as he followed John out of Danny's office. He figured he should get ready for a lot more of this teasing.

John laughed at Randy's expression. "I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna bust your balls about your family. Frankly, I was never that much of a fan of either your dad or granddad!"

Randy's head jerked up and he prepared to launch a tirade when he caught the smirk on John's face. "Very fucking funny. Is this how you're supposed to help me?"

John led Randy into the locker room and plopped on the long wooden bench running down the middle of the room. "Hey, I'm giving it to you easy. You think I'm bad? Wait till you get out there. You're gonna hear how much your father and grandfather sucked, how they couldn't wrestle for shit, how their characters were beyond lame, yada yada yada. It's all part of the welcoming ritual here."

Randy sat and softly nodded his head. "OK, and what else should I expect?"

John pursed his lips and looked up in thought. "They'll tell you how much you suck, too."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "Can't wait,"

John nodded with his own laugh. "It'll die down after a few days. Trust me, we all went through it."

He stood up and sighed. "OK, so obviously this is the locker room. Pick your locker; it will be yours till the day you walk out of here. Get a good lock. We're all mostly trustworthy, but there's always a bad seed around, you know."

He paused and stopped to see if Randy was listening. He was and showed it by nodding.

"Showers are back there, gym is out there. Trainer's room is to the left of the main entrance. Doc Martin, yes that really is his name, is great. Do not hide any type of pain you know is not normal for your body. Doc will know you're lying and he will tell Danny, who will chew you up. Safety is big around here. We protect each other and our own bodies. We have a counselor that comes once a week in case you need to talk about anything, but also your Big is supposed to be there for that. I would be your Big in case Danny didn't explain it."

Randy nodded. "Got it,"

"Last and most important, OVW is drug free. We have random drug tests and there is no special treatment for anyone. At least, not that I know of."

Randy again nodded and shrugged. "OK, I'm drug free."

John sat down and looked at his watch. "OK, we're scheduled to work out in Mat C in 15 minutes. Go get ready. I'll wait for you outside."

He turned and started to walk out of the door but turned back. He looked at Randy, who started taking things out of his gym bag. The kid was obviously nervous but was hiding it well. John saw in him the same stubbornness he himself embodied. For some reason, he wanted to see another smile grace Randy's face.

"You don't talk much. I never stop talking. I think we're gonna get along great, Randy."

Randy looked up and shook his head, but smiled the smile John wanted. "Yeah, I think so, too."

He grabbed his things and started organizing his new locker as John walked out into the loud training area. A few minutes later, Randy walked out of the locker dressed in a similar outfit as John's. He looked around at all the new faces and felt his nerves kick in again when a hand clamped itself around his shoulders.

"Ready to get your ass handed to you?"

Randy looked at a laughing John and felt himself relax.

For the next three hours the two men worked on mat techniques and discussed their lives in between holds. Randy found out John was born and raised in Massachusetts, was one of 5 boys and gets along great with his parents. John found out Randy had been born in Tennessee, but now lived in St. Louis, had two younger siblings and also got along great with his parents. Neither one was romantically involved with anyone and wrestling was both their dreams. By hour 2, the two men were talking like they had known each other forever.

"All right, people! Start heading out; our day has ended!" Danny ran the ring bell and everyone stood up and began a walk back to their respective locker rooms.

As John and Randy passed by, Danny stopped them. "So, John, how did our boy do?"

John patted Randy's back and looked over at him. "I think this one may have a shot, Dan. He's not as good as I am, but you know, no one else is gonna be. I'm wonderful."

Danny laughed loudly and Randy pulled back from John and stared at him with disbelief. "Seriously, could this guy be anymore conceited? Danny, did you have to give me him? I don't know if I can take it!"

Danny shook his head as John clutched his chest in mock shock. Randy laughed loudly and shook his head.

"I think you two boys are gonna do great together. Go on, get out of here."

John and Randy walked back into the crowded locker room and headed for their lockers. As John dug through his locker for a towel, he turned over and yelled at Randy, "Hey, wanna go grab some food?"

Randy looked back as he walked to the showers. He smiled and nodded. "Sounds great. I'm starved."

* * *

An hour later Randy and John sat in a local diner in downtown Louisville gorging on burgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes.

"God, are we really supposed to eat like this?"

John took a sip of his milkshake and shook his head. "No, not really, but hey, this is a special occasion. Your first day at OVW is one that should always be remembered and celebrated. In 10 years, hopefully we'll all be in the big leagues and we can look back at these days and laugh."

Randy smiled and nodded. He took a fry in his mouth and looked thoughtful.

"What's up,"

He looked up at John, who was staring intently at him. "Oh, nothing,"

John cocked his head to the side. "Come on, I'm your Big. You're supposed to tell me stuff so I can be there for you."

Randy laughed and just shook his head. "I'm just thinking of the time wasted. I've wanted to do this since I graduated high school but I didn't go for it because my mom was scared and my dad was so against it. I should have listened to myself and just done it instead of the marines."

John raised an eyebrow. "Dude, you were a marine? Awesome!"

Randy shook his head. "No, embarrassing. I was there for less than a year and I went AWOL and was sent to a military jail for over a month. It was horrible."

John grimaced and took a bite of his burger. "Ouch, so moving on. Are your parents cool with it now?"

Randy nodded. "Yeah, but it's probably because they have no choice. It's either support me or lose me. This is what I want and I'm gonna do it."

John smiled. "Good because you have the skill. Whatever you need, bro, I'm here for you."

Randy smiled and shook his head at the man sitting before him. At this time the day before he had no idea John Cena existed. Now, here he sat with him, talking to him, like they had known each other forever. That instant friendship with someone had never happened to him before.

"Enough about my drama; gimme some of yours. I may not be a Big but I can listen."

John shrugged. "I have no drama. I've been told I'm pretty vanilla; super boring. I graduated HS, went to college, played football and was pretty damn good, graduated college, looked into body building but fell in love with wrestling and here I am."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, you're vanilla."

Both men laughed and continued their meals, chatting about their lives and their goals for the future. It would be a conversation Randy would remember for the rest of his life.


	3. Chapter 2

A month quickly passed at Randy was now fully immersed in his new life. He woke up, ate breakfast, went for a run, trained in OVW for about 4 hours then cleaned up enough to go wash dishes at a local restaurant. Despite his parents' offer to help, he refused to let them pay for his new life in Louisville. He had rented a small, one bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood John lived. The two men had become great friends and even though John technically wasn't his Big anymore, Randy depended on him the same. Both men were away from their families and had taken to seeing each other as their replacement family members. They spent many nights in either one of their homes eating dinner, watching movies or just talking.

On a rare day off, Randy drove the now familiar route to the OVW training facility. He wasn't going to work out; just grab some clothes out of his locker for his weekly laundry trip. The gym was eerily quiet and only a small light could be seen in Danny's office. Randy headed straight for the locker room and to his locker. As he packed his gym bag, the locker room door swung open and in walked a newbie by the name of Michael. He was carrying a small bag and looked frantically around the room, his eyes widening when he saw Randy.

"Hey, I didn't know anyone else was coming today."

Randy shrugged. "Had to come get my crap from my locker. What's up, Mike?"

Michael nodded and walked over to his locker. "Good, how's it going Randy?"

Randy looked over at the kid and frowned. "It's good. How's it going with you? You look a little off, Mike,"

Michael laughed and sat on the bench, placing his bag next to him. "I'm good; just a bit tired. I work out here all day then go to classes in the afternoon and work until 2 am...I'm beat!"

Randy zipped his bag shut and nodded. "Yeah, sounds exhausting. Don't kill yourself, though, Mike. Talk to Danny if you need any help, OK."

Michael shook his head and patted the bag beside him. "No, I don't have to talk to Danny. I got something else to help me. Don't you worry about me, Ran."

Randy frowned and sat beside him. "What are you talking about?"

Michael got up quickly and locked the locker room door. He sat back on the bench and pulled the bag into his lap. "You gotta promise not to tell anyone, Ran."

Randy nodded. Michael unzipped the bag and pulled out 5 wrapped needles and 2 vials of a clear liquid.

Randy's eyes widened and he stood up quickly. "Are you shitting me? What the hell are you doing, Mike? You can get kicked out for this shit!"

Michael quickly stood up and grabbed Randy's hand. "No! Listen, Ran, it's not steroids. It just gives me energy and helps me keep going. I have so much on my plate that if I didn't take this every once in a while, I would collapse! I need it."

Randy pulled his hand away and shook his head. "No, you don't need it; you want it. The rest of us are just as exhausted and over worked and we're not shooting anything up. I barely get 4 hours of sleep a night. I'm just as tired."

Michael sighed and sat back down. "Ran, I really do need it. Please don't judge me." He looked at Randy, who was shaking his head and looking down at his feet. "Ran, it could help you too."

Randy's head jerked up. "Are you crazy? I don't do that."

Michael pulled out 2 needles and one of the vials. "That's what I used to say before it got this hard. I'm just gonna leave it here. Take it if you want, dump it if not. Please don't tell anyone, though, Ran."

He set the items on the bench and walked over to the door, unlocked it and walked out. Randy followed him out with his eyes and then turned them downward to the needles and the vial. He walked over to them and just stared. After a few minutes, he reached out to grab them. He looked around quickly then placed them in his bag and hurried from the room and out of the facility, avoiding Danny's office.

* * *

20 minutes later Randy was pulling up to a small brown building. He parked in the first empty spot he saw, grabbed his gym bag and ran inside and up the 3 flights to apartment 3A. He knocked loudly and waited impatiently.

"Open the damn door, John, I forgot my key."

The door swung open and John stood in pajamas, yawning and holding a cup of coffee. "Dude, really? It's too early on our only day off in like a month. I'm going back to sleep so you can entertain yourself."

He walked inside and into his small kitchen and Randy walked into the living room. He opened his gym bag and set the items he got from Michael on John's coffee table. John walked back into the room and looked at Randy.

"What's wrong with you? You look weirder than normal,"

Randy nodded and pointed at the table. "Look at that,"

John followed Randy's view and his eyes widened when he saw what Randy placed on his table. "Holy shit, what is that?"

Randy sat back on John's sofa and shook his head. "You know the new kid, Mike? He's doing whatever the hell is in that bottle. Apparently it helps him stay energized and awake."

John nodded and sat beside Randy. "I've noticed how hyper he's been lately. He's crazy when we're in the ring together."

Randy nodded and sighed. "I lectured him about it but no go. He told me it would help me stay awake and he left it and told me to take it or dump it."

John looked at him and frowned. "Why did you take it?"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know."

"Are you thinking of taking it?"

Randy shrugged again. "Would you?"

John looked at the needle and shrugged. "I don't know."

Both men stared at the 2 needles and the liquid like it was a bomb about to go off.

Despite John's warning to Randy about OVW being drug free, there was always one person who bought them in. It was up to the wrestlers to avoid the temptations but someone always fell. The drug tests were random so drug use was usually caught, but some always managed to fall through the cracks.

Randy wasn't going to lie. He had never been offered any, until this point, but he had always wondered what his reaction would be. The temptation was huge; to have something that promised fast results, either for his body or to keep him going. He knew, however, he would only do it with John. The two men had become so close and trusted each other so well that it was a given if one did it, so would the other.

"What do we do, John?"

John continued to stare at the table but tore his eyes away and met Randy's. The younger man stared at him expectantly. John sighed as he knew Randy wanted to follow his lead. His friend had become like a little brother to him and John knew he would have to decide this.

"We don't really know what's in that bottle. There's no label. We shouldn't do it."

Randy nodded and looked over at the table again. "What if we did? What if we knew exactly what was in the bottle. Would we do it then?"

John sighed. "I don't know, Ran. Depends on what it was for and what it did for us."

Randy nodded. "I would do it if you did it."

John nodded. "Same here."

The silence in the room was deafening. The minutes passed and both men continued to stare at the table. Finally, John cleared his throat and stood up.

"Gimme it,"

Randy stood and reached for the needles and glass bottle. He grabbed them off the table and followed John into the kitchen. John reached out and took them from Randy's hand.

"They're going in the trash. We're not doing this. We don't need it."

He broke the bottle in the sink and they watched as the liquid went down the drain. Randy placed the needles in a bag with the broken bottle and John walked it out of the apartment and threw it down the floor's garbage disposal. He came back inside and sat beside Randy on the couch again.

"All right, we don't talk about this to anyone."

Randy nodded. "No problem. I don't exactly wanna brag about this."

John smiled but quickly got serious. He looked over at Randy. "Have you ever done anything like that before?"

Randy smirked and scoffed. "If I had, I wouldn't have come running over here to ask you what we should do. I swore every cop I passed from the gym to here was gonna take one look at me and pull me over."

John nodded.

Randy narrowed his eyes at the man he now considered his best friend. "Have you ever done anything like that before?"

John shook his head. "Dude, I have a degree in sports medicine. I know what that shit does to the body. So no, I have never."

"I forgot; you're the vanilla nerd of the wrestling world." Randy smiled. "Is it true steroids shrink your junk?"

"I'm a nerd but you're the one with your nose in a book whenever you're not wrestling." John laughed. "Yes, steroids shrink your balls but that's only the least of your worries if you're using them."

Randy sighed and shook his head. He leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. "I feel sorry for that kid but a part of me is really proud of us right now. We avoided the temptation."

John nodded. The men sat in comfortable silence until John coughed and wrinkled his nose. "What the hell is that smell?"

Randy's eyes opened and he jumped off the sofa. "My gym bag! All my dirty clothes are in there! I was on my way to do laundry when all this shit went down."

John stood up and pulled his shirt over his nose. "Oh my God, it smells like a dead animal!" He walked into the kitchen and came back with a can of air freshener. He sprayed in Randy's bag and then around the entire living room.

"Good Lord, Ran, get it out, please!"

Randy snatched the can from John's hand and shook his head. "Don't be so damn dramatic. They're dirty gym clothes; they're not gonna smell like roses. I'm leaving now since you're so damn sensitive."

John nodded. "You don't have to leave but they sure do. I can't breathe here!"

Randy rolled his eyes and grabbed his gym bag. "Fine, I'm going, loser."

He walked over to the door and John followed, making gagging noises. Randy looked behind him and shook his head as John finally stopped and started to laugh instead.

"Do your laundry and I'll be over for dinner. What do you want; Italian or Chinese?"

Randy walked down the stairs, gym bag slung over his shoulder. "Chinese!"

He waved as John nodded and shut the door. John smiled at the closed door and looked forward to what he knew would be another great dinner with his best friend.


	4. Chapter 3

**April 2002**

Randy ran out of Danny's office clutching the paper tightly in his hand. His eyes searched the crowded gym for the fellow blue eyed man.

"Crap," he whispered as he headed to the locker room area. He pushed open the door and scanned the faces of the men changing. "John, you in here?"

John's head poked out from behind another wrestlers form. "Hey, I'm almost ready." He pulled a tank over his head and reached inside the locker to grab a watch.

Randy walked quickly over to him. "No, drop it and lock up. Hurry up!"

John frowned and quickly locked up. He followed Randy out through the gym and outside. "What's up?"

Randy smiled. His eyes were bright blue and sparkling. He thrust a paper into John's hand. "Read it,"

John smiled at Randy's enthusiasm and shook his head. He took the paper and lowered his eyes to read,

"_Dear Randy, _

_It is my pleasure to offer you a WWE..."_

John didn't need to finish it. He looked up at Randy with his eyes wide open. "You got called up,"

Randy laughed loudly and nodded. "Fuck yeah! I got called up to the WWE!"

John's mouth dropped open and his stomach plummeted to the ground. "Oh my God, that's great, Ran!" He pulled the man into a tight hug, which Randy returned just as forcefully.

John pulled away and lowered his eyes, trying to maintain the smile on his face. "This is really great, Ran."

Randy looked closely at John, who's smile was clearly wavering. "Hey, you don't look like you think it's really great. What's wrong?"

John looked up and shook his head. The smile on his face had dropped a bit and his eyes looked strange. Randy couldn't read him.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm happy for you!"

Randy frowned and pulled John over to the benches in front of OVW headquarters. He sighed. "I was afraid of this. You're pissed I'm getting called up before you."

John frowned and quickly shook his head. "No! It's not that, Ran." He sighed and looked down at Randy's letter still clutched in his hand. "Well, not all of it."

Randy pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest. "John, I never expected you would be pissed about this. I expected my best friend to be happy for me."

John shook his head. "Look, as your best friend, it's my job to be honest with you, right? Yes, I am feeling a little burned by the fact I've been here 3 months more than you but you're being called up before me. Does that mean I'm not happy for you? No; I am happy for you! You're my best friend, too. I just feel a little weird about myself right now."

Randy opened his hands and dropped them on his legs. "How? What do you mean?"

John stood up and started to pace. "Well, what the hell am I doing wrong? Why haven't I been called up yet? Am I ever going to be or am I going to be one of the guys that's here for years? What's wrong with me?"

Randy frowned as he listened to John's rant. This wasn't the John he knew. John was always the positive one, the one urging him forward when he was too exhausted from work to get up and go to the gym in the morning; he was always the one with the stay positive attitude. Randy had no idea this was going to be John's reaction. He expected hugs, and after working out, beers.

"John-John, you're not doing anything wrong. You bust your ass here everyday! It will happen for you; I have no doubt about it. Don't doubt yourself, please."

John looked over at Randy and sighed. "I'm also a little pissed because I'm losing my best friend. What am I gonna do without your dumb ass?"

Randy stood up and smiled. "I know; I'm truly amazing. You'll cry yourself to sleep for the first few days. I'll leave you a couple of things with my scent so you can feel like I'm there. Eventually, you'll wanna give up and come find me, but I urge you to stay here and try to make it on your own. I'm moving on to bigger and better things and I will forget all about you in, oh, about 3 days."

John laughed and punched Randy in the arm. "You're such an asshole."

Randy laughed loudly and put his arm over John's shoulder. "Come on, John, you're not losing me. You will always be my best friend. The reason I'm getting called up is because I had an amazing Big like you who has helped me all these months."

John looked over at him and smiled. He pulled Randy in for a hug. "Thanks, man."

Randy nodded and tightened the hug. "I bet anything in a couple of months you'll be walking into a WWE arena, too."

* * *

**June 2002**

Randy walked into the Houston arena Raw was being held in that night. He had been traveling with the WWE for a little over 2 months now and loved it. The constant travel and being in different cities every night was exhausting and took its toll on his body but he slowly getting used to it. For the most part, all the guys were welcoming. He took his fair share of pranks and ribbing, mostly due to his last name, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He had made a few friends on the roster already, but none compared to one he had left behind. He and John spoke many times a week; John sharing his frustration at still being in OVW and Randy sharing stories from the road and lending a supportive ear.

As he walked into the male locker room, he noticed Bob Howard sitting on a bench already. The older man had become a friend and was currently in an on-air feud with him.

"Hey, Bob, you're here early. How's it going?"

Bob looked over at Randy and stood. "Hey, kid. Yeah, a couple new kids are coming up and Vince wants my help to wrangle them in."

Randy smiled and nodded. He picked a locker and started to unpack as Bob walked out of the room. Minutes later he walked out of the room heading towards the ring where he was scheduled to go over his match with Bob for that night. Seeing that Bob was still busy with the newest members of the WWE, he sat in a chair in the front row and pulled his phone out of his pocket. In no time he was so engrossed in a game that he didn't see the man approach him.

"Hey, loser! Anyone ever tell you the Orton's all suck ass?"

Randy's head jerked up from his phone; not at the insult hurled at him but because of the voice saying it. His eyes widened in recognition and his lips curved into a smile. "What the hell..."

John stood in front of him with a huge smile. "Yeah, you're really seeing me,"

Randy stood up quickly, his mouth agape. "Oh my God, what the hell are you doing here?"

John laughed loudly. "I got called up!" He jumped up and down in his spot.

Randy laughed and pulled John into a hug, their laughter mixing together.

Randy pulled away and his smile dropped. "Wait a minute, asshole. I talked to you yesterday! Why didn't you tell me?"

John shrugged. "It's called a surprise, dumbass."

Randy shook his head. "I don't like surprises, bro."

John sighed. "So, you're not happy to see me? Here I am all excited that I'm gonna be able to raise some hell with my best friend and you don't care."

Randy laughed. "Shut up! You know I'm happy you're here. I've wanted you here since I've been here!"

He pulled John in for another quick hug. When he pulled back, he smirked at John. "Come on. Let's go raise a little hell together."


	5. Chapter 4

**October 2002**

Randy sat fuming as the medic wrapped his throbbing shoulder. He couldn't believe this had happened to him. Not even a year after debuting on WWE TV, he was now out with an injury for God knows how long. His shoulders had always been a problem area for him, even in childhood, but with all the working out he did, he swore they had strengthened over the years.

"All right, Randy. Good to go. Pack it up and get some rest. You're on a flight tomorrow to see Dr. Andrews."

Randy sighed and stood up from the clinic's table. He knew who Dr. Andrews was; the man you went to see when your shoulder was screwed up. He was the last man Randy wanted to see and this was the last situation he wanted to be in.

As he walked the hallway to the men's locker room, he noticed the stares from his fellow wrestlers and other talent in the building. It was a look of pity like they knew what the result was already gonna be.

He stepped into the locker room and went straight to his things, carelessly throwing them in his gym bag. He quickly threw a hoodie over his upper body and stalked out of the arena and towards his car.

As he drove, his frustration grew. He was living his dream, starting to get a fan base, making friends in the locker room and now this. Everyone was going to forget him! Another new guy was gonna come in and destroy all he had slowly started to build. He couldn't even complain to John as the man was on the other side of the country on the Smackdown brand.

He pulled up the hotel parking lot and dragged his bag out with his good arm. He walked through the lobby and headed straight for the elevator without as much as a glance at the desk. He felt his anger continue to rise with every floor the elevator climbed and every step he took towards his room. Once inside he let loose, slamming the suitcase on the floor and grabbing the nearest thing, a lamp, and slamming it on the floor. He let out an angry scream and threw himself on the bed, putting his hand over his eyes, which had now become full of tears. He was so pissed at himself for getting hurt and so angry at the time he knew he would have to take off now. Closing his eyes, he let some tears drop. He quickly wiped them away and turned on his non injured side, and somewhere along the line, fell asleep in between moments of frustrated crying and fits of anger.

* * *

At exactly 11:00 am the next day, Randy walked into Dr. James Andrews' office in Birmingham, Alabama. He had no idea how he had woken up, gotten to the airport, on the plane and got a cab to this office. A part of him had turned off all emotion in regards to this situation. Before the plane took off, he had answered frantic messages from his parents, siblings and John. All of them had been on the curt side but he was beyond caring at that point.

The friendly, smiling receptionist looked up as he approached the desk. "Hi, how may I help you?"

Randy sighed and leaned on the table. "I have an appointment with Dr. Andrews."

She nodded and opened a book on his desk. "Can I have your name, love?"

"Randal Orton,"

She wrote his name on the book and looked up. "What is it in reference to?"

Randy raised his eyebrows and sucked his teeth. "Are you kidding me? Do you not see the sling on my arm? What the hell do you think I'm here for; my teeth?"

The receptionist opened her mouth and fumbled for words as Randy glared at her intently.

"I'm sorry, please forgive him. While we're in with the doc for his arm, I'm gonna ask if he can give my friend here some manners as well."

Randy glared at the man who spoke beside him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

John ignored Randy's question and looked at the receptionist. "Is there anything else he has to do or do we just take a seat, ma'am?"

She handed John a clipboard of papers. "It's his first time here. Please have him fill these out."

Randy rolled his eyes and walked over to a chair. John smiled at the receptionist apologetically and followed Randy to the waiting area. He grabbed a pen and began filling out Randy's medical forms, no questions needed.

"So, I'm making myself the second emergency contact after your parents, OK."

Randy shrugged and leaned back in the chair. "I don't care."

John laughed and continued writing. "So, to answer your earlier question, I'm here because after that lovely message you left me, I figured you would need some company."

Randy groaned. "I told you not to come."

John sighed. "No, I think your exact words were 'Don't fucking come or worry about me. I'm fucking fine.'"

Randy opened his eyes and glared at John, who smiled and stood up. "That look doesn't work on me, dude."

John walked over and handed the papers off to the receptionist then came back to sit beside Randy. "So, what did Vince say?"

Randy sighed and pulled himself up, careful not to jostle his arm. "Not to worry; that they'll think of a way to keep me on TV and in the public eye if I need to be out for a long period. Everything is gonna be fine; Dr. Andrews is the best and he'll fix me right up, and a whole bunch of other shit."

John nodded. "Well, not to join the shit storm, but he's right. Dr. Andrews is the best and he will fix you up. Vince is keeping you on screen, what more could you want?"

"I want not to be injured, John!"

The receptionist jerked her head up at Randy's outburst and the other patients in the waiting room openly stared at him. John looked over at his best friend and knew he was in pain and not only from his shoulder.

"Calm down and lower your voice. You're not the only one here."

Randy stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom."

John stood up with him and Randy held out his hand. "Alone!"

He walked down the hall quickly and John just stared at him. He picked up a magazine from the table in the center of the room and smiled meekly at everyone. After a few minutes, Randy returned. He sat beside John and stared at him. John tore his eyes away from the magazine when he felt Randy's intense stare.

"What?"

Randy sighed. "I'm an asshole to you. You come here on your day off instead of going back home and I'm so mean to you."

John shrugged. "Wow, was that a magical bathroom? Don't worry; it's just you being you." He sighed dramatically and smiled when he saw Randy smile himself.

"No, really, John, I'm sorry. I'm just scared, man. What if it's something really bad that therapy or even surgery won't fix? What am I gonna do if I can't wrestle anymore? This is my life, John," Randy lowered his eyes as his voice cracked. He was turning into an emotional wreck with tears threatening to escape from his eyes at any given moment.

John frowned and gently wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulder. "Ran, you're gonna be fine. I believe that with the bottom of my heart. Nothing would happen to you before I had a chance to kick your ass in a match on national television."

Randy smirked. "As if you could,"

Both men continued to laugh as a nurse came out of the back. "Mr. Orton, Dr. Andrews is ready for you."

Randy's face dropped immediately and he stood up. John stood with him and quietly asked, "Want me to go in with you?"

Randy shook his head and smiled. "No, I'm good."

John watched him walk away with the nurse and said a silent prayer. He had grown to love Randy and the last thing he wanted was for him to go down with an injury. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared to. What if Randy was really hurt and couldn't do it anymore? What would become of the young man and what would become of their friendship? The thought of not having Randy in his life filled John with dread. He had gotten the word of Randy's injury through the lovely WWE gossip hotline known as his fellow wrestlers. They were exceptional at spreading news, whether true or merely rumors. John's heart had dropped when he heard them gossiping.

"_The new kid; that poor boy. His arm is broken, separated, and/or dislocated. He's out for 3 months, 6 months, a year and/or he'll never wrestle again."_

He had called Randy in a panic only to receive no answer and hours later, the coldest message he had ever heard on his own phone. The voice sounded foreign to him. That wasn't his best friend; his Randy. That person sound hollow and empty as if they had already given up. His Randy was a fighter, not a quitter. He never gave up or let anything stop him.

"Hey, I'm all done."

John was pulled from his thoughts by Randy's frowning face staring at him. He looked at the clock behind him and saw Randy had been gone for almost an hour. He stood up quickly and looked at Randy expectantly.

"I need surgery but Doc expects with rehab afterwards, I'll be absolutely fine. I'm scheduled to be sliced and diced in 2 days."

John raised an eyebrow. "So, are we OK with this?"

Randy nodded and began to walk down the hallway. "I don't have much of a choice. He made me feel hopeful, though. Apparently it's not a severe shoulder injury and he expects less than a 6 month recovery period."

John smiled. "That's so great, Ran!"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I figure I'll have the surgery here, stay for about a week and then head to St. Louis. I could do my therapy there and my parents could take care of me."

Randy threw his good arm around John's shoulder. "Of course, I'm hoping my best friend will come visit me and keep me up to speed on the gossip of the locker room."

John laughed and nodded. "Just try to keep me away. Besides, your parents like me more than you anyway."

Randy laughed loudly, "That's so oddly true."

The two men walked arm in arm towards John's car.

* * *

**2 weeks later**

Randy sat in his parent's house staring at the TV. His arm was bandaged tightly and he had just returned from physical therapy. He had slowly turned into a robot; wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to therapy for 2 hours, eat lunch, come home, plop ass on sofa and remain there until dinner time.

After a successful surgery in Birmingham, Randy had remained, with John by his side as much as he could, for a week. Before leaving for RAW with the rest of the WWE roster, John had put Randy on a plane to Missouri and made sure his parents were on the other end waiting for him. Randy had to admit; without John there for that first week, he would never have made it. The pain had been excruciating, the strong medication had wreaked havoc in his body and his mood had been insufferable. John hadn't minded at all. He had dealt with all of Randy's drama and the smile never left his face. Randy knew he would pay for it one day. He didn't mind, though. If anyone deserved his undying loyalty, it was John.

"Oh, Randal. I'm so sick of seeing you on that sofa. Darling, get up and do something."

Randy looked up at his mother, who stood with her hands on her hips. "Mom, what can I do? You tell me, please."

Elaine Orton rolled her eyes. She was exasperated but she knew Randy was, as well. She was tired of seeing him just sit on a sofa for the bulk of the afternoon, though.

"Sweetheart, you're not incapable of moving. Do something productive. Read a book."

Randy smiled. "I've read all of my books, seen all of my movies, chatted with everyone not at work, cleaned my room, cleaned Nathan's room, organized your shelves…"

Elaine stopped him with a raised hand and smiled. "OK, I get it, you've done it all. I can't stand to see you sit there anymore, so I'm going out."

Randy jumped up. "Where are you going? Can I go?"

Elaine shrugged. "To the farmer's market, come on,"

Randy smiled and took his mother's arm and placed it in the crook of his.

As they walked down the street to the neighborhood farmer's market, the pair talked a little about everything. Randy had always gotten along very well with his mother. As a child, his father traveled so much Elaine was often left with Randy and his siblings alone. She never complained and instead made the best of what Randy knew had to be a difficult situation.

"So darling, any news on your love life?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "No one wants to date a one-armed man, mom."

Elaine lightly slapped his arm. "Honey, you're not broken forever. You'll be better in no time. You're a beautiful, talented and brilliant boy. You'll find someone one day just like I found your daddy."

Randy smiled and kissed his mom's forehead. "I'm beautiful, talented and brilliant just like my mom."

Elaine laughed, a small blush creeping up her face.

"Mom, I'm in no rush. I'm still young." Randy looked at all the people in the market when they arrived and frowned. He hated crowds and with his luck, would be banged into by everyone. Elaine smiled at his expression and let go of his arm so she could go pick out her items alone. Randy hung back and thought about his mother's words. Was he looking for someone to love? He never really thought about it.

As he watched the people come and go, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He reached for it and smiled when he saw the caller id.

"Hey, when are you getting here?"

"Dude, I just left like 2 days ago!"

Randy smiled at the sound of John's voice. "I'm bored! I'm actually at the market with my mom. This is horrifying. You have to come back."

"I need to go home and visit my own family at one point, Randy."

Randy sighed. "So, you don't love me. Is that what you're saying?"

John laughed loudly on his end. "My God, Ran, could you be any more damn dramatic!"

Randy laughed. "Come on, dude. I'll call your parents and explain to them how miserable I am and that I need to keep you for a few more weeks."

John sighed. "Fine, I'll be there in a couple of days and you will be calling my mom."

Randy smiled and said good bye. The smile was still on his face when Elaine reappeared, loaded with shopping bags. He immediately took some bags from her in his good side and began walking back home.

"Why are you smiling so brightly, dear?"

Randy looked over at her. "My boredom will end in a couple of days. John is coming back."

Elaine smiled. "Oh, John, I really adore that boy. Another one who I never see dating anyone!"

Randy shrugged. "Mom, our jobs aren't exactly ideal for relationships. It'll happen for both of us one day, mom"

Elaine smiled and took his arm again and the two happily walked home.


	6. Chapter 5

"Dude, this town blows. It's like I'm back in the olden days, its fucking freezing and what's with the way you people talk?" Randy walked with John down the streets of his hometown of West Newbury, MA.

John frowned at Randy. "Uh, I don't talk shit about your hometown."

Randy shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "Because my home town is awesome. We're modern and don't have a ridiculous accent."

John smirked. "No, I guess sounding all monotone and like a robot doesn't qualify as an accent."

Randy glared at John and shook his head. "Shut up. Where the hell are we going anyway? Why did we have to walk?"

John smiled widely and spread his arms. "Come on, it's a beautiful winter day! Only you would complain about this!"

Randy grumbled under his breath and sped up his pace to keep up with John. Despite his complaining and grumpiness, he didn't mind being there at all. He had completed his surgery and rehab in less than 5 months and was already traveling with the WWE again. John had been by his side the entire time he was gone. Now that Randy was back and John had been moved to the same brand as he, the two men found themselves spending more time together. Instead of growing sick of each other, the men chose to spend the time with each other. After filming their Monday night show, the men had 4 days off and alternated between spending it in St. Louis, West Newbury, or on a break from both their families. It never entered their minds to take a break from each other.

"OK, here we are." John stopped them in front of a small café. He peered inside the window as Randy stared at him.

"I don't want any more coffee."

John shook his head and smiled. "No, we're not here for coffee." His smile drop and his tone changed to a tone of seriousness Randy rarely heard. "Don't laugh at me, OK,"

Randy frowned and shook his head. "I wouldn't; what's up, John-John?"

John smiled. "I want you to meet Liz. We've been talking a lot lately and she's still as hot as she was in high school, so who knows. It may lead to something but not without meeting my boy first!"

Randy laughed. "High School Liz! Yes! I can't wait to hear how much of a dork you were in high school."

John laughed and pushed the door open. He had known Elizabeth Huberdeau for many years now; since high school. They had dated on and off since then but since becoming involved in wrestling, John had not had her much on his mind. On a trip home a few weeks ago his mother had mentioned that Liz was back in town after living on the West Coast for a couple of years while finishing her education. The pair had met up for dinner and while talking about old times, had decided to give their relationship another try. John was still deciding on whether they should go forward with it or not. Something in him was making him hesitate. Would any woman really put up with his work schedule enough to make a relationship feasible?

"Where is she?"

John's eyes darted back towards Randy and shrugged. "We're early. Let's just sit and wait."

Randy nodded. "You sit; I'm gonna go get rid of this coffee I just drank." He took off his jacket and handed it to John and walked off to the bathroom.

John walked over to an empty table and ordered 3 slices of pie and a carafe of coffee and sighed. There was no reason to be anxious. It was just one of his friends meeting another of his friends. Not a big deal.

"Hey, Johnny,"

John looked and smiled at the petite, brunette woman who stood before him. He quickly stood and enveloped her into a tight hug.

"Lizzy, I'm so glad you're here."

Liz removed her scarf and coat and sat in the chair John pulled out for her. She smiled brightly and leaned forward. "So, where is the man I'll be competing with for your affection?"

John laughed. "In the bathroom,"

The pair continued to talk as they awaited Randy. A loud clanging from plates and cups banging on the table beside them made them both stare at the disgruntled bus boy cleaning up. John raised an eyebrow at his antics while Liz looked on in shock, shaking her head slightly. He finally finished slamming the last cup onto his tray and angrily stalked of to the swinging door leading to the kitchen. He lowered his head and pushed the door open just as Randy pushed on his end on the way back from the bathroom. Given Randy's height and strength advantage over the bus boy, the kid fell backwards and the tray, loaded with dirty dishes, flew out of his hands. Randy's hands flew to cover his face from the things flying up at him and he groaned when he felt things hit his sweater. Although it looked as if in slow motion to everyone in the café, the reality was, it was less than 5 seconds. That's all it took for Randy to blow. He looked down at his sweater, now covered in food and drink remains and then down at the boy on the ground, covered in even more stuff. His eyes flashed angrily as he tried to wipe his sweater clean.

"You fucking moron! What the fuck; are you blind?" Randy reached down and grabbed him by the shirt, lifting him and the dishes covering him in one swift motion. "Tell me why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you right now,"

The bus boy's eyes widened in fear and he tried to loosen Randy's iron grip from his shirt. John immediately stood and walked over and yanked the boy back, letting Randy's hand drop.

"Ran, get back, he's just a kid."

The manager of the restaurant bellowed at another bus boy to get the mess cleaned up and to the waitresses to get back to work. John could see the other customers slowly return to their food and Liz staring wide-eyed from her table. Randy stood by his side, chest heaving with frustration.

"Ran, go clean up, calm the fuck down then come to the table." John gave Randy a shove back towards the bathroom door and sighed as he begrudgingly went. He stared at Randy's back and shook his head. This had already started horribly.

John walked back over to Liz and sat down with a small smile. "That was Randy. He has a bit of a temper but he's a great guy."

Liz opened her eyes and looked towards the back. "A bit of a temper, John? He almost killed that kid!"

John sighed and shook his head. "Liz, he was just upset. Don't judge him, please. He's a good man."

Liz rolled her eyes and shook her head. Her eyes widened when she saw the back door swing open and Randy walk through. John followed her gaze and gulped silently.

Randy approached the table and smiled. "Hi, I'm Randy. I'm sorry for that. I know I probably seem psycho to you now, but I promise I'm not!" He held out his hand to Liz, who eyed him warily. Slowly, she smiled and shook it. "Yeah, that was intense,"

Randy nodded. "I've been told I have a bit of a temper. I'm working on it. I did apologize to him, though and offer to cover the cost of those broken dishes. We both came through the door at the same time so it's both our faults."

John laughed. "Wow, this is all for your benefit, Lizzy. Randy is never this nice."

Randy scowled. "Go to hell, dude,"

Liz slowly relaxed and smiled at the two men. The conversation flowed easily between the 3; Randy enjoying the stories Liz told of John from their younger years and Liz enjoying the stories of the men on the road.

When John looked at his watch, the group had been eating and chatting for over 2 hours. "Wow, guys, I hate to break this up but we've been holding this table for over 2 hours. We should get out of here."

Liz sighed and stood up. "I hate to leave. You guys are such good entertainment!" She put on her coat and walked over to Randy, who smiled and pulled her into a hug.

"Randy, let's all go to dinner tomorrow before you guys leave. Bring the special someone in your life."

Randy sighed and wrapped an arm around her. "Alas, I have no special someone in my life, Lizzy."

Liz frowned. "You're gorgeous, smart and have a great job! Why don't you have a million girls after you?"

"Well, I do have millions of girls after me but none of them is anything special." He looked down at her and winked. "You're pretty special; can I just have you?"

John cleared his throat loudly and pulled Liz over to him. She laughed loudly. "You're bad, Randy."

Randy laughed and followed the couple out of the café. He smiled when he saw John and Liz say their goodbyes. A part of him felt strange watching the new couple, so happy. Despite his jokes, he did wish for someone in his life. His friendships and work fulfilled him, but there was a part of him that still felt empty.

"Randy,"

He looked up at Liz and smiled.

"It was so nice to meet you, Randy. Take care of my guy on the road, OK. Make sure he behaves."

Randy nodded and hugged Liz tightly. "Usually he takes care of me but I will, Lizzy."

He let her go and John took her hand. "I'll meet you back in my parents' house, OK, Ran. I'm gonna walk Liz home."

Randy nodded and waved at them. He began the slow walk back to the Cena's, his mind swirling with thoughts the whole way.

* * *

**March 2003**

"You son of a bitch! Fat motherfucker!" Randy continued to yell obscenities as he was led to the back of the arena in Pennsylvania, his foot dangling.

Dave Batista held him up by one hand and grimaced with each step he took himself.

"Dave, let go of me and go get your arm checked out!"

Dave shook his head and gritted his teeth. "No, I'm good, Ran. Let's get your foot taken care of first."

Randy groaned and continued to hop towards the medic's office. It didn't take a medical degree to realize his foot was broken. The pain was making him see spots before his eyes.

Dave pushed open the door to the medic's room and Dr. Slater immediately led Randy to the table.

"OK, Randy, I'm gonna need to take off this boot to see the full damage. I'm not shitting you; this will hurt like a son of a bitch."

Randy grabbed the edges of the table and bit his lower lip. He nodded his head and Dr. Slater gave his boot a tug. "Wait! Wait, doc, let me just take a breath."

Randy took several deep breaths and gripped the table tightly. "OK, go,"

Dr. Slater again bent and began to tug on his boot.

"Wait! Doc, I can't take this. Gimme a shot of some liquor first, please."

Dr. Slater narrowed his eyes. "Randy, I know this hurts but we have to get this boot off now! There is too much swelling and I cannot see through leather. I am not going to give you anything without seeing your injury first."

Randy clenched his fists in anger and felt his eyes water. Just as the doctor prepared to pull again, the office door swung open and John walked in.

"Ran, you OK?"

Randy shook his head and Dr. Slater sighed. "He is not OK and he is not cooperating. Randy, I need to take your boot off now!"

John sighed and walked over to the doctor. "Doc, could I do it? Is there a certain way to get it off?"

Dr. Slater shrugged. "Not really; it just has to go and the only painless way is to slice it off, but these boots are too tough for that."

John nodded. "Ran, you want me to try?"

Randy shrugged. "Fine, go ahead."

John looked at Dr. Slater, who nodded. "OK, nice and easy, Ran. Just breathe through it."

John gripped the edge of the boot and gave a pull.

"Wait, John, wait!

Randy grabbed his wrist tightly and stared into John's eyes.

John sighed at the pained look in his best friend's eye. "Randy, I know it hurts but we have to do this. Putting it off will not stop the pain; you're just making it worse, Ran. I'm sorry you're in pain but let me do this, OK."

Randy released John's hand and nodded slowly.

"OK, I'm gonna pull on 3."

Randy nodded.

John grabbed the edge of the boot firmly and looked up into Randy's face. "1, 2,"

With blinding fast speed, John pulled the boot completely off Randy's foot, stumbling backwards into the doctor's body.

Randy yelled in pain and looked at John. "You asshole, you said on 3!"

John smiled and put the boot on the floor. "You would've stopped me again. Now it's off and the Doc can help you."

Randy shook his head and looked down at his purple, swollen foot. After a few prods and pokes, Dr. Slater moved back.

"All right, let's load you up in the ambulance. You need to get a cast on that foot."

John helped Randy off the table and led him to the open ambulance. Dave was already inside with his arm wrapped in ice. He looked at Dave, who was grimacing in pain.

"Dave, what's your damage?" John helped Randy sit beside Dave, his foot elevated on the bench in front of him.

"My shoulder is messed up. Something's up so I'm going for x-rays."

John nodded. "You guys will be OK; don't worry. I'll get both your bags and follow the ambulance."

The driver came quickly from the down the hall and prepared to close the back when he was shoved aside. Mark LoMonaco stood in front of the open ambulance doors and glared at the men inside.

"You two sloppy sons of bitches! You couldn't have a decent match if paid to! Because of you two morons, my back is all fucked up!"

Randy leaned forward, his eyes wide. "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm sitting here with my foot broken and Dave's arm is all wrapped up with God knows what's wrong with it! I don't see shit wrong with you!"

Mark reached behind him and rubbed his back. "My fucking back is killing me!"

Dave smiled. "Probably from carrying your fat ass around all day. Don't blame that on us!"

Mark took a step towards the door and John reached down to grab his arm. "Cut it out, Mark. Let them go."

Mark snatched his hand away and sneered at John. "Mind your own damn business, Cena. These two morons need to go back to OVW and learn to wrestle."

Dave pounded the seat next to him. "All right, enough of this shit. You fucked up my arm and then your fat ass landed on Randy's foot. This is all your fault so maybe your ass needs to go back to OVW or wherever the hell your non talented ass came from."

Mark laughed. "You little shits have some balls talking to me like that. You, stiff as a board in that ring, have no talent in this business and that little shit that only made it here through his Daddy's name and connections. Let's hope those injuries take you two out permanently. It'll be doing us all a favor."

Randy made a move forward and Dave pulled him back. His nostrils flared in anger. "You asshole; who the hell do you think you are? Don't you fucking ever mention my father, you prick. I busted my ass to be here. I don't need shits like you talking about me!"

John walked over to the driver of the ambulance, who was standing there dumbfounded. "Stop staring; get your ass in this shit and drive."

He pushed Mark back and stood in his face. "You're not helping the situation, Mark. If your back is so fucking hurt, go get medical attention. Stop with the tough guy shit."

"John, kick his ass for me," John turned to look at Randy flipping Mark off as the ambulance finally drove off.

* * *

**A few weeks later…**

"I should just be bubble wrapped. I swear I'm the most accident prone person in the world. "

Randy laughed as he spoke to John on the phone. His foot had indeed been broken in the match with Dave against the Dudley Boyz. It was a clean break that should heal in only a few weeks. His cast and protective cover were being removed that day and he was going to do a week of physical therapy to get his foot back in order. All in all, it was a small injury; much smaller than the ones he'd had before. He was thankful for that.

"I'm walking to the doctor's office right now. I'm gonna meet with the therapist first. Apparently, she's supposed to be really good. I'll call you when I get out."

Randy pulled open the medical building's door and took the elevator up to the 4th floor. He walked out and followed the signs leading to the Physical Rehabilitation Office. Once inside he signed in and took a seat to wait.

"Mr. Orton?"

Randy looked up and his eyes met those of a pretty, petite brunette. "Yes, right here."

The woman smiled and motioned for Randy to follow her. They walked to a small office and she shut the door.

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Samantha and I'll be your therapist for the week."

Samantha smiled and laid out his paperwork on the table. "I see you have a broken foot which is healing very nicely. You're getting the cast off today in Dr. Albert's office and we can begin tomorrow. You're doing 7 solid 1 hour days of therapy. You'll be good as new when you go back to…" She looked down at his paperwork and raised an eyebrow. "Wrestling? Kinda cool."

Randy stopped staring at her and cracked a smile. His mind was reeling. This was the first woman he had found attractive in a long time. Well, attractive enough for a relationship. Most girls he met were only attractive enough for a one night stand. He had to have her.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

Samantha smiled and wrote on her papers.

Randy groaned inwardly. He couldn't have come up with a lamer response. He cleared his throat and sighed again. "So, yeah, I'm a wrestler. It's really cool."

Samantha looked up and nodded before turning her attention back to his paperwork.

Randy figured he would take one more shot. So far, he was batting zero and it was freaking him out. It usually didn't go that badly. "So, how did you become a therapist?"

Samantha looked up and smiled. "I'm a dance teacher and I decided to broaden that into physical therapy. You would be surprised how therapeutic dancing can be; in more ways than one."

Randy smiled. "I hope you don't think I'm gonna dance. I'll just end up breaking the other foot."

Samantha laughed and leaned forward. She found herself staring at his eyes. They were impressive; not that the rest of his muscular body wasn't. "We'll see. I bet I'll have you dancing by the time the week is over."

Randy leaned towards her and said, "Well…only if you dance with me."

Samantha smiled and shyly lowered her head. He had her.


	7. Chapter 6

Randy groaned loudly as rock music blasted somewhere in the distance. He buried his face in the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. Miraculously, the music stopped. He tentatively raised his head from the pillow and groaned when seconds later, the music resumed. Angrily, he snatched the cell phone from the hotel nightstand and answered.

"What?"

Laughter rang through from the other end of the phone and Randy frowned. "John, what do you want? I swear, I just got in like 2 hours ago,"

The laughter on the other end stopped and a deep sigh was issued instead. "Ran, we're supposed to meet for lunch. Dude, you've blown me off for like 2 months! Don't do this again."

Randy groaned, inwardly and sighed. "Can you bring lunch to my room? I'm so tired, John."

John stayed silent and finally responded, "Fine, I'll be up in a few."

Randy ended the call and closed his eyes. When he felt himself drifting off, he jerked them open and sat up in bed. John was right; he had been blowing him off for what seemed like much more than 2 months now. Between his WWE push lately and his relationship with Sam, it seemed there was no time left for his friendship with John. A part of him felt guilty about it while another part of him was too exhausted to care.

He gingerly climbed out of bed, still feeling the effects of the late night with the guys from Evolution. His life was on a super high now. He was getting an amazing push on WWE, working with some of the most respected wrestlers in the business and he had a great girl back home. He no longer dreaded the days off and having to go home to an empty house in St. Louis. Now, he longed for them. He left as soon as Monday night's TV tapings were over because he couldn't wait to see this girl that had fallen into his life. He dreaded Saturday mornings when he had to leave her.

After a quick, cold shower to wake him, Randy dressed in a plain, white t-shirt and black basketball shorts. He stepped out into the balcony and lit up a cigarette, letting the fumes relax him before John entered with what he knew was sure to be a long lecture.

Just as he stubbed out his cigarette in a Hilton ashtray, there was a knock on his door. Randy walked over and let in John, who had a bag loaded with food and drinks in each hand.

"What's up, brother from another mother!"

John set the food on the table in the middle of the room and rolled his eyes. "This room smells of pure cigarette smoke. It's disgusting. "

Randy smiled. "Hi Randy, it's great to see you! How are you?" Randy turned to the other side. "I'm fine, John-John, how are you?"

John glared at Randy, who was obviously enjoying mimicking him. "Why the hell should I be nice to you when you haven't felt the need to even acknowledge me for over 2 months now?"

Randy's smile dropped and he sank to the foot of the bed. "John, I'm too tired for this; please don't do this right now."

John just stared at him and shook his head. He busied himself sorting the food and drinks. After a few minutes, he slid over a plate of grilled chicken and fries towards Randy.

"Let's just eat."

Randy nodded his thanks and took the plate, popping a fry into his mouth. All could be heard was the sounds of chewing and gulping.

After the silence became too loud for Randy to bear, he sighed and shoved his plate aside. "All right, do it. I can't take it. Just lecture me and tell me how horrible I am but please do something. I can't take this quiet."

John stopped with his burger midway to his mouth. "Excuse me?"

Randy just stared at him and smirked. "Come on, you know you wanna lay into me so just do it,"

John dropped his burger and leaned back in his seat. "Yeah, Randy, I just can't wait to lay into you. It's always been a goal in my life to have a best friend who's gonna ditch me when he hits it big."

Randy's smirk dropped and his eyes widened. "Are you fucking crazy? I miss a couple of lunches with you and that means I ditched you? When the hell did you become so insecure?"

John stood up and angrily began to pace the room with Randy's eyes following him the entire way. He was furious Randy was taking this so lightly but his main reason for the attitude change was fear. He was terrified of losing Randy's friendship. Randy had become his brother on the road; his confidant and source of encouragement. Now it seemed like he was retreating from John and that he could care less about it. It was unnerving to John, to say the least.

"Insecure? That's your word for it? How about betrayed? That's seems better. I have been betrayed by you and you don't seem to give two shits." He stopped pacing and stood right in front of Randy's chair, looking down into the wide, ice blue eyes.

"You're getting a push; great! It's fucking amazing! You're in a new group in the WWE; awesome! Does that mean you forget about everyone outside of that group, though? Does that mean you forget about me? I'm the one that was there for you when you weren't in Evolution, when you were injured and terrified your career was over!"

Randy glared at John the muscles in his face twitched in anger. "Do not throw that back in my face. A real friend doesn't do that."

John shook his head and moved away. "I'm not throwing it in your face. I would do it again, even now. I'm just reminding you of what you seem to have forgotten." He wrapped up his half eaten food and threw it in the trash before collapsing back on the couch, hand over his closed eyes. "Dude, what's happening to us?"

Randy felt his anger dissipate at the tone in John's voice. He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know."

He moved over to big couch and plopped down beside John. "I guess I'm a shit friend, huh? You could've done so much better than me." He attempted a smile in John's direction but no luck. John's eyes remained closed.

Randy rolled his eyes and pulled John's hands off his head. "John, I'm sorry if I've been too busy with my own selfish existence to be your best friend. I suck, I know. I'm just so happy about this push and kinda scared to say no to the guys when they ask me to hang out. I want to be cool like them and I also wanna learn from them. Although, so far, all I'm learning is how to drink and pick up ring rats."

John smiled and shook his head.

Randy frowned. "I don't have a lot of real friends, John. You're on the top of my list when it comes to friends and I should show you that more often. Those guys can't hold a candle to you."

John laughed. "You wouldn't think so, lately. You know I haven't even met this Sam you keep talking about?"

Randy frowned. John was right. Samantha was becoming such an important person in his life but he had neglected to introduce her to the other important person in his life; his best friend. Randy put an arm around John's shoulder and smiled.

"That's why you're coming home with me after Raw. I want my favorite guy to meet my favorite girl."

John laughed. "Dude, that sounds so wrong."

Randy shrugged. "It's true." He sighed and shook his head. "I am sorry, John. I don't want this friendship to be one of those things I look back on in 20 years and I realize I haven't seen you since. I want us to have a real friendship; I want us to be forever. I give you permission to kick my ass if I ever forget that again."

John nodded and smiled. "I accept your apology and agree. I really wouldn't ask for your permission, though."

Randy shoved John away with a laugh and got off the couch. "All right, let's go pack because I'm gonna book us on the first flight to St. Louis. We're leaving right after Raw, OK."

John nodded. "Fine, I guess I don't have to see my family this week," He sighed dramatically as he got up.

Randy rolled his eyes. "Oh God, you are just on a role with the guilt this week." He smiled. "Hey, why don't we fly Liz out to St. Louis? She and Sam should get to know each other. I mean, I'm serious about Sam and you're serious about Liz, so…"

He shrugged and looked at John expectantly, who frowned.

"No, Liz and I aren't there yet. We haven't taken a trip together or even…you know…" John cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

Randy frowned in confusion. "Even what?"

John sighed and shook his head. "Dude, when your looks go, you're screwed."

Randy continued to frown until realization dawned. He opened his eyes and mouth. "Oh, you guys haven't had sex yet?"

John sighed and shook his head. "A little louder and she'll hear you from Massachusetts."

Randy smiled and sat on the bed. "Sorry. Why haven't you two, you know," He frowned. "I mean, Sam and I haven't, either, but we've only been together for a few months. You guys have been together for almost a year."

John shrugged. "Technically, we have but physically, we haven't. It's so hard to make a relationship work when one of the people in it is miles away all the time!" He sighed and threw himself back on the couch. "I really like her, hell I may even love her, but how are we gonna make this relationship work? I'm never there! Is she gonna take it?"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know. That's my fear about Sam, too. I'm honest with her, though. I tell her all the time that this is my life-my career and I'm not giving it up for anyone. It's up to her, and I guess, Liz, if they wanna put up with this crazy life we've chosen to live." He pulled John up and shoved him towards the door. "Come on, let's go. We gotta lots to do. It'll all work out."

John smiled. "Thanks, dude. See you later."

* * *

"John, my dear, can you get that pot down for me since you're just sitting there?"

John smiled at Elaine Orton, who he had grown to love like another mother, and got off the kitchen stool. He reached up to the cabinet and pulled down the pot, handing it off with a smile. He then resumed his position on the stool around the Orton kitchen.

"Darling, why don't you go do something with Bob? He's in the backyard getting some meat ready for dinner later."

John smiled. "Trying to get rid of me, Mama Laney?"

Elaine smiled and shook her head. "Darling, you're more than welcome to keep my kitchen stool nice and warm but Randy won't be back for about another half an hour and I think you would enjoy that time more doing something productive."

John stood up and nodded. "You're right. I'll go teach Bob how to barbecue the Massachusetts way."

Elaine laughed and waved him off.

John slowly walked through the Orton family house towards the backyard. He and Randy had gotten in very early this morning and after a few hours of sleep, Randy had gone off to pick up Sam. He was currently on his way home with her and John felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. The nervousness of meeting a friend's partner was a new thing for him. What if she didn't like him? Where would his friendship with Randy stand?

"Pop, do you need help?"

Bob Orton nodded and pointed at the tray of steaks. "Hand them over one at a time and don't drop one or I will drop you."

John nodded and hid a smile. "Yes, sir,"

They worked in silence for a few minutes until Bob looked over at John. "So, why is it you're only meeting Samantha now? I would've thought you met her before Elaine and I did."

John shrugged and looked down at his sneakers. "We've been so busy that I couldn't really come to St. Louis until now."

Bob frowned. "Fine, I'll buy that. When will I be meeting your special lady, John? Elizabeth, I believe her name is?"

John looked up and nodded with a smile. "Yeah, Liz is great. You'll meet her soon, I promise."

Bob nodded and smiled tightly. "I would hope so. Anyone important to you is important to Elaine and me." He flipped the steaks on the grill and stared at John. John frowned and lowered his head under his intense stare; the stare Randy obviously inherited.

"John, you know we love you as our own son and we are so happy you and Randy have built such an amazing friendship. I hope you two boys know how rare it is to have a friendship like that. Take care of it and fight for it, understood. I know you two can both be bull headed but try not to be when it comes to your friendship."

John nodded. "Yes, sir,"

"Hello, people,"

John turned to see Randy in the doorway of the yard with a small, brunette by his side. He smiled when he saw her fidgeting nervously. Good, the nerves weren't one sided.

"Come on, Sammy, he won't bite," Randy led her out into the yard by her hand and she shyly followed.

Bob moved over from the grill and wrapped her into a bear hug. "Sam, my darling, you're looking beautiful as ever,"

Sam smiled and hugged him back tightly. Once released, she looked at John and smiled. "Hi, I'm Sam. It's so great to finally meet you. Randy has told me tons about you."

John reached over and gave her a quick hug. "Don't believe what Randy tells you. It's probably all lies because he's so jealous of me."

Randy coughed loudly and rolled his eyes. "As if,"

John took Sam's hand and led her over to the patio table that was set for their dinner. "Come on, let's talk. You and me, we're gonna be great friends!"

Sam laughed and looked at Randy with relief. Randy winked at her and looked over at John. Sam had been a nervous wreck the entire ride over but Randy knew within seconds of meeting John, she would feel like they had known each other for years. It was just John's way.


	8. Chapter 7

**2005**

"I'm gonna do it, John-John. I'm taking the plunge."

John stared up at Randy's smiling face from where he lay on the weight bench. It was past 1:00 am and he figured it was the perfect time to get in an uninterrupted workout in the hotel gym. He should have known better when Randy decided to come along.

"What are you talking about? I thought you were spotting me here! I could get killed if these weights drop on my head, you know."

Randy rolled his eyes as he nodded down at John, who lifted the weights easily. "Fine, I'm watching you. You're good?"

John nodded and continued his exercises. Randy stared down at him and patiently waited for him to finish his set. He was practically bouncing where he stood. John sighed and set the bar down. He slid down and sat up on the bench, wrapping a towel around his neck.

"All right, I can't concentrate. What's up?"

Randy moved over to face him and sat on the bench in front of John. "Sam, I'm gonna ask her to marry me,"

John's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?"

Randy smiled and nodded happily. "Yeah, I am. I got to face it, man, she's the one. She's smart, beautiful and independent. I know we'll have a great future together."

John nodded. He ran the towel over his face and looked down at his feet. It was obvious Randy was thrilled about his decision but he had to be a true friend and ask him the question bouncing around in his head.

"Ran, don't overreact or misunderstand. If this is your decision then I am beyond happy for you. I need to ask you, though, are you sure? You're 25 years old. Do you want to give it all up for this one girl?"

Randy frowned and cocked his head at John. "What,"

John quickly shook his head. "Calm down. I love you; you're like my brother. It's my job to make sure you understand things and that you do the right thing. I just wanna make sure this is what you really want."

He sighed and looked down. "If you get married, there's no more hanging out with the boys or going to clubs or heading to Vegas for a couple of days just for the hell of it. There's only heading straight home after work and seeing the same person day after day, night after night. Then, she'll want kids and you'll have even less freedom. Are you ready for that?"

Randy sighed and looked down. "Yes, I am, believe it or not, because it's with her. She's perfect and I want to be with her. I want her to be my wife."

He laughed and shook his head. "Don't you think I've thought of all you said, Johnny? I didn't just wake up this morning and think, hey, I wanna get married. No, I've been thinking of this for a few months now. The hanging out, the clubs, Vegas; none of it matters. I want to go home to her. I want kids with her. I don't care how young I may be. I'm sure of this."

John looked at him and smiled. He had seen the change in Randy over the past 2 years since he met Sam. His nervous, rambunctious energy that made him such a trouble maker, as Vince called it, or mischievous, as he and John called it, had now calmed. John had worried Randy's youth and quick success would go to his head, and it had for awhile, but Sam had reeled in his change in attitude. She had made it clear that she would not deal with his indiscretions on the road; one had been enough to make her walk away and it had taken weeks of Randy's begging and even tears to get her to come back. She had curbed his arrogance and cockiness and bought out of him a caring personality Randy surprisingly embraced. To the world, Randy maintained his cocky, arrogant person who enjoyed terrorizing others and showed not a shadow of remorse for it. Towards his family and close friends, Randy freely showed his love and support and was rarely without a smile on his face. It would shock his fans to see him outside of work.

John stood up and pulled Randy into a hug. "Then, I am so happy for you, bro,"

Randy smiled and hugged John back tightly before pulling away with a wrinkled nose. "Dude, you smell like shit,"

He laughed loudly as John lifted his arm to smell his underarms. "You're so gross." He led the way out of the gym, John following. Randy stopped short and turned to look at him.

"Hey, guess what I just realized."

John slung his sweaty towel over his shoulder as the men stepped into the hotel lobby heading towards the elevators to their floor. The receptionist barely spared them a glance as they moved through the deserted hotel.

"What did you just realize?"

Randy leaned on the elevator door and smirked. "That big mouth of yours is gonna come in handy on my wedding,"

John frowned and smiled. The elevator dinged as the doors opened. He stepped inside and stared at Randy quizzically.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Randy crossed his arms. "You're gonna give a kick ass toast as my best man,"

John stared at Randy before letting out a huge laugh. "I'm gonna be your best man? What about Nate?"

Randy smiled and shrugged. "I love Nate; he'll be a huge part of my wedding, of course, but let's face it, John. For the last few years of my life, you've been more of my brother. I want you to be my best man."

John laughed and shook his head. He stepped forward and grabbed Randy into another tight hug.

"Thanks, Ran. I would be honored to be your best man," He pulled back and smirked. "I am, after all, a great and brilliant man already."

Randy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Oh, God, don't make me regret this."

He looked at his watch as the elevator doors opened. "I have to catch a flight home in a few hours. I have so much to do. I want to ask Sam's dad for her hand before I ask her and I want my mom to help me pick out a ring. Then, I have to find the perfect way to ask her,"

He sighed loudly as he trudged behind John to their shared room. John opened the door and Randy walked past, throwing himself in the bed. He buried his face in the pillow and listened as John walked around the room.

"John,"

Randy lifted his head and stared at his friend, who had one foot in the bathroom when he turned around.

"What, I wanna go shower. You're right; I do smell like shit,"

Randy's face remained stern as he barely registered John's joke. "What if she says no?"

John frowned as tried to register if Randy was kidding or not. The defeatist attitude he was witnessing was not something Randy was known for. This was the man who paraded around like he was God's gift to the world, not only women. The worry in Randy's ice blue eyes was very real, though. He was not kidding.

"Why would she say no, Ran? You guys are in love,"

Randy sat up and sighed. "What if she realized she can do better than me? That she doesn't want to be stuck to someone like me for the rest of her life; someone who's going to be gone almost 50 weeks a year."

John smiled and leaned on the bathroom door.

"Ran, Sam loves you. You guys have been so happy for the past 2 years. She knows who you are; the good side of you and the very bad side of you. She forgave you for cheating, she accepted your career from day one. I think she knows what she's getting and if she hasn't run away screaming yet, then she must truly love you. She's gonna say yes, trust me. She would never say no to you,"

Randy smiled. "If she says no, I'm gonna kick your ass,"

John shrugged. "What else is new? You always blame me for everything and expect me to take care of everything,"

He sighed deeply as Randy shrugged. "It's your job to be the responsible, sane one. God knows I can't be,"

He laid his head on his pillow as John walked into the bathroom with a smile.

* * *

John yawned loudly as he walked down to his kitchen heading for the coffee machine. He smiled when he saw Liz already awake and dressed for work, pouring two cups of coffee. She wordlessly handed him one and sat opposite him as he quickly gulped down the strong drink.

"Is it safe to talk yet?"

Liz smiled as she saw him smirk in response. She calmly sipped her coffee and waited for him to become coherent enough to talk. This had become their morning routine whenever John was home.

He smiled and reached across the counter for her hand, placing a kiss on top. "Yes, I'm awake. Thanks, babe,"

He pulled her over to him and gave her a loving kiss before burying his face in her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume. She giggled as his breath tickled her sensitive skin and placed a kiss on his forehead. John smiled and pulled back, looking into her eyes. He was beyond in love with Liz. She had left her home and family in Massachusetts and moved down to Tampa with him just a few months ago. He remembered the day he had tentatively asked her, terrified of her answer. Why should she leave her loved ones and the only home she had even known to be with him in a strange city; alone most of the time? John really thought he had no shot in hell of getting her to come. He had been overjoyed when she said yes. John knew she was the woman he wanted to be with forever. He knew one day he would be taking the same step Randy was about to take with Sam.

"Baby, don't start anything. I have 3 houses to show today and the first is in 20 minutes,"

John groaned. "Why do you have to go to work when I'm here? Stay home with me," He pouted his lips and sighed loudly.

Liz crossed her arms and shook her head. "Honey, I did not spend years of college and hundreds of thousands of dollars to get my real estate license to let it go to waste,"

She walked back to the coffee pot and poured herself another cup before refilling John's. "Besides, you like my independent attitude,"

John smiled and nodded. That was one thing he could agree on. Despite his grumbling about Liz's time away from him, one of the things he most admired about her was her determination to succeed and make a name for herself in her chosen profession. She could have easily sat back and let John's income provide for her as well, but she wanted to be his equal partner and he admired her for it.

"Yes, I do. I just hate we haven't even been able to talk yet. I have big news," He wiggled his eyebrows back and forth and she laughed. "Don't tease me! What big news?"

John put his cup down and said, "Randy is gonna ask Sam to marry him,"

Liz's eyes opened. "Are you serious? Oh my goodness, I didn't expect that. Aren't they a bit young yet?"

John shrugged. "I mentioned it to Ran, but he seems positive this is what he wants. Age doesn't seem to matter to him,"

Liz took a sip of her coffee and remained silent. She finally looked up at John and smiled softly. "Does it make you wonder about us?"

John frowned. "What about us?"

Liz shrugged. "Well, we started dating almost a year before them and we haven't discussed marriage."

John smiled and stood up. He walked over to her and pulled her off her chair before settling back into it with her in his lap.

"Baby, there's nothing wrong with us. We're happy the way we are and Randy and Sam are happy the way they are. If they wanna get married, then good for them. We'll get married whenever we feel its right for us,"

Liz smiled and ran her hands over his hair. "Do you think we will one day?"

John nodded. "I know you're it for me so I guess the question is am I it for you? Am I the one you see beside you when you see yourself in the future?"

Liz leaned her head on his and sighed. "Of course you are, Johnny. I love you more than anything,"

John held her tightly and kissed her forehead. "I love you, too, babe."

* * *

**2007**

Randy strolled from Vince McMahon's office with a confident smirk on his face. He placed his gym bag on his shoulder and walked towards the arena parking lot, his footsteps echoing the now empty arena. He had to admit, his life was on a super high right now. He had just gotten married to the girl of his dreams and his career was going great. He was now a pro in the land of WWE. His accomplishments had piled up and yes, there had been a few problems down the road; some injuries, some backstage incidents he regretted and the ever present back-stabbers starting trouble. He had come out on top, though. He was truly happy.

"Oh God, who did you traumatize today?"

Randy smiled as John fell in step with him. "Why must you think so badly of me, John-John? After all these years and all we've shared," He hung his head sadly.

John shrugged. "Maybe because you only look this happy when you're torturing innocents…"

Randy's eyes opened in shock and he clutched his chest. "John, you wound me. I don't torture people. I'm a fucking sweetheart!"

John doubled over with laughter as Randy smiled.

"You are a sweetheart, Ran, but only to some few people,"

Randy wrapped an arm around John's shoulders. "Like my best friend,"

John nodded. "Really, though, what's up? You look really happy. Are you stoned again?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Once! Once I smoke a joint and I'm branded for life as a pothead! Not to mention I get caught by McMahon," he mumbled.

He coughed and shook his head. "Anyway, Mr. Pessimistic, I'm just happy. I'm finally working my way back to McMahon's good side; I've got an awesome wife and family, jobs going great,"

Randy pulled John in closer. "And I have great friends, starting with you, of course. Life is good, Johnny."

John smiled and nodded. He had to agree; life was good for not only Randy, but for him, as well.

He and Randy were both riding a career high at the moment, mostly due to their feuds with some of the top superstars in the industry including each other. Things were going great between him and Liz; so great, in fact, it was why he sought Randy out.

"Yes, life is good. Are you done here for the night? Let's go get some dinner."

Randy nodded and opened the door to his car. "Perfect, I'm starved."

Minutes later the two friends pulled into the parking lot of local diner. They walked inside noting only 2 other table had customers. Randy led the way to a booth in the back and grabbed a menu.

"Well, well, well, what should we have in this fine establishment?"

John sat across from him and looked down at his menu with a smile. The food the men ate on the road all resembled the food on that menu. It was one of the pitfalls of working such late hours. Not much would be open in some of the towns they worked in past midnight. Diners and the local fast-food drive-thru had become their usual dinner spots.

"So, what did McMahon say?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Something about how I've matured and he sees a change in me, blah, blah, blah. I stopped listening after awhile but it was all good. I just want to get off his shit list. I could kill Jomo for giving me that joint."

John cocked his head at him and raised an eyebrow. "He didn't make you smoke it, Ran. Not to mention I had to deal with your ridiculous high self all night."

Randy shrugged. "I wasn't that bad, dude."

John laughed loudly. "Oh my God, Randy, you thought every fire hydrant we passed on the way home was a tiny alien come to take you to his ship so he could probe your ass! You were freaking out about it all night!"

Randy laughed loudly, his eyes watering as he remembered the night vividly. It made him never want to smoke again. Well, that and the fact that he was suspended for it for almost 2 months.

"You were so good to me, John."

John nodded and smiled as the waitress appeared next to the table.

"What can I get you boys tonight?"

The men stopped laughing and quickly ordered two chicken sandwiches with a shared order of fries and some diet Cokes.

"So, Ran, I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

Randy took a sip of his soda and nodded. "What's up?"

John sighed and set his soda down. "It's me and Liz."

Randy frowned. "Is she OK? Are you guys OK?"

John looked down at the table and played with the straw in his cup. He shook his head and sighed deeply. "No, things have changed. We weren't happy the way we were and we both wanted to change something,"

Randy widened his eyes. "No, John, don't say that. Things are perfect between you guys. You guys are perfect together."

He stared at John and tried to get him to meet his eyes. John shook his head. "No, I'm gonna do something but you have to help me. You have to promise me something."

Randy quickly nodded. "What, anything, John, what do you want?"

John looked up and smiled. "I'm gonna ask Liz to marry me and you have to promise to make a kick ass best man speech like I did for you."

Randy narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth in shock. He stared at John and shook his head. "You son of a bitch! I thought you guys were gonna break up!"

John laughed. "Yeah, I wanted to bug you." He took a sip of his soda and looked at Randy expectantly. "What do you say? Will you be my best man?"

Randy slowly dropped the angry look marring his face. "What about your tribe of brothers?"

John smiled. "I guess the same applies to me. I love my brothers and they'll be in the wedding but you've been more of a constant brother to me for how many years now. I want you to be my best man."

Randy slowly smiled. "I would be honored. There is no better choice than me, anyway."

John rolled his eyes and smiled at the waitress as she set their food on the table. Randy looked up at her and smiled.

"Darling, can I trouble you for one more thing?"

The waitress smiled at Randy and nodded. "It's no trouble, sugar. What can I get you?"

Randy looked at the menu again and smiled. "I want your 2 best pieces of chocolate cake and 2 best chocolate milkshakes for me and my best friend here. He just told me he got engaged to the girl of his dreams."

The waitress looked over at John and smiled. "Well, congratulations, dear. I'll be right back and it'll be on the house!"

Randy nodded, winking his thanks. "Thank you, darling,"

John smiled and shook his head. "Look who can be polite,"

Randy shrugged. "I was raised as a good little southern boy after all." He smiled and moved over to John's side of the booth, pulling the man into a hug.

"John, I'm so happy for you. I love you, man, and I will be the best best man you could ever want. I learned from the best."

John smiled. "I'm really happy. I knew this day was gonna come; it was just a matter of when, you know. The time is now, though. I love Liz and she is the one I want for the rest of my life. It feels right."

Randy kept an arm around John's shoulder and sighed. "My God, years ago in OVW, I would have sworn this day would never come. We are officially off the market and actually happy about it. Who would have thought?"

John smiled and nodded. "I know. It's amazing."

The waitress appeared with their desserts and Randy quickly reached for his milkshake glass and held it up.

"This is to my best friend, John-John. Life is good for us, Johnny. Let's eat cake!"

John raised his glass with a laugh and touched it to Randy's, the clink of the glasses and their laughter echoing through the empty dinner.


	9. Chapter 8

John felt the tickling in his ear and mindlessly swatted at it. It stopped for a minute but quickly resumed. It was annoying and it wouldn't stop. It could only be one person.

"Let me sleep, Ran! Get the hell away from me,"

"No," the deep and amused voice answered back.

John groaned as he could practically hear the smirk in Randy's voice. "Come on, John-John. I know you're awake so just turn around and talk to me."

John tried to ignore the voice but finally gave in. He turned over in his bed and saw Randy lying on the pillow besides his wearing a smile that was too early for the morning hours. "Why are you so happy so damn early in the morning?"

Randy's smile only widened. "I just got in. I think I'm running on pure adrenaline from how excited I am."

John yawned and sat up in bed. "Well, good for you. I have to go to the bathroom." He threw the covers back and attempted to lift off the bed when Randy yanked him back down.

"No, not yet, just hold it. For once your morning breath doesn't bother me. I have to tell you something!"

John frowned and looked over at his friend, who was now sitting up in the bed. "What's with you? You look like you're hiding something big."

Randy shook his head, the smile never wavering. "No, I'm not hiding anything. I do, however, have big news; no, huge news!"

Randy's enthusiasm slowly started to rub off on John. His lips slowly curved into a smile. "What?"

"You're gonna be an uncle!"

Randy spread his arms and awaited John's reaction. He frowned when John's face turned stoic. "Uh, did you hear me? I said, you're gonna be an uncle! Sam's pregnant!"

John finally smiled. "Are you serious?"

Randy laughed and nodded. "Yeah! I'm gonna be a dad! Can you believe it?"

John laughed and shook his head. "No, I can't believe it. That's amazing, Ran!" He walked around the bed and hugged Randy tightly. Randy returned the hug and sighed in John's ear.

John pulled away and frowned. "You OK?"

Randy smiled but sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm so happy, John, but at the same time, I'm terrified. Not only am I now a husband but after only 3 months I find out I'm also gonna be a dad. That's a lot to wrap my brain around."

John nodded and sat beside him. "I agree; it is, but this is the life you wanted, Ran,"

Randy nodded. "I know! I mean, I always knew Sam and I were gonna have kids one day but damn, it's so soon. By this time next year I'll have a kid!"

John smiled. "You're gonna be fine, Ran."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "I hate kids, John. I have no patience. What if I drop it?"

John laughed. "Try not to drop it, please. This will be different because this will be your kid and for him or her, you will have all the patience in the world. Besides, Sam will be there to curb your ass if it doesn't do the right thing. Not to mention, your kid will have me to come and talk to."

Randy smiled. "I'm nervous as hell but I can't wait to meet this little person. I know Sam is going to be an amazing mother and I'll just follow her example. My parents are gonna be so happy."

John frowned. "You haven't told them yet?"

Randy shook his head. "No, Sam told me last night over dinner and then I had to catch a flight out here. I've only told you. See, I do like you!"

John laughed as Randy shoved him away. "Thanks, I'm honored." He stared at his friend and shook his head. "Who would've thought little Randy is a husband and a daddy before me?"

* * *

**July 2009**

John paced the waiting room and wrung his hands outs nervously. He walked over to the mirror and noticed how pale his face had gotten. A light sheen of sweat covered it and his stomach was gurgling. He stared at himself in the mirror and tried to take deep breaths.

The door opened and Randy walked in with a bottle in his hand. He was fully dressed in his black tuxedo but his face wore a frustrated expression. "Is there a fucking microwave anywhere in this joint? I have to warm Alanna's bottle because Sam has barricaded herself in the room with Liz and the rest of the girls."

John closed his eyes and looked down. "Randy, we're in a church. Please don't curse,"

Randy laughed. "Sorry. I'm gonna go ask someone…" He stopped talking and looked at John, who was slumped over the dressing table. "Hey, what's the matter?"

Randy walked over to John and put his hand on his back. He looked at John's face and frowned. John had turned an unnatural shade of gray and looked like he was going to be sick any minute.

"John, what's wrong?"

John shook his head and took rapid breaths. "I can't do this. I'm freaking out here. I can't marry Liz,"

Randy sighed. "John, it's just cold feet. Everyone has a little meltdown on the day of their wedding. Remember mine?"

John cracked a small smile as he remembered Randy's hysterics the day of his wedding. "I don't know, Ran,"

Randy pulled John over to the small sofa in the middle of the groom's dressing room. He smiled as he looked as his best friend. "Johnny, I'm gonna tell you what you told me on my wedding day. You love this girl. You want to marry her. This is just a little moment of fear that's clouding your head. It's not real."

John nodded his head and slowly felt himself relax. Randy smiled. "However, if you truly do not want to go through with this, we will leave right now. Screw everyone out there and screw the world. We'll just walk right out that door."

John laughed and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Where would we go?"

Randy clicked his teeth as he thought. "Well, Alanna turns 1 tomorrow and since we're in Florida, Sam and I were gonna take her to Disney World. You are more than welcome to join us."

John laughed and nodded. He smiled when he thought of Randy's little girl; her blonde hair and big blue eyes endearing her to anyone who looked at her small face. She was the apple of Randy's eye and had made the man change so much over the past year.

"I think I'll get married instead."

Randy frowned and shook his head. "Damn and I wanted you to come," He laughed and shoved John over. "Come on, I gotta find a fucking microwave so I can feed your niece or else she will scream throughout your entire wedding."

John stood and walked over to the mirror. His face had regained its normal coloring and he felt calmer. "Stop cursing,"

Randy smiled and walked out the door as John took a deep breath and enjoyed his final moments as an unmarried man.

* * *

**September 2009**

Randy walked down the corridor of the arena with a sneer on his face. His frustration level was at its peak and people scattered away from him as he walked. No one would even make eye contact with him. Well, except for one person.

"Hey, Ran, what's the matter today?"

Randy narrowed his eyes as he looked at his young friend, Cody Rhodes. The young man wore a smile on his face and bounced along with each step to keep up with Randy.

"Codes, not now, please."

Cody shrugged his shoulders and continued to follow him down the hall. "I think now is a perfect time. You look disturbed and as your friend it is my job to comfort you."

Randy sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair. He stopped abruptly and stared into Cody's eyes. "Listen, I don't want to snap at you but you are leaning on my last nerve. Just walk away and go work on something in the ring. God knows it would be time well spent."

Cody's smile only widened. "I know your insults are only a reaction to how you're feeling. I forgive you and still love you."

Randy rolled his eyes and turned into the locker room. His eyes scanned the room quickly.

"John's not here so you have no choice but to talk to me," Cody plopped his body on the long couch and stretched out his body. He stared at Randy expectantly and waited.

Randy sighed and collapsed on the wooden bench in front of his locker. "I'm having problems with Sam, all right. Things aren't going well and its driving me crazy."

Cody frowned. "I saw you guys the other day. You looked happy."

Randy smiled. "We look happy. We're not, though. I don't know what happened. How did things change so fast?"

Cody shrugged. "I'm sorry, Ran. I don't know how to help you. I've never been in a long term relationship. I kinda wish Johnny was here now to help,"

Randy laughed. "Just by listening to me you are helping but I wish John were here, too, though."

The men laughed and the door to the locker room opened. Ted Dibiase walked in dragging his gym bag behind him. He yawned loudly and looked over in their direction.

"Hey guys. God, I am so fucking sleepy. I think I have insomnia. I should see Doc for that,"

Randy rolled his eyes as he listened to his friend speak. Ted couldn't have been more of a hypochondriac if he tried.

"Stop being so damn dramatic. You don't have insomnia. We've been working nonstop for weeks. You just need a day of rest." Randy looked over at Cody and frowned when he noticed the younger man sitting quietly as he bit his nails. "Codes, you OK?"

Cody looked up in surprise and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine,"

Ted looked over at him and smiled and Cody immediately lowered his head. Randy frowned as he looked at the men but before he could question them further the locker room door opened and John walked in. His face wore a look similar to the one on Randy's face.

"Hey,"

Randy smiled as he looked at John. "Seems like you had a night similar to mine."

John sat next to him and shook his head. "What the hell is with these women? Me and Liz have been married for two months and it's like she's a different person. How does that happen?"

Randy shrugged. "Don't ask me. I've been trying to figure it out myself. I gotta say, though, it took Sam a year and a half to change. It's amazing it only took Liz 2 months."

John shook his head and sighed. "Let's forget it now, guys. We've got work to do."

* * *

**January 2010**

"Happy New Year!"

The house erupted in cheers as the crowd yelled New Years greetings. Hug and kisses flew among the friends and family members of the employees of the WWE.

Randy and John stared at each other with frowns and smirked. Randy raised his beer at John's direction and looked at his face.

"Happy New Year, Johnny. Let's hope it's better than our last."

John smiled and clinked his beer to Randy's. "Likewise, Ran. However, I don't think it could get any worse."

Randy smiled as they drunk their beers silently. "Wanna have a divorce paper burning this weekend? We could go out into the woods and start a bonfire and throw the papers in there. Maybe it'll burn all the bad karma in our lives away."

John laughed and nodded. "That sounds awesome. My only consolation is that our next partners can't be any worse than the ones we had now. At least you got a little girl out of it."

Randy smiled. "That I did. My baby is the only good thing to come out of this nightmare of a marriage and relationship."

The men looked at each other and continued to drink the night away as their co-workers danced happily around them, both men lost in their thoughts of their failures as husbands.


	10. Chapter 9

**Present Day**

"Dad…Daddy!"

Randy jerked up his head from the computer screen and looked down at his 6 year old son standing beside him, a frown marring his sweet face.

"Dad, you said you were gonna take me and Ally ice skating today!"

Randy sighed. "I'm sorry, Angel. I completely forgot. Just give me a few minutes and I'll get ready. I just wanna finish this page."

Angel leaned over his father's lap and stared at the computer screen. "Are you still doing homework from your doctor?"

Randy pulled his son into his lap and nodded. "Yeah, but I'll stop for now, OK."

Angel turned around in Randy's arms and lowered his head onto his father's chest.

Randy frowned and hugged him close. "What's the matter, baby? I said I would take you ice skating."

Angel shook his head. "No, it's just..." He lowered his head slowly and began to bite his lip. Randy shifted him up and gently lifted his face up. He stared into his son's big blue eyes, so much like John's, always warm and full of life. Angel had made Randy a huge believer in nature versus nurture. Angel wasn't John's biological son but the child could not have been more like John if he were.

"Baby, what's the matter? Talk to me."

Angel looked into Randy's eyes for a minute before lowering them. "I don't like that doctor. I know what he's trying to do. My friend told me."

Randy smiled slowly. "What's he trying to do?"

"He's trying to get you to forget about Daddy John so you can get another husband! I don't want another daddy. I only want Daddy John."

Randy frowned as his son's eyes filled with tears. He sighed and tightly hugged the small boy to his chest. "Angel, that's not what the doctor is for. I don't want another husband and there is no other man who can be a better daddy to you or Al than John. I'm not seeing the doctor for that reason,"

Angel frowned and looked up at Randy. "Then why are you seeing him?"

Randy frowned as he tried to figure how to explain to his son why he was seeing a psychiatrist. "I feel angry because Daddy was taken away from me and you kids. I need someone to talk to about that anger. The doctor is helping me understand that even though Daddy is gone, I'm gonna be OK enough to be a good Dad to you and Al. He also wants me to, maybe one day, be OK with the idea of getting married again."

Angel looked up at him with wide eyes. Randy quickly placed a kiss on his head. "But that's not for a long, long time. I'll bet you and Al get married first."

Angel laughed. "Gross. I don't want to get married."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, kid," He stood up and placed Angel on the floor. "I'm gonna get dressed. Why don't you make sure your sister is ready? You know how slow girls are."

Angel nodded and ran off, screaming Alanna's name. Randy smiled at his son's enthusiasm and slowly lowered himself back down into a chair. His smiled faded as he thought of his conversation with Angel. It was laughable to him to think of a time when he would be able to let go of the anger he felt inside over losing John. He wasn't sure who he was angry at; the doctor's who couldn't help John, God for not granting him and their children a miracle or just everyone in general. His doctor swore one day he would be able to move on from John's death and possibly find love again. Randy wasn't so sure. There was no better man in the world to him than his late husband. The thought of being with another man and having another man around their children was unimaginable to him. The thought of him ever being at peace with John's death was inconceivable.

Angel walked back into the room and sighed loudly when he saw Randy sitting down again. Alanna bounced along behind her brother and came to a halt next to him, her blond hair flying behind her.

"Dad, come on. Angel, you said he was dressed!"

Angel frowned in his direction. "He said he was gonna go get dressed. Dad!"

Randy looked at his children and smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm going right now, I promise."

Alanna rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "My goodness, Daddy. You're so slow,"

Apparently the lack of patience ran in the Orton gene, as Randy had come to know at Alanna's young age. He stood up and walked past them quickly, dropping a kiss on each of their heads.

* * *

**January 2010**

"Whose Daddy's pretty girl?"

Alanna giggled loudly as Randy lifted her in the air. He laughed along with her as he spun her around. Randy smiled as he stared into her bright blue eyes, so much like his. He couldn't believe she would be 2 years old already later that year.

"God, Randy, don't rile her up, please. She'll be a nightmare in the car."

Randy placed Alanna on his hip and narrowed his eyes as his ex-wife entered the room with a scowl on her face. Alanna's face brightened at the sight of her mother. He sighed loudly as Sam brushed past Alanna's outstretched arms and into the kitchen.

"I'm not riling her up, Sam. I'm showing her affection. Seems like she could use some from you, too."

Sam rolled her eyes as she sat on a stool around the kitchen counter. "Please, I give her more affection than you ever could. Don't forget who's here with her most of the time. I don't have the luxury of traveling the world for most of the year."

Randy shifted his daughter in his arms and tried to control his temper. "I don't consider it traveling around the world for most of the year, Sam. I consider it working. How do you think those magical green pieces of paper that buy stuff get into your hands every week?" He walked back into what was now his former living room and grabbed Alanna's suitcase from the floor. He laid Alanna on the sofa and put on her coat. Samantha came into the living room and placed a kiss on her daughter's head.

"All right, I gotta go. The guys are in my house for a barbecue. I'll see you in a couple of days." Randy took Alanna from Sam's arms and noticed her frown. "What is it now, Sam?"

She grimaced. "Are Ted and Cody gonna be there?"

Randy nodded. "Yes, Sam, they are. They're my friends. What's wrong with that?"

Sam shrugged her shoulders. "I don't think I'm comfortable with my daughter hanging around with gay guys. Are we teaching her that's OK?"

Randy glared at her and shook his head. "These are the moments I look at you and really realize I have no idea who you are anymore. I don't know, and I really fear, what you're teaching our daughter but I know I'm teaching her to accept everyone for who they are, not what they do in their private lives. I think Ted and Cody are amazing people and I love that my daughter has contact with them. "

Sam smiled and cocked her head. "Fine, Randy. You're so much better than me."

Randy sighed. "Sam, I don't want to argue with you. I don't think I'm better than anyone, either. Just don't judge my friends, OK."

Sam raised her hands. "Fine, Ran, I won't. God, I only thought you were this sensitive when I talked about John. Who knew Ted and Cody were now in your inner circle? I'm surprised you let them in. Seems like your number one is always John. You just love John."

Randy rolled his eyes at Sam's crack on his friendship with John. She had become more and more catty towards his relationship with the man. Her insinuations about the two men drove him crazy and her insults towards two of his closest friends made him never want to deal with her. However, for his daughter, he would put up with it all.

"I'm leaving. Standing here arguing with you is only interfering in my short time with my daughter." He put Alanna's hat on and quickly walked out of the door and into his car. Minutes later he was on the road humming along to The Chipmunks CD playing in the car as Alanna tried to sing along in her car seat.

After the divorce from Sam, Randy had moved across town to a smaller home closer to his parents. He enjoyed the closeness of his family and wanted Alanna to be raised next to her grandparents and his siblings. As he pulled up to the house he noticed a car already in the garage.

"Hey Al, Uncle Johnny's here."

Alanna smiled as she recognized John's name. She eagerly stretched her arms out for Randy to pick her up. He laughed as he quickly parked and walked around the car to unbuckle her seat belt. Once out of the car, Alanna ran towards the door as fast as her little feet could carry her. Randy grabbed her bag and quickly followed to the front door, unlocking it and letting her run inside.

"John, where are you?"

Alanna ran ahead of him and nearly collided with John as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey there, little princess!" John picked up Alanna and threw her in the air before securing in his arms and began placing noisy kisses on her chubby cheek. Alanna giggled and tried to wiggle out of his arms but John laughed and held her tightly. He looked over at Randy, who stared at the two with a smile on his face.

"So, how did it go with the Wicked Bitch of St. Louie?"

"Bitch!" Alanna repeated with a smile. John quickly covered her mouth and smothered a smile as Randy frowned in his direction.

"Will you watch your mouth? She's like a sponge repeating everything we say."

John let the smile out but nodded. "I will but you gotta admit, she sounded cute."

Randy laughed and walked into the kitchen with John on his heels. "What should I go get for this barbecue?"

John set Alanna down on the counter and frowned. "Why are you ignoring my question?"

Randy buried his face in the refrigerator and shrugged. "What question?"

John smirked. "Come on, you know what question. Spit it out, Ran,"

Randy closed the door and turned around. He shrugged again and looked at his feet. "She said the same shit she always says. She made her little remarks about you and me and about Teddy and Cody and she made me sick. It's the same shit every time I go over there. Don't make me relive it, OK."

John nodded. "OK, but you always make me tell you about my latest Liz encounter." He smiled as Alanna handed him every spoon from the holder on the counter and shook his head. "Though how she seems to find me home is amazing to me. We have no connection but she always happens to be in Newbury when I am. Why must my Mom be so friendly?"

Randy smiled as he thought of Carol Cena and how she still welcomed the former Mrs. John Cena into her house. Carol accepted John and Liz's divorce but still maintained a friendship with the woman.

"Mama Car is too damn good."

John frowned. "I wonder if Liz and Sam are hanging out together. Liz has been making those same types of comments to me lately."

Randy smirked. "Think they know something we don't, Johnny?"

John shrugged. "I think those two have been smoking something, that's what I think."

Randy laughed and grabbed a notepad from the counter. "All right, enough of those two. Let's make a shopping list so I could go get food for later."

* * *

Hours later, laughter filled the Orton house as he, Alanna, John, and the new couple of Ted and Cody enjoyed a calm dinner.

Randy smiled as he looked at Cody's happy face. It had taken the men months to cop to their feelings and then months to admit to their friends that their relationship had grown into more. Randy didn't bat an eye when Cody told him; well, maybe a little. He had known Cody since childhood and had seen the handsome, young man date many girls. It had been a bit of a shock when Cody told him of his feelings for their other childhood friend. One look into Cody's happy face, however, had erased all shock. Whatever he felt after the news was nothing compared to what Cody must be feeling. How weird it must have been for him to see his best friend in a different light…and after so many years?

Cody walked over to Randy and peered in his face. "Hey, what's with the silly smile?"

Randy shrugged. "Just happy that you're happy, Codes."

Cody led Randy over to the small bench in Randy's backyard. He sighed deeply and smiled softly at Randy.

"Ran, I'm so happy that you've stood by me and Teddy. So many of the guys just…" Cody trailed off and Randy frowned. He knew how sensitive Cody was to the negative reactions he and Ted received backstage. It had been a shock to him that men he had worked with and known for years so easily and quickly turned on him.

"Codes, none of them matter. Fuck all of them."

Cody smiled and nodded. "You're right; they don't matter. I'm just happy my best friend didn't turn on me but I knew you would never." He looked over as John laughed loudly. Alanna sat on his lap trying to feed him pieces of his now torn burger. "I knew John wouldn't either. He's a good person."

Randy looked at Cody and nodded. The fact that John was a good person, a good man, couldn't be denied by anyone. "I know he is."

Cody took a sip of his beer and shook Randy's arm. "Hey, you never told me how it went with Sam today! What's her new issue?"

Randy groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. "No, Codes, I don't wanna talk about her. You know she says all the time."

Cody laughed and nodded. "Oh, I know." He looked at Randy and shook his head. "Ran, why do you think she suddenly decided to harass you with hints that you and John may be…more than friends? I mean, if she wanted to piss you off all she had to do was pick on that little bump on your nose you hate or your weird, squinty eyes or…"

Randy smacked Cody on the back of his head eliciting a loud yelp from the younger mans lips. "I do not have squinty eyes or a bump on my nose! My face is perfect!"

Cody rolled his eyes. "Of course it is. You were made in God's image of what he believed perfection to be."

He looked at Randy, who stared back at him seriously before erupting into loud laughter. "God, Codes, I don't know why Sam says that shit! Isn't that what all women say when their guy leaves them, though? That he's gay? Maybe it's easier for her to believe that than to accept the fact she's a royal bitch now."

Cody nodded. "That she is. Even with me and I couldn't be a nicer person."

Randy frowned. "John bought up something that was weird early today, though. Seems Liz has been doing the same thing to him; driving him crazy with little remarks about us feeling more than friendship love for each other. He suggested maybe they were hanging out together and coming up with the same idea; you know, drive both us insane with one ridiculous notion."

Cody smiled and bit his nails. "How cool would it be if it were true, though?" His smile widened as he stared back and forth between John and Randy.

Randy frowned and followed his eyes. "What? Are you fucking drunk or just fucking dumb?"

Cody shrugged and laughed. "Hey, I'm sorry but I think it would be cool,"

Randy grimaced. "God, shut up, Cody. You're making me sick! John is like my brother. It would be against the law."

Cody rolled his eyes. "He's _like_ your brother but he's _not_ your brother. It would be fine. It's just an idea, Ran."

Randy glared at him. "Well, stop it. Just stop. I'm sorry to inform you that I am not going to wake up tomorrow in love with my best friend. That is never gonna happen. Gross, man."

Cody wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulders. "You know, it's funny but, that's what I thought, too and look at me now." He looked over at Ted and smiled. The older man smiled back and motioned for him to come over. "I'm just teasing you, anyway, Ran. Learn to take a joke."

Cody hugged Randy tightly and walked over to Ted, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning into the kiss Ted placed on his head.

Randy rolled his eyes. "Joke; I fucking hate jokes," He glanced at his watch and stood up, making his way over to where Alanna sat with John. "Come on, baby girl. It's way past your bedtime."

Alanna pouted immediately but a raised eyebrow from her father had her reaching her arms up to him. "Say good night to Uncle Johnny, baby,"

She wrapped her arms around John's neck and John hugged her small body. He placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered in her ear, "Love you, princess. Sweet dreams."

As if on cue, Alanna's mouth opened in a wide yawn and Randy smiled as he picked her up. Cody and Ted walked over to wish her good night and then Randy walked her into the house and up to her room. As he changed her into pajamas, her little eyes dropped and she was sound asleep by the time he covered her with a pink blanket. He raised the safety bar on her crib and leaned on the rails, just watching her breathe slowly. A smile worked its way onto Randy's face and he was so focused he didn't hear the footsteps behind him.

"Hey,"

Randy jumped up and looked into John's face. "Hey, what's up?"

"We're waiting for you. We wanna start a poker game."

Randy nodded and looked back down at his daughter. "I was just covering her up and I just started to watch her. I could watch her all day."

John smiled and nodded. "I know. You're a great dad, Ran," He wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulder and the men just stared at the small girl sleeping peacefully.


	11. Chapter 10

"Oh my goodness, she is adorable!"

John swirled his head around in direction of the voice. The grocery store was mostly empty with only a few scattered customers. A woman with a small baby strapped to her body approached him and looked adoringly down at Alanna, who had her hand securely wrapped in John's larger one. John looked down at the small girl and smiled.

"Yes, she is, thank you."

The woman looked down at her own baby fondly. "I love my little boy here but I have to admit, while expecting, I wanted a little girl."

John nodded and laughed along with the woman. "Well, I'm sure the next one will be a beautiful little girl who looks just like her mom."

The woman smiled widely and blushed at John's comment.

"Isn't he a charmer?"

John and the woman turned to see Randy approaching with the cart, his hands loaded with groceries grabbed from the store's shelves and a smile on his face. He dumped everything into the cart and reached for his daughter, who smiled widely and reached her small arms up.

"Hey, beautiful,"

The woman's eyes widened. "My goodness, the resemblance is amazing. You must be her biological daddy!" She turned to pat John's arms comfortingly. "But don't worry, dear. You're just as much a dad to her as he is. I love when partners decide to have a family!"

John frowned in confusion and turned to look at Randy, who mirrored his expression. "Partners?"

The woman nodded. "Yeah, you know many years ago gay couples had no rights whatsoever. It's so nice to see how far we've come. You guys look like you're wonderful dads!" She waved and walked away quickly as the small boy attached to her started to squirm restlessly. A silence followed as the men remained alone in the aisle.

John watched her go with his mouth wide open. "Did we just get called gay?"

Randy placed Alanna in the basket of the shopping cart and began to rifle through the items, comparing them to the list in his hand. "Yeah, I think we did." He frowned in concentration and John looked on in surprise. Randy was taking it rather lightly. He and Randy had never actually sat down and discussed homosexuality but they both knew the other was indifferent to it. They had met many friends in OVW and even now in the WWE who were either gay or bi and neither man treated the other person differently for it. It just didn't matter to them. The perfect example was Cody and Ted; two men Randy had known since childhood and had recently begun a relationship with each other. They were friends and friendships weren't made or broken by who you slept with.

"You don't care?"

Randy finally looked up and into John's face, a look of confusion marring it. He frowned at the look on his friend's face. "Uh, not really. Why? Do you care?"

John looked down and shrugged. "I just thought big, bad Randy Orton would be pissed if someone called him gay, you know."

Randy stared at his friend, amusement in his eyes. "John, I don't give two shits what people say about me!" He started to roll the cart down the aisle, John following slowly behind. "Besides, the way I see it, love is love. Who cares with who it is, right?"

Randy smiled back at John and handed him the car. "Take her. I'm gonna go get the diapers and then we can go."

John smiled slowly and nodded.

The three days off he spent with Alanna flew by and Randy felt like in an instant he was dropping her back off with Sam. The drive from the market had been quiet; John had stared out the window the entire time. Randy shrugged it off as just exhaustion at the trip that lay ahead for the two men. He got that way himself whenever Friday rolled around. After spending time in his own home, in his own bed and with his loved ones, the sadness kicked in at having to pack and be away from them. His body became exhausted because it knew the grind that lay ahead.

Sam's house came into view and he slowed the car down, parking in the street. She quickly ran to meet them. Randy stepped out of the car and gave her a short hug, mostly for his daughter's sake.

"Hey, I got you some groceries."

Sam smiled and looked into the car. "Thanks. Hey, Johnny,"

John got out of his side and opened the back door where Alanna sat. "Hey, Sam," He unbuckled Alanna from her car seat as Randy unloaded the groceries and carried them inside. Sam reached for Alanna but the small girl buried her face in John's neck. He kissed her forehead softly and whispered some words in her ear until she finally detached herself and went into her mother's waiting arms.

"Baby, why don't you wanna come with Mama?" Sam kissed her head and wiped a few stray tears from her small face.

"Isn't that an interesting question?" Randy mumbled sarcastically as he came back to the car for the final load of groceries.

Sam glared over at Randy's retreating back and then rolled her eyes at John. "He acts like he's so special because Alanna cries when leaving him. Well, she cries when leaving me, too!"

John nodded and got back in the car, anxious to get away from Sam and Randy's bickering. He hated the tension and it bought back memories of him and Liz arguing. He watched out of the corner of his eye and Sam and Randy talked, Randy clearly trying to contain his anger at something Sam was saying. He finally just shook his head and took his daughter into his arms, hugging her tightly and placing kiss after kiss on her head. John sighed as he knew how difficult this always was for Randy. The younger man would be in a quiet mood now for hours.

John averted his eyes when he saw Randy finally hand Alanna back to Sam and walk quickly back to the car. He slid his long body into the driver's seat and turned on the engine. John dared a glance at his friend.

"You OK, man?"

Randy's eyes were focused forward and his hands tightly gripped the steering wheel. He nodded his head and kept his gaze focused on the road. John turned his head to look outside his window, not wanting to push the other man further. After minutes of silence, Randy cleared his throat.

"I just hate having to leave her."

John nodded and sighed. "I know you do. I wish things were different for you, Ran," He turned to face the younger man and watched as a frown came across his face.

"You know," Randy cocked his head in thought. "I've never wished for me and Sam to still be together. I always just wished there was some way I can have Al with me all the time. Sam never factors into that, though. I don't love her, hell; I barely like her most times. I don't know how things changed so fast but, my God, did they change. I look at her and think how did I ever love her?"

John looked down at his hands and nodded. "I don't know. I've had my moments with Liz where I think the same things and I just have to realize that everything happens for a reason. Maybe we had to have it so bad with the girls so we would know what love really is. Next time, it'll be the real thing and we'll be with that person forever."

Randy smiled and looked over at John. "Wow, aren't we getting a little too deep here? I don't wanna have these philosophical talks before we get on a plane. They depress me!"

John laughed and shook his head. "All right then. How about those Steelers?"

Randy laughed and the men continued to talk about nonsense the remainder of the drive to the airport. They were off with the rest of the RAW roster to the northeast, to similar cold weather, but to the warmth of the Cena family when they hit Massachusetts.

The friends pulled up in the airport long-term parking lot and exited with their luggage in hand. The conversation had changed from their favorite sports teams to their planned weekend matches. Upon entering the airport, they were faced with a huge group of people camping out on the floor and random chairs.

"Oh, great. This can't be good." Randy groaned as he walked over to the announcing board. He sighed as he turned to look at John. "Our flight is delayed."

John groaned in frustration. With all the traveling they did, they were used to all the bumps in the road that led to delays or cancellations. It never got any less annoying, though.

"Great. Well, let's check in and find somewhere to hide out."

The men quickly went through the check in and security process with, thankfully, no crazy fan encounters. After wandering aimlessly around the crowded airport for an hour, Randy decided to hit the bar.

"John, let's go get wasted enough for me not to take a Dramamine on the plane."

John laughed and the men walked over to the small airport lounge. It was surprisingly empty considering the crowds of people waiting for their flights.

After ordering a couple of drinks and pulling their hats lower on their heads to avoid recognition, the men took a table in the corner. The time passed as they continued to talk about the week's workload and the problems in their lives. The conversation between the friends flowed smoothly and the drinks kept getting refilled, mostly for Randy who detested flying and did anything to distract himself for it. Another hour had passed when John heard the announcement for their flight, which had finally started to board.

"Uh, thank God! Let's go, Ran,"

Randy looked at him through blurry eyes as John took his cup away and stood. "Where we going, Johnny?"

John rolled his eyes at Randy's inability to hold his liquor. "We're going on the plane, Randy. Remember; we're going to work in Boston."

Randy furrowed his brows in concentration and stared at John. "Are you sure?"

John sighed and lifted the younger man up by his arm. "Yes, I'm sure. Let's go." He dragged Randy by one hand and their two bags in the other to the gate their flight was boarding from. The men received many strange looks as John practically carried Randy into the plane and threw him down in his seat.

Randy groaned and stretched out as soon as he landed. "Ouch, John, you made me hit my head."

John secured their bags in the over head compartment and shoved Randy over so he could sit. He pulled his iPod out of his pocket and placed the headphones in his ears. Randy grabbed his arms and proceeded to shake him.

"John, Johnny, did you hear me? You made me hit my head!" Randy pulled the headphones out of John's ears and glared at him. "Why are you ignoring me?"

John sighed. "I'm not ignoring you. You're just kinda drunk, Ran. Maybe you should just sit back and sleep, OK."

Randy leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "I'm drunk and now you're mad at me and want me to sleep. I don't wanna sleep." He opened his eyes and stared at John, a smile coming across his face. "Don't be mad at me, OK. If I can stay awake I'll behave and won't talk. Can I stay awake?"

John laughed at Randy's wide eyed look. "I'm not mad at you, Ran. Yes, you can stay awake but let's just be quiet until we take off."

Randy nodded and folded his hands in his lap as John smiled.

Minutes later after the pilot had finished his announcements and they were up in the air, Randy unbuckled his seatbelt and turned his head to look at John.

"Hey, can we talk now? I have something very serious to ask you,"

John turned his head over at Randy's slurred words. This flight would obviously not be a simple or quiet one. He sighed deeply and nodded. "Yes, you may speak."

Randy leaned his head on the back of his chair; his eyes wide and glassy. "Why did you get so mad in the store?"

John frowned. "What? Where?"

Randy rolled his eyes and smacked John's arms. "In the grocery store, remember! With the lady with the baby! She thought we were," he lowered his voice and whispered dramatically, "gay," He laughed loudly and moved his body closer to John's seat. "Come on, John. Tell me why."

John shrugged and moved himself back in the chair. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't get mad anywhere today. You're just drunk and imagining things."

Randy narrowed his eyes. "I may be drunk now but I wasn't when it happened in the store. You got mad that lady even dared to think you were gay. It's like you were insulted she thought we were partners, or something."

John snorted at Randy's expression. "Randy, really, you're way off here. I don't know what you think you saw but trust me, I didn't get mad or insulted. I was just shocked."

Randy smiled. "Why? We spend so much time together. Do you think she's the first person to think that? Hell, there are chat rooms dedicated to us being together." He reached into his pocket and tried to pull out his phone. "I'm gonna show you. Cody sent me this link he found…"

John pulled his hand away. "We're in flight, Ran. You can't turn on the phone and even if you could, I don't wanna see what Cody sent you." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Randy. Let's change the topic."

Randy laughed again, this time a shorter, deeper laugh. "You see, you're still upset about it. That's why you don't wanna talk about it." He dropped the smile quickly and leaned forward into John's face, their noses practically touching. "I didn't get mad. Maybe it's because I know if I were gonna go gay for anyone, it would be you."

John's heart started to race, not only because of the words coming from his friend's mouth, but because of the closeness. He could smell the alcohol on Randy's breath and he could clearly see the younger man was still not in control of himself.

"That's nice, Ran. Can you back up a bit?"

John didn't think it was possible, but instead Randy found a way to scoot closer to him, their legs touching, and their lips merely millimeters apart.

Randy licked his lips, his eyes boring a hole into John's, whose were wide with nervousness. "Don't you ever wonder what kissing another guy is like?" His ice blue eyes moved down to John's lips. "Is it going to feel harder, rougher," and then back up to his matching blue eyes, "or is it going to feel even better than kissing a girl does?"

John inhaled a deep breath when he felt his lungs screaming. He wasn't even aware he was holding his breath. He stared at Randy, a million emotions making his stomach clench and a lower region start to react. He looked down at Randy's mouth and saw his tongue dart out to lick the pouty lips again. As his eyes came back up to meet his friends', a tattooed arm reached out and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling his head forward.

John gasped as he felt his lips land roughly on Randy's, the younger man's mouth moving aggressively over his. He put his hands on Randy's chest and pushed him away but Randy only intensified his actions. John let his hands lay on Randy's muscular chest as he felt his body involuntarily start to react. A small moan worked its way up John's body and out his lips as Randy assaulted his mouth. He felt Randy's lips against his curve into a smile at the sound. John felt anger seep into his body and he used all his strength to shove the younger man away. His angry gaze met Randy's amused one and his anger grew.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Randy laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know! I just wanted to do it." He slumped back in his seat and groaned, blue eyes closing momentarily. "God, my head hurts!"

Randy turned his head to face John and opened his eyes. A small smirk took place on his face. "It felt good, right?"

John's mouth, still sore from Randy's brutal kiss, opened in shock. Randy laughed softly as he winked at his older friend. He turned his head to the side, away from John's gaze. The older man had no idea what to do. He had just been kissed…by his best friend…who was a guy! And as much as he hated to admit it, Randy was right; it had felt good.

John turned to look at Randy, who had slumped forward in his seat and was snoring lightly. He sighed as he knew any further talking with Randy would be out of the question now. The younger man was notorious for being dead to the world when asleep. John wasn't even sure what he wanted, though. Did he want Randy awake so they could discuss why that kiss had just happened or did he want Randy asleep and to wake up with no recollection of the kiss?

John sighed and looked down at his hands, surprised to see them shaking. His palms were sweaty and his heart rate had still not returned to normal. What was happening?

"Sir, would you like a drink?"

John jerked his head up as the flight attendant looked down on him with a smile. He shook his head rapidly and she moved on down the row. The momentary distraction did nothing to sway his thoughts and the scene with Randy repeated itself over and over in his head for the remainder of the flight.

* * *

Hours later, with the plane on firm ground in Logan International Airport, John was still wide awake and his insides had tied themselves in knots over the course of the past couple of hours. An hour into the flight, the "Turn on Seat belts" light had come on as the plane hit some turbulence and he had been forced to reattach Randy's seatbelt. His hand shook the entire time 10 seconds it took to secure the younger man's belt around his hips. It had been the longest 10 seconds of his life. John felt uncomfortable and anxious, something he never felt around his best friend before today.

Randy was sound asleep, apparently free from the torment John was going through, and snoring softly. John had no choice as the people around him began to stand. He looked over at Randy and poked him harshly in the ribs, causing a loud groan to come out of the younger man's lips.

"Wake up."

Randy frowned as he slowly woke up. He groaned as his eyes opened and his head immediately began to pound as the light hit him. His eyes blinked rapidly and finally focused on John standing above him, arms raised as he reached into the overhead compartment for their bags.

"Where are we?" Randy's voice croaked as he rubbed his eyes.

John barely spared him a glance. "In Boston, where else?"

John threw one of the bags down into his chair and it landed with a loud thud. Randy frowned at John's brusque attitude but chalked it up to his still foggy mind. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and instantly regretted it as his head began to pound.

A loud groan from Randy made John look at the man out of the corner of his eye. His body was slumped over and he had his head in his hands. John rolled his eyes and tossed the other bag down.

"Hurry the fuck up. The damn plane is empty all ready."

Randy frowned and lifted his sore body from the seat. He reached for a bag at the same time John did and their hands brushed. John snatched his hand away and glared at the younger man.

"Grab your bag and hurry up," He turned on his sneaker and walked quickly down the corridor of the almost empty plane. Randy slowly trudged behind, not bothering to acknowledge the flight attendants goodbye. The men continued out the gate, Randy pulling his hat on in an effort to block the bright sunlight glaring into the airport. His head felt like a bowling ball balancing on his shoulders and John was making him race after him. They made it to the car rental desk and quickly loaded up into their rental SUV, no words having been spoken since John's abrupt order earlier in the plane. Randy slumped in the passenger seat and glanced at John out of the corner of his eye. His best friend's face was completely serious; laughing eyes now dark and full of what seemed like anger.

Randy frowned and cleared his throat. "Did I throw up on you or something? I know I drank a bit before the flight."

John kept his eyes focused on the road and ignored Randy's question. Randy frowned and inwardly groaned. Even that movement hurt his head. He didn't understand what was happening. John and he didn't give each other the silent treatment. On the rare occasions they fought, they got it all out in one shot and moved past it.

"Johnny, come on, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on here and my head hurts."

John rolled his eyes and laughed. "Well, I'm so fucking sorry your head hurts, asshole,"

Randy shifted his body to completely face John and was shocked to see a flinch from the older man. "John, enough. Tell me what the fuck happened. We were fine on the plane!"

John felt his temper rise and willed it down when his parents house come into sight. He pulled into the driveway, Randy's gaze on him the entire time.

"We're not gonna talk about this shit in my parents' house, understood. Just drop it!" He turned off the ignition and grabbed the door handle. Randy reached out his hand and grabbed his arm tightly. "No, we're not dropping anything! I wanna know what the hell happened that made you so pissed at me. Everything was fine on the plane,"

John snatched his hand away and cut Randy off. "Everything was fine before you fucking shoved your tongue down my throat, asshole!"

Randy's eyes opened wide, shocked ice blue meeting furious sapphire. "What!"

John shook his head at the younger man. "Yeah, what! That's what happened."

Randy lowered his head as his mind tried to process John's words. He had kissed John; his best friend and fellow man? How much had he had to drink? He didn't remember any of it. He felt his face grow hot with embarrassment and couldn't bring himself to meet John's eyes.

"My God, John, I'm…I don't know what to say. Sorry doesn't cover it. I…I was drunk and…"

John snorted. "Just drop it. We're at my parents so try to act normal,"

He opened the car door and got out. Randy remained in the car seat, his body still paralyzed by shock. John looked back in the car and glared. "And try to stay the hell away from me."

The car door slammed, the sound making Randy's head pound harder, but he barely noticed as he watched John walk away.


	12. Chapter 11

Randy sat in the car with only two words in his head, "Holy Shit". What had he done? Why had he kissed John? What had happened on the plane after the kiss? All those questions led back to his initial thought of, "Holy Shit".

A loud rap on the window made him jerk up in the seat and his eyes looked up to meet Carol Cena's worried gaze. She smiled down at him and he nervously reciprocated. Carol motioned to the lock on the door and Randy took a deep breath before unlocking it and stepping out slowly. He was quickly wrapped in her arms as she hugged him tightly.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing in the car? Johnny said you weren't feeling well. Come inside so I can take care of you,"

Randy nodded as Carol took his hand and pulled him forward. He followed her into the quiet house, his eyes automatically scanning the room for John. Carol noticed and smiled.

"John went up to his room to get some rest. He said he didn't sleep on the plane and that he drove here from the airport."

Randy nodded. "Oh, I see," He sat on a stool around the large counter in the middle of the kitchen and looked down at his fingernails.

Carol frowned at him before a small smile crossed her face. "Well, dear, you must be sick because I've never seen you this quiet. What do you feel?" She placed her hand on Randy's forehead and he smiled. "I don't have a fever. I just had a little to drink before the flight so now I have a headache and feel a bit nauseous."

Carol sighed and shook her head. "Oh, Randy, really! Not a good idea, kiddo." She walked over to a cabinet above the sink and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol. Quickly filling a glass with water, she set the two items on the counter before him. Randy smiled and quickly downed two pills.

"Thanks, Mama Car,"

Carol nodded. "You can thank me, Randy, by not drinking again and coming to my house all hung over. Now, those pills will help your head and these will help your stomach settle."

She handed him a package of soda crackers and walked into the other room. Randy sat in the stool, quietly munching. He didn't know what to do. Should he go upstairs and talk to John or should he let the man calm down and come to him?

Carol walked back into the kitchen, purse in hand. "Randy, don't just sit there like a lump, dear. Go up and get some rest. I'm gonna go to the market to get some food for dinner tonight."

Randy nodded. "OK. Do you need my help?"

Carol smiled. "Darling, I've been going to the market on my own for years now! I'll be fine."

She waved and walked out of the back door leaving the house in complete silence. Randy sighed and stood up, moving into the Cena house living room. He plopped onto the sofa, his mind still reeling from what happened earlier. Every time he thought about John's words to him, it filled his heart with fear. He had never seen John so angry at him before. John's friendship meant the world to him. He was the only one who had stood by him through everything when so many people were turning their backs on him. Having him get angry at the younger man unnerved him. Yes, it wasn't the first time but it was definitely the most serious time. He had never kissed him before today!

Randy sighed and stood up. He placed the crackers on the table and walked upstairs slowly. Hiding out in the living room and evading the issue wasn't going to solve anything. He walked to John's bedroom and pushed the door open slowly. John was lying on the bed, covers wrapped up to his head. Randy sighed and walked inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He walked over to John's bed and sat on the edge, looking down at the older man, who even in sleep had anger all over his face. Randy placed his hand on John's shoulder and shook him awake.

"John? John, I'm sorry, but you gotta wake up,"

Randy continued to shake the older man until his eyes opened. His eyes blinked rapidly, focusing on Randy sitting beside him. John sat up in the bed, quickly moving his body to the other end of the bed, as far away from Randy as he could get.

"What the hell are you doing in my bed?"

Randy frowned at John's reaction. "Waking you up! We need to talk about what happened, John."

John got off the bed and stood beside it. He shook his head and pointed to the door. "No, get the fuck out of here."

Randy shook his head and pulled his legs up to the bed. He lay back on John's pillows and looked at the older man with a smirk. "Nope, I'm not going anywhere until we talk,"

John ran his hands over his head in exasperation. "Seriously, do you not see how wrong it is that after what you've already done that now you're in my bed? Can you just leave?"

Randy frowned. "It's not the first time I've been in your bed, John. I'm just sitting here. It's not like we're doing anything! You can actually sit beside me; it wouldn't be the first time and I promise not to touch you!"

John glared at Randy angrily and the younger man sighed. He stood up and walked to the chair besides John's bed and sat. "Happy? Can we please talk now?"

John shook his head and remained standing. "I told you I wouldn't discuss this in my parent's house. My mother is right downstairs..."

Randy cut him off. "She went to the market. The house is alone and my head is spinning and I need to talk to you!"

John shrugged. "Fine, talk. Tell me why you felt the need to assault me,"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Damn, I assaulted you? Isn't that word a bit much?" He sighed and shook his head. "John, I don't remember what happened. You can't be mad at me if I can't remember that I did something wrong. Please just tell me what happened in that plane."

John stared at Randy, a mixture of anger and confusion clouding his head. Did Randy not really remember what he'd done or was this all a joke? He slowly sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at Randy, who stared back expectantly.

"You had a lot to drink in the airport lounge. Our flight was delayed and we went there to get away from the people and just wait,"

Randy nodded. "I remember that. We were drinking and talking about sports and about Sam and Liz and then it's all a blur. I close my eyes and my last memory before waking up to you screaming at me is us in that bar. I don't even remember how I got on that plane."

John smirked. "I dragged you on the plane. You were so wasted you couldn't even walk. I sat you down and made you keep quiet but you kept talking,"

Randy smiled apologetically. "Sorry," He looked down at his hands. "How did it get to the...you know,"

John sighed, all humor gone from his voice. "You kept asking me why I got mad at the market when the lady assumed we were partners. I told you I wasn't but it led to you telling me that if you were gonna go gay you'd go for me, then you wanted to know what a kiss with another man would feel like and next thing I knew, you were on me like white on rice,"

Randy's eyes opened. His heart was racing as he processed John's words. "I can't believe it. This is a mistake; it has to be. I would never do that to you. Are you sure…"

John raised his eyebrows. He held up his hand and stopped Randy's words. "Am I sure of what? That you kissed me? Yeah, I'm pretty fucking sure, Ran,"

Randy stood up, shaking his head furiously. "No, this doesn't make sense, John. I wouldn't do something like that! I've never felt the need to know what a kiss with another man feels like yet you say on this day I wanted to know! That's bullshit! I'm straight. I was married and I have a child!"

John laughed sarcastically. "I can't believe you. You're turning this shit into my fault, my lie? Why the hell would I lie about this?"

Randy shrugged. "Well, I don't know what else to think, John. I don't kiss guys, especially one I consider a brother. I had this conversation with Cody the other day…"

John frowned. "You had a conversation about kissing me with Cody? What more proof do you need then? You've obviously been planning this then! I can't believe this shit is happening to me," He began to pace the room, muttering to himself and shaking his head continuously.

Randy crossed over and stood in front of him. "No, asshole, I did not have a conversation with Cody about kissing you! I haven't been planning shit! Cody was just being his obnoxious self talking about how great it would be if we got together like him and Ted and I told him it was ridiculous; you're like my brother. That's it! Does that sound like I've been planning something, you fucking moron?"

The men glared at each other until Randy finally sighed and moved away. "Come on, John. Fine, I believe you. I kissed you but I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry. Can't we pretend it never happened?"

John looked down at his bare feet on the carpeted floor. "I don't know, Ran. This is too weird for me. I know you were drunk and didn't mean it but the point is it did happen and I feel weird around you now."

Randy nodded as he felt his heart drop. He had done it. He had destroyed his friendship with John. "I understand. I'll go get a hotel room, then,"

John shook his head quickly. "No, my parents would start asking questions that I don't want to deal with. We're only here a couple of nights. Just stay and we'll figure something out,"

He moved over to his bedroom door and opened it. Randy nodded and walked out, looking over his shoulder as John quickly closed the door behind him.

* * *

"This is so not why I came out here, Ran,"

Randy threw his towel at his locker as he stomped into the men's locker room, snarl on his face. Cody Rhodes walked slowly behind him, an amused look on his face. He smiled at the couple of wrestlers who quickly scattered once seeing the look on Randy's face.

Cody threw himself on the long couch leaning against the wall and stretched his legs out. "So, explain to my why I came out here on my one day off and instead of hanging out with my boyfriend I'm sitting here watching you attack a locker with a sweaty towel,"

Randy swirled around and glared at Cody. "That's a damn good question! Why don't you just get the fuck out of here, Cody?"

Cody smiled. Randy's temper was legendary but it never seemed to faze him. He knew the older man would never hurt him. "Because I'm a good friend and you look like you need one right now."

Randy continued aiming his icy glare towards Cody but the younger man could not be deterred. He only smiled back at Randy, who sighed loudly and sat down on the wooden bench in front of his locker.

"Codes, I don't wanna talk, OK."

Cody nodded. "Sure, no problem. You can just nod when I get things right and shake your head when I get them wrong."

He laughed softly when he saw Randy crack a smile. "Now, I'm guessing by the catastrophe that was that last match, that something is wrong with you and John. You guys always have great matches, especially when you tag. What the hell happened tonight? It's like neither of you wanted to touch each other."

Randy groaned. "God, this is horrible enough as it is, Cody. Don't make me relive it," He leaned his head in his hands. "Do you think everyone noticed?"

Cody frowned and shook his head. "No, not everyone. Only the people with eyes,"

Randy lifted his head and glared at Cody. "You're not funny, Cody." He stood up and began to pace the room. "This is fucking ridiculous. I'm sitting here, killing myself, because I had a shit match and where the fuck is John? Probably laughing and joking with everyone else even though this is all his fault!"

He turned his body towards Cody and pointed to his chest. "I tried to work things out, Cody. I apologized! I never fucking apologize but I did because it was John and I don't want to lose him. He's not trying, though and now it's affecting my work, my career!"

Cody frowned and lifted his body from the sofa. He sat up straight and looked at Randy's agitated face. "Ran, what are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

Randy stared at him and walked over to sit beside him. He quickly glanced at the locker room door then back to Cody's frowning face. "OK, I'm gonna tell you something but don't fucking talk until I'm done,"

Cody nodded and Randy took a deep breath. "I kissed John,"

Randy braced himself for Cody's reaction but the younger man only shrugged. "So, I kiss him all the time,"

Randy shook his head. "No, not like that. I kissed him, Cody. To quote John, I shoved my tongue down his throat,"

Cody's eyes widened and he slowly smiled. "Are you serious?"

Randy nodded and Cody jumped into his arms. "I knew it! God, I'm psychic! Ran, I'm so happy for you!"

Randy frowned and shoved Cody away. "Cody, get the hell off me! You know nothing! I was drunk and it was an accident. I barely remember it."

Randy groaned as the memories from the plane came back to him in fragments. He had been desperately trying to piece the night together and it all returned to him but in broken pieces. He remembered the kiss, though, and his words to John. It had made him feel...good. The worst part was he had told John it made him feel good. He figured it had to be the alcohol, though. Didn't everything feel good when you were drunk?

Randy broke out of his thoughts as he saw Cody's face drop. "What? You let your first kiss with John be a drunk kiss? What kind of memory is that?"

Randy shrugged. "One we hope to quickly forget, Cody! What the hell do you mean first kiss? You act like there's gonna be so many more!"

Cody frowned. "I don't understand. What's going on between you guys now?"

Randy stood up and began to pace. "Nothing is, Cody. The kiss was a mistake. I barely remember it and John hates me for it." He looked over at the younger man. "You gotta get this idea of me and John in a relationship out of your head. He hates me right now! How is that the start of a relationship?"

Cody raised an eyebrow. "Do you want a relationship?"

Randy sighed loudly. "No, God, Cody! You're twisting my words! That's not what I said,"

Cody nodded. "Uh, yeah, it kinda is,"

Randy rolled his eyes and grabbed some clothes from his locker. "Forget it. I don't know why the hell I bother talking to you." He stalked angrily towards the showers in the back and Cody stood up slowly. Randy swirled around and pointed a finger at his young friend. "Do not follow me into the shower, Cody."

Cody held his hands up and nodded. He waited to hear the shower turn on before turning and running out of the locker room. After a few minutes of searching and questioning fellow WWE employees, Cody spotted the man he was looking for munching on a chicken sandwich in the empty catering hall.

"Johnny, what are you doing out here?"

John looked up in surprise, the silence in the room making Cody's voice sound louder than usual. The young man looked down on him with a serious look on his usually smiling face.

"Oh, hey, Codes. I was starving and just wanted to come grab something before I left."

Cody frowned. "Before cleaning up? That's strange. Usually you head right to shower after a match,"

John shrugged and finished his food. He stood up and threw the wrapper in the garbage and started to walk out of the room.

"If you're trying to avoid him you better give him a few more minutes. He just got in the shower."

John turned and looked at Cody's smirking face. "What? Who?"

"Randy, that's who. I know what you're doing John."

John rolled his eyes at the mention of Randy's name but he remained where he was. "I'm not doing anything Randy related, Cody."

Cody walked over from the table and crossed his arms. He shook his head. "Randy told me what happened, John."

John groaned loudly and dropped his head into his hands. "Oh God, what a fucking nightmare. I hate him even more now. Telling you is like telling TMZ."

Cody opened his mouth in shock and angrily hit John's shoulder. "Hey, I take offense to that, asshole! Randy is my best friend and I would never tell anyone something he told me in confidence. I'm trying to help you two losers get past this."

John stared at the angry young man and sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry, Cody. It's just…this is an embarrassing incident you know. I don't want it floating around."

Cody rolled his eyes and pulled the man over to sit at the table John occupied minutes earlier. "First of all, this is not an incident. The BP oil spill was an incident! This is barely news and really boring news, at that. So, Randy kissed you! Big deal! He was drunk and it was an accident and he's apologized a million times. Let it go and move on! When you're 80 you guys can laugh about this."

John glared at Cody and shook his head. "It's not that simple, Cody."

Cody shrugged. "Yeah, it really is that simple…if you want it to be. It seems you and Randy are making this too complicated and for what reason?" He raised an eyebrow at John. "Why won't you and Randy drop this? It seems ridiculous how you're both harping on this."

John stood up and shrugged. "I don't care why Randy does anything anymore. All I know is I can't just drop this, as you say. My best friend kissed me, drunk or not, and I can't forgive that so easily. He violated the trust I placed in him, as a friend, because he wanted to know what kissing another guy felt like! What the hell is that, man? That's unforgivable!"

If possible, Cody's eyebrows rose further. Randy hadn't told him that. "He said that? I didn't know,"

John nodded. "No, I'm sure he wouldn't tell you that! He says he doesn't remember it but I'm not buying that shit. They say when you're drunk the real you comes out and I guess in this case it did. He just went about his own business and did what he felt like doing without thinking about how it would feel to me or what it would do to my brain."

John ran his finger over his head and began to pace the room like a caged animal. "All I do is replay that fucking kiss and I can't stop thinking about it and how I felt and it's driving me fucking crazy. I don't want these thoughts, Cody, but did Randy think about me? No! He did what he wanted and didn't think about anyone else! Why am I so fucking surprised though?"

Cody remained still, letting John get his rant out, but processing each of his words carefully. "What thoughts don't you want, Johnny? How do you feel?"

John sighed and shook his head as he slumped on the wall. He closed his eyes tightly. "I don't know, Cody. I…" His eyes opened quickly and he stood up straight. Clearing his throat, he waved Cody off. "Nothing, it's nothing. I'm gonna go shower and go home. I'm exhausted."

Cody nodded as John practically flew out of the room.

John walked down to the men's locker room, noticing the arena was practically empty. The ring was being loaded into the trucks and most of the makeup tables had been cleaned out. He distractedly smiled at the few people left in the building that said goodbye to him and waved. He turned the corner and nearly crashed into Ted Dibiase, whose head was looking down at his cell phone.

"John! I'm sorry, man. I was looking for Cody. He came to spend the day with me, supposedly, and I haven't spent more than 5 minutes with him yet!"

John nodded and smiled. "He's in catering. I just left him."

Ted smiled and nodded. "Oh, great! We're gonna go grab some dinner. You wanna grab Randy and we'll all go? Cody and I can wait till you get ready."

John quickly shook his head. "No, no, thanks. I'm exhausted and I just ate a sandwich. I'm just gonna go home and get some rest."

Ted frowned but nodded. "All right then. Call me if you change your mind, OK."

John nodded and walked off quickly, spotting the door for the locker room. He burst through it quickly before he could be stopped by anyone else and stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes settled on Randy, sitting on the bench in front of his locker tying his sneakers. Randy's eyes turned to see who entered the room and widened slightly when they landed on John. The men stared at each other wordlessly until John finally lowered his gaze and walked over to his locker. He pulled some clothes out and was on his way to the showers when he heard Randy's voice. "John,"

He stopped and turned to face the younger man, who now stood, leaning on his locker, a sad look on his face. "What?"

Randy lowered his gaze. "Uh, I think I'm gonna go spend the night in Cody's room. Mama Car isn't stupid and she already senses something is off between us. I think it's just easier to tell her we had a fight and for me to leave. I bought my bag with me so I don't have to go back there."

John shrugged. "Whatever, I don't care." He turned away but was pulled back by Randy's arm. John pulled his arm out of the younger man's grasp and took a step back, stumbling in his haste to get distance between him and Randy. Randy's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Damn, John, really? I don't have some disease, you know."

John shook his head. "Just don't touch me,"

Randy stared at his friend sadly. "So, this is it? This is how its gonna be between us now? After all these years, all we've been through, you're just gonna throw it all away?"

John dumped the clothes on the floor and angrily pointed his finger at Randy's chest. "Me? I'm not throwing shit away! This is all your fault, asshole. You fucked it up between us not me!"

Randy held his hands up in self defense. "My God, John, fine! It's all my fault! I'm a horrible person." He took a tentative step over to John. "I've apologized, though. What else can I do? Tell me, John! Tell me what the fuck to do to fix this!"

John shook his head. "Nothing. You can't do anything. You crossed a line and messed things up. God, Randy, you really messed me up. I don't know what to do now," He sighed and rubbed his now closed eyes, his heart racing and his stomach twisting into knots. Randy took the opportunity to move closer to his friend.

"John, whatever you have to do; whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Please, I'm so sorry for what I did but I can't lose you. Just tell me how to fix it, Johnny, please,"

Randy lowered his gaze, his heart literally aching as he watched John continuously shake his head. He felt his eyes water as he knew this was the moment; the moment his friendship with John truly ended.

Randy sighed and turned away, heading back to his locker, when he suddenly felt two hands on his shoulders turning him around. Before he could blink, the same hands shoved him roughly into the row of lockers, eliciting a pained yelp from the younger man's lips.

Randy's eyes closed momentarily as a shot of pain traveled up his back. They slowly opened to reveal John standing in front of him, one hand twisted in the front of the material of Randy's t-shirt while the other clutched at his hip, his breathing coming in pants. Randy nervously licked his lips, his hands reaching forward to hold onto John's waist.

"What are you doing?"

John smiled. "What I want to do,"

Randy's eyes flickered nervously between John's eyes and his lips. "John…"

John cut off his question with a deep, hard kiss to Randy's lips. Randy's sound of surprise was swallowed by John's mouth as the older man snarled into his mouth, his tongue thrusting inside. Randy groaned, his hands clutching at John's hips. The kiss was so intense that he fought for breath, moving his head from side to side until John finally released him. Randy gasped for air, his body slumping against John's, his hands still holding the older man's hips tightly.

"John,"

John moved away from Randy's body quickly, his eyes looking nervously down at his feet. The adrenaline left his body and now all he felt was embarrassment.

"John, what was that?"

John shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know. Payback?"

Randy frowned and finally lifted his body of the locker, his back throbbing with the pain. "What? Are you fucking kidding me?"

John shrugged again. "How does it feel, huh? To have someone you trust do something like that?"

Randy's eyes widened and a sarcastic laugh left his lips. "Oh, I see. You wanted to pay me back? Nice, John, real fucking nice. One thing you seem to have forgotten, though, is I was actually under the influence when I did what I did, so when I say I didn't know what I was doing, I actually mean it! You are standing here fucking sober! You knew what you were doing and that is just an asshole move, John. You're a fucking asshole!"

John clenched his jaw. "I wanted you to know how it felt when someone you trust more than anything abuses that power! I want you to lose sleep over this now, like I've done since it happened. I want you to wonder what the hell it meant! I want you to want things to go back to normal!"

Randy shook his head. "I don't need to wonder what it meant, John. I'm fine with it. I won't lose sleep over this. You're the one that won't let it go and now you pull this? What are you doing, man? What are you trying to prove?"

John closed his eyes and sank to the floor. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what's happening." He laughed. "God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I kissed you."

Randy smiled and moved over to him. He lowered his body in front and sat Indian style before his friend. "It's OK, Johnny."

He reached over and gently placed his hand on John's. The older man opened his eyes and stared at Randy, who had a small smile on his face.

"It's OK, whatever it is...it's OK."

John nodded and squeezed Randy's hand. "Don't go to Cody's room. Come back to my house, please."

Randy nodded. He stood up, slowly lifting John with him. He stared into the older man's eyes and smiled. "Go take a shower. You smell like shit."

John smiled and walked away, leaving Randy alone in the locker room, not noticing the way the younger man ran his finger over his lips.


	13. Chapter 12

Randy drove John's car back to the Cena house, music playing softly in the car. John stared out the window watching the empty fields pass by. The hour's drive from Boston to West Newbury had only just begun and it was already driving the older man crazy. The silence in the car between the men couldn't be louder. Luckily it was quickly broken.

"I think I'm gonna stop at a rest stop. I'm starving,"

John turned to look at Randy, who was frowning as he read the highway signs passing above. "I should have taken Ted up on his offer. He invited us out to dinner with him and Cody but I said no."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, it's OK. I don't think I could have taken anymore of Cody tonight."

John smiled. "Well, maybe you can wait till we get home. I'm sure my mom has tons of leftovers."

Randy laughed. "I'm sure she does! I also know whatever she has in her fridge is way better than anything I could find on this road."

John nodded and turned his attention back to the road. The pair again fell into silence listening to the music. Randy glanced at the older man out of the corner of his eye and smiled. Despite the man's smile and normal act, Randy could clearly see how anxious he looked. It was so unlike John. He sighed as he continued to drive down the dark, deserted highway. After a few more miles, he spotted a sign for a rest stop and turned into the lane.

John turned in his seat and frowned at him. "What's up? Where are we going?"

Randy drove forward and pulled into the small stone building housing the Roy Rogers restaurant noticing how empty the parking lot was. "I can't make it home. I really need a burger or something."

John shrugged and watched as Randy exited the car, stopping to stretch his arms high over his head. Lowering his arms, the younger man stared into the car, a small smirk on his face.

"You're gonna let me go in all by myself? Come on, Johnny. Come inside,"

John groaned mentally and slowly exited the car, trudging behind Randy's tall form as he entered the fast food joint. He stood off to the side as the younger man picked and purchased his food.

"You sure you don't want anything?"

John shook his head and walked back out into the cool air. He sighed deeply and opened the driver's side door, settling in the seat as Randy crawled into the passenger side, immediately beginning to eat.

"This is actually really good,"

John smiled as Randy mumbled over a mouthful of hamburger. "You're just hungry."

Randy smiled and continued eating as John drove the miles remaining to the Cena home. When the exit sign for West Newbury finally appeared, a sigh of relief escaped John's lips. Randy quickly turned to look at him, his food long ago being devoured. He smirked and shook his head.

"Dying to be away from me, huh,"

John quickly shook his head but maintained his gaze forward. "No, I'm just tired."

Randy smiled and turned his body over in the seat. John felt his heart rate accelerate as he caught Randy's movement out the corner of his eye. This was reminiscent of how the plane situation started.

"I don't think you're tired. I think that you think if we get home I won't be able to talk to you about what happened. Let me just tell you right now how wrong you are." Randy sighed loudly. "We need to talk, John. We need to talk about what's happening between us,"

John rapidly shook his head. "Nothing is happening between us. We both acted like morons there for a minute but now we're going back to normal."

Randy smiled. "OK, then. Back to normal we go." He turned over in the seat and stared out the window, mimicking John's position from earlier.

* * *

Hours later, Randy lay wide awake in the guest bedroom of the Cena house. Carol and John Sr. had been thrilled to see him and John enter together. Both of John's parents had noticed the tension between the two men earlier in the day and they now seemed relieved that the men appeared to fix whatever had happened. Randy knew it wasn't true, though. If the situation was confusing for him before John's "payback", it became literally painful now. Why if John was so bothered by that kiss did he take it upon himself to do the same thing again? It didn't make sense. The feelings gurgling around in his stomach also didn't make sense. Randy clearly remembered his words to John on the plane. He had told his older friend he wanted to know what kissing another man felt like and that if he were to pick another man to be with, it would be John. Randy stood by those words now but it took a long sleepless night to figure that out. The most shocking thing of his realization was how little it bothered him. Despite his cold demeanor, Randy had always been a big believer in love and sharing his emotions freely. It was one of the reasons he married Sam at such a young age. He had truly loved her years earlier and hadn't minded tying himself down to her because he had thought, and felt in his heart, it would last forever. It obviously hadn't but Randy never regretted giving himself so freely to another person. He prided himself on being a strong individual, character wise, but also a loving one. His friendships, especially the one with John, were an example of that.

Randy sighed, shifting around in the bed trying to let sleep take him. He couldn't rest his weary body, though. His mind was wide awake and spinning with thoughts. They were consuming his body's ability to rest. As he lay propped up by pillows on his back, a shadow moved past his door, the sight visible from the crack at the bottom. Randy sat up in his bed and quickly moved to open his door and peer out into the hallway. He caught a glimpse of John's body disappearing around the corner of the hallway and he couldn't stop himself from following.

John walked down the quiet hallway of his childhood home and outside into the chilly backyard. Taking a deep breath of the night air, he slowly sunk into one of the many patio chairs in the space. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Within minutes, he heard a scrape beside him and his eyes shot open to see Randy pulling another chair up and setting it up backwards besides his. The younger man lowered his body into it and smiled. John frowned, a part of him annoyed Randy had come out and interrupted his quiet, reflection time.

"What are you doing out here?"

Randy shrugged. "I could ask you the same thing. It's kinda freezing."

John shook his head. "I couldn't sleep." He looked up at the dark sky and sighed.

Randy nodded. "Me neither." He leaned his chin on the back of the seat and stared at John. "We didn't get a chance to talk. I love your parents but they were in the way tonight. We couldn't get a minute alone."

John nodded and sighed. He looked down at his hands, a red blush creeping up his face as he felt Randy's breath on his arm. "Randy, I know what you're gonna say,"

His words were immediately cut off by Randy's deep voice. "You have no idea what I'm gonna say,"

John tentatively raised his eyes and met Randy's. The younger man had a small smile on his face and his eyes looked bright in the moonlight.

"John, this is all my fault. I take full responsibility for what I did, drunk or not, and I know you're killing yourself over it. I'm not gonna pretend to understand why you did it to me, though, if it bothered you so much. I can only speak for myself and tell you, I'm not mad at you or at what you did. It shocked me at the moment but I'm fine with it."

John shook his head. "I had no right to do that. It wasn't payback; it was stupid. It solved nothing. It just made things more awkward between us. I'm such a moron."

Randy smiled. "I don't care that you're a moron. I've known you're a moron for almost 10 years now."

John laughed softly, the sound still echoing around the empty yard. "Don't be an asshole. I'm trying to be serious and apologize here."

Randy shook his head. "There's no need to apologize, Johnny." He stood up from his chair and held his hand out to John, who slowly reached for it. Randy smiled down at him and pulled John in for a hug. John felt Randy squeeze him tightly and he slowly allowed his body to relax and hug back.

Randy moved his head to face John's ear and whispered, "Whatever you want to talk about, John, I'm right here,"

John felt his body tense up and he quickly pulled away from the younger man. "There's nothing else to talk about," He took a couple of steps towards the back sliding door.

Randy raised an eyebrow but nodded slowly. He lowered himself back into the seat and stared up into the sky.

"Aren't you coming in?"

Randy looked up at John and shook his head. "No. I like it here. I think I'm gonna sit for a little while longer. Maybe the night air will help calm my mind so I can get some sleep."

John frowned. "What else is on your mind?"

Randy smiled. "The fact that my best friend is hiding something from me,"

John sighed. "Ran, I'm not hiding anything,"

Randy stood up and placed his large body before John's. "You felt something,"

John's eyes widened, immediately revealing to Randy the truth.

"John, don't lie to me. You felt something when we kissed."

John tried to move away from the younger man but found his path blocked. He angrily shoved Randy back. "Ran, shut the hell up and move the fuck out of my way,"

Randy remained positioned in front of John's body, his eyes narrowing dangerously. He fixed John with a patented glared. "No. Talk to me,"

John shot back with his own glare. "Get the fuck out of my way, Randy!" He shoved Randy back with all his strength causing the younger man to stumble before angrily reaching forward to grab John's hands tightly. "Stop it, John. Damn it, just stop! I don't care what you felt, John. It's OK."

John desperately tried to yank his hands away from Randy's viselike grip. He lowered his voice menacingly. "Let go,"

Randy shook his head, his eyes boring into John's. John felt his resolve wavering as he endured one of Randy's legendary glares. It was too much for his body to take and he felt Randy slowly pulling him in towards his body.

"I felt it, too, Johnny,"

John gasped softly as Randy moved his hand up traveling over his chest until it lay grasping the back of his neck. Their eyes, both wide with anticipation, locked onto each other as Randy pulled their faces together. Their lips met, gently, tentatively. Randy could feel John's heart beating and his matched it in intensity. When John didn't pull away, Randy attempted to get more aggressive. He licked John's lips moaning inwardly when he felt them part. He slipped his tongue inside John's mouth slowly, feeling the older man relax and lean further into Randy's body as he started to kiss back.

John had forgotten how it could feel; the feeling of another body pressed tightly to his and a warm mouth over his. His hands wrapped themselves around Randy's hips and he began to moan into the younger man's talented mouth. The feeling of kissing a man was entirely foreign to him but it was far from bad and he was definitely not minding it. He liked it; liked it a lot.

Randy suddenly pulled back and stared at him with lust filled eyes. "John, what are we doing?"

John tried to catch his breath. "I don't know. You're taking the lead here,"

Randy smiled and leaned his forehead on John's. "No, I'm not good at taking the lead. That's your job."

John tilted his head slightly to look up at Randy's eyes. "You're doing pretty well so far," He ran his hands up and down Randy's sides, causing a shiver in the younger man. He smiled and pulled him closer. "You OK?"

Randy nodded, wrapping his arms around John's back. "Just a little cold,"

John reluctantly pulled away, his hand moving down to grasp Randy's tightly. "Let's go inside,"

Randy nodded and followed John into the warm house, the men moving quickly and quietly through the dark hallways, careful not to disturb John's parents' sleep. John stopped at his bedroom door and Randy sighed, letting go of his hold on the older man's hand. He frowned and looked down at Randy's hand dangling besides his.

"What are you doing?"

Randy shrugged. "Going to my room,"

John shook his head rapidly. "No, stay in here. We're not done,"

Randy smirked and raised an eyebrow. John rolled his eyes and pulled him inside, making sure to lock the door behind them. Randy walked slowly over to John's bed and looked over at his friend.

"Are you gonna flip out if I sit on your bed again?"

John laughed softly and shook his head. Randy immediately crawled under his covers, wrapping himself in the warmth of John's bed. He patted the empty side beside him and John smiled before slowly walking over and lying down beside his friend. He laid on his side, facing Randy, and looked into his face, the men leaving a space open between them.

"So, here we are,"

Randy smiled, feeling nerves in his stomach. He felt the warmth from John's body and immediately began to feel warm himself. "Yeah, here we are. So, what do we do here?"

John shrugged. "I don't know. What did we do out there? I mean, not that I regret anything that happened. I just don't know what to do now and this feels odd but not as odd as I would have imagined. Not that I've ever imagined…"

Randy laughed as he watched John ramble on. He placed his finger over John's lips. "Stop. You're making my head hurt."

He felt John's lips curve into a smile and slowly pulled his finger back, watching as the dimples appeared on John's face. Randy smiled and moved closer to him, closing the space between them.

"I don't regret anything about it, either. It was nice and felt like I had done it before." Randy frowned as John watched his face go through different emotions. "Is that weird?"

John shook his head. "No. It felt pretty damn comfortable to me, too."

Randy sighed. "So, what do we do now, John? I really don't know how to take the lead on this." He closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly.

John leaned his face closer to the younger man and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Open your eyes."

Randy slowly obeyed, taking in the closeness of John's lips. He stared at them, wondering when the exact moment was that he noticed how beautiful they were.

"Ran, I know how obsessive you can be about things but for now, for tonight, let's just stop trying to figure it all out. Let's just enjoy what we shared tonight and how it made us feel. Tomorrow is a new day that we can use to figure things out."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Sounds good,"

He leaned his head on John's pillow, their breaths mingling together. John smiled and wrapped his arm around the younger man's waist, pulling their bodies together. He placed a soft kiss on Randy's lips and watched as he closed his eyes contently. With seconds, John followed suit, the men falling asleep in each others arms.


	14. Chapter 13

Randy burrowed deep into the softness of the bed, his body attempting to wake up, but his brain fighting to continue resting his weary body. He groaned as his body overtook the battle and his eyes slowly opened. Sunlight filtered into the room, warming it. Randy sighed as he shifted in the bed and his eyes landed on a sleeping John. His eyes widened as he looked at his best friend; the one he just happened to make out with now, sleeping peacefully besides him.

Randy turned his body slowly in an effort not to disturb his sleeping friend and stared at John's face. The younger man frowned as he noticed things on John's face he never had before. His skin was smooth and without blemish, a few smile lines around his lips the only thing marring his face. His lips were perfect; not too thin and not too plump. Randy smiled and couldn't help himself from running his finger over them and up his smooth cheek.

"What are you doing?"

Randy pulled his hand back quickly but John shot out to grab it. "Not that I mind,"

He opened his eyes and smiled at Randy, dimples on display. It was no wonder the man already had smile lines; his face was always in a permanent smile.

Randy shrugged, his face warming slightly from sudden embarrassment. "Your face looks different. I didn't mean to wake you up."

John frowned. "How different? Like I look all gross in the morning?"

Randy laughed softly. "No, dumbass but I'm sure we could both use a mint." His face turned serious and he lowered his eyes. "I'm just noticing things on your face that I've never noticed before. Is that weird?"

John ran his fingers from Randy's hand up his arm and back down. "No, I've been going through the same thing with you. Your eyes, for example,"

Randy shivered from the feeling of John's hand on his skin. "What about them?"

John smiled. "They're amazing. I've never seen a shade of blue like that; so icy and cold. That glare of yours could scare the hell out of anyone. Despite how cold they are, though, if you look real close, you can see so much warmth and love in them. They laugh, especially when you smile, which by the way, is something you should do more often."

Randy smirked. "Warm and loving aren't two words used to describe me by most people."

John moved his hand up to Randy's face and cupped it gently. "That's because they don't know you like I know you."

Randy responded by grabbing his face in both hands and pulling John into him, their lips finding each other, warm and soft. Randy ran his hands up, running them through John's short hair, their tongues intertwined, then slid his hands down John's back to enjoy the feel of his toned muscle over the cotton of his t-shirt. The moment was quickly interrupted by a sharp rap on John's bedroom door.

"Johnny, are you awake yet, dear?"

The men jumped apart, their eyes wide with fear at being found in bed together by John's parents.

"Holy shit, what do I do?" Randy whispered as he launched himself out of the bed. John quickly put a finger to his lips and pointed to his closet door. Randy nodded and ran over to lock himself in. John walked over to his door, his heart pounding in his chest and slowly opened it, mimicking a yawn.

"Mom, what's up?"

Carol smiled back at him from the doorway. She was fully dressed and had her purse in her hand. "Darling, you're awake! I just wanted to see if you and Randy wanted anything special for breakfast before you hit the road today. I knocked on his door but he must still be asleep. I got no answer."

John shrugged. "Probably. You can make whatever you want, Mom. I know Randy will eat anything and you know I will, too."

Carol smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "All right, darling. Get some more rest until I get back."

She walked down the hallway and disappeared around the corner. John immediately shut the door, locking it securely and walked over to tap on his closet. Randy opened the door, a smile on his face.

"I can't believe I just hid in your closet! I feel like I'm 15 again, hiding in my first girlfriend's closet from her psycho dad!"

His smile dropped at his choice of words and John raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "Your first girlfriend was at 15? Damn, legend killer. My first girlfriend was at 12! I guess we know who has the skills in this pair."

Randy rolled his eyes and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. John's teasing look dropped and he stood before his friend. "What is it?"

Randy shrugged. "Girlfriend. I've had girlfriends and I was married. We both were! How did we go from that to whatever the hell we're doing now? I mean, how does someone just go from one sex to the other in a matter of days?"

John sat beside him. "I don't know, Ran. I can't explain it, either."

Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. "Come on, John John. You're supposed to be the one to explain things to me and make it all better."

John laughed, his hand reaching down to lie on top of Randy's. "Well, believe it or not, I think you explained it very well a few days ago. You said 'Love is love. Who cares with who it is, right?'"

Randy nodded as he remembered their encounter with the woman in the supermarket. The words floated in his brain and he frowned slowly. Love? Did he love John? Of course he did; like a friend loves another friend he's known for almost 10 years. But love like the relationship kind? He didn't think so.

John squeezed his hand and broke his train of thought. He looked over at him and saw John shaking his head ruefully. "I don't mean we're in love. I just meant what you said is a good explanation. The word love just happened to be in there. Don't freak out about this."

Randy looked over at him with a smile. "I'm not going to. Do I freak out about things?"

John rolled his eyes and shook his head exaggeratedly. "No, never,"

Randy laughed and stood. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up and ready to go. We gotta hit the road soon."

John stood and walked with him towards the door. He pulled it open quietly and looked out in the hallway, happy to see it empty. As much as he loved being in his parents' house he couldn't wait to leave now. Having to sneak around with Randy was not fun.

"OK, we're all clear."

Randy nodded, a smile on his face, and walked out.

John reached his hand out to stop him. "Wait a minute. You got me to tell you what I noticed about your face but you didn't give up any info." He leaned on his doorway. "You gotta give, Mr. Orton. What have you noticed about my face lately?"

Randy sighed. "Come on, dude. I'm in your hallway and I gotta go pee."

John smiled. "That's lovely but no. You gotta give me something."

The younger man rolled his eyes but smiled. "Fine. I noticed you already have wrinkles. You should amp up your skin care routine, old man."

John gasped and touched his face. "I do not, asshole!"

Randy laughed and pulled his hand away, tracing his finger over John's lips. "You have amazing lips. They're the perfect size to fit mine. They feel pretty damn good on mine, too." He leaned forward and kissed John softly, pulling back quickly in the open space. John smiled and Randy turned to walk away, quickly entering the guest room that had become his own in the Cena house.

* * *

Almost an hour later, Randy closed the zipper on his suitcase, lowering it to the floor. As he put on his sneakers a knock rang through his room.

"Come on in,"

Carol opened the door and leaned on the open door. "Well, good morning, dear. Someone slept late!"

Randy stood and crossed over to her. He placed a kiss on her cheek and smiled. "That's because you make this house so warm and comfortable that I could sleep for days here. I love it here, Mama Car."

Carol smiled and wrapped her arms around Randy's waist, the young man towering over her petite body. "I love it when my boys are here. I wish you two didn't have to leave so soon."

Randy nodded. "Me, too."

Carol pulled back and headed out the door. "Come down, sweetheart. I made you boys a wonderful breakfast so you can hit the road on full bellies."

Randy nodded and followed her out the room and down to the warm kitchen, the aroma of cooked food filling the air. He noticed John was already down and loading a plate with food. He smiled at him discretely, John returning the smile before turning his attention to the plate of food.

Randy walked around the table, passing John Cena, Sr. He ruffled the older man's hair as he greeted him with a quick, "Morning Papa Cena,"

John Sr. looked up from his paper and nodded. "Morning, Randal,"

Randy took a plate from the counter and wrinkled his nose at the use of his full name. Once served, he settled himself beside John at the table and began to eat in silence. John Sr. looked up and put his newspaper to the side. "So, I see you two morons settled whatever issue you had going on,"

John and Randy both stopped eating and lowered their forks. Randy looked nervously over at John, who just nodded. He turned his attention towards his father and smiled.

"Yeah, you know how it is, Pop. You spend so much time with someone that they start to get on your nerves. It's not the first time it happened and it probably won't be the last. We worked it out."

John Sr. nodded. "Well, that's good. You boys need each other on the road. You're like brothers. There shouldn't be any fighting between you."

Randy coughed loudly as the coffee he was drinking went down his throat. He quickly covered his mouth with a napkin as three sets of eyes turned to him.

"I'm fine," he choked out. "It just went down the wrong way."

John Sr. and Carol nodded, returning to their breakfast and starting a conversation among themselves about the morning news in the paper. John stared at him, an amused look on his face and then resumed eating. Randy sighed with relief until he felt a hand land on his knee. His eyes widened and he turned to look at John. John smiled from behind a forkful of food and squeezed Randy's knee. Randy lowered his hand to John's and entwined their fingers. For the first time in his life, he couldn't wait to get out of the Cena home.

* * *

Hours later Randy and John sat comfortably in their rental making the two hour drive to Springfield, MA for their show that night before hopping on a flight to Korea for the WWE's tour of Asia that would run for almost 2 weeks.

Randy pursed his lips as he checked his email on his ever present iPad. "OK, we're all set for the hotel in Seoul and Kuala Lumpur. You were in charge of Singapore."

John nodded with a smirk. "Then you can bet it's taken care of."

Randy lowered his iPad and turned his body to look at John's confident face. "Why? Because you're Super Cena who never screws up and is oh so intelligent. May I remind you about that incident a couple of years ago when you booked a room in Athens, Greece instead of Athens, Georgia?"

John glared at Randy. "That was one time! I never make mistakes like that!"

Randy laughed and turned forward. "Sure, Johnny,"

John shook his head. "That was horrible. I was never so embarrassed then when that clerk handed me back that confirmation paper with that smug look on her face. 'We're not in Greece, sir.'".

Randy nodded. "I thought it was hilarious. It proved to me you were human. Sometimes I secretly think you're a robot from the planet Perfect."

John laughed loudly at Randy's deadpan humor. "God, shut up. It was all Liz's fault. We had just started dating and my mind was all shit, just caught up in thinking about her..." He stopped talking, immediately regretting the words out of his mouth. John groaned and inwardly cursed himself, calling himself every name in the book.

Randy turned to look at him slowly, seeing John's smiling face turning hard and angry. "It's OK, John. You can talk about Liz. I know you have a past. Guess what? I have one, too. I think I even have a kid."

John sighed and shook his head, the younger man's attempt at humor not working this time. Randy reached over and took one hand from where it lay on the steering wheel.

"John, really. It's OK." He raised the hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the older man's knuckles before moving it back to the wheel.

John smiled and looked over at him quickly. "I don't want to bring her into this, into us, whatever we are. I want it to be just about us."

Randy nodded. "It is, John. It's just you and me." He looked down at the list of emails referencing his hotel confirmations. "Who would've known we wouldn't need a room with double beds?"

John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Well, we do. Who says I wanna share a bed with you again?"

Randy grinned, not bothering to look up. "Don't act, dude. You know you liked it."

John smiled. "Well, if I must,"

The men drove silently, enjoying the comfortable mood between them. What was happening between them was still new and they were unsure what to even call it but the fact was it felt good to the men. They were enjoying the new feelings and the new sensations they were creating.

"What do we do when we get to the Madison?"

John's voice broke into Randy's thoughts and he lifted his head from the book on his lap. "We wrestle?"

John rolled his eyes. "I mean about us. Are we telling anyone or…I just wanna be sure and I don't know what to do."

Randy shrugged. "What do you think?"

John smiled. "I asked you first."

"It's just you and me, right? Well, call me selfish, but I just wanna keep it that way for a bit longer. If you want to tell someone, I don't care, though."

John nodded and averted his eyes from Randy's gaze, concentrating on the road before him. "It wouldn't embarrass you?"

Randy smiled and shrugged. "No, but then again, nothing really does. I've never cared what people think of me. I know we have these images that we have to hold up but it's just the beginning of us, John. We don't have to worry about that yet."

John smiled. "The beginning of us? Will there be more of us?"

Randy nodded. "Definitely. This feels too good to stop."

John reached over and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Agreed. We'll keep it between us for now, OK,"

Randy nodded and pulled on John's hand, stroking it gently. "So, we won't be able to do things like this until we get to Seoul. I won't be able to kiss you."

John looked around at the few cars around him and pulled over to the side of the road. Randy watched him with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

John turned to look at him. "Well, if we won't be able to kiss until we get to Seoul then I think I need a really good one to last me almost 24 hours."

John's arm encircled his waist, pulling Randy into him and he softly pressed his lips against the younger man. Randy pressed up against him, throwing his arms around his neck and parting his lips, allowing their tongues to caress. He moved his hands down John's body and stroked his strong back gently.

John stopped the kiss and gazed into Randy's eyes, breathing hard. "Ran..."

"I don't think I can go 24 hours without another one of those, John." Randy leaned his forehead against John's and sighed.

John raised an eyebrow at him. "We may have to sneak in a plane bathroom, then, huh?"

Randy smiled as he stared into John's eyes and the older man crushed their lips together again, Randy moaning into the warmth of his mouth. He moved his lips down to the nape of John's neck and placed a kiss on it, laying his head down on John's shoulder. "I don't want this to end."

John nodded, placing kisses on Randy's face and down his jaw line. "Just for a little while, Ran. Just for a little while."

Randy gripped John's back tightly, the men remaining in the embrace for as long as they could before they were forced to separate and continue their journey.


	15. Chapter 14

"What's the matter with you?"

Randy looked up from his boots and frowned in Cody's direction. "Nothing. What's the matter with you?"

Cody shrugged. "I'm fine. You look…weird."

Randy rolled his eyes. "What's weird is that you're not on RAW anymore yet you're always here. Shouldn't you be with your Smackdown people?"

Cody smiled. "We have the day off. We're going to Asia, remember?"

Randy sighed and stood up, his wrestling gear on. "I'm going to Asia, too and I have to work tonight. That's not fair." He grabbed a jump rope from his locker and began to jump in place in order to get his blood flowing. Cody sat and watched the monitor in the locker room as Ted wrestled on screen. After a few minutes he turned his attention back to his friend.

"So, what's happened with the John situation since we last spoke? You two still hate each other?"

Randy stopped jumping and narrowed his eyes at Cody. "Everything's fine, Codes. Drop that topic, will you."

Cody pulled his legs up to his chin and smiled. "But it's such a great story. Two longtime best friends realize the life they were living was a lie and then they look at each other one day and realize they're in love..."

Randy listened to the young man speak, so unaware of how close he was to the truth. "Cody, just drop it. We're not in a romance novel, kid."

Cody smiled. "I know but I can't help but hope it would happen. I was talking to Teddy and…"

Randy's eyes shot open and he crossed over to where Cody sat in one long stride. "Why the hell did you tell anyone about this, Cody? This is a personal matter between me and John! God, I should've known better than to tell you anything! Telling you is like skywriting it over a major city!"

Cody stared at Randy, his eyes wide, as the older man snarled in his face. "Randy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything to make you mad. I just told Teddy, I swear! He's my boyfriend and we talk about things…"

Randy held his hand up, cutting Cody's apology off in half. "Find something else to talk about then, damn it! This is my life and it's not for you and Ted to be discussing."

Cody nodded slowly and stood, inching his way around the seething man before him. "Fine, Ran. I just want you to know that I wouldn't tell anyone else this. I can keep a secret especially when it involves one of my closest friends. I can't believe you don't know that after all these years."

He walked out of the room and the door shut silently behind him. Randy sank on the bench in the middle of the room and sighed deeply. He never meant to hurt Cody's feelings. He had known him since childhood and really did love his friendship. Cody was good; he was without a doubt one of the best people Randy knew but the thought of his business with John getting around the locker room made him furious. He wanted to keep John to himself for a bit longer. If it grew into something more, he was well aware that everyone would find out and he was prepared for that. For now, though, he didn't want anyone else involved.

The door to the locker room opened and the man his thoughts were focused on walked in, a bounce in his step and a cheesy grin on his face. "Ready to kick some ass, Orton?"

Randy stood and smiled thinly. "Yeah, let's go,"

John dropped the smile and frowned. "What's wrong?"

Randy shook his head. "I just had an argument with Cody. I hate arguing with Cody."

John nodded sympathetically. "Well, we have a 14 hour flight ahead of us tonight so that gives you time to work it out with him. For now, let's concentrate on kicking some Nexus ass." He started to jump up and down and ran out of the room hollering something unintelligible as Randy smiled and followed him out of the room.

* * *

John frowned as he looked over at Randy as he sat fidgeting in his seat.

"What is wrong with you, Ran?"

Randy just shook his head and looked down the aisle to where Cody sat. They had all been in flight now for a little past two hours and Cody had ignored him since their argument in the locker room. He sat beside Ted, his head leaning on the window but his eyes wide open.

John reached over and poked Randy on the thigh causing the younger man to yelp. "Ouch. What the hell?"

John smiled. "You're driving me crazy."

Randy smirked and leaned his head on the headrest. "But I'm not doing anything. Want me to do something to really drive you crazy?"

John groaned. "Stop it. It's not nice to torture me when we're surrounded by so many people."

Randy laughed. John reached over and discretely squeezed his hand. "Just go talk to him already, Ran."

The younger man nodded and stood up. He walked over to where Ted and Cody sat, moving quietly through the sparsely full plane as most of his coworkers lay already asleep in their seats.

Ted looked up as he approached and smiled. "Hey, Ran. What's up?"

Randy smiled and looked over at Cody, who continued to ignore his eyes. "Would you mind switching seats with me for a few minutes? I wanna talk to Cody,"

Ted looked over at his boyfriend and frowned. "Oh, that's why he's so quiet. You guys had a fight?"

Cody turned to glare at him. "Yes, and I don't want to talk to him. Do not get up,"

Randy sighed. "Come on, Cody, please? Just give me a few minutes."

Ted smiled and pressed a kiss to Cody's forehead. "All right, I'm going to get up because I want you two to work this out. I will not deal with carting your ass around Asia if you're gonna be in this funky mood all the time."

Cody huffed and turned over in his seat again as Ted stood up.

Randy smiled and patted his back. "Thanks, Teddy," He slid into Ted's chair and leaned his body over towards Cody. "Codes, look at me."

Cody turned over slowly, a scowl marring his face. "What do you want? You said enough in the locker room. I won't be talking about you to anyone, don't worry."

Randy sighed. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Cody. You're right; I should know better than to think you would talk about me to anyone. I trust you, Codes but I didn't act like it at that moment."

Cody smiled slowly. "You're actually apologizing to me? Wow, I never thought this moment would come,"

Randy laughed softly. "I can admit when I was a dick. Are we cool?"

Cody nodded. "Yeah, of course we are. It's all forgotten."

Randy nodded and reached over to hug his young friend. When they pulled away he looked over at John and Ted, who appeared to be having an animated conversation.

"So, everything's been about me lately. Talk to me about you. How are things with Ted?"

Cody beamed at the question, his blue eyes shining. "Oh my God, Ran, it's going so great! Ted is wonderful. He's so sweet and I love being with him. We have to work on seeing each other as often as we can since we're on different travel schedules but I love him so much. I don't care about traveling hundreds of miles out of my way just to see him for 4 hours."

Randy leaned his head back and smiled at his young friend. "I'm happy for you, Codes. You and Ted are so great together and I know how much he loves you, too. I see you guys and still can't believe you're together, though. Years ago I would've never thought it could be,"

Cody smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "I'll never be able to explain it, Ran. I just looked at him one day and I felt it. I knew the feeling I got at that moment was different than anything I've ever felt with a girl I'd dated or even some of the guys I tried experimenting with. I knew I had to tell him and I'm so blessed he felt it, too. I don't know what I would've done if he would've turned me away," He sighed loudly and shook his head. "But I don't have to worry about that. Or that my closest friend is pissed at me. I'm so happy to have you in my life, Ran. You've taught me so much over the years and protected me. You're my best friend."

Randy nodded. "I'll always be here for you, Codes. That's something you never have to doubt."

Cody looked over at where Ted sat beside John. The older man turned and met his gaze, a smile forming on his lips. Cody smiled back and motioned him over. "All right, get up. I want to take a nap with my guy."

Randy stood and moved aside as Ted returned to his seat. "Thanks, Teddy. I'll see you guys in a couple of hours."

Ted nodded and immediately wrapped his arm around Cody, who laid his head on his chest.

Randy sighed, a small smile on his face. A part of him wished he could tell Cody what he was going through with John. He knew if anyone would understand it would be his young friend. However, as he looked over at John, he wanted nothing but to remain in the bubble they were creating where it was only them and no one knew anything. He walked slowly back up the aisle to the back row he and John, thankfully, had to themselves, noticing the few lights that had been on minutes ago were now turned off. It seemed the entire plane was now asleep.

Randy slid his body across John's and resumed his seat by the window. John looked over at him from the movie playing on his laptop and pulled out his headphones.

"All is well in the land of legacy?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, all is well." He leaned over, his breath caressing John's cheek. "What are you watching?"

John turned his head, his lips millimeters from Randy's. "I have no idea. I seem to be distracted all of the sudden."

He looked down at Randy's lips as they lifted in a smirk. "Well, get over it because nothing can be done about it."

John sighed and turned his head over as Randy pulled back. "I envy Ted and Cody so much right now."

John nodded, handing Randy a set of headphones. The younger man shook his head and pulled a blanket from behind him, quickly wrapping it around him.

"I'm not in the mood for a movie,"

John turned off the computer and the overhead lights above his and Randy's head. He pulled out his own blanket and covered his body with it. Randy turned his body towards John and stared into his eyes. John smiled and moved his hand under the blankets until it lay on Randy's stomach. Randy laughed softly as John traced small circles with his finger on the tight muscle.

"The viper is ticklish? Nice to know,"

Randy lowered his hand to grab John's and whispered sharply. "Don't start anything, Johnny,"

John moved his hand and resumed his actions on Randy's stomach. "We're in the back row, alone, and no one near us is awake."

Randy anxiously moved his eyes around their surroundings seeing nothing but darkness and hearing nothing but soft snores. He relaxed his body, sighing at the feeling of John's hand now moving on his bare skin. He moved his body closer to the older man, feeling his hand go up his back.

"That feels good,"

John's hand moved up to his face and cupped Randy's. His lips moved forward, tracing over Randy's jaw, to his ear, and back to his lips, nibbling lightly. Randy desperately tried to keep his eyes open as he arched up into John's body, wanting more.

"Don't hold back from me, Ran," John whispered.

Randy opened his lips and John's tongue slipped in, warm and soft. Giving in and letting his eyes close, Randy slipped his own tongue out to stroke John's and shivered when the kiss was deepened. He reached under the blanket to stroke the skin on John's hip and smiled when he felt John shiver too.

Slowly John's lips drew away from his, brushing one more little peck across his mouth before complete separation. He sighed loudly. "God, this is torture."

Randy leaned his head on his shoulder. "It's more than that, John." He pulled his hand back from John's body and turned forward in his chair.

John stared at him with a frown. "What just happened?"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know what to call what's happening between us but I know my feelings for you are growing, by the second. I think we're moving too fast, though. I want to stop us from going too fast but at the same time I just wanna touch you," He lowered his eyes, feeling embarrassed at his words. "I'm confused. I just don't want us to fuck this up and I'm actually a little scared. This is new to me and I wanna take it slow."

John lowered his chin to Randy's shoulder. "This is new to me, too, remember? I don't want to use you as an experiment, Ran. I feel things for you that are scaring the living shit out of me, too so slow is a good idea."

Randy smiled and pressed forward, capturing John's lips once more. He desperately wanted to pour everything he was feeling for John in the kiss and he felt John trying to do the same as he sank into the kiss. They finally pulled apart, looking into each others eyes as they tried to calm their racing hearts.

John held Randy's hand, the younger man lacing their fingers together. "We should get some sleep."

Randy nodded, his eyes closing, his hand still gripping John's tightly.

* * *

Many hours later the men all stood in the hotel lobby of the Marriott awaiting to check in. Randy leaned on the desk and flipped through the itinerary provided by the WWE staff who met them in the airport. Ted stood beside him, reading over his shoulder.

"Wow, we have so much to do. Are we even gonna get to sight see?"

Randy shrugged, understanding Ted's frustration. "Yeah, it just looks like a lot but we always make time for ourselves in these trips. Don't worry,"

John and Cody walked over, keys in hand. Cody handed Ted an extra key to their room and began to walk toward the elevator bank. Randy smiled as John handed him his extra key and followed his 3 friends.

Ted looked over his shoulder. "Don't you guys get sick of each other? You work together, travel together, room together and even spend vacations together."

Randy shrugged. "So do you and Cody,"

Ted laughed. "We're dating and in love, dude. You can't compare us to you two."

John laughed as the elevator doors opened and the men all walked inside headed for their rooms. "What are you talking about? Even before you guys were dating you were always together!"

Cody smiled as he looked over at Ted. "I was trying to move along the process of getting into his pants. I couldn't do that if I didn't room with him, Johnny."

Randy smiled as he watched the numbers on the elevator go up. They finally stopped on the 11th floor and he quickly stepped off. "All right boys, I'll see you later at dinner."

John followed him down the quiet hallway until he stopped at 1105. Randy opened the door quickly and walked in, throwing his carry-on bag on one of the queen sized beds. He threw his body on after it and buried his face in the pillow.

John walked over to the other bed and put his bag on the floor beside it. He walked over to the bed where Randy lay and sat down beside him. "Hey, you OK?"

Randy turned his face over and nodded. "Yeah, just a little tired."

John lay beside him, wrapping an arm over the younger man and pulling him close to his body. "We're not gonna start lying to each other now, are we?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, I really am tired." He sighed loudly. "But I'm also a little worried."

John nodded. "I figured. Is it about Cody and Ted teasing us?"

Randy nodded. "Cody isn't stupid. He's gonna figure things out and soon."

John shrugged. "Well if he does then he does. Let's not worry about it till it happens."

Randy pulled himself closer to John's body and laid his head on his chest, closing his eyes as he listened to John's heartbeat. "I don't wanna share you with anyone."

John kissed his forehead gently. "Neither do I but we both know the time will come when we have to admit what's happening between us."

Randy looked up at him with a smile. "What's happening between us?"

John sighed. "I think we're starting a relationship."

Randy sat up and pulled his body back to lean on the bed's headboard. "We both suck at relationships. What makes us think this will be different, John?"

John sat up, turning his body to face Randy's. "Because this is between you and me and we already know we love each other. Now it's just a matter of seeing if that love grows into something more or not."

Randy looked down at his hands and began picking at his nails. "What if it doesn't, John? What if nothing comes of this and we just ruin our friendship?"

John pulled on Randy's hands, drawing them to his own. "That's a chance we have to take, Ran. I'm willing to take it. I need to know, though, right now, if you are willing to take it, too. I can't do this alone, Ran. I'm too far into it now."

Randy stared at John, his face expressionless. John felt his heart drop and he lowered his head slowly when Randy suddenly leaned in and gave him a kiss on the lips. He grabbed John's body and pulled him tighter, close to his body, kissing harder now and slowly easing his tongue between John's lips. John closed his eyes and moaned as he kissed Randy back, their tongues dancing together perfectly, tasting thoroughly and deeply.

When they finally pulled away, panting for breath, Randy smiled. "It's a chance I'm willing to take, too."


	16. Chapter 15

**3 months later- April 2010**

"Mom, I'm home and I am not alone!"

Randy entered his parent's home, Alanna in his arms and listened for a response. Alanna stared at him and he shrugged. "Hello, is anyone here?"

Alanna began to squirm in his arms so he placed her on the floor. He threw his keys on the table in the living room and began to follow his daughter into the kitchen where they nearly crashed into Elaine Orton as she exited the room.

"Gamma!"

Elaine bent down and smiled happily as she lifted her granddaughter into her arms. "Alanna, my angel! Oh, I'm so happy to see you, darling!"

Randy smiled as he watched his daughter giggle as she played with her grandmother. He knew his mother loved moments like this when she could have both of them home. Despite Sam living in St. Louis year round, she rarely bought Alanna over to see Randy's parents unless she needed a babysitter. It was hard for his parents to wrap their minds around this attitude when it was so different from the one Sam demonstrated when they all first met. Randy, however, had grown accustomed to this version of Sam a long time ago.

"What's cooking, Mom?"

Elaine sat Alanna on her high chair and crossed over to give her son a hug. She placed a kiss on his forehead and turned to point to the counter. "All your favorites, dear. I got enough food to feed the army of boys I'm gonna have here tonight." She looked over his shoulder. "By the way, where is Johnny?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Johnny's not here, Mom. I didn't tell you he was coming."

Elaine shrugged and began to cut up vegetables. "Sweetheart, whenever you come home I just assume Johnny's coming with you. It's only been happening for years now, Randy."

Randy nodded and stood to help his mother. "I know but he went home to see his own parents this time. We've been on the road for so long that I know he missed them as much as I've missed you and Dad."

Elaine smiled up at him. "Well, I understand that. I'm so happy you're home, sweetheart and that you've bought me my princess. It's gonna be a great couple of days."

Randy nodded and folded the bags into squares, his mind contemplating his mother's last statement. As she chatted away his mind wandered to what he and John had discussed before leaving.

* * *

_**The night before...**_

_"What time is your flight tomorrow?"_

_John threw himself on the bed beside Randy, making the younger man jolt up with the force. His book shook in his hand and he turned his icy blue eyes over to stare at John. _

_"Damn, how do you have so much energy all the time? We just wrestled 2 matches,"_

_John shrugged and smiled. "I don't know. Maybe you give me energy,"_

_Randy laughed and lowered the book to his lap. "God, you are so corny,"_

_John took the book away from Randy and placed it on the table beside him. He turned off the light on the nightstand and pulled Randy down on the bed. "But you love it,"_

_Randy smiled and nodded. "Don't ask me why but yes, I do love it,"_

_John laughed softly and pulled Randy in close to his body. "I'm gonna miss you. This is the first time we've been apart since we got together. I don't think I can sleep alone anymore,"_

_Randy groaned as he buried his face in John's neck, inhaling the faint scent of the soap he'd used in the shower. "We can't delay it anymore, Johnny. We haven't been home in months and even when I went to see Al, my parents found it weird I didn't go see them. How many more excuses can I, can we both, make?"_

_John nodded and sighed. Randy lifted his head and pulled his body up so his face was in front of John's. "We'll talk every night and fall asleep to each others voices. How about that?"_

_John shook his head. "Not the same. I can't feel you over the phone."_

_Randy nodded, feeling the same way John was feeling. After three months of sleeping in each others arms and getting used to the feel of their skin on each other, sleeping in an empty bed was going to be torture for the men. He tightened his hold on John's body and said what he'd been feeling for weeks now but had been too frightened to say out loud. _

_"I love you, John,"_

_John frowned and looked down at Randy, who had his face buried in his chest. "What?"_ _He lifted Randy's head gently but the younger man wouldn't meet his eyes. "Randy, what did you say?"_

_Randy sighed and finally lifted his eyes. "You heard me. You don't have to say it back. I just had to say it. I hate having something on my mind. I need to get rid of it. You know how I am."_

_John nodded his head. "You love me? Like in love?"_

_Randy's eyes darted down again and John smiled. "Randy, I love you, too. How can you not know that already? Why would I not say it back?"_

_Randy's eyes widened as they met John's and his lips curved into a smile. "You do?"_

_John smiled and ran his fingers over Randy's face. "Of course I do. These past months have been the happiest time I've ever had in my life, Ran. That's all because of you. Of course I'm in love with you!"_

_Randy grabbed John's hand and placed a kiss on it. "Same here. You make me feel so good, John."_

_John smiled and bought his lips to Randy's, kissing him slowly and deeply. Randy closed his eyes and moaned as he kissed John back, their tongues stroking slowly. A shiver of pleasure flew down his spine, and heat swirled low in his stomach and moved south. Randy felt John roll him over slowly and shove his thigh between his legs, rubbing against his hardening cock. Randy moaned into his mouth and John snapped back to his senses and turned his head away from the kiss. This was the moment the men always stopped but it was getting increasingly harder as time went by._

_Randy gripped his back tightly and shook his head. "Johnny, don't stop." His voice came out as no more than a croak. "I don't wanna stop tonight," he murmured in John's ear, sending a jolt of pleasure down his spine._

_John groaned and lifted his body off Randy's slightly. "Are you sure, Ran? We've never done this and…"_

_Randy nodded. "I'm sure. What are we waiting for? I want you. Don't you want me?"_

_John laughed quickly. "Of course I want you. My God, you have no idea how much and for how long I've wanted you now, Ran. I just want you to be sure. I don't want to hurt you,"_

_Randy smiled. "You could never hurt me, Johnny."_

_John lowered his head and captured Randy's lips once more, tasting him completely before moving to trace his tongue over his ear down to his neck. His cock was throbbing now, and he began involuntarily thrusting it against Randy's thigh. John licked and nibbled his way down Randy's neck and Randy rewarded him with another moan. John slowly slid his hand under the waistband of Randy's boxers and pressed his mouth to Randy's in a passionate kiss as he wrapped his hand firmly around Randy's hard cock, his thumb rubbing Randy's pre-cum all around the head. Randy shuddered and John began rubbing his tight fist up and down the length of Randy's cock. Randy shuddered, his hips jerking up. He closed his eyes tightly; the sensations John was creating literally making him shake. _

_"John, oh God,"_

_John stopped, pulling his hands back from Randy's body and the younger man's eyes shot open. "What? Why are you stopping?"_

_"I wanna taste you, Ran," John whispered._

_Randy nearly came undone at hearing those words and he pulled John's head to his, kissing him hard and pushing his tongue into his mouth. He moved his mouth to John's neck and up to his ear, tracing it with his tongue slowly. "Only if I can taste you next,"_

_John pushed himself off Randy's body, holding the younger man down as his hands moved down the hard, muscular body. John lowered his mouth to Randy's chest and ran it over one of his nipples, sucking it until it was hard before moving to the other and giving it the same treatment. Randy groaned and arched his body only to have it pushed down by John as he continued moving his lips down his body. John moved his hands to Randy's hip lines and in one swift pull, took off the younger man's boxers leaving him exposed to his gaze. _

_Randy opened his eyes, unable to breathe as John's tongue slowly traced the tip of his cock. His lungs felt like they would explode and he finally let out a long gush of air as John took the head of his cock into his mouth. Randy's head shot back into the pillow and he arched his hips up. John placed a hand on his waist and gently held him down as he slowly worked more of Randy's length into his mouth. Randy groaned and his hands tightly grabbed the sheets, twisting them in his fingers. _

_"Oh, God, John...stop or I'm going to...I'm gonna..." _

_John knew what Randy was saying but he couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop. He had become obsessed with bringing him pleasure. The sight of Randy in the throes of passion was too addicting for him to stop now. He swallowed the length of Randy's cock and started sucking hard and fast. Randy growled and reached down to grab John's head as his hips began to thrust up and down along with John's head. He felt his balls tighten and his fingers grasped John's hair. _

_"John! I'm gonna cum!" _

_John still didn't stop. Instead, he sucked faster and harder, growling while keeping his eyes open so he could see Randy's face as he came. The vibrations from the growl resonated through Randy's cock and he moaned loudly, spine arching as his cum spurted down John's throat. Much to Randy's shock, John didn't pull away. He kept sucking until Randy had completely emptied himself. _

_Randy lay back on the bed, his sweaty back sticking to the bed sheets and desperately trying to catch his breath. He felt John move up his body slowly and pulled him up, kissing him intensely. He could taste himself on John's tongue and it made his body swell with love for the older man. _

_"My God, Johnny, you are amazing. I love you,"_

_John smiled and kissed his lover, his heart full of love for the younger man. "I love you, Ran. Thank you for giving yourself to me,"_

_Randy smirked and pushed his hips up to feel John's erection pressing onto his. "Now it's your turn to give yourself to me. I wanna taste you, too,"_

_John turned over in the bed and lay down in the spot previously occupied by Randy. He looked up at the younger man and his heart melted. All he saw in Randy's eyes was love, tenderness and lust. He couldn't believe this had happened to them in such a short time. Who would've thought after years of just being best friends they were now in love and in bed together?_

_John was jolted out of his thoughts when Randy bent his head and licked his nipple. John jerked into his touch, his breath hissing out on a low moan. He threaded his fingers through Randy's near bald head as he licked and sucked on the sensitive bud. He rose up and began gently kissing and licking John's hard belly, causing the older man's muscles to contract. _

_Randy smiled as he saw what he was doing to John. He continued tasting his skin and moaned softly. It tasted amazing under his tongue. Slowly, he moved down his body and pulled off his boxers, just staring at the man exposed before him. John's breathing began to deepen as Randy moved down his right side, licking and tasting the skin down his hip line and thigh before moving back up to where his cock stood at attention. _

_Randy's eyes lowered to John's crotch coming to rest at his erect cock. He slowly lowered his head and began to lick the tip; his tongue swirling on the underside of John's member and within minutes was sliding his mouth down his shaft and back up again. Randy kept his hand on John's hip and could feel the older man trembling; he could hear his gasping for breath as his body began to lose control. _

_"Ran, please,"_

_John groaned in ecstasy, trembling at the warmth of Randy's mouth around his cock. The younger man sucked leisurely, enjoying John's taste as he writhed on the bed. The languorous pace of Randy's mouth was driving him to the brink faster than anything he'd ever felt. _

_"Ran, I'm so close, baby,"_

_Seconds later he gasped loudly and arched up, shooting his cum into Randy's mouth, the younger man sealing his lips around his cock and swallowing every drop. _

_John's eyes fluttered closed and he desperately tried to inhale much needed air into his still pulsating body. He felt Randy slowly make his way back up his body and the younger man's lips caressing his chest and up to his neck. _

_"So, how'd I do?"_

_John smiled and opened his eyes, meeting Randy's bright baby blues. "Amazing. God, you are amazing,"_

_Randy smiled and leaned his head on John's chest, pressing a kiss to the hard muscle. "I think we did well tonight; I mean, for a couple first-timers in this department."_

_John chuckled softly. "Agreed and to think, this is only the beginning. There's so much more we have to learn about each other,"_

_Randy looked up into John's face and nodded. "I can't wait,"_

_John pulled Randy up slowly so their lips met, slowly at first then turning more heated with passion and need. Unfortunately, the sound of a loud knock on their door broke the moment. They slowly separated and looked towards the interrupting sound._

_"Who the hell is that?"_

_Randy groaned and sat up. "I'm at peace with the man I love. This moment could only be disturbed by one person,"_

_John smiled. "Baby, it doesn't have to be him. It could be someone else."_

_Randy stood, quickly putting on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He threw some clothes on the other bed in the room to make it look as if it were being used and stalked toward the door, opening it angrily. _

_"What do want, Codes?"_

_Cody frowned and leaned on the doorway. "Why can't you ever greet me nicely, Randy? I'm such a good friend to you,"_

_John laughed loudly inside the room and Randy rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Codes, what is it? I have an early flight and was just falling asleep."_

_Cody smiled happily. "You were gonna give me the name of that store where you got that jacket last time you were in Georgia, remember? I wanna get one for Teddy's birthday since I'm gonna be there this week,"_

_Randy frowned. "I could've texted you. You didn't have to come here,"_

_Cody shrugged. "I just figured…I'm awake, you're awake so why not?"_

_Randy walked back into the room and grabbed his phone and a pad with the hotel logo. He quickly jotted down the number and walked it back to the doorway, thrusting it in Cody's hand. _

_"There it is. Goodnight now,"_

_Cody smiled and gave Randy a quick hug. "Thank you! Now, you may go to sleep and maybe you'll wake up in a sunnier mood." He waved at John, who waved back from the bed and walked off, whistling down the hall. _

_Randy sighed and shut the door, leaning his head on it. "Well, I guess the mood has officially been ruined."_ _He shook his head and turned to look at John, who wore a somber expression. "What's wrong?"_

_John shrugged. "Maybe it's not such a bad thing we were interrupted,"_

_Randy raised an eyebrow and slowly walked back to the bed, taking a seat on the edge. "Oh,"_

_John quickly shook his head. "I don't mean it in a bad way. What we did tonight was beyond amazing and I don't regret it. I hope you don't, either,"_

_Randy smiled and moved up to sit besides John. "I don't. As a matter of fact, I wanna do more,"_ _He lowered his lips to John's, letting them brush over his softly. John groaned and pulled back. "Ran, why must you torture me?"_

_Randy pulled back and glared down at the older man. "You're the one pulling away right now so in reality, you're torturing yourself."_

_John smiled slowly and pulled Randy down, wrapping an arm around his waist to keep their bodies pressed together. "Just listen, will you?"_

_Randy sighed and nodded. "Fine. Speak,"_

_"I want to do more with you. I want to share everything with you, you know that. I love you,"_

_Randy looked up at John and softly traced his lips, stopping the flow of words. "I love you, too and I want you, too…right now. What's stopping you?"_

_John kissed Randy's fingertips gently. "I'm tired of the sneaking around and the hiding. I want us to be out. I want everyone to know we're in love. Everyone, Ran, even our families."_

_Randy raised an eyebrow and slowly sat up. "Are you serious?"_

_John nodded. "I'm not a good liar, Ran and I don't feel like we should have to lie or hide our relationship like we're ashamed of it. I want to tell my family that I'm in love and it just so happens to be with you. I want to tell our friends. I want to be able to grab you and kiss you in the locker room if I feel like it."_

_Randy smiled. "OK,"_

_John laughed softly. "OK, that's it? I expected something more,"_

_"Like what; a tantrum or something? A part of me still doesn't wanna share you with anyone. I like our little secret world we have here but another part of me agrees. I'm not ashamed of our relationship. I love it; I love you. I'm OK with telling everyone, including my family, too."_

_John looked at the younger man and sighed. He knew it was a completely different story for Randy. He had a lot more to explain and he had a daughter to explain it to, as well. The last thing he wanted was to cause any damage in that relationship but the secrecy was killing him. He couldn't stand the sneaking around and hiding things from his family and friends, with who he had such a great relationship with. The thought of the conversation filled him with dread because how on earth did he even attempt to begin that conversation but he knew he had to do it eventually. Doing it before the men slept together seemed like the right thing to do. _

_"I know it's harder for you because Sam's gonna be all over you. I don't want this to affect your relationship with Al. I could never forgive myself..."_

_Randy raised his hand, his eyes growing cold at the mention of his ex-wife's name. "Samantha can do nothing about this. My personal life is just that; personal. Alanna is my daughter and always will be no matter who I love. This won't affect that; nothing could. Don't worry about Sam or Al."_

_John nodded, a small pang of worry still filling his chest. He quickly shook it off and smiled. __"I figured since we're both going home tomorrow, we can take the chance to talk to our families alone. Then when we get back to work we can let our friends in on it."_

_Randy smiled. "That sounds perfect."_

_Pale blue eyes sparkled as John pulled him closed, their lips meeting in a kiss. Randy looped his arms around John's neck, drawing him closer so that he could deepen the kiss, their bodies pressed closely together. Eventually, their lips separated but their bodies remained close as they fell into a peaceful sleep. _

* * *

"Randal!"

Randy jerked his head up, meeting his mother's eyes. She stared at him impatiently, annoyance in her eyes. "I do not appreciate speaking to someone who isn't paying attention."

Randy shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mom. I just got distracted. I was thinking about something that happened yesterday."

Elaine narrowed her eyes and picked up Alanna. "Well, it had better be something important because you were gone there for awhile in that little memory."

Randy nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah, it's really important actually. I wanna talk to you and Dad after dinner tonight. I have something to tell you guys,"

Elaine turned and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, God, Randal. Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid again like that smoking marijuana incident. Is it steroids this time?"

Randy rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. "I'm never gonna live that down." He sighed. "No, Mom, it's actually good news but thanks for thinking the best of me. We'll talk about it later, OK."

Elaine nodded and walked off with Alanna, the small girl waving at Randy as he smiled. The nerves in his stomach made him feel like doing anything but eating but he knew he had to do this. His relationship with John was too special, too important for him not to do this.

Randy lowered his body into a chair and began to drum his fingers on the table. It would be fine. His parents were wonderful people who only wanted what was best for him. Besides, they already loved John, so that took some pressure off, right? Yes, it would be a shock to them that not only was he gay but he was already in a relationship…with the man they have known for years as his best friend…who was also previously married. It would be fine, though.

"Randy, my son!"

His head jerked up and his eyes met the large presence that was his father, Bob. "Dad, hey," He stood and hugged his father tightly, feeling the embrace returned.

Randy pulled back and Bob stepped back and stared at him. "You're looking good, son. All is well, I gather?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "All is well. I'm happy to be home, though. I missed you guys."

Bob wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders and nodded. "Well, we have missed you too, son. How many first born sons do you think I have?"

Randy laughed and walked with his father into the living room. They sat on the sofa and Bob turned to look up the stairs. "Rumor has it a certain young lady is here. Where is she hiding?"

Randy lifted his head to the second landing. "Mom is dressing her for dinner. They'll probably come down in frilly, pink dresses."

Bob laughed loudly. "I'm sure."

Randy cleared his throat and turned to look at his father. "I was telling Mom that I wanna talk to you guys after dinner tonight. Just us 3, you know. I have something important to tell you two,"

Bob groaned. "Oh, God, Randy, please don't tell me you hurt someone. Son, I've talked to you about that temper of yours. I know how hot blooded you can be, son, but you have to learn…"

Randy shook his head and held up his hand. "Dad, no! I didn't do anything. My God, what is it with you and Mom? Your reactions are making me feel like crap here,"

Bob stared at him and shrugged. "Well, son, you never use that tone unless it's bad. I should know; you got it from me,"

Randy rolled his eyes before smiling. "Everything's fine. We'll talk later, OK?"

Bob nodded before standing. "Whatever you say, son. I'm gonna go find something to nibble on before dinner. Keep an eye out for your Momma and holler if you see her coming,"

Randy smiled and nodded. Dinner couldn't come and go fast enough tonight.

* * *

Hours later after Randy's siblings had gone home and Alanna lay asleep in her bedroom upstairs, he sat on the back porch with his parents, listening to the sounds of nature that filled their backyard. It was so peaceful there. He could remember spending nights out in the yard when younger, just looking up at the sky and thinking about his future.

"Well, sweetheart,"

Randy looked over at his mother, who sat in the porch swing tucked under Bob's arm. "You've kept us in suspense for far too long. What's this important news you wanna discuss with your Daddy and me?"

Randy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Bob raised an eyebrow as he watched Randy. "Son, just come out with it. I only have so many years left."

Elaine playfully smacked his arm and looked down at Randy with a smile. He smiled back and took one final breath. "I wanted to tell you guys that I've been seeing someone. It's going on a little past 3 months now and it's serious. I can honestly say I'm in love,"

Elaine and Bob stared at each other and then back at Randy. Elaine smiled and nodded. "Is that it, dear? That's wonderful!"

Bob laughed loudly and shook his head. "Damn, Randy, you had me thinking the worst, son."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I'm not done."

Bob quieted down and motioned for him to continue.

"You know the person I'm in a relationship with. You know them really well, actually."

Elaine smiled at him as he stared at the grass beneath his legs. "That could be anyone, darling. Just tell us who it is and how you met. I wanna know everything."

Randy looked up at his parents, his eyes full of his determination. "It's John,"

Elaine's eyes widened and she quickly looked over at Bob, whose eyes narrowed dangerously, reminding Randy of himself.

"I know what you guys are thinking. That this is some really bad joke you don't get but it's not. I don't know how it happened and I don't care how it happened but John and I are together and in love. We have been for awhile now and I'm really happy. I would love nothing more than for you guys to be happy for me, too, but if you can't accept this, I understand. Maybe one day you will but I won't leave John. I won't end my relationship with him for anyone, even you two,"

Bob held up his hand and Randy immediately stopped rambling and froze feeling like a 8 yr. old again about to be disciplined by his father. His heart was thudding in his chest and he was sure his parents could hear it. Hell, John could probably here it all the way in Massachusetts.

"Randal, are you telling me you are in a gay relationship with your best friend of 10 years?"

Randy nodded slowly, holding his breath the entire time. Bob stood from his swing and walked back into the house, the porch door slamming behind him, the sound echoing through the yard. Randy lowered his eyes, tears filling them immediately at his father's reaction.

"Randy,"

He looked up quickly, having forgotten for a minute that his mother was still there. "Mom, I don't know how this happened. I don't want you and Dad mad at me. It just happened, Mom. I love him,"

Elaine's eyes filled with tears and she stepped off the swing, quickly sitting beside her son and wrapping her arms around him. "I don't understand this, darling. You've been with girls since you were allowed to date! How can you know be with a man; and with Johnny of all people? You two were like brothers!"

Randy shook his head on her shoulder. Tears escaped his eyes and landed on her shoulder. "I don't know, Mom. I just know I want to be with him. I've never loved anyone like I love him,"

Elaine pulled back and lifted Randy's face up. She wiped the tears from his eyes. "Randy, I'm not gonna lie to you. This is hard for me and your Daddy to understand. You can't just spring this on us and expect us to jump for joy."

Randy nodded. He wiped his face. "No, I know. I just wanted to be honest with you." He smiled. "Well, no, that's a lie. I didn't want to come out yet. John did. Before we got any deeper in this relationship he wanted to be honest with our families and friends. I just wanted to stay in our bubble."

Elaine cleared her throat. "You and John in a relationship; my goodness I can't even process those words together! This is gonna take some time, dear. You have to give us time to come to terms with this."

Randy nodded. "I will." He looked down at his hands and lifted one to wipe the final tears from his eyes. "I won't give him up, Mom. Even if you can't come to terms with this, I won't give him up."

Elaine turned her head and stood up. She walked into the house after her husband, the door once again slamming shut. Randy stared at the door. He turned to look around the yard and realized it would never seem like a safe spot to him ever again.

Randy sighed and he tried to breathe deeply, his chest literally aching with each breath. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and walked down to the far end of the yard. He dialed an all too familiar number and listened to the rings before John's voice sounded in his ear.

"Hey,"

Randy smiled. "You sound as happy as I do," he mumbled sarcastically. "I take it your conversation with your parents went as well as mine did,"

Silence resonated back to Randy's ear and he frowned. "John, what happened when you told them?"

"I didn't,"

Randy gasped, his grip on the phone tightening. "What?"

John sighed on his end. "I couldn't. God, Ran, I just couldn't. My Dad was here and my brothers and we were playing football and I just couldn't tell him I was with you. Not after that,"

Randy closed his eyes against a sudden rise of nausea. "Oh my God. Are you fucking kidding me? Please tell me you're joking,"

"Ran, I'm sorry, I just can't do it,"

"You asshole," Randy gripped the phone so tightly his fingers lost all feeling. "You can't? You can't fucking tell them? I told my parents!" He turned to stare at the house as his voice rose in anger. "John, my parents aren't speaking to me right now because I had the balls you wanted me to have and I told them. Now, you tell me this shit? You couldn't tell your dad you were with me! Why? Scared of what daddy was gonna think about his son?"

John sighed. "Ran, you gotta understand. I couldn't just blow my parents' world apart like that. We were having such a good time; the whole family was together,"

Randy's eyes widened as the disbelief coursed through his body. "I don't give a shit, John! You couldn't blow your parents world apart but I could? How could you do this?"

"Randy, I got scared,"

"I was scared, too. I risked it all tonight. I risked losing my parents because I made it clear whether they accept us or not that I would choose you over them, over anyone! I can't believe I thought you would do the same for me."

Randy ended the call, his eyes filling with tears once more. He slammed the phone on the ground and watched it shatter as he body shook with sobs, the tears flowing steadily now, the peace gone from the yard forever.


	17. Chapter 16

Randy opened his eyes gingerly and looked up at his ceiling. His eyes felt swollen and the light filtering in from the window made them hurt. He had no idea how he'd managed to sleep. After the miserable conversation with John he had lay on the grass sobbing for hours. Fearing his parents coming back out and finding him in that state, he had practically crawled into the now dark house and hurried into his room. After collapsing on the bed with all intentions of forgetting John and the drama with his parents, it had all flooded back as he'd stared at the broken pieces of cell phone in his hand. The tears he'd thought had dried up came back in buckets and the last thing he remembered was his face buried in his soaking wet pillow.

Randy sighed and bought his hands up to his eyes. His head was pounding and the thought of going downstairs to face his parents had him in a constant state of nausea. He sighed and stood up gingerly, slowly walking into the bathroom. As he stared at himself in the mirror, he found himself shocked by how much he had changed in one night. His face looked gaunt, his eyes were rimmed with red and had dark circles under them and his body felt miserable.

Randy sighed and turned on the shower. He stripped off the clothes he'd had on for more than 24 hours and placed his weary body under the hot stream of water. He bowed his head and let the water run down his body as he sighed deeply. Even holding himself up was too much for him to bear. He couldn't believe this had happened to him. John was the one person he trusted more than anyone, the man he had trusted for years now. He put his heart in this man's hand and had practically thrown his familial relationships out the window for him. It had scared the living hell out of him but he had found the courage to do it because he knew John was worth it. Why hadn't he been enough for John? Why hadn't John found the courage to tell his family about their love?

The thoughts were consuming him and he felt his eyes water again. Randy quickly wiped them away and finished his shower. He stepped out and dried himself off. He would not do this. This was his time with his daughter and he wasn't going to spend it crying over John. Right now, the man was not worth it.

Randy quickly dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. As he slid his sneakers on his feet a soft knock sounded on his door. He frowned and said, "Come in,"

Alanna poked her head around the corner and smiled happily. Randy smiled in relief when he saw his daughter. He couldn't deal with going another round with either of his parents yet.

"My baby, come here,"

Alanna ran into Randy's arms and he hugged her tightly. "Daddy, you sleep?"

Randy smiled and nodded his head. "Yes, I was asleep but now I'm wide awake and ready to go play with my little girl."

Alanna smiled and climbed off his lap. She began to pull him towards the door. "Let's go play, Daddy,"

Randy sighed as he knew he would have to leave the safety of his bedroom. He was dreading running into his parents but he could only delay it for so long. He followed Alanna down to the living room, the smell of coffee wafting through the room. He followed it into the kitchen where his father sat, nose buried in the morning paper and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He barely spared them a glance as they walked by and Randy kept his gaze lowered as he lifted Alanna into her seat.

"Good morning,"

Bob grunted a reply but didn't look up.

Randy sighed and turned his attention towards his daughter. "What do you want for breakfast, baby?"

Alanna wrinkled her nose and Randy sighed. His daughter had inherited his own disdain for most foods and he now knew how frustrating it had been on his own parents when he was a child.

"Pancakes,"

Randy nodded and turned. He opened the refrigerator to get the pancake supplies but was shoved aside gently. He looked up at met his mother's eyes. Her face wore a small smile as she nudged him with her hands.

"I'll do it, dear. Just have a seat."

Randy nodded and sat besides his daughter. He poured himself a cup of coffee and began to trace small circles on the tabletop. After what felt like hours of silence, he lifted his head up and met his daughter's eyes. Even at her young age she could sense the tension. She knew something was wrong. Randy smiled at her and pulled her into his lap.

"So, sweetheart, what are we gonna do today?"

Alanna leaned her head on Randy's chest and smiled. "The park and the toy store?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan, kiddo. We have to stop at the phone store anyway." He sighed as he remembered his trashed cell phone that now lay in the bottom of the garbage pail.

Elaine moved over his shoulder and placed a plate of pancakes on the table. Randy moved Alanna back into her seat and set up a plate of cut up pancakes in front of her. He poured her a glass of milk and watched her happily dig in. The smell of the sweet syrup was making his already upset stomach grumble and he stood up with a small groan. He went to stand by the yard door and looked outside at the sun beaming onto the green grass.

"Randy, can we step outside for a minute?"

Randy swerved and found himself looking at his mother. She looked nervous but determined. Randy nodded and stepped with her into the warmth of the yard. She looked back at Bob with a pointed frown and he slowly stood up and followed.

Randy closed the door halfway and stood where he had a clear view of Alanna through the glass. He put his hands in his jeans pocket and shuffled awkwardly in place. Elaine cleared her throat and patted Bob's arm as the man stood with folded arms over his chest.

"Darling, last night really was a huge shock to your father and me. We spent most of the night up discussing it."

Randy nodded and lowered his head momentarily. "I know. I can imagine this is very difficult for you to wrap your minds around." He looked at his parents and sighed. "I love you two so much. I never meant to hurt you in any way. I can't help the way I feel, though,"

Elaine moved over to him and took his hands in hers. "I know that. I know this isn't something you're doing on a whim. I trust you when you say you're in love with John." She sighed and lowered her eyes. "It will take some time to get fully used to this but the realization I came to is that it doesn't change you. Who you love doesn't change the fact that you're my son who I love more than anything. I accept you, Randy, for who you are and I always will. I'm sorry if I didn't demonstrate that last night,"

Randy smiled, his heart filling with even more love than what he already possessed for his mother. "Mom, I don't blame you for being in shock. I was in shock when I realized my feelings, too. I'm just thankful I have you on my side," He turned his eyes towards his father, who had stood by silently all this time. "Dad,"

Bob held his hand up, immediately silencing Randy. "You're my son. That's all I know,"

Randy held his breath as the nails in his clenched fists tore into his skin. "Dad, I don't want anything between us to change. I need you,"

Bob nodded and let his hand drop. "Randy, you're my son and I will always love you and be there for you. Nothing about this will ever change that. You just have to give me time to adjust. I will, just don't rush me, OK."

Randy nodded, relief coursing through his body. Despite the anger he was still feeling towards John and the uncertainty of their future together, he had needed this. He needed to know his parents would accept him either way.

"Take all the time you need, both of you. I'm just thankful you guys are standing by me."

Elaine smiled and moved forward to wrap her arms around Randy. He hugged her back tightly, sighing softly. After releasing her he moved to hug his father, thankful to feel the bigger man's arms envelop him. Randy remained in his father's embrace and once again wondered why John hadn't had the courage to do this.

* * *

Three days later Randy found himself standing in the living room of his parent's house, suitcases by his side as he awaited the car to take him to the airport.

"Sweetheart, I wish you didn't have to go so soon,"

Randy smiled at his mother and nodded. "Me, too. I think this is why I don't come home often. It's so hard to have to leave you guys and Al."

Elaine nodded. "I know, dear, but that doesn't mean you can stay away for too long, OK. I expect to see you again soon and this time with John. I think Daddy and I should have a conversation with him about what his intentions are with our son. Don't you agree, Bob?"

Bob smiled up at his wife from where he sat. "I completely agree, darling. If John and you are dating seriously, Randal, I expect you to bring him home soon, just like any another relationship you may have."

Randy smiled tensely and nodded. His parents had no idea he hadn't spoken to John since that night he came out to them. He had gotten a new cell phone to replace the smashed one but couldn't bring himself to turn it on for fear of the messages he had waiting. John knew better than to attempt to call him at his parents' house so that meant the men had no communication. It was the longest they had ever gone without even so much as a text message. Randy knew, however, he would have to face him at one point. They did work together, after all.

"Randy, you OK, son?"

Randy nodded quickly. He didn't want his parents to know what was going on and the only way to hide that truth from them was to get out of their house now. He couldn't last much longer without breaking down.

"I'm just going over everything in my head. The flight, hotel, you know."

Bob nodded and stood up. "Ah yes, the joys of the road. I know those very well. I also know John takes care of most of your bookings so you have it very easy, son."

Randy frowned as he processed his father's words. Bookings. Hotel room. Hotel room that John booked. Hotel room that he would be staying at with John because John booked it. Holy shit, how did that escape him? He didn't want to share a room with John! Randy sighed and turned his head to look outside the window and thankfully saw the car pull up at that moment. He turned to his parents and smiled.

"All right, guys. I guess I'm outta here."

Elaine quickly moved to give him a hug, holding him tightly. Randy kissed her forehead and held on to her for as long as he could before moving on to his father. Bob smiled and hugged his son, whispering his love for him as Randy held on, thankful he still had the most important man in his life there. He stepped back and grabbed his bags as Elaine opened the door for him.

"I love you guys. I'll call soon, I promise."

Randy stepped out of the house and down towards the car. The driver exited and took his luggage and he climbed into the backseat. Within minutes they were on the road and Randy sighed. He reached in his pocket and took his cell phone out, turning it on for the first time in 3 days. It came to life and within seconds was notifying him of missed calls and many received messages. Randy lifted the phone to his ear as he played the first of many voicemails in his box. Not surprisingly, John's voice came through.

"_Ran, please don't do this. You have to understand where I'm coming from. Don't ignore me. We have to talk about this…"_

Randy rolled his eyes and pressed the delete button.

"_Randy, please. Will you just call me back? Baby, I'm so sorry…"_

Another delete.

"_Baby, I know I fucked up. How many times can I say sorry? I'll do anything, Ran, please just call me…"_

Delete.

"_I know you're pissed at me, Randy. I also know better than to call you at your parents but I need to hear your voice. I need to know we're still OK. I love you so much…"_

Delete.

"_Ran, I can't lose you. We can't ignore what we have. I'm a fucking coward; I know I am. You're so much braver than I could ever be. Please, baby, I need you so much…"_

Delete but that one was harder.

"_Randy, I am so fucking scared right now. I can't deal with thinking I've lost you. I can't lose you, baby. Please, please Ran, call me. I'm gonna tell my family, I swear, baby. God, I need you, Ran…I love you so fucking much…"_

Randy sighed and shut the phone off. He felt tears prickling the back of his eyes after the last message and he blinked them back quickly. Despite his anger towards John, his voice still affected him. He loved the man but at the moment was feeling betrayed beyond belief.

"Sir, we're here,"

Randy looked up and found himself in Lambert-St. Louis International Airport. He got out of the car and took his luggage. Entering the crowded airport, he began the slow check in process and awaited his arrival in Texas, aware that in the Lone Star state a battle was sure to brew when he arrived.

* * *

Five hours later Randy walked into the Dallas Hilton, sunglasses drawn over his eyes, scowl firmly planted on his face. He walked up to the desk and pulled off the glasses. The receptionist looked up and smiled.

"Good afternoon, sir. Checking in?"

Randy nodded. "Yes, but I was actually wondering if there were any other rooms available. I'll take anything you have."

She smiled and shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry, sir, but there are no rooms available. We have many large parties staying with us this weekend and some conventions, as well."

Randy nodded and rolled his eyes at his luck. "Of course not. Fine, then. I should have a room reserved with my friend. It should be under Cena."

The receptionist worked her fingers over the computer and smiled. "Here you are. You and Mr. Cena are booked in a King-Size Double Suite, room 1025. Mr. Cena hasn't arrived yet but here is your key and if I could just get your signature,"

Randy signed her paperwork and took his keycard. He was thankful John wasn't there yet. It would give him more time to prepare himself. He slid his glasses on and walked to the elevator bank, using his key to get up to the 10th floor. He moved quickly down the hall keeping his eyes down and praying not to run into any of his co-workers. It was a well known fact most of the wrestlers stayed in the same hotel and were usually placed on the same floor when hotel management recognized all their names. For some reason keeping them contained on the same floor put the hotel at ease. They didn't have the best rep among hotel chains.

Randy entered his room and shut the door quickly. He moved to the bed on the far end of the room and lifted his luggage up. They WWE was going to be in Texas for the entire 3 day weekend so he busied himself with making his side of the room as comfortable as he could. This time, both beds would be definitely be used. He folded his underclothes in the dresser drawers and hung up the other things in the closet. He grabbed his toiletries and entered the bathroom, setting them up neatly on the counter. As he placed them down, he heard the room door slam and he looked up. His eyes looked wide and nervous in the mirror. Only one person would be coming into the room without knocking first; John.

Randy sighed and walked out of the bathroom. His eyes scanned the room and landed on John, standing awkwardly next to the bed holding Randy's empty luggage. Randy narrowed his eyes and stood in the doorway.

John smiled nervously and let his backpack drop. "Hey,"

Randy rolled his eyes and walked over to his bed. He pulled the luggage off the bed and turned to place it in the closet.

"Randy, please. Can't we just talk?"

Randy felt his back tense at the sad tone in John's voice. He turned around and frowned angrily. "Don't do that, John. Don't use that mopey voice and act all depressed. You did this; this is all your fault."

John sighed and shrugged. "Ran, I'm not doing anything and I'm damn sure not acting. I know I fucked up, OK."

Randy nodded. "Good, I'm glad you acknowledge it. Can you please get out of my space so I can finish? Your area is the one over there,"

He pointedly stared at the bed on the other end of the large room and saw John sigh sadly. "Fine, Ran, we're not sleeping in the same bed. I get it. We still need to talk about this."

Randy shrugged and sat on the edge of his bed. "Great; let's talk. Please explain to me why I had to go through the horror of explaining my new lifestyle to my parents while you decided a football game was more important. I risked losing my parents, the most important people in my life, for you and didn't think twice about it. Hell, I told them to their faces that they had become secondary to you. Please explain to me why I did that and you didn't because right now I feel like a fucking moron, John."

John sighed and moved over to his bed.

"Do not sit by me," Randy glared at John and the older man retreated a few steps.

"Ran, I really am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you in anyway. I was scared and I let it get the best of me. You're the better man, obviously…"

Randy stood and cut him off. "John, stop saying you're sorry. I hate that fucking word. It fixes nothing." He sighed and shook his head. "Do you think I give a shit about being the better man? God, I feel like such a moron. I feel like shit, John. I never thought you could hurt me like this." He laughed and began to pace. "I was right; we suck at relationships."

John shook his head. "No, Ran, don't say that. We're too good together. This isn't the end of us."

Randy stared at John in disbelief. "John, you can't even tell people there is an us! How do you expect this to work? How do you expect me to trust you after this?" He ran his hands over his head. "I feel so betrayed by you. You say you love me and you need me but you know how you made me feel? You made me feel like I wasn't good enough for you; like you were ashamed of me."

John felt his heart drop at Randy's words. He had never seen Randy so defeated. It was never his intention to hurt Randy. His fear had overtaken him when he was with his parents. A part of him was certain it would also take over Randy. He should've known better than to think the younger man would give in to his fear. No, he did what he knew was right in his heart and told his parents about their relationship. John envied him so much.

"Randy, I love you. You're perfect; how could I be ashamed of you? If anything this moment makes it perfectly clear that I am the one that's not good enough for you. You should be ashamed of me; you should hate me. God knows I hate myself right now."

John sank onto Randy's bed, his body bending over as tears filled his eyes. He had never felt lower, more useless and cowardly in his life. Randy had demonstrated his love for John in the greatest way and John didn't reciprocate. Now, he stood on the precipice of losing the younger man and it was filling him with fear.

Randy watched John go through his inner turmoil. He still had so much anger and hurt in his heart but he still loved the man. Watching him in pain literally made Randy ache, too.

"I don't hate you, John. I just don't understand what you're afraid of."

John shrugged and wiped his eyes. He looked up and met Randy's eyes, the coldness having left somewhat. "I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of losing my parents, especially my dad. I don't want them to disown me. I don't know what I would do without them."

Randy nodded. "I was afraid of that, too and still did it. It was horrible, John. I thought I lost them both in one moment. You know what, though? They still love me. They accept it. No matter what, a parent will always love their child. A child is a part of you. I know that better than anyone. There is nothing your child can do or say that will make you stop loving them."

John sighed. "Ran, my dad is not the most accepting man. How is he gonna react to his son, his namesake, being in a gay relationship with the man who's been his best friend for years?"

Randy shrugged. "John, what about my dad? Do you think I thought he was gonna leap for joy when I told him? My dad is cut from the same mold and generation your dad is. The point is I still told him."

John nodded. "I know, I know. I have to tell him and I swear to you, I will. I'll call him right now; I'll go home right now if you want. I'll do anything," He stood up and walked over to Randy, reaching down to wrap his hands around his hips before the younger man had a chance to react. Randy stood stiffly in his arms as John lowered his head to his chest.

"I can't lose you, Ran. I just need to know I still have you and that you still love me. Baby, I'll do anything for you. I swear, I'll tell my parents."

Randy sighed and slowly pulled John's arms away. He took a step back and shook his head. "Don't do me any favors, John. Do yourself a favor. Be honest with your parents but only do it if you truly want to. This is something you have to do for yourself but only if you're really sure."

John frowned. "Now you're making it sound like I have doubts about this. I just told you how much I love you,"

Randy shrugged. "It's hard for me to believe that right now. I don't think you know what real love is, John,"

John stared at Randy, frustration on his face. "Are you serious right now? How dare you tell me how I feel? I'm willing to give up everything for you; do anything for you,"

Randy glared at John. "No, **I'm** willing to give up everything for you and do anything for you. You have to think about it twice. I don't."

"I made a mistake, Ran. A mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life. Am I not human? Am I not allowed one? One mistake is all its gonna take for our relationship to end?"

Randy stared at John and shook his head. He lowered his eyes to the floor and sighed. "I don't know, John. I don't know what I'm doing here or what my next move should be."

John walked over to him. "Do you love me? If you love me you have to accept me, Ran. You have to accept my faults and forgive me."

Randy looked into his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "I've never been a very forgiving person. You know that."

John smiled. "When you love someone, you forgive them. Do you love me?"

Randy nodded. "The question isn't if I love you or if I forgive you. You know I love you. I proved I love you by being honest about us. And believe it or not, I can understand and forgive that fear took over for you in that moment. The problem now is that I don't believe you love me."

John's smiled dropped and he took a step back. Randy's eyes had gotten cold but he had a calm aura around him.

"What?"

Randy shrugged. "That amazing, trusting, undeniable and unshakable feeling of love that I thought you had for me is gone. I look at you now and just see and feel doubt. I don't know how to get back to where we were. I don't know how or even if we can get that love back."

John stared into Randy's eyes as the younger man shook his head and sighed. He remained frozen in place as Randy walked around him and out the hotel room.


	18. Chapter 17

Randy walked into the locker room, a mixture of his sweat, his opponent's sweat, ring dust and baby oil running down his body. He couldn't wait to get into the shower. While wrestling he barely noticed the sweat and other things sticking to him mixing with the oil he put on. As soon as he hit the curtains and entered the backstage area, everyone stepped out of the way. They knew he would make a mad dash to the shower to wash off everything from the ring.

As he grabbed clean clothes from his locker, Ted entered the room, cell phone attached to his ear. "I'll see you in a couple of days, baby. I miss you so much," He laughed softly and nodded. "I love you more, Codes."

Randy turned away, not wanting to interfere in Ted's private moment. He took his clothes and entered the shower, stripping off his trunks and placing his body directly under the hot stream of water. He looked down at the drain as the dirt and grime washed off him before grabbing a bar of soap and beginning to lather his body. The water pounded on his weary body and Randy closed his eyes, lost in the feeling of his tight muscles starting to relax.

"You think you can just walk out of the hotel room after we fight and then avoid me for hours? That's not how to work out problems, Ran,"

Randy spun around, his hands wiping the water from his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here, John? Get out!"

John stood in the next shower stall, leaning over the partitions that separated each stall into an individual shower. He looked up and down at Randy's body, droplets of water running down the tan skin, and smirked as he held out a towel.

"Oh, please. It's nothing I haven't seen before." He leaned forward and dropped his tone suggestively. "It's nothing I haven't touched and tasted before, either."

Randy glared at the older man and snatched the towel from his hands, quickly wrapping it around his hips. He stalked back into the locker room, shocked to see it empty. John followed him slowly.

"Ran, come on, please. We need to talk about this, baby,"

Randy turned his head around at the term of endearment. He quickly dropped the towel and stepped into some underwear and basketball shorts. "Don't you have a match to get ready for? I don't wanna talk right now, John."

He threw on a t-shirt and hoodie and grabbed his gym bag. As Randy approached the locker room door John's hand reached out to grab his arm.

"Ran, don't do this. I love you so much. What do I have to do to get you to see that?"

Randy pulled his arm away gently. "I already said no. Go concentrate on your match, John. Now is not the time for this and this isn't the place."

He walked out the door and John groaned loudly. His body slumped forward and he collapsed onto the wooden bench in the middle of the room. Seconds later the door burst open and John lifted his eyes eagerly. A sense of disappointment flooded his body when his eyes rested on one of the many WWE backstage workers.

"John, you're needed at gorilla,"

John nodded at the frantic stagehand as he ran off. He sighed and stood up, trying to focus his mind on the match that awaited him in only a few moments. His argument with Randy would have to wait.

* * *

Randy quickened his pace as he walked through the arena. He had to get out of there. The last thing he wanted was to discuss anything with John while surrounded by their coworkers. He also didn't want to distract John from his job and he knew that's exactly what his presence there was doing to the older man.

Randy smiled as random people said goodbye to him. As he approached his car he heard footsteps running after him and he turned around to face a breathless Ted. "Ran, wait. Can you give me a ride to the hotel? I was gonna stay and wait for Maryse but she's going out with the girls."

Randy nodded and motioned to the car. "Sure, come on in."

Ted smiled happily and climbed into the passenger side of the car. Randy slid in the front and drove off.

Minutes into the ride, Ted turned to look at him and smiled. "OK, I gotta confess. I never planned on waiting for Maryse. I purposely waited for you."

Randy frowned and stared at him out of the corner of his eye. "Why? What's wrong?"

Ted sighed and looked down at his hands. "I know what's going on between you and John,"

Randy turned his head to stare at Ted and slammed on the breaks, causing a chorus of honks behind him. "You know what's going on between me and John? What do you think you know, Ted?" He glared at his young friend, his tone bordering on menacing.

Ted raised his hands. "Calm down. See, this is why I waited so long to mention it. You're so damn defensive."

Randy stared at Ted and then moved his eyes to the street behind his head. They were across the street from a diner and Randy quickly pulled the car into its parking lot. "Let's get some dinner,"

Ted shrugged before nodding. The men stepped out of the car and walked into the diner, sitting themselves in a back booth. They quickly placed their orders and the waited until the waitress bought them glasses of water before Ted leaned over towards Randy.

"Ran, don't get mad. You just look like you could use some company tonight and John wasn't the company you wanted. I figured I would help. We're friends and I owe you. You stood by me and Cody when others didn't."

Randy looked down at his water glass and swirled the ice around in the cup. He sighed before looking up to meet Ted's eyes. "How do you know? For how long?"

Ted sat back and frowned. "Maybe a month now. Things started to change between you and John. You guys were always close but you started to get even closer. It's like you gravitated towards each other and mimicked each other. I started noticing little things. If he took one step, so did you. You entered a room and his face changed. You guys would touch each other, just little touches no one else would notice. You gave each other little looks. I just noticed these things because you reminded me of when Cody and I started dating. I kind of put two and two together. I still had my doubts, though, but you just proved me right." He smiled and looked at Randy, whose face was now covered in a slight blush. "I think it's great, Ran,"

Randy smiled softly. "Does Cody know?"

Ted shook his head. "No, he's not around you two often enough to have picked up on it yet. I haven't told him, either. I figured if I was right that you should be the one to tell him. I know how close you guys are."

Randy nodded. "Thanks for that. I've been dying to tell him," He sighed and shook his head. "I've wanted to talk to him so bad. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. I'm sailing in uncharted waters here and I am drowning, Ted. I'm fucking drowning."

Ted smiled. "It probably just seems that way, Ran. Tell me what's going on. I may be able to help seeing as I've been through this before."

"It's been 3 months that John and I have been together. The other night we, well John mentioned, how maybe we should tell our families and friends about us. We're in love so why keep hiding it?"

Ted nodded encouragingly and Randy took a deep breath before continuing. "So, we went home and I told my parents. Suffice to say, it did not go very well,"

Ted grimaced and nodded. "How did Cowboy Bob take it?"

Randy laughed and shook his head. "Like a bomb went off. My mom was only slightly better." He lowered his head before coming back up to look at Ted. "How did it go when you told your parents?"

Ted smiled. "They thought I was joking at first. When they realized I was the only one not laughing, though, my dad damn near threw me out the window! My mom was more understanding but it's hard for her to let go of more than 50 years of her religious upbringing, you know. They've gotten over their shock, though and all is well now. Took a while to get there but they love me and they love Cody even more. That kid can win over anyone."

Randy smiled. "I'm sure. My parents and I kind of smoothed things over before I left but I know we're not there yet. I don't like where we are. I've always been so close to my parents, you know, even more now that I have Al. I need them in my life but Ted, I swear, I never once regretted telling them about me and John." He dropped the smile and lowered his eyes to the table. "John didn't tell his family. He said he couldn't do it."

Ted sighed loudly. "So, that's the big problem." He reached over and squeezed Randy's hand. "Ran, just because you found the courage to tell your parents and John didn't, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

Randy raised his head and shrugged. "So, what does it mean, then? I feel like shit right now, Ted. I'm questioning everything about us!"

Ted shook his head. "No, Ran, don't do that. He just gave into the fear at that moment. Can you imagine what it was like? His dad and his brothers were probably there and it must have freaked him out, you know. Has he talked to you about it?"

Randy glared at Ted. "He's apologized like a million times but I can't get over it. Wasn't I freaked out? I was just as scared to tell my parents! Why couldn't he find the courage but I did?"

Ted laughed. "Ran, that's like asking why no two snowflakes are the same. You're reading too much into this. I can see how much John loves you. His whole demeanor changes when you're around. It's like he's so happy he can't contain himself. You don't act like that for someone you don't love. Let him explain himself,"

Randy shook his head. "He made me feel like he was ashamed of me; like I wasn't good enough for him to tell his family about."

Ted's eyes filled with sadness at his friend's words. "Randy, no. You and John are so good together. Don't let this ruin it. You have to listen to him when he's trying to talk to you. Don't shut him out."

Randy felt his eyes water and he lowered his head. The waitress appeared with their food and set it before them as they sat silently. She moved away quickly, the tension in the table making her uncomfortable.

Randy sighed as he looked at his grilled chicken, his appetite now gone.

Ted smiled in his direction and took a bite out of his burger. "Come on, you know you wanna eat. Just have a good dinner because afterward you're going to your hotel room and you're gonna wait for your man to get there. And, Randy, you're gonna listen to him when he talks, OK?"

Randy smiled and nodded. He hesitantly took a bite of chicken as his cell phone rang loudly beside him. He frowned and looked at the unfamiliar number on the screen as he lifted it.

"Hello,"

"Mr. Orton?"

Randy frowned. "Yes,"

"This is Nurse Murphy from Baylor University Medical Center. We have a Mr. John Cena under our care. A fellow coworker bought him in and gave us your phone number. Apparently you are Mr. Cena's emergency contact."

Randy's heart began to race and he pushed the plate of food away. Ted looked up and frowned.

"What happened to him?"

"Mr. Cena incurred a concussion. The doctor would like to keep him under observation for the night. He should remain awake for sometime so you have been granted permission to stay."

Randy stood quickly. "I'm on my way. Where do I go?"

"Come up to the 12th floor, sir and ask for Mr. Cena's room."

Randy quickly hung up the phone and motioned to Ted. "We have to go. John got hurt."

Ted stood up, his eyes wide. "What happened?"

Randy threw some money on the table. "Concussion. Someone took him to the hospital. He's in Baylor University. I don't know where..." He pulled out his phone and tried to log on to the Maps application but his fingers were shaking nonstop.

Ted took the phone from his hand and pulled him towards the exit. "I know where it is. Let's just go,"

Half an hour later the men pulled up to the hospital and hurried inside. The car ride and ensuing elevator ride to the 12th floor felt like the never ending journey for Randy. His hands hadn't stopped shaking and his heart was beating so fast he was sure a heart attack would soon follow.

The elevator doors opened and they rushed to the reception desk.

"I'm here for John Cena. Nurse Murphy called me,"

The nurse ran her fingers over the computer as Randy anxiously tapped his fingers on the desktop and awaited an answer. Ted placed a comforting hand on his arm but Randy couldn't relax.

"Here it is. Mr. Cena is in room 1259, just down the hall to your left. I assume one of you is Mr. Orton?"

Randy nodded and the nurse handed him a yellow visitor's badge. "You have to wear that. You've been given permission to remain after visiting hours are over, which is exactly in 10 minutes."

Randy nodded and dragged Ted behind him, his eyes searching for John's room. Ted pulled on his hand and he looked over to the right. "It's here, Ran,"

Randy pushed the door open and gasped at the sight of hyper, always smiling John lying in bed, white as a sheet, lips drawn in a tight line. Michael Cole sat beside him in a chair, alternating between looking down at him and looking down at the magazine on his lap.

"John,"

John's head turned and his lips curved into a smile. "Hey,"

Michael quickly stood up. "Thank God you're here, Randy. This one is in such a mood because I won't let him close his eyes! I can't take much more." He looked down at John and grasped his hand. "You'll be fine with Randy, right, John?"

John nodded slowly. "Thanks for bringing me and staying with me, Mike."

Michael nodded. "Anytime, Johnny. Get better soon and listen to the doc, OK. Don't be such a hard ass." He turned and walked towards the exit, slapping hands with Ted and Randy on his way.

John looked at Randy, his eyes softening at Randy's worried expression. "I'm fine, Ran,"

Randy moved over to his bedside, grasping John's hand tightly before running the other over his face. "What the hell happened, John?"

John shrugged. "It was my fault. I let myself get distracted and took a dropkick straight on from Stu."

Randy shook his head and lowered his lips to John's, causing the older man to pull away and look at Ted, who stood behind Randy.

Randy smiled and looked back at Ted. "It's OK. He knows,"

Ted smiled and moved over to John. "Don't tell me we have to send you back to OVW, John John! Forgot how to duck?"

John laughed as Ted patted Randy's back. "Now that we know John is OK, I'm gonna head back to the hotel. I'll take your car back and come pick you two up in the morning, OK?"

Randy nodded, his eyes moving back to John. "Thanks, Teddy. I'll give you a call in the morning," He looked back at his younger friend. "Thanks for dinner, too,"

Ted smiled and nodded. He slid out of the room quietly, leaving Randy and John alone.

Randy sighed as he rested his forehead on John's. The men stared into each others eyes until Randy pulled back. "Be honest with me. How do you feel?"

John sighed. "My head hurts a little and when I move it too quickly I see two of everything. I feel like I'm gonna puke but not as badly as I did earlier." He smiled as Randy placed a kiss on his forehead. "I feel much better now that you're here, though."

Randy smiled. "I was so scared when that Nurse called me,"

John nodded. "I can imagine. I would freak, too, if the situation was reversed." He moved over in his bed slowly. "Come in here,"

Randy shook his head. "No, I don't think I should. What if the doctor or the nurse were to come..."

John pulled on his hand. "I don't care. I want you beside me."

Randy sighed. "You're supposed to stay awake and I'm just supposed to watch you..."

John let go of his hand and turned his body away from Randy. "Forget it, forget it. You're still pissed. I get it,"

Randy frowned and picked up John's hand again. "I'm not pissed, John." He sighed when he got no response from the older man and finally relented. He slid into the bed beside John, turning his body on his side, the small bed making it impossible for both men to fit properly. "Turn around,"

John slowly turned his body around and found himself face to face with Randy. The younger man wrapped his arm around his back and pulled his body close. John sighed contently and bought his hand up to Randy's chest.

"Thank you for being here with me,"

Randy rubbed John's back slowly. "Where else would I be? I love you,"

John lifted his eyes to Randy and smiled. "I know you do. I love you, too. I love you so much. I'm sorry you don't believe me,"

Randy sighed. "I believe you, Johnny." He looked at John as his eyes fluttered closed. "No, eyes open, baby,"

John groaned. "I'm so tired."

Randy placed a kiss on John's lips and started tickling his sides, making him smile. "I know but you gotta stay awake, handsome."

John opened his eyes and smiled. "How did Ted find out about us?"

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Apparently we aren't as great actors as we think we are. He said he noticed a change in us about a month ago. I didn't deny it. I needed a friend to talk to at that moment."

John cast his eyes downwards and sighed. "Randy, I'm so sorry I hurt you. You're the last person in this world I would ever hurt. I can't believe I chickened out. I regret it so much but I swear, Ran, I will tell them. You're the most important person in the world to me."

Randy shook his head and pressed a finger to John's lips. "Don't worry about this, baby. We'll talk about this when you're better."

John moved Randy's finger slowly. "No, I need to get you to understand. I am so proud of you and so lucky to have you in my life. The fact you accepted me as more than a friend makes me so happy. I'm a moron; I was the one who pushed you into telling your family. You came through for me and I let you down."

Randy grasped John's head in between his hands. "Johnny, stop. Don't worry about this right now. Ted and I talked. I understand what you're going through. I shouldn't rush you or question you."

John smiled. "I understand why you did. I think if the situation was reversed that I would've done the same thing. You're such a good man, Randy and the fact that you love me is amazing. I should be shouting it from rooftops."

Randy laughed softly. "Please don't." He lowered his head and kissed John's lips softly. "John, I love you and I know you love me. I'm willing to wait for you to find the right time. I said a lot in the hotel room but one thing I really meant was when I told you to do it for yourself. You have to find the courage to be honest with your family because that's the only way you're ever going to be truly content in this relationship. I only want you to do it if you're positive this is what you want, though. As much as it would hurt me, if you have second thoughts about this, I will give you up and we can just go back to being friends. I wouldn't hate you for it,"

Randy held his breath as he stared at John's face. There is was. He had given John an out and promised him that he would remain in his life. Randy wasn't sure how true that statement was. He doubted he could ever look at John as only a friend ever again. They had crossed a line both in bed and in their hearts. The thought of losing John in both filled him with fear. He didn't know how he could go on without the thought of John as his partner. His love for the man had grown to be so intense that being without him now seemed not an option.

"I could never have second thoughts about you, Ran. I love you so much the thought of being without you literally makes me hurt. I will be telling my family as soon as I get out of here; hell, I'll be telling anybody who'll listen!" John buried his face in Randy's neck, hearing the younger man let out a deep sigh. He pulled back and looked up with a frown. "Did you honestly think I was looking for an out? Randy, why would I be? Do you have any idea how amazing you are; how difficult it would be to let you go?"

Randy shrugged slowly. "It really hasn't been that difficult for other people to let me go in the past. I guess they didn't think I was amazing, huh?"

John kissed Randy slowly, drawing out a low moan. "Ran, you are perfect. You are the most amazing friend, father and boyfriend anyone could have. Do you see how happy you make people? Your family adores you, your daughter worships the ground you walk on and your friends respect you beyond belief. You are so loved by so many people, some you don't even know, because of the man you are. Whoever has let you go in the past is a moron who doesn't know what good is." He smiled slowly. "I'm glad they went away, though, because now I have the privilege of saying you're mine."

Randy smirked and pulled away slightly. "I belong to no man, Cena. Get off that kick right now, understood?"

John laughed loudly. "Come on, Ran. You know that ass is mine. You can say I belong to you if you want, too,"

Randy smiled and leaned back into John's touch. "Fine, I'll give."

John pulled him in close and the men kissed deeply, tongues tasting. Randy moaned softly as John slowly moved his lips down his neck, licking and biting his skin softly. He moved his hand down the younger man's body, stroking his back slowly and moving down to rest on Randy's backside.

"John, we can't do this here,"

John pulled back and smiled. "I thought you wanted me to stay awake. This is helping," He lowered himself further on the bed and unzipped the hoodie Randy wore. He lifted Randy's t-shirt and leaned forward to kiss his chest lightly. He planted kisses all over Randy's tan, muscular chest, tasting him.

Randy moaned as John licked his nipples lightly. He felt John's hand moving down his body until it slid into his loose basketball shorts. John moved his lips up to Randy's mouth, kissing him gently as his hand grasped Randy's warm cock, wet already with pre-cum. He moved his hand up and down, stroking him as his lips traveled down Randy's face to his neck.

"God, John, stop, we gotta stop, baby,"

Randy reluctantly pulled John's hand away and kissed the older man's pouting lips. "Baby, I don't want to do this in hospital bed. I'm feeling kind of exposed here."

John nodded slowly. "Fine, just push me away. Don't get mad when I do it to you, though." He winked at Randy teasingly and got a playful smack on his butt.

"When we get out of here we can have some fun, OK. Right now I just want you to get better." Randy placed a kiss on John's forehead and turned to his gym bag. He sat up and pulled his iPad out.

"Let's just watch a movie, OK. I'll let you pick for once."

John smiled and worked his finger up and down the screen, biting his lip as he tried to decide. Randy watched him with a smile, feeling relaxed despite the fact they were in a hospital room.

The room suddenly filled with a loud ringing and John turned his head quickly. "Ouch, son of a bitch, that hurt!" He raised his hand to his head as Randy frowned.

"John, will you please be careful," He looked towards the sound. "Is that your phone?"

John tried to nod but couldn't. Randy stood off the bed and walked over to John's jacket, which hung on the back of the extra seat in the room. He dug out John's cell phone and glanced at the screen, raising his eyebrow when we saw the name.

"It's Mama Car,"

John groaned and stretched out his hand. Randy passed him the phone and John quickly answered.

"Hi, Mom. Who called you?"

Randy took a seat on the chair and watched as John pulled the phone away from his ear, Carol's screams being heard loud and clear.

"Vince called me, John! You would think Randal would call me but no! What the hell happened?"

John groaned loudly as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Mom, stop screaming at me! I have a concussion; your screams aren't gonna help me get better!"

Randy looked down in his seat, trying to hide his smile. It was nice to know and see that even John Cena wasn't immune to a good scolding every now and then.

"Mom, Randy is here with me. The hospital called him. He's gonna spend the night and I should be discharged tomorrow morning. I'm fine, I promise."

Carol sighed on her end. "Well, thank God. You're gonna scare the life out of me one day, John. I assume you'll be going home. Vince said he's not letting you wrestle for awhile,"

John moved his hand from his head and slowly opened his eyes. "I'm actually thinking of coming home to see you guys. I have something to discuss with you. It's really important."

Randy jerked his head up and found himself staring into John's eyes. The men stared at each other wordlessly.

"Is something else wrong, dear?"

Carol's worried voice broke through John's head. He broke Randy's gaze and smiled.

"No, nothing is wrong. Everything is great, actually. Its great news and I can't wait to tell you guys."

"Well, that sounds wonderful, sweetheart. I can't wait to see you! Give me a call in the morning with your flight information and I'll pick you up at the airport."

John smiled and nodded. "I will, mom. I love you,"

"I love you more, darling,"

John hung up the phone and Randy watched him with a raised eyebrow. "You're really gonna do it. Aren't you worried your dad will give you another concussion?"

John laughed softly. "It's a chance I'm willing to take. You're worth it."

Randy smiled and walked back over to the bed. He slid in beside John and wrapped the older man in his arms. "Let's watch that movie."


	19. Chapter 18

Randy pulled the car into Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport and parked in the closest spot to the terminal John's flight would be departing from. He sighed and looked over at the older man who had his eyes closed on the headrest. He smiled as he looked at John. He knew he had to be exhausted; hell, Randy himself was exhausted. Randy had kept him awake the bulk of the night watching movies and talking about them afterward. When the nurse gave them the OK for John to get some sleep, it was only 3 hours before he was discharged from the hospital. John had been grumpy the entire ride back to the hotel room. He had pouted the entire time as Randy packed his luggage and arranged a flight for him to Boston, where Carol Cena would be waiting.

Randy unbuckled his seatbelt and slid out of the car. He opened the trunk and pulled out John's suitcase, laying it on the ground as he shut the trunk door. Randy pulled the baseball cap and hood over his head. The last thing he wanted at this moment was to be recognized by anyone. He walked over to the passenger side door and opened it slowly, smiling as he looked down at John's peaceful face. He hated to have to wake him.

"John? Johnny, you gotta wake up, babe."

John's eyes fluttered but remained closed as he groaned. Randy took his face in his hands and turned it slightly. "Come on, Johnny. We're at the airport and you gotta get ready for your flight."

John's eyes finally opened slowly, his forehead wrinkling at the bright sunshine beaming into the car. "God, why won't you let me sleep?"

Randy smiled. "Because you have a flight to get to. You can sleep on the flight. You have a nice 4 hour cushion there."

He took a step back and held the door open as John gingerly stepped out, immediately throwing his hood over his head. "Damn sun,"

Randy smiled and took John's luggage and the men proceeded to walk into the busy airport. Randy glanced at the announcement board and saw John's flight was right on schedule. "OK, all seems to be running on time. Mama Car will be waiting for you on the other end. I'll call her when you take off just to let her know you're safely in the air."

John nodded and yawned loudly as Randy watched him closely. "You sure you can do this on your own?"

John frowned and looked over at him "Yeah, I'm done with the lies."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "I meant traveling on your own. You know, head injury and all."

John laughed and nodded. "Yes, Ran. This isn't my first concussion and I'm sure it won't be my last."

Randy nodded, his smile dropping. "John, I don't want you to stress about this thing with me and telling your parents. This whole situation is why you got hurt in the first place. If you hadn't been thinking about our argument, your mind would've been on the match and you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

He looked down at the ground and sighed deeply. John frowned and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the men's restroom at the end of the terminal. Randy had to run after him to keep up.

"John, what are you doing? We have to get to security check!"

John pulled him inside the bathroom and quickly checked the other stalls to ensure they were alone. Randy watched him with a frown. "John, what the hell are you doing?"

John lifted his head and held up his hand. "I will not get on that plane if I think you're blaming yourself and guess what? That's exactly what I'm thinking right now. What happened to me was not your fault. None of this is your fault. You had every right to tell me how you were feeling at the hotel room. You were right, anyway. I let you down, Ran. My own guilt on doing so was what distracted me during my match."

Randy shook his head. "I never wanted to push you. I should've never questioned how you felt for me."

John moved over to him and wrapped his arms around Randy's waist. "Randy, I love you and I don't blame you for anything. I blamed myself. After today it'll all be over. My family will know tonight and no matter what happens I know I have you on my side."

Randy leaned in and gently kissed his lips. "I will always be by your side, John, no matter what happens. I love you,"

John smiled and reached up, wrapping his hands around Randy's neck, and sealed his mouth over Randy's in a kiss, swallowing the younger man's moans. John pulled away slowly and lay his head on Randy's shoulder, his lips ghosting over the man's neck, pieces of his tattoo peeking out.

"Don't ever blame yourself for anything when it comes to me. You're perfect, Ran. You've proven yourself to be the strong one in this relationship. I hope to be like you one day."

Randy wrapped his arms around John and held him tightly. "John, one moment of weakness doesn't make you weak. It could have easily been me. You're just as strong as I am; stronger on a daily basis, actually." He pulled back and smiled. "I am perfect, though. That I fully agree with."

John laughed loudly. He looked at himself in the mirror and raised an eyebrow. "God, I look like shit. One day in a hospital and I look as pale as Sheamus."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "You look gorgeous, John, but we really have to go now. You're never gonna make it unless you get to security now."

John nodded and watched as Randy picked up his luggage. He smiled and grabbed Randy's hand once more, pushing his body against the door. "I need one more kiss before we get out there."

Without waiting for the man's response, he locked his mouth over Randy's. He felt Randy ease into the embrace and kiss, his mouth opening to John's gentle assault. John sighed as he gripped Randy's body, desperate to hold on to him for as long as possible before he had to leave him. Randy pulled back slowly and raised his lips to John's forehead, kissing it softly.

"We'll be back together soon, baby. Don't worry."

John smiled at how easily Randy was able to read him. "I hate when we're apart. Do you think one day we'll get sick of each other and enjoy our days away from each other?

Randy smiled. "Probably when we're old and gray," He picked up John's luggage and opened the restroom door, John following slowly with a small smile on his lips. It made his heart swell with happiness when Randy said things that made it obvious he wanted a future with him. It was all he wanted, as well.

They walked to the ticket counter where John had to check in and then were directed to the line where only John would be allowed to go through. Randy smiled at him, squeezing his hand discretely as he gave him his small black suitcase.

"You know I would give anything to go with you?"

John nodded as they approached the TSA agent at the head of the line. "I think Vince's head would explode if you did."

Randy gave him a quick, tight hug. "Call me as soon as you land and I'll see you in a couple of days."

John showed his ticket to the agent, as Randy was told to move to the side. "I'll talk to you soon. Don't worry."

Randy nodded and waved as John walked through the metal detector and disappeared with the group of people heading for their respective flights. He sighed and walked back towards the parking lot, digging in his pocket for his cell phone. He dialed the familiar phone number belonging to Carol Cena and waited for her voice to answer.

"Randy, is he on his way?"

Randy smiled and let himself in his car. "Yes, I just took him as far as I could in the airport and his flight is on schedule to depart in a hour. He should arrive in Boston at 4pm."

Carol sighed on her end. "Thank goodness. I can't wait till he gets home. I was so scared when Vince called me yesterday."

Randy closed his eyes and leaned his head onto the back of his seat. He understood Carol's fear as he himself went through his own version when he received the phone call. "I know, Mama Car. I was, too. He's really OK, though. You know how hardheaded John is."

Carol laughed loudly. "I know that's true! I'll still baby him for awhile, though. I know I only have him for a week at most. He can't be away from work for too long."

Randy smiled, knowing fully well how work-oriented John was and how he couldn't be away from the ring. He also knew since the two men began their relationship that they couldn't be away from each other for too long, as well.

"Randy, can I ask you something, dear?"

Randy frowned. "You can ask me anything,"

"John says he has something important to tell us. He says its good news but I'm so curious. I figure you have to know what it is. Johnny tells you everything."

Randy took a deep breath and bit his lip. There was no way he could answer Carol's question. This was John's story to tell, not his. How could he avoid her question, though? Carol Cena was like another mother to him and his love and respect for her was enormous. He never said no to her or lied to her. It would feel like he were lying to his own mother.

"Mama Car, I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you. John will be there soon and he'll tell you,"

Carol sighed. "Randy, don't make me wait, sweetheart. I hate surprises. All this secrecy makes me worry despite John telling me no to."

Randy put his hand to his head and groaned inwardly. "I can't say anything. Please don't worry, though. I know you hate hearing that but please don't. John will tell you and it'll be fine."

"Fine, Randy. I'll stop pressuring you. I'll be waiting for Johnny at the airport and one of us will call you when he lands, OK, dear?"

Randy breathed a sigh of relief. "OK, great. I'll talk to you soon." He ended the call quickly and started the car. He had just told John's mother everything would be fine. He could only hope he was right.

* * *

Despite his exhaustion from his never-ending night at the hospital, John could not relax enough to take a nap. The flight to Boston was mostly empty and John was able to stretch out in his seat and enjoy not having other passengers around him. He pulled his laptop out of his backpack and logged on to his email seeing a number of get well soon notes from his co-workers. John sighed as he flipped through other random messages and tried to get his weary body to settle down for a rest. He knew he would need it when he got home. He wanted to tell his parents about him and Randy as soon as he could. The waiting would only delay the inevitable. He loved Randy and nothing was going to change that.

John opened his photo gallery on his computer and smiled as photos of him and his loved ones flashed on the screen. Memories of when each shot was taken flooded his mind and he stopped when one of him and Randy popped onto the screen. It had been taking at Randy's 30th birthday not too long ago. The younger man had been dreading that particular birthday for weeks before, fearing it would mean the end of his youth. By the end of the night he had forgotten all about it and was all smiles. One of their friends had captured John and Randy laughing, drinks in their hand and arms around each others shoulders. John smiled as he looked at Randy's face in the picture, the man smiling widely. It was a sight that would cause most people to be floored seeing the Viper of the WWE smiling happily. John ran his finger over the face on the screen of the man he loved and sighed. This plane couldn't land fast enough. He couldn't wait to get to Boston and tell his family. There would be no stopping him this time.

3 hours later he followed the line of people exiting the plane. He walked down the terminal and out, heading for the parking lot where his mother should be waiting. His eyes scanned the lot of people and cars awaiting the arrivals and his eyes finally landed on his mother's frame. John smiled and walked quickly over to her. Carol smiled as she spotted him and met him halfway, throwing her arms over her son's neck as he bent to her level.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy you're home! Come, let's go home now and I'm gonna get you all better."

John rolled his eyes as he placed his luggage in the backseat of their car. He slid in the passengers side and glanced at his mother. "Mom, I am all better. It was just a simple concussion. Literally, that's what the doctor called it. I'm fine."

Carol raised an eyebrow. "Darling, there's no such thing as a simple head injury. I want you to take it easy while you're here, OK."

John nodded and dug his phone out of his pocket. Carol looked over at him and smiled as she exited the busy airport parking lot. "Randy is expecting your call, isn't he?"

John nodded and pressed the favorites key on his phone, Randy's name topping the list. He held the phone to his ear and within minutes he heard Randy's deep voice on the other end.

"Hey, you made it?"

John sighed and nodded. "Yeah, just barely."

"Are you OK?"

John smiled. "I'm fine. It's just someone has already begun to smother me and I've only been here for 5 minutes."

Carol turned to glare at her son out of the corner of her eye and promptly slapped his arm. John laughed and turned his attention back to the phone, where Randy had gotten very quiet.

"Ran, you there?"

John heard the younger man clear his throat. "Yeah, I'm here. You know, Car called me. She's dying to know what this secret you're bringing with you is."

John frowned. "What?"

"I didn't say anything. I told her she had to wait for you. I think she's worried and let's face it, she's not the most patient soul. I just want you to be prepared because she's gonna be on you like white on rice till you tell her."

John nodded and turned to look at his mother. "I know. Look, I'll call you later tonight, OK."

Randy sighed on his end. "I won't be able to sleep until you do. Look, John, whatever happens, just remember I love you and I always will, OK."

John smiled as he heard a loud "Awwww," follow Randy's statement then a gruff "Shut the fuck up, Ted and get the hell out of my locker room!" from his angry lover.

"Thanks, Ran. Me, too."

John ended the call and turned his body to look at his mother. "Mom, why did you call Randy to harass him?"

Carol raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked over at him quickly. "What? What are you talking about, sweetheart? I just asked him if your flight had taken off,"

John smirked at his mother's feigned surprise. "Mom, please, he just told me."

Carol sighed. "Wait till I get my hands on that little brat."

John shook his head. "Mom, can't you ever just wait? I told you I had great news and that makes you worry? It's great news!"

Carol steered the car forward, her eyes not meeting John. "Well, if it's so great why couldn't you tell me over the phone?"

John sighed. "Mom, can we just drop it. I'm exhausted. I couldn't sleep last night in the hospital and I couldn't sleep now in the plane. We'll talk at dinner, OK. I would like Dad there, too."

Carol sighed. "Fine, John, but I can't believe you're doing this to me. You know how much I detest waiting. I don't believe your news is great. I think something is wrong and you're just hiding it from me. That's not very nice, John. You've always been the most honest one of my boys and I don't know why you're not being honest right now..."

John closed his eyes, desperately trying to tune out his mother's lecture/guilt trip. Despite his effort, he heard her go on and on about how worried she was and how none of his brothers would do this to her and he just exploded.

"Mom, stop it, all right! You wanna know my big secret? Fine! I'm dating Randy!"

Carol stopped speaking at her son's outburst and swung her head in his direction, her eyes wide with shock. Her hands slipped from the steering wheel and covered her mouth as the cars speed dropped. Cars began honking behind them but Carol just stared at John.

John looked at his mother, his frustration now replaced by panic at the look on her face. He turned to see they were literally stopped in the right lane of a major highway and cars behind them were honking furiously.

"Mom, we're in the middle of the lane. Pull over."

Carol looked around her and pulled her shaking hands away from her face, nervously moving the car over to the emergency lane. She turned the key in the ignition and watched as the cars flew by.

John lowered his head down. "Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I wanted to tell you and Dad when we were alone and not on a highway..."

Carol stared at him. "No jokes right now, John. They are not appreciated."

John immediately shut his mouth and nervously met his mother's eyes. "Sorry,"

Carol shook her head. "Is this a joke, John? Is this one of those silly little jokes of yours no one else thinks is funny?"

John shook his head. "No, it's not a joke. Randy and I have been dating for almost 4 months now and we're in love."

Carol stared at John, her mouth open. "My God, John. How? How the hell did that happen?"

John shrugged. "I don't know. I don't even care, really. It just did and I'm happy. I'm really happy, Mom."

Carol shook her head and turned away. "I can't believe this. I just can't. The last time you and Randy were in my house you two were barely talking! Now you're in a relationship?"

"Mom, Randy and I were more confused by this than anyone else could possibly be. The feelings we were having for each other were making us a bit uncomfortable and that was the tension you saw. We figured it out, though and we're happy together now."

Carol stared at him in disbelief. "So, is it only Randy or are you dating other...men?" She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "God, I can't believe I just said that."

John sighed. "No, Mom, Randy is the only man I'm dating. He's the only man I've ever dated and hopefully, he'll be the only one I ever do. I love him."

Carol frowned and lowered her hands. "John, how do you one day just start dating a man? You were married to Liz! How do you go from one sex to another so quickly? Are you sure this isn't some type of experiment or something?"

John laughed softly as he shook his head. "No, this isn't an experiment, Mom. I know for a fact Randy and I are in love. I don't know when it happened and I don't care. Maybe its been there all along or maybe it hasn't; I don't care. I'm just happy it's here now and I hope you and Dad can be as happy for me as I am for myself."

Carol sighed. "I need to think about this, John. Just don't say anymore, please."

She started the car and merged back into the highway, staring straight ahead as her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. John watched her for a few seconds before sighing and turning away to look out of the window as the scenery flew by. Despite how awful and embarrassing that conversation was, he felt good about it. The secrecy was driving him crazy and whether his parents accepted it or not, at least he wouldn't have to hide anymore. It was almost over. One down, one to go.

When they pulled up to his parent's home, his mother still had not spoken a word to him. John tentatively turned to look at her and she sighed. "All right, we're home. Your father is in there, John. I want you to think clearly about this before telling him. I don't want you to break his heart if this is all just a game between you and Randy."

John frowned. "I've told you this isn't a game, Mom. Randy and I are in love!"

Carol shrugged. "Fine, keep saying that. Don't come to me when this all blows up in your face, though."

She opened her car door and got out, letting the door slam behind her. John sighed loudly and stepped out of the car slowly, looking up at his home. He watched his mother walk into the house and leave the door partly open for him. John followed up the walkway slowly, not bothering to bring his luggage into the house in case he had to make a hasty exit. He entered the house in time to see his mother walking up the stairs. John sighed and walked into the living room and saw his father standing in front of the stairs.

"Dad,"

John Sr. turned around and smiled at his son, crossing to room to hug him tightly. "Johnny, my boy. How's the head?"

John smiled and knocked his fist to his head. "It's perfect. Nothing can crack this melon!"

John Sr. smiled and looked back up to the stairs. "What's up with your mom there? She was in such a great mood when she left to get you."

John nodded and motioned for his father to have a seat. John Sr. frowned and lowered his body to the sofa and John tentatively sat beside him. "Mom is a little upset at me. When we spoke last night I told her I had some news I wanted to share with you guys."

His father nodded. "I know, she told me. I didn't think it would make her have that type of reaction, though,"

John smiled and shook his head. "Well, what I considered great news, she obviously didn't."

He took a deep breath and his father frowned. "Johnny, whatever it is, she'll get over it. Nothing can be that bad, kid."

John nodded. "I told her about me and Randy. We're dating, Dad."

John Sr. stared at him, his gaze so intense John lowered his eyes. "What are you talking about, John?"

John sighed and kept his gaze lowered. "It's not a joke, Dad. I wouldn't joke about this. We've been dating for over 3 months now and we're in love,"

He rushed his words out and held his breath as he awaited his father's response. John Sr. stared at him and then sighed. "When did this happen, John? Is this why you and Randy got divorced around the same time?"

John shook his head. "No, Dad. We weren't doing anything until 4 months ago, I swear. When I was with Liz, I thought I was in love with her. We grew apart and we divorced, that's all there is to it. I've never had any feelings for any other man; just Randy. I don't wanna speak for Randy but I know for a fact Sam became a completely different person after she had Alanna and that's why he divorced her. It had nothing to do with me, either." He sighed deeply. "Dad, I think I can honestly say neither of us ever imagined this. It caught us both by surprise and it was a huge shock. Life would be easier for us if we didn't feel this way about each other but the fact is, we do. We don't know how, why or when it started but we don't regret it, Dad."

John Sr. shook his head. "Do you have any idea how weird it is for me to be having this conversation with you after all that advice I gave you about girls all your life? I don't know how to react to this, Johnny."

John nodded. "I know it's weird, Dad and I know it's hard for you and Mom to accept. I love Randy, though and if you guys want me to remain in your life you have to accept the fact that he's going to be a huge part of my life forever. I will do anything I can to always have Randy by my side. I won't give him up for anyone."

John Sr. raised an eyebrow and stood up. "Well, I guess that tells me, huh?"

John stood up slowly and stood before him. "Dad, I love you and Mom so much. I would hope you could find it in your hearts to accept this but if you can't then I can't do anything about it. It's all on you two. You know Randy is a good man and the last thing he would want is to come between us but the bottom line is Randy is my priority right now,"

His father stared at him for a minute and finally nodded. He turned and walked up the stairs and out of John's sight.

John breathed a sigh of relief. It was done. He had told his parents and now it all lay on them. Would they accept him and Randy together? Only time would tell. He walked out of the house and sat on the front steps. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Randy's number.

"Hey, you're still alive,"

John smiled at the mocking tone in Randy's voice. He heard the chatter and noise behind him that was familiar to a WWE backstage.

"Are you getting ready for your match?"

"Yeah, but I have some time. Is everything OK?"

John nodded before responding. "I don't know." He sighed loudly. "I told them, Ran. My mom isn't talking to me but my Dad actually didn't have the reaction I expected. He didn't freak out that one of his boys now likes another boy. He didn't say he was happy with me either, though."

Randy laughed softly on the other end, causing John to smile. "I'm proud of you, Johnny. I guess for the time being we only have each other. Is that enough for you?"

John's smile grew wider. "It's all I need. You're all I want,"

He heard a voice yell for Randy and a groan from the man in questioned. "I gotta go, John. I'll call you later tonight, OK."

John nodded. "Have a good match, babe. I love you,"

"I love you more, John. I'm so proud of you," John smiled at Randy's praise, the younger man's voice full of love for him. He would give anything to be able to be there with him.

John stood and entered the house. He heard his parents voices upstairs, the topic of discussion clearly being him and his new lifestyle. John rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the phone and calling the local cab company. Before the car arrived he grabbed his mother's notepad from the counter and scribbled a hasty note.

"_Mom and Dad, _

_I know I laid a huge bomb on you two. Hopefully you will one day accept it. I figure I would give you some time to process it. I'm gonna go back to Texas. I promise not to work. I just want to be with Randy and my friends. I hope to hear from you soon. _

_I love you both. _

_John"_

He quickly walked back to his mother's car and pulled his luggage out of the back seat. He leaned on the car and busied himself calling airlines, frantically looking for a flight back to Texas. The cab pulled up and John quickly got inside before his parents could spot him. He gave the driver his destination and remained on the telephone, successfully booking a flight that would leave Boston in 2 hours. He would barely make it but after bribing the driver with a $20 tip, the increased speed of the drive gave him a better chance. All he wanted was to be in Randy's arms by the morning hours.

* * *

Over 6 hours later he arrived in Dallas, Texas. John had never felt more exhausted in his life. After a concussion, a miserable night in the hospital, the most intense conversation he could ever imagine with his parents and two cross country flights, all his body craved was a bed, peace and quiet. Having Randy in that bed with him would only make it the more perfect.

John hopped in a cab, directing the driver to the Dallas Hilton, his trusty black suitcase by his side. It was past 11:30 pm in Dallas and he knew the boys had a daytime WWE live event so ideally, Randy should already be back at the hotel, unless he had gone out with their friends. John sighed and tapped his fingers impatiently on his thigh. He knew Randy would be furious that he had come back to Texas after the doctor specifically recommended he rest for the remainder of the week. John couldn't help it, though. Being in his parents home for a week as they talked about him was only going to make his head worse. He wanted to be with the person he loved.

The car finally pulled up at the hotel and he smiled at the driver as he paid him. John walked into the hotel lobby and realized he had no idea where his key card was. He quickly walked over to the Reception Desk and smiled at the clerk.

"Hi, I'm in room 1025 and I seem to have misplaced my key card. Can you give me another one?"

She smiled and nodded her head. "Of course. Here you are, Mr. Cena."

John took the card handed to him and smiled. He headed for the elevators and anxiously rode up to the 10th floor. Thankfully, the floor was deserted and quiet and he was able to get to the room door without interruption from anyone. As he stood in front of the door, he heard the faint sounds of the television inside. John smiled and inserted the key in the door and quickly pushed it open. He stepped inside the room and dropped his luggage beside the door. He moved further into the suite and spotted Randy laying topless on the bed he had chosen a day ago. The remote lay on his bare chest and his eyes were so focused on the television before him that he didn't notice John watching him, a small smile on his face.

"What's so interesting, Orton?"

Randy jerked up in the bed, his eyes wide. "John! What the hell are you doing here?" He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing up.

John moved over to him quickly and wrapped his arms around his neck. "I wanted to be with you. What was the point of being in West Newbury when you're here?"

Randy hugged John to his body tightly and pressed a kiss to his neck. "John, what happened?"

John pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. He shrugged as Randy watched him with a frown. "I told them and they just went upstairs to talk about it. It was the first time I have ever felt uncomfortable in my childhood home, Ran. I couldn't deal with it. The tension was gonna drive me crazy. I left them a note and told them I was coming back here."

Randy sighed and sat beside him. "John, you're not supposed to be exhausting yourself like this. You should have stayed, even if in a hotel. I would've flown out after Raw tomorrow."

John nodded. "I know but I didn't wanna wait. I promise not to do anything. I'll just sit backstage tomorrow and then we can fly out to either home. Or we could just stay here and go visit Shawn. He loves you so I know he wouldn't mind."

Randy looked down at his bare feet. "Your parents are gonna be livid, John. You should've stayed and worked things out with them. Mine freaked out, too, but the next morning was better. Its not completely fixed yet but at least we left things a little better when I left St. Louis. I don't want to be the cause of yours and your parents' relationship falling apart."

John reached for his hand. "Randy, you're not. It's just easier if I give them time alone. Both your parents and mine will have no choice but to get used to this because we are not going anywhere. You and I are all that matters."

Randy smiled and wrapped his arms around John, drawing him close. John sighed and wrapped his arms around Randy's waist, burying his face in his neck. He placed a kiss on the smooth skin and moved his lips up to Randy's. He pressed his lips to Randy's softly, nipping gently on the plump lower lip. Randy parted his lips and deepened the kiss, brushing his tongue against John's.

John groaned and pulled away from Randy. "God, I want to do so much right now but I literally feel like I'm gonna fall asleep on top of you."

Randy smiled and pulled off John's t-shirt. "All you're doing tonight, Mr. Cena, is getting some rest. You look like shit and you need to rest. Get in bed,"

John stood and slid out of his jeans. Randy moved back onto the bed and moved the covers aside, patting the side of the bed. John crawled in beside him and Randy immediately pulled him onto his chest. John closed his eyes and sighed contently, feeling Randy's hand rub his back gently.

"I love you, Ran."

Randy placed a kiss on his head. "I love you, John."

John smiled and felt the exhaustion leave his body. The last thing he remembered was Randy gently kissing his head and the feel of his hands on his body before sleep finally took him over.


	20. Chapter 19

Randy smiled as he heard John singing off key in the bathroom as he showered. He shook his head at how absurd he sounded and busied himself gathering dirty clothes to send to the hotel laundry. As he moved through the hotel room picking up the random dirty sock, he heard a soft knock on the hotel room door. Randy frowned and moved over to the doorway, shock in his eyes as he peered through the peephole. He swung the door open quickly and took a step back.

"Cody! What are you doing here?"

Cody pushed past him into the room and shook his head. "Why can't you ever greet me with a 'Cody, nice to see you! I'm so happy you're here!'"

Randy smiled and closed the door behind him. "I am happy you're here, Cody. I just didn't expect to see you on a Monday night. I know you have Smackdown tomorrow and this is your rest day. Why aren't you resting?"

Cody took a seat on the sofa and pulled his sunglasses off his face. It was at that moment Randy noticed his eyes were rimmed in red and he had dark circles underneath his normally bright blue eyes.

"Cody, what's wrong?"

Cody lowered his eyes and shook his head. Randy sighed and moved to sit beside him, wrapping his young friend in his arms. "Cody, talk to me. I can fix it. Just tell me what's wrong."

Cody immediately broke down at the loving tone in Randy's voice, drenching the shoulder of his t-shirt with his tears. Randy held on to him tightly, letting him get it all out before attempting to get him to speak.

"Cody, please, tell me what's wrong. You're never like this."

Cody slowly pulled back, sniffling loudly as he wiped his tears. "I'm sorry, Ran. I must look a mess."

Randy shrugged and wiped a random tear from his friend's face. "I don't care how you look, Codes. I'm just worried about what has you in this state."

Cody looked down at his hands and shook his head. "I don't even know how to say it. I'm scared to say it out loud, Ran."

Randy frowned. "What is it, Cody?"

Cody looked up, his watery eyes meeting Randy's worried ones. "I think something is wrong with Ted. I think he's cheating on me and I need you to tell me if you've seen anything weird." His lower lip began to tremble. "Please, Randy, have you seen anything?"

Randy quickly shook his head and grasped Cody's hands in his. "No, Cody, I swear I haven't seen anything. Ted loves you, Codes. What makes you think he's cheating on you?"

Another tear slid from Cody's eyes and he bent his head quickly. "He's acting so different, Ran. He's so secretive, lately. It's like he's watching every word that comes out of his mouth and he's always on his guard. He's hiding something from me, Randy, I just know it."

Randy frowned and shook his head. "Have you talked to him about this, Cody? Have you asked him why he's acting different?"

Cody pulled a hand from Randy's grasp and wiped his face, anger slowly replacing the sadness in his eyes. "Yes! He says I'm imagining things and that there's nothing wrong with him and that he's not hiding anything! I know he's lying to me, though. I know Ted like the back of my hand. Something is wrong with him!"

Randy frowned and stared at his young friend. The door to the bathroom flew open in the back and John walked out, towel slung low around his hips. Cody raised an eyebrow as John sauntered into the living room, unaware of Cody's presence. John whistled as he entered the room and stopped short when he saw Cody, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Hey, Codes! What are you doing here?"

Cody frowned, his face wrinkling. "Talking to Randy. Can you go put some clothes on, Johnny? You're a little too free and easy around company, dude."

John laughed nervously and hurried back into the room, closing the door behind him ad Randy sighed loudly.

Cody turned to look at him and shrugged. "He's comfortable, huh?"

Randy smiled thinly. He lowered his eyes from Cody's gaze as realization dawned on him. Cody was right; Ted was acting different. Randy himself had seen it. Ted was hiding his and John's secret and it was making him nervous. Ted was so worried about slipping up and betraying Randy and John's trust that he had become very quiet. His normal, happy and talkative self had changed into a quiet, withdrawn and anti-social self; especially with Cody. Randy had made it clear he wanted to tell his young friend about his new relationship on his own time and Ted was respecting Randy's wish. Of course Cody would have noticed the change in Ted. Ted spent the bulk of his time with his boyfriend. Cody was right; he knew him like the back of his hand.

"Randy, are you listening to me or have you already tuned me out?"

Randy jerked his head up and smiled. "No, I'm listening to you, Codes."

Cody sighed. "So, what is, Ran? What do you think? Could Ted be cheating on me?"

Randy squeezed Cody's hand. "Cody, I know why Ted is acting so strange around you and it's all my fault."

Cody frowned. "What do you mean your fault?"

Randy sighed. "Ted has been hiding something from you because I asked him to do so. I'm sorry, Cody. I just wanted to tell you myself..."

Cody pulled his hands out of Randy's and held one up. "Wait a minute. What are you telling me, Ran?" He opened his eyes wide and moved away from Randy quickly. "Are you and Ted involved..."

Randy quickly shook his head. "No, Cody, no! Ted isn't cheating on you, I swear. He found out something about me and he's promised not to tell anyone, even you, until I'm ready."

Cody's body began to relax as he stared at Randy with a confused look. "Oh. Well, now I feel like crap...and a moron. Ted isn't lying to me because of something he's done. He's lying to me because of something you've done?"

Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "I had a really bad day there a few days ago and Ted was there for me. He helped me understand some things and was a friend when I really needed one. I never wanted him to betray the trust between the two of you or get you to doubt him, though."

Cody nodded. "What happened, Randy? What is Ted hiding for you?" He smiled and shook his head. "I mean, if you're ready to tell me. I don't wanna push you. I'm just happy Ted isn't cheating on me."

Randy smiled. "Ted loves you, Cody. He would never do something like that. You guys are a great couple." He sighed and looked down. "I hope John and I can be as great a couple as you two."

Randy looked up and met Cody's confused eyes. He raised an eyebrow at the younger man's reaction and smiled. "Did you hear what I said? John and I...we're a couple..."

Cody gasped softly and reached for Randy's hand. "Are you joking right now because if you are, it's not funny."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm not joking, Cody. We've been dating for 4 months now."

Cody smiled happily and wrapped his arms around Randy, squeezing him around the neck tightly. He pulled back and laughed. "Oh my God, Randy, I'm so happy for you! How did that happen? When I mentioned it last year you practically sent me to hell!"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know, Codes and I don't care. I just know it did and I'm happy and in love..."

Both men turned as the bedroom door opened slowly and John exited the room again, this time dressed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He smiled in their direction and Cody immediately jumped up and ran over to him, hugging him tightly. John laughed at Cody's enthusiasm as he stumbled backwards. He glanced at Randy over Cody's shoulder and Randy nodded, a smile on his face.

"I told him. I think he's happy about it."

Cody pulled away from John and smiled. "I am so happy about it. I knew you two were meant to be together!"

John smiled and walked over to Randy, wrapping an arm around the younger man as he took a seat on the arm of the sofa. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Randy's lips as Cody smiled.

"Oh, you guys are just too cute. Too much of that will make me sick, though."

Randy smirked in his direction. "Now you know how we feel whenever we see you and Ted."

Cody smiled and walked back over to the sofa. He grabbed his sunglasses from the table and motioned to Randy. "All right, I'm gonna go see my guy before I gotta hop on a plane back to my job. Randy, walk with me."

Randy stood up and walked over to the door, opening it softly as Cody walked over to John. He hugged the older man tightly. "I'm so happy for you and Randy, Johnny. Make it work, OK. You guys are perfect together."

John nodded. "Don't worry, Codes. I'm not letting him go anywhere."

Cody smiled and pulled away. He followed Randy out of their hotel room and linked his arm through Randy's as they walked down the quiet hallway. "I'm so happy for you, Ran."

Randy looked down at him and smiled. "I'm happy for myself. It's a new feeling but it's amazing. It's stronger than anything I've ever felt for anyone else."

Cody nodded. "I know. I still have that feeling for Teddy. That's why I was so scared when I thought we were drifting apart."

Randy shook his head. "You have nothing to worry about with Ted. Consider yourself lucky, Cody. You have a loyal, loving boyfriend and an amazing best friend in me."

Cody laughed and nodded. "Don't forget a humble best friend." He stopped in front of the elevator and smiled sheepishly at Randy. "You know I'm there for you, right? For any questions you may have,"

Randy frowned. "Yeah, I know. What kind of questions are you expecting, though?"

Cody laughed nervously. "Come on, Ran. Have you and John...you know...done it yet?"

Randy raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Cody, come on, that's really personal."

Cody nodded. "I know and I'm sorry but I just want you to know that I'm here to answer any questions you may have. It's scary, Ran. It's like your first time all over again and because you're both guys, there's a lot of different equipment to work with since you both have the same equipment. There's also the question of top and bottom and who's gonna be what..."

Randy held a hand up. "Cody, please stop talking about that. We're in a hotel hallway."

Cody smiled as the elevator dinged open. They stepped inside and pressed the button for the 15th floor. Ted had even distanced himself from his fellow wrestlers by taking a room 5 floors away from them.

"I'm just trying to help you. I've been there and I had no one to ask questions to. I wanna make it easier for you. We're best friends; we should be able talk about anything and not be embarrassed."

Randy sighed and watched the numbers on the elevator panel go up. He lowered his gaze and mumbled, "Without getting too graphic about your sex life, can you tell me how did you decide who's what?"

Cody looked over at him and shrugged. "Well, trust is the major part in it. You and John need to talk and figure out what you're each comfortable with. Don't rush and force yourself into anything too soon."

Randy nodded. His gaze remained on the ground and he bit his lip as Cody stared at him, an amused look on his face. "Randy, just ask it. Whatever you want. It's better to ask me than Google, isn't it?"

Randy looked up and sighed. "Does it really hurt?"

Cody gasped as the elevator doors opened. He walked out and headed for Ted's room. "Why do you automatically assume I'm the bottom in my relationship?"

Randy sighed and followed him slowly. "Cody, come on."

Cody rolled his eyes and leaned on the wall. He sighed before slowly nodding. "Yes, it hurts. That's why trust is so important. It takes getting used to and careful preparation and that means you need a caring, patient partner." He laughed softly. "I thought I was gonna die from being ripped open the first time we tried. Ted was so sweet and patient. I just cried."

Randy smiled. "I'm scared of going there. John and I have done other things and I wanna go further but I'm scared."

Cody nodded. "Guess what? John is scared too. This is all new to him, too. You guys have to talk about this. Don't be afraid to because it wont help in any way."

Randy nodded. "Thanks, Codes. It's nice to know I have you to talk to about these things."

Cody smiled and began to walk down the hall. "No problem! It's nice to know I have the upper hand on my best friend, for once! I know about something he doesn't!"

Randy laughed and shook his head. "Just give me time, little man. I'll soon be a pro at it."

Cody stopped in front of Ted's room and smiled. "Be honest with each other, Randy and it'll all fall into place. There's nothing like being in love and being intimate with each other is the natural course of things. Just take it slow. There's no need to rush."

Randy nodded and hugged Cody tightly. Cody pulled away, a smile on his face. "And if it makes you feel better, it doesn't hurt after a couple of times when you get used to it. There's this spot inside you that when it get hit just right makes you feel so dam good..."

Cody motioned with his hands and Randy grabbed them tightly. "Oh my God, that's too graphic! Please stop talking now."

Cody laughed and knocked on Ted's door. Randy smiled and shook his head, both men laughing by the time Ted swung the door open. "Cody! What are you doing here?"

Cody rolled his eyes. "That seems to be the greeting of choice for me everywhere I go,"

Ted smiled and pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly as Randy watched with a smile. Cody buried his face in Ted's neck and Randy stepped back. "All right, I'll let you guys have your time alone. Ted, I told Cody about me and John so you can go back to being your normal self around him."

Ted pulled back from Cody's embrace and smiled. "Thank God! I hated having to act so weird around everyone! Especially my baby, here,"

Cody smiled and kissed Ted gently as Randy smirked. "I'm sure he didn't even notice, Teddy."

He turned and walked down the long hallway, waving at his friends. Randy sighed as he waited for the elevator to come back up to pick him up. There were so many things in the relationship between him and John that were still so confusing to him. He loved John; that part was certain. He was fearful of the things that came with loving John, though. He was no virgin but when it came to his backside, he damn sure was. Cody was right, though. He knew John had to be having these same thoughts. It was only obvious. He and John had already done many intimate things and soon enough they would go further. They wanted each other and it was getting harder to stop each time. How the hell did he attempt to bring up a bottom/top conversation with John, though? It wasn't something he could just mention during dinner.

The elevator doors opened and Randy rode back to his floor, his mind still swirling with a million thoughts. Once on his floor, he slowly walked back to his and John's suite, entering the room quietly and leaned on the door, eyes closed tightly.

"Hey, you OK, babe?"

Randy opened his eyes and smiled at John. He walked over to the older man and wrapped his arms around him tightly, feeling John pull him in close. "I'm OK. I'm happy Cody knows about us. I know Ted hated having to lie to him and so did I. It's also nice to have someone to talk to about this."

John pulled back and looked at him with a frown. "About what? Us?"

Randy nodded. "Yeah. Cody has been in a relationship with another man for awhile now and we're just starting. It's nice to have a friend to talk to about it, you know?"

John smiled. "You can talk to me, too,"

Randy nodded, quickly placing a kiss on John's lips. "I know, baby and I do talk to you about everything. You know that. It's just...some things are harder to talk about," He sighed and walked back into their bedroom, picking up the pile of clothes he had been sorting when Cody entered earlier. John followed slowly, a frown on his face. "What is it you can't talk to me about?"

Randy smiled. "Nothing important, John. Don't worry." He lifted the bag of dirty clothes onto his shoulder and looked at his watch. "Come on, we gotta get to the arena."

John grabbed his hand, a concerned look marring his handsome face. "You're sure you're OK, baby?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "I'm perfect. Don't worry." He linked their fingers together and pulled him to the door, John frowning the entire way.

* * *

Hours later, the men sat in the living room area of their suite, a very late night dinner spread before them. After performing on RAW and going with Ted to drive Cody to the airport, Randy and John had retired to their room as many of their fellow co-workers decided to head straight home.

"So, have we decided where we're going? Your place or mine?"

John looked up at Randy and shrugged. "I don't care. Either home is fine."

Randy sighed. "Do you wanna stay here? Shawn would love to have us and I would love to see you attempt to ride a horse." He smiled at John, who merely nodded. "Whatever you want, babe,"

Randy sighed in frustration and watched as John munched on his food with a lackluster attitude. "John, what's wrong? You're acting really weird and I've never seen you not devour a steak!"

He smiled again and got simple shrug from John in response. Randy rolled his eyes and pushed his own plate away. "Fine, I'm not gonna play mind reader with you. It's too exhausting."

He stood up and reached for John's plate when the older man's hand suddenly clamped down on his. Randy met John's eyes and raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

John sighed and pulled Randy down, close to his body. "I'm still thinking about what you said earlier. What is it you can talk to Cody about and not me?"

Randy's mouth dropped open and he stared at John. "Are you kidding me, John? I say one thing and you sulk all day. Baby, that's a bit dramatic, don't you think?"

John shrugged. "Well, it worries me. We're supposed to talk about everything! Honesty is the key to making our relationship work."

Randy smiled. "I know that and I do tell you everything. It's just..." He lowered his eyes and shrugged. "Cody and I were talking about something kind of embarrassing."

John frowned. "Embarrassing?"

Randy nodded. "Yeah. We were talking about when a couple decides to go further and become more intimate. You know..."

John smiled slowly. "You mean have sex?"

Randy looked up and smirked. "Don't act so nonchalant about it. It's a big deal for us and it helps to have Cody to talk to about it. I've never done that, John."

John held his hands up and smiled. "I'm not acting any way, Ran. It is a big deal and I've never done it either, you know. I just think we should talk to each other about it not only our friends."

Randy nodded. "I just wanted to know how he bought it up with Ted. Again, it's embarrassing."

John laughed softly. "Nothing between us should be embarrassing. We should be able to talk about anything and be completely honest with each other. I know its something we'll do eventually. When that time comes, we'll figure it out as it happens."

Randy smiled. "Super Cena will take the lead, as usual?"

John patted himself on the back and smiled as Randy rolled his eyes. "It was the role I was born to play, Randy. I can lead anyone to success and I will make our first time together amazing." He dropped the smile and looked at Randy intensely. "I promise you that."

Randy reached out and grabbed John's shirt, pulling him close to his body. He pressed their lips together, sliding his tongue into John's mouth as the older man wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him into his body. His hands immediately slid under Randy's shirt, feeling the warm skin below. A low moan escaped John's throat as he tasted every part of Randy's mouth.

Randy broke the kiss, gulping for fresh air, and stood, a smirk playing on his lips. "This sofa is uncomfortable. Let's go to bed,"

John quickly stood and followed his smirking boyfriend to the bedroom. He wrapped his arms around Randy's waist and turned him over, pulling him back to his lips. Randy melted into the kiss as John gently pushed him back on the bed, their lips never parting. John settled himself between Randy's thighs and moved his lips to his boyfriend's neck, placing soft kisses on the smooth skin. Randy shivered at the sensation of John's lips on his skin. John's warm, strong hands moved possessively over Randy's body, slowly moving downward. Randy sighed contently and arched into John's touch, as his lips moved across John's mouth, his tongue tracing the seam. John moaned sensually and parted his lips, Randy diving in to taste. Goosebumps broke out over John's body as he ground into Randy, the younger man's hips twisting and arching upward.

Randy pulled back with a gasp and stared into John's eyes. "God, Johnny, you feel so good."

John smiled slowly and began to slide down Randy's body, coming face to face with his cloth covered cock. He quickly pulled off Randy's shorts and the younger man watched his every move with lust filled eyes. John smiled as he ran his fingers softly over Randy's cock, causing the hard member to jerk in his hand. He lowered his mouth and sucked the head of Randy's cock slowly, using his other hand to tease his balls. John ran his tongue over the top of Randy's cock while the man moaned below him.

"God, John," Randy cried, head whipping back and forth.

John moved his lips up and down Randy's cock, feeling it against his tongue. He moved his mouth lower on the hard member, sucking slowly and moaning. Randy gasped as the vibrations from John's mouth traveled up his body. John sucked harder, moving his lips up and down while running his tongue along the underside of Randy's hardness.

"Johnny, I'm close, baby,"

John felt Randy's hands grasp his head and he increased his pace. He wanted nothing more than to feel Randy come undone underneath him. His eyes locked on Randy's face, eyes screwed shut in pleasure, lips parted.

Suddenly, without warning, Randy's eyes shot open, locking with John's and his hips arched up from the bed as his cum filled John's mouth.

"John..." Randy yelled as he came, eyes rolling back in his head.

John kept his lips attached to Randy's now limp member, swallowing down every drop of his essence. Randy lay sprawled, his body still tingling from the intense orgasm aftershocks.

"I love you," Randy whispered.

John smiled up at him, placing a kiss on Randy's hip as he move back up his body. He stretched out beside him, cuddling Randy close and letting him gather his breath.

Randy sighed into his neck and kissed it gently. "Do you know how much I love it when you do that?"

John laughed softly. "I can imagine,"

Randy lifted himself off John's chest and smiled. "No, I mean besides it feeling really good, I just love that we trust each other so well that we do…that, you know?"

John smiled. "Go down on each other and swallow?"

Randy frowned. "Must you be so damn graphic?"

John shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with it, babe. You can say the words, too. I don't get embarrassed."

Randy smiled and shook his head slowly. "Give me time, John. I'll get there."

John nodded and kissed Randy gently. "I'll give you all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

Randy traced a finger down John's chest, drawing circles on his stomach. John jerked up, a smile on his lips and Randy laughed softly.

"Tickles?"

John nodded, a smile on his lips as Randy moved his hands back up. He traced the older man's nipples softly, teasing them as John arched his back up. Randy smiled as he bent his lips to nip gently at the sensitive buds. John closed his eyes and groaned as Randy's lips closed around his nipple and began to suck, the younger man alternating between them. John lifted his back, attempting to feel more of Randy's skin and mouth on him as the younger man ran his hands up and down the sides of his body.

"More. God, I want more, Ran." John moaned as Randy's lips moved up to kiss the skin on his neck.

"What do you want, baby?" he whispered against his lover's chest.

Randy smiled as John pulled him close, smirk in place. "I want to feel your mouth somewhere else, baby. Head south,"

Randy laughed and bit down on John's skin, causing a yelp from his older lover. He moved his lips to John's and covered them in a deep kiss, running his tongue over the plump lips. John moaned into Randy's mouth as he felt the man's hands explore his body. Randy already knew which spots on his body would make him moan the loudest. His hips thrust up, his hard member rubbing against the soft cotton of his boxer shorts. Randy moved down his body, placing kisses along the way. John was breathing hard as he followed Randy down with his eyes.

Randy placed his fingers in the waist of John's shorts and slowly pulled them down, revealing his hard, leaking cock. He ran his finger over the head, collecting a small drop of the clear fluid and bringing it to his lips. John closed his eyes as Randy wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it while spreading the pre-cum around. His eyes squeezed shut even tighter when he felt Randy's tongue licking the head gently before wrapping his mouth around him. John inhaled a deep breath and opened his eyes in time to see his cock disappear in Randy's mouth. He grasped the sheets and moaned, his hips beginning to thrust. Randy gripped his hips firmly, holding them down as he moved his mouth over John.

"Ran," John moaned as he threw his head back on the bed. He desperately wanted to move and get his release but Randy seemed too content in torturing him. He alternated between licking up and down John's shaft and sucking as much as he could take into his warm mouth.

Randy smiled as he lifted off John's cock momentarily, swirling his tongue around the head as he glanced down at John's flushed skin, his eyes fluttering as he gripped the sheets tightly. He remained his hold on the older man's hips and again engulfed his cock, receiving yet another cry of ecstasy from John.

"Randy, please, baby. You're killing me here,"

Randy moved smoothly and quickly up and down John's member, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked deeply. He released the hold he had on John's trembling hips and the older man immediately began to thrust upward.

"Ran, I'm so close, baby."

Randy kept his mouth sealed over John's cock and within minutes heard another yell release from John's lips as he exploded into Randy's mouth with force. Randy continued to suck on him deeply, drawing out all John had to offer and licking him clean.

John collapsed into the bed, sinking into the mattress as Randy released him from his mouth. He closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath. Randy smiled as he watched him, pleased that he could bring John the same pleasure the older man bought him. He kissed his way back up John's body and laid his head on John's heaving chest, listening to his heartbeat.

John slowly opened his eyes and wrapped an arm around Randy, causing the younger man to look up at him and smile. "How can you be embarrassed about saying it but you're not embarrassed to do it?"

Randy laughed and shrugged his shoulders. He lifted himself up and held himself up with one arm. "I don't know."

John shook his head. "You're pretty damn good with that mouth of yours, baby. Now if we can just get it to talk about the other things we wanna do to each other."

Randy nodded and took a deep breath. "You want me to talk? All right, I'll talk." He lowered his eyes and said, "I want to go further, John. I'm ready."

John raised an eyebrow and held his breath. "What?"

Randy nodded and raised his eyes to meet John's. "I want you. I trust you and I know it's gonna be hard the first time but I want you…in me."

John exhaled loudly and shook his head. "Oh my God,"

Randy frowned at John's reaction and pulled away from his arms. He felt his face burn and his eyes water. "I mean, if you want to. We don't have to do anything. It's up to you. You wanted me to talk to you and I wanna be honest…"

John grabbed Randy's face in his hand and lifted it up. He smiled and pressed a kiss to Randy's lips, stopping the flow of words coming from his lips. "No, baby, I want to do it. Of course I want you, Ran. I'm just surprised by what you're saying…that you would trust me to do that…"

Randy smiled. "I love you and you're the only person I would ever trust to come near my ass, trust me."

John laughed and nodded. "Well, that's nice to hear." He sighed and pulled Randy back down, wrapping his arms around him. "Randy, I love you so much. You name the time and the day and I'm ready to go, baby."

Randy smiled. "How about right now?" He lifted himself up and looked down at John, smirk in place. "I'm ready to go right now, Johnny,"


	21. Chapter 20

John's eyes widened and his stomach immediately clenched at Randy's words. "What?"

Randy smiled widely. He lifted his body to hover over John, his eyes bright as they stared into John's. "I'm ready. Let's just do it now. We're in love so what are we waiting for?"

John smiled nervously and sat up, shoving Randy over slightly. "Uh, I don't know, Ran..."

Randy frowned and watched as John climbed off the bed, quickly putting on his discarded boxer shorts. He suddenly felt self-conscious at how exposed he was and he drew the covers closer over his naked lower half.

"What don't you know? You said you were ready to go!"

John moved over to the foot of the bed and looked down at Randy, a blush creeping up on his face. "I lied. I don't think I'm ready to go there with you."

Randy lowered his eyes down to the bedspread and nodded slowly. His eyes watered at John's rejection and he quickly got up and threw on some sweatpants, refusing to let the older man see him cry. He walked around John, his eyes never leaving the floor and grabbed a t-shirt from his bag.

"It's fine; don't worry about it. I'm gonna go down to the gym for a little bit."

John reached out to grab Randy's arm, flinching slightly when the younger man balked at his touch. "No, Ran, don't leave. Let me explain, baby."

Randy shook his head. "Don't worry. There's nothing to explain. It's fine." He walked out of the room, letting the door slam behind him and quickly headed for the stairs, disappearing into them before John could catch up to him. Randy ran down the first two flights and finally collapsed on the third landing, lowering his head to his hand and finally allowing some tears to escape his tightly squeezed eyes.

God, he felt like such a moron! Everything was going so great with him and John and now things were ruined, yet again. It seemed like whenever they took two steps forward they fell back one in the grand spectrum of their relationship. It was frustrating him to no end. Was all this frustration and stress worth it?

Randy wiped his eyes and sighed, leaning back on the stairs. Of course it was worth it. It was him and John and they were perfect together. For John, he would endure the stress and frustration. He just wished it didn't have to be so hard.

"Randy,"

Randy stood up quickly and spun around. His still wet eyes met John's sad ones as the older man stood on top of the stairway landing and he turned away quickly. "What?"

John walked down the stairs slowly and Randy immediately took a step back. "What are you doing, Ran?"

Randy moved away from him quickly and shook his head. "I told you I was going to the gym. I just stopped to tie my shoe."

John sighed loudly. "Ran, don't lie to me. Can we just sit and talk about this? You're not letting me explain." He took a step towards Randy, who immediately took another one back.

Randy shrugged. "There's nothing to explain. Everything's fine, John."

He turned away from the older man and lifted his foot to continue descending when he felt John's arm grab his and pull him back. Randy felt his body jerk with the force of John's pull and he fell backward landing on his butt.

"John, what the hell are you doing? Let go of me,"

John held his grip on Randy's arm and moved around where he sat to stand in front of his irate boyfriend. "No, I want you to listen to me and this seems to be the only way you're gonna do it."

John sighed, his eyes lowering. "Baby, I never meant to hurt you,"

Randy glared at him angrily. "The only thing you're hurting is my arm, John. I'm fine. Just get the fuck off me," His long fingers tried to claw John's hand off his forearm to no avail.

John looked back up into Randy's eyes, seeing the moisture and redness still in them. "If you're so fine why did I find you crying in a deserted stairwell?"

Randy lowered his head into his hands and remained silent.

John sighed as he looked at him, his heart aching for the pain he was putting his lover through. He let go of Randy's arm and knelt down in front of him, his face directly in front of the younger man's.

"Baby, I'm sorry,"

Randy shook his head, his eyes refusing to meet John's. He didn't want an apology from John. He hated apologies…especially from John. "Don't say that. I hate those words. I hate that I'm sitting here cry…"

Randy stopped in the middle of his sentence and clenched his jaw. He hated showing emotion in front of anyone, even John. It made him feel weak and powerless, though he knew in his heart that John did not see him that way.

John felt his own eyes water at the turmoil he saw Randy going through. He pulled the younger man forward and enveloped him tightly in his arms. He felt the wetness on his shoulder as tears fell from Randy's eyes and heard him sniffling loudly.

"Baby, I hate having to say it but I really am sorry. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you like this."

Randy gingerly pulled away from John and stared at him closely. "Why don't you want me, John? Why is it so easy for me to give myself over to you but you always pull away from me at the tough moments?"

John frowned and dropped his arms to his side. "What are you talking about?"

Randy shrugged and wiped his eyes free of tears. "John, you talk this big game and then when it comes time to act, you're always the one to pull back. The thing with our families and now this thing with us in bed…I'm just confused about all of it."

John sat on the step below Randy, a slight flush of anger beginning to creep up his spine. "OK, so my telling you I'm not ready for us to go further automatically makes you have doubts about our relationship…again! My God, Randy, why do you have to examine everything so deeply? Can't you just take it for what it is? I spoke too soon, all right! I'm scared to go further! You want it spelled out in black and white; well, there it is! I'm scared!"

Randy glared at John. "Don't make me out to be the crazy one here, John. I'm just as scared about taking that step. My point is, I'm willing to take it because I trust you. It seems I'm the only one working on trust here, though."

John groaned loudly and stood up. "God, Randy, stop! I can't keep doing this with you; it's so frustrating. What is it gonna take for you to stop analyzing me like this? Why can't you just take things for what they are? There is no ulterior motive or reason. I was scared to tell my parents at that moment but I did it because I love you. I'm scared to have sex with you because I have never had sex with another man and I have no fucking clue what to do and I don't want to hurt you! That's all there is to it, Ran!"

Randy stood up, his glare intensifying as he stood above John. "If our relationship is so fucking frustrating then why are you in it?"

John laughed sarcastically. "Oh my God. Do you see what I'm talking about? Of all the things I said, that's what you latch on to! You completely ignored all the other things I just said!"

Randy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I did not ignore what you said. I heard you and understand you. I understand you're nervous because this would be our first time together. I don't care that you don't know what you're doing, John. We'll learn together. I want you and I don't understand why you can't put your fears aside if you truly want me, too."

John shook his head. "Because you may be OK with the idea of my hurting you but I'm not. I can't hurt you, Ran. I love you too much."

Randy sighed. "You're hurting me right now, John."

John smiled. "That's not the hurt I mean and you know it." He shrugged his shoulders and stared at Randy closely. "You're talking yourself into all these things that aren't there. You're making yourself feel unwanted and I don't understand it. You know damn well how much I want you and love you. You know I trust you more than anything and you should trust me just as much. After all we've been through in all the years we've known each other…come on, Randy."

Randy rolled his eyes and walked down the steps to stand in front of John. "I'm not used to being turned down by anyone."

John laughed softly and lifted his arms up to wrap them around Randy's waist. "I'm not turning you down, baby. I'm just asking you to wait. I would give anything to go upstairs and throw you on that bed and just take you but I can't. Give me some time, though."

Randy sighed and slowly nodded, leaning into John's embrace. "Don't make me wait too long." He lifted his arms and placed them around John's shoulder, pulling the older man close. "So, as you've already realized, I can be incredibly frustrating to deal with. Are you really sure you wanna deal with me?"

John smiled and ran his hand up to cup Randy's face. "Forever and ever,"

Randy laughed softly and pulled away. "Wow, Cena, you just signed your own death certificate."

John laughed loudly and grasped Randy's hand in his own. "Please don't torture me too much, baby. Think of how much I love you."

Randy's face dropped the smile and a small frown appeared on his forehead. He slowly pulled his hand away from John and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why do you love me, John? I'm a nightmare." He laughed and shook his head. "I'm a pain in the ass and I obviously have trust issues and..."

John frowned. "I know you're a pain in the ass. I don't care. I still love you." He raised an eyebrow. "I get the trust issues because I have my own but I would hope you wouldn't have them with me. Not after all these years and what we've shared,"

Randy smiled slowly and sat back down on the stair, looking down at his hands. "You know, when I was with Sam, I was absolutely positive that she was it for me; that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Then, when she got pregnant with Al, it just made me even more certain. When she changed so drastically a year later, it caught me so off guard. I prided myself on being such a great judge of character; someone who can call anyone on their shit and this girl completely played me. Of course that's gonna make me question people's motives. I'd never questioned yours...until we started dating."

John sighed and lowered himself down to another stair. "Randy..."

Randy shook his head and reached out to grab John's hand. "No, I didn't mean it that way, John. I know you love me." He sighed loudly. "I mean that I never actually questioned you out loud until we started dating. It seems I'm always looking for a reason you may be lying to me; like I'm waiting for the day you're gonna change and become someone who's going to disappoint me. I'm always baiting you in an argument so you can tell me how much you love me."

Randy smiled, feeling embarrassed at how much he was revealing. "While I'm arguing with you, it's like there's two Randy's. One is telling me to keep going and get those 3 little words out of you while the other Randy is screaming at me to stop; he's telling me that I already know how you feel about me so why should you constantly have to say it?" He stood up quickly, shaking his head and dropping John's hand. "Forget it. I sound like an insane person, my God. Just don't listen to me."

John smiled and stood up, reaching for Randy's fallen hand. "Baby, I don't think you sound insane at all. I understand exactly what you're saying because I went through the same thing with Liz. Of course it's gonna make us both a little nervous when it comes to new relationships. I love telling you how I feel for you and I damn sure love hearing you tell me how you feel. If you need me to tell you a hundred times a day every day, then I will. You don't have to argue with me to get me to say it."

Randy smiled and nodded. He pulled John in for a hug and buried his face in his neck. "I love you, John."

John held on to him tightly. "I love you, Ran; so much. I promise to never disappoint or betray you. I'm yours for however long you want me."

Randy pulled back and smirked. "Uh, you said I could have you forever and ever,"

John laughed. "Yes, you can." He ran his fingers over Randy's smooth face, the younger man leaning into his caress, before pulling him in for a kiss. John licked at the seam of Randy's lips and as they parted his tongue thrust inside. It tasted Randy's sweetness, roamed over the ridges of the roof of Randy's mouth and sensuously entwined with Randy's tongue. As they broke apart to breathe, they rubbed their foreheads together, panting softy into each other's mouths.

Randy sighed and laid his head on John's shoulder, inhaling deeply the scent that was only John. He felt John move his lips to his ear and kiss the skin beneath it gently. The men held each other tightly, neither making a move to part, content in each others arms.

* * *

**Present Day**

Randy stood on the stoop outside Cody and Ted's house, a large casserole dish in his hands. He sighed loudly and looked down at his kids, matching sets of bright blue eyes staring back up at him.

"Ring the bell again, guys."

Angel pressed his finger to the doorbell again and Randy heard Cody's voice finally answer from inside.

"I'm coming, hold on!"

"Finally," Randy shifted the plate in his hands and the door finally swung open. Cody smiled happily at his guests and bent to hug Angel and Alanna. "How are the two most beautiful kids in the world?"

Randy smiled as he watched his kids interact with Cody, the man they both loved like an uncle. He walked into the house and into the large kitchen rarely used by Cody or Ted. He set the casserole dish on top of the stove to keep it warm and turned when he heard footsteps behind him.

Ted walked over to where Randy stood and lowered his nose to the food. "Yum, Ran, that smells amazing! Thanks!"

Randy smiled and nodded as Ted enveloped him in a hug. "No problem. Anytime you want me to cook for you, just let me know."

Ted pulled back and looked at his friend closely. "Ran, you're doing too much. When was the last time you slept?"

Randy rolled his eyes and walked back into the living room, Ted slowly following. Cody sat on the large sofa surrounded by Alanna and Angel.

"Hey guys, don't I get any love over here?"

Angel and Alanna ran over to hug Ted tightly and Randy collapsed next to Cody. Cody looked over at him and smiled, reaching over to squeeze his hand tightly.

"I'm so happy you're here, Ran. I've missed you."

Randy nodded. "Well, you've been working so much. How are things on the road?"

Cody smiled. "Great. It's hectic, as usual but as long as Teddy is with me, I'm always happy." He looked over at Randy sadly before lowering his eyes. "I miss my best friend, though."

Randy nodded. "I know you do. I just can't go back, Codes. You know that."

Cody nodded and decided to change the subject. It was one he had bought up with Randy a few times in the past weeks. He knew it had only been a few months since John passed away but he felt Randy would be better off traveling with them. It couldn't be healthy for him to be locked in his house all of the time. Then again, what did he really know? He had no idea what it was like to lose the most important person in his life. Maybe this was the only way for Randy to grieve.

Ted looked over at Cody and Randy talking and decided to give them some time alone. He looked towards the children and clapped his hands loudly. "OK, Ms. Alanna and Mr. Angel, I have assignments for you in the kitchen. If you don't help, you don't eat. Let's go!"

Angel laughed loudly while Alanna rolled her eyes. They slowly followed him to the kitchen where he set them up with a simple task of tearing up lettuce.

"So," Ted began delicately, "What have you guys been up to? I've missed you guys,"

Alanna shrugged. "Daddy sent us back to school a couple weeks ago. I don't like it. Everyone just stares at me."

Ted nodded and looked over at Angel, who shook his head. "I know they wanna ask us questions but they're scared to. I wish they would, though. I'm not gonna get mad."

Ted smiled and nodded. "Well, why don't you go up to them and start a conversation? That's the only way to make friends."

Angel nodded. "I know but Ally doesn't want them anywhere near us. She says they're nosy."

Alanna pushed the plate away. "They are nosy! They don't care about us or what happened to Daddy. They just want to gossip!"

Ted sighed and reached over to pull Alanna into his arms. "Baby, then don't talk to them about Daddy. If they ask you just tell them that's private. Both of you have to do whatever feels right to you, OK. You don't have to get mad at anyone. Some of them really mean no harm."

Angel nodded and went on with his assignment while Alanna sighed loudly. "I guess."

She looked up and smiled. "You know what's funny, Uncle Teddy? We have to do homework and so does Daddy. He goes to see his doctor and he sends him home with papers to write."

Ted laughed and nodded. "I know. He told me about the doctor. He's nice. He's trying to help your dad like the doctor you guys went to see."

Alanna nodded, her memories of the child therapist she went to see with her brother still fresh in her mind. Angel shook his head and mumbled something under his breath.

Ted frowned and walked over to him. "What was that, kiddo?"

Angel looked down at his hands covered in the green vegetable. "I don't like Daddy's doctor. Daddy says he's helping him but I don't know. One of my friends at school told me the doctor is gonna try to get Dad to forget about Daddy John. He said that's what the doctor did for his mom when his daddy went away and now he has a new daddy. I don't want a new daddy, Uncle Ted."

Alanna gasped as she listened to Angel's word, the small boy obviously not having shared that with his sister. Ted frowned and pulled her in close to him, wrapping an arm around both of them.

"Guys, listen. You are not getting a new daddy. No one can replace Daddy John, OK. The doctor really is only trying to help but not by convincing Randy to get married again. That wouldn't solve anything or make anything better, right?"

He stopped and waited for their nods before continuing. "Randy loved Daddy so much that the last thing he's looking for is another husband. Maybe he will one day, many, many years from now but no one can predict that. The number one thing in Randy's life right now is you two crazy kids. He would do nothing that would hurt either of you. Please don't worry about this doctor, OK."

He looked down at Angel, who slowly nodded before turning to Alanna, who mimicked her brother.

"All right, we're all OK now. So, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna wash this lettuce and make an awesome salad to go with the awesome lasagna Daddy made. Then, we're gonna eat in the yard under the warm sunshine and talk of only funny, happy things. That's what Daddy John would want, right?"

Alanna smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Daddy had a great laugh."

Angel looked over at her and smiled. "He was always laughing, even when we didn't know what was funny!"

Ted began to laugh as the kids continued working on their salad. They worked nonstop until Cody and Randy entered the kitchen.

"Wow, Uncle Ted, tell me your secret. How come I could never get this much help when I'm trying to cook dinner any more?" Randy leaned on the counter and raised an eyebrow. Both kids ignored his comment and grabbed handfuls of forks before walking out of the door, Ted following with the completed salad.

Cody laughed in his direction. "Isn't being a dad great? Who else can ignore you with such ease?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "It's a nightmare that I wouldn't give up for anything."

They walked out of the backdoor and took their seats around Cody and Ted's huge patio table. Randy busied himself with serving everyone, the dad in him coming out naturally. Once settled, he lowered his body to the chair between his children and looked over at Cody and Ted. "So, not that I mind being asked to come over but I have a feeling there's something you two aren't telling me,"

Cody and Ted looked at each other, both men smiling and Randy raised an eyebrow. "Guys, come on. What the hell? I hate surprises."

Angel poked Randy's arm and frowned. "Dad, no bad words."

Randy looked down at him and nodded. "Sorry, baby." He looked back up to his friends. "Well..."

Cody laughed loudly. "Fine, Randy, fine! We were gonna wait till after dinner but..." He looked over at Ted, who nodded, a smile on his face. Cody turned back to Randy and practically leaped off his chair. "We're getting married!"

Randy laughed loudly and quickly got up to hug his young friend. "It's about time, kid!"

Cody laughed in his ear, holding onto Randy tightly. "I'm so happy, Ran. You have no idea!"

Randy pulled back and nodded. "Oh, I know you are, Codes. I'm very happy for you, too." He moved over to Ted as Cody opened his arms to welcome the children, who were chattering happily.

Ted wrapped his arms around Randy and leaned his head on his shoulder. "I'm gonna need your help, Ran. You're ready for double duty? You're gonna be the only best man."

Randy nodded, his eyes filling with tears. "Thanks, Teddy. I'll do anything you say to make your day amazing." He blinked back the moisture and pulled back as his kids pushed him aside to hug Ted.

Randy took a step back and leaned his long body on the doorway as he watched his children bombard his friends with questions. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. What he wouldn't give for John to be here at a moment like this. Randy snapped his eyes open and stood up straight. No, he wouldn't let this happy moment belonging to his best friends turn into him resenting everyone for the fact he no longer had his husband. He walked back to where Ted and Cody stood with his kids and smiled.

"Well, you guys have officially made this a night to remember and celebrate. I know I speak for my kids and for John when I say how happy I am for both of you. You two are absolutely perfect for each other and I have never seen a couple more in love. I am so proud of both of you and I love you both very much. I couldn't ask for any more happiness for my best friends."

Ted and Cody looked over at him and smiled, a mixture of their own happiness and sadness John wasn't with them to share that moment.

Ted cleared his throat and ushered everyone back to the table. "OK, let's get back to dinner."

* * *

Hours later, the men stood in the kitchen, each occupied with a different cleaning task as the children retired to the living room to watch TV. Ted moved behind Cody and placed a kiss on his neck as he reached for a roll of napkins. Cody laughed softly and playfully swatted him away. "Cut it out,"

Ted smiled. "I can't. I'm in love and want to kiss my fiancé,"

Cody laughed and shook his head. "God, how weird does that sound? I can't believe I'm a fiancé,"

Ted nodded. "Well, believe it. You made me wait 6 years, you horrible man,"

Cody cocked his head to his side. "I'm worth the wait."

Randy smiled as the pair continued to argue. He lifted his arms up and put away the plates, tuning out the conversation behind him until one phrase broke through.

"...feel like that when you got engaged?"

Randy turned and looked over at Cody, who stood with an expectant look on his face. "What?"

Cody smiled. "Did it feel weird calling John your fiancé when you got engaged?"

Randy felt his shoulders tense but shook it off quickly, smiling at Cody. "No, it felt wonderful. It felt even better to call him my husband."

Cody smiled sadly and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ran. I shouldn't be talking about this..."

Randy held up his hand. "No, Cody, its fine. I want you to talk to me about everything, including this. Don't worry about anything."

Ted smiled and wrapped an arm around Cody's shoulders. "I can't wait till I can call this guy my husband. There's nothing better, right, Ran?"

Randy shook his head. "No, there really isn't. There's nothing like sharing your life with the person you love. It makes your heart feel so full and every time you see him and he smiles at you, you just feel like the luckiest person in the world..." He cleared his throat and smiled, shaking his head. "Sorry, I went off in my own world for a minute there."

Ted smiled and nodded. "I would give anything for John to be here, too, Ran,"

Cody moved over to wrap his arms around Randy's waist. "He is here, Ran. I truly believe that he is with us always."

Randy sighed and moved Cody's arms away from his waist. "No he's not, Cody. I don't believe in any of that crap. I don't want John here in spirit. I want him here in person and the fact is that he's not!"

Cody sighed. "Randy, doesn't that thought comfort you, though? The thought that Johnny is still with you in some way?"

Randy frowned and looked at Cody like he was insane. "No, it doesn't! The only way I want him here is in person."

Ted moved over and patted his back quickly. "All right, guys, let's drop it, OK. Codes, Randy can believe whatever he wants OK. Just drop it, baby."

Cody shook his head and looked at Randy, a concerned expression on his face. "But it's not healthy. Randy, you barely speak about John. I mean, I hope you're at least speaking to your doctor. You would think you would want to talk to me or Teddy but you're just turning into this robot. You can't do that, Ran. You have two kids who depend on you."

Randy rolled his eyes as Cody spoke and finally held up his hand. "Fine, you want me to talk, I'll talk. I'm still incredibly pissed at the fact my husband is dead and I don't feel like reliving memories of when he was alive because I know we'll never be able to make any more memories. I'm barely keeping it together and the only reason I am is because I have those two kids. I don't feel like listening to you talk about your engagement or upcoming wedding because it only reminds me of my own. I hate the fact that everyone has moved on from John's death and people are so fucking happy all the time. I'm not happy! I'm angry and devastated. All I do is either cry or scream or curse God. The only time I can function like a normal person is when the kids are around because I don't want to hurt them anymore than they're already hurting. If that makes me appear to be a robot, then so be it. I'm doing what I have to do to survive here."

Ted stared at him sadly while Cody lowered his head but not before Randy saw the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes.

Randy sighed and moved away from the wall. "That's another thing I hate; that look of fucking pity I get from everyone." He walked back into the living room and grabbed the remote from the table, quickly shutting the TV off. Angel and Alanna groaned loudly and Randy looked at them sternly. "We're leaving. Go say goodbye to your uncles and let's go."

The kids nodded and went to hug Ted and Cody as Randy waited impatiently next to the open front door. They walked over to him and he ushered them towards the car. Cody walked up behind him and grabbed his hand.

"Randy, we love you. We're here for you at anytime, you know that."

Randy turned and nodded. "I know. I just need some time, Cody. I have to work this out on my own."

Cody nodded and stepped away from the car as Randy entered it and started the engine. He walked back over to Ted, who immediately wrapped him in his arms.

"He'll be fine, Cody. He knows we're here for him. We just have to let him come to us on his own time."

Cody nodded and sighed. His heart ached for his best friend's broken heart and he could only hope Randy would one day find some happiness again.


	22. Chapter 21

"Should I be worried about this?"

Rand looked over at John and smiled. He turned his attention back to the road and watched the buildings pass by. "Worried about what, John? You know my parents. You love them, they love you. You'll be fine."

John sighed and shook his head. "No, your parents loved the John that was just your friend. I'm the John that's fooling around with their son. They're gonna hate me."

Randy reached one hand over to squeeze John's knee reassuringly. "Baby, I think it's impossible for anyone to ever hate you."

John raised an eyebrow. "Have you not heard the 'Cena Sucks' chants that fill the arenas?"

Randy laughed. "Babe, none of those people know you. They just know your corny character on TV. If any of those people ever spent a day with you, the real you, they would fall in love, too."

John smiled. "Hmm, maybe I should auction myself off on EBay, then. Maybe I could find a hotter boyfriend…"

Randy turned and glared at him, drawing a laugh from John's lips. Randy shook his head and smiled. "Look, John, if at any time you feel uncomfortable, we can leave, OK. We don't have to stay there."

John sighed and nodded. He turned to look out the window as the sights flew by. His nervousness only increased as they approached the neighborhood where the Orton's lived. John could honestly say he loved Bob and Elaine Orton and always felt like he was part of their family. Things had changed between him and Randy so much, though, that he now felt completely out of place. He knew Bob and Elaine had accepted Randy's new life but were still hesitant to talk about it too in depth. Would having John in the house help matters between Randy and his parents or would he just make it worse?

"John,"

John jerked up in his seat and turned towards Randy. "Yeah,"

"Baby, they're the ones who invited us. They wouldn't invite us if it was a problem. I'm sure it will be fine, Johnny."

John nodded and smiled. The men remained in silence until they pulled up to the Orton home some time later. Randy turned and looked over at him, a small smirk on his face. "You ready?"

John nodded and took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be." He turned and exited the car on his side, Randy following slowly. John stood at the front door and waited for the younger man to catch up to him. Randy smiled and took John's hand in his, entwining their fingers together. He pulled John close and whispered in his ear. "It'll be fine, baby and tonight we can have some fun."

John laughed and followed Randy as he pushed open the door to his parents' house.

"Hello! Is anyone home?"

Randy pulled John further into the living room, keeping their hands tightly locked together. He walked towards the kitchen and finally spotted his mother with her face buried in the refrigerator.

"What are you doing, Mom? Trying to hide from me?"

Elaine turned around quickly, her hand clutched to her chest. "Oh my God, Randal, you scared the hell out of me." She laughed quickly and closed the refrigerator door, glancing over at the two men. Her eyes darted down to their joined hands but swiftly moved back up to Randy's face. "Come here, darling,"

Randy released John's hand after a reassuring squeeze and went to hug his mother tightly. "Thanks for inviting us, Mom."

Elaine pulled away and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Darling, this is your house. You don't ever need an invitation." She moved away from him and turned her eyes to John. "And what the hell is wrong with you? You're standing there looking all uncomfortable like this isn't your house, too…not to mention I still haven't received a hug and kiss from you, young man."

John laughed, feeling some of the tension leave his body and he quickly walked over to Elaine, enveloping her in his arms. "Thanks, Mama Laney."

Elaine smiled and took a step back, looking at their faces. "I'm really happy you two are here, kids. I think it's time we all get familiar with the idea of you two together."

John smiled nervously as Randy looked over at him and winked, seemingly at ease. Elaine poked his arm and wagged her finger at him. "John, you know I love you as if you were my own and I just want you and Randy to be happy. It's obvious you boys are happy together. I must warn you, though. If you break Randy's heart, I will never forgive you."

John smiled and looked over at Randy. "I have no intentions of doing that, Laney. I love Randy more than anything."

"Aww, Mom, isn't he just adorable?" Randy laughed teasingly from where he stood beside the counter.

Elaine looked sharply over at him. "Randal, that's not nice. You don't make fun of someone's feelings for you."

John sighed deeply. "He does is all the time, Mama Laney. You have no idea how much it hurts my feelings."

Randy glared angrily at John as he looked down sadly. Elaine looked over at Randy with disbelief all over her face. "Randal, I'm so disappointed in you. You're acting worse than a child."

John smiled discretely over her shoulder as Randy's mouth dropped open. "Mom, he's fucking lying! I was just teasing him!"

"No, you weren't! You're always making fun of me!" John tried to keep the sad look on his face but soon collapsed into loud laughter.

Elaine sighed and smacked them both on their arms. "All right, enough of the teasing and swearing. You two are ridiculous! Go upstairs and unpack while I start dinner."

Randy glared at John as he lifted himself off the counter. John just smiled widely and grabbed his hand.

"Oh, boys, one more thing,"

They both turned to look at Elaine, who stood with her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't know, or have any desire to know, what you two do on the road while you're in the same hotel room. I can imagine, though, since you are a part of a new generation and things are a lot different than when your Daddy and I were dating…"

Randy held up his hand. "Mom, please don't finish that statement, I'm begging you."

John cleared his throat and looked down at his feet. "This is so embarrassing."

Elaine shrugged. "Look boys, I don't really care. I just want to let you know how it's gonna be. Randy, you will sleep in your room and John, you will sleep in your room. No one will be sharing a room in this house until I see wedding rings, understood."

John quickly nodded but Randy sighed. "Mom, we're adults, you know. We're not gonna do anything in your house so I don't understand why we can't share a room just to sleep…"

John grabbed at his arm. "It's OK! Ran, just drop it, please." He looked toward Elaine and nodded. "Don't worry about it. We'll sleep in different rooms. It's not that big a deal."

Randy sighed and finally nodded, turning to walk away. Elaine smiled at John and turned back to preparing her meal and he sighed, happy the first obstacle of the day had been easily overcome.

* * *

Hours later, Randy knocked on John's door once before walking in. he smiled when he saw John bent over as he lined up his sneakers on the floor.

"Looking good, Cena."

John jerked up and spun around. "What are you doing in here? Laney's gonna freak!"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Dude, calm down. I'm just getting you for dinner."

John sighed and lowered himself onto the bed. Randy frowned and walked over to him. "What's wrong, Babe? Everything's going pretty damn well, in my opinion."

John nodded. "With your mom it is. I'm freaking out about your Dad, though."

Randy nodded. "I know. Even I'm a little nervous about that but we have to get this over with. He'll be fine, Johnny. He has no choice but to be. You're not going anywhere."

Randy wrapped and arm around John and pulled him in, placing a sweet kiss on his lips before pulling away and resting their foreheads together. "I love you, babe. We're in this together."

John smiled and nodded, moving his lips forward for another, longer kiss this time. "I love you, too, Ran." He moaned, losing himself in the kiss, as Randy explored his mouth.

"Come on, losers! If you're gonna make out, the least you could do is close the door."

Randy groaned and looked over John's shoulder at his smirking brother. "Get the hell out of here, Nate. I could so easily kill you without blinking an eye."

Nate shrugged. "So bring it, Ran. You really think you could take me, huh?"

John laughed as Randy quickly stood up and began stalking towards his younger brother. "Cut it out, guys."

Randy stopped moving and glared at Nate, who smirked back in response and said, "You better thank your boyfriend because he just saved you from getting an ass whooping like no other!"

Randy lunged for Nate, who quickly jumped out of the way and ran behind John. "John, hold him off! He's fucking crazy!"

"Johnny, let me kill him. No one would miss him!" Randy tried to grab at Nate's shirt, the younger Orton moving away each time, laughing loudly.

John joined in the laughter and held Randy away. "Stop it, baby." He turned to Nate and raised an eyebrow. "Apologize, Nathan, or I'm letting him go."

Nate rolled his eyes and collapsed onto John's bed. "Fine, fine! I'm sorry I called you losers and interrupted your make out session."

John let go of Randy's arms and smiled. "Good, all is forgiven."

Randy rolled his eyes and shoved at Nate's legs. He sat at the foot of the bed and Nate promptly placed his legs on Randy's lap. John smiled as he watched the interaction between the siblings. Both he and Randy had been very lucky. As horrible as their parents had taken the news of their new relationship, all of their siblings had been incredibly understanding and supportive about it. It had been a small victory but they had been so grateful for it. While their parents were still straddling the fence it helped to know the other important people in their lives were on their side 100 percent.

"Are you staying for dinner? John and I could use your help with Dad."

Nate shook his head. "No, sorry bro. Wish I could but I have a date with Janie tonight."

Randy nodded at the mention of Nate's long-term girlfriend. "Oh, all right,"

Nate smiled. "Don't worry, Ran. Dad is over this. He'll be fine tonight." He swung his legs to the ground and stood up. "And if all else fails, at least Mom and Becky love you. Me, I'll come around one day…"

Randy laughed loudly and stood up, pulling his brother in for a hug. "Thanks for the almost support, dude."

Nate smiled and patted Randy's back. "It's what I'm here for; to brighten people's lives one at a time," He walked over to John and gave him a quick hug. "Be strong, be vigilant and don't back down. Dad is a hard ass but no matter what, he just wants what's best for you."

John laughed and nodded, waving as Nate walked out of the room. Randy sighed and looked over at John. "All right. I guess we gotta go down there."

John nodded and held out his hand for Randy, who took it and squeezed it tightly. They walked down the stairs, hearing Nate scream goodbye to his parents, and slowly walked into the dining room. Bob was sitting in the front chair, his head lowered as he was engrossed in the afternoon paper. Elaine smiled upon their entering and went back to setting the table.

"Grab a seat, boys."

Bob looked up and stared directly at Randy and John's joined hands. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Randy. "Wanna make damn sure I notice, huh, son?"

Randy smirked and nodded. "Pretty much my game plan,"

Bob laughed loudly and stood. "Well, it's been noticed. You two can unhinge now…if you want, I mean. I really could care less either way. I do expect a hug from my son, though."

Randy's face relaxed in a smile and he let go of John's hand. He moved over to his father and hugged him tightly. "Thanks, Dad."

Bob held onto him and nodded. "You're my son, remember? That's all I know."

Randy nodded. "I love you, Dad."

Bob pulled back and cupped his face in his hands. "And I love you. You're one of my two favorite sons."

Randy rolled his eyes and nodded. "Thanks,"

John smiled when Bob turned his attention to him. He tensed slightly when Bob's eyes narrowed, the look even more menacing than when Randy did it to him.

"John, you love my son?"

John cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes, sir, I do."

Bob stared at him for a minute without responding. John gulped nervously, feeling like he would turn to stone from Bob's hard stare. "Well, then that's all that matters. Let's eat."

John let out a sigh, his eyes darting back and forth nervously. That was it? That was all he was gonna get from Bob Orton? Hell, Elaine Orton had given him more trouble. "OK, then."

Randy smiled and nodded. He took a seat next to his father. John sat beside him and the table fell into content silence as Elaine joined them. For the first few moments all that could be heard was the sounds of chewing and swallowing.

Bob raised his head and motioned over to John. "Johnny, I spoke to your dad yesterday and the conversation inevitably turned over to you two knuckleheads. He told me you left the house in the middle of the night and are refusing to take his calls. What's going on?"

John's eyes opened in surprised, the fork lowering back down to the plate. "Well, I thought it was easier to give him and my mom some time to figure things out before I speak to them again. They didn't have the best reactions and I don't want either one of us to say something we'll regret later."

Bob nodded. "Well, I think you should talk to them. They're obviously making an effort and trying to reach out to you."

"I agree," Randy looked over at John from the corner of his mouth and nodded.

John sighed and looked around the table. "I will talk to them; I promise. I just need more time. I'm scared of what they have to tell me and…"

Elaine reached over for his hand and held it gently in her much smaller one. "Sweetheart, your parents absolutely adore you. Just talk to them. Everything will work out."

John smiled and nodded. "I will. Thanks, guys." He lowered his eyes back to his plate, his appetite now gone. This was pure torture. He sat there and watched as Randy interacted with his parents normally. It was obvious the Orton's had come to terms with Randy's new lifestyle and all was well between his boyfriend and his parents. John, however, had no idea where he stood with his parents and it was killing him. He loved his parents. The thought of him never repairing his relationship with them was scary. That was the reason he didn't pick up the phone and call them. What did they have to say to him?

"John,"

John lifted his head and found Randy staring at him, a concerned look on his face.

"Are you OK?"

John nodded and smiled, quickly taking a bite of the now cold food on his plate. "Yeah, I'm perfect."

Randy continued to stare at him, not buying John's excuse but choosing to let it drop for the moment. He turned to his father and continued their conversation, his mind still lingering on John's quiet mood.

An hour later, Elaine cleared off the table and Bob moved to help her, reluctantly, as John watched with a smile. He felt a hand on his arm and turned to meet Randy's eyes.

"Hey," Randy pulled him towards the backyard, a cigarette in his other hand. "Come with me,"

John shook his head and frowned. "No, I don't want to be near you when you smoke that shit."

Randy sighed and stuck the stick in his back pocket. "Fine. Is that better?"

John nodded and walked outside into the cold St. Louis air as Randy shut the door behind them. He walked over to where John stood and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling his back close to his chest.

"Babe, what are you doing? Your parents are gonna see…"

Randy tightened his hold on John's waist, keeping their bodies pressed together. "So, what? They know about us and we can do this like any other couple would, you know."

John sighed and slowly relaxed into Randy's embrace, his eyes closing. Randy lowered his head to John's ear and pressed a kiss on the skin below it before whispering, "Talk to me, Johnny. What's wrong? You're too quiet."

John opened his eyes slowly and shook his head. "Tonight was fun. I'm so happy everything worked out for you and your family. I really thought they would want to kill me."

Randy moved his lips up and down as he nodded. "OK, so all is well. Something is still off with you, though,"

John lowered his eyes and shrugged. "I guess I'm just jealous. I'm scared of the reaction my parents are gonna have when I finally speak to them. I don't want to lose them, Ran."

Randy sighed. "Baby, your parents love you. They could never let you go. I truly believe in my heart that everything will be fine."

John sighed and nodded. "I hope so."

They remained in the embrace for a few moments until Randy spoke again. "Hey, I've got an idea. How about we fly out to Mass tomorrow? We can go see your parents together. That will get this whole thing over with and make it easier for you."

John's heart began to race. "No, Ran, I can't."

Randy turned him over but kept his arms wrapped tightly around his hips. "Yes, you can. You can do anything, baby, you know that. I will be there with you, John. I'll stand up for you; for us."

John thought about it carefully before smiling slowly. "If you're with me, I can do it." He moved his arms up to wrap around Randy's neck and hugged him tightly. Randy rubbed his back gently. "I'll always be with you, John. Don't ever forget that."

John nodded. "I know. It's you and me, baby."

* * *

Hours later, John lay in the comfortable bed, the television on low so he wouldn't disturb anyone. It was past 1 o'clock in the morning but despite the stress of the day, he could not sleep for the life of him. He had become so accustomed to having Randy in the same bed with him that he now couldn't be without the younger man's warmth.

John sighed and turned his body over, wrapping his arms around a pillow. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to clear his mind in an effort to fall asleep. After a few minutes that felt like hours, John's eyes slowly opened and a frown marred his face. It was no use. He couldn't fall asleep by forcing himself. His only option was to watch TV and hope the mindless late night shows would induce a form of exhaustion.

As he flipped through the channels watching infomercial after infomercial, his cell phone beside him buzzed loudly. John reached over to the nightstand and quickly grabbed it, smiling as he saw the text message on the screen.

"_Are u having as much trouble as I am getting to sleep?"_

John quickly typed back a response.

"_Yeah. I can't sleep without you. This is f'kng torture."_

He watched the screen anxiously until another message appeared that made him raise an eyebrow.

"_So, what are u waiting for? Come on over, handsome."_

John laughed softly.

"_Are you insane? We're in your parents' house, Randy, and Laney said we couldn't."_

The phone vibrated in his hand almost immediately.

"_So, she's not gonna check our rooms to make sure we stay apart. Also, we fooled around in your parents' house. Forget already?"_

John smiled and sat up in the bed slowly.

"_That wasn't fooling around. It was just some innocent kissing. U know damn well if I get in bed with you right now, we're gonna do a lot more than kiss."_

He anxiously awaited Randy's response, the urge to jump out of the bed and run down to Randy's room almost overwhelming.

"_Again I say, SO?"_

John laughed.

"_Baby, I don't feel comfortable doing anything with your parents right down the hall."_

John sighed as he threw his head back.

"_Fine, Mr. Killjoy, we don't have to do anything except kiss. I need you, Johnny. I can't even get comfortable without you. Are you really gonna make me beg? I love you so much."_

John groaned and lowered his head in defeat. Randy knew how to work him like no one ever could…and he knew it. He swung his legs off the bed and stood up, throwing a t-shirt on over his pajama bottoms. John opened his bedroom door slowly and peeked out into the quiet, dim hallway. He let the door shut quietly behind him and inched his way down to Randy's room. He opened Randy's door gently and smiled when he spotted his boyfriend sitting up in the bed.

Randy looked up at John and smiled. "I knew that last text would get you to come." He threw the covers of his body and patted the bed beside him. John rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed, sliding into the warm sheets. Randy immediately placed the covers over his lower half and turned his body to face John's.

"Take off your shirt. I wanna feel you."

John lifted his body off momentarily and peeled the t-shirt off his body. Randy reached his hand out to trace John's chest lightly. John kissed his fingertips and pulled him in close to his body so their skin was touching. Randy closed his eyes and John traced his fingers up his face.

"Isn't this better than sleeping alone?"

John smiled and sighed. "I don't know yet. It could also be a worse form of torture. I don't know how I'm supposed to lay here with you and just go to sleep."

Randy laughed gently. "We're not animals in heat, baby. We don't always have to be on top of each other."

John shrugged. "It's hard to stay away from you, baby."

Randy smiled and wrapped his arm around John's back, caressing it slowly. "I know the feeling."

John closed his eyes as Randy made himself comfortable on his chest. He felt the younger man's chest slow down as his breathing evened out. He looked down and saw Randy's eyes closed, the man now resting peaceful, and he bent forward to place a kiss on his forehead. He ran his fingers over Randy's face and his lips curved into a smile.

"Are you trying to distract me, Cena?"

John smiled and ran his fingertips over Randy's lips. "No, if I was trying to distract you, I would move my hand lower."

Randy's smile widened and his eyes cracked open. "Promises, promises..."

John raised an eyebrow and stared into Randy's eyes as he moved his hand down his side to his hips. He ran a finger over's the crotch of Randy's pajamas and the younger man's eyes fluttered closed.

"John,"

"Randy," John replied teasingly before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Randy, who leaned into the kiss. He moved his hand to cup John's neck and pull him forward. John's hands lingered on Randy's hips, stroking the skin above and around his crotch.

John moaned as Randy caressed his neck down to his shoulders until they finally broke apart, breathing heavily.

"All right, stop. I can't take anymore" Randy groaned as he buried his head in John's neck. "Who would've thought? I actually have a conscience and its telling me that I can't do this in my parents' house."

John smiled and moved his hands up to stroke Randy's back. "It's OK, baby. We can hold off for a couple of days. Like you said, we're not animals,"

Randy pulled back and nodded, smiling as he leaned forward to kiss John again. "I love you, baby."

John nodded. "I love you, too," He pulled Randy in close to him and kissed his lips gently, the kiss melting into a long, deep, open mouth kiss within seconds. He ran his hands over Randy's chest, the younger man moaning into his mouth as his own hands began to explore John's body.

They broke off again, panting.

John rolled away from Randy and lay on his back. "OK, so we really have to stop this time."

Randy nodded and sighed loudly. "Yeah. Let's just get some sleep, OK." He smiled and slowly turned his body to look at John. "Think it's safe to face each other?"

John laughed and turned his head. He turned his body over in the bed and scooted closer to Randy. "Self control is the name of the game. Who has more?"

Randy smirked. "Oh, so you're turning this into a contest, huh?" He lifted his arm and wrapped it around John's waist, pulling him in close so their groins touched. He smiled as he began to grind down on John's crotch, the hardened members rubbing against one another through the soft fabric of their pajama bottoms.

John groaned and punched Randy lightly in the arm. "Can you please play fair for once?"

Randy laughed softly and pulled back slightly. "Fine, no more torture for either of us. Let's just sleep. We have to fly to Massachusetts tomorrow."

He laid his head on John's chest and felt John's arms wrap around him. John closed his eyes and tried to sleep but Randy's last comment made it that much harder. He knew that even now with Randy in his arms, sleep would still elude him.


	23. Chapter 22

"Oh my God, I think I'm gonna hyperventilate."

Randy rolled his eyes and looked over at John. "Please stop. You're fine. You're flying first class and you have shrimp and champagne in front of you. Why are you hyperventilating?"

John looked down at his plate and grimaced. "I can't even enjoy any of that. I feel sick to my stomach." He sighed loudly before looking up at Randy. "Is this a mistake? Maybe we should go back to your parents' house. Or we could just explore Boston for a couple of days. We don't have to go to West Newbury."

Randy quickly shook his head. "No, John. We're going to your parents' house. You have to do this. They're gonna be fine, baby, I promise. I'm gonna be right there with you and I already arranged for a hotel for us so we won't actually be staying there."

John nodded slowly. "I don't like feeling this way. I've never felt nervous when on my way to my parents' house."

Randy smiled. "It will be fine, baby. Why don't you close your eyes and try to get some rest?"

John sighed and slowly let his eyes drift as Randy rang for the flight attendant to take their plates. She quickly came to their seats and cleared everything away. Randy smiled gratefully and leaned his head back on his seat with a sigh. A quick glance over at John told him the older man was not sleeping but just resting. Randy turned his head over and lost himself in his own thoughts. It had been hard to leave his own parents that morning but they understood it was something John had to do and he needed Randy by his side when he did it. They had sent them off to Massachusetts with their love and support behind them. Randy sighed, his heart partly at peace with the fact he had both his parents' and his siblings' love and support but partly uneasy with what they would find in West Newbury.

Randy sighed and turned his head over to look at John, who this time did seem to have fallen asleep. He knew the older man would kill him if he knew the truth but Randy didn't care. He didn't want the man he loved to walk into an ambush. He hadn't had a choice but to make that call.

* * *

**That morning…**

_Randy quickly walked away from the breakfast table under the pretense of having to use the bathroom and left his parents, Nate and John talking. They had just broken the news to Bob and Elaine that they would be leaving in a few hours to fly back to Massachusetts. His family had been disappointed to see them go so soon but nonetheless, understood. _

_Randy took the stairs three at a time and walked into his bedroom, locking the door securely and dug his phone out of his pocket. He dialed the familiar number and anxiously waited until the call was answered. _

"_Hello,"_

_Randy let out a breath before responding. "Mama Car,"_

_An excited gasp was returned to him. "Randy? Oh, sweetheart, I am so happy to hear from you! Is Johnny with you?"_

_Randy took a seat on the edge of his bed and sighed. "Yes, he's with me. Look, I need to talk to you and I really need you to hear me. Can you please do that?"_

_A silence followed Randy's question before finally, "Of course, dear."_

_Randy nodded to himself and stood. "OK, first of all, I just want to tell you how much I love and respect you and Papa Cena. You guys have been like second parents to me since the first day I stepped foot in your house." __He stopped speaking and began to pace around the room. "I know John told you about us. I don't know how or when it happened but somewhere down the line of our friendship, it turned into something more. Neither of us cares how it happened, just that it did. We're very happy and we're in love."_

"_Randy, please," Carol tried to interrupt but Randy quickly stopped her. _"_Please, wait; just let me get it all out, OK."_

_A loud sigh echoed in his ear. "Fine, go on,"_

"_My parents didn't have the greatest reaction when I told them but they came around and they did it, because when it comes down to it, I'm their son and they just want me to be happy. I know how much you love John. I know you want him to be happy, too. Now, you just have to realize that I make him happy."_

_Randy took a deep breath before his next sentence. "I don't want this to sound like any kind of ultimatum but if you have to take it that way, so be it. John doesn't want to see you yet but I'm trying to convince him to change his mind. As a matter of fact, we have plane tickets to Massachusetts for this morning. I want nothing more than a happy reunion between all of you but I need a promise from you that you will not hurt him anymore than he's already hurting. If you're not ready to accept us and support John in this then just tell me right now. I love John more than anything in this world and if I feel you're going to hurt him, I will keep him away from you."_

_He stopped talking and awaited Carol's response. _

"_It seems like you're finished so now I will speak." She sighed loudly. "Look, Randy, Johnny shocked the hell out of us and we reacted the only way we knew how. Time has passed now and both John and I realize that this is his life and he's the only one who could choose what to do with his life. He has chosen to be with you and you know what, we don't care anymore. We just want our son back. I know you're skeptical but trust me, dear; John and I can't wait to welcome you and him home. Please get on that plane, Randy."_

_Randy lowered himself to the bed again. "Are you sure? Please don't lie to me. If you need more time tell me…"_

"_Randy, stop. I already told you. We love both of you and accept you. Just get on the damn plane and bring me my son."_

_Randy laughed. "Fine. But I tell you, at the first moment I see John is uncomfortable, I'm getting him out of there."_

"_Listen to me, kiddo. You've made it clear how much you love John and are willing to protect him. Everything will go perfect. I promise, Randy."_

_Randy smiled and ended the call, feeling a small sense of relief. _

* * *

"Ran, you awake?"

Randy's eyes shot open and he found himself staring into John's. "Yeah, just thinking."

"Oh no, that's never good." John smirked and laid his head back.

"Are you feeling better?" Randy sat up in his seat and stretched his arms over his chest, choosing to ignore John's smart remark. He looked down at his watch and noticed they were about an hour away from landing.

John looked over at him and shrugged. "I don't know. A part of me thinks everything is gonna be fine because no matter what they're my parents. Then another part of me is going crazy because I think we're gonna drive up to my parents' house and all of my stuff is gonna be boxed up in the front yard and my birth certificate is gonna be on top of one of the boxes. Do you know what I see on that birth certificate?"

Randy raised an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "What do you see?"

"My parents' name crossed out and written in big black letters, the word 'DISOWNED'! My parents have disowned me!" John let his head fall back on the head rest as Randy burst into laughter. John turned to glare at him and Randy quickly controlled himself.

"John, you're insane you know that?"

John shook his head. "No I'm not! It could happen."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, it could if we were like in a Lifetime movie or something. Your parents are not gonna disown you. They love you."

John sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I thought they did. I'm not so sure now."

Randy sighed. "Well, I am sure. Baby, you need to relax."

John rubbed his hands over his eyes. "Ugh, I can't!"

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up. "Fine. I'm not gonna try to convince you anymore. I'm going to the bathroom." He walked through the back curtains and disappeared as John looked down at the now empty tray before him. Randy must have asked for the food to be taken away and it was just as well. His nerves were in such a state that he couldn't even look at food without feeling like puking.

John reached down into his carry-on bag and pulled out his laptop. He opened it and quickly logged on to the planes Wi-Fi. The distraction of the internet would hopefully calm him down for the remainder of the flight. It shouldn't be much longer. A ringing on his side made him jump up. John quickly looked down and saw the phone between his and Randy's chair lighting up. He frowned and looked around for a flight attendant but none was to be seen. John hesitantly picked up the phone.

"Uh, hello?"

"I'm calling you from the bathroom! Isn't this fucking amazing?"

John laughed at the amazement in Randy's voice. "I guess."

Randy laughed softly in his ear. "I can't use my cell otherwise I would've texted you."

John frowned. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Come to the bathroom. I need to see you." Randy's voice had gotten lower and John raised an eyebrow.

"Ran, what…"

"Just come, John," Randy ended the call with a loud click and John stared at the phone in his hands. He frowned for a minute before closing the lid on his laptop and leaving his seat. He walked through the back curtains and saw the 3 bathrooms. John sighed as he looked at the 3 doors and tried to debate which one Randy could be in. He walked to the first two and saw the 'Empty' signs down so it only left him one option. John stopped at the last door and knocked gently.

"Ran,"

Randy quickly opened the door and pulled him in, locking their bodies together as he closed the door of the tiny restroom. John stared at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing? What's wrong?"

Randy shook his head and smirked. "Nothing is wrong. I just know you're feeling all anxious and I wanted to do something to calm you down."

John smiled slowly. "What…locking me in a tiny cubicle is supposed to calm me down?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "No, dumbass. I plan on doing something more enjoyable," He pulled John close to him, inhaling his scent before pressing their lips together. John yelped in surprise but did not resist as Randy's tongue slid into his mouth. Randy's hands rested firmly on John's lower back, pressing their bodies even tighter together.

John pulled away from the kiss, but kept his body pressed close to Randy's. He sighed and looked up at Randy, his bright blue eyes sparkling with desire. John felt his breath hitch as Randy moved his head down to his ear and his hands down John's chest and stomach.

"Let me make you feel better, baby," he whispered.

John's eyes widened as he finally understood what Randy was planning. "Randy, wait. We're in a…"

Randy lowered his body down and started to strip undo John's belt. "I don't really care." He looked down at John with a smirk on his face as he pulled out his hard, leaking member. "Looks like little Johnny doesn't really care, either."

John moaned softly, his eyes darting nervously to the bathroom door. His eyes lowered and he watched, fascinated, as Randy licked the head of his hard cock before taking the whole thing in his mouth. He began to suck lightly, as John threw his head back, muttering a curse.

Randy raised his eyes, his mouth never leaving John's cock and saw the pleasure he was bringing him on his face. He sucked the head of John's cock, teasing him with his tongue, before beginning a slow bobbing motion. John moaned above him, trying to keep his voice as quiet as he could. Randy moaned himself, the sound causing vibrations to travel from John's shaft up his body and his hands clenched tightly onto the sides of the small sink behind him. Randy's mouth sucked harder now and bought him ever the edge only minutes later. John came hard, his hips jerking forward as Randy kept his mouth firmly sealed around him.

John tasted a drop of blood on his lip, where he had bit in an effort not to scream Randy's name. His breath came in pants and he slowly opened his eyes. Randy finished cleaning him up and redid his pants, slowly lifting to his legs. He captured John's face in his hands and crushed their lips together, John moaning in his mouth as Randy moved his tongue in languid motions over his. John wrapped his arms around Randy's back, tasting himself on Randy's tongue. The men broke apart, breathless and John leaned his forehead on Randy's.

"God, I love you."

Randy smiled and placed a final kiss on John's lips. "I love you, too, baby. Are you feeling more relaxed now?"

John laughed softly. "Oh, yeah."

* * *

Three hours later, Randy looked over at John. They had safely arrived to Boston, Massachusetts, picked up their luggage and rental car and checked into their hotel. After a quick shower, they had dressed and begun the hour long drive to West Newbury. John had been quiet the entire time and Randy knew that no matter what he did John's nervousness would not fully go away until Carol and John Sr. told him they accepted him for who he now was.

"Baby, we're almost there."

John nodded and sat up in the seat. "Yeah, it's OK. I'm ready." He looked over at Randy and smiled, but it didn't quite meet his normal standards. Randy smiled back and reached over to squeeze his hand. "It'll be fine, Johnny."

Randy drove the rest of the way as quickly as he could, keeping safety in mind. He was anxious to get this over with and get John back to his normal self.

Within minutes they were pulling up to the Cena house. Randy pulled into the driveway and cut off the engine. He turned to look at John and noticed the paleness of his lover's face. "Johnny, even if I offered to turn this car around right now, it wouldn't solve anything. This is something you're gonna have to do at one point, whether it's now or months from now. It won't get easier if you let more time go by, baby."

John nodded, his eyes downcast. "I know. You're absolutely right, Ran. I'm just scared."

Randy nodded. "I know, baby. Look, I know told you I would be there beside you but if you think it's better you do this alone, I'll understand…"

John looked over at him quickly, panic in his eyes and shook his head. "No! I want you there with me. I can't do this alone."

Randy quickly nodded and smiled. "OK, baby, then I'm there. We can get out of this car whenever you want."

John nodded and took a couple of deep breaths. "These are the times I wish I would've taken some of those ridiculous meditation classes Danny wanted us to take in OVW."

Randy smiled. "Just breathe in and out and feel my hand." He reached his hand over and took John's sweaty one. He stroked it gently as he felt John calm himself. "OK, I'm good. Let's go."

Randy nodded and exited the car, the slam of the door echoing around the quiet of the neighborhood. John exited on his side and Randy quickly extended his hand to him.

Randy smiled as they walked up the drive. "Hey, no packed boxes in the front yard. That's a good sign,"

John laughed and shook his head. The pair arrived at the front door and it opened before they could knock. Carol Cena's face appeared on the other side and her face broke into a happy smile.

"Johnny! I'm so happy you're home, sweetheart!"

She moved forward and threw her arms around him as he looked over at Randy anxiously. Randy smiled and nodded, letting go of John's hand. John smiled and wrapped his arms around his mother.

"I'm happy to be home, too."

She held onto him tightly and finally released him. She cupped his face in her small hands and smiled. "You look so handsome, sweetheart. I guess happiness and love will do that, right?"

John nodded, looking over at Randy. "Yes, it will."

Randy winked at him and smiled. Carol moved over to him and grasped his hands. "And you, my son through love if not by birth, thank you."

She hugged him tightly as John looked over with a frown. Randy shook his head at him and looked down at Carol. "Anytime. Can we go in? It's freezing!"

Carol quickly took their hands and pulled them inside. "Of course, my darlings! Come inside and get warm. I already have your rooms ready and…" She looked down at them then back at the door. "Where are your bags?"

John shook his head. "We're not staying. We're gonna stay in a hotel in Boston. We'll be back tomorrow, though,"

Carol frowned sadly. "Oh no. Well, I guess I should probably start getting used to that. You guys wanna share a room and do…well, let's not talk about that."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, let's not. It's just easier if we stay at a hotel. That's our plan for St. Louis now, too, so no need to feel jealous, Mama Car."

Carol crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine, stay at a hotel but I will be feeding you dinner every night you're in Mass., understood? I don't care how far you have to drive."

Randy stuck his hand out and saluted. "Yes, ma'am."

John laughed as he watched them interact, the laughter draining some of the fear in his body. So far, so good. Carol seemed fine and her interaction with Randy seemed to not have changed.

She turned to look at him and smiled. "Your Dad should be home in a few minutes. He went over to Matt's to put up some shelves and do manly stuff."

John nodded, the smile on his face wavering as a knot again formed in his stomach. "Sounds good,"

She moved over to him and again took his face in her hands. "Johnny, don't worry, sweetheart. Your father and I realize we made a mistake in how we reacted. We shouldn't have walked away from you without letting you speak. No wonder you ran away. We felt horrible and we realized that all we want is your happiness, Johnny. It's clear you've found it with Randy."

John smiled and nodded. "I have, Mom."

She smiled and moved away. "Well, then that's great. Who better than the boy I already know and love as if he were my own?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "I am and will be the only boy entering this house."

John looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, let's see. I still haven't let go of the idea of auctioning myself off on EBay."

Randy rolled his eyes as Carol laughed. "You boys are too adorable. You keep busy while I finish up dinner, OK."

John nodded and watched his mother walk away; not bothering to offer his help since he knew it would never be accepted anyway. He felt so much more at ease now and a smile crept on his face. Randy watched him closely and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Happy, baby?"

John nodded. "Very," He turned and placed a quick kiss on Randy's lips before leading him over to the couch. He turned on the television and the men settled down to watch the latest sports scores. Arguments quickly followed as they debated on the best teams in each category. They were so engrossed in their discussion they didn't notice John Sr. enter the living room. He cleared his throat and walked over to the chair beside them, sitting down slowly.

"I agree, Johnny. Your Rays may have a chance in the AL East this year. Their only real competition will be the Yanks, as usual."

Both John and Randy stared at him silently and he laughed loudly. "What? Have you two dumbasses gone mute or something?"

Randy smiled quickly, letting out his own laugh as John just stared at his father. John Sr. sighed. "Johnny, don't torture me, kid. You dropped a shitload on me. You knew I wasn't gonna jump for joy. I had every right to react the way I did. So did Mom."

John frowned and shook his head. "No parent has the right to turn away from their child. You walked away when I needed you the most."

Randy lowered his eyes uncomfortably and started to lift his body off the sofa, trying to give the Cena's their privacy, but was yanked back down by John. "No, stay put."

Randy nodded and kept his eyes lowered, wishing more than anything he could become invisible.

John looked at his father and shrugged. "Dad, do you think this was easy for me or for Randy? We go for almost 10 years as best friends, as brothers, and then one day it just changed for us. It was scary as hell and at that moment anyone would just want their parents there to support them and tell them everything is going to be OK. I had to deal with my parents walking out on me. I know it was hard for you and Mom to hear about it but it was hard for me, too."

John Sr. sighed and lowered his head. "Johnny, I didn't know what else to say or do at that moment and I figured leaving the room was the best choice. I in no way meant for you to take it as if I were walking away from you. I love you, John and I support everything you do. This one just took me a little longer to come to grips with. It was hard for me to hear when, like you say, Randy has been like a brother to you for so long. I think that was the biggest shock of all. If it would've been a stranger but no it's Randy..."

Randy lifted his head and frowned. "Excuse me? What's wrong with me? You would prefer a stranger over me?"

John Sr. smiled and shook his head. "Nothing is wrong with you, Randy! That's not what I meant. I just meant the shock was even greater because it was you Johnny fell in love with."

Randy rolled his eyes and mumbled. "You didn't say it that way, though,"

John took his hand and squeezed it before looking at his father. "So, where do we stand, Dad? We're not going anywhere. I already told you. My relationship with Randy is my number one priority."

John Sr. nodded. "I can clearly see that." He looked over and sighed. "Look, Johnny. I never claimed to be perfect or even a great Dad, but God knows I damn well tried with you boys. No matter what, I can honestly say I love you boys more than anything and I would hope you all know that."

John looked down and nodded slowly. "I did,"

John Sr. groaned. "Johnny, you're breaking my heart here, kid. I love you, you know I love you. I support you and I do accept you and Randy. It took me some time but I just want you to be happy. I want all my kids to be happy, John. Are you happy?"

John looked over at Randy and nodded. "Yeah, I am,"

John Sr. shrugged. "Then that's all that matters. I will smother you with love and support until you believe me."

John smiled. "Please don't. I'm just glad you accept us."

John Sr. leaned back in his chair and pointed at Randy. "You've got one hell of a guy here, Johnny boy. He called this morning and gave your mom this long lecture that scared the hell out of her."

Randy's eyes widened and he shook his head frantically at John Sr.

John looked at him, a confused look on his face. "What?"

John Sr. raised his eyebrows as Randy glared at him. "Must you be such a big mouth, Papa Cena?"

The elder Cena quickly stood up. "He didn't know?"

Randy shook his head and sighed loudly. "No and he wasn't supposed to know."

John Sr. nodded and pointed to the kitchen. "You know, I'm gonna go help Carol in the kitchen…" He quickly walked away as Randy shook his head. He hesitantly turned over to face John, who was staring a hole into him. "Let me explain before you get pissed, OK."

John nodded and sat back, his arms crossed over his chest.

Randy took a deep breath. "Look, I was 99% sure your parents were gonna be fine but that 1% of doubt was driving me crazy. I didn't want you to get hurt so I called Car this morning and told her we were coming but only if her and Pops could be civil to you. I didn't want them to say anything that would make you anymore upset than you already were. I just told her if they weren't ready we would stay away longer and if she hurt you I would make sure you never came back here."

John just stared at him and didn't say a word.

Randy grabbed his hand, pulling his arm away from his chest. "John, don't be mad at me. I wasn't going to actually go through with it. I just wanted to let them know how close they came to losing you. I knew they would never tell me to keep you away. They love you. I just had to be sure of what we were walking into. I couldn't stand to see you heartbroken if things weren't going to go well. I'm sorry. I just wanted to protect you…"

John held his other hand up and Randy immediately pressed his lips together. He stared into John's eyes, his heart racing at what John's reaction was going to be.

"Don't ever apologize for wanting to protect me."

Randy let out a shaky breath and slowly nodded. John smiled at him and shook his head. "Why would I be mad at you? Sounds like something I would do, actually. I love you for how you care for me; for how you love me back."

Randy smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. "Oh my God, I thought you were gonna be so pissed."

John laughed and pulled him up. Carol's voice cut through the silence as she called them in for dinner. He looked at Randy and pulled him in for a hug.

"You did nothing wrong, Ran. I could never get angry at you for loving me so much."

Randy smiled and kissed his forehead. "All right; enough of this sappy shit. Let's go get some food. I'm starving."

John laughed and followed him into the kitchen.

* * *

Much later that night, or very early that morning, Randy and John walked into their hotel room. John locked the door behind them, making sure to place the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

Randy threw himself face first on the bed and groaned. "I am fucking exhausted. I don't think we've ever had such a long and exhausting day without wrestling a single match."

John laughed and walked over to the king size bed, throwing himself besides Randy. "I know. It was a long day but I'm not exhausted at all. I think I'm kinda wired. Too much happened today for me to feel tired yet."

Randy lifted his face and frowned. "Well, you can entertain yourself watching TV." He buried his face in a pillow and John smiled. He lay beside him and ran his hand up Randy's back. "I'd rather entertain myself with you, though."

Randy slowly turned his head over, a small smile on his face. "What?"

John smiled, holding himself up on one arm. "It was an amazing day. I can think of no better way to end it than by us finally going all the way, Orton."

Randy sat up quickly, his mouth dropping in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me? Now you're ready? When I'm exhausted?" He raised an eyebrow and looked at John suspiciously. "Why? Why now?"

John laughed and shrugged. "I don't know, Ran. Maybe because I finally feel free from all my worries now. I feel happy all over and I feel so in love with you. Who cares why, though? I'm ready; isn't that all that matters?"

Randy watched him carefully before standing up. He sighed and began to walk around the room. "Maybe I'm not in the mood right now. I really am tired."

John smirked and stood up. "Can I try to convince you?"

Randy shrugged. "If you think you can…" He smiled as John quickly approached him, pulling him forward and kissing him deeply, their tongues quick to intertwine. Randy moaned and wrapped his arms around John's waist as he pulled them back towards the bed. John fell back onto the bed, pulling Randy on top of him. They kissed slowly at first, the kisses quickly turning more heated with passion and need. Randy moaned as John's hands roamed up and down his body. He squeezed and kneaded Randy's ass cheeks as Randy pressed their hardened members together.

They rolled over so John lay on top, pressing Randy into the bed. He placed kisses all over the younger man's face and down his neck. John pulled the bottom of his t-shirt up, exposing his chest. His hands roamed up and down Randy's chest before lowering to taste his smooth skin. He looked up at Randy and smiled.

"Damn, Randy. You're gorgeous."

Randy smiled, a small blush on his face. John smirked. "Is the Viper blushing? I thought nothing embarrassed you?"

Randy glared up at him. "Shut up,"

John laughed, moving down Randy's body and quickly undoing his jeans. He pulled them and the boxers Randy wore off in one tug and just gazed down at Randy's naked body. The younger man looked up at him with a smirk. "It's your turn. I wanna see you too, you know."

John stood and slowly took off his clothes with a cocky smile. Randy smiled and licked his lips as John's body was revealed. Randy's eyes traveled from John's chest down to his six-pack abs to his hardened cock, glistening with pre-cum. He reached out to John, who quickly joined him in the bed. Their lips met momentarily but John moved quickly down Randy's body, kissing his way down to Randy's cock. He wrapped his lips around the head and Randy groaned in ecstasy, writhing on the bed. John sucked him deep inside his mouth and Randy beginning to thrust upward, moaning loudly.

"Please Johnny, I need you,"

"You need me?" he chuckled. "Tell me what you need." John breath brushed against Randy's wet cock and the younger man groaned. "Stop teasing me, asshole. Are you going to make me beg even after you turned me down the first time?"

John laughed loudly. "You know, just for that statement, I think some payback is definitely needed." He lifted himself away slowly and Randy gasped down at him. "Fine, John! I didn't mean it! Come back,"

John smiled and lowered himself back down to Randy's crotch. "Tell me what you want," he said as he stroked the younger man's cock at a slow, excruciating rate.

Randy sighed, both from pleasure and frustration. "I want you, Johnny. Please, no more teasing me. I want you,"

John nodded. "Right now?"

"Yes, damn you or I'm gonna kick your ass!"

John laughed as Randy slammed his foot on the bed. He stood up slowly and walked over to his luggage, reaching in to grab the bottle of lube and box of condoms he had bought and hidden before leaving Texas. Randy raised his eyebrows as he saw the items in John's hand.

"Someone went shopping,"

John nodded. "It's amazing what they sell in the Dallas airport mini-mart."

Randy laughed as John walked back over to the bed. He laid down, his body hovering above Randy's and lowered his lips to his. Randy quickly arched up to meet them and John placed one hand on his chest.

"We're really gonna do this?"

Randy smiled up at him and nodded. "Yeah, we are. Just go slow, OK,"

John nodded. "If at any time you want me to stop, just say so."

Randy nodded and watched as John moved down his body, his muscles tightening with apprehension now that this moment was here.

John put the condom on and put some lube on his fingers. He warmed it up on his fingers and then placed them at Randy's opening, circling the area gently. His other hand moved to stroke Randy's cock gently as his eyes stared up at the younger man. The tension was radiating off his body and John wanted nothing more than to relax him. He added some lube to the hand stroking Randy's hard member and more to his entrance, trying to ensure he would cause as little pain to him as possible.

John took a deep breath and slowly guided one finger inside Randy, the younger man tensing immediately. "You OK, baby?"

Randy took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, just feels strange."

John smiled and nodded. "I know, baby. Just tell me when you're ready."

Randy closed his eyes and tried to relax his body. He slowly opened his eyes and nodded down at John, who smiled. John slowly pulled his finger out and added more lube, re-entering this time with two.

Randy sighed as he felt John's finger move slowly in and out, opening and closing inside him in a scissor motion. The initial burning and feeling of discomfort was slowly fading and he found himself enjoying the feel of John's fingers inside him. He let out a breath when he felt John go deeper and practically jumped off the bed when the older man touched something inside him that made his cock jerk.

"Holy shit, what did you do?"

John smiled and shook his head. "As much as I would love to take the credit, I think I just found your prostate. It's supposed to feel amazing."

Randy's panted and nodded. "It fucking does."

John smirked and inserted a third finger, immediately brushing Randy's spot. The younger man groaned and began to thrust down on his fingers. "Oh my God, John."

John smiled and continued to move his fingers inside Randy, occasionally brushing over his prostate and keeping him on the edge of cumming, but not letting him get there. Randy looked down at him, a pained expression on his face. He grabbed at John's arm desperately. "John, please, I said no more teasing. It's enough. I'm ready. I want you,"

John sighed and pulled his fingers out of Randy. He moved his way back up Randy's body and kissed him gently on the lips. "No matter what I do, I'm pretty sure you're gonna feel some pain. I don't wanna hurt you."

Randy shook his head. "I can handle it. I'm ready. Just go slow and let me set the pace, OK."

John nodded, kissing him quickly and lowered himself back down. He put more lube onto Randy's hole and some on his cock and positioned himself at Randy's entrance. He pushed forward gently and eventually Randy's body gave in, allowing the head to enter.

Randy gasped and quickly placed a hand on John's chest. "Wait! Gimme a minute,"

John stopped immediately, his own cock throbbing. He looked down as Randy took deep breaths and tried to relax his tense body. He slowly nodded and moved his hand away from John's chest. "OK, go slow,"

John nodded and continued to move forward slowly, giving Randy's body time to adjust to his size. The tightness of Randy was overwhelming to him and he had to control himself in effort to not thrust in quickly.

Randy closed his eyes tightly, his lips slightly parted. The thickness of John was intoxicating, leaving Randy breathless as John moved into him inch by slow inch. The pain was slowly dulling and his eyes opened, staring at John. "Go deeper,"

John nods and pushed in deep, all the way inside Randy, who moaned loudly. "Stop. Don't move,"

John immediately stopped and stayed still so Randy could adjust and get used to him now that he was fully inside. He brushed a kiss on Randy's forehead, reaching a hand up to stroke his face.

"Let me know when you're ready, baby."

Randy smiled and slowly nodded. He lifted his legs and wrapped them around John's waist, pushing at him with his heels. "I'm ready."

John began to move against Randy in slow, steady motions, tentative at first, experimental shifts of his hips that caused Randy to shudder beneath him. He soon found his stride and his hips began to move at a steady pace. His cock head brushed against Randy's prostate, making the younger man moan loudly. "John,"

Randy reached his head up and John bent down, their lips meeting firmly. Their tongues came together, softly stroking as John continued to move, his pace increasing.

"Damn, baby, you feel so amazing." he panted in Randy's ear.

"So do you," he whispered back, arching his body to meet John's thrusts. Randy wrapped his arms around John's neck, bringing him closer. He arched his back as their abdomens rubbed against his trapped cock and sent electric shocks throughout his body. "Harder, Johnny. Please, baby,"

John plunged into Randy harder and faster, his every move brushing Randy's prostate as he moaned beneath him. "John, I'm gonna cum,"

John groaned at Randy's words, his hand moving down to stroke Randy's hard member. "Go for it, baby. I'm with you."

With a few more thrusts and strokes from John, Randy came between their abdomens and chest, his mouth opening with the intensity of the orgasm. John pounded into him a couple more times and felt his cock spasm within Randy, held firmly by his tight muscles, before climaxing inside. His loud moan bounced off the walls as he collapsed on top of the younger man.

They laid in each others arms until their breathing returned to normal. Randy closed his eyes and stroked John's back softly. After a few breathless minutes, John slowly lifted his head and placed a gentle kiss on Randy's lips. "I love you so much, Ran,"

Randy smiled and nodded. "I love you, too, Johnny,"

He reached up and cupped John's face, kissing him deeper this time, their tongues entangling. They broke apart reluctantly and John slowly pulled out of Randy's body, the younger man frowning at the sudden pain. John stood on wobbly legs and peeled the condom off. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth, bringing it back to bed with him and tenderly cleaning Randy's cum off his body.

Randy turned over to his side as John wrapped him in his arms and pulled him close. "Tonight was so amazing, Johnny. I'm so happy we did this."

John smiled and nodded. "Me, too. I don't know why I was so nervous. I just didn't want to hurt you,"

Randy quickly shook his head. "You didn't, baby. You just made me incredibly happy."

John kissed him gently, pulling him in closer. "That's all I ever want to do, Randy. I love you and I want to be with you always."

Randy smiled and leaned his head on the pillow. "I never get tired of hearing that."

John laughed softly. "Yes, I'm aware of how needy you are, baby,"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Shut up. You can be such an ass,"

John smiled. "And you can be so sweet when you want to be."

Randy smiled. "Only with those I love,"

John looked into Randy's eyes and ran his fingers over his face, the younger man's eyes closing as he sighed deeply. John pulled him in and Randy laid his head on John's chest. Within minutes they were peacefully asleep, no worries or cares on their minds.


	24. Chapter 23

**December 2010**

Randy sat on the large recliner, legs crossed, laptop resting on his thighs. The house was quiet and dim, the wind howling outside the large St. Louis home he loved. A small fire had been set in the large stone fireplace and random crackles disturbed the quiet of the house.

Randy sighed and moved his body around, trying to find a comfortable position and awaken his sleeping leg. His frustration was growing by the minute and his head was beginning to pound. The headache could be due to his eyes straining to read the words on the computer in the darkened room and the frustration could be explained by the fact that he was trying and failing at picking out a Christmas present.

A large hand clamped itself over his shoulder and Randy jerked in his seat, his eyes lifting up to meet John's smiling face. Randy smiled and quickly closed the laptop, letting it rest on his legs. "What's up?"

John walked around the seat and sat on the edge of the table in front of Randy's chair. "What's up is I roll over in bed and hit empty space. What are you doing down here at this time?"

Randy shrugged and set the computer down on the table beside him holding the small lamp. "I couldn't sleep so I figured I would do some more shopping. Christmas is right around the corner and there are some things I would like to get for Al…"

John laughed loudly. "Babe, you got her a truckload of presents over there. The tree is completely surrounded. She doesn't need any more stuff."

Randy nodded and looked down at his empty lap. "I know but she's my baby so I gotta spoil her." He looked up at John and sighed. "Besides, I can't for the life of me figure out what to get you so I distract myself with buying her more stuff."

John smiled and stood up, sliding down into the chair beside Randy, who moved his body over so they could sit side by side. He wrapped an arm around Randy's waist and pulled his body in tightly. "Baby, I already told you to stop stressing about what to get me. I have all I need. You are all I need,"

Randy rolled his eyes but smiled. "Oh, stop. You know you want a present with your name on it under that tree because I know I damn well want one, too. It's just, what do you get the man that has everything?"

John laughed softly, leaning forward to lay his head on Randy's chest. "Randy, you've given me everything I need. You've given me the best friend I could ever have and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." He leaned up, pushing himself off Randy's body, his eyes twinkling brightly. "That's what you can give me! Let's get married! Let's just go off to some country that allows gay marriage and just do it. The next day we could fly back to the US as husbands."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, sure, John. We'll go tomorrow." He rolled his eyes before closing them tightly.

John's smile slowly faded from his handsome face and he dropped back on the seat. "Will you ever say yes to me?"

Randy sighed. "John, we're perfect as we are, baby. Why do we have to get married? You know marriage doesn't work for us." He looked down at John's head and saw it bob in a small nod. Randy closed his eyes against the back of the chair. This wasn't the first time John had bought up marriage between the two of them. It frustrated Randy each time he did. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with John. He loved him more than anything and knew he would spend the rest of his life with him. It was just that word, "marriage". Both he and John had tried marriage before and they failed miserably. It was like they were cursed. The last thing Randy wanted was for him and John to get married and their relationship to break apart. He seemed to be the only one harboring that fear, though. John spoke about marriage and his eyes lit up. The smile on his face practically split it and the excitement radiated from every pore on his body. Randy, on the other hand, immediately felt nauseous and began to shake. That wasn't a good sign and he knew it annoyed John. Despite his reassurance to the older man that it wasn't true, he knew John would soon start to wonder if Randy's feeling of love for him was sincere. It was Randy's greatest fear that John would one day leave him because of his fear of marriage.

"Ran,"

Randy opened his eyes and looked down to see John staring at him intently. "Yeah,"

John smiled slowly. "I'm sorry I bought it up again. I know it's still too soon and I shouldn't be talking about marriage. You're right; we are perfect exactly the way we are. We're committed to each other and I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "John, it just scares me. I do love you, though, and I am committed to you. Maybe one day…"

John quickly placed a gentle kiss on his lips to stop him. "Stop. I know how you feel about me whether we do or not. I won't mention it again."

Randy smiled and stroked John's face, his fingers running over John's lips. The older man kissed them gently causing Randy's smile to widen. John's bright blue eyes suddenly widened and he sat up. "Oh my God, I just thought of something I want!"

Randy nodded. "Whatever, babe,"

"A 1961 Ferrari 250 GT," John smiled widely as Randy frowned. "What the hell is that? I'm guessing if it's a Ferrari, it's a car,"

"Not just a car, Ran," John slid off Randy's lap and stood in front of him, his hands gesturing widely. "It is one of the most valuable collector cars ever."

Randy laughed at John's enthusiasm and turned over in the chair, exhaustion starting to settle in. "Sure, babe. If you want it, you get it. Just tell me where to go,"

John smirked. "Well, first we have to go to a ski shop,"

Randy frowned. "What? Why the hell do we have to go to a ski shop?"

John laughed and dropped back to the table. "To buy the two ski masks that we'll need to rob the bank we're gonna have to rob to get the 13 million dollars the car costs."

Randy's mouth dropped open. "13 million dollars, John? Are you insane! What the hell is this car made of; diamonds and platinum?"

John smiled. "No, it's just a beautiful car, though. Obviously, I'm just kidding but maybe one day if we become billionaires I can get it. I'll just dream about it for now,"

He sighed dramatically and Randy smiled. "Hopefully that day will come but for now let's think about something in the thousands, not millions, shall we. That's more likely to happen."

John shrugged. "I really don't have anything in mind, Ran. Whatever you get me, I will love so let's just go to bed, OK."

Randy lowered himself in the seat and stretched his arms out. "I'm kinda comfortable right here. The only thing missing is you..." He patted the space beside him. "...right here."

John smiled and moved back into the seat, Randy's arms wrapping around him immediately. They remained in the embrace, their bodies forced close together, the recliner not big enough for men of their size. Randy's eyes drifted closed and his body started to relax with each passing breath. Just as he felt himself falling, he heard John's voice whisper in his ear.

"Do you remember where we were at this time last year?"

Randy's eyes opened slowly and he met John's. "Yeah, we were celebrating our divorces."

He smiled but John kept his face solemn. "Do you ever wonder how different things would have been if we would've never gotten divorced? Or if only one of us got divorced?"

Randy shrugged. "Not really. I mean, everything happens for a reason. I really don't think it would've happened any other way. We were meant to be together. Those divorces were gonna happen whether at that time or another time."

John sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if we were meant to be then why didn't we get together sooner? Why did we bother getting married to these girls if it was only gonna end in divorce? I mean, you got something amazing out of it in Ally but..."

Randy smiled. "Why are you getting all philosophical, John? We're together now. Isn't that all that matters? Maybe God knew we wouldn't appreciate each other back when we were young and immature." He looked at John and frowned. "Then again, you still are immature..."

John laughed softly. "Being a happy, joking person does not mean I'm immature! You're just a little too grumpy."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Whatever,"

John smiled and buried his face in Randy's neck, his breath tickling the younger man.

"John, it doesn't matter when we started. All that matters is that this is where it ends. You and I are it; forever."

John placed a kiss on the skin of Randy's neck before looking back into his eyes. "You're right, baby. Who cares about the past, right?" He sat up and grimaced. "Ran, I can't stay here. Let's go to bed, please."

Randy sighed before taking John's outstretched hand. "Fine, take me to bed but you have to make it worth my while. I was happy in that chair."

John smirked. "Oh, I think you know I can make it worth your while."

Randy smiled, quickly following John up the darkened stairs toward their bedroom. His body, as it always did, was rapidly responding to John's words.

They entered their dimly lit bedroom and John turned to face Randy. He wrapped his arms loosely around his hips and placed a kiss on his lips, sighing contently when his tongue wrapped warmly around his. He felt Randy's body respond as he moved his fingers over his stomach and into his pajamas, lightly grasping his cock. Randy groaned and pulled away from John's lips. He pushed the older man backwards towards the bed and got a dimpled smile in return.

"Seems like you're happy we left that chair now, aren't you?"

"Very happy." Randy whispered, running his fingers up John's back and pulling him close for another kiss.

John didn't waste any time. He turned them around and pushed Randy gently onto their large bed. He lowered his body on top of his younger lover's and kissed Randy's mouth again, quickly moving down to his chest. He ran his mouth over Randy's nipples before continuing his journey downward over the hard, flat abs. Randy sighed happily as John tugged off his pajama bottoms and used his fingertips to trace his hardened member before quickly engulfing him in his mouth.

"John," Randy gasped at the sensation of his lover's mouth on his cock. His body trembled as John's tongue swirled around the head, scraping against the sensitive underside and sending electric bolts through his body. His fingers couldn't help but find John's head and stroke it as John's mouth teased and taunted and tasted him.

John pressed Randy down his throat and pulled back, repeating the actions as slowly as possible. He always longed to make it as good as he could for Randy. There was nothing he loved more than tasting Randy's essence on his tongue, watching his face contort in ecstasy and hearing him cry out in pleasure and knowing it was all because of him. He loved that he was the only man that could and would taste Randy and see him and make him come undone.

He was surprised when Randy stopped him. "Oh, baby. It's too good. You gotta stop. You're going to make me cum."

John looked up at him and nodded. "I know. That's what I want."

Randy groaned and laid his head back down. He gasped as John again took his penis deep into his throat.

"Oh, God," His body felt like it was on fire, his skin tingling in anticipation. His breath caught in his throat as John deep-throated him over and over, faster and faster, bringing him just to the edge and stopping. "John, don't stop, baby, please,"

John pulled Randy's engorged cock deeply into his throat and used his swallowing muscles to stroke him. Randy shouted as he exploded in John's throat, feeling the older man milking his cum out of his member. Exhaustion overtook him for a moment and he closed his eyes, reveling in the beautiful feelings of pleasure that curled his toes and the love that saturated his soul. He opened his eyes to see John looking down at him and he pulled him down for a kiss. Randy moaned into John's mouth, tasting himself on the older man's tongue. He pulled away and moved his mouth to John's ear.

"I want you inside me, baby,"

John smiled and lifted himself off Randy's body. He sat up and positioned himself between the younger man's legs. Randy sat up and grabbed John's hard cock, stroking it a couple of times before lowering his mouth to suck on him. John groaned and moved his hips forward, drawing more of himself inside Randy's warm mouth. Randy moaned around him and the sound vibrated down his cock and up his spine. John groaned and pushed Randy back down on the bed, quickly spreading Randy's legs further apart and sliding his fingers inside the younger man's entrance. Randy sighed, his hips arching slightly off the bed. Randy moaned loudly as John moved his fingers inside him and the older man smirked down at him.

"You ready for me, baby?"

Randy quickly nodded, his breath coming in pants. John positioned himself in front of Randy's entrance and pushed forward slowly, watching his lover's reaction before plunging inside. Randy gasped as he felt John fill him and he felt his own cock respond to the sensation. He moved his hand down to stroke himself but John quickly smacked his hand away.

"That's mine."

John began to move slowly at first, gritting his teeth at the sensations, trying to make himself last, but he knew that it wasn't going to work. Randy's muscles grasped him tightly and he bent forward to lock lips with him. John stroked Randy's dick in time with his thrusts, the younger man moaning loudly.

"Oh, God." Randy whispered against his mouth. "Fuck me, Johnny."

John groaned loudly as he sped up, slamming into Randy. "God, Randy, you feel so good, baby."

He moved his hands down to the side of the bed, one on each side of Randy's head as he thrust inside the younger man. Randy reached down and grabbed his own cock, stroking in time with his lover, his moans and grunts matching John's. Within moments, he felt John's cock swell and as he felt the older man's hot cum splashing his insides, he came again, his own cum coating his chest.

"Johnny," He panted. "I love you."

John collapsed on top of Randy, a deep sigh escaping his lips. "I love you, Randy."

* * *

Randy opened the door of his Hummer and stepped out into his parents' large driveway. Within minutes his mother poked her head out of the Orton home front door and ran over to the car.

"My beautiful son! I'm so happy you're here but sad about the reason,"

Randy smiled and hugged his mother tightly. "Mom, you should be used to the drill already. You know I'm never home for long. Besides, we spent all 3 days together. Aren't you sick of me yet?"

Elaine shrugged. "Well, now that you mention it..." She laughed quickly at the shocked look on Randy's face and he shook his head. He walked back over to the car and opened the back. Elaine smiled as two large Boxers quickly jumped out and went over to her.

"All right, Mom. You got my boys back. Take care of them."

Elaine rolled her eyes. "Randal, I've been taking care of these boys since you first adopted them. I think Harley and Dodge are perfectly happy with me. Neither you or John need to worry."

Randy nodded, looking down at his dogs. "These are our babies, Mom. We'll always worry about them. I wish we could take them on the road."

Elaine quickly shook her head. "Having them on that bus and on planes everyday is not a life for animals. They're fine right here." She looked over to the car and frowned. "Where is John?"

Randy looked down at his watch before answering his mother. "Home, packing. Our flight leaves in a few hours. You said bye to him yesterday, Mom,"

Elaine sighed before slowly nodding. She walked back over to the car and watched as he bent to pat both dogs' heads before ordering them inside the Orton family home. He smiled as they ran off and walked back over to the car.

"All right, Mom. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. I have to run and pick up Alanna."

Elaine's eyes widened. "Sam is actually going to let you take her?"

Randy sighed, a flash of anger crossing his ice blue eyes. "She doesn't have a choice. Both I and my lawyer made it very clear to her that she has no choice but to stop ignoring the custody agreement. I let her get away with it for too long. I will go bankrupt if I have to, Mom, but I will fight her for full custody if she keeps this up."

Elaine patted his arm. "Sweetheart, none of us wants it to go that route but if it does, you know you have us all behind you. We couldn't love you and support you more than we already do."

Randy smiled and hugged his mother tightly before placing a kiss on her cheek. "Love you, Mom. Take care of my boys and I'll be home soon."

Elaine nodded and watched as he got behind the wheel of his car. Randy waved one last time before driving off toward Sam's house. As excited as he always was to see his daughter, he dreaded having to see Samantha. She had not come far in the acceptance of his and John's relationship but was always quick to point out that she had suspected it long before they admitted it to her. Randy and John chose to ignore her comments for Alanna's sake but it wore on Randy heavily since he was forced to have more contact with Sam. Despite how horrible their relationship may be, he had to admit she had made great strides in the past year to repair her own life. She had gone back to work as a physical therapist and was even talking about opening her own dance studio. Her mothering skills had also greatly improved and he was happy now to see a bond that wasn't there before between her and Alanna.

Randy pulled his car into Samantha's driveway and exited. He walked around to the backseat and checked Alanna's car seat to make sure it was securely installed. Once sure, he walked to the front door of Sam's small St. Louis home and rang the doorbell. He heard footsteps run towards the door and Sam's voice ring out.

"Ally, baby, wait for me."

The door swung open and Sam smiled at him as Alanna launched herself around his legs. Randy laughed and picked her up, hugging her to his body tightly. "My baby! You ready to go on the road with Daddy?"

Alanna smiled happily, keeping her arms locked around his neck. Randy smiled at Sam and placed a kiss on her cheek. "How are you, Sam?"

Samantha shrugged and let him walk into the house. She shut the door behind them and sighed loudly. "I'm fine. I took a couple more clients so I could keep busy these 2 weeks you have her. I'm gonna be so lonely and miss her so much."

Randy sighed and gently set Alanna down. "Go get a book so we could read on the plane, OK, baby."

Alanna nodded and quickly ran off as Randy glared at Sam. "Sam, don't do that shit. Don't make me feel guilty for taking the time that is owed me. I have every right to spend an equal amount of time with my daughter. She is equally mine, isn't she?"

Sam smiled sheepishly and nodded. "I know. I just don't know how to be alone, Randy."

Randy nodded and took Sam's hand, leading her to the large sofa. "Sam, you don't have to be alone. You're still young. You're beautiful, smart and you can be a great person when you want to."

Sam looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Randy smiled. "Look, Sammy. We didn't work. We both changed and in the process we both said and did horrible things to each other. I don't think those people are who we really are, though. We were just lashing out and trying to hurt each other. We've grown up, though and I really think we have a shot at becoming good friends, if we try."

Sam nodded. "I would like that, Ran. We have a beautiful little girl that will keep us joined forever." She sighed and looked down at her hands. "I've said horrible things to you; especially about John. I really am sorry about it, Randy. Of course there was the huge shock of finding out you were with John but I think the main reason I was so negative about it was because of how easy it was for you to move on. You two are so happy together and I haven't even come close to finding someone like you have in John. Then, I started to feel you were taking Ally from me and I just got even more insecure,"

Randy shook his head. "Sam, I could never take Al away from you. You are her mother and she adores you as much as you adore her. I just want my fair time with her. I doubt either of us wants to make her go through some court battle, right?" He reached for her folded hands and grasped them in his. "Sam, despite it all, I will always love you because you gave me the best gift ever in Alanna. I just want you to be happy, Sammy. You can find your own version of John. I want you to find someone who makes you just as happy as John has made me, OK. Maybe if you find someone to be happy with, you'll stop being so negative about me and John..."

Sam laughed softly. "I will stop, I promise. Believe it or not, I always liked John. He was always nice to me and he was always a friend to me, even after we split. I always envied the type of relationship you and he had. You guys were so devoted to each other, even before you started dating."

Randy nodded. "I am really lucky. I thank God every day that John was assigned to be my Big in OVW. I can't imagine my life without him. I only want the same for you, Sam."

Sam sighed and nodded, looking towards her side as Alanna entered the room, a book in her hand. She picked her up and placed her in her lap, giving her a kiss. "So, my beautiful girl, you're ready to go have fun with Daddy for a couple of weeks? You're gonna be a good girl for Daddy and Johnny?"

Alanna smiled happily. "Yeah! We're gonna have fun. I'll be a good girl."

Sam laughed and hugged her tightly. "I know you will, sweetheart. I'll call you every night and see you soon, OK."

Randy watched as they hugged goodbye and stood up, walking over to the door to give them a few minutes of privacy. He felt better than he had in a long time when it came to his relationship with Sam. It was nice that they had gotten some things out in the open and that they were making steps to at least build a foundation for a friendship.

"All right, Ran, she's all yours!"

Randy turned and took Alanna into his arms. Sam opened the door for them and helped Randy take Alanna's luggage to the car. Once secured in her car seat and after receiving a couple more hugs and kisses from Sam, Randy closed the back door and turned to Sam.

"I'll call you tonight, Sammy. Don't worry and try to have some fun, OK."

Samantha smiled and nodded. "I know she's safe with you and John. It'll be a good couple of weeks."

Randy hugged her quickly before moving back to his car and getting in the driver's seat. He started the car and drove away, leaving Sam waving in her driveway.

Randy drove on towards his house and listened to his daughter chatter in his ear. He was barely able to get a word in but he loved it. The time spent with his daughter was his most cherished time and he let no one interrupt it. No one got in the bubble he created with Alanna; except for John. The man had become like another parent to Alanna and it only made Randy love him more. Alanna loved spending time with John as much as the older man loved being with her. There was no one Randy would trust more with his daughter and he loved that she would grow up with someone as wonderful as John in her life.

He pulled into his driveway and glanced at his watch. He was just in time. John should have them all packed so it was just a matter of loading the car with their luggage and driving off to the airport for their flight. Randy stepped out of the car and quickly unbuckled Alanna, enveloping into his arms. He walked towards the house and stepped inside, smiling when he saw the large suitcases by the door. John couldn't be more predictable if he tried.

"John,"

Randy set Alanna on the floor and she headed inside the house. She looked back at Randy, who shrugged. "I don't know where he is, baby. Why don't you check upstairs?"

Alanna smiled and nodded, running up the stairs as she called, "Johnny,"

Randy walked into the kitchen and checked the carry-on bag that had all their passports and plane tickets. He heard Alanna squeal in excitement when she found John and minutes later they walked into the kitchen. Randy smiled at Alanna, who was perched on John's shoulders. The older man looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I already checked that bag, baby. We should get going. Our flight leaves in 2 hours."

Randy zipped the bag closed and nodded, a small smirk on his face. "Yes sir, Mr. Cena."

John laughed and set Alanna down. He took her hand and led her out into the hallway but Randy reached for his arm. John looked back at him and smiled. "What's up?"

Randy smiled, his fingers entwining with John's. "You know how when I get back from Sam's I usually wanna kill myself? Well, not today."

John laughed. "Well, good." He pulled Randy out of the house, the younger man locking it securely and activating the alarm system as John grabbed their luggage. Alanna climbed into the car and Randy buckled her in before coming around the back to help John load the bags into the trunk of the Hummer.

"Sam and I had a great talk and I think we really worked out a lot of problems. I feel really good about it, John."

John looked over at him with a smile. "I'm glad, baby. You two really need to get on the same page for that little girl's sake."

Randy nodded and sighed. "I'm just glad she's coming around when it comes to us, too. I don't know how much more of her shit I was gonna be able to take."

John smirked and closed the trunk. "Look at you, Mr. Orton, getting all protective of me,"

Randy laughed and pulled John, his arms circling his waist. He placed a kiss on his lips and the older man's arms came up around his neck. "No one talks about my baby and gets away with it."

John smiled and laid his head on Randy's shoulder. "You know what? I never really cared what she said about me and our relationship. Your opinion of me is all that matters and I know for a fact that you think I'm amazing."

Randy laughed loudly before playfully pushing John away. "God and people think I'm the conceited asshole in this relationship!"

John shrugged and looked at him, a smug look on his face. "You know it's true, though. You think I'm hot, brilliant, hysterical..."

"A dork," Randy cut off John's words and the older man gasped loudly. Randy rolled his eyes and pointed at the car. "Get in the car already, Mr. Amazing."

John grabbed his arm and pulled him close, kissing him gently. Randy reached up with his other hand and stroked his face softly before pulling away reluctantly. "All right, we seriously gotta hit the road, baby. We can continue this tonight."

John nodded and moved away. "You bet we will. I'll show you exactly how amazing I can be then." He smirked and got into the passenger's seat as Randy smiled, shaking his head slowly as he followed.


	25. Chapter 24

"Can you believe we only get one day off for Christmas this year? We have to be in NYC on the 26th and they're expecting the mother of all storms that day and we have to get to Albany for RAW and…"

Randy smiled, putting his hand on Ted's arm. "I know, Teddy, it's a nightmare. There's no need to keep harping on it, though because nothing we can do will change anything, right?"

Ted looked at him, a frown on his face. "God, you're starting to sound just like John. Last year you would've been moaning and groaning along with me. I can't stand being the only crazy one in our little group."

Randy shrugged, a yawn escaping his mouth and zipped his gym bag closed. "Well, compared to Cody, you're pretty normal, Ted. You can't fault me for picking up some of John's habits. Doesn't it happen in every relationship?"

Ted shrugged, patiently awaiting Randy. "I don't know. I don't see Cody picking up any of my habits and I damn sure haven't picked up any of his." He widened his eyes and smiled. "I know what Johnny's doing! He's molding you to be like him and trying to get rid of the crazy, angry Randy we all knew and loved."

Randy frowned, his head lifting from his sneakers to meet Ted's smiling face. "What the fuck are you talking about? You're not funny in the slightest bit, you know."

"I'm just messing with you, Ran. Can we go please? I want to get to my hotel and call Cody. We have a phone sex date!" Ted raised his eyebrows suggestively and Randy grimaced. "Too much fucking information, man. Keep your sex life antics to yourself."

Randy stood, lifting his bag over his shoulder and followed Ted out of the locker room. He headed for the Divas Locker Room to pick up his daughter who he had entrusted to Eve Torres in John's absence. He knocked on the door, waiting for the "Come in," before pushing the door open. Randy smiled at the Divas that were gathered as Ted waved from outside, blowing a kiss to his good friend and on-screen partner, Maryse. Randy smiled when he saw his daughter falling asleep in Eve's arms.

"Hey, baby. Did you have fun with Evie?"

Alanna nodded sleepily and reached her arms out to him. "Evie brushed my hair and put a bow on it, Daddy."

Randy smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead as she laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled at Eve and hugged her tightly. "Thanks for watching her, Eve. I didn't know what to do when John left and then Ted had a match…"

Eve waved her hand dismissively. "Anytime, Ran. She's an absolute doll. Whenever you need someone to watch her, I'm here."

Randy nodded and waved goodbye to the remainder of the girls before exiting the room. He walked alongside Ted and they said their goodbyes to the few superstars and other WWE employees that remained in the arena before walking silently to the nearly empty parking lot. Randy placed Alanna in her car seat before taking Ted's bag and tossing it besides his in the backseat of the rental and sliding wordlessly into the driver's seat. He started the car and sighed loudly as Ted turned to look at him with a frown.

"Ran, are you mad about what I said? I was just joking, I swear. John loves you. He would never try to change you."

Randy turned to glance at him before nodding stiffly. "I know. I'm not mad. I know John loves me. He wouldn't want to marry me if he didn't like me for the man I was."

Ted's eyebrows rose so high they practically disappeared in his hairline. "What? You two are already talking about marriage? Are you two insane? Cody and I have been together for almost 2 years and we barely talk about it!"

Randy smiled slowly, amused by Ted's reaction. "It's just talk, Teddy. We're not planning anything; well, not for awhile. Who knows what the future holds right?"

Ted turned away and nodded. "Yeah, that's true. I mean, come this time next year you guys could've broken up."

Randy's smile dropped and he turned to glare at Ted. "There's a little too much bashing of my relationship coming out of your mouth today, Ted. Watch yourself before you find yourself stranded on the side of this highway."

Ted held up one hand. "Calm down. You're always so damn defensive. You're the one who said who know what the future holds, right? Well, honestly speaking, the future could very easily hold a break-up. All relationships can come to that, even my own. Let's be honest, though. One like yours is more likely to, you know..."

Randy shook his head, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. "Wow, you are really pushing me tonight. What the hell are you talking about?"

Ted sighed and turned his body towards Randy's. "All right, look. I love you and John, you know that. I just mean, you and John are in your first ever gay relationship. You two jumped headfirst into this and became instantly exclusive. Neither of you dated other men or even another woman after your divorces. A relationship where both partners bury themselves in each other is not the healthiest. It's more prone to failure and I'm just repeating what millions of therapists have said so don't get pissed at me."

Randy sighed, his jaw clenched. "So, you're saying because John and I never dated anyone else, we're doomed to fail? We were supposed to go around and whore it up a little before giving in to our love? What kind of sense does that make? I love John, Ted. Why should I date someone else if I already know who I love? You didn't date anyone else besides Cody."

Ted shook his head. "No, you're wrong about that. Cody and I did date other people before we decided to only date each other. We made sure we were ready to be exclusive because we had actually gone out there and made sure we were ready to be together. The last thing either of us wanted was to date a couple of months and then get bored because we didn't want to be with just one person. Then the mind starts to wonder and you start questioning everything and it just becomes horrible. It's better to get that out of the way before committing yourself to one person. I know for a fact Cody is the one for me and we'll be together forever but I may never have known that if I didn't date around and see what losers are out there."

He sighed and cocked his head to the side when Randy didn't respond. "Look, I know you love John. I know he loves you, too, but sometimes I look at the two of you and see how fast you're moving along in this relationship and it scares me for you. I don't want you two to fall apart. I mean, you're already talking about marriage. My God, Randy. This time last year you were both married to women! And I know I said I was joking, but you are different now. It's a weird type of different, like you're morphing into who you think John wants you to be. John fell in love with the loud, obnoxious, conceited Randy and he seems to have disappeared. Now, if that's your decision then God bless, but if its not, then you have a problem, Ran my man."

Randy rolled his eyes and pulled into the hotel garage. Ted turned and arched his eyebrow in surprise at how fast they arrived. When he started to talk, all time concepts flew out the window. Randy turned to him and just stared. Ted gulped softly and bit his lip, desperately trying to evade Randy's piercing gaze.

"You can talk a lot of shit but you can't meet my eyes?" Randy sighed. "I gather you think you're helping me when you give me these lectures. I know you and Cody think you're the Obi-Wan Kenobi's of gay relationships, especially mine and John's, but I would appreciate it if you stop trying to help. All your little talks do is give me a headache."

Ted narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine, I won't help anymore but as a friend to you and John, I do have a right to express my opinion, you know."

"Ted, I get everything that you're saying but what you don't get is that maybe John and I aren't like typical couples. We came together, inexplicably but neither of us cared. Isn't the fact that we were so willing to be together, despite how strange it was for both of us, a sign that maybe we're meant to be? Maybe we're the couple that's going to break your theory. We'll be the couple with the two guys who were previously involved with girls and started dating and never dated any other guy, but lasted forever. Why is that so hard to believe?"

Randy smiled and shook his head at Ted. "And if you think I've changed, well maybe it's because I have. It's not because of John, though. I have that little girl back there who sees and hears everything I do. Don't you think I want to be a good example for her? It's also because I'm happy now, Teddy. Didn't you ever wonder why I was so angry and obnoxious? I wasn't happy. This calmness and peace I'm showing is a result of happiness, not of John trying to morph me into anything."

Ted looked down at his hands and slowly nodded. "You're right. I just want you guys to be as happy as Cody and I are and we don't want to lose you. I worry sometimes that you won't make it because I see how dependent you two are on each other. What if something happens, Ran? We couldn't deal with having to pick sides and losing a friend."

Randy laughed. "That's not going to happen. I don't need to date another guy and experiment with anyone to know that. I want John forever and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me. You see him mentioning marriage as something strange. I see it as him telling me he has already accepted me into his life forever. It makes me feel beyond amazing…" The smiled dropped from his face and he looked down, mumbling softly. "…and terrifies the shit out of me."

Ted frowned. "Randy, just when I think you two are in your own version of a fairytale love story, you say something to ruin it. If you're so sure you and John are meant to be, why does marriage scare you? Isn't it the next logical step?"

Randy slowly moved his head up, leaning it on the headrest of his seat. "I don't know. What if marriage is a curse for us? We were both married and they fell apart…"

"To women. You were both married to women. That's why they fell apart," Ted interrupted with a knowing smile.

"Well, what if it wasn't that? What if John and I are just two people who should never get married? We could just live together forever. That's the same, right?"

Randy raised his eyebrow expectantly and Ted sighed. "No, it's not the same and I don't fault Johnny for wanting to get married. I want to marry Cody one day and I would be pretty bummed if he told me he just wanted to live together forever."

Randy groaned and closed his eyes. "Great. So you just confirmed that now I have to worry that because John and I don't want the same thing this one time, its gonna mess up our relationship."

Ted laughed softly. "My God, can you be more of a drama queen? Marriage is still a long time away for you two. That I really do hope you take my advice on. Marriage is sacred and should not be jumped into. Cody and I will probably date years before we take that step. It's up to you if you wanna worry about it but I wouldn't. This is how you feel now, Ran. Who knows how you'll feel in a few years?"

Randy wrinkled his nose and Ted laughed harder, Randy soon joining in. A loud rap on the driver's side window made both men jump up and they turned to see John peering inside the car, an amused frown on his face. Randy immediately opened the door and stepped out of the car, wrapping John into his arms.

"Hey, babe. I'm so glad you're back. How did it go?"

John hugged him tightly before shrugging. "Same old, same old. Sign a couple of movies, kiss a couple of kids and listen to hundreds of people fawn all over me and tell me how amazing I am."

Randy sighed and shook his head, placing a hand over his heart. "Wow, those poor, deluded souls. They should get immediate psychiatric help."

John's mouth dropped open and he retorted with a hard slap to Randy's backside. The younger man yelped loudly before glaring at him. "You must not want any tonight."

Ted gasped from where he stood beside them. "Oh my God, what time is it? Cody and I had a date! He's gonna kill me!"

John frowned and looked at his watch. "It's 10 o'clock. Isn't Cody on the West Coast with the rest of Smackdown?"

Ted nodded frantically as he dug in the backseat of the car for his gym bag. He quickly pulled it out and slammed the door shut. "Yeah, he is. We have a phone date. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Ted quickly rushed off as John stared at him, a small frown still marring his handsome face. "A phone date? Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?"

Randy sighed and nodded nonchalantly. "Yeah. Ted doesn't seem to mind sharing those details with us." He bent and unbuckled a sleeping Alanna from her seat and handed her off to John. The older man cradled her in his arms and kissed her forehead. Randy smiled and dug back in the car to pull his bag from the backseat. He locked the car securely before taking John's outstretched hand and following him into the hotel. The lobby was practically empty at the late hour but a glance toward the hotel bar proved most of the superstars that had returned to the hotel had take refuge there. John waved at a couple of the boys who spotted them through the glass windows but Randy quickly pulled him towards the elevators.

"Don't get their attention. I just want to go upstairs, climb in bed, rent a movie and go to sleep with my honey."

John smiled and nodded, wrapping his arm around his waist. "Whatever you want, babe."

Randy sighed contently, the laughter from his fellow WWE employees floating out of the bar. He enjoyed spending time with the boys he considered his friends, a part of the traveling family that WWE was comprised of. Both John and he had been greatly relieved many months ago when their relationship came out in the locker room and no one had anything negative to say. Well, at least to their face. All that mattered was that the men they considered true, close friends had stood beside them. Maybe it was because of their status as the top dogs on the RAW roster that they got away with it so simply when only months before Ted and Cody had been through hell when their relationship was exposed. Fact was they didn't care. Whether accepted or not, both men had come out to the WWE locker room shortly after coming out to their families and Cody because neither were willing to hide it anymore.

"I'm starving,"

Randy broke from his thoughts and looked over at John. "All right, we'll order something from room service. I could eat, too, now that you mention it."

John nodded, a loud yawn coming from his mouth. The elevator doors opened and the men stepped inside, Randy flipping them so John was wrapped in his arms, his head leaning on Randy's chest as Alanna lay on John's chest. "You work too hard, Super Cena. I don't know how you can never say no to Vince. I hear it all the time from you,"

John lifted his head and stared at Randy's frowning face. "When do I ever say no to you, Randy? You have me wrapped around your finger, babe."

Randy slowly smiled and nodded. "You may be right. I'm pretty good at getting people to love me. I think it's my eyes,"

He narrowed them slowly and stared at John intensely. The older man laughed and stepped away as the elevator doors opened. They walked quietly to their king-size suite and let themselves in the warm room. Randy quickly lit the hall and dropped his bag onto the floor, reaching for John's and doing the same. He took Alanna from John's arms and walked into the second bedroom, quickly exchanging the little girl's clothes for pajamas and placing her in the provided toddler bed. He smiled as he looked down at her, sound asleep and placed a kiss on her forehead before exiting the room. John entered the room quietly and did the same before grabbing a monitor and clipping it to his waistband. He walked into the main bedroom and flopped onto the large bed, room service menu in hand as Randy lowered himself to the ground and began sorting through the gym bags, separating the clothes into piles for the laundry.

"How about some burgers, Ran? Sounds good?"

Randy nodded back his approval. He finished sorting the clothes and placing them in the hotel provided laundry bag before standing up and walking into the room. John had shed his jeans and t-shirt and lay on the bed clad only in his boxers, the television remote in his hand as he flipped from channel to channel. Randy picked up John's discarded clothes, raising an eyebrow towards the older man who smiled sheepishly.

"Must you throw everything on the ground? I'm just gonna leave it there one day."

John smiled and patted the bed beside him. "No, you wouldn't. It would drive you crazy because you're an obsessed neat freak."

Randy sighed and placed the now folded clothes on the chair beside the bed. John smiled and continued patting the side of the bed. "Clothes off, Orton and get in bed with me. I've had a hard day and I need my man."

Randy crossed his arms over his chest and stood his ground. "Did you forget we ordered food? Do you want me to give the guy a show when he brings up the food?" He shrugged and started to remove the shirt but John quickly crawled over to him and pulled it back down. "No, no, keep it on. Only I get that show."

Randy smiled and lay on the edge of the bed beside John. He intertwined their fingers and watched as John settled on the local news. The men lay in silence for minutes before John turned to his side and frowned at Randy.

"You and Teddy seemed to be having a hardcore conversation when I came up to you guys in the car. Is everything OK?"

Randy jaw clenched momentarily, a muscle jumping beneath the smooth skin. "Yeah, everything's fine."

John's frown deepened and he reached over to grab Randy's face, turning it over slightly. "Don't lie to me. We don't do that, Randy."

Randy sighed, his lips parting slightly. He moved John's hand away and sat up. "Ted was just being himself; offering advice where none is wanted."

John sat up and shrugged. "OK, so why does that make your face twitch?" He smiled and grabbed Randy's hand, kissing the back of it gently.

Randy smiled and shook his head. "It's just, I hate when people have something to say about us. It's no one's business how we came together or that we never dated any other guys or that I've changed or if we're talking about marriage or…"

John frowned and shook his head, stopping Randy in mid sentence. "Wait, why is Ted dissecting our relationship? How did that conversation even start?"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know. All I know if I offered to drive him here and I subjected myself to a huge lecture. I mean, I know he means no harm and he really just wants the best for us. Ted and Cody are completely on our side and they want us to be together but while Cody is content just accepting us, Ted will always be the one to voice his concerns about everything having to do with us."

"Well, I don't care what Ted says. All that matters is that you and I know how we feel about each other and are very happy together, right?" John waited for Randy's nod before arching an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. Ted had something to say because we never dated other guys?"

Randy sighed loudly and lowered himself back on the bed. He lifted his arm over his now closed eyes and mumbled, "He thinks our relationship could be more susceptible to failure because we just jumped headfirst into it and have buried ourselves in each other." He opened his eyes quickly and glared at John. "Don't say anything sexual right now just because I said buried ourselves in each other."

John laughed and shook his head, holding his hand over his heart. "I wont, promise." He lowered his hand slowly and dropped the smile from his face. "It doesn't matter what Ted thinks. What do you think? Do you think we moved too fast? Would you like to date some other guy?"

A knot formed in the pit of John's stomach as soon as the words came out of his lips and he frowned as he lowered himself beside Randy. "Oh my God, just saying that makes me feel sick to my stomach."

Randy's eyes immediately turned to him. "John, why would you ask me that? If I wanted to date another guy I would've done so a long time ago. I want to be with you, only you." His eyes lowered and faced forward. "Do you wanna date someone else?"

John smiled and turned his body to face Randy's. He wrapped an arm around the younger man's mid-section and slowly turned him over. "Let's say I did. Imagine I'm on a date with another guy. We're at a restaurant, eating dinner but it's very quiet at the table. Then, we decide to walk around the park or a beach but I have nothing to say to this guy. So, he finally gets the hint and drives me home and when he leaves me at the door, he comes in slow and grabs my face as if to kiss me. He presses his lips to mine and licks them and tries to thrust his tongue inside my mouth…"

Randy's eyes widened and he shoved John back with his hand. "Shut up! What the fuck are you doing? Do you really think I'm interested in how this ridiculous scenario plays out, John?"

John laughed and grabbed Randy's hand, keeping it firmly planted on his chest. "Calm down and let me finish."

Randy glared at him but kept his mouth sealed. John pulled their bodies back in, keeping them as close as they could be. "Do you know why the dinner and the walk would be so quiet on that date? Because no one can top the conversations you and I have. No one can argue with me and make me laugh like you can. Do you know what I would do when he kissed me? I would pull away because I would compare how he kissed me to how you kissed me and no one would be better than you."

Randy's eyes slowly softened and he looked down as John began to trace his lips. "No mouth could fit mine so perfectly because no lips could be more perfect than yours. No one would ever be allowed in my mouth because only you belong there. I only ever want to taste you and have you taste me. A date with anyone else would never work. No one could compare to you, Randy. I only want you."

Randy's eyes came back up to meet John's and he slowly moved his hand up from John's chest to the nape of his neck. He slowly leaned forward and kissed John on the lips, his eyes closing as he relished in the taste of him. John gripped his hips tightly, kissing him back harder and slowly easing his tongue between the younger man's lips. Randy moaned into his mouth, their tongues exploring the caverns of their mouths.

A loud knock followed by a "Room Service," call caused both men to break apart. John groaned loudly, leaning his forehead on Randy's.

"Shit. I completely forgot about the food."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I guess I have to get that." He tried to move off the bed but John's arm remained firmly wrapped around him. "No, you got me all hot and bothered so I'm not even hungry anymore. Just leave it, baby and stay here."

Randy sighed. "I'll be gone one minute, John and I am still hungry. You're not that good of a kisser."

John's mouth dropped open and Randy laughed, taking the opportunity to slide out of John's grasp. He walked over the door and swung it open, signing the bill for the irate hotel employee. Randy grabbed the tray from his hands and quickly shut the door behind him, making sure to place the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door. He carried the tray into the bedroom and set it on the bed, smiling at the pout on John's face.

"Did I hurt your feelings, handsome?"

John lifted the cover off one of the plates and sighed. "Yeah, you kind of destroyed me here, Orton. You wounded me bad."

Randy smirked and grabbed a French fry off the plate. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you. You better eat, though. You're gonna need your strength."

John smiled at him before leaning over to give him a quick kiss. "Sweet! Dinner and my favorite type of dessert!"


	26. Chapter 25

**Present Day**

"You wanna get married in Connecticut of all places, Cody? Why don't you go to Hawaii or anywhere else, really? Connecticut is so boring." Randy rolled his eyes as he trudged behind Cody and the rest of the tour group walking around the Candlewood Inn property in Brookfield, Connecticut. Cody turned to shoot him an angry glare and motioned over to the guide. "Randy, have some respect, please! Don't make fun of the state I've chosen to get married in! I didn't make fun of you and John and your insane wedding!"

Randy shrugged and held up his hands. "Sorry, I just don't understand what's so great about this state besides the fact it's an hour away from NYC."

He laughed at his statement and Cody rolled his eyes before pulling him along. "You're not funny, Randy. Look, we've all known each other since we were kids, right? Well, somewhere down the line of being teenagers, Ted and I lost contact. We went years without seeing each other until the day we both came to Stamford to sign our WWE contracts with Vince. This state holds that happy memory for me, Ran. If I would never have chosen to sign with WWE, here in this state, I would never have gotten back in touch with Teddy and be where I am now. Please don't belittle this."

Randy sighed and nodded reluctantly. "Fine, Cody. I'm sorry, OK. I'll support any city you choose."

Cody smiled happily and nodded, turning his attention back to the tour guide as Randy walked behind him slowly.

Close to an hour later the tour finally came to an end and all the guests gathered in a large conference room. Cody eagerly riffled through the folder of paperwork he received as Randy stood awkwardly by him, hands shoved in his pockets. Another man approached them, smiling widely.

"Hello! Did you and your handsome fiancé enjoy the tour?"

Cody grimaced as he looked at Randy, who had a small smile on his face. "Wow, is that a disturbing thought or what?" He looked towards the smiling man and shook his head. "This isn't my fiancé. My fiancé had a business meeting so I bought along my best friend and the double Best Man for the wedding."

The man laughed and shook his head. "I apologize." He held out his hand for Cody to shake. "My name is James. I'm the director of the Inn. I just wanted to walk around and introduce myself to the couples. We're honored to have so many gay couples considering us for their special day. As a gay man myself, I am proud to work for…"

Randy sighed and tuned out of the conversation. He discreetly walked away from Cody and James as they continued to talk and found an empty corner of the room. He slid his phone out of his jeans and dialed his mother-in-law's number.

Within seconds, he heard her cheerful voice answer. "Hi, darling! How's Connecticut?"

"Absolutely horrible. How are my babies?"

Carol Cena sighed. "Absolutely horrible. Alanna is not speaking to Angel because he spilled the tiniest drop of juice on her skirt. He apologized and when she didn't accept, he spilled another drop on her. That started a war but they seem to be calming down now. They're currently on opposite sides of the couch but are watching the same television show."

Randy groaned. "Let me talk to them, please." He leaned his body on the wall as he waited for his children to come to the phone. Carol's voice rang through as she called them over.

"Hi, Daddy,"

Randy smiled at his daughter's sweet voice came through. "Hey, beautiful. What's going on with your brother, baby?"

"Daddy, he spilled juice on my skirt. Grandma Carol tried to get it out but there's still a spot. This is my favorite skirt, Daddy!"

Randy smiled, aware of how many "favorite skirts" his daughter had. "But Grandma said Angel apologized and you didn't accept. We don't do that, Al. If he said sorry because it was an accident then you should accept and forgive him."

Alanna sighed. "I know but then he spilled more on me, Daddy!"

Randy rolled his eyes, his voice getting stern. "I know and I will talk to him about it. You both did the wrong thing, Alanna. I want you to behave and not give Grandma anymore gray hairs, got it? I'll see you tonight. Put your brother on the phone."

"Yes, Daddy. I'll apologize to Grandma, OK. "Alanna dropped the phone and yelled out her brother's name. Randy smiled as she heard her accept his apology before handing the phone over.

"Hi Dad."

"Hey, baby. What's going on with your sister?" Randy waited patiently to hear the other side of the story.

"I spilled juice on her by accident and she freaked out. She's so dramatic, Dad. I apologized and she kept screaming about her skirt so I spilled more on it."

Randy held back a laugh as he pictured the incident in his head. Angel's actions were so reminiscent of something John would do just as Alanna's dramatics were so reminiscent of how he would react.

"Angel, that's not nice, baby. Please don't ever do that again. I want you and Al to work it out, OK. Be good for Grandma."

Angel sighed in his hear, sounding so much older than his 6 years. "Are you coming home today, Daddy?"

Randy frowned as he heard the sadness in his son's voice. "Yes. I'll be home late so if I don't see you before you fall asleep, I promise I'll be the first thing you see when you wake up."

"Good. Ally and I miss you."

Randy smiled. "I miss you, too, baby. I miss both of you so much. I'll be home soon, OK. Have fun with Grandma because I know she must be spoiling you like crazy."

Angel laughed in his ear. "Well, we were punished but now she said we're going for a drive to get ice cream. I'll put her on, OK."

The phone clattered as he dropped it and called for Carol. She returned to the phone breathlessly. "All right, dear, if you're all done we're going for ice cream! They'll be fine once we get there."

Randy smiled. "I'm sorry they're driving you crazy, Mom."

Carol laughed loudly in his ear. "Randy, please. I had 5 children. This is nothing. I think I know how to handle two 6 year olds and their silly tantrums. They're fine, don't worry."

"Thanks, I don't know what I'd do without you." Randy smiled and stood up straight, noticing Cody searching for him.

"Darling, don't act like I'm doing you some grand favor because I love spending time with my grandbabies. As a matter of fact, if you want I can just keep them forever."

Randy's smile grew on his face. "Don't tempt me." His laughter mingled with Carol's until he let out a huge sigh. "I miss them. I can't wait to see them tonight."

"Randy, you've been gone one day. They're fine and I think it's good for you to spend time with adults. Enjoy your time with Cody, sweetheart. You'll be back to being a stay-at-home dad in no time."

Randy sighed, nodding to himself. "I know, it's just when we get back to St. Louis, Al is going back with Sam for a couple of weeks and Sam wants to take Angel, too, so…I don't know how I'm gonna stay in that house all alone."

"Oh, sweetheart. You'll be fine." Carol's sad voice only made Randy feel guilty for bringing up anything that would remind her of her dead son. "You're not alone in that house, Randy. I know Johnny is still there watching over you."

Randy sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'll tell you like I told Ted and Cody. I don't believe in that."

Carol sighed. "Fine, darling. I'm not gonna argue that point with you. I'll see you later."

Randy ended the call and slid the phone in his pocket. When he lifted his head he found himself staring into James' face. He took a step back, disturbed by the man who stared so intently at him. "Hey,"

James smiled. "Hi. I'm sorry to startle you. I just wanted to apologize for my mistake earlier."

Randy frowned in confusion and James raised an eyebrow. "Remember? I thought you were that young man's fiancé…"

"Oh," Randy nodded. He shrugged dismissively and said, "Don't worry about it. It's fine."

James nodded. "Thank you." He stood in front of Randy, his eyebrow raised slightly. "So…are you involved with anyone right now?"

Randy's eyes widened and a smile began to make its way across his face. "Oh my God, are you seriously hitting on me?"

James laughed softly and shrugged. "You're a handsome man and I just figured if you were single maybe we could…"

"We could do nothing! I'm married with 2 kids, dude." Randy pulled his hand out of his pocket and lifted his hand to James' face, flashing his platinum wedding band.

James' eyes lowered. "I apologize. I didn't know."

"Well, now you do. So go away." Randy glared at the man, who hurried off. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cody quickly approach him.

"Oh my God, what did you say to him? I like this place, Randy! Please don't scare the owner!"

Randy rolled his eyes and started to walk away. Cody frowned and quickly followed his older friend. "Randy, what happened?

"That asshole, James, hit on me. This place is out of the question, Cody. These people don't have any respect." Randy reached his car and quickly unlocked it. Cody slid in after him and frowned. "Is that it?"

Randy looked over at him in surprise. "Is that it? That's enough, Codes. I didn't appreciate that in the slightest bit."

Cody smiled and leaned his head back as Randy started the car and drove them down the long driveway. "Randy, you're a handsome guy. Of course people are gonna hit on you."

"Cody, I'm married..."

Cody held up a hand. "No, you were married. You're not anymore."

Randy stared straight ahead. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Don't say it like that. It's not by choice and you damn well know it."

Cody sighed. "Fine, you're a widower, Randy. The point is you are single. Either way people are gonna hit on you so maybe one day you should consider opening your heart to someone else. John would never want you to spend the rest of your life alone, Ran. You're a beautiful person, inside and out, you're brilliant and you have so much love to offer anyone. Don't close yourself off from love, Randy."

Randy shook his head. "Stop. Just stop talking about that, please. You're making me feel sick. I don't want to talk about that, ever."

Cody immediately stopped talking, knowing how sensitive Randy was about any subject that John was related to. In Randy's eyes, he was still very much married to John and he hated the word widower or when anyone tried to talk to him about falling in love again one day. It was still very soon after John's death but Randy's reluctance to even discuss the matter was worrisome to Cody. He could not bear the thought of his best friend alone for the remainder of his life but it seemed Randy was insistent on punishing himself for as long as he could.

* * *

**January 2011**

"All right, and we're off! Goodbye NY snow storm, hello St. Louis snow storm! I'm betting we're delayed an hour. What do you say, babe?"

Randy shrugged as he followed John down the hotel hallway. "Who cares? I'm just ready to be home for a couple of days. This has been the shittiest holiday season I think I've ever had!"

John raised an eyebrow and looked down at Alanna in his arms. "I think Daddy's cranky, baby."

Alanna nodded. "He said another bad word."

Randy rolled his eyes as he moved past them, large black suitcases rolling behind him. "Come on, we had to work the day after Christmas in a huge snowstorm then travel through said snowstorm to get to RAW. We then got stuck in Albany, of all places, and had to spend the end of the year there. Now, we're finally going home just as the mid-west is due to get 30 inches. I think I have every right to be cranky."

John smiled slowly. "Hmm, you may be right, then. It was a crappy week. I didn't see it that way, though because as long as we were together I didn't care where we were."

Randy sighed and leaned on the wall to wait for the elevator. "Nice guilt trip, Cena, real nice."

John's smile widened and he winked at his lover. "I know,"

Randy laughed softly and turned his attention to Alanna. "You happy to go home, baby? I know Mommy misses you so much."

Alanna nodded happily. "I miss Mommy. I wanna go home and play with all my new toys, too."

John gasped dramatically. "Oh my God, me too. I wanna play with my new toy." He smiled happily as he thought of the 1969 Ford Mustang sitting in his garage in St. Louis, his Christmas gift from Randy.

Alanna shook her head. "You didn't get a toy, Johnny. You got a car. You don't play with it; you have to drive it."

"First, I have to fix it. It's in good condition but I'm gonna buy some parts for it that will make it be in perfect condition. Then I'm gonna paint it and then it'll be ready for me to drive it. Do you understand?"

Alanna shrugged and looked over at her father, who also shrugged. John shook his head at how similar their mannerisms were. "I try to school you two on the finer points of car restoration and you don't care."

Randy smiled. "Well, she's 2 so she doesn't understand. Me, I just don't care."

John rolled his eyes at Randy's teasing and turned his attention to the elevator doors as they opened. He entered and held the door open as his boyfriend dragged in the suitcases.

"Come on, babe. Like you're not excited to go home and try on a hundred different outfits to see which match with your watches better."

Randy smiled as he thought of the 3 new Movado watches sitting on his dresser back home, his Christmas present from John. "That task is irrelevant considering I make everything look good, babe."

"Poor Daddy is so crazy, Ally. He thinks he's cute." John laughed loudly, causing Alanna to giggle as well. Randy raised an eyebrow and reached a hand over to tickle her. "What's so funny, little girl? You think it's funny to see Johnny teasing me?"

Alanna only giggled louder and Randy had no choice but to smile.

Hours later the men walked out of the St. Louis airport, exhausted but excited to be home. Randy now carried a sleeping Alanna over to their car while John busied himself gathering the luggage. In minutes, their car was on the road and John groaned loudly from the passenger seat.

"They need to invent a new word for exhausted because I am beyond exhausted!"

Randy nodded as he pulled out of the busy airport parking lot. John's words elicited a yawn from him and he realized how tired he also was. "I know but before we go home we have a couple of stops to make. We have to drop of Al with Sammy because she is dying to see her. Then we have to go to my parents' to pick up the boys. Then we have to go pick up some food since there's a storm coming. Then we can finally arrive at our home. It feels like forever, my God."

Randy smiled as he thought of getting to see his parents, his dogs, and Sam but especially his house. He had missed his city and all his loved ones in it. Where John felt comfortable pretty much anywhere, Randy was a homebody who always longed for St. Louis.

"Fine, I guess I'll sleep at one point tonight then." John threw his head back on the seat headrest. Randy smiled and reached a hand over to lie on his thigh. "What if I have other plans for us tonight?"

John opened one eye and glanced down at the hand on his leg. "Well, sleep is overrated so I wouldn't really mind,"

Randy smirked and shook his head. "You're such a horndog, Cena."

John took Randy's hand in his own and entwined their fingers before lifting them up to his lips. He placed a kiss on Randy's knuckles before letting the hand drop. "So says the one who bought it up in the first place?"

Randy rolled his eyes and remained silent as John smiled. They drove further into their city in mostly comfortable silence as the exhaustion was too much for even an attempt at conversation. Randy called Sam when they were only minutes away from her house and when they pulled up, she was bouncing up and down in excitement.

Randy laughed and turned towards John. "Think she's happy Al's home?"

John smiled and got out of the car. He waved at Sam as she practically ran over to hug Randy. John walked over to the back seat and opened it slowly, unbuckling Alanna from her car seat and lifting her into his arms. The little girl sleepily opened her eyes and smiled at him. John kissed her forehead gently and whispered in her ear,

"We're home, princess."

John walked around the car and Sam smiled happily. "Oh my God, I am so happy my baby is home! Come to Mommy, Ally,"

Alanna smiled and eagerly held her hands out towards who mother, who quickly plucked her out of John's arms and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much, baby."

Sam looked towards Randy and John. "I'm so sorry you guys all got stuck in NY for the new years. It's not how any of us chose to spend it, huh?" She laughed softly. "Believe it or not, my parents went down to Florida so I spent it with your parents, Randy."

John raised an eyebrow in surprise but Randy merely nodded. "I'm glad, Sammy. The last thing I wanted was for you to be all alone. You're still family, Sam and my parents are still there for you."

Sam nodded. "I know that now. It felt so weird thinking I was gonna be alone for a holiday." She sighed and shook her head. "But Elaine saved the day, as usual." Randy laughed and looked over towards John, who had his head lowered to the ground. Sam frowned when she noticed the look and cleared her throat.

"OK, little girl. We should go inside and unpack, right? Say goodbye, baby."

Randy walked over to his daughter and took her from Sam's arms. He placed a kiss on her forehead and hugged her tightly. "Bye, baby. I love you, princess."

He looked towards John, who snapped out of his trance. He walked over to Randy, a sheepish smile on his face. "Sorry, I'm just exhausted."

John lifted Alanna in his arms and hugged her. "Bye, my angel. I love you, OK. I'll see you soon."

Sam smiled as she watched them and let them have their moment with Alanna. When she saw they were done, she walked over to John and took her back. She took her daughter's small suitcase from Randy's hand and began to walk towards her house.

"Wave goodbye, baby."

Alanna smiled over her mother's shoulder and waved at Randy and John before shouting, "Bye Daddy! Bye Daddy Johnny!"

Randy's hand froze in mid wave as John's dropped down. Sam stopped halfway up the stairs to her front door and turned around, a smile slowly splitting her face.

"Oh my God, is that not the cutest thing ever?" She laughed and waved before turning and disappearing into her house.

Randy slowly turned and looked at John, who had the same look of shock on his face. "Where the hell did she pick that up from? Did you teach her that?"

John frowned and shook his head. "Of course not. Why would I teach her to call me that without discussing it with you?"

Randy nodded and began to stride towards the car. He slammed the open back door and slid into the driver's seat. John followed slowly, disturbed by Randy's reaction. He got into the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt slowly as Randy took off from Sam's driveway. "Are you OK?"

Randy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just have a talk with Al about this."

John nodded slowly and turned to look ahead. "Why? I don't really mind if she calls me that."

Randy looked over at him as if he had grown two heads. "Are you crazy? I don't want her calling you that, John. It's a bit much, don't you think?"

John shrugged, turning his body over in the seat. "Why is it a bit much? I've been in her life since the minute she was born and for the bulk of it I have been like another father to her, especially since we've been dating."

Randy nodded, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. "I know, John. You have been like a second father to her and I appreciate it. There's no one I trust more with her but I just don't think she should call you that."

John shook his head and turned back over. The drive continued in silence, this time filled with tension.

* * *

Later that night the snow had already began to fall steadily. The cars were safely stored in the garage and the dogs were curled up in their beds in the living room. The house was warm and smelled of the pasta Randy had made for dinner. Most of it was being stored for leftovers as neither man had much of an appetite.

Randy sighed as he walked out of the laundry room, clothes washed, dried and folded. He stacked them on the table and followed the sounds of the television to the living room, where John lay sprawled on the sofa. He barely looked up as Randy entered or sat beside him. The younger man sighed loudly. "I can't take this anymore. Can we talk, please?"

John debated internally before finally shutting off the television. "Yeah, I guess we should."

Randy shrugged. "I don't know why you're mad at me, John."

John frowned in confusion and looked over at him. "You don't?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Look, excuse me for feeling weird about my daughter calling you Daddy John. I just don't think we're there yet. That's no reason for you to get pissed at me, though." He held his hand up as John opened his mouth to respond. "Besides, you've been in a weird mood since before Al even said that. I don't know what the hell happened in Sam's driveway but even standing there you looked off. So, how about you tell me what's really wrong here?"

John closed his lips and turned away from Randy's gaze. He shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know. Hearing Sam talk about spending the holiday with your parents and hearing you tell her that she's still family...it just made me feel weird."

Randy frowned and slid his body closer to John's. "What? Why, John? You're family, too."

John shook his head and smiled. "No, I'm like family. You and Sam actually have something that bonds you together forever. We don't." He raised an eyebrow towards Randy. "I don't know if we ever will."

Randy's frown deepened. "What the hell are you talking about?"

John sighed, the smile dropping from his face. "What exactly does our future hold, Randy? You don't want to get married so..."

Randy groaned loudly, moving backwards and throwing his head back on the sofa. "God, not this again. Can't you let this marriage thing go, John? I told you, maybe one day but I don't even see the need. We're practically married anyway, so I don't see what actually doing it would change."

"It's a commitment, Randy. It tells the whole world that we're each others forever." John shook his head, desperately trying to get Randy to understand.

"We are committed to each other already, John. Everyone knows it, baby." Randy smiled and reached for John's hand. He stroked it slowly but it lay there motionless. The older man pulled it away after a few seconds.

"Randy, I love you and I want us to do this the right way. I want us to stand before our loved ones and pledge our love for each other. I want it to be legally binding, at least in the states its legal in. I want us to raise Alanna together and maybe even adopt another child one day. I want to be part of the Orton family, for real, not just because we've known each other for years." John lowered his head. "I've never been jealous of Sam until today. She got the wedding and she got to give you a little girl. I'm just this guy you're dating..."

Randy watched as John spoke, his mind spinning with each word. "John, you have no reason to be jealous of anyone. You are not just some guy I'm dating! I love you more than I ever loved Sam! You are the only person I want for the rest of my life. It seems like you want more than I'm willing to give, though." He took a deep breath as the words caught in his throat. "John, at this moment, I don't see myself getting married again and I damn sure don't see any other children in my future. However, I do see myself with you. Can you accept me for what I'm willing to give you? Will you try to understand my feelings?"

John shrugged. "Will you try to understand mine? Can you accept me for what I want?"

Randy sighed. "I want you in my life, John. I can't not have you in my life. This had been the most amazing year of my life. I have never lied to you, though. You knew exactly who I was when we first started dating, John."

John nodded. "I know. I just hoped you would open your mind to it one day. You talk about marriage like it's a death sentence. It doesn't give me much hope, Ran."

"That's because it has been a death sentence for the both of us, John." Randy said as his shoulders rose in a shrug. "Those two amazing relationships we had died after the marriage. What if it happens to us? I couldn't survive that, John. We're so perfect right now, the way we are. We don't need to change anything."

John smiled. "Maybe you don't, but I do, Randy. I need to know this relationship has a future and you're pretty much telling me this is as good as it gets."

"What are you saying, John? That I either agree to marry you or we're done? You would end us over this?" Randy raised an eyebrow as he awaited John's response.

"I don't know, Randy. I'm just really confused right now. I don't know what to do... maybe we both need some time apart..." John closed his eyes tightly.

Randy nodded, his jaw clenched tightly. "Fine, then, let me make it really easy for you. Why don't we take a break from this relationship until we both figure out if it's worth continuing it? That is a good idea."

John's eyes shot open and he saw Randy moving to stand. His hand reached out to grab him and keep him seated. "It's not a break up. We're not breaking up, understood? We're just taking some time and moving slowly. I'm not letting you go completely."

Randy nodded and squeezed his hand. "I know. I understand and think it's the right move. Don't worry; I'm not letting you go, either."

The men remained sitting silently, hands clasped together tightly.


	27. Chapter 26

**February 2011**

"What the fuck did you do, John?"

John turned over quickly at the angry voice directed at him. His eyes met the annoyed features of Cody Rhodes, who leaned on the weight machine John currently lay on.

"I don't know, Cody. What did I do?"

Cody moved aside when John swung his legs over the seat and stood. His arms remained crossed at his chest and his eyes were narrowed dangerously. John grabbed his towel off the arm handle and watched him from the corner of his eye. Cody was used to being teased for being the baby of the WWE but he knew very well how fierce that baby could be when angry. Underestimating his annoyance would get you nowhere good.

"I asked you to make it work with Randy. You told me you wouldn't let him go! What the hell happened, John?"

John sighed as he slung the towel over his shoulders. The last thing he wanted was to have another conversation with someone about his relationship with Randy. For the past month it was all he had been doing. It seemed the entire locker room was invested in his relationship. No one would be more difficult to talk to than Cody, though. He looked ready for battle and as Randy's best friend, John couldn't blame him for already thinking it was he who had messed everything up.

"Cody, Randy and I decided to take a break, that's all. I know Randy spoke to you about this. There's no reason to make me go over it, too."

Cody rolled his eyes. "When Randy and I spoke it was like I was talking to a wall. He refuses to discuss this but I can clearly see that he's hurting. It's because of you! Why did you want a break, John?"

John stopped in his tracks and spun around. "Cody, you're a great friend and I really like you, kid, but don't push me on this. This is none of your business. Its clear Randy doesn't want to discuss this with you and neither do I. Let it go."

"John, I will not let something go when I see its hurting my best friend. I don't see you in much pain so I'm guessing the decision to take this break was yours, not his. I just want to help whatever it is that happened to change everything."

"It's just a break, Cody, until we figure out what we both want for the future. It was a mutual decision, believe it or not and I am in pain. Randy and I are living in a house together but barely interacting. It's fucking torture." John sighed deeply and shook his head. "I miss him. I miss everything we used to do together, even arguing with his stubborn ass. We needed some time apart, though. When it comes to the future, Randy and I may not be meant to be, Codes."

Cody sighed, his anger slowly dissipating. "John, don't say that. You guys are so perfect together. You two should be talking about things and trying to fix them, not avoiding each other." He narrowed his eyes slowly. "Do you even want to fix things, John?"

John kept his eyes lowered to the ground as he walked out of the crowded gym and down the silent hotel hallway. That was the million dollar question. Did he want to fix things with Randy? He had spent an agonizing month soul searching, trying to answer that question and he had come up with one definite answer.

"Of course I want to fix things, Cody. I fucking love the man." John shook his head and angrily jabbed the elevator button. He anxiously tapped his sneaker covered foot on the floor and met Cody's worried eyes. "He's just so fucking stubborn, Codes."

Cody smiled slowly and shook his head. "I think you're both fucking stubborn. You're both sitting back waiting for the other one to make the first move. One of you has to give in first if anything is gonna be solved and I'm betting it's gonna have to be you."

John frowned. "Why me?"

Cody's smile widened. "Come on, Johnny. We all know Randy takes stubborn to a whole new level where only he exists. He will never cave. You're gonna have to be the one to do it. Trust me, though, once you open the door, he will follow. He misses you just as much as you miss him."

John rolled his eyes as the elevator doors opened. He knew Cody was right but admitting it was gonna be torture. Thankfully, he was saved from further conversation with the young man as the man inside the elevator immediately turned Cody's attention away from John.

"Hey, baby! You ready for lunch?"

Ted smiled as he walked over to Cody and placed a kiss on his lips. "Absolutely." He turned his attention to John and smiled. "What's up, John-John? Wanna grab some lunch with us?"

John shook his head. "No, I'm gonna go clean up. I'll see you guys later."

Ted frowned and looked at him closely. "You OK, Johnny?"

John smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I just had an interesting conversation with your boyfriend there. He's actually very wise. Who would've thought?"

Cody rolled his eyes at John's teasing and crossed his arms over his chest, his lips sticking out in a pout. "How very funny you are not,"

Ted wrapped an arm around Cody's shoulders and pulled him close. "I am a very lucky man, indeed. I have a beautiful boyfriend who also happens to be brilliant. I could've told you that a long time ago, John."

Cody's lips slowly curved back into a smile and he dropped his arms, wrapping one around Ted's waist. "Thanks, babe."

John watched them interact, as longing grew in his heart. It was only weeks ago he and Randy were teasing each other the same way and now…now they were in limbo. He cleared his throat loudly and Cody and Ted turned their attention back to him.

"Have a good lunch, guys. I'll see you later."

Cody reached out his hand, letting it land on John's forearm. "John, please try."

John nodded, a small smile on his face. "I will, Codes."

He stepped into the elevator and rode up to the 9th floor where he and Randy, along with most of the WWE roster, were staying despite sleeping in separate beds for the first time in more than a year. John closed his eyes tightly, his mind spinning with memories of him and Randy in happier times. The thought of not making any new ones was not a good thought for John. He wanted to build a lifetime of memories with Randy. The question here was if he was going to get it. Would Randy commit to building a lifetime with him…if not now, at one point?

The elevator doors opened with a ding, announcing his arrival at his destination. John walked out slowly, sliding his hand in his pocket for his keycard. He entered his room moments later and scanned the room quickly. A muffled curse from his left told him Randy was in their closet and from the sounds of it, looking for something.

"Ran?"

Randy stuck his head out of the large walk-in closet and frowned. "Do you have my black t-shirt? The one with the skulls I bought like a month ago? I swear, I wore it once and now I can't find it anywhere."

John smiled as he dropped his keycard on the small table besides the entryway. "You can't find it because it's probably still at the dry cleaners back home. You wore it when we went to dinner and dropped a blob of dressing on it, remember? You freaked and took it to the cleaners the next day and I don't think it was ever picked up."

Randy frowned as he remembered the night. He let out a huge sigh and nodded. "That's right. I completely forgot." He smiled as he closed the doors of the closet. "What would I do without you, John?"

John smiled. "You'd completely fall apart. Just like I would without you." He sighed and took a step closer to where Randy stood. "I miss you."

Randy's eyes widened slightly but his lips curved into a smirk. "I'm right here, John. How could you miss me?"

John let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "You know what I mean, Ran. I miss us; the way we used to be. I don't like how things are now."

Randy nodded, his expression growing serious. "I know. I miss us, too. I hate how we're living; together but not really together. It's weird."

John smiled, happy to see Cody's prediction of Randy opening up was right. He held out his hand to Randy and was happy to see it immediately accepted. They walked over to the main living space and sat on the small sofa, hands still entwined. Randy sighed and turned his body over to look at John.

"I don't know what to do here, John." He smiled slowly and squeezed his hand. "Take the lead."

John laughed softly and shook his head. "How about we just start talking about things and take it from there? No more avoiding each other despite living in the same house or hotel? This break we're taking wont be productive if we don't use it to try and work out our problems."

"You're right." Randy nodded and laid his head back on the sofa pillows. "John, I love you. I want you…forever. I am so sure of that. I don't know why that's not enough for you."

John sighed, choosing to switch tactics and discuss something else that was bothering him. "Why did you get mad when Alanna called me Daddy?"

Randy's eyes flickered momentary and he quickly lowered them. "I didn't get mad. I was just surprised. It caught me off guard that Al already sees you as another father."

John frowned. "Why is that so odd? She's a child and she's just reacting to what she's seen from the moment she was born. Alanna can't have many memories of when you and Sam were together. Her memories of you and I are stronger because she was a bit older when we started dating. She associates me as your partner so it made sense for her to call me Dad since that's what she calls you."

Randy slowly lifted his eyes up, meeting John's. "I never thought of it like that."

John smiled. "I have been in that little girl's life since the moment she came into this world. I love her, Randy and I would always protect her as if she were my daughter. Hearing her call me that word and knowing at that moment how much she loved me made me feel better than anything ever has."

Randy nodded. "And I completely ruined it, I know."

John shrugged. "I'm not gonna lie to you," He sighed and nodded. "Yes, it really hurt when I saw your reaction. I'm not ever going to take your place with her, Ran. You will always be her father."

Randy again lowered his eyes down and his finger began playing with a loose thread in the sofa cushion. "I'm sorry, John. I would kill anyone for hurting you and I was the one to hurt you the deepest."

John smiled, stroking the skin on Randy's hand that he still held in his own. "Don't worry about it. I stopped worrying about it a week ago."

Randy shook his head. "I'm still sorry. I love that Al loves you because it makes things even more perfect between us. I mean, imagine what type of future we would have if she hated you?"

John laughed and shook his head. "I don't want to. That thought is scary."

Randy smiled. "Well, we don't have to worry about it because she adores you. Even more importantly, you love her. I know how much you love her, John. I can see it in your eyes." He stopped speaking and sighed. "I love my daughter, John and I know no one could ever take my place. That's never been a concern of mine. If Sam remarries one day and Alanna grows to love the man so much that she wants to call him Dad, as well, then so be it. As long as it comes from within her heart and not by anyone pushing her into doing it, I'm fine with it. I just worried when she called you Dad. What if something happens between us and we break up? I don't want her to lose someone she considers a parent. It would destroy her and I would never forgive myself."

John frowned. "Why would we break up, Randy?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Look at us now, John. We're not exactly in the best position right now. How do I know we're gonna make it back to solid ground?"

John smiled, tightening his hold on Randy's hand. "Do you love me?"

Randy smiled. "You know I love you, John."

John nodded. "I love you, too. That's all we need to make it back to solid ground."

Randy shook his head. "No it's not because even knowing we're in love let us break up and…"

John held his hand up. "We did not break up. Don't say that. We're just taking it slow."

"Fine, call it whatever you want to call it. The point is, even that didn't stop this from happening. What if something else happens?" Randy frowned, moving his shoulders up in a shrug. "We are not the only ones affected by this relationship anymore. We have Al to worry about now and that scares me. I want to protect her, John."

John nodded. "As do I but we can't protect her from everything, baby. She doesn't need protecting from our relationship, though, Ran. We'll work out what's wrong with us. We will make it, babe."

Randy smiled slowly at hearing the endearment and strength come from John's voice. John had a way of saying things and getting him to fully believe it and this time was no different. If John said they would make it then they would make it.

"John, I love you and I know you are it for me. We will be together until the day we're no longer on this Earth. I know you need a marriage certificate to believe that but I don't. I promise that I will try to consider the idea of one day getting married again but that's all I could do."

John smiled slowly. "I know how you feel for me, Ran. I don't know why I want us to get married. Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned guy. I love the idea of us standing in front of our loved ones and letting them see us express our love for each other and pledge to spend our lives together. I want the whole world to know you belong to me and I belong to you. Years down the line, I would love to have another child. There are so many children in this world who need a parent to love them. They just sit in an orphanage and wait for someone to come along and save them. I want to save a child or two or five, I don't care. I want us to build an amazing legacy to leave our kids and I want it to be built on the love we have for each other."

Randy laid his head back and smiled as he listened to John lose himself in his words. "You have it all planned out, don't you?"

John blushed and lowered his eyes. "No, I just…"

Randy moved his body closer to John's, removing his hand from John's grasp and sliding it up to his chest. He held his hand over John's heart, feeling the warmth of his body and the steady beat of his heart.

"It sounds perfect, John. It also sounds terrifying but that's my hang-up, not yours. If you give me time, I may be able to get used to it…as long as you're beside me, I feel like I can do anything."

John smiled and placed his hand on Randy's leg. "I don't know why you doubt yourself, Randy. You're an amazing father and for the short time you were married, you were an amazing husband to Sam. Your marriage broke apart because you both realized you wanted different things for your life. You were faithful to her and always treated your marriage with love and respect. You seem to think you failed in something but I never saw a failure, baby. If I did I wouldn't want to marry you and have kids with you as badly as I do."

Randy sighed and closed his eyes tightly. "I worry all the time about how good a parent I am to Al. I travel so much and I'm barely there for her. Then Sam and I broke up and it was the biggest disappointment in my life. I tried so hard at that marriage and still couldn't make it work."

"Because it wasn't meant to be, baby. You and I are meant to be. That doesn't make this a bad situation, Ran. You and Sam now have the opportunity to find your true loves. Well, she does. I hope you already found it in me." John smiled and rubbed his hand up and down Randy's thigh.

Randy sighed loudly and remained silent. John frowned and pinched the jean covered skin on Randy's inner thigh causing him to yelp loudly. "Ouch! Yes, you know you are my true love. There's no need to pinch me."

John laughed at the pout adorning Randy's face. "Sorry, babe. It was too much fun to resist."

Randy rolled his eyes. "So, where do we stand, John? Are you willing to give me time to figure out if marriage is something I want in the future or…"

John moved his hands to cup Randy's face, his finger over the younger man's lips. "Stop. You seem to think I said we either get married tomorrow or it's over. I never said that, Ran. I just wanted you to keep that window open but your refusal to even talk about it is what made me worry."

Randy nodded, placing a kiss on John's finger. "I will keep it open, I promise."

John smiled and nodded. "OK, then. See, we worked our way back to solid ground."

Randy laughed, his face leaning into John's caress. "I knew you would lead us there…Daddy John."

John raised an eyebrow and dropped his hand. "What?"

Randy shrugged. "You deserve to be called that, John." He smiled as he laid his hand on top of John's. "Besides, it sounds kinda hot, too. I may just start calling you Daddy, too." He lowered his tone and stared into John's eyes, his gaze smoldering. "Daddy,"

John groaned at the tone in his lover's voice. He felt his body immediately respond to it and he willed it away. "Stop, Ran. Please don't ruin that word for me. I can't react like this when Al calls me that."

Randy nodded slowly, the smile turning into a smirk. "Fine Mr. Killjoy. You're no fun."

John raised an eyebrow and grabbed Randy's hand tightly, yanking him forward so their noses were practically touching. "Oh, I'm not?"

Randy licked his lips, his gaze into John's eyes holding steady. "No, you're not. Wanna prove me otherwise?"

John nodded slowly, his eyes lowering to Randy's lips. "Yeah, I do."

With that John pulled Randy to him, their lips meeting in a fierce kiss. Randy leaned into this kiss, his lips parting as John ran his tongue over them. His hands ran up John's chest to wrap themselves around his neck. John pulled him closer, gripping his waist tightly and moaned as their tongues stroked each other softly. He felt Randy sigh and slowly pulled back, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Randy smiled, his eyes closed as he rested his forehead on John's.

"I love you, John."

John nodded, and moved his head to lie on Randy's shoulder. "I love you, too, baby." He cupped Randy's face in his hands and placed kisses anywhere he could; his forehead, his nose, his cheeks and down the curve of his jaw to his neck. Randy laughed and pulled away, kissing his lips one more time. "We can't do this now, John. We have to be at the arena in less than an hour."

John groaned before nodding, but made no move to get up. "Of course we do. I should go take a shower."

Randy wrinkled his nose and nodded. "Yeah, I didn't want to say anything but you smell like shit, Cena." He swung his leg out from under him and began to stand only to be pulled back down by John. He laughed as John held onto him tightly. "John, you stink, get the hell off me!"

John laughed as he held Randy's face pressed to his sweat soaked t-shirt for a few seconds before letting him sit up. "Sorry, babe but that was just too easy. Wanna take that shower with me?"

Randy rolled his eyes as he rubbed his nose. He stood up and walked over to his cell phone, pointing one hand to the bathroom, a small smile on his face. "You know damn well what that would lead to. We don't have time right now. You go on and I'm gonna call the cleaners at home and see if they'll Fed-Ex my t-shirt over here. We still have tonight."

John nodded his head reluctantly and walked off to the bathroom, stopping to press one final kiss on Randy's lips before exiting the room.

* * *

Hours later, Randy and John were headed back to their hotel on their large bus. Cody and Ted sat in front of them talking quietly. Cody had been thrilled to see Randy and John arrive hand-in-hand at the arena and hadn't stopped taking credit for it all night.

John lowered himself behind Randy, who turned his attention from the cars he saw passing them out the window towards him. "You OK, baby?"

Randy nodded, leaning into John's chest. The older man wrapped an arm around him and placed a kiss on his head. Randy smiled and closed his eyes. "I'm just tired."

John nodded, his eyes drifting shut, as well. "I am, too, babe. We're almost to the hotel."

Randy nodded, enjoying the momentarily feeling of silence and peace before it was broken by Cody's voice.

"I gotta say, I know I should be upset I'm not on TV because of my broken nose," Cody stopped to roll his eyes and the men around him smiled. "But I am really happy to be spending time with my gorgeous guy. Not to mention, we're gonna be together for the most romantic day of all!"

Ted laughed and placed a kiss on the side of Cody's head. "That's absolutely right! Monday night after Raw, Cody and I will be able to celebrate the way every couple should. I wish you could have a broken nose more often, babe."

Cody smiled and laid his head on Ted's shoulder. "As disturbing as that sounds, I agree, baby."

Randy looked back at John with a frown. "What the hell is Monday?"

Simultaneous gasps from all the men were his only response. Cody shook his head and patted John's arms sympathetically. "Poor Johnny. Stuck with the romantically challenged Randy for a boyfriend on..." he turned his attention towards Randy. "...Valentine's Day!"

Randy's eyes widened and he laughed. "Oh my God, come on guys. It's just another day. I don't need it to be Valentine's Day for me to do something for John."

Cody sighed. "God, I have tried so hard to mold you into a decent boyfriend but you just refuse to accept what I try to teach you."

"I don't need to be taught anything, Cody. I'm fine the way I am and John loves me the way I am." Randy turned his attention to the older man, who smiled behind him as the large tour bus rolled on towards the hotel. "Yes, I do, Ran."

Randy frowned. "Do you want to do something on Monday, John? I don't really care either way, babe."

John laughed and shook his head. "Neither do I. It's fun to watch Cody mess with you, though."

Randy rolled his eyes. "No, it's not. Cody, why don't you busy yourself planning Monday for you and Ted?"

Cody smiled happily. "Oh, I already have it planned. I've had it planned for weeks. See, I am a true romantic. Now, it's just a matter if Teddy will like it."

"You're adorable, honey. I'll love whatever you planned, I'm sure." Ted smiled and pressed a kiss on Cody's still smiling lips.

John and Randy looked at them and then back at each other, a smile on John's face and a smirk on Randy's.

"God, I'm gonna vomit." John poked Randy in the side for his comment and smiled. "Leave them alone, babe. They're in love."

Randy shrugged. "I'm in love and I'm not on top of you all the time."

"I wouldn't mind if you were, though." John winked at his boyfriend, who responded with yet another eye roll.

The foursome continued talking until they arrived at the hotel minutes later. They disembarked the large bus and said goodbye to the driver before entering the large building and saying their own goodbyes.

Randy led the way into his and John's room and threw himself on the large bed. He kicked off his sneakers and watched as John took their gym bags and placed them besides the large closet.

"John, tell me the truth. Do you hate how not romantic I am? Do you wish I was more like Cody and planned Valentine's Day stuff weeks in advance? Hell, do you wish I even remembered Valentine's Day exists?"

John looked over at Randy and smiled. "What?"

Randy shrugged, lifting himself off the bed with one arm. "You were kinda quiet in the bus."

John shook his head, laughing loudly. "Ran, that only means I'm tired, not that I want you to turn into Cody. As a matter of fact, please don't."

Randy smiled slowly. "Really? I don't think I have it in me to be like that anyway."

John walked over to the bed and slowly laid his body down besides Randy's. "Babe, if I wanted to be with a guy like Cody, I would be. I love you the way you are. You're not one to show your emotions freely and I get that. I've known that about you for years. I love how I'm the one to break you, though."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

John laughed. "I mean that with me you do show your emotions. For some reason, you don't hold back with me and I love it. I love that I'm the only one who gets to see that soft side of you that does exist under all the cockiness, stubbornness, arrogance and anger you show everyone else. I see the loving, sweet side of the infamous viper that people don't know exists."

Randy smiled slowly. "Don't let it get around, all right?"

John nodded. "Deal."

Randy lowered his body back down to the mattress and closed his eyes. "We could do dinner Monday after Raw if you want or we could celebrate the night before or just postpone it till we get home Tuesday..."

John placed a finger on Randy's lips, stopping his flow of words. "Ran, it's just another day. We could do anything or we could do nothing. It doesn't matter. Let's just concentrate on tonight."

Randy opened his eyes and turned over, his hand reaching out to lie on John's chest. "I thought you were tired."

John shook his head, reaching out to stroke Randy's face. "Never so tired that I don't want you."

Randy smiled, his hand coming up to rest on top of John's. "I missed you so much. You have no idea how many nights I spent just watching you sleep in that damn guest room. I wanted to wake you up and ask you to come back to our bed and show you how much I love you so badly,"

John stopped Randy by placing his mouth over his in a slow kiss. He wrapped his arms around Randy's back and under his shirt, running up the warm skin. Randy moaned into the kiss, his hand trailing gentle patterns along John's jaw and neck. The kiss seemed to go on forever, and by the time it was over neither man could breathe, their hearts pounding in their chests.

"There's that loving, sweet side I'm talking about." John whispered.

Randy didn't bother to respond this time, their lips meeting again, maddeningly frantic, needy, and John moaned against it.

"I need to feel you," John whispered against Randy's mouth, "God, I need to feel you." He moaned quietly, his hands sliding down to the small of Randy's back.

Pulling back, John's hands went to the hem of Randy's shirt, peeling it up and over his head. He lowered himself down and hooked his fingers into the waistline of Randy's jeans and boxers, quickly pulling them off. Randy sat up and pulled John up towards him, their chests pressed together. He kissed him briefly, quickly pulling away to remove the older man's shirt.

"I need to feel you, too." He couldn't help but bend his head down to capture one John's nipple in his mouth and draw on it steadily. John's hands immediately went to his head, as his breath hitched in his throat.

"God, Ran." He breathed, and Randy grinned against his chest, moving to the other nipple to do the very same thing. Randy moved his lips down John's chest to his abs, his fingers hovering over the button of John's jeans. He quickly slid them off the muscular legs of his lover and came back up to capture his lips.

They fell back into bed and under the covers and wrapped themselves around each others bodies. They fit together almost perfectly and tangled their legs together, slowly grinding against each others hips, rubbing their cocks together. John held Randy's face in his hands, gazing into his eyes as they rubbed together, watching the way they dilated with pleasure, the way his breath hitched and his lips parted with soft moans. Randy, in turn, never took his eyes off his lover, his hands sliding along his hips and lower back, pulling him forward with each grinding thrust.

"Feels so good." Randy whispered, and John nodded his head, leaning forward to capture his lips, his grinding beginning to go a little faster, his body aching with need and desire. He had missed this over the past month. Feeling Randy in his arms, touching him, tasting him, hearing his moans and cries of pleasure, hearing him say his name the way only he could.

"John, John..." Randy gasped out, breaking the kiss, "It's been too long...I'm so close, baby." He whimpered, but John didn't slow down, instead he held him closer and gazed into his eyes.

There was a split second when Randy realized John wanted him to let go, and in that simple moment desire, love and need crossed his features and he exploded. His body arched, his hips ground hard into John's as his breath caught and he made the most beautiful music of moans and groans that John had ever heard. John desperately tried to hold his own orgasm in check, his breath coming quick, panting as he began to devour his lover's neck in gentle nips and kisses as he held him through his release.

Randy clung to John, pulling him closer, holding him and squirming helplessly in his arms. "John, I want you. Fuck me, please, John, I need it. I need you."

John just looked into his lover's eyes and then wordlessly rolled him onto his back, positioning himself between Randy's legs.

"I love you, Johnny." Randy whispered.

"I love you too, Ran. I love you more than anything. I don't want us to ever part again, baby." John gently stroked Randy's face, his voice thick with emotion.

"Me, neither." Randy replied quietly, his eyes sparkling with emotion.

John leaned down over his lover, pressing his lips to the other man's, deep soul searing, bone trembling kisses that seemed to linger and go on forever. John finally pulled himself away from Randy's lips and trailed down his chest, placing licks, nips and bites down his tan skin. The taste of Randy on his tongue was intoxicating and with each pass of his tongue over flesh John found himself moaning softly along with his lover.

"You taste so good." John growled, and a slow sexy smile spread across Randy's lips.

"Why don't you move lower then?" he whispered, a wink following the tease.

"You're such a little shit." John couldn't help but return the grin, knowing his lover would continue to tease him.

But Randy didn't tease him. He just looked at him, his eyes filled with love. It was that look that always hit John to the very core, right down to his heart. He lowered his head down and took Randy's cock into his mouth, sucking hard. Randy arched up, gasping loudly. His eyes closed at the sensation of John's mouth on him. His eyes turned hazy and he desperately tried to keep them open.

John never let up on his cock, his mouth sliding along the slick flesh, and all the while he glanced up the long line of his lover's body to watch his face, his expressions. He used his own pre-cum as lube as he reached down to stroke himself. John moved his fingers back up to Randy's entrance, rubbing slowly. One finger began to move within that tight ring, slowly, and it made Randy pant even harder.

"Say it." John whispered, finally pulling Randy's member from between his lips, looking up at him with emotion filled eyes

"Fuck me, Johnny." Randy whispered back, voice a bare breath of a whisper.

John groaned. He leaned his head down to brush a tender kiss to his lover's mouth, nibbling gently on his lower lip. The kiss lingered for a long moment then John forced himself to draw away with a low groan, smearing his cock with his pre-cum. Randy watched him closely, his own hand reaching forward to touch John's throbbing, leaking member.

John watched as Randy stroked him, the younger man's hand coated in the essence he was steadily leaking. He jerked forward, into Randy's touch as he groaned loudly. The sensation was almost too much for his sensitized organ to bear and he felt his cock begin to twitch.

"You keep doing that, and I'm going to cum before I ever manage to get inside of you." John finally gasped out after one long hard stroke, his breath coming in hard pants.

"But I really like the sounds you're making," Randy whispered, grinning playfully as he continued to stroke his lover again and again, a little quicker.

A moan broke through John's throat again, a shudder slithering along his spine "God, Randy, I want to be inside you." He whimpered, but couldn't force himself to stop the strokes. It took another moment or so, but Randy finally stopped the teasing touches and pulled him down for another deep lingering kiss.

"I want you inside me," he murmured softly, and John immediately nodded his head and positioned his cock against that tight opening.

"Relax, OK, baby." He whispered softly.

"I'll be fine. It's not like I've become a virgin again." Randy whispered against his lover's mouth, a smile on his face as he pulled him closer by wrapping his arms around him.

John arched up and began to press his firm flesh slowly against that tight opening. There was a moment when he saw Randy wince as the head of his cock slipped through that barrier and John paused to make certain he was okay.

"OK, I take it back. Go slow," Randy groaned, goosebumps exploding over every inch of his bared skin. John nodded his head mutely, his forehead creasing with worry. Randy lifted his head and kissed him, murmuring against his lips.

John's hips slid slowly into Randy until he was fully inside his younger lover. Randy broke the kiss and gasped as his fingernails dug into John's back.

"Fuck, you feel so good." John whispered. He cupped Randy's face and gazed into his eyes, his tongue tracing gently at his lover's lips and he stayed perfectly still, waiting for Randy to grow accustomed to his intrusion.

It didn't take long for him and he was soon arching beneath John and whimpering. His hands fluttered over the smooth flesh of John's back and then ended gripping his ass, pulling him closer, forcing him to grind against him. "Please... I need you to move." He gasped, and John grinned down at him.

He began slowly, drawing out inch by painfully slow inch before he slid home with just as much tender attention. It was driving Randy insane, and after the first few strokes like that, his breath was ragged and his eyes bright and glassy. "Fuck! Harder, baby." He gasped out.

Without a word, John drew out of him slowly, causing a pleasured gasp to come from Randy, and then he slammed home as hard as he could. Randy cried out, his eyes closing as he shuddered beneath John as he began a series of pounding hard thrusts.

Randy writhed, screamed, begged and pleaded and John loved it. Drawing Randy's hands up over his head, John held them pinned there as he gazed down into his face and continued to fuck him with intense stroke after stroke. He was getting close and he knew he couldn't keep this up forever.

John dipped his head down as Randy arched his head back into the pillow, baring the column of his throat. He licked and bit into the skin as Randy groaned loudly.

"John!" he cried, his body coiled and ready to explode. "So close."

John buried his face into Randy's neck as his cock slid into Randy's with such force it rocked the bed on its base, causing it to clamor against the wall again and again. He moaned against Randy's sweaty skin. He was close, so close, and after only a couple more of his brutal strokes he felt himself raising up and then crashing down over the edge of orgasm. He came in a rush, quick and hard. His teeth left red imprints on the skin at Randy's neck. His hands released Randy's as he shuddered through his climax and his fingers slid quickly to John's neck, dragging his head down for a kiss, offering into John's mouth the moans and whimpers as he finally climaxed, joining his lover in a torrential downpour of pleasure and sensation.

They lay together, panting softly, shuddering weakly in each other arms, John still embedded deeply within Randy who trembled softly beneath him. It took quite some time for them to regain their heads, and when they did all they could do was look at one another and grin sleepily.

"That was amazing." Randy whispered then laughed, "But I won't be able to sit for a week."

"Well, I was willing to go gentle but you didn't want it." John said gently, and Randy turned his head to gaze back at him again, grinning.

"It was perfect." He whispered gently. "I love you."

"I love you, Randy." John whispered.

Randy yawned, his hands running up and down John's back. The older man kissed his forehead before pulling out of him slowly. Randy groaned at the sensation and held onto John as he tried to move off the bed.

"Don't go." Randy mumbled, his eyes already drooping. "Just stay here with me."

"I'm not going anywhere, babe." John watched him as he began to drift, his head pillowed against John's chest.

John watched him silently for a while, enjoying the peaceful look on his face. But even he couldn't stay up forever to watch him, and soon, though he fought it off, his eyes began to flutter and finally fall shut as sleep rose up to consume him in sweet warmth and comfort. They were finally back in each others arms where they belonged.


	28. Chapter 27

**April 2011**

"It's time for Wrestlemania! I fucking love this week!"

John's voice echoed down the hotel hallway as he practically bounced towards the hotel room in Atlanta that would become his home for a week. Alanna gasped and stared at John, the look of disbelief on her face enough to make Randy burst into laughter. She stopped in her tracks and looked up at John, an angry expression on her face.

"Daddy John, you said a bad word! That's not nice."

Randy shook his head, his laughter being replaced by a look of mock disappointment towards his boyfriend. "Really, Daddy John. That was not a nice word to say. I'm surprised at you."

John rolled his eyes in Randy's direction, flipping him off discretely as he bent to kiss Alanna's forehead. "I'm sorry, beautiful. I was excited and said a bad word by mistake."

Alanna smiled at him and nodded as Randy looked down at them with amusement. The small girl took his hand and they continued down the hall until arriving at the room door. John opened the door and Alanna immediately ran in. Randy sighed when he looked at the stack of suitcases the bellboys had left in the hallway. As much as he loved traveling with his daughter, the luggage amount seemed to increase each trip.

"God, look at all this crap."

John threw himself onto the large king size bed and watched with a smile as Alanna began to bounce up and down. "Most of it is yours, babe."

Randy rolled his eyes but remained silent, knowing John was right. He pulled the bags apart and walked over to the closet. The luggage was quickly set down on the floor and Randy quickly unzipped them and began hanging clothes up. John's and Alanna's voices carried over to him and before he knew it, he had unpacked everything. When he walked back into the bedroom his eyes landed on his boyfriend and daughter lying comfortably on the bed watching cartoons. Randy raised an eyebrow towards John and shook his head. "Thanks for offering to help."

John smiled and shrugged. "You would've just told me I was doing it all wrong."

Randy shook his head and walked over to the bed, lowering himself on the other side of Alanna. He smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead. John looked over at him and smiled, before turning his attention back to the TV. The movie on the television worked to calm Alanna down for her to fall asleep and Randy sighed, reaching over her to poke John's arm.

"We've got a crazy week. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring Al. This is probably the only time we're gonna get to spend together."

John frowned and shook his head. "No it isn't. Nothing we have going on will interrupt us from spending time with our baby girl." He smiled slowly. "Besides, our parents are here to help if we need some alone time and you know Ms. Al would've been furious if she missed her Daddy's birthday."

Randy rolled his eyes but smiled. "We celebrated my birthday last week. There's no time to celebrate again on Friday."

John raised an eyebrow. "There's always time to celebrate a loved one, babe. Kevin and Sean's party is that night so you'll probably get some attention there. I don't want to stay there for long, though. I have something planned for that night."

Randy smiled slowly, his fingers moving up and down John's arm. "Is that so?"

John smirked and nodded. "Let's just say our parents are gonna earn themselves a bottle of champagne after they leave that night. I arranged for them to take Al back to their hotel room. The things I plan to do to you would elicit some words and screams not meant for our child's ears. Its gonna be an amazing night."

Randy's smile grew and he laughed softly in an effort not to wake his daughter. "Suddenly I'm feeling very excited about Friday night."

* * *

Randy's eyes were barely open by the time he stepped back into his hotel room. The exhaustion of everything he had already done during the week and of the night's events was too much to bear and his body literally ached. He turned around and watched as John followed him into the room slowly, his arms loaded with presents for Randy.

"Baby, gimme some stuff to carry."

John rolled his eyes and walked past him, dropping the bags on the floor next to their closet. "Thanks for offering when we're two feet from where they're going."

Randy smiled and shrugged, walking over to the bed and sitting down. He lifted his feet and began to untie his shoes as he watched John organize the bags into a neat pile. The couple had just returned from making a quick appearance at one of the many Wrestlemania parties that were being hosted by members of the WWE and at Randy's birthday dinner with his and John's parents. The younger man had been thrilled to be surrounded by his loved ones on such an important night and was touched that John had made the effort to make sure his birthday didn't get lost in the chaos of this week. After leaving a happy but sleepy Alanna for the night with her grandparents, the men had finally been able to retire to their room a little after midnight.

"Baby, it's my birthday. I shouldn't be forced to exert myself anymore than necessary. Today is your day to take care of me."

John laughed. "As opposed to any other day? Besides, your birthday is over. You're 31 and its old news now."

Randy kicked off his shoes, ignoring the comment. He stood and began to slowly remove his clothes, watching John begin to do the same. "It was a wonderful birthday, baby. Thank you for everything."

John raised an eyebrow, a smile coming across his lips. "You're welcome. You know I would do anything for you. Besides in a few weeks, it's my birthday!"

Randy smiled as he lowered himself onto bed clad only in his boxers. "I know, Cena. You remind me every damn day. I'm already working on something. Don't worry," His eyes fluttered closed and he patted the bed beside him. "Come to bed, John. I need some sleep."

John walked over slowly, turning off the main lamp in the room and leaving only the small lamp beside the bed lit. "Sleep? I'm not through with you yet, birthday boy."

Randy groaned and opened his eyes. "John, please. I love you but I just have no energy left, baby. Dinner with our parents was great but exhausting. I'm looking forward to silence right now."

John pouted as he sat on the bed. "But I promised you an amazing night."

Randy smiled and pulled him down, wrapping his arm around his waist. "And you gave me an amazing night. Our schedule this week has been so packed we've barely had a minute for ourselves yet you found a block of time that was dedicated only to me. I loved the phone calls, the fans, our friends and our parents wishing me a happy birthday but the best part of the day is that you made the last part of tonight happen. Those 4 hours I spent in that restaurant with our family was amazing. The fact that I get to come back here and fall asleep in the arms of the man I love is even more so. I don't need anything else."

John smiled as he looked into Randy's eyes. "I love you, Ran. I just want to make you happy."

Randy nodded, moving his head to lie on John's chest. "You make me happy everyday." He yawned loudly and closed his eyes. "Turn off the light and let's just sleep, baby."

John sighed, resigned to the fact the night was over but content that Randy was happy. He pressed the button on the lamp, enveloping the room into darkness and curled his body around his lover's. Despite his protests, he was also tired and soon fell into a peaceful sleep as well.

* * *

**3 Weeks Later…**

The time on the clock turned to 8:35am and Randy shot a quick glance behind him at his still sleeping boyfriend. To see John still asleep at that hour was proof the older man was indeed hurting after the night before. Any other day the older man would be awake and on appointment number 3 by that time.

Randy sighed as memories from the night before came back to him. He had been packing his and John's gym bag in the locker room of the arena in an effort to make their leave easier. It was the night before John's birthday and he had important things planned. He was closing the zipper on a bag when Ted's gasp from beside him startled him. His eyes had immediately risen to the screen monitoring the action in the ring just in time to see John slumped on the mat, clutching his knee. Referee Mike Chioda had immediately flashed the dreaded sign that signified a real injury in the ring and Randy's temper had boiled over when his eyes turned toward the person who had caused John pain; Mike. Ted had literally restrained him from running from the room until he was sure John was safely in the trainer's room and Mike had been removed from Randy's path. Once released, Randy had immediately run to John, Mike's apologies to him and his older boyfriend echoing throughout backstage. In his fury, all he could think of was destroying the young man but once realization hit much later, he acknowledged Mike had no intentions of purposely hurting John. Not many people did. John was truly one of the easiest people to work with; always willing to go the extra mile to help his partner in the ring and outside of it. At the moment, though, all he cared about was seeing the man he loved in pain. A million different scenarios ran through his mind, none of them good.

The news was good when he thought of how bad it could have been. It was just a bad sprain. A little ice and rest would make John good as new. Wrestling was out of the question for at least 2 weeks and Vince pulled him from all house shows. He would, however, still travel with the brand and appear on Raw. Getting him to stay out of the ring and resting though, for those 2 weeks would be torture; a torture Randy would have to endure. It would be hard but it wouldn't be impossible. Impossible would be getting John to take his prescribed pain medication. John was not stubborn with many things but with medicine, he was a bull. Randy had dealt with a night of John practically in tears because of his refusal to take even the smallest dose of pain killer. The older man hated the thought of medication in his body and chose to take the pain. Today, though, it was a battle he would lose.

Randy turned away and concentrated on the computer screen before him. He checked the security cameras from their house, read and sent emails to everyone he could, answered fans on Twitter and finally landed on one of the many shopping websites in an effort to distract his mind.

Just when he thought he could take no more, John groaned loudly. Randy quickly turned towards the bed and watched as John's body shifted around, his knee bending up slightly. His eyes shot open with the bolt of pain that traveled down his right leg and he swore loudly, reaching down to grasp the injured limb.

"Fucking hell. I'm gonna break that snot Mike in half. It hurts more today than it did last night!"

Randy quickly walked back to the bed and sat besides John, taking his hand away from his leg. "Calm down, baby. Don't touch your leg; you're just gonna hurt yourself more. Relax it and lay it flat. I'll get you some ice and your meds."

John threw himself back on the bed, his arm over his face. "No! No fucking meds. Just give me some ice or better, a gun to shoot my fucking leg off!"

Randy patted John's thigh and smiled. "You're gonna wrap it in ice and take the meds like Doc said. Let's not have a repeat of last night because I have no problem shoving the pills down your throat today."

John moved his arm away and glared at his boyfriend. "I am not a child, Randy."

"Yet, you're acting worse than our 3 year old." Randy smirked and stood to get a couple of painkillers and fill a glass with water. He walked back towards the bed and handed the older man the glass and pills. "Are we gonna have a problem?"

John's glare intensified quickly and he snatched the pills and swallowed them down. Randy watched, a small smile on his face and sat beside him. He rubbed John's thigh over the bed sheet and sighed. "I'm very proud of you, baby."

John ignored him and closed his eyes. "Get me my ice."

Randy smiled, used to this behavior when John got hurt. He would be angry and on a rampage towards the man who hurt him and the person who tried to help him, but he would get over it soon enough. He knew it was never the intent of any of his fellow superstars to hurt each other and he knew Randy only wanted to make him feel better.

Randy walked towards the small refrigerator in the hotel room and pulled out one of the prepared ice packs. He wrapped it in a towel and grabbed the bandages to wrap it around John's knee. As he walked back over to the bed he saw John's eyes still closed and he felt his heart ache for his boyfriend. Randy knew the pain of being injured and how much it added to the pain traveling with everyone but not being able to participate.

"You'll feel better soon, baby. It's not that bad. You just need to rest your knee. I'll take care of you, OK."

John shrugged and lowered himself in the bed. He pulled the covers over his head and mumbled softly. "I just want to be alone. Leave me the ice and go to work."

Randy smiled and sat beside John. He yanked the covers off to reveal John's frowning face and his swollen appendage. "I would never leave you alone, John. Especially on your birthday."

John frowned. "What? But there's a show on the schedule tonight and..."

Randy shook his head, wrapping the bandage tightly around John's knee as he held the ice down with the other hand. "It doesn't matter. It's your birthday and it's just you and me tonight; no work. Vince understood."

John raised an eyebrow and Randy smirked. "Well, he says he understands. Whether he does or not, I don't give a shit."

That bought a smile to John's face and he watched silently as Randy finished padding his leg. "I'm sorry I'm being a brat. This probably isn't what you had planned for tonight."

Randy shook his head. "No it isn't but considering how bad you could be hurt right now, I'll take this instead." He smiled and lifted his body over John's to lie on the opposite side of the bed. "And it's nice to hear you call yourself a brat instead of calling me one like you usually do."

John laughed and gingerly turned his body over to face Randy's. Randy frowned and helped him move his hips, anxious not to cause John anymore pain. John nodded to let him know he was OK and placed his hand over Randy's on his hip.

"I'm fine, baby. A little annoyed I'm one year older and closer to osteoarthritis but..."

Randy laughed loudly. "Oh my God. Yes, you are a very old man at all of 34. I may just have to start looking for a younger man."

John smiled. "I love that you find this amusing. It's my birthday and I'm laid up in bed with a bum leg. This is not a good day. We can't do any of the things you had planned."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "How do even know what I had planned, Cena?"

"Well, I don't think you would plan for Mike to dropkick me on my knee!" John sighed in frustration and Randy stroked the skin on his hip.

"Baby, it was an accident. He hasn't stopped apologizing since last night. Hell, your voicemail along with mine are full of messages with him blubbering how sorry he is."

John nodded. "I know. I don't blame him. I'm just annoyed we can't do anything but lay here. So boring."

Randy smiled. "Boring but necessary. You have to rest that lovely leg of yours so it can get all better and get ready for action again. You have to be able to wrestle and run around in the gym and run after Al when you guys go to the park and play football with your brothers..." His smiled softened and his gaze bore into John's eyes. "You have to be able to walk down the aisle with me."

John frowned and pulled back slightly. "What?"

Randy smile widened and he nodded. "Will you marry me, John?"

John's frown deepened and he pushed the younger man away. "What the hell are you talking about? You're Randy; the boy who hates marriage! What are you doing? This isn't funny…especially today."

Randy laughed and he pulled John back into his body. "I'm not joking and I don't hate marriage! I was just scared I was gonna fuck things up. The more I think about it, though, I realize you and me have the best shot of anyone to make it. I love you more than anything in this world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want us to commit ourselves to each other forever. I can't imagine my life without you, John."

John inhaled deeply, his lungs welcoming the air he didn't know he was withholding. His heart was racing and his throat was dry. "Ran, I don't want you to do this because you feel guilty or want to make me happy. This has to be something you truly want. Marriage isn't something to take lightly and I don't want..."

Randy cut him off with a quick kiss. "I don't feel anything but absolutely certain this is what I want. You gave me the time I needed to figure things out and I have. I want you. I want to marry you. I want more children with you and I want us to live happily ever after. Marry me, baby."

John gulped, his eyes never leaving Randy's. He saw only love reflected back at him; unabashed and apparent in the clear blue eyes. None of the fear and doubt that was there before when this topic came up. He slowly nodded and whispered, "OK."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "OK, like OK, you'll marry me?"

John laughed, feeling his heart begin to swell with happiness. "Yeah, of course I'll marry you, Randy!"

Randy smiled widely, and grabbed John's face with his hands, dragging him towards him and letting their lips meet. His tongue dove in John's mouth, deepening the kiss. John grasped at Randy's waist tightly as he explored his mouth, tasting and sucking, the feeling intense and overwhelming.

They broke apart panting, lips still so close together, their foreheads pressed hard against each other, staring at each other like no one and nothing but them existed.

"I love you so much," Randy gasped roughly, struggling to hold back from completely taking over John's body and causing him more pain.

John nodded quickly, his lips ghosting over Randy's. "Me, too, baby. I love you, too."

Randy sighed and slowly pulled away. "This wasn't supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to have a great dinner, come home and have dessert and somewhere along that line I was going to launch into some super cheesy, romantic proposal."

John smiled. "I don't care. This one was pretty perfect."

Randy moved off the bed and stood up. He walked over to the desk with his laptop and opened the small bag on top of it, retrieving a small box. A smile on his face as he wiggled it in the air, he slowly walked back to the bed. John lifted himself up to a sitting position and eyed the box warily. "What did you do?"

Randy sat beside him, facing him and placed the box on his lap. "Since you, my love, are the most infuriating person to shop for..." He lifted the lid on the box to reveal a small piece of paper to John's frowning face. John stared at him before finally reaching down to lift the folded strip of paper out of its encasement.

"_This certificate entitles you to any ring your heart desires. Yes, you get to design your own ring as you want it. It will be the ring you wear for the rest of your life so make it good, Cena."_

John laughed and looked up to meet Randy's worried eyes. "Are you mad that I have no imagination? I saw a ring I thought you would like. It was simple; just a platinum band but I wanted to make sure you would like it and..."

John reached over to hold Randy's hand. "I love this idea. It's something only you would do. I would've loved the ring, too. I would love anything you give me, baby." He looked back down at the paper and smiled. "This is perfect, though. We can both design our rings and get them on ASAP. Like you said, we're gonna wear them for the rest of our lives."

Randy nodded, moving over to sit besides John and pulling him into his chest. "I can't wait."


	29. Chapter 28

**Present Day**

"I can't believe I'm back here again. My intentions were to go home, Cody, not back here!"

Cody smiled sweetly at an irate Randy as they drove back onto the Candlewood property. "Randy, stop complaining. I really like this place and I wanted Teddy to see it before we went home. Then, the kids wanted to see it and you know I can't ever say no to them so…" He shrugged and turned back over in his seat.

Randy rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw as he stared at the back of Cody's head. "That makes no sense! We drive to Boston intending to get on a plane to St. Louis only to drive back into the butt crack of fucking Connecticut."

"Dad, please!"

Randy turned to meet his daughter's irritated eyes beside him. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Can you please watch your language? That's one of the worst bad words!"

Angel smiled beside her but remained quiet as Randy rolled his eyes. The boy shook his head at his sister and turned his attention back to the men in the front seats. "So, what's so great about this place, Uncle Cody?"

Cody turned to smile at him. "Angel, you're gonna love it, kiddo. It's such a wide open space and the grass is so green and the trees are so full…it's just perfect!"

Randy laughed from the backseat. "Sounds like any park you would find in any other city."

Cody shot him a glare and even Ted looked at him harshly from the rearview mirror. "Randy, please. Cody is excited about this. Don't take your anger out on him. Be polite."

Randy sighed loudly before nodding. "Fine, you're right. Codes, I'm sorry. The place is beautiful and even if I hate it, which I really don't, I should just keep my mouth shut. I appreciate you bringing the kids to see it, too."

Cody smiled and nodded. "Thanks, Ran."

Randy looked over at his children and smiled. "It really is a nice place for a wedding, guys. And Al, I apologize for my really bad word."

Alanna uncrossed her arms from her chest and nodded. "Thank you."

Randy smiled at her before moving his eyes away. The car rolled up the long driveway and the huge inn came into view. Ted drove the car to the front door and the group slowly piled out. Angel and Alanna stared up at the house, smiles on their faces as their father sulked behind them. Ted took Cody's hand and bought it to his lips, kissing it gently. "This place is stunning, baby. I love it."

Cody beamed proudly and let them in the door, walking over to the secretary to announce their arrival for their appointment. Randy hung around behind the couple, one hand secured around each of his children's. He looked down at them with a smile and watched as Cody led Ted around the room, pointing out all of the architecture of the room. After a few moments, a voice broke the silence.

"Dad,"

Randy looked down at his son, noting the bored look on his face. "Yes,"

"Can we go walk outside or something?"

Randy sighed and caught the secretary's eye, who nodded at him. He walked over to Cody and patted his shoulder. "I'm gonna take the kids outside, OK. They're getting a little restless."

Cody nodded. "Sure, we'll be out in a bit. I just want Ted to meet that nice event planner we met yesterday."

Randy nodded, moving away quickly. "Take your time. It's a beautiful day to take a walk." He walked back towards his kids and opened the inn door, letting them all out into the warm sunshine and breeze. The kids immediately walked in front of him and began to run around the grassy field. Randy smiled as he watched them and followed slowly behind, his eyes scanning the property. He had to admit, Cody was right. The property was beautiful and on a warm, sunny day like this one, it literally shone in the sunlight. He could practically imagine the large field set up with chairs and Ted and Cody standing under a large arch as they recited their vows.

"Daddy, does this place make you sad?"

Randy looked down at his daughter, who had come back to where he stood and was watching him carefully. "No, baby, why would this place make me sad?"

Alanna looked around and shrugged. "Does it make you remember your wedding with Daddy John because you got married in an inn like this? Does it make you miss him more?"

Randy sighed and bent to hug her tightly. "Being in a place like this does make me remember Daddy but it's OK because they're really good memories. I'm absolutely fine. Don't worry about me."

Alanna stared at him, her blue-eyed gaze strong for a child her age. "Are you sure? Me and Angel don't think you're fine."

Randy smiled. "You and your brother worry too much. I'm the grown up; let me worry about things."

Alanna smiled back and nodded. "Daddy would say the same thing. Nothing was that bad we had to frown about it. His laugh would instantly make it all better."

Randy's smile widened as an image of his husband smiling crossed his mind. "Daddy always did have a way of making everything better. He was a very wise man." He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "He did marry me, after all."

Alanna rolled her eyes dramatically. "Whatever, Dad."

Randy laughed as Angel ran over, a concerned look on his face. "Is everything OK?"

Alanna nodded, but the look remained on her brother's face. Randy bent down to his level and put a hand on his small shoulder. "Listen to me, I'm gonna tell you what I told Al. I'm fine. Do not worry about me or anything. I have everything under control. If there is anything to worry about then I will do it; I'm the Dad."

Angel's face slowly relaxed and he nodded. "I just don't want you to be sad about Daddy John and…"

Randy cut him off with a gently hug. He pulled back and looked back and forth between his children. "Guys, you wanna know the truth? I am sad about Daddy John and I do miss him very much; especially on a day like today. That's just how it is, though. I know you guys miss him, too. Talking about him helps but worrying about each other doesn't so let's not. I don't want you to worry about anything. If you have a question or feel sad, just talk to me or each other."

Angel nodded. "OK. Ally and I talk about Dad all the time. It's nice." He looked over at his sister who smiled and nodded.

Randy sighed and stood up. "It is nice; I agree." He took a deep breath gave them both a kiss on the forehead. "Go on now and play for a bit before your Uncles get here."

The children quickly ran off and Randy let out another huge breath. His eyes followed them as they chased each other around the huge field. Moments like the one he'd just had were always tough. Randy knew he was a good parent but that tiny morsel of doubt that crept into every parent's mind and questioned how they handled a difficult conversation would always make him doubt himself. John had always been the one to comfort him and reassure him that he had handled the situation correctly. The older man had been a perfect father to their children, both in Randy's eyes and their children's. John always had an ability to adapt to things perfectly and master them quickly and that certainly applied to parenting. He was firm but fair and his children respected and adored him.

"Are those your children?"

Randy was once again broken out of his thoughts by a voice, though this time it belonged to another man. He turned and came face to face with James, the man he remembered from yesterday as the director of the property…and as the man whose head he bit off.

"Yeah, they are."

James smiled as he watched them. "They're beautiful."

Randy cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling uncomfortable. "Thank you."

James nodded, his eyes still off in the distance.

Randy sighed when the man made no attempt to move away from him dropped his arms. "Look, I think I owe you an apology. You caught me off guard yesterday and I was rude. I'm sorry."

James smiled and shook his head. "Please, no, you don't owe me anything. I should've at least looked at your hand before asking you something so personal."

Randy shrugged, his fingers subconsciously playing with his wedding band. "It's OK. Let's just forget it, OK."

James nodded and extended his hand. "It's forgotten."

Randy stared at the hand momentarily before finally extending his own to meet it. He gave it a quick shake before pulling it back and moving his eyes back towards his children.

"You know, I felt like a moron for not knowing about you, anyway. You're really well known and your husband was even more so. I'm just not into wrestling or action movies…anyway, I know what happened to your husband. I am so sorry for your loss. He was so young. It's really tragic."

Randy turned back to look at the sad look in James' eyes. His own gaze grew cold and hard and he nodded tersely, remaining quiet.

"Mr. Runnels actually called me last night and explained the whole situation and why your reaction was so strong. I didn't realize how little time has passed since his death. I would never have…"

"Look, didn't we say it was forgotten, dude? Stop talking about it, please." Randy shook his head in frustration. "Of course Cody would call you and give you my sob story. He loves this place and thought I fucked it up for him."

James frowned. "I don't think he meant any harm. He just wanted to explain to me what you're going through and that I shouldn't take anything you say personally. He couldn't stop stressing how amazing a friend you've been to him for many years now."

Randy rolled his eyes but found himself smiling despite his annoyance. He knew Cody meant no harm. Cody always thought the best of Randy…even when he was the only one. "Cody is a little biased when it comes to me. He really likes this place, though, so if he wants it, I don't want my attitude to stand in the way. Don't judge him by how I am."

James smiled and shook his head. "We would never."

The men remained in silence until Angel and Alanna ran over. They looked up at James with a frown as they protectively stood in front of their father. Randy wrapped an arm around each of them. "Guys, say hello to James. He runs this place."

Both children quickly smiled and said hello. James stuck out his hand for them to shake and smiled when they did. He looked up at Randy, the smile still on his face.

"Beautiful and polite children."

Randy smiled back, genuinely this time and squeezed his children tighter. James stood and checked the time on his wristwatch. "I have an appointment in a few minutes so I'll take my leave now. It was nice to see you again, Randy and it was great to meet two such wonderful children."

Randy nodded and watched as he walked away with a wave towards Alanna and Angel. As soon as he disappeared into the inn, Alanna turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"That guy was looking at you funny. Like he thought you were cute or something."

Randy frowned and shrugged. "What's your point? Lots of people look at me like that. I am cute!"

Angel laughed loudly. "Gross, Dad, you're gonna make me vomit."

Randy's frown deepened and his mouth dropped open. "Excuse me? I am cute, whether you two like it or not. Everyone thinks so."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "You're so conceited, Daddy."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm just honest. Where did you think you and your brother got it from; John?"

Angel smiled and shook his head. "Daddy used to say you were rude, not honest."

Randy shrugged and remained quiet, a small smile still on his face as Angel frowned at him, his own smile gone. "Anyway, he was looking at you funny."

Alanna nodded. "Really funny."

Randy smiled and collapsed onto the grass in front of his children. "I don't care how he was looking at me, guys. He's just some guy who works here. I don't know him and he has nothing to do with me or any of us."

Both children stared back at him with matching eyes, full of uncertainty and an ounce of what looked like fear. Randy sighed and pulled them down into his lap, anxious to wipe the thoughts of another man in their life away. "Come on, you guys really don't think I'm even a little bit cute? Not even a little bit?"

The sad tone in his voice and the silly question worked to make both his children collapse into laughter and Randy inwardly sighed in relief. He hugged them tightly to his chest and they lay on the grass watching the clouds roll over their heads.

* * *

**May 2011**

"So, now that you're back on two good legs, when's the wedding?"

Ted smiled and John practically skipped towards him. The older man smiled and shrugged. "Whenever he wants. I'll get married right now in a garbage dump if he says so."

Ted laughed, wrinkling his nose. "That sounds lovely, John. I'm just happy its gonna happen. I was starting to get nervous about Randy's reaction to marriage."

John shook his head, the smile softening. "There was never anything to be nervous about. I knew he would come around after we had our little break. He was just scared and he needed time to realize on his own that there is nothing to fear about us getting married."

Ted sighed, shaking his head as he followed John into the locker room. "Getting married is a scary thought, though. Going to sleep and waking up with the same person for the rest of your life? I don't know if I could do it."

John laughed and sat on the bench in front of his chosen locker. "I can't wait till you and Cody come in one day and announce your engagement. I'll be sure to remind you of this conversation."

Ted rolled his eyes and took his ring gear out of his locker. He and John made small talk as they began to change for the night's matches and the room filled with the noise of the other wrestlers doing the same. After a few minutes, the door to the locker room banged open and an annoyed Randy walked in. He ignored most of the greetings thrown at him and walked over to his locker, pulling out his trunks and t-shirt with a huff. John raised an eyebrow, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth.

"So Mr. Rude...I'm guessing the bus is outta commission?"

Randy turned to glare at him from the corner of his eye. "Yes, it is. It needs at least 3 days to completely dry out."

John smiled sheepishly and remained quiet as Ted frowned. "It needs to dry out? What the hell did you do; flood it?"

Randy nodded, his expression softening slightly. "Someone did, yes. Only the all mighty Super Cena can fall asleep standing up in the shower and flood our bus."

Ted looked over at John and laughed loudly. John rolled his eyes and ignored the younger man's teasing. "Look, I was exhausted. I had been up for almost 32 hours and I closed my eyes for two minutes!"

Randy sighed and shook his head, quickly changing into his ring gear. "Two minutes, my ass."

John opened his mouth to shoot off a retort but Randy quickly continued speaking. "Look, it doesn't matter. It'll dry when it dries. The point is we were gonna drive onto the next city but now we have to stay here overnight and the only rooms left in this lovely city is in a bed and breakfast inn. I hate those. I'm gonna have to share a bathroom with all the other people on our floor."

"God forbid Randy has to share," John smirked at Randy and stood. Ted smiled as he watched the men glare at each other. "Guys, you can bunk with me at the Hilton but Ran, you're gonna have to share a bathroom there, too."

Randy sighed in frustration. "I don't really care about a bathroom, you know. I'm just annoyed John and I don't have our own room where we could have some privacy."

"In other words, Teddy, Randy's feeling horny tonight and doesn't want you or anyone else close to our bed because he knows I make him scream really loud," John smiled widely as Ted grimaced.

Randy clenched his jaw. "You're not fucking funny, John."

John laughed and took a step closer to his fiancé, pulling him in close. "Yes I am, baby and you know it."

Ted shook his head and started to walk away. "Look, you two figure it out but if you do bunk with me, you can't have sex, OK." He turned to look back at them and sighed. "You two are a little too open with the private stuff, you know."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell are you to talk? Didn't you tell me all about you and Cody having phone sex appointments?"

Ted's eyes widened and his face turned crimson as he blushed furiously. "Whatever. You're still worse." He turned and walked quickly out of the locker room as John laughed softly. Randy shook his head as he watched him leave before turning his attention back to John. The older man held him tightly around his waist. "Baby, I really am sorry about the bus. I don't know how it happened."

"I know how it happened. You work too damn much and barely sleep. You need to slow down and say no sometimes, John." Randy rested his forehead on John's, his expression stern.

John sighed. "I know. I will, I promise."

Randy smiled slowly. "You've been promising to slow down for years. Maybe when we get married you'll actually do it."

John nodded. "I will." He kissed Randy's lips gently before pulling away with a smile. "You know, staying in a nice little bed and breakfast won't be that bad. This is a really beautiful state...and a gay friendly one! We can walk past Lake Champlain or we could go to the Aquarium..."

Randy sighed. "Fine. I'll make the best of Vermont. I guess I have no choice if we're gonna be in this state for 3 days."

"Good attitude, baby!" John moved his hand down to Randy's butt and gave it a swift smack before walking away, clapping his hands. "All right, time to go to work! Let's get moving, boys!"

Randy shook his head as he watched John walk around the locker room, getting the few men that remained inside pumped up before leaving the room and heading into the hall. He had to admit, despite how much John exhausted himself, his energy level never seemed to diminish.

* * *

Hours later, the men walked up the stairs of the Lang Inn in Burlington, loaded with their luggage. They were met with an elderly woman in the lobby of the quiet inn. John smiled as he approached her, discretely pulling an annoyed Randy closer.

"Good evening. I believe my fiancé here called earlier about a room,"

The woman smiled and looked down at the Register in front of her. "Mr. Orton?"

John poked Randy's hip and the younger man moved forward. "Yes, hi. I requested a room."

The woman nodded. "Yes, I remember speaking to you earlier. I'm Mrs. Jones, the owner of the inn. My dear, you didn't sound very happy then and you still don't. Hopefully when you see your room it will bring a smile to your face."

Randy nodded and looked over at John, who wore a large smile. "I'm sure it will. After a long day at work, all we both want is a nice, comfortable bed to sleep in."

Mrs. Jones smiled and handed them a key. "Well, I've set you up in our Reed room. It's absolutely gorgeous! Now, if you'll just sign here and I'll need to see a credit card and ID."

Randy sighed and stepped forward, pulling his wallet out of his jeans. He looked down at the receipt the woman presented to him and raised an eyebrow as two words caught his eye.

"Does that say _'attached bathroom'_? I have my own bathroom? No sharing?" His eyes widened hopefully and Mrs. Jones smiled. "Well, you will with your partner there but that's about it. All our rooms have a private bathroom attached."

Randy smiled happily and looked over at John. "Oh, thank God. I love this place."

John laughed and took Randy's hand. They walked up the stairs after wishing Mrs. Jones a good night and soon reached their room. John opened the door and took a step inside, whistling softly. "This is nice, babe! I think we'll be fine here."

Randy followed him inside, smiling at the large space. "Yeah, it's great. It's really quiet on this floor, too."

"Damn, there's nothing to drown you out now,"

Randy turned to look back at John's smirking face and smiled. "Not gonna happen, Cena. I'm tired and I know when to say no. I enjoy sleep." He turned and walked into the bathroom, a large smile on his face. "It's perfect."

John walked up behind Randy and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I'm getting a little annoyed that the bathroom is turning you on more than I am. Are we turning into an old married couple that doesn't have sex already?"

"What are you talking about? We had sex yesterday!" Randy turned in John's arms and kissed his forehead. "Tonight, we're gonna get a good night's sleep. No waking up early tomorrow. We don't have to be at the arena until later in the afternoon so give me your phone."

He pulled away and stretched out his hand. John frowned, quickly walking away. "Why? You don't need my phone."

Randy followed him into the room. "John, both phones are gonna be turned off. We need a night of peace. I don't want any interruptions, for once!"

John sighed, his hand in his pocket, covering his phone protectively. "Ran, I don't know if I can do that. It's like asking me to give you an arm or something."

Randy rolled his eyes. "It's just a fucking phone, John. You'll get it back tomorrow." His hand remained outstretched and John finally placed the phone in his palm.

"Good job, baby." Randy quickly turned off the Blackberry and pulled his own iPhone out of his pocket, shutting it off, as well. He placed both phones in the drawer of the nightstand and looked back at John, who was biting his lip nervously.

"Johnny, cut it out. Its gonna be fine. Let's just get into bed and watch some late night crap until we fall asleep."

John sighed and attempted a small smile. Randy moved over to their luggage and pulled out the small bag carrying their toothbrushes and took it into the bathroom. The men quickly shed their clothes after cleaning up and settled into the large, warm bed. John pulled Randy into his arms and turned on the television, flipping through the channels until Randy stopped him.

"Nick at Nite, leave it. They're showing _Three's Company_."

John smiled and looked down at his lover. "_Three's Company_? Really?"

Randy laughed softly. "Yeah, really. I used to watch it with my dad and he would talk to me about the 70's. I used to fall asleep to his voice. I wanted to stay awake and keep listening but I just couldn't. This show brings back good memories."

John nodded, aware of the close relationship between Randy and his father. "I know what that's like. My Dad would talk to me about his time in college and playing football and I couldn't get enough. He just has this way of talking. He gets everyone enthralled in his stories and you just lose yourself listening to him talk."

Randy moved his head, shifting to look up at John's face. "Hmm, sounds familiar. Seems like his namesake inherited his talent."

John shook his head. "No, I'm nothing like him."

"John, you elicit a reaction when you start talking," Randy smiled slowly. "Whether it's a good or bad one, the point is its still a reaction. You got that from your dad."

John shrugged. "Fine, I'll give. I guess we both got pretty lucky with the Dads we were given."

Randy nodded. "I agree. I hope I can be half as good a Dad as mine is."

John frowned. "You already are, Randy. You're an amazing father. All you have to do is look at how much Alanna lights up when she's with you and see that."

Randy smiled, intensifying his hold on John's waist as he lowered his head back down. "Thanks, babe. You're not bad yourself at this parenting thing."

John laughed and shook his head. "I'm still way too new at it. I love Ally; that's a fact but I still have a lot to learn before I can really be a Dad."

"Well, I think you're doing great. I have no doubt you'll go down in history as an amazing father, John."

They remained silent for a few minutes, watching the antics of the characters on the television. Randy heard John's breathing begin to slow as he fell asleep. He lifted his eyes and looked at John's face, the older man now snoring lightly. Randy sighed in relief and took the remote, shutting the television off and plunging the room into darkness. It was only a few minutes later when he also succumbed to his exhaustion.


	30. Chapter 29

John woke up slowly and looked down, smiling. Randy was fast asleep with his arms wrapped around him tightly. John kissed the top of his head and then looked over to the window. The sun was high in the sky, so John looked at the clock on the nightstand and was surprised to see it was almost 11:00 am.

"Damn, we missed breakfast," John mumbled to himself, remembering the schedule for the inn Mrs. Jones had given them the night before. Randy stirred, but snuggled into John's chest even more. John thought that this display was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, but knew Randy would kill him if he told him.

"Hey, baby," John whispered gently in his ear. "It's time to wake up. It's almost eleven."

John kissed the younger man's head again as he frowned sleepily.

"No, today is our day to sleep in," Randy whispered groggily. "I'm still sleeping in."

John flipped his body over Randy and hovered on top of him, suspending himself on his elbows. He leaned in and kissed Randy on his closed eyelids, and then his nose and finally his lips.

"Cut it out and go back to sleep" Randy said with a smile, wrapping his arms around John's torso and drawing him down on top of him.

"Baby, I'd love to stay in bed all day but I want to enjoy our day before we have to work tonight. There's so much to do here! It's a beautiful city," John said, his enthusiasm coming through his voice.

Randy rolled his eyes and groaned. "Well, what if I don't let you leave this bed? What are you gonna do about it?"

John smiled. "Payback will be a bitch, Orton."

Randy smirked, reaching up to kiss John's chin, then nibble on his bottom lip. "I may wanna risk it." he threatened while John writhed on top of him.

"Now you cut it out, Ran. Come on, baby, I have plans for us today." he said, pulling away and getting out of bed, pulling Randy up to his feet with him. Randy sighed and groaned loudly. "Fine, Mr. Killjoy. I give up."

"Thank you, baby." John smiled and moved to sit on the desk, flipping through the Burlington tourism guide he found in the drawer. Randy bent to grab some clothes from his luggage and walked into the bathroom.

John slowly lifted his eyes and followed Randy. His eyes skimmed over his wide shoulders that tapered down his muscular back to his narrow waist, his black boxers resting below his hips tantalizingly. Randy's butt and muscular legs flexed as he walked through the doorway. His voice echoed through the bathroom, pulling John back to reality.

"You know, it's not polite to stare, Cena."

"It's your own fault. You just look too damn good," John retorted. Randy's face peeked around the doorway. "I know I do. To think, you could've spent a day in bed with this." He looked down at his body and back at John, shaking his head.

John quickly stood. "Well, I could still change my mind…"

Randy shook his head again. "No. Now I'm awake and wanna go out." He started to close the bathroom door only to have it connect with John's hand. The older man held it open and walked inside, standing in front of his younger lover. He kissed him fervently, kissing from Randy's neck down his chest and flat, muscular stomach to his hips, sucking on the bone there. Randy felt himself becoming aroused and pulled John up, away from his arousal. "If we're really going out you shouldn't do that, baby."

"Sorry. I just can't keep my hands...or lips off you," John apologized breathlessly, kissing Randy quickly on the lips.

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know the feeling. Let me clean up and then you can. Can't wait to see what you have planned."

John smiled and nodded, walking out of the room and back to his open guide. He couldn't wait to see what he planned either.

* * *

Randy rolled his eyes and smiled at John. "You didn't have shit planned for today."

John laughed and shrugged, walking further down the boardwalk. "Yes, I did. I just planned it after I told you I did." He held out his arms. "Look at this place, Ran! It's beautiful."

Randy frowned and looked around Waterfront Park. It was a beautiful park; that he had to admit. It was just a park, though. Children ran by with their parents following, nannies with strollers walked in groups, joggers ran the path, some with dogs and small boats filled the water.

"It's a park, John. Yes, it's nice but…"

John walked back to him and took his hand, pulling him up to the grassy picnic area. "I packed us a blanket and Mrs. Jones packed us a lunch…"

Randy sighed and followed John up a small hill to a semi-secluded part of the park. He watched as John spread the blanket and lowered the large backpack he carried. "Sit, babe. Let's eat. I'm starving since we missed breakfast because of someone's inability to wake up."

Randy ignored John's comment and lowered his body to the blanket, watching as his fiancé arranged the food between them. He smiled at how meticulous John was and shook his head.

"Johnny, it's perfect. We're just gonna eat it. There's no need to make it so pretty," he said sarcastically.

John smiled and handed Randy an end of a sandwich and pulled his body back to lie on the base of a tree. He watched as the people ran by, enjoying the beginning of the warm weather. "It's really beautiful in this city."

Randy sighed and nodded, looking out towards the water. "It is." He looked towards John's peaceful expression and smiled. "I'm glad you woke me up. We don't get many days to just spend sitting in a park. It was a good idea."

John looked over at him, eyebrow raised. "Wow, praise from Randy Orton. I think I just died and went to Heaven."

Randy laughed softly and nodded. "Don't get used to it." He turned his eyes back towards the water and sighed. "I wish Al was here. I wish we were all home together."

John nodded. "Be careful what you wish for, baby. Next week we will all be home together and you're the first one to go running for cover."

Randy laughed as he finished his food. "The Cena's and the Orton's all in one house can get a little…much, for lack of a better word. Sometimes I just need silence."

John nodded, aware of how loud their house could get with both sets of parents, all 7 siblings and their respective spouses and children and of course, their own child, running around. Despite the chaos the visit would bring, he wouldn't trade it for the world and he knew Randy wouldn't, either. After the rocky beginning their parents had understanding their new relationship, it was now a joy to see the families so united and accepting. They had been thrilled to hear of their engagement and their visit, John suspected, was to get them moving on that front.

"You know, our parents want details on the wedding. That's why they're really coming over,"

Randy frowned and looked towards him. "You think?"

John laughed and passed Randy a can of soda. "I know, baby. The only reason they held off pushing us for this long was to make sure my leg was OK."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Now that I think about it, I think you're right." He shrugged and took a long sip of his soda, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "So, let's start planning, then."

John smiled slowly and turned his eyes away, his fingers pulling up pieces of grass from the edge of the blanket. Randy frowned and moved up on the blanket, sitting as close to John as he could. "Or we don't have to…"

John turned, meeting his concerned eyes and smiled. "No, I want to. I just fear what our parents want."

Randy laughed and shrugged. "John, it's our wedding. We can listen to their suggestions but we don't have to follow them. Don't worry; I can put a stop to them if they get too crazy."

John nodded, his eyes drifting downwards again. "It's not just them. I fear what you want, too."

Randy frowned and he took John's face in his hands, lifting it up gently. "OK, now you lost me. What are you talking about, John?"

John sighed and removed Randy's hands from his face. "Ran, we haven't talked about it but I've been wondering what type of wedding you want to have. I don't want a big wedding. I had a big wedding and the marriage was a fucking disaster. I don't want that again. I feel like that first wedding was more of a party for everyone else. It wasn't the special event it should be. When I think back on it, half the people that were there shouldn't have been there to begin with. I want this one to be small but I don't know what you want."

Randy smiled and took one of John's hand in his, squeezing tightly. "I want what you want, John."

John quickly shook his head. "No, don't say that just to make me happy. Be honest with me."

Randy laughed and shrugged. "I am being honest with you! The last thing I want is that circus like when I got married to Sam. If it were up to me, we would get married in a closet just so it could be about you and me."

John's face remained expressionless. "You would really be OK with that; getting married without your family there?"

Randy shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Well, last time I checked, only you and I were getting married so only you and I really have to be there…"

John shook his head and laughed. "Ran, I'm serious,"

Randy nodded. "John, you were the one who wanted us to get married and say our vows in front of everyone we love. Why did that change?"

John shook his head. "It didn't change…well, maybe a little. We could still have a huge reception but there's something about our actual wedding that I want to keep private. Our relationship has been so public, despite our trying to not let it be," He stopped to roll his eyes and Randy nodded, aware of how the entire wrestling community had an opinion of them.

"The whole world knows we're in love and we've never hidden it. That includes from our families. For some reason, though, I want our wedding to be private from all eyes. I want our vows to be only for you and me to hear." John smiled and shrugged. "Is that weird? I think I'm catching that bipolar shit you have."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "It's not weird. It's definitely proven who the "bride" is in this relationship, though,"

John frowned and pushed a laughing Randy away angrily. "Says the one who takes my dick every night."

Randy continued to laugh at John's indignation and pulled him in for a hug. "Come on, babe. I'm just teasing you. There's no need for the potty mouth."

John rolled his eyes but remained in Randy's embrace as the younger man placed a kiss on the side of his head. "John, the idea of just us in a room with the person that's gonna marry us sounds perfect. I don't need a big crowd; I never have! My wedding with Sam was more for her than me. I would've been happy just eloping to Vegas."

John smiled. "We can't do that. I don't think gay marriage is legal in Vegas yet."

Randy rolled his eyes. "But you can rent a whore there."

John laughed at Randy's sarcasm and let his head drop on the younger man's shoulder. "You know our families will kill us if we do this."

Randy nodded. "I know. I fear your mom more than mine, though, so as long as you tell her, I'm good."

John smiled and nodded. "Will do." He gave Randy a quick kiss and stood, cleaning up the leftovers and packaging the garbage. He walked down to the large garbage can and disposed of their trash and returned to the blanket.

Randy looked up at him, his lips in a pout. "Do we have to leave now? I don't want to leave yet."

John looked down at his watch and sighed. They only had about an hour before they had to get back to the inn and pack up their gear for the early house show. They really should be heading back but John could never resist that look on Randy's face. "We can sit for a few more minutes."

Randy smiled patted the blanket beside him. John walked back over and sat behind Randy, straddling him. Randy leaned back, feeling the warmth from John's chest seep into his back.

"Thanks for getting me out of bed, babe. This was nice." Randy whispered.

"It's always nice when I get to be with you, baby" John said, kissing Randy's hair.

Randy smiled and held onto John's hand tightly. He closed his eyes as his head lay on John's chest, enjoying the moment of privacy and silence. "I love you, Johnny,"

"I love you, too, Ran," John said back, gently holding his lover close to him. Randy shifted his body up so his neck lay in the crook of where John's neck met his shoulder. He turned his head and placed a kiss on the skin there, smiling when John turned his face and joined their lips. He quickly pulled away, his eyes scanning the area nervously. "Ran, we're in public."

Randy turned to look and shrugged. "So; there's no one around us. Besides, all I'm doing is kissing you. Weren't you the one who said this was a gay friendly state?"

John smiled and nodded slowly. "That doesn't mean we can turn a park into our personal playground, Randy."

Randy pressed his lips to John's and whispered, "Just one more, babe."

John sighed into the deep kiss, the sigh turning into a groan as Randy moved his lips to his neck, causing the older man to shift uncomfortably beneath him as his arousal grew. Randy licked and sucked the skin of John's neck up to his ears before returning to John's lips, kissing them gently as his hand brushed across the older man's groin. John's breathing hitched as Randy's hand slid down his thigh before coming back up to his middle. His lover's knowledgeable fingers found John's cock and slid along his length, stroking and squeezing him through his jeans.

"Babe, don't. Not here," John grabbed Randy's hand and held onto it tightly as the younger man smirked. "Then can we go now? I suddenly want to be back at the inn."

John smiled and stood, pulling Randy up with him. They quickly folded the blanket and stuffed it into the backpack John had bought along. They linked hands and walked back along the river, hands entwined the entire way as seductive glances were discretely shared.

Upon entering the inn, they were stopped by Mrs. Jones. "Hello, dears! Did you enjoy your lunch?"

John quickly nodded, hiding his annoyance and being stopped from going upstairs with a smile. "Yes, we did. It was wonderful; thank you."

Mrs. Jones beamed, her smile widening. "And wasn't Waterfront Park a wonderful spot for a picnic? It's just beautiful, isn't it?"

John once again nodded, trying to move around the elderly woman. "Yeah, it's great. Look, can I just get around you…"

Randy let go of John's hand and took a step forward, wrapping an arm around Mrs. Jones shoulders and moving her away from the stairwell. "Mrs. Jones, I have to tell you, you have made our stay here absolutely wonderful. I was a little concerned when I found out I would be staying here. I had never been in a bed and breakfast and I didn't know how I would like it but you have made me a fan. I look forward to returning the next time we're here and letting everyone know how warm you've made this place."

Mrs. Jones blushed at Randy's compliment, the man smiling down at her as John paced anxiously in front of them.

"Why thank you, dear. If all my guests are going to be as wonderful as you, I can't wait to have a full house."

Randy laughed and pulled away from her slowly. "Well, you gave us a wonderful start to the long day we have ahead of us. We look forward to returning tonight, though." He looked at John's frowning face and smiled. "Honey, maybe we should go get our bags ready for work?"

John nodded, his face reluctantly breaking into a smile at Randy's good behavior. "That's a good idea. We have to leave in an hour."

Mrs. Jones quickly stepped aside and smiled. "I'll make sure to leave some dinner for you, no matter what time you get back, OK."

Randy nodded. "You are the best. Thank you." He extended his hand to John and pulled him up the stairs, a smirk on his face. "You OK, there, babe? You looked like you were gonna dropkick the old lady."

John smiled and looked towards him, lust in his eyes. "She wouldn't move and was interfering with my getting you in bed. I don't respond well to that."

Randy smiled, slowly unlocking the door to their room. "Who was it that told me you catch more bees with honey…"

John shook his head, pushing Randy further into the room. "The man who knows we have no time for your games or we're gonna be late. You know how much I hate being late so get in bed, Orton."

Randy laughed and crossed the room slowly. "Love it when you get all demanding, Johnny." He lowered his body on the bed and stretched out, his lips curved in a smirk. Randy's lips softened in a smile as John sat down next to him and placed a hand on his cheek. His hand drifted past Randy's ear and his fingers brushed lightly through his short hair, making Randy tremble. John moved closer, leaning his head towards Randy. He stopped for just a second, feeling Randy's warm breath against his face, before softly pressing his lips against his.

Randy moaned as John's arms encircled his waist and he kissed him harder. Randy pressed up against him throwing his arms around his neck and parting his lips, allowing their tongues to caress. John lifted his body on top of his lover's and Randy shuddered with pleasure as he felt John's weight and arousal against his body. John stopped the kiss and gazed into Randy's eyes, breathing hard.

"I thought we didn't have time for all that," Randy whispered.

"So, we're a little late." John smiled and leaned his forehead on Randy's. "I'll always make time to show you how much I love you."

Randy's swollen lips curved into a smile. "I love you, too."

John crushed their mouths together to a moan from Randy that made John's cock harden even more. He slipped his hands under Randy's shirt and pulled it off, throwing it onto the floor. All their other clothes quickly followed until they both were completely naked. Randy's head was spinning with pleasure and his breath was coming out in pants. John was on top of him, sucking and licking at the nape of his neck, his fingers teasing his nipples, his cock grinding into his own.

"Johnny, please." Randy could hear John's hard breathing in his ear as he nibbled his earlobe. "Tell me what you want, baby."

"You... I want you inside me now!"

John raised his head a little, looking into Randy's lidded eyes. He kissed him deeply and sat up. "Just a sec, baby."

He walked across the room over to his their closet, quickly pulling a bottle of lube from their luggage. He went back to the bed and settled between Randy's spread legs. Randy's hand fastened in his hair and pulled him down for a kiss. Their tongues twisted and danced together until John removed his lips from Randy's, kissing his way down the soft skin of his throat, down past the collarbone until he reached a dark pink nipple, which he flicked with his tongue.

Randy's fingers were in his hair, and he groaned loudly. "John, enough."

John ignored Randy and continued his actions, moving lower. He briefly caressed the area around the belly button until he moved on and finally reached his goal. John wrapped his lips around Randy's cock and gave it a kiss, licking the pre cum that was oozing out.

As Randy lay panting, John squeezed some lube onto his fingers. He nuzzled against the inside of the thigh, and brought his fingertip to the hole rubbing some of the lube onto the rim. Keeping his hand at Randy's entrance John moved up and began kissing him.

"Let me know when you're ready, baby," he whispered between kisses.

Randy nodded, and John pushed his finger in. Randy moaned, but the sound was not one of pain, so after just a few seconds John inserted a second finger. He moved his fingers, twisting and scissoring, and as he found the button inside Randy, he cried out.

"Enough! I'm ready. I need you now, John!" Randy's voice was growing hoarse from panting and moaning.

John smiled into his lips and hurriedly, he lubed his shaft. He positioned himself and entered Randy slowly until he was all the way in. "Oh, God, you feel so good, baby." he groaned.

As he started to move, Randy wrapped his legs around his waist. John tried to restrain himself and go slowly, but he was losing the battle and his movements became harder and faster. He could feel Randy pushing up his hips to meet his thrusts, could feel his fingers digging into his shoulder blades, could hear him crying out, over and over again, and as he dipped his head and bit Randy lightly on the neck, Randy came with a scream. Feeling the hard contractions around his cock, John felt himself trip over the edge.

"Oh God, Randy, I'm coming!" With a groan he emptied himself into his lover's shaking body, collapsing onto the younger man.

When he was finally able to move, John carefully pulled out of his lover's body. He grabbed one of the discarded t-shirts and cleaned both men off before sliding back into bed and wrapping his arms around Randy. Randy sighed contentedly and turned into the hug. "I love you, John. I love you so fucking much."

He felt one of John's hands caressing the back of his neck. "I love you, Randy."

Randy closed his eyes as his breathing slowly returned to normal. "Do we really have to go?"

John nodded against his head. "Unfortunately, but we can lay here for a few more minutes."

Randy smiled and kept his eyes closed, enjoying yet another moment of happiness.

* * *

Two nights later, John pulled his exhausted body up from his locker room bench and slowly slid into a pair of jeans and t-shirt. The final night in Vermont had been the most exhausting as it had been the weekly taping of Monday Night Raw. The crowd had been loud and it motivated John to give his all, as usual. He wrestled in 2 matches; one for television and one for the crowd in the arena and his body was wrecked. He was actually looking forward to getting back to the inn. The place had become like an actual home and Mrs. Jones had become a temporary mom to him and Randy, even going so far as to wait up for them with dinner.

The locker room door banged open as John was stuffing clothes in his backpack and an annoyed Ted Dibiase stood in the doorway. "Are you ready? I have been commanded to drive you to the inn."

John frowned as he zipped up the bad. "Where's Randy? He said he was gonna check on the bus and be back."

Ted shrugged. "I don't know, dude. He just called me and told me to give you a ride because he was taking longer than expected and didn't want you to wait. God forbid John had to wait around but he doesn't seem to care if I can't get back to my hotel room and call my boyfriend!"

John smiled at Ted's rant and swung his gym bag over his shoulder. "Ted, I can find another ride. Go back to your room; I'll be fine."

Ted quickly shook his head. "No way! Randy would kill me. Come on, let's just go."

He walked out of the room and down the hallway, John practically running after him in effort to keep up. They quickly got in Ted's rental and were on the road minutes later. John pulled his cell phone out and tried Randy but the call was sent to voicemail. He frowned and looked at Ted.

"Did he tell you what was taking so long? Is something else wrong with the bus?"

Ted shrugged and glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Nope, all he said was 'I'm running late. Drive John back for me' and hung up. You know Randy is a man of few words…mostly mean words."

John smiled and shook his head. "He's not answering my call."

"Maybe the bus finally kicked the bucket and he's having a moment of silence with it." Ted smiled and shook his head. "That bus is on death's door anyway. How many times has it broken down?"

John laughed as the memories of him, Randy and their driver had gotten stranded in the middle of a highway because of a problem with the bus. Despite the issues, Randy loved that damn bus. John knew he would be devastated if it was damaged beyond repair.

"Randy will kill me if I ruined that bus."

Ted nodded in agreement and pulled up to the inn. "Here's hoping he won't. You're here. I love you but please get out so I can go."

"Thanks for the ride, Ted. You're great company, as usual." John rolled his eyes sarcastically at his young friend and exited the car. Ted waved and drove off in the direction of his hotel as John walked up the path to the inn door. He tried Randy's cell phone again and once again, got no answer. John sighed, a mixture of annoyance and worry and walked up the quiet inn's stairs to his room. As he turned the corner from the landing he saw a figure sitting in front of his door. He frowned as the figure turned and his eyes widened in recognition.

"Randy! What the hell are you doing sitting out here? Did you lock yourself out?"

Randy smiled nervously and shook his head. "No, that would be dumb considering the owner lives downstairs and could just let me in."

John nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Then, you're sitting here because…"

Randy sighed and stood up. "I had an idea but now I'm nervous because I don't know how you're gonna react to this idea."

"Well, most of your ideas do make me nervous," John smiled, but it was quickly erased when he saw Randy's face stay the same. He dropped his gym bag and took Randy's hands in his. "Baby, what is it? You know I'll do anything you want."

Randy looked into his eyes and attempted a smile. "Then marry me."

John laughed. "I'm already doing that."

Randy shook his head, his lips trembling nervously as he tried to hold the smile. "I mean right now,"

John frowned and watched as Randy opened the door to their room. A small table had been set up in the middle of the room with 2 candles and two small boxes in front. The room was dim with smaller candles and flowers placed randomly around, the smell sweet as it reached John. A woman stood beside the table, a small book in her hands.

"What's going on, Randy?" John's eyes were wide as he turned to look at Randy.

Randy pointed at the woman. "That's Laura. She's a justice of the peace and she can marry us. She has a license for us and all we have to do is sign it and then she would sign it and it would be legal and…" He stopped talking and shook his head. "I'm rambling. It was just an idea. We don't have to, John, if you don't want to or if it's too soon or if you decided you do want a big wedding with lots of people."

John looked around the room, surprised at how it had been transformed to look. He met Randy's eyes. "Did you do all of this?"

"The decorating? Not all of it. Mrs. Jones helped with that after I set some flowers on fire. Then I went to get the rings. I had them Fed-Ex'd from St. Louis yesterday. I also had to find someone who looked like a good person to marry us and I really like Laura. I told Vince I felt sick so I could get back here and not work the dark match. I knew you would stay and it gave me time to get everything ready and I knew Teddy would drive you here…" Randy shrugged and laughed. "You not talking is making me really nervous here, John."

John smiled and shook his head, amused his usually calm and always in control fiancé was rattled about something. "You don't have any reason to be. I think this is a great idea. I wanna get married; right now."

Randy smiled and let out a huge sigh of relief. He took John's hand and moved them over to the table where Laura extended her hand. "Hi, John. I'm Laura Mahoney. Randy told me a lot about you. You two seem very happy together and it will be my pleasure to marry you tonight if you're ready."

John smiled and nodded as he looked over at Randy. "We are very happy together and we are ready." He turned his attention to Laura and frowned. "Have you ever done a wedding like this? A gay wedding, I mean."

Laura smiled and nodded. "I've done many. You don't have to worry. We can keep this as traditional or modern as you like."

John nodded and looked down at his clothes. He smiled as he looked up at Randy, who was dressed similarly to him. "We're getting married in jeans?"

Randy laughed and shrugged. "I don't really care but we can change if you want,"

John quickly shook his head. "No way. Our wedding pictures are gonna be awesome." His eyes shifted to Laura, who watched them with a small smile. "I bet you've never seen this."

Laura laughed. "I've seen it all, dear. I've married a couple in the hospital room as the woman was giving birth! Compared to that, you getting married in jeans is nothing!"

John laughed, pleased with her sense of humor and that she was the one Randy had chosen to marry them.

Laura opened her prayer book and took her spot behind the table. "I'm ready whenever you are."

John stretched his hand out to Randy and the men stood in front of the table, facing each other.

Laura smiled and looked down at her book. "We're here today to join two lives, two hearts, and two souls. Love is not to be taken lightly, but to be savored and cherished. Life is ripe with uncertainty, but the love of a good partner is an anchor to us during times of chaos and doubt. John and Randal, you stand together in love, as a couple who has overcome trials and tribulations and have freely chosen to unite for life."

Laura laid her book down and looked at both men. "Would you like to recite your own vows?"

Randy quickly nodded. "I would."

He took a deep breath and John smiled, their eyes locked together. "John, you have brought so much love and happiness to my life. Before we fell in love, I was so lost. I didn't know who I was. So many things had happened that made me feel angry, sad and like the biggest failure. You were the light that made everything right and showed me who I truly was. I didn't know what love was until I realized what I felt for you. It compared to nothing else. You made me stronger, more confident and made realize I was already complete as a person. I wasn't the empty shell I thought I was. With you beside me, though, I felt even more complete. You filled the piece of my heart that was empty and I didn't even know it. I know that I can face anything as long as you stand beside me and I promise to be yours not just today, but tomorrow and forever. I love you with all of my heart, John."

John let go of the breath he didn't even realize he was holding as Randy spoke. He could see the tears well up in Randy's eyes as Laura handed him the ring the men had designed together. He smiled as Randy slid the simple platinum band on his ring finger, the image quickly blurring as his own eyes filled with tears.

"John, would you like to say something?"

John lifted his eyes at Laura's question and cleared his throat, before nodding. "Randy, you have shown me so many things throughout my life. You showed me what it meant to be an amazing friend and father. You showed me just how powerful and amazing love can be; how it can cure pain and overcome any obstacle. Your strength and bravery moves me and inspires me. There were a few times in my life when I thought that I had lost you. Those moments showed me what pain was. I know in my heart that I cannot live my life without you in my arms. I know in my heart that you are who I was meant to spend my life with. All I want in this world is to make you as proud of me as I am of you. I want us to grow old together and build an amazing legacy to leave behind. Every breath that I take and every beat of my heart is for you and you alone. I love you with all of my heart, Randy."

He held out his hand and took the ring Laura handed him, the one that matched his perfectly and slid it on Randy's finger.

Laura opened her book and looked at the couple. "Though I am fairly certain of the answers, I must now ask,"

She turned to John and smiled. "John, will you have Randal to be your wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and keep him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, keeping yourself only for him as long as you both shall live?"

John smiled, squeezing Randy's hands in his. "Yes, I will."

Laura turned to Randy and smiled. "Randal, will you have John to be your wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and keep him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, keeping yourself only for him as long as you both shall live?"

Randy nodded, "Yes, I will."

Laura closed her prayer book and addressed the couple. "Then it is with great pleasure that I declare you, John and Randal, joined in matrimony. May all of the good Lord's blessings be upon you as you share your lives together. You may now kiss."

John pulled Randy forward, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck and joining their lips in a fierce kiss. Laura smiled and clapped her hands at the happy couple before clearing her throat.

"One more piece of legality and I'll be on my way. I'll need both your John Hancock's on your marriage license here and tomorrow a copy will be filed with the Vermont DOH. If you ever lose your license, you can contact them for a copy."

Randy and John quickly signed and Laura bent to do the same. John took the paper and wiggled it in Randy's direction. "I will be in charge of this paper, got it? You are not to touch it without telling me. You will lose it."

Randy rolled his eyes and looked over at Laura. "Can you believe I married him? He has no trust in me."

Laura smiled and quickly gave them both hugs. "I think you two have an excellent future ahead of you. Again, it was an honor to be your officiant."

Randy walked her to the door and waved as she disappeared down the stairs. He let the door close behind him and turned to face John, a smile on his face. "My God, can you believe we did this? We just got fucking married, John!"

John laughed and shook his head. "I think I'm still in shock, too."

Randy cocked his head to the side. "Are you happy?"

John walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I'm fucking ecstatic. I have my husband in my arms."

Randy smiled and kissed him deeply, John's seeking tongue demanding entrance. With a contented sigh Randy opened for him and whimpered as John's tongue moved fluidly over his own, teasing and exploring. Randy returned the kiss with equal passion, pulling away when the need for air became too much. He smirked as his eyes locked with John's. "My hubby is the best fucking kisser,"

John returned the smirk and nodded, moving his hand down to smack Randy's butt. "And don't you forget it,"

Randy smiled, closing his eyes as he remained in John's embrace. A sudden thought made him pull away from the older man. "Dude, Mama Car is gonna kill you for this!"

John frowned. "She'll be a little upset, I guess but she'll get over it. You'll be there when I tell her and she can't stay mad at both of us for too long."

Randy quickly shook his head and moved away from John. "No way, Cena. You can tell her by your damn self. I told you, your mother scares me. I'll be in the next room while you tell her."

John's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me? Not OK! We just took vows to stand beside each other during the tough times, oh dear husband. You have no choice in this matter but to stand right there and take what she dishes out right along with me."

Randy sighed, his forehead creased in a frown. "Your mom is a hitter and a screamer, John."

"She's yours now, too, baby. You knew what you were getting into," John smiled. "Besides, this was all your idea, anyway, so if Mom is gonna kill anyone, it's gonna be you."

The older man smirked as Randy's eyes widened. "But you're not gonna tell her that, John."

John shrugged and walked over to the bed. "Haven't decided yet. Looks like you have a long night of convincing me not to."

Randy sighed and rolled his eyes as he slowly approached the bed and stood in front of his husband. "Why did I wanna marry you again?"

John slid his hands up Randy's thighs to his waist. "Because I'm the best kisser…"

Randy laughed and bent down to let his lips brush over John's. "Right…"

John smiled and pulled him down, ready to begin their first night as husbands.


	31. Chapter 30

Randy looked over at John, who snored softly in his seat. He rolled his eyes and turned over in his seat, irritated that while he sat nervously on the plane, John slept peacefully beside him. He sighed and looked down at his hand, devoid of its wedding band. No one had gotten wind of their secret wedding the night before and they wanted to keep it that way until their families knew. It was only a matter of time before the news would break and both men were mentally preparing for the world's reactions.

Randy turned back towards John as the "Fasten Seatbelts" sign flashed. He peered out the window and saw St. Louis approaching. A smile came across his face at the thought of being in his home, even if it was only for a few days. Randy loved his city and the home he and John had built together. It was no secret it was his favorite, the Tampa home being John's favorite. Both men understood the others desire to spend as much time as possible in their favorite home so they equally split their time between the two. As much as Randy loved his home, though, a sickening feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach this time. His eyes darted back to his sleeping husband and he finally snapped.

"John, wake up!" Randy poked John in his side and the older man groaned but remained turned away. Randy sighed and shook John by his arm. "John, really. Wake up, babe."

John groaned once more and finally turned over. "What?"

"Look outside. We're almost down." Randy smiled happily as John rolled his eyes. "Ran, we have one rule while flying. Don't wake John up until we actually are on the ground!"

Randy's smile dropped and he sighed. "Sorry. Fine; go back to sleep and let me sit here in my misery."

John smiled slowly as he rubbed his eyes. He grabbed the water bottle in front of his seat and took a long drink, his throat dry from the hours of sleep. After a few more swallows, he turned his seat to face Randy's. "Why are you in misery?"

"Because, I know our parents are gonna be pissed when we tell them. I hate when my parents are angry at me and I don't want to start our marriage off by having your parents mad at me, too. I love them. I want the start of us to be calm and peaceful." Randy shrugged and lowered his eyes.

John smiled and reached for Randy's hand. "Last time I checked the start of us was over a year ago. Why are you so worried? We're adults; our parents can't tell us what to do. We wanted to get married so we did. They'll have no choice but to accept it."

Randy nodded. "I know but I don't want the drama. You know they're gonna lecture us and scream at us and some hands might swing our way..."

John smiled and squeezed Randy's hand. "What are you not telling me, Randy? What are you really worried they're gonna say?"

Randy sighed and looked down at his hands. John was right; there was something that had been bothering him most of the night. It didn't surprise him John would notice it. The man noticed everything, especially when it came to Randy. The younger man had become see-thru when it came to his lover.

"Ran, just tell me. We don't lie to each other and I don't want us to start now."

Randy looked up and met John's eyes. "What if they think we made a mistake? What if they think we moved too fast?"

John frowned. "Why would they think that? We've been dating for over a year and when we got engaged they didn't seem too shocked. They knew we were headed in that direction."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, they did and they were happy, but I don't think they expected us to get married a month after we got engaged. I know you think they wanted us to get married sooner but I think they probably wanted us to wait longer."

"Did your parents say something to you? Is that why you're worried?" John slowly let go of Randy's hand.

Randy quickly pulled it back and shook his head. "No, John! Neither of them said anything. It's just me, stressing out, as usual. I don't want our parents to be mad at us. Our first week of marriage shouldn't be full of anger and disappointment."

John smiled. "I doubt very much that anything bad is going to happen besides the initial shock. Our parents love us and whether we got married a month later or a year later, they would still love us. I really think everything will be OK. Please don't worry, baby."

Randy sighed and nodded slowly. "I'll try but I can't promise anything. I just want this to be over. I wanna get there and tell them and just have it be done."

"Well, by this time tomorrow it will all be done. Then, we can relax and worry about telling our friends." John raised an eyebrow, a small smile on his face. "You know Cody is gonna kill you for this, right?"

Randy groaned and closed his eyes. "God, I don't wanna think of Cody's reaction. I don't wanna think about any of our friend's reactions."

"Look, we'll have a big reception with all our family and friends and that should smooth over any hurt feelings. You can give a nice toast about why you chose to marry me." John smiled widely as Randy frowned. "I don't think so. I refuse to talk in front of a huge group of people."

John laughed. "Yet you wrestle half naked in front of thousands of people every week! How is speaking harder than that?"

Randy shrugged. "It just is. Change the subject."

John shook his head and closed his eyes as the plane touched down in St. Louis. He let out the breath he was holding and looked out the window, happy to be safely on ground. With a smile he turned to look at Randy.

"Fine, you don't have to speak. I'll give a wonderful speech about why I chose you to spend the rest of my life with you and when everyone looks at you for a reaction, you can just sit there like a lump. Everyone will look at me and think, 'Poor John. Married to a man who shows no human emotion',"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Fine, John. I'll say something. It's not gonna be right now, though, so change the fucking subject!"

John laughed and stood when given the OK. "You're right. Let's not worry about your speech right now. Right now, you have to worry about a very angry mother in law that goes by the name of Carol. You'll be seeing her in...oh, about 3 hours. Prepare yourself for that."

Randy glared at John and quickly walked out of the plane. John laughed and quickly followed after, letting the younger man sulk for a few minutes. They walked out into the crowded airport, sunglasses on and baseball caps pulled low on their heads, making it to the parking lot and their car without being spotted. Once in the car, John comfortably behind the driver's seat, Randy finally spoke.

"So, where to, husband? Pick up Al first or pick up the boys first?"

John sighed and drove out of the crowded airport parking lot. "Sam has to know about us, too, Ran. How about we invite her over for dinner tonight? Everyone else is already gonna be there so she can find out with the rest of the family."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? You never seem enthusiastic about inviting Sam to family functions..."

John smiled and shook his head. "I have no problem with Sam, you know that. I really like her. She's Alanna's mom and for that alone, I probably love her. I always just envied her for giving you what I wanted to give you. It was uncomfortable to be around you guys when you shared something that you and I didn't. I got over it, though."

"Probably around the same time we signed that marriage license, huh?" Randy smirked as he stared at John intently, the older man laughing loudly.

Randy reached for John's hand on the steering wheel and pulled it towards him. "You have no reason to ever feel insecure about us. What we have is nothing compared to what I had with anyone else in my past. You and me, John; we're perfect together and it's you I want to spend the rest of my life with. We will share more than I ever did with Sam."

John glanced over at him from the corner of his eye. "Promise?"

Randy laughed softly. "I swear. Weren't you the one who wanted to start a family with me? Well, we can do that. We can have a child just like Sam and I had a child." He frowned and shook his head. "Well, not exactly the same way..."

John laughed and shook his head. "We can adopt one day. I love Al so much and that has shown me so much. Blood doesn't make you a family; love does. I love being a father and I want to do it again."

Randy nodded. "Me, too. We will, I promise." He pressed a kiss to John's hand before releasing it.

John drove on towards the Orton home as Randy got on the phone with Sam and invited her over to their home for dinner. She eagerly agreed and promised Alanna and she would be there. Within minutes the car pulled up to the Orton house and both men smiled when their dogs ran over to the car, barking away. John was the first out of the car to greet the jumping animals. Randy soon followed and smiled at the front door as it opened. His mother's smiling face greeted him and he quickly walked over to her after a quick pat to the dogs' heads.

"Hey, Mom! I missed you. Thanks for taking care of the boys."

Elaine smiled and wrapped her son in a tight hug. "Of course, my darling. I'm so glad you're home. I'm looking forward to this week. Not only do I have my son back but I have my Johnny back!"

Randy stepped aside with a smile as John hugged his mother, easily lifting her off the ground. "Mom, where's Dad?"

Elaine led them into the house, closing the door behind them. "He went to pick up Carol and Big John. They should be home soon."

John's eyes widened and he glanced at the watch on his wrist. "They're getting in so early? I didn't think it was until way later."

Elaine shook her head and walked into the kitchen, where she had trays of food stacked. "Nope, they took an earlier flight. Can you blame them for wanting to spend all the time they can with you boys?"

John and Randy glanced at each other quickly but it was easily spotted by Elaine's eyes. "What was that look? What's going on?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Nothing. Just surprised at the early arrival. Its good news, though. John and I want to talk to you guys."

Elaine frowned. "About what? Is everything OK?" Her eyes widened. "Oh God, please don't tell me you've decided to break up. Nothing is so bad you can't work it out, boys."

"Mom, no! God, you're always so pessimistic when I tell you I have to talk to you!" Randy rolled his eyes as John laughed. "Laney, we're not breaking up. We're very happy. There's no need to worry." He hugged Elaine tightly and kissed her forehead.

Elaine smiled and let out a loud sigh. "Good. Randy tends to worry me." She turned to look at her son, who wore a heavy scowl. "Darling, I look forward to your news."

Randy nodded and motioned towards the trays. "Great. You'll hear it later. Am I taking these now?"

Elaine nodded and handed him an armload. "That's a good idea. Take these home and your Daddy and I will be over with John's parents later on. Go get settled in."

Randy and John nodded and took everything Elaine handed them. They quickly left the house and loaded the food and the dogs into the car. Randy slid in the driver's seat and peeled out of the driveway as John smiled. "Well, we have a lot less time than expected to prepare for this announcement. Are you gonna be OK?"

Randy took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I think so. How are we gonna do this? Are we gonna wait till we're eating or after dinner or are we gonna tell them as they walk in the front door..."

John held up a hand. "Let's just play it by ear. We'll be able to tell when the time is right. Don't worry, baby. By this time tomorrow our families will know and I'll be able to put that ring back on your finger."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I can't wait. My finger already feels weird without it."

* * *

Hours later, the Cena-Orton house was abuzz with activity. Both sets of parents, Sam and Alanna, Nathan Orton and Dan and Matt Cena stood in groups talking. Randy looked on nervously from a corner in the kitchen and jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He swerved to meet John's eyes.

"You OK, babe?"

Randy nodded, handing John his phone. "Becky isn't coming. The baby is sick." He frowned in disappointment at not having his sister and her family there on this night.

John nodded sympathetically. "Poor thing. We'll miss her. I miss Sean and Steve."

Randy smiled at the mention of John's missing brothers and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Are we still gonna do this tonight?"

John nodded. "We don't have a choice, babe. This won't stay quiet for long. It'll be all over the web and all those damn wrestling sites before we know it."

Randy sighed and nodded. "I need to get Al out of here. I don't want her to hear the reaction."

"Really? I was kinda thinking we keep her between us and Mom as a buffer. She won't take a swing at us if we have the kid." John raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

Randy laughed and shook his head. "God, I don't know how to do this, John."

An arm clamped itself on his shoulder. "Don't know how to do what?"

Randy spun around and met his brother's laughing eyes. "Nate, get the hell away from me. I'm talking to John."

Nathan smiled and wrapped the arm tighter around Randy's shoulder. "I see. It looks really interesting, too. Come on, I won't tell."

Randy glared at his brother, the look only causing his smile to widen. "Nate, I'm not gonna ask you again..."

John took Nathan's arm and pulled him away. "Nate, do me a favor and get Dan and Matt over here. Randy and I wanna tell you 3 something."

Randy frowned. "What are you doing, John?"

"Trust me, babe," John winked at Randy and gave Nathan a shove. "Telling the boys first is just the buffer we need."

Randy sighed. "If you say so," He turned to watch as Nathan walked back over to him flanked by John's brothers.

"What's going on, guys?" Dan crossed his arms over his chest and looked back and forth between Randy and John.

"OK, so we wanted to break the news to you guys first because we don't want a huge reaction and that's exactly what's gonna happen if we announce it to everyone in a group and we don't want Al to get scared and..." John began and was quickly cut off by Matt.

"Oh my God, John, what the hell is it? Just say it." His younger brother shook his head in frustration as John sighed.

Randy placed a hand on John's shoulder and took a step forward. "All right, guys. You know how John and I were engaged? Well, we're not anymore."

Three simultaneous gasps were his response. The brothers looked at each other, unsure of how to react. Nathan was the first to break from his shock. "What are you talking about? What the hell happened? Everything was OK..."

Dan took a step forward. "Yeah, look, you can fix whatever happened..."

Randy laughed and held up his hand. "No, we didn't break up, guys. We got married!"

Matt gasped and looked at John. "What? Is he serious?"

John nodded and took Randy's hand in his own. "Yeah, last night. We were in Vermont and its legal there, so we just did it."

"Oh my God! That's awesome, Ran!" Nathan's voice quickly rose from shock and excitement and Randy shot him a glare.

"Keep it down, Nate. Look, we haven't told Mom and Dad yet so keep it quiet. I need you guys to get Al outta here so we can tell them. We're gonna tell Al later when everyone is gone."

Nathan nodded. "OK, I'll bring her out to the yard." He smiled and hugged Randy tightly. "Dude, I'm so happy for you."

"Get off me! Everyone's gonna wonder why we're hugging," Randy gently pushed Nathan off him only to have the hug tighten. He felt himself start to smile and finally gave in, hugging his brother tightly. As annoying as the younger man was, there was no person he would ever trade him for. Their loyalty and love for each other was unwavering.

John smiled and felt his brother's clap him on the back. Dan was the first to give him a hug and Matt quickly followed.

"You happy, Johnny?"

John looked at his younger brother and smiled. "So happy, Matt."

Dan nodded. "We're happy for you, too, Johnny. We love you and Randy."

Randy turned and smiled at his new brother's. "Thanks for being so cool about this, guys. Your reaction is gonna be way better than both Moms and Dads, I'm sure. They're gonna freak out."

"Who is?"

All the men turned to meet Sam's raised eyebrow. She looked at them all curiously as she balanced Alanna in her arms. Randy's eyes widened and he turned to look at John, who for once had fallen silent.

Nathan cleared his throat and took a step forward. He stretched his arms out and reached for Alanna. "Come on, princess. Let's go play in the backyard. We're gonna play football."

Alanna wrinkled her nose. "That's for boys, Uncle Nate."

Matt smiled and nodded. "You're not gonna play, kid. You're gonna be the ball!"

Alanna gasped as Matt reached out to tickle her, causing her to erupt into a fit of giggles. "I'm just kidding, babe. We could do whatever you want, deal?"

Alanna nodded. "Deal,"

Randy watched his brothers leave with her before turning his eyes back towards Sam. She frowned but smiled slowly. "Seems like I interrupted something. I'm sorry."

Randy shook his head. "No, you didn't. We were just telling the boys some news." He looked over at John and smiled. The older man nervously returned it. "Do you want to do this on your own or..."

Randy shook his head. "No, I want you to stay." He turned to Sam and smiled. "Sammy, Johnny and I got married last night."

Sam's eyes widened and her lips parted. "What?"

John's eyes drifted down and he shuffled awkwardly from side to side. He felt incredibly uncomfortable and would have preferred Randy told Sam privately. He felt Sam's eyes move over him and back to Randy.

"You guys got married without telling anyone? Why?"

Randy shrugged. "We wanted to. We wanted it to be just about us. We'll do a reception for everyone at a later date but we wanted to exchange vows privately."

Sam sighed and nodded slowly. "Well, it was your choice, I guess. I just know a lot of people who would've liked to have been there. All that matters is that you're happy, though." She turned to look at John and frowned. "John, why are you so quiet?"

John lifted his head and shrugged. "This feels weird, Sam."

Sam smiled. "Why? I thought we were friends,"

John quickly nodded. "We are, of course we are. It's just...talking to my husband's ex about our wedding is kinda weird, you know?"

Sam laughed. "Johnny, years ago I would've been furious. I was unhappy and I wanted Randy to be unhappy, too. Things changed, though. I realized all that matters is what makes Alanna happy and that's having two parents who are working together to build a stable life for her. I think I do pretty well in the mother department and the two of you together are wonderful fathers to Al. I am very happy for both of you. I don't want you to feel weird about anything with me. Let's break the mold, John. Let's be the ex and the current spouse that become great friends."

John smiled and nodded, pulling Sam in for a tight hug. "Thank you, Sam. Thank you accepting me into Alanna's life."

Randy watched them carefully, feeling a weight lift off his chest. Two giant hurdles had just been overcome. Their siblings and Sam knew and were happy for them. The biggest hurdle, though, lay in front of them.

"John, we have to tell our parents now."

John and Sam broke apart, a loud sigh escaping both their lips. Sam raised an eyebrow and took a step back. "Well, that's my cue to join the boys in the backyard. I don't think I wanna be here for this,"

She smiled and quickly walked out of the backdoor in the kitchen leading to the backyard. Randy felt John wrap his arms around him and he leaned into the touch. John pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "I'm nervous."

Randy closed his eyes and nodded. "Me, too. I can't take anymore of this stress."

John squeezed him tightly before pulling away. "All right. We have to do this and just get it over with. It's like pulling off a band aid."

Randy nodded and looked around John into the living room. Both sets of parents were comfortably sitting and talking as they snacked on appetizers. He slowly walked into the room, his hand encased in John's. The older man cleared his throat loudly.

"Guys, can we interrupt for a minute, please?" All eyes turned to John and he felt his stomach flip. A squeeze from Randy's hand quickly calmed the feeling.

"What's going on, son?" The elder John Cena shifted in his seat and stared into his son's eyes.

John smiled and took a quick glance to Randy's face. Randy nodded and smiled back.

"We wanted to talk to you guys about us and our wedding. We're so happy that after the rocky beginning of our relationship that everything has worked out so well."

Randy's smile grew as he listened to John speak. He took a deep breath and turned his attention to their parents. "We're so happy you guys responded so well when we told you of our engagement. That's what we wanted to talk about today, actually."

Elaine held up a hand, stopping her son's words. "I think I know what you boys are leading up to. You can relax, though. We're not gonna pressure you to pick a date or speed it along."

She looked over at Carol, who nodded. "Even though we can't wait to see you boys married, you can take your time. Take as long as you want."

John smiled nervously at his mother. "Well, what if I told you that you didn't have to wait any longer?" He laughed softly and looked at Randy, whose eyes were wide open.

"What are you boys talking about?" Bob slowly stood from his seat and crossed his arms over his massive chest. "You two look like scared rabbits."

Randy involuntary took a step backward as his father took one towards him. There was no doubt in his mind that despite how old he got, he would still always fear what his father could do to him. Bob Orton was a man who commanded respect from everyone, his children being first in that line. Despite his intimidating presence, he demonstrated his love for his children freely and Randy knew he would be the least of his problems.

"We got married last night in Vermont."

More shocked gasps were their only answer and the room was bathed in silence except for the faint sounds of the activities in the backyard. It felt like an eternity before the silence was broken.

"Please tell me this is a joke." Carol stood and slowly approached the men. This time it was John who took a step back and shook his head. "No, Mom, it's not a joke. We wanted to get married so we did."

Carol's mouth dropped open in shock. "How could you do this? How could you two be so selfish? What the hell were you two thinking?"

Elaine quickly stood and walked over to Carol. She put her hand on Carol's back and shook her own head. "Boys, this is huge. You're seriously telling us you got married without your family present? I don't understand why you would do that..."

Randy shrugged. "We were in Vermont and gay marriage is legal there. It felt right so we did it. We wanted it to be private and only for us. We could do a reception for everyone..."

"Reception? I don't want a damn reception! I wanted to be there for my son's wedding to the man he loves! I wanted to hear him say those vows, too! I wanted to help plan it and I wanted to talk to you the night before and..."

John took a step forward and stopped his mother's rant. "Mom, listen to what you're saying. It's all about you! You wanted to do this, you wanted to do that...it's not about you! Randy and I wanted to do things our way and we did. We won't apologize for it."

Carol immediately shut her lips and took a step back at John's harsh words. Randy sighed and quickly stopped her. "Mama Car, please don't get mad. It was my idea, not John's."

Carol frowned. "I'm not mad, Randy. I'm disappointed."

Elaine rubbed her back sympathetically and nodded before turning her attention to her son. "Darling, I think we're all disappointed, not to mention a little confused. We understand wanting to keep a wedding private and doing it your way but this just seems a bit severe. We love you two so much and you knew we would want to share that day with you."

Randy nodded, his eyes darting back and forth between the two mothers. "We know you would've loved to have been there. It was just something John and I felt we had to do, though. It doesn't mean we don't love you."

John sighed, quickly nodding his head. "Randy's right. We love you guys so much. This is something we did for ourselves. We felt this was the right way to start our lives together. We hope you can understand that."

The room fell silent once again and both men sighed. It had gone exactly as they expected; not well. Randy sighed, feeling incredibly guilty for his idea of the shotgun wedding and John quickly grasped his hand tightly and shook his head, reading the younger man's thoughts.

Bob Orton took a step forward and placed on hand on each man's shoulder. "All right, this obviously wasn't the way any of us thought this was gonna happen. A lot changed in your lives in the past few years. All that matters is that you boys are happy and this is it." He stared at the men intently. "Do you believe this is it, boys?"

John was the first to nod. "I do, Bob. There is no one else for either of us. We're in it till the end." He looked at Randy, anxious to wipe away the guilt in the younger man's eyes, and shot him a smile. "What do you think, Ran?"

Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "This is it. There's no question." John winked at him, his arm moving to wrap around Randy's shoulder.

"Uh, while you two hug it out, can we get back to the fact that I am still pissed off about this!" Carol glared at both men angrily. Her husband quickly walked over to her.

"Honey, knock it off. You can be pissed all day and that won't change the fact that what's done is done. They're married! That's great news." The elder John raised an eyebrow and smiled slowly. "And we didn't have to pay for it. That's even better news!"

"Thanks a lot, Dad." John mumbled sarcastically. His father laughed and quickly enveloped him and Randy in a hug. "Aw, boys. You know I'm thrilled for you and despite her anger, so is your mom."

"As am I. I'm also glad about the not having to pay anything. That was a good point, John." Bob smiled and walked up to his son, pulling him into a tight hug. Randy smiled and returned the hug with equal force. "Thanks, Dad. You have no idea how much that means to me; to both of us."

Bob smiled and pulled back slightly, looking into his son's eyes. "You're my son. All I want for you is all the happiness in the world. It's obvious that knucklehead has bought it to you."

John frowned. "I'm getting a little too much abuse here."

Bob laughed and hugged John tightly. "Johnny, you should know by now we mean it with love. After all these years I consider you my son as much as Randy and Nate. I am very happy you and Randy will spend the rest of your lives together."

"Thanks, Papa Bob."

Randy moved away and slowly approached a scowling Carol Cena. He smiled hesitantly and reached for her hand. "Mama Car, the last thing I want in this world is for you to be disappointed with me. I love you so much. You have been a second mother to me since the minute I stepped foot into your house so many years ago. You have to know I would never do anything to hurt you. Please try to understand why I wanted this."

Carol sighed and opened her mouth to respond but was quickly cut off by John. "It's not just Randy who wanted it, Mom. I wanted it, too. I would've never agreed to it if I didn't."

"Fine, I get it. You wanted it to be private. I'll try to understand that at one point." She rolled her eyes before quickly giving them both a hard look. "We will have a reception, though. That is not to be discussed any further! It will happen because we all deserve the opportunity to celebrate you two. Elaine and I can plan everything."

Elaine smiled and walked over to the men, her face bright with excitement. "I agree! A reception is exactly what we need. Both families and all your friends can come and we can have a big dinner and dance…oh, it'll be great! I can't wait."

"You sound more excited about planning the reception than the fact we got married, Mom." Randy raised an eyebrow at his mother, who quickly frowned.

"Bite your tongue, Randal. I am thrilled you and John got married!" Randy smiled and nodded, hugging her small frame to him. John smiled as he watched them and was quickly pulled into the hug by Randy.

"I love you two boys so much. You've made me very proud." Elaine pulled away and looked at Carol. "Come on, Car. No matter how they did it, the fact is they're joined together for life now."

Carol sighed and finally relented. "Fine. Come on and gimme a hug."

Both John and Randy hesitated before walking towards her.

"I'm kinda scared she's gonna swing at me," joked John, a small smile on her face. Randy nodded. "No, she would swing at me first."

Carol frowned. "I'm not gonna hit either of you morons. I just want a hug from my boys."

Randy looked over at John and smiled. "You first, honey."

John rolled his eyes and approached his mother. He wrapped his arms around her and felt his body relax when she did the same. "I love you, Mom."

Randy watched as Carol smiled. "I love you, too, darling. I'm very happy for you, Johnny,"

She motioned Randy over and he quickly joined the hug, smiling when he felt a kiss placed on his head. "I love you, too, Randy. I'm very happy for both my boys."

Carol pulled back slowly, the smile still on her face. A sense of calm came over the room until Bob clapped his hands together. "All right, that's enough of the mushy crap. Can we please eat some dinner now?"

Elaine laughed and gently slapped her husband's arm. "You're so obnoxious, Bob." She smiled and motioned everyone into the kitchen. "Let's eat, everyone! Bob, go get everyone out of the yard, honey."

John pulled Randy back as their parents filed into the kitchen. He smiled happily and grabbed Randy's hands in his. "We did it and lived to tell the story, babe!"

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know. It was a little rough but all in all, they took it well. Now we just have to fear the reception our Moms are gonna plan. It's gonna be horrible, I just know it."

John laughed and nodded. "It'll be big, that's for sure. It doesn't matter, though. All that matters is our actual wedding was done our way and those beautiful vows we privately said to each other. Our wedding was perfect and our life together will be, too."

Randy smiled and leaned in to place a soft kiss on John's lips. "I know. All that's left now is telling our baby."

John shrugged and pulled him into the kitchen. "Piece of cake."

* * *

"Mama Car, you don't have to go."

Randy followed his mother down the hallway as she kept walking. "Darling, you and John need privacy tonight. I know you want to tell Alanna about your wedding. Don't worry; we'll be fine with Bob and Elaine. Tomorrow we'll come back here and spend the rest of the week with you."

"Or you could just stay in Bob and Elaine's for the whole week…" Carol turned towards her son and frowned. "Not funny, John."

John laughed and hugged his mother quickly. "You know I'm just kidding, Mom. I love that you and Dad are here and you never have to leave. This is your home, too."

Randy nodded. "Really, Mom, why don't you stay?"

Carol looked at Randy, a small smile on her face. "You called me Mom?"

Randy frowned and shrugged. "I always call you Mom. I've called you Mom for 10 years."

Carol shook her head. "No, you call me Mama Car. Calling me Mom is different."

Randy shrugged again. "I didn't even realize I did that. If you don't like it I can stop…"

Carol immediately put her hand on Randy's and squeezed tightly. "I love it. Never stop, OK?"

Randy nodded and hugged her tightly. "I love you, you know. You gave me John."

Carol hugged him tightly before pulling away, her eyes moist. "All right, enough of that. I'll see you boys tomorrow."

She walked out of the front door and waved, along with the rest of the parents as they loaded into Bob Orton's car. Randy and John watched them drive off before shutting the door behind them.

"Ah, peace and quiet." John leaned on the closed door and closed his eyes. Randy smiled and began to walk down the hall only to be pulled back into the older man's embrace.

"No, stay here and listen to the peace and quiet." Randy laughed and leaned onto John's chest, his eyes also closing. Exhaustion was starting to seep into both men, the stress of the day finally catching up with them.

"Daddy,"

Both eyes shot open, the quiet gone. Randy turned in John's embrace and smiled. "Quiet's gone. Are you ready for this or do you want me to tell her?"

John shook his head. "I'm a Dad, right? I have to learn to talk about things with her, even the things that scare me."

Randy laughed. "There's no reason to be scared of her reaction. She loves you, John."

John slowly nodded, nervousness evident in his eyes. Randy shook his head and led him into the house and up the stairs to Alanna's bedroom. They entered to find her engrossed in a cartoon show. Randy smiled and walked over to the edge of the bed. "Baby, can Daddy John and I talk to you for a bit?"

Alanna quickly sat up and nodded as Randy turned the television off. He motioned for John to come closer and the older man hesitantly did.

"Baby, you remember a few weeks ago when Daddy John and I told you we were gonna get married?"

Randy waited for his daughter's nod before continuing. "Well, we did get married; last night in Vermont. We were there for work, remember?"

Alanna frowned and nodded. "Oh, OK."

Randy raised an eyebrow and looked at John. "OK?"

John took a step forward and smiled at the small girl. "Ally, baby, do you understand what this means? Daddy and I are married now."

Alanna nodded. "Yeah, so you're my real Daddy now, too because you're Daddy's husband. Daddy explained it to me. Some families have a mommy and a daddy and some families have two mommies or two daddies. I have two daddies and a mommy!"

John laughed and nodded. "OK, I guess you do understand."

Alanna nodded. "You can't have another boyfriend and you have to live together all the time, right?"

Randy nodded. "That's absolutely right…especially about the other boyfriend." He raised an eyebrow towards John, who smiled in return. "I don't want any other boy, anyway."

"I want a baby brother or sister, though. How can I have one?" Alanna's question made both men frown in her direction.

Randy was the first to recover with a surprised, "What?"

"You said a mommy and a daddy make babies. How can I have one if I have two daddies?" a confused look crossed Alanna's face and Randy frantically racked his brain for an answer.

"We can adopt. Do you know what adoption is, baby?" John slowly sat on Alanna's bed and pulled the small girl into his lap. She shook her head as Randy watched them.

"When some babies are born their mommy and daddy can't keep them. Sometimes the mommy and daddy are sick or don't have a home so they give their baby to some people who keep it safe until another family comes along who can take care of it. That family gets to take the baby home and it becomes part of their family. That's what Daddy and I want to do. We want to bring either a little boy or girl into our family and be his or her daddies, too. How do you feel about that?"

Alanna nodded and smiled, content with John's explanation. "Can we do it tomorrow?"

John laughed and shook his head. "No, not yet, baby. We want to be married for awhile first. In a few years, though, when you're older we will. Sounds good?"

"That sounds nice, Daddy John." Alanna hugged John around his neck as Randy smiled, running his hand down John's arm. "Yes, it does." He sighed and rubbed Alanna's back. "OK, baby. Let's get some sleep. You had a long, exciting day."

Alanna pouted but allowed John to lay her down. "No pouting, kid. Tomorrow is gonna be a fun day with grandmas and grandpas so you need your sleep."

She reluctantly nodded and both men placed a kiss on her forehead. They made sure her nightlight was lit and the monitor was set before exiting the room. The small girl's eyes drifted shut as they closed the door halfway.

Randy sighed, the relief in his body making it feel completely relaxed. He took John's hand in his and they walked into their bedroom, collapsing on the large bed. It was a few minutes before either man spoke.

"You know, all in all, this wasn't a bad first day as a married couple." Randy turned his head on the pillow, his eyes meeting John's smiling face. "No, it wasn't."

"I think we did well. We explained everything perfectly to everyone and they all went home happy. Even Ally was OK with it." John closed his eyes contently.

Randy reached his hand forward, his fingers caressing the side of John's face. "I think you're getting the hang of this daddy thing. No one could've explained that to Al better than you did."

John smiled and grabbed Randy's hand, placing a kiss on each finger. "Thanks, babe."

Randy watched John's lips move over his fingers and smiled. "As much as my fingers love your lips, you know what they love more?"

John frowned and shook his head.

"My wedding ring," Randy smiled and his eyes drifted over to where their overnight bags lay at the floor beside the bed.

John followed his eyes and smiled. He placed a final kiss on his husband's hand and stood, quickly walking over to the bags and opening them. He pulled out two small boxes and walked back over to the bed with them cradled in his hands.

Randy smiled and held his hand out as John slid his wedding band on his ring finger. "There, now I feel complete again."

John laughed and handed Randy the box containing his ring. "My turn,"

Randy smiled and opened the box, grasping John's ring in his finger. He took the older man's hand in his and slid the ring on, bending to kiss it gently. "They're never coming off again, understood."

John smiled and ran his hands up to Randy's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. "Never. This is it, baby."


	32. Chapter 31

Randy's eyes shot open and scanned the room. Something had awoken him from a deep sleep but as he looked around the room, he couldn't place what it could be. The room was still dark with only small filters of sunlight peeking in. A soft snoring sound from beside him let him know John was still sound asleep on the bed next to him. Randy sighed and climbed out of bed, heading for the bathroom. He exited minutes later and again looked around the room to see nothing strange. He was determined to get more sleep. The day before had been exhausting, to say the least. After John and he broke the news of their marriage to Alanna, they had retreated to their bedroom to call their absent siblings and let them in on it, too. They had been incredibly disappointed to miss the family dinner and announcement but were thrilled for them, nonetheless.

Randy slid back into bed, scooting closer to John's body and warmth and threw his arm over the older man's waist. He felt his eyes begin to close again when a loud shrill rang through the air. His eyes reopened wide and he shot out of bed into a sitting position, his eyes now landing on the phone lying on the bedside table beside him making the offending noise. Randy's hand snatched it off the surface and glanced at the screen. His eyes widened even more when he saw the name displayed. There was no way to put it off any longer and ignoring the call would not make it go any smoother.

He cleared his throat and accepted the call. "Hello,"

"What the fuck, Randy? I mean, really, what the fuck?"

Randy sighed. "Good morning, Cody."

Cody inhaled sharply in his ear. "Good morning? Is that all you have to say to me? Good morning? It's not a good morning when I have to find out about my best friend's marriage via the internet!"

Randy frowned and walked over to the work desk he had arranged in a corner of the large room he shared with his husband. He quickly slid into the chair and logged onto his computer. "It's online already? How the hell do these people find out these things?"

Cody sighed loudly. "Who cares? That's not the point, Randy! How could you do this and not tell me?"

Randy logged onto a random wrestling site and was instantly greeted by the headline,

"**WWE Shocker! Superstars Cena and Orton marry in lavish ceremony in Vermont!" **

Randy rolled his eyes at the sensationalized headline. His eyes briefly skimmed the rest of the article as Cody screamed more insults in his ear. It covered the men's previous marriages, their divorces and their career in the WWE before jumping into their current relationship leading up to their marriage. He smiled as he realized how ridiculous some of the "facts" were.

"Cody, please stop yelling. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but if it makes you feel better, I didn't tell anyone."

Cody stopped his rant long enough to listen to Randy's apology and then quickly continued. "What? Randy, you and John just got married alone? Is that not the most depressing thing ever? Why didn't you want anyone there with you?"

Randy smiled slowly, used to the reaction already. He logged into his Twitter account, not shocked to see the barrage of mentions he had received. Everyone wanted to know if it was true or just another story made up by the dirt sheets.

"It was what we wanted Cody. It wasn't depressing at all. It was the most beautiful thing ever and John and I are thrilled. I was gonna call you today. We just had to come home and tell our parents first, Codes."

Cody sighed once again. "I would've loved to have been there, Ran. I thought for sure I would be your best man…or share the part with Nate."

Randy's smile grew and he nodded to himself. "You would've been my best man, Cody. There's no doubt about it. Our parents are planning us a reception just so we can at least share that with all our loved ones. Seeing as how you are the best man you will be making a speech there, understood? Just because it's not the real wedding, it won't make it any less important."

Cody laughed in his ear. "God, Randy, I wanted to kill you when I read the news. Now, I'm just happy you asked me to make a speech."

Randy's laughter joined with Cody's. "Codes, you know I would never purposely do anything to make you mad at me. You helped me so much throughout my relationship with John and you are the best friend I could ever have besides him. I love you and I want you in my life because I know I'm gonna need you a million times more."

"Ran, you're the best. You know how much I love and look up to you. You took care of me when I first entered this business and helped me stand on my own. You were also the one standing beside me when I first started dating Teddy and everyone abandoned me. I want us to always be in each others lives and be there for our special moments. I am so happy for you and John. You know I wish you all the best in the world always."

Cody sniffed in Randy's ear and the older man nodded to himself. "I know, Codes. That's all I want for you, too, kid."

Randy heard a noise behind him and he turned to see John stirring in bed. He stood and walked over to the bed, bending to place a kiss on John's forehead. "Hey babe, wake up. Our secret's out."

John frowned, his eyes gingerly opening. He immediately bought his hands up to rub them and slowly focused on Randy's smiling face in front of him. "What?" he croaked, his voice still heavy with sleep.

Randy stood and pointed to the computer. "I'm on the phone with Cody. Our wedding is all over the internet. Twitter is jumping about us, too."

John groaned and sat up, climbing off the bed and walking into the bathroom without another word. Randy smiled as he watched him walk away, used to John's morning routine. He walked back over to the computer and debated on whether or not to post something on his Twitter page. He decided against it, choosing to wait for John to help him pick out the right words. There was no doubt in his mind more explanations were to follow the announcement; all of their friends in the WWE and the chairman of the company would be next.

"Ran, you still there?"

Randy turned his attention back to Cody as he walked out of his bedroom. "Yes, Codes,"

A quick glance in Alanna's room told him he daughter was still sound asleep so he continued on down to the kitchen, his mind now focused on coffee.

"You have to tell Teddy."

Randy sighed as he turned on the coffeemaker and nodded to himself. "Put him on,"

Cody shouted his boyfriend's name and within seconds Ted picked up the phone. "What's up, Ran?"

"John and I got married our last night in Vermont." It was becoming his opening line to everyone and Randy laughed to himself as he noticed how robotic he sounded.

"What? That's impossible; I was with you guys in Vermont." Ted sounded as shocked as Cody did, though much, much calmer.

Randy smiled. "It was at night in the inn. You remember you dropped John off for me? I had it all planned out in the room."

Ted whistled in his ear. "Holy shit, Randy. I can't believe you guys did that. How did your family take the news?"

"They were shocked but it all worked out in the end. I was telling Cody that our parents are gonna plan some huge reception so I will expect you all there." Randy eagerly grabbed the pot of coffee as it finished and poured himself a cup, quickly swallowing a mouthful. "You and Cody are our best friends and we definitely want and need you in our lives. We don't want you to think we were excluding you from anything."

Ted laughed in his ear. "I know, Ran. We love you guys. It was your wedding and you have the right to do it as you please. I already know when Cody and I get married it's gonna be the loudest, most exaggerated wedding in the world. I have no shot of a small, intimate affair with Codes, the loud and dramatic one."

Randy laughed as he heard Cody yell in indignation after Ted's words. "Don't worry, Ted. I'll help you reel him in if he gets too much."

John entered the kitchen dressed for the gym. Randy smiled at him and handed him a cup of coffee. He waited for the older man to take at least two sips before attempting conversation with him.

"Morning, babe."

John smiled at him, his dimples on full display as he continued to down the hot liquid. "Hey. So what's going on?"

Randy wiggled the phone in his hand. "Talking to the boys," He turned his attention back to the call and quickly said his goodbyes to his two friends, promising to call them later. As he placed his phone down on the counter, he sighed loudly. John's hand instantly reached out for his and squeezed.

"Did the boys give you a hard time?"

Randy shook his head. "Nah. Cody was a bit loud about it but he's a bit loud about most things. Ted was completely rational, as usual." He took a sip of his own cup of coffee and placed the mug down gently. "We have to tell Vince, you know."

John nodded. "I called him last night and left him a voicemail. We should be getting a shocked call from him this morning."

Randy raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You called him? Why didn't you tell me?"

John shrugged as he walked over to the sink and rinsed out his mug. "I didn't want to give you one more thing to do. You did most of the explaining so far and I don't want you to keep having to explain it. This wedding was something we both wanted but so far you've been getting a little too much blame for it. I'm sick of people picking on my husband."

Randy smiled and followed John to the sink, pressing his pajama clad body next to his. "You would defend me against McMahon and all your crazy Cenation people?"

John turned and wrapped his arms around Randy's waist, pulling him in close. "I would protect you from anything and anyone, baby."

Randy laughed softly and pressed his lips to John's. "I love you, John." He moved away and looked over his shoulder. "I'm gonna go get dressed. I refuse to spend all day in my pajamas and I know Al's gonna wanna do something…"

John reached out an arm and grabbed Randy, pulling him back in, their chests meeting. "No, don't get dressed. I like you undressed a lot more,"

Randy smirked. "Don't I know it?"

John smiled and continued to look up into Randy's eyes, the gaze intense. Randy slowly leaned down, shrinking the distance between them inch by inch until he closed the last few inches between their lips.

Randy wanted the kiss to be soft and sweet and it certainly started that way. Randy pressed his lips softly to John's and was rewarded with a soft sigh. Randy continued to gently tease John's bottom lip between his own eliciting a low moan from his husband. That was all it took to transform the kiss from soft and sweet into something else.

Randy crushed John's frame into his own as he moved him backwards to rest on the counter. He felt John's arms wrap around his neck and groaned into the kiss as John's tongue sought entrance. Randy granted it immediately and let his own tongue venture into John's mouth. He tasted and explored the soft cavern, encouraged by John's moans. Randy was suddenly made painfully aware of his own growing erection when John's erection pressed into his stomach. Randy slowly moved his hands to John's firm ass and squeezed it. John gasped and opened his legs, letting Randy settle in between. Without ever breaking the kiss, Randy slowly slid down John's body until their hips were on the same level. The older man immediately began grinding their erections together as Randy kneaded the firm ass in his hands.

The blood roared in Randy's ears, and he knew they desperately needed to stop. He didn't want them to be caught by their 3 year old in the kitchen. With a gasp and a groan he pulled his mouth from John's and looked down into his flushed face. John's eyes were hooded and shone with his arousal and he was panting. He continued to grind his hips onto Randy's throbbing member, and Randy desperately tried to remind himself why he was stopping this. His voice was thick with lust when he finally spoke.

"John, we can't do this here, baby. Al could come down at any minute" He leaned down and kissed John again, this time very careful to keep it soft and close lipped.

John nodded, moving back slowly. "You're right. We can't do this here." He yanked on Randy's hand, pulling the younger man forward with a smile. "Let's go upstairs."

Randy laughed. "Babe, Al's gonna wake up any minute…"

John nodded. "But she's not awake yet. Let's go play until she does." His smile dropped and a hurt expression replaced it on his face. "Why are you turning me down? Now that I'm your hubby sex isn't as appealing to you? You don't want me anymore, do you?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Oh my God and they call me the dramatic one! Of course I want you, John!"

John quickly smiled. "Then let's go, hubby."

He pulled Randy back up the stairs and into their bedroom after another quick glance to ensure Alanna's sleep. Securely locking the door behind them, both men quickly undressed. John slid his arms around Randy's neck, walking them backward until the back of Randy legs touched the bed. Randy fell back onto the soft surface and John draped himself over his body. He nuzzled Randy's neck, inhaling the scent that was his husband.

"I can never get sick of your smell," John's voice was a low rumble, the sound making Randy's skin come alive, as the vibrations traveled through him. Their trapped, engorged shafts slid against each other as John ground his hip into Randy's, extracting moans from them both.

"We don't have much time, baby. I want you now." Randy panted, his eyes glazed from the sensations of John's body on his. John quickly nodded and reached in the nightstand, removing a bottle of lubricant. John took the bottle and coated his fingers. He licked Randy's inner thigh as he warmed the slick liquid. He worked one finger inside of Randy's opening and quickly added another. Randy moved his body down onto John's seeking fingers, his body covered by a fine sheen of sweat.

Randy rocked up pulling John towards him, their foreheads pressed together. "Baby, I need you."

John smiled slowly, his lips grazing across Randy's lips in a languid sweeping motion. He put a liberal amount of lube on his hard member as Randy spread his legs wider. He lined himself up, and pushed into the slick entrance, slowly entering Randy's heat.

"Let me know when you're ready, baby."

Randy nodded, his forehead creased at the discomfort that always accompanied the first moments. His eyes met John's and he slowly nodded again, moving his body beneath John's as the older man slowly pushed further inside.

"John... move." Randy instructed.

John moved, retreating then surging forward, pushing into his lover, each pulse building upon the last. Randy reached forward, pulling John down onto him as he hit his spot with each thrust.

"God, right there, baby." Randy reached between them and stroked his weeping dick.

John braced his arms one either side of Randy's head, losing himself with every thrust. Groans, moans and swears fell from Randy's lips, nonsensical and pleading until with a loud cry of John's name, he came between them. Randy's orgasm made his heated channel grab John in a vise grip and it didn't take long after for him to spray his warm seed deep inside of him.

John's arms gave away with the intensity of his orgasm and he collapsed on his husband's body. Randy wrapped his arms around his back and stroked it gently.

"I love you, Johnny," he whispered.

John rose up and propped himself up on his forearm. He looked down at Randy, their eyes locking before he bent to kiss him tenderly.

The couple lay together for a while as they recovered from their intense climaxes. John finally slipped from inside Randy and the men turned to their sides, their eyes on each other. Randy took John's hand in his and brought it up to his mouth, kissing the wedding ring on the man's finger.

"I love this ring," he said quietly. "It lets everyone know you're mine."

John raised and eyebrow, a small smirk on his face. "Then that means you're mine, right?" He lifted Randy's finger and placed a kissed on the matching ring.

Randy rolled his eyes and rolled over. "Whatever,"

The men lay in each others arm, eyes slowly starting to drift shut again when a loud yell of, "Daddy," was heard through the house. Both men groaned and slowly sat up in their bed. Randy turned to the monitor he had installed in Alanna's bedroom and saw her waving into it. He smiled and pressed the button on the intercom.

"I'll be right there, princess. Let me just get dressed, OK. Why don't you start picking what you want to wear today?"

Alanna eagerly nodded and climbed off her bed, heading for her large closet.

Randy smiled and turned to look at John. "I guess our fun's over, huh? We have to go be Dad's now and have a different kind of fun."

John laughed and nodded. "Not a problem. Let's go clean up before Ms. Al's inherited impatience rears its head."

Randy rolled his eyes and climbed off the bed. He grabbed some clothes from the closet and walked into the bathroom stopping short when the phone rang in the bedroom. John rose from grabbing his discarded clothes and grabbed his ringing cell phone from the desk. His eyebrow rose as he read the screen.

"It's Vince…and I have 98 new text messages."

Randy's eyes widened and he nodded. "Well, take charge Super Cena. I'm gonna go shower."

John sighed. "All of the sudden I don't want to take this call. How do you think he's gonna react?"

Randy shrugged. "Only one way to find out, babe. Worst comes to worst, you can do movies full time and I'll be your gorgeous stay at home husband."

John laughed and nodded. "Sounds good."


	33. Chapter 32

**Present Day**

Randy walked down the hallway of his house towards his front door, his palms sweating even more with each step he took. He reached the door and pulled it open to reveal a smiling Sam.

"Hey, Ran! Ready to get rid of the brats for a couple of days?"

Randy smiled tensely and shrugged, stepping back to let Sam enter the house. She pressed a kiss to his cheek as she passed, one hand firmly planted on her stomach.

"I guess. You OK, Sammy?"

Sam nodded, waving off his concern. "Oh, yeah. He's just kicking up a storm. Drives me crazy but then the day he doesn't do it, I miss it."

She laughed as she patted her 5 month pregnant stomach and Randy nodded. He let the door close behind her and took a deep breath before following her into the house. Sam turned to look back at him and frowned. "Ran, are you sure you're gonna be all right by yourself? If not, you can keep the kids a bit longer. I'll understand."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, absolutely not. I've kept Al from you for weeks and it's not fair. You deserve to spend as much time with her as possible. She's as much your daughter as she is mine. Thanks for taking Angel with you this week, though. He always has so much fun with you."

Sam laughed. "It's no problem. I love him as if he was my own and it gives me and Frankie great practice for when we have our own little guy."

She moved away from him and walked over to the staircase landing, leaning on the banister. "Guys, let's get a move on. We gotta get there early to get a good spot to set up camp!"

Randy turned away from her and lowered his body to the sofa. He was incredibly anxious and it was driving him crazy. It was never a sensation he liked and John had always been the only one able to fully calm him. It wasn't that he feared anything would happen to his children. He knew they couldn't be safer with Sam and her husband, Frank, who happened to be one of St. Louis' finest police officers. It was just the first time since John's death 4 months earlier that he would be alone in the home they had built together. The silence was already overpowering when the kids were asleep but Randy got through it because he knew at one point they would wake up. Now, though, the kids would be gone and there would be no noise to fill that silence. He didn't want to be selfish and take Alanna away from her mother any longer than he already had. He also didn't want to deny Angel time with Sam. He knew the small boy loved Sam as a surrogate mother and she treated him as her child as much as she did with Al. The children loved spending time with her and Randy desperately wanted them to get back to normal and continue their childhood. He had kept them stuck to his hip long enough, for his own selfish reasons more than anything. This camping trip Sam and Frank suggested seemed the perfect way for the kids to begin to live again. Randy knew they would have fun and they deserved it. He just couldn't get over the fear of being in the house alone.

"OK, we're ready, Mommy!"

Randy's thoughts were interrupted at the sound of his daughter's voice. She stood in front of Sam with a small backpack in her hand. Minutes later, Angel descended the stairs with two bags in his hand. "I'm ready, too, Sammy."

Sam smiled happily and hugged them both tightly. Randy lowered his eyes as she fussed over the children, ensuring they had all they would need for the week. Without realizing it, he sighed loudly, the sound echoing through the room.

"Daddy, we don't have to go."

Randy's eyes rose to see his daughter standing in front of him. She smiled at him and nodded, looking over at her brother, who followed suit. "Yeah, we can stay with you."

Randy shook his head and looked over at Sam. "Sammy, gimme a minute with them, please."

Sam nodded and smiled at the children. "No problem, sweetie. I'll be at the car."

Randy watched her leave the house, the door closing silently behind her. He sighed and looked down at his children. "I want you two to go camping and have the best time ever. I don't want you to worry about anything or think about anything that makes you sad. The time of being sad is over. You both know damn well Daddy would not want you guys to be so sad you don't enjoy a trip. It's time to start smiling and laughing and having tons of fun again, OK. I will be perfectly fine here. As a matter of fact, I will enjoy the silence. You two are big mouths."

A small smile worked its way to his children's mouths and Randy finally felt himself relax slightly. Despite his nerves, he had to remain calm in front of his children. There was no need for their lives to be interrupted any further because of what Randy was feeling.

"Are you sure, Dad?" Randy smiled at his son and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I am absolutely positive, baby."

Alanna watched him carefully, her intent gaze so similar to Randy's and only strengthening with age. "Promise, Daddy? We can't lie to each other."

Randy smiled as Alanna reminded him of the rule he and John had instilled in their children. "You're right; we don't lie to each other. I promise you I will be fine and that I want you to go and have fun."

The siblings turned to look at each other, unspoken words floating between them. Angel finally turned and smiled. "OK, we'll go."

Randy nodded and stood, taking each child by a hand. "Good. This week will fly by, anyway. You'll be back home with your ugly, old dad before you know it."

Alanna laughed and shook her head. "You're not old or ugly, Daddy."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Well, thank you. Seems like the other day you both thought I was, though."

Angel shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic, Dad. It was just teasing."

Randy laughed and let the out of the door to where Sam stood. She smiled when she saw them approaching and opened the back door. "Hop in, guys."

Randy bent and pulled his children into his arms, hugging them tightly. He kissed them numerous times on their heads and whispered in their ears, "I love you guys so much. Be good for Sammy, OK."

Both children nodded and held onto him tightly. Alanna was the first to pull back, a wide smile on her face. "I'll miss you but I'll see you soon, Daddy. Try to have some fun this week, too, OK? Love you."

Randy smiled and kissed her forehead. "I will, beautiful. You, too, OK? I love you so much."

After one final hug, he released her and she quickly climbed into the car. Randy turned towards his son and enveloped him in his arms. "I love you, baby. Have a great time with Sammy and promise to help Frankie take care of the girls, OK."

Angel nodded and squeezed around his neck tightly. "I will, Daddy. We'll be home soon. Love you."

Randy smiled and let him go, watching as he climbed into the car beside his sister. He smiled at Sam and hugged her as tight as he could without hurting her. "Thanks for this, Sammy. Take care of them."

Sam smiled, shaking her head. "Don't I always, Randy? Don't worry and try to listen to your brilliant children. Go have fun. It's time to start living. John would want you to."

Randy sighed, forcing a smile onto his lips. He opened the door the driver's seat door for Sam and closed it behind her. She started the car and waved at him as she slowly drove down the long driveway. Randy felt his heart literally ache as his children waved from the back seat at him. His hand lifted in a return wave and he smiled until the car turned the corner. In an instant the smile and the hand both dropped. Randy turned to look at his house; the house he once loved coming home to and felt nothing for now. He sighed before slowly trudging up the drive and inside the quiet space. The door closed behind him and he leaned on the door, closing his eyes as he breathed in deeply. He lowered himself to the ground and sat on the cold, wooden floor for what felt like hours. A random flash of a memory he shared with John seeped into his mind and for the first time in months, he allowed it to.

* * *

**Two years earlier...**

"_Hey, handsome. Are you ready?"_

_Randy rolled his eyes as he threw clothes into a bag. "I'll never be ready for camping, John. The thought of it gives me hives. You really think I would get excited about sleeping outside in dirt, having to bathe in a lake, deal with bugs and God knows how many wild animals..."_

_John laughed loudly as he took the packed bag from Randy's hand. "My God, can you be any more dramatic? You'll be fine, Ran! We've been through this a bunch of times already. Cut the attitude out before the kids hear you. They're excited about this and I won't have you ruin it."_

_Randy sighed but kept his lips sealed. He lowered himself to their bed and nodded. "Don't worry. I'll act happy around them. You know I'm not a fan of nature, Johnny. They must get the nature gene from you because it damn sure isn't from me. Nature can go fuck itself."_

_John laughed and walked over to Randy, placing a kiss on his lips. "I am very much aware of your disdain for nature but I know you'll do anything for our children."_

_Randy nodded and stood, wrapping his arms around John's waist, kissing him gently. "And for you; I'll do anything for you, too."_

_The couple remained in the embrace, foreheads touching and eyes closed until a loud, "Yuck," from the door made them break apart. _

_Randy turned his eyes to his daughter and smirked. He moved away from John and lifted Alanna into his arms. _"_What yuck? There's nothing yucky about hugging and kissing my husband!"_

_Alanna giggled as Randy threw her up with ease before lowering her to the ground. "I don't wanna see you two doing that. You're old and it's gross."_

_Randy's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me! I am not old."_

_Alanna shrugged and moved to the doorway of her parents' bedroom. "To me you are. Can we hurry up, please? Angel and I wanna go already."_

_John took a step forward, a black suitcase in his hand. "All right, then, let's go, baby."_

_Alanna smiled happily and ran down the stairs to where her brother stood, a small backpack resting on his frame. _"_Are we finally leaving, Daddy?"_

_John nodded as he walked down the stairs, shooting an amused glace back at Randy, who slowly trudged behind him. "Yes, we're finally leaving. I managed to drag Daddy out of our bedroom."_

_Angel laughed as he reached for John's hand. "Daddy is always so slow. He takes forever to get ready…like Ally."_

_John laughed loudly and pulled the small boy into his arms as both Alanna and Randy rolled their eyes. _

"_I don't appreciate that, my son. Don't push me or I may just conveniently forget you in the forest." Randy raised an eyebrow in mock anger, but his eyes glittered with amusement. _

_Alanna nodded, crossing her arms over her chest as she raised her chin indignantly. "I'll help you, Dad."_

_Angel laughed and clutched onto John's waist. "No way! Daddy will protect me!"_

_John bent to place a kiss on his head. "You got that right, baby."_

_Randy sighed and shrugged. "Fine, I guess I'll keep you." He tried to keep his face blank but a smile quickly broke through and he winked at his son. Randy's eyes turned to meet John's smiling ones and he sighed. _"_Can we all go now? I'm dying for this trip to begin…so it can quickly end."_

_John laughed and nodded, opening the front door. "Into the car, children. The Cena-Orton clan is going camping!"_

_Both kids quickly ran into the car and settled themselves into the backseat as Randy and John put the luggage in the back of the large SUV. John looked at Randy out the corner of his eyes. _"_Baby, it's gonna be fun. I promise."_

_Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "I know. This isn't my first choice of a vacation but I know it makes you and the kids happy so…"_

_John closed the back of the car and leaned on it, reaching for Randy's hand. "But I don't want you to be unhappy in return, baby."_

_Randy quickly shook his head, bringing John's hand up to kiss the ring on his finger. "As long as I'm with you and our babies, I could never be truly unhappy." He let John's hand drop and smirked, moving forward to press his body onto the older man's. "Besides, I would never give up the chance for some sex in the woods with my gorgeous guy."_

_John laughed and ran his hands down Randy's back, stopping at his backside and giving it a firm smack. "Behave, baby."_

_Randy pressed a quick kiss to John's lips and smiled. "Never,"_

* * *

A loud ringing noise pulled Randy out of his daydream. His eyes shot open and he quickly stood, headed for the phone that sat on one of the end tables. One hand reached for the ringing device as the other frantically wiped at the tears that had streamed down his face.

"Hello,"

"Hello, darling. You don't sound well. Are you OK?"

Randy sighed inwardly, hating the question that had become everyone's first comment to him. "I'm fine, Mom. The kids just left with Sam and I'm a little sad about it but I'll be fine."

Elaine sighed in his ear. "Would you like to come spend the week with us? Or we could come stay over there…hey, maybe Nate would like to hang out a bit…"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Mom, stop. I'm a grown man. I think I know how to be in a house on my own. Don't worry so much."

"I will always worry about you no matter how old you get. You're my child. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, Randal."

Randy's smiled widened as he listened to his mother's words. Of course he knew what she was talking about. The minute he became a parent he knew those children would forever be in the forefront of his mind.

"Thank you, Mom, but I'm fine. This time alone will be good for me. I need to start facing life alone again…"

Randy's eyes lowered as the words caught in his throat and his eyes filled with tears again. He quickly cleared his throat and forced them back. "Anyway, I will probably go see all of you in a couple of days, OK."

"I look forward to it, darling." Elaine remained silent for a few seconds before continuing. "Sweetheart, you're not alone, you know."

Randy closed his eyes. "I'll talk to you later, Mom. Love you."

"I love you, sweetheart."

Randy ended the call and lowered himself further into the cushions of the sofa, wishing it would just swallow him up. The silence in the house was not in the least bit calming to him. His eyes slowly opened and they moved along the pictures scattered around the large space. Pictures of their parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, their own children and of course, him and John, greeted his gaze. Pictures that once bought a smile to his face now only filled him with sadness. Randy sighed and placed the phone back on the table before closing his eyes again. He leaned his head back on the cushion and tried to ignore the flashes of memories trying to once again creep into his head but couldn't. With a loud groan, he slammed his hand on the seat beside him.

"God, I just don't want to think! I just want it to stop!"

His voice echoed throughout the empty house and it only made another round of tears escape his eyes. A soft breeze blew past his head and Randy instinctively turned to look at the closed patio door and windows. He frowned and stood up, his eyes darting around the empty room. Randy raised an eyebrow and walked over to the fireplace mantel. His eyes lingered on a picture of John, smiling happily as he leaned on his newest addition to his car collection. Randy smiled and lifted the frame into his hands, running a finger over John's face.

"Now, baby, you know I don't believe in any of that supernatural shit. I don't buy it when people tell you you're still with me in spirit." He sighed and stared at the picture intently as a tear landed on the smooth glass. "Maybe I'm wrong, though. If you still with me, Johnny, you have to help me. Please, baby, I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without you. Gimme a sign, John, please."

Silence was his only answer. Randy sighed and angrily placed the frame back down on the surface before stalking up the stairs. Despite what anyone told him, he **was** alone.

* * *

**May 2011**

Randy anxiously paced the area in front of his bedroom, a little of the apprehension leaving his body when he heard John laugh. That had to be good. Vince couldn't be firing them both because if he was, Randy doubted John would find that funny. When it came down to it, Randy knew both he and John had placed their relationship before anything else and that included their careers. While it would kill both men to have to leave the industry they both loved, if it meant choosing their job or their marriage, there was no question which would be picked.

Randy stopped in his tracks when he heard John said goodbye. Seconds later John came out of the room and almost crashed directly into the younger man. "Babe, what are you doing out here?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Doing a jig; what do you think I'm doing? I'm waiting for you to tell me how it went."

John frowned and shrugged as he walked past Randy down the hall. "What went? What are you talking about?"

Randy narrowed his eyes and glared at John, catching up to him in a couple long strides. "John, don't piss me off…"

John turned and smiled at the irate man. "But it's so much fun to piss you off…"

Randy sighed in frustration. "John, come on, what did Vince say?"

John laughed softly. "He was surprised but fine with it. He said it really isn't any of his business either way and we can decide how vocal we want to be about it. I told him we want this to be as private as possible. We're not gonna turn it into a circus and it's not gonna be turned into a storyline. Things are to remain the same when it comes to our characters."

Randy remained silent but nodded, falling into step with John. The men walked into the living room and smiled at Alanna, who sat on the sofa glued to the television before her. John walked over to the desk set up in the corner and logged onto the computer, smiling when he read the article Randy had bookmarked for him.

"We got married in a lavish ceremony?" He laughed loudly as he changed tabs and logged into his Twitter page. "What should we say?"

Randy shrugged and sat on the edge of the desk. "You're the one who talks the most. Figure it out, hubby."

John rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the encouragement, dear."

Randy smiled and lowered himself to the edge of John's chair. "Just be honest but not too much. We got married, we appreciate your support but please respect our privacy. That seems simple and not too rude, right?"

John nodded and quickly typed out a message:

"_Cenation, the rumors are true. The Viper and yours truly have tied the knot and are very happy! We appreciate all of your kind words; not only right now but throughout the entirety of our relationship. Our fans are truly the greatest. While we appreciate your enthusiasm, we ask that you guys respect our relationship and privacy, though. We promise that nothing will change when it comes to our work onscreen. I'll still be kicking the Viper's ass on TV as much as possible!"_

Randy frowned as he looked at the computer screen. "Do not send that, John."

John raised an eyebrow and pressed down the button on the computer mouse. "Oops, I'm sorry. You didn't want me to send that?"

Randy glared at him and shoved him off the seat. "You jerk. Now I have to get on mine. Move out of the way."

John laughed and stood, walking over to the sofa and collapsing next to Alanna. He pulled her into his arms and placed a kiss on her head. "Daddy's mad, baby. What can we do to make him laugh?"

Alanna turned her head to the side and smiled. "Maybe we tickle him…"

John raised an eyebrow, slowly smiling. "Sounds like a good idea."

Randy turned his head over from where he sat typing and shot him a glare. "Don't you come near me, John."

John laughed and shook his head. "Be careful what you write, babe. Remember payback."

Randy ignored him and continued typing. Seconds later, John's cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and smiled as he read the Twitter post from Randy.

"_My poor, deluded new husband thinks he's literally kicked my ass at one point. I guess now that we're married, I'll let him get one over on me one day…or I'll just continue to kick his ass! Yeah, that sounds much better."_

"You live in a fantasy, babe."

Randy looked over at him, a smirk firmly in place. "Keep telling yourself that." He stood and walked over to the sofa, sitting opposite John and smiling down at his daughter.

"So princess, you ready for today? You and all the girls are going to go have a girly day at a spa. Mommy and Aunt Becky and all the grandma's and you should have fun, right?"

Alanna smiled happily, sitting up. "Yeah, Mommy said she's gonna paint her nails! Can I paint mine, too?"

Randy frowned and shook his head. "No way, babe. I don't want to see anything on those little fingers."

Alanna pouted and turned towards John. "But why? Daddy John, please…"

John's eyes widened and he looked at Randy, who narrowed his eyes dangerously at him. "Don't you dare cave on this, Cena."

John sighed and shook his head. "No, baby. I think you're still too young."

Alanna huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, turning her attention back towards the television. Randy smiled and stood, walking back over to the desk. John quickly followed, clutching his stomach. "Oh my God, that was the scariest thing I've ever had to do. I feel nauseous. How do you get used to saying no to her?"

Randy sat on the desk chair and logged into his email. "I think of all those horrible, spoiled, bratty children I meet and can't stand and I swear to myself I won't let Alanna become one. The thought of her acting like those kids makes it easy for me to say no to her. It builds character. She can't always get what she wants. I want her to grow up into an intelligent, loving, responsible woman who can stand on her own and be independent. Not someone who can't even toast a slice of bread because she had everything done for her."

John watched him as he spoke, a small smile on his face. "With you as her father, I'm sure she will grow up to be exactly that."

Randy looked up from the screen and shook his head. "You may have to help with the loving part. I won't ever win the award for that."

"I beg to differ, babe." John slid into the chair beside him and turned his attention to the computer screen. "Is this your schedule for the week?"

Randy sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Look at it! It's packed. We won't even get a couple of days off. I have signings, appearances and interviews…not a single day we can spend together. This is ridiculous."

John shrugged. "Ran, we travel together. It's OK."

Randy looked over at him and frowned. "No, its not. Just because we travel together doesn't mean I want this type of schedule for the rest of our lives. We're married now, John, and things have to change at least a little. We're gonna have Al more often now and she's already talking about a sibling…I want to build a stable home so we can have a family. Our lives can't always be this hectic." He laughed sarcastically and shook his head. "To think, this is only my schedule. I don't even wanna know what yours looks like. If mine is packed, you barely have time to breathe."

John nodded. "I'm booked pretty solid. That is a fact. To be fair, though, this schedule was made before we got married, babe. Once we tell Vince we want a lighter load, he'll understand."

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up. "Oh, he will? You're the WWE champ, John; the face of the fucking company. He may let me cut back but not you."

John shrugged. "So, I'll tell him he has no choice but to. I promised you I would slow down after we got married and I intend to keep that promise. I want to build a stable home for our family, too. That's my number one focus and will be forever. You and Al are my world, Ran."

Randy lowered his eyes and sighed. "Are you sure you can do that, John? You love to do those appearances and all that other shit Vince sends you to do. Can you really say no to him when he asks you to?"

John smiled and moved closer to Randy, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You're right; I love representing our company as best I can. I love that Vince trusts me so much. I love you and Al more, though. I love the idea of having an even bigger family with you a hell of a lot more, Ran."

Randy smiled. "I don't want you to stop everything, John. I love how dedicated you are to everything you do. I am so proud of you. I just want you to leave a little bit of John for us at home. You tend to wear yourself out."

John avoided Randy's gaze, a small smile on his face. "OK, you may be right. I tend to overdo it. I'll slow down, though, I promise. No matter how dedicated I am to our company, I am ten times more dedicated to our family. I love you."

Randy smiled and nodded, leaning into John's embrace. The older man moved forward and gently placed a kiss on his forehead before lowering his lips to Randy's mouth. He hugged Randy close to his body with as much strength as he could.

"You're so corny, Cena…" Randy whispered before he felt John's fingers grasp his chin and claim his lips in a hungry kiss. He moaned softly when John's tongue began to stroke insistently at his bottom lip, silently demanding entry into his mouth. He gave in and groaned when he felt the touch of John's tongue against his, gently teasing his own, each movement becoming more and more arousing until Randy had to pull away.

"…but I'll be damned if I don't love you anyway."


	34. Chapter 33

**October 2011**

"God, my head is killing me!" John squeezed his eyes tightly and covered his face with one of the pillows that lay on the large sofa. Randy looked over at him but remained quiet. His gaze turned back to the cookbook he was browsing in an effort to get an idea for dinner.

"Ran, do you hear me?"

Randy sighed and dropped the book onto the large kitchen counter. He stood and walked into the living room, his expression stern. "Yes, I did, John. I'm busy, though."

John moved the pillow from his face, his eyes opening slowly. A small frown appeared on his face. "Come on, baby. My head hurts."

Randy sighed, his expression softening slightly. "Why should I have pity on you, John? What do you expect is gonna happen when all you do is work non-stop, sleep 2 hours a night and barely eat?"

John bit his lip and nodded slowly. "I know; you're absolutely right, babe. I'll slow down."

Randy shook his head, a smile breaking through his annoyance. "John, you've been slowing down now for months. I don't think you physically can."

"I know. Stop lecturing me." John closed his eyes tightly once more. "You're supposed to love me and make me feel better when I don't feel good."

"I do love you and I would love to make you feel better. I'm just getting a little frustrated that I have to do it constantly." Randy shrugged as he moved to sit across from his husband. "John, when are you gonna stop promising to slow down and actually do it?"

"I just have so much fun doing what I do, babe. I love doing the appearances and the interviews and those movies just popped up. They were small roles so I didn't mind doing them..." Randy sighed and rolled his eyes, causing John to immediately stop his explanation. The older man reached his hand forward, grasping Randy's arm and pulling him to the sofa beside him.

"I know. I sound like a broken record. I just don't know how to stop, Ran and a part of me doesn't want to." John smiled slowly and ran his fingers up Randy's arm. "Besides, it's not like I also don't keep up with my responsibilities at home. We go to bed together every night and wake up together every morning. I am there for all of Ally's school events, every family dinner and trip..."

"That's not the point, John. I'm very aware of how you manage to get everything done and be everywhere you need to be. My point is that in doing so you're making yourself sick. You have a headache every day, baby."

John leaned down and gave Randy a quick kiss on the lips. "It's nothing." He brought both hands up to Randy's face and cupped it gently "I'm fine," he whispered, bending to give him another longer kiss, making Randy moan softly against his lips.

Randy sighed as he pulled away, but kept his eyes closed and his forehead pressed onto John's. "I've decided I'm dropping the title."

John's eyes widened and he pulled back quickly. "What?"

Randy shrugged and moved back on the seat. "I think it's the right thing to do. I have my fans; I don't need a title. Besides, I hate the interviews and the extra shit I have to do that takes me away from home on the days I'm supposed to be off. We both can't be champs at the same time, John. We're both exhausted and it's not fair to Al."

"Ran, you can't drop the title, though. You earned it; you should have it! Everyone wants you to have it," John frowned, his voice rising.

Randy smiled and shook his head. "I don't care what everyone wants. I wanna be a better father than a better champion, John."

John smiled slowly. "Don't drop anything baby. I'll drop mine."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "I don't think so, John. The WWE would implode if the all mighty John Cena wasn't champ."

John joined in the laughter and grabbed Randy's face in his hands, kissing him gently. "I don't want you to do this, baby. I'm the one who has to slow down so let me do it. It'll be the only way I learn."

Randy smiled. "John, you love being champ. It's who you are."

John shrugged. "Yeah, I love it but I'm more than just WWE champ. If I had more time, I could continue working on my daddy skills. Besides, I wanna learn to cook more than toast and I have a garage full of half built cars I could work on and when we're here in the Tampa house I could jog on the beach with the dogs..."

Randy held up his hand. "Wait a minute. What happened to slowing down, Cena?"

John laughed sheepishly. "It may take some time."

Randy shook his head and pulled John closer to his body. The older man rested his head on Randy's chest, feeling himself relax as his husband's hand stroked his back. John's hand moved up to lie against Randy's chest.

"How's your head now, baby?"

John smiled against the soft fabric of Randy's shirt. "A little better, thanks to you." He slid his hand down Randy's chest and stomach down to his groin, coming in contact with his clothed member. Randy moaned and arched into John's hand. John wrapped his fingers around the half hard shaft and gave it a gentle squeeze, feeling it throb in his fist.

"John," he whispered. "Stop, you have to rest, baby."

"I don't want rest. I feel fine and completely rested. I want you." John husked into Randy's ear. "I wanna hear those sounds you make, hear you come for me." he whispered as he licked along Randy's ear.

Randy drew in a breath, shuddered and let out a soft moan, "God, John, you're such a jerk. I don't want to fall into your trap right now. I want you to rest so your head can get better..."

"Going upstairs with you right now would do wonders for my head," John smirked as he stood, pulling Randy up with him. "Come on, don't fight it. You know you're gonna fall into my trap eventually."

John reached out and gripped Randy's hips. He held him tight as he ground his erection hard against Randy's crotch. The younger man's face was flushed, his eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted.

"I want you, baby" John husked. "Make me feel better,"

Randy pulled John towards him, kissing him slowly and sensually. He grabbed the back of John's head and pressed his tongue forward, sliding into the willing mouth until he was left panting.

Randy pulled back slightly and the corner of his mouth turned up in a hint of a smile. "Let's go upstairs," He led John up the stairs to their bedroom and stepped aside after pushing open the door. John stepped inside and turned to look back at his husband. Randy nodded towards the bed, eyebrow raised. "Get comfortable, baby."

John plopped onto the large bed, quickly dropping his jeans and lifting his t-shirt over his head. Randy smiled and lowered himself down on top of John, his finger tracing the muscles on John's chest down to his belly button. He smiled when he felt the older man's muscles quiver beneath the soft skin.

"Feels good?" Randy's voice trailed off and he smiled devilishly.

John smiled and lifted his arms, unbuttoning Randy's shirt. He slid it off and pressed his face into his chest to smell the man. "God, you smell so good" John groaned and wrapped his arms around Randy tightly.

Randy took John in his arms and held them close together as they met for a kiss. John lowered his hands to Randy's waist and unbuttoned his pants, then repositioned him so he could slide them down. With both men clad only in their boxers, John pulled Randy into his arms and languished in the feeling of their erections still enclosed in fabric, pressing up against the others. "You feel so good, baby. I need you so bad."

Randy nodded and pulled back from kissing his lover. He sucked and lightly nipped John's nipples until they hardened. He dragged his body down John's as he shivered with pleasure. When Randy came to his waistband of John's boxers, he slowly pulled them down over his husband's erect cock. Small drops of pre-cum leaked out and Randy dipped his finger in it, bringing it to his mouth to taste as John watched intently. "You taste so good, Johnny."

"Baby, you can taste all you want."

Randy leaned down and started licking up John's shaft. When he took the head into his mouth, John grabbed a handful of blanket with both hands and held on as he breathed deep and fast. By the time Randy reached the base of the cock, John was moaning and bucking his hips. Randy took his time, enjoying having his husband writhing beneath him. John's cock leaked out copious amounts of the salty sweet liquid Randy loved as he continued sucking up and down his long length. John moaned and took Randy's head in his hands, loving the soft, prickly feeling of the younger man's short hair.

"Oh, god, Ran! Feels too good, baby." John moaned when he felt his orgasm approaching. His shaft was throbbing and pre-cum flooded Randy's mouth. He panted as his body began to shake uncontrollably. "Randy, I'm coming!"

Randy growled triumphantly and swallowed John's cock again. It jerked up against his tongue and began spraying jets of warm essence down his throat. John's body continued to shudder as his orgasm washed over him and his head slowly rolled back and forth before his body went limp. "Oh my god, baby."

Randy smiled and moved back up John's body, lying besides the sated older man. "How's the head now?"

John laughed and slowly opened his eyes, focusing on Randy's smiling face. "Fucking spinning."

Randy pulled John towards him, wrapping him in his arms. "You're welcome."

John slapped Randy on the backside, eliciting a yelp from his younger husband. "Don't get cocky, handsome. It's not becoming."

Randy sighed and pulled back, stretching his body out in the bed. "I think I have every right to be cocky. I agree to go to Florida when I don't want to, I offer to give up my title so you can continue to be the golden boy of the WWE, I drop what I'm doing in the kitchen, I come up here to make you happy so you forget the headache you brought on yourself and I get nothing in return..."

"All right, I get it. You are the best husband in the world," John smiled and raised his body over Randy's. He placed a kiss on Randy's lips, feeling his cock start to reawaken when Randy deepened the kiss. His hand traveled down Randy's body down to his hard cock and stroked him gently before moving his pre-cum covered fingers down to Randy's entrance. John slid his fingers into Randy's crease and stroked a circle around the tight entrance before pushing inside. Randy moaned, gripping John's arm tightly. John dropped a kiss on Randy's lips as he continued to stretch him out, steadily increasing from one to three fingers.

"Johnny, I need you, now, please." Randy's voice cracked, and John could hear the need and desire in it. He left the warmth of Randy's body and stretched over to reach the drawer of their bedside table. As quickly as he could, he pulled out the small bottle of lube and spilled it over his cock and Randy's entrance. John positioned himself between Randy's spread legs and rubbed the head of his cock back and forth across Randy's slick hole, teasing and toying with him.

"John," Randy moaned. "Don't be a jerk, baby." He pushed his ass back against John while pulling at the older man's hip with his hand.

John laughed softly. "You ready for me, baby?"

"Yes! I need you, John!"

With that, John couldn't resist anymore. He lined up the head of his cock with Randy's entrance and pushed forward. As John breached him, Randy's eyes snapped open and he locked his gaze onto John. He locked his legs around John's hips, giving John deeper access to his body. He brought his hands to John's chest before sliding down to his waist. Pressing his fingers into John's hips, he urged him to move forward.

John moved nice and slow, paying close attention to Randy's facial expressions, making sure that he wasn't hurting him. Once he was fully buried inside, he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. His eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a deep, throaty groan.

"Feels good?" Randy whispered as he watched the expression on John's face.

John nodded. "Fuck. You always feel fucking outstanding." He leaned forward and let his body cover Randy's, his weight pushing him into the mattress. He slid his hands under Randy's armpits, under his back, and locked them around his shoulders, holding him tight. He started to move his hips, nice and slow, in and out.

"Good?" John asked, looking down into Randy's gorgeous blue eyes.

Randy nodded, unable to speak. John changed up his angle and rotated his hips, trying to find the spot that made Randy go crazy. When Randy gasped and shuddered underneath him, John knew that he had found it.

"Johnny," Randy moaned. His hands tightened around John's back and his ankles dug into his man's ass.

Using a slow and steady rhythm, he rubbed his cock along Randy's g-spot with every slide. He fought the urge to pound into Randy. He didn't want this time to be like one of their frenzied, wild times. He wanted to love his husband. Randy was clearly enjoying what John was doing, judging from the soft moans and whimpers spilling from his mouth. Each little noise he made along with excruciatingly slow thrusts into his velvety-soft tight heat was bringing John closer and closer, but he wanted Randy to come with him.

"You're so beautiful," John whispered. "I still can't believe you're mine."

John kissed Randy, their tongues tangling up in each other. He started to move his hips a little faster, his thrusts getting harder and steady. The bed began to creak underneath them as John pumped faster. He could feel Randy's body tensing up and his dick trapped between their bodies, rubbing against his belly. Randy buried his face into John's neck, his hips pushing back against John's thrusts.

John sucked hard on Randy's neck, drawing a crimson bruise up to the surface. Randy's body started to shake while his whimpers came faster and rose in pitch and John knew that he was on the edge. Just a few more thrusts against his prostate, a little more friction against his cock...

"John," Randy cried out into his neck. "I'm gonna come, baby. God, I love you..."

Randy's declaration of love took the last of John's control. He thrust hard into his husband across his g-spot. On the third time, Randy cried out and clamped his muscles around John's cock. John pushed forward and buried his cock as far as he could into Randy. When Randy's warm essence pulsed between their bodies, John lost it.

"Oh my God!" he grunted into Randy's ear as he started to cum again, sending huge bursts deep into Randy's welcoming body. As John worked through his orgasm, his thrusts slowed down, until he was finally still.

John lay on top of Randy, trying to catch his breath. Randy held him tightly against his body, not allowing him to pull away.

"No one, no one ever, has made me feel like you do. I love you, too" John whispered.

Randy held his man in his arms, loving the feel of his body on top of him, his cock still buried to the hilt inside of him. John's head was leaning against his neck. Randy felt the warm panting breath and the light kisses and along his neck and collarbone and sighed contently.

* * *

Randy bent over his open gym bag, zipping it shut once everything was folded inside. He stood up, his back aching from the match he had just participated in, and swung the gym bag over his shoulder. With his free hand, he grabbed his championship belt and cell phone and began to walk towards the locker room door. He smiled and said his goodbyes to the few men remaining and exited the room, anxious to get back to the hotel room for the night. He and John had the next 3 days off and he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his husband and family, even if John was forcing them back to the Tampa house.

"Randy,"

Randy turned at the sound of his name and his eyes met those of George, Vince's personal assistant and the most nervous man he had ever seen. The smaller man stood in front of him, swaying from side to side.

"What's up, George?"

George smiled hesitantly. "Mr. McMahon would like to see you before you go for the night. He's in his office waiting for you."

Randy nodded. "Sure, that's no problem." He smiled and turned around, quickly walking down the hall to the room that was designated as Vince's office. As he approached the door, Paul Levesque walked out of it. Randy smiled at the sight of his good friend and mentor.

"Hey, Hunt. Is the old man in a good mood?"

Paul laughed and shook his head. "When is he ever?"

Randy nodded and leaned on the door. "He wants to see me. Do you have any idea…" He raised his eyebrow and saw Paul frown in confusion.

"No, he didn't mention it to me." Paul looked at Randy carefully, his eyes clouding with concern. "Did something happen, Ran? Did you do something? Tell me if you did and I'll help you."

Randy smiled and quickly shook his head. "No, I didn't do anything. I've done all the interviews and appearances on my schedule and I've been on time for all of them. I'm doing great in the ring, in my opinion, at least. I've been helping some of the new guys…I don't know what it could be."

Paul nodded and patted Randy's back. "Well, then if all is well, he probably just wants to give you more work."

Randy rolled his eyes and nodded. "Exactly what I was thinking. It's not gonna work, though. John and I promised each other we would slow it down a little."

Paul nodded. "I understand and agree. When you commit yourself to another person, you have to make them the priority. You and Johnny are good for each other. I don't want anything to split you up."

"It won't," Randy shook his head and embraced the older man briefly.

"All right, well I'll see you next week, kid. If you need me you know where to call me." Paul patted Randy's back one final time before continuing on down the hallway.

Randy watched him go and took a deep breath before raising his hand to knock on the office door. Vince's gruff voice motioned him from inside to come in and Randy slowly pushed the door open. "Hey, Vince, you wanted to see me?"

Vince McMahon smiled at him from behind his desk and pointed to the seat in front of it. "Sit down, Randy my boy. We're gonna have a nice talk about some concerns I have."

Randy raised an eyebrow, sighing inwardly as he slid his long body into the chair. This did not sound like one of Vince's speeches when he was going to ask him for a favor.

"OK, let's talk, then."

Vince leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "First, let me tell you how proud I am of you. You're doing great, Randy, and everyone can see it. It's amazing how much you've matured in the past few years."

Randy nodded but remained silent, his anxiety growing.

"I am also very happy of the success you have attained in your personal life. You have a beautiful family who loves you; I know for a fact how proud your parents are of you. You also have a beautiful little girl and I see how happy you are in your relationship with John…"

Vince stopped speaking to clear his throat. Randy smiled at him slowly, "Thanks..."

Vince smiled and shook his head. "I'll cut to the chase because I'm probably not making much sense."

Randy nodded and watched him carefully, the smile still on his face.

"You know I have a great deal of affection for John. I was very concerned when you and he started dating. I don't mean any disrespect, Randy, but you must know how different you and John are from each other."

The smile dropped from Randy's face and he frowned. "Excuse me?"

Vince held up a hand. "It was only a momentary concern, Randy. I soon realized you two were meant to be together when I saw how happy you both were. It's obvious he's had a wonderful influence on you and you on him. He's made you calmer and you've made him more adventurous. It's been a wonderful change and I've enjoyed it very much…until today."

Randy's frown deepened and he shook his head. "I'm not following you, Vince."

Vince leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "John called me a few hours ago and mentioned that he wanted to drop the title as soon as possible and to discuss cutting back on some of his WWE duties. This is very worrisome to me, Randy, because for all the years John has been here, he has never willingly given up a championship or said no to anything I've asked him to do for our fans."

Randy shrugged. "Well, he wasn't married with a child before. Things have changed, Vince, and we both understand that's gonna mean we need a lighter load of work."

Vince sighed. "Randy, let me tell you about marriage, son. In every couple there is the busier party and the party who stays home with the children. It's obvious to me you should remain at home with your daughter, Randy. John is too important to this company and has more of a number of obligations to fulfill…"

Randy held up his hand. "Stop it, Vince, just stop. I know how much you depend on John. It's obvious he's the face of the entire company. John does have a personal life, though. He has more important obligations now-it's not just WWE. If he wants to cut back so he can spend time with **our** daughter and our family, I'm not gonna stop him. Hell, I'm gonna cheer him on. Also, just to prove this was his idea, I offered to drop my title and he wouldn't let me, Vince."

Vince sighed. "I don't want to upset you, Randy. I just don't want to lose our main guy. I knew marriage would change things but…John loves his life, Randy. Don't push him to give it up. It will cause him to resent you later in life."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Vince, please don't lecture me on marriage and on anything having to do with John. I think I know him better than anyone else. I would never push him to do anything he didn't want to do. We made a commitment to each other, Vince. Our families come first now. While we still love our jobs and this company, it's not our number one priority anymore. We have other things to live for now."

"I understand that, Randy and completely appreciate it. It's just, with John, I've always seen more of a dedication to this company than I have with you. Not that you weren't dedicated but you always had other things to occupy your mind, too. It would be easier if we leave things the way they are; you could be the one with the lighter workload and home more often while John continues his duties here. I know it would make him happy, Randy. Perhaps he doesn't want to tell you that and he's only doing this because it's what you want." Vince shrugged his shoulders and leaned back.

Randy watched him silently, his expression hardening. "Again, I would never push John to do anything he didn't want to do. John knew when we got married that we would eventually have to slow down. You had to imagine that, too, Vince. This can't be much of a surprise to you."

"But, Randy," Vince began and was quickly cut off by a frustrated Randy.

"Look, Vince, I'm done. I don't appreciate you interfering in my relationship. The fact is, John and I are married and we're in this together. I can't do it alone and neither can he. We're gonna work it out so it's fair to both of us because neither one of us wants to stop doing what we love. Unfortunately for you, though, we will be cutting back. If you think my dropping the belt will stop John from changing his schedule, you're mistaken. Do with that what you will but please don't interfere anymore unless asked to."

Randy stood from his chair and fixed Vince with a hard look. The older man was not deterred, though and shrugged. "Fine, Randy. I was only trying to help. The last thing I want is for you and John to try to change each other so much you lose who you truly are. If that happens, you know there's no shot of this working out."

Randy clenched his teeth and walked out of the office, letting the door close loudly behind him. His breath came in pants as he quickly walked out of the building, ignoring everyone who attempted to talk to him. As he reached his car and opened the front door, his cell phone rang loudly in the silence of the near empty garage. Randy looked down at the screen to see John's smiling face, indicating a call from his husband.

"Hey,"

"Where are you? I thought you would be home by now." John's voice registered concern and Randy sighed as he slid into the driver's seat and started the car.

"I'm on my way now, John. Got held up." Randy balanced the phone on his ear and slowly pulled the car out of the garage into traffic. "Look, I'm driving and I can't find my earpiece. I can't talk right now, OK."

"You sound pissed. What happened?" John's voice rose with frustration.

"I'll talk to you when I get there, John." Randy ended the call and let the phone drop the seat beside him. He sighed in frustration and he reviewed the conversation he'd had with Vince over in his head. While a part of him knew Vince had meant no harm and was really only selfishly looking out for his interest, another part of him was dissecting Vince's words and worrying about them. The last thing Randy wanted was for John to be unhappy if he gave up doing what he loved but he needed John. The best part of being with John for him was knowing they would be together forever and that the older man would be there for him always. The idea that John may one day resent him because he had forced him to slow down and take a step back from their careers was terrifying. The idea of losing John was even more so.

Randy pulled into the driveway of the hotel he and John were in for the night and handed the rented car off to the doorman. He took his belongings in one hand and slowly made his way up to the room, knowing John would be waiting to talk to him.

As he slid the key into the lock, Randy took a deep breath before pushing the door open. The sounds of the television filled the room and Randy spotted John's empty gym bag lying on a chair. He smiled when he saw his husband had already separated the clothes, probably in an effort to not cause Randy more stress. Randy's eyes searched the room until they fell upon John lying in the bed. "Hey, babe."

John turned to meet his eyes, a smile splitting his face. "Hey," He sat up from the rumpled bed and patted the side of it. Randy smiled slowly and walked over, lowering himself next to John's warm body. John wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, letting Randy chose when to break the silence.

Randy sighed and relaxed into John's embrace, his eyes closing as he tried to let some of the night's frustration melt away. He felt John place a kiss on his head and pull him closer. "If I said I wanted to stay here, like this, forever, would you be mad at me?"

John frowned but maintained his hold on the younger man. "No. I would think that's a great idea."

"If I wanted to just stop it all and stop being Randy Orton, the Viper, would you still love me?"

John barely heard the mumbled question from where Randy had buried himself in his chest. He bent to look at him but only saw the top of his head. "I will always love you, Randy. I didn't fall in love with the Viper. I fell in love with Randy Orton. I mean, if I wasn't John Cena of the WWE, would you not love me?"

At that statement, Randy finally lifted his head, his normally happy eyes looking sad and downcast. "Could you ever not be John Cena of the WWE?"

John laughed and nodded. "Well, I wasn't John Cena of the WWE until I was in my 20's. I think I could go back to being just an average, extremely attractive guy."

Randy remained stoic, not smiling the way John wanted. "I don't think you could. You love it too much."

"But I love you a million times more," John stressed, his own face hardening. "What's wrong with you? What's with all these questions?"

Randy lifted himself up off John's body and scooted to the edge of the bed. "I was late because McMahon called me into his office to give me a huge lecture because you told him you wanted to drop the title and cut back."

"Shit," John rolled his eyes and sighed. "That damn man. Why does he do shit like this?"

Randy shrugged, his eyes focused on the bed. John reached over and took his hand, stroking it gently. "Baby, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I didn't think he would take it out on you. I thought he would just get pissed at me."

"He kept telling me not to ask you to change too much; that if I made you give up all you do for the WWE you would just resent me for it one day and we wouldn't last. It was a frustrating conversation, to say the least." Randy finally cracked a smile and shook his head.

"I'm gonna kill that old son of a bitch. Who the hell is he to talk about our relationship? Does he think he's the king of stable relationships? Wait till I see him…as a matter of fact, I'm gonna call his ass right now…" John stood off the bed and stalked over to his phone. As he reached forward to grab it, Randy pulled him away.

"Stop, John. He was just being Vince; a selfish jerk who's only concerned about how he could lose his number 1 superstar. Just forget it."

John frowned and shook his head. "I can't forget it and its obvious you can't either. That's the point of all these questions, isn't it? All it takes is one dumbass person to say something and you start having doubts?"

Randy remained quiet as he walked back over to the bed. He sat down on the edge and lifted his foot, removing his sneakers.

"Randy, what's going on?"

The younger man sighed and lifted his head. He shrugged and shook his head at John's obvious frustration. "I don't know. God, I don't know. It's like I'm still, even after all this time, waiting for us to fall apart because of some stupid reason. All it takes is one moronic statement for all those doubt to fill my head and that little voice to start telling me how I'm not good enough for you…"

Randy stopped talking and lowered his entire body down to the bed. "I know you hate when I do this, John. I know you love me and our family and you want to be with me forever; I know this. I shouldn't have these thoughts. I don't know why they creep up all of the sudden and I don't know how to stop them."

John sighed and walked over to the bed, lying down besides Randy. "I don't know why you have those thoughts, either. You're absolutely right; I do love you and want you forever. You're my entire world and I wouldn't give you up for anyone. I hate that you still doubt that."

Randy turned towards him and shook his head. "I don't doubt that. It's just..." He sighed and closed his eyes. "..It's just intense to love someone so much. What do you do when you no longer have them? That's the scariest thing for me. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. You've become someone I truly can't live without."

"I told you once that I would tell you I love you as many times as you needed to hear it. I'll hug you and kiss you and make love to you as many times as you allow me to because I need you just as much as you need me. I don't plan on going anywhere, Randy. You've become the only person I need in my life. The world could implode tomorrow but if I had you beside me, I would be perfect. Don't let anyone, especially a moron like Vince, make you doubt that, please." John stroked Randy's face lightly before gripping his chin and bringing him forward for a kiss. Randy relaxed into the embrace and wrapped his arm around John's waist, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

When they broke apart, Randy kept his eyes closed and forehead pressed to John's. "I know I'm frustrating and I nag you to clean and I don't listen and it takes forever to get me to understand something as simple as how much you love me. Promise me you won't get tired of that…of me?"

"I already knew all about that and I swore to never get tired of it and you when we got married. Can you promise you won't get tired of me?"

Randy opened his eyes to see a smirking John. He shook his head and smiled. "I swear."


	35. Chapter 34

**December 2011**

"This is my version of hell. I truly believe when I die, this is where I will return." Randy sighed as he looked around the swarms of people in the large room. He knew it was going to be big. Whenever his mother did anything it tended to be big. Add Carol Cena to the mix and it was damn near explosive.

"Oh, Randal. Must you be so dramatic about things? Look at Johnny over there! He's having a ball!" Elaine smiled up at her son as he sighed loudly again. She squeezed his hand comfortingly and tugged him forward. "Darling, go have some fun."

"I hate parties and all these people around me, Mom. Couldn't we have done something smaller?"

Elaine's mouth dropped open. "Are you kidding me? You said Carol and I can have full control over your reception. Then you make us wait 7 months after you got married to actually have the damn thing…"

Randy held up his hand and shook his head. "Blame Vince for that one, Mom. You had to know it would be months before we were all able to take a Saturday night off. Everyone we know usually works that night." He shrugged dismissively. "Besides, it's not that big of a deal anyway."

Elaine frowned and turned away. "It is a big deal, Randal. Carol and I busted our butts to make this nice for you and you're just sitting here in a corner with an ungrateful sneer on your face. It's very hurtful."

Randy's eyes lowered as his mother berated him. It was never his intention to hurt her and seem ungrateful. He just hated huge gatherings…especially when he was the center of attention. Most people would think otherwise; that he loved being stared at and having all the lights on him. It couldn't be further from the truth. John was basking in the limelight, as he loved to do, and Randy was more than happy to let him while he himself faded into the background.

"Mom, I appreciate everything you and Carol did. I love you two so much and I love that you wanted to do this for me and John. You know I'm not a party person, though. I don't need a party to celebrate my marriage. I'm just happy being married to someone I love."

Elaine nodded, a small smile on her face. "Well, for tonight you're gonna have to force yourself to enjoy this party because if I see one more frown on your face or hear one more sigh, I'm gonna tell Carol to hurt you."

Randy laughed softly and nodded. "Oh God no, don't threaten me with Mama Car. I'll go have fun, I swear!"

Elaine laughed and quickly walked off, enjoying her role as one of the hostesses. She moved through the crowd of Randy and John's friends, mostly fellow WWE employees and their families, with the ease of someone who had done it hundreds of times. Randy watched her with a smile as he moved out of his corner and started to mingle with the crowd. In the next couple of hours he lost track of the hands he shook, hugs he gave and thank you's he answered when someone congratulated him on his marriage. Just when his face felt like it would crack from the smile he had glued on, a hand smoothed down his back.

"I shouldn't be enjoying how miserable you are, should I?"

Randy rolled his eyes and turned over slowly, his narrowed eyes meeting John's sparkling ones. "No, asshole, you shouldn't."

John laughed and ran his hand down Randy's arm, stopping to link their hands together. "Come on, grumpy. Let's take a 10 minute break outside."

Randy smiled and weaved through the crowd with John, desperate to escape the noise and faces. They finally reached the large doors leading out of the ballroom into the spacious backyard. Randy inhaled deeply, breathing in the cool, crisp air and closed his eyes tightly. He followed John to the far end of the yard and lowered himself down to the small bench looking towards the remainder of the property. The sounds of the party inside carried out to them but it was much fainter.

"How much longer do we have to stay?"

John smiled as Randy practically threw himself into his embrace. He pulled him in close, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "I'm guessing for awhile. We're kinda what the party revolves around, babe."

Randy groaned into John's chest. "I hate parties. The only good thing about this one is the food. That's what I've been doing the most of; eating! I'm gonna have gained 20 pounds by the time we leave here."

John laughed and shook his head. "Then, how about you try actually mingling with people and being social?"

Randy lifted his head and frowned. "I'm not a social person. Besides, I know everyone here and they've all already told me how happy they are for us. I don't need to hear it again."

John smiled and ran his hand up and down Randy's back. "You know how hard our parents worked on this and I know for them you can be a lovely person. I saw Elaine scolding you earlier and I saw you do what she told you. Just keep it up for a few more hours, handsome."

Randy sighed and slowly nodded. He lifted himself off John and leaned back on the bench. "I love our parents for doing this and I love that our friends took off the one Saturday we have off all year to be here. I really appreciate all of them. I'm just so not a partyer. If someone from 10 years ago could see me now they would be floored. Back then I would already be drunk and probably dropping my pants."

John laughed and nodded. "Yes, what lovely memories. As much as I loved that Randy, I think I love this one even more."

Randy turned over to look at him and smiled. "You wouldn't love me if I was still wild and crazy?"

"I love you exactly the way you are; whether wild and crazy or calm and normal." John raised an eyebrow and sighed. "I just remember how different that Randy was. I loved him but I don't think he would've loved me."

Randy frowned and shook his head. "I've always loved you, John. Back then I loved you as my friend and then it evolved to the kind of love I feel for you now. You're still my best friend but now you're also my partner; the man I wanna share everything with…including my bed. I think even if we went back to how we were 10 years ago, I still would've eventually fallen in love with you."

John smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. Most of the time you would just complain about how vanilla I was…"

"John," Randy rolled his eyes before closing them. "I was drunk. You can't take the word of a drunken man."

"So, I'm not vanilla?"

"Oh, you are definitely the most vanilla person I have ever and will ever meet," Randy's eyes opened and he winked at John. "I still fell in love with you, though. It was as much a shock to me as to you."

John smirked at him and nodded. "And now look at who the vanilla one is…pouting in a corner because we're at a party."

Randy turned his body full over and glared at him. "Don't call me vanilla, Cena."

John shrugged and turned away. "I call them like I see them. You have become vanilla, Orton. I still love you despite it, though; don't worry."

"Go blow yourself. I want a divorce."

John smiled and shook his head at Randy's petulant tone. "Not gonna happen, Orton." He turned back slowly, meeting Randy's glare head-on. "Come on, baby. Don't you wanna be vanilla with me until we're old and gray?"

Randy slowly softened his hard gaze and shrugged. "Still thinking about it."

John laughed and grabbed Randy's forearm, pulling him towards his chest. "If it makes you feel better, vanilla is my favorite flavor."

The odd attempt at a joke worked and Randy burst into laughter. "God, you're so corny, John."

John joined into the laughter, holding Randy against his chest. "But you love me."

Randy nodded, his hand coming up to run over John's face. "I do."

John pressed his lips gently to Randy's, his tongue peeking out to trace them lightly. Randy shivered under John's arms and the older man pulled away.

"You're cold? Let's go in…"

Randy shook his head and tightened his hold on John, raising an eyebrow slowly. "It's not the cold, baby."

John smiled and pressed his lips to Randy's once more, this time more fiercely eliciting a low moan from his husband's mouth. He ran his hands up the younger man's strong back, feeling him tremble under his hands. Randy stroked John's neck as he deepened the kiss, losing himself in the moment. He pulled away with a pant, his stare intent on John.

"Yeah, I think I'll keep you. As long as you can kiss like that, I don't mind you being vanilla." Randy smiled, placing a final quick kiss on John's lips.

John laughed and nodded. "It's not like you have a choice, gorgeous. You're never gonna get rid of me because I'm never gonna let you go."

Randy leaned his chin on John's shoulder, a smile curving his lips, and remained silent. He closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of the St. Louis winter mixed with the scent of John's cologne.

"Uh, excuse me but you two morons have to get back inside at one point, you know! The damn party is for you and not to mention you're both gonna get pneumonia out here! It's freezing!"

Randy's eyes snapped open and landed on an irate looking Carol Cena standing a few feet away from them with her hands crossed over her chest. He quickly backed away from John, his eyes widening in apprehension. "Uh, I just needed some fresh air, Mom. We're going back inside now."

Carol narrowed her eyes and turned towards John, who laughed loudly and took Randy's hand. "Calm down, Mom. It was a little too crowded in there so we came out for some quiet. Don't get so angry. You make Randy very nervous."

Carol rolled her eyes. "Why the hell should I make you nervous, Randy? Grow up! Now, both of you get your butts inside!"

Randy nodded and immediately tugged John forward, the older man laughing loudly. John held onto his hand as they once again entered the crowded banquet hall. The men eventually split apart again as they were swarmed by more well-wishers from different directions. It was an hour later when John saw his husband once more. His eyes widened when he saw him near their table, microphone in hand.

Randy cleared his throat and held the microphone in hand. "Can everyone just stop for one minute please?"

The loud laughter and talking slowly died down as people found their seats or just stood around. In minutes Randy had everyone's attention, including John's, who stood beside their parents' table with a small smile on his face.

"Dessert should be coming out soon and I know people are gonna be able to take the floor and say stuff and I figure I should get up here and talk before John does. Once he gets a hold of this mic I doubt anyone will be able to take it away from him." Randy rolled his eyes but smiled as laughter rose from his family and friends in attendance.

"In all seriousness, though, I just wanted to thank you all for coming tonight. It means a lot to me and John to know we have so many people we can call friends. Bigger thanks, though, go to our parents."

Randy stopped as people started applauding the Cena's and the Orton's. "I have always known that God blessed me with the most amazing parents ever. I'm really thankful he chose to give me in-laws that are just as amazing." He smiled at his and John's parents, watching as the women wiped their eyes.

"But I guess the biggest thanks go to John because without him there would've been no marriage and therefore no party." Randy turned his eyes over to John. The older man stared at him unblinkingly.

"A little while ago, John and I were outside. We started talking about when we met so many years ago and remembering how we were back then. He told me he doubted I would've fallen in love with him back then. I disagreed with him but now that I think about it, he's right. I was too young and way too immature. My main concern was when the next party was. I really think if John and I were to have started dating back then it wouldn't have lasted very long. I didn't know how to make a relationship work and really last. All that would've happened is I would've destroyed the amazing friendship we had."

Randy took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm really glad we waited until we were older and at least a little more mature. I think it allows me to be a better partner now and I hope John agrees. I love the relationship I have built with John over the years and I don't just mean the years we've been dating. I love that my husband is still my best friend. Sometimes I still can't believe that we're together and happy and that this is gonna be my life forever now. I really look forward to what the future brings for me, John and our family."

He winked at John and smiled widely. "Now, bring out some cake! I'm dying for something sweet to eat."

Everyone applauded as Randy set the microphone down and moved towards the table where the ballroom staff was setting up the large cake and desserts his parents had ordered. John quickly stepped forward and grabbed his arm. "No way, Orton. You know I'm still gonna say something."

Randy groaned and pointed at the table. "But John, come on! I want a piece of that cake. It's my favorite."

"The cake isn't going anywhere, Ran." John pulled him back up to the table and took the microphone in his hand. "Before everyone starts eating I just want to respond to what my hubby said. You can all relax because I promise not to talk too long since its obvious that's my rep already."

Randy sighed and leaned on the table, preparing himself for John's speech. He smiled slowly but his eyes kept wandering towards the food.

"First of all, I have to echo Randy's thanks to all of you for being here tonight and for our amazing parents. I can agree with Randy when he said he was blessed with amazing parents because I know I was, too. Then, as if God didn't give me enough there, he blessed me with another amazing set of parents." John smiled over at the parents' table and then turned to face Randy.

"I was also blessed with an amazing best friend who turned into a wonderful husband. It came as a shock to me just like I'm sure it did to most of you but I'm so thankful it happened. It's amazing how one day you can just look at someone and see them in a different light. That's what happened with me and Ran. I've never questioned it because it's never mattered to me how it happened; just that it did. All I know and care about is that this is the man I love; the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and build a family with." John smiled happily at Randy as the younger man leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

"And with that, we can now eat!" Loud laughter and applause filled the room as John placed the microphone down and led Randy back to their table. The staff quickly walked around the packed room placing desserts on the tables and chatter filled the room once more. Randy lowered himself to the seat besides John and smiled as he saw his daughter begin to inhale her piece of cake. "Take it easy, baby."

He laughed when she smiled a chocolate covered grin over at him. The waiter moved behind him and placed his piece of cake in front of him. Randy smiled and looked over at John, who had already begun to eat his own dessert. "As much as I love chocolate cake, you know what I would love more?"

John licked his lips and smiled. "What's that?"

Randy leaned over towards him, resting his head on John's shoulder, his breath tickling the skin on the older man's ear. "If we were home eating this cake in bed; preferably if I were home eating the cake in bed off you."

John groaned softly in his throat making Randy smile against his ear. "Doesn't that sound like fun, baby? Let's go home so we could have some fun; loud fun. Remember, Al is staying with Sammy tonight."

John sighed softly, willing his body to remain unresponsive to Randy's words. "Cut it out. You can't do this to me in front of our parents and kid, Ran."

"Do what? What am I doing besides voicing my love for my husband? What's so wrong about wanting to lick chocolate frosting off you? Is it terrible that I can picture you spread out in our bed, panting and hard for me?" Randy smiled and pulled away slowly, his gaze holding steady onto John's.

John shook his head and turned away as Randy continued to stare at him in the way only he could. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his now racing heartbeat.

"Are you OK, baby? You're looking a little flushed," Randy smiled and leaned forward taking a bite of his cake.

"You're such a jerk. Just wait, Orton. Revenge will come." John glared at Randy before turning his attention back to the rest of his family.

Randy laughed and placed his hand on John's thigh, giving it a firm squeeze before leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek. "Come on, Johnny. You can't be mad at me. Besides, don't you want us to always react this way to each other? You must know you do the same thing to me, baby. Isn't it nice to know?"

John slowly dropped his glare and sighed, nodding his head. "I guess."

Randy smiled and turned his attention the waiter behind him. "Make sure there's a piece of this cake left over for me to take home, understand?"

The waiter nodded and moved around the table, getting other orders and placing food down in front of the guests. John looked over at Randy and shook his head, a smile now gracing his face. "I love you."

Randy's smile widened and he nodded. "I know. I love you, too."

* * *

**January 2012**

"OK, the party is officially over! Tree is put away, gifts have been opened and already broken…" John stopped and looked down, raising an eyebrow at Alanna who avoided his gaze. "… and vacation time has come to an end. Tomorrow morning Ms. Alanna returns to school and Daddy and I return to work."

Alanna pouted and leaned her head on Randy's chest. Randy smiled and placed a kiss on her head, hugging her tightly to him. "Don't pout, baby. What if your face froze like that?"

Alanna frowned at him. "Will it?"

Randy laughed and shrugged. "Maybe you shouldn't, just in case." He looked up towards John and sighed. "I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here."

John nodded and walked over to the large sofa where they both sat. He sat next to Randy and pulled him and their daughter in for a hug. "I don't want to leave either, baby, but we have things to do. Just be happy we were able to spend an entire holiday season together with a very easy workload."

Randy nodded. "I know. I'm always gonna be greedy, though. Despite how much free time we both have, I'm always gonna want more time with you and Al."

John smiled slowly. "I can't wait till a few years from now when you're asking me to give you some space and a teenage Ally is asking me to leave her alone."

Alanna looked up at him and smiled. "I don't want you to leave me alone, Daddy."

John laughed and nodded. "Good, because I don't plan to."

"And I doubt I'll ever want space from you," Randy smiled and closed his eyes, relishing in the feel of being surrounded by the two people he loved most of all.

The silence remained only minutes until Alanna lifted her head from his chest. "When is Mommy coming?"

John looked down at his watch. "Soon, baby. How about you go upstairs and pick out what you're gonna take? We'll be up to help you in a few minutes."

Alanna nodded and climbed off Randy's lap. She ran off to her bedroom leaving the two men alone. Randy sighed as he watched her go and turned back to look at John. "I guess it's really over."

John maintained his hold around Randy's shoulder. "We shouldn't complain, baby. The cutting back we both did has really helped. We get to spend more time together in an environment that doesn't include an arena, we have more energy for Al and our family and we've both just physically felt better."

Randy frowned and lifted himself off John's body. "All true except for the feeling better physically. You and a headache have damn near become inseparable, John."

John shook his head, a small laugh escaping his lips. "Well, baby, you try not having a headache with all the things we still have to do. Despite my new and improved easier schedule, I still have tons to do. The only difference is now I've developed hobbies."

Randy laughed and nodded. "Yes, you have; way too many of them. Still, baby, I worry about you. I'm gonna make an appointment with doc for you."

John groaned and leaned back. "I hate doctors, Randy. Besides, I'm fine. It's just a headache that I get when I'm stressed."

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up, walking over to the computer desk. He quickly logged on and began to scan the weekly schedule he made for his family. "OK, so Tuesday afternoon, I'm putting you down for an appointment with Doctor Johnson. I'm sick of hearing you complain but doing nothing about it. If it were me that was sick, you would've already dragged my ass to the ER."

"But that's the thing, Ran! I'm not sick. It's just stress!" John's voice rose with frustration but Randy completely ignored him. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of their doctor. "Randy, put down that fucking phone! I'm not going to a doctor!"

Randy shot John a glare out the corner of his eye and stood, walking over to the backyard with the phone in his hand.

"Doctor's Office. How can I help you?"

"I would like to make an appointment with Doctor Johnson for John Cena. Next Tuesday afternoon if he has it available." Randy slammed the backyard door shut in John's face, smiling when the older man angrily flipped him off and stalked away.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Randy sighed and leaned on the door. "John has been getting these headaches on and off for a few months now but he says it's just stress. I would like another opinion, though. He's had a number of concussions in the past so I'm a bit worried…"

"Of course, sir. We can see Mr. Cena at 5:00pm in our office. It should be quiet by then."

Randy smiled and ended the call after thanking the receptionist and accepting the appointment. He took a deep breath and turned around, preparing himself for the tirade John was going to launch into when he entered the room. Sliding the door open, Randy entered into the surprisingly quiet kitchen. He walked out of the room and finally spotted John sprawled on the sofa with the television on.

"Can you turn that off, please? We need to talk."

John rolled his eyes and raised the volume on the television instead. Randy sighed and walked over to him, grabbing the remote from his hand. He held it out of his reach and sat in front of him. "Will you stop acting like a fucking kid, John?"

John swung his legs over the side of the sofa and tried to stand. "Then stop treating me like a fucking kid, Randy. I think I know by now when something is serious and when it's not. Not only did I go to school for this but I know my body better than any doctor does. I feel fine!"

Randy nodded. "So then what's the problem with letting the doctor prove it to us?"

John sighed. "Why can't you take my word for it?"

"Because, you're not a doctor, John. Our bodies go through so much torture that we learn to live with it and we stop noticing the signs that something else may be wrong; something more serious. I just want to be careful. What's the harm in going to see the doc?" Randy leaned forward and took John's hand in his. "We're supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, Johnny. I don't want anything to ruin that plan. Do you?"

John sighed even louder as he stared down at his and Randy's clasped hands. "Of course not, Ran. I just really believe I'm OK…"

"Then there should be no problem, right?" Randy raised an eyebrow and slid over to the couch besides John. "You can't be mad at me for loving you."

John laughed softly and shook his head. "Fine, Orton, enough of the guilt trip. I'll go."

* * *

The weekend flew by before John's eyes. From personal appearances to actual WWE events, time seemed to blur for him. Randy and he had not been on the same tour schedule for months now when it became obvious both men could not remain on the same brand. Two huge superstars on one show and none on the other was not fair. Randy gladly accepted his transfer to Smackdown, leaving John to remain the bigger star on Raw. He happily reunited with Ted and Cody, while not onscreen, and quickly became the go to guy for the blue brand. Many hours were spent mentoring the younger guys coming up and much advice was asked of him on how to make the show better. It worked well for the couple who was now allowed to continue developing on their own. It also worked well on a personal level. Randy would never admit to John that he had been right; a little space was necessary when you lived and worked together.

"I want to go home. This doctor is taking forever."

Randy lifted his eyes up from his cell phone screen and narrowed them dangerously at his husband. "I am so sick of your complaining. We got here early. The doctor said he would be here at 5 and it's barely that. Calm the fuck down, John."

John clenched his jaw and scowled. "We just got home this morning. I barely had time to take a piss before you dragged me here and now I'm sitting around waiting. We're gonna be here all night!"

Randy sighed and lowered his phone. "All right, John, enough. I'm serious now. I did everything I could to make this as simple a process as I could. Didn't I get you to take all the tests Doctor Johnson wanted before today? That killed some time. We're just here to get some answers. Have some patience, baby."

John turned away and crossed his arms over his chest. "I know. I'm just…" He trailed off and sighed inwardly, moving his gaze to look out of the window. He was acting like a brat and he knew it. Randy had arranged for him to go see one of the WWE doctors on the road and get all the blood work and MRI Doctor Johnson had recommended for him out of the way. It had taken Vince screaming in his face to actually get him up and out of the hotel. John had been livid Randy had called Vince to tell him of his headaches. It only proved how well his husband knew him…and Vince McMahon. There was no way the owner of WWE was going to let his number one star get sick. He personally took John to get all the tests despite the numerous threats he received.

"Johnny,"

John turned back to look into Randy's concerned eyes. The younger man reached his hand out to John and frowned. "Do you feel something you're not telling me? Be honest, please, baby."

John smiled and shook his head. "I swear to you, I feel fine, Randy. If I thought something were wrong, I would tell you. I don't plan on hiding anything from you or lying to you. We swore never to do that."

Randy nodded slowly. "OK."

The men stared at each other wordlessly, a smile on John's face as he tried to remove the concern from his husband's eyes. The door to the office opened behind them and their longtime St. Louis doctor, Derek Johnson, walked into the room.

"Good afternoon, boys. Thanks for waiting. I had a patient that took a bit longer than expected."

Both men turned their attention to him and smiled. Doctor Johnson settled himself in his chair and opened the file that the other doctor had sent over with John's exams. His brow creased as he read over them silently. Randy bit his lip anxiously, waiting to hear what the doctor had to say. Just when he thought he could take no more, Doctor Johnson looked up.

"Well, I've read through everything Doctor Ward sent over. Randy, I'm glad you convinced John to come in to see me."

Randy inhaled a deep breath. "Why?"

John's grip on Randy's hand loosened until it fell away completely. His heart had begun to race and it was suddenly difficult for him to breathe. "What's wrong with me? Just say it."

Doctor Johnson took a deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh. "John…"


	36. Chapter 35

Both men turned their attention to him and smiled. Doctor Johnson settled himself in his chair and opened the file that the other doctor had sent over with John's exams. His brow creased as he read over them silently. Randy bit his lip anxiously, waiting to hear what the doctor had to say. Just when he thought he could take no more, Doctor Johnson looked up.

"Well, I've read through everything Doctor Ward sent over. Randy, I'm glad you convinced John to come in to see me."

Randy inhaled a deep breath. "Why?"

John's grip on Randy's hand loosened until it fell away completely. His heart had begun to race and it was suddenly difficult for him to breathe. "What's wrong with me? Just say it."

Doctor Johnson took a deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh. "John, your blood pressure is practically through the roof! It's no wonder you're getting non-stop headaches. I'm going to have to put you on medication. It's such a shame, John. You're so active and young; relatively healthy otherwise."

Both men stared at him, not a word being spoken. John finally cracked the silence with a loud laugh. "Are you kidding me?"

Doctor Johnson frowned and raised an eyebrow towards John. "Uh, I don't think this is a laughing matter, John. High blood pressure is the leading cause of future heart problems, kidney problems; it can cause a stroke or even cause you to go blind one day! Does that sound funny to you?"

John quickly shook his head and grew serious. "No, of course not. It's just…well, compared to what Randy and I were thinking, this is actually good news." He looked over at Randy, who still had a blank look on his face and raised an eyebrow. "Right, Ran?"

Randy snapped out of his daze long enough to nod slowly. "Yeah,"

John frowned and turned his body over. "You don't sound too happy about that, dear. Were you wishing for something more?"

Randy frowned in annoyance and slowly smiled. "Yes, John, I was. I was hoping you'd have the worst thing possible in your head." His gaze quickly hardened. "Why would you ask me something like that? Of course I'm glad it's nothing serious, John. I'm just kind of surprised here, OK."

"Why are you surprised? Why are you even still thinking about it?" John sighed and turned over. "It's good news. A pill will fix me right up."

"I don't want you to have that attitude, John. I don't expect you to be on medication for long. I want you to take steps to regulate your blood pressure so you only have to take medication temporarily." Doctor Johnson looked down at John's file and made some notes while John rolled his eyes. He sighed and looked out the window, ignoring the other two men in the room.

"How did this happen, Doc? I mean, John's still young, he works out, I make sure he eats healthy, he's cut back a lot on his schedule…I don't understand this."

John turned back over, his face registering his surprise at the concern he still heard in Randy's voice. The younger man leaned forward on the Doctor's desk, his face marred by a worried frown.

"Oh, it could run in John's family or be caused by smoking…"

Randy's eyes widened. "Smoking?"

John immediately reached a hand out to Randy's arm. "Stop. I know where your brain is already headed with this."

Randy ignored the tug of John's hand and continued staring at the Doctor. "Could it be caused by second hand smoke?"

Doctor Johnson tilted his head to the side. "That hasn't been conclusively proven yet. A study recently discovered second hand smoke could induce high blood pressure in children but no study has ever demonstrated that for adults. Some experts believe adults aren't as much at risk as children but, of course, there are some who believe the risks are the same all around." He frowned and looked at Randy harshly. "Why? Randy, are you still smoking?"

Randy took a deep breath and leaned back, his eyes averting the doctors stare. John held onto his arm tightly and shook his head.

"Look, Doc, Ran has cut back a lot and even when he does have one, I make him do it in our yard. I don't think that's the cause. Isn't stress a cause of hypertension? Its gotta be that. God knows I'm always stressed." John let out a small, nervous laugh and glanced back and forth between both men.

"Yes, stress is a cause. I would still hope Randy gave up smoking completely one day, though." Doctor Johnson sighed and closed John's file. He took two papers off the top of the pile and handed them to him.

"John, I've prescribed a low dose of cardizem to help you. I also suggest cutting back on salt in your diet and alcohol consumption. Continue your physical activity to maintain your weight at its healthy mark and talk to your parents. Hypertension may run in the family. I want to see you back in my office in a month, OK."

John nodded and took the papers. He squeezed Randy's hand as he stood, urging the younger man out of his daze. Randy looked over at him and stood up, releasing his hand from John's grip. "Thanks for everything, Doc. I can honestly tell you I've smoked my last cigarette."

Doctor Johnson smiled. "Well, that is wonderful news. Don't worry, Randy. John will be fine as long as he does what I've told him. I'll keep a good eye on him."

Randy smiled thinly and nodded. He walked out of the office and down the now deserted hallway. John quickly followed, catching up to his husband as he pressed the button on the elevator. "In a rush, I see?"

Randy slid his sunglasses over his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. "I just wanna get to the pharmacy and home. I'm exhausted."

John sighed and slid the paperwork from the doctor in his back pocket. "Ran, cut the shit. What's wrong with you? I better not hear you tell me you're blaming yourself for anything."

"Maybe it is my fault. I've smoked since you know me. Maybe it all finally caught up to someone and the person it caught up to is you."

The elevator dinged its arrival on their floor and Randy quickly entered. John frowned and remained standing, floored to think Randy would blame himself for anything concerning John's health.

"Are you coming? I'm not gonna wait here all day."

Even with the dark sunglasses covering his eyes John could see the eye roll that accompanied Randy's words. He stepped into the elevator and looked closely at him. "Ran, you've done nothing. All your smoking is doing is hurting you, not me. That's why I'm always on your ass to quit. Baby, years of stress and eating shitty food on the road is what caused this. Thankfully, it's something I can bring back under control. There's no reason to worry." John spoke calmly, willing Randy to understand. He tentatively reached for the younger man's hand and squeezed it gently. "If I think you're blaming yourself its only gonna cause me more stress…"

Randy looked over at him and shook his head. "I'm not kidding this time. I'm quitting smoking."

John smiled and nodded. "Good. That's the best news I could ever get and a big load off my back. I can already feel the blood pressure going down."

Randy's lips slowly curved into a smile he tried to fight. "Don't try to make me feel better. Maybe my smoking didn't cause this completely but it hasn't helped either of our health. I think Doc pointing it out today is what really drilled it in. I'm not only hurting myself but I'm hurting you and even Al!"

"Look, Ran, I'm not excusing your smoking. I've told you for years how much I hate it and how I want you to give it up. If Doc's words got through to you today, then amen! He did something I haven't been able to do. I just don't want you to blame yourself for something no one had any control over. We can only protect our bodies so much, baby. Can't we just be happy that of all the things that could've been wrong with me, it was something small in the grand scheme of health problems?" John's smile widened, his dimple deepening as his hold on Randy's hand tightened. The elevator reached the ground floor and both men stepped out into the night air.

"Fine, I'll give. Today's news was good news." Randy's smile was finally allowed to break free on his face.

John laughed and reached his hand forward, pulling the sunglasses away from Randy's eyes. "I hate these shits. I want to see your eyes."

Randy quickly took the glasses back and walked towards their car. "I look the same way I did this morning, John. I told you not to touch my sunglasses. You're gonna smudge them and they're worth more than your car."

John laughed loudly and grabbed Randy's hip to pull him closer. He leaned his head down and brushed Randy's lips. "Don't compare my beautiful cars to your stupid sunglasses, baby."

Randy leaned in and pressed his lips to John's. It was a soft kiss and even when Randy slipped his tongue forward and into John's mouth, it was slow and sweet. John let his hand slide down Randy's right arm. He took Randy's hand and pressed it against his groin, letting the younger man feel his erection as he moved his lips.

"Do you feel what you do to me?" John whispered into his ear.

Randy closed his eyes and shuddered. The sensation of John's breath tickling his ear was too much. He squeezed the large bulge in his hand, stroking his fingers back and forth over the denim-encased flesh. "Let's get out of here."

John nodded against his forehead and forced himself away from Randy's warm body. The men quickly climbed into their car and let the warmth of the heater wash over them. Randy sighed as he turned on the car and headed for the nearest drug store he could think of. John frowned when he realized the direction they were heading. "This isn't the way home."

Randy nodded. "I didn't say we were going home first."

John's frown deepened. "I've got a situation here I thought you were gonna take care of, baby."

Randy shook his head. "You're gonna have to calm that situation down for a couple more hours. We have to get your meds, John."

John groaned and leaned his head back on the headrest. "God, you really know how to kill a mood. I need you more than I need the medicine, Ran."

Randy slowed the car down at the next stop light and looked over at John. "I promise you when we get home I will do anything you need but I really want you to start taking this medication, John. Just do it for my peace of mind, please."

John opened his eyes slowly and met Randy's concerned ones. "Fine, but I will be holding you to your promise."

Randy smiled and turned away, leading the car forward. "I'm sure you will."

* * *

Days later John had accepted what his life had now become. If he had thought his husband was anal before, he had thought wrong. Randy woke him up every morning to take his medication then dragged him to a new and improved workout he had come up with on the advice of their doctor, monitored every bite of food he put in his mouth and allowed no one to tell him anything he deemed even a bit stressful. It had turned something he enjoyed immensely, being home with Randy, into something that he wanted to run away from. There was no doubt how much he loved the younger man and it was obvious how much Randy loved him, but he was driving him crazy. Being on the road for a couple of days without him would actually be a blessing right about now. Even though, knowing his husband as well as he did, he had most likely already told someone about John's condition so he could be monitored even on the road without knowing it.

On their final morning at home, miraculously, John awoke before Randy. He looked over at the sleeping man and smiled, happy that the dark circles and frown that had become a part of his face since their doctor's visit, were now receding. He climbed off the bed and walked over to the window, not bothering to put on any of the clothes he and Randy had hastily discarded in their frenzied lovemaking the night before. John stood in front of the window, adjusting the heating unit to warm the room some more as Randy slowly awoke behind him. His lips curved into a smirk as he stared at John.

"What the hell are you doing naked in front of the window, John? You're showing off my goods to the whole community."

John laughed and tugged the curtains closed. He turned back to Randy and looked down at his slowly rising erection. "Oh, so this is yours now?"

Randy raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Damn right it's mine. It's been mine for a long time now. Am I wrong?"

John crawled into bed with Randy, pushing the blankets down to the foot of the bed. He slid next to Randy and wrapped his arms around him. "Yeah, babe. It's yours." He slid his hand down Randy's body to his already hard cock and gripped it in his fist. "And this is mine." He ran a finger through the crack of Randy's ass. His voice dropped to a husky growl. "This here is mine, too. You belong to me, Randy. You are all mine. No one else will ever touch you."

"Don't you think the ring is enough to let people know? Or do you think I need to get 'Property of John Cena' tattooed on my forehead…or my dick?" Randy smirk grew as he looked into John's eyes.

"Smart ass," John laughed.

Randy laughed and put his hand around the back of John's neck and pulled him closer. "I love you, Johnny." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "And I love it when you get all growly and possessive."

"I love you, too, baby."

John grabbed Randy's leg and hooked it over his, giving him access to all of Randy's body. John quickly grabbed a bottle of lube from the table next to their bed and poured some of the slick liquid over his fingers. He rubbed his slick fingers into Randy's crack, slipping a finger inside and making his husband moan.

John kissed Randy deeply while his fingers expertly manipulated Randy's sphincter, preparing him to take his hardened member, already starting to drip and ache with need.

Randy broke the kiss and took a breath. "I want you, Johnny."

Once John was satisfied that Randy was stretched and ready, John moved on top of the younger man. Randy's legs spread and cradled John's big body between his thighs. He pulled his legs back, opening himself for his man.

John pushed his cock down and ran it down Randy's crack. When the slippery head reached his hole, John gave a push forward. His cock popped through Randy's tight muscular ring and then sunk inside. So soft and so warm, Randy's hole stretched and enclosed his cock like a glove.

John rested his weight on his forearms, and cradled Randy's head in his hands. Randy's hands rested against John's chest while his legs locked around his hips.

"Move, John," Randy begged. "Please."

John nodded, his eyes drifting shut. "Ran, you feel so good, baby."

Randy grabbed John's waist and pulled him forward, urging him to move in deeper. John started out slow, then gradually moving in longer strokes until he was giving Randy his full length.

John changed up his angle until he found Randy's prostate. When he hit the sensitive nerves, Randy's body shuddered and he let out a slow groan and his head rolled from side to side. John kept up the slow and steady rhythm with his hips. Randy's hands slid up and down John's chest and stomach, back around his back up to his wide shoulders.

John made sure to hit Randy's prostate with each thrust. Randy's body trembled beneath John's as he arched his back up, pushing his throbbing dick against John's pumping body.

John leaned his head down and pressed his lips to Randy's. Randy eagerly met the kiss, sucking on John's tongue and stroking it with his own.

All the while John kept up the slow and steady rhythm. Each snap of his hips was slow and sure, gradually building both men up to what was going to be an explosive climax. John spit into the palm of his hand and pressed it between their bodies. He grabbed Randy's dick in his fist and gripped it tight. His mouth moved to Randy's neck and he sucked hard, purposely marking Randy's neck down to his collarbone, relishing in Randy's whimpers.

Randy gasped and bucked his hips, trying to pump into John's hand while pushing back onto John's cock. "Oh god, John... Just like that," he moaned quietly. "Don't stop, baby. It feels so good."

"Ran," John grunted. "Come with me, baby."

Randy's back arched up and he dug his heels into John's muscular back. "I'm coming, John." He couldn't help but cry out in ecstasy.

As Randy writhed beneath him, scratching his nails into John's back, the older man continued thrusting, his cries matching Randy's as he came into him, filling him completely.

John collapsed on top of Randy, kissing him slowly and leisurely until he finally rolled over. "Wow. I gotta admit, baby, of all your ways to keep my blood pressure regular, this one is your best. You can do this anytime you want."

Randy laughed softly, turning over towards John's body. "I like that idea." He ran his fingers over his neck, feeling the tender skin. "Did you give me a fucking hickey?"

John smiled and nuzzled into Randy's neck over the red bruises. He flicked his tongue over the most prominent one and planted a kiss there. "Maybe a little one,"

"Yeah, right, 'a little one'. I guess I should be happy. Unlike the forehead or dick tattoo, the hickey will fade away eventually." Randy rolled his eyes and turned his body over.

John grunted. "Hmm, I didn't think of that. I guess I'll just have to make more of them." He reached for Randy's hip and pulled him over, his lips reaching for the younger man's neck once more.

Randy laughed as he bunched up his shoulder and squirmed away from John's mouth. "You're lucky I love you,"

* * *

The month quickly passed and after the next visit to Doctor Johnson's office John's health had taken a turn for the better. It was welcome news to Doctor Johnson, Randy and especially John. His goal was for things to get back to normal. There should not be daily doctor phone calls in his house and his husband should not be hovering over him…unless it was in bed. Just when John thought he could take no more, Doctor Johnson had given him the great news. His blood pressure had regulated and everything else health related was fine. The medication would stay for a couple more months just as a precaution but it was no cause for alarm.

For the first time in months the Raw and Smackdown rosters were spending the day together. Most of the rosters were scheduled to spend the day at a joint Make-a-Wish and Adopt America charity event and a WWE supershow that night. It was not only a chance for the men and women of the WWE to make a difference in two amazing charities but it was a chance for those who didn't see each other often to spend time together.

John was thrilled. He enjoyed his charity appearances, especially when they had anything to do with children. His love for children had always been something present in his life but it intensified when Alanna came into his life. Randy, however, was anything but thrilled. He had stayed true to his word and been cigarette free for the past 30 days now. The worry of John's health had distracted his mind for the bulk of that time but now that he knew John was OK, all he could think of was smoking again. He was fighting it, though and if anyone could be stubborn about something, it was Randy Orton.

"Johnny!"

John was snapped from his thoughts with the always cheerful voice of Cody Rhodes. He smiled happily and hugged the younger man. "Hey, Codes! God, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

Cody eagerly returned the hug and nodded. "I know! It's been weeks. How are you feeling?"

"Fine." John slowly frowned. "Why? Did Randy tell you?"

Cody averted his eyes and looked around the crowded conference room. "Tell me what? He said nothing about anything."

"You're such a shitty liar, Cody, but I still love you." John laughed and shook his head. "I'm fine, kiddo. It's not like I have a disease. It was just a momentary worry but I took care of it."

"Of course you did. You're like our superhero." Cody laughed and looked around the room, his eyes immediately brightening when he spotted his longtime boyfriend, Ted Dibiase. "Teddy! Where did you go?"

Ted sighed and walked over to Cody, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Someone needed a new box of Nicorette patches. He was two minutes from RKO'ing some guy in the parking lot just for looking at his car so I took him down the block to some drug store." He smiled over at John and pointed to a door a few feet away from them. "He's in the bathroom, John."

John smiled in thanks at Ted and walked over to the bathroom, smiling at some of the people gathered around. He pushed open the door to the room and scanned it for his husband.

"Ran, you in here?"

A stall door slammed open and an irate Randy stepped out, a small piece of paper clutched in his hand. "Can you put this shit on for me? I can't get the fucking wrapper off and I'm two seconds from ripping it in half."

John hid back a smile as he crossed the room over to Randy. He took the patch from his hand and easily unwrapped it. "Unbutton your shirt a little, baby."

Randy sighed and undid the top buttons of his dress shirt, enough for John to press the nicotine patch on the skin of his upper arm. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his body. Having a cigarette was usually the way he did that but he was determined not to give in to his desire. Whenever he thought he would give in he remembered the fear he felt when he'd thought something was wrong with John and the temptation faded. Tonight, though, it was driving him crazy and was harder to resist. Randy hated events like this…well, anything with a crowd, really. He was just meant to be a presence, though. John would be the star of the show as he usually was in most WWE appearances. Sure, some of the other superstars would speak but John would be the leader. Randy was completely fine with it. He knew he would enjoy the night. Events for children held a soft spot in his heart; even more since he became a dad and realized he wanted more children in the future. He would do anything he could to meet the goal the two foundations had set for the event…as long as he didn't have to speak. The stress of ensuring the event would go well and the hordes of people speaking to him and pulling him in different directions combined with his nicotine withdrawal almost made him snap. He had retreated outside for a few minutes of air and almost punched a man who asked him a question about his car. Thankfully, Ted had pulled up at that moment and steered him away.

"Better?"

Randy opened his eyes and smiled at John. "Better. I swear I'll get over these mood swings soon."

John rolled his eyes and laughed. "I doubt it but you can try."

Randy smirked and fixed his shirt, ignoring John's comment. The older man moved forward and swatted Randy's hands away, taking over the task of fixing Randy's tie himself.

"I'm so proud of you, baby. One month and going strong. It will get better. Just keep up with the patch and one day you'll realize you no longer need it."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know; you're right." He took a deep breath. "We should get out there. The faster we do, the faster the night will end, right?"

John laughed and gave Randy's hand a squeeze before pulling him in for a quick kiss. "Always my antisocial lover…"

The men walked out into the crowded conference room and John was instantly swept away by the Board Members of the 2 charities in attendance. He was quickly joined by Vince McMahon and other members of the WWE board. Randy watched John with pride in his eyes. It was amazing to him how at ease John was in these situations. He always knew the right things to say and was never bothered by the questions and requests. It was obvious the older man enjoyed his work and using his position to help anyone he could.

"Is it safe to talk to you now? You damn near pushed me away from you when me and Teddy drove up."

Randy turned to meet Cody's sorrow filled eyes. "Codes, I'm sorry. I just needed my patch and…whatever, it's not an excuse. I'm sorry, OK."

Cody quickly smiled and nodded. "Don't worry; I know when crazy Randy pops up I'm just supposed to ignore him. I'm so happy you quit smoking, Ran!"

Randy nodded. "Me, too." He turned his eyes back to John, who raised his at the same time. The older man discreetly winked at him before turning back to his conversation. "Is it terrible I wanna go home?"

Cody shook his head. "No, it's not terrible; it's just you being you." He smiled at Randy before playfully nudging him. "Come on, grump. This event is to help kids and I know behind that cold glare there's an incredibly warm heart that loves kids. Let's get some food. That might help, right?"

Randy nodded and followed Cody to the large banquet table set up in the back of the room. His eyes turned to look for Ted when suddenly 2 children ran in front of him, making him stumble. Randy reached an arm out and caught Cody's shoulder to steady himself and not fall on top of the children, who continued on running, oblivious to Randy.

"Whoa, you OK?" Cody shook his head as he watched the kids run off. "See, that's why I don't think I can have kids. They never stay still."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "They're just being kids. This has to be boring for them. It was only a matter of time before they found a way to entertain themselves." He shrugged and pulled Cody towards the food. "Come on, I'm hungry."

They had only taken a few steps when a tug on Randy's jacket stopped him once more. He looked down and his eyes widened when he saw a small boy standing in front of him. His deep blue eyes stared into Randy's and he hesitantly smiled.

"I'm sorry about my friends running. I told them not to do that."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "It's OK. I'm fine."

The small boy's smile widened and dimples peeked out of his cheeks. "Still, I'm gonna tell them again not to do it. They almost made you fall!" He waved and quickly ran off after his friends. Randy smiled as he watched him catch up to them and stop them in their tracks.

"Wow, look at that."

Randy turned to watch Cody also looking at the small boy with a smile on his face. "Look at what?"

Cody motioned to the boy, who was still talking, or lecturing it seemed, his friends on the dangers of running in crowds. "He's kind of acting like I would imagine Johnny acted at that age. Don't you see it?" He laughed softly and shook his head. "I can see it. I just know John was the 5 year old running around telling all the other kids how to behave."

Randy smiled and turned back to look at the small boy who had succeeded in getting his friends to walk instead of run. They walked around the group of superstars and other WWE employees, shaking hands with the adults who fawned over the children they knew were part of the foundations there that evening. As if sensing Randy's stare, the boy looked over at him once more and smiled, his dimples deepening.

"Ran, are you gonna eat or what?" Randy turned back over to Cody, who stood beside him with a plate loaded with food and watched him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I am. I just got distracted…" He trailed off to look back into the crowd and was saddened to see the small boy had disappeared. Randy frowned at the strange feeling and turned towards the food. "I'm starving. This is what happens when you quit smoking."

Cody nodded. "But since you're aware of that side effect you can make sure you follow your diet, right?" He turned around and scanned the room. "I wonder where Ted disappeared to. I want us all to eat together. I wish we could pull John away from his adoring fans…oh, look at that! John found his mini me, too!"

Randy turned around and frowned at Cody's comment. "What? Who did John find?"

Cody smiled and pointed into the crowd. "The little boy…the lecturer. John found him, too."

Randy followed Cody's finger into the crowd and finally spotted John. The older man was bent over, his face lit up by a smile, as he talked to the same boy Randy had just met. The child's face was luminous as he talked to John, fascinated he could hold the man's attention. John's laugh carried over the crowd as they spoke, the boy's mixing in and blending perfectly. Randy watched them unblinkingly, unaware of the huge smile that spread on his face as well.


	37. Chapter 36

**Early 2012**

"That dinner was nice last night…in a sad way. I hated seeing all those kids without families and the ones that were sick. It just breaks my heart but I was happy we could help in some way. It was also nice to see some of the other boys we don't get to see often."

Randy nodded, watching John as he went about preparing dinner. It was a surreal night for him. He had never sat back while someone else worked in his kitchen. Watching John take cooking lessons the months before had been an experience. Seeing how his frustration grew over every lesson had been hilarious. John was a man used to succeeding immediately in everything he attempted but this time he hadn't.

"It was nice. Especially when you ran into your mini me." Randy smirked over at John, who frowned over at him. "Who did I run into?"

Randy laughed and leaned forward onto the counter. "The little boy with the big blue eyes and dimples? Remember him? Cody and I nicknamed him your mini me. He was running around lecturing the other kids and we just assumed you were the same way as a child."

John rolled his eyes. "Very funny. I was not that kind of child, OK. I did run around and get in trouble, too, you know."

"Of course you did, baby." Randy smiled and shook his head. "Either way, that kid was beautiful. He's the only one I remember of all the ones we met."

John raised an eyebrow. "Made an impression on you, huh? Aren't you getting more and more fatherly in your old age…"

"Shut up. It was just an observation."

John smiled and shook his head. "I'm just kidding. Don't bite my head off because I called you fatherly. The kid was adorable; I'll give him that. I still remember him, too."

Randy smiled and nodded. "You know, I guess the real reason I can't stop thinking about him is because he reminded me so much of you. He has your features and a bit of your attitude…it makes me wonder about having a little boy like you running around."

John laughed softly and walked around the counter, stopping in front of Randy's chair. "Is that so?"

Randy nodded, pulling John forward by his waist and wrapping his arms around him loosely. "Well, not today but one day…why not? We've already talked about adoption one day. I would love to adopt a little boy who's like you, Johnny. I love you and you know I think you're beautiful and brilliant and you have the best heart of anyone I've ever met so why wouldn't I want our child to be like you?"

John stared intently into Randy's eyes, a small smile on his face. "I love you, you know that? I love Ally so much, too and I swear a big part of that is because of how much she's like you."

"I know. Al and I are fucking amazing." Randy smirked as he ran his hands up and down John's back. "You should love us."

John laughed and grabbed Randy, lifting him from his seat and crushing him to his chest in a ferocious embrace, capturing his lips in a kiss that he completely dominated. Randy groaned against his mouth, and then clutched John, kissing him back just as passionately. When they parted they were gasping, breathless, and thoroughly aroused. John winked at his husband and moved away, walking back around the counter to stare at the chicken he had so meticulously worked on for the past 3 hours, a frown on his face.

"I don't know about this. Maybe I should taste it first and you guys should wait an hour or so before eating just to make sure. I'm kinda scared to poison the two people I love the most."

Randy smiled at him from the seat he had collapsed in around the counter and shook his head. "Baby, it will be fine. There's not many ways to ruin a chicken. As long as it's cooked thoroughly but not so thorough it's like sand, it should be fine."

John sighed and looked down at his plate once more. "I'm still not sure, Ran."

Randy stood and walked around the counter, gently shoving John out of the way. He took a knife and carved off a slice of the meat. "It looks wonderful, John. It looks moist and trust me, it's fully cooked."

John slowly smiled. "Really?"

Randy laughed and put the knife down. "Yes, really. I wouldn't lie to you…especially since I don't feel like getting poisoned either."

John beamed proudly and took the large plate with the chicken away from Randy. He walked over to their dining room table and placed it in the center as Alanna looked on. "Yummy! I love chicken!"

John smiled and nodded. "Me, too. Guess what, Ally? I made this one."

Alanna frowned. "But you don't cook. Daddy cooks."

Randy walked into the room behind John, carrying a bowl of mashed potatoes and salad. "Yes, but now Daddy John cooks, too. He took classes to learn and this is his very first meal. Isn't that great, Al?"

Alanna shrugged, an unconvinced look on her face. "OK."

John looked over at Randy, a small smile on his face. "This is really scary, babe. Her opinion means the most to me."

Randy sat and nodded. "I know it does but I can already assure you she's going to love it."

John smiled and watched nervously as both Randy and Alanna lifted a forkful of his first prepared meal to their mouths. He held his breath as they, mostly Alanna, chewed and swallowed. She quickly smiled and looked at John. "Wow, Daddy John, this is so good!"

John let out the gust of air he had been holding and smiled, looking over at Randy. His husband quickly nodded and took another bite. "It is good, baby. I'm very proud of you."

John's smile widened and he took his own first bite and was immediately surprised to see he agreed with the other opinions. It was good. After thousands of dollars in cooking lessons and countless meals burnt to a crisp, he had finally gotten it. While he was nowhere as talented as Randy was in the kitchen, it was nice to now be able to prepare something simple.

"I can't believe I made this on my own. I feel like when I won my first title."

John laughed and continued eating, the table falling into silence as everyone continued their dinner. The silence was broken minutes later when Alanna spoke.

"Where did you two go yesterday? Why couldn't I come?"

Randy looked over at her and smiled. "We had to work, baby. You know you can't come with us all the time."

"But you had on a suit like for a party," Alanna looked at him warily.

"It was a gathering for charity, Al, not a party. We just had to dress nice." Randy shook his head. "Why are you questioning me so much, kid?"

"Because I want to go to a party!" Alanna pouted and turned over to John. "Can I go to the next one, Daddy John?"

John stopped his fork in midair and smiled slowly. "I don't know, baby. Just because it looks like a party doesn't mean it is. We were still working." He leaned forward on the table. "Do you know what charity is, baby?"

Alanna nodded. "Yes, when you help people who need it."

John nodded. "Good. Well, last night Daddy and I and all our friends from work went to a charity event. It was to help two companies that help children. One was for sick children and the other was for children who had no families. Daddy and I had to get all dressed up so we can help raise money."

"Oh," Alanna responded. "Can we bring home one of the kids with no family?"

Randy jerked his head up and frowned. "What?"

"You promised we could one day and it's been a really long time. Can we please bring one home? You said they had no families." Alanna pouted her lips and lowered her eyes to the tabletop.

Randy rolled his eyes. "Cut it out, Al. It's not like bringing home a puppy. There's a lot we would have to do to adopt a child. We told you we will in the future, OK."

John quickly squeezed Randy's hand, sensing his frustration. "Daddy's right, Ally. We told you we would adopt one day but it's still too soon."

"Well, when can we?" Alanna frowned, oblivious to Randy's rising temper. "I want a brother or a sister to play with! I'm all alone."

"Ally," John began, a concerned frown on his face. "You're not all alone, baby. You go to school and you have tons of friends and you have cousins…"

Alanna's pout only deepened and she dropped her spoon on her plate. "Forget it,"

John looked over at Randy, who continued eating, choosing to ignore his daughter's frustration. He frowned at Randy's lack of involvement in the conversation. It was very unlike the man. Randy took an active approach in anything that involved his daughter.

John shook his head and turned his attention back to his daughter, who had begun to pick on her food once more. "Ally, we promised you one day you would have a sibling and we will not break our promise to you, baby. Just give us some time and let us look into how to do it. Daddy and I have a lot to learn about bringing a new member to our family."

Alanna sighed and nodded reluctantly as John turned to glace over at Randy once more. The younger man had still not lifted his head from his plate. He reached his hand over and grasped Randy's gently.

"You OK?"

Randy looked up and smiled. "I'm fine. I just don't want to talk about this during dinner with little ears present, OK."

John frowned but slowly nodded. He pulled his hand back and resumed eating as the table fell into silence.

* * *

Randy exited the steamy bathroom after his shower and walked over towards his dresser. He shot a sideways glance at John on the bed but turned his attention back to looking for a pair of underwear. He quickly fished out a pair and slid them on. The voices on the television set were the only noise in the room and it made an uneasy feeling creep up Randy's spine. Tonight there was no laughter from John as he watched the comedy playing on the screen; there was no friendly banter between the couple.

Randy walked over to the large bed he shared with John and climbed in beside him, pressing his warm body against his husband's. He wrapped an arm around John's waist and stroked the skin on his stomach. "Hey,"

John looked down on him with a thin smile. "Hey."

John's smile quickly faded and Randy frowned. He leaned into John and lightly kissed the hollow of his husband's throat before moving his way up his jaw line to his earlobe. Pulling away from John's neck, Randy moved towards his lips only to have the older man move his head away.

Randy's eyes widened and he pulled back. "What's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

John sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm just tired, Ran."

Randy's concern remained. "You're lying to me. You're not supposed to do that. You promised me."

John shifted his body down the bed and quickly turned off the television. He turned his body over, effectively removing Randy's arm from his waist. "Believe it or not, I am tired. It's an exhausting job having to deal with all the hard stuff, by myself, when it comes to our daughter."

Randy's eyes widened and he lifted himself off the bed, quickly turning on a lamp. "Excuse me?"

John shrugged, the muscles in his back moving with the action. "I call it like I see it, babe."

Randy angrily reached for his arm and yanked him over, his firm grip remaining on John's skin. "Well what exactly do you think you see?"

John pulled his arm from Randy's grip. "Well, you pretty much left me in sinking waters today at dinnertime when I was trying to explain to her about adoption. I had no idea what I was doing and you kept your mouth shut!"

Randy rolled his eyes. "John, grow up. You're her father now; hell, you've been her father for years. You have to stop being scared to address the tough questions. She's gonna scream and get mad and maybe even one day tell you she hates you. You can't fear that. She doesn't mean it anyway. You can't let me deal with all the hard questions and issues while you get all the good ones! We have to be partners and be equal in her life." He lowered himself back to the bed and stared at the ceiling. "The possibility of us adopting a child moves further and further away when you say things like that to me."

John looked down at him, a sharp pang of pain stabbing at his heart. "What?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "John, I love you and I want a family with you but you still seem to be so insecure with the daddy thing. It's not all rainbows and roses and you seem to think it is. You can't just be present for the good things and ignore the bad. You've had more than enough time to get used to this. I can't be on you all the time to step up and handle things so today I decided to stay quiet and see how you did." He lifted himself up and met John's pained eyes. "And you know what, Johnny? You did great. You're a wonderful father, baby. I just wish you would believe that."

John shrugged, his now dull eyes lowering to the bed. "I don't think I ever handle things well with Ally. A part of me wants to discipline her and do the things I know I should do but I don't want her to ever hate me or tell me…"

Randy frowned and reached for John's hand. "What? Tell you what?"

"That I'm not her real Dad." John sighed. "I don't know how I would deal with that. It would kill me."

Randy shook his head. "Baby, you are her real dad as much as I am. DNA does not make us a family. Our love for each other does. She would never tell you that because Al loves and respects you. If you don't act like a father on a consistent basis, though, that respect will disappear. You don't want her to see you as the easy mark you are, do you, Cena?"

The teasing tone in Randy's voice finally made John lift his head. One look at his husband's eyes made him smile. "I'm not an easy mark, Orton and you damn well know it. I don't plan on being one with her or whatever other children we may have. Just promise me we will have another child one day soon."

Randy nodded. "Of course. Like I would give up a chance at having a smaller version of you running around."

* * *

**Present Day**

Randy bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, his bright eyes anxiously looking up and down the street. The week had crawled by and had been miserable, to say the least. Randy had spent every minute of his time occupied in an effort not to let his thoughts overpower him again. Thankfully, Cody had been a huge help. The younger man was obsessed with planning his wedding and wanted Randy along for every new venue, caterer and florist he visited. As much as Randy grumbled, he appreciated his friend wanting to help. Randy knew Cody was not only using him to help plan his wedding; he was also helping to distract him. As much as Randy complained every morning when Cody would pick him up, both men knew it was appreciated.

The hours he didn't spend with Cody, he spent them in his house. The television or the radio was usually blaring as he walked the large home he had built with his husband for his family. Randy cleaned every inch of every surface he could find until there was nothing left to clean. There was one task, however, that he couldn't seem to complete until the final day. Everyone told him it was time to get rid of John's things but as Randy stood in front of their huge closet and looked at the side holding John's clothes, he just couldn't do it. Those were not just pieces of clothing John had worn. Each one had a story Randy could clearly remember and some still wore his smell. The small amount of jewelry his husband had in his life was another thing he could not part with. There was no doubt their son should be entitled to it. It was that thought that made him stop. Maybe this was something that should be done with his children as a part of the healing process?

As quickly as Randy lost himself in his thoughts, he was snapped out of them with the sound of a car approaching. His heart began to race in excitement and a huge smile broke on his face. He walked to the end of his driveway as Sam's car pulled in, a thick layer of brown dust covering the silver SUV. She opened the driver's seat and stepped out, a smile on her face as Randy eagerly opened the backdoor.

"Hi, darling! Did you enjoy your week of relaxation?"

Randy barely heard her question as his kids climbed out of the car and barreled into his arms. He enveloped them together in a tight hug, feeling his mood lift dramatically. "It was a horrible week. I missed my babies."

Sam laughed over his head and leaned on the car. Randy finally stood and went over to give her a hug. "How was it, Sam?"

Sam sighed and placed a hand on her stomach. "Exhausting but so much fun. I just lounged around as the kids and Frank fished and looked for worms…it was just disgusting."

Randy laughed and nodded. "I know. I hated camping whenever we went, too." He turned to look down at his daughter and smiled. "I'm just surprised a certain princess actually enjoys it."

Alanna nodded, a small smile on her face as she shrugged her shoulders. "Daddy John made it seem like so much fun that now I love it. It's OK to get messy sometimes, Dad."

Randy shrugged. "If you say so. I prefer staying out of nature." He looked down at his son and smiled. "I know you had a blast, kiddo. You couldn't stay out of dirt if I paid you to."

Angel smiled sheepishly and leaned on Randy's side, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I'm a boy."

Randy bent to kiss his forehead and smiled. "I'm a boy, too, you know."

"You're a grownup. Grownups don't like dirt." Angel shook his head and moved over to Sam. "Thanks for taking me, Sammy. I had fun."

Sam hugged him tightly. "Of course, my love. You can go with me anywhere, Angel. I love you very much."

Randy smiled and looked at his daughter. "All right, baby. Say goodbye to mommy so we can go in."

Alanna averted her eyes and took a step closer to her mother. Randy frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "What's up, Al?"

Alanna looked up at her mother, a worried frown on her face. Sam smiled down at her. "Darling, he's not gonna bite your head off."

She looked at Randy and laughed. "I'm going to a spa day tomorrow with all the girls and Ally wants to come. She thinks you'll be mad, though, because it's supposed to be your day."

Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. "Sweetheart, you never have to fear asking me anything! Especially asking me to spend time with your mom."

"Are you sure?" Alanna asked, her eyes radiating concern. Randy bent down to her and hugged her tightly to his frame. "Positive. Go spend girl time with your mommy."

Alanna smiled happily and embraced her father back fiercely. "Thanks, Dad! You and Angel can do boy stuff tonight and I'll be back tomorrow night, OK."

Randy nodded. "Yes, baby." He looked over at Angel and raised an eyebrow. "So, what boy stuff should we do?"

Angel shrugged. "Eat junk food and watch TV?"

* * *

Hours later after the clothes from the trip were unpacked and washed and the dinner had been eaten, Angel lay sprawled on the large sofa staring at the television. Randy threw the dishcloth on the counter as he finished wiping the surface. He checked the backdoor leading to their yard to make sure it was securely locked and then followed the sounds of the television to where his son lay. The young boy barely spared him a glance as Randy threw himself down beside him and lifted his legs to the ottoman in front of him.

"What are we watching?"

Angel lifted his head slightly and smiled at Randy. "A movie about a little boy. He was adopted but he got a really bad daddy."

Randy raised an eyebrow and pulled his son towards him, rearranging them so they lay together, Angel's head on his chest. "Is that so?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah. The daddy hit him really hard."

Randy's hold tightened around his son's shoulders. "That's a horrible man, then. Doesn't deserve to be a Daddy."

Angel lifted his head up and smiled at Randy. "No, because he's bad. Only good men should be a Daddy. Like you and Daddy John."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Well, we tried to be good."

Angel frowned. "You are…and Daddy John was, too!" his eyes lowered momentarily. "Am I a good son?"

Randy smiled and pressed a noisy kiss to Angel's forehead. "No…you're better than good. You're the most perfect, brilliant and wonderful son any Dad could ever have. I am so thankful for you."

Angel smiled happily. "I love you, Daddy." His eyes turned back to the television and then back to Randy. "Did you always want me?"

Randy sighed. "I always wanted another child and I know Daddy John did, too. We loved Al so much we wanted another baby to love. We were nervous, though, about having two kids. Daddy John and I didn't know if we were going to be good Daddies."

"But why? You already had Ally. You both knew how to be a Daddy." Angel turned over in Randy's arms, pulling away and sitting next to him.

Randy shrugged. "I don't know, baby. You'll understand when you have kids. I was scared two of you would be too much for me and Daddy John was scared of having to scold and to punish…" He smiled and shook his head. "But once I first saw you, I couldn't forget about you and suddenly, I wanted you in my life."

Angel's smile widened. "Really? Tell me again how we met." His legs slid underneath him and he sat up eagerly, his eyes sparkling.

Randy smiled and nodded. "We were at a party; Daddy John, Uncle Cody, Uncle Teddy and me and most of our friends from work. This group of mean little boys ran into me and almost knocked me down. All of the sudden another small boy ran up to me to ask me if I was OK. He then walked over to the mean boys and told them it wasn't polite to run in a group of so many people; that they or someone else could get hurt."

Angel laughed and nodded. "It was true."

"So, after this beautiful boy ran off, I was trying to eat when I noticed he had found his way over to my John, who was just as blown away by how amazing this kid was as I was." Randy reached a hand out to tickle Angel and pull the giggling child back into his arms. "I didn't know what was going to happen next but I knew I had to stay in his life one way or another."

Angel smiled, his dimples deepening. "I'm glad you decided to bring me home. I never wanted anyone else."

"Me, either, kiddo. Marrying Daddy and adopting you are the best decisions I ever made. You and Ally are the two most perfect children I could ask for and I know Daddy John felt the same way." Randy squeezed his son tightly and the pair silently remained in the embrace. The television played in front of them quietly but neither one spoke a word for what seemed like hours.

"Daddy, now that Daddy John's not here, do you want another baby?"

Randy's eyes widened and he looked down at the top of his son's head. "What makes you ask that?"

Angel shrugged and turned his head to meet Randy's eyes. "Just wondering."

"Well, I don't think Daddy and I were planning on adopting again either way but who knows what would've happened in the future. Now that Daddy's not here, though, I don't think I will, baby." Randy frowned. "Does that bother you?"

Angel's face remained blank. "I don't know. I want other kids to have a Daddy like you but in a way I kinda want you just for me and Ally."

Randy laughed. "I am just yours and Ally's. Let's not worry about adding to our family right now, OK." He sighed and sat up of the sofa, pulling the boy up with him. "So, I had an idea. I was hoping maybe you could help me with something."

Angel eagerly nodded. "What, Daddy?"

"Well, you know, we have to clean Daddy John's part of the room and I was wondering if you would help me pick some things to keep and some to give away and what you want to keep and then Ally can pick some things…" Randy stopped his rambling when he noticed his son had fallen silent. "Or we don't have to do that, OK. We could just finish the movie."

Angel shook his head. "No, I mean, I don't care, it's just…" He lowered his head but Randy quickly lifted it back up. "We don't have to, Angel. It was just an idea, OK."

Angel's eyes teared up and he again shook his head. "I know. It's just if we throw away his stuff that means Daddy's really not coming back."

Randy frowned. "Baby, Daddy's not coming back. You know he's in heaven…."

"I know but I like having his things here, though, and I know Ally does, too! We look at them sometimes and we can still smell Daddy's cologne on it. It feels like he's still here in a way when we do that…" A tear slid down Angel's face and Randy quickly wiped it away.

"Kiddo, we don't have to do it today but at one point we will have to. Just because we clean up some stuff or give it away to charity doesn't mean we're gonna forget about Daddy. Holding on to his things won't change what happened, baby, as much as I wish it could. Besides, we're not gonna get rid of everything; just some things like old clothes and shoes. All the pictures will stay and all of the things we knew he loved..." Randy stroked his son's face softly, sighing when the child once more shook his head and buried his face in his chest, the tears flowing even stronger.

"All right, forget it, OK. We'll stop talking about it. Calm down, baby. I'm sorry I bought it up." He squeezed his son to him tightly and rocked him in his lap as the small child wept in his arms. Yet another moment of peace interrupted by the tragedy of John's death.


	38. Chapter 37

**Present Day**

The loud ring of the doorbell echoed through the house and Randy sighed loudly. The last thing he wanted at that moment was a guest but he knew this one would not go away. He dropped the clothes he was folding back onto the bed and walked out of his room, nearly crashing into his daughter as she ran down the hall.

"Dad! You almost ran me over."

Randy rolled his eyes. "I think we should flip that, little girl. You're the one who came running down this hall like a bat outta hell. What's the problem?"

Alanna crossed her arms over her chest as the doorbell rang loudly once more below. "Angel told me to tell you he's still mad at you."

Randy sighed and walked around his daughter, beginning his descent down the stairs. "Tell Angel to cut it out. It was 2 days ago and I already apologized. I can't do anymore than that. Now I need both of you to curb your little attitudes because Grandpa's here."

Alanna raised her eyebrows from the top of the landing. "Attitude? I'm not even doing anything!"

"No, you're just running around the house playing instigator between me and your brother..." Randy raised an eyebrow at his daughter. "…and its gonna stop right now. Now go get your brother and tell him to get down here and both of you better show your grandfather the respect he deserves. Understand me?"

Alanna sighed and turned away, disappearing down the hall. Randy shook his head before walking the final feet to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he swung the door open to reveal his father.

"Hey, Dad."

Bob Orton smiled happily and took a step forward, enveloping Randy in his arms. Randy smiled, feeling a part of the huge weight on his heart and shoulders lift. It was amazing how his father's hug still had the same effect on him as when he was a child.

"My wonderful son, how are you?"

Randy remained in the embrace seconds longer before finally pulling away. "Stressed. I don't think this Dad thing is for me. I think I'm gonna put them both in a basket and drop them off on someone's doorstep."

Bob laughed and entered the house. "Won't work, son. They're old enough to find their way back home."

Randy smiled and closed the front door. He followed his father into his living room and sat across from him as Bob stretched out on one of the recliners. "What's going on with the kids, Randy?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "I asked Angel if he wanted to help me clean out some of John's things and he just reacted badly. He cried for hours at first and then it turned into anger. He's so pissed at me and of course he told Al so now she's pissed because I hurt him and it's so fucking frustrating." He ran his hands over his head and smiled sheepishly when he saw his father's raised eyebrow. "Dad, I'm 35 years old. Do I still have to apologize for using the F word?"

Bob smiled and slowly shook his head. "I suppose not but I would prefer if you didn't."

"Fine." Randy leaned back in his seat. "Tell me what to do, Dad. I spoke to the kids' doctor and she said it was a good idea to get them involved in making decisions on what to do with John's stuff; that I should involve them and let them cry and get angry but…God, it's so frustrating! Tell me what to do, Dad, please."

Bob sighed, a sad look in his eyes at his son's obvious distress. "I don't know, son. I wish to God I knew what to tell you but I've never had to deal with the death of my partner. We're all sailing in uncharted waters here, Randy. You have to do what you think is right and what your heart tells you to do."

Randy nodded. "I don't know anything anymore. My heart and my brain aren't telling me anything." He laughed sarcastically. "You know what the crazy thing is? The only thing I do keep thinking is that if John were here he would know exactly what to do."

Bob smiled. "Then, do what you think he would want you to do, son."

Randy nodded and looked up the stairs when he heard the approaching footsteps. Both his children descended the stairs slowly, identical scowls on their faces.

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks, Dad. Good luck with them."

Bob stood and smiled happily at his grandchildren. "Well, if it isn't the two most perfect children ever."

Both kids finally cracked smiles as they ran into their grandfather's arms and Randy disappeared into the kitchen.

"OK, kids. Let's have a talk with your old grandpa here."

Alanna giggled. "Grandpa, you're not old."

Bob sighed and shook his head. "Ah, my love, I am but thank you for telling me I'm not." He took each of them by the hand and led them over to the big sofa.

"So, tell me what the reason for all this tension in this house is. What's going on with you and your daddy?"

Alanna looked over at Angel, who sighed loudly. He lowered his eyes before mumbling, "Daddy made me mad."

Bob nodded, moving his arm to the small boy's shoulders. "Why's that?"

"He wants to get rid of Daddy John's things."

"And you don't want to do that?" Bob raised an eyebrow and turned to Alanna. "What about you?"

Alanna shrugged, her eyes on her brother's sad face. "No. It's making Angel sad."

Bob sighed and pulled his grandchildren closer to him. "Kids, you know Daddy never meant to make you sad. He's just trying to help you move on a little bit. You know very well that getting rid of some of John's things will not mean he's forgotten and no longer part of the family. John was your Daddy, too and will always be that." He looked at both of his grandchildren sternly. "You also know John would never want you to be angry at Daddy. He did not like arguments."

Angel nodded his head, his eyes still lowered. "I know, Grandpa. I'm not really mad at Daddy, you know. I'm just sad we have to do this."

Bob sighed. "Trust me, son, we're all sad we have to do this. What happened to your Daddy was not right in any way but it did. It's hard on all of us, including your Daddy Randy. Don't forget that. Do you think he really wants to get rid of anything? You know how much they loved each other. It's just as hard for him."

Alanna shook her head, her eyes getting moist. "It's not fair. It's not fair this happened to our family."

Bob nodded. "I know, darling. Trust me, I agree."

Randy watched quietly from the kitchen door. He took a deep breath and clenched his jaw in an effort to not fall apart. He picked up the tray of glasses and slowly walked into the room. "OK, I have lemonade. Can I get some help with the rest of lunch?"

Angel quickly slid off the sofa, Alanna on his heels. They walked into the kitchen and each grabbed a tray of sandwiches as Randy watched them carefully. He smiled slowly as Angel passed by, happy to receive a smile back. "Thank you, baby."

Angel nodded and took a couple of steps towards the kitchen before turning back. "I'm sorry I was being bad, Daddy."

Randy quickly shook his head. "You're not, baby. Just forget it; we'll talk about it later."

Angel nodded and looked over at Alanna, who sighed. "I'm sorry, too. I was being a brat."

Randy raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Were you?"

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Dad…I'm sorry. Don't tease me."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Look, both of you. No more talking about this until later. Let's enjoy our time with Grandpa, OK."

* * *

Hours later after Bob had gone for the night, Randy stood in front of the large closet he'd shared with John. He stared at the neatly organized clothes on both sides and suppressed the tears gathering in his eyes. Anyone who looked in this closet and didn't know any better would think John was just on a trip and would be coming home soon. Randy had made no effort to remove anything of his from their bedroom. Hell, he even slept on his side still, leaving John's side open.

Randy sighed and took one step closer into the closet. How did he ever think this could be easy? How was he expected to begin to discard John's things? Things as simple as the older man's collection of jeans and sneakers were now precious to him and he couldn't begin to imagine discarding them. Each item he ran his fingers over had a memory attached to it.

Randy grabbed one of the many t-shirts John had to wear around the house and shook it open. He smiled when he saw the "Three's Company" characters on it and realized it was one he had bought for his husband. He pressed it to his face and inhaled deeply the scent of the fabric softener John loved that Randy always made sure he used.

"Daddy,"

Randy's eyes shot open and he spun around to meet his son's stare. "Oh, hey, baby. What's up?"

Angel's eyes followed Randy's hand as it lifted to wipe his eyes. "Are you OK, Daddy?"

Randy quickly nodded, bending down to place a kiss on his son's forehead. "I'm fine. Just being silly."

Angel shook his head. "You're not silly." He lowered his eyes and mumbled, "Can I help you?"

Randy frowned and lifted his son's head. "What?"

"Ally and I wanna help you. We talked about it and we wanna do it." Angel smiled slowly. "We can talk about Daddy and tell stories and that way it won't be so hard and if we don't want to throw something away, we don't have to, right?"

Randy nodded. "Of course not. I already found something I don't want to throw away." He lifted the shirt in his hands and smiled. "This shirt."

Angel took the shirt in his hands and frowned. "Who are those people?"

"Characters from a show that I used to watch with Grandpa when I was little. I started watching it again with Daddy John and I taught him to love it. He hated it at first."

Angel smiled. "Can we watch it?"

Randy nodded. "Sure, I'll make sure to record a couple of episodes for you and Ally."

"Episodes of what?" Both boys turned over at the sound of Alanna's voice. Randy noticed she had changed from her earlier outfit to a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. He smiled and held the shirt up for her. "This TV show. Daddy John and I liked to watch it and I want you kids to like it, too."

"Wow, look how old those people look, Dad! Is it like from the 50's?" Alanna wrinkled her nose as Angel laughed loudly.

Randy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, brat, it's from the 70's, late 70's. I wasn't even born yet when this show was on. I just liked it because I would watch with Grandpa and it was time for just me and him."

Alanna shrugged. "I guess that's OK then."

Randy mimicked her shrug. "Thanks," he responded sarcastically.

Alanna spread her arms out. "So, I'm ready to clean! Are we gonna start now?"

Randy looked down at his clothes and sighed. "No, you know what, I should change, too. I don't want to mess up these clothes. I love this shirt." He quickly walked into the closet and pulled out an older t-shirt and sweats, similar to the outfit his daughter now wore. Angel's laughter followed him inside and his small voice carried over to him. "You and Ally are so worried about clothes all the time. They're just clothes, you know!"

"Hey, I loved the shirt I had on today! It was my favorite shirt!" came Alanna's indignant response.

Randy smiled as he quickly changed his clothes, the room filling with laughter and his children's banter. It had been a long time he didn't hear that sound and it filled his heart with joy. He exited the closet and pulled out some boxes.

"OK, so one box will be for Goodwill, one box will be for we're keeping it and one box will be for things that have to be thrown away. Once we finished everything we can all go through the we're keeping it box and split up who wants what, OK?"

Both children nodded and followed Randy into the large closet, each one taking a section. For the next hour they worked carefully, sorting every item belonging to John. The laughter and talking continued as each item they picked up produced a memory either from the children or from Randy. Both kids listened as Randy shared stories of the many adventures he and John had on the road, even before in a relationship.

"OK, so these jeans can go to the trash box because they're all faded and torn…" Randy turned at the sound of Alanna's voice, his daughter practically buried beneath the pile of clothes on the floor of the closet. His eyes widened and he quickly bent towards her. "No, not those jeans. Those stay with me."

He held his hand out and Alanna frowned before reaching over to hand them over. "They're just jeans, Daddy. We've given or thrown away like 50 pairs already."

Randy remained quiet as he fingered the soft material of the worn jeans carefully. A smile came upon his lips and he shook his head. "They're not just jeans, baby. They're the jeans Daddy wore the night we got married."

Alanna's eyes widened and she darted her eyes over to her brother, who mimicked her surprised look. "Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't know…"

Randy quickly held up his hand and lowered himself to the ground beside his children. "You didn't know, baby! It's OK. I don't expect you to realize the difference between all of John's jeans."

Angel scooted over and ran his hands over the jeans. He smiled and looked up at Randy. "I still can't believe you and Daddy got married in jeans."

Alanna shook her head. "That's so tacky, Daddy."

Randy rolled his eyes and clutched the jeans towards his chest. "Oh, be quiet you two! When you're in love it doesn't matter what you wear or where you get married or anything! It's just about doing what makes you happy."

Both children looked over at each other and smiled before turning back to Randy. Angel giggled softly and looked down at the jeans. "We should frame these jeans."

Randy laughed softly and shook his head, his laughter mingling with his children's.

"At least these look like they were once nice jeans because some of the ones that we threw away were awful! I tried to teach Daddy how to dress so many times and he would just never listen. He was so handsome but his clothes were…" Alanna shuddered as she continued sorting things.

Angel rolled his eyes and stood. "Why do you think your taste is so much better? You always look like Barney threw up on you or a Barbie with all the purple and pink you wear!"

Alanna's mouth dropped open. "Oh please! I have a great fashion sense! I read all the fashion magazines! You dress like a messy, sloppy boy all the time and won't let me help you either!"

Angel shrugged. "I think I look nice. I don't need help. Big deal you read fashion stuff. None of those Disney chicks can dress, either."

Randy smiled and stood, listening as his children continued their playful arguing. His eyes swung over to a framed picture of him and John in each others arms, the older man's smile brightening up the entire shot. If there were any moment he could feel his late husband's presence in their home, it was now and it was perfect.

* * *

**February 2012**

"Hey, babe?" Randy walked into the house and shut the door behind him. He frowned as he scanned the letter from the auction he and John had attended the night before for the Make a Wish and Adopt America Event. He nearly tripped over one of the many toys his daughter had scattered around his usually immaculate living room as he read the words of congratulations on the letter.

"John, where are you?" Randy sighed as he followed the sounds of giggles to his open backyard door. Once outside he spotted John and Alanna sitting on the grass surrounded by car parts.

"So, this is called a muffler. Sometimes people pinch the ends of them so they can make really loud noises…"

Alanna cocked her head to the side as she listened to John's explanation. "Like in the Fast and Furious movies?"

John nodded. "Exactly like that."

Randy rolled his eyes but a smile still peeked out. "What are you teaching our little girl, John?"

John looked up and smiled. "What? I want her to know about everything! I want her to learn how to change a tire if stranded on the highway or go camping and learn which are the good bugs and the bad bugs…"

"Fine, but can I draw your attention away for like 2 minutes? There's something here I need you to help me understand."

John frowned and stood up, quickly walking over to where Randy stood. He took the piece of paper from his husband's outstretched hand and scanned it quickly. A smile came upon his lips as he read the words.

"Oh, I totally forgot about this one. I signed up for so much stuff."

"Johnny," Randy sighed. "You know I'm not a fan of nature. Why would you sign us up to win a cabin in the woods?"

John shrugged and walked back over to Alanna. "Well, many reasons. I signed up for so much stuff that I forgot all about the cabin. I wanted to bump the price up. I figured if we won we could give it to Teddy and Cody for a romantic weekend if you really refused to go with me. But I thought if we won I could try to convince you to leave your comfort zone and try something new."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "And how were you planning on convincing me?"

John winked back over as he collapsed on the grass. "I'll show you later."

Randy smirked and nodded. "It won't be easy. Better take your vitamins, babe."

John laughed and shook his head, his eyes locked on Randy's until a tug on his sweatpants distracted his attention. Alanna looked up at him, a frown on her face. "What are you two talking about?"

John quickly his throat and smiled. "We won a cabin, baby. We can go camping!"

"Camping? Like sleeping in the dirt?" Alanna's frown deepened. "I don't have to go, right?"

John sighed in frustration. Apparently the hatred of nature had been passed on from father to daughter. It would not last, though. John would make it his business to instill in his daughter a love and appreciation of all the things he liked, even if Randy showed no enthusiasm for it.

"How did we win a cabin?" Alanna's voice broke him from his thoughts and John smiled. "Well, we didn't win the cabin. We won 3 days in the cabin. The night Daddy and I went to the charity party we put our names down on a list to win things and the only thing we won was this. I think it will be fun! We raised money for lots of needy kids and we get to go spend a weekend having fun, fishing and looking for worms…"

"Eeww, gross, Daddy! I don't like that!" Alanna stood and ran over to Randy, wrapping her arms around his leg.

Randy held up a hand. "All right. Let's stop talking about this right now. I'm gonna get hives."

John laughed and shook his head. "We're not sleeping on the ground, first off. We'll be indoors. I promise to take lots of bug spray and citronella candles and I will build a bug free zone for you two, OK." He dropped the smiled and moved closer to Randy, wrapping his arms around him and Alanna. "Please go with me. I really wanna go!"

Randy sighed as John buried his face in his neck. He looked down at Alanna, who had a small smile on her face. "What do you think, baby? Should we try this camping thing?"

Alanna looked at John's face and frowned. "Yeah. I don't want to make Daddy sad."

Randy rolled his eyes and looked at John. "Nice, John. Use the kid to guilt me into doing something you know I hate."

John looked up, his lips quirking in the beginning of a smile. "Come on, baby. Live a little! Step out of your comfort zone and into the danger zone. Let's make our life together super exciting!"

Randy raised an eyebrow and laughed softly. "Fine. Let's go camping."

John smiled happily and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "Yes! God, I can't wait to go hiking in the woods and fishing and bird watching and…"

Randy shook his head and walked away, leaving John still talking about the wonders of nature to their daughter. He walked back into the house and circled the large living room, picking up toys and random objects Alanna had placed all over. He walked over to the large basket in the corner of the room where the things should be and dropped them inside. Randy sighed as he turned towards the computer desk, knowing he should get online to confirm his and John's travel arrangements but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Leaving home and his daughter were bad enough but now he didn't even have John with him on the road.

Randy slowly trudged into the kitchen, ignoring the computer all together. He opened the refrigerator and stared inside, trying to decide what to make for lunch. A hand on his lower back made him spin around and he came face to face with John's smiling face. "What's for lunch, hubby? Want me to make it?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, I got it. You're getting a little obsessed with cooking, babe."

John shrugged and moved to the counter. He lifted himself up and grabbed an apple from the bowl in the center. "I'm proud of myself for learning to make at least a couple of things. You should be, too. How many pots and pans did I ruin?"

Randy laughed. "Too many to remember. I am proud of you, John." He closed the refrigerator and turned over. "I don't want anything from here. Let's go out to lunch somewhere."

John nodded and slid off the marble surface. "Sounds good. We have to go pick up the paperwork for the cabin at the Adopt America office first, though."

Randy rolled his eyes. "This damn cabin is gonna become your new obsession."

John laughed and shook his head. "It's just exciting, baby! Getting out in nature is wonderful!" He walked over to Randy and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Besides, can't you picture how amazing the sky is gonna look out in the woods? I can't wait till we get there. We can put Ally to bed and then go outside on the front porch or on the grass and put a blanket down and we can make love under all the stars…doesn't that sound great?"

Randy smiled slowly as John tightened his hold on him. He lowered his head slightly, letting their foreheads rest together. "It sounds amazing but not if I'm being bitten to death by bugs."

John smirked and shook his head. "I promised you a bug free zone, remember? The only thing that will be biting you is me and if I remember correctly, you enjoy that."

Randy smiled and nodded. "That I do, baby." He kissed John's lips gently and pulled back. "Go get our girl so we can get a move on."

John kissed him once more and walked away back towards the yard. "Ally, let's go, princess!"

* * *

Two hours later and Randy thought his end was near. A quick stop to pick up the prize information from the local Adopt America office had turned into an hour long tour of the facility by the director. Lunch had been completely forgotten by John and Alanna, who was enthralled by all the children she saw running around the huge orphanage's backyard. Randy, however, had not forgotten about lunch and a huge growl from his stomach reminded him so. He trailed slowly behind John, Alanna and the facility director, smiling at some of the children who looked his way.

It was amazing to him. The yard was full of maybe 30 children, small compared to some of the other places like that he had visited, and they all looked happy. He knew these were children without families and maybe some horror stories among them but for some reason, they were happy. Randy's eyes darted back to Alanna, who held tightly onto John's hand, and smiled. The thought of giving up his daughter was unimaginable to him and he couldn't understand how anyone ever could give up a child.

"Ran, you OK?"

Randy quickly snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at John. "I'm fine. Just a little tired. Is it OK if I just sit here while you go on?"

The Facility Director, Mrs. Martin, nodded. "Of course, dear. We'll just be a little longer."

John raised an eyebrow at Randy. "You sure?"

Randy quickly nodded and looked at his daughter. "Wanna sit with me or stay with Daddy?"

Alanna shook her head and held fast to John's hand. "I'm staying with Daddy!"

Randy smiled and waved as they continued down the path. He lowered his body to one of the many wooden benches scattered around the grassy property and watched the children run around with some of the other employees. After a few minutes a loud bell rang from a door a few feet away from him and Randy leapt off the bench in shock. He turned over to see a woman with an apron waving the children inside the large building and Randy shook his head. There couldn't be an easier way to call children inside than with a creepy bell?

"Stupid bell," he murmured. A tug on the back of his shirt made him spin around and his eyes widened as he came face to face with the same blue eyed little boy from the week before. "Hey, I remember you,"

The boy smiled but a small frown marred his forehead as he nodded. "Me, too. You're the man from the party. Why are you here?"

Randy smiled. "I won something the night of the party and I'm here to pick it up. I'm waiting for Mrs. Martin."

"Oh, that's great." The boy looked over at the door where all the children were quickly disappearing into. "It's lunchtime. Do you want some lunch?"

Randy raised an eyebrow. That was the million dollar question. "What do you think they're serving?"

"It's Thursday so today is ham and cheese sandwich day! They're really yummy. Come on!" The boy grabbed his hand and smiled widely, his dimples deepening. Randy smiled and allowed himself to be tugged inside the large eating area. The space was abuzz with noise as the children settled down to eat and continued their chatter. The small child led him over to the large counter and smiled up at the woman with the apron.

"Ms. Lucy, can he have a sandwich, too?" The boy looked up at him with a small frown. "I'm sorry. I don't know your name…"

Randy smiled down at him. "I'm Randy."

Ms. Lucy looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "And why are you here?"

Randy pulled his eyes away from the small child and met the woman's concerned glare. He answered softly. "My husband is picking up a certificate from something we won at the auction a week ago. He's touring the grounds with Mrs. Martin and our daughter. This little guy found me outside sitting down."

Ms. Lucy's glare softened slightly and she smiled at the child. "Well, that's Angel for you. He couldn't be a sweeter child."

Randy smiled and looked down at the boy. "Angel?"

The boy nodded and grabbed two sandwiches off the counter with one hand and grasped Randy's hand tightly in his other. "Yeah, my mom named me Angel because she said God sent me down to her."

Randy's smile wavered as he sat besides Angel in one of the long benches. He took the sandwich handed to him and looked down as he slowly unwrapped it. The last thing he wanted was to get into a conversation that would hurt the child or bring back bad memories.

"It's a beautiful name. Much better than mine. I like names that start with A. My little girl's name is Alanna."

Angel smiled. "Your name is nice! I like Alanna, too." He took a bite of his sandwich and they ate silently together for a few minutes. Randy watched him out of the corner of his eye and waited for the child to speak again. He didn't have a long wait as Angel turned back over and smiled. "So, what did you win at the auction?"

Randy smiled and put his sandwich down. "A cabin in the woods. I'm not really excited about it, though."

Angel frowned. "Why? Camping sounds like fun! There's so much to do in the woods! You can hike or fish; it's so exciting!"

Randy rolled his eyes and wrapped up the wrapper from the sandwich. "This is getting creepy. You really do remind me so much of John…"

"Who's John?" Angel stared at him, a curious look on his face. Randy's eyes widened as he tried to think of how to explain his relationship with John to a child he barely knew. It wasn't his place to explain a gay marriage to him.

"Um, he's my best friend,"

Angel nodded and finished his lunch. He stood and looked back over to the counter. "I'm gonna go get us some milk, OK." He smiled. "Wasn't the lunch good? I told you it would be! Stay here, OK."

Randy nodded. "I loved it. Thank you for inviting me. I promise to stay put." He watched as Angel walked over to the counter. His eyes were distracted by John's appearance, though, when the older man entered the dining hall with Alanna by his side. Randy stood and waved at them to get their attention and Alanna quickly ran over to him.

"Daddy, what are you doing in here? We were looking for you outside."

Randy lifted her into his arms and smiled. "I found a friend who offered me lunch. Wanna meet him?"

Randy turned to look around and spotted Angel watching them shyly from the counter. Randy smiled and walked over to the small boy, lowering Alanna down to the floor.

"Angel, this is my daughter, Alanna."

Alanna smiled at him as Randy took a step back. Angel returned the smile slowly and handed her a carton of milk. Randy turned to look over at John, who walked over, an amused look on his face.

"Is that my mini me? He just keeps coming into our lives somehow. Could this be God giving us a sign of something?"

Randy shrugged and turned to look back at the children, who were now happily laughing about something. He leaned into John's body and smiled. "Maybe. Just maybe."


	39. Chapter 38

"So, you've elected to accept your prize next weekend. It's a beautiful cabin and I'm sure you and your family will have a wonderful time. The property comes with a huge lake with rowboats and further down the land there is a river just loaded with fish…"

Randy tuned out Mrs. Martin's voice and looked out the large window towards the now empty yard. As Angel had explained to him, John and Alanna as they shared their milk, after lunch the small ones went down for a nap where as the older children went for some afternoon classes. Randy sighed, his mood only slightly improved since eating the small sandwich. His eyes turned towards John, who looked positively giddy as he listened to the Director's description of the cabin and property. Randy tried to keep the disdain off his face and forced a smile. He didn't want to ruin this for his husband and daughter, who had started to mimic John's excitement earlier.

"That sounds absolutely amazing. I can't wait show my little girl the wonders of nature! Not to mention…" John turned and gripped Randy's hand, a smile on his face. "…my wonderful hubby, too."

Randy smiled as he inwardly groaned. He nodded and kept his mouth shut as everyone in the room watched him. John laughed softly and turned back to Mrs. Martin.

"So, all in all, was the event a success?"

Mrs. Martin nodded. "Yes, very much so. All the money we can raise to continue helping these kids is like a godsend. Our goal here is to keep the number of children at fewer than 30. We feel that allows us to give the children personalized attention and make this place feel as much like a home as possible." She laughed softly and shook her head. "Not that his place could ever really be a home for them, though. All these children want is to be adopted into a loving family and to build a real home."

John frowned slowly and nodded. "How long do most of them stay?"

"Well," Mrs. Martin sighed. "Most of the children we get are dropped off as infants but then there's always the older child, as well. We'll keep them until a good foster home is found for them or until they're adopted. The rate of US adoptions has declined in the past years. It's easier to adopt from another country where the rules are less strict. Not many couples want to go through everything the US puts them through to adopt."

"What does it put them through?" John laughed softly and turned to look at Randy, who frowned.

"Well, lots of background checks, obviously. Counseling, social worker visits, interviews with families and friends, analysis of marriages, jobs, etc. It's just a lot of intrusiveness that not everyone is willing to put up with." Mrs. Martin frowned and moved her gaze back and forth between the men. "Why? Are you interested in adoption one day?"

John cocked his head to the side as he pondered how to respond to the question but Randy sat up straighter in his chair and immediately nodded. "Yes, we are."

Mrs. Martin smiled happily. "Well, that's wonderful news! I hope when you decide that you will use one of our organizations."

Randy nodded. "I'm sure we will." He sighed and leaned forward in his chair. "You seem to know a lot about this so I'm sure you can answer honestly. How successful would a gay couple be if they tried to adopt? I mean, I know we probably have to go through a lot more than a straight couple and then if you add our jobs in the mix…anyway, seriously speaking. Do you think we even have a shot if we decide to start this process?"

Mrs. Martin leaned back in her chair. "Well, I won't lie to you. A lot of stigma still exists when a gay couple tries to adopt but the fact remains it is possible. When adopting a child what any organization looks for is who is able to protect this child, give them a safe and happy life and who will help them succeed and build a future. If a couple has the ability to do all that, sexual orientation will be the last thing that matters."

John smiled and looked over at Randy. "Sounds good, right?"

Randy eagerly nodded before turning back to Mrs. Martin. "What about someone with jobs like ours?"

"That may be a little harder to explain to a family court than your sexual orientation, believe it or not." Mrs. Martin quickly smiled when she saw the looks of disappointment cross the men's faces. "It's not a lost cause, though. As long as you can still provide that child with a stable life, you have a wonderful chance. You need to prove that when you two are working, that child will still be able to follow a routine and have a secondary caregiver there to care for him or her."

"Him; it would be a him." Randy smiled towards John and squeezed his hand. "We already have a little girl and we want a son."

John nodded. "Yes, we do." He sighed. "So, could this secondary caregiver be grandparents? Randy's parents live here in St. Louis so….oh, wait a minute. We don't have anyone in Tampa, Ran!" John's eyes widened as he realized the couple had no support in his chosen state of Florida besides Ted and Cody, who also traveled with them.

Randy shook his head. "Don't worry about that, Johnny. Maybe we can convince your parents to spend the part of the year we spend there, too. If not, well, we'll figure something out later, OK."

Mrs. Martin smiled at the couple. "You two really do look devoted to each other. Tell me, where did you get married?"

"In Vermont last May," Randy smiled. "But we've known each other for years. That might explain the devotion."

John smiled and looked away, a pensive expression on his face. "Mrs. Martin, how much could you tell us about a child here right now? I mean, we don't want to know anything personal but I was wondering…"

Mrs. Martin frowned. "Who are you interested in?"

John looked over at Randy, who had a small smile on his face. "Angel. We met him at the dinner last week and then ran into him again today. He seems like a great little boy."

Mrs. Martin smiled and nodded. "Oh my goodness, Angel is the sweetest child you will ever meet! Don't get on his bad side, though. He does have a little temper!"

John nodded, aware of people using the same description for him as a child. "How old is he?"

"He's 4 but he's been through so much in his short life that he acts older. He's the leader of the children in his age group here. Angel doesn't fear speaking to people so we use him for tours of the facility and even for charity events, like the one last week. He loves it. He's such a people person he would talk to anyone!"

Randy looked over at John and raised an eyebrow. His curiosity for this child kept growing especially when he realized how much like John the child was.

"Why is he here? If he's this amazing child, why did his parents give him up?"

Mrs. Martin frowned at Randy's question and shook her head. "I can't go into much detail about that, dear, until you begin the adoption process and name Angel as the child you're interested in. Let's just say that sometimes God sends children to people who don't deserve them. Angel's mom was one of those. We have no idea who his father was. I don't think even the mother knew. She was just happy to have a child but as this child grew older she realized he wasn't a toy she could put down at will then pick up later."

John gasped and shook his head. "So she just gave him up? How old was he?"

Mrs. Martin held up her hand. "I've already said too much. I can't reveal that, I'm sorry. Just know that Angel is an amazing child who has had to deal with loss and tragedy and has come out of it brilliantly. Any family would be lucky to have him."

"Has anyone show interest in him?" asked Randy, nervousness making his stomach twist.

"Yes, some couples have but most people are looking for newborns or even toddlers. A 4 year old isn't on the top of the list, unfortunately." Mrs. Martin smiled and looked down at her watch. "My goodness, will you look at that! We've been chatting most of the day and I haven't visited with the children."

John and Randy quickly stood, the older man clutching the papers of the prize in his hand.

"We're sorry to have kept you. I'll drop off the keys of the property after we return from our trip. Thank you so much for your time today." John smiled and extended his hand for the woman to shake. Randy stepped forward and did the same before following them out of the room and down the hall to one of the playrooms Alanna had retreated to with the rest of the children.

Upon entering the room, a small blond woman stood, a smile on her face. "I assume you're here for the beautiful Alanna…"

Randy scanned the area for his daughter and raised an eyebrow when he saw her sitting beside Angel. He looked over at John, who was also watching them, a smile on his lips.

"They've been attached at the hip since lunchtime. They have spoken about everything from school to the décor of their bedrooms to their families," the blond laughed and walked over to Alanna, getting her attention. The small girl pouted at the sight of her parents but stood. Angel's face also registered disappointment as both children ran towards John and Randy.

"Daddy, I don't wanna go! Can't we stay a little longer? Please!"

Randy bent towards his daughter and shook his head. "No, baby, we have to go. Daddy and I have to go home and pack and I have to drop you off at Mommy's. We leave tomorrow morning, remember?"

Alanna nodded sadly and turned back to Angel. "I have to go."

Angel nodded. "It's OK. Don't be sad. Maybe you can come visit me again."

Alanna turned toward Randy and John, her eyes shining. "Can I?"

John smiled and nodded. "Of course, sweetie. I have to come back next week so you can just come with me, OK."

Alanna smiled happily and enveloped Angel into a tight hug, the small boy laughing. Randy watched them in mild shock. His daughter was not the most touchy-feely person outside of her close family; yet another one of his traits she had inherited from him. It was shocking to see her hug someone else; someone who was still a stranger.

"OK, baby, let's go." Randy took her extended hand and smiled down at Angel. "Thanks for lunch earlier. You really helped me out."

The small boy shrugged. "I knew you were hungry. I could hear your tummy growling."

Randy laughed and John shook his head. "His tummy is always growling. I have to put a lock on the refrigerator or else he would eat everything in one day!"

Angel giggled and waved at them as Mrs. Martin shooed him away back towards the blonde.

"Again, thank you for your time, Mrs. Martin," John smiled at the woman as he cast one final look at Angel. He sighed and took Alanna's hand, walking out of the room with her. He glanced at Randy but saw the younger man was consumed by his own thoughts. They all walked down the path to their car in silence.

* * *

"So, today was…interesting," John slid his body into bed besides Randy and turned toward his unusually quiet husband. Randy nodded but his eyes never left the screen of his iPad.

"Ran, that's so rude. Can you please give me your attention?"

Randy sighed and placed the tablet down on his lap. "John, I'm not trying to be rude. I didn't get to confirm anything this morning or when we got home because I had to pack. I'm trying to do it now, OK."

John shrugged. "Baby, it was booked months ago! It's fine; don't worry so much." He stretched out on the large bed. "How was Al when you dropped her off?"

"Still talking about next week when she would see Angel again." Randy turned the machine off and placed it on his nightstand. He sighed and turned over to look at John. "Today was beyond interesting."

John raised an eyebrow, surprised to hear that Randy had been paying attention to his earlier comment. "We learned a lot about going forward with this process. Now, it's just a matter of picking when the time is right."

Randy nodded, his eyes moving away. He picked at a loose thread in his boxers.

"Are you still thinking about him? I am, too. "

Randy's eyes lifted and he met John's smiling face. He felt his own lips curve into a smile as he slowly nodded. "Why can't I stop thinking about this kid?"

John shook his head. "I don't know. This kid has serious magical powers. He was able to get under both Ally's and your skin!"

Randy laughed softly. "He reminds me of you. Cody mentioned it that night at the party and I saw a bit of what he meant but today…just talking to him made me realize how much like you he is. I mentioned camping and he said it was exciting, he saw me sitting alone and he included me, he even has your eyes and dimples! It's so freaky."

John smiled, his own dimples deepening. "I asked you if you thought it was a sign…"

"I know you did. But, are we ready for another child, John? Especially a child who may have some problems? Mrs. Martin made it seem like Angel has been through a war in his small life and that's without telling us much. Can we give a child like that a stable home?" Randy sighed and shook his head. "She also didn't make me optimistic about out chances on adoption period."

"Baby," John took Randy's hand in his own and rubbed the skin on his palm gently. "We wanted her to be honest with us about our chances of adopting one day. We know when we decide to do it that we'll have a battle on our hands. We'll have to prove to everyone we can offer any child a stable home." He shrugged and leaned back on his pillow. "Despite what that kid has been through, he seems like a great kid. I'm sure all children that are given up by their birth parents harbor something inside we'll never understand. It's up to the family that chooses to bring that child into their home to make him feel welcome and loved, right? Like he's a part of the family that just took a little longer to arrive."

Randy smiled. "Well, you're the best at making people feel welcome so I'll leave that up to you."

John laughed and shook his head. "You're not that bad yourself, baby. Kids know who to approach and who to stay away from. Angel saw something in you, too. It's the same thing Ally and I see in you. You have an amazing heart, gorgeous."

Randy leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against John's. "I love you, Johnny."

John nodded, a smile on his face and his eyes locked onto Randy's. "I love you too, Randy." His leaned in and captured Randy's lips as his arms tightened around the younger man. Randy groaned softly into his mouth. John kissed his way down Randy's neck as he ran his hand down John's chest and over his cotton covered crotch. Randy slowly rubbed over the bulge in John's boxers and smirked when he felt a wet spot start to form on the fabric.

John grabbed his hand and pulled it up to his mouth, kissing it gently. "Easy, baby. Anymore of that and I might just be done right now. I don't want this to end so soon."

"Are you that close already, Johnny?" Randy gazed in his eyes.

"You really don't know what you do to me, Ran. Just looking at you right now and I could blow my load without you even touching me." John smiled wickedly as Randy chuckled. "Do I turn you on baby?" He asked as he slowly brought one of John's fingers to his mouth and started to suck on it. "Do you like that?"

John could feel his tongue swirling around it and was just about to answer the question when the phone rang. Both men groaned loudly and Randy turned to look at the screen of the phone. "Ugh, it's Sam."

John pulled away slowly. "Answer it. Something could be wrong."

Randy groaned again and reached for his phone, quickly answering the call. "What's up, Sammy?"

"Ran, where did you and John take Ally today?"

Randy frowned at Sam's tone. "To pick up the papers for the cabin and to lunch. Why?"

Sam sighed in his ear. "Was that at the orphanage? Ran, she told me she met a little boy and some of the things he told her were…disturbing, to say the least."

Randy's frown deepened and he glanced over at John. The older man raised an eyebrow in a silent question and Randy shrugged. "What did he say to her, Sam?"

"God, it's just heartbreaking if it's true, Randy. It has to be true, though. Ally doesn't lie to me…"

"Sam, please. What did he say?" Randy sighed in frustration and John lifted himself in the bed.

"He told her his mom would leave him alone in a room with no food. When she returned she would just sleep and only feed him and give him attention when she remembered." Sam sighed, the sadness in her voice evident. "Ran, he told Ally he saw her putting needles in her arm and playing with a white powder on her table."

Randy took a deep breath and closed his eyes, the phone wavering in his hand. "Oh, God. She didn't mention that to us."

John frowned and took the phone from Randy's hand, putting it on speaker and between the two men. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

"John, it's terrible. That little boy Ally met today told her horrible things from his childhood. His mother did drugs in front of him and would leave him alone and without food for days!"

John gasped as his heart filled with sadness for the small child and concern for his daughter at hearing these things. "Oh my God,"

"Alanna is furious that a mother could do that to a child. He told her the police came one day and took him out of the room and to the orphanage he's in now. They told him his mom went to Heaven." Sam scoffed. "I can only imagine how that horrible woman died."

Randy looked at John and shrugged. "This is a nightmare. I don't even want to think about the things this child saw. No wonder the lady didn't want to tell us his story."

John nodded. "All right, so how do we explain this to her, Sam? Do you need us?"

Sam sighed once more. "Well, I told her how horrible it was what that poor boy went through because the mommy was doing bad things with the needles and white powder and that no good mommy would ever do that to her child. I left it at that and she made me promise we would keep in touch with him and not let another bad person come into his life."

Randy nodded. "That's good, Sammy. We'll say the same if she mentions it to us, right, John?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a perfect explanation for her. She wouldn't understand anything more detailed anyway." John nodded, his forehead still creased in a frown of annoyance and anger.

"She told me the little boy's name is Angel. How could anyone name their child Angel and not treat him like one?"

Randy closed his eyes as he processed Sam's question. He felt John reach over and squeeze his hand.

"Thanks for letting us know about this, Sammy. We'll talk to Al tomorrow, OK."

"Thanks, Johnny. I just wanted you two to be aware. Have a good night, boys." Sam ended the call and Randy felt John lean across his body to return the phone to the nightstand. He opened his eyes slowly and shook his head.

"Well, I guess the mood has officially been ruined after that phone call." Randy pursed his lips and shook his head. "God, how did that little boy survive that?"

John's face registered the same frustration and anger Randy was feeling. "I don't know. I don't know how any adult could survive something like that but that kid did. It's unbelievable. It's not fair."

"No, its not." Randy lowered his eyes. "Just when I think this has all been a huge coincidence…."

"What?" John turned towards Randy and raised an eyebrow.

"His similarities to you; you both like the same things and even have the same characteristics, Al immediately attached herself to him and not to mention we keep running into him!" Randy raised his eyes towards John and shrugged. "Is this little boy meant to be part of our family, John? Is this our son?"

John shrugged. "I don't know, baby. He may just be."


	40. Chapter 39

Randy grimaced as he exited the large wooden cabin. He absentmindedly scratched at his arm and slowly walked down the stairs to the dirt covered floor of the forest. He sighed and shook his head as he walked over to the grill. As he prepared it for the cooking he would have to do when Alanna and John returned from fishing, an involuntary smile lit up his face. John hadn't been kidding when he said he wanted Randy and Alanna to experience new things. In the 2 days they had already spent there John had infused Alanna with his enthusiasm for nature. The little girl had followed him everywhere; from fishing 5 hours a day to nature hikes to actually spending one night sleeping outside. Randy had slowly attempted to venture further out into the woods with his husband and daughter but his excitement still did not compare to theirs in the least.

Randy walked around the sitting area with the large grill and picnic table and lit all of the torches and candles John had bought up with him in an effort to keep as many of the bugs away. As he blew out the final match he heard the unmistakable laugh of John and giggle of Alanna approach. He turned around and frowned when he saw John's hands loaded with a basket of what he could only assume was fish.

"Oh God, you two stink so badly. The smell got here before you did."

John rolled his eyes and walked right over to Randy, grabbing the younger man into a tight hug. Randy's eyes widened and he tried to push John's body away from his but the older man held tight.

"John, get the fuck off me! You stink!"

John laughed loudly and finally pulled away, kissing Randy on the lips. "Baby, it's the smell of nature!"

Randy scowled and moved away. "Well, nature smells like ass. Go take a shower!"

Alanna frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Daddy! You said a bad word. You're being mean to Daddy John, too."

Randy's scowl remained on his face. "I apologize for my bad word but I'm not kidding. Both of you need to get cleaned up. I can't stand the smell anymore and I have to endure it as I clean the fish. I don't want to endure it on you two, as well."

John smiled and picked up Alanna, who wore overalls and tall rubber boots much like John. "All right little girl, let's go get cleaned up before Daddy's head explodes."

Alanna waved at Randy as John walked off with her, leaving the basket at the foot of the stairs. Randy smiled at her before quickly changing his expression as he stared at the dreaded basket of fish. Trying not to inhale too deeply, he took a deep breath and reached in.

Much later that night the men ventured back outside into the cool night. They were finally able to relax after a tough night convincing Alanna they would have to leave the next day. The little girl was miserable but her whining and pouting finally lead to exhaustion. It shocked Randy even more to see how attached she had become to their rented cabin and it filled him with dread when he realized that meant more camping trips were in his future.

"So, we have to leave tomorrow afternoon by at least Noon in order to make it home by 2pm so I can take the keys back to Mrs. Martin." John sighed and lowered himself down to the top step of the cabin to where Randy already sat. The younger man nodded and leaned his head down on John's shoulder.

"And what are you gonna do when you see Mrs. Martin?"

John looked down at his husband, his eyes meeting only the top of his head. He sighed and looked up at the night sky, the stars twinkling down and lighting the yard. "What do you think we should do, Ran?"

Randy slowly lifted his head and met John's eyes. He shrugged and shook his head. "I want to do it, Johnny. I'm just nervous. Are we set up for another kid? Are we really ready?"

John shrugged. "I don't know, baby. We wouldn't have to adopt right away, though. We could be foster parents. Don't couples do that?"

"Oh, God. I couldn't do that to a kid. That's just giving hope of being adopted and then what if it doesn't happen? What if it doesn't work out and he had to go back to the orphanage? It would destroy him! Hasn't that kid been through enough?" Randy sighed and lowered his head to his hands. "We don't even know who would take care of him in Florida. I guess we could start looking into a nanny to help us but I just don't trust many people with my kids. By the time I got to trust her, it would be months later and we're due to go Tampa in a few weeks…"

"Forget about Tampa, Ran. We're staying put in St. Louis." John's stern tone made Randy jerk his head up and frown. "What? No, that's not fair. We agreed to split our year; part in St. Louis and part in Tampa…"

John shrugged. "So what? That was before we started talking, seriously talking, about adopting a child. Last time I checked when you become a parent you have to sacrifice a few things, right?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "John, I don't want you to give up your home. You love Tampa and the house we've built there…"

"But I love you and the idea of having a son with you even more. Our life is perfect for another child as long as we stay in St. Louis. Your parents are there and they could be the perfect guardians for our son when we're away. We have a beautiful home there and most people from the community already know us…well, they know me." John smiled as Randy rolled his eyes, aware of how he avoided getting to know most of the community's neighbors.

"If things work out, we'll get to Florida at one point. The house will still be there. We'll get a nanny in St. Louis who's open to going to Florida with us for half of the year. We'll get to know her and if it works out she can be a part of our family for years to come. I don't want to put it all on Bob and Laney just because they live in St. Louis, Ran."

Randy nodded. "I know. It would just be so easy. I already know them and trust them." He smiled and raised an eyebrow at John. "I also already know they're excellent parents. They raised an amazing son."

John laughed softly before pressing his lips gently to Randy's. "I agree, baby. They did a wonderful job with Nathan…"

Randy's eyes widened as John's laughter intensified. "You're such an asshole."

John's laughter slowly subsided and he wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulders. "They did a pretty good job with you, too."

Randy rolled his eyes as a smile curved his lips. "John, seriously. We still haven't decided anything."

John nodded. "And we're not going to in one night. Tomorrow I'll take the keys back to Mrs. Martin and ask her opinion on the matter. I'll tell her we're really interested in starting the process and we're interested in Angel." He shrugged. "Besides, I'm sure there's tons we have to do before we can actually bring him home. They're not just gonna give him to us after one day."

Randy nodded. "Maybe there's a way to speed that up, then. We actually do know him and we have met him a couple of times and he seems to get along with us…"

"Ran, you gotta slow down, baby." John smiled slowly as he held Randy tightly. "We don't know that if by the time we complete everything Angel will even still be up for adoption. What if another couple beats us to it? What if he gets placed in a foster home and they decide they want him? Why don't we just go into this with the hopes of bringing a little boy, any little boy, into our family? Let's not put all our hopes on Angel."

Randy frowned and pulled away slightly. "No, John. I want this kid. There's something there; I can feel it in my bones. He's meant to be ours. I haven't felt like this since…" He lowered his eyes and shook his head. "Never mind. It's stupid. Forget it."

John frowned and pulled him back in. "No, I won't forget it. Tell me,"

Randy smiled. "Since that night in the hotel room when I told you I loved you for the first time. I was scared but I just had to tell you because not telling you was driving me crazy. As scared as I was, though, I knew you would respond because I knew we were meant to be together. I feel the same way about this kid, Johnny. He's meant to be ours."

John smiled and rested his head against Randy. A sigh escaped his lips. "I want him to be ours, too. He seems like he should be ours. I'm just scared to hope and then something happens and we never see him again. I already feel like I would miss him so much if I never saw him again."

Randy nodded. "Let's not think that way, OK. Let's just think that tomorrow we start our mission to expand our family and that everything will work out the way it's supposed to."

John nodded and turned his head, resting it against Randy's shoulder. He closed his eyes tightly and sighed again, this time louder. Randy frowned and looked down on him, reaching a hand to smooth over John's forehead. "Johnny, you OK?"

John nodded and opened his eyes slightly. "Yeah, just a little headache. I think the smells of the woods, the fish, the citronella and that air freshener you insist on spraying have finally caught up with me."

Randy started to stand but John's hand clamped around his leg. The younger man sighed. "John, let me just get you some medicine…."

"No medicine! I have a better remedy." John raised an eyebrow as his hand slid up Randy's leg. "I believe I promised you sex under the stars, remember?"

Randy slowly smiled but shook his head. "John, no,"

John quickly stood and winked teasingly. "Randy, yes," He ran into the cabin as Randy stared. Within minutes he returned with Alanna's monitor in one hand and 2 blankets in the other. He looked at Randy and smiled. "Follow me, hubby."

Randy sighed and slowly stood, following John around the side of the cabin to a bare patch of thick grass. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well," John laid the blankets on the ground and smiled. "We can't do anything in the front because if Ally wakes up and comes out I don't wanna give her a show. I figure here we could hear her coming if she doesn't use the monitor and have appropriate time to cover up."

Randy shook his head. "John, I'm not getting on the ground. It's full of bugs and I'm already covered in bug bites despite all the damn torches and shit you put around here…"

John smiled up at him, a naughty, mischievous smile that Randy knew would be his downfall. The older man ran his hands up Randy's thighs and licked his lips, his breath coming in long, deep drawls as he stood.

"You're not really gonna let a bug stop this, are you?" He asked innocently, staring Randy deep in his eyes. "We should take advantage of this night. Making love under the stars; when will we ever have this chance again, baby?"

"John, really, I don't think…" Randy said breathlessly, placing his hands on John's chest and pushing him away gently. John held onto Randy's body tightly, pulling the younger towards him and crushing their lips together. John rotated his hips seductively and ground his rapidly expanding cock into Randy's, drawing a sharp gasp from him. He forced his tongue into Randy's mouth, feeling the younger man give in completely. John pressed Randy up against the side of the cabin, sliding his hand up the back of Randy's shirt as his tongue slid back and forth across Randy's lips. He moved his hand around to the front of Randy's jeans and began to tease his cock through them, rubbing and stroking the head lightly until Randy's hips began to move.

Randy moaned softly. "John," he said breathlessly. "Please, baby…let's go inside…"

"No, I think this is the perfect place," said John mischievously. He unzipped Randy's pants and exposed his pre-cum soaked underwear. He rubbed Randy's cock again, harder this time, reveling in the moans and whimpers he got as he stroked and teased. Finally ready, John pulled Randy's cock free, dropped to his knees and breathed on it as he continued to rub and stroke the head, focusing on the sensitive underside, and rubbing hard enough to keep Randy on the edge, but not enough to send him over.

"Oh, God, Johnny," Randy groaned loudly.

"See, it's not so bad out here," John teased. He rubbed the head a little harder, but still not enough to send Randy over the cliff.

"Please, baby!" Randy's hands reached down to grip John's arm.

"Please what, baby? What do you need?"

"Just let me finish, please…." Randy begged breathlessly, losing more control with every breath.

"Do you need to cum? Is that what you need baby?" John whispered with mock innocence, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Yes!" Randy yelled, beyond thought.

John stroked harder, rubbing the precum all over the shaft now, knowing Randy was close. His cock was nearly purple, and was twitching with the need for release. Randy was barely breathing now and John couldn't deny him release any longer. Locking eyes with the younger man, he slipped his lips over the head of Randy's cock and sucked hard as he swallowed the rest of him. Randy didn't last much longer than that. It was only about ten seconds before he let out a primal scream and began to shake violently.

He came for what seemed like forever, his cock twitching and jerking before erupting violently in John's mouth. His orgasm finally slowed to a trickle, and John stood, placing a kiss on his swollen lips. "How you like the woods now, baby?"

Randy slowly opened his eyes and smiled. "Not bad." He pushed John down and lowered him to the spread blanket. He slipped out of his open jeans and slid his t-shirt over his head, smiling as John quickly stripped below him. The older man now lay sprawled on his back, both knees raised, completely naked. Randy settled in between his knees, and slowly started nibbling around John's thighs. Randy's tongue licked up the well-defined leg, tracing the muscles with his tongue, watching them jump as he teased them. Dropping one leg back to the sheet, Randy started on the other one. John's dick was hard and aching, pre-cum leaking steadily. Randy slowly caressed John's shaft as he watched him twist the blanket under him in his hands.

"That feels so good, baby," John moaned again as strong fingers wrapped around his dick.

"Just wait," Randy said with a smile. He lowered down and sucked the head of John's cock, while holding it straight up. Rolling his balls nearly had John coming, but Randy slowed down, running his tongue over the tip of John's cock, keeping him on edge while John moaned.

"Please, baby," John cried, his body arching up off the blanket.

"Please what, baby? What do you need?" Randy smiled as he mimicked John's words from before.

John groaned and shook his head. "God, don't be an asshole, baby."

Randy smiled as he looked down on John, writhing on the blanket, lost in pleasure. Finally Randy couldn't stand it any longer. He need to see John come for him; watch him surrender to the pleasure he was providing him. He wrapped his pre-cum slickened fingers around the base of John's hard cock as his mouth resumed its actions on the head until he pushed John over the edge. The older man yelled with his release and clutched at Randy's head.

"Yeah, that's it, cum for me, baby," Randy said as John's hips arched again and again.

Finally John's body was empty, and he lay sprawled all over the blanket, a goofy grin on his face and happiness in his eyes. "I love you,"

Randy felt the flush of happiness spread through his body as he did whenever John said those words to him.

"I love you, too, babe," Randy said. He lowered himself besides John on the blanket after a quick glance towards the quiet cabin. The sounds coming from the monitor were only of Alanna's soft snores and he found himself relaxing on the ground besides John.

John turned and rested his body on top of Randy's. Randy spread his legs to allow John to lie between them. The older man kissed Randy's lips softly and trailed more kisses down his neck. He found one of Randy's sensitive spots when he reached his collarbone. When he heard the encouraging moan, he focused on that spot, licking and sucking. When he bit at it gently, Randy cried out, arching under him. He could feel Randy's cock coming back to life. He sucked hard enough to bring blood to the surface of the skin, marking his territory. John pulled away, admiring the red blotch besides the ink on Randy's skin.

John moved down Randy's chest, kissing the smooth skin, listening to Randy's reactions. Randy gripped his head tightly and rocked his hips into John, rubbing his erection on John's stomach. John abandoned Randy's ravished nipples after a while and moved down to his abs. He licked up and down the muscles, before moving down to nip at his hipbones then further to the crease of Randy's thigh, sucking hard enough to make another mark. Randy was panting audibly and pushing up his hips in a slow rhythm.

John flipped Randy onto his stomach and lifted his hips. Randy allowed himself to be raised onto his knees facing the wall, with his butt towards John. John reached out and spread Randy's cheeks and leaned in, running his lips over the little pucker, loving the tiny spasms he could feel from his husband. He licked around Randy's hole, and he moaned loudly. "Johnny, stop. It feels too good."

John twirled his tongue in circles and reached between Randy's legs, slowly stroking his cock. He replaced his tongue with his cum soaked index finger and swirled it around before pushing his finger all the way in. Randy's familiar heat sucked him in and he let out a long moan. John felt the cock in his hand harden and lengthen further. John wriggled his finger around before sliding out and adding another and then another. John leaned forward and began nibbling and kissing the globes of Randy's ass.

"You're so sexy, Baby."

John continued to gently stroke Randy's cock. He began searching for the spot he knew would be the key to Randy's pleasure while he gently thrust his fingers in and out. When he found it Randy arched his back and lowered onto the blanket, unable to hold himself up any longer. John stopped stroking Randy's cock, not wanting him to come again just yet. John grazed the bump a few more times, feeling Randy push back against him, before removing his fingers.

Randy looked at John with his ice blue eyes. "Enough, baby. I want to feel you inside me."

John didn't need to hear anymore. He lubed up his raging erection with a mixture of his own cum, Randy's and spit, kneeling behind Randy. He pushed forward slowly, gripping Randy's hips for leverage. The head of his cock popped in, and Randy clenched around him.

John held still until he felt the muscle relax again. He pushed forward slowly, relishing the feel of being enveloped by Randy's gripping heat until he was finally buried inside.

"Baby, you're so tight. You always feel amazing; almost too good." John moaned. He could feel Randy panting below him. He pulled out and adjusted his angle, searching for that pleasure spot inside of Randy once more.

"Oh, God, right there, baby," Randy groaned.

John gritted his teeth as Randy rippled around him. He pulled out and slowly thrust back in, keeping that same angle and was rewarded with another scream and ripple. He began a slow rhythm. Very soon Randy was pushing back to meet his thrusts. He could see Randy gripping the sheets hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

"John!" Randy was gasping out, "I'm gonna cum! Please, Johnny, faster,"

John began pounding into the velvet heat that gripped him. It was rippling and clenching every time he hit Randy's prostate. Randy was thrusting his hips back at John with real force now. John increased his grip as he pounded into him relentlessly.

"Cum with me, Johnny!" Randy panted out between thrusts before shuddering under John as his release shot from his body.

"I'm with you, baby," John groaned back, his own orgasm washing over him as he watched Randy's body wracked with pleasure. Randy's channel clamped down on him and milked every drop of cum out of his body. He collapsed onto the blanket and John fell on top of him, his legs no longer able to support him. He kissed Randy's neck and shoulders as they lay trying to catch their breath. Randy turned his face toward him to kiss him on the lips. They kissed leisurely, taking their time, relaxed from their orgasms moments ago.

"I love you, Ran." John whispered into Randy's mouth.

"I love you, too, Johnny." Randy whispered back. They continued to kiss for a while before he added, "That was amazing. I think I like sex under the stars."

"Yeah, I knew you would." John rolled off of Randy and felt his softening cock slip out. He pulled him close to his chest to cuddle.

"How's your head? Maybe we should tell Doctor Johnson…"

John laughed and kissed Randy's head. "I'm fine! Are you really gonna ruin this moment with talk about our doctor and my headache? Baby, it's just a headache. You can't panic every time I get one."

"Don't tell me not to worry about you, Cena." Randy leaned in and kissed John. "You're the most important person in my life. I have to worry about you and keep you safe, don't I?"

"Of course, baby, but trust me, I'm fine." John replied solemnly. "Now let's get inside, take a shower and get some sleep."

* * *

John pulled up to the house he shared with his family, smiling when he heard Randy's sigh of happiness. He looked over at his husband and met his smiling face. "Happy to be home, I guess?"

Randy quickly nodded. "Very happy. The woods weren't all bad, though." He winked at John and looked at the back seat. "Ms. Al enjoyed the woods, too, didn't she?"

"It was so much fun, Daddy! I wanna go again." Alanna smiled happily and John laughed. "I am so proud right now. You have no idea."

Randy rolled his eyes and exited the car, taking a moment to stretch his long limbs. He opened the back door where Alanna sat and the little girl immediately shook her head.

"No, I wanna go with Daddy John! I wanna see Angel again!"

Randy sighed. He had been sure Alanna had forgotten about the boy. John and he had made a conscious decision to limit their Angel talk for fear of Alanna getting too attached. It seems their idea hadn't worked, though.

"Baby, Daddy is just gonna drop off the keys and come right back. There's gonna be no time to visit with anyone…"

"No, Daddy!" Alanna pouted and her eyes filled with tears. She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned towards John, grabbing at his arm. "You promised I could go with you, Daddy John! Please!"

John sighed and looked up, meeting Randy's eyes. The younger man shrugged, letting John make the decision.

"Ally, we're only gonna be there for like 5 minutes. Maybe we can go another time for a longer visit. Why don't you just stay with Daddy and help him unpack and start dinner?"

Alanna shook her head, a tear streaming down her face now. "No, I wanna go with you! You promised me!"

"OK, fine, fine, you can go!" John gave in at the sight of her tears and turned back over in the seat. The little girl instantly calmed as Randy buckled her back in. He placed a kiss on her forehead and looked down at her sternly. "This is the last visit, OK, so make sure you tell Angel goodbye."

Alanna nodded but averted her eyes. Randy shut her door and walked around the car to lean into John's open window. "I'll unpack the camp stuff and pack up for work. We both leave tomorrow. Try to come home soon so we can have dinner together before I have to drop Al off."

John nodded and leaned his head on the headrest. "Oh, trust me. I will." He glanced back at Alanna through the rearview mirror and lowered his voice. "I can't believe she remembered."

Randy smiled slowly. "We should've known it wouldn't be that easy." He leaned in and kissed John before standing up. "Come back soon, baby. Drive safe."

John nodded and waited for Randy to pull the luggage out of the back of the truck. He pulled away when Randy waved and was soon back on the familiar drive to the Adopt America office. He and Randy had decided they would begin inquiring about the adopting process to Mrs. Martin but would also be speaking to Alanna and their parents about it when they returned from their latest work week. Becoming Dads for the second time would be difficult and they knew they would need their parents there. They also wanted to explain to Alanna how a sibling would change things.

"Daddy, are we almost there?"

John stopped his train of thought and smiled at Alanna through the mirror. "Yes, baby. A few more minutes."

Alanna smiled happily and looked outside her window. "I wanna tell Angel all about our camping trip. He said camping would be so much fun and he was right! I loved it, Daddy. When we go back can we bring Angel? Maybe Mrs. Martin will give us permission."

John laughed softly and shook his head. "I don't think so, baby. She would never do that. For all she knows we're horrible people and parents."

Alanna gasped and shook her head. "You're not horrible, Daddy!"

John smiled. "Thanks, baby."

The chatter between the two continued for a few more minutes until they arrived at the Adopt America office. John quickly exited the car, the cabin keys securely in his pocket, and walked around to the back to where Alanna sat bouncing in her car seat. She smiled happily as John unbuckled her and let her out. "Let's go, Daddy! Let's go!"

John quickly shut the car doors as Alanna tried with all her might to pull John forward. He allowed himself to be lead into the main office but had to stop her in the reception desk.

"Ally, give me a minute." John looked at the smiling receptionist and sighed. "Hi, I'm John Cena. I have to return some keys to Mrs. Martin."

"Of course, Mr. Cena. You can just leave the keys with me. Mrs. Martin is in a meeting but she told me you would be coming today." The receptionist held her hand out.

John hesitated, looking at the woman. "Is there any way I could wait for her? I have something I want to discuss with her…kind of a follow-up to something we discussed a week ago…"

The young woman slowly nodded and glanced at her computer screen. "Well, if you don't mind waiting. She should be another half an hour."

John quickly nodded. "Of course. I'll just sit and wait." He felt a tug on his jeans and looked down at Alanna, who had an irritated frown on her face. "What is it, Al?"

"Can we go see Angel now?"

John sighed and smiled apologetically at the woman once more. "Is there any way my daughter can see Angel? She met him last week and wants to say hi again."

The woman nodded and laughed softly. "That boy really does have an effect on everyone he meets. Of course she can see him. The children are in the backyard." She pointed to the backdoor waved him through. "I'll let Mrs. Martin know you'll be there awaiting her."

John smiled and looked down. "OK, Ally, let's go find Angel."

Alanna smiled and led John out to the backyard. The noise hit them as soon as they opened the door. Children ran around, laughter filling the air. Alanna released John's hand and took a few steps forward, her eyes scanning the children for Angel.

"Don't run ahead of me, Al," John stayed in step with his daughter and helped her search. A few seconds later he heard her exited squeal as she finally spotted her new friend.

"Angel!" Alanna took off as Angel looked up at her call. The small boy smiled and met her halfway as they embraced tightly. John quickly caught up and smiled down at the boy. "Hi Angel. How are you?"

Angel smiled up at him. "Hi! I'm so glad you came back to visit me! I thought you were going to forget."

John frowned when he heard the boy's words and how close he was to being right. John was filled with guilt when he thought of the many times the child must have been disappointed in his life. He had almost added to that list by trying to prevent Alanna from visiting.

"I told you I would be back. I wanted to tell you all about camping and Daddy had to return the keys to that lady but she's on the phone so we came to see you first." Alanna smiled and sat on the grass next to Angel, pulling John down beside her.

Angel frowned up at John before turning back to Alanna. "I thought the other guy was your Dad. Randy?"

Alanna nodded. "He is. This is my Dad, too. John."

John groaned inwardly as the little boy's frown deepened. "Ally…"

"I have 2 Daddies." Alanna continued, oblivious to John trying to stop her. "I have a mommy, too."

John held his breath as Alanna continued explaining her family dynamic to Angel and frantically thought of how to fix it…and how he would explain it to Mrs. Martin if Angel told her.

"But Mommy lives in her house and my two Daddies live in their house. They got married last year."

Angel contemplated Alanna's speech when she finally stopped speaking and looked up at John, who instantly froze. The small boy smiled and shrugged. "Oh, OK."

John let out his breath in a gust of air and frowned. "OK? Do you understand?"

Angel shrugged once more but nodded. "Yeah, one of my friends was adopted by a family with two mommies and no daddies. We were all confused but Mrs. Martin explained to us that there are many different kinds of families."

John slowly nodded, feeling a bit more at ease but still unsure if the child really understood.

"Angel, I have to tell you all about camping! You were right; it was so much fun. I went fishing with Daddy John but my Daddy Randy didn't want to. He said the water was gross and it smelled bad." Alanna stopped to roll her eyes and John smiled discretely. "We walked a lot and we stood on top of a mountain and took pictures and we slept outside one night but after a little while Daddy Randy went back inside because he said something was biting him. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel anything. I just think he didn't want to because he doesn't like things like dirt and bugs…"

"Ally, take a breath, baby." John laughed softly and pulled Alanna to him, kissing her forehead gently. He saw Angel smile at the act and the longing look that crept into his eyes.

"I just wanna tell him everything!" Alanna smiled and turned back over to Angel. "Did your mommy ever take you camping before the men took you away from her?"

Before John could interrupt to stop Alanna from asking more personal questions, the boy answered. "No, she didn't. I used to see other families on TV, though and I would pretend I was with them. It looked like so much fun so I know it just has to be."

"Well, I'm gonna ask Mrs. Martin if we can…."

"Ally, I have an idea," John interrupted Alanna before she could repeat her idea from earlier. He didn't want her to fill Angel's head with ideas before he'd had a chance to speak to the orphanage director. "Maybe we can ask Mrs. Martin if we can arrange a night here where everyone sleeps outside in tents and we can barbecue or we can take a bus trip and go fishing. I'll arrange everything with her."

Angel's eyes lit up. "You would do that for us?"

John nodded, laughing softly. "Of course I would. I would love to."

"That sounds like so much fun! That's so nice; thank you." Angel smiled shyly and looked at Alanna, who hugged John tightly. "Daddy John is the nicest person in the world. He always does whatever he can to make people smile. I love him so much."

John smiled and placed a kiss on Alanna's head. "Thank you, beautiful. I love you so much, too."

"Mr. Cena!"

John turned and looked behind him to where the young receptionist called out for him. She waved at him and smiled. "Mrs. Martin will see you now."

John stood and brushed the grass off his jeans before extending his hand to Alanna. "Baby, we have to go now."

Alanna pouted and shook her head. "No, Daddy, please! Can't I stay here with Angel? We wanna talk some more."

John sighed and shook his head. "Ally, I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Why not?" Alanna frowned and looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah, why not?" John turned to meet Angel's frown, as well. He sighed and shook his head. "God, you two are tag teaming me here. Fine, but Al, just come with me for one minute, OK, and then you can sit with Angel until I'm done."

Alanna stood and followed John. The two moved a few feet away from where the boy sat and John quickly picked up his daughter.

"Baby, don't ask Angel too many questions about his mommy, OK. I think those questions may make him feel bad."

Alanna nodded. "I know. OK, I won't ask anything. I'll just tell him about me."

John sighed. "Maybe that would make him feel sad, too, though."

"So then what can we talk about?" Alanna raised an eyebrow and John sighed. He truly had no idea how to answer that question. "I don't know, Al. Favorite cartoon, color, subject in school, things like that. Simple things, OK."

Alanna nodded and averted her eyes. John smirked and set her down, watching as she ran back over to Angel. He knew the ending of his lecture had been ignored by his daughter. The faraway look in her eyes was one he had seen many times, both in her eyes and Randy's.

John turned and walked back towards the main office building, silently praying the children wouldn't speak of inappropriate things and that he would be able to clearly convey his and Randy's intentions to Mrs. Martin.

He walked into the large building and was quickly waved inside Mrs. Martin's cozy office.

"Mr. Cena, welcome back! I hope you and your family had a wonderful weekend!"

John smiled and sank into the seat she offered him. "It was wonderful. Please, call me John. Mr. Cena makes me feel older than I am."

Mrs. Martin laughed and nodded. "Of course, John." She smiled and reached out her hand. "So, I understand you wanted to personally give me the keys? You could've left them with Jess outside…"

John quickly dug the keys out of his pocket and placed them in her hand. He shook his head and leaned forward. "Oh, I know but I also wanted to talk to you about something."

Mrs. Martin nodded and waited patiently. John took a deep breath and smiled nervously. "So, Randy and I took some time out and we really discussed our future and what we want in it. We really love our daughter and there is nothing more we want than to have another child. We've decided to go forward with the process of adoption and we were hoping you would be our guide through it. Randy and I are willing to do anything it takes and we've decided to make St. Louis our permanent home for now. My in-laws live here and they are wonderful so they could be the caregivers for our child when we go to work and we'll eventually hire a nanny for when we go to Florida…."

Mrs. Martin held up her hand and smiled. "Slow down, John. It all sounds wonderful! There's no reason to be nervous. I would be more than happy to help you and Randy adopt."

John let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. We know we haven't known you for long but we trust you. We see how amazing you have made this place for the children,"

"Thank you, John. I knew from the first moment I met you and Randy that you two were already wonderful parents. Adding to your family sounds like a wonderful idea and I can tell by your voice how nervous and excited you are. I assure you its perfectly normal." Mrs. Martin stood and walked over to a bookshelf behind her. She pulled out a large folder with paperwork and walked it over to John.

"Read through all of that paperwork with Randy and fill out everything. You're going to need a good adoption lawyer and my top recommended ones are in that file, as well. Be completely honest. The courts will do an extensive background check on both of you so there's no point in lying. If you need any help or have any questions, please feel free to call me or come see me."

John looked down at the file in his hand and his eyes widened. He flipped through it quickly and frowned. "Wow, this is intense. Medical inquiries, financial inquiries…we need letters of recommendation? People need to write what they think of our parenting skills?"

Mrs. Martin smiled. "It looks daunting, John, but it's a simple process for couples who are truly dedicated to it. I doubt you would have trouble getting recommendation letters. Don't flip through it now. Take it home and read through it carefully with your husband."

John sighed and nodded. "Thank you again. I'm sure we'll be the biggest pains in your butt throughout this process. Promise to stick with us?"

Mrs. Martin laughed. "Of course, dear." She stood and followed John out of the office and into the backyard. Her smile grew when she noticed Alanna and Angel still talking. "They really have formed a bond. It's amazing."

John smiled and turned over to the woman once more. "Angel mentioned a friend of his was adopted by a family with two mommies. Does that mean you have experience working on a successful gay adoption?"

Mrs. Martin nodded. "John, I already told you. The courts have changed much over the years. A couple's sexual orientation does not matter if they can provide a loving, stable home for an orphaned child. Don't worry about it. I think you and Randy have a great shot at expanding your family with that little boy there." She looked back over to the children and smiled. "It looks like all the stars are aligning in your favor."

John smiled and looked back over at the children; his daughter and his future son. Of that, he was sure.


	41. Chapter 40

**Present Day**

Randy leaned on the backyard door and closed his eyes. The noise filtered outside from inside the Cena home, interrupting his search for peace and quiet. He walked further out into the yard, dragging a lounge chair behind him. He collapsed into it and sighed, closing his eyes once more. He relished in the silence for what felt like only minutes until a hand clamped down on his shoulder. Randy's eyes snapped open and met the smiling blue ones of his father-in-law.

"Hiding out, son?"

Randy smiled and turned over, standing and enveloping John Cena, Sr. in a tight hug. "Yeah, kinda. I just needed a few minutes away. You know my patience has never been great, pop."

John smiled and shook his head. "You have patience, Randy. You just think you don't. You've always underestimated yourself."

The older man lowered his body into the chair Randy was occupying, forcing him to collapse on the grass. "So, how long are you here for?"

Randy smirked up at his father-in-law. "Tired of us already?"

John rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair. "Now that you mention it, yes, I am tired of **you**. I'll keep the children, though."

Randy laughed and lay back on the grass, resting on his elbows. "Sorry, not gonna happen. We'll be here overnight. Ted and Cody are driving down here tomorrow afternoon."

"Why didn't you go with them today, son?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "I can't take anymore wedding talk. I'm so sick of wedding talk. I just want them to do it and put it behind them."

John crossed his arms over his chest. "Randy, just because you and John did it that way doesn't mean everyone is the same. Ted and Cody are taking their time and are planning a wedding in their style. Don't ruin it for them, son."

"I'm not, pop, I swear. Whatever they ask of me I've done, all with a smile on my face!" Randy sat up and shrugged. "I've run every errand, answered every call…"

"Randy," John interrupted. "Your attitude is very obvious, though, son, even with the biggest smile on your face. I know it has to be hard for you to be around Ted and Cody and listening to all their excitement and plans for the future. You love your friends, though, and I know you wouldn't want to ruin anything for them. Just be aware of your tone and attitude, OK."

Randy lowered his eyes at his father-in-law's scolding. He ran his fingers through the blades of grass underneath him. "I'm trying. I really am but sometimes a little resentment just creeps out of me no matter how hard I try to keep it in. I love Ted and Cody and I want to be happy for them and fully present in every moment of their planning. I want to help them and be able to get excited but a part of me always stays detached. I don't want to be this way, pop, I just can't help it."

"Yes, you can, Randy." John smiled hesitantly before continuing. "What does the doctor say about these feelings, son?"

Randy's eyes froze and his gaze hardened slightly. "That they're normal and they'll go away with time. She just wants me to keep exploring my relationship with John and focusing on the happy memories we had and some other shit. I swear it's the biggest waste of money ever."

John shook his head and sighed. "Randy, you can't think that way or else it **will** be the biggest waste of money ever. Take advantage of her expertise, do the assignments and actually try to absorb some of what she's telling you. You cannot live the rest of your life filled with resentment and anger, son. Trust me, I know how you feel. I lost my son. I have to find some way to go on, though. I have other people to live for. I have a wife and other children." He looked at Randy and smiled. "You have other people to live for, too. You have two children, Randy and a family who loves you. You have friends who love you and need you, too."

Randy looked away and shrugged. "I'm fine around them. The kids haven't noticed anything and neither has anyone else."

"That's what you think, son. Trust me, they've noticed."

Randy frowned and stared back up at his father-in-law. "Have the kids said something to you?"

John quickly shook his head. "No, Randy, but Carol and I aren't blind."

Randy slowly nodded but kept his gaze intent on John Sr. "You know, pop, I love you but if the kids talk to you about things you think I should know, please don't hide it from me."

John shook his head once more. "I wouldn't do that, Randy. Trust me; those kids are my number one priority, too."

Randy remained silent, nodding softly as the two men fell into a comfortable silence. The silence was broken minutes later by the scraping noise of the backyard door sliding open. Randy turned to see his son exit the door and walk over to them quickly. He smiled and held his arms out, settling the boy on his lap. "What's up, babe? Got tired of being inside?"

Angel groaned and nodded. "Grandma and Ally are talking about clothes and nail polish and it's so boring. They're driving me crazy."

Randy smiled and placed a kiss on Angel's head, smoothing his hair back. "Well, you can sit out here with me and listen to Grandpa drive me crazy. He's scolding me like I'm a little boy."

Angel smiled and looked up into Randy's eyes. "Why?"

"Because your daddy Randy there is as stubborn as a mule," interjected John. "He thinks he knows it all and refuses to listen to anyone's advice."

Angel laughed and nodded. "Daddy John used to say that, too. He always said Daddy thought he was the smartest person ever."

"I am the smartest person ever and I'm always right," said Randy, a teasing smile on his face. "John just didn't like to admit it."

Angel shook his head and turned over in Randy's lap. "He also said you were conceited."

Randy rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face. "Whatever. Daddy John used to constantly tease me. Why do I have a feeling I'm in for a lifetime of abuse from you, too, though?"

Angel shrugged and closed his eyes against Randy's chest. Randy stroked his back gently, sighing softly. "I would give anything to hear his voice one more time, though, even if it was just to tease me."

Angel opened his eyes and smiled. "What did you say? I wanna hear Daddy's voice, too!"

Randy quickly shook his head, unaware that Angel had heard his low mumble. "No, baby, that's not what I…"

"We can watch a home movie! You know Grandma has tons of movies she's made over the years. Would you like to watch one, kiddo?" John Sr. stood as Angel eagerly nodded and moved to stand. Randy frantically shook his head and grabbed Angel's hand, pulling him back down.

"No, pop, no, I don't think that's a good idea…."

Angel turned towards him and frowned. "Why not? I wanna see it!"

John also frowned and looked down into Randy's panicked eyes. "Randy, there's no reason not to let him see it. If you wanna stay out here, though, be my guest."

"Daddy, please? Can I watch it?" Angel grasped Randy's hand and tried to pull him away. Randy released him and shook his head, his mind spinning at the thought of seeing and hearing John once more. It was the one thing he hadn't been able to do. Just the thought of it made him think a heart attack was near. He wasn't ready to take that step yet without completely falling apart.

"Take him inside and do what you want. I just can't….I can't."

John Sr. took a confused Angel by the hand and nodded. "OK, son. If you feel like trying, you know where we'll be."

Randy nodded and turned away dismissively. John sighed and led the boy back in the house, ignoring the way he longingly looked back at Randy. "Come on, kiddo. Let's leave Daddy out here to collect himself for a bit. Maybe he'll come in later, OK?"

Randy stood and tuned them out completely. He walked further down the yard, his eyes filling with tears. Yes, he would give anything to hear John's voice again but not through a screen. He had practically outlawed all movies and WWE DVD's with John in them from his house. All home movies he and John had made had been stored and even old voicemail messages he had in his cell phone had been deleted. Randy knew the time would come when he would be comfortable with seeing John in motion on the screen again or hearing his voice again but this was not the day. He would get there one day, if not for himself, for his children. They deserved to be able to do something with him like what their grandfather was doing right now.

Randy sighed and shook his head, frustrated at his own inability to move on while everyone else seemed to be able to. He slid the phone out of his pocket and scrolled down his list of contacts, looking for the one person besides him that John was closest to. He pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear, pacing the area in front of him restlessly.

"Hello,"

"Matt, can you watch movies with John in them?" Randy blurted out the minute Matt Cena picked up the phone.

"Uh, what's up, bro? What's with the weirdo question?"

Randy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm at your parent's house and they're watching home movies with the kids and I just can't do that yet, Matt. I wanted to know if you could."

Matt sighed in his ear. "Yeah, I can. I actually like to. It's nice to hear Johnny's voice. But that's just me. You're entitled to feel how you want, Ran. We're all different and we're all grieving differently."

Randy nodded to himself, letting Matt's words sink in. The younger man always had a way of getting through to him. Randy always thought he was blessed when he inherited John's brothers. They had quickly become as important to him as Nathan was. Matt Cena had been the one he and John spent most of their time with, though. The young man's interest in their careers and closeness in age made it easy to develop a close relationship.

"I want to be able to do it, Matt. I'm hiding in the yard right now. This is ridiculous."

Matt laughed in his ear. "Randy, you're a big boy. If you wanna do something, then just do it. You never hid from anything. You're one of the bravest, strongest people I know. Just try! What do you think is gonna happen if you watch the video? Isn't confronting it what your doctor suggested?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "How the hell does everyone know what that doctor says? Are you all calling her behind my back?"

"No, Ran. We're all seeing therapists, too, you know. I'm pretty sure they're just all on the same page."

Randy sighed and remained silent. He knew John's death didn't only affect him. It affected both families. They all loved John. Not in the same way he did, of course, but it shouldn't surprise him to hear they were also in therapy for John's death. It was such a surreal experience. Losing John had been sudden and shocking to all of them.

"You're right, Matt. I just don't wanna break down in front of the kids..."

"Randy, you're human," Matt sighed in his ear. "You have every right to break down. The kids will understand. They're not babies any more."

Randy turned to look towards the house, the light from the flashing screen of the television visible through the window. He slowly walked to the backdoor and slid it open. "OK, I'm going to try it. If this doesn't work I'm gonna kill you Matt."

Matt laughed. "Good luck, bro."

Randy smiled and ventured further into the house, ending the call with his brother-in-law. Laughter from his children's voices called him further and within seconds he found himself entering the large Cena family room. His eyes scanned the area, quickly spotting the backs of everyone in his family as they all faced the large television dominating the room. John Sr. sat on the large sofa with Angel and Alanna on either side of him. Carol perched on the arm of the same sofa, her arms crossed over her chest and a small smile visible to Randy from the profile of her face. The room had fallen silent except for one voice. Randy's eyes finally landed on the large television the voice came from and felt his hand reach forward to grasp the wall. John's voice and image hit him like a freight train. His eyes instantly watered when he saw his husband's smiling face lighting up the screen. "Oh my God…"

All eyes turned to him at his shocked gasp. Carol immediately paused the movie, framing John's face on the screen.

"Dad, you came in!"

Randy quickly looked down at the sound of Angel's voice but didn't answer. Angel sat up and watched Randy with a concerned gaze. He turned to Alanna, who mimicked his concern. "Are you OK, Daddy?"

Randy forced a smile on his face and nodded as he slowly moved away from the wall he leaned upon. He gripped the back of the sofa, his knees shaking slightly. "Yeah," His eyes glued to John's face on the screen. "Let it play, Mom. I wanna see it."

Carol smiled slowly and let the movie continue. John's voice filled the room once more. An involuntary smile came across Randy's face when he realized what day the movie was shot.

"Oh my God, I remember this day."

John Sr. turned to look at him and Randy blinked, unaware he had spoken out loud. "I'm sure you do. Why don't you come closer, son?

Randy quickly shook his head, his eyes still focused on John's face. It was so surreal to him, seeing John again for the first time in months but on screen. The memory of the day captured years earlier instantly filled his mind…

* * *

"_Mom, can you put the camera down, please? How can you just stand there recording this when I am in massive pain?" John groaned and stretched out on the recliner as Carol laughed from behind the camera lens. _

"_Darling, don't you want to leave memories behind for your children like Daddy and I have left for you and your brothers? You boys have video of all the special moments in your life thanks to us! I hope you and Randy continue the tradition with your kids and record as much of it as possible."_

"_Mom, I want my kids to remember me at my best; not when I'm lying on a chair in massive amounts of pain because a horse threw me on my ass! Do you really think I'm gonna want to remember this day?"_

"_Oh, Johnny, you'll be fine. You get thrown on your ass all the time in the ring! What's one more?"_

_John frowned back up at his mother and shook his head. "It's not the same. I don't mind that. I mind the horse attacking me." He sat up slowly, one hand behind him on his lower back and continued to frown into the camera. "This is all Randy's fault. Where the hell is he? He should be here taking care of me. It was his idea to get on that horse."_

"_I'm right here, you big crybaby" Randy walked around the large armchair and smiled up at Carol. "You're gonna make me a copy of this DVD, OK. It's not often I get to see John in a miserable state because he did something stupid."_

_John closed his eyes and groaned. "Why is everyone harassing me today? Aren't you all supposed to love me?" He looked over at Randy and frowned angrily. "You, especially! Where did you go?"_

_Randy smiled and sat on the arm of the recliner and smoothed one finger over John's forehead, erasing the frown. "I went to put the kids down. They were exhausted." He looked at the camera and smiled. "I guess I forgot I had my third child here to take care of."_

"_My John; couldn't act more like a child if you paid him to when he's sick or hurt. Good luck dealing with that for the rest of your life, Randy." _

_John glared at his mother through the lens. "I'm not acting like a child. I'm in pain! How am I supposed to work? Not to mention do other things…" He turned over to Randy and raised an eyebrow. The younger man rolled his eyes and shrugged. _

_"Look, you said you wanted us to teach the kids different things, right? You taught them all about camping and I want to teach them about horseback riding. It's what I used to do as a child with my grandparents and I loved it. I tried camping for you so you had no choice but to get on a horse for me."_

"_Yeah, but that horse had it in for me! It tried to kill me! Nothing happened to you when we went camping except for a little bug bite and you complained about it the whole drive home," John rolled his eyes and shook his head. _

"_Johnny, I told the man it was your first time on a horse. He gave you one of the oldest, slowest ones he could. Not to mention, he did explain to you how to stop. You were supposed to pull back on the reins not dig your heels into his sides! It's no wonder he threw you off. You hurt him." Randy laughed softly, shifting down to sit on the recliner with John. _

"_He started to run and I just blanked out on what I was supposed to do." John averted his eyes but let Randy wrap an arm around him. _"_Baby, he wasn't running. It's called a slow gallop. The horse was like 25 years old. He couldn't run with your ass on it even if he wanted to." _

_John's mouth dropped open before he burst into laughter. Randy smiled and pulled him close, placing a kiss on his cheek. _

"_Fine, it may have been my fault but I'm still in pain here."_

_Randy nodded. "I know. You'll feel better soon then we can start planning our next trip. I think we should take Shawn up on his offer and take the kids down to San Antonio to his ranch."_

_John opened his eyes wide and shook his head. "No way! I don't ever want to see another horse for the rest of my life."_

_Randy shook his head. "Sorry, hubby. It doesn't work that way. If you ever want me to step foot into the woods again, you will get on another horse. Besides, if anyone can teach you, it's Shawn…even if he has to beat it into you."_

_John groaned loudly and laid his head on Randy's chest. "This blows. I'm gonna rethink this whole marriage thing. I didn't realize I was marrying a wannabe cowboy."_

_Randy shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea. Maybe I should rethink it, too. Maybe when I go down to the ranch I'll meet a real cowboy and decide to marry him."_

_John lifted his head and narrowed his eyes. "Just try it, Orton."_

_Randy slowly smiled. "You're gonna stop me?"_

_John laughed and reached up to cup Randy's face. "Hell, yeah. You know you're mine forever."_

_Randy nodded slowly, the smile on his lips getting wider. "Yeah and you know you're mine forever."_

_John pulled Randy to him, their lips meeting in a warm, passionate kiss, the camera and Carol forgotten until her shriek filled the room. _

"_All right! This movie just got disgusting thanks to you two! I'm turning it off now!"_

* * *

The screen faded to black and the room remained quiet. Carol slowly got up and removed the DVD from the machine. She turned around and faced Randy, her lips slowly curving into a smile. "That was so great, wasn't it? Then you and Johnny had to ruin it with your making out. So gross."

Randy broke from his shock at Carol's teasing tone. He shrugged and smiled. "Hey, he's my husband. I don't say anything when I catch you and Pop here making out in the kitchen. That's beyond gross. It's traumatizing."

John Sr. laughed loudly at the look of indignation that came across Carol's face. "Randy's right, hon. They were adults and married. Leave him alone."

Carol huffed and moved back over to the chair. "Whatever. Doesn't mean I want to see it on my screen."

"Me neither," Alanna turned over and smiled at her grandmother. "They were always kissing and hugging. So yucky,"

Angel nodded, laughing softly. "Especially since they're so old!"

Randy frowned and glared at his children. "I'm swear I'm gonna leave you two brats with grandma and grandpa. This is like the tenth time you've called me old in a week. I don't appreciate it."

Both kids laughed and turned away towards John Sr. "They'll never understand until they fall in love, son. We'll remind them of this one day."

Carol smiled over at them and nodded. "Kids, your Dads had a great love. All the hugs and kisses they shared was just one of the ways they showed it. They were so happy together and they loved to tease each other. One day you will find someone you love as much as they loved each other and you'll understand."

Angel and Alanna nodded, smiles on their faces.

"We know how happy they were. Even when they disagreed, as Daddy John would say," Alanna giggled, aware of John's word for when he and Randy had an argument. "He loved to tease Daddy and get him to laugh again no matter how hard it was."

Randy smiled and nodded. "It always worked, too,"

"As gross as it was sometimes, it was nice to see them hug and kiss. It made us happy because we knew for sure they were happy and loved each other." Angel smiled over at Randy, who nodded.

"All I want is for you kids to grow up and meet the person you love as much as I loved Daddy." Randy smiled thinly and backed away from the sofa. "You know, I'm gonna go start some lunch. Watching movies makes me hungry. Why don't you start another one, Mom?"

Carol smiled happily at Randy's request. Her and John Sr.'s eyes filled with relief at his willingness to stay and overcome his fear of the films. "Sure, dear. Do you want to see one of when Daddy was your age, kids?"

The children quickly nodded and began chattering away with Carol, excited to see John as a child. Randy walked into the kitchen quickly and opened the refrigerator. He closed his eyes as the cold air hit his face. A hand clamped itself on his back and he swerved, meeting his father-in-law's gaze.

"You OK, son? You did good in there. I'm very proud of you,"

Randy let the door close and stepped away, shrugging slightly. "I don't know what I am, Pop. I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired of everything."

John Sr. frowned and leaned on the counter. "Randy, don't say things like that, please."

"Don't worry. I'm not planning on slicing my wrists just yet." Randy rolled his eyes. "Though it doesn't sound like a bad idea some days,"

"Randy," John Sr. started but Randy quickly cut him off. "I'm just so tired of thinking. John **was** my husband, we **used** to hug, we **used** to kiss, we **loved** each other, we **were** so happy together…I'm so sick of the past tense! I hate that all I have left is these memories. How did this happen?"

"Can I ask you something, son?" John Sr. lowered his body to a chair around the counter. "This is something Carol and I had a hard time saying but it's a thought that brings us comfort now and maybe it will do the same for you."

"What? What in the world could bring me comfort right now?" Randy smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"If you knew John was going to die only a few years after your marriage, would you have not done it? Would you have not bothered to start dating or get married or adopt Angel?" John Sr. shrugged. "Would you have just stayed friends? Would that have made it easier to mourn his death?"

Randy frowned, his eyes lowering in confusion. "What are you talking about? I wouldn't give up anything I shared with John or any amount of time I had with him."

John Sr. nodded. "That's exactly how Carol and I felt. We hate that Johnny was taken away from us. We would give anything to change that but we can't. However, if given the option of having him for 38 years or not having him at all, we would gladly choose to have him for those 38 years. You need to start thinking like that, son. You need to appreciate that time you had with him and stop mourning the time you won't have with him. "

Randy raised his gaze and shook his head. "It's still not fair."

"Of course it's not fair, Randy. It happened, though, and you have to find a way to move on from it." John Sr. stood and smiled. "We all have to."

Randy sighed and nodded. "We will. Some of us slower than others, though, so please don't rush me."

John Sr. smiled and held up his hands. "Hey, no worries, son. You take your time." He rubbed his stomach and looked towards the stove. "I thought you were gonna make us some lunch. I'm hungry."

Randy quickly nodded and moved back over to the refrigerator. "I'm on it. Why don't you go back to the living room? Watch the movie and I'll take care of the food."

John Sr. nodded and walked away, leaving Randy alone once more. The younger man sighed and collapsed into a chair, ignoring the open door of the refrigerator. The memory of the video Carol had shown continued playing in his head despite his trying to forget it. It looked like a happy video to anyone else but he knew what that day really had been about. Yes, it was meant as another one of their family outings. Yes, it was meant to introduce the children to one of Randy's favorite pastimes. However, it was also an outing Randy planned to distract John from what he was going to do the following day. It was the day he saw as the beginning of the end...

* * *

"_So, how does your ass feel?" Randy smirked and threw himself down onto the bed besides John, earning him an eye roll from the older man with his question. _

"_I'm fine. The pain in my ass distracts from the pain in my head." _

_Randy's smirk instantly disappeared with John's statement and his eyes clouded over with worry. John quickly smiled and shook his head. "I'm kidding, baby. I'm fine."_

_Randy's eyes lowered and he sat up in the bed, his heart hammering in his chest as it did whenever he thought of the next day. "Tomorrow can't come fast enough."_

"_I agree. I can't wait for this new doctor to talk to us so you can stop looking like that whenever I say I have a headache." John's smile widened as he pulled his body closer to Randy. He reached out a hand and grasped Randy's face, turning the man over. "I know they're not gonna find anything because I'm fine."_

_Randy sighed, his eyes still clouded by confusion and fear. "John, I don't like feeling like this. I'm worried…"_

_John framed Randy's face in his hands and shook his head. "Stop it. I'm fine, I told you. All they're gonna find tomorrow is that I have stronger migraines than they thought or something else that's stupid."_

"_The medicines you're taking for your head are so strong and they're not working! It can't just be migraines." Randy pulled away from John and turned away. "How many concussions have you had, John? This could be bad. Don't act so fucking calm!"_

_John sighed and shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Randy? You want me to tell you I'm fucking scared, too? Well, I am! Of course I am! My life has revolved around doctors and pain medication for almost a year now and I barely feel relief. Don't you think I know this shit isn't normal? What do I gain from freaking out, though? Nothing! I have to stay calm; for your sake and for our kids' sake."_

_Randy turned back over and frowned. "No, you don't, John. Not around me. You're supposed to share with me what you're feeling. If you're scared, tell me because whatever happens, I'll be there with you. You're not gonna handle it on your own. I'm gonna be there beside you every minute."_

_John shook his head, not meeting Randy's eyes. "I don't want bad news. I don't want anything to be wrong. I want this not to be happening."_

_Randy felt his eyes water and this time it was he who reached for John's face. "Baby, everything will be fine, OK. Let's just believe that. We have to have faith."_

_John nodded, his own eyes wet. "OK, I will. I do have faith. Let's change the subject, OK."_

_Randy nodded, wiping John's face. "OK, I will after this final question. Are you sure you don't want to tell your parents?"_

_John quickly shook his head and grabbed Randy's hand. "No! We're not going to tell them anything until there's something to tell. I don't want to freak them out. We're here visiting and so they can spend time with the kids. I don't want to ruin that by making them worry about me. Do not say anything, understand?"_

_Randy slowly nodded. "OK, fine. It was just an idea." He lowered his body further onto the bed, pulling John down with him. The older man settled besides him, his eyes locked onto Randy's. He gazed into light blue depths, breathless from both the passion and love he saw there. "I love you so much, Ran. I couldn't do this without you beside me."_

_Randy smiled and nodded, his arm wrapped around John's waist. "I love you, too and I will always be beside you."_

_John immediately bent to claim Randy's mouth, thoroughly kissing his lips until they were swollen with his attention. _

_"You're everything to me." He whispered as he pressed kisses along Randy's neck. A whimper escaped Randy's lips as John lowered himself and bit the sensitive skin of his collarbone, sucking relentlessly until there was a bright red mark among the ink on his skin. He shook with pleasure as John's tongue licked the mark gently. _

"_Johnny, stop, baby. We have a busy day tomorrow and you know we can't do this in your parents' house…"_

"_I don't care! I want you to make me forget everything…if only for tonight." John's gaze bore into Randy's eyes. "Please, baby."_

_Randy reached up and pulled John towards him, locking their mouths together. He licked at John's lower lip then tugged at it gently with his teeth. John moaned softly and Randy slid his tongue into the welcoming mouth, deepening the kiss. Finally he broke it, looking directly into John's eyes._ "_Close your eyes, baby and just think about how I make you feel."_

_John nodded, closing his eyes tightly as Randy slid down his body. He felt his husband quickly pull down his boxer shorts, the only clothing he wore and the cold air of the room on his stiff erection. His hips involuntarily lifted up towards Randy's face. _

"_Baby, please."_

_Randy chuckled softly and stroked John's thighs softly. "Patience, gorgeous."_

_Randy leaned forward, his tongue coming out to flick over the tip of John's shaft. John's eyes shot open and he watched as Randy ran his tongue up and down the length of him. He couldn't hold back the noises that spilled from his mouth at the sensations Randy produced in him. A pure shudder of pleasure went through John's body as he Randy wrapped his mouth around John's cock and began sucking him off. A deep guttural moan spilled from the older man's lips, and he began thrusting up into Randy's mouth._

_Flushed and rocking into that hot mouth, John knew if this kept going he wouldn't be able to hold back. Reaching down, he grabbed Randy's head, yanking him off his cock. Randy didn't struggle, but looked up at John with lustful eyes._

"_Come up here," John said, his voice deep. Randy smiled and slid back up John's body, stopping to kiss and lick the muscles on the way up. "What do you want, baby?"_

_John's voice was hoarse and gruff. "You! Randy, God, I want to sink my cock deep into you."_

_Randy sat up, quickly removing his underwear and straddling John's lap, rubbing his ass against his husband's cock and feeling it slide in between his cheeks. John whimpered, his hips jerking up, but Randy pulled away with a laugh. "So impatient."_

_John moaned, and Randy's voice joined him, but he didn't let John enter him, not yet. He continued rubbing against him, watching as John arched up towards him. Randy's own desire made him feverish, and when it got to the point where he felt like he couldn't take anymore, he lowered his head, his tongue sliding over the rim of John's ear. "You ready for me, gorgeous?"_

_John shuddered, and smiled. "Yes, please, baby."_

_Randy's slick hands slid over John's cock, coating him with pre-cum, before he lifted his hips and spread his legs, aligning the head with his entrance. Soft pants spilled from his mouth as he slowly lowered himself onto John's cock, a small cry spilling from his lips as the head pierced him. John threw his head back as Randy, pulled him deeper and deeper inside._

_"Oh God," he cried out._

_Finally Randy had buried John into him, his body shaking with the pleasure, as he sat, adjusting to being so completely filled. He moved, rising up and then slammed himself back down. John groaned, thrusting his hips up to meet each downward movement. Randy leaned forward and gripped John's shoulders, his nails digging into skin as he moved up and down, their voice rising together as they moved. Randy closed his eyes, swept away in pure pleasure. He was getting close, and the frantic movements of John's hips told him he was the same. Randy slid one hand down between him, wrapping it around his cock, jacking himself off as his ass clenched around John._

_"Randy...Randy, I'm going to come."_

_"Me too, baby" He jerked his cock and then he was there. Randy's body tightened up, as white seed spilled in between them and inside to coat him. He collapsed onto John's body, wrapping his arms tightly around him, his eyes closing._

_"Johnny, I love you," he whispered, holding him close. John sighed contently, his arms holding onto Randy as he moved away from his chest and lay beside him. "I love you, too, baby. Everything's gonna be just fine."_

* * *

"Dad!"

Randy blinked as his daughter's voice snapped him from his memory. He frowned angrily in her direction. "What, Alanna?"

Alanna recoiled from her father at his sharp voice. "Grandpa wanted me to check on lunch. We're hungry."

Randy sighed, guilt coursing through him. "I'm not in the mood to cook so I'm just gonna order in, OK. Tell Grandpa it should be another half an hour or so."

Alanna slowly nodded and turned away. Randy quickly walked over to her and grasped her shoulders gently. "Baby, I'm sorry I snapped at you. You just startled me."

Alanna nodded and attempted a small smile. "It's OK."

Randy shook his head. "No, it's not OK. I'm sorry."

Alanna nodded once more, her smile a bit wider. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, beautiful. It's been a great day. The movies are a lot of fun, right?" Randy forced a smile on his face and hoped it would fool his daughter.

The smile worked and she instantly brightened. "They're so much fun, Dad! Grandma said she's gonna make us some copies so we can take them home. We're watching one now of Daddy and Uncle Matt when they were little. They were playing football but they're so bad at it!"

Randy laughed and nodded. "Sounds funny. I'll be right in, OK. I'm gonna order some Chinese. Sounds good?"

Alanna nodded. "Sounds yummy! Hurry, OK!" She quickly ran off, the incident with Randy now forgotten. He let the smile drop from his face and walked over to the phone.

No, he would never give up anything he shared with John or any amount of time he'd had with him but he damn sure wasn't ready to let go of the fact that he was cheated of many years more. It wasn't fair and it would be a long time before he could let go of that thought.


	42. Chapter 41

**May 2012**

"I'm so nervous. I haven't been the best human being in the world, John."

John laughed and raised an eyebrow. "No way! Are you kidding me? Here I thought you were an exemplary human being since day one."

Randy rolled his eyes and leaned back on the seat. "I'm serious, John. The first thing any judge is going to look at in my background check is that I was dishonorably discharged from the marines. If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is."

"Randy, that doesn't speak on your fathering skills." John concentrated on the road before him as he drove to the office of the lawyer Mrs. Martin had recommended they retain for the adoption process. He was just as nervous as Randy was but was forcing himself to remain calm for his husband's sake. The younger man had tossed and turned all night before giving up and retreating to the living room to watch TV.

"John, they're gonna think I'm a quitter. If I quit on the marine's what's to say I won't quit on my kids?"

John sighed and turned over, meeting Randy's pained expression. "Baby, that was years ago. You've accomplished so much since then including becoming a father; one who travels nonstop for work and still manages to spend time with his daughter. You would never give up on your kids."

"You know that but they don't know that," Randy grumbled, looking away.

"Well, the whole point of this process is proving to them we're fit to be parents, right? We will show everyone how amazing of a dad you can be, OK." John smiled and reached for Randy's hand, squeezing it tightly. He felt the younger man squeeze back and saw him finally smile. The remainder of the short drive was made in silence and within minutes they were pulling up to the large building in downtown St. Louis. The men quickly exited the car after pulling into the underground garage. Randy looked down at his button down shirt and smoothed it over. His nerves were making his hands literally shake, a feeling he didn't often feel.

"Ran, are you ready to go inside?" John looked over at his husband, a worried frown on his face. Randy quickly nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go,"

John reached for Randy's hand, forcing the younger man to pull it from his pocket. John squeezed it comfortingly and smoothed the skin. "Baby, everything will be fine. Please stop worrying so much."

"John, that's easy for you to say. You've been like this amazing guy from the minute you were born. No lawyer is going to find any fault with you except for the fact you married someone like me." Randy rolled his eyes and trudged slowly besides John, who came to a sudden halt.

John turned Randy over and stared into his eyes, a stern look on his face. "Listen, you need to stop it already, will you? Stop fucking putting yourself down. I'm sick of this defeatist attitude! You're a good man and there's no reason for all this. I'm nervous enough as it is without having to deal with your hysterics! I know you're worried but just stop, please!"

Randy's eyes widened at John's rant before he finally turned away. He felt John tug on his hand and he followed behind reluctantly, not a word uttered. Randy knew better than to argue with John when he was in this state. It would only lead to a huge blowout between the two stubborn men and that was the last thing they needed to do in the garage of the lawyer that was going to determine if they were fit to adopt.

John released Randy's hand and pushed open the door, letting Randy slide in before him. He barely glanced at his face as he stalked past him towards the reception desk. "We have an appointment with Gloria Evans."

The receptionist pushed forward the sign-in book and smiled. "Of course. May I just see some identification?"

Randy pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out his license. He looked at John out of the corner of his eye and wordlessly reached his hand out for John to hand over his own. The receptionist ignored the tension between the men and quickly made up visitor's passes for them. She handed back the cards and pointed down the hallway. "OK, you're gonna take Elevator C up to the 15th floor. Mrs. Evans' assistant will be waiting."

Randy nodded, quickly moving down the long hallway. He could hear John steps behind him but didn't bother to turn around. Within minutes the bank of elevators appeared and his eyes scanned for the letter C. Randy stalked over to the large metal structure and jabbed the button with his finger.

"We can't go upstairs like this."

He turned to meet John's face and glared at the older man. "Well this is your fault. You started it. You can finish it."

John rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Cut it out. I know you're not pissed at me. You're just upset because I scolded you."

Randy frowned and turned away. "What am I; 5 years old? Stop saying you scolded me," he grumbled softly.

John smiled and walked closer to Randy's body, sliding into the elevator after him. "I'm sorry, baby. Are we OK?"

Randy shrugged and focused on the elevator numbers going up. "Yeah, whatever."

John sighed loudly and grabbed Randy's arm, pulling him over. "That's not the answer I'm looking for."

Randy turned over and met John's smiling eyes. "Yes, we're OK. I'm still nervous, though. Your scolding didn't work."

John smiled and pulled Randy closer, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry I went a little crazy, baby. I just want you to realize how amazing you are. Can you please try for me?"

Randy slowly relented and nodded. "Fine, just stay with me, OK?"

John nodded and held Randy's hand firmly encased in his. "I'm not going anywhere, gorgeous. We're gonna do this together."

Randy finally allowed a smile to break free on his face. He took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened but he felt confident as he stepped forward. A young woman was standing in the entryway of the large office as the men stepped out of the elevator.

"Mr. Cena and Mr. Orton? I'm Susie, Mrs. Evans' assistant. Please, come in." Susie smiled and led them into their lawyer's office. John squeezed Randy's hand and gently pulled him forward, happy to have him eagerly follow.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

Both Randy and John shook their heads at Susie's question. She nodded and continued. "Mrs. Evan's has received all the paperwork she requested from you and she thanks you. The medical and financial information along with the recommendation letters is a good beginning to the process. She's looking forward to beginning the preliminary interviews today with each of you. The questioning may get a little intense but Mrs. Evans feels it prepares the couples better for when they have to go before a judge and also demonstrates to her if they're truly ready to adopt. There's no point in her taking your case and fighting for you if you're both not in the same page." Susie led the men over to another door and laid her hand on the handle. "So, are you ready to go in?"

Randy looked over at John, slight worry still clouding his eyes despite his confidence. He quickly blinked it away and nodded. "We're ready. We know we're both on the same page so this shouldn't be that hard." He looked over at John and smiled when he saw the expression in the man's eyes. "What?"

John shook his head and laughed softly. "Nothing. I'm just proud of you."

Randy smiled and turned back to Susie. "Isn't he a charmer?"

Susie laughed and pushed the door open to reveal a smaller office. A woman sitting behind a large desk motioned them forward before standing up.

"Thank you, Susie."

Susie nodded and walked out of the office as Gloria Evans approached the men. "Mr. Cena, Mr. Orton, please, come sit."

She shook hands with them and led them over to the two chairs in front of her chest. She settled in her chair and opened the large file with their names on it, scanning it briefly before looking up and smiling at the seated men.

"So, I have heard much about you from Mrs. Martin and I'm sure she has told you some about me."

Both Randy and John nodded and Mrs. Evans smiled. "I'm tough and I don't take cases I don't truly believe in. Adoption is a cause near and dear to my heart and I pride myself on finding good, stable homes for these children with solid couples. It is my job to determine if you two are one of those solid couples." She lowered her eyes to the paperwork in front of her and smiled. "From what I can see here you're onto a good start. I have medical information on both of you and aside from a few surgeries due to injuries you've sustained at work, you have no serious medical concerns. I also have financial information here which shows you're more than capable of providing for another child and recommendation letters from members of your family, friends and community leaders. This is all wonderful."

Mrs. Evans smiled and closed the file. "Now, that was the easy part. The tough part begins now with my questioning."

John nodded and returned her smile. "We're ready for it, Mrs. Evans. This is something Randy and I are determined to do so..." He looked towards Randy, who quickly nodded. "That's right. We'll answer honestly any questions you have."

Mrs. Evans pursed her lips and frowned. "I must warn you. Some of the questions can get a bit personal. We'll ease into it, OK."

Both men nodded and John laughed. "Now I'm starting to get worried."

"Let's start with something simple, OK?" Mrs. Evans smiled and looked down at her file. "How long have you been married? Can you tell me about it?"

Randy smiled and looked over at John. "We were married a year ago in Vermont. Our anniversary was last week actually, on the 2nd."

John reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Feels so weird. It's already been a year."

"How long have you known each other on the whole? When did it turn intimate?" Mrs. Evans asked, her pen hovering in the air as she made notes.

"Eleven years. We started dating in late January of 2010. It didn't take us long to realize we wanted to be together forever. Everything before that seemed like a mistake." John shrugged. "I mean, we don't regret the things we learned from our marriages or the beautiful little girl we got out of it but they obviously weren't the right thing."

"Speaking of Mr. Orton's daughter," Mrs. Evans looked down at her forms. "Alanna, is it? What is the family dynamic with her?"

Randy shrugged. "She's not just my daughter. She's our daughter. She knows she has a different type of family; one with a mother and two fathers. That may change, though, if Sam marries. We wouldn't have a problem with her considering that man another father, too. Alanna respects John as she does me. She sees no difference in the type of father I am than the type of father John is."

"That's wonderful but legally speaking, does John have any rights to Alanna?" Mrs. Evans asked, frowning slightly.

Randy glanced at John out of the corner of his eye and frowned. "He's listed as her legal guardian in my and Sam's wills if something were to happen to us. Other than that, I don't know what you mean..."

"If you and John were to get divorced, you would have joint custody of this child you have adopted. However, if you and John were to get divorced, he has no legal right to Alanna. He could easily walk away from her or you could choose to keep him away from her and that would destroy whatever relationship she and the adopted child have built..."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! We don't have any plans to divorce here." John laughed nervously and shook his head. "We don't have to talk about that. It's not gonna happen."

"Mr. Cena, none of the couples who come in here have plans to divorce but unfortunately, some do. I need to ask these questions and you need to make these decisions. They greatly affect your chances of a successful adoption." Mrs. Evans reached for a paper to her left and handed it over. "I recognize that the former Mrs. Orton is still alive so there can be no legal adoption of Alanna by Mr. Cena but may I recommend a parenting agreement? The agreement will be notarized and legally agreed upon by both of you. It should specify that, although Mr. Orton is the legal, biological parent, you both consider yourselves parents of Alanna, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with parenting. Be as detailed as possible and clearly state your intentions to continue co-parenting even if you end your relationship. It's also wise to go further and cover medical and financial issues. Would John be allowed to make medical decisions for Alanna or would he continue finally supporting her? Randy, will you provide John with generous visitation, including summertime and holidays, access to school and social events, and so forth, in the case of a break-up?"

Randy's eyes were wide by the time Mrs. Evans finished her explanation. He looked over at John, who mirrored his disbelief. "My God, is that all really necessary? We have to go through legalities with Alanna now, too?"

"You don't have to. It does make you look like a more serious couple, however, when you go before a judge. While no judge wants to think of the home they place a child in breaking apart, that is the reality of the world we live in. 51% of marriages now end in divorce and it looks good to a judge if you've already acknowledged that it's a possibility. Going in there preaching about how you two are soul mates and meant to be together forever will only make a judge think you're not living in the real world, boys."

Mrs. Evans pointed at the paper and smiled. "Read that form over and just think about it. It would be beneficial to your case and it's not as drastic as it sounds. We're just covering all our bases, right?"

John sighed and scanned the paper briefly before shaking his head. "Fine, we'll read it later. My head is already spinning."

"Join the crowd," Randy mumbled.

"Well, we're not done yet so control the spinning, please." Mrs. Evans smiled and folded her hands on her desk. "So, the child you're interested in. If all goes well, a name change would be issued. Will he be a Cena or an Orton?"

John frowned. "Couldn't he be both? We could do a hyphenated named like Orton-Cena,"

Mrs. Evans quickly nodded. "Of course. That sounds perfect."

"Except I think he should be Cena-Orton." Randy smiled over at John, who raised an eyebrow. "Why Cena-Orton?"

"That kid is more you than me, babe. He deserves your name first."

John's smile widened and he looked towards Mrs. Evans. "Tell me, why would I divorce this guy? He's the best."

Mrs. Evans laughed softly and nodded as Randy rolled his eyes. "Yes, you two seem to be a very devoted couple. It's very nice to see." She lowered her eyes and raised an eyebrow. "I see you've listed the Orton's as your child's guardians when you're not in St. Louis but you have a secondary residence in Tampa, Florida. There is no guardian listed for that city."

Randy shook his head. "No, we've decided to settle in St. Louis for the time being because the only close people we have in Tampa are friends that travel with us. Once we've developed a routine as a family we plan on interviewing for a nanny that's willing to travel to Tampa with us for part of the year."

Mrs. Evans nodded and leaned forward. "And you've thought about schooling?"

Randy nodded. "Our daughter goes to preschool at MICDS and that's where we would enroll any other children we have. It's a wonderful school and they recommend tutors who can go on the road with us when the need arises and keep the children up to speed with the curriculum. When we're in St. Louis the children will go to school every day. We also plan on doing the same when we're in Tampa, but we need to find a school out there. Technically, the children will only be out of school the weeks we go on overseas tours."

Mrs. Evans nodded and leaned back in her chair. "Well, I think we've covered enough for today. I would be happy to represent you in this adoption process, if you'll have me. Be prepared, though. Many more questions and interviews will follow."

John looked over at Randy and nodded. "We're ready for it."

"Very good." Mrs. Evans stood and walked around the desk, holding her hand out to shake Randy and John's hands. "Susie will contact you to make another appointment for us to meet and we will set up the first appointment with the Social Worker who will conduct the Home Studies."

"Before we leave, Mrs. Evans, I just have one more question. I know we can't take Angel out of the orphanage until everything has been legally finalized but are there rules against visiting him? We would like him to start developing a relationship with us and Alanna..." John shrugged as he trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

Randy smiled and linked their hands together. "We already feel so strongly about this little boy but we only know small details about him. We want to learn more about him and get him to start trusting us. How is he supposed to just come into our home one day after a judge makes his ruling? He should know us at least a little bit, right?"

"Of course. It's all a part of the process, boys. Once we file the paperwork with Family Court you'll have access to Angel's records and all of your records will be forwarded to the Adopt America agency. As sad as it sounds, the fact that Angel is a ward of the state makes this process easier on his end. I'll contact Mrs. Martin once that's in the court system to arrange the visits with you and Angel. They must be on Adopt America's property, though." Mrs. Evans led them towards the door and slowly opened it.

John quickly nodded. "That's no problem. Thank you so much."

"Thank you for your help. We look forward to hearing from you." Randy smiled at the woman as he walked out of the office after John. They both said their goodbyes to Susie and exited the large room, letting the door slowly close behind them. John sighed and leaned on the elevator as Randy pressed the button on the elevator panel.

"Wow, that was intense. To think, it was only the beginning."

Randy ignored John's comments and frowned, deep in thought. "I want to do that parenting agreement as soon as we get home, John. We can get it notarized and keep it with all our other important paperwork..."

"Are you planning a quickie divorce in Reno?" John laughed and shook his head. "What's the rush?"

"I've never thought of things the way she made me think of them today." Randy sighed and stepped into the elevator when the doors opened. "I want you to have as much right to Alanna as I do. It's not fair that you don't already."

"Ran, I really don't need it in writing but if you want it in writing, then we'll do it. I love Ally and I don't need a piece of paper to tell me she's my daughter. Nothing is going to happen in our marriage but if God forbid it ever did, that doesn't change the fact that Ally is my daughter and always will be." John ran his hand down Randy's arm and slowly turned him over.

Randy nodded. "Oh, I know it's not gonna happen. You're never getting rid of me, Cena." He smiled and leaned into John's embrace. "I want to do this, OK. Let me do this."

John pulled away slowly and nodded. "We should talk to Sam about this, too."

"It has nothing to do with Sam. It's a parenting agreement between us, not her." Randy frowned and shook his head.

"I know but I like this little family we have when it comes to Al. The three of us work well together and we keep each other informed of everything that concerns her. I think we should keep Sam in the loop about this, too, OK."

Randy sighed and shrugged. "Fine,"

John smiled widely and hugged Randy tightly against his body. "Thanks, baby. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, baby. I'm so glad we're doing this." Randy reluctantly pulled away when the elevator signaled its arrival at the ground floor. "I can't wait until we can bring that little boy home."

* * *

Three long weeks later, John and Randy got the call they were waiting for. After much paperwork, numerous meetings with Mrs. Evans and house visits by their court appointed social worker, they were finally allowed to spend the day with Angel on the Adopt America property. The men decided against bringing Alanna with them this time in an effort not to have the children monopolize the conversation.

"I'm so excited to finally get to talk to him, both of us together. I'm nervous, though, that once we tell him about the adoption, he'll react badly."

John turned towards Randy, who anxiously tapped his foot as they waited in Mrs. Martin's office. "Why do you think he'll react badly?"

"I don't know. Nothing ever seems to come easy for us, you know." Randy laughed gently and sat up, beginning to pace.

John shook his head and smiled. "On the contrary, baby. I think we're pretty lucky. We've had a pretty blessed life so far and I think it's gonna continue with our little boy. We have nothing to worry about."

Randy smiled, coming to a stop in front of John. "What is it with you, Cena? How do you manage to make me feel better with just a few words and a flash of those dimples?"

John shrugged and pulled Randy into him for a quick hug and kiss. "It's a gift."

Randy laughed but quickly grew serious when the door to the office slid open. He spun around and rose to his full height, feeling John do the same next to him.

Mrs. Martin appeared in the open doorway, her hand attached to the smaller one belonging to Angel. The small boy smiled nervously at them but remained safely behind Mrs. Martin.

"Sorry to keep you waiting so long, boys. We had to finish our morning classes, didn't we, Angel?"

The small boy nodded shyly but remained silent. Mrs. Martin looked at the men's concerned reactions and nodded. "It's completely normal; don't worry." She led Angel further into the room and motioned for all of them to take a seat. Angel quickly hurried to sit beside her and she laughed gently, lifting him up to her lap.

"OK, so we all know why we're here. There are some nerves in the room and that's completely fine. I'll stay as long I'm needed and until no nerves remain." She smiled and looked down at Angel. "Sounds good, Angel?"

The small boy shrugged, glancing at Randy and John curiously.

"You can speak to them, if you like, dear. It's not the first time you're meeting Randy and John and I've never known you to be shy." Mrs. Evans smiled and pressed a kiss on Angel's forehead.

"I don't know what to say." he whispered loud enough for Randy and John to hear.

John smiled and leaned forward on the desk. "Don't think so hard. We can talk about anything you like."

Angel looked up at him and then at Randy. "Where's Alanna?"

Randy raised an eyebrow and smiled. "She's at school and couldn't come today. We promise to bring her next time."

Angel smiled and nodded. "Oh, OK." His smile faded and he frowned up at Mrs. Martin. "How is the school that's not here?"

Mrs. Martin shrugged. "Kind of the same, dear. The children go to classes there and do the same things you all do here."

"But they get to go home at the end of the day with their parents, right? We stay here." Angel lowered his head but Mrs. Martin quickly lifted it up.

"Well, that's what we're trying to change for you, sweetheart. I told you Randy and John are interested in taking you home and having you become a part of their family. When that happens, some things will change. That's a very good thing, Angel."

Angel nodded and looked back towards Randy and John. "Why do you want me?"

John inhaled sharply and opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out. Randy quickly leaned forward, one hand on the table, the other on John's leg under the table. "Do you remember when we first met, Angel?"

Angel nodded. "At the party with all the people, right?"

Randy nodded. "Right. I met you first and then you met John a few minutes later, I think. It was just a quick meeting."

Angel nodded. "You were busy talking to grown-ups and so was John. We didn't get to talk a lot. When you came here, though, we talked more. We ate lunch, remember?"

Randy laughed and nodded. "I do remember. I was so happy to see you and you were so nice to me."

Angel shook his head but smiled. "Thank you."

"Sometimes when you meet some people, they stay in your head and you can't stop thinking about them. That's what happened to us with you, Angel." Randy sighed when he saw the confused child's frown and he looked over at John. The older man seemed to find his bearings and smiled.

"Angel, we thought you were an amazing little boy from the very first time we met you. I mean, look at what you did! You didn't know Randy but you stopped to make sure your running friends hadn't hurt him and then you didn't mind when I stopped you to ask you tons of questions. Then the next time we see you, you offered all of us food and you took care of our little girl while we met with Mrs. Martin..." John smiled and shrugged. "You're a great little boy, Angel, with a great heart. That's why we want you. We want to make you a part of our family. We want to be your parents."

Angel's eyes lit up. "Like Alanna? Will she be my sister if I go home with you?"

Randy smiled "Yeah, she will. We would be a family. John, Alanna, you and me. What do you think?"

"It sounds nice. I've never had a daddy, though. I don't know what they do," Angel looked up at Mrs. Martin. "Will they be nicer than my mommy was?"

Mrs. Martin smiled sadly and stroked Angel's hair back, moving it away from his brow. "Randy and John will be, sweetheart. You remember what we used to talk about, don't you? Mommy loved you very much but she did some things that made her very sick and that's why she did the things she did to you and then went to Heaven. Randy and John promise to take care of you and not do the things Mommy used to do. A Daddy's job is to protect their children, make sure they have a good home and food and clothes and to take them to school and to see the doctor and make sure they remain happy and healthy." She looked up at Randy and John. "Isn't that right, boys?"

Randy and John both quickly nodded, pleased to see the small boy smile. Randy tentatively reached his hand forward towards the small boy. "Angel, we love our little girl and love being Dad's to her. We would love to have you as our little boy and have the chance to be Dad's to you, too. It's up to you, though."

Angel eyed Randy's hand warily before nodding. John watched them carefully, afraid to move or even speak. A loud ring interrupted the moment and Mrs. Martin jerked up in her seat.

"Oh my, who could that be?" She slid out from her seat, letting Angel occupy it and walked towards her purse, which lay on the ground near the door. "It's my daughter. I'm going to take this out in the hall. Angel, you'll be OK, won't you? I'll be right outside the door."

Angel nodded, the nervousness gone from his eyes some. He watched the door shut behind Mrs. Martin before turning back to Randy and John. He smiled slowly and relaxed in the large seat. "So, if we're gonna be a family, when do I go home with you?"

"As soon as the judge says it's OK." John nodded comfortingly but frowned when Angel's eyes dropped. "Well, what if he says no?"

"No, that's not gonna happen, Angel. We've done everything we need to do to make sure you can come home with us one day real soon. I promise you we won't stop trying to make things move faster. Your room is already waiting for you." Randy laughed softly as Angel's head shot up.

"My room? Just for me, all alone?"

Randy nodded. "Yeah. It's right next to Al's and we're down a few doors so you shouldn't feel alone. That room, though, will be just for you and you can decorate it however you want..."

"I've never had a room for me." Angel mumbled. "Will I go to school with Ally?"

John nodded. "Yes, you will. You'll both be in the same class and when we're out of town, you'll stay with Randy's parents, who will be your new grandparents."

Angel's eyes widened. "You're gonna leave me?"

Randy and John quickly shook their heads and John was the first to respond. "No, no of course not. Until you get used to our crazy schedule, you're gonna travel with us, OK. We won't leave you until you tell us it's OK."

Angel slowly nodded. "OK. I don't want to bother you but..."

Randy quickly stood and walked around the desk, wrapping his arm around the small boy's shoulders. "You don't bother us, Angel. Don't ever think that."

John stood and walked around to his other side. He knelt down to meet Angel's bright blue eyes. "We don't lie to each other in this family, Angel. Whatever we think or feel, we tell each other because we know we will always love each other."

Randy nodded. "Angel, we know that your Mommy would leave you alone sometimes but we promise you we will never do that. We just want you to know that you will have other family besides us. My mom and dad love to take care of Ally when we go to work and I know they would love to take care of you, too. It's just when you're ready for it, though."

"It doesn't mean we're leaving you. It just means we're going to work and we want you to stay in school and in your home. Getting on airplanes and going from hotel to hotel isn't fun," added John.

Angel smiled and nodded. "OK but I want to see you work. We watch on TV sometimes here but Mrs. Martin makes us change the channel when it gets bad." He looked towards Randy. "You get really mad."

John laughed loudly as Randy rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm not really like that. It's just a character I have to play, Angel."

"I know. Mrs. Martin explained it to me. She also said you two just pretend to get mad at each other."

John looked over at Randy and winked. "Well..."

"Stop it." Randy smiled and shook his head. "Yes, on TV we just pretend to get mad at each other. In real life, we love each other very, very much."

"And Ally, right?" Angel asked, his voice low.

"Of course, and Ally, too." replied Randy, lowering down to take a position similar to John's. He met his eyes over Angel's head and the older man smiled. "And you, too, Angel."

Angel turned over to John and frowned. "How? You don't know me."

John laughed gently and shrugged. "But we love what we do know about you. Right, Ran?"

Randy smiled and nodded, moving his arm to squeeze Angel's shoulder. "Yes, we do."

Angel smiled, his first real smile since entering the room and his dimples deepened in his cheeks. John laughed and gently poked one with his finger, causing the small boy to giggle and reach for John's face.

"You have them, too."

John nodded, letting Angel do the same thing to him. "Yeah. We're both special."

"So, because I don't have them, I'm not special?" asked Randy, a pout marring his face.

"Of course you're special, honey. Don't get jealous." teased John, laughing when Randy's expression remained unchanged.

Angel watched them with a small smile on his face. He let his hands drop from John's face and turned to Randy, reaching up to cup his face in his small hands. "You're special, too."

Randy smiled slowly and locked eyes with John, who nodded. "And you are definitely meant to be our son."


	43. Chapter 42

**July 2012**

"OK, Ally, let's get a move on!" John yelled up the stairs. He paced the area and anxiously glanced at his watch. Just as he opened his mouth to yell again, Alanna's voice carried down to him. "I'm looking for a book I wanna take Angel!"

John sighed and shook his head. It shouldn't surprise him that Alanna was running late. The one thing in life he could be certain of was that she would always be late. It was a trait passed down from father to daughter.

Speaking of fathers, John decided to switch tactics and get the other Orton in the house moving. "Randy! Baby, we have to go! We're already running so late!"

Randy sauntered down the stairs seconds after John finished his rant, smirk firmly in place. "No, we're not, John. I know you always lie to me about the time."

John shook his head and held out his arm with his wristwatch adorning the end. "Well this time I didn't and we are running late. What the hell takes you and Ally so long to get ready and out of the damn house?"

Randy shrugged and walked past John into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door, pulled out a bottle of water and took a long sip before answering. "I don't know about Al but in regards to me? Well, just look at me! Do you think this just happens?" He held out his arms and looked down at his body. "I don't just roll out of bed looking this good, baby."

"Ain't that the truth," mumbled John, rolling his eyes.

"Anyway," interjected Randy loudly. "I don't see anything wrong with taking a few minutes to make myself look presentable."

John laughed loudly and shook his head. "God, why do I put up with you?"

"Again, I tell you, look at me. I'm hot." Randy smiled and raised his eyebrow, moving slowly over to John. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled John in close to his body. "Now, just calm down, baby. I think Mrs. Martin and Angel know by now that we're always late."

John sighed and relaxed into the embrace, feeling some of the stress leave his body with the feeling of Randy against him. "I guess I should just give in and accept you're never gonna change."

Randy chuckled softly in his ear. "You wouldn't have me any other way."

John smiled and looked up, meeting Randy's bright eyes. "No, I guess I wouldn't."

Randy leaned forward slightly, joining their lips in a soft kiss. The men leaned into each other's bodies, arms wrapped tightly around each other as their kiss deepened.

"If you two are gonna kiss, I'm gonna watch TV." Randy and John broke apart at the sound of Alanna's voice. The small girl watched them with a look of annoyance on her face. "Can we go now? I wanna see Angel."

John stepped forward and shook his head. "Now you're in a rush. What about when I was down here waiting for an hour for you to grace me with your presence?"

Alanna shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "I had to find this book I promised him and then my shirt got dirty so I wanted to change it but I couldn't find my other pink one with sparkles..."

Randy held up a hand and shook his head. "Oh my God, too much explaining. All right, we're all here, we're dressed and the book has been found. We can go now, right, John?"

John nodded and glanced back down at his watch. "Yes, and only an hour and ten minutes behind schedule."

Randy rolled his eyes and ignored the comment. He moved around John and continued down the hall, grabbing Alanna's hand as he passed. As they approached the door, Alanna suddenly pulled back. John groaned loudly behind them when she began to speak.

"Oh no, wait, Daddy! I forgot something upstairs! I promised Angel I would take him my trophy so he could see it. He said he wants to join the soccer team, too so..."

"No way! You're not going back upstairs. We're already late as it is, Al!" scolded Randy as he tugged his daughter towards the front door. "Now, move your little ass before Daddy John's head explodes."

Alanna's mouth dropped open and she stood firm in the hallway. "Daddy! That's a bad word!"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm sorry but there's no way you're going back upstairs."

"But Dad..."

"Ally, I'm sure Angel will understand. You can bring it next time. I mean, we'll see him again in a few days." John lowered his body down to Alanna and grabbed her hands in his. He smiled and tried to coax one out of her. "What do you say, princess? Can we just go now? My head really is about to explode."

Alanna sighed and nodded. "Fine. Let's just go. I can never do what I want anyway."

John nodded and tried to hide a smile. "Well, life is tough, sweetheart."

"Especially for little drama queens like you. My God, do I dread the teenage years." Randy shook his head and grabbed the car keys from the front hall table. John couldn't hold back any longer and let out a small laugh.

Alanna glared at them indignantly and crossed her arms over her chest. "I am not a drama queen!"

"You are the biggest drama queen ever, Al, but don't worry. We still love you." Randy laughed and opened the door as Alanna screamed behind him.

"Take it back, Daddy! You are so mean! Both of you are! Never let me do anything!"

Randy ignored Alanna's ranting and pulled the door open the entire way to reveal a woman standing before it, her fist raised as if to knock. His eyes widened as he recognized the woman and he plastered a smile on his lips. "Ms. Simpson! Hi..."

John quickly stepped forward at Randy's stunned gasp. He moved Alanna out of the way and said, "Hi, Ms. Simpson. We weren't expecting you today. We were actually on our way to see Angel."

Ms. Simpson nodded, a small smile on her face. "I know. I'm glad I caught you actually. I thought I would have missed you. Mrs. Martin told me you were due at her offices by noon."

John laughed and let their court appointed social worker into the house, shoving Randy and Alanna discreetly out of the way. "Well, I guess thanks go to my husband and our daughter for always making us late. We were having a bit of a moment a few seconds ago."

Ms. Simpson laughed and nodded. "I know. I heard from outside."

John smiled and glanced over at Randy, who stood nervously next to the still open door, Alanna now clutched in one hand. "The joys of parenting, right?"

"Right." Ms. Simpson looked over at Randy and smiled. "Could we all come inside for a bit? I spoke to Mrs. Martin to let her know I would be coming over and you may be late. I just have a couple more questions and I think today will be the first day Alanna is here."

Randy broke from his shock and nodded. "Of course. That would be fine," he said, repeating John's words from earlier. He closed the door and let John lead her further into the house before turning his attention to Alanna. He took her hands in his and whispered sharply. "Listen up, brat. No more drama today, OK. That woman is very important to the adoption so best behavior, understand?"

Alanna's eyes widened and she quickly nodded. "Is she gonna talk to me?"

Randy shrugged. "I don't know but just in case, be good, Al."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "I'm always good, Daddy."

Randy raised an eyebrow before mimicking her eye roll. "Sure you are, brat."

"Randy? Ally? Are you planning on coming in, guys?" John stuck his head back out into the hallway and quickly walked towards them. "What are you doing out here? Get inside right now! She probably already thinks we're insane when the kid is around," he whispered to them sharply.

Randy quickly nodded and pulled Alanna forward. He took a deep breath before entering the living room behind John and forced his nerves away. He saw Alanna smile brightly next to him and he decided to do the same. Ms. Simpson looked up as they entered and her eyes went directly to Alanna.

"Hi, sweetheart. I don't think we've met. My name is Margaret Simpson but you can call me Maggie. I'm here to make sure this home and your parents are OK for Angel to come live in."

Alanna's smile widened and Randy held his breath when she opened her mouth to answer, already knowing what she would say. "Your name is Maggie Simpson? Like in 'The Simpsons'! That's so funny!"

"Ally, that's not nice," scolded Randy gently. Ms. Simpson laughed and shook her head. "No, it's OK. I get that all the time and I really don't mind. I actually like having such a famous name."

Randy smiled and led Alanna over to the armchair across from the sofa John and Ms. Simpson sat on. He lowered himself down and settled Alanna in his lap as John turned the conversation back to the visit's purpose.

"So, Ms. Simpson, what can we do for you today?"

"Well, I was actually hoping Alanna could show us around the house today. I would love to see her room and the room you've set aside for Angel. Maybe she could also show me some of her favorite things and tell me the things she likes to do with her Dad's."

John met Randy's eyes as realization dawned in both of them. This was one of the surprise visits Mrs. Martin had warned them about. Ms. Simpson was also making it into one of the visits where she would interview Alanna. They had already discussed it with Alanna but it had still caught them all by surprise. She'd had many questions about the adoption process but was willing to help with everything and anything as long as it meant bringing Angel home. The children's bond had only intensified over the past months and they were both anxious to be living under the same roof as the siblings they had been told they would be.

"That should be fine. I'm sure Ally would love to show you around." John smiled over at Alanna. "Can you do that, baby?"

Alanna slid off Randy's lap and nodded. "Sure. You wanna see my room first? Angel's room is gonna be right next door. It's still all white but when he moves in he's gonna be able to paint it whatever color he wants. He probably wants blue, he told me. Blue is for boys. My room is pink. Pink is for girls."

Ms. Simpson smiled and took Alanna's outstretched hand. "I love the color pink."

Alanna smiled and led Ms. Simpson upstairs, chattering away. Randy and John followed slowly behind, linking hands. They listened to Alanna describe every detail of her room and the things Angel had said he wanted done to his room. She moved with ease through the rooms, Ms. Simpson jotting down notes as she spoke.

John held back Randy by his arm as they moved towards their bedroom. "Is there anything I should worry about in our room, baby?"

Randy frowned as he remembered his and John's lovemaking the night before but quickly smiled. "Don't worry. I cleaned up. That was part of the reason it took me longer to get ready. Someone left the mess in the room for me, remember?"

John smiled slowly and looked away. "No, I don't recall that. I just wanna make sure we're all clear in there."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, we are. You know I get extra anal when Ally's here. The last thing I want her to find is a bottle of lube!"

John nodded as he entered his and Randy's bedroom. Alanna smiled over at him from where she stood by their bed. "Daddy, I'm telling Maggie about when we all lay down in here and watch movies."

John nodded and walked over to her, bending to place a kiss on her forehead. "I love when we do that."

Ms. Simpson smiled and looked at John. "You and Randy have built a lovely home for Alanna and hopefully Angel will soon be a part of it." She turned towards Alanna and motioned her forward. "Well, thank you so much for the tour of the house, sweetheart. Is there any other room you want to show me?"

Alanna shrugged. "Downstairs there's a gym that my Dad's like to go to. I think it's boring but I'll show you if you want. There's also a guest bedroom downstairs that's really nice and it belongs to my Uncles Ted and Cody. You saw the kitchen already...oh, I know! We can go see the backyard! I have a big princess tree house but it's not up in a tree. Daddy didn't want to put it in the tree because he was scared I could fall. He says maybe in a few years," She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "I can never do what I want."

"Her life is so difficult, Ms. Simpson," said John in a sarcastic tone before teasingly winking at his daughter.

Ms. Simpson laughed softly and nodded. "You have a very outspoken daughter on your hands, gentlemen."

"Well, she definitely makes life interesting." Randy said, moving further into the room. "I think we'll keep her."

Ms. Simpson smiled and nodded. "Great idea." She turned to Alanna and pointed towards the door. "So, Alanna, instead of showing me around the house, how about we sit in the backyard and you can tell me some of your other favorite things to do with your Dads?"

Alanna nodded and led them all out of the room. "Sure. Are you hungry? My Daddy is a great cook! Well, Daddy Randy is. Daddy John is still learning."

"Hey, I'm getting better," interjected John. "I can make chicken in 3 different ways now."

"Obviously I do the bulk of the cooking here, Ms. Simpson. I refuse to raise my children on chicken alone." Randy smirked and followed the group down the stairs. "It was a good question, though. I could make something if we're all in the mood."

"No, please don't on my account." Ms. Simpson shook her head. "I wouldn't turn down a cup of coffee, however."

Randy nodded. "Neither would I." He walked ahead towards the kitchen, shouting behind his back. "Babe, you want coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks." John smiled down at Alanna as she pulled Ms. Simpson out to the yard. "Need help?"

Randy shook his head and continued walking into the kitchen. John sighed and turned back over to the backyard doors, where Alanna and Ms. Simpson disappeared. He didn't really have any desire to follow. In his opinion, it would make them look like there was something to hide when he knew there wasn't. It was better to let Alanna be her normal, happy, sometimes bratty self than lie to someone who could jeopardize their adoption process.

John shook his head and followed Randy into the kitchen despite his protests. The younger man glanced up quickly, barely acknowledging him entering the room. He smirked discreetly and shook his head. "I knew you would follow me."

John smiled and sat across from where Randy stood preparing the coffee. "Ally seems to be doing well walking and talking to Ms. Simpson by herself so why should I follow her around? Don't you think that makes us look suspicious?"

Randy looked up and shrugged. "I don't know, Johnny. A part of me wants to just let her speak while another part of me wants to muzzle her." He laughed shortly and crossed his arms over his chest. "God, that woman had to show up just as Al was throwing her tantrum. We have the shittiest luck, babe!"

John nodded. "I thought the same thing but you know what? All kids can be brats sometimes, right? Its better she sees us in a normal situation than putting on an act." He shrugged. "I mean, the point is, no matter how much Ally drives us crazy, or Angel when he gets here, they're keepers!"

Randy laughed and nodded. "I know. You're right, as usual, Super Cena." He poured three cups of coffee and grabbed a juice box for Alanna and placed them all on a tray. "Grab the milk and sugar for me, please."

John stood and gently grabbed Randy's arm as he passed. "We're doing great, baby. Nothing will go wrong and nothing will stop us from bringing our little boy home."

Randy smiled and leaned forward, capturing John's lips in a sweet kiss. "I know."

The men quickly exited the kitchen walked out to their backyard. They spotted Alanna walking Ms. Simpson around her tree house, still chattering away. Randy and John set the tray with the drinks down on the large patio table before John called for them to come over.

"Coffee's here!"

Ms. Simpson smiled and walked over to the table, pulling out a chair and sliding in as Alanna settled into Randy's lap. He smiled down at her and pulled open her juice. "Did you have a nice talk, baby?"

Alanna nodded as she sipped her drink. Ms. Simpson also nodded, lifting the cup of coffee to her lips and taking a long sip.

"It was a wonderful tour and talk. Alanna has just finished telling me all the things you do together. She says her weeks are split between you two and her mom."

Randy nodded. "John and I are home usually Tuesday afternoon to Friday afternoon. Those days we take Alanna to school and pick her up, have dinner together and maybe watch a movie or go to the zoo or something." He shrugged as he tried to think of other things. "She also has after school activities like dance and soccer, which she's suddenly fascinated with because Angel is a fan."

John laughed as Randy rolled his eyes. "At least it's a sport." He turned towards Ms. Simpson, the smile still on his face. "When we're not home she's obviously with Sam. Randy's parents also spend time with her as well as his siblings. We usually take her on the road when she has school vacation and during the summer. Just for a week or two. More than that and it gets too much for a child."

Ms. Simpson nodded. "I agree. Alanna says you have a bus that's like a house."

Randy snorted. "It should for all the money it cost us. It has everything she could need on board."

"So, when you are not in town, the Orton's would be Angel's primary caregivers, correct?" asked Ms. Simpson, lifting the coffee cup to her lips once more.

John nodded. "Yes. Bob and Elaine are still incredibly healthy and more than well enough equipped to care for a child. It will allow Angel to maintain a routine, like going to school every day with Alanna and keeping up with his after school activities."

Ms. Simpson smiled and looked at Alanna. "Sounds like your Dads are more than ready to bring home a brother for you. I hope you're ready."

"I'm so excited! I can't wait until Angel is home." replied Alanna as she bounced in Randy's lap.

Ms. Simpson met Randy's eyes, a concerned look on her face. "Have you spoken to Alanna about the care and attention Angel will need?"

"Of course we have," Both Randy and Ms. Simpson quickly turned over to look at John. The older man had a stern look on his face.

"Alanna is aware of some of the things Angel has endured, mostly because he told her before we could stop him." John shook his head, still amazed at some of the conversations the two children had when left unsupervised. "She knows he will require some extra attention until he feels comfortable with us and in this home. It will be a change for her, of course, to go from being an only child to one of two children but we don't expect jealousy. They already seem to be getting along very well."

Ms. Simpson nodded and set her cup down. "Very well, then. This has been an interesting morning. I thank you all for your time." She stood and held out her hand to the men who stood with her. Randy lowered Alanna to the floor and shook her hand firmly, John quickly following suit.

"It was no problem. I'm sure we'll be seeing you again." Ms. Simpson nodded and smiled at Randy. She bid the family her goodbyes and everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief when the door closed behind her. Alanna was the first to react and giggled softly. "Wow, that was scary."

John looked at her and laughed. "Why was that scary?"

Alanna shrugged. "I don't know. You both look so nervous…"

Randy smiled and quickly shook his head. "We were just being silly. There was nothing to worry about because we all know Angel belongs with us, right?"

Alanna nodded and smiled happily. "Yes! Can we go see him now, please?"

John nodded and ruffled her hair. "Yes, baby. Let's go."

"Oh, wait! Now I have time to go get my trophy!" Alanna rushed off, heading for the stairs. "I'll be right back, OK."

Both men groaned as she disappeared up the stairs. John sighed loudly and headed for the door. "You know, I'm just gonna wait in the car. I don't know how much more I can take."

Randy nodded and leaned on the stair banister, now realizing what John had to put up with most days.

* * *

Hours later Randy and John strolled the now familiar grounds of the Adopt America orphanage. They talked softly about the earlier visit from Ms. Simpson and guessed on when they could expect her next drop by. The meeting with the judge would be in another month and there they would be declared official adoptive parents of Angel or they would be declared ineligible to adopt the child. That, however, was a small risk. All signs pointed to a successful adoption according to Mrs. Martin, Mrs. Evans and even Ms. Simpson. The men were thrilled it was all coming to an end. Coming to visit Angel everyday and not being able to take him home was starting to wear on all of them. It got more and more heartbreaking every time they had to say goodbye.

"What are you two doing wandering around?"

Randy and John turned at the sound of Mrs. Martin's voice. She approached them slowly, stopping to give both of them hugs. "Shouldn't you be with your daughter and future son?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "We were asked to go away by our lovely children."

John laughed and shook his head. "They had very important things to discuss and parents' being around was not cool."

Mrs. Martin laughed loudly and led the men over to a table with some chairs set around it. They all took a seat and faced the children running around in the large yard. Angel and Alanna blended in with the rest of the children as they played. John smiled as he watched them.

"You know, even though Angel wants to be adopted and go home with us, I'm sure he'll miss this place and his friends here. I'm sure we'll be back to visit often."

Mrs. Martin nodded. "Yes, that's the way it is in the beginning for most children. They want to come visit every day and they write letters telling me how much they miss us and being here. Soon enough, though, the letters and the visits stop. That makes me very happy."

Randy frowned and shook his head in confusion. "I don't understand. Why do you want the children to forget you?"

"Because as long as they hold such a strong attachment to me and this place, it doesn't let them form an attachment with the family that has adopted them. I enjoy when they stop calling and writing and visiting because it means they have formed a bond with the adoptive family and are on their way to finally being a happy, normal child. Of course I miss them but even though the children stop calling and writing, the parents don't and I appreciate that very much. I love to keep in touch with them and hear how they're doing and maybe help them adopt again one day."

Randy looked over at John, both men looking pensive. "I guess we never thought of it that way."

John shook his head. "So we should just let Angel set the pace? When he wants to visit we'll bring him but when he doesn't, we'll just let him be."

Mrs. Martin nodded. "Exactly. Trust Angel. He'll let you know what he wants and what he needs. He's not a shy boy but, of course, nerves will play a part in the beginning. Having Alanna there will help. She seems to have developed a protective feeling for him. It wouldn't surprise me if it's something she holds onto for the rest of her life."

John laughed softly. "A protective instinct, huh. Sounds like another thing she picked up from Randy."

Randy shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to protect your loved ones. I love that she inherited that trait."

"It is a wonderful trait but keep a close eye on it, boys. A big part of Angel's development is letting him fight some of his own battles. He has to go through what all other kids go through. He can't have Alanna jump in and save him all the time." warned Mrs. Martin.

Randy and John nodded, turning to look back towards the children when they heard Alanna's voice call out. Randy sighed and stood up. "I'll go. It's probably something urgent like she got a grass stain on her pants."

John laughed and nodded, watching Randy walk off. He turned towards Mrs. Martin and smiled. "Our daughter has a flare for the dramatic. Yet another trait she inherited from Randy, though he would disagree."

Mrs. Martin laughed. "She's a wonderful little girl with two wonderful fathers. I'm very happy Angel is going to be a part of your family."

John sighed and looked away. "You sound so certain. I'm still so nervous that something is going to go wrong. I'm trying to put up a good front so Randy and Alanna don't worry. Could something still go wrong?"

"Well, the final decision is up to the judge but I've never seen a judge go against what the agency and social worker recommend. You have done everything you need to do and you have demonstrated you're fit parents for Angel. I doubt anything could go wrong. All forms have been properly filed and all background checks have been done." Mrs. Martin raised an eyebrow. "Unless you boys are hiding secret identities from us."

John laughed and shook his head. "No, we are who we are. No secrets." He sighed and stopped his laughter. "You know, Randy was so worried about his military record when we first started this process. He thought it would hurt the case. I had a hell of a time convincing him it wouldn't."

"I'm glad you convinced him. Randy went AWOL and that's why he was discharged. He didn't kill anyone." Mrs. Martin smiled and shook her head. She glanced at her watch and back to John. "It's almost dinner time. It's about time to say goodbye, John."

John groaned and stood up. "God, I hate this time."

Mrs. Martin nodded sympathetically as they began to walk out into the yard. They quickly spotted Randy laughing as he kicked a ball back to Angel. Alanna shouted encouragement from the side and corrected Angel and Randy's stances.

"Babe, it's almost six,"

Randy looked up at the sound of John's voice, disappointment instantly clouding his features. He pushed them back quickly and looked down at the children, a forced smile on his face. "OK, guys. We'll have to finish the lesson in a few days, OK."

"Aw, Daddy! Already?" Alanna lowered her eyes and walked over to Angel. The small boy smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "It's OK, Ally. I'll see you in a few days. I'll draw some pictures for you."

John walked forward and bent down towards Angel. "I'm sorry today was such a short visit, guys. The next one will be longer. We'll talk every night and as soon as we get back home we'll be here, OK."

"I know. The days will go by fast." The small boy wrapped his arms around John, hugging him tightly. John felt his heart ache at yet one more goodbye and longed for the time he wouldn't have to leave Angel there.

John lifted Angel into his arms and embraced him tightly before passing him towards Randy's open arms.

"Hey, looks like I'm gonna need more practice on this soccer thing. How about you learn all you can about soccer so you can teach me and then I can teach you all about basketball? I already know how to play that game." Angel laughed at Randy's question and nodded. "OK, that sounds like fun."

Randy smiled and hugged Angel tightly. He lowered him to the ground with a sigh and watched as Alanna embraced Angel, as well. He walked over to John and linked their hands together, smiling sadly as he watched the children embrace.

"OK, it's no reason for sadness. You will all be together again soon." Mrs. Martin walked over to Angel and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We're gonna go eat dinner and do some homework, OK."

Angel nodded up at her before looking back at Randy and John and smiling. "I'll miss you. I'll try to see if Mrs. Martin will let us watch on Monday."

"We'll discuss that later, young man," replied a stern Mrs. Martin. She looked up at Randy and John and smiled. "Have a safe trip. I'll see you all soon."

Randy and John nodded and waved one more time as Mrs. Martin walked away with Angel in tow. John stared at them wistfully before looking back towards his family. "All right, let's go, guys. We're gonna stop for dinner then Ms. Ally has to be dropped off with Mom and we still have to go home and pack, Ran."

Randy groaned and nodded. "Fine."

The family began the walk off the property as the sun began to set, all in pensive silence.

* * *

Later that night, a weary Randy and John entered their home. The last day before going on the road was usually the most exhausting. They made it a point to have a final dinner with Alanna before dropping her off with Sam and then had to drop off the dogs at the Orton home. By the time they arrived home to pack and sleep, both men were beyond worn out. The sadness that weighed on them now, however, didn't help. Having to leave Angel was starting to get painful and they couldn't wait for the final month to go by so they could bring him home.

The men walked up to their bedroom and Randy immediately pulled out their large suitcases. They didn't only say goodbye to their children; they said goodbye to each other, as well. They weren't on the same show and therefore on the same travel schedule and hadn't been for almost a year now.

"Thank God the laundry was done this morning. I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything."

John looked up at Randy and smiled. "We still have the whole night. The bus won't be here until almost 11 tomorrow morning, baby. Sit down and relax with me."

Randy rolled his eyes and ignored him. "I don't like waiting till the last minute and you know it, John. Don't try to distract me. I know what you're doing."

John laughed and walked over to Randy, pulling the younger man into a hug and burying his face in his neck. He swirled his tongue over Randy's quickening pulse. "What am I doing? I'm not doing anything," he said, his voice a rumbling growl against Randy's neck. He nibbled at Randy's earlobe and slowly kissed along Randy's jaw, but was stopped before he got to his lips.

Randy pressed his fingers on John's lips and smiled. "Not until I'm done, babe."

"Just a little one," John pleaded.

Randy smirked and pressed his lips to John's. He pulled away after a few seconds and shook his head. "That's enough now. I have work to do here and you're no help."

"What if I told you I would pack every single piece of clothing you and I will need for work by the time the bus comes tomorrow?" asked John without removing his arms from Randy's hips.

"I would say you're the biggest liar ever." replied Randy, a smirk on his lips.

John rolled his eyes and smacked Randy's backside. "Come on, baby. We've had a hard day and we're both emotionally drained. We won't see each other for 4 days, too! We need the comfort and release we provide each other."

Randy sighed and stared into John's eyes as the older man smiled and whispered against his ear. "I love you, baby. You had to know I wasn't planning on going 4 days without a piece of your gorgeous ass."

Randy laughed and John took the opportunity to move them back towards the bed. He stopped when the back of his legs hit the edge and lowered himself down, puling Randy onto his lap. Randy grinded softly into the growing hardness between John's legs as he straddled him. "I love you, too," Randy whispered into John's ear.

John ran his hand up and down Randy's back, feeling his warm skin beneath the soft cotton of his t-shirt. He pulled it up and off and took one of Randy's hardened nipples into his mouth. Randy gasped and pressed on the back of John's neck, urging him on.

"You were just playing hard to get, weren't you?" John teased as he massaged both sensitive nipples with his thumbs.

Randy made a needy whimpering sound and dug his fingers into John's shoulders. "Shut up. Now I want you."

John pressed his lips against Randy's, holding Randy's hands at his side as they kissed. Randy wiggled free of John's grip and slid to the floor while simultaneously pulling down John's shorts to reveal his cock. John took his shirt off quickly and watched as Randy took his full length into his mouth. Randy's lips sliding up and down his cock would always be one of the most erotic things John had ever seen. He leaned back and groaned, closing his eyes for a moment to revel in the sensation. He quickly returned his gaze to Randy, who was now running his tongue down the shaft and slowly back up to the flared head.

John leaned down and pulled Randy up, kissing him and lifting him to his feet. They kissed passionately as John grabbed Randy's ass roughly. The younger man moaned in response when John began pulling his jeans down. He was quickly pushed onto the bed face down.

John slid his finger easily into Randy, preparing him gently. Randy trembled with the desire to be filled completely by his husband. He felt John add a second then third finger and move them slowly deeper into Randy's tight channel.

"John, baby, please." Randy groaned.

John knelt behind Randy, teasing his entrance with his cock. Randy groaned again and pressed against John, urging him to penetrate. "Please, baby, don't tease me." he whispered.

John entered very slowly, listening to the way Randy's breathing sped up and how he moaned with pleasure when they were finally one. John slid out slowly and then back in quickly. Randy's toes curled and he grunted softly. John repeated the process again, sliding out and then sheathing himself again until flesh slapped against flesh.

"Yes, faster..." Randy urged.

John pulled back quicker and thrust back in completely as he had before. "You like that?" John asked, knowing the answer, but loving to hear it.

"John...yes!" Randy gripped the sheets of the bed under him in his fists and moaned loudly. "Harder, baby, please,"

John quickly obeyed as Randy continued to moan and urge him forward. Each time, John strove to give Randy what he wanted as he panted and moaned contentedly underneath him. Randy arched up and turned his head, meeting John's eyes. The couple kissed deeply and moaned against each others lips.

Within seconds, John came hard, burying himself as deep as he could inside Randy and triggering his own orgasm. Both men were out of breath and collapsed together on the bed.

Randy tried to catch his breath. "Get the hell off me. You weigh a ton."

John laughed and slid out from behind Randy, moving to lie beside him. "You sure know how to kill a moment, gorgeous."

Randy smiled and ran his fingers up John's face to his lips. "I'm not the mushy type like some people I know."

John laughed and kissed Randy's fingertips lightly. "Don't underestimate yourself, babe. There's a heart in there." He moved one hand up from Randy's waist to his chest and rested against his heart.

"It's only for you. For you and our babies." Randy pulled John's face forward, gently kissing his lips. He moved his hand to smooth up and down John's back. "I love you more than anything. I want to give you everything your heart desires and be everything you need."

John nodded. "I love you, too." He kissed Randy, letting him feel the possessiveness in the kiss as he claimed his mouth. He pulled away for air and looked into Randy's eyes. "You are all I need and all I desire and you always will be."


	44. Chapter 43

**August 2012**

"John, it's time to wake up, baby."

The voice of his husband filtered into John's still foggy mind awaking him completely. The night before had been a miserable one and he had stared at his ceiling enough to know there were 52 cracks that needed to be fixed.

"Johnny, I know you're awake. Its almost 8, babe. Sleepy time is over."

John groaned and rolled over in the large bed, his eyes widening with shock when they landed on Randy's figure next to the closet. He sat up and yawned loudly, rubbing his eyes. "No, I'm still asleep and I'm obviously dreaming."

Randy turned and walked over to the bed, a frown on his face as he threw the underclothes he'd pulled out for John on the bed. "What are you talking about? Get up and get ready. I have breakfast all done downstairs and it's gonna get cold."

John shook his head and smiled slowly. "No, this can't possibly be real because if it was a real morning in this house, I would be the one awake and dressed and attempting breakfast. The smell of smoke from my failure would be what wakes you up and then I would wait around for hours for you to get ready."

Randy laughed softly and shook his head. "Well, not today, baby. Today is a very important day for our family and I was not planning on causing my wonderful hubby any more stress."

John slowly stood and sighed. "For that, I thank you. You look gorgeous, by the way."

Randy wrinkled his nose and looked down at his dark navy suit. "Do I? I want to look like a responsible dad should look but God knows I hate wearing these suits. I feel uncomfortable so I think I look uncomfortable."

John shook his head and smoothed down the front of Randy's suit. "You don't look anything but gorgeous. Everything will be fine today. We have no reason to worry."

Randy smiled and pulled John into a quick hug. "I love how you always want to take care of me, baby. It's OK to be a little nervous, today, though. You don't have to be your super self, Johnny. Let me take care of you."

"I am a little nervous but it's not that bad. I really think everything will go fine today. We're leaving that courtroom with our little boy or we're not leaving at all." John pulled away and glanced at the clock. "I should go shower. We don't have much time and I don't want to get caught in traffic."

Randy nodded. "Well, your suit is hanging and ready to go. Underwear and undershirt are on the bed and I'll have breakfast waiting on the table. All the forms we need are on the hall table and everyone else already knows what time to meet us there. I'm gonna go downstairs and think of you in the shower." He winked at John as the older man moved away, his laughter filling the room.

Randy walked down the stairs of his home and into his kitchen. He had awoken energized and calm, a surprise when he thought of how important this day would be to them all. The Cena family had flown in from Massachusetts the day before and the entire family had dinner in the Orton home. It had been wonderful for Randy and John to have their loved ones with them on such a special day.

Randy quickly served two plates of bacon and eggs for him and John when he heard the shower from their bedroom stop running. He pulled a plate of biscuits from the oven and set them on the table. As he turned to grab the coffee pot and a bottle of orange juice, Randy heard a loud whistle behind him.

"Wow, look at all this. I can't believe you're letting me eat this cholesterol feast!"

Randy smiled at John and set the drinks down. "Don't get used to it, Cena. It's just because today is a special day." He poured John a cup of coffee and walked around the table to hand it to him. "You look even more gorgeous than I do, baby. How did I get so lucky?"

John set the cup of coffee down and pulled Randy to him, inhaling his scent before pressing their lips together. Randy sighed and wrapped his arms around John's neck as his tongue slid into his mouth. John's hand rested firmly on Randy's lower back, pressing their bodies together.

The men reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, but kept their bodies pressed close together. Their eyes met, full of emotion. John sighed and let his eyes drift shut. "Tell me again,"

Randy smiled and pressed a kiss to John's head. "Everything is going to go fine. We're bringing our little boy home today." He pulled away gently and raised an eyebrow. "Now eat your damn breakfast so we can go."

John laughed softly and threw a napkin on his lap. The couple ate breakfast in mostly silence, both occupied with their own thoughts. Randy glanced at his watch and knew they only had minutes before they had to leave. Their parents would meet them at the courthouse along with Sam, who had been one of the first people to write a recommendation letter for them. She would be bringing Alanna, who had thrown a fit when they suggested she should stay with a sitter instead of going to court. Ted and Cody had also arrived the night before and would be there for moral support.

"We gotta go?"

Randy looked up at John and nodded. He smiled when he saw the older man had eaten most of his food. "Yeah, we should get going. I don't wanna risk traffic." He stood and took his and John's plates over to the sink, quickly emptying the food that was left into the trash.

"I'll grab the files and start the car. Knowing our Moms, they're already there waiting." John smiled and walked out of the kitchen as Randy laughed softly. He slid the dishwasher closed and straightened up, his stomach beginning to turn. Randy quickly shook his head and walked out of the room, pushing his discomfort away. He let the door close behind him and slid into the car seconds after John did.

John looked over at Randy and frowned. "You OK, baby?"

Randy nodded and leaned back in the seat. "Yeah. I guess, now that we're actually in the car and going the nerves are really hitting me. My stomach is turning a little bit." He laughed nervously and shook his head. "It's ridiculous, though, because I know nothing is gonna go wrong. We have this in the bag. All the forms have been submitted and filed, all background checks have been done and we have met all requirements. Even Mrs. Martin said this is a done deal. Right?"

John smiled and nodded. "Of course it is, babe. Just think of this as a formality. We're just going to pick up our little boy. Nothing is going to change that."

Randy nodded and turned forward. "You're right. You're always right."

"Yes, I am. Don't doubt it." John winked over at Randy and started the car forward. He wasn't surprised at what Randy was feeling; he was feeling the exact same thing. John knew Randy wasn't the most trusting soul. He didn't believe in giving up until he was sure the outcome would go his way. Telling him "It's going to be OK" would only get you an infamous Randy Orton glare or eye roll. The only thing that would prove to him that it was OK was getting his own way. John had never been that way until he and Randy started the adoption process. All the support and encouragement he and Randy got was welcome and appreciated but nothing would convince him to relax until Angel was in their home.

"We're almost there." Randy sighed and snapped John from his thoughts. "You know, I get that all of this should be necessary to adopt a child. I mean, they have to be sure who they're giving this child to but my God is this a nerve-wracking experience."

John smiled. "I know. It makes you think of the weirdest things; like if that picture of me with powdered sugar on my nose is gonna come up in court. Will the judge believe it really is powdered sugar?"

Randy leaned his head back and turned towards John. "Of all things to worry about, that's what you chose?"

John shrugged. "I said I was thinking of weird things…"

Randy laughed and turned over in his seat. "Well, we already know what I was worrying about. Someone convinced me I was being silly." He reached his hand over to lie on John's knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Now, how can I convince you that **you're** being silly?"

"Remind me how vanilla I am," John looked over at Randy and sighed. Randy laughed and nodded. "John, you are the most vanilla person I have ever and will ever meet. You've never done anything even remotely wrong. The wildest things you've ever done are getting drunk a couple of times and slamming a golf club against a tree when you hit the ball into that water thing."

John laughed and shook his head. "Well for once I'm glad I was boring and had no skeletons in my closet."

"Yeah, I'm the crazy one with the evil past. You have no choice but to be the calm one, Johnny." Randy gulped when he saw the courthouse appear ahead of them. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to take calming breaths and felt John place his hand on top of the one he had on his knee.

"Look at me, Ran."

Randy slowly opened his eyes and met John's smiling face. "What?"

"You are not crazy or have an evil past. You've made mistakes; so what? Who hasn't done something they wish they hadn't? You are an amazing man and I thought my last scolding got that through your hard head." John raised an eyebrow and looked sternly at his husband. "Now, we're gonna go in there and we're going to be confident because we both know we're good men and that no one can provide a better home for this little boy than we can. Understood?"

Randy slowly smiled and nodded. "Yes, sir, Mr. Cena." He watched silently as John parked the car and turned off the engine. The older man turned to exit the car but Randy quickly grabbed his arm and held it securely in his grasp. "Have I ever told you how hot you make me when you get all demanding, Johnny?"

John laughed and shook his head, pulling Randy in for a quick kiss. "Don't start. If you're gonna behave for only one day, let this be the day, gorgeous."

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine, I'll behave."

John smiled and exited the car, watching as Randy followed. He extended his hand for Randy and it was quickly accepted. The men walked from the garage into the St. Louis County Family Court and went through all the appropriate security measures. It was almost time for their 9:00 am hearing by the time they made it upstairs to the judge's chambers. The area had been set apart for their family and as the men walked up, they saw everyone already waiting for them.

"Can't you two ever be on time? Especially on an important day like this?"

John rolled his eyes as he pulled his mother into a hug. "Mom, please, not today. You know getting into a courthouse is a nightmare."

"Yeah, and I take exception to that, Mom. We are on time today. I actually got ready before John did." replied Randy as he welcomed a running Alanna into his arms. Cody scoffed loudly from where he sat with Ted and Randy discretely flipped him off as he picked up his daughter.

"Daddy, how long is this gonna take? I wanna take Angel shopping for stuff for his room." John walked over to Alanna and placed a kiss on her forehead. "It shouldn't be long, sweetie. Just be patient."

"If you can…" Randy smirked and set his daughter down. She rolled her eyes and walked back over to Sam, who smiled. "Don't tease her, Randy. She gets the impatient gene from the Orton side."

"Whatever," he replied.

Bob Orton stood and looked at his watch. "All right, I wanna get this show on the road. Where's this judge and lawyer of yours, boys?"

"See, told you so. Orton's are impatient." said Sam as she settled Alanna in her lap.

John smiled and tuned out the conversations around him as he looked around the room, spotting Mrs. Evans as she arrived flanked by her assistant, Susie. She quickly approached the group and all conversations stopped.

"It's nice to see you all again. Mrs. Martin should be arriving soon with Angel but John and Randy, we need to go inside and get settled now."

Both men nodded and said their goodbyes to their family and followed Mrs. Evans into the judge's chambers. John looked over at Randy and smiled at him, pleased to receive one back.

"OK, so all the paperwork has been submitted to Judge but I have copies here with me…"

"So do we," interrupted John, placing the folder of papers on the table as they all sat down. Mrs. Evans nodded and took the seat beside them. "Now, this should be a fairly simple and quick hearing. Everything is in order. All that is needed is the judge signing off on the adoption order and in a few weeks you'll receive a new birth certificate in the mail with your information on it as well as Angel's. I foresee no problems today."

Randy sighed and bit his nails, a nervous habit he could never seem to quit. "Why isn't Mrs. Martin here yet? Could something be wrong?"

John pulled Randy's hand down and gave it a comforting squeeze. "They're probably just stuck in traffic, baby. I'm sure there's nothing wrong…right?"

Mrs. Evans smiled and prepared to respond just as the door was pushed open. All eyes turned over and both men breathed a sigh of relief when they saw Mrs. Martin enter with Angel by her side. The small boy released Mrs. Martin's hand and ran over to Randy and John, laughing as both men hugged and kissed him. He pulled away and smiled widely. "I saw everybody outside. They were so happy and Ally said we're going shopping after we're done here."

Randy shook his head and sighed. "Ally is such a big mouth."

John laughed and pulled Angel up to his lap. "We have a lot to do and yes, shopping is one part. Let's just this done first then we can decide."

Angel nodded and looked over at Randy. "When can we go?"

Randy shrugged and looked at his watch. "In a little while, kiddo. We have to wait for the judge to come and sign some paperwork,"

"And when he does that, then we're a family, right?" asked Angel, his eyes wide.

John and Randy both nodded and the older man tightened his hold on the child. "We're already a family, Angel. You're our little boy and nothing is gonna change that."

"And if that damn judge would get in here already…" mumbled Randy, glancing at the door.

"I'm telling Ally you said a bad word. She doesn't like that," said Angel, a small smile on his face. Randy smirked and shook his head. "Such a tattletale."

Angel giggled but quickly stopped when the door was slowly pushed open. The judge assigned to their case, James Keller, entered along with a court reporter. The room fell into silence as he settled in his chair and the reporter organized her equipment. John slid Angel from his lap into the seat beside him and Mrs. Martin. Mrs. Evans sat on their other side next to Randy and her assistant.

Judge Keller looked up and smiled. "Good morning, everyone. I apologize for keeping you all waiting. I had an early morning conference call that ran a bit long." He looked down at his paperwork and back up at Mrs. Evans. "Gloria, nice to see you again. I guess we're here to wrap up the Cena-Orton adoption,"

Mrs. Evans nodded. "Yes, we are, sir. The final reports from Ms. Simpson and Mrs. Martin were submitted last week. I'm sure you've been able to review them by now…" She stopped and waited for the judge's nod before continuing. "…and of course, Mrs. Martin is with us today for any further questions you may have."

Judge Keller looked over at Mrs. Martin and back down at his paperwork. "So, Mrs. Martin, I just have one question for you," He looked up, a stern expression on his face. "Do you truly believe Mr. Cena and Mr. Orton can provide the child, Angel Myers, with a safe, stable and loving home?"

"Yes, I do, sir. Mr. Cena and Mr. Orton have shown me, without a shadow of a doubt, how much they will love and care for Angel for the rest of his life. They already have one child and have proven that their busy work schedule doesn't interfere with being present in her life. I fully believe they are more than prepared to add to their family. They already have a plan set for when Angel comes home that includes everything from schooling to picking a doctor and of course, care for him when they are on the road. They have also shown interest in not only continuing Angel's therapy, as recommended by Ms. Simpson but also joining a support group for adoptive parents and children. I am very pleased with them as the choice for Angel."

Judge Keller nodded. "Very good. Thank you, Mrs. Martin." He looked over at Randy and John. "According to the report I have here from Ms. Simpson, she fully agrees. She has had a number of interviews with the couple, as well as their daughter and members of their family and community. She thinks Mr. Cena and Mr. Orton and more than capable to provide all the child will need."

He closed the file and crossed his hands above them. "So, now I have a few questions for Mr. Cena and Mr. Orton,"

Randy and John quickly nodded and leaned forward, their hearts racing at equal speeds.

"Why do you two want to adopt?"

Randy frowned at the judge. "What?"

Judge Keller shrugged. "Why do you want to adopt? You have a wonderful life as it is. You have one child already. You're still young; you have an exciting life with not many responsibilities and an amazing job that allows you to travel the world…why do you want another child?"

Randy shook his head and looked at John. "Our age and jobs don't matter, sir. Before we even got married, one of the first things we agreed on was that we wanted more children. Our family comes before anything else in our life."

John smiled and turned to the judge. "Judge Keller, we knew we would always adopt. We never set a definite time frame for it, though, but the minute we laid eyes on this child, we knew he was meant to be ours. There's no way to explain it, sir. At that moment, Randy and I realized this was what we wanted more than any movie role or championship we would ever get. We wanted our family to be complete and we knew Angel was the key. Nothing could compare to being a father and we wanted to do it a second time."

Judge Keller nodded. "I assume you have familial support seeing as how I had to cross a packed waiting room outside. That's very important."

Randy laughed and nodded. "Our family is completely behind us. They support our decision and already love the idea of a new Cena-Orton."

"We could do this without our family, sir, but having them with us is a lot more rewarding. Randy and I both come from very close families and we each have siblings, who we have great relationships with. It's all we want for our little girl; to have a sibling she can share things with." John smiled and looked over at Angel. "Thankfully, they seemed to have formed an instant bond."

"Alanna, is it? Mr. Orton's biological daughter?" asked Judge Keller as he opened his file once more.

Randy nodded. "Yes, I have shared custody with Samantha, my ex-wife. John and I have a parenting agreement when it comes to Alanna, though. If our relationship were ever to end, he would still have all the rights to her that he has now."

"That's very smart. It's a good plan to have for the future in case anything were to happen." Judge Keller laughed. "Though I hope it wouldn't."

John and Randy looked at each other and shared a smile and the older man quickly answered. "No, we don't have any plans except growing old together, sir."

"That's good to hear." Judge Keller sighed. "One final thing. Tell me some of what you have planned for Angel."

"Well, we've already decided he will go to school with Alanna at MICDS and they will send a tutor with us when we go on the road. Hopefully, that will only be until he grows used to our schedule and feels comfortable staying with his grandparents, who will take over the care when we're at work. His pediatrician will be Dr. Josephine Holland, who also has cared for our daughter since birth. He will be able to participate in any after school activity he would like, though he's already said soccer is his number one interest. We plan on continuing therapy like Ms. Simpson recommended. We know of Angel's background and think it's wise to continue it. He's had much happen in his short life."

John looked over at Randy and shrugged. "Did I leave anything out?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, you covered everything." He looked towards Judge Keller and sighed. "Sir, we are prepared to be Angel's parents. He will get everything he needs with us; the number one thing being an incredible amount of love and two parents who will treat him the way he should be treated. He's a gift and his room is just waiting for him in our home. Ask us all the questions you need to but I can assure you, we're ready."

Judge Keller nodded and turned towards Mrs. Evans. "Well, Gloria, nothing else has surfaced on the background checks run by the courts. Do you have anything else to add that this court should know of?"

"Not at all, sir. It's all in front of you in black and white. This couple is more than capable of providing for Angel, financially and emotionally. They are ready, sir."

"Very well, then." Judge Keller closed the files and placed them in a neat pile. He pulled a paper from the pile and signed the bottom while speaking. "Mr. Cena, Mr. Orton, the Family Court of St. Louis deems you fit to be legally adoptive parents of the minor, Angel Myers, who will be renamed Angel Cena-Orton. You will retain custody effective today, August 16, 2012. The court will proceed to file forms for a new birth certificate and it should be mailed to your provided home address within 4-6 weeks. A follow-up court date to check on the child will be set for exactly 6 months from today's date and the final court date will be set exactly 1 year from today." He handed the paper over to Mrs. Evans and clapped his hand on the wooden surface of the large table. "You're all set and free to go. It's been a pleasure."

John and Randy smiled happily and quickly stood, John pulling both Randy and Angel into his arms and hugging them tightly. The little boy laughed loudly as the men kissed him repeatedly. "Does this mean he said I can go home with you?"

Randy laughed and nodded. "Oh, yeah, kid. We're going home!" He turned over to Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Evans and enveloped them both in hugs. "Thank you so much. We don't know what we would've done without you two. You helped us bring our son home."

John walked over with Angel in his arms and handed him over to Randy. "You were an immense help to us. We know we must've driven you crazy with all our questions and fears and you never turned us away. We couldn't have done this without you."

Mrs. Martin smiled and hugged John, tears in her eyes. "I am so proud of you boys. I never figured that conversation about a cabin in the woods would lead to this but I am so happy it did. I knew you connected with Angel the minute you saw him. I know you're the right parents for him. You'll show him what a parent is supposed to be."

"I agree. It's always a joy for me to place children in a home that will provide for them. I know this is just one more time. I'm certain Angel will be in good hands and have a wonderful life." Mrs. Evans quickly returned John's hug.

The men turned towards the Judge and shook his hand briefly. "Thank you, sir," said John.

Judge Keller nodded. "Don't let me down, boys." He held his hand out to both Angel and smiled. "You're in good hands, young man. I expect good things from you in the future."

Angel smiled and held onto Randy's neck. "OK,"

Randy smiled and hugged him tightly before grabbing John's hand and pulling him towards the door. "Let's get out of here."

John nodded and waved goodbye to the people in the chambers. He linked his fingers around Randy's and pushed open the door to the room. Instantly all their family members waiting outside stopped the conversations and stood up, coming towards them with hopeful smiles on their faces. John held up his hand and smiled slowly.

"Cena-Orton family, may we introduce out newest member!"

Randy laughed and held up Angel as the room erupted into cheers. The small boy was quickly plucked out of his arms by his new grandparents and swarmed with hugs and kissed by all.

Randy took a step back and smiled, feeling all the tension and fear from the past months drain from him body. He pulled John over and wrapped his arms around him. "Happy, baby?"

John laughed and nodded. "Happy; so fucking happy I could cry. I have it all."

Randy pressed a quick kiss to his lips and rested their foreheads together. "I love you so much and I love my life with you."

"Me, too, baby. Our life is just perfect right now." John turned to see Angel still being smothered by his family. "We're gonna make sure it stays that way."


	45. Chapter 44

**Present Day**

"I'm so, so excited! This is gonna be the best week ever!"

Randy laughed as he looked up from his computer screen. "Why are you so excited?"

"Because, for once, everyone is coming to me! It's my birthday and mommy, both my grandma's and grandpa's, and Uncle Ted and Cody are here! And Uncle Cody said he would take me to the arena so I could see everybody else. It's gonna be awesome! Everyone I love is gonna be here." Alanna squealed and threw herself on the sofa. Her smiled wavered for a moment after her last statement but she quickly threw it back on when she saw Randy watching her.

"What is it? What are you thinking?" Randy walked over to his daughter and sat beside her, pulling her into his arms. Alanna quickly shook her head and widened her smile. "Nothing, it's nothing."

Randy tugged on her ponytail playfully and smiled. "It's something so just tell me or I'll keep bugging you."

"I don't want to upset you, Dad." mumbled Alanna, her head lying on his chest. Randy frowned and looked down at her blond head. "You never upset me, Alanna. Talk to me,"

Alanna sighed and lifted her head up. "It's just…everyone I love will be here except for Daddy John. This is my first birthday without him. I mean, I believe he's here with us always in spirit but I know you don't so I don't like to say it…"

"Wait a minute. How do you know I don't believe that?" asked Randy, a frown on his face.

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Come on, Dad. You're very loud. Angel and I heard that argument you had with Uncle Cody about it. You said you don't believe Daddy John is here in spirit."

Randy sighed and inwardly cursed his big mouth. "Look, baby, just because I don't believe it doesn't mean you can't. I want you to believe whatever makes you feel better."

Alanna smiled slowly and raised an eyebrow. "Dad, why don't you believe it? I mean, doesn't it make you feel good to think of Daddy John still here with us. Yeah, we can't see him or touch him but to know he's here to protect us and not let anything bad happen." She lowered her eyes and shrugged. "It doesn't matter, I guess."

Randy sighed and remained silent, thinking of a way to explain his feelings to his daughter. These were the moments he wished his therapist was beside him to tell him exactly what to do. He shook his head and decided to risk it and just tell her how he really felt.

"Look, Al, if thinking that makes you and Angel feel better, then by all means, please do so. I just can't, baby. I don't want to think of John here in spirit. It makes me mad. I don't want him here in spirit. I want him here in person. Maybe one day when I make peace with his death I'll be able to think that way but right now, I just can't. I'm still too angry, Al. Especially when I think of special moments like this. I hate that John won't be here for anymore birthdays for you kids, not to mention he won't be here for the tons of other special events we were supposed to share…" Randy stopped speaking when he heard his voice increase and felt the anger course through his body.

Alanna looked up at him, her eyes moist, and Randy immediately pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

Randy smiled and looked into her eyes, wiping away the tear that rolled down her cheek. "For what, beautiful?"

"That I made you sad and I made you remember things you don't want to remember." Alanna lifted her head and smiled. "Let's just think of happy things."

"Al, thinking of John does make me sad and upset but it also makes me very, very happy. I don't want you to stop talking about him to me. While I may not believe John is still here in spirit, I do believe I know exactly what he would want us to do this week." Randy smiled and ran his fingers through Alanna's hair. She smiled and sat up. "What?"

"He would want us to have tons of fun because it was his little girl's birthday. He wouldn't want any tears shed or angry voices in this house; just tons of laughter and that's exactly what he's gonna get." Randy stood up and pulled Alanna with him. They walked over to the calendar and looked at the dates. "OK, so your birthday family dinner is Saturday night and then you have your party with all your little friends on Sunday afternoon and then…"

"And then on Monday I'm going to Raw with Uncle Cody!" Alanna smiled happily before her eyes widened. "Oh my God, Dad, it would be so awesome if you came with us and made a guest appearance like Shawn does whenever we're in Texas! Please, Dad! That would be so cool!"

Randy quickly shook his head. "No! No way. Absolutely not, Al. Get that thought out of your head, baby, because it's not gonna happen."

"But, Dad, it would make all your fans so happy! And Daddy John's fans, too…" began Alanna before she was quickly stopped.

"I don't care, Alanna! It won't make me happy. Just forget it." Randy turned away and walked out of the room. He heard Alanna's sigh and her footsteps behind him but he didn't bother to stop. "Fine, Dad, I'll forget it. I'm just bummed that you stopped doing what you love and what Angel and I loved watching you do. Don't you even miss it a little bit?"

Randy turned, his hand on the stair banister and shrugged. "Yes, Al, I do miss it. I loved my job but going back there without John would be too difficult, sweetheart. I just can't. Can we change the subject now, please?"

"OK, I'll change it." Alanna slowly smiled. "So…what did you get me for my birthday?"

Randy rolled his eyes and continued up the stairs. "I got you jack shit, that's what I got you."

"Oh my God, Dad! Can't you just not say a bad word for once!" screamed Alanna as she turned and walked back towards the backyard. "I'm going back outside."

Randy smiled to himself and turned to look at his daughter from the corner of his eye, watching as she stomped outside where Ted and Cody were playing with Angel. He turned and continued up the stairs, briskly walking into his and John's room and shutting the door. This week, a week which should be a happy week, was turning into torture. It was days from Alanna's birthday and all he could think of was how he could keep her from missing John. It was a ridiculous idea. Of course Alanna would only think of John not being here. It was what Randy himself did whenever he thought of special occasions in his family. To think, he would have to go through the same thing with Angel in a few months.

Randy groaned and threw himself face down on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing mind. It was great that Cody and Ted had arrived for the week. It would mean more distraction as the engaged couple dragged him around to see suits and flowers and all the other stuff they insisted on for their wedding and for once he would enjoy it. That combined with planning Alanna's family dinner and party would help him get through this week. It was amazing he had neglected to remember RAW was stopping in St. Louis' Scottrade Center. He had a sinking suspicion Alanna wouldn't be the only one pressuring him to make an appearance. A call from Vince McMahon and Paul Levesque were also in his future. Both men always contacted him when they hit the state just hoping to convince Randy to attend an event and get him to consider returning. Randy always flatly refused. The idea of stepping into an arena with all his friends who were still doing what he and John loved made Randy feel physically ill. He was still young and in shape, years from when he thought he would retire but he just couldn't bring himself to continue his career without John by his side. The older man loved his job. He'd dedicated a huge chunk of his life to the WWE and a huge void had been left when he'd died. No one had stepped up to take his place and Randy didn't think anyone ever could. It seemed the mourning was still fresh in the WWE community as well as in the Orton-Cena family. Not a day went by that Randy wasn't stopped or sent mail by a Cenation fan. It had been shocking to him to see the outpouring of support when John died. Randy knew John was loved by millions but even the ones who'd never considered themselves fans had been in disbelief at his death. Everyone admitted at the end how important John Cena was to the WWE and the wrestling community, in general. It made Randy incredibly happy to see the memorials for John made by fans and fellow wrestlers but it always felt like a dream to him. He still couldn't believe he was seeing them in the first place.

"Hey, Ran. You asleep?" Randy lifted his head up and turned over to meet Cody's concerned face. "No, I'm not. I just needed a break for a few minutes."

Cody nodded and walked over to the bed, sitting on the side. "Ally said she was worried she made you sad…"

Randy rolled his eyes and turned over, his eyes looking at the ceiling. "I wish the kids would stop walking around eggshells with me. It's driving me crazy."

Cody laughed softly. "Just give them time. She just mentioned it. If this was a few weeks ago, she would be hysterically crying about it. They're getting better and so are you."

Randy shrugged. "That's still debatable but whatever. She mentioned you were taking her to RAW on Monday and that just led to something else."

Cody frowned. "Is that OK? I didn't think you would mind if I took her and Angel to RAW…"

"No, that's not it, Codes. You can take them wherever you want." Randy sighed and sat up. "She just mentioned how cool it would be if I came and made an appearance and that led to a discussion on whether I would ever go back…"

"Well, isn't that the million question? That's the question on everyone's mind, Ran, not just the kids. I mean, even I ask you all the time." Cody shook his head, frustration evident in his voice. "Ran, you were at the top of your game when Johnny died. Of course you would need to take time to heal from that. You take as much time as you need but you don't even seem to be willing to discuss returning at one point. You have an open door at the WWE, you know that, but you just want to close it completely. It's hard for all of us to understand how you could give up something you love so much. You know John wouldn't want you to do this, Randy."

Randy turned to face Cody, his eyes cold as he glared at his young friend. "Who the hell are you to tell me what my husband would want? What the hell do you think you know?"

Cody met his glare and returned one of his own. "I think I knew one of my best friends. I knew John. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy. You're not happy, Randy."

Randy turned away and lowered himself back onto the bed. "Get out, Cody. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"No. I'm fine right here."

Randy closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. As much as he loved Cody and knew what he was trying to do, he really wished the younger man wouldn't be so supportive sometimes. Then again, if he didn't have his friends, what would he do?

"You know Vince is already arranging a Hall of Fame tribute for Johnny for next year's Hall of Fame. It was too late for this year's..."

Randy's eyes shot open and he looked at Cody in disbelief. "What? Who told you that?"

Cody rolled his eyes. "Who do you think? Vince told all of us in one of the developmental meetings. We all loved the idea, of course, but when it comes to the induction…"

Randy shook his head. "Don't even go there."

"Randy! Of course you're the only person who could induct John! You worked together since before you ever made it to the WWE and then you had the most amazing matches while there!" Cody stopped and rolled his eyes once more. "Not to mention the fact you were best friends for how long and oh, what's it called…you were married to him!"

"I can't do that, Cody. I would have the biggest fucking meltdown ever. Just forget it. Vince can do whatever he wants but I just can't," Randy shook his head frantically, the idea making his heart race.

"Vince won't do anything without you, Ran. Do you think he would do it without you and the kids there? And all your family? Of course not. It's up to you when this happens, if it ever does. Just expect that phone call soon, though." Cody slid off the bed and stood up. "And speaking of meltdowns, I think maybe if you had one you would feel better. Stop trying to hold on to that damn control you love, Randy. And stop using the kids as an excuse for it."

Randy remained silent and watched as Cody walked out of the room. The sounds of the children laughing filtered upstairs to him and he sighed. His children were on a good path. They were starting to move on but he seemed incapable of doing so. He stood up and walked towards his dresser, his eyes searching for the bottle of Tylenol that seemed to have become his best friend lately. He quickly gulped two down and set the bottle back on the dresser table. His eyes stared at one of the many photographs of John and a sigh escaped his lips.

"Tell me what to do, babe. I'm still drowning here and I don't know how much more people are gonna take before they just give up on me."

John smiled back at him from the photo and Randy sighed even louder. He turned away from the dresser and his eyes widened when he spotted Angel behind him.

"Hey, baby. I didn't hear you come in."

Angel smiled. "Sorry, I didn't want to bother you. Were you praying?"

Randy shook his head and walked over to his son, bending to place a kiss on his forehead. "No. I was just asking Daddy for some advice. I do that sometimes."

Angel raised an eyebrow and walked over to the bed, climbing on. "I thought you didn't believe in that."

Randy shrugged and walked over to him. "I don't know what I believe anymore, Angel. Talking to him, even if it's in a picture, makes me feel better, though."

Angel nodded. "That's like praying, Dad. Like what we do in Church with grandma and grandpa."

Randy nodded. "I guess so. I like to do it here when I'm alone, though." He looked towards the window and frowned. "What are you doing up here?"

"Uncle Ted told me to come get you. Ally and Uncle Cody are in a mood, he said and it's time for lunch. He said to stop the nonsense and come downstairs so we can eat like a family," Angel shrugged. "I don't know why or what happened, though."

"Nothing happened. I just have a little headache and I got a little cranky." Randy extended his hand over to Angel, who took it but lowered his eyes. "What? What's up?"

"You have a headache," mumbled his son and Randy's eyes immediately widened. "No, it's nothing, baby."

"You have headaches a lot." Angel's eyes rose and Randy cursed himself when he saw the look of fear in his normally bright blue eyes.

"It's nothing, do you hear me? I'm just tired and stressed and that's why I got it. Don't you think anything else, understood? It's nothing," answered Randy, bending down to his son and firmly gripping Angel's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I'm fine."

Angel nodded, the fear slowly fading from his eyes. "Promise?"

"I swear," replied Randy quickly, squeezing his hand and pulling him forward for a hug. "It's just a simple headache like the one I get whenever I talk to Ally about girl stuff, OK,"

Angel giggled in his ear and nodded. "OK."

Randy smiled and pulled away, smoothing his son's hair back. "Let's go grab some food. I'm starving."

Angel nodded and held onto Randy's hand as they walked out of the room. Randy glanced back, his eyes landing on the picture of John once more and sighed inwardly. The drowning feeling just intensified.

* * *

**September 2012**

"Rise and shine, handsome." John heard Randy say from the doorway. He rolled over and groaned. "What time is it?" he asked, his eyes refusing to open.

"It's time to get up. Angel has a surprise for you." Randy said.

"What?" John asked, finally opening his eyes to look over at Randy. What he saw brought a huge grin to his face.

Randy was standing just inside the doorway, Angel standing shyly on his right side. Randy had a tray of food in his hands, while Angel was holding a cup.

"What's all this?" He asked, as he sat up in bed.

"We made breakfast for you." Angel said. "I have a cup of milk. Randy said he would carry the try with the coffee because it was too hot." The small boy shrugged and looked up at Randy, who nodded sternly.

Both Angel and Randy came forward at the same time, Angel putting the glass of milk on the bedside table and Randy setting the tray in John's lap.

"Pancakes?" John asked, looking over at Randy.

"You love them and you deserve them." Randy said, shrugging his shoulders. He sat on the bed besides his husband and laid his hand on his thigh."How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I don't even remember coming into bed last night. What time did I?" John asked, as he reached for the cup of milk and coffee and began mixing them.

"A little after 5 am. I felt you get in but by the time I turned around, you were out like a light. You didn't even move when Angel came in this morning. We decided you probably needed the extra sleep so we went to make breakfast." Randy smiled and lifted Angel into his arms, settling him in his lap.

"Well, thanks for letting me sleep in. I guess I needed it," replied John, before turning over to Angel. "And thanks for breakfast. I don't think I've ever had anyone bring me breakfast in bed. I feel spoiled." He said, leaning over and placing a kiss on his forehead.

"It was fun. Randy let me pour the white stuff and mix it," Angel said. "He made me eggs, too. It was really good."

"Everything I make is really good, kiddo." Randy winked at Angel and held him tighter. The small boy giggled when he saw John roll his eyes.

"He's actually right and he's so humble about it, isn't he?" John said sarcastically as he picked up his fork and started eating. His eyes closed as he savored the taste of the food on his tongue. "God, humble or not, I'll keep you if you can feed me like this forever. Aren't you guys going to eat too?" John asked.

"I'm glad you like it. Eat it all, now, OK. We already ate while you were sleeping." Randy said with a smile, his hand rubbing the older man's thigh.

"Randy says we have a lot to do today. We're gonna look for a nanny to come on the road with us and the school is gonna give us a teacher I can take on the bus." Angel said, bringing John's attention away from the hand that was slowly caressing his leg. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "I don't want a teacher."

"Well, you need one, so tough luck. Ally goes to preschool and you will begin soon, too. To get you ready the teacher will go with us on the bus and work with you a few hours a day. It won't be bad." Randy said, his hand still caressing John's thigh. He looked towards his husband and smiled. "Right, Johnny? Tell him how much fun it will be."

It was hard for John to concentrate on anything but the thought of wanting Randy's hand to work its way further up into the leg of his boxers. The feel of Randy's warm hand and the thought of where he wanted that hand to go was causing things in his body to stir.

"Umm…yeah, of course. Tons of fun, Angel." He stammered, trying to get his mind back to the subject at hand.

Randy frowned in confusion at John. "Real convincing, babe."

"No, I mean it. I really do! We need to make sure you're on the same level as the other kids that will be in your class, Angel. It won't be boring and we'll be with you while she's there, OK." John said, as he set his semi-finished breakfast aside. "All right, all done. I better get showered and dressed."

"OK, then. Angel, you and me are on cleanup duty, too." Randy said, as he removed his hand from John's leg, stood up from the bed and picked up the breakfast tray. "Try not to fall asleep and drown in there, babe." Randy added with a wink, as he walked out carrying the tray, Angel following close behind.

John sat up in bed slowly. He paused, sitting at the edge of the bed for a few minutes, trying to make his brain function on only 3 hours of sleep. As soon as John walked into the bathroom, he was assaulted by Randy's scent. With Randy freshly showered, the scent of him in the bathroom was still strong, and John couldn't help but stand in the middle of the bathroom and just breathe deep. It was a very rich and spicy scent that had John craving for a taste of the skin that went along with the scent.

Shaking his head and trying to refocus his thoughts, John headed over to the mirror to have a look at his face. He looked horrible. He had dark circles under his eyes and they were already starting to sink in. Deciding he'd better get a move on, John shook his head and undressed, starting the shower. Once the steam began to fill the air he stepped in. The warm water enveloped him, causing him to release a huge sigh of relief. Just as he was settling in, the bathroom door opened.

"Babe, I just did laundry. Clean towels are right here, OK." Randy said from the other side of the shower door.

"Sure, you did. Use the towels as an excuse to come in here and take advantage of me?" John said, a smile on his face.

"I don't think I need an excuse and it's not taking advantage of you if you like it, baby," came Randy's teasing voice from behind the glass.

"You make a valid point, hubby," John chuckled. Seconds later, Randy slid the door open. Their eyes met and they shared a moment or two before Randy's eyes drifted down the length of John's body. The older man grinned and felt his body react to being so blatantly being checked out.

When Randy's eyes came back up to meet John's again and saw his grin, he couldn't help but respond with one of his own.

"Are you done?" John asked, his smile widening.

"I don't know, I think I need a longer look or maybe a better angle," Randy asked, again matching John's smile.

John laughed loudly and shook his head. "Cut it out. We have a lot to do and a kid downstairs…"

"The kid is plugged into a cartoon…"

"One kiss and then go away. According to you, we have a busy day ahead of us." John interrupted, holding up his hand.

Randy didn't waste any time. At the mention of the kiss, Randy dropped the towel in his hand and leaned towards his husband before John even finished his sentence. The kiss was soft and gentle, both of them immediately opening up to each other while Randy's hand reached up to grasp the back of John's neck.

"God, I love you," John said, as he pulled back slightly from the kiss, but not fully separating their lips. John could feel Randy's hot breath ghosting over his lips, and he took a moment to nibble on his bottom lip, resisting the desire to bite hard, to pull him into the shower and devour him. Thankfully, before John could think too much about it, or actually act on the feeling, Randy pulled away.

"How's the shower feel? You fully awake yet?" he asked, as he picked up a wash cloth and soap and proceeded to wash John's body.

"Getting there...some places more awake than others," responded John as he looked down his body. "That feels really good, baby.

Randy moved the cloth down John's body. "Good, I love making you feel good. I also love your body. It's hard in all the right places," Randy said, as he worked John's cock lightly with the cloth to emphasize his point. John groaned and threw his head back, causing Randy to bite his lip. "Besides, you've got the sexiest neck I've ever seen," he said, leaning forward and placing a kiss right at the base of his neck.

"Of all things it's my neck?" John asked, laughing at the odd statement.

"What can I say, I'm unique," Randy said, as he set the wash cloth aside and started to massage John's neck and shoulders.

"Oh God, that feels so good," John moaned out. Randy was pressing his thumbs into John's shoulder blades, working the tense muscles.

Just as John was about to melt down into the tub, he felt Randy's lips at the nape of his neck, kissing and sucking. Slowly, his lips began working their way up, while his hands started working their way down. He raked his nails across John's nipples, while at the same time he bit down slightly on John's earlobe.

"Oh, fuck, Randy," John said, the dual sensation causing his body to tense with uncontrolled lust, his hips automatically thrusting up.

"I think your body is asking for a little attention down there." Randy whispered in John's ear, as he leaned forward slightly, his clothed chest coming into contact with John's wet back and took hold of John's throbbing cock.

John's head dropped back against Randy's shoulder, while his hips again lifted, trying desperately to create some friction in Randy's hand.

"I want to see you come, Johnny. You're so fucking gorgeous and I want to see your face when I make you come," Randy whispered in John's ear, his tongue following the words as he licked the rim of John's ear.

"Shit, Randy, yes! But if you don't start moving that hand, I swear, I'll take care of it myself!" John said, his hips desperately trying, in vain, to get what he wanted.

"Aren't we a little impatient? Is this what you want?" Randy asked, as his hand finally started to work John's cock.

"Yes," John hissed, his breath coming ragged and his voice gravelly.

Randy started working John's cock in time with John's thrusts, his thumb pressing firmly against the vein throbbing on the underside of his erection. Randy's lips had securely fastened themselves back at the nape of his neck, while his other hand started working John's nipples. The sensations were causing his body to vibrate with the mounting need for release.

"Oh, fuck, Randy, I'm almost there. Don't stop." John gasped out. The water from the shower cascaded down the front of his body. "Oh, God, baby!" John cried out, his breath escaping his lungs as he erupted with a mind-blowing orgasm, his cock shooting its load into the warm water.

As John's body finally settled down from its orgasmic bliss and started to relax, Randy pulled his lips away from John's neck to whisper in his ear. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love that look," Randy said, as he gave John's deflating cock one last squeeze before he pulled away.

"Oh, shit, that was amazing. I feel like jelly now," John said, still slightly out of breath. He looked over at Randy and smiled. "I got you all wet,"

"Who cares? You ready to get out?" Randy asked, holding a towel out for John.

John nodded and stepped out of the tub and into the towel. Randy dried John's body slowly, working his way down to John's legs. As he finished, he leaned forward and planted a kiss on John's flaccid cock, snaking his tongue out to taste the tip. The water had washed away any hint of John's orgasm, so all Randy tasted was the clean flavor of John's skin, but he still couldn't help himself, as took the head of John's cock fully into his mouth.

"Oh, fuck, Randy, you need to stop. No more, baby," John said, even though his hips were unconsciously moving back and forth.

"I know, but I just had to taste you. I can't help myself around you." Randy said as he pulled off of John's cock.

"Come here," John said, and he pulled Randy up so they were face to face, the towel in Randy's hands between them. Randy wrapped the towel around John's hips and then leaned in for a kiss, which was promptly interrupted by Angel knocking on the bathroom door.

"What are you two doing in there? I thought we were leaving?" he asked. Randy and John pulled back to look at each other.

"I got it. You go ahead and finish getting ready," Randy offered, as he stepped out of the bathroom. John nodded and smiled, thankful he had at least had those few moments with his love.

Minutes later, John walked down the stairs of the house and directly into the kitchen, his body still requesting more caffeine. He looked around the downstairs of the home for Randy and Angel but didn't see them. Despite not being allowed to touch many of the kitchen appliances by his husband, he walked to the coffee machine and set about preparing another cup. John yawned loudly and watched as the coffee slowly dripped from the machine into his cup. He leaned on the counter and sighed as the coffee refused to finish pouring. If anything, it seemed to slow and John rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Come on. I need caffeine and I need it now." John closed his eyes and tried to keep upright when he suddenly felt two arms wrap themselves around his waist. He leaned into the embrace and kept his eyes shut.

"Still tired, baby?"

John nodded as Randy's deep voice filtered into his head. "Yeah, a little. Where did you go?"

Randy pressed a kiss to the side of John's head. "I had to change my shirt. Go sit down and I'll bring you the coffee."

John shook his head and let his eyes open. "No, I can't. If I sit down I'll never get up and we need to go."

Randy pulled John into him and enveloped him into a hug. "I'll go by myself, Johnny. You go back upstairs and get some more sleep."

John laughed softly, his breath tickling Randy's neck. "Ran, you'll never agree to anyone they recommend. You're gonna hate every nanny and tutor they show us."

Randy smiled slowly and shrugged. "Well, of course I'm gonna want the best for my kids…"

John pulled away and shook his head. "So do I but I have a calmer way of expressing that. I really think I should go, too. We're in this together, right?"

Randy nodded. "I know. I just don't want you to keep exhausting yourself like this. I swear you haven't slept in weeks and it just worries me, John."

John silenced Randy with a kiss, quickly pressing their lips together and running his tongue over his husband's smooth lips, demanding entrance. The younger man sighed into the kiss before quickly pulling away and shaking his head. "Stop trying to distract me. You know I'm right. We need to talk about this at one point."

John sighed and turned back towards the coffeemaker. The liquid had finally finished pouring and he eagerly gripped the cup in his hands and took a long sip. The scalding liquid burned down his throat and he wrinkled his nose at the taste.

Randy moved away from where John stood and sat on one of the stools surrounding the large kitchen island. He frowned as he watched John down the coffee in an attempt to wake his body and mind up as much as possible. The past month had been a whirlwind for the family. In between the normal travel and work for them had been moments of jubilation whenever they had free days to spend with their children. After the jubilation, though, had come the harsh reality of their new lives. They were now parents to two children, one full time. The weeks Alanna spent with Sam still left them with Angel and as much as they loved being with their new son, it had proven to be an exhausting experience. As excited as the child had been to be adopted into their family and their home, it was still a new and scary experience for him. He had grown used to the Cena-Orton routine but he missed his friends at the orphanage. Something as simple as sleeping in his room would bring back childhood memories of being alone and it wouldn't be long before his cries for John would be heard throughout the house. As much as Angel loved spending time with both men it had been obvious to all he'd developed a stronger bond with John in the short month he'd been with them. Randy didn't mind at all. He loved watching them together. Seeing John be such a wonderful father made him fall in love even more with the older man.

John turned over when he felt Randy's intense gaze on him. He smiled and placed the now empty cup in the sink and walked over to him. "What are you staring at me for? Your beady little eyes are creeping me out," he teased the younger man.

Randy ignored the insult and smiled. "I'm just looking at my amazing husband. Just when I think you can't get any hotter, you go and be an amazing dad."

John laughed. "What?"

Randy shrugged and stood up, glancing at his watch. "I already knew you were an amazing father, Johnny, but this month has just blown me away. You're barely able to stand because you're up most of the night comforting our little boy; our little boy who adores you, by the way. It's really hot to see you in Daddy mode."

John smiled and shook his head. "He adores you, too, baby. We're both exhausted because we're both up comforting our little boy. Don't belittle what you're doing, Ran."

Randy nodded. "No, I know I'm helping but you're taking the brunt of it. I need you to take it easy, though, babe. You tend to do too much and forget to take care of yourself."

"Things will calm down soon. We're doing everything the therapist says we need to do for Angel. It's a big change for him so he's expected to be nervous. He's never had a room of his own except for when he lived with his mom and that memory is of her locking him in said room and leaving him alone there for hours and days at a time. It's no wonder he gets nervous. We just need to keep reassuring him we'll always be right down the hall." John sighed and walked around the counter, out of the room. "It's easier when Al's here because she helps with keeping him at ease. The nights she's not here are the tough ones."

Randy nodded and followed John out into the family room, collapsing onto the large sofa. "I'll say. He's getting used to the fact that she'll be gone some days with Sammy while he'll always be here with us. Is it selfish to wish he would get used to it faster, though?"

John smiled and shook his head. He sat besides Randy on the sofa and pulled his long legs onto his lap. "No, you're not selfish for wishing that. Every parent goes through this, babe but the bottom line is, would we change what we did? Of course not. It's just the beginning and it's new and hard for all of us to adjust. Let's just take it one step at a time and not try to do it all and be it all."

Randy raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Sounds like great advice, Super Cena. Maybe you can take it to heart and stop trying to be Super Dad? I've got news for you. There's no such thing."

John wrinkled his nose and averted his gaze. "I'm not trying to be Super Dad…"

"Johnny, you love him and you want to protect him; so do I. We both want him to start seeing us his real fathers. He will get there on his own. The fact he's so attached to you and runs to you for comfort is your first sign, baby." Randy smiled and sat up, swinging his long legs to the floor. "There's nothing wrong with setting limits, though. The therapist said we could do it without scaring him for life, you know. You don't have to run the minute he cries out. You've reassured him you're gonna be right outside so you shouldn't feel guilty with leaving the room. Spending the night on the floor next to his bed won't help his fears, baby. We have to let him work some things out on his own. He won't hate us for it," Randy laughed and shrugged. "Well, maybe at the beginning but he'll get over it and understand what we're doing."

John sighed and shook his head. "I just don't want to cause him anymore fear, babe. When I think of what that kid has been through…well, does it really matter if I sleep on his floor?"

Randy smiled and ran his fingers up and down John's arm. "Don't we want him to get over his fear, though? Don't we want him to realize he has nothing to worry about when it comes to us? He needs to know we'll always be there for him no matter what he does or says…we're his parents."

John nodded, the weariness obvious in his face. "I want him to be comfortable here because this is his house now, too. I want him to be able to sleep a night without waking up and freaking out. I want him to be as happy all the time as when Ally is here." He laughed and shook his head. "Then again there's another part of me that likes the fact he needs me so much."

"He'll always need you. A boy needs his dad, trust me. I still run to mine for everything." Randy rolled his eyes and smiled. "But a little independence would help, John. Letting him work some things out on his own won't make him stop loving you. It makes you a better father not to mention a more awake father."

John smiled and stood up, pulling Randy with him. He held him close to his body and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you,"

Randy smirked and held John tightly by the hips. "Why do you love me?"

"Because you worry about me more than I worry about myself. You protect me and I know you make sure I take care of myself, no matter how hard I fight you on it." John raised an eyebrow. "You also always take time to make me feel really good…especially in the shower."

Randy shook his head and frowned. "That doesn't mean I love you, Cena. It just means I don't want you to make me do the bulk of the work so I give you a handjob every now and then to bribe you. That's all it is."

John smiled and shook his head, pulling away from Randy's hold. "You're such an asshole."

Randy finally let the frown drop from his face and burst into laughter. "You're too easy, Johnny. Especially when you're half asleep."

John smiled and moved towards the stairs, looking up at the landing. "Angel, come on, kid! We gotta go now!"

Randy walked back over to him and rested his head on John's shoulder. "I love you, too, Johnny…and this neck…"

John smiled and turned his neck over slightly as he felt Randy's lips graze the skin. "I know you do. Only reason I let you get away with torturing me."

Angel appeared on the stairs and slowly began to descend. "Are we really leaving now? I'm tired."

John laughed and shook his head, extending his hand towards the boy. "You're tired? You must be kidding me. I'm sleeping on a hardwood floor and you're sleeping on a comfy support mattress but you're tired. Let's go now,"

Angel laughed and took the hand. Randy watched them with a smile and followed them out the door, grabbing the car keys before John could attempt to take them. Despite how tough things were now, he knew they would all soon adjust. Things were good for them and he would make sure they'd remain that way.


	46. Chapter 45

**December 2012**

Randy sighed as he nodded his head, listening to Angel's teacher go on in his ear. He balanced the phone on his ear as he exited his car and let the door slam behind him.

"I understand, Mr. Smith. We hope Angel will soon be able to join Alanna in class. In the meantime we are having him work with Ms. Mary a number of hours a day while he travels with John and I. Has she been reporting back to you the progress he's making?"

A number of people stared at Randy in confusion as he entered the arena Monday Night Raw was scheduled to take place in that night. Ever since he and John had split brands it was rare for Randy to come back to Raw. He usually spent the day with Angel while John worked and resting for his own show which taped Tuesday.

"Well, that's what's worrying me, Mr. Orton. The reports I'm receiving from Angel's tutor are that he's very distracted and doesn't want to sit with her for the necessary time. It's also very disturbing to hear that Mr. Cena agrees to let him cut short the lessons when he asks despite Mary advising otherwise. That won't help the situation. It will only inhibit Angel from making the necessary progress."

Randy clenched his teeth, making a muscle jerk in his jaw. This was torture for him. Having to hear someone speak about John in any negative fashion was something he never allowed and here was this man practically calling his husband a bad father! The sad thing was that Randy was dangerously close to agreeing with some parts of the discussion.

"I'll speak to John, Mr. Smith and we'll work something out for Angel. We're committed to do anything we have to for our son."

Randy continued down the corridor of the arena, smiling at some of his old friends he barely saw anymore. He listened to Mr. Smith lecture for a few minutes longer before ending the call and sliding the phone in his pocket. As he continued down the hall, Randy's heart began to pound as he thought of how to start this conversation with John. He had to thread a fine line. Randy knew John was very sensitive about his fathering skills and very intent on protecting Angel. The last thing he wanted was to make John feel like he was hurting their son and failing at being a good dad. Anyway, it was the furthest thing from the truth. John had proven himself to be a wonderful father. He was loving, encouraging, firm when necessary and always there when they needed an ear to talk or a bad dream made an appearance.

The door to the Men's Locker Room appeared and Randy took a deep breath before he pushed it open, the noise immediately enveloping him. Wrestlers around him chatted about their matches and plans for after the show, stagehands handed out call sheets, photographers snapped random shots and an interviewer was busy setting up equipment for a shoot. Randy heard the greetings thrown his way and replied distractedly as his eyes scanned the area for John.

"Hey, Ran, whatcha doing here, bro?"

Randy turned when he felt the hand on his shoulder and met the eyes of his good friend and other John in his life, John Hennigan. He smiled and continued to look around. "I'm looking for John. Have you seen him?"

His friend, known as Jomo to most, nodded. "Catering. He was surrounded by Vince's people, though, so you should hurry before they drag him off."

Randy nodded gratefully and exited the room, quickening his pace as he saw the large catering hall come into view. He spotted John sitting with 3 other men he knew as Vince's assistants. The table in front of them was covered in paperwork and the conversation looked serious but Randy didn't let it stop him from approaching.

John's back was turned to him and he didn't see Randy until the younger man placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned and his eyes widened in surprise as his lips curved into a smile. "Ran! What are you doing here?"

Randy smiled, a tense look on his face and John frowned. "What's wrong? Where are the kids?"

Randy quickly shook his head and looked over at the 3 other men. "They're fine. They're back at the hotel in daycare. You know, I think I'm gonna go back, too and wait until you're done...we can talk tonight...I shouldn't have bothered you here…" He turned to walk away, feeling silly that he'd thought to bother John before he had to work.

John quickly followed Randy as his long legs carried him out of the room and reached for his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Wait a minute, Ran! Come back here! What the hell is wrong? What are you doing here?"

Randy smiled and shook his head once more. "Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to talk to you about something but you're too busy. It can wait. It's nothing we need to discuss before the show. You're gonna get all distracted and..."

John rolled his eyes and linked his fingers around Randy's, pulling him into an empty room. "If you don't start talking right now I'm gonna get pissed, Randy. All you're doing is worrying me more right now. Just speak. Whatever I was doing isn't more important than what you have to tell me. Just tell me."

Randy sighed and sat besides John on the wooden bench. "I got a call from the principal of the kids' school, Mr. Smith. He's worried by the reports he's getting back from Mary about Angel."

John frowned in confusion. "What has she been saying?"

"That Angel's distracted and doesn't wanna be there. He's not focusing and therefore not making the progress he should be making so he can begin school with Al when they return from the holiday break." Randy averted his eyes as he repeated what Mr. Smith told him.

John watched him carefully and raised an eyebrow. "Do they think he has to be tested for ADHD or something? What aren't you telling me, Randy?"

Randy raised his eyes back to meet John's and bit his lip nervously. "They don't recommend tests. Mary says you're a big part of the problem, John. You don't encourage Angel to stay with her. When he tells you he wants to leave and go with you, you agree even though you know he's not done for the day. She's getting frustrated and so is Mr. Smith."

John's eyes widened as his mouth fell open in a silent gasp. Randy took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly. "Baby, it's OK. Look, we'll figure something out with Mary. You didn't know. You weren't trying to pull him away from his classwork. I'll talk to her and make her understand you're new at this..."

"What did you say when this guy was telling you all this? Did you agree with him?" John finally found his voice as he stared down at his hand enveloped by Randy's. His mind was swirling with unwanted thoughts and his body was being wracked by a surge of emotions.

"Johnny, look, this is a new situation for us and we're still learning how to be parents to Angel..."

"Answer the damn question, Randy," interrupted John, looking up at his husband's face. "Do you agree I'm just fucking things up?"

"Don't say it like that, baby." Randy sighed and shrugged slowly. "I didn't tell him I agreed with him. I wouldn't choose anyone's side but yours but...I do think you should maybe pull back a little."

John frowned and pulled his hand away. "Pull back a little? What the hell does that mean?"

Randy took a minute to think over his words as he heard John's voice begin to rise in anger. "John, no kid in his right mind enjoys school; especially at Angel's age. It's up to the parents to teach the child how important school is and that it's their job to go to school like it's our job to go to work. They shouldn't give them an out whenever they want to leave. It doesn't do them any favors and it doesn't teach them responsibility." He tentatively reached for John's hand again and smiled slowly when it wasn't pulled away. "Johnny, don't we want Angel to grow up into an intelligent, confident and responsible man? Don't we want him to get a good education so he can build a future for himself and his family? I want him to have the education I didn't get for myself. I want him to go to college like you did. The foundation for that has to be built now, baby. You can't let him talk you into pulling him out of class. You have to tell him how important it is he stay with Mary and complete his lessons. He doesn't do that with me and he didn't do it when he was at the orphanage. You have to start putting your foot down, John and let go of this fear you have of disciplining him. It's all part of the Dad job title."

John's gaze bore into Randy's eyes as he listened to his words. He nodded once the younger man finished and reached out to pat Randy's thigh. "OK, then, very good. I've heard what you have to say and I'll do it."

Randy frowned and watched as John stood up. "Where are you going? I can tell you're pissed off.."

John shrugged as he walked over to the door. "Well, I've just been called a bad parent by my husband, who I happen to share 2 kids with, so excuse me for acting a little not like myself."

Randy's eyes widened and he immediately lifted himself off the bench. "I never called you a bad parent, John! You're an amazing father. I know you are; I see you every day with our kids! It's just this one thing that you need to..." he trailed off as the right word escaped him. John shook his head and grabbed the door handle, pulling it open but Randy quickly walked over and slammed it shut.

"Why are you trying to pick a fight with me, John? You know I'm not calling you a bad father. If I thought you were a bad father why would I ever have adopted another child with you?"

John shrugged and leaned on the door, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, you come in here and practically tell me I'm fucking up our son's future so what am I supposed to think? You know how I feel about this, Ran. I'm never gonna feel like I'm doing a good enough job as a dad for our kids and you coming here and telling me these things don't help that feeling go away!"

"You have doubts how good you are as a father? Big fucking deal, John! Every parent has doubts of how good they are as a parent at one point or another!" Randy shook his head and laughed. "My God, how many times did I come to you with all my fears of how bad I was failing Al? I appreciated the help and advice I got from other people, though. I took in whatever anyone told me that might help me become an even better father to her. No one is perfect, John. We all make mistakes. I love you and I'm just trying to help us be the best parents we can be for that little boy. Aren't we supposed to be able to talk to each other about everything; even our faults?"

John looked away and slowly uncrossed his arms. "Are you done? I have to go get ready. Can I go now?"

Randy's gaze hardened and he shrugged. "Sure, go right ahead. I'm gonna go, too, then."

John turned and opened the locker room door, stepping out into now crowded corridor. He heard Randy walk out behind him and slowly turned. "I'll see you later."

Randy nodded tersely, a small frown on his face. "Have a good match." He watched as John turned away and walked down the hall, blending into and disappearing among the people rushing around the arena. A loud sigh escaped his lips and he lowered his head dejectedly before turning and walking out of the arena.

* * *

John heard the laughter coming from the hotel room before he even had the key in the lock. It bought a smile to his lips as the exhaustion from the day suddenly disappeared and a wave of energy took its place. It had been hours since his talk with Randy and even more hours since he'd seen his kids. The day had been draining...to say the least. A Raw TV show day was usually exhausting but his argument with Randy had doubled the exhaustion. It had left him a mess of emotions and it was a miracle he had been able to concentrate on anything, including his match.

John opened the front door to the hotel room and let himself in quietly, his eyes going over to the large bed that was occupied by Randy and both kids. A movie played on the screen before them but he couldn't identify the movie. John dropped his bag on the floor and slowly approached the bed, his lips curving into a smile as the children laughed again at the characters on the screen.

"Hey, everyone."

Both kids leaped up from the bed and ran into John's arms. He hugged them tightly and placed a kiss on each forehead. "You guys are up late, huh?"

"We wanted to see you before we went to sleep," replied Angel. Alanna nodded and looked over at Randy. "Daddy let us watch you on Raw and we wanted to tell you how great you did."

John laughed. "Thanks, sweetheart but I beg to differ."

Angel frowned and looked up at him. "What's differ?"

"And why are you gonna beg with it?" asked Alanna.

John smiled and shook his head, hugging them tightly to him once more. Randy swung his long legs over the bed and walked around to them. "OK, you saw him. Now, it's time for bed." He reached his hand towards Angel and raised an eyebrow. "Especially you, young man. You have 4 solid hours of Ms. Mary tomorrow."

Angel groaned and reluctantly took Randy's hand. Randy smiled down at him and reached for Alanna. "Let's go, babe. Just because you don't have class doesn't mean you can stay up all night."

John released the children and took a step back, looking at Randy for the first time since entering. "I'll be right in. Let me just change."

Randy nodded and quickly turned away, walking the children into their attached bedroom. Each child went to their respective bed and Randy walked from one to the other, covering them with their blankets securely and placing a kiss on their heads.

"Daddy, what am I gonna do tomorrow while Angel is in class?" asked Alanna, turning over to look at her father. Randy sat at the edge of her bed and shrugged. "I don't know. You'll be with Daddy John so it's up to him. I have to go to work early, OK."

Alanna nodded while Angel groaned in the bed neck to her. "I hate having to go to Ms. Mary. I never get to have any fun."

Randy laughed softly and shook his head. "Hey, what about what we did today? We had fun!"

"No, we were in stupid daycare because you left," replied Angel, a small smile on his face. Randy's face quickly sobered as the argument with John replayed itself in his head. "I'm sorry I left you guys for a bit today. I just had to take care of something."

"What?" asked Alanna from next to him. Randy rolled his eyes and looked down on her. "None of your business, brat."

Angel giggled as Alanna's mouth dropped open, an indignant look on her face. Randy winked down at her and stood. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see John enter the bedroom dressed in his pajamas. He walked over to Alanna and brushed her hair back from her forehead, kissing it softly.

"Why is Daddy calling you a brat?"

"I asked him where he went today and he said none of my business." Alanna shrugged. "I guess it's not."

John shook his head and smiled. "It's grown up stuff, sweetheart. Don't worry about it and just go to sleep. You and me are gonna hang tomorrow, OK."

Alanna nodded and buried herself further into her covers. "OK. Goodnight, Daddy. Goodnight Daddy John."

"Goodnight, princess," replied Randy, from the foot of her bed. John stood and walked over to Angel's bed, and smoothed his blanket down, smiling at the small boy. "You need to get some sleep, too, baby boy. You have a busy day tomorrow."

Angel nodded but looked at John with hope in his eyes. "Can you pick me up early from Ms. Mary's class?"

John inhaled sharply and looked over at Randy. The younger man returned his look, no emotion on his face. John sighed and turned back over to their son. "No, Angel. You have to stay with Ms. Mary until she says you're done. No more early pickups."

Angel's lips immediately formed a pout and he lowered his eyes. John sat beside him and pulled him up towards his chest. "Angel, I can't keep picking you up early because all I'm doing is stopping Ms. Mary from teaching you really great things. Don't you wanna be able to go to school with Ally?"

Angel looked up at him and nodded slowly. "Yeah,"

John smiled and hugged him tightly. "So you have to listen to Ms. Mary and do what she says. It's really fun, baby and you'll see the time will go by fast. Going to school is very important and we all have to do it. You don't have a choice in that. You know that, don't you?"

"I know. I like Ms. Mary." Angel slowly smiled and John nodded. "Me, too. She's very smart and really nice. She can teach you many cool things."

John stood and rearranged Angel in the bed, lowering to place a kiss on his head. "OK, time for sleep."

As if on cue, Angel yawned loudly. "Goodnight, Daddy. Goodnight Daddy Randy."

John gasped loudly as time seemed to stand still around him. His shocked eyes met Randy's, who mimicked his surprised expression. It was the first time Angel had called either of them Daddy and the word sounded beautiful coming from his lips.

"What did you say?" whispered John. Angel's eyes opened and he frowned. "Is that OK? Can I call you that?"

John smiled and nodded. "It's wonderful. I would love for you to call me that. We are your Dads."

Angel smiled and looked over at Randy, who nodded. "I love it. We love being your Dads."

Angel's eyes fluttered closed, the small smile still on his face. Randy walked over to John and reached for his hand, entwining their fingers. "You see. Discipline won't make him stop loving you. It will make him love you even more because it proves to him you want him to have a great life. He loves you, John and he always will. They both love you no matter what. You're their dad."

John's eyes watered and he blinked them away. He looked down their joined hands and then back up and Randy's eyes. "What about you?"

Randy smiled and nodded, understanding John's soft-spoken question. "I love you, John and I always will, too."

John smiled and looked back at the now asleep Angel and Alanna before turning his gaze back to his husband. "I was a brat today. I'm sorry." He lowered his head and averted Randy's eyes, a blush coming across his face.

Randy nodded. "Yes, you were. That must be where Al gets it from."

John's face immediately broke into a smile at the teasing tone in Randy's face and looked up, his smile widening when he saw the smirk on the younger man's face. He turned over and wrapped his arms around Randy's waist, pulling him in for a hug. "As long as I'm your brat,"

Randy smiled and returned the hug fiercely, everything forgotten and forgiven.


	47. Chapter 46

Randy and John walked out of their children's bedroom, the younger man closing the door behind him. John continued on, sinking onto the small sofa in their bedroom with a dazed look still on his face. Randy smiled as he walked over slowly and joined him. "Interesting day, huh?"

John nodded, his eyes turning to Randy sitting beside him. "Interesting doesn't cover it. It started off so normal and then we had our little..." he trailed off and looked away. Randy smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Disagreement?"

John smiled and nodded. "Yeah. That made the day take a horrible turn but now none of it seems to matter. All that matters is that Angel has finally opened himself up to us all the way. You have no idea how long I've waited for him to want to call me Dad and it finally happened."

Randy nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yes, I do know, John because I've been waiting for the same thing since the minute we bought him home."

John's smile dropped and he quickly reached for Randy's hand. "Ran, I didn't mean anything by that. I know you want Angel to develop a relationship with both of us."

Randy quickly nodded and squeezed John's hand. "I know you do." He lifted John's hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "I'm proud of you. You did good in there with him tonight."

John sighed and shook his head. "Why aren't you mad at me?"

Randy frowned. "What would that get me? As long as you understood what I was trying to say, I have no reason to be mad at you."

"I felt like such a dumbass after you left the arena. I said things I shouldn't have said to you. I hated that I was doing something to hurt him and I didn't even know it. I was just so happy he wanted to spend so much time with me. It kind of swelled my head a little." John smiled sheepishly.

Randy nodded, his lips curled into a smirk. "Yeah, our little boy is already turning into a very good manipulator. He must get it from me."

John laughed loudly. "He's already able to wrap me around his little finger; just like Ally does and just like you can."

"Well, it's time you learn to put your foot down more often with him like you do with Ally," replied Randy. He rolled his eyes and said, "And like you do with me."

John nodded and pulled Randy closer, their legs touching. "I'll get there. Eventually I'll stop being so hardheaded when you give me advice and I'll listen. I know I already said it but I am sorry I reacted the way I did and said what I said. I was embarrassed...I know we're a family. I know you don't regret us or having kids with me..."

Randy sighed and gently cupped John's face in his hands, looking into his eyes. "Johnny, I love you so much but you can be such a dork sometimes, baby. I tell you all the time how proud I am of the father you are and how happy I am with our life and our babies and you forgot it all in an instant. I won't scold you too much about it, though because for every one of your insecure moments, I've had like ten so..." He shook his head and smiled slowly.

John leaned down and kissed Randy's neck. "We're both dorks, then." He moved up to kiss behind Randy's ear and then nuzzled his cheek.

Randy pulled back and gazed into John's eyes. He smiled slowly and kissed John's forehead. "I don't mind as long as I'm your dork forever."

John laughed and nodded. "You will be, baby."

"Can we go to bed now?" Randy asked in a whisper.

John kissed the back of Randy's hand and nodded. They both pulled themselves up and headed for their large bed. They stopped at the foot of the bed, standing so close together that Randy could feel John's breath on his face. He reached out and began to play with the hem of John's shirt.

"No more insecure moments and doubts, OK" Randy said as he slowly undressed his husband, "I will never do anything to hurt you, John and I have never nor will I ever regret our life together."

"I know," John whispered.

Randy lifted John's shirt from his shoulders before moving his hands down to his pajama bottoms. "I don't want anyone else. I'm not planning on going anywhere, either. I'm right where I belong and where I want to be."

John leaned down and pulled Randy in for a fierce kiss. By this point he was wearing only his boxers, with his pajamas in a pile at his feet. He stepped out of them before pushed Randy onto the bed, practically ripping his t-shirt in an attempt to get it off quickly. He made fast work of removing the remainder of Randy's clothes, with Randy arching his back so that John could pull his sweats and boxers down, and then threw them onto the floor. Once John had removed his own boxers, he pulled himself on top of Randy and ground their erections together.

"Johnny," Randy moaned. "I want you."

"You've got me," John said, kissing along Randy's collarbone and then down his body. He stopped when he reached Randy's erection. He kissed Randy's hip before taking the cock into his mouth.

"I need you, Johnny," Randy panted. He needed John to slow down so that he could gather his thoughts and construct coherent sentences. "Now, baby. I need to feel you inside me."

John moaned around Randy's dick then let it fall from his mouth. "Already?"

"Fuck yes," Randy laughed shakily. "Right now."

John moved up to crush his lips against Randy's. Their tongues fought for dominance and the kiss left them both breathless. When John pulled back, Randy spread his legs and stared up into his partner's eyes, a small smile on his face.

John broke eye contact to admire the view. "Oh God, you're fucking perfect," he said in a whisper. He moved to kneel between Randy's legs, tracing his hands down the skin of his thighs. "So beautiful..."

John reached across to their nightstand and opened the top drawer. He pulled out a small bottle of lube. He coated a couple of fingers before ducking his head to place a wet kiss on Randy's chest. He reached for Randy's entrance, resting his fingers there for a moment.

"Oh my God, what are you waiting for? I don't appreciate the teasing, John; not tonight."

John chuckled. "You're always so fucking impatient." Randy rolled his eyes and went to say something, but it was in that moment that John pushed a finger in and whatever he was going to say was lost. The only thing he could concentrate on was John and that one finger he had buried inside him. John quickly added a second digit, and then a third. Randy started to push himself back onto John's fingers, writhing and moaning and begging for more. John was mesmerized by the noises that Randy made, his own dick hard and begging to be inside his lover.

When John's fingers hit his prostate, Randy thought he was going to die. "Fucking hell, baby."

"You're so vocal when you're turned on," John commented with a chuckle.

Randy groaned and reached for John's hand. "Enough, Johnny, please."

Randy needed to feel John inside him. He was desperate. John removed his fingers from Randy's hole, causing him to groan at the empty feeling he was left with. He watched John lube up and spread his legs. John leaned across Randy's body, his knees between the younger man's legs and his dick positioned at his entrance. They never broke eye contact as John pushed forward ever so slowly.

"God, Ran. You always feel so amazing... so tight..." John moaned as the head of his cock popped in. He held completely still until Randy nodded. "Move, Johnny."

John rested his hands on the either side of Randy's head and began to push further into his body until his entire length was inside the tight passage. Randy wrapped his legs around John's waist and the older man pulled out slowly before thrusting back in. John kissed along Randy's neck before pulling back once again.

"Harder, faster, baby," moaned Randy softly in his ear.

They kissed deeply and John pulled out almost completely before slamming back into Randy's tight heat. He repeated the action over and over, setting a fast pace and hitting Randy's prostate with each thrust. Randy desperately tried to control his moans and screams, aware of the children only a bedroom away. He arched his back and pushed himself further onto John's dick.

"Baby... fuck... so good..." John panted, his body glistening with sweat.

Randy could no longer speak. He was so close to losing it. He wanted to hold back and make this moment last longer, but there was no stopping it now. He reached down for his cock, wrapping his fingers around it and furiously stroking it. He was teetering on the edge of his orgasm and John knew it.

"Cum for me, baby. Just let go." John moaned into Randy's ear.

It was John's words that sent Randy over the edge. John covered his mouth in a kiss as he cried out John's name over and over as he came between them. His muscles clenched around John's dick as his husband continued to pound into him.

"So good, baby. Almost there," John panted. Within moments John's body tensed as he shot his seed into his husband's body and then collapsed on top of him. Exhausted, Randy wrapped his arms around John's back and held him tight to his chest. It took a while for either one of them to catch their breath.

"Wow, good job, Cena."

John laughed and lifted up slightly, catching the pleased smile on Randy's face. "Thanks. You weren't bad either, Orton." He rolled off of Randy, sliding out of him as he did. Randy groaned and turned over to him. "Thanks,"

John smiled and slowly pulled himself out of bed, headed for the bathroom. Randy watched him from the bed, his eyes fluttering shut. He had no intention of following; he wasn't even sure he could walk. A few seconds later, John re-entered the room with a towel. He crawled back onto the bed and wiped their bodies clean. He quickly finished and let the towel drop to the floor and pulled Randy into his arms. He sighed contentedly when Randy pulled himself closer, resting his head on John's chest. Randy fell asleep like that, listening to John's steady heartbeat as he too drifted into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**Present Day**

"It's the greatest day ever! It's the best day of our lives!"

Angel groaned loudly and lowered his head to the table. "Dad, please! Can't you make her stop?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "It's her birthday, kiddo. Just let her get it out and enjoy herself. You can pay her back and do the same thing on your birthday, OK."

Angel groaned even louder but lifted his head slowly. He glanced at the clock on the microwave panel and frowned. "When are we leaving? Uncle Cody said he would be here by now."

Randy glanced at the clock, as well and frowned. "I don't know. He'll be here soon, don't worry. Cody picked up a lot of things from me and unfortunately one of them was my habit of running late all the time."

Angel smiled and nodded. He watched as Randy sipped from his cup of soda across from him.

"Dad…"

Randy looked up and walked over to the sink, rinsing his glass. "That's my name...don't wear it out..."

Angel smiled and shook his head. "Very funny," His smile faded as he anxiously bit his lip. "Why won't you come with us tonight?"

Randy stopped his actions in the sink, his whole body tensing. He slowly turned, a sigh escaping his lips. "Angel, we talked about this. Don't make me repeat myself."

Angel shrugged and stood from the chair. "I was hoping you would change your mind. Me and Ally would have more fun with you there."

Randy attempted a smile and shook his head. "You'll have plenty of fun even without me there. I know how much everyone is going to spoil you guys today."

Angel shook his head, his expression remaining. "Forget it," He turned around and walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Randy sighed once more and let the glass drop from his hands into the sink. He slowly dried them on a dish towel and walked out of the room, spotting his son kneeling on the large window bench of the living room window. Randy walked over and quietly sat down on the bench besides him. Angel continued to gaze out the window, ignoring Randy's presence beside him.

Randy turned over, and gently took Angel's hand, drawing his attention over to him. "Angel, you know why I can't go."

Angel rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away. "Because it hurts you too much, I know. But it hurts us that you won't even try, Dad. You're being selfish. Daddy John would be really mad at you."

Randy's eyes widened. His lips opened but no words came out. A surge of anger coursed through him and he fought to keep it under control. He clenched his jaw and sighed. "Angel, I understand you're upset. Watch your words, though. I'm your father."

Angel lowered his eyes and sat on his feet. "I'm not trying to be disrespectful, Dad. I'm just…I don't know,"

Randy frowned and shook his head. "Are you mad at me? Are you sad? What do you feel?"

Angel shrugged and Randy let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't shrug! Talk to me! What do you feel; just tell me! I'm so sick of you and Alanna hiding your feelings from me. I'm the only father you guys have left so I suggest you start talking to me. John isn't gonna walk in that door and make it all better like he used to. He's dead and buried so you're stuck with just me, kiddo."

Angel lifted his head, his eyes wide at Randy's words. He shook his head and quickly stood, almost stumbling in his haste to get away from Randy. Randy watched him back away from him and a horrified feeling filled him at the realization of what he had just said. He quickly stood and walked over to Angel, grabbing him in his arms and holding him tightly. The small boy instantly stiffened in the embrace and Randy's eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, baby. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry, Angel, please," Randy pulled away and took Angel's face in his hands. "I shouldn't say things like that in front of you. I'm sorry."

Angel looked into Randy's eyes but remained stoic. "Then, why do you say them? They hurt and it scares us when you get so mad."

Randy sighed and let his hands drop. He shrugged and remained on his knees before his son. "I'm mad inside and it comes out sometimes even around you guys. I try to control it but...all I can say is I'm sorry, Angel. I'll try better."

Angel shook his head and sighed. "Can I go upstairs now until Uncle Cody gets here?"

Randy frowned and nodded reluctantly. He watched Angel practically run away from him up the stairs to the second landing. Releasing a stream of curses under his breath, Randy stood and stalked into the kitchen. He yanked a drawer open and pulled out a carton of cigarettes, angrily peeling off the wrapper. The door leading to the back yard was pulled open and in seconds Randy was inhaling deeply from his cigarette. He let the smoke wash over him and fill him with the relaxing effect it had.

This was not the way he wanted this day to be. It was his daughter's birthday and it should not be ruined by his temper and lack of common sense when it came to watching his words around his children. He knew his children were old enough to only understand a minimal part of what he was feeling. They could never be expected to understand at 8 years old what losing a spouse and a best friend felt like. They were grieving their own loss; the loss of a parent, a father.

Randy sighed as he walked further into the yard and tried to shake the thought that had plagued him for the past couple of weeks out of his head. Some days, it made perfect sense. Other days, the thought made him sick and filled him with disgust for himself.

"Ran, where are you? I'm here!"

Randy turned at the sound of Cody's voice. His face suddenly appeared in the glass door of the backyard and he smiled as he walked through. "Hey, there you are. It's so quiet in this house! I expected the kids to run out to greet me seeing as I'm so late..."

Cody frowned as his eyes lowered to Randy's hand. "What is that? Are you seriously smoking again?"

Randy shrugged and took one final puff of the stick before letting it drop to the ground. "Yeah, why not?"

"Ran, it's been like 5 years..." began Cody but was quickly cut off by Randy "So fucking what? What's the point of not smoking, Codes?"

Cody crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact you're just throwing away all those years and how hard it was for you to quit in the first place! Or the fact that it causes a million diseases not only for you but the people around you, most importantly, your children!"

Randy opened his arms and frowned. "Are they here right now? I'm outside and they're nowhere to be found so stop the damn guilt trip."

Cody shook his head, sadness evident in his eyes. "John would be so pissed at you. No, he would be so disappointed in you, Ran,"

"Oh, stop it! Just don't even fucking start, Codes! I'm so sick of the lectures and advise everyone is always giving me in John's name!" Randy shook his head and began to pace the area of the yard. "Everyone thinks they know what's best; for me, for my kids, everyone has an opinion! Why doesn't everyone just shut their mouths and let me handle things in my own way?"

Cody shrugged and nodded. "And what way would that be? Going off on the people who love you and your kids? Screaming and cursing because that's gonna make things better? Scaring the hell out of those kids who need you more than anything right now? Is that how you're gonna handle things?"

Randy stopped in his tracks and turned his cold, hard glare towards Cody. "Go fuck yourself, Cody. If it weren't for my kids I would kick your ass out of my house and my life right now."

Cody shook his head and turned towards the house. He stopped halfway there and turned back. "Randy, I love you and you've been the most amazing friend to me but I'm only gonna take so much. Stop threatening me and trying to push me away. I'll back off a bit but I'll never stop trying to help those kids so I damn sure won't be getting kicked out of your life. I love your kids and if for them I have to put up with your bullshit, I will. They will never lose me but you will lose me as a friend."

Randy rolled his eyes and turned away, ignoring the loud bang of the door as it shut behind Cody. The kids' excited voices carried out to him as they greeted his friend but he made no move to go inside the house and join them. He shoved the pack of cigarettes in his back pocket and remained in the yard, his arms crossed over his chest. If there had been any remaining doubt in his head, it was gone. There was no more thinking to be done...he had to do it.

"Daddy! We're going now, OK!"

Alanna's voice snapped him from his thoughts and Randy quickly plastered a smile on his face. He turned and walked over to the open yard door where his daughter now stood. From the smile plastered on her face and the sparkle in her eyes he knew Angel had kept their argument to himself. It only saddened him further to know he was causing his son to lie now to the sister he shared everything with.

"Have fun tonight, sweetheart. Be a good girl and I'll see you in a couple of days, OK. Uncle Cody is gonna drop you off with Mommy later tonight."

Alanna nodded and wrapped her arms around Randy's neck. "Thank you for my party yesterday, Daddy. I had such a fun weekend."

Randy smiled slowly and hugged his daughter to him tightly. "I'm glad you had a good birthday, princess. You know I would do anything for you,"

Alanna pulled away and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Love you, Dad,"

"Love you more, sweetheart." Randy stood and his gaze followed her back out the yard and landed Angel standing quietly beside the kitchen counter. He sighed and slowly walked back towards the house, determined not to let his son leave the house still so upset.

Cody took Alanna's hand and led her out of the room the minute he saw the expressions on Randy and Angel's faces. He frowned worriedly but pushed it away as he looked down at Alanna. "Let's get to the car, beautiful. Daddy is gonna say bye to Angel, OK."

Alanna nodded, her excitement making her oblivious to the tension between father and son. Randy locked eyes with Cody and nodded his thanks, the younger man moving away quickly. Randy turned his attention back to Angel, who hadn't moved. "Are you still mad at me?"

Angel shrugged. "I don't know."

Randy sighed and walked over to him, grabbing him and lifting him to the countertop before he could protest. "Angel, I can't do anything but tell you how sorry I am. The last thing I want in this world is to hurt you or Al in any way. I love you two more than anything."

Angel slowly lifted his eyes and locked them with Randy's. "Then can you promise to try stuff again with me and Ally? Like watching more movies with Daddy John and going to places he liked and..."

"I will," interrupted Randy, leaning forward with one arm on either side of Angel's body. "I promise I will try. I don't know how fast I'll get there but I promise to start trying."

Angel slowly smiled and nodded. "And no more yelling?"

Randy bit his lip and pretended to think before smiling widely. "Again, I promise to try."

Angel laughed and shook his head. "You're silly, Dad."

Randy's smile widened and he pulled his son into his arms. "God, I love you. I don't deserve you but I am so thankful I have you. I really do promise, baby. Things will get better soon. This is just a hard time for us but soon things will be better."

Angel nodded against Randy's shoulder and squeezed his neck. "I love you, too, Daddy. I miss Daddy John so much but I know he would want us to go back to being a happy family."

Randy's smiled wavered as he lifted Angel up and set him on the floor. "I agree. We will be soon. Go have fun with Uncle Cody now, OK. Tell everyone I said hi and maybe the next time they come I'll feel better and can go see them."

Angel nodded and walked with Randy towards the front door. He waved at Randy as he exited the house and ran towards Cody waiting besides the car. Randy smiled as he watched them drive away, the smile dropping as soon as the car rounded his property and disappeared. He let the door close behind him and ran up the stairs of the house. Avoiding every picture of John he crossed on the way to his bedroom, Randy walked into his closet and grabbed an empty suitcase. He threw random articles of clothing inside and closed it securely. Dragging it behind him, he stopped at his dresser and grabbed his wallet and car keys. Despite his fighting it, his eyes moved over to the picture of John staring back at him. Randy sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, baby. I can't do this; not without you. It's better this way. Please don't hate me,"

Randy's eyes filled with tears and he quickly pushed them away. He left the room and walked through the empty house as fast as he could, determined to flee before anyone called or came to check on him. His beloved home, the house he and John had built with love for their family, was now just a shell. It had become just another thing in his life that reminded him of what he'd lost and he wanted to leave it behind. The explosion in front of his son had been the final straw and proved to him how unstable he really was. There was no way he could continue to be around his children in this state. They deserved more than him as their father.

Randy climbed into the car, tossing the suitcase carelessly in the backseat. He started the car and put it in gear, glancing up at the house once more and feeling nothing. The car was led off the property and soon Randy found himself heading for the interstate. After securely leaving the St. Louis limits, Randy picked up his cell phone and dialed an all too familiar number. A couple of rings later, his call was answered by the familiar booming voice.

"Hello,"

"Dad," Randy sighed, his eyes focused on the road before him. "I need you to be at my house after Raw. Cody is gonna drop off Angel and I won't be there."

"Where are you, son?"

Randy heard the confusion in his father's voice and pushed away the momentary pang of guilt. "I can't tell you that. Just be there and take care of him for me. Tell him I had to go away for a bit but I love him. Sam has Al for a few days. I'll call her to talk to Al tomorrow."

"Wait a minute, Randy. What are you telling me? Where are you? What do you mean you went away for a bit?"

"Dad, I can't be with the kids right now. I'm hurting them and that's not fair to them. I just need time to figure out how to do this...to figure out if I can even do this without John. I don't know how to be a father without him. Hell, I don't even know how to live without him. I don't even want to," pleaded Randy, ignoring his father's voice rising in anger. "Dad, please understand..."

"Understand what, Randy? You're abandoning your children? You're telling me you don't want to live? You're asking me to stay calm when you're telling me you don't even know if you'll ever return? How could you do this?"

Bob's disbelief broke Randy's heart and he shook his head. "I don't want this, Dad! I didn't want this! I wasn't meant to be a single Dad. John was supposed to be with me through all this!"

"I know he was, son but God had other plans for you. That doesn't mean you abandon what you two had. You cannot leave those children, Randy and you definitely can not harm yourself! You know damn well John would never want that."

Randy clenched his jaw and continued forward on the empty highway. "Look, if you don't want to stay with Angel then call Carol or something. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Randy, do not do this, please. I beg you, just stop and come home, son. We'll help you with the kids; we'll be there for you...for anything you need. Please, son, just don't this..." pleaded Bob, his voice desperate in a way Randy never heard.

"I just can't, Dad. I can't do this anymore. It's better this way." Randy ended the call before Bob could protest anymore. He drove forward, unsure of where he would end up and what he was going to do when he got there.


	48. Chapter 47

**May 2013**

Randy wrinkled his nose as he lit yet another citronella candle in the quiet cabin. It wasn't so much the citrusy smell that was getting on his nerves but just the fact he was once again in a cabin in the woods. Ever since his and John's first camping trip with Alanna over a year earlier, they had returned to more campgrounds in the Missouri area than he could count. While his disdain for camping and the woods and bugs had lessened somewhat, it was still not Randy's choice for a vacation and definitely not where he wanted to spend his 2 year wedding anniversary. He had, however, been out voted 3-1 when the discussion had come up during dinner.

When it came down to it, Randy had to admit he didn't mind this trip as much as the others. Not only was he happy to be celebrating his marriage to John but it was the first time his son had been camping. Ever since Angel had become part of their family, Alanna had tried desperately to get them to take the boy camping. She had told him how much she enjoyed it and so many times that he was incredibly anxious to experience it for himself. So far he had taken to it as quickly as Alanna did, though Randy knew John had a huge part in that. The older man's excitement for his favorite hobby could easily rub off on anyone. He was never happier than when he was sleeping out in a tent or standing in a stream trying to catch some fish. It was mind-boggling to Randy how a man who grew up in a city nowhere near the woods could be so attached to something like camping when he, who'd grown up spending almost every summer in his grandparents farm, couldn't stand the sight of woods and streams.

The door to the cabin banged open and the space was instantly filled with the excited shrieks and chatter of his children. Randy walked from around the corner of the kitchen, surprised to see his loved ones return so early and wrinkled his nose at the state he found them both in. He held up his hands and took a step forward.

"Oh my God, are you two tracking disgusting river water in here? Take off those boots and that rubber suit before you take one more foot inside. I refuse to have this place smelling of fish and citronella!"

Randy turned his eyes to John, who walked past him to a chair and kicked off his boots. He frowned at the serious expression on his husband's face. "John, is everything OK?"

John nodded, his eyes not meeting Randy's but remaining on the ground. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can you just take the kids for a bit? I wanna go lie down for a few minutes."

Randy sighed and nodded, his eyes darting from John to where the children stood, peeling off their wet fishing gear. "Another headache?"

John nodded and slowly stood up. "Yeah, I'll be fine, though. I just need a few minutes of quiet and to close my eyes for a bit."

"Maybe you should take…" started Randy but was quickly cut off by John "Stop right there! I'm not taking anything so just drop it. I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes. It's probably all the sunlight."

Randy sighed and watched as John trudged up the stairs, his body slumped over before turning his eyes back to the children. Angel and Alanna placed their boots on the mat to dry off and handed Randy the wet Grundens' outfits they wore.

"Thanks, now go upstairs and wash up. I'll put on a movie for you guys until dinner's ready."

"Are we gonna eat some of the fish I caught?" asked Alanna, her smile bright.

Randy nodded and walked over to the door, hanging the children's clothes up to dry in the sunlight. "Yes, we are, darling."

"It's not a fish, Daddy. She caught a sardine," interjected Angel. Alanna turned to glare at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Stop calling it that! It's a fish and it's a perfect size," she screamed.

"It's a sardine! Daddy would have to make 100 of those for dinner!" responded Angel just as loudly, a smirk on his face.

"Oh my God, Randy! Can you keep the kids quiet? My head is fucking killing me!"

Both children and Randy turned to look upstairs, their eyes wide, at the sound of John's loud yell from the second landing. The children turned their gazes towards Randy, a touch of fear filling their eyes. Randy quickly smiled and bent down to hug them.

"It's OK. Daddy doesn't feel well. He didn't mean to scream. Let's just try to keep our voices low." He smiled confidently as the children looked at him and he hurried them into the kitchen. His smile dropped as soon as they ran off and his gaze drifted back up the stairs. The outburst from John was shocking, not only to the children but even to him. Randy knew the older man had a temper; hell, he had brought the brunt of it many times. To have him explode like that when he knew the children were around, though, was worrisome. It wasn't something John did. He would never allow his temper to get the better of him around the children.

"Dad, can we watch The Wizard of Oz?"

Randy plastered the smile on his face once more as Alanna looked up at him. "Sure, babe. Let me see those hands, though."

Alanna raised her hands to Randy's face and he made a grand show of inspecting and smelling them all over. The small girl giggled and persuaded Angel to do the same and he received the exact desired response from his father. When Randy was certain the children's mood hadn't been affected by John's anger, he settled them down on the large sofa, the DVD of their favorite movie playing on the large TV before them. He made them each a sandwich and gave each a juice box before moving away. "OK, are you guys settled? Can I go check on Daddy for one minute?"

Both children nodded absentmindedly, their focus already on the film. Randy turned and walked out of the sunny living area and up the stairs, his eyes crinkling when they met the darkness John had enveloped the second floor in. He walked down the hall to their bedroom and slowly pushed the door open, the pitch black of the room making him frown. "John, I have to turn on a light, here, babe. I can't see anything."

A low groan from the bed was his only response. Randy sighed and felt his way over to the bed in the dark, choosing instead to turn on a small reading lamp on the nightstand. John immediately pulled the covers over his eyes as the light shown towards the bed. Randy watched him for a moment before climbing onto the bed beside him.

"Johnny, please let me just get you a painkiller. A light one, I promise,"

"I already took 2 Tylenol, Ran. I just need to let them take effect," came John's muffled response. Randy looked over at the side table and saw the empty water glass and pill bottle, indicating John was telling the truth.

"OK, good. I'll let you rest, then. The kids are watching a movie so it should be quiet for awhile while I make dinner. Maybe you can come down then if you feel better," Randy said softly, choosing not to lecture John any further over his constant headaches until much later. As frustrated as he knew he was by them, he knew John was doubly so. It seemed weeks would go by without a single headache but when they showed up they stayed for days at a time. He knew he shouldn't worry so much. John had all the tests done and nothing alarming had been found. Migraines, the doctor said, turning into cluster headaches. Annoying and painful, yes but dangerous, no. With his recommended pain medication, he should be fine. The problem was John was not your typical patient. He hated the medication that was prescribed for him. It made him woozy and off balanced, unable to focus and interact with anyone and sleep for hours at a time. Despite the knowledge it would only be for a few days, John didn't want to hear it and chose to fight the severe pain with over the counter meds.

"Or do you want me to stay with you?"

John shrugged at Randy's question but lowered the blanket from his eyes. Randy smiled slowly at him and moved forward, placing a gentle kiss on his head. John shut his eyes and sighed as Randy pulled him closer, enveloping in his arms.

"You know, I hate that damn shrugging thing you do when I ask you a question and now our son is picking up the same habit."

John smiled against Randy's chest. "Well, I hate that damn eye roll you do when I ask you a question and Ally has the same habit so…"

Randy laughed softly and nodded, running his fingers up and down John's back. He listened to the older man's breathing slow and hoped he had fallen asleep. After a few minutes, he attempted to slowly get up but John's arm around his waist tightened. "Not yet."

Randy smiled and pressed a kiss to John's head. "I gotta start on dinner and I have the kids downstairs…."

John sighed and lifted his head up slowly. "Are they OK?"

Randy took a deep breath and lowered his gaze, understanding the unspoken part of John's question. "It kinda freaked them out. They don't like it when we yell, John, you know that. They're semi used to it from me but hearing it from you is very odd to them. I told them you just don't feel well."

"God, I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have done that," groaned John into Randy's chest. Randy shook his head and smiled. "You'll talk to them and they'll understand and forgive you. They love you, Johnny. Don't worry."

"I hate that we had to come home so early. They were having so much fun but I just couldn't stand it anymore. Every time I looked down I felt like I was gonna pass out in the water." John sighed and turned over, pulling out of Randy's embrace. "I hate that I'm up here right now instead of downstairs enjoying the time I have with my children. I hate that I don't know if this headache is gonna last three hours or three days. Point blank, I hate this!"

"I know you do, baby. I'm not even gonna pretend to understand what you're feeling because I can't. I will do whatever I can, though, to make it a little better."

John turned over to meet Randy's worried gaze and shook his head. "You know what I hate the most, though? That look in your eyes whenever you see me in pain. I know it kills you inside. I promised I would never do anything to hurt you and I am. I don't want to be the cause of this worry for you, Ran."

Randy lowered his gaze and shrugged. "I don't matter. What matters is making you better. Don't worry about me!"

John smiled and turned his body over slightly. "What would I do if I didn't worry about our loved ones?" He groaned and let the smile drop from his face. "Shit, I wanted to do so much today with the kids and with you...how are we supposed to celebrate our anniversary if I can't even stand the light?"

Randy laughed and shrugged. "Who cares? The kids are happy just being here and if we don't do anything today we can do it tomorrow or the next day. Whether we celebrate it or not, we're already married, Cena, so what's the big deal?"

John rolled his eyes. "Love how romantic you are, babe."

"My point is, I don't need anything. All I need is to see you not in pain." Randy turned over on his stomach, his chin resting on John's shoulder. "Is it getting any better?"

John nodded slowly. "A little bit."

"Maybe if you took one of the other pills..." whispered Randy, bracing himself for the harsh reaction he knew he would get from John.

To his surprise, the older man remained quiet. Randy reached out a hand and ran it down John's face. "Johnny, I know you hate them but they do make you feel better. It's not like you take them all the time, baby. You shouldn't be so scared..."

"I know, I know. It's silly; I get it. I just don't want to grow dependent on something so strong." John groaned and closed his eyes. "If I don't feel better in a couple of hours, I'll take one, OK."

"OK," replied Randy, pulling his hand away. He slowly sat up and arranged the covers around John's body, not knowing if John meant what he said or if he was just telling Randy what he wanted to hear. "I'll let you rest now. I gotta go start dinner."

John pulled the covers over his head and nodded. Randy sighed and turned the light off, enveloping the room into darkness once more.

* * *

It was 2 weeks later when Randy first thought he wouldn't be able to make it. He was sitting backstage at work, relishing the familiar noise of any arena WWE occupied and the break from being at home with John. The older man's pain had only slightly lessened since returning from their short vacation and his frustration grew with each passing day he felt no relief. It made him irritable, to say the least. Neither Randy nor their children had spent more than an hour with the man in the past weeks. The kids hadn't because of John's inability to do anything fun with them and Randy hadn't because every time they were together the conversation soon turned into an argument when the older man refused to follow the doctor's orders and take his medication. Randy knew John was hurting, not only physically but emotionally. He knew how much he hated not being able to do anything and spend time with the people he loved. It had been a miracle he had been able to perform the night before on his own show and Randy knew it was something he had forced himself to do. His patience was running thin, though. Randy loved his husband but when his stubbornness started affecting their lives, it became a problem. John's frustration at his situation was turning into anger and that anger was filtering out of him and touching their entire family. The situation bought out Randy's own anger because he knew if John would only follow the doctor's instructions, things would be different.

"Hey, Ran. Did you watch?"

Randy shook away his thoughts and smiled at his young friend who entered the locker room. "Yes, I did, Codes. I'm so proud of you. You're doing great out there."

Cody beamed proudly at Randy's praise. "Thanks, Ran. I learned from the best."

Randy smiled and nodded cockily. "Damn right you did." He sighed and turned to the locker room door. "Where the hell is Ted?"

Cody pulled some clothes out of his bag. He shrugged and headed for the showers. "He had a meeting with Creative. I don't know how long he's gonna be." He stopped and turned back to look at Randy. "You're coming to grab a bite with us, right? Or do you need to go back to John?"

Randy hesitated for a moment, torn between the choices Cody presented to him. He took a deep breath and smiled. "Yeah, I'm going with you guys. If John needs me, he'll call me. I spoke to him and the kids earlier and everything was fine so..."

Cody smiled happily and disappeared into the shower in the back of the room. Randy's smile dropped, guilt coursing through him now. He twirled his wedding band around his finger, his thoughts spinning in a million directions, so focused on them he didn't realize Ted had entered the room until the younger man touched his shoulder.

"Ran?"

Randy blinked rapidly and looked up at his young friend. "Oh, hey, you're back."

Ted frowned and nodded. "Yeah. Are you OK?"

Randy quickly nodded. "I'm fine. Tell me, how did your meeting go?"

Ted sighed and shrugged, dropping onto the bench next to Randy. "I don't know. Creative keeps telling me they have plans for me...to be patient. I'm just confused, I guess. It seems like I get on a roll for a while there and then they pull back my storyline. I don't know what the hell they're doing sometimes."

"I know it could get hard sometimes, Teddy. Just stay confident, OK." Randy wrapped an arm around his friend. "Do you want me to say anything?"

Ted immediately shook his head. "No, don't. I can't expect you to fix everything for me, Ran. Thanks for being there, though."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I always will be."

Ted sighed and looked around the room, a frown on his face. "Where is my guy?"

"Shower," replied Randy, reaching for his cell phone once more. "Please don't go in there while I'm here. I don't trust your intentions with Cody."

Ted laughed and nodded. "Fine, I'll hold back today." He watched as Randy scrolled through his messages. "How's Johnny's head?"

Randy slid the phone in his pocket. "The same, I guess. He's not happy."

"I don't blame him. I wouldn't be happy dealing with constant pain in my head, either. Poor Johnny," replied Ted.

Randy remained quiet and turned away. He didn't want to say anything in front of Ted or Cody. Despite the close friendship the men shared, he didn't know how they would react if he told them how he really felt. He had stopped feeling pity for John days ago when his angry outbursts had become a daily occurrence directed at him and their children.

"Hey, baby,"

Randy watched as Ted got up and pulled Cody into a tight embrace when he came into the room. He stood and let them have a moment before speaking. "OK, so I'm hungry. Where are we off to?"

Cody laughed and pulled away from Ted's hug. "You decide but just give me a minute to pack up here, please, Mr. Impatience. Teddy, distract him for me, please."

Ted smiled and shrugged. "Wanna keep talking about John?"

Randy laughed softly and shook his head. "Not really."

Cody looked up from his bag and frowned. "Is he still in pain? Have you spoken to him?"

"Yes, I spoke to him earlier and yes, still in pain." Randy's smile faded and he sighed loudly. "Seriously, are you done yet? I wanna get out of here."

"Oh my God," huffed Cody, quickening his motions. "So damn impatient." He zipped up his bag and stood. "Finished! Are you happy now?"

Randy nodded and headed for the door. "Yes, I need to get out of here and just distract my mind for a while."

"Don't get mad at Randy, baby. He must be exhausted from taking care of John and the kids and working..." said Ted, taking Cody by the hand.

Cody nodded and smiled. "You're right." He followed Randy out of the door and said, "How's his nose doing? Any more bleeds?"

Randy stopped in his tracks and turned over slowly. He raised an eyebrow at Cody, his eyes turning cold. "What?"

Cody's eyes widened at the menacing look coming from Randy's face. His grip on Ted's hand tightened and he involuntarily took a step back. "What?"

Randy's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing." responded Cody quickly.

Ted looked over at him with a frown. "What's going on, baby?"

"Nothing's going on. I don't know anything!" Cody smiled nervously and tugged Ted forward. "I'm starving! Let's go get some..."

"Cody, what the fuck do you know that I don't? Is John having nose bleeds now?" Randy's voice lowered to a menacing tone and Cody actually gulped. He looked over at Ted, who watched him with wide eyes.

"Look, I didn't know you didn't know, Ran! I really don't know anything, though. He just had one in front of me yesterday. I don't know if he's had any other one than that one!"

Randy softened his glare slightly and sighed. "Son of a bitch. I can't fucking stand this."

"Don't be mad at him, Ran. He probably just didn't want to worry you," said Cody softly.

Randy shook his head. "He's not supposed to be hiding shit like this from me!" He clenched his jaw angrily and turned away. "You two go to dinner. I'm going back to the hotel."

Cody pulled Ted after Randy, rushing with him down the hall of the arena. "Randy, wait! Don't overreact!"

Randy stopped at his rental and looked at Cody in disbelief. "Overreact? My husband is sick. He's getting worse and keeping it from me, Cody!"

"Ran," interjected Ted before Cody could respond. "It was probably just a coincidence. The headaches and the nosebleeds don't have to be connected. John knows that and probably thought he didn't have to tell you. I'm sure he knows you're stressed enough and he didn't want to give you one more thing to worry about."

Randy laughed sarcastically and shook his head. "Stressed? No, I'm not stressed, Ted; I'm pissed. Whether they're connected or not, the fact is that John is sick and he's not doing a damn thing to get better. He's wallowing in it and getting angrier day by day. It's frustrating me and making me not even want to be around him."

"Don't say that, Ran. You guys are just going through a tough time..." responded Ted calmly. Randy rolled his eyes and opened the car door. "Yeah, we are but John isn't trying to make it better."

He climbed into the car and closed the door. Ted and Cody looked at him through the window, a touch of sadness in their eyes as he drove off.

Somewhere along the drive, Randy's anger and frustration dissipated. By the time he entered the hotel all the WWE superstars were staying in, he felt nothing. Emptiness had replaced all the emotions in his body that only an hour earlier were running rampant. He walked towards his room, prepared to make John cut through his denial and see reason. They couldn't continue to live like this. He wasn't going to allow John to remain in this state.

Randy entered the room quietly, actually surprised to see a flicker of light coming from his and John's part of the suite. He dropped his gym bag on the floor besides the door and locked it securely. Taking a deep breath, he stopped at the children's bedroom first and looked in on them, smiling when he saw them sound asleep in their beds. He shut their door and turned to walk into his and John's room, stopping when he saw him awake and watching television on their bed.

"Hey, you're up,"

John shrugged, not turning his eyes away from the screen. "Can't sleep with the pain so might as well deal with it and watch TV."

Randy sighed and walked over to the bed. "Can you turn it off? We need to talk."

John finally turned over to meet Randy's solemn gaze. "Look, Ran, if this is another lecture on taking more pills then let me stop you before you even start..."

"It's not. Turn off the TV, please," responded Randy, standing beside the bed. John sighed and reached for the remote, shutting the television off and leaving the room in silence. "Fine. Talk,"

Randy gritted his teeth and clenched his fists at his side. "Why didn't you tell me you had a nose bleed yesterday? Don't you think that's something we should mention to the doctor?"

John's eyes widened. "What? Did Cody fucking tell you?"

"Don't get pissed at him. He didn't know he was supposed to keep it a secret. He assumed you would tell me...like I would assume you would tell me. Guess we were both wrong," responded Randy.

John rolled his eyes and held up a hand. "Don't start with your dramatics. I'm in enough pain as it is. I didn't tell you because it's not important. It was just one fucking nose bleed, my God. I had just wrestled a match! That could be why it happened, you know."

"John, stop belittling your pain and the things that are happening to you. Stop making excuses, too. You're not a doctor and you're not taking care of yourself like the doctor recommended so this could all be related..."

"Oh my God, just stop, Randy! Just stop it! I don't wanna hear this!" yelled John, interrupting Randy's lecture. He got off the bed and began to pace, his head shaking slightly.

Randy watched him move across the room before moving his eyes to the bedroom door of the children. "Keep your damn voice down. The kids don't need to hear this. They've heard enough of your yelling this week."

John stopped and glared at him momentarily before continuing his pacing. Randy sighed and slowly walked over to him. "Johnny, I'm not trying to lecture you but you need to hear this. You're not taking care of yourself, baby. You don't take the meds you should be taking and you don't tell the doctor things you should..."

"I told you to stop it, Randy. I'm not gonna ask you again," said John, his tone low.

Randy shrugged. "Well, I'm not gonna stop." He grabbed John's hands and held them tightly. "You're so angry, John! You're in pain and it makes you mad; I get it. You're taking it out on all of us, though and it's not our fault. You refuse to help yourself and try to get better! You just get madder and madder everyday and it's not fair to me or the kids, John!"

John pulled his hands out of Randy's grasp and moved away from the younger man. "Don't bring the kids into your little guilt trip, Ran. You know how I feel about the pills so stop pushing me. Just drop this already before I really do get mad."

Randy took a deep breath and tried to keep his emotions in check. "John, I love you and all I want is for you to get better. Didn't you say you don't want me to worry? Well, I'm worrying. I worry every damn day about you. Do something, John! Do something so I don't have to worry anymore."

"How many times do I have to fucking repeat myself? I will not take those pills that make me feel like a junkie. I can control the pain on something that's not that strong. I will deal with this in my way so you need to stop pushing me." John walked back over to the bed and sat on the edge. "Don't lecture me or bring the kids into it. I'm not acting differently towards them or you for that matter, so there's no need for this show." He grabbed the remote and turned the television back on, focusing his attention on it and ignoring Randy still standing at the side of the bed.

Randy frowned in disbelief at having his concerns dismissed so easily by John. The anger he tried to keep in check most of the night suddenly returned, filling him. He stalked over to John and yanked the remote from his hand, quickly shutting off the television before slamming it to the ground. John looked up at him in shock and Randy felt the rage literally make him shake.

"How much of a fucking selfish asshole can you be, Cena? Are you seriously just gonna sit here, pissed off at life and everyone in it instead of getting your ass up and figuring out what the fuck is wrong with you? Is that how you prove how much you love us? By telling me I'm being dramatic and that I'm giving you a guilt trip and that I'm using our kids?"

John narrowed his eyes and raised his chin defiantly. "Randy,"

"No! You're not talking now; I'm talking!" interrupted Randy, his voice rising. "I will not deal with you telling me to drop it when I bring up something that concerns me. I will not deal with you treating me and our kids like shit because you're in pain and refuse to do anything to get better. We do not deserve that and you're an asshole for doing it."

Randy shook his head and moved away the bed, this time he beginning to pace the room. "I can't deal with this, John. You're not yourself and I'm trying to put up with it and help you as much as I can but you don't want my help. You swear you can control the pain but it's obvious to all of us that you're not! You don't want to do anything to help yourself. It's not fair to put me and the kids through this."

John watched him move around the room, his glare still full of anger. He shrugged and asked, "So, what are you saying? What do you want from me?"

Randy stopped and looked over at the older man. He shook his head when he saw his expression still full of arrogance and annoyance. He held his hand up and pointed to his wedding ring. "Does this mean anything to you, John? I'm saying that if it does, you'll get off your ass and do something for me and our kids. You'll figure out how to get better and then do whatever it takes to make sure you do. Until you do that, I just don't know how to be around you."

John's expression remained the same as he looked over at Randy. "You don't know how to be around me? Let me make it real easy for you, then." He lifted his hand and quickly pulled off his matching wedding ring, setting it on the nightstand besides the bed. "There you go. We're done. We don't have to be around each other anymore."

Randy's eyes widened before quickly filling with tears at John's action. He shook his head and pushed them away before snarling, "Fuck you, John." He turned and walked away, heading into the children's bedroom and letting the door slam behind him.


	49. Chapter 48

"Randal, I expect you to be on your best behavior today. Keep hold of that composure, understood?"

Randy rolled his eyes as he walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a drink. "I am always on my best behavior, Mom. You should be giving John that lecture, not me. He's the one who took off his ring. Mine's still on."

Carol Cena took a deep breath and nodded. "I know that, Randy. Trust me; he has already received numerous lectures from me. I just want this to be a peaceful family lunch with all my children and grandchildren. If anyone is gonna get anything out of John, it's gonna be me!"

Randy sighed and leaned on the counter, sipping his soda calmly. "Well, I won't give you any problems. I've managed to be perfectly calm whenever John and I see each other the past few weeks."

Carol shook her head, disappointment on her face and walked into the dining room holding a large platter. Randy watched her go before lowering his body into a chair near the counter. He knew his and John's separation was killing her. It was killing all of them.

It has been almost two months since the night he and John had imploded in that hotel room. The last thing Randy remembered was collapsing on the floor of his children's' bedroom in tears. The next thing he knew, both kids were standing over him hours later in the morning, wondering why he was there. By the time they all exited the room, John had been gone along with his luggage. The ring had remained, though, exactly where he left it. As tempted as Randy had been to discard it into the nearest river, he'd taken it before the children could see it and made an excuse for John's whereabouts. They had flown home and Randy was sure John would be there, having blown off some steam. He had been wrong, though. A text message on his phone from John told him he had gone down to their home in Tampa for a few days and he would contact him to arrange a visitation agreement for their children. It had been the final blow for Randy. He had resigned himself to the fact that the older man was serious about their separation and intended to take it further. It made Randy physically ill to think of his relationship with John crumbling apart…especially about something so stupid yet so serious. He knew John was sick; how sick was the question. He wanted to help him more than anything but if John wouldn't accept the help, what could he do?

Randy sighed and stood, throwing his empty bottle away and walking towards the backyard. He smiled when he saw Angel and Alanna running around the grass with the other Cena grandchildren. The yard was scattered with John's brothers and wives talking and laughing amongst them. As much as Randy wanted to go out and join them, he just couldn't. He had become a shell, doing things robotically but keeping up a good front around his family and friends. The word had already spread around the WWE. It had been obvious by John's attitude and lack of ring on his finger. Neither he nor Randy discussed it, however. Both men's tempers were legendary and people knew better than to ask what had gone wrong. They instead chose to try and figure it out for themselves thereby filling the locker rooms with ridiculous gossip.

"Ran, come here!"

Randy took a deep breath and ventured out from the safety of the kitchen, headed for Matt Cena. He smiled at the man he considered a brother. "Hey, what's up?"

"I don't know; you tell me. You've been hiding out in the kitchen all day." Matt frowned and watched Randy carefully, his intense stare so much like his brother's.

Randy shook his head. "Nothing's up. I was helping Car and then I got a drink."

"You're just trying to avoid seeing John, aren't you? You know he'll be here in like 5 minutes, though, right?" Matt laughed and shook his head. "Maybe then we can all gang up on you and get the story of what really happened…"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Well, I'll leave that mission to you. You can have fun attempting it."

Matt's smile dropped and a concerned frown took its place. "Come on, Ran. Don't you think we all deserve to know what the hell is going on here? I mean, one day you and John are happy as can be and then I get a call from him telling me he's staying in Florida because you guys separated? What is that? What the hell happened?"

"Look, Matt, I don't want to talk about it, OK. Just let it go because I can't deal with this, especially not today." Randy turned away and sighed. "I had enough of a hard time telling the kids. I really don't want to have to explain it to all of you, too."

Matt sighed but remained silent besides him. Randy turned his attention to his children, happily playing with their cousins. As he watched them he smiled, happy to see the split between him and John wasn't affecting them that intensely. He knew it did affect them at some level but for the meanwhile he chose to believe they were fine; confused but fine. They didn't understand why John was no longer in their St. Louis home or why they men rarely spoke on the occasions John picked them up or returned them home. Randy had told them the men had busy schedules and needed to spend some time in the different states. He hadn't mentioned anything more and if they'd noticed, they hadn't mentioned it to him. What did they did or speak about with John, though, was unknown to him. The only thing the older man had told him was to keep his mouth shut about his worsening condition. Despite his anger towards John, Randy had promised he wouldn't say anything to anyone, including their children, about his health. He hoped one day John would do it all on his own; get some help and tell everyone what was going on with him.

"Hey, Dad, I'm hungry! When can we eat?" Randy looked down at Angel as he tugged on his shirt. He shrugged and looked at his watch. "I don't know, kid. Why don't you go ask Grandma Car?"

Angel nodded and started to run off but Alanna quickly stopped him. "She said we're waiting for Daddy John. He called and said he's 5 minutes away."

"Good, because I'm starving!" responded Angel, sighing loudly. Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. "Don't say that. You're not starving. Children in poor countries are starving. You're just really hungry."

Angel smiled and nodded. "OK, sorry."

Randy returned the smiled and bent to place a kiss on his head, jerking up seconds later when Alanna yelled across the yard. "Daddy John's here!"

She took off towards him, quickly followed by Angel and Randy reluctantly raised his gaze towards where they ran, his eyes landing on John walking into the yard. He couldn't deny that despite his anger for John, the love still remained and his stomach immediately began to flip flop as his heart raced in his chest. The sight of John always made Randy take a pause and marvel at how strikingly handsome he was and this time was no different. However, this time another feeling took precedence in him; nervousness. Randy stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest, shuffling from one foot to the other. He watched as John's face was brightened by a smile as their kids ran into his arms. The laughter from their voices carried over to him as John gave them kiss after kiss and hugged them tightly.

John pulled away from his children, his eyes scanning the yard and stopping as they locked with Randy's. The man looked calm as can be to anyone who didn't know any better but John could see the tension in his body and the mixture of emotion in his eyes. He sighed inwardly and looked away, turning his attention back to the children as he bent down to their level.

"I missed you guys so much."

"When is your work gonna be finished?" asked Angel, burying himself in John's embrace. Alanna squeezed in next to him and mumbled, "We miss you, Daddy,"

John sighed and hugged them tightly. "I don't know, guys; maybe soon. How about you come down to Tampa with me this week?"

"And Daddy, too?"

John shook his head. "No, just us 3 this time."

Alanna pouted. "Why can't we all go together? We're never together anymore!"

"Yeah! Why can't Daddy come?" asked Angel, his forehead creased in a frown.

John sighed and slowly stood up, taking each child by the hand. "He just can't, OK. We'll have fun without him and you can come with me to Raw on Monday." He quickly tugged each child forward and changed the conversation to some of their planned summer activities.

Randy's eyes widened slightly with each step John took closer and closer to him. He inadvertently took one back as he approached but forced himself to not run away for the kids' sake. John locked eyes with him once more as he listened to the kids chatter away at his side and finally stopped only a few feet before him.

"Hey,"

Randy took a deep breath and replied, "Hey, back." He let his hands fall from his chest and shoved them in his pocket. "How are you feeling?"

John shrugged, the action making Randy roll his eyes. The older man immediately noticed and reluctantly smiled. "Much better,"

Randy nodded. "Good. I'm glad to hear that,"

John nodded in response and sighed, an awkward silence filling the space between the men.

"Daddy," Both Randy and John looked down at Alanna when she spoke. She looked up at them expectantly and frowned. "You two didn't hug hello."

John frowned. "What?"

"You guys didn't hug." repeated Alanna, her eyebrow raised. She turned to Angel and he nodded. "What's wrong?"

Randy swore to himself and shook his head, hating at that moment that his kids noticed everything around them. He took a step forward and smiled. "Daddy John just got off a plane and he's all stinky. Do you really think I wanna hug him?"

Both kids giggled and John looked over at Randy gratefully, receiving only a cold glare in return. Randy turned his attention back to the children and pushed them away gently. "Go wash up now. We're gonna go inside to eat."

Angel and Alanna nodded and quickly ran off. John sighed and shook his head. "Thanks for that, though I know you didn't do it for me."

"Damn right I didn't." responded Randy, anger in his voice. "Try to stay away from me for the rest of the day, please." He turned to walk away but was quickly stopped by John. "Don't be like that. We can't do this here in front of everyone, Randy."

Randy pulled his hand away and smirked. "I don't plan on doing anything in front of anyone, John but I also can't pretend everything is A-OK with us like you want me to. Grow a set, be honest with your parents and stop expecting me to play this game with you. You walked away now deal with what that brings."

John sighed as he watched Randy walk away and disappear into the house. He had known this lunch with his entire family would be hell but the thought of his mother's wrath if he didn't show was worse. There was no way he ready to explain to his family what he was doing…especially since he didn't even know himself. He had called himself every name in the book for the past 6 weeks since leaving after that argument with Randy. The look on the younger man's face when he'd slid off his wedding band was something that was forever engraved in John's memory and what he saw every time he closed his eyes. It had been something he'd done in the heat of the argument and something he regretted ever since. He loved Randy more than life itself but that night he forgot it all. The intense pain he'd been dealing with at the time made him forget everything and he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. It was something he didn't know how to fix and was scared to even attempt. He was driving everyone crazy, no one more than Randy, but he knew that to fix his problems with Randy he would have to do what the younger man wanted and it scared the life out of him. Having to submit himself to more tests and medication and then having to wait for results was a nightmare. John just couldn't bring himself to do it again and he knew Randy wouldn't accept that.

"All right, everybody inside! It's lunch time!"

Carol Cena's voice carried out to everyone outside and they all slowly filtered inside. John stopped to hug his mother but quickly followed his brothers inside. His goal was to avoid all her questions but he knew the wish was futile and prepared himself for her barrage of questions. By the time he entered the dining room everyone was settled and trays of food were being passed around. His eyes landed on Randy, who busied himself preparing plates of food for his children. The only remaining empty chair was besides him, leaving John no choice but to go slide into it. Randy ignored his presence and lowered into his chair after placing the plates of food in front of the children. Conversations began to take place around the table but John tuned them all out, hating the tension filling his body. He served himself a small portion of food and dared a glance at Randy. The younger man was smiling at the children and his brother's as he joined in the conversation and it took John's breath away. He wanted nothing more than to have that smile turned towards him.

"So, Johnny,"

John turned away from Randy and sighed when he saw the look on his mother's face. "Yes, Mom,"

Carol smiled at him and rested her folded hands on the table. "What's new in your life, dear? Any changes or decisions you want to talk to us about?"

John rolled his eyes at his mother and shook his head. "Mom, don't start. I know what you want to talk about but it's not gonna happen. I don't wanna talk about this here."

Carol shrugged innocently and looked around the table. "Honey, you're among family! You should be able to tell us anything. I get the feeling you need to tell us something, John."

John shook his head and turned away. "I don't have anything to say, Mom. Please change the subject."

Carol sighed and looked at Randy, the younger man shaking his head at her. John frowned when he saw the exchange and reached forward, clamping his hand around Randy's wrist. Randy turned towards him and locked eyes with his husband.

John glared at him angrily. "What's that look? What the hell did you tell her?"

Randy glared back at him. "I didn't tell her anything." He pulled his hand away from John's grip but maintained locked on John's face.

"You're lying," responded John, his heart racing at the thought Randy had told his parents how sick he'd been.

Randy's face remained the same. "No, I'm not but it's nice to know you think so much of me, John. Instead of blaming me, why don't you just realize your parents aren't stupid?"

John clenched his teeth as the men stared at each other wordlessly, neither one wanting to break first. John knew he had no chance, though. Randy's glare was legendary. He turned away and shook his head as he threw his napkin on the table. "I can't fucking believe this."

He turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing through the house as he stomped upstairs. Randy kept his gaze forward, jumping slightly when a door slammed shut upstairs. The table had fallen into silence and he felt his face flush with embarrassment. "Sorry about that, everyone."

"Don't apologize, darling. You did nothing wrong." soothed Carol. John Sr. frowned from his seat and pushed his plate away. "I lost my appetite with all this damn drama. What the hell is going on here, Randy?"

Randy shook his head and pushed his own food away. "I don't know." He looked over at the kids, whose heads had lowered. "I really don't know."

The silence remained at the table, Carol's lunch effectively ruined.

* * *

The next day quickly came, much to Randy's relief. He wanted to get out of Massachusetts as fast as possible. John had not only ruined his lunch with the Cena family but had now ruined the affection he had for the state.

"Daddy, can I take Elly on the plane?"

Randy looked over at Alanna and the doll she held in her hand. He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, but you have to carry her."

Alanna nodded and walked back into her room, her mood quiet and subdued. Randy sighed as he watched her go. Both his children had been greatly confused by the incident at the Cena house and no amount of reassurance from Randy could bring their moods back to normal.

"Hey, babe, can you tell Angel to pick something to take on the plane, too?"

Alanna threw him a nod over her shoulder and disappeared into her and Angel's bedroom. Randy turned away and continued packing the suitcases, anxious for the time to come when he could depart. Just being in the same state as John was making him anxious. He longed for the time when things related to John wouldn't make him anxious and everything was normal but the chances of that happening again seemed damn near impossible.

A knock on the hotel room door distracted Randy's attention from the luggage. He frowned as he looked down at his watch. All the goodbyes had been said the day before and the car to the airport was still a couple of hours away. He walked to the door and pulled it open, his eyes widening in shock.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

John pulled his sunglasses off his face and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, the kids..."

Randy returned John's sarcasm and raised his own eyebrow. "Uh, what about them?" He rolled his eyes and stood in the doorway, blocking John's entrance. The older man rolled his eyes. "Cut the shit. I told them they were going to Tampa with me this week."

Randy frowned and shook his head. "Well, you didn't tell me."

"I didn't know I had to ask you permission to take my kids," responded John. "Are you gonna let me in or what?"

"Not sure yet. I don't know what kind of scene you're gonna make in here and the kids have been through enough, you know." Randy remained in the doorway, pulling the door close to his body.

John sighed and shook his head. "Look, I explained it to them before they left yesterday. They're fine. They understand I'm just stressed."

"No they're not fine, John. They're kids; they don't understand what's happening between us." Randy ran his hands over his head in frustration. "Hell, I don't understand what's happening between us."

John held his hand up. "I don't have time to explain myself to you, Randy. I also don't have to. I'm here for the kids, not to argue with you."

Randy narrowed his eyes at John's dismissal and lifted his head defiantly. "Like I said before, you didn't tell me you were taking them so I made plans. You're gonna have to wait till next week to take them."

"You can't deny me my kids, Randy..." began John but was quickly cut off by Randy "There is no discussion about this. Alanna is going home to Sam and Angel and I have plans for the week. You can come in, see them and explain to them that you'll take them next week instead of this one."

John shook his head and glared disbelievingly at Randy as he moved aside. "You can be such an asshole."

Randy laughed behind him and nodded. "Yeah, OK, I'm the asshole in this situation."

"You are! You're standing here telling me when I can and can't see my kids after that horrifying fucking lunch yesterday! You're just enjoying making me more miserable than I already am, aren't you?" John walked halfway into the room but was quickly pulled back by a tug from Randy's hand. He looked down at his wrist encased in Randy's grip as the man growled in front of him.

"Your life is miserable because of your own choosing! Don't you fucking blame me for all your problems when you're the one causing them. All I wanted to do was help you and you chose not to accept it. You want to believe I'm an asshole keeping you from the kids and betraying your trust with everyone; fine, go right ahead. I know the truth."

"What truth?" replied John, desperately trying to pull his arm back.

"That you're scared shitless of what's really going on inside that head so you would rather not know and just let what happens happen. I don't know how you can live like that but I sure can't." Randy released John's grip, the older man stumbling backwards.

John rubbed the area where Randy held, now an angry red on his skin and looked up at him. "Well, no one is asking you to live like that. I'm doing just fine on my own." He dropped his hands and raised his head. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to go see my kids before you take them."

Randy frowned, the anger disappearing from his face as he stared at John in concern. John looked at him in confusion but turned to walk away only to be stopped once more by Randy's hand. He sighed exasperatedly but it quickly turned into a yelp of surprise when Randy pulled him in close, crashing into his body. "Oh my God, what are you doing, Randy?"

Randy lifted his hand to John's face and brushed down his nose, stopping under a nostril and pulling back his finger covered in blood. His eyes widened with fear as John stared at the finger in disbelief before stumbling backwards away from Randy's body, his own hands reaching up to touch his nose.

Randy's mouth opened and closed as he tried to find his voice. "Johnny, what…"

"It's nothing!" John stopped Randy before he could say anything else and covered his face with his hand. "It's OK,"

Randy watched as John looked around frantically until he found the bathroom then practically fled inside, slamming the door behind him. Randy's heart was racing and he quickly walked over to the bedside table to grab a tissue to wipe the blood off his finger.

"Is Daddy John here? I thought I heard him,"

Randy turned at the sound of Angel's voice and rushed over to him, pushing him back towards his room. "Yeah, he is. He's in the bathroom. He'll be right in to see you guys. Just stay in the room for now because we need to talk first. Grown up stuff, OK."

Angel stared at him, a small frown on his face. He shrugged and nodded. "All right,"

Randy smiled at him and watched as he walked over to his bed and sat besides Alanna. "Just watch some TV or something,"

Both kids nodded and Randy closed the door securely behind them. He looked over at the closed bathroom door and debated whether he should check on John for only seconds before his feet began carrying him in that direction. Raising his hand slowly, he knocked on the door softly. "John, are you OK? Do you need my help?"

Silence was his only answer and Randy sighed loudly. His hand wrapped around the doorknob and turned it, surprised to see it turn freely and the door open seconds later. John stood in front of the sink, a tissue under his nose and his head tilted back. Randy walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and watching the older man nervously.

"You shouldn't tilt your head back. It's not the way to stop a nosebleed. You have to pinch the bridge of your nose."

John turned over to look at Randy through pained eyes. "The what?"

Randy took a step forward and placed his hands on John's hips, moving him back gently and standing in front of him. He removed John's hand with the bloody tissue and took a clean one from the counter, wetting it with cool water and quickly wiping the area around John's nose. He locked eyes with John and smiled tentatively. "Just let me do it, OK,"

Randy reached one hand forward and pinched the bridge of John's nose tightly, the other hand holding the tissue under the nostrils. "It should stop soon. Just take a deep breath through your mouth and relax,"

John nodded and closed his eyes, forcing his body to loosen up against the warmth of Randy's body. His hands gripped Randy's hips loosely and he nodded. "OK,"

Minutes later and after a number of tries, Randy was able to remove the tissue from John's nose and release it from his grip, certain the bleeding had stopped. He turned around and washed his hands after disposing of all the bloody tissues then stepped aside so John could do the same. The older man stared at himself in the mirror before turning his attention to Randy's reflection.

"Thank you for helping me,"

Randy shrugged dismissively and leaned on the wall. "It's OK. The last thing we needed is for the kids to come out of their room and find you gushing blood."

"So, you just did it for the kids?" responded John, turning over to face the younger man. Randy rolled his eyes before shaking his head. "Partly, yes but I also did it for you, John. Do you honestly think I wouldn't help you if you needed it?"

John lowered his eyes and shrugged. Randy sighed loudly, a smile breaking through. "I fucking hate it when you do that."

John lifted his gaze, smiling once he saw Randy's expression. "I know you do." He pushed away from the sink and took a step closer to the younger man. "I'm sorry, Ran. I'm so sorry for…."

Randy nodded and interrupted the apology. "I know you are. So am I,"

John frowned. "Why? You didn't do anything, Ran." He took a couple more steps until he was standing only inches away from Randy, the younger man remaining still. "All you've done is try to help me and be the most amazing husband."

Randy forced himself to remain calm, though every fiber of him wanted to pull John into his arms. "I'm sorry because I know where you're going with this and I can't respond the way you want me to."

John frowned and took a step back. "What?"

Randy lowered his gaze down and slowly lifted his left hand. He stared at his wedding ring and ran his finger over the smooth metal before pulling it off. He held it in between his fingers and twirled it. John looked down at him, his stomach beginning to turn. "No, Randy, please don't do that. I'm sorry! Look, I was a moron when I left. I didn't mean it; I was just mad and reacted. I'm sorry, baby! I love you…please don't do this!"

Randy shook his head and placed his ring on the side of the sink. "I can't, John. I love you, too but I can't do this. We're not working and it's hurting too many people..."

John closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, gripping the edge of the counter. "I'll do whatever you want, Randy, I swear! I love you; I don't want out of our marriage, baby."

Randy smiled sadly and turned towards the door, grabbing the handle and pulling it open. "What marriage? There is no more marriage."


	50. Chapter 49

**Present Day**

Randy's eyes opened to the sound of loud, blaring music and they quickly closed once the sunlight streaming into the bedroom hit them. He turned his body over and threw the covers over his head, praying for the sound to stop. It did after a few seconds but only minutes later began again. Randy groaned and pushed the covers down, lifting his body up in the bed slowly and turning towards the irritating sound. His phone flashed at him, the lights matching the booming of the music, and he hesitantly reached for it. His father's name flashed back at him and Randy sighed. He still wasn't ready to answer the call but his parents weren't making it easy on him. They hadn't stopped calling since Randy had made his frantic call to Bob.

Randy watched as the call ended and sighed at the message on the screen telling him he had 25 missed calls ranging from his parents, John's parents, Cody, Ted and Sam. As much as he wanted to remain buried in the covers, he knew he had no choice but to return one of those calls. His children had to hear from him even if that meant enduring a lecture from his parents, who were no doubt furious at his actions.

Randy hesitantly picked up the phone and dialed his parents' home in St. Louis, waiting anxiously for it to be answered. It was within seconds with a voice he longed to hear.

"Daddy!"

Randy's lips curved into a smile at the sound of his son's voice. "Hi, baby,"

"Daddy, where are you? Why did you leave? Are you coming home now?" asked Angel breathlessly.

Randy sighed and looked down at his bed. "I had to go away for a little bit, kiddo. I'll be home as soon as I can, though."

"Are you sick, too, Dad?"

The worry in Angel's voice made Randy feel like the worst parent in the world. He knew he shouldn't make the children worry about his health. They had seen John deteriorate before their eyes and that had been horrible enough.

"No, I'm not sick, Angel. I'm fine; just a little tired. I needed to take some time away from everything so I can rest and come home feeling better. Try to enjoy your time with Grandma and Grandpa and I'll be home soon."

Angel sighed over the phone. "I don't want to be with Grandma and Grandpa; I want to be with you! Are you mad at me because of yesterday? Is that why you left? I'm sorry! Please come home,"

"Baby, I could never be mad at you! You're my amazing little boy; you did nothing bad. It has nothing to do with you…or Al, before you ask," replied Randy, a small laugh escaping his lips.

"Then, come home, Daddy. Please," pleaded Angel, his voice sounding dangerously close to breaking down. Randy's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. "I can't, baby. Not yet; I just can't. I'm not what you need right now and I'm so scared of hurting you and Al. I can't be a good Dad to you guys right now."

"I don't understand, Daddy. You are a good Daddy! I didn't mean to scream at you yesterday!"

Randy's heart broke when he heard Angel begin to cry in his ear. He began to pace the room, rubbing his hands through his short hair. "Angel, please, baby, don't cry. I'm not mad at you about yesterday or about anything. You should be the one mad at me. I screamed at you and said something very bad that I should never have said. I love you so much, kiddo. You and Ally are my entire life and you don't deserve that." He took a deep breath and willed himself to speak in a way his son would understand. "I don't feel like a good Dad right now, Angel. That's why I left for a little while. I'm still really angry inside about Daddy John dying and I don't ever want to take that anger out on you and Al."

Angel's cried only intensified in his ear and no amount of soothing could make him stop. Randy felt his heart ache, the pain so intense he slumped to the floor. Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, another voice filled his ear.

"Are you pleased with yourself, Randy? Do you see what you're doing to a child you swore you would protect?"

Randy closed his eyes tightly, preparing himself for his father's wrath. "Dad, please don't. I can't do this with you, too."

"Well, that's too damn bad." Bob sighed into his ear, the sound full of weariness. "Son, I don't understand how you could just have walked away from your children. This is going to destroy them. They already lost one parent, Randy. What are you trying to accomplish here?"

Randy's eyes slowly opened, annoyance creeping into him. "Do you think I wanted to leave my kids, Dad? Don't you think I know what they must be feeling after everything they went through with John's illness?"

"Then, why aren't you here, comforting your son who's in tears right now?" asked Bob, no change in his tone.

"Because I'm not what they need right now. I almost bit Angel's head off the other day because he asked me a simple question! I've been like a robot around them for months now; there physically but not emotionally. I can't do this to them, Dad. They deserve better. I need some time to come to terms with what's happened to my life, Dad. I still can't believe this happened to me. I didn't sign up to be a widower and a single dad." Randy lifted his body off the floor, sliding up the wall. He walked over to the window and slid the curtain open, the bright greens of the trees almost blinding him.

"Randy, I've told you a million times; no one expected John to get sick, son. Of course you didn't want this; who would? The point is, it's what happened and it's what you have to learn to live with now. You're never gonna forget John. You have to learn to live with his death, though." Bob's voice suddenly became firm. "That is no longer a request, Randy. I have tried with you, John's parents have tried and even your friends have. We are no longer asking you. You will come to terms with this enough to get your ass home and be a father to your children. If you do not, you will regret it."

Randy let the curtain close and frowned as he turned away from the window. "What?"

"I never wanted it to come to this, Randy, but if you can't be a parent to these kids, someone else will take your place. Samantha would not have a problem if she decided to fight you for sole custody, especially if she has our support and your Mom and I are prepared to do the same for Angel. These kids deserve better if this is all you're going to give them."

Randy's eyes widened, his stomach dropping. "Are you fucking kidding me? You would try to take my kids from me? How could you even say something like that?"

"You leave me no choice, Randy."

Randy clenched his teeth, the annoyance turning into full blown anger now at the calmness in his father's voice. "How is it that me asking you for a few days to get myself together automatically makes me a deadbeat dad in your eyes? What part of 'I'm doing this so I can be a better father for my children' don't you understand?"

"I've said my peace. You know where I stand. You have one day to get home, Randy."

"Dad, do not threaten me. Those are my kids and no one will be taking them away from me!" growled Randy, his response a loud click in his ear.

Randy lowered the phone from his ear, looking at it incredulously, still shocked at what just happened. He let the phone drop from his hand and stalked out of the room, his loud footsteps echoing through the small wooden cabin, and walked out the front door into the front yard. Randy breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves and anger. His eyes slowly opened and he took in his surroundings. The bright, full, green trees blew in the gentle breeze and the sounds of nature filled the space. Randy lowered his body to the front steps of the cabin and held back a smile. If John were there he would've fainted seeing Randy so at ease in an environment he hated. If John were there, though, the odds are Randy wouldn't have had run away in the first place. Everything in his life would be the way it was supposed to be.

When Randy had first driven away from the house, the only thoughts consuming his head was to get away from the house, get to the cabin he had rented and just make himself go to sleep and never wake up. Now, after the harsh conversation with his father, he felt the first inkling of doubt creeping in. It had been his intention when traveling there to do exactly what his father accused him off-abandoning his children. Why had the conversation with his father angered him so, then?

The last thing Randy had ever thought himself capable of was actually taking his own life. Even during the bleakest days during his divorce and injuries, he had never thought of it. It had taken the ending of his ultimate dream, living the rest of his life with John, to bring forth that thought. He had tried, he really had, to move forward over the past 5 months but it seemed no amount of therapy or support was helping. If anything, he was getting angrier and while he normally wouldn't care, when it started to show itself around his children, he cared.

The phone rang from inside the house and Randy rolled his eyes, ignoring the sound. He continued staring at the scenery in front of him, his mind swirling with thoughts. The phone continued to ring inside, distracting him, so he angrily stood and stalked into the house, retrieving the phone from the messy bedroom. Sam and Alanna's face looked back up at him and Randy sighed before answering the call.

"Hello,"

"Randy, where are you? Bob is so furious with you! What's going on?" asked a frantic Sam.

Randy walked back out into the yard and tried to sound calm. "Nothing is going on. I took a short trip to try to get my head together and Dad is freaking out about it."

"Are you sure? It sounded like there's more to it than that, Ran."

"I said nothing is going on, Sam. I have to go now…"

"Randy!" Sam's exasperated voice made Randy pause as he attempted to end the call and he bought the phone back up to his ear. "What, Sam? I'm busy."

"Well, I figured you would like to talk to your daughter…"

Randy sighed deeply. "Yes, put her on."

A loud clatter sounded in his ear as Sam set the phone down and minutes later his daughter's voice. "Daddy! Where are you? Mommy looks mad."

Randy smiled at her voice. "I just went away for a bit. Give Mommy a hug to make her feel better."

"I called Grandpa's house to speak to Angel and then he and Mommy started to talk and that's when she got mad."

Randy took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he knew would be Alanna's interrogation. It would be doubly worse if she had heard Angel crying. The protective nature she had developed for Angel in the orphanage had not lessened over the years. If you crossed her brother, the Orton temper in her immediately flared up and you would feel her wrath.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I don't know what they said, though. Angel sounded sad. He said you didn't tell him you were leaving and when he came home, Grandpa was the only one there. Why did you go without telling us, Daddy?"

Randy began to tap his foot nervously on the wooden floor. "It was a last minute decision, that's all."

"Will you be home soon?"

Randy's heart broke at the thought of lying to his daughter. "I'll try, baby. I'll be home as soon as I could. Just be a good girl with Mommy and remember how much I love you."

Alanna giggled in his ear. "I know, Daddy! I love you, too."

Randy smiled and cradled the phone to his ear. "I love hearing that from your voice. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. You're the best little girl I could have ever asked for."

"Why are you getting all mushy, Daddy?"

Randy laughed and shook his head. "It's not mushy, brat. I'm telling you how I feel."

"Fine, fine. I love you, Daddy. You're pretty awesome, too."

Randy smiled and headed into the cabin, locking the door behind him and letting the phone drop onto the table. His smile dropped as his eyes landed on the backpack he had bought with him. Randy walked over to it and opened the side pocket, quickly pulling out the bottle of pills he'd gotten. One of the perks of being a top dog in the WWE world, whether he had wrestled recently or not, was that it made it incredibly easy for him to get anything he wanted. Being a handsome man also helped. All he'd had to do was flash his smile and stare lovingly at the new medical doctor that recently started working in the same complex his therapist was located. The prescription for the strong medication had easily fallen into his hands after his flirting and complaints of pain.

Randy turned the bottle over in his hands, listening to the pills rattle inside. He thought back to the two conversations he'd had with his children. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved them more than anything and he knew his death would be hard on them. The only problem was that he truly believed sticking around would be worse for them. His parenting skills were at their worst and his patience level was even worse. All the amount of therapy in the world wasn't helping him and it had gotten to the point where he just didn't care. It was what he had to do. Despite his anger at the thought earlier, his father was right; his kids deserved better. His parents and Sam would be able to give his children everything he couldn't. The decision was made.

Before he could second guess his decision, Randy stalked into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. He opened the bottle and dumped the 10 pills in his hand, the water quickly washing them down his throat. He let the glass drop into the sink and grabbed the edge of the counter to steady his now shaking hands. Randy let it go slowly and walked back towards the bedroom, his eyes watering. He lowered his body into the bed and pulled the covers over his head. He closed his eyes as his body began to tingle and go numb simultaneously, something he saw as a sure sign the end was near. Randy took slow, deep breaths under the covers, his eyes closed and listened to the sound of the birds chirping outside the window until he heard nothing more.

* * *

_Randy jerked awake as the bed dipped beside him. He frowned in annoyance and turned over slowly, his eyes widening practically to his hairline before he launched himself out of the bed. The figure sitting on the rumpled sheets smiled, dimples deepening in his handsome face. _

"_Come back to bed and sit down, Orton. We need to have a serious talk, baby."_

_Randy's mouth hung open in disbelief and he pulled his body even further away from the bed. He shook his head frantically and licked his suddenly dry lips. "Oh my God, it worked! I'm dead? I'm in heaven with you?"_

_John rolled his eyes, the smile still on his face. "No, dumbass, you're not dead. People who off themselves don't usually get the privilege of heaven."_

_Randy frowned and shook his head. "Then, what? Am I dreaming?"_

_John nodded. "Well of course it's a dream. I have to talk to you and this is the only way. Now, come here."_

_Randy still looked over at him, disbelief still on his face. "I don't believe in this shit. I'm not actually having a conversation with you. You're not really John. If this is a dream then I'm gonna wake up any minute."_

_The smile faded from John's face and he shook his head. "God, you were always so damn stubborn. Are you seriously gonna make me kick your ass…even now?"_

_Randy raised an eyebrow. "Well if this real and I'm talking to a ghost, you won't be able to kick my ass. Don't you go right through things?"_

_John rolled his eyes once more and stood up, quickly walking over to Randy and grabbing him tightly by his arm. "This isn't the movie 'Ghost', Randy."_

_Randy's eyes widened as the thing that looked like John pulled him towards the bed and shoved him down. He quickly sat back up but was shoved back. An angry growl escaped his lips. "What the hell are you doing? What are you?"_

_John laughed and kept a tight hold on Randy's arms, practically straddling the younger man. "Why can't you just believe me when I tell you God granted me a few minutes with you? When did you stop believing in miracles, baby? What happened to the man who got a Bible verse tattooed on him because it gave him strength?"_

_Randy glared back up at him and remained stoic. "That man had his husband stolen from him by that so called God. Excuse him for not believing he would give you back to me, even if only for a few minutes."_

_John released his hold on Randy's arms and sighed, moving over to sit by him. "Look, Ran, I don't have time to convince you of anything. I need to use my time with you for more important things." He turned his body over and frowned. "What are you doing, baby?"_

_Randy frowned, skepticism still in his eyes. "Right now? Pretty much just hallucinating here,"_

_John rolled his eyes. "Randy, I'm serious. What the hell are you doing here? You have two kids at home who need you more than anything. You can't just try to kill yourself and leave them! How could you do that to our babies?"_

_Randy's face finally registered some emotion and his eyes lowered. He shrugged and mumbled, "I'm not talking to you about this."_

"_Randy, stop it. Explain it to me because I don't understand. How can you think of putting those kids through another loss of a parent?"_

_Randy's head jerked back up, tears welling in his eyes now at the disappointment on John's face. "Because I can't do this! I can't do this without you or without who you look like…I can't do this without John! I need him!"_

_John sighed, sadness on his face. "Baby, I'm still here. No, not in the same way but I still watch over you and the kids all the time. You can do it without me. You have been doing it for months now and you're doing a great job. There's no one you could leave these kids with that would do a better job with them or love them any more than you, Ran."_

_Randy shook his head and stood up. "I can't deal with this. I can't deal with you talking to me like you're John. John is gone; dead and buried and I am all alone so can you please go away and can I please wake the fuck up!"_

_John smiled from the bed. "What do you want me to do so I can prove I am your John?"_

_Randy shrugged and began to pace the room. "I don't want you to prove anything. I want you to go away."_

_John's smiled widened and he leaned back in the bed. "You will never change, Ran. I don't mind, I guess. I fell in love with your stubborn ass never expecting you to change. You know, I think a part of me knew we would end up together from that first moment I saw you. You were such a cocky shit, walking into OVW like you knew it all. Everyone hated you but not me. I knew behind that smirk and coldness was the most loving man I had ever seen. I saw the laughter in those eyes when all anyone else saw was the cold."_

_Randy continued to pace the room, avoiding the man on the bed but feeling his body react to his words. John noticed the tension in Randy's shoulders slowly easing and he lifted his body up. _

"_The first meal we ever shared was burgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes. Chocolate was always your thing. When I got engaged to Liz, you bought me a huge piece of chocolate cake. Every birthday we ever celebrated for you had to have chocolate cake. Even our wedding reception had chocolate cake." John laughed and stood up slowly. "Should I go on with random facts?"_

_Randy shot him a glare over his shoulder, though the animosity in it had lessened. John crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "OK, then. What else could I remind you of? How about our first kiss and the disaster that was because of someone's inability to hold his alcohol? Or our first real fight when I didn't tell my parents about us? The fear I felt after that one was something I didn't even feel when I found out how sick I was. Nothing compared to thinking I lost you forever."_

_John tentatively took a step towards Randy, a small smile on his face. "How about our crazy wedding? Happiest day of our lives, right? And the day we all first met my mini me? How proud I was when you quit smoking…" He raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Though seems that's changed since my demise…"_

_Randy rolled his eyes and shrugged. "So what?"_

"_I'm full of memories; I could go all day. Our first camping trip, my first time on a horse, the fact I never got my 1961 Ferrari 250 GT…" John trailed off as a small laugh escaped Randy's lips. He smiled and took another step towards the younger man, reaching out for his hands. "It's me, Ran. I'm here. It's only a dream but it's all we have. Can't you just accept it?"_

_Randy's expression slowly softened and he lowered his gaze down to their joined hands. "How?"_

_John shrugged. "These things can't be explained, baby. It's just a gift we were given. I was allowed to speak to you this one time because I have to stop you from making a huge mistake."_

_Randy's eyes rose back up to meet John's. "You can't. I already did it. The drugs are already in me and if it didn't work this time then I'll just do it again."_

_John shook his head. "Don't say that. I know you, Randy. I know you better than anyone ever will. There is no way you could take your life knowing there's 2 kids who need you in their lives. You would never quit on your children." He tugged Randy closer, releasing his hands and wrapping his arms around Randy's waist. "Do you remember when we met with Gloria? You were terrified that she would only see you as the man who quit on the marines and would therefore quit on his kids one day. I told you I knew you weren't that kind of man. Don't prove me wrong, Randy. You're going to wake up and go home, do you hear me?"_

_Randy braced his trembling hands on John's chest and tried to pull away. "I'm scared, John. I'm so angry all the time and when I don't feel anger I feel empty inside. I don't do anything with the kids; I don't want to leave the house, I just sleep all the time…why do they need me around? I'm not even present when I'm standing in a room with them. They don't deserve that! They deserve attention and someone who can focus on a conversation with them and someone who doesn't scream at them and get angry for no reason…"_

_John held Randy tight to him and shook his head. "Stop it. Stop trying to find reasons for me to accept what you came up here to do; it's not gonna happen! You are putting way too much pressure on yourself, Randy. It's been 5 months! Everyone is entitled to their own way of grieving. Some people get over it faster than others…"_

"_I will never get over it. I would rather be dead and be with you than stay here, Johnny," Randy let his hands drop and felt John pull him into a hug. He turned his head into John's neck and inhaled deeply, the smell still so familiar and comforting. "I need you so much."_

_John sighed and held Randy tightly, rubbing his back soothingly. "Baby, if you do this, we still won't be together. That's not the way things work. You have to find the strength to let me go, even if only a little, and go home to our babies. Maybe one day you'll believe that I'm still with you in spirit."_

"_How can I let you go? You weren't supposed to die, John! You were so healthy all your life! You did nothing wrong, you were such a great man…it's not fair! So many evil people still walking this earth and you die? That's not what's supposed to happen!" Randy lifted his head up, meeting John's eyes. "Aren't you angry? Don't you wonder why you were taken away from us?"_

_John smiled slowly and nodded. "Of course I was. I would never have wanted to leave you and our babies. It happened, though, Ran. I got sick and I died. It happens to so many good people in this world. There's no explaining it and it's not fair. It makes the people you leave behind question everything and want to do desperate things. All you can do, though, is have faith that they'll know you're in a better place and at peace." His smiled faded and he lifted a hand to Randy's face, running a finger over the smooth skin. "I shouldn't have to be here asking you to not do this. The Randy I loved and married is not a man who would commit suicide and leave the two most important people in the world. He never ran when things got tough. He stood his ground, fought it and defeated it."_

"_He died when you died," whispered Randy, closing his eyes and letting the sensation of John's caress wash over him. _

"_No, he didn't. He's still in there." John ran his finger over Randy's lips and smiled. "Don't let me down, handsome. Fight for me and our babies. Trust me; they need you more than anything. You need them, too, Randy."_

_Randy's eyes opened. "If I stay, am I gonna fuck up?"_

_John laughed and shrugged. "What do I look like; a psychic or something? I don't know, babe."_

"_Figured I would ask. Thought maybe God had given you the gift of sight or something," Randy smiled slowly as John laughed. _

"_Sorry, I know nothing." John wrapped his arm around Randy's neck. "I can tell you what I think will happen, though."_

_Randy nodded, the smile still on his face. "OK,"_

"_I think of the two kids, Angel will be the one to give you less gray hairs. He'll be the one to do great in school and go on to pick a respectable, stable career. He won't follow in our footsteps. You probably already knew that, though." John waited for Randy's nod before continuing. "Ally will be our little princess who will always have a question or an answer for everything. She'll do great, mostly because Angel will be pushing her the whole way, but she'll be the one to have the big, crazy dream. I'm thinking movie star or singer. She may even attempt the WWE so beware."_

_Randy groaned loudly and shook his head. "Great,"_

_John laughed and stroked the skin on Randy's neck. "As for you, Mr. Orton, I think you will get bored at home after some time and go back to work. You will be even more amazing then than you were before. You may even be better than me one day." John's smile widened as Randy rolled his eyes. "I also think in a few years Cody and Ted will be asking you for parenting advice. There's no question they're meant to have it all. All in all, I think you will be fine, baby. You have so many people who love you. Our families and friends will support you whenever you have a moment like this one where you think you can't go on. Use them and lean on them. Don't ever resort to thinking of hurting yourself ever again."_

_Randy nodded, pulling John in once more for a hug. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know what else to do. I miss you so much."_

"_I know you do. I miss you all, too. It will get better, Ran. You won't ever forget me but you have to learn to live with what happened. You have to move on, baby. You're an amazing man. Don't ever forget that. Wake up and be the best you can be at everything. Be a great dad, be a great friend and go back to work and show them all how it's done…" John lifted Randy's head and rested their foreheads together. "…and don't close your heart out to love. If it finds you again, Randy, accept it. Don't feel guilty about me."_

_Randy shook his head. "Stop right there. I can do everything you ask of me but not that. I will never love anyone like I loved you. There will never be anyone else."_

"_Don't say that. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone. I want you to be happy and have the life you thought we were gonna have. I want you to grow old besides someone you love, Randy. I know what we had and you falling in love again won't belittle that in anyway. I was always sure of your love for me and it's because I love you so much that I want you to move on and be happy. I want you to be happy. Promise me, Randy." _

_Randy closed his eyes as he listened to John's words, tears falling from his eyes now. He slowly nodded. "I promise to leave the option open, OK, but don't expect me acting on it anytime soon."_

_John smiled and wiped Randy's face clean. "Your stubbornness never ceases to amaze me."_

_Randy smiled and shrugged. "It's part of my charm."_

"_You're so humble, honey. It's why I fell in love with you." said John as he laughed. He pulled Randy towards him, their lips meeting for the first time in months. John's kiss was both sweet and sharp, tongue pushing into Randy's mouth, hungry for him. Randy eagerly returned the kiss, clutching John's waist tightly for fear he would disappear. John's hand stroked his neck before moving down his back and under his shirt. Randy shuddered, moving his own hands up and down John's sides. He pulled back, his gaze locking onto John's. _

"_I miss you so much. Don't leave me,"_

_John smiled sadly. "I know, baby, but I have to. Believe me, though, when I tell you I will always be with you."_

_Randy closed his eyes as John moved his lips down to his neck and kissed it gently. Randy turned his head and kissed him again, still holding him tightly. John pulled away, his lips near Randy's ear now. _

"_Wake up and go home to our babies. Everything's gonna be OK, baby."_

* * *

Randy's eyes snapped opened and all he saw was darkness. He frowned and lifted his hands, pushing the covers off his head. It was dark even without the covers so he could only assume night had fallen. Turning over to his side slightly, he saw nothing lying beside him and his eyes widened. He raised his hand to his lips and felt them. They felt warm. As he lowered his hands down he was shocked to see them shaking more than they were before.

Randy frowned as the dream came back to him slowly. He looked around the dark room, the moonlight from outside illuminating only so much. His hand reached blindly towards the nightstand besides the bed for his cell phone but couldn't find it. He remembered dropping it out in the living room but making the trip seemed exhausting. Randy sank back into the bed, his eyes closing tightly as bits and pieces of his dream returned. He could practically still smell and taste John. His smell, his taste, nothing had changed.

Randy's eyes opened as he remembered John's words. He had promised the older man he would go home and he intended to keep his promise. Randy swung his legs over slowly and stood up off the bed, bracing himself. His legs felt shaky as if he'd been in a coma for years. He walked slowly into the living room, his body protesting with each step. A lamp from a table came into view and Randy turned it on, closing his eyes momentarily from the glare of the sudden light. His phone came into view and he stumbled over to it as quickly as his wobbly legs would carry him.

Randy slid the bar on his iPhone and scrolled through his list of contacts until coming to one name. Ignoring the time of night, he pressed the call button and rose the phone to his ear, listening to it ring and praying the call was answered.

"Are you kidding me? It's 2 in the morning, Randy."

Randy closed his eyes, thanking John for looking over him and letting the call be answered. "Cody, please, I need your help. I did something stupid."

"What else is new?" answered his best friend, annoyance evident in his voice. Randy sighed and sank into the large sofa. "Cody, I'm serious. I took like 10 oxycontin pills. I don't know why I'm not dead but I need you to come…"

"Are you shitting me, Randy?" worry began to creep into Cody's voice.

"No, Cody, I swear. I'm not home. I came out to Sherwood Forest and rented a cabin and I took the pills. I'm sorry, Cody. Please, you have to come get me. I can't drive to the hospital; I'm all shaky."

"Oh my God, call 911, Randy! By the time I get there…" pure panic had settled into Cody's voice and Randy quickly stopped him. "No! No, I don't want it all over the news. I don't want anyone to find out like this. Please, you come get me, Cody."

"OK, I will, Ran, I promise. I'll be there as soon as I can. If you feel like you're fading, though, please call an ambulance!"

Randy nodded, trying to calm his body down. "OK, just hurry, Codes, please."

"I will, I will!"

Cody ended the call and Randy let the phone drop from his hand. He would make it. He wouldn't break his promise to his husband. He took a deep breath and looked around the room for something to keep his mind calm until Cody arrived. The shaking in his body wouldn't stop and tingling in his legs was worsening. Randy sighed as he realized the drugs were causing havoc in his body. He slowly got up and gingerly made his way to the bathroom. He had never been a fan of throwing up but this time he had no choice. Randy lowered his weary body to the floor of the bathroom and reluctantly put his finger in his mouth, trying to activate his gag reflex. It took a few tries but he eventually did and bought up everything in his stomach. After a few minutes, he leaned back and closed his eyes, praying once more to John and God that he had removed as much of the toxins from his system and that Cody would get there soon.


	51. Chapter 50

**August 2013**

"So, how's it going Ran?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "It's going the exact same way it's been going for the past 4 months and the exact same way it was going when you asked me 10 minutes ago."

Cody smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I'm just worried about you. We kinda all are,"

Randy sighed, the smile still on his face. "I know you are. Hell, I know everyone is. I can tell by how people are walking around me. They look at me like I'm seconds away from having a nervous breakdown."

Cody nodded. "We just know this has to be hard for you. I mean, you and John have been separated for like 4 months and you both seem oddly fine about it. Have you two spoken about it?"

"Not really. We've stuck to mostly kid related conversations." Randy sighed and shook his head. "Look, Codes, I don't think this is what either of us expected would happen at any point in our relationship but it has. We know that whatever we decide to do we have to think about it very carefully for the kids' sake. I'm sure we'll talk about what we're gonna do eventually."

Cody nodded and tried to look optimistic. "Well, I have a feeling you guys will do the right thing for all involved."

Randy nodded and glanced down at his watch. He stood from the sofa he had collapsed on in Cody and Ted's hotel room. "I have to go get the kids. Dragging them away from John is gonna take me hours and we have to catch the flight home tonight."

Cody stood and nodded, a smile on his face. "They still think John is working on a movie?"

Randy shrugged and slowly walked towards the door. "That's what I keep telling myself but I know my kids. They're not stupid and they know something's up. I'm kinda waiting for them to bring it up, though. I'm chicken shit when it comes to the kids and I honestly don't even know how to explain it to them so..."

Cody nodded and watched him carefully. "That's why you and John really need to talk, Ran, for their sake."

Randy sighed and nodded. "Fine, stop lecturing me."

Cody laughed and walked over to him, hugging him tightly. "Good boy. I expect to hear all about it in a few days."

"I'll see you next week. You and Ted have fun these couple days off, OK." Randy smiled and hugged his young friend before exiting the room. His mood slowly began to change with each step he took out of the large hotel WWE superstars were staying while in Boston.

As he began the hour long drive to West Newbury where his children had been for the past few days with John and his family, the familiar dread that came with facing John settled in. It was odd, he thought, that while he hated the dreaded feeling, it had become normal for him now.

He had to give it to John; the older man had tried. He had apologized countless times to Randy for his actions and stressed to him that he hadn't meant it. He didn't want out of their marriage; he had just reacted in anger. Randy had said he understood and he'd meant it. He believed what John said but until the older man said what **he **wanted to hear, Randy wouldn't budge on his stance. There would be no marriage if John refused to get help for his illness. The last thing Randy wanted was for them to return to the pattern they had fallen into before their separation. He had meant what he'd said in the bathroom months earlier; they weren't working and they were hurting too many people. It wasn't just about them anymore. The problems in their relationship were hurting their family, their friends and most importantly, their children. Randy had no doubt John still loved him as much as he loved him back but he wasn't sure if that intense love they shared would get them through.

The hour passed quickly as Randy's thoughts consumed him and helped him pass the time. He soon found himself pulling up to the home belonging to Matt Cena and frowned when he saw John sitting on the steps outside. He parked the car, sliding out of the front seat slowly. John's eyes rose to meet his and he hesitantly smiled. Randy walked over to him, his gaze moving over to scan the area.

"What are you doing out here? Trying to keep me from going inside the house?"

John rolled his eyes before shaking his head. "Very funny but no. I was just getting some air. The kids are all in there and it was too loud…"

A concerned frown appeared on Randy's face despite his trying to remain unresponsive. He nodded slowly and looked towards the door of the house. "Oh, I see. Well, in a few minutes the noise should shrink by two kids so maybe then you could go back inside."

"I don't have a headache. I just needed quiet." responded John quickly. He moved over some on the step and motioned Randy to sit beside him. The younger man hesitated momentarily before lowering his body besides John's. "No, I shouldn't even sit. We have to get going. I have to drive back and I still haven't packed for everyone and…"

"5 minutes is all I'm asking you for, Ran. We need to talk and whenever you come near me you make it as brief as possible." John sighed and shook his head. "I don't blame you, though. Don't think I'm trying to start a fight here."

Randy shrugged and looked away dismissively. "I wasn't gonna say anything."

John laughed softly. "Can you turn around then and give me the decency of your face?"

Randy reluctantly turned his gaze back towards John, his stomach turning at the sight of John's smile and the proximity of his closeness. His smell invaded Randy's nose and he inhaled sharply without even realizing it. "What is it?"

"We have to start making some decisions, Randy. The kids are so confused by what we're doing here and we just can't do this to them anymore. They know making a movie doesn't keep me away from home for this long."

Randy frowned. "What do you mean by 'some decisions', John?"

"You know what I mean, Randy. Are we working this out or is it done?" responded John in exasperation. "God, you frustrate me like no other person in the world."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "So by 'this' and 'it', you're referring to our marriage?" he said, choosing to ignore John's rising temper.

The older man glared at him and nodded. "You know damn well that's what I mean."

"And you think on your brother's front stoop is the place to have this conversation?" Randy's face showed some amusement as he turned back around. "I don't,"

John sighed in frustration. "Look, I don't want to do this here but we don't have a choice. The kids want me to go home with you guys today and I'm running out of excuses here. You need to help me."

Randy smirked and leaned back on the concrete. "Is that so? Funny how now you want my help."

"Randy, don't do this shit. We're talking about our kids here. Don't do me any favors; do it for them,"

Randy's smirk disappeared at the tone of John's voice. He sighed deeply and sat back up. "Look, you're right, we need to make some decisions but they can't be made today. If you want to come back to St. Louis with us, feel free. I've never told you not to come to the house. It's yours as much as it is mine. We could talk there."

John nodded, his gaze intent on Randy. "OK, sounds good. I missed home. I missed my bed," he laughed shortly and shook his head.

Randy smiled and stood, brushing the dirt off his jeans. "Well, you can have it then," he shrugged and started to walk into the house when John grasped his arm.

John turned Randy over and frowned. "No, no! I didn't even think of that. I don't want to kick you out of the room, Ran. I could take the guest room,"

"No, its fine. I've actually been staying in the guest room for weeks now so I've turned it into my space." Randy shrugged and looked down at John gripping his arm tightly. "Can you let go? I need to get the kids ready and you know how long it's gonna take them to say goodbye."

"Are you sure about the room, though? Don't lie to me just because…" started John once more, his grip only softening.

Randy sighed loudly and finally pulled his arm away. "Will you drop the fucking room stuff? My God, do you actually think I would want to sleep in our bedroom, in our bed, alone? I can't even fucking look at that room, John!"

John's eyes widened at Randy's outburst and his eyes followed him inside the house, his heart aching at the first sign of emotion Randy had shown in weeks. He knew the younger man was hurting despite his aloof attitude and hard exterior. It only served to strengthen John's resolve to get his life back and his marriage back to where it was. He swore to himself that this trip home would be it; he would not leave St. Louis without his husband back in his life.

* * *

"I'm so happy you're home, Daddy John!"

John smiled down at Alanna as he brushed her hair back. He fixed the comforter around her body and bent to press a kiss on her forehead. "So am I, princess. I missed being able to tuck you into your own bed."

Alanna frowned and held his hand tightly. "You're not leaving again, are you? You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

"Of course, sweetheart. I'll even get up early so I can drive you and Angel to school." John smiled as her expression brightened. "Sleep now, baby. I love you."

Alanna smiled and turned over, her doll in her arms. "I love you, too."

John walked out of her room slowly, leaving the door open a crack. He walked the short distance to Angel's room and pushed the door open. Angel smiled and looked up at him from his bed.

"Hi, Daddy'"

John smiled and sat on the edge of his son's bed, smoothing the covers around him. "You look a little too awake, young man. You have school tomorrow, you know."

Angel nodded. "I know. I'm just happy you're home. Is the movie done or will you leave for a long time again?"

John sighed inwardly but shook his head. "I won't be leaving again for a long time. I missed you and Ally too much. I can't be away from you for so long."

Angel frowned. "Did you miss Daddy Randy?"

John smiled. "So much. I miss all of you so much. I'm not leaving again."

Angel smiled happily. "Good. I like when we're all together."

"Me, too. Now, close those eyes and get some sleep, baby." John gave Angel a kiss on his forehead and stood. He smiled as he saw his son's eyes drift shut as his exhaustion claimed him.

John walked out of Angel's room into the quiet hallway. He had never been so excited to walk into his house as he'd been hours earlier when they'd arrived. Everything was exactly as he remembered but the mood inside was different. The kids had been thrilled to have him home and had attached themselves to him like glue. Randy had gone on about his business in the home, cordial to John in front of the children but ignoring his presence for the most part.

John stopped in the doorway of his and Randy's bedroom that now stood empty. He looked inside the room and sighed. It seemed unimaginable that with all the love that had been shared in that room it could now look and feel so alone.

John turned and walked down the stairs slowly, scanning for Randy. The younger man appeared out of the kitchen and walked over to door, checking the locks and alarm system panel beside it. John watched as he moved, meticulous about his nightly routine and smiled slowly. He finished descending the stairs, finally attracting Randy's attention.

"Hey, all done?"

Randy nodded and walked over to the sofa, arms crossed over his chest. "Yeah. Kids asleep?"

John nodded and lowered his body down to the sofa. "Yeah. I didn't realize how much I missed our nighttime routine here."

"You're not the only one. All I heard every night is how I didn't tuck them in as well as Daddy John." Randy rolled his eyes but a small smile crossed his face.

"Well hopefully things can get back to normal soon," responded John quietly. Randy remained silent but sat beside him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, feeling John's gaze on him. "Stop staring at me. You know I hate that."

John smiled and turned his body over. "Sorry but it's hard not to."

Randy's eyes slowly opened but his head did not move. He focused on the ceiling and sighed. "The point of you coming home was so we can discuss what we're doing with ourselves so start discussing."

"Well, are you planning on participating or will I be talking to the man who's gonna ignore me and stare at the ceiling?" teased John.

Randy slowly smiled and turned his head over. "Start talking then,"

John sighed loudly, realizing Randy would not make this easy on him. "Ran, I love you, you know that. I only want you and I want you forever. I want to come home and be with you and our kids. I don't want this ridiculous thing that we're doing to go any further."

Randy's smile faded somewhere along John's declaration and his expression grew serious. "This ridiculous thing we're doing is called a separation. It's what happens when one partner decides to take off his wedding ring and leave. That's what you did, John."

"I know and I'm sorry. I've apologized to you a bunch of times and I'll continue doing it if that's what you need to forgive me." John slid his body over, letting his thigh rest against Randy's. Randy immediately stiffened and tried to pull back. John grabbed his hand and held it firmly, trying to keep him from escaping. "I hate that I've done this. You don't even want to be near me. It's killing me, baby."

Randy shrugged and looked away, determined to ignore his racing heart and the closeness of John. "Well, you did it to yourself, John and a simple I'm sorry can't fix it. You left me and our kids because I loved you enough to suggest you see a doctor? That doesn't make sense! All I wanted was for you to think of your health and of our future together. You didn't care about it, though. You took off your wedding ring and were gone in the morning. That made it real clear you wanted out. How can I forgive that?"

John shook his head and sighed, the coldness in Randy's tone hard to hear. "I didn't mean it. I was angry at everything else and I took it out on you. I never wanted out of anything. I love my life and I love my marriage. I wouldn't be sitting here trying to fight for it if I didn't. Tell me what you need me to do and I swear I will do it, Ran."

Randy slowly moved his gaze back over to John's face. "I don't know. I never expected us to be in this situation…again." He rolled his eyes as he remembered their brief months of separation years earlier when they were only dating.

"I promised you then that I wouldn't rush you to make a decision and I promise you the same this time. I love you and I don't plan on stopping. I will show you how dedicated I am to getting you back. I need you to believe me when I tell you how much I love you and miss you but I'll give you all the time you need." John raised Randy's hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Randy watched him skeptically and tried to pull his hand away unsuccessfully. "Can you let me go?"

"Please don't ask me that." John's words were so low Randy had trouble hearing them. His heart lurched at the sound of John's voice in pain and he sighed. "I feel uncomfortable around you now, John. I don't want to but I do."

John held tight to Randy's hand, his only link to the younger man, it seemed. "What can I do to change that, baby?"

"You can let me go when I ask you to," replied Randy, his face stoic.

John sighed and released his hand, groaning inwardly. "Randy, you gotta give me a little hope. I won't push you but I need to know I'm fighting for something here."

Randy remained silent for a moment, turning his gaze away. "And I need to know what you've done this time apart."

John frowned and quickly shook his head. "I haven't been with anyone, Ran, I swear to God…"

Randy rolled his eyes. "I know that. That's not what I mean." He sighed loudly and turned his gaze back to meet John's confused face. "I mean, what have you done about your head, John? The reason this all began was because you refused to do something about your health. I need to know you've decided to do something about it. I need to know I'm fighting for something here, too. What's the point of getting back together if nothing has changed with your attitude?"

John sighed and lowered his gaze to the ground. "I haven't done anything about that either. I'm too scared to."

Randy shook his head and moved further away. "God, I can't believe you. You have the balls to call me frustrating? John, **you** are frustrating! How can you just ignore the signs your body is giving you? You know they're not normal. How can you do nothing to take care of yourself but then claim you want to be there for me and the kids?"

"Because I'm scared of what they'll find and doing it on my own was even more terrifying." responded John sharply. He stood up and began to pace the room, his hands coming up to run through his short hair.

"You wouldn't have been alone if you hadn't left me, John. I was there for you and would've been through anything." said Randy quietly, not moving from the sofa.

John looked over at Randy from where he stood. His face was marred by a concerned frown that John wanted to erase. He walked back over to him slowly and collapsed to the ground in front of Randy's legs, his eyes filling with tears. Before the younger man had a chance to react, John grabbed his hands and laid his head on the jean covered thighs. "Then be there for me now. Forgive me, baby, please and I promise I'll do whatever I have to do to get better."

Randy felt his breath escape him as he looked at the top of John's head and listened to his plea. His eyes watered despite his fighting to keep them at bay. "John, get up,"

John only clenched his hands tighter and shook his head, tears falling from his eyes now as it all overwhelmed him. "No! I need you to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Randy. I love you and I need you. I can't do this without you,"

Randy closed his eyes as he listened to John fall apart. He forced one hand out of his grip and used it to raise John's head. John's eyes were red and wet from tears that still fell into his lap."Please," he whispered.

Randy finally pulled his other hand away and used both to cup John's face. "I'm here. I'm with you no matter what. I love you, John."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I was so stupid. I never meant for any of this...I love you so much and..." started John but Randy quickly cut him off. "I know. It's OK; it's over. We're together now and we're gonna stay that way."

John's eyes shone with a mixture of unshed tears and hopefulness. "Promise me?'"

Randy smiled slowly, moving his hands down John's face. "I swear, baby."

John smiled happily and lifted his hands, wrapping them around Randy's neck. "Thank you," He pressed his lips to Randy's for the first time in months and leaned into his body. Randy returned the kiss just as eagerly, wrapping his arms around John's waist and pulling him in close. The slow, sweet kiss soon turned into a long, frantic kiss, their tongues fighting to taste as they clutched tightly to each other. They broke apart breathlessly, both hearts racing as they remained in the embrace just looking into each others eyes.

* * *

**Present Day**

Randy felt his eyes drift shut once more and he fought to keep them open. After crawling out of the bathroom, he'd alternated between lying in the sofa and walking gingerly around the room to stay awake. Thankfully, the shaking had stopped and his vision was slowly refocusing. He was determined to wait for Cody and not call an ambulance unless he felt it absolutely necessary. The media might not hound him like it did the Hollywood stars but he was certain the wrestling dirt sheets would find out. The last thing he wanted was a suicide story floating around somewhere his family or kids could see before he got to speak to all of them.

Randy sighed and stood up, walking to the window of the large living room and staring out into the sky. The sun was close to rising and streaks of light were beginning to illuminate the sky. He lowered his head and sighed, deciding whether to stay inside or go outside and let the cool air awake him. His body longed for some food and coffee but he was scared to put anything into it until he was seen by a doctor.

Just when he'd decided to move outside, two lights shone up the driveway and a car made its way to the front door. Randy sighed in relief and rushed to the front door, swinging it open just as Cody exited from the passenger side of the car.

"Randy! Oh my God!"

Randy shook his head and attempted a smile as he found himself enveloped by Cody's arms. "I'm OK, Codes. Thank you for coming."

"How can you say you're OK, Randy?" Cody pulled away and looked at Randy's face, his eyes clouded by fear. "You just tried to kill yourself!"

Randy shook his head. "I know but I'm OK now. I won't try it again; I swear."

Cody sighed and hugged Randy to him once more. Randy closed his eyes and returned the hug just as fiercely. His eyes slowly opened when he heard another door slam. A somber looking Ted slowly approached. "Cody, we gotta get him to a doctor. Do you need anything from inside, Ran?"

Randy pulled away from Cody's embrace and looked toward his small backpack. "My bag is right there. That's it."

"Let's go then." Ted turned and walked towards the car, climbing into the driver's seat and starting the car. Randy frowned at his cold nature but wasn't given enough time to think about. Cody pulled him by the arm gently after running inside to grab his bag. The younger man led him into the backseat of the car and climbed in beside him, wrapping an arm securely over his shoulders.

"Teddy, what's the closest hospital?"

"I guess we gotta drive into the city to St. Lou University," came Ted's sullen reply. Cody didn't seem to notice and quickly replied, "Hurry, Teddy, please."

Randy closed his eyes and leaned against the warmth of Cody's body. He could hear his young friend's racing heartbeat and felt another pang of guilt shoot through him. His actions hurt so many people and he was lucky to have them stick by him. "I'm sorry, Codes. I shouldn't be doing this to you, or to anybody. I don't deserve you."

Cody's hold on him only intensified. "Stop it, Ran. I'll always be there for you. You just have to promise me never to do this again, OK. If I'm gonna be there for you then you have to promise to be there for me, deal?"

Randy's lips curved into a small smile and he nodded against Cody's chest. "I promise. I promise you and Teddy and the kids and I even promised John last night."

"What?" came Cody's startled response.

"He's delirious, Cody. He doesn't know what he's saying. Just keep him awake until we get there." responded Ted from the front seat.

* * *

Hours later Randy opened his eyes to meet the obnoxious white he would recognize from any hospital room. He looked around slowly, his gaze falling on Ted sitting a few feet away, his face buried in a magazine.

Randy slowly shifted in the bed and Ted looked up at him, a worried frown on his face. He stood up and approached the bed slowly. "How are you feeling?"

Randy shrugged and tried to open his mouth to respond. His tongue and lips felt like sandpaper and he couldn't seem to form words. Ted noticed and turned around, quickly filling a cup with water and handing it over to him.

"They gave you charcoal so your mouth probably tastes funny. Try to drink some water but go easy so you don't throw up."

Randy nodded and slowly sipped the water, feeling the dryness and odd taste recede. He handed Ted the cup when he was done and tried to speak once more, his voice barely a croak. "Where's Cody? How long have we been here? The last thing I remember is the car,"

Ted sat on the edge of Randy's bed and sighed. "I sent Cody to get some food. We've been here all day and he hasn't moved from your side. I finally had to threaten him to get him to eat. We got here really early this morning, at about 7. It's now almost 9pm."

Randy frowned and turned towards the window, surprised the see the dark sky outside. "Wow, I didn't notice how much time had passed."

"Well, the doctors had to sedate you to perform the charcoal thing. It's what they normally do for people who over…" Ted trailed off and lowered his head. Randy smiled and nodded. "For people who overdose, I know. You can say it."

Ted lifted his head, an angry expression on his face. "Why the hell did you do this, Randy? I still can't fucking believe I'm here with you. How much of a moron do you have to be to have done this shit?"

Randy inhaled sharply at Ted's words, embarrassment running through him. He had expected this; to be called every name in the book for what he had tried to do. He had expected it at a later time when he was able to at least explain himself and mostly from his parents, not his friends. He should've known better with Ted, though. Ted had always been the one to see things in black and white, never gray. Cody would be the one to forgive him anything and accept his faults. Ted would call him out on his faults and lecture him on how to never let it happen again before forgiving him.

"I'm a moron. I guess that's my explanation."

Ted rolled his eyes at Randy's weak attempt at levity. "You know that's not gonna work with me so why do you even try?"

Randy shrugged and looked away, choosing to stay silent and accept what Ted would say to him.

"You know, everyone has been on you, kinda babying you and smothering you with attention since John died. I did it too, for a bit but I stopped awhile back. I don't think you even realized, did you?" Ted stood up and walked away from Randy's bed, ignoring his second shrug. "I stopped because as much as I knew you were hurting over John's death, I didn't think our smothering you was helping. If anything, I thought we were hurting you and I think you kinda just proved me right."

Randy tentatively met Ted's gaze and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Ted shrugged and paced the space in the small hospital room. "Ran, it is absolutely horrible what happened to John and by extension, what happened to your family. I know you never in your wildest dreams thought you would end up alone with those 2 kids. The pain of losing your partner, who you thought was going to be with you forever, is something I don't know and hope to never know."

He stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Randy's feet. "It happened, though, Randy. Nothing you do will change what happened. John is gone but you are still here and you have to live. You don't have a choice in that matter. You have two children you have to live for. You will never get over losing John but you must learn to live with the fact that he is not here. There is no more babying you and letting you get away with your fits of anger or wanting to lock yourself in the room. You have to grow up now."

Randy looked at Ted, his lips clenched tightly in a line but his expression calm. Ted walked over to the side of the bed and took his hand. "We love you, Randy. You have so many people supporting you and we're not going anywhere but we have to back off a little if you're ever gonna learn. Instead of babying you and smothering you, we need to let you stand on your own."

"Fine, then let me stand on my own. I can do it." replied Randy stubbornly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Can you really or are you just gonna do the same thing again in a few weeks or months?" Ted held his hand up as Randy opened his mouth for a rebuttal but was ignored by Ted.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to answer the phone and tell your parents where you were? Do you have any idea how pissed I was when Cody told me what you'd done? I didn't even want to come, Randy! I'm tired of your attitude, you mood swings, your dumb acts of desperation! When will they stop? We're getting tired of it. How much longer do you think you can push us, Randy, until we completely give up on you? Enough is enough. Grow up!"

"Ted!"

Randy and Ted simultaneously turned their heads at the sound of Cody's gasp. The younger man looked exhausted but furious as he walked over to Randy and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Ted? How can you think of saying those things to Randy?"

"Because I'm his friend, Cody. Don't act like you're not getting tired, too. Weren't you the one who snapped at him a few days ago?" responded Ted with a raised eyebrow.

Cody frowned and shook his head. "It's not the same thing. I didn't attack Randy when he was in a hospital bed…"

"Our point is the same, though. Randy has to stop this nonsense and get on with his life. He has two kids that need him! Are we supposed to let him forget that fact? Are supposed to just let him keep doing these ridiculous things?" interrupted Ted, his voice rising.

"This isn't the time for this, Ted. Randy is fine now and he won't do this again. Just drop it because you're really frustrating me." said Cody, shaking his head slightly.

"So, I frustrate you more than what Randy does? Yeah, that makes sense, Cody." Ted rolled his eyes as he issued the sarcastic comment. Cody's eyes widened and he slowly stood from Randy's bed. "Do not speak to me like that, Ted. I don't appreciate being belittled."

Randy quickly grabbed Cody's hand and pulled him back down beside him. "No, stop, Cody, please! Don't get mad at Ted. He's not doing anything but saying the truth."

Cody looked over at him, a sad expression on his face. "What are you talking about, Ran? This isn't the time to be discussing this and Ted knows it. Just get some rest," He pushed Randy back down and plumped up the pillow under his head. Randy sighed and locked eyes with Ted, who shook his head in disappointment.

"Cody, it's OK to be mad at me, too. Aren't you mad at me?" he whispered towards his young friend.

Cody frowned in confusion and quickly shook his head. "Are you kidding? No, I'm not mad at you. Just get some rest and we can talk some more when you're better."

"I want to talk now. Ted is right, Cody. I'm selfish and stupid. Why would I think this, what I almost did to myself, was the answer? I loved John and I always will but he's gone and I have to learn to live with that. I have to learn to work through my anger without taking it out on the people I love." Randy lowered his eyes. "I can't expect you guys to constantly cover my ass whenever I flip out and for people to continue to deal with my crazy mood swings. Everyone has been amazing to me but they've been putting up with too much. It's not fair what I'm doing to everyone."

Randy looked up at Cody and shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Cody. I said a lot of things to you I shouldn't have and you have no idea how much I regret it. Please don't be mad at Ted. Be mad at me,"

Cody sighed and shook his head. "I don't want to be mad at anyone, Randy. It's pointless."

Randy shrugged and laughed. "Well, it may be pointless but I'm sure tons of people are gonna be mad at me. You may as well jump on the bandwagon."

Cody rolled his eyes. "It's not a bandwagon I want to jump on, Randy. You want me to be mad at you? Fine; I am furious with you! Just when I think you can't get any dumber, you prove me wrong."

Ted smiled discreetly from the chair he had lowered his body into, pleased Cody was expressing his true feelings to Randy. Randy smirked over at him and shook his head before turning his attention back to Cody. "OK, I deserve that."

"You deserve more than I could ever give you, dumbass." replied Cody. "How could you have done this?"

"I felt empty inside, Codes. I'd thought it be easier to kill myself than to deal with the feelings of emptiness I had inside."

Cody looked at Randy, his eyes full of disbelief. "How can you feel empty inside when you have so many people who love you? I don't understand how it could be so easy for you to walk away from all of us. You didn't once think of how we would feel, did you?"

Randy shook his head. "Honestly, no. I didn't care about anyone's feelings except my own at that moment. I just wanted it to be over. I swear to you, though, I will never do something like this again."

Cody smirked and turned away. "I would hope not but we'll see."

Randy smiled. "I don't blame you for not believing me. I know you're all gonna watch me like a hog but I'm gonna prove you all wrong. I made a very important promise last night and I intend on keeping it."

Cody sighed and nodded. "Fine but I am mad at you."

"I know you are. Just don't be mad at Ted. I'll make it all up to you guys." Randy leaned back in the bed and closed his eyes. "Right now all I want is to get out of this hospital and go home to my kids. I want to honor my promise to John."

"What are you talking about, Randy?" asked Cody, a confused look on his face.

Randy slowly opened his eyes and smiled. "I believe now, Cody. John is with me and I won't let him down."


	52. Chapter 51

A sharp pain in the side of neck made John groan and forced his eyes open. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus, and moved his neck from one side to the other to get the pain to go away. As his still hazy eyes finally opened completely, he noticed he was still in the living room. His body was bent at an odd angle, explaining the sharp pain that had awoken him. John lifted his body off the sofa and looked around the room. The sunlight filtered into the room and bounced off the many picture frames scattered around. The light made John frown, both from the glare and the knowledge that morning had arrived without his realization. John slowly stood, the silence in the house disturbing to him. He glanced at the watch on his wrist and his eyes widened when he saw it was well past 9am. He hurried out of the living room, his legs still wobbly, and practically ran up the stairs to the children's bedroom. Both rooms were empty and beds had been made up. John frowned and turned over slowly, descending the stairs back to the living room. He walked into the kitchen and stopped abruptly as his eyes landed on the open back door. The air smelled of coffee and one glace at the coffeemaker told him Randy had to be awake and most likely in the backyard.

John poured himself a cup of coffee and took a long sip, feeling the warmth course through his body and the caffeine begin to have the desired effect. He walked out into the cool morning air and spotted Randy sitting at the back table, coffee in hand, as he read the morning newspaper. John's lips curved into a smile as he stared at what was once a familiar sight but something he hadn't seen in months. He leaned on the frame of the doorway and just stared, drinking in the sight of Randy so comfortably relaxed in the chair, his brow furrowed in concentration at what he read.

"Stop staring at me. You know I hate that."

John's smile widened as Randy's drawl carried over to him. The younger man didn't bother to raise his head as John walked over to him and slid into the chair opposite him.

"I promised the kids I would take them to school this morning and then I oversleep. Not a good way to get things back on track. Were they mad?"

Randy finally raised his head and shook it briefly. "No. When they saw you passed out on the couch they had no choice but to let me take them. Really, though, I think they were just happy to see you were still here. I think a part of them thought you would be gone in the morning."

John sighed and remained quiet as he thought of all the explanations he and Randy had given their children over the past 4 months to hide their separation and even the removal of their wedding bands. It had been horrible lying to their children but in a twisted way it had made John very happy. It had given him hope that one day he and Randy would find their way back to each other and it seemed he had been proven correct.

"Well, those days are over. They won't have to worry about me not being here ever again." John smiled slowly and reached for Randy's hand. Randy returned the smile but it didn't quite meet his normal standards. John frowned and squeezed the hand he held nervously. "What's wrong?"

Randy sighed and shook his head. "Nothing…well, it's just, I don't want to get my hopes up yet, I guess. I also don't want the kids to get their hopes up. We agreed to work things out last night and you promised to do a lot of things, John, but until I see them actually done, I can't say things are back to normal."

Randy watched as John's expression changed. His heart broke a little each time he saw John in any pain but he couldn't lie to the older man. What he'd said the night before was true; he still loved him more than anything and would be there for him always but he needed John to follow through on his promise. Things couldn't remain the way they'd been before their separation and Randy was terrified John would go back to his old ways.

"I love you, John, you know that. I want things back to how they were when we were happy. You're the key to that, though," Randy laughed softly and shrugged.

John pulled his chair over to Randy, leaning forward so their knees touched and he grasped both of Randy's hands tightly in his. "Randy, I swear to you I will do anything you ask of me. I want nothing more than to get my life back on track. I want you and my babies forever and I won't do anything to mess up that plan."

Randy stared at him, a bit of skepticism in his eyes. "I want to believe you, John but…"

John stood up quickly and held up a hand. "Stop right there. I'm gonna prove it to you." He walked back into the house leaving Randy staring at him in confusion. John reached for the phone resting on the kitchen counter and dialed in the number for the doctor that had been seeing him since his headaches started. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach instantly but John forced it away as he listened to the rings in his ear.

"Medical Office,"

John took a deep breath and walked back out to the yard. He locked eyes with Randy, who watched him from his seat. "My name is John Cena. I'm a patient of Dr. Johnson. He told me to call immediately if I wasn't doing well and I'm not doing well. Does he have something available today?"

"Of course, Mr. Cena. Let me just see what I can find for you here…"

John listened quietly as the receptionist clattered away on a keyboard and lowered himself back to his seat. He took a deep breath and began to tap his foot anxiously on the floor. Randy quickly noticed his discomfort and grabbed his hand tightly. "I'm right here, baby."

John smiled as he felt a surge of courage at Randy's words. He mouthed a "Thank you," as the receptionist came back on.

"Mr. Cena, Dr. Johnson can see you in a couple of hours. Can you be here at noon?"

"Yes, thank you." John sighed as he ended the call. His hand shook slightly as he set the phone down on the table. Randy looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What did she say?"

"Today at noon." John tried to smile but failed miserably.

Randy pulled him in for a hug, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "I know you're nervous. I can't change that. All I can do is tell you how much I love you and that I'll be there for you no matter what. If something is wrong, well, we'll take care of it. We both have more money than we could use in both our lifetimes and we'll use every drop of it to make you better." He pulled back slowly and ran his lips over John's lightly, a smile on his face. "What I think, though, is that your hard, stubborn little head is fine. My Super Cena doesn't get sick."

John laughed, a genuine laugh full of emotion. "From your lips to God's ears, gorgeous." His smile slowly faded as he moved his neck around, stretching the muscle. "What happened last night? How did I end up asleep on the couch? Last thing I remember is us just talking and then me waking up with my neck turned at an angle it should never be turned."

Randy moved back and relaxed into the seat. He lifted the cup of coffee to his lips and took another sip before shrugging. "We fell asleep from all that talking. It was...intense."

John nodded. "I know." He sighed and met Randy's powerful stare. "I know you don't like it when we get too intense but I just had to tell you how I felt, Ran."

"John, I know..." began Randy but was quickly cut off by John.

"Don't." His voice was hoarse. "I need to say these things to you."

Randy stopped and nodded slowly, waiting for John to go on.

"That day when I left that hotel room, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be coming back. Not ever." His voice sounded sore, as if the words were hurting him. "I had it all planned out. I'd arrange a custody agreement with you for the kids and I'd deal with Laney and Bob when I wanted to see them. I had decided it would be better if I never saw you again."

Randy clenched the cup in his hand, his eyes darkening with emotion. He turned away from John and looked off into the distance.

John seemed to sense his feelings and rested a hand on his thigh. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. I don't want to hurt you but I want you to know..."

Randy shook his head and turned back over to John. "No," he said, his voice steady. "I want to hear everything."

John sighed heavily and went on. "I told myself that in a couple of years, maybe we'd be able to get together, pretend nothing had happened. Maybe we could salvage at least some of our relationship. I was kidding myself, of course. But the only way I could face the possibility of not seeing you was to tell myself it was only temporary." He laughed but there was no humor in the sound. "That fact alone should've told me I wouldn't be able to go through with it."

John shook his head slowly and shrugged his shoulders."Self-deception is an amazing defense mechanism," he continued. "It can make you believe the most impossible things."

The pain, both in John's voice and in his heart made Randy regret encouraging him to go on. "John, you don't have to..."

"Let me finish." John was too harsh and he knew it. "Please." He'd softened his voice, but it was still an order.

Randy clamped his lips shut and remained quiet, waiting for John to continue.

"When I got to the house in Florida, I was determined to put all of this behind me. I would focus on work and ignore the pain because I convinced myself I was fine without you and the kids. It only took me a few days to realize how empty my life was without you and the kids. Yes, I had my family and I had friends but being with them didn't fill me with the same thing being with you and the kids did." John laughed shortly and shook his head. "That house; that damn house I used to love became my worst nightmare. It was so damn quiet. Having to go back there after work was a nightmare. I grew to hate that damn house. It was gonna drive me crazy. I needed noise other than my noise. It's one of the reasons I wanted the kids with me all the time."

He stopped talking and took another gulp of his coffee. "I tried to develop a routine for the days, especially when I was alone. I would wake up, work out or go for a run and try to find someone to spend the day with so I wouldn't be in that house. If no one was around and I couldn't get Vince to give me extra work, I'd sit on the beach and just watch people. Everyone seemed so happy and like they had a purpose. The world was going on around me, but I didn't feel like I had a place in it anymore."

Randy sighed inwardly and slid his hand down to lie on the one John rested on his thigh. He curled his fingers around John's and held it tightly.

John squeezed his hand back and took a deep breath before he continued. "One day, it just hit me. I could do it on my own. If it really came down to it and we couldn't work out our problem, I would be fine on my own. The point was, I didn't want to do it on my own. I wanted to work out our problems. I want you and that wasn't going to change."

"I want you, too, John," responded Randy quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I never stopped."

John nodded. "I know. I also know why you had to leave. I left first and I did it in the stupidest way but when you took off your ring, I knew what you were doing. I needed something to shock me into realizing what I was doing, what I was throwing away and all because of my stubbornness. I tried to fight it, though. God knows I tried with all my might."

"I didn't know what else to do, how else to make you see." Randy shook his head and sighed. "I wanted you to fight and I was tired of hurting everyone in our lives. It killed me but I had to let you go at that moment." He smiled slowly and shrugged. "Call me conceited but I figured I was worth fighting for."

John laughed and nodded. "You definitely are. I've always known that but somewhere down the line I kinda forgot how amazing we are together and how amazing what we've built is. I'm glad I remembered in time to not fuck things up even more."

He stopped, his thumb lightly stroking the top of Randy's hand. "Not many people get a second chance in life. You're giving me one for like the hundredth time and I don't even know if I deserve it. All I can do is tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am for being so stupid."

John pulled his chair in even closer, one leg between Randy's parted thighs. His free hand reached up to stroke his face. "Are we really OK? I will wait for you if we're not, Ran,"

Randy quickly shook his head and leaned into John's body. "We're OK. Everything will fall into place soon enough,"

John tilted his head up so their lips were only millimeters apart and stopped. He stared into Randy's eyes, seeing once again the love the younger man held for him evident in them. The moment stretched and he suddenly forgot how to breathe. With a shudder, John closed the distance between him and Randy. The kiss was awkward and frantic, their noses in the way, teeth clashing and tongues clumsy but both men's hearts raced from the joy of it.

They broke part slowly and had another long stare. Their arms slowly moved and tightened around each other until they were wrapped in a fierce, tight embrace. John rested his head Randy's shoulder and buried his nose in his neck, taking a deep breath.

"God, I've missed your smell." He whispered. "Sometimes I'd catch a whiff of something, someone who would remind me of you, and I'd die a little inside..." He trailed off and took another deep breath.

Randy pulled back slowly and then leaned forward, taking John's mouth again. This time there was no awkwardness in the kiss, no restraint. Their mouths opened and this time, their tongues stroked and tasted each other, reacquainting themselves. John ran his hands up Randy's back, feeling his muscles move and contract with his touch. Randy moaned into John's mouth. As he felt his body react to the kiss and the sensation of John's body and heat against him, he pulled away panting.

"OK, we have to stop now." Randy slowly stood up and grabbed the now empty coffee cups. "Let's go inside."

John watched as Randy hurried into the house and sighed, the desire to run after him and pull him back into his arms almost overwhelming.

"Why don't you go unpack? You left your suitcase in the hallway and it's driving me crazy. At least move it into the bedroom," called Randy from inside the kitchen.

John sighed and slowly stood, walking into the kitchen. He nodded and leaned on the edge of the counter, watching as Randy rinsed out the coffee cups and loaded the dishwasher with the breakfast dishes. "Only if you move back into the bedroom, too,"

Randy froze halfway down to the dishwasher and licked his lips nervously. After the momentary pause, he continued what he was doing and shook his head slowly. "I don't think that's a good idea just yet, John. One thing at a time, OK."

John frowned and walked around the counter to where Randy stood. "Why not? I don't want to be in that room by myself. It's **our** room, Randy."

"John…" Randy trailed off as he closed the dishwasher door. He racked his brain trying to think of a way to explain how he felt to the confused older man in front of him. "Look, I'm just gonna be blunt here. I forgave you for what happened but that doesn't mean I'm gonna jump back into bed with you. A kiss I can do but that's about all you're getting from me. You still haven't done anything to prove to me things have changed. You called and made a doctor's appointment? Great! You've done that a million times, though and then haven't followed through with what he tells you to do. I need to see a real change in you, John."

John's eyes widened as Randy ranted in front of him. He lowered his head and sunk onto a stool next to the counter. "So, we're gonna live together but in different rooms? What kind of marriage is that?"

"One that's still questionable," responded Randy, a stern expression on his face. He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "John, we're together and in the same house and we're working things out but that's it for now. We've been apart for 4 months. You can't expect things to get back to normal after one day."

John sighed as realization dawned on him. He had been right to think Randy wouldn't make this easy on him. Randy was even more stubborn than he was for most things and this was a big thing to him. A part of him understood what Randy was saying but another part of him, namely his lower half, wanted nothing more than to drag him up to bed.

"OK, I'm not trying to start a fight but what are we gonna tell the kids this time? I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the lies here."

Randy shrugged, his expression still somber. "I don't know anymore, John. We have to think of something, though because I'm staying in the guest room."

John rolled his eyes but nodded. "Fine. Just let me deal with it. I'll think of something."

Randy nodded and strode past him out into the living room. "So, now that we got that settled, can you get rid of the damn suitcase?"

John smiled slowly and followed him out of the kitchen. Randy waved him towards the object that was causing him so much distress and John reluctantly walked over to it. He picked it up and dragged it into the middle of the room, quickly opening it and dumping the clothes out in the middle of the living room floor. Randy raised an eyebrow and glared down from the sofa at John. "Oh, much better. That's not gonna piss me off at all," he said sarcastically.

John ignored the glare and sarcasm and smiled widely. "Relax yourself. I'm just sorting. I'll move everything to where it belongs and your precious floor will be fine."

Randy ignored him and focused his attention on the television. He turned it on and absentmindedly flipped through the channels as John organized the clothes into two piles. After a few minutes of nothing, Randy turned his attention back to John. "We have to leave in a couple of hours. We'll go get the kids after we leave the doctor's office. I promised you would pick them up."

John nodded without looking up and tried to stop the queasy feeling that invaded his body whenever the doctor was mentioned. "OK. As soon as I finish here I'll go upstairs and shower." He took the pile of dirty clothes and stood, walking with them towards the laundry room and throwing them in for a wash. Randy had settled on a morning talk show by the time he came into the living room for the empty suitcase and remaining clothes. John smiled discretely at the concentration on his face and left the room, heading for the empty bedroom he once shared with his husband.

As he pushed open the door and walked around, putting away the clothes and suitcase, he noticed the bottles of pills on the dresser. John walked over and took them in his hands, feeling the weight of the practically full bottles. He sighed as disappointment filled him when he thought of his actions. Something as simple as a pill could have changed everything. Those 4 months apart from Randy would never have happened if he'd only done what the doctor said.

John shook his head angrily and emptied the old pills in the trash. He wouldn't do it this time. He wouldn't let fear consume him. He would do things the right way and prove to Randy he was fighting for him and their life together.

Quickly grabbing a notepad and pen from the side table, John settled on top of the made bed and began writing out a list of all his symptoms. He wrote about every headache he could remember having and what came with it from nosebleeds to the light and noise sensitivity to nausea. He was determined to hide nothing from the doctor and accept his diagnosis with his usual attitude to everything. He would not give up without a fight.

* * *

Hours later, John found himself in the situation he would forever consider his version of a nightmare; the office chair facing Dr. Johnson's chair. His hands tightly gripped the sides of the chair as the doctor quietly read over the paperwork in John's file along with the handwritten notes John had bought him. John sighed, the sound echoing in the quiet room. He turned to look outside the large windows and practically jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand land on his.

Randy stared at him, concern in his wide eyes. "Calm down, Johnny. It's gonna be fine."

John laughed sheepishly at his reaction and quickly nodded. "I know. The silence from Doc is freaking me out, though."

Randy smiled and squeezed John's hand. "Enjoy the silence while you can. We won't get much of it after we pick up the kids at school."

"That's true," replied John, a small smile on his face as he stared at Randy's handsome face. "Thanks, babe,"

Randy nodded, his eyes locked onto John's.

"OK, John."

John's smile dropped and the moment with Randy ended. He turned towards the doctor and gulped. "Yes,"

Doctor Johnson smiled warmly. "I just have a few questions, John. Let's not panic." He looked down towards the file. "So, according to your notes, you're not taking the meds I prescribed to prevent the headaches and the one I gave you just in case one of those suckers sneaks in there anyway."

John nodded, an embarrassed blush on his face. "Nope,"

"And you're seriously still wondering why you're getting headaches?" asked Dr. Johnson with a raised eyebrow.

"Look, Doc, when I got a headache I just took a Tylenol." replied John with a dismissive shrug.

"John," sighed Dr. Johnson "You don't get headaches that can be treated with over the counter medication. That was the reason I prescribed medication for you to take daily. I diagnosed you with severe migraines almost a year ago and started you on a preventative regimen. After further tests we moved onto cluster headaches and I changed your medication. I also put you back on your blood pressure medication because it had skyrocketed probably due to the stress from the pain. Now, I haven't seen you since then, 5 months ago, and you're telling me you've ignored everything I gave you."

John lowered his gaze as the doctor berated him. "Yes. Look, Doc, I'm sorry. I'm a moron and I did something stupid. I want to get back on track now. My health is my number one priority and I will do anything you recommend and take anything you want me to take."

Dr. Johnson sighed and shook his head. "Well, let's hope you will this time. I'm a bit concerned with the nosebleeds you mention but that could be completely unrelated. Your nasal passages may just be dry or sensitive. Try to keep them moist; a bit of petroleum jelly will help. The nausea you mention seems to coincide with migraines, though the intense pain points to clusters."

John shrugged and smiled. "So, you really have no idea what I have, do you?"

Dr. Johnson smiled. "You're a mystery, John, but don't you worry. We will find whatever is causing you this distress and tame it. I want you to remain confident and try to keep your stress level at bay."

John looked over at Randy and tried to read his expression. "You hear that? I'm a mystery."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Not to me," He looked over at the Doctor and quickly grew serious. "It's a good thing that he doesn't have other symptoms that could point to meningitis or something more serious, right? I mean, when he doesn't have the headache, he's totally normal and goes about his daily routine..."

Dr. Johnson quickly nodded. "You're absolutely correct, Randy. Take comfort in the fact John isn't exhibiting any danger signs that are more severe. The MRI's from 5 months ago and the CT-Scans were all negative and the blood work was all completely normal." He turned towards John and handed him some pieces of paper. "However, I want new tests. I'm sending you for another MRI. Please try to go soon, John. I know your schedule is crazy but make the time. I also want you to get some blood work drawn at the lab today. You're going home with three prescriptions. Two will begin tonight and you are not to stop taking them unless I tell you to. The third is only to be taken if you get a headache. They're the same ones I prescribed last time so you should be familiar with them. I won't change them until I get your new test results."

John took the paperwork from his hand and scanned the prescriptions, recognizing the names of the pills. "OK, I remember them. I'll call the radiology clinic as soon as I get home and schedule the MRI and I'll begin the meds as soon as I get home today."

Dr. Johnson nodded and stood, indicating the exam was over. He held his hand out to John and shook it firmly. "I expect you to do the right thing, John. If you don't you only have yourself to blame."

John nodded and let his hand drop. "I understand. I will." He watched as Randy shook the doctor's hand, as well and then turned to face him. "I really have to go get stabbed by a needle now?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Oh, stop. Don't be such a baby."

"I hate needles. You obviously wouldn't understand," responded John as his eyes trailed over Randy's inked skin.

Randy smirked as they exited the doctor's office and started down the hallway towards the lab. He linked his and John's hands together and tugged him over. "I promise to hold your hand, OK."

John smiled and kept his body pressed close to Randy. "Thanks." His smile slowly faded and he lowered his voice. "You know, you were kinda quiet in there. Why didn't you talk more? I know you have questions, too."

Randy shrugged and averted his gaze. "I figured you had it covered. I just wanted to be here for support. There was no need for me to say anything."

John watched him with a raised eyebrow. "No. You always have something to say, Orton. You wanted to see if I was actually gonna take the lead and tell the doctor everything. You were testing me to see how serious I am about my health."

Randy's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something. John smiled slowly as no words came out of Randy's mouth, confirming his suspicion of the younger man's plan. "It's OK, baby. I'm gonna prove to you that I'm serious."

He turned into the lab and walked towards the nurse. "Hi, I think I have to give this to you."

The nurse scanned the paper and nodded. "Come with me, sir."

John sighed and looked over at Randy, his eyes widened slightly. Randy crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "Are you serious, John? Go on. You're a grown man!"

John nodded and held out his hand for Randy to take. "Doesn't mean I still don't need you. Don't make me beg, babe."

Randy smiled slowly and took his hand. "What am I gonna do with you, John?"

* * *

The weeks passed before John knew it. His time home became consumed by his children and the doctor's visits. For once, though, he didn't mind it. After months apart from his children and Randy, anything he had to do to be in their life once more he would gladly do.

John happily settled into a routine that he loved. He awoke and took the children to school, came home and worked out, spent time lounging around with Randy or visiting with their family, picked the children up and spent the afternoon focused on schoolwork, ate dinner and then retired to his bedroom to take his medication. As much as he hated to admit it, the medication did help. He hadn't felt any pain since the doctor visit and he was going to do anything he had to do to remain pain free. His time with Randy and the children was too important to him for to spend any of it in pain.

Thankfully, everything seemed to be working in his favor. The MRI results had been negative and had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders. His blood work had also been normal and his blood pressure was slowly stabilizing. John felt much better than he'd felt at anytime in the past 5 months. He'd been given a list of signs that might indicate a dangerous change but so far the medication had been working like a charm. John made sure to continue his diet and his workout routine. He knew Randy, despite his pretending not to, was watching everything he did from the food he put in his mouth to the hours he spent in the gym. He also watched him as he dealt with the children and their families, who had been thrilled to see them back together. For once John didn't mind the intense scrutiny of how he did things. He knew Randy watched him so closely because he loved him and wanted to keep him healthy. It was all a process for the younger man, John knew. He couldn't rush Randy into anything because it would only push him away even further. One day Randy would come around and things would get back to normal.

"OK, kitchen's clean."

John smiled and broke from his train of thoughts. He nodded as Randy washed and dried his hands, throwing the towel on the counter top. "Looks perfect, as always."

"Only way I know how to do things," teased Randy from where he stood. He slowly walked over to John's chair and frowned softly. "You're so quiet. Are you OK?"

John nodded and reached for Randy's hand, pulling him onto his lap. "I'm fine, worrywart. I told you I would tell you if I felt anything,"

Randy turned over on John's lap and raised an eyebrow. "Hmm,"

John laughed and shook his head. "Don't 'hmm' me. I wouldn't lie to you. I was just watching you and thinking. It's easy to get distracted by you, gorgeous."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say." He slowly stood and glanced at the clock on the wall. "Are you tired? I'm not. Wanna make some popcorn and watch a movie?"

"In bed?" John raised his brow suggestively and stood, wrapping his arms around Randy's waist. Randy smiled and nodded, giving John a quick kiss. "Fine, Cena, but only until the movie ends. Then it's back to our separate rooms."

John sighed and reluctantly nodded. "It's to the point where I feel like I'm in a 50's TV show. I'm married but my husband and I sleep in different beds."

"Uh, what 50's TV showed a gay married couple? That must've been some groundbreaking shit!" responded Randy with a loud laugh. He walked into the living room, his laughter carrying across the room. He stopped at the entertainment center and scanned the DVD's. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Besides you? Nothing." asked John, his voice dropping.

Randy rolled his eyes but his lips curved into a smile. "John, come on, be serious."

John shrugged and watched Randy look through their pile of movies. "I am being serious. You just don't want to acknowledge it."

Randy turned over and looked at him sternly. "Pick a movie or I go to sleep right now in my room."

John sighed and turned to walk up the stairs. "Fine. No drama. Anything else but drama. We don't need any more in this house."

Randy watched him trudge up the stairs to their bedroom, now turned only into John's bedroom, and sighed as an overwhelming feeling of guilt consumed him. He knew how hard John was trying at everything. He had seen clear proof that John had changed. There was still a tiny part of him that had doubt, though and he was letting that part take over him.

Randy grabbed a horror movie he had bought and forgot about and shut the door on the entertainment center. He checked the locks and alarm one more time before shutting the lights and climbing the stairs to the second landing. As he walked down the hall he could hear the soft breathing of the children when he passed their rooms. By the time he arrived to his and John's room, the older man had already spread out in the bed and turned on the TV. Randy looked him over quickly before walking over to the DVD player and popping the movie in. As it began on the screen, he moved towards the bed and looked down at John.

"Can I get in with you or…" he trailed off, unsure of the mood John was in. Surprisingly, all he did was move over and Randy quickly slid in besides him. "I picked a scary movie. I got it when we were in Japan a few months ago. There's an American version but I heard this one is like a hundred times better so…" Randy shrugged as John continued to look forward. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, Japanese horror movie…American version not as good…I heard," replied John, his eyes still focused on the television.

Randy sighed and shook his head. "Are you mad at me now?"

"I'm not mad at you." John finally turned over to meet Randy's frowning face. "I'm just frustrated, Ran. It's been weeks since we're back together. We live in the same house and see each other a hundred times a day. We kiss, we hug but at the end of the day we go to separate rooms. It's hard, Ran." He rolled his eyes at Randy's smirk. "No pun intended."

Randy's face quickly softened. "John, I know how you're feeling because I feel the exact same way. Do you really think this is easy for me?"

"Well, you're the one who always says no and pulls away." mumbled John, his lips in a pout.

Randy smiled and moved his body closer to John's, throwing an arm over his hips. "This is just as hard on me as it is for you. I just need more time. Didn't you say you would wait for me?"

John sighed and nodded. "I did and I will. It's just difficult for me to be near you and not want you." He lifted his hand to Randy's face and stroked the smooth skin. "You're beautiful, Randy. You can't blame me for wanting you."

"You know, there was a time when we could lay in the same bed or just hug and kiss and that was enough for us." replied Randy as he leaned into John's embrace. John moved his hand down, winding around Randy's back to pull him in close. "Well, as much as I love your hugs and kisses, they don't compare to everything else we could be doing in this bed. I've been hooked on you since the first time I tasted you, Orton."

Randy closed his eyes tightly as his body reacted to John's words. He rested his head in the crook of John's neck and shoulder and kissed the skin there gently. "I feel the same way. I just…I don't know if we should go there yet. God knows I want to but I don't want things to change from the way they've been going…"

"What are you afraid of, baby?" John took Randy's head in his hand and forced their eyes to meet. "Do you think I'm gonna stop taking care of myself when you finally give in to me? Haven't I proved to you how sorry I am and how much I love you and regret what I did? There's no way I would go back to the person I had become. I was miserable! I was in pain and all alone. All I did was think about you and the kids. Every time I closed my eyes your face was all I could see. The pain I caused you all is something I'll regret until the day I die, Ran. I'll never be that person again. How can I convince you of that?"

John dropped his hands from Randy's face and lowered his head. He shrugged and sank back down into the bed. "Or is it that I can't ever convince you of that? Will you ever truly forgive me?"

Randy looked at John, his eyes sad and took a deep breath. "I did forgive you,"

"No, Ran. I mean, truly forgive me from the bottom of your heart." responded John, lifting his head back up. "You haven't even put your wedding ring back on."

Randy's eyes automatically looked down at his hand to his empty ring finger and then to John's hand and his adorned finger. After the first night back home the older man had immediately taken his ring back from where Randy had stored it and put it on his finger. Randy, however, hadn't been able to do the same. He wanted nothing more than to get things back to the way they were with John. The fear that gripped his heart at the thought of getting intimate with John, though also stopped him from putting his ring back on his finger.

"I'll put it on soon, John." mumbled Randy. "And I have forgiven you. Having sex with you won't prove that. You just have to believe me."

John sighed and turned over to him. "Fine, Ran. I'll just keep proving to you that I won't fuck up again and hope you'll come around. I don't plan on going anywhere despite how long you take."

Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. "Good because I don't want you to go anywhere. I'm right where I wanna be and with whom I wanna be. I know you feel the same way."

John nodded and pulled Randy back into his body, arranging them so the younger man rested on his chest but their lower bodies didn't touch. He ignored the heat from his body and forced his mind to focus only on the movie playing before them. Randy looked down at him with a smile and moved his body to lie tightly against John's, closing the gap between them. John groaned softly above him but wrapped his arm tighter around Randy's body. He looked down at him and returned the smile with one of his own.

"You just love to tease me, don't you?"

Randy's smile widened and he shook his head. "I'm not teasing you. I just want to be close to you." He moved his head back down and focused on the television. "It's gonna happen, Johnny. Just have patience."

John sighed above him and nodded. Patience; something he usually had tons of but seemed to be nonexistent when it came to Randy. "I'll try," He could only hope it wouldn't be for so long.


	53. Chapter 52

"If you wet my hair I'm gonna kick your butt, Angel!"

John smiled as he watched his children play in the large pool. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the pool chair, willing the dull pain that had begun to make his head throb to go away.

"Al, you're in a pool. Your hair is going to get wet." lectured Randy sternly. "There's no need for the threats."

"Yeah, Ally. You're so mean. You know who you remind me of?" teased Angel, inducing a smile to John's face.

'"Watch it, kiddo." responded Randy in a low tone, causing Angel to giggle loudly. "I'm just kidding, Dad."

"You better be. Go and play now and try to stay away from her highness' hair, OK."

Angel laughed once more. "It's so much fun to bother her, though."

"I know but she's a screamer so let's try to avoid it." replied Randy with his own laugh.

After a few minutes of silence, John heard the splashes once more as the children resumed their play. Footsteps headed his way but his eyes remained closed. He didn't need to open them to know it was Randy who walked towards him. The younger man sank into the chair besides him, the chair creaking under the weight of both men.

"Open your eyes,"

John slowly opened his eyes and smiled. Randy looked down at him, his wet body lying on top of John's mostly dry one. "There you are. You're kinda quiet."

John wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulder and arranged their bodies to lie together comfortably in the chair. "Just enjoying the beautiful day listening to our babies play and having a lot of fun checking out my handsome husband."

Randy rolled his eyes and rested his chin on John's chest. "Hmmm, I'm calling bullshit."

John laughed and shook his head. "Fine, I'll give. I **am** enjoying our day but I also feel a little headache coming on. I was gonna give it a few minutes but then realized that would be dumb so I'm going to get up and take a pill."

Randy frowned, the happiness in his eyes quickly turning into concern. John quickly shook his head and lifted his body up, forcing Randy up, as well. "Hey, drop that look. It's just a normal headache. Dr. Johnson said it was gonna happen and told us not to worry, remember?"

Randy shifted over in the chair, allowing John to get up. "I know; you're right. It's just that it's been so long since you get one that I had started to hope they had gone away forever..."

John smiled and shook his head. "No such luck, babe. Headaches are normal and they're here to stay, especially mine. It's OK, though. There's no reason for that look whenever I say I have one." His hand rose to Randy's face and cupped it gently, before joining their lips in a quick kiss. "This face is too handsome to look so sad so often."

Randy grabbed John's arm as he tried to move away and pulled him into an embrace. He held onto him tightly for a few seconds before letting him go. John smiled and raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What was that for?"

Randy shrugged. "I'm just proud of you and how you're starting to handle this. You're not letting it defeat you."

"And I won't. I'll be right back, OK." responded John with a wink. He stood up and walked off into the house, looking at him and smiling once more before he disappeared into the house. Randy smiled and stared at the doorway until a wet hand on his knee made him turn over. Alanna looked at him and towards the door, a frown on her face. "Where's Daddy John going? Did you do something to make him mad again?"

Randy shook his head and sighed. "He just went to the bathroom, baby. How many times do I have to tell you that we weren't mad at each other? We just had a disagreement."

Alanna crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him suspiciously. "Angel told me he thinks that's a big word for when you're mad at someone and I believe him."

Randy shrugged and slowly stood up. "Don't you and Angel have better things to talk about?"

Alanna followed him slowly and stood at the edge of the pool. She watched him begin to swim and sat on the edge gingerly. "You're not supposed to lie to me, Daddy. You made me and Angel promise not to lie so you have to keep the same promise, OK."

Randy swam over slowly and floated near where Alanna sat. "I'm not lying to you, Al. Things are fine between Daddy and I and they're gonna stay that way. Will you stop worrying and be a little girl?"

Alanna remained silent, a small frown still on her face. Randy sighed and looked over at Angel, who swam silently beside him. He winked discretely at his son and turned his attention back towards his daughter. "Fine, you won't have fun on your own? I'm gonna make you…"

Alanna's frown deepened but before she could react, Randy jumped out of the pool and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her into the pool with him. The small girl screamed at the top of her lungs when she resurfaced and swam away from Randy.

"Dad! You got my hair wet!"

Randy and Angel laughed loudly and ignored her continued screams of protest. Alanna lifted herself out of the pool and grabbed a towel, immediately lifting it to her head.

"Ally, it was funny. Don't get mad," said Angel as he moved out of the water and sat on the edge. Randy floated over to him and smiled. "Come on, baby. We're just playing. Don't be such a girl,"

Alanna glared over at him and dropped the towel on one of the pool chairs. "Will you tell Mommy to take me to the hair place so they can fix it?"

Randy quickly nodded. "Yes. I'll even pay for it." He smiled and held a hand out to her, pleased to see her accept. She lowered herself back down to the water and quickly began to swim, Angel after her as they started a race. Randy watched them with a smile on his face and soon found himself pulled into the game with them. The sounds of their laughter and shrieks of excitement filled the yard and they lost all track of time. It was Angel who noticed a time later that John had never returned to the yard.

"Hey, where's Daddy John?"

Randy frowned at Angel's question and turned his gaze to the empty backdoor before looking up at the bedroom window. "That's a good question." He lifted his body out of the pool and grabbed a towel to dry his dripping body. "I'm gonna go check on Dad, guys. Out of the pool until I come back out."

Both kids groaned but left the water and retreated to the lawn chairs as Randy walked into the house. His eyes scanned the kitchen and living room for John and found them empty. The faint sound of running water from upstairs drew his attention and he quickly climbed up the stairs to the second landing, following the sound to John's bedroom. The room was bright, lit from the sunshine streaming in through the open blinds. Randy followed the sound of the water to the bathroom and knocked on the door softly.

"John?"

A muffled groan from inside made Randy frown and he quickly pushed the door open. John stood in front of the sink, one hand gripping the counter edge and the other holding his nose. Randy's eyes widened and he let the door close behind him as he approached John, moving his hand away. "Why didn't you call me?"

John shook his head and pulled his hand back to the bloody nose, wiping it clean with a tissue. "I have it under control. You taught me what to do and I did it." He held out the tissue and attempted a small smile. "Look; it's clean."

Randy sighed and shook his head. He took a washcloth from beside the sink and wet it with cool water, raising it to John's face. "I should've come in sooner to check on you."

John grabbed Randy's hand before it could touch his face. "Stop it. You were with the kids and having fun. Nothing happened; I'm fine. I wasn't going to call you in here for something so simple."

Randy's face remained expressionless and he turned his gaze away. John quickly grabbed him and turned him over. "I was going to tell you later so don't automatically think I was trying to hide it from you. I took my meds and my head already feels better. The nose bleed could be from the pool water, baby. I was swimming all morning with the kids, you know that."

Randy slowly nodded. "I didn't think you were hiding anything. I just hate to see you in pain and I want to help."

"You do help. Just by asking me how I feel and being here for me to wipe the blood off," John laughed and leaned forward, resting his head on Randy's, who reluctantly smiled. He moved back slowly and took the washcloth in his hand once more, this time being allowed to wipe John's face clean of any trace of blood. He watched for a few seconds, happy to see John had been right and the bleeding had stopped. "Pool time is over for you. I want you to relax for the rest of the day, understood?"

John nodded and saluted, ignoring Randy's eye roll. "Yes, sir. I've got no problem with that."

Randy exited the bathroom after washing his hands and looked behind him. "Can you come back with me, though? The kids think we're mad at each other,"

John sighed as he caught up and took Randy's hand in his. "They watch everything we do like hawks now. Have you noticed?"

Randy nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah, I have. It's like we have another set of parents."

John laughed as he followed Randy into the kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools around the counter. He watched as Randy pulled food out of the refrigerator and glanced at the clock. "Want me to get them in for dinner?"

Randy nodded and put his prepared meatloaf in the oven. He watched John leave through the open backdoor and the happy cries of the children. A mixture of worry and happiness filled him and he sighed deeply. John was finally being completely open with him and doing everything asked of him to take care of his health. It made Randy incredibly happy but the worry that came along with him being sick in the first place was something that Randy would probably never stop feeling. John was the most important person in the world to him and what he'd told him earlier was true; he hated seeing him in pain and not being able to do anything about it. John had accepted this was his life now; pain from the headaches that were still a question mark, random nosebleeds and bouts of nausea and a handful of medication every night. Randy was the one still having a hard time with it.

"OK, both of you, upstairs! Get cleaned up and put on your pajamas. By the time you come down dinner will be ready." John ushered the kids in through the kitchen and up the stairs.

"You know what happened? Daddy threw me in the pool and messed up my hair!" said Alanna as he walked through the house with John.

"He's gonna send you to get it fixed tomorrow, Ally! Stop being so dramatic," responded Angel, his voice registering his frustration.

"I am not dramatic! It's because you're a boy. You don't understand! I need another girl in this house, Dad."

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" responded John with a small laugh.

Randy smiled as he listened to the conversation until it faded. He turned his attention back to his dinner and focused on keeping only the happy feeling in his heart, pushing the worry away.

* * *

Much later that night after the pool mess had been cleaned and dinner had been eaten, John lay in bed with his children by his side. The conclusion of a movie played on the television and the faint sounds of Randy cleaning up the kitchen drifted up to him. His headache had faded hours earlier and he had been able to enjoy the night with his family.

"Movie finished, Daddy," John turned his attention to Alanna and nodded. "Then off to bed we go. Mom will be here for you tomorrow morning," He turned over to Angel and smiled. "And you're spending a few days with Grandma and Grandpa."

Alanna nodded and slid off the bed. "I hate when you and Daddy leave."

"Me, too," replied Angel, reaching over to take John's hand.

"We hate to leave, too, guys. Time goes by quickly, though. You love being with Mommy, Ally and you love being with Grandma and Grandpa, Angel." replied John as he led the kids to their rooms. "It's just for a few days. Daddy and I need a few days of silence and the only way we can get it is to leave you guys home,"

"Very funny," responded Angel.

"So not funny," retorted Alanna.

"I think it's hilarious and so true," said Randy as he came up the stairs. He walked over to John and slid an arm around his waist, pulling the older man close to him. "Now, get your butts to bed so Daddy and I can have some alone time."

"Yuck," Alanna rolled her eyes and both Randy and John pressed a kiss to her head. She smiled when Randy pulled her in for a tight hug and smoothed her hair back. "I think it looks good this way, too, baby."

"Thanks, Dad," she hugged him once more before turning her attention to John and Angel and hugging them, as well before disappearing into her room.

"It looks the same way it always does, Dad," whispered Angel.

Randy looked over at Angel and smiled. "I know. It must be a dramatic girl thing." He hugged him tightly and gave him a kiss before passing him to John, who smiled. "Let's just keep that between us boys, OK."

Angel nodded and returned John's hug and kiss before heading into bed. Randy watched him go and leaned on John's body. "Wanna do the honors? Tuck them in while I finish cleaning up?"

John nodded and reluctantly moved away from Randy's touch and entered Angel's room. Randy quickly turned and walked into the guest room he had turned into his own and let the door close behind him. He walked through the room and into his bathroom, taking a quick shower to wash the pool water and dirt off his body.

Randy exited minutes later and slid into a pair of clean boxers. He threw his robe on and opened the bedroom door, walking out into the cool hallway back towards John's bedroom. A quick glance in the direction of the children's room told him John had finished putting them to bed and was inside the room. When he entered, though, the older man was nowhere to be found. Randy frowned but the sound of the shower running in the attached bathroom quickly calmed his fear. He walked over to the dresser that still contained some of his clothes inside mixed with John's and a shared jewelry box on top. Randy gently opened the lid to reveal most of his watch collection and the few pieces of jewelry owned by John. He moved some items aside and smiled when his wedding ring appeared. He lifted it from the velvet inside and shut the top of the box, moving away from the dresser as he held the ring in his hand.

Randy walked over to the bed and slowly lowered his body down as John suddenly exited from the bathroom. He looked up and watched as John smiled at him before hanging the towel to dry on the knob of the bathroom door.

"So, what are we doing tonight? Wanna watch a movie? Let me chose this time, though. No more scary Asian stuff!" said John, laughing softly.

Randy smiled and opened his hand, taking the wedding ring out and sliding it back on his ring finger. He took a deep breath and stared at his hand as a feeling of completeness overwhelmed him. "No, I don't want to watch a movie."

John turned over and frowned at the younger man. Randy's head was lowered, his gaze focused on his hands. His eyes lowered to see what grabbed Randy's attention so intensely and he couldn't suppress the shocked gasp that escaped him when he saw what adorned the man's fingers. Randy looked up at the sound and smiled, holding his hand up. "It happened. I put it back on."

John smiled and nodded, his chest tightening with emotion. "I see."

Randy looked back down at his ring and ran a finger over the smooth metal. "I missed it." He looked back up at John and slowly stood. "You know what else I miss; our bed. Do you mind if I move back into our bedroom?"

John let out a laugh and shook his head. "Are you fucking kidding me? No, I don't mind!"

Randy's laugh joined his and he nodded. "OK, then." He watched as John's eyes filled with moisture and couldn't contain himself any longer. He moved over to John and placed a hand on his cheek. Gently turning his face so that his eyes met Randy's, he leaned forward and kissed him. Randy closed his eyes, feeling his body turn warm and weightless. John began kissing Randy back, wrapping his arms around him.

John moaned and took control of the kiss, Randy willingly giving in to him. As his tongue entered Randy's mouth the movements of their lips were growing faster, more urgent. Their tongues moved together, and Randy pressed his body against John's, unable to keep himself from moaning low in his throat as he felt him harden. With a swift move John moved them back and onto the bed. His lips moved over Randy's neck, kissing his way up to the ear. Randy's hands traveled up John's skin, running them over his back. The skin was soft and smooth and Randy traced the muscles with his fingertips, moving his hands downward inside John's boxers. Grabbing his ass, Randy pulled John hard against him, making his erection rub into his own. John crushed his mouth into Randy's, his kiss deep and fierce, making Randy whimper as he snaked their tongues together. John moved his fingers over his chest, stroking the skin before moving down to Randy's erection and rubbing it through his underwear. Randy closed his eyes and sighed with a shiver.

John broke the kiss and lifted himself off Randy's body. He pulled off the underwear the younger man wore and quickly removed his clothes. He lay down next to him on the bed and reached out to touch Randy's chest with a light caress.

"You're so beautiful, Randy," he said with a husky whisper. "I missed you so much, baby."

Randy looked into his eyes and nodded. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. "I missed you, too. I thought of you every day and couldn't believe I didn't have you,"

John quickly kissed him before moving his lips down and whispering in his ear. "You'll always have me."

"Swear it,"

John nodded and kissed Randy's earlobe. "I swear to you. We will never be apart again."

Randy grabbed John's head and kissed him, hard. As he desperately pressed his mouth against John's, he clutched onto his back tightly, wanting to make up for the months he'd spent alone missing him.

John pulled away gently and began kissing down Randy's throat, licking the skin between the neck and the collarbone and making Randy gasp and squirm. John relished Randy's responses and moved further down. He kissed his way down Randy's chest and teased his nipples.

"Johnny,"

John looked down at Randy; his eyes were half-closed, his lips parted as he panted. "Please, baby,"

John smiled. "Please, what?" He wrapped his lips around the hardening nipple, caressing it with his tongue as he pinched the other with his fingers.

"Don't stop," Randy's hands balled into fists and he clenched the bed sheets under him as John, teased, licked, sucked and nibbled on the nipples until they were red and tingling.

John moved down Randy's body, kissing a trail, tasting the skin with his tongue. Randy whimpered as John came closer and closer to his throbbing cock. As John wrapped his lips around the dripping head he couldn't help but arch up.

"Oh my God,"

John moved down the shaft teasingly slowly. Randy writhed and whimpered again. John removed his lips from Randy's cock, slick with saliva and pre-cum and wrapped his hand around it. Stroking, he moved up and gave Randy a light kiss on the lips.

"God, I missed your taste, baby," he whispered, licking Randy's earlobe. He sped up his strokes as he kept nibbling and licking the ear. Randy gripped his shoulders with surprising strength.

"Johnny, I'm close,"

Kissing the nape of his neck, John whispered, "Let go, baby,"

"John!" Randy erupted. With his body shaking, his seed burst forward, staining his stomach and John's hand.

Dazed and glowing, Randy looked up at a tenderly smiling John. Reaching out, he pulled John down and kissed him, their tongues slowly rolling and twisting together. His body jerked as John reached down between his cheeks and caressed his opening with a cum covered finger. John looked into Randy's eyes, silently asking permission. Smiling, Randy nodded and spread his legs, giving John better access.

John stroked the entrance with the tip of his finger. Bending down, he took Randy's cock into his mouth again, making it re-harden. He began working his finger inside Randy slowly, aware of the time that had passed since their last lovemaking session. Carefully, he moved and twisted. As Randy began to loosen up, he added another, stretching and scissoring as he sucked on his member. When the tip of his finger rubbed against Randy's prostate, Randy let out a moan that made John's cock twitch. After having worked Randy with three fingers, John moved up.

Smearing his dripping pre-cum and Randy's cum onto his cock, John positioned himself at Randy's entrance. Kissing him gently, John whispered against Randy's lips, "Tell me if you need me to stop,"

Randy shook his head and pulled him in closer. "No, I want you."

John began pressing in but when Randy winced, he stopped. "Babe,"

"I'm OK! Just go slow," Randy panted.

John pushed in further, very slowly, biting his lip; Randy's body was so hot and so tight. Biting his lip, he kept going until he was all the way in. He held still to let Randy adjust to him once more. Looking down, he smiled softly at the sight of his husband and he now reconnected. Randy's lips were red and swollen from kisses, his body covered with a light sheen of sweat and his eyes were sparkling and looking up at him with love.

Randy wrapped his arms around John's shoulders, and lifted his hips up. John recognized the sign and began to move; slowly at first, then his pace quickened as he kissed and sucked on Randy's neck. Randy began to cry out; he wrapped his legs around John's waist and pushed his hips up to meet John's thrusts into his body. John's control was beginning to shatter; he moved faster and faster, pushing his flesh into the hot tightness as Randy cried out, rushing fast towards the edge once more.

With one last hard thrust from John, Randy screamed out his release, his whole body shaking. The spasms and contractions around his cock made John trip over into his own release and he came with a deep moan, spurting his semen inside Randy's channel before collapsing on top of the younger man.

Moments later, using the last of his strength, John rolled them both over, taking Randy in his arms. There they lay, sweaty and trembling, staring into each others eyes.

John pressed a kiss to Randy's sweaty brow. "You OK, baby?"

"I'm fucking perfect," replied Randy, kissing John's chest from where he lay. "That was amazing."

"We have a lot of time to make up for."

Randy looked up at John and smiled. "I can't wait."

John smiled and held him a tighter. Feeling Randy's warm breath against his chest, John closed his eyes with a contented sigh, thankful the men had finally found their way back to each other.

* * *

Randy awoke the next morning, his eyes scanning the room with confusion. He turned over at the feeling of someone and something on his body. As his eyes focused on John snoring lightly beside him, the nights events came flooding back and a smile crossed his face. He placed a kiss on John's forehead and slowly made his way out of the large bed, headed for the shower so he could wash off the evidence of the fun he and John had shared the night away.

A quick glance at the clock above the television told him he only had a short while before the children would wake up and Sam would be there to pick up Alanna. Randy quickly grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom, getting ready in record time. When he exited the steamy room, he was surprised to see John still sleeping contently. Unable to bear to wake him up, he pressed another kiss on his head and walked out of their bedroom.

Sounds filtered out from Angel's bedroom and he walked towards it, sliding the door open. A fully dressed Angel and Alanna looked over at him from where they sat watching television. Randy smiled and walked over to greet them.

"Well, someone is up super early." He hugged and kissed both children, dropping to the floor besides them. "Are we ready for breakfast?"

Both kids nodded and they all stood. Randy led them out of the room and they began the trek down the stairs. "Is your bag packed, Al? Mommy should be here soon."

"Yeah, we finished packing yesterday, remember?" responded Alanna as she skipped ahead of them into the kitchen.

"Yeah, but someone always manages to forget something before I bring it down here," Randy looked over at her sternly. "Make sure you have everything."

Alanna groaned and turned around, headed back upstairs. "Fine, but don't start eating without me."

Randy waved her off as he began rummaging through the cabinets. "So, what should we have today, kiddo?"

Angel climbed onto the counter and looked around the cabinets before quickly being pulled back down by Randy. "How about pancakes?"

Randy crossed his arms over his chest. "How about you get down? Didn't I tell you not to do that?"

"You told me not to do that when I was alone in here. You're with me so I'm not alone…"

Randy held up his hand and shook his head at his son. "I don't think so. You are never to do that whether anyone is here or not, got it?"

Angel shrugged but nodded. "Got it," He smiled and looked back up the stairs. "Where's Daddy John?"

Randy threw the pancake batter into a large bowl and began beating it. "He's still sleeping. He had a little headache yesterday so he can sleep for as long as he wants."

"But isn't he gonna have breakfast with us before Ally leaves?" Angel frowned as he handed Randy the ingredients for the breakfast, used to their morning routine.

"I'm sure he'll be down before then, babe. You know even when we try to let Daddy sleep late he always gets up not too much later than us." Randy smiled and turned to the stove. "Why don't you go help Al so we can eat, OK? By the time you get back down here the food should be done and maybe Daddy will be awake."

Angel nodded and slid off the chair Randy had placed him on. He raced up the stairs towards Alanna's room as Randy busied himself with the food. He turned on the morning news on the small TV in the kitchen, the sound filling the room as he organized the cooked food on plates for everyone. The sound of a car pulling up outside distracted him and he peered through the backdoor, immediately recognizing Sam's car. He lowered the heat on the stove and walked to the front door, pulling it open as she walked up the path.

"What's up, Sammy? Beautiful day, isn't it?"

Sam smiled and walked into Randy's open arms, returning the hug just as fiercely. "Well, someone is in a good mood. What happened?"

Randy smiled and led her inside the house. He shrugged and slowly strode back into the kitchen. "What do you mean 'what happened'?" I have nothing to be in a bad mood about, do I?"

Sam shook her head and followed him into the room. "No, I mean, you and John are back together and I guess things are going well…"

Randy smiled and held out his hand. "Very well,"

Sam's eyes widened and she grabbed Randy's hand. "Oh my God, you put it back on! So, things are really back to normal with you two then?"

Randy laughed and turned his attention back to the food. "They're perfect, Sam. No more lies; just honest truths no matter how scary. Things are the way they should be now."

Sam leaned forward and rested her elbows on the counter. "I'm so happy for you, Ran. You and John are meant to be happy together. I'm so glad you found your way back to each other."

Randy emptied the last of the pancakes onto a platter and nodded. "Me, too. I was really worried for awhile there we wouldn't. I can't imagine my life without him, though."

Sam smiled and nodded. "I can see that. We all can. Hopefully this was your last separation, then."

"Yes, it was. I can't deal with anymore drama in my life," replied Randy, rolling his eyes.

Sam laughed and looked up towards the second flood. "Well, where is he? I wanna give him a big hug!" She frowned and turned over to him. "And where are the kids? I didn't think I was that early."

Randy quickly shook his head and moved around the counter. "No, the kids are awake and packing Al's bag. John was still sleeping when I came down, though. He got a headache yesterday so I just want to let him rest as much as possible, you know."

Sam nodded, a concerned look on her face. "Of course, but it's normal, right?"

"Yeah, Doc said it was fine. We can't panic every time he gets a headache. It's completely normal," Randy smiled as he repeated what had become the normal explanation for anyone who asked about John's headaches. Once they'd come clean and told their loved ones about John's condition, everyone had been shocked John had kept such a secret, especially their parents. After consulting with Dr. Johnson on how to explain it, they had agreed on the statement Randy had just said and the one John constantly repeated to him, as well; Headaches are normal.

"Breakfast is getting cold. Should we run up and get the kids?"

Randy nodded a yes to Sam's question. "Yeah. Knowing Al she's packing her entire room and Angel into her suitcase."

Sam laughed and followed him out of the room and up the stairs. The chatter from the children's voices filled the floor and came from the direction of Alanna's room. "They hate to be separated, don't they? I always tell Al that she'll see him soon but she always makes me drive her to Laney and Bob's."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know. If you don't take her, though, Angel would find a way to get my parents to take him to you so…"

"I don't mind, Ran. Angel is such a good boy. I hope I get to have another child one day. I wouldn't mind a little boy like Angel." Sam smiled. "You and John have done a great job. He's wonderful."

Randy nodded and stopped in front of his and John's bedroom door. "It's mostly John. He's such a good dad and teaches him how to be kind and loving…"

"So do you, Ran. You are kind and loving despite your hard exterior. Don't sell yourself short," scolded Sam gently.

Randy smiled and placed a hand on the doorknob. "Thanks, Sammy. Why don't you go get them downstairs and I'll try to wake up my better half? How he could still be asleep with this racket I'll never know,"

Sam nodded and turned her attention to the noise coming from her daughter's room. "I know; maybe he can share his secret."

Randy watched her walk down the hall towards Alanna's room and seconds later heard his daughter's excited squeal as she saw her mother. He walked into his dimly lit bedroom and closed the door behind him, his forehead creasing into a frown when he saw John still in bed. The older man was not known for his ability to sleep late unless he was incredibly sick. The movement of Randy getting out of bed or the sounds of the children talking was usually enough to awaken him as well.

Randy walked over to the bed and sat besides John, raising a hand to his forehead. It felt cool and normal to the touch.

"Johnny? Baby, wake up,"

John didn't stir at the sound of Randy's voice but his back rose and dropped with each breath. Randy's frown deepened and he wrapped an arm around John's waist, turning him over. "John, wake up," he said a little louder.

Still he got no reaction. Randy's heart began to race and he stood, quickly turning on the light besides the bed. The light shone directly onto John's face but his eyes remained closed. Randy bent back down towards him and gripped his shoulders, shaking them roughly.

"John, if this is a joke all you're doing is pissing me off. Open your eyes!"

Randy's heart felt as it would race out of his chest as he shook John's shoulder and got no reaction from him. His eyes scanned his husband's body and he froze when they landed on the pillow his head rested on. The white pillowcase was covered in a reddish brown stain that Randy recognized as blood. He moved his hands up to John's head and tilted it over slightly, his eyes widening when he saw the same stain covering the side of John's face he'd lay on the night before.

Randy pulled his hands back and looked down on it, the stain covering his fingers now. His eyes watered as he stared down at the still unmoving John and he reached down to grab him once more, shaking him as hard as he could. "John, wake up! Open your eyes, damn it!"

As tears began to slide down his face, he buried his head on John's chest, grabbing him tightly. "Baby, please! Open your eyes, please!"

There was no response.


	54. Chapter 53

Randy tuned out the voices in the hospital room, focusing his attention on John. The older man lay in the white hospital bed covered in a thin blanket, his normally bright eyes still closed tight. Randy pulled his chair even closer to John's bed and held his hand tightly. He closed his eyes and prayed John's would open. He made every promise he could think of to God and begged the higher being to remember all the people who loved and needed John.

A hand clamped itself on his shoulder and Randy turned over, locking eyes with the concerned ones of his mother. She moved her hand to his back and rubbed it gently, trying to provide him comfort. "Sweetheart, are you listening to the doctor? Don't you have any questions for him?"

Randy shook his head and turned back over to John. "I don't need to hear anything else he has to say. I've heard enough. Instead of talking to us why isn't he doing something to help John wake up?"

Elaine shook her head, her eyes sad as they focused on John's pale face. "Darling, they're doing all they can right now for Johnny. Trust in them. You have to listen to him, though. How else will you know how you can help John when he wakes up?" She turned her gaze on Randy and forced confidence into her voice. "Because he will wake up, Randy. I fully believe that."

Randy rolled his eyes and moved away from her touch. "You actually want me to trust in this doctor? This is the doctor who let this happen to John! Why the hell didn't he see this coming? Why didn't he stop this from happening?"

"Randy, no one could have predicted this or stopped it from happening. We can't blame the doctor." replied Elaine. "We just have to be thankful that this was a minor bleed and John should be fine..."

"A minor bleed? A minor bleed?" Randy looked at his mother in disbelief. "John's brain just hemorrhaged, Mom! I don't think that's minor in any way!"

"The doctor's don't expect any damage, sweetheart. He got to the hospital in time and they gave him all the necessary medication to stop it. He's going to be fine..."

"Can you all leave?" interrupted Randy, stopping his mother's words; the same words that had already been said to him by countless nurses and doctors. "I just want to be alone. Please go."

Elaine stared at him somberly for a few seconds before turning away. She quickly ushered his father, John's parents and the doctors surrounding him out of the room, explaining Randy's need for privacy.

Randy turned away and listened to the hushed tones of his parents and the doctors until the door closed behind them. He breathed a sigh of relief and turned his attention back to John and the machines hooked onto him, their random beeping the only sound in the room. He had lost track of time but knew his position hadn't changed in the hours since arriving in the ambulance.

Randy sighed and leaned back in the chair, moving John's hand back to the bed. His eyes drifted shut as exhaustion started to seep in. It was hard to believe the night before he and John had been happy and celebrating their love and now he sat in a hospital room as John lay unconscious in a bed.

Earlier that morning when he'd walked into their room and found John unconscious and bloody, Randy had completely fallen apart. The calm, cool and collected man he prided himself on being had disappeared instantly. All he could remember was screaming frantically at John to wake up and then Sam's arms pulling him away. She had immediately assessed the situation and called an ambulance while keeping the children calm. In no time, Randy found himself in an emergency room surrounded by his parents, Sam and two terrified kids. The doctors had known what was wrong with John the minute they saw his pale face and the blood stain beside his ear. They had rushed him into an exam room and barred Randy from entering with him. It had taken Randy's father reminding him of his children to finally calm him down.

Randy forced his eyes open and leaned forward once more, raising a hand to John's face. He ran his finger down the smooth skin, lingering on the older man's forehead. It felt cool to the touch, something he vaguely remembered the doctor saying was a good sign. Despite his indifferent reaction to the doctor's explanation and his parent's lectures, Randy had listened to what they said. They had been repeating it so much it had become his mantra. "John suffered a brain hemorrhage but, despite how scary that sounds, it is minor. He is being given medication to bring down the swelling and the bleeding has stopped. No surgery is needed. He should wake up soon and should suffer no ill effects."

It was that one word, "should", that was driving Randy crazy with worry. The doctors seemed optimistic but Randy didn't know whether to trust them anymore. Weren't these the same doctors who hadn't seen this coming? What if John woke up different? What if he lost movement in a part of his body and couldn't wrestle anymore? Randy knew it would devastate the older man to have to stop doing what he loved. What if it was worse, though? What is he couldn't go for the morning runs with the dogs he loved? What if his hands no longer let him work on his collection of cars? What if he couldn't spend hours playing in the park with their kids anymore or tease Randy about his inability to keep up with him in the gym? Those were just some of the things that made John who he was. While Randy had no doubt the older would accept a new fate if his illness made it so, he also knew John's spirit would never be the same if he was limited by this.

"Excuse me, dear,"

Randy jumped at the sound of a voice behind him and turned to face a smiling nurse. She held the clipboard that hung on the railing of John's bed and motioned towards one of the machines hooked onto him. "Can I just get behind you, dear? Need to check his numbers,"

Randy nodded and slowly stood, his muscles protesting after being in one position for so long. He took the opportunity to stretch his long limbs and walked around the bed, watching as the nurse read some numbers on the beeping machine and wrote them down. "He's doing so great. We have a tough guy here, don't we?"

Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "The toughest."

The nurse placed the clipboard back on the edge of the bed and felt John's head. She smiled towards Randy and motioned him back over to the seat. "I know it won't stop you from worrying but he really is doing great. All his tests are normal and I suspect he should wake up soon and be good as new. Try to stay positive, OK."

Randy nodded and lowered his body back into the seat. "I am trying but I'm having a hard time with the fact this just happened so suddenly. I feel like we should've known and stopped it somehow..."

"A brain aneurysm is unpredictable, dear. There's no way to see it coming. Of course, it's more prevalent in people like your John here. He suffers from high blood pressure and has suffered a number of concussions so I'm sure Dr. Johnson kept a close eye on him."

Randy rolled his eyes and grunted a reply. The nurse laughed softly and shook her head. "Sweetheart, Dr. Johnson is one of St. Louis' best neurologists. I'm sure he had already spoken to John about this possibility."

Randy remained quiet, unsure of how to respond. What Dr. Johnson had told John the times he went to see him before their separation was something Randy didn't know. Randy usually let John go himself to the doctor visits unless asked to attend by the older man. Even after their reunion, Randy had only been to the first appointment with John to get him back on track. John had done everything else, the scans and follow ups, on his own. There was no reason for Randy to go; he trusted John wholly but now he wished he would have gone.

"I don't know what the doctor told him. Things between us were bad for awhile and he stopped taking care of himself. We just got back together...I can't believe this happened. Maybe if I would have stayed...I could've tried harder..." Randy trailed off, his eyes darting over to the nurse as he realized what he was saying. An embarrassed blush came across his face and he lowered his gaze.

"None of that matters now, dear. John will be fine and you should just focus on helping him get better. Despite his coming out of this unscathed, you will have to help him get healthy so something like this doesn't happen again." The nurse smiled and looked towards John. "I think you'll both be fine, though."

Randy nodded gratefully and watched her exit the room. The door closed silently behind her but reopened only seconds later.

"How you holding up, son?" The sound of his father's voice was welcome at that moment but all Randy could do was shrug. "I don't know."

Bob placed his hand on Randy's shoulder and patted it gently. "Get up, son and come sit with me. I want you to eat something."

Randy turned over and frowned when he saw the bags of food his father held. "No, I don't want anything. Just the smell is making me sick."

Bob sighed and looked outside. "Randy, you've been here for over 12 hours. You've barely moved and I know you haven't eaten. It won't do you or John any good if you starve."

Randy sighed as his father moved away and began taking the food out of the bag and arranging it on the table at the foot of the bed. "Dad, really, I just can't."

Bob pushed the table towards him, ignoring Randy's protest. "You can and you will. I don't expect you to eat it all but I won't shut up until you eat at least part."

Randy glared at his father and wrinkled his nose at the smell of the food. Bob held out half a tuna sub towards him and Randy reluctantly took it. He took a bite and quickly swallowed it down. Bob smiled and sank into the second chair besides John's bed. "So, any change from our boy yet?"

Randy shook his head. "No,"

Bob pointed to the food and motioned for Randy to take another bite and get an irritated eye roll in response. "Son, John is going to be fine. He's going to wake up soon and be back to his normal self. There's no reason to sit here holding this vigil over him, Randy. I understand your concern because I would be the exact same way if your Mom was in here but you have to thank God it's not worse."

Randy took another bite of his sandwich and swallowed it down with a gulp of soda. "Until he wakes up and I see that he's still my John, I won't be able to believe that everything's going to be fine, Dad."

Bob nodded and looked over at John, a small smile on his face. "Well, I already know John is gonna be fine. Johnny is a fighter and there's no way he would stop fighting now that he has you and the kids back." He turned back towards Randy and raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of which, have you spoken to the kids?"

Randy sighed after his final bite of the sandwich and shook his head. "No. I wouldn't even know what to tell them. They were so scared this morning, Dad, and I completely fell apart in front of them."

"I can imagine," replied Bob, gathering the trash from the consumed food. "They can't understand what's happening. You need to talk to them, Randy."

Randy nodded and glanced at his watch then back at John's body. Bob immediately noticed and placed a hand on Randy's arm, lifting him out of the seat. "I'll stay with John until you get back. Go for a walk around the hospital, just to get some air and call the kids."

Randy slowly stood and walked towards the door. He hesitated as his hand touched the handle and looked back towards John. The older man's chest rose and fell with every breath but otherwise, didn't move. Bob took over Randy's seat and waved him away with a smile.

Randy let the door close behind him and walked out into the brightly lit hallway. He frowned against the light and quickly made his way out of the hospital room and into the darkness outside. A group of people were gathered off to the side of the large building but Randy turned away from them, walking past the main entrance doors and towards the grassy grounds of the hospital. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting the cool night breeze wash over him. After allowing himself a few minutes to enjoy the silence, he felt at ease for the first time that day. He slid his phone out from his back pocket and, ignoring the hundreds of missed calls and messages, dialed the familiar number to Sam's house, where both his kids currently were.

Sam had not only taken control of the situation that morning but she had taken control of explaining what was happening to the children. They had been terrified to see John carted off in an ambulance and Randy had been in no way able to explain anything to them. His attention had been focused solely on John and Sam knew it. She had taken the children home with her and Randy couldn't have been happier. They couldn't be in better hands and Randy knew she would do all she could to comfort them.

The phone rang in his ears and was quickly answered by Sam. "Randy! Thank God you called! The kids don't want to hear anything else from me. They need to hear it from you."

Randy sighed and nodded to himself. "I figured as much. Call them over but put the phone on speaker; I can only go through this once."

"Did he wake up yet, Ran?" asked Sam slowly.

"No," responded Randy quietly. Sam remained quiet on her end for some time before calling the children over. Randy gave an involuntary sigh of relief; the last thing he wanted was another pep talk.

"Daddy!"

"Dad, is Daddy John coming home?"

His children's voices filled his ear simultaneously and his heart ached at the concern and fear in their small voices. "Guys, calm down. Daddy John is still in the hospital and he has to stay there for awhile. The doctor's have to make sure his head is OK before they send him home."

"For how long?" asked Angel softly.

Randy sighed. "I don't know, baby; as long as they have to."

"Can we go see him?" asked Alanna, her usually happy voice somber.

"No, sweetheart. Daddy's still asleep. When he wakes up and is doing better then you can come. For now, though, I just want you, both of you, to be patient and be good for Sammy. The doctor is taking great care of Daddy and I'm sure he'll wake up soon."

"Are you scared, Dad?"

Randy paused, unsure of how to respond to his son's question. He stopped in front of one of the many benches scattered around the property and slowly sat. "I was scared this morning. I didn't know what was happening but now I'm not that scared anymore. Daddy's doctor explained to me what was wrong with him and how he was going to make him better."

"He will, right?" interrupted Alanna, worry still in her voice.

"Yes, baby, I believe he will. Everything is going to be OK. I don't want either of you to worry. I'm gonna stay with Daddy until he wakes up because he will any minute. As soon as he does I know he'll wanna talk to you and we'll call. Is that OK? Will you two be OK tonight?" Randy held his breath, hoping he had comforted his children in some way.

"We'll be fine, Dad," replied his son confidently, drawing a smile to Randy's lips.

"Yeah but promise to have Daddy call as soon as he wakes up," countered Alanna.

"I promise. We don't lie to each other, remember?" Randy stood and sighed in relief at how much more at ease they sounded. "Now, go to sleep and have sweet dreams. I love you both so much; more than anything and so does Daddy."

"We love you, too, Daddy. Good night,"

"Night, Dad. I love you."

Randy heard the rustling of the phone as it was handed back to Sam and her voice soon came into his ear. "You did good, Ran. They're much calmer now. I'll make sure they stay that way and get some rest; don't worry."

"Thanks for this, Sam. I don't know what I would've done without you this morning." Randy lowered his head into his hands, exhaustion and worry making his own head pound.

"You don't have to thank me, Randy. We're still family and I love both you and John."

Randy smiled and raised his head slowly. "We love you, too, Sammy. I should get back upstairs. I've been gone for too long."

"Is Johnny alone?"

"No, he's with my Dad but I'm gonna send him home like I sent everyone else. I want John to wake up to peace and between my mom and Car smothering him...well, you can imagine." Randy smiled as he remembered the look of sheer terror on the doctor's face when his mother in law had arrived in the hospital demanding answers. He was the first to admit that out of their entire family, Carol Cena was the most intimidating.

"Hey, don't talk. Being a mother gives us right to always worry," Sam laughed softly on her end. "Go back to Johnny, now and try to get some rest, too, Ran. He's gonna need you at 100% when he wakes up. Don't worry about the kids."

Randy stood and nodded as some resemblance of calm entered his body for the first time that day. "I'll talk to you soon, Sammy,"

He ended the call and began the walk back to the hospital entrance. He had to do what everyone was telling him. He had to stay positive; for John's sake and for their children's. Focusing on what may come would do no good. He had a huge support system that would help him go on with whatever may come. It would be too easy to give in to his thoughts of defeat and he wouldn't allow himself to.

Randy entered the hospital and quickly made his way to the elevator and up to John's floor. It was growing late and he did want to send his father home. His parents had been with him in the hospital the whole day since Sam called them. John's parents had arrived hours later and remained the rest of the day, as well. It had taken much convincing by the doctor to get them to leave. Randy knew the battle would be even harder when it came to his father, though.

As he exited the elevator, the floor seemed abuzz with a flurry of activity. Randy frowned at the change the floor underwent in the small amount of time he had been outside. When he'd left, if had been quiet and calm, nurses preparing patients for the night as visitors said their goodbyes. He turned the corner and continued down the hall, noting the frenzy increase as he approached John's private room at the end of the hall. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of Randy's stomach and he quickened his pace. As he neared the door to John's room he saw a nurse dart inside and he practically raced the final steps, bursting into John's room. A loud gasp escaped Randy's lips as his gaze settled on the hospital bed. All eyes turned towards him; his father's, the doctor's and the nurse's but all Randy could focus on was the pair that had finally opened.

"Johnny,"

John smiled over at him from the bed and Randy felt his legs begin to shake.

"I know you're anxious to speak to John but give me one minute, Randy. I need to ask finish asking him some questions and running some tests." said Dr. Johnson as he moved over to the bed and drew the curtain, effectively blocking John from Randy's view.

Randy opened his mouth to protest but his father quickly walked over and pulled him back gently. "Don't. Let the doctor work, son."

Randy turned his gaze towards Bob and frowned angrily. "When did he wake up? Why didn't you call me?"

"It was just a few minutes ago! I paged the doctor first and they ran in here to check on him. I was going to call you just as you walked in." replied Bob calmly.

Randy tried to take a step forward but was pulled back. "Let them work." scolded Bob sternly.

Randy clenched his jaw and tapped his foot on the floor anxiously as he listened to the murmured voices coming from behind the curtain. Just when he thought he would explode, the curtain slid open and Randy took a step forward. Dr. Johnson pointed his finger at him and looked down at John. "So, John, you've passed with flying colors. Now, can you just tell me who this man is?"

John frowned and met Randy's eyes. "I have no idea..."

Randy's eyes widened and he looked at the doctor with fear in his eyes. "What? John..."

"Wait; wait a minute. I think I do recognize him. He's that dork I married a few years ago." John's lips curved into a smile, his dimples deepening in his face as everyone in the room chuckled.

"That's not funny'" replied Randy, his face remaining serious. "Nothing about this situation is funny."

John's smile immediately dropped but before he could say anything, the doctor resumed speaking.

"OK, John, you seem to be doing very well but I don't want you to over exert yourself. If you feel tired then rest. Despite how long you were out, your body needs it and the meds should make you feel sleepy again soon. Don't fight it" Dr. Johnson motioned the nurse forward and moved to exit the room. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "If you need anything call me."

John nodded distractedly, his eyes focused only on Randy. "Sure,"

Bob moved over to him and smiled. "Now that Randy's back I'm gonna head home and give everyone the good news. We'll see you both in the morning."

John smiled as Bob gave him a hug as best he could without jostling him too much. He moved around the bed and patted Randy's back, the younger man showing no reaction, before leaving the room.

John watched the door close behind his father in law then turned his gaze to Randy, who stood frozen at the foot of his bed. "Ran, I'm fine, baby." He stretched his hand out to him, beckoning him closer.

Randy stared at the outstretched hand until it grew blurry from the tears that filled his eyes. He walked over to John, grabbing his hand and pulling him in for a hug. John returned the hug, tightening it as much as he dared with the IV cord attached to his arm. "I'm OK, baby. It's OK."

Randy buried his head in John's neck, his tears soaking the shoulder of the hospital gown he wore. "No, it's not OK. You scared the hell out of me. I didn't know if you would wake up or not or if you did wake up how you would be...don't ever fucking do this to me again!"

John shook his head against Randy's shoulder. "I have no intention to." He held onto him tightly, both men needing the comfort of the embrace.

After a few minutes, Randy pulled back slowly, his still moist eyes locking with John's. He rested his forehead against the older man's and smiled as John wiped his face clean from the tear streaks. "I love you so much, Johnny."

John smiled, his lips ghosting over Randy's softly before joining them for a soft kiss. "I love you, too, baby. I'm sorry I made you worry."

Randy shook his head. "All that matters is that you're OK now." He pulled back slowly but remained sitting on the edge of John's bed. He moved up and fluffed John's pillow, drawing a smile from the older man. His face grew serious as he turned and looked at his surroundings and he turned a worried gaze back towards his husband. "How are the kids? Did they see me in here?"

Randy sighed and arranged the blankets around John, wanting to make him as comfortable as possible. John reached for his hand and linked their fingers together, rubbing his thumb over the skin of Randy's hand. "Baby, how are they?"

"They're scared, John. They don't understand what's happening and they saw me freak out when I found you so they're really scared. Sam has them for now and she tried to explain what happened. I just spoke to them a little while ago. It's where I was when you woke up, I guess." replied Randy, moving his other hand to lie on top of John's. "They need to hear you and see you to know you're really OK. At this point they believe no one's word."

John nodded. "Give me the phone; I'll call them right now…"

Randy quickly shook his head. "No, it can wait until tomorrow. Sam was gonna put them to bed and if you call now they're gonna attack you with questions you're not ready to answer."

John nodded reluctantly and leaned his head back on his propped up pillow. "You're right. I'm exhausted despite the fact it looks like I've been sleeping for hours. How long have I been out?"

Randy shrugged and looked outside into the darkness of the night. "I don't know. We got here this morning and you were already out. I don't know how long before that, though…you weren't awake when I found you even at home…" he trailed off and lowered his head, remembering the fear of finding John unconscious in their bed.

"What happened to me? Last thing I remember is going to sleep with you. When did this happen?" asked John, his forehead creasing into a frown.

"I don't know, babe. I guess at one point during the night." Randy sighed and shook his head. "Please don't make me relive this."

John shook his head slowly and tightened his grip on Randy's hand. "I know how horrible this must have been for you, baby but I'm just so confused. Last thing I remember is your face and then I wake up in this room with Bob, the doc and some nurse staring down at me. It was kinda creepy." He attempted a small smile but got nothing in return from Randy.

"It **was** horrible, John. You were asleep when I woke up so I went downstairs. I wanted to let you sleep since you'd had that headache. When Sam got there and the kids were awake and you still hadn't come down, I went upstairs to wake you up. You didn't react to me and you wouldn't move…your ear had bled the night before and your face, where you were laying, was covered in blood…" Randy trailed off unable to continue. He blinked back the tears that rapidly approached and felt John tug on his hand, pulling him in closer.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, baby. I didn't even feel sick last night. If I did I would've told you..." started John.

Randy quickly shook his head. "I know you would've have, Johnny."

"It was such a great day even if I got that headache and the nose bleed. I took my meds and it went away and then we had such an amazing night. I was so happy to be back with you in our bed and I felt so great falling asleep with you in my arms. I can't believe this happened." John moved one hand to stroke Randy's face as the younger man rested his head on his chest.

Randy smiled slowly and shrugged. "It doesn't matter anymore. Let's just be thankful you woke up. I've never been happier to see those beautiful eyes open in my life." His smile dropped and he glared at John playfully. "Your little joke earlier wasn't welcome, though."

John laughed loudly, the sound warming Randy's heart. "The doctor was in here asking me ridiculous questions about if I knew who he was, Bob was, the president was…he made me move my head and my arms and my feet…it was so silly! You looked so worried when you ran in here and I just wanted to make you smile,"

"What made me smile is seeing you awake in the first place. Don't complain about the tests; they're necessary, John. Just do everything he asks of you. They have to make sure your brain didn't suffer anymore ill effects, OK." scolded Randy gently.

John nodded. "Yes, sir. I promise to endure anything I have to so I can get back home with you and my babies."

Randy nodded, lifting off John's chest. "Good." He sat up straighter and moved to sit on the chair but John held him back. A pout settled on his lips as he grasped Randy's hand tightly. "No, stay with me."

"Baby, you're hooked up to too much stuff. I'm scared to hurt you. I'll just be in the chair." replied Randy with a smile.

John sighed and released his hold on Randy's hand, allowing him to move to the chair beside the bed. He shifted his body over slowly making sure to keep his eyes on Randy's form. "You look exhausted, Ran. Why don't you go home and get some rest in a real bed? I'll just be sleeping all night. There's no need for you to sleep in a chair just to watch me."

Randy raised an eyebrow and stared at John in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me, John? I'm not moving from this chair so don't waste your breath trying to convince me." He settled his long body into the chair and moved it closer to the bed, leaning forward so his elbows rested on John's mattress.

John watched him with a smile as he laid his head on his pillow. "So, you're just gonna stare at me all night while I sleep? Don't you hate it when I do that to you?"

Randy shrugged and smiled slowly. "Yes I am and despite the fact you know I hate it you still do it anyway so…"

"Guess this is my payback, huh." responded John, his eyes drifting closed. Randy smiled and shook his head. "This isn't the first time I stare at you as you sleep, babe."

John opened his eyes slightly. "Is that so?"

Randy nodded, moving forward to kiss his lips softly. "Yeah. You're really nice to look at Cena."

John laughed softly and rolled his eyes. "I don't feel like I am today."

"Well you are to me every day." Randy ran his hand down John's face, a small smile on his lips. "You're beautiful, Johnny."

"Thanks, babe. I love you so much," responded John, his eyes closing from the sensation of Randy's caress on his face. "I'm glad you are staying with me. I really didn't want to be alone. When I woke up and didn't see you, I had this weird moment of panic for some reason…"

"Shh, stop. You don't ever have to worry about that again. I'll always be with you, John. You and me are it forever." Randy replied quickly, bending to press a kiss to John's forehead. "Sleep and I promise I'll be here when you open your eyes. I'm not going anywhere, baby."

John nodded, his eyes remaining closed as he drifted off once more. Randy continued the caress on his face before moving down to lay his hand on John's chest, the steady heartbeat comforting to him. He watched John sleep until his own eyes couldn't remain open any longer and his head lowered to the edge of the mattress, sleep claiming him as well.


	55. Chapter 54

**Present Day**

"I'm so happy Daddy is finally home," called out Alanna as she skipped into the kitchen with an empty plate. "But I'll be happier when he can get his own food."

"Oh, stop. You carry one plate upstairs and act like it's gonna kill you," responded Angel as he entered the room behind her with another plate in his hands.

Alanna glared at him momentarily before turning her attention to Cody, who smiled discretely at the usual bickering between the children.

"Guys, you're both doing so great helping to take care of Daddy. Let's try not to argue, though. Don't we want this house to be peaceful and happy so Daddy can get better even faster?" Cody looked over and raised an eyebrow, his words light but the scolding behind them evident to the children.

Both kids nodded and proceeded to walk around the kitchen, handing dishes for Cody to place in the dishwasher from the breakfast they'd just finished. Cody took a step back and watched as they moved around the room, following the routine of placing things back where they belonged like Randy had taught them. A pair of arms encircled him from behind and Cody smiled, leaning back into the embrace. Ted's familiar smell filled his senses and he smiled when he felt the soft kiss placed on the side of his neck and the whisper in his ear. "You're gonna be such a good dad one day, Codes."

Cody turned over in Ted's arms and met his smiling face. "You think so? I don't know. I always wonder if I can handle it."

Ted ran his hands up and down Cody's back and shook his head. "You can handle anything, baby. You're the strongest person I know and your heart is huge. I am positive that when we have kids you're gonna be an amazing dad."

Cody smiled and wrapped his arms around Ted's neck. "Thanks, Teddy." He lowered his voice so the children wouldn't hear him. "I have no doubt you will be, too. I mean, look at how you handled Randy. I think it's clear who the disciplinarian would be between us,"

Ted sighed and shook his head. "Sometimes you just have to get brutally honest with some people. It's the only thing that works and I know it bothered you that I had to go to that level with Randy and you got mad but…"

Cody tightened his hold on Ted and quickly shook his head. "No, I wasn't mad at you. I just didn't know if it was the right way to handle it at that moment. You were right, though. You helped him more than I ever could."

"No way, gorgeous. You have helped Randy more than I ever could in all these years of friendship. He needs you and depends on you," Ted pressed a kiss to Cody's forehead. "I have no problem being the disciplinarian with him or with any babies we may have while you're the one they go to for comfort." He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "As a matter of fact, Randy could be our practice kid. God knows he's stubborn enough to be one."

Cody laughed and dropped his head onto Ted's shoulder. "I love you, Teddy." Ted hugged Cody tightly, happy to see him returning to normal. His young fiancé had taken the brunt of running the Cena-Orton house and watching over Randy the bulk of the day despite the fact he had been given the all clear from the doctor before being released from the hospital. He had been told to continue his therapy and Cody had taken it upon himself to personally drive Randy to and from, as well. All the stress of the past week Randy had been home had begun to take its toll on Cody and he had become distant, even from Ted. It had worried him to no end, especially after the argument they'd had in Randy's hospital room.

"I love you, too, Cody, so much it scares me sometimes."

Cody pulled back slowly, his forehead creased in a frown. "Why does it scare you? I'm not going anywhere, Ted. My love is for you and only for you and will be forever." He rolled his eyes and pulled away, winking playfully. "You would think you know that by now seeing as how we're getting married and all…"

Ted smiled and nodded, turning his attention over to the giant board in the kitchen Cody had hung up to keep track of everyone's schedule. "So, what's on the board for today?"

Cody turned his gaze over after thanking the kids for cleaning up and sighed. "Wow, nothing. This is my first day where I don't have to do anything or drive anyone anywhere. What am I gonna do?"

"You could spend some time with your fiancé…preferably in the bedroom…" replied Ted, a small smile on his face as he ran his hands down to Cody's rear.

"Not with the kids in the house, Teddy," scolded Cody as he lightly slapped Ted's hand away. "What am I supposed to do with them while we're spending time in the room?"

As Ted opened his mouth to answer, another voice entered the kitchen, causing both men to jerk in surprise.

"You could let their father take them out to the park, maybe." Randy smirked at the blush that came upon Cody's face. "That way you can two can have some private time and be as loud as you want without my babies' ears in the house."

Ted laughed and nodded. "That sounds perfect actually. I think Cody and I could use a little something to make us both scream. What do you think, Codes?"

Cody shook his head, the embarrassment still obvious. "You two are horrible," He sighed and looked over at Randy, concern in his eyes. "I don't know about that idea. Are you sure you're ready, Ran?"

Randy shrugged and frowned. "Am I ready to walk 5 blocks down the street and sit in a park? Yeah, I think I am…"

Cody shook his head and leaned in the counter. "Randy, you know what I mean."

"Cody, I'm fine. Haven't I proved that I know what I did was a huge mistake and I won't ever be trying it again? I would never do anything to hurt myself or my kids ever again. Please trust me and stop watching me so closely." Randy smiled slowly at his young friend. "I love you, Codes, but I swear I'm gonna turn around one day and you're gonna be watching me pee or something."

Cody laughed softly and shook his head. "Gross. Trust me, I won't."

"Good. So…can I take my kids to the park so Ted can get that look of frustration off his face? I'll take the kids to my parents' house after the park so that gives you guys the rest of the afternoon off so you can have all the fun you want." Randy moved around the counter slowly as Cody sighed and finally nodded.

"Fine, but come back home if you feel stressed or like it's too soon, OK. Or you can call me and I'll meet you at the park…" Cody's words were interrupted by Ted grabbing him and turning him over. "Stop lecturing him. He knows what he's doing. Give me some of that attention."

Randy smiled and walked over to them, pulling Cody over and hugging him tightly. "Listen to your guy, Cody and take all the minutes together you can because you never know when they're gonna end. I promise I'll be fine, OK."

Cody returned his hug and nodded against his shoulder. "OK, I know you will."

Ted smiled gratefully at Randy and hugged him, as well. "Thanks, Ran. I'm glad to see you acting normal again." He frowned and shrugged as he pulled back. "Well, normal for you, at least. Now, get the hell out of here."

Randy rolled his eyes and flipped him off. "Love how I'm being kicked out of my own fucking house. If you fuck on something or break it, you buy me a new one, understood?"

Cody buried his face in his hands and Ted laughed and wrapped him into his arms. Randy walked out of the kitchen and found his kids sitting in the living room, scanning a magazine.

"Hey, guys. Let's get out of here for a bit. I wanna go to the park and then we could drop in on grandma and grandpa when it's time for lunch."

Alanna looked at her brother in surprise and raised an eyebrow. Angel shrugged and remained quiet as Alanna turned to her father. "Really? You're gonna take us out? To the park?"

Randy shrugged and nodded, checking his pocket for his wallet, phone and keys. "Yeah, come on, let's go!"

"Are you sure, Dad?" said Angel quietly, remaining in his position.

Randy laughed as he looked at his children in surprise; the children who were always ready to go out at a moment's notice. "Yes, I'm sure! What's wrong with you two?"

"Well, Dad, you haven't wanted to do anything since you got home…" Angel looked towards Alanna, who nodded. "Uncle Cody has been doing pretty much everything and Uncle Ted has, too." She smiled slowly and lowered her voice. "Well, whatever Uncle Cody lets him do."

Randy smiled and lowered his body to the table in front of his children. "Well, Uncle Cody has been keeping me kinda locked up for the past week, too and I finally got him to realize that I'm all better. I want to go out, not only because I haven't seen more than our house for a week now, but because I also wanna give Uncle Cody and Uncle Ted a break. They need some alone time."

"For what?" asked Angel, a curious look on his face.

Randy's eyes widened and he laughed nervously. "Um, sleep, maybe or just to watch some TV that's not cartoons…they can do whatever they want."

Alanna looked over at Angel and raised an eyebrow, both kids still trying to figure out Randy's mood. He stood slowly and twirled his keys on his finger. "Well, if you two don't wanna go, then just stay. I'm gonna go have fun in the park by myself and then I'm gonna go eat some of grandma's awesome food by myself…"

"OK, OK, we'll go!" said Alanna, quickly standing up. "Are you really sure you feel better, though? We don't want you to get sick again and have to leave us."

Randy bent towards her and shook his head. "I feel perfect. Didn't I promise you both that I was gonna take such good care of myself so I never got that sick again and had to leave you? I won't be breaking that promise."

"Really?" asked Angel, moving to his other side. Randy nodded and smiled. "Really, really."

Both kids giggled and each took one of Randy's outstretched hands as he led them towards the front door. Cody moved to the window to watch them leave the property and smiled, having overhead some of the conversation. It did sound like Randy was on his way back to normal and was truly focused on moving on. He sighed in relief at that thought and moved away, turning his gaze towards Ted.

"They're gone."

Ted extended his hand to him and pulled him close when it was taken. He pressed a kiss to the side of Cody's head and held him against his body as they left the kitchen. "Baby, we can just sit and watch TV or take a nap if you want. I know you must be exhausted from all you've been doing this week. Randy and I were just teasing you before."

Cody nodded. "I know. I already know how much you two love to mortify me." He smiled and wrapped an arm around Ted's waist. "Let's just go to our room."

Ted smiled happily and Cody raised an eyebrow. "I'm not promising anything yet."

Ted's smile faded slightly as he followed Cody down the hall towards the large room they shared in the Cena-Orton home. Cody entered before him and grabbed the remote from the nightstand as he threw his body onto the bed. Ted watched him with a frown on his face. Despite him having told Cody he'd be OK with just watching the television, he hadn't really meant it.

"Come lay down with me, Teddy. Let's watch a movie or something,"

Ted sighed and nodded, kicking his sneakers off and climbing into bed besides his fiancé. Cody immediately curled up to him and aimed the remote at the television, searching for something to interest him as Ted groaned inwardly at the feel of his body pressed against his.

"Isn't this nice, baby?"

Ted sighed inwardly but nodded. "Yeah, it is, babe."

Cody dropped the remote on his side as he found a movie. "Look, they're giving Cujo!"

"Great, the dog and I can commiserate on our frustrations," mumbled Ted quietly. Cody ignored him and focused on the screen but moved his body closer to Ted's and rested his hand on his chest. Ted remained still, letting Cody get comfortable, but with each pass of his hand on him or each rub of his body, the older man felt his pants tighten even more with need.

"Are you OK, baby?"

Ted looked down at Cody's eyes looking up at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you? You seem to be a little restless."

Cody smiled slowly and shook his head, moving his hand down to Ted's stomach and lifting his shirt. "Do I?"

Ted jumped as Cody's fingers touched the bare skin of his stomach. "What are you doing, baby? I thought we were watching a movie,"

"We are," Cody fingers danced on Ted's skin, traveling up to his chest and down to the waist of his jeans, tickling him and moving lower and lower.

Ted's body was literally vibrating from the sensation and he had to grab Cody's hand to stop him. "Baby, please, you're killing me here. What are you doing?"

Cody smirked and lifted his body over Ted's. "Paying you back a little for teasing me with Randy earlier,"

Ted's eyes widened as Cody rested his body on top of his and began placing kisses upon his face. Their lips met and their tongues swirled around each other, soft moans escaping their lips. Breaking apart due to the necessity of breathing, Ted gazed deeply into the eyes of his fiancé.

"Cody," he murmured. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Teddy" Cody replied. "And I have missed you, too, in every way."

Deciding he didn't want to waste a single moment of the time he could spend making love to his beloved fiancé, Ted flipped Cody over, quickly settling between his spread legs and practically ripping the clothes off his body. He leaned back to appreciate the view of his younger lover; naked, aroused and willing.

Cody wrapped his legs around Ted's waist as the older man blanketed him. Ted balanced his weight on his left forearm and began a trail of kisses down Cody's jaw and neck. He increased pressure as he reached Cody's collarbone and chest, leaving the occasional mark of possession in his wake. Ted's tongue danced down Cody's smooth chest, suckling Cody's right nipple. Cody moaned softly at the attention and Ted repeated the action on the left side, leaving both nipples achingly hard in his wake. Abandoning the solid nubs with reluctance, Ted then began a tender assault on the slender navel. He ran his tongue around the edge of the tiny indent, and then began a rhythmic thrusting inside. He ran his tongue down towards the heat of Cody's groin then diverted down the crease of each inner thigh. Gently he took each testicle into his mouth and rolled them slowly, reveling in Cody's cries of pleasure and need. Ted released the small ovals and slid a large palm under each of Cody's cheeks, simultaneously lifting and spreading them open. Using his thumbs, Ted exposed Cody's tiny center fully and began to lick and probe until it slowly relaxed enough for Ted's tongue to thrust deeply and rhythmically. Continuing to thrust with his tongue, Ted blindly reached for their lube in the side table and coated his fingers. He replaced his tongue with a slick finger as he moved back up to kiss Cody, his tongue invading his lover's mouth with the same tempo as his finger pumped into Cody's center. As Ted re-entered Cody with two fingers, Ted moved to suckle Cody's sensitized nipples, relishing the way Cody arched into his touch. Finally Ted had three fingers buried inside his lover and Cody's erection arched hard against his flat stomach. He took Cody's erection into his mouth in one swift move and sucked ferociously. He wanted and needed to taste Cody. He moved his tongue over the slit of Cody's penis and was rewarded by the tightening of his body. Swallowing the erection completely, Ted held Cody's hips down as the younger man tried to arch up.

"Please, Teddy, enough!" Cody panted. "Take me already. I wanna cum with you inside me."

Ted pulled away and peeled his clothes off, throwing them careless onto the floor. "Oh I will, baby," his voice was low, dark and possessive. "I'm gonna make you scream." As he spoke, Ted lifted Cody's legs onto his shoulders and pressed his slicked length at the stretched opening to Cody's body.

"Yes! God, I love you, want you, need you," Cody moaned as Ted pushed into Cody's welcoming body.

Ted groaned at the sensation of Cody's channel clenching tightly around his hard length. He'd wanted to love Cody slowly, but instead gave into his body's demands and began to pound him hard and deep, hitting Cody's sweet spot repeatedly. Ted kissed Cody as his hips thrust into the willing body. Sliding his hand between their bodies, Ted began to pump Cody in counterpoint to his thrusts. Cody responded by arching his back, his head thrashing from side to side, lost in their mutual passion.

"Teddy, I'm so close," Cody cried out his lover's name as he felt his imminent climax.

"You're gonna cum, Baby" Ted growled in Cody's ear. "Cum with me, cum for me, Baby."

With a scream, Cody climaxed hard. The clenching of his channel and the look of ecstasy on Cody's face as he came were enough to force Ted over. With a primal roar, Ted erupted in Cody's body, his seed flowing deep inside his lover. As he came down from his orgasmic high, Ted retained enough presence of mind to roll sideways, taking Cody with him. He tucked his head beneath his chin after kissing the sweat-dampened temples.

"God, I love you, Cody," he whispered.

"Love you, too, Teddy, so much." Cody panted in reply, snuggling into the bigger man's comforting embrace and raising his lips for another kiss. The men's slow, tender kisses slowly ended as they drifted off into a contented sleep.

* * *

"So, then Annie said she didn't say that but then Veronica said she was lying…"

"And then we decided we didn't care!" interrupted Angel, earning himself a patented Orton glare from Alanna. "Stop boring me and Daddy with stories about your silly friends!"

"My friends are not silly and my stories are not boring! Daddy doesn't wanna hear about all your friends and talk about cars and basketball only. That's boring!" she retorted with a huff.

"We're boys so it's not boring to us, know it all. Besides, even if I wanted to talk to him you never give me a chance. You never stop talking!" Angel rolled his eyes and continued walking, smiling brightly as Alanna became more infuriated besides him.

"Well, you never have anything interesting to say so…" Alanna smirked and skipped along.

Randy watched the interaction with a small smile on his face and remained silent. He knew when the time came to interfere but for now he was enjoying every moment spent with his children and every word that was coming out of their mouth. Time had also taught him that an argument between his children was resolved by them usually only minutes later.

Sure enough, as the park came into view, both kids smiled at each other and looked back at his face. Nodding his permission, Randy watched as the children flew off in the direction of the open park gates, their laughter carrying back over to him. He followed slowly behind them, his eyes following their every move as they blended in with friends they spotted. Randy smiled at some of the parents he recognized but slid into the bench farthest away from them. John had been the one most likely to bring the children to the park and school therefore he had known many of the other parents. The last time Randy has interacted with them for more than the 5 minutes it took him to drop off his kids at school in the mornings was during John's funeral. It had been a horrifying experience having to endure all the men and women sharing memories with him of how amazing John had been with his children and he didn't want to have a repeat.

Randy's eyes followed the children as they played with their friends and he felt for the first time in a long time a feeling of contentment take over him. In the past week he had been home, he had been amazed at all the things he was noticing. Something as simple as sharing a bite of his daughter's pancake or watching his son play a video game was now fascinating to him. It was moments like those that made him furious with himself. He couldn't believe he had been so quick to decide he would just give them up. There was no doubt in his mind John's death had destroyed him but for once now he had a glimmer of hope that he could rebuild and it came from his children's' eyes.

"Mr. Orton,"

Randy broke from his thoughts and his head snapped up at the sound of a woman's voice. She smiled down at him, her eyes warm and her face familiar to Randy as she tentatively slid in beside him.

"Yes,"

The woman looked over towards the children and motioned to a couple playing on the slide. "My name is Karen Albert. My kids over there are in the same class as yours."

Randy nodded, a small smile on his face. "Right, of course. How are you, Mrs. Albert?"

"No, call me Karen, please." Karen shook her head. "Mrs. Albert makes me feel so old."

"Well, only if you'll call me Randy, then. Mr. Orton is still my father," Randy rolled his eyes and smiled wider.

"It's nice to see you back around. I haven't seen you in a bit. The kids have been coming to school with another young man or with Sam so…" Karen trailed off a blush crept onto her face. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound nosy. I just wanted to convey to you from me and from all the parents how happy we are to see you back."

Randy nodded and waved off her concern. "You're not being nosy. I appreciate how the community has tried to help me after John's death, especially since many of you don't even know me that well. John was the one you all saw most of. He was so involved with the school and came here with them whenever we were home…" He stopped and shrugged. "Anyway, thanks for welcoming me home. I was away for a few weeks..."

"I'm sure you needed it. As for offering to help you, well, you're part of our community! You and John were a wonderful couple. We could all see that from the beginning. It's a terrible thing what happened to him and, by extension, what happened to you and the kids. None of us could even begin to imagine what you were all going through. We wanted to help as much as we could but at the same time none of us knew how to approach you. Everyone grieves differently, though. Some people enjoy the company and neighbors bringing casseroles while others just want to hide out in their homes and remove themselves from everyone and everything." Karen shrugged.

Randy frowned and lowered his head. He was aware of how standoffish he was in most situations and knew that was what Karen was getting at. "I guess I would fall into the second category."

Karen laughed softly and shook her head. "Oh, honey, I would be the exact same way if something happened to my husband. You think I would want all these eyes on me? Hell no! I would've run to Timbuktu or something. Trust me, no one blamed you. We all just wanted you to know you had friends. Just because you didn't hang in the schoolyard like John did doesn't mean you weren't as much a friend to us."

Randy nodded. "I know. It's just taking me some time to really wake up and notice what's around me. It's like I'm waking up in a whole new world. Learning to live the rest of my life without John, as a widower, well…it's gonna take some time."

"You don't have to live the rest of your life alone, Randy. You're still so young. What happened to John was tragic but you can't end your life like his ended. He wouldn't want that, I'm sure. Try to move on and find happiness again." Karen placed her hand over his comfortingly. "You have a wonderful family. Draw on them for strength."

Randy looked down at his hand covered by Karen, still a virtual stranger to him. "Thank you. I'm learning to do that; especially in the past couple of weeks." He looked up and met Karen's caring smile. "It sounds terrible but I'm just learning how blessed I am. I have a great family and friends and I have the most amazing children ever…despite what happened to my husband, I'm a very lucky man."

Karen smiled and shook her head. "How did you get such a bad rap, Randy? You're such a sweet guy but so many people think you're kinda mean…sorry to tell you."

Randy laughed and nodded. "Well, I can be a bit antisocial, but then again, compared to John, everyone was antisocial! I think my bad rap mostly comes from my character on TV, though. I'm working on improving that, as well. Baby steps."

Karen joined him in laughter as Randy's eyes darted over to the side. His kids were whispering quietly as they watched him speak to Karen and he smiled over at them and called out, "Everything OK?"

Both kids nodded and slowly began to approach him. Randy frowned in confusion and stood up, excusing himself from Karen and meeting them halfway. "What's wrong, guys?"

Alanna smiled slowly and shook her head. "Nothing. You just look so happy."

Randy's face slowly relaxed and he shrugged. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's just…we haven't seen you look that happy in a long time. It's nice." responded Angel.

Randy smiled and nodded. "It feels really nice," He lowered his eyes momentarily before raising them back up to the children. "I know how bad things have been. Things are gonna get better, though. I know I've been saying that for months now but this time we're actually gonna do it. We're gonna be happy and move on because that's what Daddy John would want. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize that. I'm gonna be a better Dad, OK."

Both kids stared back at him with confused frowns but nodded. Randy pulled them each into his arms and hugged them tightly, serving only to confuse them more.

"OK, go play now and let me finish my conversation."

The kids stared at him then at each other before giving dismissive shrugs and moving away. Randy smiled as he watched them run off and then turned to walk back over to Karen. He plopped back down onto the bench beside her and sighed.

"OK, so you wanna help me? I'm gonna ask for it now."

Karen nodded and leaned back, her arms crossed over her chest. "Shoot,"

"I have tons to catch up on because when John was alive he did a lot of the stuff I didn't want to do just to keep me happy. I guess I have to get over that now and start doing things for myself," Randy rolled his eyes but smiled. "My best friends are getting married so I really wanna focus on helping them plan the best wedding ever but at the same I need to focus my attention on the kids. They've been without it for too long now."

"OK, so how can I help you?" Karen asked.

"Tell me about this school thing. That was the most important thing to John. What should I be doing? I know its everyday and they get work to bring home because I take them and I see the work but," Randy smiled slowly, a bit embarrassed. "Is there something else I should be doing? I want the best for my kids and I just feel like since John died they haven't gotten it. I've been so distracted and I don't want to be anymore when it comes to them, especially for their schoolwork. John went to college and got this amazing education before he entered our business and he wanted his kids to follow in his footsteps. I wanna make sure I can give him that. I want to make all his dreams come true even if he's not here to see it."

Karen smiled and nodded. "I have no doubt you will and I will gladly help you get back on track. I also believe that wherever John is, he will see it."

"You know what, I stand corrected. He will see it!" Randy sighed contently, happy to feel some of the burden lift of his shoulders. He was moving on…and it felt right.


	56. Chapter 55

**November 2013**

John groaned loudly as Carl, his physical therapist, motioned for him to continue. He did his final set of calf raises and let the machine drop with a loud clank. "Enough, I'm done and want to go home."

Carl frowned and looked at his watch. "We have about 5 minutes, John. How about we do some lunges…"

"Carl, we're cool, dude, but in about 2 seconds, I'm gonna hurt you." John raised an eyebrow and rested his arms on the exercise machine he sat on. "I wanna go."

"You are not allowed to stop until my clock hits 3:00pm on the dot, John." Carl crossed his arms over his chest and returned John's glare. "Doctor's orders!"

John shrugged. "I don't care,"

"And Randy's orders," responded Carl, a smirk coming onto his face. John's glare immediately softened and he sighed, shaking his head. "Fine, but I don't know what I can do in 5 minutes."

"Get on the mat and give me straight leg lifts until Randy walks in through the door," Carl answered, moving away from the machine and watching as John lowered his body to the floor mats with another loud groan.

John took a deep breath and forced his mind to settle and concentrate on his therapy. It always wandered at the end of the session because his anticipation over seeing Randy walk through the door to pick him up was stronger than his desire to exercise. He knew the younger man would be irate with him, though, if he got a bad report from Carl so he refocused his energy.

Despite the aneurysm not having had any lasting effect on John, the doctors recommended a couple days of physical therapy a week for a few months. John was determined to get back to his normal routine and that not only included spending time as a father and husband but also as a WWE wrestler. Thankfully, he had flown through all the follow-up tests the doctor recommended with flying colors and was well on his way to getting back to normal. Randy had reluctantly already returned to work a week before and even though John was having a great time being with his children on a daily basis, he missed being on the road doing what he loved to do.

"See, I knew you had it in you, Johnny."

John rolled his eyes from the floor. "Shut up."

Carl laughed loudly and grabbed John's legs as he lifted them up in the air. "All right, you big grump. Hold them up and don't let me push them down."

John growled deep in his throat and gritted his teeth as Carl put pressure on his heels and he tried to keep from bending. After a few seconds, he shook his head on the mat and dropped. "Enough! I can't. I'm really done now."

Carl nodded. "Yes, you are but you did great. I'm very proud, John."

John closed his eyes as he tried to calm his breathing and nodded, a small smile on his face.

"So am I,"

John's eyes snapped open and met Randy's tall figure as it leaned on the weight machine. He smiled up at him and quickly sat up and slid his legs up, rising up to his full height. Randy smiled at him and stretched his hand out, pulling him in for a hug and a kiss to the forehead. "How do you feel, baby?"

John wrapped his arm around Randy's waist and let the warmth of it seep into his body for a moment before responding. "Better now that you're here. I want to go home."

Randy nodded and looked over at Carl. "Is he really good to go?"

Carl nodded and smiled. "Yeah, we're done for the day. Pretty soon we won't be seeing John around here at all."

"I'll be so happy that day," mumbled John, keeping his body wrapped around Randy's. The younger man looked down at him with a concerned frown. "I know; another couple of weeks and he's done. Do you really think he's ready, though, Carl?"

"He's doing great, Randy. He comes in and busts his ass each time. I wish all my patients were as focused and dedicated to getting better as John is. The only thing he needs to work on is that whining whenever he sees the hour is almost up…" Carl raised an eyebrow and smirked when John flipped him off. "Blow me. It's not whining; it's called knowing I don't need this anymore. I want this finished."

Randy squeezed John to him and smiled. "I would hope not. The last thing I need is another whiner in the house."

John rolled his eyes moved his arm around Randy's body, stopping to link their hands together. "Enough already. I wanna get out here."

Carl laughed and moved over to pat John on the back. "All right, grump. Go on now and follow your at home regimen and I'll see you next week."

John nodded and smiled gratefully at his therapist. Despite his complaints and grumbling, he had to admit that Carl was one of the best therapists he had ever worked with. The man knew when to push and encourage him but knew when to let him rest or even cry in frustration.

He tugged Randy forward, anxious to exit the medical complex and get home. Randy laughed and waved goodbye to Carl, already used to John's impatience at the end of his therapy. They walked silently out of the hospital building that had become like a second home to John and he breathed in the cold air happily.

"I'll never stop loving this moment."

Randy squeezed his hand and watched him with a loving smile on his face. "Me, too, baby." He glanced at his watch and quickened his steps towards the car. "The kids get out of school in like 20 minutes."

John followed Randy to the car and quickly climbed in after him. "Perfect timing, then. I promised them we could go the park for a little while after they get out."

Randy wrinkled his nose and started the car, pulling out of the hospital garage. "I'll drop you off and head home. Last thing I wanna do is sit in the park and freeze my ass off when I could be home."

John laughed and leaned his head on back of the seat. "No, come with me, babe. I'm sick of being the only dad there with all the moms. I've become like their mascot or something. They always ask me about you, too."

"Tell them I have some type of social disorder," Randy smirked and looked over at John with a wink. "I hate being surrounded by all those women. They're so nosy and want to talk to me all the time. I'm not a talker like you."

"Yes, you are. We talk all the time," John moved his hand over to smooth up and down Randy's thigh. "Don't sell yourself short."

"Well, you're not a nosy group of women," Randy smiled and moved one hand down from the wheel to lie on top of the one John placed on his leg. "Besides, I love doing everything with you, even talking."

"Maybe tonight we can do a little talking in the bedroom?" John raised an eyebrow and danced his fingers across Randy's thigh to his jean covered crotch. Randy groaned softly and moved John's hand away but kept it wrapped in his. "Stop, baby. I don't need to roll up to the kid's school with a boner."

John smiled and stroked the skin on Randy's hand. "Fine, but you didn't answer my question…"

Randy pulled the car into the school parking lot and turned over to meet John's smiling face. "Yes, of course. When do I ever say no to you?"

John's smile widened as he unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned towards his husband. His lips hovered over Randy's, causing the younger man to smile slowly. "Any way I want it?"

Randy nodded slowly and licked his lips. "Yes, baby, even though you've been getting your way a little too often with me lately."

"Ah, the benefits of a brain bleed," John smiled and pressed his lips to Randy's but he quickly pulled away with a frown. "Not funny. We will never be able to joke about that, John."

John sighed and wrapped an arm around Randy's neck, pulling him back in. "Baby, if I can laugh about it, why can't you? I'm all better now."

Randy's frown only slightly softened as John joined their lips once more. He licked at Randy's lips, tasting him and intensifying the kiss. Randy found himself responding; parting his lips easily and letting their tongues meet. He moaned softly into John's mouth and cursed his inability to ignore his husband's advances when upset even as he wrapped his arms around John's slender hips and drew him close. It all seemed so unimportant and silly after John's emergency that letting him have all he'd wanted for the past few weeks was nothing in comparison.

The men broke apart a few seconds later but kept their foreheads pressed tightly together. John's eyes slowly opened and he smiled when he saw Randy's still closed. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss on each eyelid and pulled back. "You can stop treating me like china any day now. I'm not gonna break, baby."

Randy let his eyes open and smiled as he nodded. "I know you're not gonna break but I'm not gonna stop treating you like you're not the most important thing in my life because you are, John. Besides, I know you have to be enjoying getting everything you want lately."

John laughed softly and nodded. "I have; trust me but I know why you're doing it. You're still worried about upsetting me with something. You're the most important thing to me too Randy and I just don't want you to worry about me anymore. I want things to get back to normal even if that means I lose an argument every now and then like I used to before."

Randy sighed and slowly pulled away as he saw children begin to stream out of the school's door. "Fine, I'll try to back off a little but don't expect much too soon...and don't complain when you start losing those arguments." He opened the car door and slid out. John laughed and followed him out of his side towards the school. "Between the kids and you, I'm used to being the one to always give in and losing the fight. It won't be hard to get back to that."

Randy leaned on the hood of the car and shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "Go get our babies so we can get out of here."

* * *

Hours later, after the trip to the park was long over and homework had been done and children had been put to sleep, John sighed in contentment. He was snuggled down with Randy in their bed, the younger man's arms wrapped tightly around him as they spooned. The TV played in front of them, the voice of the news reporter solemn.

John snuggled back against Randy's chest, reveling in the feel of bare skin against bare skin. His arms lay on top of Randy's as they circled his waist. The light puff of Randy's breath against the back of his neck kept sending shivers racing down his spine.

"Are you sleepy, baby? We can turn this off."

Randy's soft drawl drew John's attention and he shook his head. "No, I'm fine…perfect, actually."

John turned over in Randy's arms, meeting him face to face. Randy smiled and pulled him in close. "Are you sure? You had a long day. I know, despite how often you deny it, going to therapy then being with the kids the rest of the afternoon is exhausting. You should really get some rest…"

John stopped him with a kiss. He meant it to be a soft, gentle touch of lips that would reassure Randy he was fine but the minute their lips touched, the kiss turned hungry and needy, John sucking on Randy's lips and thrusting his tongue into his mouth to stroke and possess. They broke breathlessly apart and John smiled as he met Randy's eyes. "I told you I'm not sleepy and didn't you promise to stop doing this? You said you'd let things get back to normal."

Randy sighed, his heart still pounding from the intensity of John's kiss. "I know. I want things to get back to normal but…"

"No buts." interrupted John. "Ran, I want everything to get back to the way it was and that includes things in here, too. We only had one night together after we made up before I was confined to that damn hospital bed and after a month there and now almost a month home, we've still barely touched. I miss you, baby and I can do things in the bedroom, you know."

"I know you can. I just don't want you to overexert yourself, John," Randy began the speech John had heard so many nights now that he had lost track. He rolled his eyes and groaned loudly. "Ugh, enough, Randy! I overexerted myself every day before the bleed! I've learned the balance now so I can do it all; therapy, be with the kids, work in the garage…and eventually be in the ring again. I'm learning how to live again and do it all again except for this one thing because you just won't let me. What do I have to do to convince you?"

Randy remained quiet and lowered his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do know. You just aren't telling me." responded John softly. "Will you just talk to me?"

Randy lifted his eyes up to John's momentarily before moving away from him and moving his body into a sitting position. John frowned and stared at his back from where he still lay on the bed. Randy's shoulders were tense as his back hunched over and he couldn't help but run his hand down it, trying to comfort his husband. "Baby, please talk to me,"

Randy slowly turned and looked down at him. "The last time we made love in this bed I woke up and found you gone. Your body was still here but you, everything that made you my John, was gone and I didn't know at that moment if you were ever gonna wake up and come back to me. It was the worst thing I have ever had to go through. That entire day in the hospital waiting for your eyes to open was torture. All I could think of was that if you didn't wake up we had just spent month's apart and wasted so much time and it seemed so ridiculous. I couldn't stop thinking that maybe if I had stayed with you and forced you to do something about your head that I could've stopped that bleed from happening. I hated myself for leaving you and if you would've died, John, I would've followed you."

John frowned and slowly sat up, his chest tightening with pain at the words falling from Randy's lips. "Stop it. Don't you ever talk about hurting yourself. None of this was your fault. I bought this on myself, Ran. I didn't take care of myself and I let us fall apart. I don't blame you for our separation. You should've walked out on me months before you actually did. I needed to lose you for those months to see what I had and how much of a dumbass I was being for not protecting it. You couldn't have stopped what happened to me; no one could've. I was in such deep denial that nothing would've worked, baby."

"I don't want to think these things. I just want to focus on us being together now and the fact that you're healthy but I still get so scared some nights. I wake up with this fear and actually have to shake you to see if you'll respond to me." Randy shook his head and ran his fingers over his short hair in frustration. "You have no idea how much I want things to get back to the way they were, John but I just don't know how."

John grabbed Randy's hands in his, stilling them. "Start by just looking at me. Look at me, Ran." He smiled and caressed the skin on Randy's hand. "I'm here; I'm the same corny, boring, vanilla John I always was."

Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "Good; I love him."

"And I love you. Let's just take it a day at a time and soon it'll be like nothing ever happened. I'll let you keep scolding me and watching over me and feel free to wake me up every night if you have to." John pulled Randy into him and hugged him tightly against his body. "I don't plan on going anywhere."

Randy buried his face in John's neck and held onto him tightly. "Promise me?"

"I swear. We don't lie to each other, remember?" John pressed a kiss to the side of Randy's neck and gently lowered him back down, keeping him in his embrace. They remained tangled in each others arms, eyes staring into each other for what seemed like forever until Randy spoke. "Just for the record, I have missed you, too and everything we do in this bedroom."

John smiled and nodded. "I know. I'm pretty hot."

Randy rolled his eyes. "And a dork…"

John laughed softly. "You married me. What does that make you?"

"An even bigger dork," responded Randy, with his own laugh.

Turning over onto his back, John drew Randy over him and down into an intense kiss. Their tongues mated as they sank into each other. Randy's lips were firm and warm against John's own and John couldn't resist pulling back just enough to lightly nip Randy's lower lip before deepening the kiss again. John could feel all the love Randy had for him pouring into the kiss. He reveled in the sensation as he reached up, wrapping his arms around Randy's neck. Their chests pressed together, hardened nipples rubbing against each other. Randy's cock was firm against John's left thigh and his own cock was rising to rub against Randy's hip. John felt Randy's hand moving over his hip and into his boxers. Randy's fingers were stroking the skin above his cock and John raised his hips, hoping that Randy would take the hint. He did and his fingers trailed down, circling the head of John's cock. John's hips jerked up lightly in reaction, his cock thrusting forward into Randy's hand. His hands stroked down Randy's back, savoring the feel of the muscles he found there as he moved his lips down and kissed his way down Randy's neck, savoring the warmth of Randy's skin.

Randy kept his hand on John's cock, squeezing lightly as he stroked him. John bit his lower lip and fought to control himself. "Randy," he gasped out. "You're going to have to stop or I'll explode. It's been too long, baby."

Randy moved his lips to John's ear, sucking gently on the lobe. "I want you to explode, Johnny,"

John's breathing was rapid as they kissed once more and Randy could feel how closely he was hanging onto his control. The older man shook his head and grabbed at Randy's hand, pulling him away. "Ran, I want to be inside you when I explode."

Randy nodded and kissed him gently before rolling beneath him. John pulled back to give him the room he needed. Randy responded by pulling him down and into a kiss, John's body completely draped over his this time. He reached an arm over his head and John heard the drawer of their nightstand being opened and soon a bottle placed in his hand.

John pulled back slightly and looked down at Randy, a small smile on his face. "Are you sure?"

Randy raised an eyebrow and lifted his body up on his elbows. "Damn right I'm sure. You're not gonna leave me in this state, Cena." He looked down at his still boxer covered erection and then back up at John. "Take it off,"

John quickly sat up and let his boxers fall to the floor before grabbing onto Randy's hips and tearing the underwear he wore off, as well. He settled in between Randy's spread thighs and opened the bottle of lube, squirting some onto his fingers. John reached down with his hand to Randy's opening, easing one finger slowly inside as Randy moaned and dropped back down onto the bed. The initial tightening soon relaxed and John was able to slide a second and a third finger in with much less resistance. Randy's hips moved in time with each thrust of his fingers, soft gasps and moans falling from his lips.

"Enough, baby. I'm ready for you."

John nodded and moved over Randy, bracing his weight on his left arm as he guided himself into Randy's body and gently pushed in. Sliding slowly inside, John paused, giving Randy time to adjust after so long a time without their lovemaking. He squeezed his eyes closed, taking deep breaths and fighting the urge to slam inside the tight heat. Instead, he pulled out to and then eased himself back in, going a bit further and deeper with each slow thrust until he was finally seated completely within Randy's welcoming body.

Randy reached up and drew John's mouth down to his own. They took the time to kiss long and leisurely as Randy's body adjusted to John being inside him. Their tongues dueled as John began very small thrusts.

They moved together, finding the rhythm that they both enjoyed. Randy reached down and grasped John's hips, helping him to change his angle of penetration. John smiled, knowing what Randy wanted. He adjusted himself and thrust deep, his cock head and part of the shaft sliding over Randy's prostrate.

"Johnny!" Randy cried out, his body arching up. "Oh, God,"

That was when John lost all the control he had been so carefully hanging onto. His strokes went from slow and deep to fast plunges, the bed shaking with the force of their bodies moving together. It had been too long and John knew it. He saw stars as pleasure engulfed him. His whole body became one giant mass of nerves, overloading in bliss as he listened to Randy cry out underneath him.

"Randy, cum with me, baby!" he cried out, knowing he was close to orgasm.

That was all Randy needed. With those words from John, Randy cried out a final time, his body convulsing around John as cum shot from his cock between their bodies.

John felt Randy's shudders and tightening around him and he let go. He thrust deep and hard, his body exploding. His body trembled as he emptied himself, his whole world shaking with the force of his orgasm.

Gasping for breath, John fell onto Randy. Immediately, Randy's arms wrapped around John and drew him closer. No words were spoken, neither had the breath or the energy. No words were needed, however.

They fell asleep soon after, their bodies still locked together. Randy had carefully rolled them to the side so that he wouldn't be crushed. Wrapped in each others arms, their bodies linked, they fell into oblivion.

When he finally awoke, Randy reluctantly pulled back, feeling John slip from inside him. Dropping a kiss on John's cheek, he rose and padded into the bathroom.

Having taken care of business, he moved back into the bedroom. For a moment he just stood over the bed and stared at the man he loved. John's features were softened in sleep, all the stress of the past months nonexistent on his face.

Climbing back into bed, he drew John to him. Lovingly he traced the contours of John's face with a finger. Then he smoothed his hand over John's muscled shoulder and down his arm.

"I love you so much," Randy softly whispered, moving closer to John. "I don't ever want to lose you again,"

Even in his sleep, John drew Randy closer to him. Laying his head against John's chest, Randy counted his heartbeats. They were strong and steady, just as John now was. They echoed against Randy's ear, assuring him that his love was close.


	57. Chapter 56

Randy smiled as he watched the action in the ring on the monitor in his dressing room. He leaned on his locker as the noise from the fans in the arena reached his ears. He could see clearly how much fun John was having being back in the ring and the crowd was letting him know how much they missed him.

"Wow, this is the first time the Cena chants are louder than the Cena sucks chants,"

Randy's smile widened and he turned towards his son at the sound of his voice. Angel watched the monitor closely, a proud smile on his face as he watched his beloved father. Randy pulled him over and hugged him tightly. "The fans are happy to see him back…even the ones who aren't Cena fans can appreciate what Daddy went through and are happy to see him back in the ring. It'll probably wear off in a week or two but for now, let's just let Daddy enjoy it, OK?"

Angel nodded and kept his arms wrapped around Randy's waist, his fingers sliding through the belt loops of his jeans. Randy held him close as they watched John finish his match with his signature AA and cover his opponent, the crowd erupting into cheers as John's hand was raised in victory. Angel squeezed Randy tightly, his excitement making him practically bounce as Randy laughed softly.

"Did you see it? How awesome does Daddy look out there?"

Randy turned as his daughter burst into the locker room, his face flushed with happiness. He held his arm out to her and pulled her into the embrace. "He looked amazing. Where have you been?"

"With the girls in their locker room. Everyone was surrounding the TV watching in there, too, but I wanted to be in here for when Daddy comes in!" Alanna pulled away from Randy and headed for the door, grabbing the handle. "You know what; no! I'm gonna wait at gorilla for Daddy!"

"Wait for me! I wanna go, too!" Angel raced after his sister and before Randy had a chance to yell at them to come back, they were gone. He let his mouth closed and turned back to the monitor in time to see John shaking hands with fans around the ring and taking photos with some members of the Armed Forces that were in attendance. He soon finished and began the walk up the ramp, stopping to salute once more to the crowd as they cheered him away. The monitors soon went dark and Randy knew that meant Raw had gone off the air. The party would still continue backstage, though. On a day where a superstar returned from injury, everyone made sure they celebrated him after his return match.

Randy lowered his body down to the bench in the now empty locker room and decided against joining the kids at gorilla position. He knew it was probably already full of people waiting to congratulate John and while his children didn't mind being part of the chaos, he definitely did. He was so proud of everything John had accomplished since his aneurysm and how quickly he had recovered. A part of him would miss having him home where he knew he was safe and providing their children with a stability they loved but another part of him was thrilled to finally have him back on the road with him. He had been irate that Vince had made him return to work without John but John had been the first to support Vince's decision. He knew it had been a relief for the older man to get away from Randy's smothering and he had known that deep inside his husband did miss their job.

The door to the locker room suddenly burst open and John walked in, a towel slung around his neck. Randy smiled over at him from the bench and slowly stood. "Hey, baby."

John crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. "Why weren't you at gorilla?"

Randy shrugged and slowly approached him. "Remember me? Your husband with the social disorder who hates crowds and most people?"

John rolled his eyes but felt a smile break through as Randy pulled his arms apart and pressed himself against him. "You're such a dork."

Randy wrapped his arms around his waist and smiled, his lips hovering over John's. "I'm so proud of you, Johnny. Just when I think you can't get any more amazing, you do."

John's smile widened as Randy joined their lips in a sweet kiss, moving his hands up and down John's back. He pulled away after a few minutes and rested his forehead on Randy's. "Thanks, baby. I love knowing I made you proud."

Randy smiled and moved his head, placing a kiss on John's forehead. "You always do. You always have."

John hugged him tightly, relishing in the overwhelming flood of sensations that coursed through his body. He felt like he was experiencing the type of high most people did when they took something illegal. Adrenaline and excitement filled him and made him laugh, jump and even cry from happiness. Hearing the crowd's reaction when he returned had almost pushed him over. He had spent the entire day on edge, wired and dying to just get his first match back out of the way. When the time actually had come, though, he'd had his first and only real moment of panic concerning his career and ability. What if he could no longer do it? The sound of his music and the subsequent reaction changed it all instantly. It had been like a dream but the moment he had seen the crowd waiting for him at gorilla, his children leading the pack, had made him realize it was real.

"Overwhelmed yet?"

John pulled away at the softly asked question from Randy. Sure enough, the minute it was asked, his eyes filled with tears and he nodded. "Yeah, these feelings are intense. A part of me still can't believe this all really happened."

Randy cupped John's face in his hands and smiled. "Well, believe it. Every obstacle you have faced this year you have overcome. I am so proud of you and you deserve to feel wonderful today."

John nodded, smiling as he tried to blink his tears back. "I do and I'm so happy but none of this would matter if I didn't have you here with me. That's what I feel most thankful for; that you forgave me and we're together."

"Me, too, baby." Randy pressed a final kiss on his lips before pulling away completely. "Now, you should go shower and get dressed because I know everyone has a little something planned for you out there."

John smiled, looking like a small child on a holiday. "I can't wait. I didn't eat all day because I was so nervous and now I'm starving. I just wanna pig out."

Randy nodded and watched as John headed off into the showers. He set John's clothes out on the bench and decided to head outside and see what was happening. He left the locker room and headed down the hall towards catering where everyone mostly was when not in a match. An arm suddenly linked around him and he turned to meet Cody's smiling face. "Gave your hubby a little 'after match sugar'?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "No, but I wouldn't tell you even if I did."

"Why is it I always tell you about me and Teddy but you never share?" Cody shook his head as Randy laughed. "Maybe you should stop sharing, then, Codes."

Cody rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You're such a bad friend to me."

"Then, why do you put up with me?" responded Randy as they entered the crowded catering area. He smiled at a few of his friends he already saw scattered around and at the huge cake that took up the middle table with 'Congratulations, John' written in big letters.

"Because of the kids. I love them," Cody glared at Randy and pulled away, walking over to Ted, who stood on the other side of the room talking to said children. Randy laughed softly as he watched him walk away before slowly following. Ted looked up as he approached and frowned. "Hey, where's the man of the hour?"

"Shower. He'll be out in a few." replied Randy, looking down at his watch. "I don't think we're gonna stay too long. He must be exhausted and a couple of people around here are already up way past their bedtime."

"Aw, come on, Dad. It's only one day!" interjected Alanna quickly. Angel nodded and grasped Randy's hand tightly. "Please don't make us leave early. It's Daddy's special day."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Nice guilt trip," He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "We'll stay until Daddy says so, OK. The minute he says we go, we go, got it?"

Both kids nodded and quickly ran off, leaving the adults alone. Ted looked up at Randy and smiled. "You're gonna get gray hairs with those two but it'll be worth it. I love the conversations I have with them."

Randy smiled and looked over at his children with love. "I know. I got lucky with those two." He turned back to Ted, who had wrapped an arm around Cody's shoulder and pulled him close. "Maybe one day you two will get just as lucky."

Cody wrinkled his nose and turned into Ted's embrace. "I don't know. I don't think I'm cut out to be a Dad."

Ted smiled and kissed Cody's head. "I think you are."

Randy watched them with a smile on his face until cheers suddenly erupted in the room. He turned to see John had entered the room and had already been swarmed by their friends. They led him into the middle of the room and a smile lit up his face when he saw the cake. "Wow, thanks guys!"

John looked up from the huge table that had been set up with a cake and tons of food. His eyes locked with Randy's and he smiled when the younger man winked at him. A clap on the back made him look away and he found himself looking into the eyes of Vince McMahon. The older man held up his hand and turned his attention to everyone in the room, requesting their silence, before turning back to John.

"John, we're very happy to have you back. I can honestly say, your presence has been missed; not only in the ring but back here with all of us. You are an important part of this family and we celebrate your return tonight!"

John smiled and accepted the man's hug. He pulled away and turned his attention towards his coworkers, who watched him expectantly. "Wow, this whole night has been overwhelming. I'm so happy to be back. I missed this place so much and I missed all of you. I'm just so thankful I get a chance to do what I love once more. Thank you so much for all of this. It's been a great first night back and hopefully the first great night of many."

Everyone clapped as John finished his speech. He moved closer to the table and grabbed a knife, cutting into the cake and serving up the first two slices to their children.

Randy watched him from the back of the room where he stood with Cody and Ted. He smiled at how at ease and happy John looked. He turned back over to Cody but saw his young friend had already ran off to join Ted and the rest of their friends around the food table. Randy sighed and looked back over at John, who was still surrounded by people. He scanned the room for his children and saw them eating with the rest of the children of his coworkers.

"Ran, come here,"

Randy's head snapped over to the side at the sound of Ted's voice. His friend smiled over at him and motioned him over to where their group of friends sat eating. He quickly walked over and sat down, grabbing a plate and filling it with food. After spending the day worrying about John and his first full day back, it had just dawned on him that he hadn't eaten all day. He had spent most of it trying to keep John distracted and smiling and the rest of the time was spent chasing his children around the arena.

"This is such a great night for Johnny. I'm so happy he's back," Cody looked over at John and smiled. "I know he missed this place."

Randy nodded. "He did. He's been through this before; getting injured and having to be out but I think this time was the worst. None of his other injuries have been life threatening. The neck one came the closest,"

Ted leaned back and smirked at Randy. "I know you must be just as happy to have him back with you."

Randy laughed and shrugged. "You know I am but at the same time a part of me liked having John home with the kids. I knew he was safe and that he wasn't stressing himself out and he was being the perfect Dad for the kids. They loved that he took them to school and picked them up and did the park thing and the homework thing with them." He rolled his eyes. "I couldn't do any of that stuff."

Cody smiled and nodded. "They're gonna miss having him there all the time now but I'm gonna be really selfish and say again how happy I am he's back. I need him here. He's like a huge support for all of us. I've missed that."

Randy frowned and punched him in his arm. "I've been here, dumbass. I support you,"

Cody grasped his arm and frowned. "Love how you show it,"

"Forget about him; what about me? I'm here and I support you more than anybody!" said an indignant Ted, a frown on his face.

Cody rolled his eyes. "Both of you are morons. Yes, I know you support me. Doesn't mean I still can't miss John and his version,"

Randy and Ted shared a glance and shook their heads as Cody laughed. The table continued the conversation over the food as the night wore on. The hours passed quickly and suddenly they were being asked to leave by the arena staff. Vince stood up and clapped his hands. "OK, everyone, party's over! Go on and get some rest and I'll see most of you tomorrow for the Smackdown taping."

Cody, Ted and Randy got up from their seats and said goodbye to their friends. Randy looked at his watch and frowned when he realized he hadn't seen John for the two hours he had sat and joked with their friends.

"Daddy, I'm sleepy. Can we go now?"

Randy looked down as his daughter leaned on him and bent down to give her a hug. "Yes, baby. We're leaving. Where is your brother?"

Alanna turned in the embrace and pointed over to the other side of the room. "He went to get Daddy John to tell him we're tired."

Randy looked up and met John's eyes across the room. The older man held Angel in his arms and smiled over at him. Randy returned the smile and looked back down at Alanna, picking her up. "All right, sweetheart. Say goodbye to Uncle Cody and Uncle Teddy, baby."

Ted and Cody walked over and placed a kiss on Alanna's head as she sleepily smiled and murmured her goodbyes. Randy smiled and hugged his friends before turning and walking over to John. Angel smiled at him from John's shoulder and Randy bent to kiss his nose. "I think we're all ready to go home, Daddy. What do you say?"

John nodded and yawned softly. "I totally agree." He smiled over at Cody and Ted and waved goodbye before heading out of the arena. Randy slowly followed, Alanna already asleep on his shoulder. They exited into the cold night air and quickly arranged the sleeping kids in their car seats. John leaned on the side of the car and handed the keys to Randy. "Can you drive, babe?"

Randy nodded and walked around the car, sliding into the driver's seat. John slid in beside him and rested his head on the backrest, his eyes closed. "You OK, Johnny?"

John's eyes opened slightly and he nodded. "Just tired but mostly irritated because I have a headache."

Randy frowned and reached a hand over, squeezing John's tightly. "I'm sorry, baby. We'll be back at the hotel soon and you can take a pill and get some sleep, OK."

John sighed and shook his head. "I know. I'm just annoyed that even on this day a headache has to fucking ruin it."

"Baby, it didn't ruin it. You had an amazing day and celebration with all your friends…" began Randy but was quickly cut off from John. "It's still annoying. I'm just so sick of this."

John sighed loudly and closed his eyes once more. "I don't want to say anything I'll regret later so can we just not talk for a bit? I'm not mad at you or anyone; I'm just upset at this situation."

"Yeah, OK," whispered Randy, turning his attention to the road and driving forward. The drive to the hotel room was made in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. They soon arrived at the hotel and exited the car with their sleeping children. Randy watched John carefully as he lay on the elevator wall as it moved up to their room. A pained look in the older man's eyes that had become all too familiar was once again present. He turned away and rested his head on Alanna's, sighing softly.

The elevator dinged its arrival on their floor and John quickly led the way towards their room, fishing his keycard out of his pocket. He walked inside and headed for the kids' room, setting Angel on his bed. Randy slowly followed with Alanna and he lay her down gently. "Go drink your medicine, Johnny. I can finish here."

John smiled gratefully and set Angel's shoes on the floor before exiting the room. He shut the door behind him and walked over to the dresser, pulling open the top drawer and taking out the small bag containing his prescription medicine. John took the bottle of his pills for when he already had a headache and walked into the bathroom, quickly filling a cup with water and swallowing one down. With a deep sigh, John set the glass back down and lifted his eyes to stare at his reflection. A surge of anger cursed through him and he closed his eyes tightly, forcing it away. A pair of arms encircled his waist from behind and John leaned back into the embrace, inhaling Randy's scent. He turned into the embrace and buried his face in Randy's neck as the younger man tightened his hold on him.

"Let's go to bed, baby. You need to sleep so the meds can help," Randy kissed the side of John's head and pulled away softly, keeping an arm wrapped around his waist as he led him to bed. John detached himself from Randy's embrace and quickly shed his clothes before climbing into the bed. He could already feel the headache receding and the familiar drowsy feeling after-effect the medicine produced.

Randy smiled as for once John followed his directions without a fight. He grabbed John's discarded clothes and set them on a chair before taking off his own and sliding on a pair of pajama bottoms. John's eyes were closed and his forehead had lost its frown by the time he slid in besides him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close. Randy sighed and ran his hand up and down John's back, looking to soothe him further.

"I think I want to go to another doctor,"

Randy's hand froze at the sound of John's voice. He looked down at his face and saw John's eyes staring back up at him. "What?"

John lowered his eyes for a minute and mumbled, "I want another doctor."

Randy frowned and took a deep breath. "Why? Do you feel something different? Has something changed?"

John pulled away slightly and leaned his head on the pillow. "I don't know. Everything feels the same but I just want a second opinion. We've taken Dr. Johnson's word on everything and I know he's a great doctor but I need to hear it from someone else to really believe it. I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach…it would make me feel better."

Randy nodded and took John's hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "OK, baby. If it will make you feel better then we'll look for another doctor when we get home. Everything will be fine, though. Please don't worry about this and let it take away from this great night you had."

John nodded and smiled slowly. "It was a great night, right? Cena didn't suck tonight."

Randy smirked and shook his head. "No, baby. You did great but in my eyes you always do."

"Your eyes are the only ones that matter." John yawned and moved his head back towards Randy's chest. "Well, yours and our babies',"

"They love you so much, Johnny, and they are so proud of you always," Randy pulled John into him and kissed his forehead. "Don't ever forget how important you are to all of us and how much we love you, baby."

John nodded against his chest and sighed contently. "I know. I love you all so much, too. It's why I want to make sure everything is OK with me..."

"Stop talking about it. You're fine but I already told you once; if something is wrong, we will fix you. Don't worry. I won't let anything take you away from me, John," Randy rubbed up and down John's back as he spoke, desperately trying to calm his husband's mind. He lowered his head to look into John's eyes and saw them closed, signaling the pills had finally put him to sleep. Randy sighed and let his own eyes drift shut, falling into a restless slumber.

* * *

"Daddy, what are you doing? I thought we were going to the park."

John turned away from the computer screen and raised an eyebrow at Angel. "I love how you made that plan without consulting me or Randy."

Angel smiled sheepishly and shrugged. He crawled into John's lap and pushed the laptop away. "Please, Daddy, can we go?"

John sighed and smiled slowly. "Baby, I can't today. I have some stuff to work on. Why don't you ask Daddy Randy?"

Angel pouted and shrugged. "He never wants to go to the park. He says it gives him hives like camping does."

John laughed and stood, picking Angel up in his arms. "I'll ask him. Between the two of us we may be able to convince him."

Angel shrugged, a doubtful look on his face. John kissed his forehead and walked through the kitchen into the backyard where Randy stood staring up at the treehouse that had finally been moved into a tree. He looked over as John and Angel approached and shook his head. "I'm still not sure about this."

John lowered Angel to the ground and smiled. "Don't be such a worrywart, Daddy. Its only like 2 feet off the ground."

Randy frowned and looked back up at the tree. "We have to set some rules for this thing. The kids can't be in it unless we're in the yard and they can't jump too much once they're up there and they can't come down without once of us waiting at the bottom and..."

"Baby, why did you put it up if you were gonna be so anxious about it?" interrupted John with a laugh as he turned Randy over to him. "Kids are kids. They're gonna fall and get hurt. You can't watch over them every minute, remember? You taught me that,"

Randy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Whatever. I don't mind if they fall and scrape a knee. I would just prefer they didn't fall and break their necks!"

John laughed and shook his head. "So would I but we have to trust that the kids will follow our rules and be fine or else we might as well just take it down, Ran."

Randy sighed and remained silent as he pondered John's words.

"Wow, I love the treehouse up here, Daddy! I can just jump down from here..."

Randy's eyes widened at Angel's yell and he swerved towards the tree, running the few steps over to where his son hung from the edge before he leaped into his arms, giggling when Randy caught him.

"Angel, are you crazy?"

Randy set him down and stared at him, his mouth open in disbelief. He turned over to John and pointed up at the tree. "Did you see that? It comes down right now!"

John took a deep breath and tried to hold back his smile. "Babe, calm down. We haven't explained the rules yet. He was just playing..."

"No, that was not playing; that was giving me a heart attack! To think, this one is the calm child! I don't even wanna know what Al's gonna do when she sees this up here," Randy set Angel on the ground and held onto his arms. "You are never to do that again, do you understand me? That is worse than climbing on the countertop."

Angel nodded and smiled slowly. "OK, Daddy, I won't but please don't bring it down. I love it so much and I love you so much."

Randy raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Yeah, sure you do."

Angel laughed and hugged Randy tightly around his neck. Randy returned the hug and kissed his head gently, whispering in his ear. "I love you, baby. I never want anything to happen to you."

Angel pulled away with a smile. "If you love me can you take me to the park? Daddy John wants you to."

"What?" Randy looked over at John with a grimace. "I don't do the park and Daddy John knows that."

John looked over at Angel and motioned him away. "Go play while Daddy and I talk, please."

Angel nodded and headed back towards the treehouse only to be pulled back by Randy. He shook his head and turned him towards the house. "Play inside,"

Angel groaned but slowly headed inside as Randy turned back to John. He raised an eyebrow at his husband and smiled. "You really want me to take him to the park? Why are you trying to get me out of the house? Got a boyfriend coming over?"

John shook his head and smiled. "No, we only fool around in his house."

Randy's smile faded and quickly turned into a glare. "Fucking hilarious."

John laughed loudly and pulled Randy towards him, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I just want an hour of silence, babe. I need to research some other neurologists and I can't with Angel bouncing around me. Be a good hubby and do the park thing for once in your life."

Randy sighed and turned away, heading for the kitchen backdoor. "Why can't we just ask Dr. Johnson to recommend someone?"

John rolled his eyes and followed him inside. "Would you really recommend someone to replace you, Ran? I don't want to insult the man by asking him."

Randy shrugged as he opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. "I'll do it. I don't care."

John smiled and nodded. "I know you would but just let me do this my way, baby."

Randy sighed and shrugged. "Fine."

"Thanks, gorgeous." John walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing him softly. "Now, get the hell out of here so I can work."

Randy wrinkled his nose as John smacked him on the ass and moved away. "Get ready to pay me back for this tonight, Cena."

John nodded and walked out of the kitchen into the living room. "Angel! Let's go, kiddo. Daddy's taking you to the park!"

Randy groaned loudly as Angel's excited shrieks reached him from upstairs. It was gonna be a long day for him.

* * *

Hours later John lay in bed watching TV, his eyes drifting over to the clock. It was past dinnertime and close to Angel's bedtime but Randy still wasn't home. He had caved and called Randy a few hours earlier, trying to save him from anymore time spent in the park but the younger man had surprised him by telling him not to worry and take the day for himself. John had been appreciative of the alone time, using it to research some more doctors in St. Louis as well as using it to just nap and lay around but as night fell upon the city, he missed his husband and son.

John sighed and turned over in the bed, trying to focus on what the people on the television were doing and enjoy the peace and quiet he was getting. After almost another half an hour, he finally heard the door open and the sound of Angel and Randy's voice. John smiled and lifted his body up off the bed, walking towards the bedroom door and exiting into the hall just as Angel turned the corner from the stairs.

"Well, look who finally decided to come home," John laughed and opened his arms as Angel ran into them. "I missed you so much today," he said as he hugged the small boy to him tightly.

"I missed you, too, Daddy." Angel smiled as he pulled away. "I had so much fun today. We went to see Ally at Sammy's house and then to see Grandma and Grandpa and then we ate dinner there. I bought some home for you. Then, Daddy called Shawn and he said we can all go down to his ranch! That sounds like so much fun! We can all get on horses and go riding!"

John frowned and shook his head. "Get on a horse? I don't think so."

"Please, Daddy! I want you to go with me," Angel pouted and let his head drop onto John's shoulder.

"I will go with you, baby. I just won't get on the horse." John kissed Angel's head and stood, picking him up and walking back towards his bedroom. He dropped Angel onto his and Randy's bed and lay next to him. "Let's just watch TV and I promise to think about the horse, OK."

Angel smiled and snuggled up to him, resting his head on John's chest. "Thanks, Daddy. It'll be fun; I promise."

John sighed inwardly but nodded. He changed the television to one of the many kids' channels and rubbed up and down his son's back as they watched. The sounds of Randy moving around in the kitchen below and then climbing up the stairs drew his gaze.

Randy entered the room, an exhausted look on his face as he smiled over at John. "Hey, babe. How was your day?"

"Good, but I missed you guys. I've realized I don't like the silence of an empty house as much as I used to." responded John.

Randy nodded and threw himself on the bed besides Angel. "Did you eat dinner? Mom sent you some food."

"I ate; don't worry," John shifted over in the bed so Randy could slide in closer, leaving Angel between them. "Thanks for today."

Randy nodded and he met John's eyes over their son's head. "Of course, baby. Did you get everything you wanted done?"

"I found a couple doctors I want to look into more and make an appointment with." John shrugged and looked down at Angel, seeing he had already fallen asleep. "I also called the radiology clinic and put in an order for all my scans so I can have them ready, too."

"Good, baby. I'm proud of you for being so on top of this." Randy smiled and looked down at Angel, rubbing his back softly. "He's so exhausted. I actually stayed in the park with him for like 2 hours before going to Sam's house and then my parents' house. Even I'm exhausted."

John smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Apparently in the midst of that there was a phone call to Shawn and a trip planned."

Randy's smile widened. "Oh, yeah. Shawn is always inviting us over and we never go. This time I said yes because I want the kids to experience something I love to do and that's horseback riding."

"I won't get on a horse, Ran. I'm a city boy," John turned his gaze back to the television and ignored Randy's soft laugh. "You're the only city boy I know who loves to go camping. I don't want to get petty here but how many times have I ventured into the woods for you and now you won't even try to learn to ride a horse for me? It's not like I won't teach you and be right there with you…"

John sighed. "Fine; enough of the guilt trip. You're who the kids picked that up from,"

"Thanks, baby. I love how open you are to new things," Randy smirked and rolled his eyes.

"Says the one who gets hives from going to the park," retorted John with his own smirk.

Randy ignored his comment and turned his attention to their son. He smoothed over his hair and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I should take him to bed. I don't want him to get used to sleeping with us,"

John smiled as he looked down at him, running a finger down his face. "In a few minutes." He sighed as he stared at the small boy's face, so relaxed in sleep. "I could just stare at him for hours. I still can't believe he's mine sometimes,"

"I used to do the same thing with Al when she was born. It's amazing to look at your children. You never think you're capable of loving someone so much until you have one of them," Randy rested his head on the pillow, inhaling the scent of baby powder that came off his son.

"I look at both of them sometimes and can't believe I got so lucky. I want to give them everything." John rested his head besides Angel's and smiled. "I want to be here for everything."

Randy reached his hand over Angel's body to lie on top of John's arm. "You will be, baby. God wouldn't take you away from me. He knows I couldn't do this without you."

"You could do anything, gorgeous," John winked at Randy and squeezed his hand tightly. He sighed and moved his arms back to Angel, lifting him off the bed gently. "I'll take him to bed. You've done enough today."

Randy smiled and sat up, placing a final kiss on Angel's head as John walked out of the room with him.

Angel barely stirred as John walked him into his bedroom and laid him on his bed. He quickly peeled off the boy's clothes and slipped on some pajamas. Angel frowned as John turned him over and groaned sleepily, his eyes fluttering. John quickly shushed him and wrapped a blanket over him. "It's OK, baby. Go to sleep,"

Angel nodded and mumbled, "Love you, Daddy," as John bent to kiss his head. John smiled and stroked his face. "I love you, too, baby."

His eyes closed once more and John watched him, a small smile on his face. After a few minutes, he stood and slowly left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

John entered his bedroom and shut the door behind him. Randy had sprawled out on the bed and changed the television to one of the many episodes of a TV show he had on the DVR. He walked over to the bed and slid in next to him, shoving him aside gently. Randy turned over and gave him a quick smile before drawing his eyes back over to the television. John smiled and moved closer to Randy, lifting his hands to his face and turning him over. Randy frowned and opened his mouth to question John but was quickly silenced as the older man pressed his lips against his.

John kissed Randy slowly and deeply, sliding his tongue inside his mouth. His tongue stroked inside Randy's mouth, aggressively chasing his tongue and claiming every inch of him. John pulled away and kissed behind Randy's left ear, making his husband shudder. John slid his tongue down Randy's neck, stopping where the curve met his shoulder.

"Johnny," Randy whimpered as John began sucking at the base of his neck. It was John's favorite spot and it drove Randy crazy. John sucked and bit at the sensitive skin, sending waves of pleasure down Randy's spine, straight to his crotch.

John pulled back enough to lift the shirt Randy wore over his head. "Fuck," John moaned as his hands roamed all over Randy's exposed chest and stomach. "You're fucking gorgeous, baby."

"Your hands feel so good, Johnny." Randy reached forward and grabbed the hem of John's shirt. "Take your shirt off, too. I wanna see you, touch you." John lifted up and tossed his shirt away. Randy rubbed his hands up and down John's muscular chest, feeling every rippling muscle. "You're so beautiful."

John lay on top of Randy, pushing his legs apart with his thighs. He began a slow rocking motion, grinding his hard cock into Randy's, while he kissed the younger man. He lifted his head, then lowered it onto Randy's chest. He took one of his nipples into his mouth and started to flick his tongue across it. His hand slid between their bodies and unsnapped Randy's jeans. He lifted up and flicked his tongue across Randy's ear lobe. His breath was hot inside his ear as he whispered, "I wanna taste you, baby."

John unzipped Randy's jeans and quickly pulled them down, burying his nose at the base of Randy's dick. His tongue flicked out and tasted the smooth skin. "Fuck, you smell so fucking good."

Randy's hands moved to John's head. He ran his fingers through the short hair and moaned. "Feels good, Johnny."

John's tongue slid up Randy's length and his lips enveloped the head. As John's mouth slid down his shaft, enveloping him in wet heat, Randy bit his lip to keep from crying out. As John sucked, he moved his mouth up and down, his tongue fluttering all over. Then he made a moaning and growling sound that sent vibrations through Randy's core.

"Oh God," Randy cried as his body shuddered. John's free hand moved up Randy's body. His fingers found Randy's mouth and Randy took them inside and began sucking them, mimicking what John was doing to his dick. John pulled the fingers away and Randy felt them pressing against his entrance. Randy spread his legs wider as John's finger slid inside him. The initial burn was quickly forgotten as John's head bobbed faster and he sucked harder. John's finger began moving inside him, twisting and turning until he found his prostate. Randy arched up in the bed and his eyes fluttered closed. He cried out, "Johnny, I'm gonna cum, baby!"

John ignored the warning and seconds later felt the head of Randy's cock pulse against his tongue as he erupted into his mouth. John swallowed it all down as Randy's body continued to convulse. He licked and cleaned him with his tongue and Randy felt his body go limp.

"Feels so fucking good, Johnny."

John finally moved up Randy's body, kissing a trail up his abs and chest, until he lay on top of his husband. "Good. I like making you feel good." He cupped Randy's face in his hands and kissed him slowly and tenderly. Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead on Randy's.

"You're amazing," John whispered as he caressed Randy's cheek with his thumb. "And you're all mine. But you know what else?"

Randy smiled and shook his head, his eyes locked onto John's.

John smiled and leaned in, moving his lips to Randy's ear. "I'm yours."

Randy's smile widened and he laughed softly. He wrapped his arms around John's neck and clung tightly to him. "I love you, Johnny."

John closed his eyes and breathed in Randy's scent, letting it surround him. A sense of calm washed over him and they drifted off to sleep in each others arms.


	58. Chapter 57

**Present Day **

"Thanks for staying with the kids, Mom. I would never be able to do anything with them here. They find the actual planning process of a wedding very boring." Randy rolled his eyes as Carol's laughter filled his ears. He walked through the large door of the Candlewood Inn and smiled at the secretary.

"Of course, darling. Any excuse to spend time with my grandbabies is a good one. I'll see you in a few hours for dinner. Have a safe drive home, love."

"OK. Love you," Randy smiled and ended the call, approaching the desk. "Hi, I'm Randy Orton. I'm here to pick up some forms for the Runnels-Dibiase wedding."

The secretary nodded and stood. "Yes, Mr. Orton. Mr. Runnels told us you would be coming when he called yesterday. Give me one moment."

"Of course. Take your time," Randy watched as the secretary disappeared into an office behind her. He looked around the room and began to pace the area, taking note of how quiet and peaceful it was. When Cody had called him in a panic the day before about his being made to work and not being able to go pick up the wedding plans from their planner at Candlewood, Randy hadn't hesitated to say he would make the trip himself. He figured it was the least he could do for his best friend after everything he had already put him through and it would give him and the kids an opportunity to check in with his in-laws. Carol and John Cena had been thrilled to have him and the children show up on their doorstep and even more thrilled when Randy told them he would be staying for the week to help Cody and Ted plan. They had reluctantly left St. Louis a few days after he was discharged from the hospital but had made sure to keep in constant contact with him. Whereas at one time Randy would have been annoyed with the constant phone calls from them, now he loved receiving them. It was amazing to him how much his attitude about things had changed since the night in the cabin.

"Mr. Orton, it's been a long time I don't see you around here. Usually the best man gets dragged here more than anyone." Randy turned at the sound of a man's voice and came face to face with James. The man smiled at him and handed him a large folder.

Randy smiled back slowly, the feeling of unease that had become familiar to him when around this man creeping into him once more. "Thank you. I was a little out of commission there for awhile but I'm better now and taking an active role in helping Cody and Ted. This pickup is only the first of many things I'll have to do, I'm sure."

James nodded. "Well, that's good to hear. I look forward to seeing you often, then. How are your lovely children?"

"They're perfect. They're back in Boston with my in-laws and having the time of their life, I'm sure," Randy rolled his eyes but smiled. "I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet of the 3 hour drive."

"Wow, you are a dedicated friend. Mr. Runnels told us you were coming today. He was so distressed when he called yesterday," a sympathetic smile curved James' lips.

Randy couldn't hold back a small laugh. "Cody is usually distressed about one thing or another. He can't stop worrying about things and of course the wedding is number one on his list right now. He wants everything to go just right."

James watched him for a moment before smiling. "Well, he shouldn't worry. We're gonna do everything to make sure his and Mr. Dibiase's day is perfect."

Randy let his smile drop, the unease increasing as James' stare bore into him. "Yeah well, you and me both. He and Ted deserve to have a great wedding after finally deciding to do it so many years later." He held the folder up and looked down at it. "Thanks again for this."

James nodded and walked towards the door. "Come, I'll walk you to your car." Randy groaned inwardly but slowly followed the man out of the office building.

They walked silently for a few minutes before James spoke once more. "So, how long have Cody and Ted been together? They look like a wonderful couple. I've already had a few meetings with them both."

"A little over 6 years and they are. I'm glad they're finally taking this step. It took them long enough," answered Randy slowly.

James laughed softly and shrugged. "Well, I guess every couple is different. Some people know instantly they're meant to be together forever while others take a little longer to figure it out."

"Well, I guess I fall into the first group. I knew my husband and I were meant to be after like 3 months," Randy smiled slowly.

James watched him intently, a small smile on his face. "Was Cody your best man at your wedding?"

Randy shook his head. "He would've been but I didn't have a best man. John and I had an unconventional wedding, you could say."

James raised an eyebrow. "Intriguing. Maybe one day you'll tell me about it. I guess all that matters when it comes to a wedding is that real love is present."

Randy frowned as he approached the door to his car. Telling James anything about John was the last thing on his mind. He sighed and looked over at him. "Agreed. Real love was definitely present for mine."

He reached for the door handle and turned back over. "So, I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing you soon after all. Cody should get in town tomorrow and after he goes through all this paperwork I'm sure he's gonna want me to drive down with him."

"I look forward to that, then." James smiled and watched as Randy climbed into the car. Randy waved through the window and started the car, slowly pulling out and driving through the long road leading out of the Candlewood property. As he began the long drive back to Boston, he felt the tension recede from his body. As much as Randy wanted to help Cody and Ted plan the wedding of their dreams, the thought of having to come back to the location and having to deal with James really bothered him. While it had been awhile since the last time he'd had any type of flirting thrown at him, he did recognize that the man was still interested. He had made it perfectly clear on the first day they'd met and even after Randy's refusal and dismissive attitude towards him, James continued to find reasons to seek him out. It was getting annoying and the fact more of it was surely coming was making him sick to his stomach.

A loud ring filled the silence of the car and Randy turned his eyes towards his cell phone. Cody's face filled the screen, signaling a call from his young friend. He quickly answered the call and placed it on speaker, Cody's voice filling the silence.

"Ran, did you pick up the stuff already?"

Randy sighed but smiled. "Yes, Cody, I did. It's safe and sound on the seat beside me. Didn't I tell you I would pick it up?"

"Just wanted to make sure but I do trust you," answered Cody.

"Then, why are you calling me?" Randy laughed and shook his head.

"Where are you now?" asked Cody, ignoring Randy's question.

"Driving back to Mass as fast as I can so I can have dinner with my kids." Randy merged into traffic, happy to see it moving quickly.

"Don't rush, Ran. You get there when you get there. My flight gets in tomorrow morning at 10:45 and then Teddy and I are gonna check into the hotel and grab some lunch. I should be at Carol and John's by 1 or so, I figure and then we have to start the drive down to Connecticut. I have a meeting with that James guy at 5. You're coming with me and Ted, right?" Cody's excitement was obvious, even through the phone.

Randy groaned softly but nodded to himself. "Yes, of course, Cody. I promised you I would be there for you guys and I will."

"Then what was that groan for?"

Randy sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know I don't like that James guy, Cody. Why is he always around? If he's the boss of that place, why does he always show up when we're there? Doesn't he have paperwork or something to do? Don't you and Ted have like an assigned wedding planner or something?"

"He's dedicated to all the couples, Ran and takes time to meet with all of them when they come in. Yes, we have a wedding planner but James sits in on some of the meetings." Cody's voice dripped with exhaustion now and a hint of suspiciousness. "Why do you even care if he's there or not? After you flipped out on him that man must be crazy if he's still interested in you."

"I did apologize to him, Codes," mumbled Randy, rolling his eyes. "I still feel weird around him, though. It's like he didn't get it that I'm not interested. He still stares too much and insists on talking to me too much."

Cody laughed loudly in his ear. "Ran, you can't stop people from staring or talking to you. You also can't stop him from still being interested in you…though the man must have a death wish if he's still attempting to be a flirt with you. Just ignore him and if it gets too bad, talk to him again and ask him to stop. There's no reason to stress out about this. As a matter of fact, please don't because if I see you stressing then I will start stressing and I just can't deal with anymore stress!"

Randy sighed loudly. "Yeah, I guess you're right,"

"I always am. Now, I'm gonna ask you something here and play devil's advocate but please remember how much I love you," Cody laughed in his ear then abruptly stopped. "Ran, could the reason you're so uncomfortable around James be because you're actually feeling interest back for him?"

Randy's eyes widened in disbelief at Cody's question. "Oh my God, I can't believe you just said that."

"It's just a question, Randy. Let me explain it," Cody's voice softened and the hesitation in it resounded in Randy's ear. "It would be OK if you were. There's nothing wrong with feeling something for another person, Ran. It's going to happen again one day. You shouldn't fight it or fear it. Johnny would actually want you to find love again; you know that."

Randy tightened his hands around the steering wheel and took a deep breath trying to push away the anger he felt at Cody's words. "Cody, the man makes me feel uncomfortable because I know he's interested in me and it's been a long time someone is so blatantly obvious around me. The last thing I'm feeling is interest back. I know John would want me to find love again one day and be happy. I do realize it may happen one day but I doubt it will be any day soon considering I just tried to off myself because I wanted to be with him. I also doubt it will be with this guy because the fact he is still hitting on me after I told him not to is incredibly annoying and disrespectful in my book. All I feel towards him is said annoyance and contempt."

"OK, Ran, I just wanted to bring it up. Don't get mad and start throwing your big words at me."

A loud noise on Cody's end made the younger man groan loudly. "Ugh, I have to go. I've got a creative meeting. I'll see you tomorrow, Ran. Thanks so much for picking up all those things. You're the best; I love you. Why don't you start going through them and picking stuff you like, too? I want your ideas on everything!"

Randy laughed softly. "Love you, too and I will, Codes. You and Teddy have a safe flight tomorrow, OK." He ended the call and let it drop back onto the passenger seat on top of Cody's folder. With a loud sigh he continued driving on towards Boston, his mind swirling with thoughts.

* * *

"Daddy, I don't wanna go home yet. Are we really staying the whole week?"

Randy smiled at Angel as he placed the dishes in the sink. "Well, unless Grandma and Grandpa kick us out we are."

Angel giggled and climbed off the chair, stopping at the dishwasher to help Randy. "Good, I'm glad. I like being here. Uncle Matt is gonna pick me up tomorrow morning and we're gonna go to the park and play football; just us boys! Are you gonna come with us, Daddy?"

Randy nodded and closed the lid on the machine. "Yes but only for a little while. Uncle Cody will be here at lunchtime and then we have to go back to the wedding place."

"Isn't Uncle Teddy coming home, too? Why do you have to go?" Angel frowned and moved away from the kitchen appliances, following Randy out into the living room. He wrapped an arm around his waist and Randy smiled, reaching down to hug him tightly. Since his time spent in the hospital and away from home, both kids had become attached to his hip. A part of him worried about the sudden attachment they were developing while another part of him loved it. After months of spending the bulk of his time grieving over John and ignoring his children, he was enjoying spending as much time as he could with them. He figured a few more days of closeness wouldn't be detrimental to any of them.

"Uncle Teddy is going with us but Uncle Cody wants me there, too. He wants my opinion since I'm the best man and his best friend. You'll understand when you have a best friend and are getting married."

Angel wrinkled his nose and collapsed besides Randy on the couch. "Yuck, I don't want to get married."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Sure, OK. We'll talk about this again in like 20 years." He pulled Angel into him and rested his chin on the small boy's head.

"Can't you be my best man, Daddy?"

Randy's smile widened. "If you still want me to be in 20 years then yes, I will, baby."

Angel pulled back from the hug, a small smile on his face. "I can be your best man if you ever get married again."

Randy's smile faded and he looked down at his son with a frown on his face. "What? Who said I'm getting married again, Angel?"

Angel shrugged. "Ally and I talked about it and we decided it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Not right now but maybe one day when we're old…like 20 or something."

Randy shook his head and his lips quivered in the beginnings of a smile. "So, you and Ally decided this without even talking to me about it? I love how you guys do that all the time."

"We want you to be happy, Daddy."

Randy hugged Angel to him tightly and laughed softly. "I am happy, baby. I am very happy with you and Ally. That's all I need."

Angel shrugged once more. "OK,"

Randy shook his head and kissed the top of Angel's softly. "Can we change the topic, please? I would like to discuss someone's birthday which is coming up very soon…"

Angel smiled and leaned back on the cushions, moving his legs up to lie on Randy's thighs. "It's OK; not a big deal. I don't want to do anything big like Ally, Dad."

Randy nodded, already aware of how simple his son was compared to Alanna's eccentricities. "Well, it is a big deal to me and I'm gonna make a big fuss about my son's birthday whether you like it or not, kiddo."

Angel shook his head and groaned softly as Randy laughed. He rubbed the small boy's jean covered legs and looked at him lovingly. "What do you want for your birthday, baby? I'll do anything."

Angel shrugged. "I really don't know, Dad."

"What don't you know? Bet you I know…"

Randy turned at the sound of Alanna's voice and smiled. He held his hand out and motioned her over, smiling when she ran to them and threw herself besides Angel, who groaned loudly. "You don't know anything. Daddy and I are talking and it's personal. I'm not telling you,"

Alanna frowned and hugged her brother tightly. "What? Come on, tell me! You're supposed to tell me everything."

Angel frowned and tried to pry her hands off his neck. "Nope. I'm not telling,"

Alanna dropped her hands and huffed angrily, her eyes narrowing in a glare. "You're so mean to me, Angel. I'm gonna..." she trailed off as she racked her brain for a suitable threat and Angel laughed loudly. "You're gonna do nothing."

Randy laughed as he watched them argue and shook his head. "Cut it out, guys." He turned towards Alanna and smiled. "We're talking about Angel's birthday, Al,"

Alanna's frown dropped and she looked at her brother with a smirk. "That's it? What's the big deal in that?"

"It is a big deal," responded Angel with an eye roll. "Even if I'm not gonna have like 20 parties like you did. You're so exaggerated."

"I am not exaggerated. I just want the best. I deserve it," retorted Alanna with a smile and a toss of her long blond hair. Angel rolled his eyes and looked towards Randy. "She's too weird, Dad."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know but unfortunately I can't give her back."

Angel laughed loudly, Randy joining him. Alanna rolled her eyes. "You two are so not funny."

Randy pulled her to him and hugged her tightly, kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, princess. I wouldn't give you back even if I could."

Alanna smiled and moved back onto the sofa, sitting between Angel and her father. "So, despite the fact Angel is so mean to me, I want to help plan something for him, Daddy."

Randy smiled and nodded. "Good then you can help me because he doesn't know what he wants and I have no idea, either."

"I will take care of everything!" Alanna climbed off the couch and smiled. "I have tons of ideas so just let me handle it! Oh, and I can get grandma to help!"

She ran off towards the kitchen and Angel's eyes widened as he watched her go. "No way! Dad, please don't let her and grandma go crazy with this," He groaned loudly and buried his head in Randy's chest.

"I won't, baby, don't worry." Randy winked down at his son, hugging him tightly before standing. "Please try to think of something you want to do, though. You know I'm not creative like John was. I also won't dress like a clown like he would so…"

Angel giggled and slid off the sofa. "Daddy was funny. He would do anything I told him to do."

"Yeah, he would. He loved you so much," Randy smiled and glanced down his watch. "OK, why don't you go find your sister and plan what we're gonna do tonight before bed?"

* * *

Later that night, Randy lay in his bed in the Cena home with his children by his side. They were all engrossed in a movie the kids swore was not scary to them. Minutes later when his cell phone rang loudly besides them, they both jumped into Randy's arms. He groaned loudly and shook his head. "That's it. This movie is too much for you. I'm turning it off,"

"No, Dad! It was just the noise that made me jump! I'm not scared!" protested Angel, quickly grabbing Randy's hand. Alanna nodded. "Me, neither, Daddy. Leave it on, please!"

Randy sighed and stared down at his phone and the unfamiliar phone number. "Fine, but no more hysterics from either of you or I'm turning it off for real. It's bad enough I already know I'm sleeping with both of you tonight,"

Both kids quickly nodded and smiled sheepishly as Randy looked down at his screen once more, answering the call before it rolled over to voicemail. "Hello,"

"Mr. Orton?"

Randy frowned at the voice. It sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it. "Yes,"

"It's James from Candlewood,"

Randy's eyes widened. "Oh. Um, give me a minute," He quickly covered the mouthpiece of the phone and looked towards the children. "Guys, I'll be right outside on the balcony, OK. Just yell if you need anything."

Both kids nodded absentmindedly and Randy walked towards the balcony door, sliding it shut behind him. He frowned as he removed his hand from the mouthpiece and said, "Hey, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. I just…God, I feel really silly about calling you now. You're probably busy with your family and I'm interrupting…" and embarrassed chuckle followed the words.

Randy's frown remained and he turned over, shooting the kids a quick glance. "It's OK. Why did you call, though? Do you have to cancel tomorrow's meeting with Cody and Ted because you know you could just call them and leave them a message if they don't answer…"

"No, the meeting is still on. I just wanted to speak to you before we see each other again tomorrow."

"OK…" Randy lowered his body to the chair he had pulled out into the balcony that morning and waited, still wondering what this man could want to do with him.

"I want to apologize if today I made you uncomfortable when I mentioned your wedding. I've noticed it's a sore subject for you and…"

"It's not a sore subject for me. How could my wedding be a sore subject?" interrupted Randy, his tone stern.

"You're right; that's the wrong word. I meant it's a touchy subject for you. You never react well when I bring up your husband and wedding and I should've gotten the hint by now. I did it again today when I asked about Cody being your best man and I shouldn't have done that. I apologize. We are going to have to work together very closely for a number of months while we plan this wedding and I don't want there to be tension between us. I know there still is and it's my fault because of what I did the first day we met. I just hoped it had dissipated some but if you still feel uncomfortable around me then maybe you should convince your friends to find another location."

Randy sighed and shook his head in annoyance, rolling his eyes. "Look, James. You're right; there is tension between us. I do feel uncomfortable around you somewhat but I'm willing to put that aside because there is no way Cody is going to find another location. He has his heart set on that place and because he does Ted won't want to change, either."

"Then, I suggest we find a way to get along and make this as simple a process as we can." James sighed. "I am sorry, Randy, for the first day we met. I should never have approached you the way I did and I am ashamed of it and what I've continued to do. What can I do to get us past this? I don't want there to be a problem between us."

Randy bit his lips and turned over to glance at the children, who were still engrossed in the television. "Let's get one thing straight, OK. I have no problem with you. You seem like a very nice man. I just want you to understand that it's not personal." He sighed deeply and shook his head. "I just lost my husband 6 months ago. The day you approached me was not a good day for me. I was in the last place I wanted to be; helping plan someone else's wedding and marriage after mine had come to such a tragic end. I love my friends, don't get me wrong. I want nothing more than their happiness. It was just a bad day and unfortunately you felt the brunt of it."

"If I would've known..."

Randy quickly cut in and stopped yet another apology. "I know. I get it. You didn't mean it and it's not your fault. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did and that's why I apologized after I thought about it. You have to understand, though; John was my world, my whole life. We were everything to each other and we had a family together. I can't move past his death as quickly as people want me too and the idea of dating someone else is...well, just laughable. That was the only way I could react at that moment," He laughed softly.

"I completely understand. So, can we move past this embarrassing moment?" James too laughed softly on his end.

"As long as you can remember what I just said, then yes." Randy slowly stood up from the chair and turned towards the door. "Let's just forget everything that's happened between us and start new tomorrow."

"That sounds excellent. I'll see you then. Have a good night." James ended the call, his tone more at ease then when they first began the conversation.

Randy slid the phone in his pants pocket and turned back to look out towards the Massachusetts Bay. He hated that it had come to this with James and he regretted his actions the first day they'd met but there was no way he could've controlled himself then. Now, as he thought of it further, he realized James had never meant any harm. The man was a nice man; someone Randy might actually like to get to know in another time. Right now, though, it wouldn't happen. If James didn't understand before, he had to now. Randy made it perfectly clear after this conversation; his heart still lay with John. There was no way he could imagine at this point in his life being with someone and loving someone as much as he loved his husband. James would have no choice but to respect that and if he didn't...well, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. All that mattered to him at that moment was making Ted and Cody's wedding the wedding of their dreams.

"Dad, Ally is scared and wants you to come inside,"

Randy turned and met his son's nervous gaze with a smirk. "Oh, Ally is scared, huh? How about you?"

Angel moved his gaze away and shrugged. "I'm not scared; I'm a little...anxious."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "Just anxious?"

Angel sighed and looked back up at him, an annoyed frown on his face. "OK, a little scared! Can you come back in, please?"

Randy smiled and nodded, walking back over towards the door and wrapping an arm around his son's shoulders. "It's OK, baby. None of what's happening on the screen is real. It's just make-believe."

Angel nodded and smiled up at him as they arranged themselves back on the large bed. Alanna immediately curled up to Randy's other side and looked up at him. "No more phone calls, Dad. I don't want you to leave again. It's not that I'm scared. I just want you near me,"

Randy shook his head and wrapped an arm around each child. "Don't worry, baby. I'm not going anywhere and I'll never let anything happen to each of you." He pressed a kiss to each child's head and sighed contently, pushing thoughts of anything but his children out of his mind.


	59. Chapter 58

**December 2013**

"OK, Cena. You escaped the horse in Texas but you will not be escaping it here in Mass, my love." Randy held up a piece of paper, a smirk on his face. "I found a stable in Groveland only 15 minutes away from here!"

John smiled and shrugged, looking over at him from the computer desk he sat in front of. "That's fine. I'm not afraid of getting on a horse."

Randy rolled his eyes and lowered his body onto the bed. "Sure, babe; whatever you say." He leaned back on the headboard of the large bed they shared in the Cena home. His eyes drifted closed as the quiet from the house entered his mind and tried to relax it. Try as it may, the peace and quiet could not calm his racing thoughts.

"Are you sure you bought everything for the new doctor?" He opened his eyes as he asked the question quietly. John turned over, his face serious, and nodded. "Yes, Randy. You've asked me like 10 times in the past day alone."

"I don't want to annoy you, John," Randy sighed and shook his head. "This is a new doctor and I want to start things off right. You've been through so much and so many tests; I don't want him to put you through the same things again. We both want this second opinion and I just want to make sure you have everything covered."

John slowly smiled and stood up. He walked over to the bed and looked down at Randy's sitting form. "Only thing I want to cover right now is my gorgeous husband," He lowered his body to Randy's, who laughed softly. "You're so cheesy, Cena,"

John laughed and locked eyes with him before slowly joining their lips. John lowered his hands down Randy's body to wrap around his hips and slowly ran his tongue over Randy's lips, deepening the kiss. A low moan escaped Randy's parted lips and his hands began to move up and down John's back. Randy suddenly pulled away and frowned up at John's confused face.

"What's wrong?"

"I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to distract me from my questions and it won't work." Randy smirked and turned his head over slightly. He moved his hands to John's chest and gently pushed him back. The older man did not budge from his position on top of Randy's body and just smiled down at him.

"I am not trying to distract you. I just wanted to get that look off your face…and to give you a kiss," John smiled widely as Randy rolled his eyes. "Well, you succeeded in getting the look off my face and getting your kiss. Hopefully it will keep you happy because that's all you're getting while we're here."

John's smile faded and he frowned. "What? Why?"

Randy laughed and shook his head. "John, we're not gonna fool around in your parents' house. We've been through this how many times in all these years?"

John sighed and rested his head on Randy's chest. "This sucks. I told you we should've stayed in a hotel."

"You know I like being here, Johnny and so do you despite your protests. Your parents don't see us as often as mine and they miss us. More importantly, they miss the kids. We have to make this trip as often as we can so our kids develop the same relationship with this set of grandparents, babe." Randy pressed a kiss to John's head and held him tightly in his arms.

John nodded against Randy's body but another sigh escaped him. "I don't think it was such a good idea to see a doctor in Boston. It's too close to my parents and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when they're around."

"Then maybe we should tell them what else we're doing here, John…"

John quickly lifted his head and shook it forcefully. "No. I will not tell them anything unless I know there is something to tell. I don't want to worry them and ruin our time here. Don't say anything, babe, please,"

Randy slowly nodded and pulled John back down. "OK, I won't. It's your call. If things are bad, though, we have to tell them, John,"

"We will; of course we will. I just don't want to think about that right now. Please, let's just change the subject, Ran," John tightened his hold on Randy's waist as the younger man nodded. Randy lifted John's head and pulled him in closer, their lips meeting in another deep kiss. John quickly intensified the kiss; parting his lips easily and massaging Randy's tongue with his own. The younger man moaned into his mouth, his hands clutching at John's back. John's hands moved up to circle Randy's neck, massaging the smooth skin on the area. Eventually they pulled apart to breathe and Randy leaned his head on John's forehead.

"Everything will be fine, baby. Let's just focus on tomorrow and you getting on that horse." Randy laughed softly as he rolled out from under John's body. "I cannot wait to see that."

John groaned softly but smiled. "The things I do for those I love. I must be a moron."

"No," Randy smiled. "You are the best husband and father ever," He winked over at John and stood, stretching his arms over his head. His t-shirt rode up his body, exposing his firm, tan stomach and John smirked. "You gotta stop doing that if you really want me to stop thinking about doing inappropriate things here."

Randy dropped his hands and smiled. He walked over to the computer John had abandoned and began to check his email and go over his schedule for the following week. They had decided they would be leaving the children in Boston with John's parents on Friday morning after they departed to head back to work. Both men were silently hoping the doctor's appointment in the next couple of days would prove uneventful and they would be able to go back to work with peace of mind.

John had been surprised to discover one of the top neurologists he was most interested in had an office in Boston. He and Randy had already been planning a trip to see his parents and once he discovered this, it all just seemed like a sign from God. As terrifying as the idea was of getting more tests and of possibly discovering something was wrong, the idea of living in blissful ignorance was no longer something John wanted to do. He wanted to finally be able to live in peace. He didn't mind having to deal with the headaches for the rest of his life as long as he knew there was no other pressing problem. However, if there was another problem, he was prepared to attack it. There was no time for fear. He had to think of his life and the most important things in it, namely his family. If he had to fight then he would. For them he would do anything.

* * *

"Here we go again. I swear, I'm gonna be ready for my medical license in a bit after all this. I don't think anyone has spent more time in a doctor's office than I have the past couple of years."

Randy smiled over as John rolled his eyes. "Then you have something to fall back on when you're done with wrestling."

John shook his head and smiled slowly. "Have I apologized for my freak out yesterday?"

"You mean your hysterics about the horse?" asked Randy, an eyebrow slightly raised.

"You know the freak out I mean...even though my ass is still killing me," John laughed softly.

"I know how scared you are and how crazy you drive yourself with your thoughts, baby." Randy sighed and shook his head. "A little freak out every once in a while is acceptable. I had one, too."

"I'm used to yours, though. You have every right to share your fears about what's happening to me, too. Look, I know Dr. Johnson said the headaches would be for the rest of my life. I'm OK with that; as long as I can treat them, I don't care. I just hate that they sneak in during the moments I'm having so much fun with the kids and I know you do, too." John smiled slowly. "Yesterday was so much fun. I've never heard the kids laugh so much in one day."

"Seeing you on a horse was an experience, Cena. I never laughed so hard, either." Randy laughed and reached for John's hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it gently. "Thanks for doing that yesterday, baby. We love you so much."

"Well, I figured if you can try camping..." John laughed. "I love you all just as much, baby. I'll do anything for all of you." His smile faded slowly and he shifted in his seat anxiously. "Why do doctors make you wait so damn long? I swear it's all a scheme."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "A scheme for what?"

"I don't know but it's gotta be one." John shrugged and sighed. "This anticipation of waiting is gonna be what kills me not a damn headache."

"What have I told you about making those jokes, John?" Randy frowned angrily over at him. "They're not fucking funny."

"Sorry, babe. Just trying to lighten the mood," John smiled over at Randy and squeezed his hand. "Don't get mad at me."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Just sit still until the doctor gets here."

"Yes, dear. Whatever you say." John winked over at him and kept their hands linked. He sighed as he looked around the new doctor's office at all his knick knacks and the diplomas covering his walls. It was an all too familiar scene for John but he hoped this time there would be more answers.

Just when he thought he would burst from the anticipation, the door to the office opened and the doctor walked in. He was older than Dr. Johnson but not by much. His eyes crinkled as he smiled over at the two men, walking over to shake their hands.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Thomas. It's nice to meet you both. Now, which one of you is John?"

John smiled. "I am. It's nice to meet you" He looked towards Randy and said, "This is my husband, Randy."

Randy smiled at the doctor and shook his hand firmly. "Nice to meet you,"

The older man walked over to his desk and flipped open the chart on his desk with John's name on it. "So, I've been through all the paperwork Dr. Johnson sent over from St. Louis and it seems like he did exactly what I would've done had a patient presented themselves to me with your problems, John. He ran all the necessary tests and even some I'm sure were just to ease your's and Randy's mind."

Dr. Thomas looked up from the paperwork and smiled. "It's up to you if you will allow me to suggest one more exam."

John shrugged. "Sure. You can suggest one, two…as many as I need so that I can sleep at night and so that my husband doesn't get that look on his face whenever I say I have a headache."

Randy smirked and shook his head. He turned towards the doctor and sighed. "Look, all we both want is to be absolutely certain John is OK. This is driving us both crazy but him more than me. I just want him to be able to focus on something else but this fear that he does have something. I want him to relax and be at peace because I know he's not right now. It's just an act he's playing for me and our kids."

John wrinkled his nose at Randy's words and turned back to the doctor. "As much as I hate admitting it, he's right. I hate this feeling of wondering if Dr. Johnson missed something. I want to believe everything is OK but I can't."

"It's OK, John. We will figure everything out." Dr. Thomas smiled at him and looked back down towards his notes. "Have you had an allergic reaction to contrast before? I see in all of the scans Dr. Johnson sent you for none of them were done with contrast dye."

"I've had a few scans before my whole headaches thing started happening. I'm a wrestler and I've had a few concussions. One time they gave me dye and I got some hives so my regular medical doctor put on my chart that I'm allergic to it." John shrugged.

Dr. Thomas nodded. "Yes, I see that on my notes here, as well. I see, though, that on that day they gave you a mild sedative. The reaction could easily have been caused by that and not the dye. Did you ever go see an allergist to find out?"

John lowered his gaze and nodded. "I had an appointment made but I never went. I got distracted by work and sorta forgot."

Randy scoffed beside him. "Typical Cena,"

Dr. Thomas shook his head. "We won't be doing that any more, John. If you really want peace of mind then I suggest you follow through on every exam I send you to."

John quickly nodded. "I will. This time I will. I have a lot more to live for now than I did back then." He looked over at Randy and smiled as the younger man rolled his eyes. "Corny,"

John laughed and turned his attention back to the doctor. He watched silently as he wrote on a pad of paper before looking up. "You're gonna go up to the 4th floor and have your blood drawn. I want you tested for a contrast allergy immediately. I would really like to get an MRI scan of your head with contrast dye done as soon as possible."

John nodded but frowned as he took the lab referral from him. "Why so urgent?"

"Well, I understand you don't reside in Boston so I want to get as much done with you as I can before you leave. Your scans aren't as clear as I would like them to be."

John frowned. "Why? What does that mean?"

Dr. Thomas pulled out a piece of film and laid it flat towards John and Randy. "This is your brain, John."

"Wow, it's bigger than I thought it would be." John laughed nervously as the doctor smiled. "Do you see this spot right here? It's a bit blurry and cloudy. If there had been dye in your system I would be able to have a clearer shot of that area. That's my goal for the next one."

"Could that spot be anything bad?" asked Randy, a concerned frown on his face as he stared down at the film.

"Not necessarily. It could just mean John moved during the exam and it's the best shot they got." Dr. Thomas smiled reassuringly. "Let's just focus on one thing at a time and not start looking for things that are bad."

John and Randy nodded and looked at each other. Randy attempted a smile and squeezed John's hand that he still held. "Guess I'll be holding onto this sweaty hand even longer now that you have to get more blood work."

John nodded and looked back towards the doctor. "How long does it take to get the blood test back? I would like to get this scan done as soon as possible for you."

"I'll put a rush on it and it should be here by tomorrow. We have our own lab here in the facility so it won't be shipped out. I'll call you with the results and we'll work from there. If there is a contrast allergy then I'm going to send you for a PET scan instead. It's a bit longer of a process than the MRI but its technology is much more advanced." Dr. Thomas stood and walked around the desk. "Hopefully in a couple of days all your exams will be over and you will be going back to St. Louis in peace."

John sighed and stood. "I hope so. Thank you, Dr. Thomas. I'll wait for your call tomorrow."

He shook the doctor's hand and followed him to the door. "Enjoy your time with your family, John. Let's not worry about something until there's something to worry about."

"Sounds familiar," Randy smiled over at John and moved to stand beside him. He reached his hand out to Dr. Thomas and shook it firmly. "Thank you for your time. I'm placing a lot of trust in you."

The doctor smiled and nodded, opening the office door for them. John and Randy walked out into the mostly empty office and walked down the hall towards the elevators. It was minutes before they spoke, each man lost in his own thoughts.

"I like him. He was nice."

John nodded at Randy's words. "Yeah, I agree. I like that he's just as determined as I am to do every test possible. It makes me feel less anxious."

"Can you take his advice, then?" Randy stopped them at the bank of elevators and leaned on the wall as he waited. He stared into John's eyes. "Let's try to enjoy ourselves here. Let's not worry about anything. Can you do that…or at least really try?"

John smiled slowly and nodded. "I will. You guys are right; I won't live in fear."

Randy moved over to him and pulled him into his arms. He hugged him tightly and rubbed his back soothingly. "Everything is going to be fine anyway, babe."

* * *

"Why can't we have a horse at home?"

"Because we live in the city, Ally. I told you I would buy you a horse but it has to live in a stable." John smiled down at his daughter as she skipped along beside him.

"But I want it to live at home with me so I can ride him whenever I want. Why can't we move into a big ranch like Shawn has?" Alanna pouted up at John, causing him to laugh. "That look won't work on me this time, princess. I will not give up my home in the city to live on a big ranch. I am not and will never be a cowboy."

Alanna sighed as they turned the corner towards the Cena home. "Fine, I guess I can go ride him at the stables. What should I name him?"

"How about Mr. Ed?" John smiled as he led her up the drive to his parents' home. She frowned up at him and shook her head. "It's a horse, Daddy. That's like a person's name."

John laughed and led her inside the house. She immediately took off in search of her brother so she could share the news of a new horse and the decision of its name while John headed for the kitchen. Randy looked up at him from where he stood chopping vegetables. "You got my basil? It better be fresh, John."

John rolled his eyes and held up the bag he held. "Yes, I told you I would walk to the farmer's market! God, you turn into such a chic when you cook."

Randy glared angrily at him from behind the counter and snatched the bag away. "Don't call me a chic, jerkoff. You're just as bad when working on your dumb cars. So damn anal about everything…"

John laughed and sat on a chair besides the counter. "Guess what? I promised Ally I would buy her a horse."

Randy stopped in mid chop and looked up at him. "Seriously? You do know she's gonna want you to ride it with her, right?"

John frowned and averted his gaze. "Shit, didn't think about that. May have to rethink this horse idea now,"

"Good luck taking that one back now, Cena," Randy smirked over at him before turning his attention back to the food he was preparing. John watched him move, so meticulous, with a small smile on his face. "So, what's cooking, good looking?"

"Could you be anymore corny?" Randy turned over and shook his head. "Stop trying to distract me. Mom left me strict instructions for this roast and I have to make it exactly like she said or, and I quote, she will cut off a vital organ you and I both love."

John closed his eyes and shook his head, his lips curving into a smile at his mother's threat. "God, she truly is one in a million."

Randy laughed and nodded. "Oh yeah and I won't be the one messing with her." He turned back towards his dinner as John grabbed a bowl of nuts from the counter and began to munch on them. He could hear the faint voices of his children coming from the second landing but other than that and the noises of Randy moving before him in the kitchen, the house was silent. His parents had gone to visit other family for the day, leaving them alone with their children.

John sighed and leaned back in the chair. It had been a wonderful few days in Boston with his parents. He had managed to visit family he didn't see often and also spend time showing his city to his children. The time he, Randy and the kids had spent bonding with his parents were his happiest, though. He would forever be thankful that Randy had such an amazing relationship with his parents, as well as how determined he was that their children got to know both sets of grandparents equally. It made their family complete and him so happy to see all the love they shared.

Among his time spent with his loved ones, John had managed to sneak in the exams Dr. Thomas had recommended. He had done his blood work that same day he'd visited with Randy and the next day had been called with the news that no allergen to contrast dye had been found in his system. It had made both him and Dr. Thomas incredibly happy to learn he would now be able to go for just another simple MRI exam and not the more complicated PET one. The doctor managed to schedule him that same day, later in the afternoon, and John had eagerly agreed. He wanted to get it all over with because despite his trying, he was still worrying. It was something he only discussed with Randy late at night when they were in bed. John knew Randy wanted him to stop but he also understood John couldn't until all his results were in. The younger man listened and encouraged John, letting him pour out his fears and thoughts until sleep finally claimed him. It was something John appreciated and needed but something he hoped would be over soon. He still hadn't told his parents of the tests and results he was waiting for and another thing that was making him worry was the thought of slipping up in front of them.

The phone rang, startling him from his thoughts. Randy looked over, his hands covered in vegetables. "Can you get that, babe? I'm in a bit of a mess over here,"

John smiled and nodded, reaching across the counter for the phone. "Hello?"

"John? It's Dr. Thomas,"

John's smile dropped off slightly and he took a deep breath. "Hi, Dr. Got good news for me, I hope?"

There was a pause in his ear before he heard the doctor's voice once more.

"I was hoping you could come in to see me today." The serious tone in the doctor's voice made John's heart begin to race. He closed his eyes tightly and responded, "Why?"

"I would like to speak to you about your results in person, John. Please come in today. I can schedule you for anytime you have."

"Don't do this to me, Doc. Please, just tell me why now." John met Randy's confused face across the counter. The younger man frowned and mouthed "What's going on?" in his direction. John shrugged and turned away, standing from the chair. "Look, I'll go in but just tell me what I'm walking into."

"John, protocol states I can't reveal results over the phone…"

"Fuck protocol! Doc, please, you're freaking me out. It's obviously not good news, is it?" John's voice rose with his frustration and Randy quickly walked from behind the counter. He wrapped and arm around John's waist and rubbed his back. "Calm down, baby. What's going on?"

John shook his head and pulled away from Randy gently, ignoring the hurt look that crossed his face. "What's wrong with me? Just tell me. I'm already thinking it; all you have to do is confirm it."

Dr. Thomas sighed in his ear and remained silent for close to a minute before he spoke again. "I'm sorry, John. Your scans show a tumor in your brain. I need you to come in so we can discuss treatment options."

John felt his stomach plummet at the doctor's confirmation of his biggest fear. He clutched at it and nodded, the pain making him double over. He heard the doctor still speaking in his ear but he couldn't make out the words. "Yeah, OK…I'll be there…I have to go." John ended the call, even as Dr. Thomas still spoke and let the phone clatter to the ground.

"John. John, what the hell is going on?"

John remained quiet, the doctor's words spinning in a constant loop in his head. His eyes watered as he looked up and met Randy's frowning face. The younger man hadn't moved from next to the counter but his hand gripped the edge so tightly his knuckles were white. He tentatively took a step closer to John and whispered, "Please. You're scaring the hell out of me,"

John nodded, a tear escaping his eyes. "I have a brain tumor,"

Randy's eyes widened and his chest rose as he inhaled sharply. "No you don't. That's not funny,"

"Yeah, I do. I'm not joking," John shook his head and looked away, his body dropping to the kitchen floor as the tears continued to fall from his eyes. "My God…I have a brain tumor."

Randy watched him from where he stood frozen. His heart was racing a mile a minute and he felt dangerously close to breaking down. He pushed it back and shook his head. "No, no…it's a mistake. They read your scan wrong. You've had like 10 and they never found anything wrong before. It's just a mistake…"

"It's not a mistake, Ran. Accept it," John lifted his wet eyes from the floor.

Randy shook his head, his breathing coming in pants. "I won't! You're fine; there's nothing wrong with you. It's a mistake…"

John closed his eyes tightly and wiped the tear tracks off his face. "Randy, please. Don't do this. I need you now more than ever. Can you just not do this?"

Randy walked over to him slowly, still shaking his head. He slowly lowered his body down to John's on the ground and reached for his hands. He stroked the skin with his thumb and felt his resolve to stay strong dissolving. "I just can't accept it. It can't be true. This can't happen to you; not you,"

"But it is happening to me," John leaned forward into Randy's chest, a fresh set of tears coming from his eyes. Randy wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. He clenched his fists behind John's back as the tears finally began to fall from his eyes as well.


	60. Chapter 59

John lost track of how much time he sat on the kitchen floor, his head resting on Randy's now wet shoulder. The younger man had alternated between rubbing his back soothingly and whispering words of love and encouragement in his ear to just sitting quietly with him and letting him cry his eyes out. The shock of the doctor's news had stunned them both into a numb state but despite it, John realized they would have to snap out of it and get up. He sighed and slowly lifted his head. His face was hot and his eyes were practically swollen from the amount of crying he had done. Randy moved his hands from around his back and bought them up to cup his face. He smiled tentatively and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to John's forehead.

John closed his eyes once more and took a deep breath before opening them. "We have to get up. I don't want the kids or my parents to come in and find us like this."

Randy nodded and slowly untangled his long legs, lifting himself up from the floor. He held a hand out to John and helped him up, keeping an arm wrapped around him loosely. John smiled over at him gratefully and moved to sit on a chair around the counter. Randy stood beside him, a nervous look on his face. "What are we gonna do, John?"

"What do you mean? I have to go to the doctor's office and do what he tells me." John shrugged and rested his head in his hands, his elbows up on the counter.

Randy looked around the kitchen and then up towards the second landing. "We can't take the kids with us, though. What are we gonna tell them? What about when your parents come home? Do we have time to wait for them? Does the doctor want you to go right away? Maybe you should go now by yourself and I'll meet you there..."

"No. I couldn't drive now even if I wanted to," responded John, his voice muffled by his hands.

"But, John, then what do we do…"

"Randy, please," John's voice cut him off and Randy could clearly make out the exhaustion in it. "Can you please just for once make a decision on your own? I mean, even now, at this moment, you're still asking me what to do?"

Randy's gaze lowered and he felt a blush creep onto his face. He shook his head and shrugged. "I'm sorry. I just don't know…"

"And you think I fucking do after the news I just got?" asked John, the exhaustion being replaced by annoyance.

Randy's embarrassment quickly faded and he frowned. "Don't take your anger out on me. This isn't my fault. Neither one of us has ever been through this, John,"

John sighed and nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do, either…I'm so confused. I can't cry anymore and there's no point in getting angry…I just don't know anything." He sighed and lowered his head back down. Randy watched him for a few seconds before bending down and placing a kiss on the side of his head. "I'm sorry. I've just gotten so used to you being the one to do everything for us. I depend on you for everything. Don't worry about it, though. I'll take care of this myself and I'll take care of everyone…"

"You can still depend on me. I'm still here," John quickly lifted his head and attempted a smile. "Don't write me off already, babe."

"Don't joke like that. I don't like it," replied Randy, taking a step back. "Why would you joke like that now when we know something really is wrong with you?"

John remained silent and turned away. He slowly stood off the chair and walked towards the backdoor. "You know what's really funny? I knew that this doctor was going to find something. Before he even opened his mouth, I knew. I don't know why I broke down, though. Now that I know, I don't know what to do with it."

He shrugged and turned back towards Randy, whose face had still not regained its normal color. "I guess we have no choice but to tell my parents now. I guess I have to call Vince, too. I probably shouldn't wrestle with something in my brain."

Randy remained quiet, his gaze not meeting John's.

John sighed and turned back to look into the backyard. "The doctor should tell me what the next step is. I don't know if he'll refer me back to someone in St. Louis or want me to stay here. Whatever happens, I don't think we should tell the kids until we've spoken to him about my options. Maybe we shouldn't tell my parents until then, either…"

"Why are we even talking about this? Maybe this is all a mistake!"

John turned over at the sound of Randy's hushed question. He sighed and shook his head. "It's not a mistake."

"It could be. Why are you giving up so easily?" Randy frowned over at him angrily and threw his hands up in exasperation. "Are you even planning on fighting this or are you already giving up?"

"Ran, I know this is hard for you to accept but if I can accept it, why can't you?" John walked over to him and reached for his hands, surprised to find them cold. "Don't make this any harder, baby."

"Why are you so calm about this?" Randy pulled his hands away and frowned down at John in annoyance and confusion. "I mean, Jesus, John! I'm showing more emotion than you are!"

"I just had a breakdown in your arms and you don't think I'm showing emotion?" John's eyes widened and he shook his head. "The last thing I am is calm, Randy. My head is spinning right now and my stomach is twisted into a million knots. I feel more sick and more terrified than I have ever felt in my life. Whatever you're feeling cannot compare to what I'm feeling because this shit is in my head, not yours. I do realize, though, that I can't remain in this state. I need to move past it and figure out how to fix it and I would like you there by my side as I do. You need to accept this, Randy because I can't take care of everything on my own this time. I need you to be strong for me this time."

Randy's eyes watered and he shook his head, lowering it as a tear escaped his eye. "I don't know how to be. I'm scared of what's happening, John."

"You need to snap out of it. It's not fair for me to ask you this, Ran, but I have to. I can't do this without you," John reached up to Randy's face and wiped at the tears. "Please, baby. I'm so scared, too. I would give anything for this not to be happening to us,"

"You don't deserve this. This shouldn't be happening to you of all people, John," Randy leaned into John's embrace and held him tightly, the tears now falling from his eyes as John rubbed his back softly. "We can't focus on that, baby."

Randy closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath, trying to control his tears and raging emotions. "You're right. We just have to focus on how to get you better." He pulled out of John's embrace and rested his head on his forehead. "And I'll be with you every step of the way, baby. I love you so much, Johnny."

John smiled and nodded softly. "Thank you, baby. I know everything will be OK if you're with me." He pulled Randy back into a tight hug, both men needing the comfort the other provided. They remained in the embrace until footsteps approaching them made them break apart slowly.

Randy's eyes widened as he heard his children's' voices and footsteps come closer. He pulled away from John and quickly wiped his eyes and face clean of any tears. John did the same but took a step forward, blocking Randy from the kids' view. He knew at that moment he was more equipped to speak to them than Randy was.

Angel and Alanna burst into the kitchen, scanning the room and quickly frowning when they saw all the food still out on the counter. "Isn't that supposed to be our dinner?" asked Alanna, climbing up onto a stool around the counter.

"Why isn't it in the oven yet? Grandma's gonna be mad," said Angel, a small laugh escaping him as he climbed up to sit on the counter.

John laughed and walked over to them. He reached for Angel and lowered him down to a stool besides Alanna. "We changed our minds. It can be dinner tomorrow. Grandma will understand. What are you two in the mood for?"

Angel shrugged while Alanna rested her head in the palm of her hand, a pensive look on her face. "Maybe some sushi..."

"Yuck, no way," groaned Angel from beside her. "How about some cheeseburgers, Daddy?"

John smiled and nodded. "How about instead of cooking we get both sushi and burgers?" He turned towards Randy and held a hand out towards him, happy to see he had composed himself. "What are you in the mood for, babe?"

Randy smiled and though it looked normal to anyone else, John could clearly see how strained it was. "I could go for some sushi, too, actually. I need to clean up the mess here first, though. I don't want to feel the wrath of Mom for ruining one of her pots."

John squeezed his hand and laughed. "OK, so you clean up and I'll look for some sushi/burger joints."

Randy nodded and turned around, sighing when he saw the mess on the counter and stove from the roast he had been preparing. He turned off the oven and wrapped the pot holding the seasoned roast in aluminum foil.

"Can we help you, Daddy?"

Randy smiled and nodded towards Angel as the small boy climbed off his seat and walked over to him. "Yes, thank you, baby. Can you open the fridge for me so I can put this stuff inside and Al, can you please hand me the salad bowl?"

Angel and Alanna nodded and did as they were told. Randy slid the roast and salad he had prepared inside the bottom of the large refrigerator and sighed as the cold air hit his face. He plastered another smile on his face and tried to control his emotions in front of the children, especially his trembling hands.

"Why don't I smell food cooking in this house?"

Randy stuck his head out of the refrigerator as Carol marched into the kitchen, an eyebrow raised. "Well, Randy? I left you instructions including the time this should be on the table. Obviously, you have changed that plan."

"I'm just not in the mood to cook tonight. We're gonna get takeout," Randy smiled down at the kids and closed the refrigerator door. "We were in a sushi and burgers mood."

Carol frowned and shook her head. "I don't understand why you bothered to prepare everything then if you weren't going to make it!"

Randy shrugged and moved around the kids, grabbing a sponge and cleaning the counter. "I was...then I changed my mind."

"Mom, stop harassing my husband." John walked into the room with a handful of papers in his hand. "It's not a crime to change your mind when it comes to dinner."

Carol sighed and shrugged. "Fine, whatever you want. I just figured the kids could use a home-cooked meal, you know."

John rolled his eyes but smiled. "My kids do get home-cooked meals, Mom. Randy cooks every night we're home. Tonight, though, is take-out night. Can you watch the kids while Randy and I pick up food for everyone?"

Carol shrugged and set her purse down on the counter. "Fine. Bring me a bacon cheeseburger and make sure you ask your dad what he wants."

John nodded and held his hand out towards Randy. "I will. Let's go, Ran,"

Randy nodded and moved towards him, quickly dropping the sponge and rinsing his hands. Carol frowned and stared at him as he moved past her towards John. "Is everything OK?"

Randy's eyes widened slightly but he nodded. "Fine,"

"Can we go with you, Daddy?" Alanna tugged on Randy's shirt and he looked down at her and shook his head. "No, baby. You and your brother just stay with grandma, OK."

Alanna pouted and whined. "Why? Please, Daddy,"

Randy sighed and lifted his gaze towards John's. "Al, don't whine. I hate that."

"Guys, if you two go then we'll never get home. Daddy and I can shop a lot faster alone, OK." John took a step forward and pressed a kiss on both kids' heads. "Let's go, Ran."

Randy nodded and followed John out of the kitchen, letting Carol take over the care of the children. John looked back at him as he practically dragged him from the house towards the car. "We don't have much time. If we're gone too long they're gonna know something is up,"

John handed Randy the keys. "Please drive."

Randy nodded and climbed in the driver's seat, quickly starting the car and driving off. "Did you call the doctor and tell him we're coming?"

John nodded and kept his eyes forward. "Yeah and almost got caught by Dad, too."

"We have to tell them, John. They're gonna be able to read it on both our faces...especially Car." Randy sighed and shook his head. "We can't hide anything from her."

"We'll talk to them tonight after the doctor tells me what's next." John turned to look out the window and tapped his foot anxiously.

Randy watched him out of the corner of his eye but remained silent as he drove forward. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly and he tried to focus on only the act of driving. The shock from the news was still fresh in his mind and he was alternating between moments of terror and moments of pure anger. After everything he and John had been through in their lives, he couldn't believe God had thrown yet another setback in their relationship. It wasn't fair and the only thing he could hope for now was that this doctor would tell them this thing in John's head was not dangerous. It was that tiny sliver of hope that Randy was holding onto as he drove. He risked a look over at John and saw him still staring out the window. Randy sighed inwardly as he turned back over. He knew John was terrified about this. For all of his proclaiming that he known something was wrong with him, Randy doubted he truly expected something to be wrong with him. It was one thing to think something was wrong and another to hear it confirmed from a doctor's lips. John's breakdown in Randy's arms was something the younger man would have never expected from his always in control husband. The sight terrified him more than anything because if John couldn't make this situation better then he doubted he could.

"We're almost there,"

Randy looked over at the sound of John's voice, a voice that sounded nothing like his John. He nodded and remained silent as he led the car into the large medical complex. He could hear John's breathing grow rapid beside him and quickly parked the car before turning towards him. John clutched at his seatbelt, his eyes wide in his now pale face. He shook his head towards Randy. "Shit. I don't think I can go in there,"

Randy clenched his jaw and reached forward, pulling John's hand away from the strap and holding it tightly. He took a deep breath and pushed his own fear away. He wouldn't let it consume him. This was about John and being there for him in any way he needed him. It was his turn to be the strong one.

"Yes, you can. You can do anything. You are the strongest person I know, Johnny and you are gonna go in there and figure out what you need to do in order to beat this. I will be by your side the entire time. I told you once, baby; if the doctors did find something, we will do everything and anything we have to do in order to make you better." Randy smiled slowly and nodded, bringing John's hand up to his lips and kissing it gently. "I plan on making sure those doctors do exactly that, baby. We have to go in there, though, so they can get started."

John nodded slowly, his eyes still full of worry and fear, but exited the car. He took a deep breath and rounded the front, meeting Randy at his door and quickly taking his outstretched hand. The younger man smiled at him and led him inside the building, the noise of other people entering and exiting quieting his own thoughts for the moment. They entered the next arriving elevator and rode up to Dr. Thomas' office in silence. John lowered his head as the numbers on the panel beeped with each floor they passed, his stomach clenching uncontrollably. Randy pulled him into his arms and hugged him to him. "It's OK, baby. Everything will be fine."

John nodded against his shoulder, his hands clutching at Randy's hips. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open, signaling their arrival. He pulled away from Randy slowly and stepped out into the floor, surprised to see it quiet and with only a few patients walking back and forth.

"Go sit down, baby. I'll tell the nurse we're here, OK."

John nodded, barely registering Randy's request until gently pushed towards a chair. He kept his eyes trained on the blue carpet under his feet and frowned. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and focused on taking deep breaths, willing his heart to stop racing and his stomach to calm down. The chair beside him moved and Randy's cologne invaded his senses. His eyes slowly opened and met Randy's calm gaze. A smile curved his lips as his gaze traveled over Randy's face; a face he knew so well.

"Your face looks like it's gonna crack."

Randy frowned. "What?"

John shook his head. "You're trying so hard not to show any emotions on it that you look like a blank statue. Don't do that."

Randy sighed and shook his head. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just confident that everything is going to be OK…"

"Don't lie to me, either," interrupted John, his smile fading as he turned away. Randy's frown deepened and he turned his chair over, coming closer to John. "I don't lie to you…ever. You know that."

John remained quiet and Randy sighed in frustration. "Baby, everything is going to be fine. Please, just don't worry."

"How the hell do you know everything is going to be fine, Randy?" John snapped, his head turning and his eyes glaring into Randy's. "Don't tell me not to worry."

Randy looked away, unable to stare into John's angry glare any longer. He moved his chair back and nodded. "Fine. I won't stop believing that it will, though,"

John ignored his comment and refocused his attention on the floor. Randy shook his head, feeling no anger at the exchange between him and his husband. He knew John's anger stemmed from his fear and nothing else. It was a feeling he was very familiar with after having gone through his own number of surgeries. Lashing out at the person closest to you seemed to be the norm when you were in a situation like that…though this situation was unlike any he had been in. None of his medical problems had ever been as serious as John's were right now.

"John, you can come in now."

Both Randy and John's head lifted at the sound of the nurse's voice. They stood and walked over to her, following her down the hall to Dr. Thomas' office. Randy once again took John's hand, surprise in the older man's face as he turned to stare at him.

"I love you," Randy whispered, pulling John close to him. John nodded, a small smile on his face as they entered Dr. Thomas' office.

"Boys, come in. We have a lot to discuss," Dr. Thomas stood and motioned to the chairs in front of his desk they had sat in only days before.

Randy tugged John forward and led him into a chair before quickly sliding into the one besides his. He sighed and locked eyes with the doctor. "How did this happen? Are you positive about this?"

Dr. Thomas nodded, his eyes downcast. He opened a folder on his desk and slid it towards John and Randy. "This is your latest scan, John. It clearly shows a mass surrounding your meninges."

John hesitantly leaned forward and looked down at the picture, a frown on his face. "What?"

Dr. Thomas leaned back in his chair, his forehead wrinkled as he thought of the best way to explain John's condition. "The meninges are the membranes that surround your brain and spinal cord and form a protective barrier around your brain and spinal cord. Sometimes these membranes get altered and they multiply out of control, leading to a meningioma tumor."

John shook his head. "How does that happen? I mean, how they alter in some people's bodies and not in others?"

"Whether this occurs because of genes you inherit, things you're exposed to in your environment or a combination of both remains unknown, John." Dr. Thomas leaned forward once more and circled the tumor in the picture with his pen. "What I can tell you is most meningiomas are benign or noncancerous."

Randy let out a deep breath. "That's good, right? It means there's probably nothing wrong."

"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves." Dr. Thomas held up a hand. "When a meningioma is benign most patients don't even know they have it because it doesn't require immediate treatment. John is not one of those patients. He has demonstrated a number of signs and symptoms that may mean his could be a bit more serious."

"So, what do we do?" John's voice sounded tired as he asked the question.

"We need to perform surgery, John. Removing as much of the mass as we can is our best option since we don't know if it is benign or not. Once it's removed we can tell and then continue our treatment from there. If it's benign, we all breathe a sigh of relief. If it's malignant, we discuss radiation options." Dr. Thomas closed the folder and leaned back in his chair.

"Oh my God, my head is spinning," John closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands. Randy watched him, his own head spinning from the doctor's words. "Wait a minute! Just hold on! You're talking about cutting into John's head? No; no way! There has to be another way."

"Randy, I know this is difficult to hear…"

"This is impossible!" interrupted Randy, slamming his hand on the doctor's desk. "Why the hell didn't this show up in the other scans? This could just be a mistake. Why aren't you doing another scan to make sure?"

"Randy, please," John reached for Randy's hand in an attempt to calm his rising anger but the younger man pulled it away. "No, John! I won't let these people cut into your fucking head unless we're sure! You've had so many scans in your life, especially the past couple of years and this has never shown up. Why can't you accept this could be a mistake?"

"Randy, I have consulted with Dr. Johnson back in St. Louis. We both agree the unidentifiable spot in John's prior scans were the mass. The contrast he had in his system for this scan illuminated the area and showed it more clearly. The spot is exactly the same in this scan as in one from a year ago. We do not believe it is a mistake but you are more than welcome to get another opinion…"

John shook his head and stopped Dr. Thomas. "No, that won't be necessary. If you think surgery is best then let's discuss setting that up."

"John, no,"

"Randy, enough. It's my decision." John looked over at his husband and sighed. "There is no other choice."

Randy narrowed his eyes and clenched the muscles around his jaw. "Can we at least discuss this a little longer before you submit yourself to this?"

John looked at the doctor. "Do I have time to think about this?"

Dr. Thomas sighed. "Because your meningioma is causing signs and symptoms, I do recommend removing it as soon as possible, John. We need to see what we're dealing with and until it's out, we just can't."

John turned back over to Randy and shrugged. "I have to do this, Ran."

Randy shook his head, his jaw still clenched tightly. He turned his glare towards the doctor. "Explain to me exactly what you're going to do to him."

"I will give John a list of neurosurgeons located here and some in St. Louis in case you choose to return there. The surgeon's goal will be to remove the meningioma completely but because a meningioma may occur near many delicate parts in the brain, it isn't always possible to remove the entire tumor. In those cases, surgeons remove as much of the meningioma as possible. Thankfully, John's mass is in a good position. The type of treatment he will need after surgery depends on several factors. If the tumor tests as benign, even if a piece remains in John's brain, no further treatment is necessary. We may just schedule scans every couple of months to ensure all remains well. If the tumor tests malignant, John will have to undergo radiation, even if the surgeons extricate it completely."

John inhaled sharply after the doctor's long explanation. "So, after the surgery, it's another waiting game. How long after will I know?"

Dr. Thomas smiled. "About a day later." He turned over in his chair and reached for a folder with John's name on it. "Here is a list of surgeon's both I and Dr. Johnson recommend. Go through it with your family and decide on one. Whether you stay here or go back to St. Louis, I am certain you'll receive excellent care."

John reached forward and took the folder. "Thank you. I'll let you know as soon as I decide."

Randy watched the exchange between the men silently. His body literally ached from the tension flowing through it. "So, that's it?"

Both men turned to look at him, surprised to hear him speak once more. Randy's gaze bore into the doctors. "You're telling me you are positive this is the only choice for John?"

As Dr. Thomas opened his mouth to respond, Randy held up a hand, stopping him. "Think about this very clearly before you answer me. Put yourself in my position. This is my husband; the most important person in my life. You are telling me this is his only option. Are you positive? Is there nothing else you would recommend, even if this were your own spouse?"

Dr. Thomas' eyes filled with compassion and he slowly nodded. "I assure you, Randy. I have looked over every piece of paper I have on John and consulted with everyone I trust. I would've done the same for my wife. This is his only choice. I know how terrifying it sounds but isn't the harm this thing could be causing John more terrifying?"

Randy looked down at his lap and nodded slowly. John watched him carefully, knowing he was still on the verge of an explosion. "OK, then. Looks like I have some reading to do tonight." He stood up and extended his hand towards Dr. Thomas. "Thank you for your honesty. I'll be in touch."

Dr. Thomas nodded. "I'm sorry these were your results, John. It's never a good day when I have to tell my patients something like this."

John nodded. "It's not your fault." He looked towards Randy and tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ready to go?"

Randy looked up and nodded slowly. He stood and turned, quickly walking out of the door without another glance at the doctor. John smiled apologetically at Dr. Thomas before following Randy out of the office. Randy's long legs carried to the elevator bank and he jabbed at the call button. John followed slowly behind, clutching at the folder of paperwork Dr. Thomas gave him. He leaned on the wall until the elevator opened and followed Randy in silently, the air thick with tension.

Randy tapped his foot on the floor, anxious to get out of the building and away from anything medical. He was angry at himself for losing control in front of John and making a hard day for him even harder. John's face was the picture of fear and misery and he hated himself for adding to that. He risked a glance up at him and saw him flipping through the paperwork the doctor gave him. John's face suddenly rose and his gaze locked with Randy's. A small smile graced his face as he lowered the folder. "You OK?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" whispered Randy, his face getting hot from the embarrassment he now felt at his actions. John shook his head and moved closer to him, linking their hands together. "I'm actually a little calmer than before we got here. I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, Ran but please don't. I understand you're angry and it's OK if you want to scream and cry and hate the world right now. A part of me still does, too."

Randy nodded but didn't speak. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out, hand in hand. John looked down at his watch and groaned. "We have to find a restaurant so we can get some food for everyone."

"OK, we can map it or something," Randy nodded distractedly as he approached their car. He quickly slid in and was about to start it when John reached for his hand and pulled the keys away. The older man looked at him, his gaze intense as his hands moved up to stroke Randy's face. "I love you so much. I love how you want to protect me always. I've never felt safer and more secure in my life that the years I have spent with you, Randy."

Randy frowned and shrugged. "Why are you telling me this?"

John smiled and ran his hands over Randy's lips. "Because I need you to get it through your head that you can't protect me from this, baby. It's really happening and there's nothing either of us can do to change it. I can get a million more brain scans and that tumor will still be there. There's nothing left to do but get the surgery and pray everything is OK afterwards."

Randy rolled his eyes and pulled back. "Don't mention prayer to me right now; not after all the prayers that just went unanswered for us."

"Stop it, Ran. Don't lose faith now. We're gonna need it now more than ever," John moved as close to him as he could, the partition in the middle of the seats blocking him slightly. "I need you to do whatever you have to do to come to terms with this. This is the moment, Ran. Break down right now if you have to; hell, I will, too. But after that breakdown, I need you to be strong for me and I will be just as strong for you. You believe everything's going to be OK? Well, prove it to me."

Randy's eyes watered and he lowered his gaze. "I hate losing control. I hate not being able to change this or do anything for you,"

John moved his hand to Randy's chin and lifted it, his own eyes moist. "Are you gonna be with me through every step of this?"

Randy nodded. "Of course I am."

"Then you're doing everything I need." John smiled and took a deep breath. "This situation sucks, Randy but I can get through it. I just need you beside me. You give me a reason to fight and you make me believe I can do it."

Randy took John's face in his hands and pulled it forward, their lips joining for a kiss. John moaned into the kiss and slid his arm around Randy's waist, pulling him close as their kiss deepened. They broke apart, breathless, and rested their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes. Randy ran his hands up John's back to stroke the back of his neck. He bent John's head down to his shoulder and kissed it gently. "You're gonna be just fine, baby. I know you are."

John tightened his hold on Randy's waist and remained in the embrace, his eyes closed as he let the secure feeling of being held in Randy's arms comfort him.


	61. Chapter 60

"My God, I can't read anymore. I'm just gonna pick the first one that I see that graduated from Harvard. You can't go wrong when you pick Harvard, right?" John smiled and leaned his head back onto the pillow, dropping the folder of paperwork from his hands.

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. "John, you have to give this careful thought. This person will be cutting into your head, you know."

"I do know and I have read through every single one of these papers. All of these surgeons are equally qualified. The big thing was deciding where to have the surgery and we've already made that decision." John closed his eyes and rested his head on the headboard of their bed.

"Are you sure about that, babe? We don't have to go back home. We can stay here…"

"No," John's eyes flew open and turned towards Randy. "I don't want our lives to get anymore disrupted than they're already going to get. We have to go back home so at least some things can continue on as normal. St. Louis is our home; the kids' school is there and I have everything I need there. My parents can choose to come with us if they want but that's where we're going and no one will convince me otherwise."

Randy slowly nodded as he picked up the discarded folder. John watched him with a small smile on his face. "You read all of the paperwork, too. Do you see anyone you like?"

"This one seems really good. He has over 20 years of experience and does a lot of pro-bono work…he didn't graduate from Harvard, though. Is Yale good enough for you?" Randy smirked as he handed John the paperwork on the doctor he liked.

John laughed and shrugged. "Not as good but I'll take it." He looked down at the paperwork and nodded. "This is one of the ones I liked, too. It must be a sign that for once we agree. We'll go with him. I'll ask Dr. Johnson to set it up tomorrow morning after we talk to mom and dad."

Randy's smile faded slowly. "God, that conversation is gonna be brutal."

"I know. I wish we didn't have to have it," John sighed and lowered his body onto the bed. "I wish none of this were happening…especially so close to Christmas time. I'm ruining everyone's holiday."

Randy frowned and moved the paperwork over to the nightstand, turning the lamp off as he did so. He lay down besides John and turned his body over. "You're not ruining anything, baby. You didn't ask for this; it isn't your fault!" He pulled his body closer to John's and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Do you need me to do anything?"

John turned over and wrapped his own arm around Randy's waist, burying his face in the younger man's neck. "You're already doing it."

Randy tightened his hold on John's body and kissed the top of his head gently. "Just think good thoughts, Johnny. Remember all the good things you have in your life."

"Like you?" John's breath tickled his neck and Randy smiled. "Well, I better be one of them,"

"You're number one. Marrying you was the best thing I ever did." John raised his head from the pillow and stared into Randy's eyes through the dim light of the room. He ran his hands up and down Randy's warm back. "It's been great since the first day. I can still remember everything from that night…from the way the room smelled from all the flowers and candles to the crappy, faded jeans I had on."

Randy laughed softly and nodded. "Me, too. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday we were standing together and promising to be together forever. I can remember exactly what you said to me."

"So can I." John's smile widened, his eyes dipping closed. "And if I recall correctly, the night got even better after Laura left,"

"Oh, yeah it did. It was a great night from beginning to end," Randy stroked the skin on John's hip under his shirt as the memory of his and John's first night as husbands floated through their minds.

* * *

**_2 years earlier…_**

_"My God, can you believe we did this? We just got fucking married, John!"_

_John laughed and shook his head. "I think I'm still in shock, too."_

_Randy cocked his head to the side. "Are you happy?"_

_John walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I'm fucking ecstatic. I have my husband in my arms."_

_Randy smiled and kissed him deeply, John's seeking tongue demanding entrance. With a content sigh Randy opened for him and whimpered as John's tongue moved fluidly over his own, teasing and exploring. Randy returned the kiss with equal passion, pulling away when the need for air became too much. He smirked as his eyes locked with John's._

_"My hubby is the best fucking kisser,"_

_John returned the smirk and nodded, moving his hand down to smack Randy's butt. "And don't you forget it,"_

_Randy smiled, closing his eyes as he remained in John's embrace. A sudden thought made him pull away from the older man._

_"Dude, Mama Car is gonna kill you for this!"_

_John frowned. "She'll be a little upset, I guess but she'll get over it. You'll be there when I tell her and she can't stay mad at both of us for too long."_

_Randy quickly shook his head and moved away from John. "No way, Cena. You can tell her by your damn self. I told you, your mother scares me. I'll be in the next room while you tell her, OK."_

_John's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me? Not OK! We just took vows to stand beside each other during the tough times, oh dear husband. You have no choice in this matter but to stand right there and take what she dishes out right along with me."_

_Randy sighed, his forehead creased in a frown. "Your mom is a hitter and a screamer, John."_

_"She's yours now, too, baby. You knew what you were getting into," John smiled. "Besides, this was all your idea, anyway, so if Mom is gonna kill anyone, it's gonna be you."_

_The older man smirked as Randy's eyes widened. "But you're not gonna tell her that, John."_

_John shrugged and walked over to the bed. "Haven't decided yet. Looks like you have a long night of convincing me not to."_

_Randy sighed and rolled his eyes as he slowly approached the bed and stood in front of his husband. "Why did I wanna marry you again?"_

_John slid his hands up Randy's thighs to his waist. "Because I'm the best kisser…"_

_Randy laughed and bent down to let his lips brush over John's. "Right…"_

_He took hold of John's hand and led him towards the bed. Their progress was partially impeded by kisses and touches and a trail of clothing lay discarded in their wake. Both men quickly stripped away the last of their clothes before falling onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Lips met for deep, passion filled kisses. Rolling so that the younger man was on top of him, John smiled._

_"I love the way your body fits against mine. Perfectly," he whispered as he gazed up into shining blue eyes._

_Randy smiled as his fingers trailed over John's chest. "We do seem to fit perfectly, don't we?"_

_The feeling of his fingers moving over him sent shivers of desire through John. Randy slowly kissed and licked his way down his body, mapping it with tongue, teeth and hands. He paused at already erect nipples and licked them, teasing them with his tongue and suckling them. He flicked his tongue in and out of John's navel and kissed the warm, soft skin on either side of the leaking erection. He lapped at the pre-cum, smiling as John arched his back, urging Randy to take him into his mouth._

_Randy finally took mercy on him and slowly sucked the throbbing organ into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks as he sucked, grazing his teeth against the sensitized skin, pressing his tongue just behind the head. He repeated the action again and again until John cried out his lover's name and came hard, his semen pulsing down the younger man's throat. Randy pulled his mouth from the softened shaft and kissed him tenderly. He kissed John's eyes, cheeks, and finally his mouth. The kiss was gentle at first, the younger man tasting every inch of his lovers' soft lips before he slowly deepened the kiss. John growled his approval as Randy parted his lips and allowed him inside, relishing the taste and sounds of pleasure from his husband._

_"I love you, Randy, always," he vowed and kissed the willing mouth again. He gently pushed Randy up and flipped their positions, his body now hovering on top. _

_John ran his hands over the muscular body, kissing his way down Randy's neck. He trailed his hands down the flat stomach and teased the head of Randy's erection with his thumb, before wrapping his fingers around it. As his lover arched his back, moaning softly, John stroked the rapidly hardening shaft and claimed Randy's lips again. Breaking the kiss quickly, John slid down Randy's body and settled between his spread legs. He heard the soft groan from his husband as he moved to lick at the swollen organ that rested against his stomach. John licked at the leaking tip of the eager erection, lowering his lips as he slid one finger between the cleft of Randy's cheeks._

_Gasping softly as John licked him, Randy's fingers reached for John's head. Within moments he was groaning deeply as John's mouth lowered around his aching shaft. His breath came in soft pants as he took him deep into his mouth. As a slick finger circled and pressed against him and Randy spread his legs wider in invitation, gasping and arching as the digit dipped inside him._

_John lifted his gaze up to meet Randy's. He felt his blood surge through his veins as his eyes locked with Randy's intense blue orbs, the look of desire evident. John worked his lover's arousal with his tongue and lips, swallowing around the head and pressing his tongue to the prominent vein winding its way up. All the time, his finger moved deep inside Randy._

_He added a second, giving a half-growl of pleasure as the tight muscle clenched around him. He swallowed around his length once again, his finger brushing over Randy's sweet spot, making the younger man jerk his hips and arch his back._

_"Are you ready for me?" ____John_ asked as he reached down to slick his length with lube.

_"Yes, please, Johnny. I need to feel you inside me," Randy whispered, his voice deep and husky._

_John gently lifted his lover's hips and he lined himself up. Carefully he began to push forward, groaning deeply as he immersed himself into Randy's tight heat. Randy's legs wrapped around his waist as John slowly entered him, leaning forward to seal his mouth over his husband's._

_Randy moaned as John's shaft slowly filled him. The feeling of completion, always overwhelming to him, as John paused to let him adjust. As John began to move within him, Randy shifted his hips back to meet each of his lover's inward thrusts. He gazed adoringly into the eyes of the man he loved. He ran his thumb over his kiss-swollen lips and then claimed them in another kiss._

_"Don't ever doubt how much I love you, Johnny," he murmured against his lover's lips. "I love you so much."_

_"I love you too, Randy," John whispered huskily. "God, I love you."_

_As Randy's hands began to run over John's arms and back, the older man settled into a rhythm, rocking in and out of his husband's tightness. He moved slowly, thrusting in deep, withdrawing till just the head of his shaft remained inside his lover's body and then sliding slowly back in. Their kisses only stopped long enough to draw breath before recommencing with increasing fervor. Sliding one hand between them, he worked the hardness he found with long, powerful strokes, wanting the pleasure to last for both of them until they came together._

_The long, slow thrusts pushed Randy toward the edge as his lover's thick shaft moved within him. It brushed against his sweet spot only to pull back and thrust in deeper still. When John's hand wrapped around his leaking arousal trapped between them, Randy moaned deeply, and thrust up into the firm grip and down to impale himself on his lover's shaft. Although their movements remained slow and steady, his heart was racing._

_All too soon, John felt his imminent climax. He pulled away from their kiss to stare down into his lover's eyes. His thrusts became deeper and erratic. He pumped the organ in his hand and he licked at his Randy's neck as he continued to move his hips._

_"Cum with me," he whispered raggedly. "Let go and cum with me."_

_Randy's body moved instinctively as their pace increased. He felt his release building within him, until he finally lost control. His release spilled hot and wet between them and his muscles gripped tight around his lover's hard flesh. His face flushed with ecstasy and his eyes closed as he rode out his orgasm, crying out John's name. A feeling of warmth, love and contentment seemed to settle over him as his channel clenched, coaxing his lover to join him in his bliss._

_The sensation of Randy's muscles clamping around him, the look of bliss on his beautiful face and the sound of his cry pushed John over the edge. With one final thrust, he arched his back and buried himself deep. He came hard, his head thrown back, groaning Randy's name, his seed pulsing inside the tight passage that surrounded him while his hand continued to coax out the last drops of his lover's release. Trembling from head to toe in the wake of his release, he closed his eyes and smiled into his lover's neck._

_Randy felt his lover spill deep within him and moaned. As John lowered his body to rest against him, he wrapped his arms around his back._

_"Perfect," John murmured. "I love you,"_

_"I love you, too, Johnny," Randy murmured wordlessly as John eased from his body, a sigh of contentment escaping him. He smiled as John laid his body over his, the older man's hands running up and down his sides as his lips tenderly possessed his own once more._

_"Now and forever, gorgeous," John added. Randy nodded. "Always."_

* * *

"I still think we fit together perfectly…in every way." John's closed eyes slowly opened and he sighed. "All the arguments and time apart…God, I feel even more like a moron about it now. I didn't only hurt myself by living in denial all those months but I broke damn near every promise I made to you that night."

"Stop it. I thought we weren't going to do this." Randy frowned and sighed. "That's all in the past. We need to focus on the future and on getting you better."

John shook his head. "But, Ran, I…"

"John," interrupted Randy sternly. "Last time I checked our vows said we would stick together through anything. I promised to be with you today, tomorrow and forever. I don't intend on breaking that promise."

John's eyes watered and he sighed. "That night you said you felt you could do anything as long as I was beside you; that I made you stronger. I don't think you realize how true that statement is for me, too, Ran." His gaze lowered and he slowly smiled. "I don't deserve you but I'm so thankful I have you."

Randy gently lifted his head, his own lips in a smile. "Funny. That's exactly how I feel about you," His smile widened as John laughed softly. "Baby, our love can cure and overcome any obstacle, remember?"

John nodded, his vows to Randy echoing in his head. "Let's hope so, babe. I love you,"

"And, I love you and you do deserve me and you have me forever so there's nothing else to worry about. We will overcome this and be just fine." Randy kissed John's lips softly, pulling him onto his chest. "Now, get some sleep because we're gonna need all our strength for tomorrow."

John's mood saddened at Randy's words, the reminder of the conversations they would have to have with their parents and children the next day. He closed his eyes tightly, buried in Randy's neck with his strong arms wrapped around him and inhaled his scent, relying on it and the feeling of security Randy provided him to get some rest.

* * *

John looked up from the fax machine at the sound of Alanna's hysterical shriek. He smiled as he saw Angel chase after her, a worm dangling from his hand. He watched them for a few moments, getting lost in his thoughts as he did so. How he envied his children's innocence at that moment; their ability to live happily with the knowledge of being safe and secure while some ticking time bomb rested in his head.

With a sigh, John tore his eyes away and continued faxing the paperwork to his chosen surgeon in St. Louis. He wanted to get the process moving as fast as possible. He had one more day left in Massachusetts with his family before he and Randy were meant to go back on the road with the WWE. In that one day he had to explain to his parents and children exactly what was going on with him. He had decided the explanation for Vince could wait until he actually saw him the next day and both he and Randy had agreed to tell his parents when they saw them again after they finished work on Monday. John realized it would be hard to keep this type of news from breaking but he trusted his boss and parents to keep it quiet until he decided to share it with other people.

"What are you doing, babe?"

John looked over as Randy walked into the small office of his father-in-law. He smiled and lifted the papers in his hand. "Faxing over all the stuff from the doctor. I want them to schedule me as soon as possible. There's no point in waiting, right?"

Randy nodded and leaned on the desk, his eyes moving towards the window. "Yeah, you're right." He sighed and turned his gaze back towards John. "Your parents are watching TV and the kids seem to be entertained outside…"

"I know. I just…" John sighed as he took the paperwork back from the fax machine. "How do I even begin this conversation, Ran?"

"You just do, Johnny. There's no right or wrong way for something like this." Randy smiled and shook his head. "I know how much you love your parents and you want to protect them from any kind of stress or worry but you can't right now. You have to tell them and let them react however they will."

John took a deep breath. "I know. OK, I can do this."

"Yes, you can but I'll still be here for moral support," Randy winked at John and smiled as the older man moved towards the door. "Thanks, babe."

John took one final glance over at Randy and smiled when he saw his encouraging nod. He opened the office door and stuck his head out. "Mom, Dad, can you come in here?"

Seconds later his father's voice answered him. "Johnny, can you come over here?"

John rolled his eyes at the sarcasm in his father's voice. "Dad, I'm serious. Can both of you come to the office?"

"And I'm just as serious! I'm watching ESPN, Johnny!"

Just as John was about to explode, his mother's voice saved him. "Stop it and turn away from the television for one minute, John. Your son is calling you and it must be for a reason. Give him some attention!"

John turned to look back at Randy, shaking his head as Randy laughed softly. Minutes later, both his parents entered the office and John shut the door behind them. Carol looked back and forth from Randy and John, her eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"All right, what is it? I've known you two are hiding something since the minute you got here. Have you finally decided to share it with us?"

"And why can't you share it in the living room next to the TV?" grumbled John Sr. besides her.

John took one more glance outside the window and saw the kids still playing happily in the yard. He turned towards his parents and shook his head. "I need your attention so no, Dad, no TV, OK." He walked over to where Randy leaned on the desk and stood next to him. Another smiled and encouraging nod was directed his way and John took a deep breath.

"You know, I wish to God I didn't have to tell you this and I just want you to please control your reactions for the kids' sake. They don't know anything yet and Randy and I are gonna tell them on our own…."

"If you are telling me your marriage is breaking apart again, I swear to God neither one of you will walk out of this house alive," Carol's voice dripped with anger as she stalked over to the two men and her husband quickly reached for her arm. "Honey, wait, let them talk."

John shook his head and held his hand up. "We are not breaking up, calm down!"

Carol's glare focused on him then turned to Randy, whose eyes widened. He took John's hand in his and pulled him in closer. "We're not, I promise. It's something else."

Carol sighed, her frown slowly fading. "Well, then…What is it?"

John felt his palms begin to sweat and Randy's squeeze on one. He turned towards him, his eyes full of uncertainty. Randy smiled and leaned forward, placing a kiss on his head. "It's OK, baby. You can do this."

"All right, now you're starting to scare me, John. What's going on, son?" John Sr. crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.

John averted his eyes, feeling very much like a child confessing to a bad deed in front of his two frowning parents. "You guys know my whole headache drama and how the migraines just don't seem to respond to the meds as well as the doctor would want?" He waited for his parents nod before continuing. "Well, one of the reasons I came here was because there was this doctor I wanted to see. I love my St. Louis doctor but I just wanted another opinion and I discussed it with Randy, who told me to do what I felt was right. Anyway, the doc took some more tests and I got my results yesterday."

Carol and John nodded and waited for him to continue. John took another deep breath and lifted his eyes to look at his parents, both who looked extremely anxious. "He said I have a mass on my brain. Apparently it's a tumor called meningioma. I need surgery to get it removed so they can see if it's cancerous or not."

Carol gasped loudly and reached for John Sr.'s arm. "What? Oh my God, Johnny. Are you serious? How did this happen?"

John shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know, Mom. The other scans didn't show it but this one did."

"But how is that possible? How can all those scans miss something like this? I don't understand…" John Sr.'s mouth hung open as he tried to form words but couldn't.

"They used contrast dye this time. I guess that was the difference. The doctor's thought I was allergic to it but after an allergy test, it turns out I wasn't. When they found out they did my next scan with dye and the tumor is clearly visible." John's voice trailed off and the room fell into silence. He turned pained eyes towards Randy, who had the same look of sadness on his face.

"OK, let's start with some logistics then," John Sr.'s voice broke the silence of the room. "Surgery is obviously the next step but what's after that, Johnny?"

"If the tumor is benign, nothing. If it's cancerous, I have to start radiation and undergo more tests to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body," responded John softly.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I'm discussing cancer with you. How can this be happening to you, Johnny? You're so healthy! You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you eat well and exercise…I don't understand this!" Carol covered her face with her hands, a few tears escaping her eyes.

"Mom, this didn't happen to me because of my lifestyle. There's no reason for it, really. It just happened and there was nothing I could do to prevent it." John let go of Randy's hand and walked over to his mother, enveloping her in a hug. "It's gonna be OK, Mom. Don't worry, please."

Carol shook her head, unable to speak as she cried onto John's shoulder.

John Sr. looked over at Randy, his face registering the sadness he felt, as well. "How are you doing with all this, Randy?"

Randy shrugged and shook his head. "I'm fine; just focused on helping John get through this and keeping everything as normal as I can for the kids. They're not going to understand what's happening."

John Sr. nodded and turned back to John and Carol. He walked over to his son and patted him on the back. "Well, that will be the number one focus for all of us, then. Our Johnny is a fighter and he will get through this. We will all stand beside him every step of the way." He turned towards Randy and smiled. "For both of you. We don't want you to feel alone in this or take the brunt of it on your own, Randy."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know; thank you,"

John Sr. took a deep breath and gently pulled his wife away from John. "Sweetheart, it's OK. Johnny will get the best care in the world and be back to normal in no time. There's no need for this."

"I just got horrible news about one of my babies! How else am I supposed to react?" Carol snapped at her husband.

John Sr. rolled his eyes. "How about with faith that everything's going to be fine?" he turned toward John and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. "Because it will be, Johnny. You'll have everyone who loves you besides you while you go through this, no matter what the outcome is. We love you so much, son."

John nodded into his father's shoulder. "I know and I love you guys so much. That's why I wanted to tell you. I need all of you with me because, I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared."

"It's OK to be scared, Johnny. We all are, baby, but we can't lose faith." Randy walked over to him and rubbed his back.

John smiled at his husband and leaned into his touch. "I won't," He let out a loud sigh followed by a laugh. "I actually feel a lot better right now."

"Good," replied Randy, his lips curling into a smile. He looked out towards the window at his children in the yard and sighed inwardly. Telling the children would be just as hard on John as telling his parents but he didn't want him to think of it at that moment.

"So, I have a favor I need to ask of you," John's voice bought Randy's attention back into the room and he turned towards him. "We're not telling Bob and Laney just yet. We'll tell them when we come home from the road and we wanted you guys to just act normal if you speak to them. We don't want to tell them over the phone so just hold off for a couple of days, please?"

Carol frowned and held up her hand. "You're going on the road tomorrow, John? Are you insane? You're gonna wrestle with something in your head?" She looked at Randy and raised an eyebrow. "You have nothing to say about that?"

"He's not gonna wrestle, Mom. Do you really thing I would let him? You know I would lock him up somewhere before letting him do something that would hurt him." Randy shook his head at his mother-in-law, who still looked confused.

"I don't understand then…"

"Mom," John took a step forward. "I have to tell Vince what's going on because I will have to go away when the surgery is scheduled and then…well, depending on the results, I may have to stay away longer. He has to write me off TV somehow. I don't want the world to know yet what's wrong with me so I have to let Vince do it in his own way. Randy also has to talk to him because once I have my surgery he'll be with me and not on TV, either. There's a lot to consider. This is our career and we would both like to return to it at one point so Vince needs full disclosure."

Carol sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Fine, dear. I just worry about how he's going to write you off TV,"

John laughed and shrugged. "So unimportant right now."

"Speaking of the surgery, John. When has it been scheduled for? Your Mom and I will be there front and center for it and your recovery," John Sr. spoke for the first time in minutes, his voice solemn.

"I know you will and I will appreciate it and the help. It hasn't been scheduled yet, though. I faxed over all the paperwork to the doctor Randy and I chose and now I wait for his call. I'm sure it will be soon." responded John quietly.

"Waiting is the hard part. Don't let it drive you crazy."

John shook his head at his father and turned towards the window. "That's not the hard part, Dad. Telling the kids is the hard part. I have no idea how to do that."

"We just explain it to them, as simply as we can but honestly. They're gonna freak at the thought of you being back in a hospital but it's just for a little bit for the surgery. We'll deal with whatever comes after that at that time," said Randy, confidence in his voice.

John looked at him over his shoulder and nodded. "Can we get it over with then?"

Randy nodded and moved to the door. "I'll bring them in, OK?" He exited the room, a quick pat on the back from John Sr. filling him with encouragement.

Carol watched him go then turned tear filled eyes to John. "Do you need me, sweetheart?"

"They're the parents, Car. Let's leave them alone to do this, honey." said John Sr. before John could respond.

"Thanks for offering, Mom but Dad's right. Randy and I have to do this on our own. We'll be fine," John walked over to his mother and placed a kiss on her cheek. He smiled gratefully at his Dad as they walked out of the office. John took a deep breath, happy to have at least jumped over one hurdle, though the toughest still lay in front of him.

John heard Randy's call for the kids and seconds later, their footsteps running on the hardwood floors of the house. His heart began to race as they approached the door and for one second he thought of stopping Randy and waiting until another time. The door swung open and he met Randy's gaze, panic in his eyes. Randy frowned in confusion and John shook his head.

"Hi Daddy! What do you want to talk to us about?" Angel's voice drew John's gaze away from Randy.

"Did we do something? It wasn't me!" Alanna quickly spoke up and collapsed into the large office chair besides the desk. "Do you know what Angel did, Dad? He chased me with a disgusting worm hanging from his fingers! Don't touch his hand because it's still dirty."

"It's just a little grass. Boys get dirty. You know the worm wasn't gonna hurt you, Ally." Angel climbed onto the desk and sat on the surface, rolling his eyes at his sister's words.

John felt himself smiling unintentionally, the reaction common when listen to the kids' talk. "How did I get so lucky with you two perfect children?"

Both kids laughed as Randy took a step closer to John, wrapping an arm around his waist. "I usually wonder the same thing,"

John took a deep breath, letting the warmth of Randy's body calm him. "Guys, we need to talk to you about something really important, OK."

Both kids nodded and stared at him expectantly. John cleared his throat and moved over to sit on the desk, taking Angel into his lap. Randy moved to the office chair, lifting Alanna out and settling her besides him.

"So, you already know how I get a lot of headaches, right?"

John waited for the children's nods before continuing. "I went to a doctor here in Boston and they did another scan of my head. Remember, I told you that's when they take that thing that looks like a black and white picture of my head?"

"Those pictures look creepy, Dad," Angel looked up at him and smiled. John nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I know, baby. This time, the picture they took showed something inside my head. The doctor needs to take it out so I'm gonna have to go into the hospital again for a little bit when we get back home."

"Why? What is it?" asked Alanna, her eyes darting back between Randy and John.

"We don't know, sweetheart. That's why it has to come out of Daddy's head," responded Randy, smoothing her hair back.

"Once it's out the doctor can tell us what it is and will let me know when I can come home." John added. "We don't want you guys to worry. We're just telling you because we know how scared you got when I was in the hospital last time. This time will be different, though because you'll know when I'm going ahead of time."

"So, the doctor is going to cut inside your head? How?" asked Angel, a frown on his face.

John shrugged and smiled. "I don't know, kiddo. I'll be asleep so I won't feel a thing. The doctor knows what he's doing, though. He went to school for this and Daddy and I made sure to pick a really smart one."

"Good because I want you to have the smartest doctor in the world so you can come home really fast," Alanna smiled over at John, who laughed. "So do I, princess. The last thing I want is to be away from you two and Daddy for too long."

"Daddy will be fine, guys. He has a great doctor and when he comes home we will take excellent care of him until he's better. The only difference is he may need more rest for a while." Randy looked at both children as he tried to help John's explanation along. He noticed Angel's frown as the small boy played with his fingers. "Angel, if you have a question, ask it, baby."

Angel slowly lifted his head. "Is the thing inside Daddy's head like cancer?" he asked softly.

Randy and John's eyes widened and they locked onto each other's, the surprise in them obvious at their son's question.

"What's cancer?" asked Alanna.

"Something that makes you die," responded Angel quickly.

The little girl gasped loudly and swerved to look at Randy. "Is that true?"

Randy cleared his throat and shook his head, overcoming his shock faster than John. "No! No, it's not…always. Cancer is the name of a disease. It doesn't kill you, though. Yes, some people die but a lot of people get better and live for a really long time…it's not what's inside Daddy! Don't think that!" He looked over at Angel. "How do you even know what that word means, Angel?"

"One of our teachers at the house, Ms. Angie, got really sick one time. She would miss a lot of work and then came back with no hair and then one day Mrs. Martin told us she went to Heaven. I heard her talking to another teacher about her head and she said Ms. Angie had cancer," replied Angel, his voice barely a whisper.

"All I have right now in my head is a question mark, guys. We don't know what it is yet. The doctor will tell me once it's out. Let's not think of it anymore until then, OK?" asked John, jumping back into the conversation.

"But if the doctor doesn't know yet then could it be cancer?" asked Alanna, her voice just as soft as her brother's and her eyes filled with the same fear.

John opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He looked at Randy, who shared his reaction.

"Daddy, if it is, what's gonna happen to you?" asked Angel, tugging on his hand and drawing John's gaze back down.

John sighed and kept his mouth shut, unable to answer the question for his children because for once in his life, he truly had no idea what to say.


	62. Chapter 61

John took a deep breath as he shut the laptop down. He turned over to look at Randy, who lay sprawled in their bed watching TV, the ever present frown still marring his handsome face. It had been present since the day they received the news of John's tumor and it showed no signs of disappearing anytime soon. As much as John hated to do it, he knew the conversation he was about to begin would only make the frown worse.

"Babe, can you turn the TV off? I wanna talk to you about a couple of things,"

Randy looked over at him and nodded, extending the remote control in his hand to shut off the television. "What's wrong?"

John quickly shook his head and turned back to point at the laptop. "No, nothing; I just wanted to tell you that I went online and took care of all the bills for January and I put all the kids' appointments on your calendar so it could sync to your phone. I took care of the hotel and plane reservations we had already made. We had insurance on all of them so they should be refunded back to our cards soon…"

"John, stop…" Randy sat up in the bed and tried to interrupt but John shook his head and continued speaking. "We already got the kids' presents and I arranged for them to be wrapped and delivered to the house in a few days. Thankfully we already had the house decorated so…"

Once again Randy tried to stop John but the older man rushed on as he saw Randy's lips part. "Don't interrupt me! I'm trying to leave everything in its place for you and explain it to you because you don't know how to do it. You've never even paid a bill on your own, Ran."

"I don't care! You talking like this just makes me feel like you're giving me instructions because you think you're never coming back! Don't do that," Randy shook his head. "You're coming home after the operation and everything's gonna be fine. I won't even have to pretend to learn about paying the bills,"

John smiled and shook his head. He slowly stood and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge besides Randy's leg. "I know I'm coming home about a week after the operation, Ran, but I'll still be mostly out of commission when I'm here. The doctor told us it will take almost 2 months for me to be back to my normal self and that's only if the tumor is benign."

Randy's eyes darkened and he turned away from John. "Let's not think of that, please. I'll learn to pay the bills and be super dad like you but just don't talk about that. One thing at a time, OK."

John nodded and rubbed Randy's cotton covered thigh. "I know you don't like to talk about this, baby and I won't anymore, I promise. Let's just focus on making this as simple a process as we can. I don't want this to ruin Christmas for all of us, especially the kids. Promise me you'll make it perfect for them even if I'm still in the hospital."

Randy sighed and slowly nodded. He remained silent; his mind and body barely registering John's touch and his words as he continued to speak. It had become his body and mind's safety mechanism lately; just go numb and everything will be OK.

The doctor's had scheduled John's surgery for 10 days before Christmas. If all went well he should be home to celebrate the holiday with their family and friends. If it didn't….well, he didn't want to think about that. The waiting part after the surgery wasn't the only thing that weighed on his mind. The actual surgery itself was terrifying. So many things could go wrong during it and as it grew closer with each passing day, Randy found himself thinking about those things more and more. It would kill John if he knew he was torturing himself like that. Then again, John probably already knew. The older man was the only person who could read him without breaking a sweat.

"Are you listening to me or did you already disappear into Randy-land?"

Randy smiled slowly as John's teasing cut through his thoughts. "I'm listening…kind of."

Both men laughed softly and John shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

Randy's smile slowly faded. "I can't stop thinking about this and you talking about it makes me think about it. Can we just stop everything for now and freeze this moment?"

"Baby, it's in 2 days. We can't pretend it's not happening. I know you want to but I can't." John sighed and looked down at the bed. "Talking about it actually helps me. I like knowing every single thing about what they're gonna do to me. I like researching it online and keeping busy here running after the kids and hitting the malls to shop for presents and even paying the bills."

"OK, fine, you win. I promise to do whatever you want for as long as you want it, Johnny." Randy moved his hand to lie on top of John's. "I promise to let you talk as much as you want about the surgery. I'll even listen and respond. I also promise to happily pick up the slack around here with our babies so they have a great Christmas. I even promise to stand up to Mama Car when she gets to overbearing."

John laughed softly and nodded. "Thank you, baby. You're the best,"

"I know. You're not bad, either," Randy moved over on the bed and tugged John down to lie beside him. The older man kicked off his sneakers and arranged his body besides Randy's, laying his head on his chest. "All I want you to promise me is that you'll do this with me every night; just lay here with me."

Randy smiled and pressed a kiss to John's head. "I think I promised that when I married you." He smiled down at John. Both men's eyes still held a lot of sadness and fear but light was creeping into them again.

"I love you so much." Randy sighed.

"And I love you just as much." John whispered back. He moved up Randy's body and they shared a passionate kiss. "I want you so bad, baby."

Randy looked at him, a worried expression on his face. "What? Are you sure we can…"

"Yes," John laughed softly. "The doctor didn't say we couldn't, babe. Are you really gonna turn me down?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. He pushed John onto his back and got between his legs. Their lips met, the kisses growing more and more passionate, until John was gasping for breath. Randy crept lower and planted a trail of kisses down John's jaw until he reached his neck, leaving his mark there for all to see.

John let out a sigh and a moan of approval. "God, baby, that feels so good,"

Randy crawled up John's body until he was eye to eye with John. He kissed him again as John moaned in his mouth. The older man's hand moved over Randy's neck down to stroke his back. His hands were almost inside Randy's boxers when he suddenly pulled his lips away.

"What?" John looked up at him confused.

"Do you hear that?" asked Randy softly. He sat up, still in between John's legs. John frowned as he also sat up, confusion still on his face. "Hear what, baby?"

Randy sighed and shook his head, his gaze clouding over with sadness. "He's crying again,"

John inhaled sharply as realization dawned on him. He closed his eyes as the sound of the soft cries finally reached his ears. The familiar ache in his heart that he tried to keep at bay during the day hit him full force. Angel's cries had become a constant in the house since the day they'd told him and Alanna of John's condition. The nightmares that had plagued the small child most of his life had returned full force after that talk. The thought of losing another parent was too much for him and no amount of reassuring had made the nightmares calm.

"I'll go…"

John shook his head and grabbed at Randy's hand as he moved to stand. "No, I'll go. I'm the reason this is happening."

"Don't say it like that, baby," Randy squeezed John's hand tightly. "It's just gonna take time for him to understand. Al's having a hard time, too. When they're together, it's better because they can talk and help each other. It's just the nights when he's alone that it gets harder for him. We just have to keep doing what we're doing and what the therapist recommended. Console him and reassure him that everything's going to be OK. This reaction is completely normal for a child who's been through everything he has, Johnny. You can't blame yourself for this."

John nodded and stood up, a deep sigh escaping his lips. "It's just hard. I hate hearing him cry and knowing how much he's hurting inside. I can't fix it and it kills me,"

"I know. I hate it, too, baby," whispered Randy as John walked out of the room.

The sounds of Angel's cries and whimpers increased as John approached his room. He entered quietly, the lights from the randomly placed stars in the ceiling of the room his only illumination. His eyes immediately landed on the small boy, tossing and turning in bed as the nightmare played in his head. John sighed and crossed over to his bed, sitting on the edge. He smoothed over Angel's hair and bent to place a kiss on his forehead.

"Angel? Baby, wake up. It's just a bad dream," John gently shook Angel's body until his eyes fluttered open. He smiled and wrapped his son into a tight hug, kissing his head repeatedly. "It's OK, baby. It was just a dream."

Angel wrapped his arms around John's neck and held onto him as tight as he could. "It was just a dream?"

John smiled and nodded as he arranged the small boy on his lap. "Yes, baby. A silly little dream that meant nothing."

Angel rested his head on John's shoulder. "It was a bad dream, Daddy. You weren't here with me. You went to the doctor and never came home."

John sighed and shook his head. "That's not gonna happen, Angel. I'm right here and I don't plan on going anywhere."

"But you're leaving for the operation in a few days," mumbled Angel into his neck.

"Yeah but I'm coming home after it. I'll just be gone for a few days. You'll be too busy going to Christmas parties to even notice I'm gone. Grandma and grandpa are here from Boston and they're gonna spoil you even more than St. Louis grandma and grandpa do." John laughed softly, hoping to coax one out of his son.

It didn't work. Angel looked up at him, a serious expression on his face. "I don't care. I just want you home."

"Angel, you know I have to go into the hospital to get this done. Daddy and I explained this to you and Ally. I don't have a choice, baby." John cupped Angel's face in his hands and looked at him sternly. "I will come home, though. I promise you that I will come home."

Angel slowly nodded and rested his head on John's shoulder once more. "OK,"

John kissed his head once more, keeping Angel in the embrace. He rubbed his son's back, trying to comfort him further and felt him relax. "Feeling a little better now?"

"Not yet. I want you to stay here with me, please," whispered Angel, his grip immediately tightening on John.

John sighed and stood. "How about, just for tonight, you sleep with me and Daddy? Would that help?"

Angel finally smiled as he looked up at John's face and nodded. John smiled back, relieved that he had calmed the boy down somewhat. He walked out of his son's room, leaving the door ajar and headed for his and Randy's room.

Randy looked up as they entered, shaking his head at the sheepish look on John's face as he carried their son inside the room. "Well, well, well. Look who's here," He smile and extended his arms up and took Angel from John's arms, settling him on his lap. "What are you doing here, kid? You have your own room and your own bed, you know,"

Angel smiled, his gaze moving over to John as his arms embraced Randy tightly. "I had a bad dream and Daddy said I could sleep here. Can I, please, just for tonight? Is that OK?"

Randy sighed and pretended to think about it before quickly smiling and nodding. "Of course you can, baby."

Angel's smile widened and he crawled off Randy's lap and jumped onto the bed happily. Randy reached for him and pulled him down. "No jumping, though. We're all gonna get some sleep, now."

John slid into the opposite side of the bed, leaving Angel in the middle of the two men. "Sleep sounds like a good idea; peaceful sleep full of happy dreams,"

Randy smiled. "Then, I'm gonna dream of all the new stuff I want for Christmas. I hope Santa brings me that new watch I saw in that catalog the other day,"

John laughed. "I'm sure he will, handsome. I personally wrote him a note telling him how wonderful of a hubby you are and that you deserve that watch...and maybe a couple more things from that catalog," He winked over at Randy and down at Angel, who giggled up at him.

Randy laughed and nodded. "Perfect. I'm sure you'll be getting a present you'll love…though I don't think it will fit under the tree. It will probably fit better in a garage. I made sure to tell Santa how amazing you are, too. Not only at being a hubby but at being a daddy," He looked down at Angel and raised an eyebrow. "What do you think, baby? Think Daddy deserves an awesome present from Santa?"

Angel nodded, the smile still on his face. "Yes, he deserves the best present ever! You both do! You're the best dads ever,"

Randy kissed his forehead and pulled him close. "Thank you, kiddo. You're the best son ever,"

"Yes, you are," added John.

Angel's smile widened and he curled up to John's chest. John smiled and wrapped an arm around his son, kissing his forehead gently. "Try to get some sleep, baby. I'll be right here beside you all night, OK."

Angel nodded and let his eyes close, not moving from John's embrace. John stared down at him closely, the smile still on his face. After some time, he moved his gaze back up to Randy's, not surprised to see him watching them. "I know you don't want the kids to get used to this but I couldn't leave him."

Randy shook his head dismissively and whispered back. "It's OK, Johnny. I wouldn't have left him, either. I want him to always know we'll be there to make him feel better."

John looked back down at Angel's head. "I think he knows that already. I just wish we could do more to make him feel better…"

"He needs reassurance, yours most of all right now and you're giving it to him. You're doing everything you can, Johnny." Randy smiled down at their son and ran his hand over his hair softly. John reached over and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "He needs both of us, Ran. When I'm not here he's gonna need his Daddy Randy to reassure him I'm coming home. They both are. You have to believe it, though, baby."

Randy's smile slowly faded. "I do…I'm just scared. I don't want them to see me that way. I want to be strong for them and you."

"Ran, you're doing everything we need you to do." John frowned and sighed softly. "Am I putting pressure on you? I don't want you to put on this act around me, Randy. We promised never to lie to each other and hide things from each other…"

"You're not doing anything!" Randy glanced down quickly as Angel stirred in John's arms. He lowered his voice and shook his head. "I'm not hiding anything from you if I'm telling you how I feel, Johnny. You're not putting pressure on me to do anything but what I should be doing on a daily basis anyway."

Randy sighed and turned over, his gaze moving to the ceiling. "I know how I am, John. You do the bulk of everything around here. I'm all too happy to sit back and let you run everything. Things have changed, though and I get it. I have to step up and really help you…"

"You do help me. You're an amazing dad and an amazing partner, baby," interrupted John, his voice stern.

"I need to do more, though. I have to take charge of the house and of everything the kids need and I have to be the strong one now so I can take care of you..." Randy turned back over, meeting John's sad gaze. "…and I don't mind it, John. I know I can do it."

"So do I, Ran. You can do anything. I have so much faith in you," John's eyes slowly brightened. "I don't want you to go crazy, though. You're not alone, baby. Our families are here to help us and I'll still be here even if it's sitting in a bed most of the time. We're gonna be fine, handsome."

Randy smiled and reached for John's hand once more. "I love you and I have faith in you. If you say everything's going to be fine, then I believe it."

John smiled and nodded but remained silent. He watched as Randy's eyes closed and let his hand drop and rest on Angel's waist. His eyes moved over Randy's and his son's relaxed forms and he finally let the smile drop from his face. As it had for countless nights before, sleep would elude him that night, too.

* * *

John's smile faded as he walked in through the backdoor of his house, away from his children, mother and mother-in-law, their laughter following him inside. He spotted Randy in the kitchen talking to his father and quickly walked past the room, not in the mood to talk to anyone, and ran up the stairs to the second landing. As he turned around the corner, a hand gripped his wrist, stopping John in his tracks. His eyes widened and he spun around, meeting his fathers amused gaze.

"Where are you running to, Johnny?"

John plastered the smile back on his face and shrugged. "Nowhere,"

John Sr. raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? You looked like you were running away from something,"

"No, I wasn't. I was outside with the kids and just wanted a few minutes of silence but I wasn't running away, Dad," John rolled his eyes in frustration and pulled his hand from his father's grasp.

John Sr. nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, do you mind if I come get a couple minutes of silence with you, as well? I promise not to bug you,"

John sighed and shrugged once more. "I don't care. I'm just going to the room for a few minutes. If you wanna stare at me as I lay down, by all means…" He turned and continued down the hall, sighing inwardly as his father's footsteps followed him.

Pushing the door to his and Randy's bedroom open, John moved directly over to the bed and lowered his body down. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, the faint smells of his and Randy's colognes slowly relaxing him.

"Son, do you need me to get Randy for you?"

John opened his eyes at his father's soft spoken question. He shook his head and attempted a smile. "No, please don't. Today is the first day he's actually looked calm in the past couple of weeks and I don't want to ruin that. It's just a little headache, Dad. I can take care of it on my own if you get me my pill."

John Sr. nodded and walked over to the bedside table. He took a pill out of the bottle John pointed to and handed it to him. John swallowed it down and laid his head back down, barely acknowledging his father sitting beside him on the bed.

"Let me know what else I can do for you, Johnny."

John reluctantly smiled and opened his eyes. He turned his body over and stared into his father's concerned gaze. "You're doing it. All of you are doing it just by being there for me and helping me get through this. I appreciate it and I'm sorry if I sound cranky sometimes."

John Sr. laughed softly. "It's OK, son. You're entitled to be cranky if you want. I know how difficult this is for you," His laughter stopped and his head dropped slightly. "Well, I can imagine how difficult this is for you, Johnny. I would trade places with you in a minute if I could, son."

"I know, Dad. It's OK, though. I'll be fine," John reached over and took his father's hand. "I have to have faith that everything will be OK; everyone wants me to but I'm scared and a part of me is so angry. I don't understand why this is happening to me; why is God punishing me with this. I mean, am I not a good person? I've always tried to be. I know the whole gay thing is still question mark with the religious folks but I don't think all of them get brain tumors! It's not fair,"

"Stop it, Johnny," John Sr. shook his head, a frown marring his face. "This isn't a punishment from God, son. The God you were raised to believe in isn't this vindictive being you're making him out to be. You just got cut a bad break here, kid and you're right, it isn't fair but it's here and we have to deal with it."

John pulled his hand back and sighed. "I have to deal with it. None of you have to deal with it; just me,"

"Maybe not in the same way, John, but we're all dealing with this. Do you think it's easy for us to have to watch you go through this?" John Sr. stood and began to pace the area in front of the large bed. "Johnny, this house is full of people who love you. I can honestly say everyone in this house hates that they're here for this reason. Our hearts ache for you, son. Don't take it all on your own. Let us help you carry this burden,"

"Dad," John's voice rose and he laughed, the sound sarcastic to his ear. "None of you can help me carry this burden. You can listen to me talk about it, you can move in here, you can distract the kids, you can tell me how much you love me and you can smother me with attention but the fact is that it's my head getting cut into tomorrow, not yours. Nothing can change that. That is my burden and mine alone. I'm exhausted from carrying it and I don't have any energy left to put up this 'I'm doing just fine' act with all of you."

"We're not asking you to put up an act, son. Break down, scream, cry if you want to!"

John took a deep breath, his father's words only irritating him further, not providing the comfort they usually did. "What would that gain me, Dad? Would it change what's gonna happen tomorrow? No! Will it make me feel better? No,"

"Then tell me what I can do to make you feel better, Johnny," whispered John Sr.

"Right now?" asked John, closing his eyes once more. "Just give me the few minutes of silence I want,"

"Fine, son,"

John heard his father's footsteps walk towards the door of the room and the soft click of the lock as the door shut. He let out a sigh of relief and pushed back the feeling of guilt at how dismissive he was towards his father's good intentions. It was something he found himself doing a lot of lately with his parents, both sets. It was ironic, really. Both his parents and in-laws were willing to listen to him go on and on about his upcoming operation and let him break down, if need be, but the only person he wanted to talk to about his condition and break down with was Randy but Randy just wanted to pretend nothing was happening.

The sound of the door opening made his eyes snap open and he raised his head slightly. Randy's form framed the open door and he looked down at him, concern all over his normally cold eyes. "How are you feeling?"

John lowered his head back down onto the pillow. "Better…and I'm being honest. I took the pill as soon as I felt the headache come on and it's doing its job."

"Dad was worried. He very calmly mentioned that I might want to check on you and pretended he was giving me a choice in the matter. I soon realized it was an order," Randy smiled as he slowly walked over to the bed and lowered his body down. "I didn't know if you wanted to be alone or wanted company…"

"You're not company, Ran," John cut in and turned to look over at him. "You're actually the only one I want around me right now."

Randy nodded and turned his body, lying beside John. "Well, I'm here. What can I do?"

John shrugged. "Nothing really but I still want you to stay here."

Randy laughed softly and wrapped an arm around John's waist. "No problem."

The men remained in silence for what seemed like hours, Randy rubbing John's back and holding him in an effort to make his pain recede faster. John suddenly looked up, their eyes meeting, and asked, "Was Dad mad or did he look hurt? I kinda told him to leave me alone when all he was doing was trying to help."

Randy frowned and shook his head. "No, baby. He just looked worried."

"He keeps telling me that he's here for me; that they're all here for me but I just can't talk to our parents about this, Ran. I feel like it would just hurt them more and I don't want to do that. I'm tired of putting up an act, though. It's fucking exhausting," John laughed and shook his head.

"You can talk to me, Johnny. You asked me not to put up an act, right? Well, I'm gonna ask you for the same thing now. I can't stop you from acting a certain way around our parents and the kids, though I can tell you that it's not necessary, but I can ask you don't act differently around me." Randy sighed and frowned, his eyes clouding with slight anger. "Don't be like me, Johnny. I still get distant when something is wrong. I don't let people help me and I don't let anyone in, even you, sometimes. Don't follow my example, baby."

John frowned and tried to say something but Randy quickly put a finger against his lips. "Wait, let me finish. I was a jerk last night; hell, not just last night. I've been selfish. It's hard for me to talk about and listen to you talk about what's happening to you, John and because it's so hard for me I try to stop you from doing so. It's not fair. I should let you talk about it because you're supposed to be able to share everything with me, especially your fear and concern. I'm sorry I haven't let you do that. This isn't about me and yet you've been walking on eggshells to make it as easy on me as possible. I don't want you to do that anymore. I want you to talk to me and tell me everything and I'm gonna listen."

John smiled and kissed Randy's finger before moving it away. "Thank you, baby. I know how much of an effort it is for you to listen to something that has nothing to do with you," He winked at Randy, the tease in his comment obvious. The younger man rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just for that comment I should leave your ass right now,"

John tightened his hold on Randy's waist and laughed. "No, I'm just kidding! Don't move,"

Randy smiled and remained in the embrace, kissing John's forehead gently. "I'm not going anywhere,"

John suddenly pulled away, his eyes locked onto Randy's. "But what if I do?"

Randy frowned in confusion. "What…"

"How am I gonna do this tomorrow, Ran? How am I going to enter a hospital room and let them cut into my fucking head? Do you know how many things can go wrong just from that operation? Then, if that wasn't bad enough, if I get through that, I have to wait to see if this thing in my head was poisoned and how far the fucking poison has spread…my God, Randy," John shook his head, his eyes filling with tears as the words spilled from his lips. "I get up at nights after you're asleep and I look stuff up and it's terrifying. It's so bad that I actually thought of not doing it. I mean, they're just headaches. Can't I just live with them? But then I think of you and the kids and I know I have to go through with it but I still can't believe it. I can't believe this is happening to me! What if something happens, Ran? I could die on that operating table! What if its cancer? What's my life going to become if I have to go through chemo or more surgeries? How can I walk into that hospital room tomorrow with all of this in my head?"

Randy's lips parted as he tried to say something that would comfort John but he couldn't form words. He shook his head and wiped at John's face, erasing the streaks from the tears that had fallen from his eyes. "Faith, baby. We have to have faith that everything's going to be OK. Aren't you the one that's always telling me that?"

John shook his head. "I'm lying, Randy. I don't have faith. Everything in me has been consumed by this fear…there's no faith left inside me."

"Don't say that, Johnny. Please, don't say that. We have to believe," whispered Randy as he pulled John in closer. He kissed the side of his head and whispered in his ear. "Please don't give up on me. Please don't lose your faith."

John remained silent in Randy's tight grip. He swallowed back a fresh round of tears as his mind was filled with only one thought; he had already lost his faith.


	63. Chapter 62

**Present Day**

Randy wandered around the store, the cart rolling before him silently. His son skipped a few feet away from him while his daughter trudged behind him, muttering quietly to herself. He turned to glance at her over his shoulder and tried to smother a smile.

"Al, people are gonna think you're crazy if you keep talking to yourself like that."

Alanna sighed and walked up to keep pace with her father. "I just don't understand this, Dad. I don't understand how he could be doing this and how you're just gonna let him do this!"

"Baby, its his choice. What do you want me to do?" Randy stopped the cart as Angel paused in front of a shelf and began to throw items in.

"But its so weird! Its like...beyond weird!" Alanna huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

Randy shrugged and leaned on the cart for support. "Its weird to you but not to him, Al. Again I ask you, what do you want me to do?"

Angel turned towards both of them and shook his head. "Why are you two talking about me like I'm not even here?"

Randy smiled and pulled him over for a hug. "I know you're here. Would I be able to hug you tight if you weren't?"

Angel groaned in the fierce embrace before finally cracking a smile. "Dad, cut it out. We're in public."

Randy gasped loudly and clutched his chest. "Oh no! You're actually pulling away from my hug? I knew it would happen one day. You've caught the Alanna virus."

"Dad! How rude!" responded Alanna loudly. She turned away from him as Randy laughed and rolled her eyes. "It's no wonder you're letting him do this! You're just as weird as Angel is!"

"What's so weird about wanting a scary theme for my birthday party?" Angel frowned at his sister and pulled the cart forward.

Rand resumed his position and continued to follow Angel around the large party supply store while Alanna moved ahead of him and walked beside her brother. "Its just not a happy theme, Angel! Birthdays are supposed to have happy themes like clowns or cars or something, not monsters!"

"Birthdays can have any theme and I chose this. Its gonna be fun, Ally! A haunted house, some guy dressed up scaring everyone, food made to look like weird things..."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Food made to look like weird things?"

Angel nodded and looked towards Randy. "Yeah! Dad can peel grapes and they'll feel like eyeballs or he could put the spaghetti meat in a bowl and it'll feel like a brain! Right, Dad?"

Randy raised an eyebrow. "You know, I think its amazing how you and Al never learned to ask me for stuff. You just assume I'm gonna do it!"

"That's because you're the best Dad ever..." replied Angel as he quickly walked over to Randy and gave him a hug.

"Hmm, now you wanna hug me?" asked Randy with a smirk. Angel looked up at him with a smile before pulling away. "You'll do it, won't you, daddy?"

"I promised you anything you wanted for your birthday, so guess that means yes I will." Randy sighed softly. "Just try not to go crazy, OK. You're supposed to be the easy child."

Angel laughed and nodded. "I promise not to."

"And let's try not to get too scary…or bloody…" replied Randy as he stopped in front of a display with a skeleton dripping a bloodlike substance. He gingerly reached a finger out to touch the slimy substance and grimaced. "That's disgusting."

Randy turned around in time to see his children walk around the corner into the next aisle of the store and he slowly followed behind. It had been a great day so far, despite Alanna's complaints of her brother's chosen party theme. A quick glance at his watch told Randy he had an hour before he had to pick up Cody and Ted at their wedding venue.

The children's spring break from school had been the perfect timing for another trip to Connecticut with Ted and Cody and another visit to the Cena home. The men had been ecstatic to have Randy come along. Randy's newfound enthusiasm in helping plan their wedding thrilled his younger friends and family, helping to alleviate their fears that he would try to harm himself once more. Randy knew it would be a work in progress for all of them. When in St. Louis, he saw the worried looks his parents and siblings still gave him at times. While they were all proud of the steps Randy had taken to get better, a bit of fear still lingered in their head. It was the same when in Boston with the Cena's and when doing anything with Cody and Ted. Randy didn't mind, though. He didn't expect everyone to get over what happened so quickly. Hell, he still hadn't gotten over it, either.

"I wonder if Johnny ever donated sperm,"

Randy's eyes shot over to his father-in-law, who walked around the corner of the aisle with a pensive look on his face. "What?"

John Sr. shrugged and walked over to a shelf, his eyes widening when they focused on a set of foam tombstones. He quickly picked up a couple of packs and threw them in the cart before responding to Randy's shocked question. "It's just, the more I look at Angel as the years go by, he couldn't be more like Johnny if he were biologically his. Sometimes I think Johnny may have donated sperm and then 4 years later magically found his kid in that orphanage."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "I agree. Having Angel is like having a miniature version of John running around."

"Well, made by Johnny's sperm or not made by Johnny's sperm, Angel is a Cena," John laughed as Randy rolled his eyes and quickly responded. "He's just as much an Orton, OK. He's already developing the anti-social gene."

"I mean, look at this party idea," continued John, ignoring Randy's comment. "Johnny did the same thing for his 10th birthday, if I'm not mistaken. I have pictures of myself dressed as Dracula somewhere in the house. Johnny had a ball that night."

Randy smiled as he watched John lose himself talking about memories with his son. It was the one thing he had also allowed himself to do begin doing once more. Memories he shared with John were now welcome once more in his head. "I'll have to see those pictures when we get home, then."

John nodded and continued on down the aisle. Randy followed him silently with the cart, his eyes scanning for his children and spotting them further away. "Guys, stay where I can see you, OK."

Both kids nodded absentmindedly and focused their attention on the decorations before them. Alanna's giggle drifted back to Randy, who smiled at how Angel had been able to flip the little girl's mood.

"Why are we shopping for all this crap here when Angel's party is in St. Louis?" John frowned at Randy, who shrugged. "Well, I dropped of Cody and Ted at Candlewood and then realized I didn't have anything to do until they were done so…"

"Why didn't you stay with the boys?" John moved towards the kids and pulled them away from the shelves as Randy looked at his watch.

"I don't have anything to do there. Why would I stay when I can do other things on my to-do list?" Randy pushed the cart over to a checkout line and began unloading it. "I figure I could take a couple of these things with me when I leave and the rest I can box and ship home. That way when I get home I just have to worry about getting the invites printed and taking them over to the school…which shouldn't be such a problem since I'm chaperoning the kids' trip to the Science Museum and…"

"Look who became PTA Dad," interrupted John, a smirk on his face. Randy rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, quickly handing a credit card to the cashier. "I'm just involving myself in my children's education, Pop. My only goal in this life is for them to grow up and be able to say I was a strong presence in their life."

John patted his back and smiled proudly. "You're a great Dad, Randy. Just remember to take time for yourself, son. You don't want to overwhelm yourself because then you're good to nobody."

Randy laughed as he loaded the cars into the bag. "Funny. Just a year ago I was the one giving that speech to Johnny." He turned towards the kids and sighed. "So, have I spent enough today or are we hitting another store?"

Angel laughed and shook his head. "I have everything I need for my party…except goodie bags and candy! Oh and we need food…"

"I will take care of all that when we get back home." Randy smiled and moved the cart out of the store. "Now, hold onto Grandpa's hand while we cross the parking lot."

John Sr. took hold of the children's hand and followed Randy out of the store and towards where his rental car was parked. He opened the backdoor of the car and let the children climb in before moving to help Randy unload the bags and place them in the trunk.

"We're gonna pick up the boys now?"

Randy nodded and closed the trunk securely, pushing the cart away with a foot. "Yeah. I told them I would be back by 3 so that gave them almost 2 hours for their meeting. I think they should be done by now."

"Well, knowing Ted, yes. Knowing Cody, probably not." John's laughter mingled with Randy's as they climbed in the car and began the drive to the wedding venue.

Minutes later, Randy groaned under his breath. John turned towards him and frowned. "What's the matter, son?"

Randy quickly shook his head. "Nothing, I just want to go home. I'm exhausted and I just hope they're done and waiting outside. The last thing I want to do is have to go inside and find them when we still have a 3 hour drive back to Boston."

"Do you want me to drive, Randy? I'm not tired…" started John but was quickly interrupted by Randy. "No, it's OK. I just hate making this trip. That's one thing that I can't get over yet."

"I know how hard it is for you to be around Cody and Ted right now, son. They're in such a happy place in their lives and it must hurt you but…"

Randy frowned as he listened to the beginning of John's solemn speech but quickly shook his head. "No, it's not that. It's just me. Some days I'm fine there but other days…my mood kinda flips some days without any warning..." He trailed off shook his head once more.

John looked at Randy, a frown on his face. "Why?"

"I don't know. Let's just change the subject." Randy kept his eyes focused forward on the road and sighed inwardly. He hoped his father-in-law would get the hint that he just didn't want to talk about it and thankfully, he did. John turned over in his seat and watched the road go by.

Randy took a deep breath as they got closer to Candlewood. The same unexplainable feeling that happened every time he visited Cody and Ted's wedding venue once again settled in his stomach. While he had made several strides in trying to move on from John's death, his reaction to anything having to do with Ted and Cody's wedding was still always a question mark. Some days he could sit for hours with Cody and talk about nothing but his upcoming nuptials, walk the grounds of Candlewood and pick spots for each flower stand and even deal with James' occasional 'dropped by just to say hello despite a phone call telling you I would back off' visits. Other days he just couldn't do it. Even the word wedding falling from either Ted or Cody's lips would send him into a depressed state no one could pull him out of.

Pulling into the main driveway of the Candlewood estate, Randy groaned once more when he saw neither Cody nor Ted waiting outside the main house. He parked the car haphazardly and quickly shut off the engine. "I could kill these two,"

Randy pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly typed a message to Cody, urging him out of the building. He placed the phone on his lap and awaited a response. Minutes passed and nothing. Randy sighed and threw his head back in frustration. "Seriously, I could just kill them both."

John laughed and shook his head. "Patience, son. It's a virtue,"

"One I don't possess," responded Randy with an eye roll. He sighed and turned over, grabbing the door handle. "I'll be back,"

Randy slid out of the car, letting the door close quietly behind him and silencing the voice of his father-in-law, now involved in a conversation with the children. He walked up to the front door of the main office building and just as his hand reached for the handle, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Randy quickly pulled it out and sighed upon reading the text message from Cody.

"_Ran, I know we're running a few minutes late. Totally my fault! Super sorry but could you please come around the main house and look at something? I want your opinion…" _

Randy looked back over at the car and saw John Sr. still talking to children. He turned and slowly walked around the office to where the main grounds lay. His eyes looked upward, squinting against the bright sunlight even through the sunglasses he wore. As his gaze moved around the expanse of the grounds, his lips curved into a smile when he spotted Cody and Ted with their assigned wedding planner, Julie. Cody's arms were waving frantically in the air while Ted and Julie looked at him, an amused smile on both their lips.

"…and I figure the arch can be right here! I want it covered, absolutely covered with flowers; a mixture of different kinds of lilies. Lilies are Ted's favorite flower and I want them front and center, OK."

Randy met Ted's eyes over Cody's shoulders and the younger man rolled them before laughing softly. Cody turned over when he saw Ted's eyes move away from him and he smiled happily when he saw Randy.

"Ran, come here! I think we should put an arch here. Wouldn't it be perfect here? This is the widest piece of the land so all the chairs could be back here and the officiant's stand could be here…"

Randy nodded as Cody talked, his hands waving as they pointed out spaces to him. "It's perfect, Cody. I actually thought an arch would be a great idea from the first moment I saw this space. It's gonna look beautiful here with the sun shining on you guys."

Cody beamed happily and enveloped Randy in a hug. "I'm so happy you like it! You're gonna be standing up there with me and Teddy and I want you to love it, too."

"Cody, I'll love anything you love because I love you and Ted and want you guys to be happy," replied Randy, tightening the hug.

"You're such a wonderful friend. What would I do without you, Randy?" Cody pulled away slowly, a smile on his face.

"I ask myself that all the time about you guys because you're much better to me than I could ever be to you," responded Randy, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You're damn right," interjected Ted with a smirk. Randy glared over at him and flipped him off before turning his attention back to Cody. "Can we go now?"

"Behave, and yes, in a minute." Cody smiled and walked over to Ted, kissing him gently.

Ted smiled and pulled him in close. He looked over at Julie and raised an eyebrow. "So, did you get down all of that? I want everything to be exactly as Cody described, Julie."

Julie nodded. "It's not a problem, Ted. Cody has wonderful ideas and he usually even does half the research for me." She laughed softly and closed the folder she carried in her hands. "I'll contact the florist you want, Cody and order the flowers we've decided on now that we have the color scheme picked out. I'll send you a couple of pictures and contact information for arch designers and your final wedding invitation proof by no later than Thursday evening. I know you and Ted usually hit the road Friday morning and I would like these invites in the mail by this weekend. Good?"

Cody nodded, a happy smile on his face. "Yes, perfect! I can't wait till we start getting our RSVP's back. Then the real fun starts for Teddy and me as we try to plan the seating chart for our insane families and friends."

Ted shook his head and sighed. "God, that's gonna be a nightmare. Who doesn't like who and who wants to sit with who…you're gonna have to figure that out alone, baby."

Cody rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No way, babe. You're gonna have to roll up your sleeves and actually do something at one point and this is the perfect place to start. Enjoy setting up our seating chart." He moved out of Ted's embrace and walked over to Julie, hugging her quickly. "Thanks so much, Julie. I'll await your emails."

Randy smiled and waved at Julie as she walked off and he turned to do the same, Cody and Ted on his heels.

"Sorry it took a little longer, Ran, but when inspiration knocks, I must answer." Cody smiled and moved up to walk beside Randy. "I knew you would understand."

"I didn't have much of a choice, did I? It was either wait for you or abandon you in Connecticut." Randy looked at Cody out of the corner of his eye. "Not that I didn't think about it for a few minutes there…"

Cody laughed and shook his head. Ted frowned next to him and grabbed his arm. "Can we get back to me and this seating chart business? You have to help me, Cody. You know I can't do this without you."

Cody shrugged as they approached the car. "You're a smart man, Teddy. You'll figure it out,"

Ted groaned and leaned his head on Cody's shoulder. "But baby…"

"We'll talk about this later," Cody held up his hand and pulled open the car's backdoor. "Get inside right now,"

Ted sighed but remained silent, climbing into the large car. Randy hid a smile and climbed behind the driver's seat. "All right, everyone inside! We have a long drive ahead of us so get comfortable."

* * *

Later that night, Randy closed the door to his bedroom in the quiet Cena house. He had checked on the children, sleeping soundly in their bedroom in their grandparents' house. Carol and John Sr. had long since gone to bed and the only sound in the house was of Randy's footsteps and of soft murmurs coming from the guest bedroom where Cody and Ted were, still talking about the wedding's seating chart, most likely.

Randy walked out into the balcony outside of the large window in his room. He took a deep breath, inhaling the cool night breeze coming from the bay. He twirled the cigarette he held in his fingers around and around. Debating it for only a few seconds and with John's voice in his head, he placed it on the small table besides his chair.

Randy leaned back in the chair his exhausted body collapsed into and closed his eyes, a feeling of calm entering his body. His eyes slowly opened and his lips curved into a smile as a soft breeze blew past once more. He leaned forward on the railing of the balcony and looked out into the ocean.

It had been a good day and his mood had reflected it. He had spent a wonderful day with his father-in-law and children and then managed to demonstrate the genuine enthusiasm he felt when talking about Cody and Ted's wedding during the ride back. It was a day he longed to have a repeat of many times.

His life had finally settled into something he could live with. In St. Louis, his days had become organized and calm; no more of the frantic insecurities that ruled him for the past months. The children were once again involved in a pattern; school during the day, soccer practice for Angel and ballet practice for Alanna after school, homework time after a quick snack and dinner as a family every night. Randy busied himself during the day by joining the school's PTA board, much to the kids' annoyance, and continuing his therapy appointments. The days Cody and Ted were in St. Louis visiting and the days he made plans with his parents were busier but more enjoyable, as well. Even the days he spent with Sam, carrying her bags as she shopped for her son's approaching birth as her husband worked, were enjoyable.

The most significant of all the changes Randy had undergone, though, was his ability to be at home alone and be at peace. He no longer feared the silence and his thoughts consuming him. It was now a welcome thing to have a random flash of a memory cross his head when at home. The only time the memories overwhelmed him were when he overdosed on wedding talk with Cody. They were becoming less often, however, much to his joy and his friends' joys. Randy knew it not only worried his friends but devastated them on the days his sadness was obvious while they spoke of the plans for their future. It was something he couldn't control, though. They understood and knew no matter what, he was extremely happy for them and wanted them to succeed in the happy future they were planning.

The moonlight lit up the ocean, causing it to sparkle and Randy relaxed back in his seat, losing himself in the lights bouncing off the water. It was something he had done hundreds of times before, mostly with John standing behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist. One of the many memories he had of a night on that same balcony with John filled his mind…

* * *

_2 years earlier_

"_I swear, this fucking balcony turns you on more than I do,"_

_Randy smiled as John walked up to him, scowl firmly planted on his face. "Baby, don't make that face. What if it froze like that? I refuse to be married to a grump,"_

_John rolled his eyes and looked out toward the dark ocean. "What is so fascinating about being out here? We've been here for 3 days and every night you come out here and just stare at the ocean for hours before you come to bed. What gives, Orton?"_

_Randy shrugged and rested his arms on the railing. "I don't know. I guess it relaxes me. I mean, look at how peaceful it is. I love this house. I'm so happy your parents bought it. I wouldn't mind buying a house overlooking the ocean one day,"_

_John stared at him, a small smile now gracing his face. "Is that what you want; a house overlooking the ocean? I'll buy you a house overlooking the ocean tomorrow if it's gonna make you happy, baby,"_

_Randy turned over and met John's eyes. He shook his head and pulled the older man in closer. "Someday…maybe after the kids grow up and get married. Right now we can stick to our house in the city,"_

_John nodded and leaned forward in the embrace, looping his arms around Randy's waist. "Whatever you want,"_

_Randy smiled and moved John in front of his body, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. "What I want is for you to look out into that ocean and tell me it's not the most amazing, beautiful thing you've ever seen."_

_John looked back at him over his shoulder and shook his head. "It's not. You are,"_

_Randy rolled his eyes but his smile remained. "I'm serious, Johnny."_

"_So am I," John turned back around and sighed. "OK, I gotta admit, my parents have a great view. It is kind of peaceful."_

"_It makes you feel so small. I mean, look at how huge it is. Compared to it, we're so insignificant. But then again, if I go for a walk right beside it, all of the sudden it looks so small. Like I could conquer it if I have to," Randy laughed softly and shook his head. "I probably sound crazy. I mean, I can't even explain why it makes me feel so at ease…it just does."_

_John turned over in the embrace, their eyes locking. "Could it be that it's not just the water filling you with that sense of calm and peace? Maybe it's the fact that you know all your loved ones are safe and sound inside this house right now. Maybe it's because you like where your life is at this moment, not only personally but professionally." He shrugged and smiled slowly. "I mean, I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and just stare at you or at the kids sleeping and have this overwhelming feeling of calm and it's because I know everything that matters to me is safe and happy and loved. It's like I can't believe how lucky I got sometimes,"_

_Randy stared into John's eyes and slowly nodded. "You may be right, Cena. We're pretty blessed."_ _He pressed his body to John's, his hands pulling him in close by the waist before kissing him, slow and tenderly at first, then harder and more passionately._ _As their kisses became deeper and more frantic, John pushed Randy backwards against the balcony's closed door._ _He sucked Randy's neck, and then began sliding down his body, pressing kisses to the smooth skin he revealed under the younger man's shirt. _

"_Baby, stop. We can't do this in your parent's house." _

_John moved back up Randy's body and latched onto his neck once more. He sucked hard at the base, ignoring Randy's request. Randy groaned and pushed him away gently. "Johnny, you know we have only one rule; no messing around in our parents' houses."_

_John groaned and leaned his head on Randy's shoulder. "Fine. And you call me Mr. Killjoy."_

_Randy smiled and lifted John's head, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I love you, Johnny. I would love nothing more than to remind you how much but not here. You already know anyway."_

_John nodded and rested his forehead against Randy's. "I know, handsome. I love you, too."_

_Randy nodded and turned John around once more, arranging them so they were both looking back towards the water. After a few minutes of silence, he said, "Maybe in California. I wouldn't mind moving out west and getting a house on the beach. What do you think?"_

_John shrugged and glanced over his shoulder. "I'll go anywhere you want, Ran. As long as I'm with you, I'm perfect. You're all I need and I would follow you wherever you wanted to go."_

_Randy smiled and placed a kiss on the skin below John's ear. "You make it really hard for me not to love you, Cena." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling deeply the faint smell of the water drifting over to them mixed with John's cologne as his arms tightened around his waist. _

* * *

Randy smiled as the memory played in his head, another breeze caressing his face and bringing with it the scent of the Massachusetts Bay. He lifted his gaze upwards and stared at the scattered stars that tried to peek through the city sky.

"I know you're with me, Johnny. I hope I'm making you proud,"

He looked back down and let out a contented sigh. A stronger breeze blew past and Randy frowned. A movement on his side drew his gaze and he watched as the wind blew the cigarette he had placed on the table off the surface and carried it down to the ground below. Randy stood and glanced over the railing to where the cigarette lay in the grass of the Cena's backyard. A smirk came upon his face and he looked up at the sky once more.

"Fine; I get the hint, John. No more smoking."

Randy smiled and shook his head. He turned and walked back into his bedroom, closing the balcony door behind him and settled in for a peaceful night's sleep.


	64. Chapter 63

**December 2013**

John groaned as he looked at his reflection in the mirror he held. With a low groan he dropped the mirror and his hand onto the bed. "God, I thought I would be way older than this when I was forced to shave my head."

"Darling, you only have to shave one part of your head for the incision. You shave half of it off your entire head anyway so what's the big deal?" Carol smiled at her son from where she stood folding his clothes and placing them into the small dresser the hospital provided.

John rolled his eyes. "Whatever. At least I had a choice in it before. Now I'm being forced to shave it off." He sighed and his forehead creased into a frown. "Mom, why are you folding my underwear? That's so disturbing. I'm not 5 anymore. Can you let Randy do that, please?"

Randy looked up from the book on his lap and shrugged. "Hey, I tried but she threatened to cut off my fingers if I came near her. Your mom is big on the threats that include cutting of appendages."

John smiled and shook his head. "Trust me, I know. I got the same threats growing up,"

"And it's a miracle I never followed through on them." Carol raised her eyebrows and smirked over at John. "You were a terror sometimes, Johnny,"

Randy laughed loudly and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I just can't believe John was ever anything but a vanilla goody-two-shoes," He winked over at John, the book now forgotten.

"Hey, I am not vanilla! I was a bad kid! I did bad things!" retorted John. He rolled his eyes and turned away from his husband and mother.

"Like what, Dad?"

John turned back over at the sound of his son's voice and opened his eyes in surprise. Randy looked at him, a small smile on his face as he raised an eyebrow. "Yes, please give them ideas, babe,"

John laughed nervously and shook his head. "I forgot you guys were still here," He smiled down at his children, both who looked up at him expectantly now. "You know what? Grandma is right. I did silly things as a little boy but it doesn't matter what they were. I realize now how crazy I drove Grandma and Grandpa and I'm just happy that I got lucky with two wonderful kids who don't drive me crazy at all."

Both kids smiled happily up at him and Carol walked over, placing a kiss on his forehead. "All in all, you were a wonderful little boy and I wouldn't have traded you for anyone else, darling."

"Thanks, Mom," John lowered his body onto the bed, trying to find a comfortable position in the small hospital cot. He sighed deeply and let his eyes close momentarily as the voices of Randy, his mother and his children speaking filled the room. The voices worked to soothe his raging nerves only slightly and he forced his body to relax.

It seemed unimaginable to him that by that time the next day a doctor will have cut a hole in his head. His nerves had been a mess for most of the night before. After a very tense dinner where no one had much to say, his parents had retreated to their bedroom. He and Randy had put the children to bed, both who knew John's surgery would be the next day and couldn't contain their fear over it but succumbed to sleep after hours of John holding them together in his arms. Afterwards, he and Randy had retreated to their bedroom, where Randy held him for most of the night, neither man able to get more than a few minutes of sleep before the time came in the morning when he had to leave for the hospital.

After promising the children they could come see him later that day with the rest of their family, Randy had taken him away, driving him to the hospital so he could be admitted for his pre-operational tests and blood work. Once checked into his room and done with the tests, it had only been an hour of silence and trying to catch up on rest while Randy watched him from a chair, before their entire family came in. They had kept him busy, their effort to distract him from the operation the next morning obvious. Lunch and dinner had been eaten in the hospital room, the talk never ceasing in an attempt to not let John focus on his operation. It had been appreciated by him and his love for his family had never been stronger but it hadn't worked. All he could focus on **was** his operation. As the hours wore on, everyone had begun to leave until only Randy, Carol and the children remained.

"All right, guys. I think it's time we call it a night. It's way past your bedtime."

John's eyes snapped open at Randy's voice. His eyes immediately darted over to his children, whose faces dropped.

"No, not yet!" moaned Alanna. Angel nodded and walked over to Randy, clutching his arm tightly. "Please, Daddy, a little longer."

Randy sighed and pulled the kids in for a tight embrace. He knew it would be torture to pull them out of that hospital room that night. They were consumed with the confusion of what was happening to John and it filled them with fear, as well. For the past week they had been attached to John's hip and it had only intensified as the date of his operation neared.

"It's way too late and we all need to get some rest. You can come back tomorrow afternoon if Daddy feels better,"

Both kids shook their heads, their eyes filling with tears and Randy sighed, his heart clenching at the sight of his children in pain. He looked up at John and met his eyes, the older man's full of sadness and Randy knew he had to take control of the situation.

"That's enough, now. You don't have a choice in this matter. You've had a long day and I know you're both tired. You're gonna go home with Grandma and call it a night. Tomorrow will come soon enough and you can come back then. There's no need for any tears." Randy's voice was stern as he pushed the children away from his arms gently. He kissed both of their foreheads and wiped their faces clean. "Now, go give Daddy a kiss and say good night."

John forced the sadness away and a smile onto his face. He swung his legs over in the bed and sat up so the kids could squeeze in besides him. He quickly wrapped an arm around each child and hugged them tightly to him. "I'm so happy you guys spent the day with me today. I know it must have been really boring to be stuck in a hospital room all day. It made me very happy, though."

"At what time will you wake up tomorrow?" asked Alanna from where she had buried her face in his chest.

John sighed and shrugged. "I don't know, princess but I promise I'll have Daddy call you as soon as I do. You and Angel are the first two people I'm gonna wanna hug and kiss when I do wake up."

"You promise? As soon as you wake up you'll have him call us?" Angel looked up at him, his gaze so similar to John's.

John nodded, his smile widening. "Of course I promise. You two are the most important people in my life. I love you two more than anything." He hugged them once more and kissed their heads, not wanting to let them go. After a few minutes he released them and led them off the bed into Randy's waiting arms. The younger man smiled and hugged them once more, as well. "So, are you two going to be OK, now?"

Alanna nodded as she pulled away. "You promise not to leave Daddy John alone, right?"

"And to call us as soon as he wakes up tomorrow, right?" added Angel before Randy could respond.

Randy laughed softly and stood. "I'm not going anywhere and yes, I will call you tomorrow. I promise," He walked the children over to the door as Carol stood and approached John's bed. She leaned down and embraced him tightly before placing a kiss on his forehead much like he had done with his own children.

"My beautiful boy. You're gonna be just fine, darling. Don't fear. I'll see you tomorrow as soon as you open those beautiful eyes of yours. I love you so much."

John smiled and nodded. "I love you, too, Mom. Take care of my babies tonight. Make them smile; don't let them worry."

Carol nodded. "I've got it covered, sweetheart. You just focus on you." She kissed him once more before pulling away and walking over to the open doorway. Randy handed her the children's hands and gave her a kiss goodbye. "I'll call you in the morning when he goes in then during the day I'll call with updates."

"We'll all take turns coming down here with you, sweetheart. I don't think any of us will be able to stay away. I want you to try and get some rest tonight, though and please eat something, Randy. You barely ate at dinner," Carol said lovingly but sternly. She looked longingly back at John and sighed.

Randy nodded. "I'll be fine and I promise to take care of him, Mom. Don't worry about us. Just take care of them," He looked down at the children and winked. "I love you,"

"We love you two, Daddy," responded Alanna. "Both of you," added Angel.

Randy smiled and watched them walk down the hall, hand in hand with Carol. He took a deep breath as they rounded the corner and disappeared from his sight. Closing the door securely behind him, he turned to John and shrugged. "Guess it's just you and me now, Cena."

John nodded at him from where he had made himself comfortable on the bed. He played with the remote control in his hand and sighed. "It should just be me, Orton. You don't have to spend the night here. Will you just go home? You haven't slept for like weeks and I don't want you to sit in a chair all night. You can come back in the morning before they take me in.

Randy shrugged and walked over to the chair besides John's bed and sank into it. "Nah. Sleep is overrated. I've gotten used to chairs over the years and this is one is pretty damn comfortable."

"Randy…"

"John," interrupted Randy before John could continue. "Don't bother. Save your breath because you're never gonna convince me to go home. Don't try using the kids and a guilt trip, either because that also won't work."

John shook his head and smiled slowly. "You're so fucking stubborn, Orton."

Randy lifted his feet up to lie on the edge of John's bed and smirked. "All part of my charm,"

John rolled his eyes and handed him the remote control. Randy took it and aimed it at the television, turning it on and flipping through the channels until he found something. John rested his head on the pillow and watched him, his brow furrowed as he looked for something to interest him. The blue eyed gaze of his husband suddenly swung over to him. Randy moved his legs off the bed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the mattress as he looked up at John's face. "What am I gonna ask you to do?"

John smiled. "To stop staring at you. You know exactly what I'm gonna reply, though,"

Randy nodded, a small smile on his face. "That you can't help it."

John nodded, the men remaining silent as their eyes remained locked. John broke the stare, looking down at the small hospital bed for a few seconds before he moved as close to the edge as he could. "Get in here with me,"

Randy looked at the space with a raised eyebrow. "I don't think I fit in there,"

"We won't be comfortable but we can be together." John sighed and lowered his head. "Just until I fall asleep, Ran…if I even can."

Randy's face quickly sobered and he stood from the chair. He slid into the small space left on John's bed, turning his body sideways so they could fit as comfortably as possible and face each other. His arm immediately wrapped around John's waist and he pulled him in close, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Sleep, baby. You need to rest way more than I do. Let me be the one to stare at you for awhile,"

John's face remained stoic as he stared into Randy's eyes, his voice dropping to a whisper. "If I fall asleep, tomorrow will come."

"It'll come either way, Johnny." Randy moved his hand up John's back to his neck. He stroked the skin there gently, trying to relax the tension he felt. "Isn't it better if tomorrow finds you rested, though?"

"Every time I close my eyes my head starts imagining all the horrible things that could happen. I can't get it to stop spinning and calm down enough for me to sleep." John closed his eyes and moved closer into Randy's body, resting his head on his shoulder. "I should've just taken what the doctor wanted to give me."

"Do you want me to ring for him…"

John stopped Randy as he moved to grab the cord to call a nurse into his room. "No, no, it's too late. I should've taken it like 4 hours ago. They'll be here in like 5 hours to prep me for the surgery and it could cause complications with the anesthesia."

Randy nodded. "Oh, that's right. It's up to you and me, then, baby. Tell me what I could do to get you to calm that busy little brain of yours enough to sleep."

John laughed softly and pulled back, resting his head on his pillow. "I don't know. Just talk to me,"

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. "I suck at that, John. I hate to talk."

"No you don't, baby. We have great talks," John pulled Randy in closer, his arm stroking his back as his lips remained curved in a smile. He brushed them over Randy's lightly and said, "Come on, handsome. Tell me a story,"

"I don't even tell the kids stories," mumbled Randy. A pout from John made him sigh once more. "Fine, don't give me that look. I swear, you're teaching the kids all that shit."

"Start talking, hubby," John rested his head on Randy's chest as they shifted around so Randy could lie on his back and hold him.

"Fine," Randy watched as John let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Once upon a time there was a prince in a far away land. He was incredibly handsome with dark hair and blue eyes and an amazing body but he was also incredibly talented and super brilliant…"

"Oh my God. I gather this is gonna be a funny story" mumbled John, laughing loudly. Randy stopped speaking and smacked John's butt playfully. "Don't interrupt my story or I'll stop."

John stopped laughing but nodded. "Sorry, go ahead,"

"So, this amazing prince had everything going for him but he wasn't happy. The reason he was so unhappy was because he was very lonely. He was surrounded by all the best his country had to offer but all he wanted was someone he could love that would love him back." Randy stopped and looked down at John's face, happy to see his eyes still closed and his face looking more relaxed.

"One day a royal family from another far away land came to visit for a week. The prince and his family greeted them at the door but the prince was in a bad mood. He didn't want to see anyone and have to pretend to be happy about it. All he wanted to do was be in his room with a book. That all changed, though, when the doors opened and he saw the young prince who had come to visit with his family. He was perfect but just as lonely and unhappy as the other prince. He was just as handsome, maybe even more so and it was love at first sight when their eyes met."

John shifted his head up and smiled, his eyes still closed. Randy kissed his forehead and rested his chin gently on John's head. "They spent all the time together. They would ride horses around the property and would walk around the woods and even spent a couple of nights sleeping under the stars…and doing other things under the stars. They spoke about everything including the loneliness and sadness they felt even surrounded by so many other people. By the time the week ended, both princes' knew they were meant to be together forever. They knew neither would ever be lonely or unhappy again if they remained together. When it came time to part, they couldn't do it. They chose to remain together and build a life with each other. For many years they lived contently in the home they built for their lives together. It was filled with love and happiness until the day they both…"

Randy stopped, unable to say the final word. He looked down at John's head and noticed no movement from the older man other than the rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. He took a deep breath, relief filling his body now that John had fallen asleep. Shifting down in the bed as slowly and carefully as he could without jostling John too much, Randy pulled the covers over both of them and turned over to face the older man. He ran his fingers over John's face and sighed. A quick glance at the clock told him it was past 1 o'clock in the morning. By 6 o'clock they would be coming for John to prepare him for his surgery. Randy sighed once more as he pulled John closer to him, electing to stay in the bed with him instead of going back to the chair like he had originally intended to do. He was happy that John was getting some rest but he would be awake all night.

* * *

"So, I see no advances have been made in the catheter insertion process since my last surgery," mumbled John, annoyance written over his face.

Randy laughed from his chair. "It's never gonna feel like heaven, Johnny. It's just for a little while." He stood and walked over to the bed, bending down to kiss John lightly. "You're a tough guy. You can handle it."

John wrinkled his nose and pulled Randy onto the bed with him. Randy immediately shook his head, the smile leaving his face. "No, baby, not today. You're hooked up to so much stuff. I don't want to pull anything out by accident."

John sighed but held onto Randy's hand. "Fine, just sit on the edge, then. In a few minutes I'll be leaving this room and won't be able to see you or touch you for God knows how long."

Randy frowned down at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Johnny and neither are you. I'll be here when you wake up and for all the days after that. I'm gonna give you so much attention that you're gonna get sick of me," He smiled slowly but John's face remained serious as he turned away. "Johnny, please. I know that no matter what I say I can't erase your fears. Only you can do that, baby. Please try, though. You have been told by how many doctors that while this is a very serious situation, your prognosis is good. You will wake up from this surgery and I will be right there to greet you when you do. Whatever happens after that is nothing you should be thinking of right now, John. Focus on today and the fact that you have one of St. Louis' top surgeons doing your surgery. You couldn't be in better hands."

John took a deep breath and sighed. "I just still can't believe this is happening to me. I'm kind of still waiting to wake up from a nightmare." He turned over and met Randy's eyes. "I know you. You're not really as calm about this as you're acting. You haven't wanted to discuss anything having to do with this since we found out. I've been the calm one. When did we switch roles here?"

Randy moved closer to John's body, aware of the wires connected to him. John moved his arm up so Randy could lie across his chest. The younger man looked up at him, a smile on his face but his eyes full of concern. "Johnny, I am nervous. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I don't have any fears. I just know that there's nothing we can do about this situation except have faith in the doctor we have chosen and that God will protect you. I realized that somewhere along the line of one of my meltdowns," He laughed softly, finally cracking a smile out of John.

"Johnny, I love you more than anything and I want nothing in this world to interfere with our life together. I know you don't either. Don't look at this as something that will. Just look at it as something we have to work through to get over. Take comfort in the fact that we're going through it together, even if I'm not getting sliced with you."

John's smiled widened and he nodded. "At least I'll have another cool scar after this."

Randy moved his hand up John's chest to his neck, running his finger over the scar marring it. "Very true. I happen to think scars are very sexy."

John grabbed his hand and held it tightly. He pressed a kiss to Randy's knuckles and nodded. "We're gonna be OK."

Randy nodded back and moved up John's body, letting their lips press together. "Yes, we are, handsome."

John deepened the kiss, moving his hand up to Randy's neck and holding him as close as possible. He licked at Randy's lips, tasting him as Randy parted his lips easily and let their tongues meet. He moaned softly into John's mouth, one hand still caressing his neck as the other gripped his waist tightly.

A clearing of a throat behind them made them break apart. Randy turned over and met the eyes of John's nurse, Rita, looking at them with a small smirk.

"You're gonna have to disengage now, boys. It's time to move you, Johnny."

John gulped nervously as Randy pulled away and sat up. He maintained his hold on Randy's hand even as his hand began to sweat. "OK, I'm ready whenever you are."

Rita nodded and turned back around, opening the room door and letting two orderlies in with another stretcher. Randy turned to look at John and smiled hesitantly. "You'll be fine, baby and I'll be right here waiting for you."

John nodded slowly and released Randy's hand. The two orderlies walked in and began working around John, forcing Randy to get up from the bed and walk away. He watched as they carefully moved John from one cot to the other, assuring his IV line and monitors moved with him. John remained calm as they fussed around him, his gaze locked on Randy's. The younger man smiled back at him, a normal smile to anyone else but John clearly saw the tension and how it wavered. He smiled back, a similar smile, before turning away.

Rita approached him and patted his shoulder. "OK, John. You're all set. Give Randy one more hug and kiss and tell him you'll see him in about 7 hours."

John nodded in her direction and smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Rita," She nodded and ushered the orderlies out of the room to give them a few more minutes of privacy. He turned towards Randy, who approached the bed slowly. "I guess I'll see you later, babe."

Randy nodded and bent to hug him as tightly as he dared. "I can't wait. I'll be right here the whole time, OK."

John nodded against Randy's shoulder, knowing it would do no use to try and convince him to go home. "I know. I love you so much."

Randy pulled back and cupped John's face, kissing him deeply before pulling away breathlessly. "I love you, too, more than anything. You're my rock, my everything, Johnny. I have never loved someone as much as I love you," He stopped as his throat clogged with emotion. John pulled him forward and kissed him once more, gently this time. "You're my world, too, Randy and I promise you, I will return to you in 7 hours."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know you will, Super Cena. You never fucking give up."

John laughed and reluctantly released him as Rita poked her head back in the room. "OK, we really gotta go now, John."

John nodded and forced a confident look upon his face. "OK, I'm ready. Let's get it on, Rita!"

"Very funny." Rita smiled and shook her head, motioning the orderlies forward. "All right, we're outta here."

John lowered himself on the cot and turned his head over, shooting another dimpled smile over at Randy. "Tell everyone I love them, especially our babies."

Randy nodded. "I will, baby."

"I'll see you soon, gorgeous. Behave while I'm gone." John winked at him as Randy rolled his eyes "Yeah, yeah,"

He took a step closer to the cot, following as they rolled John down the hospital hallway. The older man reached for his hand one more time and mouthed his love for him. Randy nodded, squeezing John's hand in his and clutching the chain he wore around his neck with John's dog tags and his wedding band with his free hand. He murmured his own "I love you," and squeezed John's hand one last time before he was forced to let go. The orderlies continued to move forward, pushing John into another room and the doors closed behind them.

Randy inhaled sharply as his chest suddenly tightened. He gripped the wall beside him and jumped when he felt a hand on his back. He spun around to meet Rita's warm eyes and caring smile.

"He'll be fine, Randy. He's got the best hands in St. Louis working on him. Please try not to worry."

Randy shook his head. "That's asking the impossible."

"I'll take good care of him, Randy; we all will," Rita moved away but was quickly stopped by Randy's arm. "Come get me if something happens; anything! I know everything about John and I could help. If he needs blood or something...even though his brothers donated yesterday...or if he needs anything else...a kidney, a lung...just come get me. I would give up my life for John."

Rita smiled and gently removed his hand from her forearm. "I will, dear. I don't think it will come to that, though." She smiled at him and walked away, into the operation ward and out of his sight.

Randy stared at the doors as they closed, the soft thud sounding incredibly loud and final in the quiet hallway. His body slumped to the ground and he lowered his head to his knees as his eyes watered, the emotion threatening to take over him. A hand suddenly rested on his head, smoothing back his hair and Randy looked up. His startled, watery eyes landed on the form of his father and he quickly stood up. Bob pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly, and whispered in his ear. "Let it out, son. It's just you and me now. It's OK to let it out."

Randy gripped his father's waist tightly and nodded. Bob's words opened the flood gates and the tears he had been holding back for weeks suddenly gushed out of him. "I'm so scared, Dad,"

"Oh, I know you are, son; I know." Bob rubbed his back comfortingly and sighed. "Let me be the strong one for you now. You just hold onto that faith, son and everything will be OK."

Randy remained silent and turned his head back towards the doors John had gone through. He reached a hand up and wiped his eyes before turning away. "I am holding on to my faith; barely, but I'm holding."

"Then everything will be fine," Bob placed a kiss on the side of Randy's head, something he hadn't done for years and Randy smiled at the act. He felt some of his uneasiness lift and nodded. "I really hope so."


	65. Chapter 64

**Present Day**

_"Happy anniversary, Johnny." Randy reached up and stroked his hands over John's face. "I love you."_

_"I love you, Randy." His tongue slid across Randy's lips, pushing its way in between, seeking out Randy's own tongue. "I can't believe it's been 3 years."_

_"3 amazing years," Randy slid his hands down John's body. He grabbed John's muscled ass and pressed as he pushed his hips up. "I want you, baby..."_

_"I want you, too, gorgeous," John pushed Randy backwards and tossed him onto the bed. He stared down at him as he lowered his body to rest on top of his lover's, locking his eyes onto Randy's intense blue gaze. His hand grabbed the back of Randy's neck and pulled him forward as he slammed his mouth against the younger man's._

_Randy moaned and returned John's kiss. He put his hands on John's chest, the muscles were warm to the touch. John's other arm moved around Randy, pulling him close. John's tongue pushed between Randy's lips, demanding entrance into Randy's mouth. Randy opened for him, allowing John to explore and taste him as he desired. He soon broke the kiss and moved his lips below Randy's ear. Randy let his head fall back and roll to the side, exposing his neck to John._

_John made a noise that sounded like a growl. The deep vibrations sent a shudder throughout Randy's body. He kissed Randy's exposed neck, chewing and sucking at the soft skin at the base of his neck, where it met his collarbone. John's lips rubbing against his skin, sent waves of pleasure down Randy's spine, straight to his groin._

_"Johnny." Randy moaned, trying to pull his husband even closer. He knew that he would have a mark where John was working him, but he didn't want him to stop. His hand drifted down John's chest, stroking his muscles as his fingers trailed down John's front towards the waistband of John's pants._

_John groaned from the sensation of Randy touching him and continued to move his lips and teeth along his neck. "Damn. You taste so good, baby."_

_"You feel good," Randy whispered. He moaned as his head rolled back, giving John more access._

_John continued kissing up and down Randy's neck. When John finally stepped back, Randy opened his eyes to see John's smug grin. John rubbed his thumb over the base of Randy's neck, seemingly pleased with himself and the mark he had made. Randy rolled his eyes and reached up to feel his skin._

_"You just love giving me hickeys. I don't get it, Cena,"_

_John smiled and kissed the red mark gently. "Just a little reminder to let everyone know that you belong to me,"_

_"Like I've said before, the ring should be enough to let people know that," Randy smirked up at him. _

_John smiled and bent to kiss Randy slowly and deeply, sliding his tongue inside his mouth. He pulled back enough to lift Randy's shirt over his head._

_"Fuck," John moaned as his hands roamed all over Randy's exposed chest and stomach. "You're fucking gorgeous, baby."_

_"Your hands feel so good, Johnny." Randy grabbed the hem of John's shirt. "Take it off. I wanna see you, touch you."_

_John lifted up and tossed his shirt away. Randy rubbed his hands up and down John's muscular chest, feeling every rippling muscle. "You're perfect, Johnny."_

_John lay on top of Randy once more, pushing his legs apart with his thighs. He began a slow rocking motion, grinding his hard cock into Randy's, while he kissed the younger man. His tongue stroked inside Randy's mouth, aggressively chasing his tongue, claiming every inch of his mouth._

_John pulled away and kissed behind Randy's left ear, making his husband shudder. He slid his tongue down Randy's neck, stopping where the curve met his shoulder._

_"Oh God, baby," Randy whimpered as John began sucking at the base of his neck. John sucked at the extra-sensitive skin, sending waves of pleasure down Randy's spine, straight to his balls._

_John lifted his head, then lowered it onto Randy's chest. He took one of his nipples into his mouth and started to flick his tongue across it. It hardened instantly and Randy moaned softly. As John worked the other nipple, his hand slid between their bodies and unsnapped Randy's pants. He lifted up and flicked his tongue across Randy's ear lobe. His breath was hot as he whispered, "I want you, baby."_

_Randy nodded, his eyes closing as John unzipped his pants and pulled them down. John's hand curled around the base of Randy's dick as his tongue flicked out and tasted the head. "You taste so fucking good."_

_Randy's hands moved to John's head. He let his hands rub the short hair on his head. "Feels so good, Johnny."_

_John's tongue slid up Randy's length and his lips captured the head before sliding back down the shaft. Randy's lips parted in a silent cry as John sucked, moving his mouth up and down, his tongue fluttering all over. The older man moaned and growled around him, sending vibrations through Randy's core._

_"Oh God," Randy cried as his body shuddered._

_John's hand moved up Randy's body. His fingers found Randy's mouth and Randy took them inside and began sucking them. John pulled the fingers away and Randy felt them pressing into his entrance. His finger slid inside Randy as his head bobbed faster and he sucked harder. John's finger began moving in and out, twisting and turning. He wiggled the finger and tapped Randy's prostate, making him arch up from the bed._

_"Johnny," he warned. "Baby, I'm gonna cum!"_

_John didn't stop until Randy cried out seconds later, emptying himself into John's mouth._

_Randy stared up at the ceiling of their bedroom. He blinked his eyes, trying to refocus and gain control of his spinning mind. John moved back on top of him, pinning him down on the bed. He kissed him gently and slowly as Randy recovered._

_After a few minutes, Randy broke the kiss as he reached for John's jeans. "I want you, Johnny. I wanna make you cum and taste you, too, baby."_

_John growled in his throat and grabbed Randy. He flipped them over so that John was lying on his back. He unbuckled his belt and popped the buttons on his pants. Randy gripped them and his underwear, sliding them down his hips as quickly as he could. John's hardened dick rested against his lower stomach and Randy reached for it, sliding his hand up and down. He leaned forward and gave the underside of the head a lick, causing John to groan. He licked his tongue up and down the shaft, then sucking at the head._

_"So good," John groaned. He grabbed Randy's head and pushed it down onto his dick. "Your mouth feels so good, Ran."_

_The head of John's dick slid into Randy's mouth. Randy licked at it, swallowing down the pre-cum that flowed out steadily. He moved down as far as he could, and then pulled back up, sucking hard as he did so._

_"Baby, I'm so close," said John. "Fuck... Don't stop..."_

_Randy moaned around John's cock, the urge to pleasure John overwhelming. John's hand gripped Randy's head. Randy could feel John's body tensing. He tightened his grip on John's dick, adding more hand motion to what his mouth was doing to his husband._

_"So fucking good, baby. God, I've missed you…I can't hold back."_

_Randy opened his eyes and looked up at John. He pulled away from John momentarily and shook his head. "Don't hold back from me,"_

_John's blue eyes were so dark with lust, they appeared almost black. His hand tightened around the back of Randy's head, pushing him back down, holding him and keeping him from pulling off._

_"I'm gonna cum, Ran," John grunted through gritted teeth._

_Randy never took his eyes off John as he worked his dick with his tongue, mouth and hand. John's shaft grew even harder. It swelled in his mouth as he arched up and his eyes fluttered closed. Randy felt the head of John's cock pulse against his tongue and a burst of hot liquid flooded his mouth. He swallowed as John shot into his mouth again and again._

_John cried out as he came hard and loud. Randy kept his lips locked around John's erection as his body continued to convulse. Randy licked and cleaned him with his tongue until he finally slumped down into the bed and his body went limp. "Fuck..."_

_Randy finally moved up John's body, kissing a trail up his abs and chest, until he lay beside John's body. "Feel good, baby?"_

_John nodded, taking deep breaths as he let Randy's body heat seep into him. "Feels fucking amazing. You always make me feel amazing."_

_Randy smiled against his neck. "So do you, baby. I love you,"_

_John looked down at him, holding his waist tightly. "I love you more, baby. If it's possible, I think I love you more now than I did when we first got married. You have been so amazing through all this and so patient…how did I get so lucky to find you? Not many people would stand by so patiently while their husband goes through so much chemo and radiation that all he wants to do is throw up and sleep,"_

_Randy smiled, running his fingers over John's face in a soft caress. "Well, then they're assholes. We're both lucky to have each other. I will always be here for you, Johnny because I know if our roles were reversed, you would stand beside me. I will stand by you through anything; health related or otherwise,"_

_John closed his eyes, letting Randy caress wash over him. "I want to take advantage of tonight. I don't know how many more good nights we're gonna be able to take advantage of and I don't want to waste this one."_

_Randy frowned and shook his head. "Don't think about that, baby. Just focus on this moment; not on other bad nights."_

_"You're right," The weight of John's bigger body settled on top of him, pushing Randy's legs apart with his thick thighs. John leaned over and kissed Randy and looked him in the eye. "I want to see you cum again, baby. I want to be inside you when you do."_

_Randy's body quickly reacted to John's words. "Yes, now, baby, please. I'm ready for you,"_

_Randy placed his hands on John's chest as the older man leaned in, spreading his legs wider. The tip of John's dick found Randy's entrance and he rubbed it back and forth before slowly pushing inside._

_Randy moaned softly as John's cock breached him. John stared down at him. The look on his face was full of love and it took Randy's breath away. At that moment, he was utterly content. He loved the way John felt above him, the way he covered his body, surrounding him and protecting him._

_"Ready?" John asked._

_Randy nodded and grabbed John's waist and pulled him closer. "Fuck me, Johnny."_

_John shifted slightly, making Randy moan from the pressure. "God, you feel so good, baby."_

_"Fuck, you, too. You feel so good, Ran..." John started to move. He slowly pulled out, nearly all the way, and then even more slowly pushed back in._

_Randy gasped and cried out his name when he hit his prostate and dragged across it. His fingernails dug into John's skin as his back arched. "More, Johnny. Don't stop, please, don't stop..."_

_John let Randy's legs down and hooked the ankles around his butt and thighs. He began slowly making love to Randy. They both groaned and moaned as John's hips moved back and forth. John's mouth was everywhere, sucking on Randy's nipples, his collarbone and neck._

_"Oh God," Randy moaned. He rubbed his hands all over John's back, feeling the muscles move with each thrust._

_As he kissed Randy, sliding his tongue into his mouth, he picked up the pace and his thrusting became more intense. Every time John tapped Randy's prostate, he let out a little moan. Randy gripped him tighter as he thrust. "Harder, Johnny. Please, I want to feel you,"_

_John shuddered and his thrusts quickened. He slammed into Randy, their thighs connecting with a slap._

_"Yes," Randy moaned. His body trembled with need. "Harder."_

_"Ran," John growled._

_The bed shook beneath them. The frame rocked against the wall, keeping time with John's punishing pace._

_John reached down and grabbed Randy's chin, and forced him to look up into his eyes. "Love you so much," He grabbed Randy's arms, lifting them over his head as he pinned him down and pounded into him._

_"Me, too," Randy cried, pushing back onto him, meeting his thrusts. He thrashed on the bed underneath his lover, his hands and feet digging into the muscles of his hard body._

_"Don't stop," Randy moaned. "Please."_

_"You sound so fucking hot, baby."_

_Randy's groin tightened. The tingles spread and the pressure built. He cried out, "Johnny, I'm gonna come! Don't stop,"_

_"Come for me, baby!"_

_"Oh my god, John!" Randy screamed. His head slammed back against the mattress as he arched his back up, clamping down around John's thrusting cock._

_John's mouth latched onto Randy's exposed neck. He sucked hard at the base, pulling fresh blood to the surface, marking him for the world to see once more. A shout spilled from Randy's throat as his body contracted and released his load between their thrusting bodies. As his muscles pulsed with each shot, his sphincter contracted and milked John's slamming cock._

_John let out a loud growl. His thrusts became erratic. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum!"_

_He lifted onto his hands and arched his back. He threw his head back and thrust one final time as hard as he could. His body shuddered and convulsed. Randy felt John expand inside him, his thickness pulsing over and over. Randy felt the intense heat of John's cum flood into him. John's body jerked a couple of times as he gave a few final, weak thrusts._

_John's arms buckled and he fell on top of Randy. He tried to lift up but Randy's arms slid around his back and pulled him back down._

_"Stay; don't move. Johnny... that was... oh my god..." Randy whispered._

_"You are fucking amazing. The best..." John's body quivered and shuddered on top of him, his cock still buried deep inside Randy._

* * *

A loud ring made Randy's eyes jerk open, his heart still racing and his body damp with sweat as the dream of one of his most cherished memories played out in his head. His eyes closed momentarily from the glare of the sun entering the room before reopening. The noise had stopped but Randy's eyes swung around the room and landed on his cell phone lighting up on the chair he had discarded his clothes on. He gingerly stood and slowly walked over to it, noting immediately the missed call and voicemail he had from Sam. A concerned frown creased his face as he lifted the phone to his ear and listened to Sam's voice come through.

"_Well, I see things haven't changed much since we shared a room. Apparently you're still dead to the world when you're asleep. Anyway, nothing is wrong so don't freak out. Just want to share with you the newest member of our family. Check your text messages and welcome your Godson, Franklin John, to the world. I expect you and Angel to come see us as soon as you wake up, Randy. Alanna is dying to show off her little brother and I can't wait for Frankie, Jr. to meet his wonderful Godfather and Godbrother."_

Randy smiled happily as the message from Sam ended and quickly went to his message inbox. The unread message from Sam jumped out at him and Randy quickly selected it, his smile widening as a shot of beautiful baby filled the screen of his phone. He ran his finger over the screen, tracing the baby's chubby cheeks and his heart instantly swelled with love for the child and for Samantha. He knew how ecstatic she had been to fall in love with Frank and start a life with him. The man adored her and Alanna and it had been all Randy ever wanted for his girls. Their love had only grown stronger when Sam found out she was expecting once more. She had made it known since that moment that if the child were a boy he would not only have John as his middle name but Randy as his Godfather. Frank had understood Sam's desire for this, already aware of the close friendship between Sam and Randy, and approved.

Randy stood up from the bed, dropping the phone onto the mattress and hurrying towards Angel's room. His son's soft snores filled the quiet hallway as Randy approached and he pushed open the door slowly. Randy groaned softly as he looked down at Angel, wrapped tightly in the covers, arm tossed over his face. As much of a Cena as Angel may have been, when it came to sleep, the small child was all Orton; it would be a nightmare to wake him up.

"Angel," Randy lowered his body and sat on the edge of his son's bed, one hand reaching out to stroke his back. "Wake up, kiddo."

Angel groaned and rolled over, away from Randy's touch. Randy sighed and shook his head. "Come on, kid, stop busting my balls. I know you're awake and listening."

"No, I'm not...and you said a bad word."

Randy laughed softly and lowered his body into the bed beside Angel. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close to his chest. "Balls is not a bad word. Besides, I'm really happy so it slipped out. I have a surprise..."

"What," Angel slowly turned around in Randy's embrace and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Randy nodded and gently pulled the covers off his son's body. "You gotta get cleaned up and dressed first. The surprise isn't here. We have to go see him." He pressed a kiss to Angel's forehead and slid out of his bed as the small boy sat up. "I'm gonna go shower and get cleaned up and I suggest you do the same, kid."

"Wait, Dad! The surprise is a him?" Angel frowned over at him, now wide awake as he scrambled off the bed.

Randy winked back at him walked out of the room without answering his question. He closed the door behind him and remained quiet as he listened to Angel begin to move around the room as Randy knew he would do.

* * *

A little over an hour later, Randy pulled his car into the St. Louis University Hospital garage. He shut off the engine and met Angel's eyes in the rearview mirror. The small boy frowned at him and shook his head. "Why are we at the hospital? I don't like coming here, Dad."

Randy sighed and turned over in his seat as the realization of where they were hit him. He should've known going back to the place John died would be hard for Angel. That building was the last place they had all seen John and hugged and kissed him for the final time. It was a place none of them had returned to since and a place he barely even drove by. In his excitement over Sam's news, he had completely forgotten. "Unbuckle yourself and come up here,"

Angel slowly released his seatbelt and climbed out of his car seat into the passenger seat. His eyes remained downcast and Randy reached forward, lifting his head and forcing their eyes to meet.

"I know you don't like coming here, baby. This place holds nothing but bad memories for our family because of Daddy John." He pulled Angel forward, into his lap and held him securely. "Hopefully after today it will also hold a good memory, though."

Angel rested his head on Randy's chest, but looked up at him, the frown still present on his face. "Why?"

"Do you know who we're going to go see in there?" Randy smiled and pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly opening the picture of newborn Frank Jr. He handed the phone off to his son and watched his eyes widen with surprise. "Is that Sammy's baby?"

Randy nodded. "Yeah, and I don't know about you but I'm dying to meet him. Can we go inside and meet the newest member of our family?"

Angel smiled hesitantly and nodded. "We're not gonna be anywhere near where Daddy's room was, right?"

"No, Angel. Sam and the baby are in a completely different part of the hospital, I promise." Randy kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly. "Let me know when you're ready, baby or if you just want to go home. We can meet Frank Jr. when Sam comes home."

Angel remained in Randy's embrace for a few minutes without saying a word. Randy stroked his back and sighed inwardly, thinking of a way to help his son through that difficult moment. He finally sighed and decided to go with his gut. "Angel, nothing I say can make you feel better right now because I know all that's in your head is memories of seeing Daddy look really sick in here. I don't want you to be afraid of this place, though. Good things happen in there, too. Babies are born and if you're sick the doctors make you better in there..."

"They're not very good. They didn't make Daddy better," mumbled Angel, his voice muffled by where he lay on Randy's chest. Randy quickly shook his head and moved Angel around, arranging him so he had to move away from his chest and face him. "Don't say that, baby. The doctor's did all they could to help Daddy. They tried so hard, Angel. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't anybody's fault."

Angel lowered his gaze, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "I know. I'm just sad,"

"I know you are, baby, but getting angry at the doctors isn't going to make it better." Randy said sternly but with a smile. He pulled his son back into his arms and gently rested his chin on top of Angel's head. It hurt him to hear his son speak so bitterly about John's death but he knew all too well it was a part of the grief process. Only weeks earlier it had been him acting and speaking the same way. "How would you like to go with me to my doctor, Angel? The one that I talk to that's like the one you and Al go see,"

The small boy looked up at him and frowned. "Why? Am I not gonna see my doctor anymore?"

"Yeah, of course you can continue seeing him. It's just," Randy wracked his brain for a way to explain to his child that his therapist had long since recommended a family session. It had been something he was very much against but now thought may help them all heal further.

Randy smiled down at Angel and kissed his forehead. "My doctor is dying to meet the two most beautiful and perfect children ever so I want you and Al to go with me one day. We can talk about anything you want while we're there and see how I talk to the doctor, too."

Angel smiled up at him and nodded. "OK," He looked off towards the building and moved off Randy's lap. "I wanna go see the baby,"

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah. I know Daddy would want me to,"

"Yes, he would my Angel. He would be very proud of you, baby," Randy winked over at him and motioned towards the door. "Let's go,"

* * *

**December 2013**

Randy paced the floor in John's hospital room anxiously, his eyes glancing up at the clock every few minutes. He groaned and shook his head at the wall clock, annoyed it didn't seem to be moving.

"Randy, cut it out."

Randy turned over and looked at his father, a look of irritation on his face. "Cut what out? I can't be like you, Dad. I can't inhale pancakes as John's head gets sawed into."

Bob smiled over at him, lowering his fork back to the plate of breakfast he had purchased in the hospital cafeteria. "Why don't you try, son?"

Randy grimaced as he looked at the plate his father had bought up for him. It was still covered and untouched and would remain that way. "Just looking at it is making me sick,"

Bob sighed, the smile dropping from his face. "Then go for a walk or watch TV or do something, anything with yourself, Randy. Your pacing is driving me crazy."

Randy shrugged and shook his head. "Then don't look at me, Dad. I don't want to do anything, watch anything or eat anything…"

"Then will you go home?" interrupted Bob, the annoyance now written all over his face. "There's no reason for you to be here. I'm here and your mom, Carol and Big John will be here soon, too. Go get some rest at home and see the kids because I know they're probably worried. The last update from John's surgery was that he was doing just fine, son. I'm sure Johnny is going to remain just fine. He still has about 4 hours left in that operating room. Go on home for awhile. There's nothing you can do here,"

Randy quickly shook his head. "No, Dad, I don't want to go…"

"Randy, you stink," interrupted Bob once more. Randy's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Excuse me,"

Bob laughed softly and shrugged. "Sorry, son. I love you but I have to be honest. You stink. You've been here for over 24 hours and you need to go take a bath and change your clothes,"

Randy frowned and looked down at his rumpled clothing. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror beside John's closet and sighed at how disheveled he looked. "Fine, I look like crap. I still don't think I should leave, though,"

"Son, I'm not going anywhere. Your house is less than 20 minutes away. If I needed you to come back you could be here in the blink of an eye. But, Randy, nothing is going to go wrong." Bob stood, a small smile on his face. "Trust your old man. Go on home, get cleaned up so you could look like your handsome Daddy and eat breakfast with your children."

Randy smiled reluctantly and slowly nodded. He took a deep breath and felt around in his pocket for his car keys and cell phone. He turned towards the door but quickly stopped and looked back at Bob. "Dad, please..."

"Randy, I promise you I will call you if anything goes wrong," Bob stood and walked over to him, patting him on the back. "Go on now,"

Randy nodded and finally walked out of the room. He pulled the hood of his sweater over his head and hurried through the floor of the hospital and down the stairs. Not many people bothered to look his way and Randy preferred it that way. People had been clamoring to get the reason why he and John, two of WWE's top superstars, had been written off TV since earlier that month. Rumors of problems between the couple had been everyone's first guess until pictures snapped of both men as they entered and exited St. Louis' hospital appeared on the wrestling websites. The rumors soon turned towards surgery, writers debating on who the injured party was and where the injury was. Randy was all too happy to let them play the guessing game. So far no website had come anywhere near the truth and he wanted to keep it that way. John was adamant about not releasing the real reason for his absence until he was ready and it was something Randy and their family would agree to do for him.

Randy quickly entered his car once in the garage and headed out towards his home. He knew he would be entering a full house once he got there. Not only had his parents practically moved in but so had his in-laws, Ted and Cody and Sam. They all wanted to be there to help John and Randy as much as possible and a sense of normalcy in the family for the children's sake. It was something Randy appreciated as he knew his attention had mostly been distracted since John's surgery was set. He spent most of his time in his own head, trying to ignore what was going around him in an effort not to give in to the fear he felt over the situation. It had been only the night before when he realized how selfish he had been. The situation wasn't about him; it was about John and if anything needed his undivided attention, it was his husband. He knew he had a battle on his hands. John was notorious for wanting to return to normal too soon after a major surgery. The older man would instantly try to get back to his normal activities when released and it would be up to Randy to convince him to relax and heal properly. Their children would be John's first concern but Randy knew they would be on his side. It had amazed Randy to see his children with John over the past weeks. While it was obvious they were scared over what was happening to their father, they had remained calm in his presence and acted maturely for their age. It had been easy for Randy to let their grandparents and Sam take over the brunt of what they needed but now it was a thought that filled him with regret. He hadn't meant to push his children aside but he had. Despite how they acted, Randy now realized they were still babies, just 5 years old, and they needed their parents. For the time being, Randy had to be the prominent one in that role. He'd had it easy since he and John married. The older man was all too willing to be the parent who handled everything but now it was up to him. Alanna had the benefit of having Sam but Angel only had him.

Randy sighed as he pulled up to his house, leaving his car in the driveway instead of pulling into the garage. He exited the car and looked around, surprised to only see one car besides his. He walked up the path and entered the house, his children's voices and Sam's laugh reaching out to him from further inside. His lips curved into a smile and it widened as he rounded the corner into his kitchen.

"What's so funny?"

Three startled pairs of eyes looked back at him and Randy frowned. "What?"

Alanna was the first to recover and quickly narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you doing here? You promised you wouldn't leave Daddy John alone!"

"He's gonna wake up and not see anybody there with him!" added Angel, his stare just as intense as his sister's.

"Guys, I did not leave Daddy alone! Grandpa Bob is with him and he's still not done with the doctor anyway," Randy quickly held up his hand and walked over to the children. "I'm just gonna take a quick shower and clean up and then I'm going back. I also wanted to see you guys, you know. I missed you last night." He bent to place a kid on each child's head before looking up to meet Sam's amused smile.

She walked around the counter and hugged him. "Don't worry, darling. They'll understand when they stop glaring at you. Besides, Laney just drove off to the hospital with Carol and Big John."

Randy smiled and walked out of the kitchen, Sam's voice urging the children to finish their breakfast following him out of the room.

Randy hurried up the stairs and into his bedroom. His eyes scanned the room, the smell of his and John's cologne mixed together filling his senses. He quickly grabbed some clean clothes from his closet and headed for the shower. As he lathered up, his eyes remained focused on the screen of his telephone. While he was enjoying the shower and he would enjoy the time with his children, his mind couldn't help but start to wonder how John was doing.

The doctor had not only explained how the surgery would go but also explained all the post-operative care John would need when he woke up and was well enough to come home, which should be a couple of days after if everything went well. Anything as simple as an infection in the operating sight or as drastic as a blood clot or seizure could derail that plan, though. Then, of course, there was the added pressure of having to wait another couple of days for the results of the tumor. It would be horrible for them to have to endure but Randy was determined to keep John as calm as possible.

Randy exited the bathroom, feeling much more refreshed and quickly slid into some clothes. After a spray of cologne, he exited the room and headed back downstairs. Sam had moved the children into the living room and was busy cleaning up the breakfast mess. She waved Randy away so he headed for his children instead. They were curled up on the large sofa watching television but looked up with smiles as he approached.

"Hey, guys. Are you two behaving for Sammy?" Randy pushed the kids apart and settled in between them, wrapping an arm around their shoulders.

"Daddy, we always behave," answered his daughter with a roll of her eyes. Randy smirked and nodded. "Of course you do. Did you eat all your breakfast?"

Both kids shrugged back at him and Randy sighed. "I hate it when you two do that. Use your words, please."

"We ate a little but we're not really hungry. We're thinking about Daddy," answered Angel softly.

Randy pulled the kids closer and nodded. "I know. We're all thinking about Daddy. He'll be fine, though and he'll wake up in a few hours. I'm sure he wouldn't want to hear you guys are starving yourselves when there's so much food around and he hasn't been able to eat for almost 2 days."

Angel laughed softly and shook his head. "Daddy was cranky yesterday because he couldn't eat."

"Yeah, we're gonna have to make him his favorite dinner when he comes home," added Alanna with a smile.

"Absolutely and you guys can actually help me." Randy leaned back in the sofa and held his children against him, his eyes drifting shut as exhaustion began to take its toll on him.

"Daddy, are you sleepy?"

Randy shook his head as his daughter's hand traveled over his face. "No, sweetheart. I was just resting my eyes for a minute before I head back to the hospital."

"Are we going with you?"

Randy sighed and finally let his eyes open at his son's question. "No, baby. I want you guys to wait until Daddy is awake. Spending another day in a hospital is not what I want for you two."

Both kids sighed and lowered their eyes, filling Randy with even more guilt at having to leave his children once more. He looked at the clock and saw John still had about 2 hours left in his surgery. "OK, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna call Grandpa just to check that everything is going the way its supposed to go and if it is, I'll stay here for a couple more hours. I haven't eaten so maybe I can convince Sammy to make me a couple of pancakes."

Both kids looked up happily and Randy smiled. He grabbed his phone and shot off a quick message to his father.

"_Dad, how's it going?"_

Minutes later his phone vibrated with a response. _"Everything is fine, son. Rita just came in to give us an update and all is going well. About 2 hours to go. Relax and take your time. I've got company now so I'll be fine here." _

Randy sighed with relief and placed his phone on the table besides the sofa. "OK, Daddy is doing just fine, as expected so you guys are stuck with me at least for another hour and a half."

"Then we're all going to the hospital?" asked Angel once more, a hopeful look on his face.

"Fine, we can all leave together," Randy shook his head as he gave in to his children's wishes. They smiled widely and hugged him tightly. He fiercely returned their hug and then took their hands. "Let's grab some food, kiddos."

* * *

Close to three hours lately and Randy was close to screaming in frustration as he paced near the door of John's hospital room. Rita had come in almost an hour earlier to let the entire family know John was out of surgery and being moved to recovery. All had gone well and the doctor would be in to tell them more as soon as they ensured the older man was stable. After the doctor explained the results of the surgery, they would be able to see him, though the anesthesia may keep him asleep for a number of hours more.

"Sweetheart, calm down. He's out and he's fine. Take comfort in that,"

Randy turned and shook his head at his mother-in-law, the usually fierce Carol Cena who had remained calm throughout the entire process. "I can't, Mom. I need this doctor to come in here and just tell us what happened during that surgery and what happens next. This waiting is driving me crazy. I'm two minutes away from going out there and dragging the doc in here."

"Well try to restrain yourself because we're all anxious enough," scolded Carol gently. "Especially the two little humans in this room,"

Randy nodded and lowered his head, taking Carol's scolding to heart. "I know. I just wanna know Johnny's gonna be OK, Mom."

"Sweetheart, we all want that. Just hold onto your patience for a little bit more," Carol smiled at him and wrapped an arm around his waist. Randy returned the hug and kissed her head. His heart swelled with love for his mother-in-law and the rest of the Cena family. They had entrusted him with one of their most beloved beings in John and he never wanted to let them down. He wanted them to know how much he cherished his husband and the lengths he would go to protect them and this experience had shown him that they did. Even though their home state didn't recognize his and John's marriage, John's parents had recognized the men's commitment and let Randy make all the decisions on the questions the hospital asked. It had been an overwhelming feeling of complete acceptance and he loved it.

"I'll give that doctor 10 more minutes," said Randy with a small smile on his face. Carol rolled her eyes and walked back towards the bed where the children sat watching television. Randy watched her fuss over the children, trying to distract them as she began asking them questions about the show they watched. His eyes swung over to where his parents and John Sr. stood quietly talking on the sofa across from the bed.

"Randy,"

Randy spun around, started by the voice who managed to sneak up behind him. His eyes widened as they landed on John's surgeon, Dr. Shapiro, still dressed in his scrubs. The man looked tired but otherwise betrayed no emotion.

"Hey, Doc…how's John? How did it go? Is he gonna be OK…" Randy trailed off and waited for the doctor to respond. He saw his eyes move to the other people in the room and motioned Randy forward. "Let's go to my office, Randy."

Randy felt his heart rate speed up and shook his head. "Why? What's wrong?"

Dr. Shapiro moved away from him and held the door open. "Just follow me, Randy,"


	66. Chapter 65

"Randy,"

Randy spun around, started by the voice who managed to sneak up behind him. His eyes widened as they landed on John's surgeon, Dr. Shapiro, still dressed in his scrubs. The man looked tired but otherwise betrayed no emotion.

"Hey, Doc…how's John? How did it go? Is he gonna be OK…" Randy trailed off and waited for the doctor to respond. He saw his eyes move to the other people in the room and motioned Randy forward. "Let's go to my office, Randy."

Randy felt his heart rate speed up and shook his head. "Why? What's wrong?"

Dr. Shapiro moved away from him and held the door open. "Just follow me, Randy,"

Randy took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder. Everyone else in the room had already noticed Dr. Shapiro's arrival and waited expectantly. Randy cleared his throat and walked over to them, standing beside his father as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm gonna go with Dr. Shapiro for one minute and then I'll be right back, OK."

"Why? What's going on?" Carol stepped forward and took Randy's hand. Randy smiled and shook his head, his gaze darting over to his children. "I'm sure everything's fine but let me find out, Mom."

Carol squeezed his hand, a look of concern in her eyes as she nodded. "Hurry back, please, sweetheart."

Randy nodded and hurried away from her before anyone else could question him further. He followed the Doctor down the hallway of the busy hospital floor to the end where his small office in the building was set up. The doctor motioned him towards a chair and Randy hesitantly lowered his body into it.

"OK, Randy," Dr. Shapiro sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "As you know, we were aiming for a complete removal of John's tumor. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible. Once we got in there it was obvious that John's tumor was in too delicate of a position. We couldn't dig around too much for fear of hurting him more than helping him. However, we were able to extract enough of his tumor to send to pathology. They will have the results in a couple of days."

Randy nodded. "OK, so should I be worried that part of this thing is still in his brain?"

Dr. Shapiro moved over to sit in his chair and wrinkled his nose. "I won't say yes and I won't say no. While every surgeon would recommend and like to be able to remove a tumor completely, we acknowledge partial is better than nothing. For now, all we have to concern ourselves with is the pathology reports when they come in." He smiled and leaned back in the chair. "All in all, John's surgery was a success. The main goal was to extract enough of the mass so we can get an accurate pathological reading and we succeeded in that. I expect he should wake up shortly. We've already gone through all the possible side-effects and how they can prolong the hospital stay but if all remains well he can go home in a couple of days. The path report will tell me more so I will hold off on other things until then. I don't want to overwhelm you and your family with discussions of further treatment unless we have to."

"So what you're telling me is you can't tell me anymore? For now our only option is to wait?" asked Randy with a sigh.

"Yes, Randy but don't look so devastated. John is alive and well just a few doors away from us." Dr. Shapiro stood and walked over to Randy. "He'll wake up and be as good as new in a couple of weeks. If his pathology report shows something negative then we'll deal with that as it happens. John has a number of doctors assigned to him and I promise you that we are all dedicated to his care and full recovery."

Randy nodded, a small smile on his face now. "I know. It's just hard to have to wait for these reports. It gives us too much time to focus on what could go wrong instead of just living in the moment,"

"Other doctors would tell you not to do that. Focusing on the negative is not healthy at all." Dr. Shapiro stopped at the door to his office, his hand resting on the doorknob. "I'm a little different, though. While I agree with not focusing on the negative, I say confronting what may happen isn't bad, either. Let's say John's lab results come back and we find out the tumor is malignant. There are so many advances nowadays in treatment for cancer and while it would be scary for all of you and intense for his body, his chances of a full recovery would still be pretty good. Taking this step and undergoing this surgery was incredibly brave and all a positive lab report would mean is that John and your family would have to hold on through that bravery a while longer."

Randy shook his head, mildly surprised the doctor was actually speaking to him about cancer when all the others refused to use the word in his presence. "I know all of that. John knows all of that. He did so much research on this and he's prepared to go through it but I've done my own research, Doc. Chemotherapy and radiation is incredibly intense on the body and it's not a 100% cure. There's remission but it could come back at anytime. The thought of John having to go through chemo and radiation and possibly other surgeries is terrible. His life would revolve around a hospital and he wouldn't be able to continue doing what he loved to do."

"But he would be alive, Randy and isn't that all that matters?" said Dr. Shapiro softly. "Yes, it would be hard in the beginning but after awhile, he could go back to doing what he loved."

Randy nodded, his eyes less worried now. "Can I see him now?"

Dr. Shapiro glanced down at his watch and frowned. "Not sure if he's awake yet but let me check."

He pulled the door open and took a step forward only to stop abruptly. Randy stumbled, trying to avoid crashing into his back. He looked over the doctor's shoulder, his eyes widened. "Mom, what are you doing?"

Carol smiled sheepishly and took a step back. "I was getting ready to knock when the door opened…I just couldn't take anymore waiting, Randy. I need to know everything is OK with Johnny."

Randy moved around the doctor and wrapped an arm around Carol's shoulder. "It's OK, Mom. I'm sorry I took so long,"

"John is fine, Mrs. Cena. I'm on my way to see if he's woken up and you're both more than welcome to come with me," Dr. Shapiro smiled at Carol, who looked instantly relieved. "Randy will explain to all of you what we spoke about at a later time, I'm sure."

Carol looked up at Randy, concern creeping back onto her face. "Is something else wrong…"

"No, Mom. Its fine; nothing other than what we expected. We'll talk later," Randy hugged her tightly to his frame as they followed the doctor down the hall. She wrapped her arm around his waist, remaining silent but deep in thought.

"Is everyone else going crazy in the room? I didn't mean to walk out. I just didn't know what the doctor was gonna say and the kids are in there…" Randy trailed off and shook his head.

Carol patted his back and shook her head. "We know, sweetheart."

"I'll have a nurse run in and tell them everything's fine while we check on John, OK. I know the rest of your family is anxious to see him, especially your children," Dr. Shapiro led them in through the double doors leading to the Operating Ward. The floor was bustling with activity as patients were either being wheeled out for surgery or into a recovery room. Nurses and doctors rushed around, all with charts in their hands. Dr. Shapiro walked over to the large reception area in the center of the room and smiled down at one of the nurse's who was seated.

"Josie, can you do me a favor and make a run for me to room 1145, the Cena room. Let the family know everything is fine and that I'll be in to get them so they can see John in a few minutes."

"Sure, Dr. Shapiro." The nurse quickly stood and walked off as Dr. Shapiro continued down to the end of the floor, Randy and Carol on his heels. They came to a halt in front of a room. Dr. Shapiro reached for the chart hanging on the door and read it quietly.

"Have a seat. Let me see how our guy is doing and then you can go in,"

Randy and Carol nodded and watched him disappear inside the room. The minute the door closed behind him, Carol turned her gaze towards Randy.

"Tell me what he said. I can't wait any more,"

Randy sighed, a small smile on his lips as signs of the Carol he knew began to emerge. He lowered her into a chair before beginning to speak. "They didn't get the tumor out completely. It was in too difficult a position to mess around with. They could've hurt John more if they kept trying. Doc says that's still OK, though. John's fine and they got enough to send to pathology so now we just have to wait for the results of that."

"How long?" Carol bit her lip anxiously.

"Couple of days," Randy shrugged. "Let's not stress out about it."

Carol nodded and remained silent. She turned to the door to John's room and stood up, walking over to it. It suddenly opened and she took a step back as the doctor exited. He smiled at her and shook his head. "We've got to stop meeting like this, Mrs. Cena."

Dr. Shapiro looked over at Randy and nodded. "You can come in now. He's awake; groggy but awake,"

Randy quickly stood and moved forward, following Carol into the room. He inhaled sharply when his eyes landed on John on the stretcher. He was turned over to the side, his eyes closed and a huge white bandage over his head. Rita stood beside his bed, reading the numbers on the machines connected to John's arm.

Carol gripped Randy's hand tightly and motioned him forward. "You go first, dear,"

Randy opened his mouth to protest but a quick glare from Carol stopped him. He turned away and moved towards John. Rita looked up and smiled at him before moving aside. "Don't look so scared. He's perfectly fine and already started complaining."

Randy smiled at her as she moved away and took over her position besides John's bed. He lowered his body down to the chair in front of the bed and pulled it as close to John as he could. Randy reached a hand out to John's and gripped it gently. "Johnny,"

John's eyes slowly opened, a frown creasing his forehead. He smiled slowly as his eyes focused on Randy's face. "Hey, baby,"

Randy laughed softly, his whole body filling with relief. "Hi to you, too. How are you feeling, handsome?"

"Like someone split my skull in half…literally. This pain medicine stinks at making the pain go away," John groaned and let his eyes close once more.

"You're on a morphine drip, John. You should be Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds right now," mumbled Rita from where she stood.

John remained silent but his lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile. Randy bought John's hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "I'm sorry you're in pain, baby."

"Not your fault," John opened his eyes and stared at Randy. "Are you really here?"

Randy nodded, a small smile on his face. He held John's hand close to his lips and brushed them over his knuckles one more time. "Didn't I tell you I would be right here when you opened your eyes?"

"You could be a dream. I think I had a few while I was under and you were in all of them," John frowned and pulled his hand from Randy's grasp. He tentatively touched the bandage on his head. Randy grabbed his hand and pulled it away, shaking his head slightly. "Stop, baby. You could hurt yourself. Just focus on me. You're not dreaming. You're awake and the surgery is over and you're perfect."

John smiled and nodded as best he could. "So, you're really here? I missed you,"

"I missed you, too, baby." Randy ran his hand down John's face, stopping to trace his lips. "I love you so much, Johnny."

"I love you, too, baby," John's smile widened. He took Randy's hand, pulling it away from his face and held it against his chest. "Can we go home now? I hate it here and I have things to do."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "In a few days. Try to behave until then,"

John groaned and turned over, his gaze coming into contact with his mother. "Hey, Mom."

Carol smiled and quickly walked over to him. She placed a kiss on his forehead and smoothed over the bandage. "My beautiful Johnny. I'm so happy you're OK, sweetheart. I love you so much,"

John smiled and nodded up at her. "I love you, too, Mom." His gaze moved away from her to look around the room. "Where's everyone else?" He turned towards Randy and frowned. "Where are the kids? I want to see them,"

Randy quickly nodded. "I know, baby. We just wanted to make sure you were awake. I'll go get them now…"

"No, stay put, sweetheart. I'll go," Carol kissed John once more before turning and hurrying away.

"Not too much stimulation, John. Little bits at a time." Dr. Shapiro placed John's chart back on the door and smiled. "Buzz me if you need me. I'll be in my office doing paperwork."

"I'm gonna go check on some other patients, Johnny but if you need anything just the desk. They'll find me," Rita patted John's shoulder and followed Dr. Shapiro to the door.

John nodded. "Don't worry. I've already heard this lecture a million times and I promise to take it easy. The sooner I get better the sooner I go home, right?"

Both Dr. Shapiro and Rita nodded, smiles on their faces as they exited the room leaving John alone with Randy.

John turned back to Randy, locking his gaze to the younger man's. "God, I'm so happy you're here. You have no idea how freaked out I was,"

Randy leaned forward, resting his elbows on the corner of the bed. "I have a little idea,"

John smiled and nodded. "I guess you do. Did the doctor tell you anything? He hasn't told me how it went."

Randy's smile wavered but he shook his head. "Let's not worry about that right now. Let's just enjoy the fact that you're awake."

"In other words, you do know something but just don't want to tell me," said John softly, a smirk on his lips. Randy laughed and shook his head. "It's nothing, Johnny. Just have patience,"

John nodded. "Fine, I'll just keep staring at you until you tell me. We both know how much you love that."

Randy rolled his eyes but shrugged. "I don't care. Today you can stare at me all you want because if you're staring at me that means your beautiful eyes are open. That's all I care about,"

"Aren't you sappy today," teased John, grabbing one of Randy's arms and pulling him in closer. Randy leaned forward, his lips close to John's and nodded. ""Says the one who's a sap every day,"

John moved his hand from Randy's arm up to his neck. He curled his fingers around and pulled him forward, locking their lips in a kiss. He licked Randy's lips until he felt them part. John slipped his tongue inside Randy's mouth slowly. Randy moaned into the kiss, resting one hand gently on John's chest.

John suddenly pulled away and frowned. Randy looked down at him, his eyes filling with concern. "What? What's wrong?"

"You. Your smell," John pushed him away and shook his head. "I'm gonna throw up,"

Randy's eyes widened as he pushed his chair back. "What smell? What are you talking about, John?"

"I don't know…your cologne, I guess," John frantically reached for the table next to his bed. "Where's that thing, damn it?"

Randy walked around to the other side of the bed and looked at the table. "What thing? Just tell me and I'll find it, babe but calm down."

John grabbed at a small plastic bucket and shook his head. "No, just get away from me. I can't stand the smell…" Before he could finish the sentence John lurched forward, vomiting into the bucket he held. Randy's eyes widened and he quickly buzzed for the nurse before taking a step forward. John held up a hand and coughed, wiping his mouth clean. "No, don't come near me. Please, Ran, just stay away."

Randy froze and remained where he stood, watching as John rested his head back against his pillow and took deep breaths. The door opened next to him and Rita quickly hurried in. "What's wrong?"

Randy broke from his shock and pointed at John. "He's throwing up."

Rita nodded and walked over to John's stretcher. She reached her hand forward and took the bucket from his hands.

"Don't move it too far away, Rita. I feel more coming," John groaned and clutched his stomach, his eyes still closed tightly.

"I'm just gonna call a custodian to get you a clean one." Rita lifted the head of the stretcher so John could sit up slightly. "You poor dear. I told you this was one of the side-effects of the anesthesia. What set you off, John?"

"Randy…well, more like his cologne." John's eyes opened and he looked over at the younger man, who stood frozen beside the door. "Ran, I'm sorry I pushed you away, baby."

"I know; it's not your fault." Randy quickly shook his head but didn't move.

"It's not you. It's me and the meds. You know I love your smell," John attempted a smile but it quickly vanished from his face. "Give me the bucket,"

Rita quickly moved the bucket back into John's hands as he got sick once more. She turned towards Randy and motioned towards the door. "He's fine. It's a common reaction to anesthesia, Randy. Why don't you get out of here and let me get him cleaned up? I'll give him some meds to help and then we'll move him back into his room. I don't think either of you wants your kids to see him like this."

Randy nodded and moved towards the door, pulling it open. He glanced back at his husband one more time before exiting the room but his sight was blocked by Rita.

"Daddy, where are you going?"

Randy turned around, his hand holding the door to John's room securely closed as he plastered a smile on his face for his daughter's sake.

"Hey, I was going to the room," Randy held his arms out and as both his children ran into them. "You guys took so long that now the doctor came in to clean Daddy up. We're gonna have to go back to the room and wait for them to bring him."

Alanna pulled away, a pout gracing her face. "No! Please, Daddy, we wanna see him!"

"Just for a few minutes, Dad, then the doctor can check him! Please!" added Angel, gripping his arm tightly.

"No, guys, I'm sorry. Let's go now; to the room," Randy stood and took his children's hands. Carol looked at him with a frown and Randy shook his head at her. He looked at John Sr. and his parents and forced the smile back on his face. "Sorry we have to wait a little longer everyone,"

Elaine moved over to him and smiled. "It's no problem, darling," She looked down at the kids and took them from Randy's hands. "Why don't we go get some goodies for Daddy in the gift shop while they get him ready? We can decorate the room with balloons and get some of his favorite snacks. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Randy smiled gratefully at his mother. He continued on to John's room, barely aware of his family behind him.

"Randy, what happened? Car said everything was fine," asked John Sr.

Randy quickly nodded. "It is Pop. He just got a little sick. The anesthesia side effect makes you vomit all over the place and my cologne set him off. Rita wanted to get some meds in him that would help and clean him up before the kids see him. He's doing fine, though and they're gonna move him back into the room soon."

John nodded, a sigh of relief escaping him. "Thank God. I thought the worst there for a minute."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Please don't. He's perfect. We were talking when it happened and he was already saying he wants to go home and do stuff."

"Sounds like our Johnny is just fine," said Bob with a laugh.

* * *

Much later that night, Randy sat in the chair across from John's bed that had become his version of a bed. The older man lay soundly asleep and the only sound in the room was of his soft snores.

It had only been about half an hour after he had dragged his entire family back to John's room that they had rolled the man in. The entire afternoon had been spent fawning over John and seeing to his every need. He had been completely smothered by their parents, their children, Sam, Ted and Cody, who had all been ecstatic to see him, though no one more than the kids. They had been John's primary concern when he came into the room, immediately lifting them onto his bed so he could hug and kiss them. Both children had been startled by the white bandage around his head but thrilled to see that despite it, John was still very much the same.

After a light dinner for everyone, mostly for John's benefit since he couldn't keep down anything heavier than some broth and crackers, their parents went home. Randy allowed the children to remain longer, curled up in the hospital bed besides John. Sam, Ted and Cody also remained and the late afternoon was passed with storytelling and jokes. The children held on for as long as they could but the minute Randy saw their eyes start to close, he quickly made them say goodbye. They left with Sam, Ted and Cody, giving him no argument for once due to their exhaustion.

Despite John's urging for him to also go home and get some rest, Randy remained in his chair. He watched the late night news quietly, his eyes darting back towards John every couple of seconds. He was happy John was resting. The medicine the doctor and Rita had given him seemed to calm his stomach and let him relax.

Randy shifted in the seat as the news ended. He pointed the remote at the television and scanned for something else to watch, flipping past countless show after show.

"Boring isn't it? Why didn't you go home?"

Randy turned to look at John at the sound of his hoarse voice. "Because I didn't feel like it. Do you need something?"

John nodded and looked over at the pitcher of water. "I'm thirsty."

Randy stood and walked over to the table, pouring a glass full. He turned back towards John, who used the control on the side of the bed to raise himself up. "If I come near you are you gonna barf again? You know, since my smell makes you do that."

John rolled his eyes and extended his hand out. "Shut up. You know it was the meds. Give me my water."

Randy smiled and handed him the glass, watching as John took slow sips as recommended by Rita. He handed Randy back the empty glass and took a deep breath. "Randy, please, go home. I hate you sleeping in that damn chair."

"I'm fine, John." Randy placed the glass next to the pitcher and walked back over to his chair. "I'm used to it. I do manage to sleep in it and tomorrow I'll go home and get some rest in a bed when Mom is here with you. Just focus on you and your rest."

John turned his head to the side. "I'm not tired anymore." He lowered his gaze and mumbled quietly. "So, they didn't get it all out."

Randy frowned. "What?"

"Doc told me. The tumor; half of it is still inside of me. He said it was fine and not to worry. The path report will tell us what the next step is but it feels weird. Now that I know that thing is in my head I kinda wanted him to get rid of all of it, you know," John looked back up. "Two days. In two days I'll know how the rest of my life is going to be."

"You are perfect. Our life together will remain so, as well," responded Randy firmly. "No matter what the report says."

John raised an eyebrow. "I'm perfect, huh?" He smiled and waited for Randy's teasing comment back. It never came, though. Randy stood and moved closer to his bed, lowering his face to John's. "You are to me. You are my perfect John; my everything."

John stared into Randy's eyes. "What if that report says I'm not?"

"Then we'll fight to make you perfect again." Randy pressed a kiss to John's forehead.

John wrapped his arms around Randy's waist, holding him tightly against him. He buried his face in his neck, inhaling the smell of his husband and letting the scent provide him with the comfort it always did. For that night, he wouldn't worry about what would happen two days later. He would forget it all and enjoy being in Randy's arms again.


	67. Chapter 66

"Randy, I have to tell you something,"

Randy looked up at the sound of John's approaching voice and raised an eyebrow. John walked into the room slowly, supported by Rita's arm around his waist.

"What do you have to tell me?" asked Randy as he stood from his chair and took John's weight off Rita. He wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled at the nurse gratefully. "Should I be worried, Rita?"

Rita rolled her eyes and shrugged. "He probably wants to tell you the same thing he told me a hundred times as we walked around the floor; that he wants to go home."

"That wasn't all I talked to you about, Ri!" interjected John from the seat he collapsed into. "I also told you I don't need you to walk around with me in the hallways anymore and I talked to you about the stuff I wanna do when I get home,"

"Well, excuse me! I stand corrected," Rita smiled and mock saluted John before waving and walking out of the room.

Randy laughed and shook his head before turning his attention back to John. "So, what do you have to tell me, baby? You're gonna moan and groan to me how you wanna go home, too?".

John leaned on the chair and shook his head. "No, smart ass, that's not what I was gonna say." He rolled his eyes and lifted his legs onto the bed in front of the chair. Randy nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, near John's feet. He pulled them into his lap and began to massage them. "Then what were you gonna say?"

John let his eyes close and sighed contently. "OK, you're right. I do wanna go home. Where is this doctor already? Didn't he say he was gonna be here before noon? I just want my results and I wanna go home."

"He'll be here soon. Can't you just be content in the knowledge that you're going home today at one point?" Randy pinched John's toe and wiggled it back and forth. "Just relax,"

"I am as relaxed as I'm gonna get," John let his eyes open slowly. "What if I can't go home, Ran?"

Randy frowned. "You're going home, baby. Either way…whatever the doctor says, you're going home."

"I don't wanna go home and then have to come back. I wanna go home and know I'm OK and that I won't have to come back here for anything else having to do with my head." John moved his legs down, off Randy's lap. Randy released him and stood from the bed, moving over to sit on the arm of the chair John had sunk into. "I thought we weren't going to think about this today, Johnny."

"I tried and failed. All I can think about is this," John looked up at Randy's face with a concerned frown. "Why do you think Dr. Shapiro is taking so long? The results should be in already," He sighed and shook his head. "This is bad. I already know it is. He's probably thinking of some way to break the bad news to me."

Randy moved from the arm of John's chair and knelt before the older man on the ground. He took John's hands and squeezed them tightly between his. "John, remember what I told you. If something is wrong, we will fight it together. Can't you try to focus only on how well you're doing right now? Baby, you came through a very complicated brain operation just fine! You can do anything, Johnny and if the results aren't what we want, I know you will come through that just as perfectly."

"I just hate what it would do to us; especially to you, Randy," mumbled John quietly. Randy frowned and shook his head. "What are you talking about…?"

"Ran, if that tumor was malignant, my life will have officially changed forever. I would be done with my career because my life would revolve around chemo and radiation and other surgeries, if needed. My life will revolve around the hospital appointments and the bedroom where I would be recuperating from all the crap inside my body." John pulled his hands away from Randy's and averted his gaze. "It's not fair that because my life will change that yours has to as well. You're gonna have to give up your career to spend time with me in fucking hospital rooms and then watching me suffer in bed because I'm so fucked up because of all the meds and then you're gonna have to be everything for those kids because I won't be able to do shit anymore! That's what really killing me, Randy. I won't be able to be the same father and husband I was before and it's not fair to any of us…you, me, the kids; we're all fucked!"

Randy reached for John's face and grabbed his chin firmly, turning it back towards him so their eyes could meet. "Don't give me that shit, Cena. You know damn well I don't care about any of what you said. Fuck the job and fuck it all. None of that matters more than you and you know that's how I feel. Do you actually think I don't know any of what you just said? Don't you think I've already thought this through? I know how things will change if that tumor is malignant, John but I also know that what I promised you is the most important thing. I will help you fight so you can get perfect again, understood? If you have to move into a hospital room so you can get treatment, then I will be there. If you have to spend every day and night in bed after so you can recover, then I will be lying there with you. Hell, if the doctors recommend flying to some mountain village in China for some alternative treatment, I will learn to fly the fucking plane! Point is, I will not consider myself fucked if this is what we have to do because all that will matter to me is getting you better."

John's eyes watered as he stared into Randy's intense gaze. "The kids…I can't do that to the kids, Ran…"

"They'll be fine! They'll understand and adapt, John." Randy released John's face from his grip and instead smoothed down the skin of his face, wrapping around his neck and massaging the area gently. "Of course its gonna be a change but all that will matter for them is that you will be with them. Whether you're in here getting treatment or home in bed, they're gonna be right by your side and that's all they want, baby. They want to be near you and see you and be able to hug and kiss you. They're not gonna care about the park and you driving them to school or going on field trips or going to work with us. They just want you present and you will be. Besides, I told you I would be a better husband, didn't I? I will continue the routines you've started with them and I'll be super dad and try to do the park and school and soccer and…" He stopped and shrugged, a small smile on his face. "I'll never be able to fit your shoes, Johnny but I will try to keep our babies lives as unaffected as I can, I swear to you. Please don't ever feel like you're failing any of us because you never have and I know you never will."

John moved forward into Randy's chest, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him forward. He held onto him tightly and buried his face in his neck. Randy pressed a kiss to the side of John's head, still covered by a small wrap. "I love you, baby. Please don't worry about anything…whatever the results are, we're ready for them."

"I don't deserve you," whispered John, moving his lips to Randy's ear. "After everything I put you through, I can't believe you're still with me sometimes,"

Randy smiled and rubbed up and down John's back. "I think we've both officially driven the other crazy an equal amount of times. Let's leave it at that." He pulled back slightly and kissed John's lips softly, the older man quickly responding to the kiss and deepening it.

A knock on the door made the men break apart and Randy was the first to recover. He stood off the floor and turned towards the door. "Yes, come in,"

The door to the hospital room opened and Dr. Shapiro entered, a warm smile on his face, John's folder in his hand. "Good morning, boys. John, I hear you've been giving Rita a hard time because you wanna go home. I know this waiting has to be hard on you."

John smiled and shrugged. "It is. Over the years Randy's impatience has kinda rubbed off on me," He turned the smile over to Randy, who rolled his eyes and sat on the edge of John's bed.

"Well, I won't make you wait much longer. I have your results here and your discharge papers so as soon as I go over this with you, you can begin to get dressed." Dr. Shapiro moved the small desk John used for his meals over to him and placed his folder on top. He opened the file and pulled out some paperwork, some of which Randy and John recognized as more scans and some which they didn't before he lowered his body to the edge of John's bed.

"John, unfortunately your biopsy results show the meningioma in your head was indeed malignant. I know that's not the result any of us were hoping for, but it is and now we have to focus our energy on treating this new development." Dr. Shapiro looked at both men, his eyes now showing some concern but his words quick and to the point.

Both Randy's and John's eyes widened and they turned to each other simultaneously. Randy quickly moved off the bed and to the chair, sitting on the edge once more and wrapping an arm around John's shoulders. He lowered his lips to John's head and placed a kiss on it while willing himself to remain calm for his husband's sake. "It's OK, baby. You'll be fine. The doctor is right; don't worry about anything but just fixing it."

John's mouth opened to respond but no words came out. He let his lips close and reached for Randy's hand, squeezing it wordlessly. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, he took a deep breath. "How do we treat this?"

"Radiation. I suggest we start with that. We'll begin in about 4 weeks so you'll be able to enjoy the holidays with your family and have sufficient time to heal from the surgery." Dr. Shapiro pulled out another piece of paper from his pile and stretched his hand out to John. John stared at it, afraid to touch it and Randy reached forward instead. He tightened his hold around John's shoulders as he read the mock schedule Dr. Shapiro had prepared. His eyes widened as he read and he looked up in shock. "5 days a week! My God, can't we start with just 2 or 3?"

Dr. Shapiro shook his head. "It's the standard, Randy and we cannot deviate from it. 5 days a week for 30 minutes each day. I can try to arrange something with your work schedule because I know how crazy it is but I don't know what I can do…"

"Don't worry about any other schedule than what you already have in mind. Nothing will interfere with John's treatments because I will be here for all of them. I took a leave from my job to be with John and it's still in effect and will be so until... " Randy stopped and shrugged, glancing down at John's head. "Until we know more,"

"Very well, then. We can begin the week of January 8 and go for 6 solid weeks, no interruptions whatsoever." Dr. Shapiro turned his gaze over to John, who still sat stunned and silent on his seat. "John, are you still with me here?"

John nodded slowly but his eyes were still downcast. Dr. Shapiro leaned forward and patted his knee comfortingly. "I can only imagine how you're feeling, John but please try not to despair. We're going to do everything we can to make you better. I have many patients who started where you did and are perfectly fine right now."

John's eyes slowly rose from where he had focused them on the floor. He nodded once more and shook his head. "I just don't know what to say. This is…difficult for me to comprehend."

"Well, I'm gonna try to make it as simple as possible for you to understand and as easy a process for you to go through. I have a whole package of information for you here but let's try to go over some of it now, if you're OK with that. We can also save this for another date when you come into my office," Dr. Shapiro raised an eyebrow and waited expectantly.

Randy moved his hand from John's shoulder to his neck and stroked the skin gently, urging John to look up at him. The move worked and John's frightened eyes met his gaze, a gaze Randy fought to keep confident as he plastered a smile on his face. "What do you think, baby? Wanna just take a break and come back another day to talk about this?"

John shook his head and turned away. "No. I just want it all in one shot. Just tell me what I can expect from this now."

Dr. Shapiro nodded and handed the packet of information to John, who took it gingerly. "That packet will give tell you everything you need to know about radiation therapy, John but there's also tons of information you don't need to concern yourself with. Let me just break it down for you," He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "Radiation is no picnic; I won't lie to you. Some people have no side effects after treatment but some do suffer from nausea and vomiting, mouth blisters, hair loss, rashes, headaches and in severe cases can develop seizures. We can control that as best we can with supplementary medication. You will feel tired after treatment and I encourage a bit more rest but do not become bedridden. Try to stay as active as you can and your body will adapt. You can continue doing most of the things you used to do before, John. As with everything, radiation does have a very rare side effect of killing healthy brain tissue and death but you will be under constant monitoring to ensure that doesn't happen. Any questions so far?"

Randy looked down at John, who shook his head silently.

Dr. Shapiro nodded and continued, a smile on his face. "It's important for you to take care of yourself by eating well and to maintain a good weight. Protein is key to keep up your strength. It will help you feel better and give you more energy. You'll notice you won't want to eat sometimes after treatment. You may feel nauseous immediately after or food will taste different when you try it. Either I or your dietician can help if that happens. Thankfully, you have suffered no ill effects from the surgery so we can skip over the speech and physical therapy section. I know you're still very physically active so I recommend just following the routine you already do."

"That sounds like something we could follow, right, baby?" asked Randy as the doctor stopped to catch his breath. John looked up at him and nodded but remained silent. Randy frowned in concern and tried to massage the tension from his neck. "Johnny, please. We can do this,"

"John, you are incredibly lucky. You have a wonderful support system in your family and friends. I have seen them here with you and its obvious how much they love you, none more than Randy, who has practically moved in here with you. Use your family as a support because this can be very overwhelming. Don't shut down and keep it all inside. It will only do you more harm in the long run. If you feel you need a stronger support system or would like to join a group of people going through the same thing you're going through, please let me know. I will set you up with one. Radiation is not only intense on the body but also on your mind and emotions. You need to keep an eye on mood changes, John." Dr. Shapiro frowned towards John before looking at Randy.

Randy shook his head and sighed. "I'll make sure to keep an eye on things, Doc."

Dr. Shapiro nodded and stood. He walked over to John and placed his hand on his shoulder. A stern look crossed his face as John looked up and met his gaze. "John, closing yourself off or choosing not to talk about this issue will not make it disappear. You need to face it and fight it or you won't get better. You have too much to live for to give up. I will help you fight but you need to help me, understand?"

"I know…I'm just still…" John trailed off, his words coming out slowly. He took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts. "It's disappointing. It's not the result I wanted; the result any of us wanted. We knew it was a possibility but it's still hard to hear that now it's real. Having to hear you tell me all of this is not fun and the idea of having to share it with our family is a nightmare. Then as if that's not bad enough, I'm already thinking of how they're gonna have to see me become this sick person who won't be able to do anything…."

"You are not going to wither away, John. If you follow what your doctors tell you then things can remain as normal as possible for you." interrupted Dr. Shapiro, his voice firm. "I don't want you to develop this defeatist attitude. Please fight it."

John sighed and shrugged. "Fine, I'll try my damndest. Can I get out of here now?"

"I'll go sign your discharge papers along with your appointment schedule and prescriptions. I want you to continue taking everything until I say otherwise. The new pills will help prevent swelling in the brain. As soon as you get dressed and you're ready, pick them up at the main desk." Dr. Shapiro headed for the door but turned back once more. "I'm sorry these were your results, John but I am still confident and you should be as well. Enjoy the holidays with your family and don't worry about this. I'll see you in a few weeks but if you need me before, you know where to call,"

Randy stood up from John's side and walked over to the door. He shook Dr. Shapiro's hand and smiled. "Thank you for everything you've done. I know you'll continue working on getting John better."

Dr. Shapiro nodded and walked out of the room. Randy closed the door quietly after him and slowly turned to look at John. The older man still sat in the chair, a dazed and shocked expression still present on his face. Randy quickly walked over to him and knelt before, reaching forward to grasp his hands tightly. "Snap out of it, Johnny. You're gonna get dressed and we're gonna go home to where everyone is waiting for you. We're gonna have a great Christmas and we're not gonna worry about anything."

"And then in 4 weeks…" began John but Randy quickly stopped him. "I don't want you to worry about those 4 weeks until they're here."

John sighed and nodded, lowering his head down. "Do we have to tell everyone today?"

"It's up to you, baby but we should, shouldn't we?" Randy pressed a kiss to John's head. "We may as well just get it over with, Johnny. Everyone will be there so we'll only have to do it once."

"Or we could just not tell them…" John lifted his head, his eyes locking onto Randy's, whose eyes widened as he shook his head. "We can't lie to everyone, John."

"I just hate having to give them all more bad news," John sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes tightly. He pulled his hands away from Randy's grasp and ran them over his head. "God, why the fuck is this happening to me? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve some shit like this?"

"Johnny, please don't…."

John's eyes snapped open at the sound of Randy's voice. "Stop telling me what not to do! I wish all of you would just stop! I just got the worst fucking news anyone could ever get. It's happening to me, not you! Am I not allowed to be a little pissed off, Randy?"

Randy slowly nodded as he stood up. He walked to the large closet in the room and pulled out John's packed luggage and some clothes for him to wear home all the while remaining silent. John turned his head away and stared out of the window, oblivious to Randy's movement in the room as his mind spun with a million thoughts.

After a few minutes of silence, which felt like an eternity, Randy stood near the bed and sighed as he stared at the back of John's head. "I can do everything but get dressed for you, John. You're gonna have to get up and do that yourself. The clothes are ready whenever you are,"

John moved his body around in the chair, his eyes coming into contact with Randy's body standing next to the bed. He sighed inwardly at the expression on Randy's face and the nervousness radiating from his body and a wave of guilt consumed him. Randy had nothing to do with what was happening to him; he was not the cause or the culprit but John had snapped at him like he was. He stood up from the chair and walked over to the bed, stopping in front of Randy. "I'm sorry,"

Randy quickly shook his head but John reached forward and grabbed his hands. "Don't tell me its OK or excuse my being an asshole to you. I shouldn't be because all you're doing is being there for me. I'm just scared and angry and…"

"Don't you think I know that, John? Don't you think I am, too? I can't feel exactly what you're feeling because, you're right, that thing is not in my head but I'm just as scared and angry as you are. I don't know why this is happening to you. You have never done anything to deserve something like this. I am angry at everything and everyone right now and I am very close to feeling hatred in my heart for this God I've been praying to since all of this began. I don't want to give into that, though." Randy took a step forward, closer to John's body and wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him in. "I don't want you to fall into that, either. I want us to fight those feelings and just focus on getting you well. I know they'll be other bad days, baby but I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. We're gonna get through this together, John. First step is getting out of this hospital room, though,"

Randy smiled and tried to pull back but John moved his arms up to link around Randy's neck tightly. "Not yet. Just give me a few more minutes,"

Randy nodded and tightened his hold on him as John tried to make his body to relax in the warm embrace. Both men relished the moment of peace because deep in their hearts they knew both their lives had officially changed.

* * *

**Present Day**

Cody frowned as he looked down at the stack of furniture design catalogs his wedding planner Julie had sent over to his home in Florida. One of those designers would be entrusted with creating the arch he and Ted had in mind for their wedding. It should've been a simple choice; the right one should've just popped out at him. It was proving much harder, though. They were all beautiful and it meant he had spent the past 2 hours of one of the few days he had off from work staring at a furniture catalog.

The sound of a ball bouncing behind him made Cody turn over. His eyes narrowed when they landed on Ted walking back into their house from the open backyard doors, basketball in hand. The older man smiled at him and began to walk over but Cody turned back to his books. "Don't come near me. You might as well go back outside since you're of no help to me whatsoever."

Ted ignored Cody's request and slid into the chair beside him. "It's not that I don't want to help, baby. It's that you're so much better at this than I am. I have no taste and you know it. The only time I ever showed good taste was when I picked you to be the love of my life,"

Cody looked over at him and rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up. Don't try to distract me by saying nice things. You're not helping at all with this wedding, Ted! Where's the seating chart? It's your only job and I bet you haven't even started on it. RSVP's have been coming in for the past week now, you know."

Ted averted his eyes from Cody's glare and shrugged. "I'm gonna work on it. I was just waiting for all of them to come in and…"

"And nothing, Ted!" Cody sighed and shook his head. "Why are you so disinterested in our wedding?" He lowered his gaze and sighed in frustration. "This is supposed to be the most important day in our lives! Why am I the only one showing enthusiasm? I know some of the stuff isn't fun to do. Hell, picking this damn arch designer is making me want to smash my head against a wall but I'm doing because it's for us and for our day. Why aren't you doing the same? Don't you care? I don't know about you but this is the only time I plan on getting married, Ted."

Ted frowned at the sad look that came across Cody's face by the time he finished. He pulled his chair closer to his young fiancé and lifted his head up gently. "Cody, of course I care and trust me, this is the only time I plan on doing this, too. You and me are forever, baby. I do want this day to be beautiful and perfect so we can remember it always and I appreciate that we are lucky enough to be able to have a big, beautiful wedding but at the same time, I don't need all the flowers and the arch and the hundred guests. We can get married in a dump and I wouldn't care because I just want to get married to you. That's the most important thing. I don't want a fancy wedding. I want a marriage."

Cody frowned. "Do you think because I want the flowers and the arch and the guests that means I don't want a marriage?"

"No, baby. I would never think that. I know how much you love me, Cody and I know you know we're gonna be together until the day we die," Ted smiled and ran his hands over Cody's face. "I've just never been the most romantic guy. You know you've always been the one to do the Valentine's Day and anniversary celebrations. You had to know I was gonna let you plan the wedding, too."

Cody rolled his eyes but smiled. "You're right; I should've known. I do love you, Teddy; more than anything. I have never and will never want anyone else. I don't want you to think I love the idea of our wedding more than the idea of our marriage. I just want the day to be beautiful so we can always look back at it and remember how great the day was. The most important thing I want present that day, though, is love. I just want to feel the love from everyone there and I want them to feel the love we share for each other," Cody smiled, grabbing Ted's hand and kissing his finger gently. "I want everyone to see me put a ring on this finger and to know I'm yours forever and you're mine forever."

Ted nodded. "So do I. I promise to help out more, Codes. You're gonna have to help me, though because you know I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Stop selling yourself short. You're amazing, baby and you can be romantic when you want to," Cody scolded. He turned over and pushed the two arch's he was debating on over to his fiancé. "Pick one and we can check another thing off our list."

Ted's eyes widened. "What? You want me to pick? No, I can't…which one do you like?"

Cody shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "No, you pick one. I want you to make the decision. I will love whatever you love."

Ted gulped and lowered his gaze down to the two pictures. He studied them carefully for a few minutes, biting his lip nervously as Cody watched him with an amused grin. He finally pointed at one and pushed it towards Cody. "That one; I like that one."

Cody raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the picture. "The white one? Really? Why?"

Ted shrugged and traced over the large arch in the picture. "It makes sense to have the white one because it's gonna be covered in lilies and the lilies are gonna be so colorful…also, you know how some white things look like they're glowing when the sun hits it? I figure so will our arch since we're getting married in the daytime and that's just kinda cool." He wrinkled his nose and smiled sheepishly. "Why; does that sound really ridiculous or something?"

Cody smiled and shook his head. He reached for Ted and pulled him in close. "It sounds like a perfect idea. See; you're absolutely brilliant, baby."

Ted laughed softly and let his arms encircle Cody's waist. He softly pressed his lips against the younger man's. Cody pressed up against him, throwing his arms around Ted's neck and parting his lips, allowing their tongues to caress. He moved his hands down Ted's body and stroked his strong back gently.

Ted stopped the kiss and gazed into Cody's eyes, breathing hard. "I love you so much, Cody. You're amazing."

"I love you, too, baby," Cody pressed another quicker kiss on Ted's lips before pulling away. "And I know. Can you attempt to get started on the seating chart now?"

Ted groaned and shook his head. "But you're so much better at writing things down…not to mention so much more handsome…"

Cody helped up a hand and shook his head. "Didn't you just say you would try? Don't bother with the sweet talk; it still won't work." He pushed the two magazines away and stood, slowly walking towards the kitchen. Ted stood up and followed after him. "Baby, seriously. You know I don't like dealing with people and the thought of having to pair them up is making me physically ill…"

"You and Randy are so similar it makes me physically ill," said Cody, interrupting Ted's plea. He walked to the dishwasher and opened the door, beginning to empty out the dishes. "All this energy you spend on avoiding actually doing it could've been used to finish it already!"

Ted leaned against the counter and watch Cody work. "I just don't want people to get mad if I pair them with the wrong person or at a table that's not too close…"

Cody stacked the clean dishes on the countertop. "Baby, someone will always be unhappy about something at a wedding be it the food, their seat even the decorations we chose. You can't worry about that. Just use common sense," He moved around Ted, who watched him with a frown on his face. "Our families go in the first couple of tables. Then we start with our friends and we should have a couple of kids' tables and that's it."

Cody smiled and shrugged. "I think about 20 tables of 8 should do it." He lifted the dishes up into the cabinets, organizing them neatly. "Simple, right? You can handle that, Teddy."

"Yes, you make it sound very simple, baby…" Ted walked the few steps over to where Cody stood and wrapped his arms around his waist, sliding his hand under the younger man's shirt to feel his smooth skin. "You've always been able to make me feel like I could do anything,"

Cody smiled and turned over in Ted's embrace, wrapping his own arms around his neck. "Because I know you can. I know, despite that blond head, how brilliant you are."

Ted rolled his eyes but laughed softly. "Thanks, babe. I'm so lucky to have you,"

Cody nodded. "I feel the same way, Teddy. I can't imagine my life without you."

"You won't ever have to live without me, gorgeous," Ted placed a soft kiss on Cody's lips and tightened his hold on the younger man. Cody remained in the fierce embrace, burying his face in Ted's neck before mumbling, "Promise me,"

Ted frowned and looked down at Cody's head, surprised at his solemn tone and sudden change of mood. "Of course I promise you, baby. I would never leave you, Cody." He pushed Cody away gently and stared into his saddened blue-eyed gaze. "What's wrong?"

Cody sighed and moved his hands up to his head, holding it as he walked away from Ted's embrace and into their living room. He collapsed onto their large sofa and groaned. "God, I feel horrible for thinking these things. I can't believe I'm even gonna say this."

Ted walked over to him and sat close beside him. He reached for Cody's hands and squeezed them in his own. "What are you talking about, Cody? What just happened? We were fine and then…" He trailed off when he saw Cody's tortured expression.

Cody turned over and stared into Ted's eyes. "I don't want you to think I'm a horrible person."

A small smile crossed Ted's face. "That's impossible, Cody. You're the best person I know."

"I may not be after I tell you this." Cody lowered his eyes. "I love Randy; you know I do."

Ted nodded. "Of course, baby."

"I loved John, too, so much. They were so wonderful together and an amazing couple. I would never have wanted what happened to them to ever happen," Cody kept his gaze on his legs as he spoke. "I see the pain Randy is in because he lost John. No matter how much time goes by and how better he may get, I know losing John is something he will never get over completely. It breaks my heart to see him in pain but every time I think about it, I just have one thought filling my head…"

Cody stopped, his eyes watering slightly. "Is it horrible that all I kept thinking was thank God it happened to Randy and not to me?"

Ted sighed and pulled Cody into his arms, holding him tightly. "No, baby. It's just human nature."

"It's horrible, Ted! I hated ever thinking that and I hate that the thought still crosses my mind sometimes when I see how sad Randy is!" Cody moved back, looking up at Ted. "It's a terrible thought, Teddy but I can't help thinking about it. If I ever lost you, I would want to die, too. I couldn't live without you. As much as I love Randy, I'm thankful he's going through this and not me. That makes me a horrible friend, Ted."

Ted wiped Cody's face clean and shook his face. "No it doesn't, Cody. It's normal to think things like that. Randy would think the same if roles were reversed. It doesn't make you a bad person to think of these things, Cody. It makes you human. If you spoke to Randy about these things, then you may be a not-so-nice friend but I know you would never do that."

Cody shook his head. "I wouldn't ever tell Randy of these feelings, never! I wish there was some way I could bring back John for him." He leaned his head on Ted's chest and relaxed against his body. "When Johnny passed away, for the first couple of weeks, I would wake up after these horrible nightmares. I would dream that you had died just like Johnny and when I saw that you hadn't, that you were still with me, I would just thank God. The thought of losing you and having to go on knowing we had been cheated of our lives together…I just couldn't, Ted. It would be too much for me. You always tell me that you love me so much it scares you sometimes. Well, I feel the same way, baby. The thought of losing you to anything or anybody fills me with so much fear."

Ted kissed Cody's head before moving it gently, sliding down so he was eye level with him. He smiled as he stared into Cody's bright blue eyes and shook his head. "You don't have to fear, baby. You will never lose me to anyone else. I would have to be a moron to leave you for anyone else. Who could be better than you, Cody?"

"Are you sure? I can be a little obsessive about stuff and I want things done my way all the time and I can be a huge pain in the ass…"

Ted stopped Cody's rant with a kiss, pressing his lips to his fiancé's in a soft kiss. He reached a hand up to his face and stroked it gently, tracing the birthmarks on the smooth skin. "You're exactly what I want for the rest of my life, Cody. If you weren't I wouldn't have waited around for you to accept my proposal for 6 years, baby. How many times did I ask you to marry me before you finally said yes?"

Cody rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Like 10 but they were mostly in bed so I never paid them any attention."

Ted laughed and nodded. "You're really good in that department, gorgeous. You made me say many things in the heat of the moment. Trust me, though; I knew I would marry you one day despite how anal you are about organizing our clothes and drawers and the kitchen and the bathroom and planning things months in advance and to the tiniest degree…"

"All right; enough! I get it!" said Cody, placing a finger over Ted's lips. The older man smiled and kissed it. "Cody, we can't predict what's gonna happen in the future, baby. John and Randy never knew he would get sick and die just a few years after finding happiness together. It could've happened to anyone. All we can do is enjoy the time we're given together."

Cody nodded and rested his head on Ted's shoulders. "I plan on it. I plan on enjoying you for as long as I am blessed with you, Teddy. I want us to share everything we can and I want to grow old with you and sit on a porch in our house in Georgia and watch our grandkids run around in the yard."

"Then, we will, baby. I promise to do everything I can to ensure that and all your dreams come true," whispered Ted, his arms holding Cody tightly against him.


	68. Chapter 67

Randy kept his eyes trained forward, staring at the large door to the entrance of the house he and John shared. The older man remained silently beside him, eyes focused down on his lap. It was the same position the men had held for the past 10 minutes. Randy was surprised no one had come out to see why they were still sitting in the car but he figured the activities in the house had everyone busy enough to not have noticed them pulling up. He slowly turned towards John and whispered, "How you doing over there?"

"The same," came his sullen answer. It was less than a minute before John looked up, though, a guilty expression on his face. "Sorry. I don't mean to keep snapping at you."

Randy shook his head but remained silent, following John's wishes of not excusing him. He turned back towards the house and smiled before repeating his thought from a few moments before. "I'm shocked no one has noticed us parked out here."

"What do I do when I get in there? Who do I tell first…how do I separate the kids from the adults?" John suddenly asked the question he had been agonizing over since getting in the car and driving away from the hospital. Randy sighed and reached forward for his hand. "I'll let the kids welcome you home and then I'll ask them to help me unpack your stuff. They're already expecting to help out more at home so they won't be surprised by the request. While we're upstairs you can talk to everyone else without them present. Later tonight we can talk to them when everyone has gone."

"I can't do it alone, Randy. I can't give our family such bad news without you beside me," replied John sadly. Randy's hold on his hand tightened. "Then you have to make a choice, baby. We either do it all together or separately. I can't be in two places at once."

John nodded and took a deep breath. "OK, then I want you with me. I'll watch how I say it so the kids don't get it but I'll say enough so that everyone else does. Then after a bit, maybe the kids will go up on their own if we bribe them with a movie or something…"

"I'm sure with some convincing from Daddy John it would work. They're gonna be attached to your hip for a while," responded Randy with a smile.

"I've never minded that. The closer they are to me, the more I love it." John looked over towards the house and nodded. "I'm ready. We can go in now."

"Are you sure?" asked Randy carefully, knowing anything could set John off. The older man nodded and reached for the door handle. "There's no point in delaying it any longer."

Randy nodded and silently followed John out of the car, both doors slamming shut loudly in the quiet of their neighborhood. John turned back towards him and watched as he pulled out his large suitcase from the backseat before turning his gaze down towards his hands. They still shook nervously despite his pep talks to himself since leaving the hospital. John turned towards his home, an anxious feeling creeping into him for the first time. Never since he had moved in with Randy did he dread coming home, even on the days they'd had an argument. He had always wanted to come home and loved the idea of being surrounded by the walls he had built his family in.

"Johnny?"

John turned over to see Randy holding his hand out to him and quickly walked over to take it. Randy smiled at him and tugged him close, the pair walking towards the front door. He released John's hand and pushed open the door to their house, calling out as he did so. "Hello? Anybody around?"

A flurry of footsteps immediately headed for the sound of Randy's voice and he met John's gaze with a smile. "Get ready, baby,"

John nodded and continued further into the house, stopping only when Alanna's excited squeal hit him. The small girl launched herself into his open arms and John lifted her in the air while holding her tightly. "My beautiful girl! I'm so happy to see you!"

Alanna's arms tightened around his neck. "I'm so happy you're home, Daddy! I missed you so much!"

John nodded and pulled back from her embrace to place a kiss on her forehead. He smoothed back her blond hair and rested their foreheads together gently. "I missed you so much, too, princess."

"OK, my turn!"

John looked behind Alanna and smiled when he saw Angel standing anxiously in front of him. He lowered Alanna to the ground after another kiss and enveloped his son in his arms. Angel buried his face in John's neck and gripped him tightly. John stroked his back and kissed his head softly. "I told you I would come back, didn't I? I wasn't planning on breaking a promise to you, baby."

Angel nodded against his shoulder. "I was so scared, Daddy. I'm happy you're home."

"I'm happy to be home, too, kiddo. I missed being with you and Ally so much." John pulled back and smiled, hoping to erase the worried look he still saw in his son's eyes. "Everything is fine now, though. No more worries, OK?"

Angel slowly nodded and let go of John. "No more hospitals, right?"

John sighed inwardly and stood, looking over at Randy for help in answering the question. The younger man quickly stepped forward and bent towards their son, kissing his head. "Everything is going to be fine. Let's not talk about anything else but how happy we are that Daddy is home and Christmas is only a few days away, OK."

Angel slowly nodded but remained close to John. Alanna quickly followed suit, grabbing John's free hand after accepting a quick kiss from Randy. John smiled down at the children beside him and led them into the kitchen to where he knew the rest of his family was. The chatter increased as he approached and his parents were the first to move forward for hugs. John reluctantly released the children's hands and wrapped his mother then his father in a hug.

"Johnny, thank God you're home. I was going out of my mind here." whispered Carol in his ear. John Sr. patted his son's back and squeezed his shoulder. "Even I was a bit worried there for a bit, son. Can't be more thankful to see you up and back to normal, though. We love you so much son,"

"I love you guys, too," answered John as he tried to maintain the smile on his face. His eyes darted over to Randy, who had taken a seat around the island in the middle of the room and had both children wrapped in an arm. Randy frowned over at him but John quickly shook his head, determined to enjoy the moment with his family.

"Johnny?"

John turned over and stared into his brother's eyes. Matt looked at him, a concerned frown on his face. "Are you feeling OK? Maybe you should go rest. This has to be overwhelming for you,"

"No, I'm fine." John laughed and quickly moved around the room, hugging his brothers individually. "This is overwhelming but it's a good overwhelming. I wouldn't trade this for anything."

"Still, darling, maybe some rest isn't a bad idea. You are coming off a very serious surgery…" started Elaine as she kissed his cheek lovingly. John shook his head at his mother-in-law and squeezed her hand. "I'm fine, Mom."

"OK, everyone. Let's work on trust here. If Johnny says he feels fine, well, let's believe him." Bob walked over to John and patted his back. "Let's enjoy this day as a family by eating the great food Carol and Elaine have spent the day cooking up."

"Is food the only thing you can think about, Bob?" scolded Elaine gently. Carol walked over to her and shook her head. "John is the same way. I swear, it's just a man thing,"

"Well, sorry for being just as much of a man but I could actually eat, too…" said John as he walked over to the women and peered down at the stove. "This smells too good to not want to eat it."

"Well, it's all for you, darling. Want to make sure you stay healthy and strong." replied Carol, hugging John once more.

Elaine smiled and clapped her hands. "OK, everyone grab something and head for the dining room. There's a little too much standing around and not enough helping."

Groans and grumbles rose up from the men lounging around the kitchen but stern looks from Elaine and Carol got them all up and moving. Within minutes the large dining room table had been set and Carol and Elaine bought in trays of food. Randy pushed John down into a seat when he tried to help and left both children with him acting as guards. John sighed when he realized nothing he said would convince everyone he could help, even if only by carrying a plate and busied himself listening to the children tell him what they had done over the days he had been in the hospital. His attention was pulled away by the sounds of the other voices in the room as other conversations began around the table. The tension his family had been under as they worried about him had been obvious and this was the first time he had seen them all relaxed since he had told them all of his diagnosis and impending surgery. The thought of erasing the smiles on their faces with his news was unimaginable to him. He knew they all assumed since the hospital sent him home, he was fine.

Randy soon settled himself on the chair besides him after preparing two plates for their children. John reached under the table and squeezed his knee, drawing his worried gaze over.

"What's wrong?" Randy whispered as he reached down and gripped John's hand. The older man sighed and shook his head. "Nothing…everything…I don't know. How am I supposed to do this?"

"Wanna just go upstairs and get some rest? We don't have to do this now, baby." Randy lifted John's hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

John sighed. "But we decided I would tell everyone when we got home from the hospital…"

"Please! No more hospital talk! I don't want to hear the word hospital for a long time!" interrupted Carol as she placed a bread bowl in between both men. She looked back and forth between Randy and John and frowned. "What are you two muttering about?"

Randy shrugged and quickly shook his head. "Nothing…"

"We're talking about the news I got when I was being discharged," interrupted John loudly, a determined expression taking place on his face. All eyes around the table turned towards him and he took a deep breath. "It sucks but I'm gonna have to go back in a few weeks. At least this time, though, I'll be able to be home every night, though."

John held his breath as he awaited the barrage of questions he knew would be heading his way but they never came. Eyes widened and mouths opened in silent gasps as his words registered in all their heads but no one spoke for what seemed like ages. He couldn't stand the silence any longer and sighed loudly. "Look, everyone, it's OK. I'm not staying there and I'll be home every night…it won't be the same as this time."

"You have to go back?"

John turned towards his son, his small voice filling the quiet room. He quickly reached for him and held him in his lap. "It won't be the same, baby. I'll go in the mornings while you and Ally are in school and then I'll be back by the time you come home."

"But why? Didn't the doctors make you better?" asked Angel, a look of pure confusion on his face. John sighed as he thought of how to explain. Randy watched him carefully and reached forward, extending a hand in a silent show of love and support.

"Angel, sometimes no matter how hard the doctors try, the first thing they try doesn't work and they have to try other things. It's not their fault or anyone's fault, kiddo." John smiled and smoothed back Angel's dark hair, looking into his bright blue eyes so similar to his own. "Does that make sense?"

"Kinda…"

"I don't understand," said Alanna from where she sat. Randy smiled over at her and motioned her to him. She quickly climbed off her seat and ran to her father, who lifted her into his lap.

"It's nothing for you, either of you to worry about. Daddy has to go back to the doctor just like you two go back to the doctor when you're sick. You know sometimes it takes more than one time for the doctor to make you all better. It's the same thing with Daddy but the point is he will get better just like you two always get better. It's just gonna take a little longer," Randy smiled down at Alanna, who nodded slowly.

"Does this mean…John, the results were…" Carol gripped the side of the table, finally overcoming her shock and tried to form a sentence. John Sr. quickly walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Stay calm, honey…"

"Stay calm? How can I stay calm when my son is telling us all…."

"Mom, stop it!" John's voice rose into a yell as he tried to curb his mother's words. "Just don't!"

Carol's eyes widened in surprise at John's yell but her lips clamped shut. John pushed back the guilt he felt at the hurt expression on her face and moved his gaze to all the other people staring at him. He lowered his tone to barely above a whisper and said, "It was malignant, all right. I've made my peace with that and I'm prepared to handle it. I don't have time or patience left for any hysterics or dramatics from any of you. If you're not going to be calm when around me, just get up and walk out of that door. I can't spend any more time taking care of all of you and your feelings. All my energy has to go to fighting this and taking care of the only two people around this table who still can't do it for themselves,"

John's gaze lowered to the top of his son's head and he kissed it gently before moving him off his lap to sit beside Alanna in Randy's. He bent to place a kiss on Alanna's head, as well before standing up. "I'm actually not that hungry any more so I'm gonna go unpack my suitcase and get some rest in my bed that I have missed. You guys enjoy all the food, though and leave me a plate, OK. I'll eat later."

John hurried out of the dining room as everyone stared at his retreating back. It was only after door slam from the second landing that everyone turned back and all eyes landed on Randy, who groaned inwardly. While he was proud of John for finding the courage to speak his mind in front of their family, he was pissed he had left him to deal with the backlash.

"Like I was saying, John will be fine. There's no need for any worries. Let's just continue our lunch, OK?" Randy moved the kids back over to their chairs and pushed their plates back towards them. "Eat your food, guys."

He looked up and narrowed his eyes at everyone who was still staring at him. "Everyone, eat already! Just eat, please!"

* * *

John's eyes opened and moved around the dimly lit room, a frown marring his face. He shut them once more as the bright light from the television hit them and he turned his body over, hitting another warm body. A hand ran over his face and John slowly attempted to open his eyes on more time. Randy stared down at him, a small smile on his face. "Nice of you to finally wake up, Cena."

John's frown deepened and he cleared his throat. "I'm actually home? It wasn't a dream?"

Randy shook his head. "You're home, baby. You came up to rest after we had lunch; well, after we tried to have lunch."

John groaned and threw an arm over his face. "Shit, that's right. I went crazy down there and then I just left you."

"Yes, you did. I really appreciated that."

John moved his arm slowly and smiled when he saw the smirk on Randy's face. "Sorry. Did they give you a lot of grief?"

Randy shook his head. "No, they didn't. These two, however…" His gaze moved down to their children, who were sound asleep between them. "These two wouldn't let up. I explained as much as I could the best way I could but I suggest you prepare yourself for an inquisition tomorrow when they wake up."

John smiled and nodded, his gaze on the sleeping children. "I don't mind." He looked back up at Randy and raised an eyebrow. "I thought we weren't supposed to let them get used to sleeping with us?"

Randy shrugged. "There was no way I was gonna get them to stay away from you tonight so I didn't even bother."

"Admit it, Orton. Our babies have you wrapped around their little fingers," John laughed softly as Randy rolled his eyes. His smile slowly faded, though, as flashbacks from the earlier lunch entered his head. "God, did I do the right thing at lunch? I didn't mean to sound so angry because I'm really not. I'm disappointed these were my results and I was angry then but now I'm just in a fight frame of mind. I just want to do what the doctor tells me and do what I can to beat this. I don't want anyone to distract me from that."

"You said what was on your mind and everyone respected you for it, Johnny. If someone got mad then they'll have to get over it. I understand how you feel and I completely agree. You know I'm the same way. Just tell me what to do, leave me alone and I'll do it,"

John turned over and smiled at Randy. "I guess that saying about couples becoming like the other after a few years is true,"

Randy shrugged and smirked. "Well, it's about time you became a little more like me. I am amazing, after all so…"

John laughed and shook his head. "You're a dork." He sighed and turned over to stare up at the ceiling. "I don't want my family to completely abandon me but I had to say what I said because I do want them to take a step back. As much as I love them all and appreciate their support, I want things to get back to normal. You, me and the kids; that's normal. I can't have all our siblings here in my face all day and I can't possibly take any more of our parents, Ran."

"I told you I would make sure they didn't overwhelm you, Johnny and I will keep that promise. I appreciate their support, too and I like that we can call on them when we need to but I want things to get back to just you and me, too." Randy reached his hand across the kids' bodies and rested it on John's arm, wordlessly asking the older man to turn towards him. He did and Randy smiled slowly at him. "I'm your husband and I will take care of and be everything you need."

"This is gonna get intense. I may have to puke again because of your smell, you know," replied John with a small smirk on his face. Randy shrugged. "I don't mind a little puke. Puke away! I just won't wear cologne. I don't want you to fear anything with me, John. I want you to puke, cry, scream and get angry; I want you to do anything you have to do. I will be here with you for all of it."

John nodded but a small laugh escaped his lips. "I feel like I should apologize that this is our life now."

Randy frowned and looked at John curiously. "Why? Like I've told you a million times before; you didn't ask for this and last time I checked our vows said something about us sticking together through anything, yada, yada, yada…"

"After all these years I'm blown away by how sweet you kinda are." John smiled genuinely this time and linked his fingers through Randy's, squeezing them tightly. "I love you, Ran."

"I love you, too, baby. I'll take care of you, OK. It's just you and me forever." Randy lifted John's hand to his lips and kissed it gently before letting it drop to rest back on their son's side. "Try to get some more sleep. I know the kids are gonna drive you crazy when they wake up so you need your rest."

John nodded and took a deep breath before letting his eyes close. Randy watched him silently for hours before he was finally able to succumb to his exhaustion. Both men went to sleep with the same thought in their heads; they would enjoy the next 4 weeks with each other and their children because when those 4 weeks were up, they both had the worst battle of their lives ahead of them.


	69. Chapter 68

Randy frowned as the tickling near his ear traveled down to his neck. He turned over in the warm bed, willing whatever it was to stop so he could fall back asleep. A soft laugh cut through the fog in his brain and his eyes slowly opened to face the bright sunlight entering his room and announcing a new day had begun. His frown deepened as he stared out of the large window in his eyesight and he slowly turned over. John smiled over at him from where he sat and reached a hand forward to rub Randy's back.

"Good morning, handsome. I let you sleep for as long as I could but the kids wanna hit the park and the dogs have to be picked up from your parents' house so…" John shrugged but the smile remained on his face. "I figure you would prefer to pick up our four legged kids instead of taking our two legged kids to the park."

Randy sat up in the bed and quickly shook his head. "No, it's OK; I'll do it. I'll pick the dogs up and drop off back here and then run back out with the kids to the park. Don't worry,"

John sighed inwardly as he watched Randy plaster a smile on his face and scramble off the bed and into the bathroom. It had been a little over 2 weeks since he had been home and only a couple of weeks remained before he would have to begin his radiation therapy. In the 2 weeks that passed he had made every effort to prove to his family how determined he was to fight his cancer, despite his saying he wouldn't. When it came down to it his family was too important in his life and while he wasn't planning on holding anyone's hand but his children's anymore, he figured sitting individually with his parents and siblings wouldn't hurt. He knew they were all scared and confused; it was a given. The point was they had to believe, like he believed, that he could fight it and win. He made it clear; he would explain to them what he could about the process one time and then they would all move on. Everyone had to move on with their lives and go back to their homes and own families. John knew he would be fine in St. Louis. He had Randy and he had their children and it was all he ever needed. It had been difficult, especially for his parents who would always see him as a child they had to protect, but he had managed to get them to do exactly what he wanted. A phone call almost every night from one or all of them had become the usual but that John could handle.

"Ran, that makes no sense. What's the point in dragging the kids to Bob and Laney's then back here then back to the park? There are two of us so we can split the trips. Just pick one," John laughed and shook his head, watching as Randy quickly brushed his teeth.

"They'll be fine. It shouldn't take that long."

John sighed loudly this time and motioned Randy back to the bed. "Come here. Explain to me what you're doing cause I don't understand. Didn't I say I wanted to enjoy these 4 weeks with the kids? Didn't I say I wanted things to get back to normal and for them to remain that way? You've been fine with that until today. What's different today, Randy?"

Randy turned his gaze over, staring out of the window into the backyard as a hard look took over his face. "Why the hell do you have to be so stubborn, Cena? Can't I just want to take my kids to the park?"

"You never have," responded John, a smirk on his face. "Hence the whole weirdness of today. Can you please drop the look, come here and tell me what's going on?"

Randy rolled his eyes but slowly stalked back over to the bed, sitting near John's body. The older man reached for his hand, drawing Randy's face over to meet his bright eyes. The irritation slowly faded and Randy smiled. "I just want you to take it easy today, Johnny."

"Why? I'm fine! I woke up before you today and that's a miracle," John frowned and shook his head. "Well, actually the miracle is that you have trained yourself to wake up in the mornings without me and the kids screaming in your ear because it's almost lunchtime,"

Randy's eyes narrowed once more and he glared at John. "Very funny. You know that never happened."

John laughed and shook his head. "No, of course it didn't, baby." The sarcasm dripped from his tone but the wink that followed the phrase made it clear he was teasing. "Seriously, Ran, why are you being so careful with me today? You know I feel fine; I've felt fine since I've been home. I've been able to do everything I said I was gonna do. I've played with the kids, run around in the park and after the dogs, gone back to my cooking classes, back to the PTA meetings and school trips…and you've been absolutely fine with all of it. You've trusted me when I've told you I feel good but now today you're questioning me. What's up, Orton?"

Randy's glare softened as he stared into John's face, the confusion on it in regards to Randy's sudden mood change obvious. "Because what you had to do yesterday was probably harder than doing all those things combined,"

John's eyes widened as he realized what was truly on Randy's mind and what had spurred this sudden feeling of over protectiveness. "Oh. I had actually forgotten about yesterday for a minute there." Randy leaned forward, resting his chin on John's shoulder as a sad look came upon both of their faces.

The day before had indeed been difficult on both men and they had struggled over it for the two weeks before, though silently in their room late at night after their day with the children had ended. They had constructed a very honest open letter to the WWE Universe explaining to their very confused fans exactly what had been going on in their lives for the past month. It had been extremely difficult to write and both men had only been able to get through a few lines, at the most, each night before having to stop and focus on other happier things. The fact that they were telling everyone that their careers were over, at least for the time being, and that there was no return date in the near future, had been emotional for the two men who had dedicated their lives to doing what they loved.

It had been extra difficult for John and Randy had told him no detailed explanations were needed but the older man wanted to be honest with his fans. He refused to lie about his brain cancer and the treatment that would follow. He openly shared his fears with his fans but also his will to fight it and hopefully return one day. He expressed his sorrow at leaving so abruptly and at taking Randy with him but reasoned that his needed his husband with him, something knew their fans would understand. While he couldn't promise much more to fans, he did promise either he or Randy would keep them up to date on his progress and that he would hopefully be able to visit them all when they came to St. Louis next time.

Randy had been incredibly proud of John for choosing to be so open and honest and he had tried to do the same, explaining that despite how much he loved his career and his fans, his priorities first lay with his husband and children. He promised to help John fight to get better and agreed to keep them in loop, as John wished. They had ended the letter on a hopeful note, wishing they would all be in front of their fans sooner rather than later.

"I'm sorry I bought it up, then," replied Randy. John shook his head and turned it to the side, pressing a quick kiss to Randy's lips. "No, baby, its OK. You're right; it was a tough night for all of us but it was something that had to be done. And to think, I thought when we told everyone at work it would be worse."

Randy nodded. "I know. That was nothing compared to putting our words on paper for millions of people to read." He sighed and lifted himself off John's body, remembering the shock and surprise from the WWE locker room when they had sent out a letter to each of their fellow co-workers telling them John's tumor was malignant and neither would be returning any time soon. It was a given that most people had assumed, as had John's family, that the tumor would be benign and he would miss a few months while he recovered from the brain surgery before returning in glory to the ring the following year. To hear that things had changed for the worst to the point where John no longer knew if he would ever wrestle again was appalling.

"They couldn't believe it. I've never seen such a reaction in such a short amount of time. It was like the computer and phone didn't stop buzzing with messages until early this morning. Even the ones who wore the Cena Sucks shirts were suddenly on my side," John laughed and shrugged. "It was nice, in a way."

"You are loved by many, baby and even those who don't love you do respect you and everything you've contributed to our business." Randy smiled proudly. "I know while it was nice for you to read all the messages from everyone that it still had to be hard, Johnny so that's why I want you to take it easy today."

"So, you want me to stay home and read more messages that are gonna make me bawl my eyes out and have a miserable day or do you want me to go to the park and laugh all day with my kids?" asked John with a raised eyebrow and a small smile. Randy laughed and shrugged. "Fine, I give up. Your way is better. By all means go to the park and distract yourself with the kids."

John nodded and stood up. "So, in other words, I'm doing exactly what I was going to do from the moment we started this conversation, right?"

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up, heading towards the closet. "Shut up and get out."

John laughed and stood up, walking over to the door. He stopped with his hand on the handle and turned back towards Randy. "You know what would be the best thing for helping me forget yesterday, though? If my handsome hubby came with us to the park…"

Randy looked back at him with a look of disbelief. "Are you seriously gonna guilt me right now?"

John shrugged and held his hands up in defense. "Not guilting you; just stating fact. I know the kids would love it too and it makes sense for you to go with the dogs since there's a huge dog park right near the playground…"

"All right, all right, enough!" Randy laughed and pulled out some jeans and a t-shirt. "I'll go and stay for a bit with the dogs but I won't stay for hours like you and the kids do all the time."

"Just a few minutes of your presence will make us all happy, love," John winked and headed out the door.

"Give the kids a kiss for me and tell them I'll see them in a bit!" Randy yelled after him. He heard John mumble back an OK and the door shut behind him. Minutes later as he zipped up his jeans, he heard the door slam shut and the excited voices of his children as they followed John down the street to their neighborhood playground. Randy smiled and watched them walk away from his window. He moved away when they disappeared from his sight and threw the t-shirt over his head.

As he exited his house and began the short drive to his parents' house Randy realized it was the first day in weeks that he felt fully rested and that no part of his body ached. Despite his early complaints to John of letting him sleep too late, he secretly appreciated it. His life for the past month had revolved around taking care of John and their children and while he could survive on 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night, it was nice to indulge in 10 solid hours every once in a while. He felt re-energized and actually looked forward to heading to the park for a bit by the time he pulled up to his parents' house.

Randy exited the car and walked up the short path to his childhood home, opening the door his parents never seemed to feel the need to lock. In seconds both of his dogs were on him, happy to see one of their masters back. Randy smiled at the reaction that had become normal for his pets who had realized their new routine involved spending more time with Bob and Elaine.

"Darling, I'm so glad to see you!"

Randy looked up from the dog's heads to meet his mother's eyes and quickly walked over to envelop her in a hug. "You see me almost every day, Mom."

"Well, I'm glad to see you every day, darling." Elaine pulled away and took Randy's hand, tugging on him. "Let's have some coffee and chat for a bit."

Randy nodded and followed his mother into the kitchen. He collapsed in a chair around the small breakfast table. "Coffee sounds good. I didn't even bother to get any before I left home. Where's Dad?"

Elaine smiled over at him, shaking her head slightly. "He's over at Nathan's working in the garage but back to you. You're trying to go to fast with everything, Randal. Did you even sleep last night?"

"Yes, mother, I did." Randy rolled his eyes but smiled back. "John actually woke up before me and let me sleep late. It was nice to do that. It's been a while since I do."

Elaine nodded, a knowing look on her face. She carried the two cups of coffee over to the table and set them down before sliding into a chair across from her son. They each drank silently for a few minutes before she broke the silence once more. "So, how are you doing, darling?"

Randy frowned and lowered his cup. "Fine, everything's good. John is doing so well and…"

"Randal," interrupted Elaine, stopping Randy in his tracks. She reached her hand forward and sighed. "I asked how **you** were doing; not John. Have you noticed that whenever anyone asks you that question lately, you turn it into a report on John's well-being and ignore addressing your own?"

Randy's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, I don't. I just said I was fine!"

"You said everything was fine and then launched into how John was doing well." Elaine pulled her hand back and looked at Randy sternly. "Sweetheart, you know I love John as if he were my own; I always have. I also know that he is your number one priority and I get it. It's the commitment that has been present in your relationship from day one and it's what makes your marriage so strong. I am so proud of you for being so dedicated to the man you've chosen to spend your life with and you know I want only for John and you to live a long, happy life together."

Randy frowned and slowly nodded. "So…"

"But I worry about you, Randy," continued Elaine, ignoring Randy's comment. "You can't take care of John if you're not taking care of yourself. You're trying to do it all and be it all but you're only human, darling. Don't push so hard and so fast. John doesn't expect you to become some kind of superman. He just wants you to be his Randy because his Randy has always been everything he needs. You have always taken care of him when he needed it and supported him when times were tough. Just keep doing that but also remember to take care of Randy. Let John help with that, too. He's still healthy and strong and able to be the John you remember."

Randy raised an eyebrow and slowly smiled at his mother. "Mom…are you telling me to get John in the sack or something?"

Elaine's mouth dropped open and she glared at her son. "Really, Randal, how inappropriate can you be when I'm trying to talk to you about something so serious!"

Randy laughed and shook his head, quickly reaching over to squeeze his mother's hand. "I'm just teasing, Mom. I get what you're telling me and I know; you're absolutely right. I get that lecture from John almost every day, too." His smile dropped slightly and he pulled away, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes. "I just want him to enjoy these weeks before the treatment starts. Things are gonna change when he starts that, Mom. He's gonna get tired easily and he'll be sick some days…he won't be able to do everything he does now despite how much he thinks he will."

"Darling, John knows things will change when radiation starts and he is making the most of these weeks of freedom. That doesn't mean he wants you to work yourself to utter exhaustion, though. As much as you worry about John, he worries about you, too, you know." Elaine smiled at Randy as he opened his eyes.

"Did John tell you to give me this little sermon?"

"No, this is just a typical mom sermon, not one John told me to give you. I'm not blind, though. I see how John looks at you, his face full of concern at how much you're pushing yourself."

Randy sighed as Elaine looked at him with a smug look. "Fine, mom. I'll try to relax a bit and sleep more and not go crazy about making sure I know where John is every minute and what he's doing and all the other crap I've been going overboard on, OK."

Elaine stood and walked around the table, bending down to hug Randy tightly. "That's great news, darling. I love you so much and the last thing I want is for you to make yourself sick, too."

Randy stood and held his mother tightly. "I know, mom. I promise to start taking better care of myself. I'm actually gonna start having more fun, too. I'm going to the park."

Elaine laughed in Randy's ear. "You hate the park; you always have!"

Randy pulled back from the hug and shrugged. "It's not that bad. I can't stand it for too long but I can deal with it for a bit for John and the kids. Besides, the dogs can run around, too, so…"

"Well, I guess miracles do happen," said Elaine, a smirk similar to Randy's on her face. He responded with his own smirk and turned away, headed back to the front hall. The dogs scampered over to him and he motioned them out the front door.

"I'm outta here, Mom! Thanks for the coffee!"

Elaine waved at him as the door closed behind his retreating form. Randy headed for his car and opened the back door, letting both dogs climb in the backseat before taking his place behind the wheel. As he drove away from his parents' home, his mother's word still rang in his head. He knew she was right. He was worn out from taking over the bulk of everything in his and John's life together. It had been both shocking and embarrassing for him to see everything John had done for their family. It became blatantly obvious that he had no idea how to do most of the things, from taking John's place on the school PTA Board for only 2 days before being asked to not return to paying all of the monthly household expenses. Despite his telling John he would happily learn how to do it all, he had struggled. He had done it but it hadn't and would never be something he would enjoy. Maybe letting John back into some aspects of their normal life wouldn't hurt. It meant more sleep for him and it would make John happy to see Randy continuing the normalcy in their home that he longed for.

Randy pulled into the parking lot of the neighborhood playground, his eyes automatically spotting John standing with a group of other parents he recognized from the school. The dogs sat up in the back as they recognized where they were and Randy smiled as he exited the car and let them out. They waited patiently for him to begin to walk before bounding after him, tails wagging. Randy approached the fence to the attached dog park near the children's playground and nodded down at the dogs, giving them the OK to run inside. He made sure they were settled before turning around and searching John out once more. Another parent noticed him and smiled, her eyes widening in surprise at seeing him there. Randy waved at her and she waved back before patting John's shoulder and getting him to turn around.

John turned over at the tap on his shoulder from one of the moms and smiled when his eyes connected with Randy. He excused himself from the group of parents and after a quick glance at the children, he began to walk towards Randy, meeting him on the fence surrounding the dog park.

"I can't believe you came!"

"Hey, I promised didn't I? Can we just hang back here, though? I don't want to go around all the nosy parents gathered over there. We can see the kids from here," replied Randy, wrapping an arm around John's waist and pulling him in close. John laughed softly and shook his head. "They're not that bad, baby."

Randy rolled his eyes and remained silent, increasing John's laughter. The older man leaned closer, resting on Randy's body. "How were Bob and Laney?"

"Fine. It was only Mom and she took the opportunity while I was there to give me a lecture on how I'm not taking care of myself,"

John turned over in Randy's arms, moving one hand up his chest to lie on his heart. "Well, maybe she'll have better luck convincing you to slow down than I do."

Randy smiled and leaned forward, his lips meeting John's in a kiss. John's lips parted and Randy's tongue gently probed into his mouth. Being in Randy's arms was always a thrill for John and his cock instantly reacted.

Randy pulled away from the kiss and smiled. "I think that's enough of a show for the kiddies."

John reluctantly nodded and moved away from the heat of Randy's body. "Maybe we can continue it tonight, though?"

Randy shrugged and kept his eyes trained forward, his gaze connecting with his children as they spotted him and waved wildly. He waved back before answering John. "Maybe,"

* * *

"So," John launched himself onto bed beside Randy. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Hmmm, how about get some sleep?" replied Randy, shutting off the television as the clock above it turned to midnight.

John rolled over and pouted. "I'm not really sleepy, babe."

"How can you not be? The park is so boring it could exhaust anyone!" Randy lowered his body down and turned over. "You need your rest, Johnny and we agreed I need some too, so…"

"But I can't rest if I'm not sleepy." John reached his hand forward, resting it on Randy's chest. He gently flicked his fingers over his nipples and they quickly hardened. Randy inhaled sharply and reached for John's hand, grasping it tightly. "Don't start anything, Johnny."

"Are we really gonna play this game every time we want each other? Don't act like you don't like us together, babe." John smirked down at him and Randy smiled in return. He shifted on top of John and they kissed as their hard cocks rubbed together through the material of their boxers. Randy moved down to John's neck and then down his chest. "Are you sure you're not too tired?"

"Never for this," John said hoarsely. He was shaking with anticipation and his cock was weeping when Randy finally pulled his boxers down. John thrust his hips forward and grabbed at the sheets.

Randy licked the head of John's cock and then slid his mouth down over the hard flesh. John tried his best to hold on as Randy worked him over, but he couldn't fight what his body wanted. With a cry of Randy's name, he came as his hips thrust forward into the younger man's mouth.

"Damn, baby," John groaned. "Too good,"

Randy laughed softly. "Oh, I know how good I am."

"So conceited," John tried to sound annoyed, but he was laughing too. He grinned and wrestled his way on top of Randy, playfully biting his neck and moving his way down his body. He pulled Randy's boxers down and licked his lips. Randy put his hand on the back of John's head as he moved forward. John took him in his mouth and moaned as Randy's hand guided him in his up and down motion. He wrapped a hand around Randy's shaft and his other hand gently fondled Randy's heavy balls. He worked faster in an effort to taste Randy.

His husband let out a low groan and cum spurted into John's mouth. He swallowed and then licked Randy's cock clean. Randy stretched and pulled John up into his arms. "That was just as damn good, baby."

John kissed Randy gently. "I love you, baby. I need more of you,"

"I love you, too." The last word trailed off into a gasp of pleasure as John's mouth descended on his still sensitive cock once more. John put a hand on Randy's stomach to steady his lover who was writhing with pleasure. He reached up, brushing his fingers against Randy's soft lips. His husband knew what to do and sucked on John's fingers with an obvious neediness.

John pressed his saliva slickened middle finger into Randy's opening. Randy moaned and John had to pull his mouth away from Randy's cock. He wasn't ready for him to cum just yet. Randy whimpered at his denied orgasm, but his disappointment didn't last long as John added a second finger.

"I need you, Johnny," he whispered, his voice slightly strained from the effort of slamming himself on John's fingers.

"You ready for me?" John asked.

"Yes," Randy replied breathlessly. John knew he couldn't wait much longer. He reached for the drawer of the bedside table, glad to find the lube quickly. He poured a good amount of lube into his palm and worked it on to his throbbing cock. Bending to kiss Randy again, he found Randy's entrance and pressed inside. He rested his forehead against Randy's. "I love you, baby." he whispered.

Randy wrapped his arms around John's neck and his legs around John's hips. "I love you, too, handsome."

John kissed Randy's forehead and began to move, slowly at first, giving Randy time to adjust. John rested his forehead against Randy's again and smiled when he heard the soft moan that meant he'd hit the spot. He felt the slight sting of Randy's nails digging into his shoulders and loved it. He balanced on his palms, thrusting harder and faster.

Randy's lips parted as moans escaped his lips. John kissed Randy once more and held him tight as his moans got louder and his body writhed with his second oncoming orgasm. John felt Randy's channel tighten around his cock and a spurt of warm cum coated their stomachs. John didn't last much longer, emptying into Randy's channel and collapsing on top of his lover.

After a moment, the settled in to a more comfortable position and held each other for a long time. Neither of them wanted to move. John kissed the top of Randy's head as his husband caught his breath.

"Didn't I tell you I was fine? Was it worth it?" John asked.

Randy laughed. "Oh yeah, definitely." He sighed and looked up at John. "I love you, John and I don't ever want to hurt you. That's why I worry so much about you overdoing like you love to do but I realize now that both of us need to commit to getting back to normal and taking care of each other. Especially since I love our nights together just as much as you do."

John held Randy a little tighter. "I'm so lucky to have you, Ran. I will never lie to you again about my health. If I feel like I need you more on a certain day, I will tell you. If I feel fine, though, I want you to trust me when I tell you. Yes, let's promise to take care of each other but let's also promise to listen and trust each other, OK?"

Randy nodded and settled on John's chest. "OK. Sounds perfect,"


	70. Chapter 69

"OK, so this wasn't that bad," John sat in the car, his hands flat on his thigh. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I think I feel fine."

"What do you mean you think you feel fine? You either feel fine or you don't," answered Randy, his arms leaning on the steering wheel of the car.

"Well, then I think I'm fine. My head hurts a little and I feel a little pukey but it's nothing I can't handle. This isn't that bad," John turned over to face Randy, his voice monotonous. "I can do this."

Randy rolled his eyes and leaned back in the seat, forgetting all about turning the car on and driving them away from the hospital garage. "First of all, can you please stop talking like that? You sound weird and I don't like it. Secondly, I think it's gonna take more than one session for you to feel the real effects of radiation but I am happy you feel fine despite the headache and pukey feeling. Third, yes, you can do this, John."

"Am I annoying you already? This was only the first session, babe," John leaned his head on the back of his seat and smiled. Randy glared at him from the driver's side. "You know damn well you don't annoy me. What is annoying me is the fact you sound like a robot right now and you're not showing any emotion. I told you not to do that with me. You never have and I don't want you to start now."

"Yeah, the monotonous thing and the not showing human emotion is usually coming from you," John's smile widened and he reached over his hand to squeeze Randy's. "Do I still have ink on the side of my head?"

Randy's glare softened and he reached his free hand to trace over the ink marks the radiologist had placed on the side of John's head in an effort to guide the beam shooting the radiation into the infected area. "Little bit. Your hat will cover it." He let his hand smooth over John's face before dropping back down to rest on his thigh. "Tell me how you really feel,"

John sighed and lowered his eyes. "I really do feel fine but I know it's only the first session. Things are gonna get much worse than a headache and feeling like I'm gonna barf. I want to hold on to this 'fine' feeling for as long as I can, though. I know this is like the calm before the storm. I don't want to go crazy too early here, babe. I still feel like you're gonna run screaming out the door one day if I do."

Randy's eyes immediately narrowed and he pulled away his hand away from John's leg. He turned away from the older man, straightening up and quickly starting the car. John frowned and scrambled to wrap his seatbelt around him as Randy peeled out of the garage. "Ran, what the hell are you doing?"

"Can you just not talk anymore right now? You are pissing me off royally today." Randy kept his eyes trained forward as his fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I am so sick of hearing the same crap come out of your mouth every damn day."

John's eyes widened and he shook his head. "It was a fucking joke! What the hell is your problem?"

"Well, when the hell are you gonna notice I don't like those jokes? You would think my mood change would be hint enough for you but since it's not let me just tell you flat out," Randy pressed down harshly on the brakes as he approached a red stoplight. He turned his angry blue-eyed gaze towards John. "I don't fucking like those jokes, John. Cut it out!"

John kept his lips shut as Randy ranted in front of him. He turned his head away from the cold gaze being directed at him and remained silent as the light turned green and Randy drove forward. If his head had hurt before, it was throbbing at full blast now and the intensified feeling of throwing up everything in his stomach wasn't helping the pain go away. Taking a deep breath and pushing his pain and nausea away, John tentatively spoke softly. "You could leave me, though, one day..."

Randy let out an exasperated sigh and pulled the car to a stop once more. "Jesus Christ, John! Are you fucking kidding me here?"

"Well, what the fuck do you want me to say, Randy? It's the truth, isn't it? You could get tired of this shit and leave me one day, couldn't you? Do I think you're the type of man to do that; no, but the point is it could happen!" John felt his own anger begin to rise and he turned over in his seat, pulling at his seatbelt. "You want me to talk about my fears, right? Well, this is one of them! I fear you're gonna get sick of dealing with all my drama and leave!"

Randy sighed once more, the sound echoing in the room. "Don't do this, John. Just drop it already,"

"I can't just drop it, Ran! Things are gonna get bad; they're gonna get hard! I wonder sometimes if you're gonna run when they do." John shook his head and turned away. A short laugh from his side made him turn back over to Randy. The younger man looked at him out of the corner of his eye before turning back away and pulling the car into their driveway. He rested his hands on the steering wheel after turning the car off. John frowned at him in annoyance. "What the hell is the laugh for? I don't appreciate it."

"Well, I don't appreciate you saying you think I'm gonna run when things get hard." Randy raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not the one that runs when things get hard, John. You are,"

John's eyes widened once more and his lips opened in a silent gasp. A flood of emotions ran through him from embarrassment at the memories of when he abandoned his family to heart wrenching pain at the fact Randy was bringing it up. He turned away from the accusatory gaze his husband shot him and quickly scrambled out of the car, running up the path to their front door and letting it slam behind him.

Randy slammed his head against the headrest and squeezed his eyes shut, jumping in his seat as the bang from the front door slamming shut reached his ears. He knew John was going to react that way. He regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth but his anger at John's insecurities had been all he needed to push him to that point.

After taking a few more minutes to calm his racing thoughts and dissipate his anger, Randy exited his car, leaving it parked outside so it would be ready for the afternoon trip to the children's school. He slowly walked into the house, immediately noticing how quiet it was. John hadn't bothered to turn on a television, a radio or done anything to suggest he was inside the house. Randy quickly scanned the large living room and kitchen before frowning and walking towards the stairs, taking them two at a time. The silence continued in the second landing of the house but after spotting the closed bedroom door, Randy knew instantly where John had retreated to. He cautiously approached the bedroom door and pushed it open, noting how dark the room was despite the bright sunshine of the winter day. John lay in the bed, covers wrapped up to cover his head against the few streaks of light that managed to peek in.

Randy slowly approached the bed and lowered himself down to the edge, barely brushing against John's legs. He tentatively rested his hand on John's covered knee. "John,"

The older man jerked away from his touch and turned over causing Randy to sigh loudly. "John, I'm sorry. I was just mad and wanted you to stop talking. I didn't mean to say it…"

John pulled the covers away from his face to reveal his face, full of sadness and exhaustion. "I'm not mad at you for saying it. You have every right to say it. It's true,"

Randy quickly shook his head and reached for the blanket, tugging it down further. "It's not true…."

"Enough, Ran. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My head is killing me and I just don't have the energy to fight anymore." John pulled the blanket away from Randy's grasp. "I just wanna rest for a bit before the kids come home."

"I wasn't planning on fighting with you anymore. I just wanted to talk and explain myself…" Randy trailed off as John turned away from him once more. "Fine, John. I'm not gonna talk to your back. Just keep in mind that I love you, OK and I'm not going anywhere."

Randy stood and rubbing John's leg one more time and headed for the door, a part of him expecting John to stop him. He glanced back at John, still covered in bed, and headed out of the bedroom and quickly on down the stairs. The anxiety level he had felt for almost 2 days now had doubled in the past 5 minutes. He headed for the room that always settled his spiraling emotions best; the kitchen. Quickly grabbing one of his many books off the shelf, Randy collapsed in a chair and began to flip through the pages. It only took him a few minutes to realize no attention was being paid to the words and he angrily slammed the book shut.

Rising to his full height, Randy stood and began to pace the large kitchen. He sighed and glanced at the clock, groaning when he saw the children would still be in school for 3 more hours. He hadn't been supposed to spend the day like this. He had plans! After returning from therapy, he had planned for John to have some fun and forget the experience of the clinic. Despite the older man's claims from the day before and of that morning, Randy knew John had been nervous to begin his therapy. The entire night before he had been restless, already aware of the exams and the process of how the radiation would be delivered into his body but still nervous nonetheless. John and Randy had attended a brief doctor's appointment a few days earlier where his entire appointed radiation medical team, including Dr. Shapiro, explained everything that would happen through the course of John's treatment. The first time would, of course, be the most nerve-wracking so they had made John go through a simulation. It had been strange for him to sit and allow them to place the markings on the side of his head and the strange mask over his face. His stomach has been in knots as he lay in the large machine that would shoot the beams into his head. Randy had watched the process from where the medical staff would sit throughout John's treatment. He could feel John's anxiety even from the room that separated them and his whole body ached for John. There was no doubt in his body that he would have traded places with his husband in an instant if he could.

John had taken it in stride and his will to fight had overwhelmed the nerves as best they could. Randy had spent the past night letting John speak of what he wanted and when he wanted. He had reassured John of his love for him and support for him throughout the drive to the hospital that morning and continued to do what he could to calm the older man even as he was led into the treatment center. The hour he had sat in the waiting room alone, all kinds of thoughts entered his mind but Randy had pushed them away, praying for some of John's can-do attitude to enter him as well. He was fully prepared to handle any of the side effects the doctors said would plague John but what he hadn't expected was to react so negatively to John once more making a joke about him getting tired and leaving. John knew Randy hated when he apologized or made jokes about the turns their life had taken. A part of him understood the older man because he figured if roles were reversed, he would probably be the one apologizing to John all the time. Another part of him, though, hated it and he had reached his breaking point in the car. The vows he and John had taken when they married were incredibly important to him and he intended to do what he promised to do that night; stand by John forever and help him overcome anything. John's constant comments about his health irritated him because the last thing he wanted was for him to think Randy regretted his life with him. Despite the separations and disease, he still felt blessed to have John as his partner and he still felt they had a pretty wonderful life together.

"Ran,"

Randy stopped in his tracks and his head snapped up to connect with John's face. The older man had a guilty expression on his face and his eyes darted downward. Randy quickly walked over to him and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. "Are you OK, baby?"

John wrapped his arms around Randy's waist and buried his face in his neck. "I am as long as you're not mad at me."

Randy smiled and rubbed the side of John's neck, trying to ease the tension he felt there. "I'm not mad at you. I love you, John. I just want that to get into your thick head. Isn't it my job to be the one who questions everything? How much did I annoy you when I did that back when we were only dating? You convinced me we were it; that we were in it for the long haul and that you would always love me, no matter what happened. What do I have to do to convince you of the same now? Just tell me and I'll do it, baby."

John shook his head, his grip on Randy's hips intensifying. "You're already doing it. You do it every day just by being here through everything. I just get scared sometimes and I don't know why…I promise to stop making those jokes…"

Randy pushed John away from him gently and reached up to cup his face. "There is no reason to get scared, Johnny. You will never lose me or the kids. We are a family and we will not break apart ever again. I swear this to you, baby."

John nodded as best he could in Randy's grip before he was pulled forward for a soft kiss. Randy moved his hands down and grabbed John's body, pulling him tighter, close to his body, kissing harder now and slowly easing his tongue between John's lips. John closed his eyes and moaned as he eagerly kissed Randy back, their tongues engaging together perfectly, tasting thoroughly and deeply.

When they finally pulled away, panting for breath, Randy rested his forehead against John's and kissed his still closed eyes. "Feeling better now, baby?"

"Much," whispered John, letting his eyes slowly open. He rested his head on Randy's shoulder as the younger man rubbed his back soothingly. "I think I'm gonna go back to bed, though. I really do feel tired and pukey. I just couldn't sleep without talking to you."

"I know. It's normal to feel tired and it's to be expected. Just go up and get these few hours of silence and rest." Randy placed a final kiss on John's forehead before detaching from him completely. John nodded and turned to walk away but stopped and glanced back at Randy longingly. "Can you come to bed with me?"

Randy raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side, a small smile on his face. "For what?"

John laughed and shook his head. "Just to lay with me until I fall asleep. I couldn't do anything else even if I wanted to the way my head is spinning right now." He shrugged and glanced up at the clock. "I know I'm interrupting your schedule. You probably wanna get started on dinner and get a snack ready for the kids and do something with the dogs…"

Randy nodded and moved back towards his husband. "Yes, you are interrupting my very full afternoon, Cena but I will make the sacrifice just this one time…"

John rolled his eyes at Randy's teasing. "How generous, love,"

Randy laughed and took John's hand, pulling him forward for another hug. "I am nothing if not generous towards my husband. You should know that already. Don't I make sure all your needs are met on a daily and nightly basis?" He raised an eyebrow as John's smile grew. "You sure do, handsome. I'm incredibly lucky."

"So am I, Johnny," Randy wrapped an arm around John's waist and led him out of the kitchen, happy to have things back to normal.

* * *

Hours later Randy found himself in the large parking lot of his children's school. He paced the area next to his car and once more cursed the children's teacher under his breath for her habit of being one of the last classes to dismiss. Randy could see other parents he recognized from the class standing closer to the door they would dismiss from but he remained further back, not willing to indulge in conversation with any of them. His foot tapped impatiently on the ground and he glanced down at his watch once more. He was anxious to get away from all the prying eyes he could see looking back at him through the dark sunglasses he wore. How John put up with half the parents that made up the school community was something Randy never understood.

MICDS was without a doubt one of the best schools in the country and the best and only school Randy had considered when it came time to enroll Alanna. John had been incredibly impressed with the quality of the teachers and education she was receiving and had fully agreed on enrolling Angel there, as well. While Randy had never had any problems with the other children in the school, their parents were intolerable. He hated the snobby, upper-class attitude that came off most of them. It was something he never understood probably because he had never been exposed to it until he began making a decent living himself. Even as a child and with the comfortable living his father provided his family, Randy and his siblings were products of the St. Louis public school system. While the education he had received was perfectly fine, he was happy to be able to provide his children something even better. He just wished it didn't come with rude and nosy parents. John was able to brush off their attitudes and barrage of questions. His smile quickly turned most of them over to his side and he actually became friends with the bulk of the parents in the class rather quickly. Randy, however, had no desire to do so. A simple hello and goodbye was more than sufficient for him. It seemed to be fine for the rest of parent bunch, too, apparently since not many ever dared approach him and he made no effort to change that. They could talk to John all they wanted.

Randy sighed loudly once more, a low groan escaping his lips. "God, I could kill this teacher."

"She comes down later and later every day, doesn't she?"

Randy turned, his eyes widening as a blond woman stood beside him and shot him a smile. Well, there was always one brave soul in the bunch.

"Uh, yeah,"

The woman smiled at him before turning back towards the still closed door. "So, I'm guessing Angel and Alanna won't be coming to the park today,"

Randy frowned and shook his head. "No, we're headed directly home. They'll be fine without the park for one day."

"I figured. Usually if John picks them up we see them there but when you do…" The woman trailed off and turned her head back around to Randy. "Is he OK? Today was his first treatment, wasn't it? How did it go?"

Randy's eyes narrowed behind the dark lenses of the glasses he wore. "Everything is fine, ma'am,"

"We're all so worried about John, you know. When we found out what was happening to him we just couldn't believe it. I mean, could life be any more unfair to such a nicer man…"

"Everything will be fine. I thank you for your concern but there's no need," interrupted Randy, his voice rising slightly. The woman stared back at him, her eyes widening in surprise. She nodded and turned away, sighing in relief when the door finally opened and their children's class came out. "Oh, the kids are finally coming down,"

Randy nodded and watched as she walked away from him towards the two lines of children. He shook his head and pushed away his irritation before taking a few steps closer, as well. His hand lifted in a wave as he signaled to the teacher to send Angel and Alanna forward and she quickly waved back and motioned them out of the line. Both children ran towards him, smiles on their faces. Randy couldn't help but smile back and welcome them into his arms.

"My wonderful kids, I missed you today. Did you have a good day and learn many things so the tuition I pay this joint is worth it or should we just switch schools right now?"

Alanna rolled her eyes at him and nodded. "Very funny, Daddy."

Angel giggled and dropped his backpack on the ground. "We learned too much. My bag is too heavy."

Randy took the backpacks in his hand and led them to the car, opening the backdoor and motioning them inside. He placed the bags in the passenger seat of his large truck and walked around towards the drivers side, noting how a group of parents, led by the blond, watched them go. He ignored them and started the car once sure the kids had buckled up, quickly joining the line of cars waiting to exit the lot. "So, how much homework do I have to look forward to this afternoon?"

"Not a lot. A little bit of science but Daddy John can help me. We started it on Friday," replied Angel.

"Yeah and he was helping me with math," added Alanna.

Randy looked at both kids through the mirror. "Let's not push Daddy too hard today, OK. You guys remember today was his first treatment appointment so he's a little tired. I know he'll want to help you but if we see him looking like it's too much, we'll let him rest. I'm there and I can help you guys."

"You hate to do homework with us. You say you don't understand it," replied Alanna with a small giggle.

"Well, whatever I don't understand I'll just Google," Randy smiled back at her as she shook her head. "That's cheating, Daddy. We can't use the computer. Mrs. Adams said so,"

"Well, what Mrs. Adams doesn't know wont hurt her," Randy's smile widened as he finally pulled out of the lot and turned the corner to head home.

"Is Daddy OK, though? He's just tired, right? Not sick again?" asked Angel, a worried undertone in his voice.

"He's fine, kiddo. We explained all of this to you guys, remember?" Randy tried to keep his voice nonchalant as he spoke. "The medicine the doctor is giving Daddy everyday will make him feel a little more tired than usual and may make his tummy upset but he's fine. He's still the same Daddy. You'll see when we get home."

Angel stared at him suspiciously but nodded slowly. "Why didn't he come pick us up today?"

"Does he pick you up better than I do?" asked Randy teasingly, a smile on his lips. Angel stared back at him, not reacting to the tease as Randy wanted him to do. "Dad…"

"He didn't come because since today was his first treatment I wanted him to rest so he could be ready for when you guys get home. Trust me, he wanted to come but I wouldn't let him."

"Oh," Angel finally relaxed somewhat and cracked a smile. Randy smiled back at him and breathed a sigh of relief. "He'll still pick you guys up some days, OK. Let's just give him a few days to get used to this new medicine."

"It's OK, Daddy. Angel's just being annoying." Alanna poked Angel's leg with her finger. He turned towards her and frowned. "You're always annoying."

"Whatever." Alanna tossed her ponytail over her shoulder and turned her attention back to Randy. "When we get home I'm gonna show Daddy my math homework. I got an A on it because he helped me. Angel only got a B."

"But I got an A on my science homework and you got a C," responded Angel smugly. Alanna's mouth dropped open as an indignant expression came over her face.

"All right," interjected Randy before a war could start in his backseat. He pulled the car into his driveway and shut off the engine. "Cut it out and get out."

"Nerdy boy," mumbled Alanna as she unbuckled her belt and glared at her brother out of the corner of her eye.

"Silly girl," responded Angel with a smile.

"Enough," Randy opened the back door and smothered a smile as both kids scrambled out, ignoring each other now. He took their backpacks in his hand and followed them into the house, the sound of the television in the living room hitting him as soon as the door opened. Both kids ran off towards the sound as Randy dropped the bags on the small bench near their entryway. He was happy to hear some sound in the house. When he had left earlier John had still been half asleep, his head still bothering him.

Randy entered the living room seconds after the kids and smiled when he saw how much better John looked after his short rest. "Hey babe,"

"Hey, how'd it go?" John took turns hugging and kissing both children. They quickly settled on either side of him as Randy collapsed onto the large armchair. "It was fine. The teacher was late, as usual and these two were monsters on the ride home, as usual…"

"My babies; monsters? I refuse to believe that," interrupted John, a smile on his face as he placed another kiss on each child's head. Randy rolled his eyes and ignored him. "Then, this woman, a parent I guess, tried to talk to me in the lot…"

"She tried to talk to you? How dare she? Who does she think she is?" interrupted John once more, the smile widening as Randy glared at him. "You're not funny, John,"

John laughed loudly and shook his head. "Yes, I am, baby."

"Whatever," Randy lifted his legs onto the coffee table in front of the chair and looked at his children. "Tell Daddy about your day."

"Oh my God, Daddy, guess what? I got an A on the math homework we did together!" said Alanna quickly, a huge smile on her face.

"Of course you did, princess. You're brilliant," responded John, smoothing back her hair. Alanna nodded but her smile dropped slightly. "I need more help in science, though,"

"Then you'll get it, baby," John kissed her forehead before turning to Angel. "And you? What did you do excellent on today?"

"I did good in science, Daddy. I got an A and I got a B in math and Mrs. Adams wants us to build volcanoes!" Angel smiled happily as John laughed. "Well then a volcano we will build. I'm gonna have to Google how to do that…."

"See? Even Daddy John uses Google, guys," said Randy from his chair, a smug look on his face. "Why don't you two go up now and change out of your uniforms? Snacks are in the kitchen if you're hungry."

Both kids nodded and detached from John, running off in the direction of the kitchen. John watched them go with a smile on his face before turning to Randy. "Were they bummed I didn't pick them up?"

"Of course they were but they took it well. Angel had the most concern about it just like we thought he would but Al calmed him down." Randy watched John's face carefully, noting the sad expression that was starting to take place there. "It's a new routine for them, Johnny. They'll get used to it. All they really care about is you being home everyday with them. I'm sure they don't mind me picking them up if they know you'll be here waiting for them."

"I know. I just don't want to change things so drastically for them. I will still be able to go some days…"

"Of course, baby," interrupted Randy quickly. He stood from the chair and moved over to the soda, lowering his body next to John's. "Don't even think about beating yourself up over this today, John. It was your first day of treatment. You had to know there was no way I was gonna let you out of my sight or exert yourself today. Just accept it and don't fight me when I wanna take care of you."

"I won't but I want you to take care of yourself, too. You promised me you would and that we would work together. I feel good, Ran. I wouldn't lie to you," John reached for Randy's hand and squeezed it gently. "I've always loved taking care of you and our babies, too. Don't take it away from me, OK."

Randy shook his head before lowering it to rest on John's chest, his eyes drifting shut. "I won't,"

The older man wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in close to his body. They remained in silence for a few minutes before John broke it, his voice low. "So…this woman who was trying to talk to you…"

"She was a hot blond. I'm thinking of leaving you for her," responded Randy, not bothering to open his eyes or move. John laughed softly and shifted down in the sofa, lowering to Randy's level. "You're such an asshole,"

"You married me. What does that make you?" asked Randy, a smile on his lips as his eyes opened.

"A fucking glutton for punishment," answered John, his eyes rolling playfully.

Randy moved forward and kissed him gently before moving his lips over John's neck, kissing his way up to his ear. "I love you, Johnny,"

"I love you, too, baby. Only reason I let you get away with torturing me," replied John, his own eyes closing as the sensation from Randy's lips on his skin overwhelmed him. He sighed contently as Randy placed a final kiss on the space connecting his neck and shoulder and whispered, "You love it,"

"I do." John smiled as Randy's eyes connected with him. "I love everything about you. Especially after days like today."

Randy nodded. "Our days will get better, Johnny. Don't lose faith in that, baby."

"I won't," whispered John.


	71. Chapter 70

**Present Day**

Randy smiled as Alanna bounced into the room, her long blond hair flying behind her. "What's up, beautiful?"

"I'm so happy with my dress! I love Uncle Cody so much!" replied his daughter, collapsing on the couch in the large dressing room.

"I'm sure you do seeing as how he lets you get away with murder." Randy smirked down at her from where he stood and lifted his arm for the seamstress measuring him. She moved the tape around him and quickly jotted down his measurements. "Where is your brother?"

"Still trying to decide what color cummerbund or vest he should get," Alanna rolled her eyes and shrugged. "He told me to get away from him when I tried to help."

Randy sighed and shook his head. "Oh God. Can you check on him, please? Make sure he knows I said bright colors are out of the question. He must pick black and white like me."

Alanna sighed and slowly stood up. "Fine, but now he's gonna get all grouchy."

"I could care less if he's grouchy. If he walks in here with a bright purple cummerbund, he'll be dead." Randy said sternly. He shook his head as Alanna walked out and sighed inwardly, already preparing himself for his son's reaction.

"Your kids are great,"

Randy looked down at the woman who now had her measuring tape wrapped around his waist. He smiled and nodded. "Thanks. They're gonna drive me crazy one day but I wouldn't trade them for anything,"

"Oh, our kids will always drive us crazy! The pros outweigh the cons, though," the woman straightened up and held her hand out for Randy. "My name's Sophie, by the way,"

"Randy," responded Randy, his hand rubbing over his head in slight embarrassment. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier. We were so late and Cody was driving me crazy about getting this done today…"

"Yes, Mr. Runnels is definitely getting more and more frantic as the wedding day comes closer. It's understandable. We just have to be extra supportive." replied Sophie, pulling away from Randy and wrapping the tape loosely around her neck.

"Well, we are doing everything he asks of us," Randy stepped off the stool Sophie had placed him on and looked around the store dressing room. "Today is actually an easy day for him. It's gonna be torture for me, though."

Sophie laughed and looked around. "Why is that?"

"Well, I have a daughter who thinks she's a princess and therefore wants to dress like one and I have a son who happens to have an affinity for bright colors like my husband did so…" Randy trailed off as a smile came upon his face. "It's fine, though. At least Cody made my life much easier by letting Alanna choose her dress color and design. I'll figure out how to deal with my son."

"Well, if he gives you a hard time just remind him that we can give him a kerchief in any color he wants so that can be his pop of color. It can be big enough to please him but not so big it bothers you." Sophie shrugged and walked around the desk to her computer, her hands running over the keys quickly as she inputted their information.

Randy raised an eyebrow and slid his shirt back on. "Good point. That may just save me from a full on meltdown,"

Sophie shook her head. "Your kids look too sweet to give you such a hard time. I think you're exaggerating,"

Randy rolled his eyes playfully. "Don't let their sweet little faces fool you, Sophie. They're monsters when they wanna be,"

Sophie opened her mouth to respond but, as if on cue, a loud yell from Alanna echoed through the room. Randy groaned loudly and turned around to the doorway just as both kids walked in, identical scowls on their faces.

"You're so annoying, Angel! You never wanna listen to me!"

"Why should I listen to you? I didn't tell you anything about your ugly dress!" responded Angel loudly.

Alanna's eyes widened and she placed her hands on her hips. "My dress is not ugly! My dress is beautiful and I'm gonna look perfect!"

"Well, then so is my suit. I like it the way it is so stop talking to me about it!" Angel glared at his sister, his frustration level rising.

"Fine! Just go on and be stupid!" Alanna turned away from her brother as he shrugged. "I'm not being stupid. You and your dress are stupid…"

Randy quickly took a step forward and stood between both children. "All right, that's enough now." He looked back up at Sophie and raised an eyebrow. "See, what did I tell you?"

"I stand corrected," replied Sophie with a smile.

"We're done. End this ridiculous argument now because I won't deal with it on the drive back, understood?" Randy looked at his children sternly.

"But, Dad, he called me stupid and annoying for trying to help him…" started Alanna, a pout on her face.

"I didn't ask for your help!" interrupted Angel loudly.

"Enough! It's over!" Randy raised his voice, causing both children to immediately stop. They turned away from each other and he sighed in relief before turning to Sophie. "Well, on that note, we'll say goodbye. We'll see you next week, I guess. I'm sure you're looking forward to that one after this."

Sophie laughed and shook her head. "This actually wasn't that bad! Trust me, I've had much worse."

"Well, you won't get any worse from these two; I can assure you of that." Randy looked down at his children, a serious expression on his face. "They know I don't allow or appreciate these hysterics. Am I right?"

Both kids nodded and looked down sheepishly. Randy extended his hands down to them and smiled at Sophie as he led them out of the dressing room. They walked out of the small Tampa store Cody and Ted had chosen for the tuxedos and dresses for the groomsmen and the few girls in their wedding party. The bright sunlight glared in all their faces and Randy released the children as they ran the few feet to their car. He opened the back door and let them climb in before sliding his sunglasses over his eyes and getting behind the wheel.

It was only minutes after he began to drive that the children began a low conversation in the back. Randy felt relief course through his body and let them continue to speak, hoping they would solve the argument on their own. It seemed that from the moment they had touched down in Florida the kids had been at each other's throats. Randy barely had a minute to sit down before he was forced to run up and separate them after yet another argument that had started with something as simple as a look.

A soft laugh from the backseat made Randy smile and he felt some of the tension leave his body. He continued on the short drive from the dress shop to the home he and John had shared in Tampa; the home John had purchased even before they started dating and then turned into a second home for their family. Randy and the children barely spent more than a month of the year in that home and even less time after John's death. It had been too difficult for them to return to a place that reminded them so much of the older man. The Tampa house had been John's favorite home and it just radiated his presence. His smell seemed to be imbedded in everything from the large sofa he would collapse on to watch television with the children to the bedroom he and Randy shared to even the walls surrounding the house. It had been a welcome thing for all of them, to be surrounded by John's presence but it was only a couple of days later when it became too much. Randy knew the petty arguments resulted from everyone being on edge even more than usual. He knew coming to their Tampa home would be an experiment for all of them and would stir up some more memories that could be either good or bad. Oddly enough, he had expected to feel the brunt of the memories himself and swore they would drive him back into his black hole of grief but it hadn't happened. He had enjoyed the memories each item he touched or smelled produced in his mind. Curling up at night in the bed he and John shared for so many years was what he looked forward to now at the end of the day. John's smell, still encased in his pillow, helped him sleep better than he had in months.

"Dad,"

Randy broke from his thought process at the sound of his son's voice and looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Yeah,"

"Are we gonna do the same thing here that we did back home? Like clean out the closet and get rid of Daddy's things," asked Angel, his voice so low Randy could barely make out the words.

"Yeah, I have to at one point. You guys don't have to help, though because there's not as much stuff here as there was back home. You know Daddy and I didn't spend much time here." Randy took a deep breath and stopped his rambling. "It's up to you what you want to do. I wouldn't force you to help me."

Angel smiled at him but shrugged. "I kinda don't want to help but it's because I don't want to get rid of anything. I know we have to, though." He looked over at Alanna, who shrugged, as well. "It was fun when we did it back home but I got sad a couple of times…" She trailed off and smiled slowly. "Daddy would be happy that we were helping other people, though."

Randy smiled back and nodded, proud he had taken the children with him on the trip he'd made to a local Goodwill store so they can donate all the things John still had in the closet in good condition. "Yes, he would. Daddy loved to do good things for other people but don't worry about it, guys. I can do it on my own."

The car fell into a comfortable silence as both kids turned to look out of their respective windows, lost in their own thoughts. Randy continued on to the house, happy to see the gates for their community up ahead. He quickly slid the car up the long drive and into the driveway belonging to his home. Before exiting the car, Randy shot up a quick prayer to John asking him to maintain the children's good moods for the remainder of the day or to give him strength to deal with another argument.

"OK, kiddos, out of the car!"

Randy pulled the back door open and let the kids out. They ran to the front door and let themselves in, the dogs bounding happily on top of them. Randy followed slowly behind and shut the front door after them, letting the cool air from the house wash over him. The laughter from the children as they followed the dogs out into the backyard flowed into the house as he walked into the large, brightly lit kitchen. Despite his love for his hometown of St. Louis and the home he and John built there, he had to admit his Tampa home was just as beautiful. It was one of the reasons he hadn't sold the home after John's death, the main reason being his husband would haunt him for the rest of his life if he ever did. John had made sure to pick a home private enough for him and his family to have peace but still part of a community with neighbors and other families to befriend.

Walking over to a drawer in the kitchen, Randy pulled out a menu from a nearby restaurant and stared down at it. "Guys, Chinese for dinner?"

A loud groan made its way back over to him as Alanna entered the kitchen. "Sure but I would prefer home cooked food…"

Randy leaned forward, resting his arms on the counter. "Are you gonna cook it?"

Alanna frowned at him before rolling her eyes. "No,"

"Well, then you're eating Chinese," responded Randy with his own eye roll. He straightened up off the counter and scanned the menu briefly before turning back to his daughter. "Why aren't you in the yard with Angel?"

Alanna sighed and shook her head as she climbed onto a chair. "I told him not to throw the ball so far because Dodge looks tired and he got all upset and told me not to tell him what to do…"

"God, why are you and your brother at each other's throats all of the sudden? Maybe coming here wasn't a good idea. I should've just left you two at home with Grandma and Grandpa," interrupted Randy, the frustration clear on his face and in his voice.

Alanna's eyes widened at her father's harsh scolding. "But…we wanted to come. We miss this house and we wanted to get our clothes for the wedding…"

"I can't deal with the fighting, Al! You guys never fight this much! The kicker is you can't even explain to me why you're doing it!" Randy shook his head and threw the restaurant menu on the counter. "We've been doing so well and all of the sudden things aren't happy in our family anymore. What happened, Al?"

Alanna shrugged and lowered her gaze. "I don't know."

Randy walked around the counter and stood in front of Alanna's chair. He lifted her up and sat her on the counter, raising her head so their eyes met. "Well, what do you think it is, baby? This started a few days ago. Are you guys not happy here?"

Alanna quickly shook her head. "We are happy here! We love this house! It reminds us of Daddy John even more. He loved being here,"

"Yeah, he did. This was always his favorite place to be." Randy smiled and brushed Alanna's hair off her forehead. She smiled back at him and shrugged once more. "When we first walked in it felt like he was gonna be here. The house just smelled like him and up in your room his stuff is still everywhere…"

"I know that's hard, baby. Maybe I shouldn't have bought you here till I cleaned out some of John's stuff…" Randy trailed off and looked out the large window.

"No! We wanna help you with that just like we did at home. It was just weird coming in here and seeing all of Daddy's stuff everywhere when at home we kinda got rid of everything except pictures, you know," Alanna smiled sheepishly and Randy bent to kiss her forehead. "Maybe that's why you and your brother are going at each other like rabid dogs; because you're both feeling a little extra sensitive?"

"Maybe," mumbled Alanna. Randy laughed and pulled her into his arms, kissing her head again. "Can we try to control it then?"

Alanna pulled away and nodded. "OK but you gotta tell Angel, too,"

"Gotta tell Angel what?"

Randy turned around at the sound of his son's voice and smiled. He extended his hands down to him and lifted him up onto the counter, eliciting a small smile from the small child. "I'm not supposed to be up here, remember?"

Randy rolled his eyes and smirked. "Without me you're not but I'm right here, brat." His smirk faded and he lowered his body to the chair Alanna had previously occupied. "Al and I were talking and we think maybe the reason you and her have been fighting so much lately is because we're in this house. Al says it feels kinda weird to be here with all of Daddy's stuff around because we haven't had a chance to clean up here since we haven't been here since Daddy…"

Randy stopped, still unable to say the word despite how much more at peace he felt with John's death. He smiled at both kids and reached for his son's hand. "I just don't want any more arguing, Angel. I spoke to Al about it and she told me how she feels. Can you tell me how you feel? Why do you think you and your sister have been acting so weird?"

Angel shrugged, a giggle quickly escaping his lips at Randy's eye roll. "Sorry, I know you don't like that." He sighed and looked at his sister out of the corner of his eye. "I guess for the same reason as Ally. I like being here, Dad but at the same time, I don't. Its like, just when I had gotten used to Daddy John being gone and his stuff not being around, we came here and his stuff is everywhere and it feels like he's still here but I know he's not and it just makes me mad,"

Randy squeezed Angel's hand and reached for Alanna's, as well. "I know, baby. I know how much this stinks for both of you."

"Doesn't it make you mad, too, Daddy? You don't feel weird here?" asked Alanna, a frown on her face. Randy smiled and shook his head. "No, babe, I don't. I thought I was going to. I thought I was gonna hate being here and having to go through the same thing as back home when I had to clean out the closets and everything but…" He shrugged and looked around the room. "I don't know why but I actually feel really good being here. I just wanna take care of this house for John and I believe he can see us doing that from heaven and it makes him happy. I was telling Al that I know how much John loved this house. He loved it so much but he practically gave it up for all of us so we can stay in St. Louis. He knew I loved it there more than here and he knew you guys loved being there so he didn't mind giving up his favorite house because he loved us so much more."

"Daddy was too good," mumbled Angel. Randy nodded. "Yes, he was. He was everything that is good in this world."

"I don't think he would want us being brats in this house if he loved it so much," said Alanna, a small smile on her face.

"Well, if there's a way to change the fact that you two are brats, please do it then. Quickly," replied Randy with a grin. "Daddy John was blind to you two and your bratty ways. I, on the other hand, am well aware that I have two monsters on my hands for the rest of my life."

Angel laughed and shook his head. "We're not brats or monsters, Dad."

"Daddy John said that any attitude we had was inherited from you so…" Alanna shrugged and smirked at her father as he raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure he did."

Randy stood up from the chair and smiled down at his children before placing a kiss on each of their heads. "Well, I'll take a couple of bratty moments because when it comes down to it, you guys aren't that bad. Thankfully, John's influence was much stronger than mine and you got more of his goodness than my attitude." He lifted each kid off the counter and set them on the floor. "Go play nicely for a little while until dinner gets here. After dinner we can talk about what we're doing in the closets. Deal?"

"Deal," responded Angel, slapping Randy's hand before running off. Alanna smiled at him and nodded, quickly running in the same direction of her brother. Randy waited a few seconds before returning to the menu he had discarded earlier. He took a deep breath before picking it up from the counter and waited for his usual feelings of doubt and insecurity that followed any long talk with his children but they never came. A loud burst of laughter from the backyard made him turn his gaze over and his lips curved into a smile as the kids ran by, both dogs right on their heels. Randy slid his phone out of his back pocket and walked out of the kitchen into the backyard. He lifted the camera up and took a picture of himself, the glow of the bright sunshine behind him, and logged onto his Twitter account. The application quickly came to life and Randy scrolled down his account that hadn't been used since John's death but smiled when he saw the mentions he still received. Before he could second-guess himself, he uploaded the picture and sent out his first message to fans in over 8 months.

"_Hey, guys. I think its time I start getting back in the groove of things. There's no doubt in my mind John would want me to do that. I figure this is the best way to start because I miss you all. So...what's new?"_

Randy smiled and shut down the phone, choosing to join his children in the backyard. Dinner could wait.


	72. Chapter 71

**February 2014**

Randy leaned on the door of the bathroom he shared with John and grimaced as he heard the sounds of his husband retching inside once more. He sighed when he heard John's low groan before the sound of running water filled the room. The door to the bathroom opened seconds later and John stepped out, his pale face registering the exhaustion and pain he felt in his body. Randy pulled him into his arms and pressed a kiss to his head, slowly leading him back to the bed.

"I'm so sorry you're going through this, baby. What I wouldn't give to be able to switch places with you."

John shook his head and let go of Randy's waist, lowering his body to the bed. "I wouldn't let you switch with me even if we could."

Randy smiled and quickly climbed in besides John, pulling the older man against his chest. "Try to get some rest now, baby. Maybe this was the last of it,"

"Well, it was my third time throwing up tonight and all I ate today was soup. I don't know how much more I could possibly have inside of me." John rested his head on Randy's chest, his voice low. "I may break a record tonight."

Randy smiled and rubbed up and down John's back. "Let's hope not. Don't think about it and just try to get some rest."

John nodded against Randy's chest and closed his eyes, trying to relax his body and let Randy's touch ease some of the tension away. His stomach still churned dangerously, making any idea of sleep seem impossible. He groaned softly and opened his eyes. "I don't know how much more I can take of this,"

"You only have 2 more weeks left, baby. Just hold on a little longer. You're strong, Johnny; you can do this." Randy placed a kiss on his head and held him tighter against his body. "Just hold on to that strength for two more weeks,"

"That's easy for you to ask. Your body isn't the one being put through this hell. You're not the one who's sleeping the day away and vomiting the night away," mumbled John, his voice muffled from where he lay on Randy's body. The younger man remained silent but John felt his body tense as he processed the harsh words. He opened his lips to quickly apologize but then shut them again without saying a word.

Randy kept his arm loosely around John's body and continued rubbing his back until he felt him relax slightly. He tried to ignore the sting John's words had on him and tried to remember Doctor Shapiro's warning that mood swings were completely normal with cancer patients undergoing therapy. It was something he tried to hold onto as John's mood worsened with each passing day. The fight attitude he'd had on the first day and week of treatment had slowly changed into an attitude Randy didn't even want to think about. It was all too reminiscent of the attitude John had exhibited towards him and the children that led to their separation. The only difference this time was that the anger was only directed at him, not their children, but Randy knew the older man didn't do it on purpose. John was right; Randy had no clue what it was like to feel what he was feeling and have his body go through the stress of radiation. He could deal with the short fits of frustration and anger from John if it meant he was doing better.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such an asshole to you,"

Randy looked down at the top of John's head at his muffled comment. "I know you don't mean it, Johnny."

"I'm still sorry. I know you're just trying to be supportive and want me to stay strong." John tilted his head and his pained gaze met Randy's. "It's just hard. I've never felt so sick. It's amazing that something that's supposed to make me healthy makes me feel so sick!"

"I know, baby. It'll be over soon and you will be all better. Just keep telling yourself that you're doing it so you can get better and get back to your normal self," replied Randy, moving a hand over John's face. John frowned at him and sighed. "Well, let's hope so because I don't think I could do this again."

This time it was Randy's turn to frown. "What are you talking about, John?"

John sighed once more and pulled away from Randy's hold, sitting up against the headboard slowly. "What if this doesn't work? What if I finish the 6 weeks and go for another scan and nothing has changed? What if they take my blood and see that the cancer is spreading? I can't do another round of radiation, Ran! This is too much…I thought I could handle this but I can't. I'm in so much pain; my entire body is just screaming with the pain. I can barely swallow from how sore my throat is…I'm living on soup because I can't hold anything else down and I still throw it up and God forbid I smell something that my stomach can't stand because that'll double the amount of vomit! I can barely keep my eyes open anymore so I have to use any energy I have left to fight and stay awake for the kids, at least. Forget about being able to do anything that I used to be able to do like Shapiro said I would." He closed his eyes and rested his head on the headboard. "I couldn't do another round of this."

Randy inhaled sharply, unaware he had been holding his breath. He sat up and turned his body over to face John, his heart pounding in his chest. "Please don't say that, John. I can take everything you throw at me; all the asshole attitude moments you throw at me but don't say things like that. If that doctor tells you that you need more radiation or a round of chemo, then I expect you to do it, John. I wouldn't let you not do it,"

"It wouldn't be your choice!" responded John, his voice rising. He shook his head at Randy and frowned. "What…are you gonna chain me to the bed and make them shoot radiation into me? If I say I'm done then I'm done, Randy."

"So, you would just give up on me and the kids," asked Randy. "Again?" he added, the anger now creeping into his voice.

John rolled his eyes and sighed. "For someone who says he's moved on from that you damn sure bring it up a lot."

"And isn't it sad that I have to constantly point out the fact that you've given up on our family once before?" Randy narrowed his eyes and glared at his husband. "Isn't it sad I have to remind you everything that you have to fight for, John? Shouldn't you know by now?"

"Stop it, Ran. I don't want to fight with you. I don't have the energy." John turned over slowly and reached for Randy's hand, ignoring the flinch from the younger man. "I love you and I love our babies more than anyone. I would do anything in this world for you…."

"Obviously not," interrupted Randy, his tone sarcastic.

"Radiation has turned me into someone else, Randy. I'm not me and I don't like who I've become while on it. I knew things were gonna change like the doctors said but hearing them talk about it is completely different than having to live it. I thought I could do it but having lived it for the past month now has shown me that maybe I can't. I'll finish out this round but I don't think I can do another one, Ran." John lowered his head. "I know I can't do another one."

Randy took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head, willing his anger to dissipate. "John, if the doctors say you haven't improved and recommend another course of radiation or chemo and you say no, you do know what that means, right?"

"Yes, I do," responded John, raising his head, his eyes sad. "Isn't it better to live the rest of my life, even if the doctors tell me the rest of my life will be a month, as me; as the John you and our kids know?"

"No, John!" responded Randy loudly, the anger now flowing through him at full force. He swung his legs off the side of the bed and stood up, pacing the area furiously.

"Ran, I would rather live for a month at 100% than live my life around radiation and chemo appointments and as this shell I've become…" started John before being quickly interrupted by Randy. "Oh, will you please shut the fuck up! You're looking for a way for me to tell you that its fine, John; to go ahead and let yourself die! Are you that fucking stupid, John? What exactly is supposed to happen to us if you let yourself die? How exactly are we all supposed to go on?"

John sighed and shook his head, turning away from Randy's glare. "What do you want me to do, Randy? You want me to submit myself to something I hate? I don't want you and the kids to watch me slowly wear down! I want you guys to always remember me the way I was; strong, happy, healthy…"

"If you give up on us all we'll remember you as is a quitter. Weren't you the one who said you wanted to leave our kids an amazing legacy? What the hell is so amazing about what you're offering them right now? Right now the only legacy you're offering them is being the kids of the man who refused treatment that might make him better; the man who gave up and let himself die because despite all his preaching of never giving up, he did give up."

John looked up at the sound of Randy's heavy breathing but quickly turned away again, unable to meet the cold glare shooting out of Randy's eyes. It was a look that he'd faced many times before in their professional careers but never in their private lives. For the first time in his and Randy's relationship, both as lovers and only friends, he saw no love in the younger man's eyes for him, just pure anger and disgust. It made his heart literally ache and the churning in his stomach double.

Randy stared at him from where he'd stopped his paces at the foot of the bed, fists clenched tightly at his sides. "You're just gonna sit there after everything I just said."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Randy," replied John tentatively. "You want me to express my fears and tell you what's going on in my head and then when I do, you get pissed at me."

"Did you expect me to jump for joy at this?" asked Randy incredulously. John finally turned over and held his gaze. "I expected you to listen and try to understand but it was stupid of me. You can't possibly understand because despite how much I know you're here for me, unless you're physically going through the same thing I am, you just can't understand, Randy."

"That's bullshit," retorted Randy, beginning the pace the floor again.

"No, it's true. I have to face the facts that this is a decision I have to make. If radiation doesn't work then the next step is either another course of it or moving on to chemotherapy. My body will continue going through hell except it will be another stronger level of hell with the intensified treatments. Do I really want to do that to myself without the guarantee of it working? I don't think so, Randy. If I'm gonna die anyway, why would I waste any minute of my days in a lab getting treatments done when I can spend my remaining minutes with you and the kids and all the people I love in this world." John shook his head and slowly stood up from the bed, walking over to Randy and blocking his path. "It is my decision to make, not yours and this is something you're gonna have to get through your head. I decide the choices in my life just like I would let you decide if the situation were reversed."

"So my opinion on this means nothing to you? You wouldn't take it under consideration if I asked you to try another treatment? You promised me you would do everything the doctors recommended, John. You promised me you would remain in our lives," Randy clenched his jaw tightly, a muscle jumping under his skin. This time it was he who looked away as his eyes watered. "I don't understand…I would keep fighting. I would do anything…"

"You've always been the stronger of us two, Randy. You've never believed that but I have always known it to be a fact. I'm not you, baby," John reached for Randy's hands and squeezed them tightly, willing the younger man to look at him. When he did, he held John's gaze for only a few seconds before lowering his eyes and pulling away. "I'm gonna go sleep in the other room tonight. I need some time to myself. Call me if you need me, though, OK?"

John's eyes widened in surprise but he quickly regained his composure and nodded. He stared silently at Randy as he walked over to their closed bedroom door and opened it, silently walking out of the room.

* * *

Randy frowned as he felt his body shaking. His eyes squeezed shut as his mind fought the battle between waking up and staying asleep.

"Dad, wake up!"

The sound of his son's voice made his eyes snap open and they connected with Angel's confused face. Randy quickly sat up and reached for his phone, groaning loudly when he realized he'd forgotten to set the alarm the night before. "Fucking hell,"

Angel's eyes widened and Randy quickly shook his head. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it; it just slipped out. Don't lecture me, OK."

Angel rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his small chest. "What are you doing in this room, Dad? This is the room you sleep in when you fight with Daddy. Did you guys fight last night?"

"No, we didn't and this room is just a guest room," Randy laughed nervously and pulled his son into his arms. He hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to his head. "What are you doing awake so early on your winter vacation? Where's Al?"

Angel frowned at Randy once more and held up his phone. "It's almost lunchtime, Dad. Ally is downstairs watching some girl TV show with Grandma."

Randy's mouth slowly dropped open as he registered Angel's words and looked more carefully at his phone's screen as it announced the time of 11:15 am. "What? Holy shit,"

"Dad! That's two," Angel scolded as he climbed off Randy's lap. Randy stood up off the bed and rubbed his eyes, still trying to wake up. "Sorry again, then. Where's Daddy?"

"He went to the doctor. He woke up and we ate breakfast together but you were still sleeping so he called Grandma over here and then left," Angel climbed onto the bed and threw himself onto the pillow Randy had occupied. "Wanna watch TV with me?"

Randy shook his head and ignored his son's question. "How did he go? I mean…he's not supposed to drive."

"He took a taxi, Dad," responded Angel distractedly as he pointed the remote at the television and bought it to life.

Randy groaned loudly and cursed inwardly as he turned and practically ran out of the room and down the stairs to his living room. His mother and Alanna both looked up at the sound of his pounding footsteps and smiled.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty. Or should I say good afternoon?"

"Hi, Daddy!"

Randy ignored his mother's and daughter's cheerful greetings and motioned his mother towards the kitchen. "Can you come here?"

Elaine frowned but stood up and followed Randy into the brightly lit kitchen. "What's wrong, dear?"

"You let John leave this house to go to therapy on his own? Are you insane, Mom? Why didn't you wake me up?" Randy looked at his mother in disbelief and tried to keep his voice level.

Elaine shrugged and shook her head. "John told me not to wake you. He said you guys had a long night because he didn't feel well and he wanted you to rest. He looked good this morning. He ate and was laughing and joking with the kids…I didn't think anything of it, Randy."

"God, Mom, you still can't tell when John is just putting on an act after all these years?" Randy groaned and ran his hands over his head. "Damn it, his telling you that he'd had a rough night should've been enough of a clue, Mom!"

Elaine held her hands up and nodded. "Fine, Randy, it was my mistake. From now on I will wake you up despite how much he asks me not to. I'll stay with the kids if you want to go meet him at the lab. You can probably get there before he's done."

Randy turned his head away from his mother's gaze and looked out into the backyard. "At this point I may as well just wait. I mean, by the time I get dressed and everything…"

Elaine frowned and walked over to him, placing a hand on his arm. "Sweetheart, you almost bit my head off a couple of seconds ago for letting him go on his own but now you don't want to go pick him up? What's going on?"

"Nothing," Randy shook his head and turned back to his mother, a smile on his face. "Everything's fine. I just don't want us to miss each other if I'm on my way there and he's on his way home. It's almost noon and that's usually the time he's getting home anyway so," He stopped and shrugged, the smile still on his face as he mentally prayed his excuse would've convinced his mother nothing was wrong. "I'm gonna go take a quick shower and get dressed. You can go home if you want."

"I'll stay until you're out of the shower, dear. Take your time." Elaine lifted her body on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Want me to make you something to eat?"

Randy shook his head and hugged her tightly. "No, I'm OK. I'm not that hungry." He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, stopping to place a kiss on Alanna's head. "Good morning, beautiful,"

Alanna looked up at him and smiled before turning back to her television show. Randy continued on up the stairs and into his bedroom, closing the door securely behind him. He leaned on the closed door and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath before quickly reopening them. The last thing he wanted was to revisit the huge argument he and John had the night before with his mother in the house but the key to that was getting her out of the house before John arrived. He pushed off the door and walked towards the closet, pulling out the first pair of jeans and t-shirt he saw. As he threw them on the bed, his eyes spotted the card Dr. Shapiro had given him and John with his office and cell numbers. A sudden urge to call the doctor filled Randy's body but he pushed it away and walked into the bathroom.

After showering in record time, Randy exited the steamy bathroom and dressed in his chosen outfit. As he sat on the bed tying his sneakers, his eyes drifted back to the card and he sighed. Dr. Shapiro had told him and John to call with any concerns about the side effects radiation may produce, including the mood changes he'd warned about but Randy wondered if John's defeatist attitude from the night before was something he should share with the doctor. Was it something the doctor should know about so they could keep an eye on or was it something that should just stay between him and his husband?

Before he could consider it any further, Randy snatched the card and the telephone off the bedside table and dialed the number for the doctor's office. His heart pounded in his chest as the phone rang in his ear and he lowered his body down onto the bed.

"Hello,"

Randy cleared his throat at the sound of Dr. Shapiro's greeting. "Hey, Dr. Shapiro, it's Randy Orton. I'm John's…"

"Yes, Randy, I know who you are already. There's no need for the formal introduction," Dr. Shapiro laughed softly in Randy's ear. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh…this is kinda awkward and I don't even know if I should be calling you about this." Randy sighed heavily and tapped his fingers on his thigh. "You told me to be on the lookout for mood changes and stuff with John and he's going through some but it was nothing I couldn't handle until last night. He really worried me last night and we had a huge fight."

"Tell me what happened, Randy and I'll help as best I can. If I can't help I promise to recommend someone who can." Dr. Shapiro's calm voice helped to relax some of Randy's tension and he leaned back on the bed.

"John had a bad night last night. We were up so late because he just couldn't get out of the bathroom. When he came out and finally settled down a bit, we started talking and somehow the conversation got on the topic of having to do another round of radiation or even chemo if this one didn't work. John said he didn't think he could do it; that he wouldn't do it if this one didn't work. I lost it, Doc. I just couldn't understand what he was telling me because that's not my John. He's not a quitter but last night he flat out told me he would just give up and let himself die," Randy's voice wavered as he spoke but he pressed on. "I don't know if he said what he said because it was just a bad night or if he really means it. I told him I wanted him to share all his feelings with me but I never expected last night, Doc. John keeps using the excuse that I'll never know what he's feeling because I'm not the one going through it but I don't want him to dismiss my feelings. Was I supposed to just not react last night?"

Dr. Shapiro sighed in Randy's ear. "Randy, I think you and John need to discuss this with a therapist. I told John it would be a good idea if he started seeing one to deal with everything that comes along with a cancer diagnosis. Maybe you can do it jointly so you can both discuss your feelings, fears and concerns in a controlled environment. A therapist can listen as you two talk and can ensure those talks are productive. I'm sure you've realized by now that constantly fighting with John and both of you losing your tempers if not helping your relationship in any way. I've seen too many relationships crumble under the stress of health problems, Randy. If you don't want yours to be another statistic, consider the therapy."

"I'll consider anything, Doc. I just want John to understand my feelings. How can he not think I would feel like he's giving up on us? I'm tired of him dismissing what I have to say because I'm not the one going through radiation," mumbled Randy, closing his eyes as he sighed in frustration.

"You have a valid point, Randy and I suggest until you and John find a therapist that suits you that you two try to calmly discuss your feelings but you need to really listen to each other. The minute it gets heated you must retreat or risk saying things neither means," Dr. Shapiro spoke slowly, urging Randy to take his advice. "I'm going to email you some therapists in our practice. Go over their experience and together pick the one that best suits you and John. In the meanwhile, just try to really listen each other and be patient with each other. This whole experience is new to both of you and you've only been going through it a month. I know it seems like forever but, in reality, a month is a short amount of time."

"I understand, Doc. I'll try and be extra patient with John and listen when he talks to me about this, even if the talks make me sick to my stomach." Randy threw an arm over his head, his eyes still closed tightly. "Try to hurry with that email, though,"

Dr. Shapiro laughed. "It will be in your inbox by the end of today. Have a good day and feel free to call if you have any more issues."

"Thanks, Doc," Randy ended the call and sighed, feeling a small sense of relief enter his body. A loud bang made him jerk up in the bed and his eyes shot open to reveal John standing in front of their closed bedroom door, a serious expression on his face. Randy sat up straighter and attempted a small smile. "Hey,"

"Hey," answered John, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt your bashing of me to my doctor,"

Randy's eyes widened and he quickly got off the bed. "What? That wasn't what I was doing! And thank you for eavesdropping on my conversation, by the way."

"I wasn't eavesdropping on your conversation, Randy! I was walking to my room and heard you. It's what happens when you have ears!" John rolled his eyes and walked over to the large armchair near the bed, throwing his body into it.

Randy took a deep breath. "Look, I don't want to fight with you, John. Especially not with my mother here and the kids awake…"

"The kids are watching a movie and Elaine's gone. I sent her home. She told me you were up here in the shower because you just woke up." John raised an eyebrow. "Thanks for that, by the way. It must be nice to sleep in."

"You could've woken me up, John. You've done it before." Randy took a step closer to him, confusion in his gaze. "Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

John sighed and burrowed deeper into the chair. "I'm not…I'm just tired, Ran. Just ignore me."

"I don't want to ignore you, John. I don't want to ignore the fight from last night, either. We need to talk about it; really talk about it and listen to each other." Randy knelt in front of the chair John sat in and placed a hand on his leg. "Do you really think I wanted to call your doctor? No, John, but I did it because I wanted advice. I don't want us to be angry at each other. I want us to talk and I want you to make me understand what you're going through."

John rested his head on the side of the chair and stared at Randy as he spoke. He lowered his gaze to his hand on his leg and slowly reached his own hand forward to rest on top of it. "I don't want us to fight, either, Ran. I know you weren't bashing me to the doctor. Don't know why I said it."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "I would never do that, baby. I just wanted his advice because I don't want us to keep fighting. Last night was not good, John and I don't want a repeat."

"What did he recommend?" asked John, a frown on his face. Randy moved up and sat beside John in the chair, the older man moving to make room for him. "Therapy,"

John's frown deepened and he wrinkled his nose. "We're not supposed to need therapy. Isn't that for old, miserable couples?"

Randy smiled and wrapped an arm around John's shoulders, pulling him close. "Apparently it's also for couples who aren't doing so well in the communication department. I think that's our category, babe."

"I guess," John leaned his head on Randy's shoulder. "I'll try anything, I guess. When do we start?"

Randy shrugged. "When we find one we like. In the meantime, we're supposed to talk calmly to each other and really listen and if things start to get loud, we're supposed to stop and walk away."

"Wow, I didn't realize we would need instructions on how to talk to teach other now, too. Cancer sure changes things." John looked up at Randy's face and smiled as he rolled his eyes. "Don't joke like that. You know I don't like that,"

John nodded, a small smile in his face. He rested his hand on Randy's chest and stared into his eyes. "I shouldn't have told what I told you last night at that moment. I should've waited until I was done with this course of therapy to see if that talk was even necessary. All I did was bring up something that we shouldn't even be thinking of. We should just be thinking that this is gonna be it; that this round will work and it's the only round I'll need. There's no need to even think about anything else right now."

Randy shook his head. "No, I was the one who wanted you to share these things with me so now I have to learn to deal with hearing them. It was just hard for me to hear that you would choose to stop treatment if we don't get the results we want on the first try. I always assumed you would want to keep trying," He stopped and shrugged. "I won't stop telling you what I believe. I will always give you my opinion, John but it's up to you whether you want to follow it or not. I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do; I realize that now but unfortunately for you, you can't force me to stop thinking the way I do."

"If I choose to not get any more therapy, you would think I'm giving up on our family." John spoke the statement slowly, going over each word in his mind. "I see it as I'm giving my family the best of me for the time I would have left. The only way I would see myself as a quitter would be if I didn't go through at least one round of treatment. I'm doing that and I'm doing everything the doctors have recommended I do to get better. I'm proud of that. Anything that happens after wouldn't change that I am proud of how I am handling my disease."

"Johnny, I am proud of you, too. I am so proud of how much effort you have put towards your recovery. You always take everything on and give it your all, baby." Randy sighed and rested his head on the back of the chair. "The doctors told you from your very first meeting with them that the first course may not work…that you may need another round..."

"But they also said I would have full control over my therapy. I can choose how intense of a course I want and when and if to stop if it didn't work. I plan on making that decision, Ran because I know what's best for me and for my body. It doesn't mean I love you or our family any less, baby. Please believe me and have faith to trust I know best." John moved his hand up to Randy's face and cupped it gently. Randy stared at him sadly and reached for his hand, kissing it softly. "We're never gonna agree on this, John so maybe its time we just stop talking about it."

John nodded and moved his head back down to rest on Randy's chest. He could feel the tension in the younger man's body and willed it to go away. He wanted nothing more than for Randy to understand his feelings but he couldn't seem to make it happen. His whole body trembled at the thought that this may break him and his husband apart once more and that this time, it could be for good.


	73. Chapter 72

**March 2014**

Randy paced the floor in Dr. Shapiro's downtown St. Louis office and stopped in front of the large window that overlooked the city's famous arch in the distance. He sighed as he looked out into the gloomy early spring day, the city overcast with gray shadows.

"Why are you sighing?" asked John softly from where he sat. Randy turned over and met John's eyes before shrugging. "It's silly. I'm just thinking that this crappy day is kinda reflecting my mood. You couldn't buy a drop of sunshine out there today."

John nodded and looked past Randy at the gloomy day outside. "I know. Let's just hope it's not a symbol of the news we're gonna get today."

"Don't think that way, John." scolded Randy gently. He walked back over to John's chair and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Just try to think of positive news, OK,"

John nodded and reached up a hand to link with the one that Randy lay on his arm, ignoring the tension he felt coursing through the younger man's body.

It had been a little over 3 weeks since he and Randy had discussed the next steps they would take after the follow-up appointment with Dr. Shapiro to let them know the outcome of the radiation. After attempting to discuss it a few more times, even in the presence of their new therapist, they had both decided to put it on the back burner until the time came they would have to deal with it, if at all. It had become clear to both men that it was the topic they could never agree on and neither would budge on. Discussing it further meant the risk of something both men would never want to happen. Despite their not discussing it, tension had overcome their marriage, making even the simplest thing as a conversation seem forced and stiff between the men. It had gone unnoticed by their children, thankfully, mostly due to the fact that the guest room was not used anymore by either man. Whatever turns the conversation took, they chose to work it out so as not to cause their children any worry.

"I really hate this waiting game the doctor's play with us every single time,"

Randy smiled and looked down at John. He moved away from the older man and slid into the chair next to him, tilting it around so he looked directly at John's face, their knees barely touching. "Just have patience. The results are what they are no matter how quick or slow the doctor is."

John shook his head and remained somber. "I just hate it. I want to know what I'm dealing with and I want to know now. My patience went down the toilet the minute this all started."

"Want me to tell you a story?" Randy raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in the chair, the small smile still on his face. John finally cracked a smile and nodded. "Sure,"

"Once upon a time there was a prince in a far away land. He was incredibly handsome with dark hair and blue eyes and an amazing body but he was also incredibly talented and super brilliant…"

"Another one of your hysterical stories, I see," interrupted John, the smile bigger on his face.

"Shut up. Don't make me regret this," Randy raised an eyebrow and waited for John's nod before he continued. "Let's call him Randy. After meeting and falling in love with another prince, let's call him John, they moved into a beautiful castle. After both having been very unhappy for many years they had finally found the peace they had looked for all their lives. Anything that came their way, whether good or bad, they found a way to overcome it and make sure nothing interrupted the happiness that dominated their lives."

John smiled and moved forward, reaching a hand out to grasp Randy's tightly. The younger man squeezed it and stroked his skin gently before continuing. "One day, after a fierce battle, Prince John returned home, severely injured. Prince Randy was terrified. The thought of losing the love of his life made him more scared than he'd ever been before. John was his usual brave and confident self; so sure he would overcome any injury. He convinced Randy to not fear and told him he would be OK as long as they were together. Randy agreed and promised he would stand by him until he was completely better and he would support him always. After one really bad day, though, where John was so sick, he forgot that promise."

John frowned and his hand subconsciously tightened around Randy's. "Ran…"

"Randy went crazy and started demanding John do what he told him to do despite promising to support any of his decisions. They got into a fight and it was bad; really bad." Randy continued speaking, ignoring John's interruption. "They worked it out after a few days but this uncomfortable tension remained in what was once their peaceful home and Randy hated it. He knew John was already hurting physically and the fight was making him hurt emotionally and causing John hurt was the last thing Randy wanted. So he made a decision and decided to honor his promise to his love; Randy would let him make the decision he thought best for him and he would stand by him no matter what."

Randy sighed and shook his head, lowering it slightly. "To be continued, I guess…"

John stared at Randy's bowed head, his chest tightening with emotion. He reached his free hand forward and touched Randy's forehead, running his finger down the smooth skin until he reached his chin. He gently tilted the younger man's head up, meeting his sorrow filled eyes. "Randy, please don't. You have every right to feel the way you do about this. Don't lie to me just to end this weirdness between us."

"I'm not lying. I've thought about it and thought about it and thought about it some more…" Randy sighed and shrugged. "It's your body and I have to support your decision concerning it because I would want you to support me if roles were reversed. Yes, I was angry when you first told me but it was because my fear of losing you was just preventing me from really listening to you. I should've never called you a quitter, John. That's the last thing you are. You have fought so hard at this. You wake up every morning, even after some of the horrible nights you have, and you go and get your treatment then you come home and you're still Dad to our kids…you're amazing, Johnny. The last thing you are is a quitter. This thing that's happening to you, all of it and anything having to do with it, is all up to you and all decisions are yours. I'll stand by you and by them always."

John's eyes had watered and the tears threatened to spill forward by the time Randy finished speaking. He blinked rapidly to push them away and took a deep breath. "Thank you, baby. I don't deserve you."

Randy smiled and wiped a tear that managed to escape off John's face. "Don't say that. Let's just hope Doc is gonna come in that door and give us great news and all this chemo and second round of treatment talk has been all for nothing."

John nodded, a small sigh escaping his lips. "God, I hope so." He kept his hand securely in Randy's grasp and lowered his head, his emotions riding so high that it made him feel helpless.

Randy moved forward in his chair, their knees now pressed tightly together and reached for his face. "Stop with the dejected look and mood. Whatever news the doctor gives us, we will handle it like we handled the news of two months ago. Two months ago in that hospital room, we didn't think we could do this yet here we are. If we have to do this again, we will and you'll be fine. If you don't want to do this again, well, we will still be fine. Now, can you please turn back into my John? Smile, be corny and vanilla, make me laugh with all your silly jokes, be sappy; this whole morose thing you have going on is not my John."

"I'm scared," whispered John. Randy nodded his head. "I know you are. So am I but we have to fight the fear, Johnny. I'll try if you will,"

John remained silent for a few seconds before raising his head slightly. "Wanna hear what Ted told me this morning?"

Randy shrugged. "Sure,"

"There was this guy who was trying to decide what to wear to go to a costume party when suddenly he got an idea. When the party host answered the door he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. He asked the guy 'What the hell are you supposed to be?' The guy responded, 'A premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants!'" John's lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile but he suddenly burst into laughter at the surprised expression on Randy's face. The younger man quickly joined him and the sound of their mixed laughter enveloped the room.

"Well, I've never heard this room sound so happy,"

Both Randy and John spun around at the sound of Dr. Shapiro's voice and the laughter slowly died down. The doctor walked around both men, John's file in his hand, and took his seat behind his large desk.

John cleared his throat and nodded at the older man. "Well, had to find something to pass the time,"

"I apologize for keeping you waiting, boys. I was on the telephone with Dr. Johnson discussing your results. It's vital that he remain in the loop always and I was glad to hear you're also helping with that, John." Dr. Shapiro opened the file as John turned anxious eyes over to Randy. His husband had his eyes trained forward, boring into the doctor's.

"Well, while you were on the phone, Randy and I were going a little crazy here," said John, turning his attention back to the doctor. "Can you just give me my results already? I don't think we can take much more."

Dr. Shapiro smiled softly and nodded. "Of course; I understand." He took a deep breath and placed his hands on John's file. "Unfortunately the first treatment didn't work, John. I don't see any improvement. We're gonna have to move on to a second round."

John's stomach clenched at the doctor's words and his hands automatically reached for it. His arms tightened around himself and his eyes closed tightly as he tried to slow his now racing heartbeat and push back the rising nauseous feeling he felt. A hand landed on his back and he automatically knew it belonged to Randy.

"Johnny,"

John took a deep breath before slowly opening his eyes and turning his head over slightly to meet Randy's worried gaze. The younger man quickly took his hands from where John had them clenching around his midsection and squeezed them tightly. "It's OK, baby. We'll get through it. We knew this was a possibility. It's all we've been talking about for the past few weeks."

"Talking about it as a possibility and actually hearing the doctor say it's fact are two completely different things," responded John, his voice low.

"John, please do not despair. This is a normal diagnosis for many of my patients. A second or even a third round; it's all completely normal," interjected Dr. Shapiro gently.

John stared at him, disbelief on his face, before turning to Randy, who nodded encouragingly. He pushed back the nerves and fears coursing through him and also nodded. "Fine, then. What would the second round consist of?"

"I would recommend a PCV Drug Regimen, 5 days a week in a 28 day treatment cycle."

Randy frowned at the doctor's quick response. "Wow, why is this one only 28 days?"

"Because it's probably 10 times more intense and it's gonna kick my ass that much harder," responded John before the doctor could. He shook his head and raised an eyebrow at Dr. Shapiro. "Right?"

Dr. Shapiro sighed. "John, no one said cancer treatment would be easy. You have already felt the unfortunate side-effects that come with trying to get better. Chemotherapy will be more intense because you need an intensified round of treatment. I wish you didn't; believe me, I don't, but we have no other choice. It will be different than radiation, though. No more getting into the Accelerator and getting the radiation delivered that way. This new regimen will mean you take 2 new pills everyday, Procarbazine and Lomustine and your final new medication, Vincristine, will be delivered intravenously."

John remained silent, his eyes cold as he took in everything the doctor said. Randy bit his lip worriedly as he watched him but quickly turned his attention back to the doctor. "So, these pills and that other medicine will be better than John lying in a machine and getting radiation shot into his head? I don't understand how a pill and some liquid going in your vein can do the same thing…"

"This new treatment is stronger and is the recommended second round treatment any oncologist would suggest. The side-effects remain pretty much the same as with radiation except with this treatment there would also be a risk of high blood pressure. Since John already suffered from hypertension once before, I would suggest he avoid beer and wine, cheese, chocolate, processed meat, yogurt, and certain fruits and vegetables. I will give you more details on that, though." Dr. Shapiro looked down at John's file and at his open calendar beside it. "OK, we can schedule John to begin his PCV Regimen next Monday…"

"No," interrupted John loudly. He shook his head and reached forward to Dr. Shapiro's desk, closing his date book. "I haven't said I'm doing this,"

Randy inhaled sharply, the sound echoing in the office, but remained quiet. John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye but quickly turned his attention back to Dr. Shapiro's frowning face.

"I never agreed to a second round. I need time to think about doing this or if I even **am** going to do this…"

"John," Dr. Shapiro said softly, his expression stern. "I understand your willingness to remain in control of your treatments and of your disease. It's understandable and I appreciate it. You have every right to make any decision you feel is right. However, I must tell you what I would tell any patient who is thinking of not going through with a course of therapy after only one round. It is not a wise decision to make at this time. New treatments for cancers appear in the medical world on a monthly basis and you never know if it's going to be the one to work for you. You should never give up after one round, John. We've barely begun to fight."

"You said I control this. I can control what I want to subject my body to." John sighed and shook his head. "I need to think about this. I can't just say yes right now. I know this could be the one that works but what if it doesn't?"

"You mustn't think that way. You must trust in your medical team and in medical science, John." Dr. Shapiro frowned at him, willing John to understand.

"I get that. I also get what Randy tells me all the time; that I'm supposed to have faith in God. Unfortunately, right now, at this moment, I do not trust medical science and I don't have faith." John cleared his throat and stood up from his chair. "Like I said; I need to think about this. I'll give you a call to let you know of my decision."

John turned to walk away but Dr. Shapiro's call stopped him from making his quick getaway.

"John, I know you want to think about this but please consider it carefully. You have a very aggressive brain tumor that has shown no signs of improvement, so far and I don't think you should let much time go without continuing treatment…"

"I got it, Doc," John held his hand up to stop the doctor's final attempt to convince him. "Enough." He turned away and pulled the door open, quickly walking out of the office and letting the door slam behind him.

Randy jumped in his chair at the loud bang of the door and met Dr. Shapiro's eyes awkwardly. "I'm sorry. He's…"

Dr. Shapiro shook his head. "No apologies are needed, Randy. John is scared and angry. I get that. This isn't the first time I've had to deliver this type of news."

Randy nodded and slowly stood from his chair. "I'd better go,"

"Randy, I don't want to pry but how is the counseling going? I really do think it's necessary; now more than ever," Dr. Shapiro watched him, concern in his eyes.

"We're going once a week but I promised him I would let him make this decision. I'll give my opinion but the final choice is his," Randy shrugged and walked towards the door. "I wanna honor my promise to him but at the same time I can't stop wishing he would get the treatment. He knows that, too."

"Well, all that matters is that you two remain honest and open with each other. The therapy will help John deal with all the other things going on in his head, as well." Dr. Shapiro smiled. "Of course, I am also here if you two need anything else."

"Thanks, Doc." Randy shook the doctor's hand before turning to the door. "I'd better go now before he takes off without me." He smiled one final time at the doctor and headed out of the office door, not surprised to see John had already left the waiting room. Randy quickened his step and headed toward the elevators, preparing himself for a miserable afternoon at home.

* * *

"You know, as much as I love our kids, I'm so thankful they're not here tonight." John leaned his head on the headboard of his bed and closed his eyes tightly. "After dealing with hysterical parents and siblings and friends on the phone, I don't think I could've taken much more."

"They love you, Johnny and they're just nervous. Especially when you're telling everyone you don't know when your next round of treatment will be," replied Randy tentatively from where he stood near their dresser folding laundry. John had been on edge since returning home to a barrage of messages on their answering machine demanding he call the minute he return home from the doctor. John had made each call to their family and friends as short and brief as he possibly could, his tone as cold as Randy had ever heard it when speaking to his loved ones. The only time he had inserted a touch of warmth in his voice was when they called Sam's house to wish their children a good night. Sam had decided keeping Angel over with Alanna would be better for both men and Randy had quickly agreed, a part of him thankful the children wouldn't be subjected to John's mood. He had felt the brunt of it earlier when he'd attempted to ask John what he wanted for dinner and the older man had responded in a fit of anger.

"I know. I just…" John trailed off, the stress of the day finally taking him to his breaking point. His eyes watered and John lowered his face into his hands. Randy quickly dropped the clothes he held and walked toward the bed, climbing on and pulling John into his arms. He held him tightly until John's body relaxed and Randy placed a kiss on the side of his head.

"It's OK to be upset, baby."

John shook his head, leaning into Randy. "I know. I just feel like a real dick. I'm so sorry. All I find myself doing is apologizing to you lately."

Randy laughed softly. "Well, then stop because I don't need them. And, FYI, you actually weren't that much of a dick to me today. On a scale of 1 to 10 on the dick meter, you were actually only about a 4 today."

John blushed as he lowered his head. "Great. You shouldn't need to put up with this shit."

Randy grew serious and shook his head, grasping John's hand tightly. "Enough, Johnny. You had a shitty day and I completely understand your mood. While I have never gone through anything like what you're going through, you know how I got whenever I got injured. I was just as much a dick to you. You forgave me and I forgive you. All I ask is that you never take out your frustrations with our babies and you never have and I know you never will."

"It's still not fair for me to do it to you, either. Especially when you've been so great with letting me decide what to do." John brought their joined hands up to his mouth and kissed Randy's fingers. "I know what you want me to decide, Randy."

Randy nodded. "Yeah, you do but I meant what I said earlier; it's your body and your decision. I love you, John and I never want to live a day without you but I want you to make the decision. I will stand by it."

John stared at him for a long moment before suddenly moving over to Randy and straddling him, his mouth firmly slanted over Randy's, his tongue sliding into his husband's mouth as his fingers stroked his neck. Randy groaned at the feel and taste of John, willingly letting him explore his mouth and body at his leisure. When John finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against Randy's.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" John whispered. Randy nodded and leaned up for another deep kiss. "Yes, and I love you just as much."

John's hands grasped Randy's and pinned them above his head as he forced him down on the bed. He pressed his groin against Randy's as he attacked his mouth, thrusting his tongue inside. John grinded his hips into his lover's as his tongue ran over Randy's. Randy moaned as he thrust his hips back against John and sucked on the older man's tongue.

"Baby," Randy moaned as John broke their kiss, both men gasping for air.

John stared into Randy's glazed eyes, his slightly parted swollen lips, and groaned. "Damn, I need you. I need you now."

John roughly pulled at Randy's pajamas and underwear, getting them off the younger man. He licked and bit at Randy's nipples as he pulled down his boxers. As soon as Randy's clothes were off, John's head was in his lap as he sucked and licked Randy's throbbing erection. Randy ran his fingers over John's head, gently pressing his face down further onto his cock. He groaned as his hips bucked up to meet John's mouth. "Baby, so good."

Randy felt his orgasm building and just before he exploded he pulled John up by his hair, fighting to hold off his orgasm just a little while longer. He pulled John up and joined their mouths once more, thrusting his tongue deep. His lips moved further down and attached to John's throat, his rough chin scratching the older man's skin as his hand dove into John's pants, stroking his thick cock through his underwear. Randy gently flipped John over so he was on top, hovering over him. He used both hands to lift John's hips and pull his pants down, quickly leaning down to lick and suck John's hard cock through the boxers. He then pulled down the waistband in the front until John's cock and balls were free. Randy sucked and licked the tip of John's cock, teasing the slit with his tongue as he fondled his balls.

"So good baby," John groaned.

Randy moved his hand up to John's chest, scraping his nails over his nipples before grabbing and teasing the nipple between his fingers, even as he continued to suck and lick at John's cock.

John put his hand on Randy's head and forced it down as he bucked his hips up, pushing his cock deep into Randy's throat, "Fuck, Randy!" He moaned as he continued to fuck Randy's mouth hard until he came, his cum flooding Randy's mouth.

John fell back against the bed, panting as he struggled to catch his breath. He felt Randy move up his body, placing random kisses on his skin and opened his eyes to meet the younger man's face. He pulled Randy close and kissed him passionately, tongue thrusting into Randy's mouth, tasting himself on his husband before pushing him gently away. "I need to taste you, baby,"

Randy moved over and took over John's position in the bed, groaning softly as John again took up position between his spread legs. John ran his tongue over his hard, throbbing dripping cock, licking up the underside from base to tip before taking the tip into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. He then plunged down, taking it deep into his throat as he swallowed and hummed, the vibrations driving Randy wild.

Randy again pressed John's head down onto his cock as his hips thrust up. It wasn't long before his orgasm hit. John swallowed his release, suckling and licking Randy's cock until it finally softened back to its normal state. As Randy rested against the pillow under his head, John laid with his head in Randy's lap.

"Wow, baby. That was amazing,"

John smiled up at Randy and moved up to his face, kissing him thoroughly. "I want more. I need more," He panted between kisses, his hands slipping as they ran the length of Randy's back from shoulder to hip.

"Are you sure, Johnny?" asked Randy, a concerned expression on his face even as he reached up to meet John's lips.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure." John groaned as he flexed his hips, grinding his groin into Randy's. "I need to be inside you." He kissed Randy one more time, this one lasting so long Randy thought he was going to pass out for lack of oxygen.

John finally released Randy's mouth, and moved down his body. He lubed his fingers using a mixture of their cum and plunged one finger into Randy's entrance. He moved it in and out and wiggled it around. Soon he was adding another finger, and another. Once he had three fingers inside Randy's ass he started gently stretching the hole.

"Baby, I need more." Randy moaned as he thrust his hips into the bed, trying to get relief for his hard aching cock. "I'm ready."

"So am I," John lubed up his erection, hard once more and knelt between Randy's thighs, his cock lined up with his husband's entrance. He reached up and kissed the spot on Randy's neck that drove him crazy, sucking gently, and when he felt Randy shudder beneath him, he pushed, breaching Randy's hole with almost no resistance. John stayed put, watching Randy's face for any signs of discomfort. When he found only pleasure and lust in Randy's eyes, he pressed in further. Gently he entered Randy, pushing in then pulling out to push in a little further until he was in completely.

Staying joined with his love, he guided Randy's muscular legs until they were wrapped around his hips. Randy reached up to run his hands over John's muscular chest before placing them on his back and pulling him down for a kiss.

John kissed him firmly, thrusting his tongue into Randy's mouth. They broke apart, gasping for air as John moaned incoherently, "Oh, God, baby...you feel so good."

John started thrusting his hips, driving his cock in and out of Randy's hole, changing the angle, as he tried to hit Randy's prostate. Randy's hips sharply angled up to meet his and his strong legs locked tighter around his hips. Keeping that angle, John continued to thrust in and out even as he kissed Randy again. Randy was moaning, and whimpering between kisses with each thrust, "John, harder, right there."

Randy's cock was crushed between his abdomen and John's belly, each thrust created more friction for it. Between that and John hitting Randy's prostate every few strokes, Randy's orgasm was fast approaching. "Almost there baby,"

John started pumping harder and faster, wrapping his forearms around Randy's shoulders and pulling him closer. He sucked hard on Randy's neck while he pumped hard and fast into his body.

John felt Randy's body tighten seconds before he felt the liquid warmth between their bodies. John drove in deep as he could and stayed there, letting Randy's ass muscles contract around his hard cock, coaxing his own orgasm out of him.

Randy called out John's name as he came hard; arms, legs, and ass all wrapped tightly around the older man. John shuddered and started to tremble as his own orgasm ripped through his body and shot after shot of hot cum went into Randy. "Randy, so fucking good," he cried as he buried his face in Randy's neck.

They stayed locked into that position for another moment or two after their climaxes subsided, and then John collapsed onto Randy as his legs unlocked from around his waist. Breathing hard, and covered in sweat, John slowly raised himself high enough to roll onto his back next to Randy. "God, baby." He panted as he looked over to Randy, weakly grabbing Randy's arm and pulling him close.

"I know," Randy gathered all of his energy to roll over and rest on his side next to his love, head on John's shoulder, arm lying limply across John's waist. John's arm wrapped around his back with his hand on Randy's hip and he sighed softly. Randy looked up, a worried frown on his face. "Are you OK, Johnny?"

John quickly smiled and pressed a kiss to Randy's forehead. "I'm fine. I'm just…I don't know. Maybe I'm having a moment of clarity or something."

Randy's frown deepened and he lifted off John's chest slightly. "What are you talking about?"

"Today started in a really shitty way," John turned over, his eyes focused on the bedroom ceiling. "I got really crappy news. Then, I had to come home and deliver said crappy news to all the people who love me. It made me angry and I just spent most of the day after that up here wishing a hole would open up and just bury me."

"Johnny, it's OK to feel like that. No one is pressuring you to feel any way other than how you want to feel. We all just want you to remember how much we love you," Randy replied softly, his hand caressing John's face.

John turned over and smiled at him. "I know and it was this moment, oddly enough, that made me realize that. I have the most amazing people in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and I know you top that list. All of you let me rant and rave and be angry some days and just miserable other days but no one puts up with more than you do, Ran. I am so lucky to have you and I fall in love with you more and more everyday that passes even though I don't show it sometimes."

"I know how you feel about me, John…" began Randy but he was quickly interrupted by John. The older man reached for his face and shook his head. "No, let me finish."

John waited for Randy's nod before continuing, anxious to erase the confusion still on his husband's face. "I must've been insane to ever think of giving you up so easily. I don't want to spend a day without you and everyone else I'm lucky enough to have in my life. I want to fight this, Randy and I'm going to fight this and beat this, God willing. All the pain and all the crap I have to go through now will be worth it as long as I get to wake up everyday to you and our babies. That's all that matters and it's what I want. I don't know how I ever thought otherwise…"

Randy's eyes widened and he reached up to grab hold of John's hands, gripping them tightly. "Are you serious? Are you sure? Don't do this for me, John. I want you to do what you think is right…don't do something just to make me happy."

John shook his head. "I'm not! I swear to you I'm not. I want to keep fighting, Ran. I know I can do it now. I'm strong enough to keep fighting and beat this. I won't let you or our family go without a fight; I won't!"

Randy pulled John into him, their lips meeting for a fierce kiss. John parted his lips with a sigh as Randy intensified the kiss and slid his tongue inside John's willing mouth.

"God, I love you so much, John," he whispered as they broke apart.

"I love you, too, baby; more than anything." John replied, pulling Randy onto his chest once more. He kissed the younger man's head, feeling him relax in the embrace and let his eyes drift shut. He'd meant what he'd told Randy; he was planning on waging a war on his cancer because there was no way he would willingly leave his family; not now and not ever again.


	74. Chapter 73

**April 2014**

"Is it terrible that I'm getting turned on watching you suck on that Popsicle?"

John looked over at Randy, an incredulous look on his face at the younger man's words. "Will you please behave? There are other people here, Ran."

Randy shrugged and ran his hand over John's thigh, the older man's legs propped up on top of his own. "They're not close enough to hear but if they are, who cares? What's wrong with voicing my love for my husband?"

John smiled and shook his head, finishing the cold, orange treat Rita had given him to prevent mouth sores from developing. Despite having to endure the teasing and inappropriate comments from Randy every time he ate one, the odd trick Dr. Shapiro recommended worked and he planned on continuing it. "Nothing is wrong with it. As a matter of fact, I love hearing it. Just keep it appropriate, baby."

Randy rolled his eyes but nodded. "Fine, Mr. Killjoy." He reached his hand forward to take the empty Popsicle stick from John's hand but the older man grabbed his empty hand and tugged him closer, joining their lips for a quick kiss. Randy smiled into the kiss and moved his free hand up to John's neck and up to smooth over his face.

John pulled back slowly and smiled. "Careful with touching my head, babe. You don't want me to lose the little bit of hair I have left, do you?"

"I don't care about your hair, John." Randy finally took the empty stick from John's hand and tossed it in the nearby trashcan. "Your hair is the last thing I care about. I never really think about it."

John frowned and reached his hand up to touch his head. "Really? I think about it all the time."

"Well, you're insane. You think your hair had anything to do with me falling in love with you?" Randy raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, resting his elbows on John's thigh. "Do you think when people ask me what I saw in you I tell them, 'It was his hair! One look at it and I knew I had to marry him!' Get real, Johnny."

John laughed and shook his head. "Thanks for saying that, baby." Randy shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "It's true. The reason I fell in love with you is a little lower than your head. It's all I care about, too."

John's lips curved into a smirk and he raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"I meant your heart, you giant perv," Randy shook his head and rolled his eyes. "And you talk about me..."

John's laughter continued and Randy relished in the sound. John's laugh was something he would never tire of. It was proof to him that despite how hard his cancer treatment was and despite the havoc it was wreaking on his body, he fought to remain in good spirits. The chemotherapy had been exactly what John had predicted it would be; 10 times more intense than radiation and it kicked his ass that much harder. The intensified treatment meant even more sleepless nights for both men which led to even more exhaustion; an exhaustion John clearly felt more. He battled succumbing to it every day, choosing instead to remain active as recommended by his doctors and continuing to do the things he loved. Things as simple as the afternoon park visit with the kids to working with his cars in the garage were what filled John's day now but he loved it and Randy loved watching him do it all. He knew what his husband wanted most of all was to have them all continue the normalcy in their family. John hated having things change and blamed himself whenever his disease forced a change in the routine they all enjoyed. No amount of comforting from Randy would help in that situation so John had made it his business to keep the changes to a minimum. Angel and Alanna had been mildly surprised to see that John was able to keep up with his normal duties but still knew in the hearts their father wasn't 100 percent. He was obviously fighting for them and for Randy and they all appreciated it but the question of when it would get to difficult to fight would always be in the back of all their minds.

"What are you thinking?"

Randy blinked and snapped out of his fog, his eyes refocusing on John. "Nothing except how proud I am of you,"

"Yes, I am someone to be very proud of," teased John, his dimples flashing as he smiled. Randy rolled his eyes and remained silent, glancing up at the clock as it ticked down the last remaining minutes of John's treatment. As if on cue, Rita's footsteps echoed down the hall as she approached the two men.

"All right, Johnny, my dear. You're all set for today and I'll give you the weekend off!"

John smiled and watched as Rita unhooked his IV line and cleaned the area off. "If you want me to come in on the weekends, too, I will, Ri! I kick chemo's ass so hard I could do this every day."

"Well, aren't you conceited today, Mr. Cena." Rita smiled and moved back, crossing her arms over her chest. "Let's not be such a tough guy and let your body get the reprieve it needs these 2 days, understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," John dropped his legs from Randy's lap and slowly stood. "I promise to get some rest and do all the other things you and the docs and the hubby ask of me...to an extent."

"Good boy, then...to an extent." Rita patted John's arm and smiled over at Randy. "Maybe you can get some rest, too, there, handsome. I want both you boys to stay strong, not just one."

Randy nodded and reached for John's hand. "We will. I have an easy weekend planned for Mr. Cena and he doesn't even know it. The last thing I plan on letting him do it push himself to prove to us how 'fine' he is."

John rolled his eyes and tugged Randy down the hall. "If you think I'm just gonna sit around and do nothing for two days, Randy…"

"That's exactly what you're gonna do," interrupted Randy sternly. "Don't fight me on it, John. You feel good and I'm so happy you do, baby but that doesn't mean you can push yourself. This weekend is gonna be a quiet weekend at home; just you, me and the kids watching movies."

John sighed and wrinkled his nose. He looked over at Rita, who followed them down the hallway and into the main lobby. "Thanks a lot, Rita. This is all your fault."

Rita shrugged. "Hey, by all means feel free to blame me. Most of my patients do. I like Randy's plan, though."

"Of course you would. You just don't know the real him; the real Randy that enjoys torturing me." John's lips slowly curved into a smile. "Then again, Randy and I have an anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks…I suppose I could keep myself busy planning some stuff…Randy loves my surprises, doesn't he?"

"Oh, God. Please John, just don't…" Randy trailed off and sighed, already dreading John's intentions for their upcoming wedding anniversary.

"Hey, it'll keep me quiet," John smirked and bent down to kiss Rita's cheek. "We'll see you Monday, Rita."

"Be a good boy this weekend, darling and don't drive your hubby crazy. Just do what he says and call me if you need anything." Rita smiled and hugged John tightly. She moved over to Randy and gave him a quick hug, as well before waving goodbye. John turned back towards Randy and squeezed his hand, a small smile on his face.

"Three years already. Can you believe it?"

Randy nodded and pulled John closer to his body, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Yes, I can." He placed a kiss on the older man's head and led him to their car. John pulled away and climbed into the passenger side, tilting his head back to rest on the seat's headrest. Randy sat behind the wheel and watched him closely. He reached a hand over and rested it on John's thigh. "Want me to wait a few minutes before driving?"

John took a deep breath and slowly let it out before shaking his head. "No, I'm OK. It's just the usual first few minutes that make me feel like this."

"Are you sure? We can just sit here for a bit. Sam has the kids tonight until dinner so…" Randy trailed off and shrugged.

John opened his eyes and looked over at him. "I'm OK, Ran. Let's just get home. That way, if I have to barf, I can do it in my own bathroom."

Randy smiled and started the car, keeping his speed slower than usual for John's sake. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously, caught between speeding up and getting John into bed and driving at a slower speed in an effort to not make him sicker. One glance over at John told him how badly he was feeling. It was written all over his face as it was every day they left the chemo. In the past 10 days of chemotherapy John had been sicker than he had been during the bulk of his radiation treatment. It was hard for Randy to see and not be able to do anything to help despite John telling him how much he already was helping him.

"Maybe we should go get the kids now. Doesn't it feel like they go to Sam's too often lately?"

Randy looked over at the sound of John's quiet remark. He frowned and shook his head slowly. "I don't think so…maybe it just feels that way. They've been with us all week except for Al's days with Sam."

"Maybe it's just me then. Things don't feel the same because I don't feel the same," John quickly held up a hand at Randy's worried glance and smiled. "Don't freak out! I feel OK. It's just…I guess I'll never feel the same again, will I? I'll never feel like old John again; like before this all started."

Randy licked his lips, his hands subconsciously tightening on the steering wheel. "You'll feel like old John after all this is over, baby."

"Do you still see me as old John?" John's voice was barely a whisper and Randy turned to meet his eyes. "Yes. You are still my John and you always will be. You feel the same to me, you look the same to me and you act exactly as vanilla as you always have to me."

John smiled and reached his hand out, pulling one of Randy's into it and lifting it to his lips. "I love you. I'm gonna make sure our anniversary rocks."

Randy nodded. "I love you, too and all I ask is that you don't plan a party with 200 people like our mothers would want us to do."

John sighed and released Randy's hand. "Fine; we'll just do something simple and quiet…like renting a cabin in the woods for the weekend…"

Randy groaned loudly as John smiled widely. "No, God, no! John, don't do this to me."

"Fine, I'll let you have input on it as long as you promise to let me out of bed this weekend." John sat up and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Randy sternly. The look didn't work and Randy's lips curved into a smirk. "What if I want to keep you in bed all weekend? I'm still remembering you going down on that Popsicle. How about you let me be the Popsicle this weekend?"

John rolled his eyes. "Not interested. You know what I really mean, Randy."

"Fine, John. If you get some rest, I'll let you play…a little bit, OK." Randy sighed as John smiled towards him, relaxing back in his seat. "Fine. Then, maybe, I'll treat you like a Popsicle."

Randy's lips twitched as he tried to fight back the smile but he finally gave in to it when he saw John's widen out of the corner of his eye. That smile from his husband was all that mattered to him and Randy would continue to make sure he saw it daily for as long as he could.

* * *

**Present Day **

Randy smiled as his children hurried towards him and walked to meet them halfway. His smile faded as he saw the serious looks on their faces and he quickly bent down to them. "Hey, what's up? What's with the looks?"

Alanna handed off her backpack to Angel and grabbed Randy's hand, tugging him towards their car. "Let's just get out of here, Daddy."

Randy looked back and forth between the children, a worried expression taking over his face. Angel quickly shook his head and smiled. "Nothing is wrong, Dad,"

"Well, good," Randy winked down at his son as he opened the car's door. The kids quickly climbed on board and Randy walked around to his side, sliding behind the wheel. He peered at them from the rearview mirror and frowned when he saw their heads pressed close together as they muttered softly. Slowly pulling the car out of the campground lot, Randy tapped the steering wheel anxiously. "All right, what's going on?"

Silence resonated back to him and Randy spun around in his seat, shooting his kids a stern look. "I'm not gonna ask you again,"

Alanna sighed loudly. "Dad, it's nothing. It's private,"

"You're not allowed to have anything private, Al. You have to tell me everything," responded Randy, turning back around as the traffic began to move forward.

"Ally, it's OK. Dad won't get upset." Angel smiled tentatively at his sister before turning to meet Randy's confused gaze in the mirror. "The head counselor told us something about our art teacher today. She's not gonna finish the summer camp program because she's sick. She has cancer like Daddy had."

Randy's eyes widened. "Oh no. That's terrible news, guys."

Angel nodded and shot another look at his sister. "Yeah and Ally thought if we told you it would bring back memories from Daddy and it would upset you."

Randy looked at his daughter in the mirror and slowly smiled. "Al, you don't have to worry about things like that, baby."

Alanna sighed and shook her head. "It's just…things have been so good, Dad. You've been happier and we've all been happy since we got home from Florida. We don't want things to go back to the way they were. None of us were happy and then you left us…"

"Alanna," interrupted Randy sternly. "I swore to you, to both of you, that we would never go back to that. I promised you we would only focus on moving on and I swore I would never leave you two again. Don't ever hide anything from me because you think I'm gonna go back on that promise. I can talk about this with you; it won't upset me."

Alanna raised an eyebrow, her eyes full of concern. "Really? It won't remind you of Daddy?"

Randy laughed and shook his head. "A million things remind me of Daddy, Al. Watching you with your brothers and seeing how loving you are, seeing Angel's smile and how he calms you down whenever you're on a rampage, someone walking down the street wearing Daddy's cologne, the car he used to drive…that and a million things more remind me of Daddy. It's OK, though. I don't mind them and while sometimes I still do get sad, I've realized that it's normal. Do you understand that?"

Alanna nodded, a small smile on her face. "Yes, I do."

"Good, then talk to me; about this and everything," Randy moved his gaze over to his son and smiled. "Both of you, OK?"

Angel nodded and looked over at Alanna. "See, I told you he wouldn't flip out,"

Alanna rolled her eyes in response and focused her attention on Randy. "Anyway, can we do something to help her, Dad?"

Randy nodded. "Of course. Is the camp going to do anything for her? Does she need any help with something?"

"We don't know. Mr. Forte didn't say anything except that she was sick," replied Angel.

Randy frowned in concentration and turned the car in the direction of Sam's house as an old idea reemerged itself in his head. "Hmm, well I'll email him tonight and ask. Maybe I can get a couple of parents together and start a fund for her or something…"

Alanna ignored his comment and looked out the window, frowning when Randy changed from driving the familiar route to their house. "This isn't the way home,"

"I know. We're going to Mom's house. I want to drop you off with her so I could run an errand I just remembered." Randy reached for his cell phone that lay on the empty passenger seat and put it on speaker, quickly pressing Sam's icon. He dropped the phone on his lap and listened to it ring before Sam's voice filled the quiet of the car. "Hi, sweetheart,"

"Sammy, can I drop the kids off with you for a bit? I need to run an errand I just remembered," Randy pulled the car up the street to Sam and Frank's townhouse and smiled. "Oh, and I'm already in front of your house."

"Well, thanks for the notice." Sam sighed in his ear then quickly laughed. "Of course you can, Randy. When have I ever not wanted those two kids around? Just send them in. Door is open and Frank's in the kitchen making Frankie a bottle."

"Thanks, Sam. You're the best," Randy ended the call and turned over in his seat to look at his kids. "Go on inside. I won't be long,"

Angel frowned as he gathered his backpack. "Where are you going?"

"Gotta go for a drive and do something. I'll be back soon, I promise." Randy exited the car and led him and Alanna out. "Behave for Sam, please." He bent and placed a quick kiss on each child's head and watched them enter the house before climbing back in his car and driving away.

Randy turned the car and headed down the road, his mood happy. In the past few weeks since he and his children had returned from the Tampa home, the kids had fully immersed themselves in a summer day camp in the outskirts of St. Louis. They were both muddy and exhausted by the time Randy picked them up every afternoon but they loved every minute of it. Randy was thrilled the children were having such an enjoyable summer and continuing to move forward while still keeping John's memory alive in their hearts. It was his children that had given John the idea he'd happily shared with Randy. The older man had seen it as another legacy to leave their children while Randy had just seen it as even more proof of the enormity of John's heart.

While parked at a red light, Randy reached for his discarded cell phone and scrolled down the contact list until arriving at Rita's name. He quickly typed out a message to her before the light changed to green.

"_Rita, I'm like 5 minutes from the hospital. Can you come down and talk for like 10? I need your advice on something… Randy"_

Quickly dropping the phone back onto the passenger Randy continued on to St. Louis University Hospital and pulled into the outside parking lot exactly 5 minutes later. His phone buzzed beside him and Randy's hand shot out to grab it.

"_Of course, sweetheart, but it'll cost you a cup of Joe! Meet you in the garden. Ri"_

Randy smiled after reading the message and quickly exited the car. He headed across the large hospital property towards the coffee cart and purchased two cups before walking down the path to the large garden area he had spent days pacing as John lay inside. A sigh escaped his lips as some of the old feelings came flooding back but Randy quickly pushed them away, refusing to let them deter him from his plan of moving forward. He paced the garden area in front of the large St. Louis U Hospital, anxiously awaiting Rita's arrival.

"Still as impatient as ever, I see,"

Randy turned over at the sound of Rita's voice, a smile quickly gracing his face at the sight of the woman who had become such a good friend to him and John when they needed one most. It was a friendship he cherished and planned on continuing as long as he could. He walked over to her and enveloped her in a tight embrace. "You know I'll never change, Ri,"

"Why mess with perfection, right?" Rita pulled away and smiled, linking her arm through Randy's and leading him down the grassy path as she sipped her coffee. "Now, we don't have much time so tell me what warrants a visit from you, dear."

"The kids came out of camp today and told me one of their counselors had to leave the program because she was diagnosed with cancer. My first thought was how sorry I felt for this woman but my second was wondering about how her life would change. I wondered if she had a person who would stand beside her and if she had kids and if she was prepared to handle everything cancer bought with it when I suddenly remembered John had this idea when he was going through chemo. You know how he was; he made friends with a lot of his fellow patients and they would talk while he was getting his treatment. Some of them were worried, not only by their disease but because it was getting financially difficult to afford the treatment they needed to get better. I mean, half of them would have to take time off work and they would just breeze through their savings, especially if they had kids so..." Randy shook his head and stopped, leading Rita to a small bench. They lowered down to it and he took a deep breath before continuing.

"What I'm trying to get to with all my rambling is that he wanted to do something for cancer patients and I promised him I would but after he died, I just couldn't. Now that some time has passed, though, I want to keep my promise to him. It's a great idea and I'm so proud of him for thinking it and I want you to help me."

Rita nodded. "Randy, if I can help, you know I will. What do you have in mind?"

"John and I made a good living. When he died, he left me everything he owned and after putting enough away for our children's education and emergencies, I still have all this money I don't know what to do with. I want to do John's idea with it, Rita; I want to do it well so I can make John proud." An embarrassed flush came over Randy's face and Rita smiled, taking his hand in hers. "Darling, I think he's pretty proud of you already."

Randy smiled and shrugged. "It's a battle every day, Ri. Some days are harder than others but I have to keep going."

"Yes, you do. Not only for your beautiful children but because you're still such a young man, Randy. You can still do everything you had planned on doing with your life. I know it's hard because one of the things you planned on doing was growing old with John but life changes a mile a minute, darling. You have to learn to change with it." Rita squeezed Randy's hand tightly. "I have faith you could do anything and so did John."

"Well, do you think I can pull off starting some type of program for cancer patients who need help affording their treatment and keeping their family on track? It could be for all types of cancers, not just brain." Randy shrugged and looked up at the large building. "I'm sure this place already gets tons of donations but how much of it really does go to the ones who need it? John and I were lucky but so many aren't. I want to do something to help them and just let them have that one thing they don't have to worry about. I'll start it off and then we can fundraise for more and every year we could help more people…"

"That sounds great, Randy! I'm sure it would be wonderful and fully supported by the hospital board. I would be more than happy to help you with setting it up and any advice you need." Rita smiled happily. "Who knows; maybe one day this place will have a John Cena memorial wing for cancer patients."

Randy smiled and nodded. He looked down at his cup of coffee and took a sip before meeting Rita's eyes once more. "John wanted to leave our kids a great legacy and I plan on making sure he gets it. John wouldn't even care about getting credit for it and helping anyone. He would just do it for the simple fact that he felt his duty as a human being was helping his fellow man. That's what I want our kids to always remember about John and to emulate as they grow."

Rita watched Randy as he spoke, his voice full of conviction. "Well, darling, I'm with you. We'll get it done."

"Yes, we will." Randy set the cup of coffee down and nodded, his mind already swirling for ideas on how to make another one of John's dreams come true.


	75. Chapter 74

**Late April 2014**

John leaned on the doorway of the backyard door and stared out at the large tent set up only a few feet away from where he stood. A surprise warm front had enveloped the Midwest and he had eagerly complied with his children's wishes to have a campout, ignoring Randy's protest. Dinner had been eaten by campfire and the kids had fallen asleep hours earlier to John's voice as he told them the scary stories they begged to hear. After ensuring they were sound asleep, Randy had immediately retreated back into the house under the guise of cleaning up dinner dishes. John had gone in to help but boredom had sent in soon after and he'd wandered back outside.

A pair of arms encircled John's waist, snapping him back to attention and he tilted his head to meet Randy's gaze. "Hey, babe. All done in the kitchen?"

"I've been done for almost an hour. You've been out here just staring for that long." Randy rested his chin on John's shoulder, his breath tickling John's neck. "Are you OK?"

John nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yeah, I'm fine, baby. Just staring and thinking,"

"Hopefully of good things," replied Randy, his lips grazing John's neck softly.

"How can I not look at our kids and think of good things?" John turned his head over slightly and met Randy's lips for a kiss. Randy tightened his hold on John's body, his hand dipping under John's shirt to feel his bare stomach. John immediately tensed up and pulled away, stepping back from Randy's touch. Randy frowned and stared at John, confusion all over his face. "What are you doing? What's wrong?"

John laughed and shook his head as he took a step even further away. "I'm not doing anything and nothing's wrong! It's just…the kids could wake up…"

Randy frowned and hesitantly took a step towards John. "So what? They know we kiss."

John's smile faded slightly but Randy could see the wavering of his lips as he tried to hold it. "Still, Ran, just don't, OK." He tried to walk around Randy's body and into the house but the younger man quickly grabbed his arm and stopped him. Randy stared into John's eyes, seeing the nerves in them. "No, not OK. What the hell is wrong?"

John sighed and pulled his arm out of Randy's grasp, quickly side stepping him and walking into the living room. "I said nothing, Randy. Just drop it already, will you."

Randy followed him into the room, his annoyance rising with each step. "Don't tell me to drop it, John! I don't appreciate you cringing and moving away from me when I touch you nor do I appreciate you pretending like nothing is wrong."

"It's not that, Ran…it's just…" John mumbled but then trailed off, only serving to infuriate Randy more. His eyes blazed coldly towards John and raised an eyebrow. "Then what? It's just what?"

John shook his head and began to pace behind the large sofa, keeping it between him and an irate Randy. "God, you're gonna think I'm crazy. Why can't you just drop things? I already feel like shit about it and having to explain it to you is just gonna make me feel like worse shit, not to mention crazier than I already do!"

"Jesus, John, what the hell are you talking about?" Randy clenched his fists at his side in exasperation. "You're making me crazy by not explaining yourself and my head is two minutes from exploding…"

"I'm losing weight, all right!" John yelled at the top of his lungs, stopping Randy from continuing. "My body is different now because of all the fucking chemo and the fact that I can't keep any food down and I just don't feel like having anyone touch me, all right! That's what's wrong!"

Randy's eyes widened but his face slowly relaxed it's angry expression. He hesitantly took a step towards John but stopped when the older man took one back. Randy sighed and slowly lowered his body to the sofa. "John, I don't care that your body is changing. You can lump it in with something else I don't care about; like your hair. None of that matters to me and I don't know why it matters to you."

"You can't know why it matters to me because its me it's happening to, Ran. You will never be able to understand." John crossed his arms over his chest and stayed put where he was. He avoided Randy's piercing gaze and stared off into the kitchen.

"OK, I'll give you that. I can't fully understand what you're going through." Randy sighed and stood up. "Can you try to understand what I'm saying, though? I don't care, John. I don't want you to ever think I do and I never want you to pull away from me."

John quickly shook his head. "I know you don't care, Randy! I know you're not that type of man. This has nothing to do with you. It's all about me and how uncomfortable I feel because of how different I look..."

"OK, can we stop for a minute and address that, please?" Randy smiled and took a couple of steps forward without even realizing it. "I don't know what you see when you look in a mirror but you haven't really changed that much, John. You're still pretty damn hot, baby. What have you lost; like 10 pounds? No one will ever notice that."

"But I do." John laughed and shrugged. "I've become obsessed with staring at myself in the mirror and noticing every single thing that changes with me from the hair I'm losing to the weight I'm losing to the dark circles under my eyes that don't seem to go away lately to the damn bruises all over my arms from the IV lines..."

"Then stop doing that! None of that matters. None of that makes you John." Randy walked the final steps over to where John stood and breathed a sigh of relief when the older man stayed put. "The things that make you John are safe and sound inside of you and no amount of chemo could ever change them."

John smiled and took a step forward, walking into Randy's arms. He rested his head on Randy's shoulder and sighed contently when the younger man wrapped his arms tightly around him. "Thank you for saying that."

"I mean every word, baby." whispered Randy softly, stroking John's back.

"I know. Thank you even more for meaning it." John lifted his head and ran his fingers over Randy's face, pulling his mouth to his. Randy licked at John's lower lip then tugged at it gently with his teeth. John moaned softly, parting his lips and Randy took the invitation and slid his tongue into the warm cavern, deepening the kiss. Finally he broke it, looking directly into John's eyes.

"I love you so much, Johnny,"

John nodded and let his fingers roam over Randy's neck. "I love you, too." He bent a placed a kiss on the skin, tracing the ink with his lips before moving back up to Randy's ear. "Touch me, baby,"

"What?" Randy turned his head over slightly to meet John's bright blue eyes.

"I want to feel you." John lowered his gaze momentarily before lifting it back up to Randy's. "I want to believe I'm still the same..."

Randy moved quickly, backing John to a far wall, away from the open door leading to the backyard. He pinned John's hands at his sides and pressed his body hard against his. John's eyes darkened with lust, his erection pressed hard against Randy's groin. A low moan escaped his lips as Randy began to grind his own erection against him.

"Ran..."

John's breath came out in pants and he moved his head back against the wall. Randy moved his lips toward the exposed skin and began to nip and suck at his neck. He worked his hand down the front of John's pants and took hold of his throbbing member. Gently, Randy smeared the drops of pre-cum that had gathered at the tip of John's cock up and down his shaft. John moaned and began to thrust up into Randy's hand as he sped up his movements on John's cock. John felt the telltale signs of an orgasm approaching, moaning heavily and as loudly as he dared as to not wake up the sleeping children. On the brink of pure pleasure, his balls contracted suddenly and cum flowed from his cock and into Randy's hand. John cried out Randy's name and closed his eyes tightly, collapsing into Randy's arms. Randy's movements stilled as he continued to stroke John's semi-hard member, milking the final drops of cum from his cock.

John finally lifted his head from Randy's shoulder and gripped his hips tightly. "My God, baby."

Randy wrapped his arms around John's waist and placed a kiss on his lips. "Felt good?"

"Felt fucking amazing. It always does." John kissed his mouth one more time before moving down his jaw line and down his neck. He bit and sucked on Randy's collarbone and was rewarded with a moan from his husband.

"I love you so much, Ran." John moaned into Randy's neck.

"I love you more, baby." Randy lifted John's face and cupped it gently in his hands. "You're so beautiful, Johnny. You're still absolutely perfect to me. Don't ever for a minute think I don't want you every single time I look at you."

After staring longingly into each others eyes for a moment, John moved his hands down Randy's body and pulled their bodies together. His hands splayed across Randy's backside and pulled him tight against him, feeling the younger man's erection against him. Randy gasped and put his hands on John's chest, pushing back slowly. "No, baby, we can't. This was just for you. The kids could wake up at any minute..."

"No they won't, baby. They're asleep and you need some relief..." protested John softly. Randy smiled and pressed a final kiss on John's lips. "I'm fine. I can wait until tomorrow. Why don't you go clean up? You know the kids wanted you in that tent with them and there's no way I'm going to sleep outside."

John groaned but nodded reluctantly. He moved away from Randy's embrace and walked up the stairs, heading for his bedroom to shower and grab new pajamas. Randy smiled as he watched him go, shooting him a wink as John turned back to look at him. His smiled faded slightly once John disappeared from his gaze and he leaned over the sofa, willing his erection to go down. Forcing thoughts of food and sports into his brain, Randy gingerly walked into the kitchen. He washed his hands free of John's release and grabbed a cold soda from the refrigerator before collapsing on a stool around the large counter. His eyes traveled up to the second landing when he heard the shower running and he smiled once more. Despite the agony of not having found his own release, Randy wouldn't change his and John's quick encounter for anything in the world. Hearing John's earlier fears of his changing body had make him ache much more than his erection ever could. The thought of his beautiful, strong husband sounding so defeated was something Randy was not prepared for. He could handle sitting beside John while he was poked with needles or while he got sick after his treatments. He could handle the sleepless nights and exhaustion that had become a part of both men's every day life. What he couldn't handle was John giving in to the defeatist thoughts that had overwhelmed him during his first round of treatment.

It was all so silly to him. Randy didn't feel like he had changed in any way and he didn't look at John as if he had, either. However, it was obvious the older man thought differently. Had they both changed that much and Randy didn't notice?

"Hey. Now it's you that's lost in thoughts,"

Randy blinked, his eyes focusing on a freshly showered John standing before him, a small smile on his face. "Hey,"

John raised an eyebrow and walked over to him, leaning against the counter. Randy pulled him down into his lap and buried his face in John's neck. "You smell so good,"

John smiled and kissed the top of Randy head. "You OK, baby?"

Randy nodded and ran his hands down John's bare arms, bending to kiss the bruise starting to fade on his skin. "As long as you're OK, I'm OK."

John rolled his eyes but the smile remained on his face. "Don't give me that, Orton. You know I don't want you to put yourself on the back burner. All that's gonna do is make me stress even more and I'm already busy stressing over enough ridiculous stuff."

"Ridiculous being the key word," Randy smirked at John and held him close, his hand sneaking under the wifebeater he wore to touch John's warm skin. John leaned into Randy's body, his eyes closing at the feel of Randy's touch. "Don't try to distract me, Ran."

Randy laughed softly and smacked John's butt lightly. "I'm not."

John's face grew serious and he stared into Randy's eyes. "You haven't done anything, you know. You aren't treating me differently. All the crazy things messing with my head have nothing to do with you. I know how you feel about me. I know you love me. I love you so much, too, Ran but you can't hide things from me because you're afraid of how I'm gonna react. You know damn well that a lot has changed in our life this past year, my body being the least of it. Don't pretend to ignore it."

Randy sighed and shook his head. He moved to stand up and John quickly scrambled off his lap, watching as Randy began to pace around the kitchen. He waited patiently for the younger man to find his bearings and speak.

"I just don't see how talking about it is gonna make things any better, John so why even bother?"

John tilted his head to the side and shrugged. "Isn't talking about it better than bottling it all up, Ran? Whether we talk about it or not, this is really happening to us. I have cancer and I'm trying to fight it but the fact remains that I may lose the fight and die. You are my husband and you're standing beside me, watching me go through all the hell cancer brings and you can do nothing about it. All the money we have can't save me and despite how strong both of us are, we can't kick cancer's ass. It's a crapshoot, Ran."

"John, stop. I don't want you to think like that." Randy rubbed his hands over his head, trying to block John's words from entering his head.

"Just because I'm saying these things doesn't mean I'm not focusing on them, Ran. I'm just saying them so they'll lose their power." John moved over to Randy and grabbed his hands. "I have to talk about my fears to get over them, like I did a little while ago. I had been freaking out over my weight and it was driving me crazy but you got me through it. Let me get you through what's on your mind. I can still talk and handle the same things I could before. Aren't you the one constantly telling me I'm still the same John?"

Randy sighed and remained silent. He licked his lips and tried forming the words correctly in his head before speaking. "I'm just...I don't know, John. I'm scared and I'm tired."

John nodded and squeezed his hands. "Of course you are, baby. I know it and it's fine."

"I want to keep going for you because I'm afraid if I show that I'm scared and tired that you're going to start talking about giving up on us again. I don't want you to go back to that. I want you to keep fighting like you've been doing during this round. I'm so proud of you and I want you to continue seeing yourself as I see you. I'm so focused on just seeing you as my John that I don't let myself see how much you have changed because it scares the life out of me for you and for me." Randy let his eyes travel over John's body as he continued. "I see the weight loss and the bruises and how you can't keep up with things like you used to but I force those images away because if I don't see you that way then maybe you won't see yourself that way. What I'm not forcing is my feelings for you, though. I love you, John and I still look at you and think you're so beautiful and I would never lie about how much I want you."

"I know what you're doing, Randy because I'm doing the same. We're trying to pretend things are still the same but we know they're not." John smiled and pulled Randy in close, hugging him tightly. "I swore to you I wouldn't stop fighting. I'm not giving up on my family. I need you to believe that. I need you to believe that just because I have a momentary freak out over something like losing 10 pounds doesn't mean I'm thinking of sending it all to hell again. I need you to practice what you preach, Ran. You say I'm still the same John I always was? Then, treat me like him. Before this all started we had no problems talking to each other about everything; the good, the bad and the ugly. Please go back to that. You have no idea how good it makes me feel that you not only love me and still want me but that you trust me and talk to me about everything, baby."

Randy nodded, holding John as tightly as he could. "Want me to tell you all the things that go through my head? Want to hear all the things that are on a constant loop in there? It's that I couldn't live without you, John. It's that I need you to keep fighting to get better because I need you. I'm incredibly selfish and I want you beside me always. I want no one else to help me raise our children; just you. I could care less about anyone else or anything else and that includes our career. I want you you to get better so I can have you forever like I am meant to. We deserve each other. You don't deserve this happening to you and if I could sell my soul to the devil to make you better, I would. I would do anything to make you better."

"I know, baby..." John started but Randy quickly shook his head and pulled away, out of the embrace. "I'm not done; there's more. I'm scared you're gonna get tired of this and want to give up again. It's like a bomb I feel you're gonna drop on me again one day. I'm scared that even if you stick it out, nothing will work. I imagine your funeral, John. I imagine having to explain to the kids that you died. I imagine trying to raise these kids on my own and failing miserably. I see myself all alone for the rest of my life because I can never get over you. I see everyone living happily ever after but not me. I see Cody and Ted and I hate them because they're as happy as can be and not going through anything remotely close to what we're going through."

Randy shrugged and sighed exasperatedly. "There. That's all the crazy shit floating through my head on most days."

John nodded and lowered his body to the chair Randy previously occupied. "And it's all absolutely normal and fine. You don't have to hide any of it from me."

"Oh, come on, John. Like you really wanna hear this shit every day?" asked Randy.

John laughed and nodded. "Yeah! It's no different than all the shit going through my head on a daily basis. I imagine my funeral, too. Promise you won't let my mom convince you to dress me. Her taste is worse than mine. Simple, black suit, OK. No, maybe navy blue..."

"John,"

"Relax. I'm just trying to lighten the mood," John's smile widened as Randy rolled his eyes. "Ran, it's completely normal to imagine these things. None of it bothers me. Only thing you said I actually care about is your fear that I'm gonna stop treatment. I swore to you I won't but I don't blame you for still having doubts. I'll just have to convince you I'm in it for the long haul."

Randy nodded and lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize to me. I bought it on myself but I know it has no bearing on how you feel for me." John held his hand out to Randy, who walked over to him and took it, bringing it to his lips. "I love you, John. Don't ever doubt that."

"I never have." replied John, standing up. "And just for the record, you could raise our kids on your own if it came down to it and I would never want you to spend the rest of your life alone so please don't, OK. Oh, and I hate Cody and Ted and their damn happiness most of the time, too."

Randy slowly smiled as John burst out laughing. "You're amazing, John. I want nothing less than a lifetime with you."

John wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulder and led him out of the kitchen. "One day at a time, baby and it just may happen. Let's keep that faith, OK."

Randy nodded and followed John towards the backyard but stopped before exiting. "I'm not sleeping out there. Forget about it."

John pouted and pulled Randy into his arms, running his hands up and down the younger man's back. "Come on, baby. It'll be fun and it'll get you ready for our anniversary trip that I have planned..."

Randy sighed and tried to ignore the sensations John was causing as his hands moved under his shirt. "Great, another trip to the woods."

John shook his head. "Nope, not the woods but we will be sleeping under the stars most of the time yet we'll be indoors. I've already planned everything."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Really? Gonna give me a hint?"

John pulled away and shrugged. "Come outside and I may," He turned away and headed for the large tent that housed their sleeping children and the empty air mattresses awaiting him and Randy. Seconds later, Randy entered the tent, a frown on his face. He glanced over at the kids fondly before scowling at John. "You don't play fair, Cena."

John laughed softly and patted the mattress besides his. "Yet you love me."

Randy groaned as he lowered his body down. He turned on his side to look into John's eyes and his scowl slowly morphed into a smile. "Always."

John let his eyes close, an arm thrown over Randy's waist. Randy placed a kiss on his forehead and let his own eyes close, settling down for a peaceful night's rest with the people he loved most beside him.


	76. Chapter 75

**May 2014**

Randy followed the trail of footsteps in the white sands leading to the crystal blue water that was only minutes away from his and John's temporary home in the Bahamas. A smile spread on his face as he saw John and their children playing and splashing happily in the warm waters and Randy lowered his body to the sand contently. He tilted his face up and leaned back on his elbows, letting the sun warm his face and body.

The retreat on a private island in the Caribbean that John had planned for his and Randy's third wedding anniversary had proven to be the best idea for their family. The week's vacation had fallen directly after John's last day of chemotherapy and it hadn't taken much convincing to get their entire family to come down to the Bahamas with them. It was the first time they would all be together since John had begun his second round of treatment except for the few sporadic visits from the Cena's to St. Louis. Neither man had minded. They both loved and appreciated their parents' and siblings' support and it helped to have them to lean on during the hard times. Not to mention, they both loved the reprieve from the children they got when Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles were around. It gave them the privilege of the private time they barely got when at home.

"He looks so happy, doesn't he?"

Randy shielded his eyes and looked up at his mother-in-law, who collapsed on the sand beside him. Carol shifted her eyes over to John, a small smile on her face. "I want nothing more in this world than to see him happy."

Randy nodded, looking back over at John in the water. "I think that's the goal of everyone on this island."

Carol sighed and let the sand run through her fingers. "When do you have to go back to the doctor for results?"

"John finished treatment Thursday and got his scan Friday before we got on the plane. Results should be in already but John and I don't want to know till we get back home. We promised to just forget it all this week and not think of anything but our anniversary and being content with our family." Randy spoke firmly and turned his gaze towards Carol. "I expect everyone else to follow that simple promise, as well."

Carol held her hands up and smiled. "Don't worry. I read everyone the riot act while on the plane. I want nothing more than to hear good news from John's doctor but just in case we don't, I want him to have this week." She turned back towards John and shrugged. "It's amazing, though. He looks so good. To look at him nobody would know he's sick."

"That's what I tell him all the time. He worries about his hair and weight and whether he's getting paler than normal…" Randy stopped to roll his eyes. "He doesn't realize that he's the best looking cancer patient most of us have ever seen. He just sees himself completely different in the mirror."

Carol frowned and turned her concerned gaze onto her son-in-law. "That's really worrisome, Randy. Have you mentioned it to the doctor or the therapist?"

Randy nodded and reached a hand over to grab Carol's, squeezing it reassuringly. "Yes, I have and so has John. He was made aware of all the side effects this treatment could have on him, including the mental and emotional ones. He talks to the therapist and his doctor about this and he talks to me about it. Don't worry so much, Mom. John is in excellent hands."

"He's my baby, Randy. I can't help but worry. You should know what that feels like, being a parent yourself and all."Carol stared off at the water, ignoring Randy's attempt to comfort her. "I will always worry about John no matter how old or big he is."

Randy sighed and turned away, pulling his hand from Carol's. "I get that, Mom; trust me, I do. You have to believe me, though, when I tell you John is taking care of himself. Please get that look off your face because I don't want this week to be ruined for him. Seeing you upset would do that so please just stop it."

Carol sighed and remained silent. It was only when John turned and waved at them that she plastered a smile on her face. "I promise to try."

"Promise to try hard," replied Randy sternly. He turned his body over and stared intently into Carol's eyes. "I made a promise to John. I promised him I would take care of everything he needed and be there when anyone got too overbearing for him to handle. As much as I love you, that promise includes you, Mom. Many years ago I told you I would keep you from John if I thought you were going to hurt him in any way. I meant it then and I mean it now. Do not stress John out or give him any reason to think of cancer this week. If you do, I will convince John to take an extended vacation from everyone and take him and the kids somewhere no one will find us."

Carol's mouth gaped open as she stared at Randy in disbelief. "My God, Randy…"

"I'm not threatening you! Don't see this as a threat, Mom because it's not. I'm just trying to do what's best for John. He's my husband therefore that makes him my number 1 priority and the most important person in my life." Randy sighed and looked down at the sand uncomfortably. "It also makes me the most important person in his life and I could easily use that to my advantage. Don't make me have to, please."

Carol sighed and turned away, remaining silent for what seemed like an eternity before she spoke. "I don't know whether to beat the crap out of you for threatening me with my son, because that is what it feels like, Randy, or hug you for loving him so much."

Randy groaned and looked up, shaking his head slightly. "Mom, please don't…"

"I've heard enough, Randy. Now you listen to me," Carol turned back towards him, her gaze stern. "I love John and I would give up my life for him. I know you know exactly what I mean because I see how wonderful of a father you are. I know I can get a little intense sometimes but until you've been through seeing one of your babies in a hospital bed minutes before they saw into his head, you can't ever understand what I'm feeling. I have every right to get as intense as I want. As a parent you always have to protect your children no matter how old they get. I know as John's mom I should show only how confident I am when in front of him. I get what you're saying, though. I just get so scared sometimes, Randy. I need to remember that he only wants people around him who are going to comfort him right now. Anyone going through this situation would only want that. I can appreciate you not wanting people around John who are just going to make things worse; I don't want it, either and I damn sure don't want to be one of the people who will make it worse. All I can do is promise you I will try to control my emotions but let me tell you right now, the only way you'll get me away from John is to drag me away. I won't go easily, darling."

"I never expected you to. I just wanted to let you know how I feel." Randy smiled tentatively as Carol nodded and replied, "Well, it's been noted. I agree we work together to make this the best week John's had in a long time."

Randy nodded and relaxed his body back down, a sigh of relief escaping him. He turned over to look at the main house where the bulk of his family was staying before glancing back at his watch. "I smell food. I guess I should bring them all in for lunch. Can you check on things in the house and I'll drag John and the kids out of the water?" He slowly stood and brushed the sand off his swim trunks before extending a hand to Carol and helping her up. She nodded in response to his question and smiled. "Of course, dear. Good luck getting them to come inside and eat, though. I'll wait for the kids on the porch and get them cleaned up."

Randy nodded and watched her walk towards the house before turning to the water. He slowly walked to the edge, a smile spreading his face as the excited squeals and laughter from his children reached his ear more clearly. His feet touched the warm water and he continued on until he was knee deep and only a few feet away from John. "Hey, it's lunchtime! Everyone out of the water!"

John turned over at the sound of Randy's voice and a pout instantly graced his features. "Ran…"

Randy raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't start. You've been in here since breakfast time. That's enough sun for today, for all of you." He moved one hand and pointed a finger towards the shoreline and directed his gaze towards the children. "Go on into the house now. Grandma is waiting for you."

John sighed and turned towards the children who floated besides him. "Dad's right, guys. Let's go in and clean up for lunch. Maybe later we can come back if the sun goes down a bit, OK,"

Both kids looked disappointed but nodded. They swam past Randy towards the shore and he smiled at them as they floated by before turning over to John. The older man smiled at him happily, his face glowing, as he moved Randy's crossed arms off his chest. He pressed his body against him, his own arms encircling Randy's waist as he hugged him tightly. Randy moved his arms up to circle John's neck, kissing the side of his head softly. "You OK, baby?"

John looked up with a small smile. "Yeah, I'm perfect. I love being here. This was the best vacation choice I've ever made. Everything is calmer here and it's just such a peaceful place. I wish we could just stay here forever."

Randy nodded. "I know. It's perfect here. We can't stay forever, though; not unless we strike oil or gold."

John pulled away with a laugh. "I know, I know. It's nice to dream, though." He moved his hands from Randy's waist and linked their hands together instead. They walked out of the shallow water and turned down the path towards the small second home on the island that they had made into their own. It had started as an idea from John; keeping him in a smaller space so he could recuperate in peace and quiet from the intense treatments he had just undergone. The temporary idea had quickly turned permanent when he'd seen the main feature of the bedroom online. He took the huge skylight in the middle of the room as a sign that he should book the island and that he and Randy should remain there for the duration of their trip. Sleeping under the stars but indoors seemed like the perfect combination for him and Randy and his parents had agreed to take charge of the main house and their children during the overnight hours. It provided him and Randy the perfect opportunity to spend some time together alone and make up for the time they'd lost while John underwent chemotherapy and had been in no condition to do anything but sleep.

"How much time do we really have before lunch?"

Randy looked over at John and raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? Again, Cena? What's in the water on this island?"

John laughed and tugged Randy forward, the small house coming into view. "We need to make up for lost time, baby! You can't expect me to watch you run around half naked on a beach and not want you on an hourly basis."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "Well, I shouldn't complain about that, should I?" He followed John into the home, the door closing behind them. John moved around his body and slid the lock into place, a small smirk on his face. "Shower time,"

Randy held up a hand as he headed for the bedroom. "Shower only. There's plenty of time for more later at night when our family is all sound asleep."

John groaned and followed Randy through the large living room that dominated the front of the small hut into the small bedroom. The steam from the shower billowed out of the bathroom into the bedroom and John inhaled deeply the smell of the soap Randy loved. He quickly slid his swim trunks off and left them hanging on a chair to dry before walking into the bathroom. The sound of falling water intensified and John stood for a moment, admiring Randy's form behind the clear shower door before sliding it open and stepping inside. Randy turned over and smiled, moving back slightly so John could get under the hot spray. John smirked and quickly reached a hand out to grab his hips and pull Randy in. Their wet bodies pressed together and Randy sighed softly. "Baby, don't start anything."

John smiled and ran his hands up and down Randy's back as the water cascaded over them. "I'm not starting anything. I'm just giving you a hug to show you how much I love you."

Randy shook his head and laughed softly. "Maybe someone should tell Little Johnny then."

"He's just telling you how much he loves you, too," replied John, his lips sliding over Randy's neck as he traced the lines of his tattoo. He moved his lips up Randy's and let them hover together. "All of me loves you,"

Randy's gaze remained fixed on John as he answered. "All of me loves you, too." His hand reached up to circle John's neck and pull him forward, pressing their lips together. The kiss was soft and gentle, both of them immediately opening up to each other.

"I want you so bad, baby," John said, as he pulled back slightly from the kiss, but not fully separating their lips. John could feel Randy's breath over his lips, and he took a moment to bit his bottom lip, resisting the desire to forget the shower and just devour him. Randy moved to place a kiss on the base of John's neck and slowly pulled away. "We don't have time, Johnny. Tonight we have all the time we need."

"Tonight is too far away," whispered John, his hand sliding down to Randy's cock and giving it a gentle squeeze. Randy moaned softly and let his head drop back before pulling away and moving to the other end of the large shower. "You're not playing fair, John. Now, cut it out and shower."

It was a few moments later that, as they each lathered themselves, they briefly made eye contact once more and stepped forward, meeting in another embrace and making the mutual decision to forget the time. John smiled and slid his hands back up to Randy's shoulders and began a gentle massage. He moved his lips down to Randy's neck and kissed the skin above the tattoo before sucking it into his mouth.

"Oh god, that feels so good," Randy moaned out. John's smile widened against Randy's neck and he moved his hands down his body, circling his nipples and continuing down to take hold of his throbbing cock.

Randy's head dropped back against the shower wall, while his hips lifted, trying to fight the sensation John's hand was creating.

"I want to see you cum, baby. Cum for me," John whispered in Randy's ear, his tongue following the words as he licked the rim of his ear.

"Yes," Randy hissed, his breath coming ragged and his voice gravelly.

John started working Randy's cock in time with his thrusts, his thumb pressing firmly against the vein throbbing on the underside of his erection. John's lips had securely fastened themselves back at the nape of Randy's neck, and the younger man's body vibrated with the mounting need for release. John's free hand grasped Randy's hips, holding him up as his legs trembled.

"Johnny, I'm almost there. Don't stop." Randy gasped out. The water from the shower cascaded down his body as he cried out, his breath escaping him as he erupted with a mind-blowing orgasm, his cock shooting into John's hand and the warm water.

As Randy's body finally settled down from its orgasmic bliss and started to relax, John pulled his lips away from his neck to whisper in his ear. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love that look on your face when you cum, baby," he said as he gave Randy's deflating cock one last squeeze before pulling away.

"My God," Randy said, still slightly out of breath. He looked over at John and smiled. "Can't ever take no for an answer, can you, Cena?"

John shrugged and found the junction of Randy's neck and shoulder with his teeth, biting it. "Like I said; you, half naked on a beach. It makes me want you and I don't give up on what I want."

Randy tugged John's head up until their mouths aligned again. He sucked Randy's lower lip into his mouth, closed his teeth over it, and nipped it gently. Through the fog of the kiss, Randy became aware of John's hard cock pressing against him. He pushed him slowly back toward the wall, dropping to his knees in front of him. His hand reached out to grasp the base of John's cock and he moved forward until the tip of the cock very lightly grazed against his lips. Randy opened his mouth and reached out with his tongue to lick the underside of John's cock, slowly moving all the way down the base of his shaft before slowly working his way back up to the tip again. He parted his lips wider and leaned forward until he felt John's cock slide deeper into his mouth.

John moaned and reached down to put his hands on the back of Randy's head. Randy wrapped his fingers around John's shaft and settled into a slow and steady tempo. As John's lust built he began thrusting his hips back and forth, essentially fucking Randy's mouth. Randy savored the feeling of John's wild lust and tried to match John's thrusts with his own movements to add to John's pleasure.

It didn't take long for John's whole body to tense and Randy knew he was about to cum. As his body tensed in the moments just before he started cumming Randy pulled John's cock out of his mouth and stroked his long shaft. John groaned loudly, his cum landing in the warm water pooling at his and Randy's feet. Randy took him back into his mouth, cleaning off the drops of cum that remained as John held his head against him. John continued to thrust forward into Randy's mouth slowly until he finally sighed loudly, releasing his hands from Randy's head. "Oh, fuck, baby. That was good,"

When Randy stood he and John embraced, their lips meeting in a long, deep kiss as they stood against the shower wall. Randy's lips moved up to John's forehead and he pressed a kiss to it. "I can't believe you got me to give in, Cena."

John smiled and pulled away, standing directly under the shower stream once more. "Don't act like you didn't like it. Now, hurry up. I'm hungry,"

"Now you're in a rush because you're hungry!" Randy rolled his eyes and moved over to the stream of warm water, as well. John looked over at him and winked before reaching an arm out to pull him close. "Happy anniversary, baby."

* * *

Much later that night, Randy and John lay in their bed looking up at ceiling and into the clear night sky. Randy sighed softly, amazed by how different the sky looked so far away from their home. John turned sideways, facing Randy's body, and smiled. "This was a good idea, wasn't it?"

Randy smiled slowly and nodded. "Yes, it was. I wouldn't mind spending as much time as possible sleeping under these stars."

John laughed softly and lifted Randy's hand in his and kissed it. "Of course you wouldn't. We're indoors and you've frozen this place into feeling like we're in Alaska."

"You love how cold I keep it. It gives us yet another reason to snuggle," Randy rolled his eyes. "You know you love that sappy shit."

John moved closer to Randy's body, throwing an arm and scooting closer to his warmth. "Yes, I do and say what you will, Orton, but you love it, too."

Randy slowly smiled and closed his eyes, resting his chin on John's head. "It's not bad,"

They rested quietly for a few moments, the sounds of the waves outside hitting the shore. Randy stroked John's back, his eyes remaining closed as the exhaustion from the busy day caught up to him. John's hand trailed up and down Randy's arm and he shifted in the bed, his head tilting to look up at Randy's face. Randy's eyes slowly opened, connecting with John's gaze. "What?"

John lips curved into a smirk. "What were you and Mom talking about on the beach?"

Randy's eyes widened slightly and he quickly shrugged. "I don't remember. The kids probably…"

John's smirk deepened. "I'm calling bullshit…"

Randy sighed and moved his gaze away from John's bright blue eyes. "It was nothing important, John. It was nothing that should be discussed while we're here."

"Oh, so it was about me and the treatment results," John smiled when Randy's silence provided him all the answer he needed. He released his hold on Randy's waist and sat up in the bed. "It's OK, baby. We can talk about it."

"No, we can't," responded Randy sharply. "We agreed this week was going to be a break from treatment and cancer talk. We all need this break to keep our sanity, John. I won't let anyone ruin this week by talking about anything upsetting. I made that rule after we invited everyone along on this trip and I meant it. No one is exempt from it. That's what I told Carol and it's what I'm telling you now."

John's expression registered surprise. "Wow, you actually my mother she can't do something? You know she's gonna cut something off now, right?"

Randy rolled his eyes. "It's not funny, John. I was trying to avoid stressing you out and it didn't work. Don't make light of it."

"Do I look stressed? I don't feel stressed out," John smiled slowly and looked down at his position. "I don't look like I'm stressed out, do I? Should I stand or lay back down so you don't think I'm stressed?"

Randy narrowed his eyes, glaring at John angrily. "John, you're not fucking funny."

"Yes, I am. You just don't like to admit it." John reached for Randy's hand and tugged him up into a sitting position, as well. The younger man reluctantly sat up and sighed, remaining silent.

"Randy," John began, all teasing gone from his voice now. "I know you want us to have a stress free week and you want me to feel like I used to feel and for things to be like they used to be even if only for this week. I love you so much for getting everyone on board with that mindset, too, but I really don't mind if people want to ask me questions and talk to me about other things, Ran. Everyone on this island loves me and they want what's best for me, I know that. What's happening to me is scary to them so while they may be able to forget it for a few hours, they all quickly remember again. It's normal for them to want to talk to me and ask me questions. I can practically see the question in their eyes and hear it in my head before it's even asked."

"But, John, I wanted you to not have to think about it and answer questions for just a few days..." Randy's face was sad as he spoke and John quickly smiled, trying to ease the worry off his husband's face. "I don't mind, baby. There's no way I can forget about it completely so there's really no harm in talking about it. I'm being given a reprieve. I get to be on a beach every day with my kids instead of in a clinic. I get to eat everything I want without fear of it coming back up half an hour later. I get to tan! This is still a wonderful week even if people bring up the dreaded C word."

John's laugh instantly bought a smile to Randy's lips and he squeezed his hands. "I don't understand how you've been so amazing through all of this, Johnny."

"You've seen me have a couple of meltdowns." John shrugged. "None of them have changed what's wrong with me, though, so I finally realized there was no point in them. There's no point in getting angry or sad. I just have to stay strong and fight and that's what I'm doing and will continue to do."

"I'm so proud of you for it," replied Randy, pulling John in for a tight hug. He ran his lips over John's neck and kissed the base of it gently.

John remained in the embrace, closing his eyes as he sighed contently. After a few moments, he pulled away, a questioning look on his face. "So, what exactly did you tell Mom?"

Randy averted John's gaze and looked away. "That's none of your concern. It was between us."

"Oh, that sounds even more interesting now," John laughed softly. "Come on, tell me, Orton! It obviously worked so I want to know so I could say the same stuff to her when she gets crazy around me and you're not there."

Randy sighed and groaned inwardly. "I just reminded her that we are married and I call the shots when it comes to you. I told her we love and appreciate her but that doesn't mean its OK for her to drive you crazy. She has to follow the same rules everyone else has to follow. No exceptions just because she's mom. It caught her a little off guard but I think she's realized how over protective I am of you by now."

John's smile softened. "Well, whether it caught her off guard or not doesn't matter. The point is it worked. She hasn't mentioned a thing to me and I'm guessing that she won't. No one wants to feel your wrath, babe."

Randy quickly shook his head. "I don't ever want it to get to that. I mean, all the threats in the world are just that. I don't think I could ever actually tell your mom that she could never see you again."

"I know what you're doing, Randy and I get it. I don't want my mother hovering around me just because she still sees me as her baby. I like that she's backed off a little and it's because of you. I appreciate it, Ran because when it comes down to it, you're right. You and I are together; we're married and we took vows to stand by each other through it all. We appreciate the love and support and we welcome it because it helps but that's it. No one should interfere in our lives. It's just you and me forever and that's fine by me." John's smile dropped and his face quickly grew serious. "It's also fine if you wanna ask me questions and talk about stuff. The rules don't apply to you, Randy; everyone else, but not you. I want you to talk to me, don't ever forget that."

Randy shrugged and turned away. His eyes lifted up to the glass ceiling and stared at the stars. He heard John's soft sigh of annoyance and bought his eyes back down to meet his gaze, a sigh escaping his lips as well before mumbling. "Fine. Do you feel any different now?"

John frowned. "What?"

"After the chemo, I mean. Do you feel different? Do you feel better? Like, could this one have worked?" Randy took a deep breath and shrugged one more time. "You look so much better and you're doing so much more than you used to so I can't help wondering if you feel like this one worked."

John smiled then pursed his lips. "I don't know, baby. I do feel good but I don't know if that means chemo worked. The only way we'll know for sure is when we get the results. Do you want to call Dr. Shapiro and ask him? We don't have to wait the week to do so if you want to know now. We wouldn't have to tell anyone, either."

The temptation to scream "Yes" made Randy want to burst but he kept his lips closed. He shook his head and smiled. "No. I'm going to have some self-control. We promised to wait and we're gonna wait till we get home next week. For now, I'm just going to enjoy my handsome husband and the fact that he feels good."

"Whatever you want, baby." John leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Randy, tugging him back down onto the bed. He arranged his body around the younger man's, his head lying on Randy's chest. John could feel exhaustion beginning to claim him, as well, but tilted his head to look up into Randy's open eyes. "Whatever we go home to, whatever those results are, I won't forget the fact that all my loved ones let me have this week. I love you all so much but no one more than you, Randy."

Randy smiled and nodded, kissing John's forehead gently. "We'll have many more weeks like this, baby."

John tilted his head back down, his eyes closing as he let the sounds of the surf and Randy's heartbeat lull him to sleep.


	77. Chapter 76

**May 2014**

The sun shone in brightly through the large windows of Dr. Shapiro's office and Randy frowned, moving away from the glare quickly. He turned around and looked at John staring down at his phone as they awaited the doctor's arrival.

"Why are you frowning? Can't think of a word for your game?"

John looked up at Randy's question, smiling when he saw the smirk on his husband's face. "No, funnyman. I'm just bored and want to go. I know I must sound like a broken record but this waiting game with the doc every time we come is ridiculous. I'm so over it."

Randy moved over to where John sat and sank into the seat next to him. "Even I'm over it at this point."

The men remained in silence, Randy looking around the office at the plaques he already knew word for word and John's gaze intent on his cell phone screen. A small sigh and shift in his seat drew Randy's gaze back over to John, though he made sure to keep it discreet.

As wonderful as the week in the Bahamas had begun, it had taken a bad turn towards the end. John's painful headaches has resurfaced and as much as he had tried to fight them off, the last two days of the vacation had been spent in bed. It had been heartbreaking for all of them after having seen John happily running around only days earlier. The older man had tried to keep the focus off him, reminding them all that headaches would forever be a part of his life and that it didn't mean things were getting worse.

"I feel like crap. I wish we were in an exam room so I could at least lie down and wait."

Randy's eyes widened at John's admission and he turned over in his chair. "What do you feel?"

John shrugged and sighed once more, louder this time as he slid his phone back into his pocket. "My head is killing me and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I want to be in a bed not sitting here."

Randy reached his hands forward, grasping John's tightly as he thought of how to respond. John actually admitting his pain and discomfort was something he didn't do often and it was catching Randy off guard.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'll go check on Doc and let him know if he doesn't come in soon that we'll have to come back when you feel better." Randy moved to stand but John quickly pulled him back down. "No, let's just wait. He should be here soon. I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes…"

John leaned forward and rested his head on Randy's thighs. Randy moved his hand up to John's head, stroking it softly. "Try to hold on for a little bit longer, baby."

John nodded, his eyes closed tightly as he willed his pain away. He kept a hand over his eyes, trying to block the bright sunshine entering the room. Randy's hand moved over his head and down his back in an effort to soothe him but John barely felt it. The throbbing in his head combined with the pressure made him unable to focus on anything but the ache and despite telling Randy he could wait it out, he was starting to doubt it.

Just when John was going to call it quits, he heard the door open and footsteps approaching him. A heavy hand landed on his back and he instantly knew it belonged to Dr. Shapiro.

"Not looking so hot, John."

John slowly lifted his head as Dr. Shapiro rounded his desk and lowered his body to his seat. "Not feeling so hot, Doc. Can we get this done so I can go home and bury myself in bed?"

Dr. Shapiro smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting. As much as I try not to so, a doctor's schedule is never predictable, you know." He looked down at his files momentarily before meeting John's eyes once more. "I'll make it brief. This round of treatment didn't work, either, John. I'm sorry."

Randy sighed loudly, his head instantly dropping. John looked at him briefly before turning his attention back to the doctor. "I figured. I haven't felt any better and if the treatment is working I figured I would've. I had about 4 good days then it was back to pain; excruciating pain, at times."

"That won't ever be an indicator of improvement, John. Only a scan will tell us if you're tumor is shrinking and unfortunately it's doing the opposite. That's not news I ever want to give a patient." Dr. Shapiro pulled out two copies of x-rays as John and Randy's eyes both widened. Randy was the first to recover and leaned forward to stare at the two pictures of John's head. "What? That shit is getting bigger in John's head? Why the hell is he going through all the hell of radiation and chemo is the thing is just gonna keep getting bigger?"

John sighed and reached for Randy's arm, trying to pull him back. "Randy, don't…"

"Don't, what?" Randy pushed John's hand away, shooting him a stern look. He turned his attention back to Dr. Shapiro, glaring at him intently. "This isn't working. You're putting him through hell for nothing! First the surgery and now two rounds of this shit! Do you even know what you're doing? You're not helping him in any way!"

"Randy, I gather you're very upset but treatments aren't a hundred percent cure and you both knew that before this process began. Some people take a little longer to get better while some just don't," responded Dr. Shapiro calmly, indifferent to Randy's anger. "There are still things to try. We've only just begun, remember that."

Randy shook his head, the glare only intensifying. He felt John reach out to touch him once more and finally turned over to meet his eyes. The older man looked calm and slowly smiled at him. "Baby, don't attack Doc. None of this is his fault. He's trying to help me as best he can. It's not his fault my body doesn't want to cooperate."

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. He took a deep breath before moving back and trying to relax in his seat. "Fine, then I expect him to give us a way to **make** your body cooperate. There has to be something we can make it do."

"Actually, right now, there's not." Dr. Shapiro held his hands up before Randy could launch another rant in his direction. "One of the side effects of chemotherapy is a decrease in white or red blood cells and after your latest blood tests, which show you have indeed decreased, we've all decided that you can't continue treatment at this point. We need to build up what you've lost because in the state you are right now, you just couldn't handle another round. You're too weak."

John frowned and looked down at his body. "What are you talking about? Except for the headaches, I feel fine. I don't feel any different. How weak could I be?"

"You may not feel it, John, but you are. Your white blood cell count is dangerously low. If you got even something as simple as a cold right now, it could easily turn into pneumonia or something much more dangerous. It's best if we wait before continuing with another round of treatment." Dr. Shapiro smiled and shrugged. "Or should I ask if we even will proceed with another round?"

John smiled and lowered his head as a blush covered it. He remembered his outburst the last time he'd received the same news from Dr. Shapiro and realized he hadn't shared his decision to continue his fight with the doctor. "Yes, we will be doing another round. We will also be doing a third and a fourth and however many are necessary. I apologize for snapping at you last time. I was having severe doubts about everything and had a very weak moment. I know feelings like that are side effects of dealing with my diagnosis and I have been discussing it with my therapist. I have come to the conclusion that, even though this is incredibly difficult, I would like to continue my treatment for as long as possible, hopefully till better. I have too much to live for to give up so soon."

Dr. Shapiro nodded, a small smile on his face. "It's very nice to hear that, John. We're gonna need your determination to fight now more than ever."

"And all because what you're making him do isn't working." mumbled Randy, speaking up for the first time in a few minutes. Dr. Shapiro turned over to him and sighed. "Randy…"

"Ran, enough, please," interrupted John. He turned over in his seat and reached for Randy's hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing his wedding ring. "I love how protective you are of me but you know none of this is Dr. Shapiro's fault. You can't blame him for the treatment not working. You know he's doing all he can, baby. Don't make this any more difficult than it is right now."

Randy sighed and lowered his gaze, embarrassed by John's mild scolding. "Fine, I'll stop but then I better hear something positive from him."

John squeezed his husband's hand and nodded before turning back to Dr. Shapiro. "All right, Doc. Since I can't continue the treatment, what do I have to do to build myself up again?"

"I discussed your blood test results with Dr. Johnson and he faxed over some prescriptions I can give you since he knew I would be seeing you today." Dr. Shapiro slid a couple of small pieces of papers over to John. "We discussed what the best "growth factors" medication was for you. Those are meds that increase the number of white blood cells in bone marrow. We decided that Filgrastim would be the best one for you. It's meant for people who have low white blood cell counts due to chemotherapy. We're also given you an iron supplement. It's very strong and only should be taken once a week."

"So, in a couple of weeks I should be like Popeye or the Hulk, right?" asked John, a small smile on his face. He looked over at Randy, who rolled his eyes, and laughed softly. "Is that it? I'll do whatever you say, Doc."

Dr. Shapiro smiled slowly and shook his head. "There's one more thing. I know you won't like this but you have to get a shot today. I'm putting you on Neulasta. It's a protein that has to be delivered intravenously 4 times a year. It's a type of vaccine for people who suffer from this low blood count. You'll have to remain on it, even after re-starting the chemo. It's best to be preventative. You can get it today at the lab downstairs before you leave the building."

John shrugged and waved off the doctor's concern about his fear of the needles. "Hey, it's no problem, Doc. I no longer have a fear of needles. I lost it somewhere down the line of having cancer."

Dr. Shapiro laughed and nodded. "Well, it's nice to hear you won't give my nurses such a hard time, then." He closed John's file and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. "This is a very common diagnosis and nothing about this should make you feel like your treatment is failing. Many times things have to get worse before they get better. I've been doing this for over 30 years and I've seen tumors grow very large only to shrink back in a month. It's all about finding the treatment that will work and I promise you, John, we will find it. Please don't despair about this, either of you." Dr. Shapiro turned to look at Randy, who sat quietly, staring back at him with a cold glare. "Randy, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I know what John is to you and being given this news is not what you wanted. If you want to blame me, feel free but I promise you that John's entire team is dedicated to his recovery."

Randy stared at him silently for a few moments longer before turning over to look at John. "Can we go now?"

John nodded and stood, smiling apologetically at Dr. Shapiro for Randy's behavior. The doctor smiled and shook his head, unaffected by it. He reached for John's extended hand and shook it, watching as he followed Randy out of the room. By the time John caught up with Randy, he was standing in front of the bank of elevator angrily jabbing the button with his finger. John tried to hold back a smirk as he reached for Randy's free hand and linked them together. "Patience is a virtue, love."

"One I don't possess. You know that," replied Randy in a low grumble.

John let the smile break free on his face and nodded. "True. I know what you do possess, though. A flair for the dramatic." Randy frowned and turned over, finally meeting John's shining eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You! Could you be any more dramatic? Flipping out on Dr. Shapiro like that then giving him the silent treatment before just walking out." John shook his head, the smile still on his face. "Very dramatic, Orton."

"Look, I was pissed, OK. Don't you give me any shit, either. This day stinks enough as it is." Randy walked into the elevator as it finally opened, dragging John in with him. "What floor is that damn lab on?"

"Three," responded John softly. He moved to stand in front of Randy and let go of his hand, moving it to lie on his chest. "Ran, I know this wasn't what we wanted to hear today but it's OK. There's no reason to get angry. I know you're scared. So am I but I think for once my faith is stronger than yours. Who would've thought?"

Randy sighed and lowered his head, resting his forehead against John's. "This is so frustrating, John."

"Of course it is. It's frustrating and scary but we can't change it so lets not have any more dramatics." John lifted his lips up to Randy's forehead and pressed a kiss on it. "Let's just go on about our lives and live them. No more thinking about this. Let the doctors think about this and figure out how they're going to make me better."

"John, you can't be as calm as you're acting right now. I don't want you to hide how you really feel from me." Randy pulled John in close, holding his hips loosely. John pressed a quick kiss on his lips and shook his head. "I'm actually not. Yeah, I freaked for a minute there when he said the tumor was doing the opposite of shrinking but as quickly as that feeling came, it left. It was like a little voice inside told me that freaking out about it wouldn't change it so I should just stop."

Randy finally cracked a smile and looked at John out of the corner of his eye. "Hearing voices now, are you?"

John shrugged as he laughed. "And to think I never believed that thing about spouses turning into each other over the years…" He shook his head and stopped before the men could enter the lab. "I don't know how long this feeling is going to last. Right now I'm at peace with the news Dr. Shapiro gave me but tomorrow I may feel like shit about it. I could flip out on you for asking me something as simple as what I want for dinner and I may shoot up to 10 on the dick meter again. Let's not worry about things until they happen, though."

Randy sighed and nodded. "Fine. Let's get you shot up and get the hell out of here. A lot of fun phone calls have to be made when we get home." John wrinkled his nose. "That's gonna be more painful than the shot." He groaned and slowly entered the lab, pulling Randy in with him.

* * *

"Are you tired, Daddy? Wanna watch another movie?"

John smiled at his son's question and shook his head. "No, I'm not tired but whether I am or not doesn't matter. You have school tomorrow and its bedtime."

Angel sighed and shook his head. "But I'm not tired,"

John pulled him into his lap and kissed his forehead. "I don't really care. You have to get some sleep so you can go to school and learn many things and be a super famous doctor when you grow up."

Angel wrinkled his nose. "I don't want to be a doctor. I want to be a fireman."

John smiled and nodded. "OK, well even to be a fireman you have to go to school and learn many new things so it's bedtime."

"Fine," mumbled Angel. He wrapped his arms around John's neck and looked up at him with a hopeful expression. "Can I stay here with you and Daddy tonight?"

John raised an eyebrow at his son. "What's wrong with your bed, kid?"

"Nothing. I just want to be with you so I can take care of you like you take care of me when I'm sick." Angel smiled up at John, who quickly felt his resolve wavering. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "I love you for that, baby but I promise you, I feel fine. Daddy will be in here with me if I get sick and I promise to call you if I need you."

John stroked his son's hair, sending up a thankful prayer to the God that had bought him into his life. "What will make me feel so good is if I know you're sleeping safely in the room next door."

"Promise?" Angel's eyes radiated the same concern they had for months now and John wanted nothing more than to erase it. "Do you really think I don't feel well? I spent all afternoon with you and Ally! We did homework, made dinner together and Daddy even let me drive over to Sammy's house to drop her off."

John smiled as Angel giggled softly. He pulled him tightly into his body and hugged him. "I feel perfect. I never lie to you and Ally, baby. You guys know when I'm not feeling like myself because I tell you…always. I love how you guys help Daddy take care of me but I really don't need it tonight. What I need is for you to go to sleep in your own bed and tomorrow we'll eat breakfast together before you leave for school, OK?"

"And you're gonna pick me up, too, right? Since you don't have to go to the doctor…" Angel stared into John's eyes intently, his gaze having morphed into one so similar to Randy's over the course of the past weeks. "Yes, I will be there to pick you up, as well." John stood up, hooking Angel's legs around his waist. "Now, it's seriously bedtime." He headed for the door to the bedroom and nearly crashed into Randy as he entered their bedroom from cleaning up and locking up for the night.

"Hey, I expected you in bed already, young man." Randy stared back and forth between Angel and John, a smirk on his face. "Why am I not surprised that you're not, though?"

"We were having a very important talk, baby. Don't be mad," replied John, quickly placing a soothing kiss on Randy's lips.

"Oh, I see," Randy leaned against the door, now smiling. "Anything I could help with?"

"Well," started John, looking back down into Angel's eyes. "You can help me by telling Angel the same thing I told him; that you will take care of me tonight if I need it. I explained to him how fine I feel but he's still worried and wanted to spend the night in our bed."

Randy's smile widened and he rubbed his son's back. "Angel, you know I'll take care of Daddy if he needs it. I love him so much that I would never not take care of him. Besides, I think he feels OK. Look at all the stuff he did today with you and Ally."

Angel smiled at him from where he rested his head on John's shoulder. "That's what he said."

"Don't you believe him? Do Daddy or I ever lie to you?" Randy moved lifted his body off the door frame and moved closer to John. The older man quickly wrapped his free arm around his waist and pulled him close. Angel smiled and shook his head. "No."

"Well, then you should be able to sleep peacefully, shouldn't you?" Randy tickled Angel gently, the small boy quickly erupting into giggles. "Yes, OK, I'll go to bed!"

John laughed and hugged both Randy and Angel tightly until Randy pulled away gently. He placed a kiss on Angel's head, the small boy reaching up to him and going into Randy's arms. "I love you so much, baby. I am so proud of that amazing heart you have. You are the best little boy I could ever have asked for." Randy smiled down at his son and gave him another kiss and squeeze.

"I love you, too, Daddy. You're the best Daddy ever," Angel giggled and looked over his shoulder at John. "One of the best,"

John laughed and reached for Angel once more. "Good answer, kid. Let's go," He let Randy place one more kiss on their son's head before walking down the hall into his bedroom. Angel jumped from John's arms into the bed and arranged himself in the middle as John wrapped a blanket around him. He bent to give him a hug and kiss and looked carefully into his eyes. "Are you sure you're gonna be OK now?"

Angel nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yes, I'm OK. I believe you and Daddy."

"Good," John reached next to the bed and turned off the side lamp, leaving only the small nightlight lit in Angel's room. "We'll be right next door if you need anything, OK."

"I'll be fine, Daddy." Angel's eyes closed but he smiled when he felt John kiss him once more. John smiled too and whispered in his ear. "I agree with Daddy. You are the best little boy we could ever have asked for."

John turned and slowly walked out of the room, shutting Angel's door halfway. He wasn't surprised to see Randy still standing in the hallway waiting for him. Randy held his hand out to John and pulled him in to their bedroom. He shut the door behind him and let out a huge yawn. "I don't care what time it is but I'm going to bed, too. I am exhausted."

John threw his body on the large bed and smiled up at Randy, watching as he peeled off his t-shirt. "Getting old there, hubby?"

Randy rolled his eyes and crawled into bed besides John. "Shut up. You left me with a mess down there that took me forever to clean up."

"Hey, but I helped cook…" began John but Randy quickly interrupted. "Moving the chicken from the egg into the breadcrumbs is not cooking, John."

John laughed and pulled Randy into his arms, arranging them so his head lay on John's chest. "Fine, baby, then go to sleep. I know today has been exhausting in more ways than one."

Randy shifted his head and looked up into John's gaze. "Angel's not here. Be honest with me. Are you really feeling OK? No headache, no nausea, no pain at all?"

John shook his head. "Nope. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are. Maybe that shot they gave me today helps with all that, too." Randy shrugged. "Whatever helps, Johnny."

"I agree. I'll do anything that lets me be present; anything that lets me be there for my kids and for you." John smiled and shifted down so his head lay next to Randy's. "The kids were so happy today. I gotta get used to them doubting me when I tell them I feel OK, though. Especially Angel,"

"He loves you so much, John and he worries so much about you. Al does, too but with Angel it goes deeper. That child lost his mother, the only person he had in his life for the first few years of his life and despite the horrible things she did to him, he loved her. It was terrible for him to lose her. Plus, he never knew his father or even what a father was supposed to be and do. All he knew was what he saw on TV. Now he has you as his father, someone he loves so much and that loves him just as much. It was what he always craved for. The thought of losing you must be terrifying to him." Randy suddenly smiled. "It's why he's so protective of you. He wants to take care of you and thinks he could do it best. He's incredibly stubborn when it comes to you."

"Incredibly stubborn and protective of me. Wonder where he got that from?" John moved closer to Randy's face, joining their lips in a soft kiss.

Randy moved his hand up to John's face and stroked it softly. "Hey, he could've gotten a lot worse from me. I'll never complain about those traits."

John nodded. "I look at him and he's so perfect and he's ours and I'm so thankful." He slowly smiled and lowered his gaze. "I wouldn't mind another one sometimes…"

Randy's eyes widened and he pulled back slightly. "Another what? Another kid?"

John shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, why not? We're great at this. We're raising two amazing kids and it makes me think we could raise another one just as well." He sighed and then turned over, moving out of Randy's embrace. "But then I remember what's happening and realize it can't happen because we don't even know if I'll be around to finish raising the ones we already have…"

"Don't say that, John." Randy pulled John back around and gripped his waist tightly. "We're not gonna talk like that and we're damn sure not gonna think like that."

"I'm not dwelling on thoughts like that, Ran, I promise you. It's just…I have to be honest with myself and with you. Right now, we don't know what's gonna happen to me. I'm gonna keep fighting to get better but it may just not work and as much as I would love to talk about adopting again one day, we cant talk about those things right now." John ran his fingers up and down Randy's arm, trying to remove the tension he felt there. "I'm content with living life one day at a time right now with you and our two beautiful babies. I want you to be, too."

Randy sighed and pulled John into a tight embrace once more. His lips brushed John's face, placing random, soft kisses on it. "I am content with you and our babies…period. I need nothing more."

John nodded and rested his head on the nook between Randy's shoulder and neck. "Good. Now, let's get some rest. I'm driving the car again tomorrow since I still feel so good." Randy smiled and nodded, running his hands up and down John's back. "Yes, you do, Mr. Cena. You feel very good."

John laughed softly, his breath tickling Randy's neck. He tilted his head up and placed a kiss on Randy's lips, ensuring to keep it soft and brief. "Sleep now, baby. Tomorrow we can play." Randy groaned softly but chose not to push it. All that mattered was that his husband was in his arms, feeling strong and healthy and that was a feeling better than any other.


	78. Chapter 77

**Present Day**

"I'm so happy you're in Tampa. I need you now more than ever, Ran. Things are getting so crazy and Teddy is trying to help me as much as he can but he gets so nervous because he doesn't think he's good at this and..." Cody sighed and shook his head. "Don't tell him I told you but I'm starting to agree with him!"

Randy smiled as he listened to Cody continue to complain to him about everything related to his and Ted's wedding. The date was only a month away and with each passing minute that they grew closer, Cody grew more frantic. It was obvious to everyone that despite all the extra help he was being offered, the only way Cody would be content was if he did it all his way. However, working full time and planning a wedding didn't seem to be working for the younger man and after Ted's frantic phone call to St. Louis, Randy knew a trip down to Tampa was in order. He would have to put his still uneasy feelings about anything wedding related aside to help his frenzied best friend.

"Cody, things really aren't that bad. Everything that was needed and that you wanted has been ordered and is on schedule to arrive for your wedding day. All the RSVP's are in and Ted made the seating chart for the reception. You can't control the guests and/or the weather so really, all this drama is unnecessary." Randy smiled and stood, grabbing the two empty cups of coffee from in front of him and Cody.

Cody smiled back at him and nodded. "I know, Ran. I just want this day to go perfectly, you know. It's so important to me and to Teddy. We went through so much hell in the beginning of our relationship and even after a few years we had a couple of hard times...I just want this one day to be drama free and perfect. I don't want it to storm and I don't want arguments between guests...I just want a peaceful day."

"And you'll get it, Codes. Everyone going to your wedding loves and supports you and Ted. There will be no problem on that day." Randy walked back over to his table and sank back into the chair across from Cody. "As for it storming, nothing can be done about that."

Cody shook his head once more and waved away Randy's final statement. "Enough about me and my crazy. How's it going with you? Where are the kids?"

Randy shrugged. "It's going and the kids went to Disney World for the day. Sam and Frank came along to Florida to bring Frankie for his first trip outside of St. Louis and they took Al and Angel along for the day. I'm sure they're regretting that decision as we speak. But hey, better them than me. I'd rather deal with your crazy."

"Are you guys staying long or heading back to St. Louis at the end of the week?" asked Cody, leaning back in his seat.

"I don't know. Sam and Frank are leaving after a few days, that I know. I may stick around. The kids have nothing to go home to except camp and God knows I have nothing else to do. The developmental meetings for the Foundation are over so..." Randy tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. "Maybe I'll just stay here."

"How goes the process of starting the John Cena Foundation?" Cody smiled, a short laugh escaping his lips. "Still feels weird to say,"

"It does feel weird but every time I say it feels better." Randy smiled, his eyes shining happily now. "Rita has been helping me a lot. She got me bumped to the top of the list to meet with the hospital board. It was amazing how reluctant they were to meet with me when I was offering them something so valuable, at least in my opinion."

"You can't blame them, Ran. So many celebrities try to start these funds just to make a name for themselves or for a tax write-off. They probably just thought you were trying to do the same," reasoned Cody as he saw Randy's expression change to a frown.

"I'm barely a celebrity, Codes. Especially now," Randy rolled his eyes. Cody smirked and shook his head. "Says the man with millions of Twitter followers,"

"Whatever. I guess once they realized I wasn't one of those douche bag celebrities, they were really excited to have this Foundation centered at their hospital. I have to go through all the legal motions and get it registered but that should come through soon. I was able to meet a couple of the most needy cancer patients receiving treatment right now and..." Randy stopped and looked down at the table, unsure of how to continue. Cody frowned in concern and reached forward, squeezing his hand tightly. "Ran, we don't have to talk about this. I'm sorry I bought it up."

"No, it's not that. It's just," Randy looked up and smiled slowly. "I remember John during his treatment and he always looked the same to me. He lost his hair but he never had that much of it to begin with. Then, he lost some weight but you could barely tell. He looked tired and had bruises because of the needles but all in all, he looked the same to me. At least until the third round. That one changed everything," He sighed and frowned, remembering the final round John had undergone and how he had died only months later. "I look at these other people, though and see how horrible they look and I wonder, did John ever really look that bad? That sick? Even during the first couple of rounds?"

"Randy, I think we all looked at John with blinders on. He was always like our superhero and we never allowed ourselves to think of him or see him as otherwise. I'm sure to someone who didn't know him as we did that he did probably look very sick. Treatment for cancer is not easy and you have to feel for those going through it. They need all the help and support they can get." Cody smiled slowly and squeezed Randy's hand one more time. "This is a great thing you're doing."

Randy shook his head. "This was all John's idea. I'm just following through on it." He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I hope you still think it's a great thing when I'm asking you to open your wallet and donate."

Cody groaned and stood up. "After the wedding, please! All my money is invested there for now." He walked over to the window and his face lit up in a smile at the sound of a car driving up to the house. "Oh, thank God, Ted's finally home! I'll be right back,"

Randy nodded, slowly walking over to the patio door, his eyes drifting over to the view he had of his driveway as he walked to the barbecue he had set up. He smiled as he saw Cody burst out of the front door and into Ted's arms, the older man laughing as he stumbled back from the force of Cody's hug. Ted quickly wrapped one arm around Cody's waist, the other moving up his chest so his hand tilted Cody's face for a kiss. Randy looked away, focusing his gaze on the steaks he had moved outside earlier. A brief memory of his greeting John the exact same way Cody greeted Ted made him smile but it quickly flew away as Ted called out to him.

"Hey, Ran!"

"Welcome home, Teddy! Better late than never, huh?" Randy hugged Ted as his young friend approached and groaned in his ear.

"Dude, this traveling thing never gets any easier no matter how many years I've been doing it." Ted pulled away and stared at the food on the grill before turning back to Cody. "I'm starving. We're staying for dinner, right Codes?"

Cody rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yes, we are but if you don't help you don't eat. Go wash up and get comfortable because I have your cooking assignment. I want you down here and chopping veggies in 10 minutes."

Ted sighed and looked at Randy, who pretended not to hear but had a small grin on his face. "Thanks for coming down, Ran. I can already see you knocked down the Runnels attitude a couple notches. If not, he would've given me 5 minutes."

"Very funny, dear," responded Cody indignantly. Ted laughed and walked over to him, placing another soft kiss on his lips. "I love you, baby and I missed you so much. After all these years, I still hate when we have to spend those 4 days away from each other. Wanna come upstairs so I can show you how much I missed you?"

Before Cody could respond, Randy cleared his throat and shook his head. "I don't think so, guys. You will not use my guest room as your little playroom, understood?"

"If he only knew, right?" said Cody, laughing as Ted joined their lips once more. He pulled away reluctantly and stared into Ted's eyes. "Later, baby, when we're home. I want you to be able to make me scream."

Ted licked his lips and nodded. "And you know I will, baby." He winked at Cody before pulling away and heading inside the house to clean up from his long flight home.

"You guys make me physically ill sometimes," mumbled Randy as he attended the steaks.

Cody turned over and smiled. "Oh stop. You know exactly how it feels to love someone that much. You and John were the same way." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly snapped a picture of Randy, who turned over and frowned. "What the hell are you doing?"

Cody held his phone up, the Twitter app staring back at Randy. "Updating my Twitter. I'm telling everyone that I'm preparing myself for some awesome steaks and showing them the wonderful cook making them."

"Great, another picture for everyone to see and then tweet me about how horrible I look," Randy shook his head, his mind flashing back to the last picture he took of himself when in Tampa weeks earlier. While most of his million followers had been thrilled to see him rejoin the community, they had all quickly voiced their concern over his appearance.

"Ran, they didn't tell you that you looked horrible." scolded Cody lightly. "You're thinner and paler and you look a little tired and..."

"I got it, Cody. I look like shit, I get it." Randy shrugged and flipped the meat over. "It's fine, though. I'm not gonna look like I did when I was in the ring. I've spent the last 9 months taking care of my kids and making sure they're OK and then I spent a couple of days there trying to off myself so I know I look different. It was just a blow to see thousands of people telling me at the same time, you know? Made me feel like shit."

"I wish you would stop saying you tried to 'off yourself', Randy." Cody sighed and quickly grew stern. "I hate that phrase."

Randy smiled and reached in his back pocket as his phone began to vibrate. He looked down to see the text message from Sam and his smile widened.

"_We're about 15 minutes from home, Ran! Warning, Frank and I are pooped but the kids don't seem to be affected so prepare yourself for when we get there. All I ask is that you give me and Frank about 10 minutes in our room so we could scream into a pillow and wonder why we thought this trip to Disney was a good idea in the first place..."_

"Look, Codes, I don't say it as something I'm proud of. I just say it because it's true and it did happen. My therapist told me I'm not supposed to pretend like it never happened. I have to acknowledge it and talk about it and my friends..." Randy stopped and waved the large spatula in his hand in Cody's direction. "That would be the role you have to play, FYI. My friends are supposed to let me talk about it and not try to stifle me."

Cody rolled his eyes. "Oh my God, so dramatic! I'm not trying to stifle you; I'm asking you to find a better phrase to use. The one you used is so...vulgar!"

"OK, how about, I tried to make myself bite the big one...or buy the farm?" Randy looked up at the sky and pretended to think. "Or, how about, I tried to bite the dust or become food for worms?"

"Randy, this is not fucking funny. What the hell is wrong with you? You do realize how close you came to actually dying, don't you?" asked Cody, his eyes wide and his expression full of anger.

Randy sighed and turned his attention back to the food. "Yes, I do, Cody. I did something beyond stupid and selfish and almost got what I thought I wanted; to die. I'm thankful everyday that it didn't work. I don't take it lightly despite how I may talk about it."

"Well, I would hope not." Cody turned over at the sound of Ted's footsteps and his frown slowly softened. "I don't like the jokes, Ran, so could you please stop them when in front of me?"

Randy quickly nodded and shot Cody a reassuring smile. "I will." He watched as Cody walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl of vegetables to hand to Ted before turning his attention back to the grill. He forced all negative thoughts from his head and focused on the good place he was in his life and the good people in it.

* * *

Hours later, Randy finished closed the cabinet after placing the final dish away. Sam and Frank had long since gone to bed, their exhaustion of the day claiming them quickly after putting Frankie to bed. Cody and Ted had soon followed, both claiming exhaustion as they left for their own home but Randy knew the real reason had nothing to do with that. He turned to look over at his children, who despite their busy day, were still wide awake and helping him clean up.

"What are you guys doing?"

Alanna held up the roll of paper towels as she walked to the far counter. "Putting the tissues away."

Randy smiled and watched her arrange the holder safely in a corner of the countertop. "OK..."

"It goes here. Daddy never wanted it on that side because it was too close to the stove and could fall and start a fire, remember?" Alanna stared at Randy expectantly and he quickly nodded. "Yeah, I remember but I didn't think you did. You were like 3 when he made that ridiculous rule."

"We remember everything Daddy told us," said Angel from where he stood next to the empty dishwasher. "Besides, you have more rules than he ever did,"

Randy rolled his eyes and collapsed onto a chair around the counter. "At least mine make sense."

"Like no shoes in the car?" asked Alanna as she mimicked Randy's eye roll.

"I have a white interior in the car, Al, you know that." responded Randy quickly. "You also know how messy you two are."

"Or like not staying in hotel rooms with a balcony over the swimming pool or in front of a big highway."

"I was afraid you guys could get hurt. What if you were to run away from me one day?" Randy turned over at the sound of his son's comment, noticing his dimples deepening as he teased him. "That's a good rule."

"Of course it is, Dad." Alanna smiled at her father as she sat in a chair next to him. He quickly shook his head and pointed up the stairs. "Don't sit down. It's time for bed. We're all tired and need rest."

"I'm not tired," said Angel quickly, sitting on the opposite of Randy after exchanging a look with his sister. "I love this house. It's like we never get tired here and there's always something to do."

Randy smiled and shook his head slowly. "Well, I don't like hearing the house won't let you sleep but I agree that I love this house, too."

"Then can we stay here longer or come more often? It feels like we don't come here a lot." Alanna looked around the large kitchen, a small smile on her face. "I remember when I first saw this house. I thought it was like a palace."

Randy nodded. "I remember buying this house with John. He loved it so much but I thought it was too big for just us because we would be here alone most of the time. We only had Al and even she wasn't with us all the time."

"Then, why did you buy it?" asked Angel, turning over to stare at Randy as he spoke. Randy shrugged and looked around the kitchen. "It's a beautiful house and we knew we wanted room for when our families came to visit and of course for when we bought you home. We knew Al wouldn't be an only child for long and that our family would grow so it made sense. It took a lot of explaining from John to convince me, though."

Alanna laughed loudly, attracting both her father and brother. "I remember that! Daddy and I made a bet he could get you to say yes by the time I had to go to bed and he won! I thought you would say no but Daddy could convince you to do anything!"

Randy's eyes widened. "I never knew about that bet."

Alanna nodded. "It was a secret. Daddy and I used to make a lot of bets. It was silly. I think he was trying to get me to laugh." Her eyes lowered to the tabletop, her smile wavering slightly. "I remember when you would drop me off with Mom but you two would start arguing in the driveway. Daddy John would stay in the car with me and tell me things to distract me so I didn't hear you guys."

Randy's smile had faded completely by that time and he stood, walking over to her chair and wrapping her in his arms. "That I did know. I was so thankful for him during those years. I hated that you had to see me and your Mom arguing."

Alanna shrugged. "It's OK. At least you two are friends now. Daddy John made those bad times better. I guess that why I like coming here, too. I knew here there would be no arguments."

Randy kissed the top of his daughter's head and pulled away from her slowly. "Well, John and I never really argued a lot, anyway."

Alanna rolled her eyes at him before climbing off her chair. "Oh, please, Dad. Maybe not as much as you and Mom but you did argue. You used to call them disagreements."

"Because they weren't arguments. They were disagreements!" replied Randy with a smirk. He turned to his son, who was watching the encounter with a smile.

"Anyway," Alanna moved over to her brother and stood beside his chair. She looked at him questioningly and he nodded down to her. "Besides cleaning up, Angel and I are still awake because we wanna talk to you about something."

Randy's heart immediately began to race and he gingerly lowered back down to his chair. "Oh, God,"

"It's nothing, bad, Dad. Ally and I were just talking and…" Angel looked over at his sister, who smiled encouragingly. "We kinda don't wanna see our doctor anymore."

Randy frowned, his heart slowly calming. "Your therapist? You don't? Why?"

Angel shrugged. "We don't think we need him anymore. We feel better about how things are in our family now. We all talk to each other so we don't need to talk to a stranger anymore, right?"

Randy sighed, biting his lip anxiously as he processed his son's words. Before he could respond to him, Alanna spoke up. "Daddy, we used to talk to the doctor because we didn't understand why Daddy John had to die. We were mad at what happened to him and at the doctors and we didn't even want to talk about it. Things are better now, though. We understand what happened to Daddy was no one's fault and if we ever feel sad, we talk about it. Some days are still sadder than others but we really don't think we need the doctor anymore."

"It was nice to have him to talk to and it was nice to go see your doctor, too, Dad," added Angel. "Maybe we could just try…"

Randy held up a hand, stopping his son's plea. "All right. That's enough now. I won't argue with you guys. If you both feel like you can be OK with stopping therapy then I'll let you try for a bit. You guys know your feelings better than I do so…" He shrugged and smiled. "No more doc."

Angel and Alanna ran towards him, enveloping Randy in a tight embrace. He smiled and bent to place a kiss on both their heads before pulling away. "So, since we now seem to be done with all the excuses for avoiding sleep, can we go to bed now?"

Both kids nodded and each grabbed one of Randy's hands as they left the kitchen and headed upstairs. Randy stopped at the alarm panel and ensured it was on and activated for the night before continuing up the stairs. The three walked silently through the quiet house; the only noise heard being the soft snores of the dogs who camped out in front of the children's bedroom doors and of Frank in the guest room.

"You know what we should do? What Daddy used to make me and Ally do after we fought! I know we didn't fight but it's a good idea," Angel looked over at Alanna, whose eyes widened. She quickly smiled as the memory came flooding back to her. "I'll go first. Today I am most thankful for the awesome roller coaster ride I got Mommy to take me on in Disney World just because of the funny look on her face as we went down and got all wet!"

Randy laughed at the thought of Sam, his prissy, high maintenance ex-wife, on a roller coaster. "Good one! I hope Frank got a picture of that." He turned towards Angel and raised an eyebrow. "What are you most thankful for today, kiddo?"

"I am most thankful for the yummy dinner we all got to eat together because it's been a long time since so many members of our family are in this house together."

Randy nodded and smiled at his son. "Another good one and I agree. We need to make sure this house is full of family more often."

"So…what are you most thankful for today, Dad?" asked Alanna, leaning on her bedroom door.

Randy looked back and forth between both his children, his smile widening. "This moment right now. It's at this moment that I realize I don't care how pale I am or how thin I am or how tired I look. All that matters is that this moment is more proof to me that I'm raising two amazing kids."

"Well, duh," Alanna rolled her eyes playfully as Angel laughed softly, his dimples deepening. "You should know how amazing we are by now, Dad."

Randy laughed and gently moved them towards their respective bedrooms. "And I do know. Go get your PJ's on and I'll be there in a minute to tuck you in, OK." He waited for them to disappear behind their bedroom doors before walking into his and closing his door securely behind him.

Closing his eyes tightly, Randy leaned on the wooden surface of his door and took a deep breath. "I am most thankful for the confidence John instilled in me. I would never have wanted to raise our children this way, without him, but today, for the first time, I am confident that I can and I will do it to the best of my ability."

Slowly opening his eyes and with a small smile on his face, Randy opened the door and headed for his children's bedrooms.


	79. Chapter 78

**June 2014 **

"Let's go down to Florida," John lifted his head from the pillow he rested on and turned to stare at Randy. "I'm so bored here. Let's just take the kids and go. They're done with school and Sam won't mind if we take Ally since she's spending so much time with Frank now that they're dating seriously."

Randy wrinkled his nose and looked away from his iPad. "Florida? Are you serious?"

John smiled and nodded. "We have this beautiful home there we barely use and nothing to do here so…"

"I don't think the doctor is gonna give you the all clear to travel yet, babe." Randy frowned and shook his head. "He probably wants you near him."

"What if I told you I already spoke to him and he said it was fine?" John's smile grew wider as Randy's frown deepened. "Go ahead and try giving me another excuse now,"

Randy rolled his eyes. "I'm not trying to give you excuses! I'm just worried. What about your health? Isn't it hurricane season down there now, too?"

John laughed loudly and shook his head. "You're really grasping at straws now, Ran."

Randy groaned and sighed loudly, the iPad now forgotten as he let it drop to the side of the mattress he rested on. "I hate Florida, John. It's so muggy and gross down there and there are bugs everywhere…it's practically camping!"

"We have a home; a beautiful home with central air conditioning and a huge backyard I won't make you go in." John reached over to lay his arm across Randy's stomach and slowly started tracing small circles on the skin. "Come on, baby. I never get to go anywhere."

"Didn't we just go to the Bahamas?" asked Randy with a raised eyebrow.

"That doesn't really count. Everyone was there. I want this trip to be just us and the kids in our own home." John pulled his body closer to Randy's and rested his head on the younger man's chest. "You know you're gonna give in so just do it already and save us time, Ran."

Randy sighed loudly and wrapped his free arm around John, stroking his back gently. "How do you know I'm gonna give in?"

John looked up and smiled, pressing a kiss to Randy's lips. "Because you always give in when I ask for something. It's like how I always give in when you ask me for something. We like to make each other happy."

"And you can't be happy just staying in St. Louis?" Randy smirked and pulled back slightly from John, whose lips still hovered above his.

"I have been very happy in St. Louis for many years now but sometimes I just need a Florida break." John moved back and rested his head on the pillow. "I love our home here and I love this city, Ran but I want to wake up to something different…even if it's for a couple of days."

Randy sighed once more and shook his head. "I don't feel comfortable leaving your doctor now, John. You're not on any meds right now and the doctor said your blood count is still low. Traveling in an airplane with all that air recycling isn't a good idea. You could get sick, baby. You know a simple cold can turn into something worse for you."

"No, I won't! I'll tell the doctor we're traveling and to give me an extra vitamin shot or something. I'll ask him to recommend the best doc in Tampa and I'll keep him on standby just in case. I'll wear one of those surgical masks or we could drive down. I'll rent a Winnebago or we could rent a bus like the ones we used to have! I'll do anything, Ran just say yes!" John threw himself over Randy's body and hugged him tightly. "I think getting out of here will do me some good. Look at how good I was down in the Bahamas, even if it was only for a few days. I felt so healthy there."

Randy groaned loudly and slowly nodded. "Fine, fine, enough of the guilt trip! We'll go!"

John's hold on Randy tightened as he smiled happily. "Really? Are you sure? Don't mess with me now..."

"I'm not. We can go," Randy gently pushed John away, stopping when he realized his husband wasn't letting him go any time soon. "Thank you, baby! I'm so happy! You're the best hubby ever!"

Randy rolled his eyes. "All right, get off me. That's enough of the sweet talk. You already got your way."

John laughed and moved back to lie on his own pillow. "Had enough of my sweet talk for the day? Have you reached your emotional limit?"

"Yes, I have. Let me sleep now," Randy reached for the lamp on the bedside table and shut off the light before turning back over to lie on his side. The soft moonlight seeping into the room illuminated John's face beside his enough for Randy to see the older man still had a smile on his face. Despite his annoyance at having to now plan the trip to their Florida home, Randy found himself smiling back at him. "I love to see you smile. You're so beautiful, Johnny."

"It's because of you. You always make me smile, Ran." John moved closer, letting his lips hover next to Randy's. "I love you so much,"

Randy reached up and ran his thumb across John's lower lip. "I love you, too, baby." He covered John's mouth with his and kissed him—deep, hard and frantic. Kissed him and tasted him, bit his lower lip, licked and sucked and swirled his tongue, until it felt like his chest might burst from how badly he needed a breath, but he still didn't want it to end.

John broke the kiss and panted against Randy's mouth, too overwhelmed to even try to speak. His throat was clogged and thick with all of the things he wanted to say. "I don't ever want to lose you," he finally forced out.

"You never will." Randy gave him another quick, hard kiss before drawing back, a small frown on his handsome face. "I'm yours forever, Johnny and..."

Before Randy could finish, John lifted his body over the younger man's and straddled him, his thick thighs on either side of him. "I want you so bad, Ran," he murmured.

Randy slowly nodded and licked his suddenly dry lips. Randy reached out to touch John's chest, but he took hold of his wrists and pressed his arms back against the pillows. He gave him a stern look that told Randy to keep his arms where they were as his fingers trailed across Randy's collarbone from shoulder to shoulder. "Stay still and let me have some fun with you."

Randy slowly nodded, locking his gaze onto John's. His rapidly hardening cock was nestled in the crease of John's ass and he shifted his hips, rubbing lightly. John chuckled softly and swatted his thigh. "I said, stay still. Can you behave for once?"

Randy gave a breathless laugh and stopped moving. "I'll try," His eyes darkened as John continued the caresses on his skin. The older man moved his hands up from Randy's neck to smooth over his face before bending down to let their bare chests touch.

"I fucking love your eyes," John said. "They're so amazing that I could get lost in them." He touched Randy's collarbone again. "And I love this spot. You react to it every time I touch you here."

Randy groaned softly. "Feels good,"

John's fingers skimmed across Randy's chest to circle one of his nipples then moved over to the other one. He shifted, moving back onto Randy's thighs, his fingers trailing down past Randy's belly button, to his boxer covered groin.

Randy moaned and spread his thighs a bit wider. "Johnny, take them off."

"I will," John said again. "Soon." He leaned down and followed the path his fingers had taken with his tongue.

Randy writhed on the bed as John nipped and sucked on his nipples, before trailing lower to his navel. Pressing a kiss to the exposed hip bones, John slid his fingers in the waistband of Randy's underwear and pulled them off in one swift tug. He immediately lowered his lips back to Randy's skin, licking along the crease where Randy's pelvis met his thigh, across his balls and the sensitive opening beneath. John's tongue swirled and licked, pushing inside Randy's entrance as he grasped at his head.

Just when Randy thought the teasing was over, that John would sit up and slide his cock inside him, the older man abruptly pulled back and sat up.

Randy made a tormented sound. "Don't. Please don't stop, baby."

"I'm not stopping," John said as he reached for the cup of ice water he'd set on the nightstand earlier. "Just moving on to something better."

John dipped two fingers into the cup and pulled out some ice, popping the small cubes into his mouth. Randy watched breathlessly as John withdrew another that he placed against Randy's stomach, smiling when Randy shuddered at the cold. He slid it down, over the taut expanse of Randy's abdomen, along the length of his throbbing cock, up to the tip, and holding the cube in place.

Randy started trembling, unable to stop himself, his fingers curling into pillows behind his head and gripping tight. "Oh, God..." His hips jerked and he parted his lips to beg John for more just as his husband suddenly released the ice cube and leaned down to put his mouth on Randy's cock.

Randy's back bowed off the bed. "Fuck, Johnny!"

The inside of John's mouth was cool, but warmer than the ice had been. He was sucking, taking Randy's cock in deep, and before Randy even realized what was happening, John had a finger inside him, and he was coming. His vision blurred and he bucked on the bed, crying out John's name. John kept his mouth sealed around Randy's cock, swallowing down his release until he was sure there was none left. The sweat covering Randy's body and the intensity of his orgasm warmed his skin, making him feel burning hot despite the cold air of the room.

"God, baby," John said softly after pulling away. "You're fucking gorgeous."

All Randy could do was moan again. He looked up at John's face, his heart clenching at the tender expression he found there. "John..."

John smiled at him, a dark, wicked smile that would have made Randy hard again if his body had been capable. "Want me?" he asked.

Randy nodded without even thinking, and John crawled over to straddle his shoulders. He rubbed the head of his dick on Randy's mouth, leaving a trail of his pre cum across his lips. Randy finally brought his arms down from above his head, reaching behind John to cup his ass and yank him close. He sucked John in to the hilt, tasting him. Randy gripped John's ass even harder, massaging the muscles as sucked and teased the head. He moved up and down John's length, twisting his head as John began to thrust forward into his mouth.

John knew he wouldn't last much longer so he pushed Randy's head away and moved back, the younger man's eyes widening in surprise. "What's wrong? Why are you pulling away?"

John's body slid down his, skin damp with sweat. "Because I'm about to explode, baby and I don't want to do it in your mouth." He braced himself on his elbows and lowered his head for a kiss. Randy opened to him without hesitation, accepting the warm glide of John's tongue, and moaning when John shuddered above him, his arms automatically curling around John's waist and holding him close.

John eventually pulled back with a final nip to Randy's lower lip, and buried his face in the curve where Randy's neck met his shoulder. Randy kissed his head gently and whispered, "I want you to explode inside me, Johnny."

John leaned down on his forearms hovering slightly above Randy and stared into those crystal blue eyes as he lined his cock up with Randy's eagerly clenching hole. He slowly pushed in, still locked onto Randy's eyes, which looked back up at him with love. Once he was fully inside Randy, John rested his weight on top of his husband but paused to let Randy adjust. He couldn't help but bend down and capture Randy's parted lips in a deep kiss.

Randy lifted his hips causing John to shudder in delight. John slowly pulled out until just his tip was inside, and then pushed back in setting up a sensual pace. He shifted and his cock brushed against Randy's prostrate. Randy gasped as waves of pleasure moved through his body. "There...do it again." John repeated the action causing Randy to gasp once more.

They slowly and languorously made love as the pleasure built within them. Eventually Randy felt it building. "Faster," he moaned.

John sped up but Randy griped his back tightly. "Harder, Johnny. Cum inside me, baby..."

Randy's breathless pleas triggered a growl from John and he thrust in and out of Randy with intensity, slamming their hips together like his life depended on it.

Randy threw his head back against the mattress screaming in pleasure as his body reached its breaking point and he began to cum. His orgasm ripped through his body and his mind spun as he clenched and milked John's cock. With a low moan of Randy's name, John followed him over the edge. He dropped on top of Randy when his arms couldn't hold him up any longer and buried his head in the crook of Randy's neck. He could feel the younger man still panting and trying to catch his breath as he licked and sucked on the soft sweat slicked skin. Randy sighed contently, stroking John's back softly as he came down from his high.

"That was so good, baby. I guess that's one of the reasons I always let you get your way,"

John finally lifted his head from Randy's chest, a small smile on his face. "I think we both win when I get my way, handsome. I wish you would get that through your head and not argue with me when I want to do something."

Randy rolled his eyes and pushed John off his body. "Whatever. Get off me. You weigh a ton,"

John laughed softly and pressed a final kiss to Randy's lips before rolling off him and settling on the bed. He wrapped an arm around Randy's waist and pulled him in close, Randy quickly arranging himself so his head lay on John's chest. John held him close and kissed the top of his head, whispering softly, "Love you, baby,"

He felt Randy placed a kiss on the skin about his heart before hearing his soft drawl respond, "Love you more, Johnny."

* * *

Days later, Randy looked down at his skin and was surprised to see the difference in it after only 2 days in Florida. Granted, he had spent the two days practically living in the backyard, despite John's claims of not making him go into it. His skin had always absorbed the sun quickly, giving him a healthy glow.

Randy walked the area around the pool carefully, his eyes glued to his two children happily splashing in the water along with their two dogs. "5 minutes, guys. Daddy's almost finished with lunch."

Both kids groaned but a quick glare from Randy made them stop and swim away. Randy shook his head and snapped his fingers at the dogs, commanding them out of the water. "Over there guys and dry off,"

Both dogs leapt out of the pool and headed for the grass where they shook off the excess water and began to chase each other in the sunlight. Randy moved over to the lounge chairs and pulled the kid's towels out. He approached the pool edge again and held the first towel open. "Alright, Angel, let's go."

"But, Dad! I'm not hungry yet!"

Randy shrugged and wrapped the towel around his son, drying him. "Well, you're gonna eat whether you're hungry or not." He kissed Angel on the forehead and left the towel on him, draped over his shoulders like a cape. "Now, don't give me a hard time and go change into the clothes I set out, OK."

Angel pouted but reluctantly nodded, trudging slowly back into the house. Randy watched him go before turning back to the pool and holding up Alanna's towel. "Let's go, Al,"

Alanna slid out of the water with no complaints but Randy could see the wheels turning in her head. He sighed and dried her off, leaving the towel over her head when he was done.

"Dad!"

Randy laughed as she pulled the towel off in annoyance. "I don't want to hear what you're planning. Maybe later we can come back in the water but for now, we're done. You're all red. Now, get upstairs."

Alanna huffed and walked up, the wet towel trailing behind her. Randy watched her go then shot a glanced at the two dogs who were now sunning themselves on the grass. He turned and headed in through the backdoors, closing them against the heat. His eyes scanned the kitchen from where he stood and he frowned upon not seeing John where he had left him. Randy quickly entered the dining room and saw the table set and the lunch he and John had prepared but still no sign of the older man. He quickly turned and headed back out to the living room and met his son coming down the stairs.

"All right, I really am hungry. Is lunch ready?"

Randy nodded distractedly and ran his fingers through his son's damp hair. "Yeah, baby. It's out on the table. Just dig in and the rest of us will be there in a minute." He looked up to the second landing and frowned. "Are your dad and sister still upstairs?"

Angel nodded as he headed down the stairs, away from where Randy stood. "Ally's still changing. I haven't seen Daddy."

Randy sighed and continued up the stairs. He quickly walked down the hall, stopping at Alanna's closed door and knocking lightly. "Al, its just lunch. There's no need for a ball gown. Get a move on and get downstairs."

"Almost finished, Dad!" she mumbled from behind her closed door. Randy figured it was best not to argue and continued on down the hall to his and John's bedroom. He walked in quickly, scanning the room for his husband and finally heard a thud and muffled curse come from the bathroom, signifying that he was indeed there.

Randy frowned and walked towards the closed door, knocking on it. "John, what are you doing?"

The noise in the bathroom immediately stopped, deepening Randy's frown. He turned the handle on the door and it quickly opened. His eyes connected with John's surprised ones seconds after stepping into the room and he raised an eyebrow before repeating his question. "What are you doing?"

John shook his head and took a step back, one hand gripping the sink while the other moved behind his back. "Jesus, baby, you can't knock?"

Randy shrugged and walked further into the room. "I did knock and called out your name. You didn't answer so I walked in."

John rolled his eyes and stepped back. "My not answering you should've been a hint, Randy. I thought this was the one room I could get some privacy in."

Randy held up his hands and smirked. "Well, excuse me, Mr. Cena. I didn't see you were I left you and I wanted to come find you for lunch. Next time, I'll just let you come down on your own."

"I would like that. Especially if I'm in the bathroom..." John smiled slowly and took a step forward, trying to move past Randy but the younger man quickly reached a hand forward and grabbed his arm. Randy's eyes opened wide and he gasped. "John, you're really hot!"

John smiled nervously but tried to remain nonchalant. "Thanks, I know,"

Randy narrowed his eyes and tugged John forward. "Not a time for jokes right now, Cena." He moved his hand to touch John's forehead but he instantly pulled away. "Randy, enough! Stop treating me like a baby!"

Randy's eyes widened as he stared at John. "You have a fever! You're sick...why didn't you tell me?"

John sighed and turned around, walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. "I'm not sick and I don't have a fever. I was out in the sun all morning and that's why I feel warm. I'm fine,"

"John, please. If you're gonna lie to me, at least make it believable." Randy shook his head and took a step closer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I can take care of it on my own, Ran. I don't want this," John lowered his body down to the bed and focused his gaze on the hardwood floor. "I don't want this to ruin our time here and I don't want you guys to worry. I also don't want to hear you say that you told me this would happen."

Randy smiled and walked over to the bed, sitting beside John and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Johnny, I would never tell you I told you so."

John looked up and raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't?"

Randy averted his gaze before slowly nodding. "All right, I would." He sighed before turning his gaze back to meet John's. "I wouldn't this time, though. Why would I purposely make you feel worse, baby? I want to take care of you but I can't if you don't tell me when you're sick. It's not gonna ruin anything. I'll take care of you and make you better but you have to be honest with me."

"I was gonna tell you," John slowly smiled. "I just wasn't going to tell you now. I came up here to take some Tylenol, see" He slowly opened the hand he had clenched shut and hidden in the bathroom to reveal the two small, white pills. "I wanted to tell you tonight after the kids went to bed."

Randy nodded and stood up, walking into the bathroom and filling a cup with water. "Drink up,"

John accepted the cup and quickly swallowed down the two pills. He handed the empty cup back to Randy and smiled. "Happy?"

"Somewhat," responded Randy sourly. He headed for the bedroom door but stopped to turn back and meet John's confused gaze. "I don't want you downstairs. I'll bring you some soup and crackers for lunch. Get in bed and let the pills help."

John sighed and began a protest. "Randy, but..."

"I'm not asking you, John, I'm telling you. You need to rest and take care of yourself or else this simple cold will turn into something worse. You know that so please, just do it." Randy responded sternly. He turned away and headed out of the door without another word. After a few steps he stopped, certain John would ignore his wishes and leave the room. When it became apparent he wasn't going to, Randy continued on downstairs, the sound of his children's voices and laughter reaching him.

Randy smiled as he entered the kitchen and saw the children already more than halfway done with lunch. "Wow, I guess you guys were hungry."

Angel looked up and smiled before moving his gaze behind Randy. "Where's Dad?"

Randy sighed but maintained the smile. "He's not feeling very well, guys. I guess the traveling and sun and air conditioning finally got to him and he has a little fever. I told him to stay in bed."

Alanna frowned and stood up. "Does he need something? Maybe we should call the doctor..."

"Yeah, we should. Daddy's not supposed to get sick and we're not home with his real doctor so..." added Angel, an anxious expression on his face.

Randy quickly held up a hand and walked over to his children. "Guys, calm down. Daddy knows how to take care of himself and so do I. It's just a little fever and it's no reason to worry. Let me be the one to worry when the time comes, OK."

Both kids stared back at him, disbelieving looks on their faces and Randy sighed inwardly. "Look, if you guys wanna go see for yourselves, then go up with him. I'm gonna make Dad some soup."

Angel and Alanna quickly took some steps forward but Randy reached for them and pulled them back. "Not so fast. Neither of you finished lunch and you have to clean up that mess first."

His only replies were muffled groans; groans Randy ignored as he headed into the kitchen to make John's soup, for once feeling confidence in what he had told his children. He refused to let his concern override the happiness being in their home bought them all. He would help John get better as soon as possible and make sure the happiness continued.

* * *

Hours later that night, John was awoken by the pain. A muffled groan escaped his lips and John quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. He moved his eyes over to the side of him, where Randy and his children had curled up and fallen asleep after dinner and a movie, all eaten in bed with him earlier. They had all dropped off somewhere down the line of the second movie of the night, including John, who despite still having a fever, had felt better with Randy and the children's attempts to cheer him.

John closed his eyes and parted his lips, taking slow, deep breaths in an effort to calm his pounding head and rising nausea. After a few minutes of no relief, he slowly crawled out of the bed, praying with each step not to disturb his sleeping husband and children. John tiptoed into the bathroom and shut the door. He walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face before wetting a cloth and leaving it pressed to his forehead. He lowered his other hand to the counter, surprised to see it shaking. John stared at his reflection in the mirror and frowned at how gray he looked. He dropped the cloth and gripped the counter with both hands, trying to steady his unsteady body. He sank onto the closed lid of the toilet seat and pulled open a drawer, pulling out the thermometer he had used earlier to take his temperature and sticking it in his mouth. It had been a little over 102 degrees earlier and only lowered to 100 after his second dose of Tylenol and all the fluids Randy had shoved down his throat.

The thermometer beeped and John quickly pulled it out, his eyes widening when he saw it flashing 104.1 degrees in red, a sure sign that he had reached the danger zone. He dropped it from his hand and stood up, gripping the counter top as he wobbled out of the room. John took deep breaths, trying to calm his rising panic and walked as quietly as he could back into the room. He stopped on Randy's side of the bed and knelt on the floor, one hand gripping the mattress while the other shook Randy gently.

"Ran, wake up."

Randy barely responded to John's shakes and continued snoring lightly. John groaned and rested his head on Randy's stomach, shaking him harder but still keeping mind of the children asleep only inches away from the younger man. "Randy, please! I need you to wake up!"

Randy finally reacted, turning over at the sound of John's second plea. He frowned and slowly opened his eyes. "What's going on?"

John lifted his head, his pained eyes meeting Randy's confused ones. "I don't feel good, baby. We need to get me to a doctor and now."

Randy's eyes widened and he quickly sat up, his hand automatically reaching for John's head. If possible, his eyes widened more as he pulled his hand away. "My God, Johnny. Why didn't you wake me sooner?"

John shook his head. "I just woke up myself and took my temperature. I woke you up as soon as I saw how high it was and that nothing had worked to bring it down." He sighed and moved his gaze to the children. "We gotta go, Ran. If I'm telling you I want to go to the hospital, you know I really do feel like shit. Call Cody and Ted and get them here now."

Randy quickly nodded and swung his legs off the bed. He reached down to help John up and lifted him gingerly, hugging him tightly before helping him down onto the bed. "Hold on for me, baby. Just be strong for a little bit longer." He pressed a kiss to John's head before moving away and searching frantically for the phone he discarded earlier.

Randy finally spotted the phone on the top of his dresser and his long legs carried him in that direction. His fingers trembled as he searched for Cody's name and when he found it, he quickly pressed it and held the phone to his ear, anxiously listening to it ring in his ear. Randy felt his heart race even faster with each ring and prayed Cody would answer. His prayers were answered seconds later when Cody's sleepy voice rang in his ear.

"Ran, do you know what time it is? I just got home from the road and I'm exhausted..."

"Cody, please," Randy's voice was desperate and it stopped Cody's lecture immediately. "What's wrong?"

"It's John. He's really sick and I need to get him to a doctor. Please, Codes. I need you here with the kids. I can't drag my kids back into a hospital. They've seen him in a hospital bed too many times already," Randy glanced back at John, who lay on the bed with one hand over his eyes.

"It's OK. I'll be right there. Gimme 5 minutes." Cody answered quickly. "It'll be fine, Ran."

Randy nodded, knowing Cody couldn't see him and ended the call. He walked back over to where John lay and grabbed his hand, shocked that even that part of his body was burning. "Be strong for me, baby. Just a few more minutes."

John nodded slowly, the expression on his face clearly showing the pain he felt. Randy kissed his hand, reaching up to stroke his face as he anxiously awaited Cody's arrival.


	80. Chapter 79

John cracked one eye open, quickly frowning at the bright light and stark white of the hospital room. He scanned the room slowly, his eyes landing on the familiar machines that occupied most rooms he had been in then moving down to his arm, hooked up to said machines. A low groan escaped his lips as his eyes drifted shut once more. "Guess I'm still alive."

"Were you hoping not to be?"

John's eyes both opened at that comment and he turned over, his eyes landing on Randy sitting in the chair beside his bed. "For a minute there I was praying for anything that would make the pain stop."

Randy rolled his eyes and leaned forward, helping John shift over without hurting his arm and the wires. "Well, thankfully the doctor found a way to make it stop without killing you."

John smiled and held onto Randy's hand when he tried to pull away. "I really do feel better. You can get that look off your face."

Randy remained silent, his gaze boring into John's then moving on to survey his body. He finally sat back, looking semi-relaxed. "I know you do. The amount of meds they pumped into you would've made anyone feel better."

"I can't believe this happened. Did the doctors tell you anything?" John frowned and lowered his eyes. "I've had hundreds of colds in my lifetime but I've never had a fever that got that high and a cold that made me feel so bad. It was so scary. I really felt horrible."

"I know you did, Johnny. Don't think about it. Just focus on getting better," Randy quickly leaned back down, resting his elbows on John's bed as one hand stroked his arm comfortingly.

John frowned and looked up, meeting Randy's eyes once more. "Don't tell me not to think about it, Randy. I need to know what's wrong with me. I want to know! Don't hide things from me. What did the doctor tell you?" He turned over in the bed and searched for the call button, quickly finding it and pressing it. "Forget it, I'll ask myself."

Randy quickly stood and walked around John's bed. He grasped the cord and pulled it away from John's hand. "What are you doing? I'm not hiding anything from you. I just don't want you to get agitated, John."

"I don't care if I get agitated or not. Tell me what the doctor told you," John glared up at Randy, who looked back at him in confusion. He slowly nodded down at him and sat on the edge of the bed. "Johnny, I'm not trying to hide anything from you. The doctors just told me you must have picked up a virus or something and with your weak immune system it got really bad before we even knew you had it. They also want you to get another scan. They think you have some swelling in your head and it's why your headaches have come back so strongly."

John let his eyes close and his head drop back in the pillow. He lifted his arm and mumbled, "What am I on?"

"Fluids to help keep your fever down, antibiotics for the virus and meds to keep the swelling in your head down, just in case." responded Randy, gently lowering John's arm back down. He ran his fingers over the skin under John's IV and sighed when he saw the bruise already forming. "Johnny, please. Just rest for today and let's worry about everything tomorrow."

Just as John opened his eyes to respond, a nurse walked into the room, smiling over at the two men. "You rang? What can I do for you?"

"I wanna see my doctor." answered John before Randy could send her away. The nurse nodded and looked down at her watch. "He should be heading this way in about half an hour. He's doing his rounds now and will be pleased to see you awake."

John nodded and watched her leave before turning his gaze back to Randy. The younger man stared at him, disappointment clouding his features before he stood and walked back to his chair. John swallowed another groan and watched Randy walk away from him. "Don't be pissed at me, Ran. I have every right to want to talk to my doctor. I have questions."

"I know you do, John. I just think it could wait. You've been here for almost 12 hours and asleep for 11 and a half of them!" Randy lowered his body back onto the chair, anger starting to seep into his voice. "It just doesn't make sense."

John closed his eyes. "Then leave, Ran. If it bothers you so much, just leave and let me handle it. Go call the kids and tell them I'm OK. Go home and start packing because I know we're gonna have to go back to St. Louis now so...just get out."

Randy's eyes widened and his mouth opened in surprise. He could feel the angry retort on the tip of his tongue but held it back, knowing John didn't mean what he asked of him. He slowly counted to 10 in his head and let out a deep breath. "I'm not going anywhere despite how hard you try to push me away."

John's eyes opened and he quickly narrowed them, ignoring Randy's statement. "Gimme a phone, then. I wanna talk to the kids."

Randy calmly slid his phone out of his pocket and handed it to John. "Here you go. Call Cody's cell. He's with them,"

John stared down at the phone but made no move to make the phone call. "What did you tell them?"

"The truth. You had a fever and had to come to the hospital." Randy crossed his arms over his chest. "Next question,"

John looked back down at Randy's phone in his hand and traced his finger over the picture he saw of himself with his children on the screen. "How did they take it?"

"How do you think?" Randy's voice lowered to a tone John recognized immediately. He lifted his eyes to his husband's and saw the sadness creep onto his face. "I'm sorry you always have to be the one to explain what's happening to the kids."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "John, I don't care about that. It's called being a dad and its my job."

John's smiled back and he nodded. "You're really good at it." He held up the phone and his smile wavered. "I don't know what to say to them,"

"Then don't say anything right now." Randy pulled his chair forward, closer to John's bed and reached for his hand. "Can you just be calm for once? I can see your brain working. You have the same look on your face like when Al is planning something. Just stop for a bit, John. Stop worrying about what's wrong, how the kids are, what meds you're on, whether we have to go back to St. Louis and any other thing in that head. It's not gonna help you get better. Let me handle things and trust that I can. You know I have your best interest at heart so..."

"I know you do, Ran but this is who I am. You know this about me. I've been the same way since the first day you met me and it was one of the things you used to like about me; the fact that I took care of everything," John lowered his gaze down to look at Randy's hand covering him. "I can still take care of things. Cancer didn't take my ability to do that away."

"I know it didn't. I know you could do this on your own. I've seen you do it! You don't have to, though. You have people to help you, me being first on that line. Just let me handle it until you're out of that fucking bed!" Randy's had subconsciously tightened over John's as his frustration grew. "You're already involved in every part of your treatment, John. There's no need to freak out if I ask you to calm down for one day."

"Fine," John held up his free hand and sighed. "You're right."

Randy frowned and moved back slightly. "What? I am?"

"Yeah, you're right. I trust you more than anyone and I know you would never hide anything from me that was really serious." John slowly smiled. "I'm sorry I went a little crazy."

Randy eyed John warily but nodded and slowly felt himself relax. He stroked John's hand slowly, trying to maintain him calm until the doctor decided to arrive. They didn't have long to wait as the doctor entered the room less than 10 minutes later, John's chart in hand.

John quickly sat up at the sight of the unfamiliar man and saw Randy stand from the corner of his eye.

"John, it's nice to see you up." The doctor came closer and John saw the name on his tag read Dr. Michael Ruth.

"It's nice to be up." John stared at Dr. Ruth uncomfortably before turning his eyes to Randy. The younger man smiled over at him and walked to stand beside his bed. "Johnny, this is Dr. Ruth. Dr. Shapiro and him went to med school together and worked together for a few years. He sent him your entire file and trusts him to care for you while here."

John slowly nodded and turned his attention back to the doctor. "OK, then. Tell me what's going on, Dr. Ruth."

Dr. Ruth nodded and sat in the chair previously occupied by Randy. "Very well, John. I'm sure Randy has already given you a rundown on what I've told him but I'll go over it for you. Dr. Shapiro did tell me you were one of his most involved and vocal patients." The man smiled causing one to cross John's face, as well. "Your fever was extremely high when you arrived here, John. As you already know, a fever is a sign your body is fighting off an infection. You could've picked up something from anywhere and due to your weakened immune system, it spiraled into something serious before you even noticed. Randy said you were recently traveling so it could've come from the plane or from the two small children you have. There's no way to know. It doesn't matter where it came from, just that we get it under control. Any fever over 103 degrees in an adult is an urgent sign of need for medical attention and I'm glad you got yourself here to get it. We gave you fluids and antibiotics to immediately start bringing it down and it worked. You're now fever free. However, after looking over your chart and hearing Randy tell me of your complaints of headaches, I think we should get another scan to see how the tumor stands and if it's causing swelling. You've already had one hemorrhage and we would like to prevent another so I started you on some medicine to counteract the swelling just in case it does exist."

John took a deep breath and shook his head. "OK that sounds like a good idea. It sounds like you have everything under control."

Dr. Ruth nodded and slowly stood. "Well, I do have experience at this, John." He smiled and looked down, making some notes on John's chart. He looked up after a few seconds and checked his watch. "I'm going to get someone in here to transport you to the lab. I want this scan done as soon as possible so I can adjust your medicine if necessary. Either way, you shouldn't be here for that long, John. Maybe one more night."

John nodded. "OK, that sounds great." He watched as the doctor exited the room then turned his nervous gaze on Randy. "He seems to be on the ball."

Randy smiled and sat on the edge of John's bed once more. "Of course he is, baby. Dr. Shapiro wouldn't send you to someone he didn't fully trust and I wouldn't allow him near you if I didn't like him. He's smart. Trust him,"

John rested his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. "I hate that I have to get another scan. That means more waiting afterwards for results. That's the worst."

"What's worse is not knowing what's going on in that head, John. We need to know so we can fix it and make you better," said Randy sternly.

"I know. It just stinks, though. I already know they're gonna tell me I'm getting worse. I'm not on any treatment except that stupid pill because even though I'm on all these other meds to boost my immune system, nothing is working! So, if I get back on chemo, I could get sick and if I stay off chemo, I could get sick. I'm stuck in a lose-lose situation now and it stinks," John voice rose as his frustration grew and Randy sighed, unsure of how to calm him. "Johnny, you're right, this situation stinks but all we can do is keep trying to make it and you better."

John opened his mouth to respond but the sound of the door opening distracted him. He watched as a nurse walked in with two orderlies and another stretcher.

"Mr. Cena, you're scheduled for an MRI scan in a few minutes. We have to move you to the radiology lab now."

John sighed and nodded, shooting Randy a glance letting them know their conversation would have to wait. Randy stood up and moved around the bed, letting the orderlies shift John from one bed to the other. The nurse moved around them, arranging John's IV line and the pole holding them up. She plumped his pillow and let him sit up comfortably before moving back and glancing at Randy. "All right, dear, you're all set. Would you like a minute alone with your guest?"

"Yes, he would," answered Randy sharply before John could respond. The nurse frowned and hurried out, shooing the orderlies with her. Randy walked over to the door and shut it securely before turning back to John. "Are you gonna be OK? Do you want me to go with you?"

John lowered his gaze and shook his head. "No. I want you to call the kids and tell them I woke up and I'm fine and I want you to go get some dinner because I know you probably haven't eaten all day. You can get me a burger while you're at it."

Randy walked back over to John and nodded. "I can do that."

"Then, I want you to sit and eat dinner with me and spend the night sleeping in a chair so I don't have to be alone," John smiled sheepishly. "I know it's selfish but it's what I want."

"I'll do anything you want, Johnny," Randy bent down and brushed a soft kiss over John's lips. "I just need you to do one thing for me, though."

John reached up to rest one hand on Randy's neck, stroking it slightly. "Anything,"

"Stop being such a brat. I already have two at home," Randy said sternly as he arched an eyebrow. John quickly smiled and nodded. "I will,"

Randy lowered his lips to John once more, this time giving him a deeper, longer kiss before pulling away. "I love you, Johnny and I have faith everything will be fine. This is just another bump in the road, OK. Trust in all the people who are trying to help you get better and just focus your energy on taking it one day at a time."

"You're right." John took a deep breath. "Just keep reminding me when I have a bratty moment."

"Oh, you know I will." Randy winked down at John before standing and walking to the door. He opened it and nodded at the nurse, allowing her and the two men to enter. They quickly moved over to John and began to wheel him out of the room. John held his hand out to Randy, who quickly grasped it and followed them down the hospital hall. "Tell the kids I love them and that I'm sorry I'm keeping you away from them tonight. Apologize to Cody and Ted, too for ruining their time home."

Randy shook his head and kissed John's hand. "Don't worry about any of that. They all understand. I'll see you in a little while with your burger, OK."

John nodded and quickly slid off his wedding band, placing it in Randy's hand. "Keep it safe. I love you,"

Randy nodded and released John's hand, watching as he continued being pushed down the hall. He slid John's wedding band onto his finger above his own before taking a deep breath and heading for the elevator bank. He averted people's stares and pulled out his cell phone, touching the icon for Cody's cell as he awaited the elevator's arrival.

"Ran! How's it going?"

Randy entered the elevator when it arrived and kept his gaze trained forward as Cody's voice filled his ear. "He's finally awake, Codes. How are the kids?"

"They're OK, Ran but you know they have questions. Teddy and I have been trying to distract them all day but it doesn't seem to be working."

Randy sighed. "I'll talk to them. Put them on," He heard Cody put the phone down and call out for the children and seconds later heard his daughter's voice. "Daddy! Why didn't you call earlier?"

"Ally, gimme the phone! I wanna hear, too"

"I'll tell you what he's saying!"

"OK, you two, let's not argue now. How about we take turns with my phone and not try to yank it out of each other's hands!"

Randy smiled as he heard his children start to bicker and Cody's attempt to stop it but it was to no avail.

He quickly interfered and got Alanna's attention. "Al, put the phone on speaker. Angel has every right to hear and I don't want you guys driving Uncle Cody crazy."

A loud sigh filled his ear before Alanna answered. "OK, you're on speaker."

Randy exited the elevator on the ground floor and headed for the exit. "Angel, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Dad. Where's Daddy? Is he OK?"

Randy walked through the quiet courtyard outside St. Joseph's Hospital and headed for the garage. "Daddy is fine. The doctor's got rid of his fever and are giving him medicine to get rid of whatever he has that gave him the fever. The doctor said he may be able to come home tomorrow."

"Really, Dad? That's so good!" exclaimed Alanna, her voice happier than when the conversation first began.

"You promise, Dad?" asked Angel, still wary.

"There are no promises, guys, but the doctor said if the tests they do on Daddy today come back OK, then yes, he may be able to go home. If the tests show he's still sick, he'll have to stay longer. I will be able to tell you for sure after Daddy's tests are done later tonight." Randy approached his car and opened the door, sliding behind the driver's seat and resting his head on the seat. "I'm gonna go get some dinner now for me and Dad and then we'll call you. Do you two mind if I stay in the hospital with Dad tonight?"

"No, it's OK, Daddy. Stay there," answered Angel quickly.

"Yeah, Daddy needs you and we're OK with Uncle Cody and Teddy." added Alanna.

"Daddy and I love you guys so much. We miss you so much, too." Randy smiled and took a deep breath, happy to have overcome the hurdle of explaining what was happening to his children. "Can I talk to Uncle Cody now? I'll call you again in a few hours."

"OK, Daddy. We love you, too" replied Alanna.

"Love you, Dad," added Angel before he called out for Cody. The young man's worried voice soon filled Randy's ear. "OK, tell me the truth. What's going on?"

"I wasn't lying to the kids. The docs got rid of John's fever and they have him hooked to fluids and meds and he's doing well. They are worried about his headaches starting up again and how unsteady he was all day. I was honest and told them he spent most of the day in bed and they think it has to do with more than the fever. They're doing an MRI right now to see if he has swelling in his head and see how the tumor is doing. We'll know more when the results come back. Either way, I'm guessing they're gonna send us back to St. Louis soon. Whatever has to be done I know John will want it done at home." A shrug escaped Randy before he could stop it.

"OK, well let's just keep hoping that scan comes back clear." Cody let out a deep breath. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm actually staying calm. There's nothing I can do, Codes, either way. There's no point in freaking out." Randy put the phone on speaker and started the car, pulling out of the garage and heading for a nearby diner. "Anyway, I'm gonna call Carol now and let her know what's going on. Maybe she can get on a plane and head down here so she could take the kids. I've already taken up enough of your time at home with Ted."

"Oh, please! Like I care, Ran. You know we love these kids. Not to mention you and John," responded Cody in exasperation.

"I know, Codes. We love you guys, too but you and Ted need your time. Besides, Carol needs to know what's going on and I could use her help keeping John calm so..." Randy trailed off and sighed softly. "I'll call you a little later. I know John is gonna want to speak to the kids before they go to sleep."

"OK, I'll talk to you later then. Promise to eat something, Ran and don't worry about the kids. They're fine with me and Ted for however long they are." replied Cody softly.

"Thanks, Codes," Randy smiled and ended the call. He spotted the sign for one of John's favorite diners in Florida and quickly placed a call for pickup so he wouldn't have to go inside the crowded restaurant.

After ending the call to the diner, Randy parked in the lot and twirled the phone in his hand, debating over whether he should really call Massachusetts and let Carol Cena in on where John was. The desire to hide it so she wouldn't worry was tempting but the fear of her finding out somehow from someone else was more than enough to sway Randy into making the call. He'd rather face Carol's hysterics now than face her wrath later.

Randy took a deep breath and scrolled through his iPhone's favorites list for his mother-in-law's name. He pressed the icon for her name as soon as it appeared in an effort not to lose his nerve. Within seconds his call was answered and her loving voice filled the silence in the car.

"Hi, darling! How's my most handsome son-in-law?"

Randy smiled and shook his head. "I'm your only son-in-law, Mom."

"Well, even if I had another one, you would still be the most handsome," replied Carol, a small laugh escaping her. "How are you, darling? How is your time in Florida going?"

"I'm fine and our time in Florida is going well." Randy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, it was going well. Not so much anymore."

"What? Why?" asked Carol, her voice rising with apprehension. "What's going on, Randy?"

"Calm down, Mom. John is in the hospital..."

"Oh my God, Randy!" interrupted Carol, her voice dripping with fear now.

"No, Mom, calm down!" Randy had to raise his own voice now to be heard by Carol, who had begun screaming for her husband. "Mom, it's just a virus or something! He just had a fever! He's fine now!"

"What? A fever?" asked Carol, her voice still fearful. "Why the hell would he have to go to a hospital for a fever?"

"Because medicine wasn't helping it and rose to over 104. Add that to a headache John had all day and he just needed to be in a hospital. It was his choice and he made the right one. The medicine they gave him in the hospital quickly helped him and he slept it all off." Randy tried to explain as fast as he could in an effort to calm his mother-in-law fully. "They're running an MRI scan on him now to see if there's any swelling in his head. We all know that could happen again and it might be happening now but until the doctor says so, I'm gonna chose to believe he's fine. The doctor said he should be released soon."

"Oh my God, my poor son. For him to want to go to a hospital, he must really have felt horrible." Carol's voice sounded somewhat calmer. "Where are the kids?"

"They're with Ted and Cody and its another reason I called you. Can you come down here and relieve them from babysitting duty? I'm scared they're gonna have to hit the road before John is discharged or that he's gonna be discharged but we'll have to stay in Tampa for awhile before he could travel. I would appreciate your help."

"Of course, darling," Carol responded quickly. "I'll get online right now and book a flight down to Tampa."

A knock on the closed car window drew Randy's attention and he saw a waiter from the diner hold up a large bag. "Your ordered two burger specials?"

Randy nodded and lowered the car window. "Yeah, gimme a minute." He took the bag from the man's outstretched hand and dug through his pockets for his wallet while turning his attention back to the phone on his lap. "Mom, try to get the first flight you can and call me when land. I'll let you know whether to head for home or to go to Ted and Cody's."

"OK, darling, I will. I'll see you soon." Carol ended the call and Randy moved the phone over to the passenger seat. He paid the bill for his and John's dinner and placed it on the seat besides the phone before starting the car and heading back to the hospital. A quick glance at the clock on the dashboard told him he had been gone for a little over an hour and he hoped that had been enough time for John to get his test done and be back in the room.

Thankfully, Randy's prayers were answered and by the time he walked back into John's hospital room, the older man was once again sprawled on his bed, staring at the television.

"Hey, you're back. I'm glad cause I didn't want the food to get cold."

John smiled and sat up in the bed. "Thank God you're back. I'm starving and the nurse tried to give me something that resembled chicken but I wasn't falling for it."

Randy laughed and moved the table in front of John's bed to the side, arranging the food onto it. He handed John his burger and set the platter of fries in the middle so they could both share. John quickly dug into his food, making Randy smile. He watched the older man eat, happy to see him looking like his old self again. The paleness of his face had been replaced by a healthy pink glow and his eyes once again sparkled as they looked up into Randy's face.

"Staring at me while I'm eating is kinda weird, Ran..."

Randy smiled and shook his head, biting into his own burger. He swallowed and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I'm just happy to see you looking so good again."

John smirked and swallowed the final bite of his burger before responding. "I always look good, baby."

Randy rolled his eyes and pushed the plate of fries over to John. "Shut up and keep eating."

John laughed and rested his head on the pillow, slowly munching on some fries. "Yes, dear,"

The men ate quietly for a few minutes, their eyes glued to the random program that played on the television mounted on the wall. Once John pushed aside the plate, signaling that he was done, Randy stood and cleared the table, throwing away the empty containers and washing his hands. He handed John a hand wipe to clean the grease off then disposed of it before collapsing back onto the chair.

"Thanks for dinner, babe. That was the best burger I've ever had."

Randy smiled and nodded. "It was pretty good but not the best. I think you were just hungry, Johnny."

John rubbed his stomach and turned back to the TV before suddenly frowning and turning back to Randy. "You still have my ring. Give it back,"

Randy's smile slowly faded and he pulled John's ring off his finger, slowly twirling it. "I'll give it to you but you have to promise to not get mad when I tell you what I did."

John frowned and slowly stretched his hand forward. "Gimme the ring first,"

Randy rose an eyebrow. "Promise, first."

"I'm in a hospital bed, Randy." replied John, his hand holding steady. Randy sighed and leaned forward, dropping the ring onto John's hand. "Fine but you gotta stop using that to guilt me after today."

John shrugged. "We'll see. Now, tell me what you did."

Randy bit his lip anxiously and mumbled, "I called Carol."

John's eyes widened and he pulled off the wedding band he had slid on, glaring at Randy. "Take the ring back,"

Randy rolled his eyes and stood up, sitting on the edge of John's bed. "Cut it out and put the ring back on. You know I had to call Carol. It was only right."

John slowly slid his wedding band back on but continued to glare at his husband. "Randy, I'm sure you thought it was a good idea but all it probably did was scare her to death. I'm fine and there was no need to call her..."

"Johnny," interrupted Randy, reaching for John's hand and squeezing it gently. "You're a parent. If, God forbid, something like this were happening to Al or Angel, wouldn't you want to know every single detail? Even if it was something as simple as a fever? You wouldn't want them to hide it from you, would you?"

John lowered his gaze, averting Randy's eyes. Randy smiled and lifted John's hand to his lips, kissing it gently. "Baby, Carol deserves to know what's happening no matter how simple we think it is. Besides, I also wanted to make sure I have backup for the kids. We don't really know when you're gonna be discharged and Cody and Ted have to hit the road tomorrow."

John sighed and nodded. "Fine, fine. When she gets too much for me to handle, though, I expect you to distract her."

"I will, baby, don't worry." Randy smiled and quickly nodded.

"She won't even have to stay long. I'm sure the doctor is gonna let me go home tomorrow. I feel better so there's probably nothing wrong." John looked up at the clock and noticed it approaching 9:00pm. "I wish they would come in and give me my results from the scan, though. I don't remember it taking this long last time."

"Don't stress out about that now. We just had a great dinner and you're feeling better so let's not ruin it, John," said Randy sternly. He took the remote from where John had thrown it near his leg and flipped through the channels, stopping when he came upon a baseball game. "Look, sports. Let's watch."

John smiled. "You hate to watch sports on TV,"

Randy frowned and shook his head, settling back down on the chair. "No, I don't. I like it...kinda."

John laughed and held out his free hand. "Come here,"

Randy stood and walked back to John's bed, sitting on the edge once more. John tugged him down to him and joined their lips, moaning when he felt Randy's tongue licking his lips. He opened his mouth and seconds later felt the younger man's tongue in his mouth. John wrapped his arms around Randy's neck and deepened the kiss. He pulled Randy closer, tugging him down on top of his body and soon found himself being pressed into the soft mattress. John pulled back from the kiss but left his lips lightly touching Randy's. "I love you so much,"

Randy nodded and pressed his lips to John's once more. He kissed him deeply, their tongues tasting each other before moving his lips down to John's neck. He licked and bit on John's collarbone, eliciting a soft sigh from the older man before pulling away and trailing his lips up to John's ear. "I love you, too, baby." He sighed softly and stood up from the bed, moving back to his chair.

John watched him with a small smirk. "Are you wishing we were home, too?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "For many reasons,"

"Speaking of home, gimme the phone. I wanna talk to the kids before they go to sleep." John held out his hand and Randy handed him his phone. John quickly pressed the icon for Cody's name and seconds later smiled as he heard his children's voice ring through. Randy watched him for a few minutes before standing up and walking to the door. He figured he would get an update from the nurses while John was distracted but as he exited the room, he found himself only a few feet away from John's doctor.

"Hey, Dr. Ruth. I was just coming to see if I could get an update on John's test and when he'll be getting out of here..."

Dr. Ruth looked over to him and nodded, motioning him closer. The men walked into an empty room a few doors away from John's and the doctor closed the door securely behind them. Randy frowned as a feeling of dread started working its way up his spine. "What's wrong?"

Dr. Ruth sat on the edge of the empty hospital bed and motioned for Randy to sit on the chair across from him. He folded his hands on his lap and cleared his throat. "I just off the phone with Dr. Shapiro. I called to give him an update on how John was doing and let him know of the results of his MRI scan. Dr. Shapiro advised me to speak with you before I gave John his results."

Randy nodded and began to tap his foot anxiously on the floor. "OK, so go ahead."

"Randy, as you know, John's tumor has shown no sign of improvements despite the two rounds of treatment he has undergone. The tumor has actually grown in size and because of John's weakened system, he has not been able to continue treatment to combat the growth. I have given my opinion to Dr. Shapiro on how I would handle this and he agrees with me." Dr. Ruth took a deep breath. "At this point, allowing John to continue without chemotherapy or radiation is not wise. He must be on something stronger than the Procarbazine and Lomustine pills he's on now otherwise the tumor will continue growing and that will bring about a whole new set of problems, the most serious being seizures and another hemorrhage."

Randy suddenly felt the food he had eaten working its way up his trachea and he desperately tried to hold it down. "OK, so if he does another round of chemo or radiation, the tumor will start shrinking, right?"

"The chemotherapy and radiation will help bring John's tumor under control so his medical team can manage it as best they can, Randy. They will work on preventing the possibilities of seizures and hemorrhages and the random viruses that will bring him into the ER. They will work as hard as they can make things more comfortable for him." Dr. Ruth maintained his gaze focused on Randy. "It's time to start discussing the possibility that all we can do with John's tumor is manage it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Randy frowned and shook his head. "No, I don't. Is the treatment gonna work or not? What do you mean by manage it? What happened to helping John get better...period?"

"Randy," Dr. Ruth took another deep breath. "It's time we start talking about John's tumor realistically. It's not getting better and it's doubtful that it ever will. We have to face reality here; as painful as it may be."

Randy's eyes widened but he lowered them in embarrassment when he felt them watering. "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. You can't be telling me that..."

Dr. Ruth stood and placed his hand on Randy's shoulder. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Randy but the chances of John making it through this are slim to none."

Randy felt the first drop land on his clenched hands in his lap and he quickly bought one up to wipe the tears away from his face. He shook his head frantically at the doctor and stood, backing away from his hand. "No, you don't know what you're talking about. John's gonna be fine. Go look at him! Go look at him right now! He's happy and laughing and he looks perfect! You have no fucking clue what you're talking about!"

Dr. Ruth lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Randy. This is never easy news to deliver. I'll give you a minute to yourself but I'll be in my office if you need me."

Randy barely heard his words and the door closing after the doctor's exit. He slowly walked over to the door and rested against it, his mind spinning with hundreds of unasked questions, the main one being why this was happening to John. Randy's eyes filled with tears once more and it wasn't long until he slumped to the ground, his head on his knees as the tears turned into guttural sobs.


	81. Chapter 80

Randy's tears had long since dried by the time he entered Dr. Ruth's office, the door slamming behind him. He hardened his expression and the only sign he'd had an emotional breakdown was the slight swelling that still remained around his eyes. Dr. Ruth looked up as he entered and closed the file he was reading on his desk.

"Can I help you, Randy?"

Randy nodded, his eyes cold. "I want to know when John is going to be released. I want to get him back to St. Louis as soon as possible so Dr. Shapiro can take over his care."

"Well, John's fever is gone and he's doing well. As long as John continues the course of antibiotics until they're finished and remains on the anti-inflammatory medicine for his head, he should be fine until Dr. Shapiro decides the next course of treatment that would be best for him." Dr. Ruth pushed a piece of paper over so Randy could read it. "Those are John's discharge papers. I've already signed them so he could be released first thing tomorrow morning."

Randy glanced down at the paper, skimming over John's name. He spotted the doctor's signature and raised his eyes back to the man. "Good. So this means you won't be visiting him again today?"

Dr. Ruth frowned and shrugged. "Well, I'll give him a quick checkup before he leaves but other than that..."

"Let's get one thing straight," interrupted Randy, walking over to Dr. Ruth's desk and leaning down so he could stare into the doctor's eyes. "You will not be telling John what you told me earlier. Is that understood?"

Dr. Ruth pulled his chair back and sighed. "Randy, I can only imagine how you're feeling after receiving such devastating news and I can appreciate you wanting to protect John from feeling the same but hiding this from him is not the right thing to do. He must know the truth about what's going on with him and his chances of survival. It's his right to know and as his doctor, I must be honest..."

"You are not his doctor!" Randy cut off Dr. Ruth once more, his voice rising with anger. "His doctor is back in St. Louis and he will be the one to tell John anything, not you."

Dr. Ruth sighed and slowly nodded. "Fine, Randy. I will accept that and let Dr. Shapiro discuss things with John." He slowly stood and walked around the desk, John's paperwork in his hand. "I will give him a call in St. Louis and let him know of your decision. I'll also encourage him to have the discussion with John as soon as possible."

Randy glared at Dr. Ruth before turning around and exiting his office. He continued down the hall to John's bedroom, glancing back at him out of the corner of his eye and seeing him stop at the main desk to drop of John's papers. Taking a deep breath, Randy pushed open the door to John's room and walked inside, surprised to see the television now off and only the small lamp beside the bed lit. John turned over at the sound of the door opening and smiled sleepily at Randy. "Hey, baby. Where'd you go?"

Randy walked over to the chair that had become his makeshift and sank down onto it. He quickly reached for John's hand and smiled. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I went to go see if your results were back and lost track of time."

John frowned as Randy slid the chair closer to his bed, bending to place a kiss on his hand. "Are you OK, Ran? Your face looks weird...your eyes are..."

"I think my allergies are acting up. You know this Florida weather gets me all stuffy," Randy shook his head and laughed softly. "One of the nurses gave me an antihistamine so I'll be OK."

John smiled in relief and nodded. "Good. Last thing I want is you getting sick, too."

"Don't worry about me and just get some sleep, baby. We get to go home tomorrow and we'll be on a flight to St. Louis before you know it." Randy leaned forward and placed a kiss on John's forehead, trailing his lips down his face to land on his lips. John lifted a hand to wrap around Randy's neck and held him close, deepening the kiss. Randy pulled away with a sigh and smiled. "Get some rest, Johnny. I'll be right here all night, OK."

John nodded and let his eyes drift shut as Randy turned off the light near his bed. He was asleep within minutes but sleep would elude Randy most of the night.

* * *

The next day was a blur of activity for Randy as he tried to get everything done as fast as he could. His only goal for the day was to end it on a flight to St. Louis. He was more thankful for his family and friends that day more than any other because from the minute he'd entered the home with John, they had kept the older man occupied and allowed him to pack for everyone and arrange the flight needed to go back home. It had also allowed him the privilege of a few minutes in private where he was able to call Dr. Shapiro and confirm that Dr. Ruth had called him and let him know of John's latest test result. The doctor had agreed with his Tampa colleague and urged Randy to bring John in as soon as they arrived so they could discuss with John his latest status. Randy had quickly ended the call, unable to deal with that thought just yet.

"Hey, you planning on taking a break for lunch? Carol made some sandwiches and asked me to come get you,"

Randy zipped the final piece of luggage and shook his head at his friend. "No, Ted, thanks. I'm not hungry and I'm trying to get everything done..."

"So, let me help you." Ted walked further into the room and picked up two bags. "Want me to take these downstairs or do you need something else done here?"

Randy shook his head again, avoiding Ted's gaze. "No, just leave it. I have a couple more things I need to do up here. Why don't you go back downstairs with everyone?"

Ted frowned and lowered the bags back down to the ground. "Randy, why are hiding up here? You're avoiding everyone. What's going on?"

Randy frowned and finally met Ted's confused stare. "I don't know what you're talking about, Ted. I'm not avoiding anyone. I'm trying to pack for 4 people and find another camp for the kids so they could have something to do back home and I need to make some appointments for John."

"You've been up here since this morning, though! How long does packing and phone calls take?" Ted shook his head. "Be honest with me, Ran. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I could help you."

"No one can help me, Ted!" snapped Randy. He pointed to the door and glared at his young friend. "Will you just get the hell out of here now?"

Ted's frown deepened and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Not gonna happen. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on,"

"I told you already! Nothing is wrong! Will you just get the fuck out and leave me be?" Randy tried to keep his voice level but found it rising as his patience ran out. "You're so irritating, Ted."

"I don't think I'm irritating, Randy. I think I'm being a friend." Ted ignored Randy's anger and walked over to his bed, lowering his body to it. "I've known you long enough to know when something is wrong and you should know by now that I won't stop pestering you until you tell me what it is."

Randy rolled his eyes and ignored him, moving over to the computer and firing it up. Ted smiled and stretched out on the bed. "Keep ignoring me but I'm not going anywhere. You know I'm only bugging you to tell me because I'm your friend and I love you."

Randy tried to focus his eyes on the computer screen before him as it listed the countless number of day camps available in Missouri. He found his eyes blurring and when he blinked, he was surprised to see a tear roll down his cheek. Randy quickly wiped it away before Ted could notice but he could feel more coming. He had held it together since the night before and the last thing he wanted to do was lose it, especially in front of Ted but he couldn't seem to hold back. Randy lowered his head and forced himself to take deep breaths, trying to calm down.

Ted frowned as he watched Randy's back began to rise and fall rapidly. He quickly stood up from the bed and walked over to the desk, wrapping an arm around his friend. His eyes widened when he noticed tears spilling from Randy's eyes and he quickly grabbed Randy's hand. "Ran, what's wrong? You're really freaking me out now."

Randy shook his head and covered his mouth as a sob escaped it. "I'm sorry, Teddy. I didn't want to do this."

"Didn't want to do what; cry? I don't care about that! I care about what's making you look like you're about 2 minutes from a nervous breakdown." Ted wrapped his arms around Randy and lifted him from the chair, embracing him tightly. "Please talk to me, Ran."

Randy shook his head against Ted's and tried pulling away. "I can't do this, Ted. I have a house full of people and they can't see me break down like this. I can't let the kids or John see me, Ted, I just can't..."

Ted held onto Randy even as he tried to pull back. "Calm down, Randy! Just relax! I'll make sure the door is closed. No one is gonna come up here anyway. They're all eating lunch and focused on John."

Randy's eyes darted nervously to the door and he nodded. Ted relaxed his hold on him and walked over to the door, ensuring it was locked before walking back to where Randy still stood. He wrapped an arm over his shoulders and led him to the bed. The men sat down and Ted kept his arm firmly secured around Randy. "Talk to me, Ran. Nothing can be that bad and you know we'll all be here no matter what."

"Yes things can be that bad. Things **are** that bad. They're fucking horrible!" Randy kept his head lowered as his eyes filled again.

"How? Tell me why and how they're bad and maybe we can fix it," Ted rubbed Randy's back soothingly. "Everything has a solution, Ran."

"Really?" asked Randy, lifting his head up and meeting Ted's concerned look. "Then, tell me what the solution is for when a doctor tells you your husband is going to die."

Ted's eyes widened and his hand slipped from Randy's body down to the bed. "What?"

Randy nodded and lifted his hand to wipe his face clean. "The doctor told me last night that John isn't improving and is actually getting worse and that his chance of surviving was slim to none."

Ted shook his head and stood up, beginning to pace the floor. "No, that's impossible. How could that be? Did they see him...I mean, he looks fine! I don't understand..."

"Neither do I but according to them John is pretty much a lost cause. All they can do is manage the tumor, whatever the hell that means." Randy took a deep breath and tried to get control over his emotions. "I don't know what to do, Ted. What can I do?"

Ted's mouth opened to respond but he quickly closed it when he couldn't think of the words. He shrugged and Randy saw his own eyes water. "I don't know, Ran. What can we do? My God, this is a fucking nightmare!"

Randy lowered his head once more when he saw the devastated look on Ted's face. "God, I'm sorry I told you. This is why I tried to stay away from everyone today. I knew I was gonna break down at one point and I don't want you guys to have to worry about this."

Ted frowned and quickly walked back over to Randy. "Ran, stop. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own! You have a family who loves you and will help you through anything and you have friends who feel the same way. You don't need to put up the strong guy act in front of us and neither does John! I'm surprised he's stayed calm down there all day."

"That's because he doesn't know, Ted," Randy looked up at Ted, his eyes widening. "The doctor didn't tell him last night and neither did I. You can't say anything to him, you hear me? You have to promise me you won't say anything to anyone, even Cody."

"But Randy," started Ted but he was quickly cut off by Randy grabbing his hand. "No, Ted, no buts. I don't want anyone but Dr. Shapiro talking to John about this. He's the best person to explain this to him and answer any questions he may have."

Ted sighed and slowly nodded, sinking down beside Randy. "How are we going to get through this, Ran? John's my best friend! I can't lose him, I can't!"

"Take what you're feeling right now and multiply it by a million and then maybe you'll know what **I'm** feeling right now. The thought of losing John has me..." Randy stopped and let out a deep breath. "Don't we sound like two selfish motherfuckers right now? All we're thinking about is ourselves."

"God, you're right. We are," Ted looked down at his foot tapping anxiously on the floor. "It's a valid question, though. If John doesn't make it through this, all of our lives will change. He would leave behind so many people who love him, especially you and the kids...my God; the kids can't go through that..."

"Ted, please. You're fucking killing me. Don't you think I've thought enough about that over the last few hours? I know our lives will change! I would be losing my husband and my kids would be losing a father!" Randy stood and tried to control the volume of his voice. "I need to get John out of here and back to St. Louis because there has to be something those doctors can do, Ted! I can't sit here and cry any longer. I have to find a way to save John."

Ted nodded and wiped his face clean, a look of determination replacing the look of sadness. Randy quickly followed suit and took a deep breath. "I guess I gotta face everyone downstairs at one point, right?"

Ted nodded, a small smile on his face. "You can do it. You're the strongest person I know, Ran and no matter what happens, you can do this."

Randy nodded and glanced at his face in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. He saw Ted doing the same over his shoulder and stepped aside, heading for the door. After exchanging a quick glance and nod with his younger friend, Randy unlocked the door and pulled it open, stepping out into the hall and nearly crashing into John. "Whoa! What are you doing?"

John braced himself on Randy's chest and laughed. "Coming to get you for lunch. We sent Ted up and he's been gone for like an hour!"

"Oh, yeah!" Ted quickly stepped forward around Randy's body and laughed nervously. "I was in the bathroom. My stomach is killing me so I just lay down for a bit and Randy kept me company. I'm good now, though so we can all go eat…"

John raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Your stomach hurt, huh? OK, then." He moved aside and let Ted hurry down the hall before turning his gaze to Randy. "His stomach hurt?"

Randy shrugged dismissively and started to move forward. "Yeah, but he's fine now. Let's go grab some lunch, too."

John frowned and placed himself in Randy's path. "What's wrong?"

Randy quickly answered and tried to move around John's body. "Nothing's wrong except I'm hungry. Can we go eat?"

John took a step to the side but maintained the frown. "You sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yes, baby." Randy forced a smile on his face and continued down the hall. He was only inches away from the stairs when he heard John's voice one more time.

"Randy, I know."

Randy turned around, his heart beginning to race at John's somber tone. He met John's piercing stare and licked his suddenly dry lips. "Know what?"

"I spoke to Dr. Ruth last night. I know what he told you." John held his hand out to Randy and smiled tentatively. "Come back here. Let's talk about this,"

Randy remained frozen where he was, his eyes wide as he tried to think of a way to make John think he was mistaken. He shook his head and took a step back, almost stumbling on the stairs. "I don't know what you're talking about."

John quickly walked over to Randy and grabbed his hand, tugging him forward. "Will you come here? You're gonna kill yourself on the fucking stairs!"

Randy pulled back on his hand but John held firm and began dragging him to their room. "John, stop it! Let go of me! I don't know what you're talking about and I want to go downstairs now. Will you just let me go?"

John pulled Randy into their bedroom and planted himself in front of the closed door after finally releasing Randy's arm. "Randy, that's enough. We need to talk about this. I already know. The doctor told me so there's no reason to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm getting worse and it doesn't look good."

Randy rubbed the skin on his wrist where John had grabbed him. His mind spun, desperately trying to think of a way out of this situation but he knew there was no way when he saw John shake his head. He sighed deeply and whispered, "How?"

"I went to see Dr. Ruth last night. It was really late and you were asleep. I hadn't heard back about the results of my scan and I wanted to know what was going on. One look at his face and I knew." John shrugged and tentatively approached Randy. "One of his nurses slipped up and told me you had been to see him earlier so I put two and two together. I figured you probably told him not to tell me but your reaction just now confirmed it for me."

Randy's eyes quickly watered and he shook his head. "Johnny, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you. I just wanted to get you home and have Dr. Shapiro look at you and…"

John quickly closed the distance between him and Randy and pulled the younger man into his arms. "I'm not mad at you, baby. I understand. It's OK. Just calm down."

Randy shook his head and pulled away, an incredulous look on his face. "Why are you making me feel better? Shouldn't you be the one falling apart? Shouldn't I be comforting you?"

John wiped a stray tear off Randy's face and smiled. "Baby, I've known this was a possibility from day one. You're the one who's never wanted to accept it."

"So, you feel nothing?" asked Randy, a confused frown on his face. John sank onto the bed, pulling Randy down with him. "Oh, I feel many things. I'm angry and terrified! I don't want to die, Ran. I don't want to leave all the people I love so much in this world, you topping that list. I'm just trying to keep it together until we get home and get more details from Shapiro."

"That's all I wanted, too. Just to get you home and to your real doctor," Randy looked down at his lap. "I'm so scared, Johnny. I can't lose you."

John smiled and gently lifted Randy's head, forcing their eyes to meet. "I know, baby. Knowing that it's a possibility and hearing a doctor tell you it's practically a sure thing are two completely different things. When that doctor told me my chances of survival were slim to none, I thought my world was ending right at that moment. I hated him for telling me, I hated God for making me sick and I hated everyone in this world who was going to get to grow old with their spouse and get to see their children grow up because at that moment I realized that I wasn't going to be able to. That is my reality. I won't get to die as an old man after seeing the kids grow up and get married. I won't get to live the rest of my life with you. I won't…" John trailed off as his throat clogged with emotion and he quickly stood up and walked to the desk.

Randy's heart broke with every word John said and he couldn't stop from standing and following him to where he stood. He wrapped his arms around John's waist from behind and held him tightly, kissing the side of his head repeatedly. "Don't stop fighting just yet, baby. Maybe there's something Dr. Shapiro knows that this one didn't. Maybe there's another clinic we could go…another type of medicine we could try."

John turned over in Randy's embrace. He shook his head and kept his eyes lowered. "I'll meet with the doctors and I'll do whatever course of treatment they recommend next for me but if I don't get better after that one, I'm done. I told you once before and I'll tell you again. After the doctors tell me they've done all they can do, I refuse to go on any wild goose chases. I will choose to live however long they tell me I have left with my family and friends and not in a hospital room taking shit that we all know won't help." A tear slipped down his face but John quickly wiped it away. "There's no getting me to change my mind this time, Randy."

Randy shook his head and tightened his hold on his husband. "I won't make you. I'll do whatever you want, baby."

John buried his face in Randy's neck and lifted his lips to the younger man's ears. "I'm guessing the reason you were up here with Ted was because he knows but let's not tell anyone else yet, please. I can't deal with that just yet."

Randy nodded and ran his fingers over John's face in a soft caress. "It's OK, Ted is the only one who knows and it's because he came up here and saw me fall apart. No one else has to know right now."

"I'm sorry, baby. You got the short end of the stick when you picked me as a husband," John snorted sarcastically and tried to pull away but Randy held him tightly against his body. The younger man frowned down at John and shook his head. "That's not funny, John. Don't ever joke about that."

John rolled his eyes and tried to push Randy's hands off his waist but it was to no avail. "Ran, you got screwed when you married Sam and now you're getting screwed after marrying me. The only good thing you got out of both marriages was a kid."

Randy's frown deepened and he finally released John from his hold. "What are you talking about…"

"I'm not gonna be around, Ran!" John's voice rose in anger and his eyes darted nervously to the door. He took a deep breath and trying to regain control. "I'm gonna die and you're gonna be all alone and you'll have given it all up for nothing. You married me expecting us to live together, happily until we were old and grey. You let me in Al's life as her father. You adopted another child with me. You did all of that expecting us to have a long life together and here it is only a few years later and I'm gonna die. You got screwed. I wish I would've known this was gonna happen…I wish there had been someway to predict this. I would've never put you through this, Randy."

Randy shrugged and walked back over to where John stood. "Well, I would have. I wouldn't give up my life with you, no matter how short it was, for anything in this world, John."

"This is putting you through hell, Randy. I'm putting you through hell. I'm hurting you and I hate it," John found himself wrapped in Randy's embrace once more, the younger man holding onto him tightly. "Listen to me and get this through your head. I love you and I will never regret any amount of time God granted me with you, John. I will always love you for the rest of my life."

John held onto Randy tightly, drawing on his strength. He vowed to remain wrapped in Randy's arms for as long as he had left.


	82. Chapter 81

**July 2014**

"OK, John so sign here and we'll have your room ready for check in tomorrow morning!"

John raised an eyebrow at the chipper nurse who held out her clipboard and asked him to sign the hospital's paperwork with the amount of excitement she should be saving for someone who'd just won the lottery. He quickly scribbled his name on the bottom of the form and stepped back, almost blinded by her final smile to him as she retreated. A sarcastic snort escaped him as he turned around to meet Randy's eyes. "I must really be dying because she was way too nice to me."

Randy rolled his eyes, already used to the jokey attitude John had adopted in regards to his diagnosis. "You're so hysterical, John. Can we get the hell out of here now?"

John smiled and nodded. "Sure but we may as well get used to this part of the hospital. I'm gonna be spending a lot of time here as things get worse and I get closer to meeting that big guy in the sky."

Randy narrowed his eyes and glared at the older man. "John, I'm two seconds away from kicking your..."

"All right!" interrupted John before Randy could finish his threat. "That was my last joke, I promise!" He laughed and extended his hand over to Randy, who took it and pulled him toward the bank of elevators. John looked around the large hall as they walked down the quiet floor and frowned as a sudden thought hit him.

"Did you see how much it's gonna cost for me to stay here for 3 weeks?"

Randy glanced down momentarily at John and shrugged before turning his attention back to the elevator. "Not really. It doesn't matter to me so I didn't even bother to ask. Did you?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't looking for it. I just signed the form and happened to see it at the bottom." John shook his head, a small smile on his face. "Don't we sound like conceited assholes?"

"No, I don't think so. We're just lucky, John. We don't have to look at price. We busted our asses to make the money we have and we shouldn't feel guilty about it," responded Randy, pulling John into the elevator as it opened.

"I understand that and I don't feel guilty about the money but it's just amazing to me how expensive healthcare is, you know." John sighed loudly. "Promise me something?"

Randy nodded, his eyes locked onto John's face. "Anything,"

"After I'm gone, do something good with the money that's left, OK?" John smiled and shrugged. "After you take care of everything I leave behind and our families and put the kids through college, I want you to do something for people who aren't as lucky as I was."

Randy looked away and turned his attention to the panel above the elevator, watching as the numbers went down. "I don't wanna talk about that, John."

"OK. It's OK. I just wanted to throw it out there," John bit his lip and glanced at Randy out of the corner of his eye. The younger man avoided his stare and kept his eyes focused on the elevator doors, tugging him out when they finally opened.

"Come on, Ran. This was just one of the things that's gonna be on my final request paperwork. I'm gonna leave you a huge list of stuff I want done after I die. It's gonna be like that movie with that girl who keeps finding letters from her husband after he dies and the letters kinda help her go on with her life..." John trailed off as Randy glared at him once more. "John, our lives are not some corny ass chic flick."

John laughed loudly, releasing Randy's hand as he moved ahead of him into the garage. "I want you to smile, babe. I'm trying to pull one out of you! What's it gonna take?"

Randy walked ahead of John, pulling the car keys out of his pocket and disabling the alarm. "Give it up, John, it's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna be happy Randy after just having signed paperwork that's gonna confine you to this place for 3 weeks!" He slid into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind him.

John sighed and slowly slid into the passenger seat, his hand stopping Randy's from starting the car. "Ran, I get it. You're upset. So am I, baby but we can't let this run our lives. I refuse to stop making corny jokes and laughing and I won't stop trying to make you smile again. I won't have our lives turn into a constant repeat of yesterday." He stopped and sighed, resting his head on the back of his seat.

Randy groaned softly and shook his head. "Well, even if I'm not ready to joke about this situation, I have to agree with you there. I can't have any more days like yesterday."

John turned his head over slightly, watching as Randy's eyes shut, both men lost in the memory of the previous night with their families.

* * *

_**The Day Before...**_

_Randy sighed as he placed the final sandwich on the platter. He took a step back to survey the food and bumped into another body behind him. _

"_Do you need any help, darling?" _

_Randy spun around at the sound of his mother's soft spoken question and quickly shook his head. "No, I'm OK. I'll be right out."_

_Elaine frowned at the nervous tone in Randy's voice but quickly nodded. She turned and exited the room just as John entered with an empty pitcher. He smiled at his mother-in-law and stopped to place a kiss on her head before she exited the room completely. John turned his gaze over to Randy, who stood beside the counter with the platter of sandwiches in his hands. _

"_We'd better get those out there. The natives are growing restless and I figure I can distract them with food. I wanna prolong this announcement for as long as I can."_

_Randy sighed and placed the platter back down on the counter. "John, no amount of food is gonna make today go any easier. The only thing that will make this easier is not doing it! Don't tell them anything, please! It's still too soon and this last treatment may work..."_

"_Randy, I am done with hiding things from our loved ones. They need to know where I stand and how bad I really am. I won't hide my illness from our family. I know its gonna be hard for them to hear but they need to hear it. I don't want my death, if it comes to that, to come as a surprise to anyone," John walked over to Randy and took linked their hands together. "I need to tell them all of my decision. One more treatment, one more chance. If it doesn't work, I want them to know what's going to happen and I want them to be prepared so they can all be here for me and for you when I'm gone, baby."_

_Randy shook his head. "I don't think I can go out there and do this, Johnny. How can we do this to our family? They think they're here to have fun for a couple of weeks, all the kids together..."_

"_You don't have to do anything but stand beside me, Ran." John squeezed Randy's hands, still enveloped by his. His eyes pleaded for Randy to understand and support him. _

"_OK, let's just get this over with. I think they already know we're hiding something. Your mom keeps looking at me," Randy smiled reluctantly and pulled his hands out of John's grasp. "I thought I had mastered the best glare."_

"_Nothing can top the Mom glare, baby," John laughed softly and let Randy move in front of him. He watched him enter the family room and took a deep breath before slowly following. _

"_All right, everyone, dig in." Randy placed the platter of sandwiches on the large dining room table and took a step back, watching as his brothers were the first to attack the plate. He smiled and continued on into the family room where his and John's parents were, talking softly beside the large window overlooking the front yard. Carol glanced up as he entered and raised an eyebrow, causing Randy to stop in his tracks. A clap on his back made him jump and spin around but his annoyance was short lived when he realized the person had saved him from Carol's piercing stare._

"_I don't get how you can even make a sandwich taste so damn good, Ran. It's a gift," Nathan wrapped his free arm around Randy's shoulder and smiled happily before taking another bite. _

"_Thanks, bro," Randy forced the smile to remain on his face and walked over to the sofa, Nathan attached on his hip. "Aren't you gonna eat?"_

_Randy shook his head, the smile faltering. "No, my stomach kinda hurts."_

_Nathan frowned and took another bite of his sandwich. "That stinks, bro. This food is awesome,"_

_Randy nodded but remained silent, his eyes on the carpet. He could hear the shuffling of people's footsteps around the room as they walked in and out of the dining room for food. He closed his eyes tightly as the patterns on the rug began to blur and he took a deep breath. _

"_Randy, you OK? You're breathing like you just ran a marathon!" _

_Randy lifted his eyes to meet his sister's concerned stare as she looked down on him from her position beside where Nathan sat, the same look of concern on his face. "I'm fine, guys. I just don't feel so well, you know."_

"_Maybe you should go upstairs, sweetie. We can clean up and I can go pick up the kids from Sam's house later..." began Becky but Randy quickly stood and enveloped her in a hug. "No, don't worry. I'll be fine."_

_Randy smiled down at his brother and took his now empty plate. He quickly walked away and almost crashed into John as he entered the family room. John frowned in concern and reached for Randy's hand. "What's up, babe? Where are you going?"_

"_I need some air. I feel like I can't breathe in there, John. I have so many eyes on me and it's driving me crazy. They all know, John! They know they're here for something and that it's bad!" Randy gripped John's hands and shook his head. "I can't do this, John, I'm sorry."_

_John nodded and pulled Randy in for a hug, holding him tightly in an effort to calm him. "OK, baby then don't. I'll go in there and do it by myself."_

"_That's not fair to you. How can I let you walk in there alone, John?" Randy pulled away from John's hug and walked over to the counter, gripping the edges as he bent over. "God, I hate myself,"_

_John quickly walked over to where Randy stood bent over and ran his hand up the younger man's back. "Stop it, Randy. Stop tormenting yourself over this. You're only human. Nowhere does it say you're supposed to be so damn strong all the time. Just let me handle this one,"_

"_Handle what?"_

_John spun around at the sound of his mother's voice, his eyes wide. He saw Randy quickly stand up straight, a similar expression on his face. Carol stared at both of them in frustration and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't wanna be an annoying mother or mother-in-law but it's so damn obvious that you two are hiding something and you're not doing a very good job at it! All you're doing is making everyone outside get nervous so I would appreciate it if you just come clean."_

"_You're right, Mom and I'm going to. Get everyone to drop the food for a few minutes and I'll be right out, OK," John smiled nervously at his mother and motioned towards the door. Carol eyed him warily but nodded before heading back towards the door. _

"_OK, I'm gonna go do this and I want you to sit down and eat something because you haven't all day." John placed a kiss on the side of Randy's head and walked out of the room before his nerve could escape him. __All eyes turned to John as he entered the family room and he smiled nervously. "Hey guys,"_

"_Johnny, what's going on, son?" John Sr. took a step forward and tried to approach his son but John held up a hand. "Dad, just have a seat with everyone else, please."_

_John sighed and moved his glance over to the rest of his and Randy's combined family. "I need to talk to you guys about something very serious. It's one of the reasons Randy and I called you all and invited you here for the week. I just ask that you all listen and not talk until I'm done, OK?"_

_Matt smiled over at him and nodded encouragingly. "OK, Johnny. We're all ears and shut mouths," _

_John nodded back and took a deep breath. "When I got sick in Florida you all know I had to go to the hospital. Well, while I was there, they took an MRI and saw that the tumor has grown a bit more since I've been off the chemo. The doctor called Shapiro here at his hospital and they both agreed that I'm not getting any better. They've decided I should do one more course; a very intense course of treatment to see if that has any effect on me. If it doesn't, then it's up to me. I can decided to continue or not and I've decided to not continue."_

"_John..." interrupted Carol but John quickly shook his head. "Don't, Mom. I don't want to hear it right now. I've made my decision and nothing you or anyone says can convince me otherwise. If this last round of treatment doesn't work then I'm done. I refuse to live however long they give me in a hospital room. I'd rather spend it with the people I love; with all of you."_

_Everyone remained silent as John finished and he had to look away from all the eyes on him, their looks of shock and sadness overwhelming him. He used the back of the large sofa to hold himself up but found himself tapping his foot on the floor when no one had spoken minutes later. "All right, someone has to say something or I'm gonna go crazy here."_

"_Fine, I'll say something," Carol stood up, her shock being replaced by determination. "I want to know where my son has gone because this person standing before me isn't him! My son would fight until his last breath escaped him! You're just giving up!"_

_John shook his head. "I'm not giving up, Mom. There are lots of ways to fight and I've done them all. I have to know when to bow out, though. I won't feel like I'm giving up if I've given it all I have."_

"_John, son," John Sr. walked over to where John stood and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He shot his wife a wordless plea to keep quiet while he addressed their son. "There are so many hospitals around the world with different treatments for cancer. You've only been treated here in St. Louis. Maybe some other doctors will know different treatments...maybe if you go somewhere else..."_

"_Dad, Dr. Shapiro is one of the world's best and I have gotten other opinions on my condition." John smiled and shrugged. "Don't you think I would do that? Can't you have faith in me and the choice I've made for myself?" His smile faded and he pulled away from his father's hug and walked into the middle of the room, scanning the faces of his in-laws and siblings, who still hadn't recovered from his shock. "Any of you?"_

"_I do,"_

_John turned at the sound of Randy's voice and slowly smiled. Randy walked over to him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I agree with John's decision and I have the utmost faith in him."_

_Carol's eyes widened in fury and she turned them onto Randy. "Are you kidding me? You're supporting this decision? Aren't you the one who's supposed to love him? You promised me you loved my son, Randy! Isn't this the time to prove it?"_

_Randy frowned and shook his head. "I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. My actions over the years should've done that."_

_John held up his hand when he saw his mother get ready to hit back with an angry retort. "That's enough, Mom. Randy is doing what I expect all of you to do; respecting my wishes. And how dare you question his love for me after everything this man has done and given up for me?"_

_Randy inhaled sharply when he heard John's tone change to a deeper one warning of rising anger. He looked over at his parents and widened his eyes, begging for them to interfere. Bob quickly nodded and walked over to where Carol stood. "OK, let's all take a deep breath and calm down here. Tempers are flaring and things can easily be said that aren't meant. I'm sure we can all work through this situation calmly if we really try."_

_Carol scoffed and rolled her eyes at Bob. "That's easy for you to say. It's not your son going through this and being forced to make these decisions. He gets to live and go on with the rest of his life while John may not!"_

"_That's not fair, Carol. John may not be our son by blood but we love him as if he were and we hate that this is happening to him," responded Elaine sharply, standing up and walking over to Bob. _

"_And don't you think I would give up my life for John's?" asked Randy, his forehead creased in a frown as he stared at his mother-in-law. He shook his head and took a step back. "I can't believe you,"_

"_Randy, mom's just upset. She doesn't mean any of what she's saying." interjected Matt, trying to diffuse the situation._

"_Yeah, Ran, you know how she gets. Please don't take offense to it." quickly added Dan._

"_Will you all stop making excuses for me?" yelled Carol. "Why am I the only one upset here? John just told us he plans on letting himself die!"_

"_He also told us he plans on getting one more round of treatment done and for all we know that could be the one that actually works," responded Becky calmly. She walked over to John and smiled up at him. "I hope to God it does and I know we all do, Johnny but whatever happens, the choice on how to handle it is yours." She turned over to look at everyone else still standing around. "Whether one person likes it or not, the choice is John's. I admire his ability to walk in here and tell us all of his decision. It takes strength we obviously don't have. Instead of supporting him right now we're turning this into a family war and it's ridiculous. Whether by blood or not, we are all joined together for life because of the commitment John and Randy made. We're a family forever but we damn sure aren't acting like it right now."_

_John smiled at his sister-in-law and pulled her in for a hug. "Thanks, Beck. I love you,"_

"_I love you, too, Johnny," she replied, pulling back slowly. John kept his arm wrapped around her shoulders and turned his gaze to the rest of the family. "Did you all hear that? That is what a family does; they support each other. They don't start arguments when things are already pretty bad."_

"_Well, John, how did you expect us to react?" mumbled Carol, somewhat calmer now that John Sr. had her wrapped in his arms. _

"_Not like you did, Mom." responded John back, still angry. He felt Randy squeeze his hand and turned to meet his eyes, watching as the younger man shook his head at him. _

"_John, your mother reacted very badly but I think it's a normal reaction for this. This whole situation, from day one, has been incredibly hard on us as your parents. You're a father, too. Put yourself in our situation." said John Sr. softly. _

"_I get that! Of course I get that!" John took a deep breath and held his free hand up, pressing it to his heart. "I would want to die if one of the kids told me they were as sick as I am. I would be devastated but I wouldn't make them feel guilty for any decision they had made on how to handle it and I wouldn't go crazy and attack their husband or wife!"_

_John shook his head and pulled his hand from Randy's grasp. "You know, I can't do this anymore today. When I came in here I was nervous but otherwise fine. Now, my head is pounding and I wish I could drop dead this instant. I'm going upstairs,"_

_Carol made a move towards John but her husband held her back. She, along with everyone else, watched John walk up the stairs to the second landing and seconds later heard the bedroom door slam. _

_Randy sighed loudly, the sound echoing through the now quiet room. Carol turned to look at him and raised her eyebrow. "Go ahead. Blame me for this. Tell me you're gonna take John away somewhere I'll never be able to find him. I know you're just dying to."_

_Randy remained silent and slowly shook his head at her. "You keep this up and I won't have to take him anywhere. He'll be the one who asks to go." He turned his attention back to everyone and shrugged. "I know it was hard to hear this, guys but John wanted to be honest with you. As hard as it was for all of us to hear it, it must have been much harder for him to tell you."_

"_I agree," mumbled Nathan. "We're not the ones going through this; he is. We should be comforting him not driving him into hiding upstairs."_

_Randy nodded. "That's right and it's exactly what I'm going to do. Finish your lunch or continue fighting. Either way, I'll be upstairs making sure John is OK and I'd appreciate it if you all stayed out of his sight until he's ready to see you all again. Especially you," He said, staring at Carol pointedly before turning around and heading for the stairs, Carol's gasp the only noise that followed him. _

* * *

"Ran?"

Randy's eyes snapped open, the memory of the day before immediately fading. "Yeah?"

John smiled and pointed at his watch. "It's almost time for my pill. Can we go home now and save the horrible family memories for another time?"

Randy nodded and quickly started the car. "Yeah, baby. I'm sorry, I forgot." He pulled the car out of the garage and pointed it in the direction of home, his stomach tightening as they approached.

After the horrible lunch the day before, he had retreated to his and John's bedroom and spent the day curled up in bed with him. He had only come out to make them a simple dinner and in that time had seen no one else in the house, though the murmurs in the guest rooms let him know people were still in the house and awake. Randy had ignored them all and hurried back to the room with John and the couple stayed there until morning came and they had to leave for the appointment with Dr. Shapiro and the radiation team. As with Randy the night before, they hadn't encountered anyone else in the house and had been able to make a quick getaway. However, he knew it would only be a matter of time before they had to deal with their family once more.

"Slow down or you'll miss the driveway," came John's teasing comment, once again snapping Randy out of a daydream.

Randy slowed the car down as his house came into view and pulled the car into the driveway behind the other car there, sighing when he recognized it as Carol and John Sr.'s rental "Home sweet home,"

John laughed softly and nodded. "I should've bought my meds with me so we wouldn't have to go back in there."

Randy smiled and shook his head. "We're gonna see them eventually. Might as well get it over with, right?" He turned and began to open the car door but John quickly grasped his arm and pulled him back. "Wait, Ran..."

Randy turned around and met John's stare, frowning when he saw the sadness in the usually happy eyes. "What is it?"

"We didn't talk about what Mom said yesterday and I just want to address one part of it really quickly." replied John slowly. "I have no doubts about your love for me, Randy. There's nothing you have to prove to me. I don't know why Mom said that but I swear to you I've never told her I doubted anything about our relationship..."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I know, Johnny. She was just talking out of anger. I know our relationship is based on love."

"That makes me feel better." John smiled and moved his hand down Randy's arm to smooth over his hand. The smile turned into a grimace when his cell phone began to beep in his pocket. "OK, I really have to go in now." He exited the car, followed by Randy and the entered the house. John's ears quickly detected the sound of his parents talking in the family room and turned to stare at Randy. "We're not alone anymore," he whispered.

Randy laughed and pushed him forward. "Forget about them and go take your medicine, Cena."

"Fine, fine," groaned John. He turned around and pulled Randy in with a swift tug on his jeans. "Since I'm gonna be confined to a hospital bed for 3 weeks I expect some of the good loving tonight, OK?"

"You got it, baby," Randy smiled and placed a kiss on John's lips, swallowing his soft moan before releasing him and urging him upstairs. "Go. Meds, now."

John wrinkled his nose but headed up the stairs, soon disappearing onto the second landing. Randy made sure he heard him continue into their bedroom before turning around and heading for the kitchen. He knew there was no way to hide his arrival from John's parents and figured he shouldn't either way. It was his home, not theirs and they should be the ones walking on pins and needles, not him.

"Randy,"

Randy froze, his head in the refrigerator scanning the items available for a quick lunch snack. The last thing he had expected was to hear Carol's voice. If anything, John Sr. was the one he expected to come in and try to smooth things over on her behalf.

"Randy, can you come out here? I would like to speak to you about yesterday."

Randy sighed and slowly turned around, meeting Carol's eyes. He noticed she looked hesitant and even a little scared but he was determined to remain strong and not let her off the hook so quickly. "You would? Go ahead then,"

Carol sank into a chair behind the counter. "I'm sorry for what I said to you yesterday. I was upset; very upset and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair. I was completely out of line."

Randy raised an eyebrow and mumbled, "You think?"

Carol quickly narrowed her eyes. "I get that you're mad at me and I understand you giving me a hard time but don't forget I deserve respect, Randy."

"I haven't forgotten anything. It's you who seems to have forgotten everything about me." Randy walked over to the counter and gripped the edge tightly. "You stood out there yesterday and questioned my love for John! How do you think that made me feel after knowing me for almost 15 years?"

"I'm sorry, Randy. I know how much you love John. I've been a witness to it for all these years." Carol stood and walked around the counter to stand before Randy. "I didn't mean it, darling! Please forgive me,"

Randy shook his head and took a step back. "You're gonna have to give me some time on this one. I can't just forget what you said. Not to mention, your whole little episode really messed with John's head. That upset me even more."

"God, I know! I was such a moron! I promise I'll talk to him, too and I'll fix it, Randy." replied Carol, a sad look on her face.

Randy nodded. "Well, when you fix it with him, you'll have fixed it with me, too. I suggest you do it soon, though. He's going in tomorrow for his last resort radiation treatment and he's gonna have to remain there as an inpatient for 3 weeks."

Carol gasped and pressed her hand to her heart. "Oh my God! Inpatient for 3 weeks! Why?"

"Because this is bad, Mom. John is not getting any better. Do you really think this is the time to start a family war? John needs us now more than ever. I hope you realize that before it's too late," responded Randy sternly before walking around Carol and leaving the room.


	83. Chapter 82

Rita smiled as she looked around John's hospital room. "Every time I come in here I see more stuff! This has to be the most crowded room in this entire hospital and I don't mean with just people!"

John laughed as he extended his arm for Rita to check his IV lines and blood pressure. "I'm blessed, Ri. Can't complain about that, can I?" He looked over across from his bed, the smile remaining on his face as he scanned the many drawings his children had made for him and pasted on the wall, the cards with flower bouquets he'd received since being admitted sitting on the windowsill and the number of balloons floating above them. "This is all Alanna's doing. She figures if she makes the room more attractive that it will be easier for me to stay here so she makes Randy drag all the stuff that's come home down here."

Rita nodded and gently moved John's arm away before reaching for his chart. "When, in reality, it doesn't matter what she does because this place can never be easy to stay in. It can never be home."

John shook his head and shrugged. "They're kids, you know. Both she and Angel are trying so hard. They draw for me and when they're here they try to fill the silence as much as possible and I love them for it, Ri, but I hate that they're here in the first place."

"I know you do, dear. Maybe you should talk to Randy and get him to distract them a bit." Rita shrugged. "I'm sure there's a camp or something..."

"They were in one but once I became a full time inpatient they decided they'd rather spend the days here with me and I don't want Randy to force them to do otherwise." John smiled and looked up at Rita. "You're gonna think I'm bipolar now but as much as I don't want them here, I don't want them to leave, either. I figure, I don't know how much time I have left and I want to spend every minute with them."

Rita laughed softly and nodded. "Sweetie, you're not bipolar. You're only human." She closed John's chart and placed it on his nightstand. "Hey, just think that you only have a couple more days here and then you'll be on your way home."

"Yes, I'll be on my way home. I just wonder for how long." John bit his lip, his foot beginning to jerk nervously as it did whenever he thought of the results he would get at the end of this treatment. He looked back up at Rita and raised an eyebrow. "You'll know before me. Will you tell me?"

Rita frowned down at John and shook her head. "You know I can't do that, John. Besides, all I know is what the doctor tells me and he'll probably tell me only a few minutes before he tells you. You already know all I know."

John sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry I even asked. I should be looking forward to prolonging getting the news that I'm gonna die. I shouldn't be looking forward to getting it sooner."

"John, please don't say that," replied Rita softly.

"Ri, I'm not getting better. You see my chart. They've done two more scans and nothing. This shit in my head must be bionic. It reacts to nothing!" John shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "I just need to accept it. A few more days here aren't gonna make this thing shrink if the past 2 weeks haven't."

Rita moved her hand to smooth over John's arm comfortingly. "I've seen miracles happen, John. I wouldn't lose faith just yet."

John remained silent, unwilling to disagree with Rita for fear of alienating her. How could he tell her what he was feeling? They were the thoughts that nobody wanted to hear. It was easier for him to play along because that's what everybody was already doing with him. No one wanted to be the one to agree with him and admit that his chances of dying were better than his chances of living.

"You're right, Ri. I shouldn't lose faith just yet. Who knows? There may be a miracle for me out there," John forced a smile on his face as he let the lie escape his lips.

Rita quickly smiled back at him and bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. "That's what I wanna hear. You get some rest tonight and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Gimme a buzz if you feel any nausea."

John nodded and watched as she walked out of his room, closing the door behind her. He let the smile drop off his face and glanced up at the wall clock, noting it had been almost an hour since Randy and his mother had left to take their children home. A small smile crept back onto his face as he realized how fast Randy and his mother had fallen back into their usual routine. All it had taken for Randy to give in and forgive her was seeing John give in and forgive her.

John had made it clear to Carol that no more episodes like the one she'd had in front of the entire family were to happen, especially if the main casualty of her anger was going to be Randy. She had apologized repeatedly and stressed how much she loved Randy and blamed him for nothing. John had given in and accepted her apology in an effort to end the war that was threatening to brew in the family. If he was dying, he at least wanted to leave his family in peace.

"Snap out of it, Cena."

John blinked and looked up. Randy walked into the room, a small smirk on his lips. He moved over to the chair that had become a bed to him and sank down onto it. "I'm exhausted,"

John smiled and nodded. "I'll bet. How's everything at home?"

Randy shrugged. "Same as every other night. I walked in to Mom and Becky doing laundry while the Dad's sat in front of the TV. Mama Car took charge of the kids while I ate and showered. Half the boys went to Nathan's and the other half were in our yard. Kids were sleeping so Al and Angel fell out after they ate since their cousins weren't around to play with. Cody and Ted texted to let me know they'll be here tomorrow."

"That sounds nice. I wish I were home even with all that chaos," replied John, his eyes drifting down the blanket covering him.

Randy moved his chair over and reached for John's hand, squeezing it with his own. "You will be in 2 days."

John nodded. "I know. I wish I could just go home and not get the results, though. Is that crazy? I've been thinking about doing that."

Randy frowned and cocked his head to the side. "What? I don't understand..."

"Think of the cavemen, Ran. They didn't have all this modern medicine. They didn't know when they were gonna die. They just didn't wake up one day. Maybe I could be like one of them," John shrugged, his eyes meeting Randy's confused stare. "What good will it do to actually know when I'm going to die? Isn't it better to just live my life without knowing? Wouldn't that be easier?"

Randy's frown deepened and he shook his head. "No, Johnny, it wouldn't. I need to know if you're healthy or not and I know you do, too. We're not cavemen, baby."

John sighed and let his head drop back onto his pillow. "I know. It was just an idea."

"A weird idea," mumbled Randy.

"Yes, a weird idea," agreed John with a smile. "I'm too obsessive and anal to not know what's happening in my head." He turned his head over slightly and his smile widened at the amused look on Randy's face. "Wouldn't it be easier to just not know, though?"

Randy rolled his eyes and shook his head once more. "No. It would drive you crazy and you know it."

John moved his head back over and stared at the ceiling, counting the tiles absentmindedly until a thought made him stop. "If the results are bad, I want to make sure we do all we can before I die. I wanna make a bucket list and an after I kick the bucket list."

Randy sighed and leaned back in his chair, releasing John's hand. "John, stop. I don't want to talk about bucket lists."

John turned over and shrugged at Randy. "Well, I do and I have every right to do so seeing as I'm the one who's probably gonna go first and you're gonna have to listen whether you want to or not. I'm gonna want some things you're gonna have to do with the kids since I won't be there to do them, understood?" He stopped and stared at Randy defiantly, waiting for another argument from him.

Randy's eyes narrowed in frustration and he rolled them, another sigh escaping him. "Fine, John. Just do it,"

"You might wanna start typing," responded John, motioning to Randy's iPad. He smiled when Randy reached for it without protesting and stared at him expectantly. "Ready?"

Randy nodded. "Yes, despite how stupid I think this is."

John waved away Randy's opinion and linked his hands together, resting them on his stomach. "OK, so, my bucket list. Before I die, I wanna make sure we have as much fun as possible with the kids. We can go camping again since they love that and we can go to Disney World and spend time in the Tampa house because they love it. As long as I'm with them, I don't care. I want to spend as much time as I have left just being with them and hearing their voices. Soccer classes with Angel and I wanna get him started on basketball. I wanna do the ballet classes with Ally and whatever else she's into."

Randy nodded, his eyes lifting off the iPad screen. "OK, that's easy enough."

"I want our families around, too. I wanna build my final car with my brothers and I want Becky and Sam to finish teaching me how to cook at least one more meal. I wanna talk to our parents so they could tell me all they've learned about parenting and life, in general. I wanna make sure I don't die before doing something or saying something I should and I figure they'll know." John stopped and took a deep breath as he felt his chest tightening with emotion.

Randy inhaled sharply as he saw John start to struggle. "Johnny, maybe you should stop now. I get the idea..."

"I'll stop when I'm done," replied John sharply. "After I'm gone, I want you to keep doing things, Ran. I want you to celebrate the holidays with the kids even if I die on Christmas or something. I want you to throw them birthday parties. Teach them about cars and cooking and take them to see WWE events so they could see what I loved to do. Please try to take them camping at least once a year. Look up those lists on travel websites that give you the top places to go visit, like the Grand Canyon and the Great Wall and take the kids there. Let them know that it's OK to laugh and be silly but let them show their anger and sadness, too. Make sure you keep our family united. No more fighting. Be there for Sam and let her know she'll always be part of our family, too. Encourage her to be happy with Frank and have more kids. Tell her she's a wonderful mother. Make sure the kids get together with their cousins often. Don't neglect the Tampa house. Take them to West Newbury and let them know its home, too. Support Cody and Ted when they get married and have kids. They're gonna need you."

John reached up to wipe his face when he felt a tear escape him. He pushed back down the sob threatening to break free from his throat and took a deep breath. "I want you to go back to work one day. You have to get married again, too. You have to have more children. Don't ever feel guilty for falling in love with someone else. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to live the rest of your life alone."

"John, please, stop." Randy shook his head and let the iPad slide down to the back of his seat as he slid forward, reaching for both of John's hands this time. "You need to stop this, do you hear me? There's no need for this, baby."

John nodded, another tear sliding down his face. "Yes, there is, Ran because I'm not getting better and I'm gonna die. God knows how long I'm gonna have left and I need to fill a lifetime of stuff into however long that is. I don't want to die without telling you everything I can."

Randy clenched his jaw tightly as he tried to stop his lips from quivering. He desperately fought to keep his own tears at bay and bent his head down to rest his forehead against John's. "Baby, I already know everything I need to know about you. I know you love me and that's all I've ever needed."

"I want you to know more, though. You're so hard headed and stubborn, Ran and I need you to listen to me but really believe me, too." A laugh escaped John's lips at the shocked expression on Randy's face. "I know how strong you are. I've told you this since we first met. I love your strength but it makes you like a bull sometimes. You gotta let people in, baby."

"I let people in," mumbled Randy in response. "I let you in."

"I mean other people." John ran his hands over Randy's face. "When I'm gone, you're gonna need help, baby and you're gonna have it all around you. I want you to ask for help if you need it. Don't try to take it all on your own because you can't. I couldn't either if roles were reversed. Let our family help you and take all the time you need to get over me but don't just stop your life because mine ended. I want you to move on from me. I want you to be happy again and as much happiness as our kids bring us, that's not the only happiness you need. They're gonna grow up and get married and start their own lives one day and I don't want you left alone. I want you to have found someone to grow old with."

"John, this conversation feels ridiculous." Randy slowly smiled. "I don't want to talk about a future husband with my current husband."

"As long as he's not better looking than me, I don't mind," replied John with a wink. "Not that there ever could be a man better looking than me…"

"All right, Cena." Randy rolled his eyes and pulled John's hand from his face. He squeezed them softly and nodded. "Enough for tonight. Can we get some rest now?"

John pulled open his blankets and moved over as much as he could. "Climb on board, hubby."

Randy stood and lowered himself into the bed. "Only for a little while,"

"Relax, baby. Rita hooked us up with the awesome bed. We can both sleep comfortably here," John pulled Randy close to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"I know, Johnny, but it still feels weird when a nurse comes in or something. I always feel like I've just gotten caught by my mom," Randy laughed and ran his fingers up and down John's arm, mindful of the IV line hooked up to it. "That's why I always end up in the chair."

John shook his head. "Ran, we're not two horny teenagers. The nurses know we're together. They always knock before they come in and it's not like we're doing anything remotely close to having sex anyway!"

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Someone sounds frustrated."

"It's been almost 3 weeks. I don't think we've ever gone that long without having sex, babe. So, yeah, trust me, I'm frustrated." John sighed and let his head fall back onto his pillow. "I couldn't even get any the night before I checked in here,"

"Hey, don't blame me. Blame your kids for wanting to be all on top of you that night. You could've easily sent them back to their rooms but no. Daddy John is always the good guy." Randy smirked and turned his attention the television as he aimed the remote up at it. "So, Daddy John gets none of Daddy Randy for 2 more days."

John groaned inwardly but glared at Randy outwardly. "I feel sorry for your future hubby. You're horrible."

Randy rolled his eyes and turned back towards John. "Can you stop with that, please? If I give you a blowjob, will you shut up?"

John laughed and shook his head. "Stop trying to end this conversation. I'm serious about everything I said, Randy."

"I know you are, Johnny but how can you expect me to even think of anyone else when I have you here next to me?" Randy smiled and pulled John close. "Especially when you feel so good, baby,"

John smiled up at him and Randy rested his cheek on his head. His fingertips slowly and gently trailed up and down John's arm.

"That feels good, Ran," John murmured.

"Whatever works to shut you up," replied Randy with a small laugh as John punched him lightly. He reached under the standard-issue white hospital blankets and found John's thigh mostly bare as he lay in only some boxer shorts. He slowly caressed John's skin, starting from his inner thigh and ending almost down at his knee. John shivered and Randy smiled, touching his skin under the clothes he wore now. Randy's fingertips stroked down again, still feather-light, but much slower. John made a low sound in his throat as his fingers inched their way higher into his underwear. When he was high enough, Randy's knuckles gently brushed against the head of John's cock and he gasped lightly. Randy moved his hand again, gently caressing John's cock with his nails, from the tip all the way down to the base. John shuddered at the touch, his cock hardening.

"Baby, that feels a little too good if you know what I mean." John groaned softly. "Are you really doing this to me here?"

"Weren't you complaining a few minutes ago about how frustrated you are?" Randy swirled his tongue around John's ear as he moved his caressing nails to the underside of his cock. John's hips jerked up, and he moaned. Randy nipped John's ear as his hand finally went around his dick, squeezing lightly before moving his hand up, still squeezing, and back down. He pumped John's cock, listening as his breathing quickened. John's hips started to move up and down, thrusting his cock into Randy's hand. The younger man suddenly pulled away and John gasped, his eyes widening as they locked with Randy's.

"Relax," Randy said into John's ear. "I have something better in mind." He slid down John's body, ducking under the sheets and pulling John's underwear down. John grasped his head before shooting an anxious glance at the door. He knew Rita's check should be the last of the day for him and if any other nurse were to come in for any reason, they usually did knock but it didn't stop his nerves. He bit his lip and wondered whether fooling around with Randy was truly the right thing to do but at the same moment felt Randy's tongue on his cock and all other thoughts disappeared from his head.

Randy licked John's cock, moving his tongue over the leaking head, tasting his precum. He eased his mouth over the head, then down the shaft. His teeth gently scraped John's hot skin, and his tongue moving around before starting to suck, hard and fast. John moaned and squirmed, hips rising off the bed, trying to push more of him into Randy's mouth. Randy pushed John's hips back down and held them still as he continued sucking and moving his head up and down.

John moaned, threading his fingers through Randy's hair. "Harder, baby. Faster,"

Randy looked up into John's eyes and complied. He intensified his actions and minutes later was rewarded when John cried out, his hips jerking up as he came. Randy swallowed each drop, enjoying the taste of his husband. He continued sucking, slower and gentler, to get every last drop, moving up the length of John's cock and sucking just the head.

"Enough, baby," John gasped. "I can't take much more."

Randy licked the last drop of cum from his tip, and then slowly moved back up the bed, arranging John back into his underwear. He kissed him slowly and John opened for him, deepening the kiss as he tasted himself on Randy's tongue. Randy wrapped his arms around John's neck, and melted into the kiss. When the need for air became too much for them to handle, they broke apart panting. John kept his lips close to Randy's, their breaths mingling. "I love you so fucking much."

Randy nodded and let his lips move over John's lightly. "I love you, too, babe; always. I can't imagine anyone else in my life that I could ever love more and anyone else I would want in my bed. Don't make me talk about that ever again, please, Johnny."

"OK, but I just wanted you to know that I would approve. I won't mention it again, though." John pulled Randy tight against him and heard him sigh contently. Randy rested his head on John's chest, his eyes closing as the days exhaustion started to catch up to him.

John ran his hands up and down Randy's back as he mindlessly watched the television. The younger man's soft breathing after a few minutes let John know he was asleep and at peace. It was that knowledge that let him finally fall asleep, as well, with Randy staying in his arms the whole night.

* * *

"I love how every time you're checking out of a hospital, Cena, I have to pack all your shit for you." Randy rolled his eyes as he folded John's clothes into his suitcase.

John laughed loudly from the bathroom, the door opening as he exited fully dressed. "You love doing that. If I tried to do it, you would just tell me I was doing it wrong." He shrugged and collapsed onto the armchair that had served as Randy's makeshift bed for 3 weeks. His eyes moved up to look at the wall clock and he sighed. "I'm not even gonna complain about how late this doctor always is because there's no point but he should hurry because I give Mom 5 more minutes before she walks in through that door."

"She won't be walking through any door. I told everyone at home that I would be bringing you home after the doctor gives you the all clear and that I didn't want anyone else here, especially Mom. She has to learn patience just like everyone else." Randy threw in the final shirt and zipped up John's bag. "I made sure everyone knew there were no exceptions to that rule and that I didn't want any hysterics from anyone today, no matter what the results are…"

John looked over at Randy as he trailed off and felt his heart ache for him. He licked his lips and stood up, walking to the younger man and wrapping his arms around his waist. "Hey, what happened to my man of faith? I don't want to see your handsome face look so sad, Ran."

Randy nodded and tried to smile. "I'm just anxious. I want this doctor to come in here already and let us go. I've also been giving some thought to your whole idea of a couple days ago. Maybe we don't need to get the results and we could just live our lives without knowing…"

"Unfortunately, you convinced me to not do that, so," John shrugged and rested his head against Randy's. "Whatever the doctor tells us; whatever my results are, Ran, I'm just gonna have to accept them. So will you and everyone else."

"I know. I know. It's just," Randy sighed and pulled away from John, pacing the room anxiously. "I'm getting nervous and I don't like this feeling. I'm not used to it and I don't want it."

"Face it, baby. As much as you try not to be, you are human and nervousness is a human emotion," teased John from where he stood.

Randy smiled over at him and opened his mouth to shoot back a retort but the door opening behind him made his lips clamp shut. He spun around and saw Dr. Shapiro entering the room, John's file in hand.

"Hello, boys. All packed up and ready to go, I see."

John nodded and took a step closer to where Randy stood, his hand seeking out the younger man's touch. "Yeah, have been for a while. Kudos to you for keeping your 'always late' record intact."

Dr. Shapiro smiled and motioned to John's bed. "Have a seat, boys so we can discuss."

Randy looked over at John and squeezed his hand as he pulled him down onto the mattress. John smiled nervously but his eyes were on the door. "Where's Rita?"

"She went to the lounge to get some rest. She didn't feel very well," Dr. Shapiro shrugged. "I'm sure she'll be fine soon. It's probably just a bug."

"That's weird. She looked fine a little while ago," Randy frowned and turned to John, who had his stared fixed onto the doctor's face. "Johnny?"

John kept his eyes locked onto Dr. Shapiro's face and remained silent. The doctor alternated between looking down at his closed chart and at the window behind his head. It all suddenly clicked and a dawning awoke inside John. "She doesn't have a bug. She just didn't want to come in here and listen to you tell me that nothing worked. She's gotten too close to me and it would've been too hard for her to hear."

"John, stop…" began Randy but John quickly cut him off. "Just say it, Doc. I already know. You're a shitty actor."

Randy pressed his lips together and turned to look at Dr. Shapiro's face. "Tell him he's wrong,"

Dr. Shapiro lifted his eyes from the file on his lap and shook his head. "I can't. I'm so sorry,"

All the air escaped Randy's body like an invisible hand had punched his gut. He shook his head and gripped John's hand. "No."

Dr. Shapiro turned his eyes over to John, who stared back at him blankly. "I'm sorry, John. Nothing has worked. Your tumor continues to increase in size and is unresponsive to even the most intense treatments. At this point the only thing I could recommend for you would be to enroll in a cancer clinical trial and see if something there works."

"I'm not gonna give myself up to be guinea pig in some lab," responded John. He sighed and let his eyes close. "Just tell me how long I have."

"At the rate your tumor is growing and without any type of treatment, I would say, 2 months at the most," Dr. Shapiro lowered his eyes and shook his head. "I am very sorry."

John nodded, his mind spinning and trying to stay in control. "Hey, you did all you could. It's not your fault."

"If you need anything else, if there's anything else I can do…"

John quickly shook his head and stopped the doctor's words. "No, I'm done. I'm going home to be with my family and hopefully I'll die in peace while asleep. I'm done with doctors and hospitals and chemo and radiation. I just want my home and my bed. If I only have 2 months to live, I want to actually live them."

Dr. Shapiro nodded and stood. "I completely understand. I'll sign your discharge paperwork and leave it with the desk up front. You're free to go whenever you want but remember that my door is always open to you, John." He turned around and hurried out of the room, leaving the couple alone.

It was minutes before anyone spoke and when the silence was broken, it was broken by John. "We should get the hell out of here."

Randy stared at the floor beneath his feet, the patterns long having blurred beneath his eyes. He barely felt John release his hand and stand. It was only when John gripped his head and forced it up that Randy blinked, focusing on John's confused face. He shook his head and reached up to grab John's hand. "I don't know…I don't understand what just happened."

John pressed Randy's hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "Our 'till death do you part' wedding vows just got a hell of a lot closer."

Randy's watery eyes met John's and he shook his head. "Don't,"

John shrugged and stood up, releasing Randy's hand. "Don't what, Ran? I knew the results were gonna be this. I knew even before we checked in here that it would be bad. I could feel it in my bones but I tried, I tried so damn hard to stay positive and have faith for all of you. I kept that smile on my face but I knew."

Randy stood and walked over to John but stopped when the older man took a step away from him. "Johnny, baby. I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. I would gladly trade places with you if I could. Please let me help you."

John held up his hand and shook his head. "I'm fine. I don't need any help. I know what I wanted to know all along. I have 2 months left to live and I have to start making plans for those 2 months because I have a lot to cram in there." He stopped and dug in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone. "First things first, though…"

Randy frowned and watched John from where he stood. "What are you doing, John?"

John shrugged as his fingers moved over the screen of his phone. "Might as well break the news to everyone, right? I mean, why wait?"

Randy's eyes widened and he quickly grabbed the phone out of John's hand. However, when he looked at the screen, he realized it had been too late. "John, are you crazy? You send a text? That's how you break the news to our family?"

John shrugged and lifted his hands. "Who cares how I tell them, Ran? What does it matter anymore? Nothing else matters. I'm gonna die! If they wanna get pissed at me for it then they have 2 months. After 2 months, I'll be dead and they can get over it!"

Randy closed the gap between him and John and grabbed his hands before he could protest. "Stop it, John. You're angry and you're scared; I get it. You gotta get control over yourself, though. Please, baby, let me help you."

"I'm fine. I'm completely fine." John pulled away from Randy's grasp and took a step back, moving away from his body. "I'm just trying to plan because I have a lot to do. It's a good thing we started on that bucket list a couple nights ago because we're gonna have to start working on it right away."

"John," Randy took a deep breath and wracked his brain, trying to think of a way to not set off John's legendary anger, even if this time it was coming from fear. "Can we just take it one day at a time for now, baby? I promise we'll do anything you want. We'll have plenty of time, OK?"

John held up his hand and shook his head. "No but that's the thing! We don't have plenty of time, Ran. We have 2 months. I only have 2 months." He slowly lowered his hand and turned, a frown creasing his forehead. "My God. I only have 2 months to live. How the hell did that happen?"

"Baby," Randy slowly attempted to move closer but stopped short, a gasp escaping him as John suddenly punched the wall in anger. "John!"

John spun around, clutching his now bleeding hand with his other. "Don't! Don't come near me! I need to get out of here. I need to go…I just need to go…alone…" He shook his head and headed for the door.

Randy followed John to the door, his long legs catching up to John as he reached for the door handle. He gripped John's hand on the handle tightly. "No, John! I wont let you go anywhere like this. You can't be alone right now and you probably just broke your fucking hand."

John held the door handle with his good hand and shook his head, not willing to turn and face Randy. "I need to be alone right now, Ran. I'll come back. Just give me some time, please. A broken hand is the least of my problems right now."

Randy's heart began to race and he lowered his head to lie on John's shoulder. "Please, baby. I love you so much, Johnny, no matter what. Let me help you."

John closed his eyes, feeling the emotions he'd been trying to keep at bay finally start to emerge. His eyes watered and he shook his head. "No one can help me now." He pulled away from Randy and yanked the door open, heading down the hospital hallway without looking back.


	84. Chapter 83

Randy blinked rapidly as he pulled his car onto the street of his home. He took another deep breath and tried to maintain control over his body. How he had held back the desire to completely fall apart and managed to drive home, Randy would never be able to explain.

After staring blankly down the hospital hallway John had disappeared from, Randy had been roused from his shock by a tearful Rita. The two friends had embraced and in Rita's arms, Randy had cried for what seemed like hours. It was in her arms that it hit him. His beautiful, strong, funny and loving John was going to be ripped from him in 2 months. There was nothing either one of them could do and at the moment, Randy didn't even know where John had gone. He'd wiped his tears and immediately ran down the hall after him but John had long been gone. Randy had spent hours driving around St. Louis, checking out all the places John had fallen in love with after making the city his home but had found no sign of the older man. Phone calls made to John were being ignored and going directly to voicemail but Randy refused to stop trying. It was only when his phone battery died that he realized he would have to head home and let John choose when to make contact with him or return. For the meantime, he would have to go home and deal with what John had left him with. He would have to explain to their frantic family exactly what was going on.

Randy turned the car onto his driveway, praying John was safe inside their home. He knew his prayer was going to go unanswered, however, when he saw Matt pacing the ground in front of his front door, cigarette in hand. Randy sighed and turned off the car engine before slowly exiting. Matt looked towards him and quickly threw the cigarette onto the ground.

"Randy, what the hell is going on?" Matt's voice was angry but Randy could see the fear in his eyes. "Where the hell have you been all day? Where the hell is John? Neither one of you have been picking up your phones! What the fuck is wrong with you two? John sends us all that message and then both of you just disappear? What the fuck is going on, Randy?"

Randy closed his eyes as Matt screamed in his face. He shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know where John is. He left the hospital after the doctor gave him the news and I haven't seen him since. I've been driving around for hours looking for him but he's fucking vanished off the face of the earth. He's ignoring my calls and I just..." He sighed and slowly opened his eyes. "I didn't know what to tell you guys so I ignored your calls. I'm sorry,"

Matt frowned. "Randy, is this really happening? John's message said he had 2 months left to live. Please tell me he's exaggerating or it's a really fucked up joke."

Randy shook his head. "I wish I could. You know John would never joke like that."

Matt's mouth dropped open in a silent gasp and he took a few steps away from Randy, his hand running through his hair. He shook his head and stared at the ground as he paced the area once more. "No, no...I didn't believe it. I thought it was gonna be a joke and he was gonna walk in here and laugh and tell us that this treatment has worked and that he would be fine! Mom and Dad have been freaking out all day but we've been trying to convince them that it wasn't true...that it couldn't be true."

"I would give anything for it not to be true, Matt. I would do anything..." Randy trailed off as he felt the tears approach and pushed them back down. "I need him, Matt. We all do. We need to find him. He can't be alone right now. I don't know where he is and what he's doing. Multiply whatever we're feeling by 100 and it still doesn't compare to what John must be feeling. We need to find him now, Matt."

Matt stared blankly back at Randy and remained silent. Randy sighed and walked over to him, grabbing his arms and shaking him harshly. "Matt, snap out of it! I know what you're feeling but we need to put it aside for a little bit because we need to get John home."

Matt quickly nodded and looked toward the house. "I'll get Danny. Maybe he can get his friends in his precinct to run a trace on John's credit cards or something."

"That's good; good idea. I'll be right in," responded Randy, watching as Matt hurried into the house. The door remained partly open, inviting Randy in but he couldn't make his legs carry him inside. He knew inside everyone awaited him with a barrage of questions and they were questions he had no idea how to answer.

Randy slowly walked over to the front door and lowered his body to the front steps, unable to convince himself to go inside the home. He heard the voices filter out into the night air but tried his best to ignore them and they soon blended into a low hum. He lost himself in the random noises from the neighborhood and tried to distract his mind from imagining the worst but found it harder to do with each passing moment that he didn't hear from John.

Just as he was about to get up and begin his search, a hand on his back made him spin around in surprise. Randy's widened eyes locked onto his children's faces and he let out a sigh of relief. He forced a smile on his face and pulled them into his arms. "What are you two still doing awake? It's way past your bedtime!"

Angel pulled away, his eyes full of concern. "Where's Daddy? He told us he was coming home today but he's still not here."

Randy sighed and ran his hand over his son's face in a soft caress. "He thought he was going to be able to come home today, baby but he couldn't. Maybe he'll be home tomorrow,"

"Then, why are you home? Why aren't you with Daddy in the hospital?" Alanna stared at Randy intently, her eyes suspicious.

"I just came home to shower and grab some food. I'm going back," responded Randy quickly, his guilt multiplying over having to lie to his children now. "I also wanted to see you two. I didn't get a chance to call earlier and I miss you so much."

"Why didn't Daddy call us? He calls us every night." Angel shook his head and looked back towards the house, lowering his voice. "Everyone looks weird inside."

"Yeah, Grandma Car has been in her room all day. It's really weird." added Alanna, her forehead creased in a frown.

Randy glanced at his watch and noticed the time approaching 11pm. He contemplated calling Sam and asking her to come and take the children to her house but decided not to in an attempt to not raise his children's suspicions even higher. Raising to his full height he took each child by a hand and squeezed it comfortingly. "Nothing is weird except that you two are not asleep in bed at 11 o'clock at night so let's go fix that right now."

"But I'm not sleepy," mumbled Alanna, trying to resist Randy's tugs toward the house.

Angel nodded after exchanging a glance with his sister. "Me neither. We wanna talk to Daddy."

Randy stopped trying to drag the children inside and bent back down towards them. "Look, guys, Daddy is already asleep. He forgot to call you and I'm sure he'll be very sorry tomorrow. I'm sure he didn't mean to make you worry." He smiled outwardly and tried to maintain a calm expression on his face. "As for things being weird inside, I don't know why they are. Maybe you guys are just imagining things. I think you're both gonna grow up to be fantasy writers and write books better than Harry Potter."

Alanna rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Dad, stop it. We really wanna go see Daddy!"

"Yeah, just call him and wake him up! I can't sleep without talking to him," added Angel stubbornly.

Randy sighed and stood back up, grabbing both children's hands firmly now. "Well, that's too bad. You're gonna have to force yourselves because I will not be calling Daddy and disturbing him." He groaned when he saw both Angel's and Alanna's eyes water and quickly added. "Try to sleep, guys. The faster you fall asleep, the faster tomorrow will come and you can talk to Daddy."

Angel and Alanna remained silent and followed Randy into the house wordlessly. He saw Matt and Dan standing in a corner, talking in hushed tones but quickly pulled the kids towards the stairs. A low gasp from the second landing drew Randy's gaze up and he frowned when he saw his mother hurrying down towards them.

"Angel, Alanna! What are you two doing up? I tucked you two in hours ago!" Elaine bent towards the children, a concerned frown on her face.

"They couldn't sleep. They miss John," responded Randy, mildly annoyed at the interruption. He stared at his mother sternly, silently asking her to remain calm and not cause the children any more distress. "I'm taking them up now, though so don't worry about it, Mom."

Elaine nodded, her hands wringing anxiously. "Randy, I'm so sorry, darling. I was in my room and didn't even notice them sneak out of their rooms. I just needed a couple minutes to myself after this horrible day and I..."

"Mom," interrupted Randy harshly. "It's fine. Just make sure no one bothers us."

Elaine nodded once more and hurried down the stairs. Randy let out a deep breath and continued up the stairs with the children in tow. They walked silently down the few feet to Angel's room and stopped in front of it. Randy bent towards his son and smoothed his hair back. "Will you try to get some rest now? I promise tomorrow will be here before you know it."

Angel lowered his eyes and nodded softly. "I'll try,"

Randy turned to look at Alanna, who had the same look of sadness on her face. He sighed and pulled both kids in for a hug. "You know what? No separate rooms tonight. Let's just all sleep in my room, OK. I think Daddy will understand that you guys needed me to stay with you tonight."

A light finally came into both his children's eyes and Randy couldn't help but smile and their happiness. He grabbed their hands and led them into his and John's bedroom, his smile widening as they climbed into the bed. Angel immediately turned on the television to one of the many kid's channels and Randy shook his head at him. "OK, you can sleep in here with me but we are actually gonna sleep, understood? TV is being turned off when I come out of the bathroom."

Both kids nodded and settled onto the pillows as Randy grabbed some pajamas and his cell phone charger and headed into the bathroom. Once securely behind the closed door, the smile faded from his face. He moved over to the large counter and plugged his iPhone into the wall, anxiously awaiting it to charge enough to come back to life. Moving over to the shower and turning it on, Randy caught a glimpse of his face as he passed the mirror. The day's events combined with the stress of the past month had made him look as if he'd aged 10 years.

The phone beeped to life and Randy quickly pulled his gaze away from his reflection. He anxiously pulled up his home screen, expecting to have finally gotten a message from John but instead found nothing other than the messages he already knew were there. A loud sigh escaped him and he clutched the phone tightly, a surge of anger flowing through him. Randy pushed it back down, silently acknowledging to himself that John was not purposely trying to anger them. He could only imagine the hell the older man was going through.

Randy lifted the phone up and pressed the icon for John's cell. It didn't even ring, instead went straight to voicemail as he expected. He took a deep breath and tried to keep from tearing up as John's cheerful greeting sounded in his ears. He licked his lips and took a deep breath before speaking. "Johnny, I'm home and I have no idea where you are. I'm freaking out here because everyone is looking at me for answers and I have no idea what to say to any of them and that includes the two very nervous kids in our bed right now. They are so smart, John and they know something is wrong and I don't know how to make them feel better. I don't know how to make anyone feel better but frankly, I don't care. Right now the only person I'm worrying about is you. Please come home, baby. You shouldn't be alone right now. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I love you so much and I want to help you. I have no idea how I can help you but I at least want to try," Randy took a deep breath and clutched the countertop. "Johnny, if you don't want to face everyone, then at least call me and let me know you're OK. I'll go meet you somewhere. We can disappear together if you want. I'll do anything you ask of me but please don't shut me out. Please, baby, just let me know you're OK. I love you so..."

Randy heard the click of the phone and knew his time had run out. He placed the phone back on the counter and hopped in the shower as the steam started billowing around the room. He could only hope the message would resonate with John and get him to come home. Randy knew he would have to at one point. Despite his nervousness at the moment, he knew John would never completely disappear from their lives again. He knew it was just the shock of the news that had made him run and a part of him couldn't blame John for doing so. As much as he wished the older man would have stayed and come home with him to their family, Randy didn't know how he would have reacted if given the news John had been given. Perhaps a few hours away from them all was what John needed. It didn't stop him from worrying, though. Especially when he had a house full of people who wanted answers.

Randy wiped the water from his eyes and stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried off and glanced at his phone to see no new messages. A frustrated expression took over his face as he slid on his pajamas but he quickly wiped it off his face as he opened the door and stepped out into his bedroom. To no surprise, both of his children moved their blue eyes over to him, sheepish smiles on their faces. Randy smirked over at them, dumped his dirty clothes in the hamper and strolled over to the bed slowly. "TV off."

Both kids groaned but Angel extended the remote towards the television and quickly shut it off, leaving only the small lamp on the nightstand as the light in the room. Randy slid into bed in between his children and wrapped an arm tight around both of them. He pressed a kiss to each head and softly whispered, "I love you two so much. I promise you everything is fine and tomorrow things won't feel so weird. Sleep soundly and trust me, OK,"

Soft mumbles were his only answer and Randy sighed softly, thankful he could at least ensure his children would be at peace and shielded from the day's events for as long as possible. He closed his eyes and despite the worry over John, he felt his body succumbing to the day's exhaustion. Randy forced his eyes back open and willed himself to stay awake. His exhaustion would could not stop his brain from spinning with its one constant thought of where could John be. He mentally went over all the places he and John loved in St. Louis and tried to remember if he could've missed one earlier.

Randy was snapped from trying to focus his scattered thoughts by the sound of his phone's ringtone. His eyes widened and moved over to the bathroom, where he had left his phone plugged in. After a quick glance down at the children, who had finally fallen asleep, he slid out as quickly as he could and practically ran into the bathroom. A sigh of relief escaped him when he saw John's face on his screen and he quickly answered the call before it could roll over to voicemail.

"Johnny,"

"Hey, baby."

Randy's body flooded with relief at the sound of John's voice and he sank down onto the edge of the tub. "Johnny, where are you? I've been so worried. Please come home, baby."

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry I ran away like that. When the doctor told me...I didn't know how to react and I just had to get away from there. I just needed air and I couldn't breathe...I didn't know what else to do and the thought of going home..." John trailed off, sighing loudly in Randy's ear.

"I understand, Johnny. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling and I can understand not wanting to be bombarded by everyone here," Randy lowered his head as he felt his eyes water. "I'll try to understand if you want space but please keep in mind how much everyone in this house loves you. We all just want to help you, Johnny. We want to try and make things easier for you, if it's even possible."

"I know. The last thing I want is to spend the little bit of time I have left apart from my loved ones; you and the kids especially," John sniffled in Randy's ear, his voice sad. "Everyone must be so angry at me for how I broke the news to them. I wasn't thinking when I did that. Please tell me the kids didn't figure anything out."

"They know something is wrong, John. They can tell by the look on everyone's face." Randy looked up and out the partly open bathroom door towards the bed. "They need to see you more than anyone."

"How am I going to tell them what's happening to me, Ran? How can I tell them that I won't be here in 2 months?" John's voice cracked with emotion and Randy quickly answered, "We'll tell them together. We'll tell them as a family and help them understand as best we can but not now. Right now you just need to try and come home, baby. Please..."

John remained silent for a few seconds before responding and Randy felt his heart begin to sink.

"I'm walking around the corner. I don't want to see anyone but you, though,"

Randy quickly stood as John's voice came through once more and his legs began to carry him towards the bedroom door. "No one is going to bother you tonight, I promise, baby. It's just you and me."

"OK," responded John slowly before ending the call.

Randy slid the phone into his pocket and exited his bedroom, quickly walking down the hall and stairs. He was thankful to see most of the lights in the house had been turned off and that no one was walking around. As he stepped off the stairs onto the first floor, he heard Matt's voice and quickly approached the younger man. "Matt,"

Matt looked up and held up his cell phone. "Ran! I thought you were asleep! Do you know if Johnny even had his credit cards on him? Dan drove over to meet a friend he has here in the force and he agreed to run a trace on Johnny's cards but we don't know if he has them on him. If he rented a car or hotel room, we could find him that way..."

Randy shook his head and held up a hand. "No need. He's coming home now." He walked over to the window and let out a sigh of relief when he saw John trudging up the street. Matt peered over his shoulder and rested his head on Randy's shoulder. "Oh, thank God,"

Matt moved back and headed for the door, phone still in his hand. "Call off the search. He's home, Danny. "

Randy followed Matt and grabbed his free hand before he could pull open the door. "Don't! He doesn't want to see anyone, Matt. Just let me go alone, OK."

Matt's eyes widened but he nodded and took a step back, watching as Randy pulled open the door and stepped barefoot onto the drive.

Randy smiled tentatively as John approached, his eyes scanning over the older man's body for signs of injury. They lingered on his hand, which now had some type of bandage over it before moving back up to his eyes. "John,"

John closed the small gap remaining between the two men and threw himself into Randy's open arms. He buried his face in the younger man's neck and held onto his waist tightly. "I'm sorry,"

Randy felt his eyes water, mostly from relief to have John home and safe and sound. "What are you apologizing for? There's no need, baby. I'm just so happy you're home and OK."

"I'm scared," whispered John, his lips grazing over Randy's ear.

Randy quickly shushed him and tightened his hold. "I know, Johnny. I am, too," He pulled back slightly and moved his hands up John's back to his face and cupped it gently. "Let's just not think about it right now."

John nodded and looked towards the house. "Someone's in the living room,"

"It's just Matt. He and Dan were arranging a full out police search for you. He promised to give you some space, though," Randy pressed a soft kiss to John's lips, moving his hands back down to grab John's good one. "Let's go inside so you can get some rest."

John followed Randy slowly, his weary body starting to ache for his bed. He closed the door behind them as they entered then moved his eyes over to where his brother stood, watching them silently. After attempting a smile and failing, John shook his head. "We'll talk tomorrow, OK, Matty?"

Matt smiled back and nodded. "I'm just happy you're home,"

John turned away and followed Randy up the stairs to the bedroom. He could hear murmurs in the guest bedrooms as they passed and was thankful no one came out. He hurried inside his and Randy's bedroom and closed the door securely behind him, resting on it momentarily as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

"The kids are asleep in here. I couldn't leave them alone,"

John's eyes opened slowly at the sound of Randy's whispered statement and the first real smile of the day came upon his face. "I don't mind that,"

Randy extended a hand towards him and tugged him towards the bathroom when he accepted it. John blinked rapidly at the bright light and moved over to the large tub, sitting gingerly on the end. He lifted his gaze to connect with Randy's and watched as he moved over to him and leaned on the counter, still leaving a space between them.

Randy looked down at John, whose misery was clearly displayed on his face. "Do you want to talk or just sleep? I won't mind either way."

John shrugged, tapping his foot on the floor. "I don't know. I'm still numb."

Randy bent down, kneeling in front of where John sat and slowly reached for his bandaged hand. He placed a kiss on the bandage and smiled. "Did you do this or did you actually go to a doctor?"

"I went to the ER. It's not broken, just sprained. They cleaned the cuts and wrapped it." John shrugged. "They gave me some pain meds but it doesn't really hurt."

Randy frowned and slowly released John's hand. "You were in an ER? Where?"

"Not at SLU. I couldn't walk in there one more time," John shrugged. "So, I went to St. Anthony's. It was packed. I was there for like 6 hours."

"So, you were sitting in a hospital emergency room while I was driving around the city looking for you?" Randy stared at John in disbelief before a loud laugh escaped his lips. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head. "I can't believe it. I swore you had hopped on a plane."

John shook his head sadly. "I'm so sorry, Ran. I wasn't thinking about worrying anyone."

Randy quickly sobered and reached for John's face. "I told you to stop apologizing. I don't matter right now. No one does. If there's any moment when you should only think of yourself, I think this is that moment, John." He lifted his body up and sat beside John, linking their hands together. "I only ask that you think about it the next time you get the urge to completely disappear. I understand needing space, Johnny and I will help you get it but if we only have 2 months left together..."

Randy stopped as the words stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his rising emotions at bay. "Just don't leave me yet, John. I can't stand not being with you."

John kept his eyes on the ground before him, unable to look up at Randy for fear of falling apart. "Maybe you should start getting used to it," he whispered.

Randy shook his head as a tear slipped down his face. "I'll never get used to it," He felt John squeeze his hand but the older man remained silent. Randy understood. There was nothing he could say any way.


	85. Chapter 84

**August 2014**

Randy sat on the floor next to stairs, his legs stretched out in front of him and his head resting on the smooth wall. His eyes squeezed shut tightly but despite how hard he tried to block out what was happening in his living room, the voices filtered up to him.

It had only been a couple of hours after Randy had managed to drag John out of their bathroom and into a makeshift bed on the floor that a soft knock on their door had awoken them. Randy had quickly answered, prepared to defend John from anyone who threatened not giving him the space he'd asked for but the older man had relented to his mother's pleas. He had bravely chosen to go with her and explain what had happened the night before. Randy had watched as John nervously tried to make himself look presentable all the while the look on his face making it clear he wanted to do anything but what he was just about to do.

Randy sighed and let his eyes open. His foot began to shake anxiously as the sound of sobs began to filter up to him. He didn't know how long he could just sit there. John had told him it was something he had to do on his own but gathering their family and telling them of his imminent death was not something Randy thought he should do on his own. He was torn between respecting his wishes and running downstairs to stop him from doing something that must be destroying him.

"I don't understand why you won't go for one trial then, John! Everything starts out as an experiment! The trial they run on you could be the one that leads to a cure for this!"

"Mom, don't do this. I know how you must feel. I would probably be doing the same thing if I were in your shoes. This must be the most horrible thing for you. A parent should never have to bury their child but you also have to learn when to stop chasing false hope."

"I don't know how you could ever do that,"

Randy slid closer to the base of the stairs at the sound of John pleading with Carol but still kept his body partially hidden. He took a deep breath and prepared to lift his body off the floor when a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder.

"Dad,"

Randy's eyes swerved over and locked onto his daughter's. Alanna stared back at him, a frown on her face. "What are you doing?"

Randy quickly stood and grabbed Alanna's hand. "Nothing. Let's go to your room and get you and your brother ready for the day."

Alanna pulled back on Randy's hand and shook her head. "No, I'm hungry. Can we eat breakfast first?"

Randy shook his head and used his strength to drag Alanna towards her room. "I'll take you out to breakfast if you get dressed right now, OK?"

Alanna narrowed her eyes at him. "Can you take us to see Daddy first? I need to tell him how mad Angel and I are at him because he didn't call us last night."

Randy sighed. "Al, don't be mad at Daddy. He didn't mean to scare you or hurt you last night." He looked back towards the stairs hesitantly. "And you won't need to go to the hospital to see him because he's home…"

"He's home?" interrupted Alana. "I wanna go see him…" She tried to squeeze past Randy but he quickly blocked her way, grabbing her arms. "Alanna, stop. I told you I want to clean up and get ready for the day before you do anything else and I expect you to do it. Then you will stay in your room until I come back and get you so we can go, understand?"

Alanna frowned in confusion at Randy's stern tone and grip on her. However, she quickly nodded and disappeared into her room. Randy leaned on her closed door momentarily but then quickly moved off it and headed to his own bedroom. In his dealings with Alanna he had forgotten about his son and could only pray he hadn't snuck downstairs and into a horrible situation.

Thankfully, as Randy burst into his room, the first thing his eyes settled on was Angel. He sighed in relief, a smile coming upon his face as he saw the small boy picking up the blankets he and John had used as a bed the night before.

"Hey, kiddo. You don't have to clean that up. I'll do it."

Angel looked over his shoulder at Randy and shot him a smile. "It's OK. I just wanted to get them off the floor."

"Well, thank you." Randy walked over to him and pressed a kiss upon his forehead. "Can you go get cleaned up and dressed for the day now? I'm gonna take you and Ally to breakfast."

Angel nodded. "Can we go see Daddy, too?"

Randy sighed, not sure if he had the energy to go another round. "Daddy is here so we won't have to go see him. I want you to get dressed and stay in your room until we come up to get you, though, OK?"

Angel frowned back at him, a confused look on his face. "OK,"

Randy nodded and led him out of the bedroom and back into the hall. He hurried Angel into his own room as the booming voices of John's brothers rang throughout the house.

After ensuring Alanna was still securely in her room, Randy stood at the top of the stairs, unable to prolong going down any longer now that the children were awake. He began the descent slowly, the voices increasing as he approached the family room, a mixture of confusion, sadness and anger. However, all voices stopped and all eyes turned to him the minute he stepped into the room.

John turned over when he saw his parents' eyes move to look over his head. He smiled as Randy hesitantly came into the room. "I'm surprised it took you this long to come down."

Randy shrugged and remained frozen by the base of the stairs. "I wanted to do what you asked of me…for once."

John's smile widened and he motioned him over. "Come here,"

Randy slowly moved towards the table where John sat, his body screaming in protest with each step. "The kids woke up and I have them upstairs getting ready. I told them you're here, though so I don't know how long I can keep them locked up."

"They'll be fine for a bit longer," John held out his hand to link with Randy's and gently tugged him down beside him. "I've done all I can down here alone anyway."

Randy nodded and lowered his eyes to the ground. A hand landed on his knee and he looked up into Carol's eyes. "Randy, how are you doing with all of this, sweetheart?"

"Same way you are probably. Just in a different way," he whispered back in response.

Carol squeezed his knee, drawing Randy's gaze up to meet her moist. "But, despite what you're feeling, you won't ask John to look for another way; to try something else that might make him better?"

Randy shook his head sadly. "I can't, Mom. I have to respect John's wishes and I agree with him. If he only has a couple of months left with us, I don't want to spend them with him in a hospital room."

Carol moved her hand up to her chest and nodded. "I know. I know; you're both right! I'm so torn! I just can't accept this yet!" She stood up and hurried into the kitchen, her husband only steps behind her.

John sighed. "Just when I think she's gotten OK with this, she falls apart again."

Randy closed his eyes and lowered his head once more. "She's your mother, John. She will never be OK with this."

"I can't do this anymore today," John took a deep breath and stood up, looking around the room at the devastated faces of the rest of his family. He turned to look back at Randy, whose face rose when he felt John's stare.

"Can we please just get out of here for a little bit? I would love some breakfast, too."

Randy nodded and stood up. He tried to keep his eyes focused on John but couldn't stop them from moving over to look at their family, as well. His eyes lingered on his father and he was suddenly filled with a need to be comforted by the man like when he was a child. Bob stared back at him and Randy knew he could see the longing in his eyes. Before he could blink he found himself enveloped in the hug he had craved only seconds before.

"I know this is hard, son. We'll get through it together. You're not alone, Randy."

Randy nodded against his father's shoulder, his eyes immediately tearing. He remained in the hold only seconds longer for fear of never being able to pull away. "I know. Can you guys hold things down around here while I get John and the kids out for a bit?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that. I think everyone here needs some time alone, as well." Bob patted Randy's back and pushed him gently towards John, who waited patiently at the foot of the stairs.

John held out his hand for Randy and they headed up the stairs silently. It was only when they reached the top and found themselves standing in front of Alanna's room that John broke the silence. "We're not telling the kids now. I wanna wait."

Randy's eyes widened slightly but he nodded. "OK, if you think that's best. Don't you think they're gonna notice the moods of the 10 other people in this house, though?"

John shrugged. "So, we get out before they do but I just can't tell them now right here. I have no idea how to even begin telling them, Randy."

"Fine, fine. You get Al and I'll get Angel and we'll just get out of here." Randy turned away and began the walk down to Angel's room but John quickly stopped him.

"Ran, I'm trying so hard to handle this better today than I did yesterday in that hospital room. I have no clue what I'm doing, though. It's taking all my effort to just stay on my feet right now." John stopped as his throat clogged with emotion.

Randy walked back over to him and wrapped his arms around John's waist. "I am so proud of how strong you're being, baby, but if you can't do this today, we don't have to. It's still too soon..."

"It's not. I only have a small amount of time left, Ran. The responsible thing to do is tell them now and let them ask all the questions they're gonna ask and help them understand it while I'm still here." John took a deep breath and pushed gently at Randy's hips. "Go get our son so we can get out of here. Maybe the words will come to me after breakfast."

Randy nodded and bent to place a soft kiss on John's lips before moving away to Angel's room. He heard Alanna's squeal of excitement, her earlier anger apparently forgotten. Plastering a smile to his face, he opened Angel's door and motioned him out towards Alanna's room so he could also see John. Randy watched as John enveloped both children and the smile wavered on his face. In only a few months, that would be a sight he would never see again.

* * *

"Breakfast was yummy! I love that diner!" Alanna skipped along beside Randy, tugging on his hand as the playground appeared.

"Yeah, and now we get to come to the park!" Angel looked over at Randy from where he walked with John. "Are you going home now, Daddy?"

Randy laughed, his first real laugh in days, and shook his head. "No, baby. I'll stay today."

"Wow, today is just gonna be the best day ever then," John winked over at Randy and linked their hands together. He stopped him from walking and stared into his eyes. Randy frowned down at him in confusion. "You OK, baby?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect. I think we should stop here, though. We can all just talk for a bit," John gave Randy a knowing look and Randy's eyes widened. "Really? Are you sure?"

John nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yeah, I'm sure." He turned his eyes towards the children. "Can we all just sit here for a bit and talk? You guys cant go run around the playground yet anyway since you just ate and I've missed just sitting and talking with you."

Both kids nodded and allowed John to lead them up a small hill in the large park towards a secluded area away from the children's playground. Randy trudged slowly behind them, his legs feeling like lead as they walked. He took a deep breath and forced himself to be strong for John and reasoned in his head that as horrible as he felt John probably felt a thousand times worse.

John collapsed on the grass, both children attaching to one side of him. Randy gingerly lowered himself to the grass across from him and John had to smile. "I'll buy you a new pair of the same jeans you're wearing now. Just sit,"

Randy rolled his eyes at him and stretched out his long legs. "You're damn right you will,"

"Daddy," scolded Alanna.

"Sorry, princess," Randy quickly apologized to appease her.

"How did I get so lucky to have two such perfect children?" John hugged the kids to him tightly, deciding to continue before he lost his nerve. "I missed you two so much every night that I was away from you. You were all I thought about and the only people I really wanted to see."

"We're happy you're home, Daddy. We missed you, too," Alanna hugged John tightly and he bent to place a kiss on her head.

"We don't want you to ever have to go back to the hospital. No more getting sick, OK." Angel looked up at John, his blue eyes serious for his young age.

John laughed and cocked his head to the side. "Well, I'll try but I don't think I can control that."

"Maybe you could take one of the pills Daddy makes us eat every morning," replied Angel, shooting Randy a glance.

Randy nodded. "I'll go right out and buy another bottle of Flintstones vitamins."

John laughed and shook his head. "I wish that worked on grownups, guys but it doesn't. Sometimes grownups get sick and nothing works. No medicine, doctors, hospitals…nothing works." He lowered his eyes and focused on the green grass beneath his legs. "It's no one's fault why it happens but it just does sometimes."

John lifted his eyes off the grass, briefly looking at Randy before turning to look back down at his children. "You two know how sick I've been. You've seen the pictures of the thing in my head and seen the doctors try to make me better."

"Yeah, it looks like a black ball in your head. It was supposed to get smaller," responded Alanna.

"That's why you had to go every morning to the doctor and they gave you the medicine that made you tired and made your tummy hurt," added Angel.

John nodded. "Right. Well, the reason I was in the hospital now was because that medicine didn't work and they had to give me a lot more so it was better if I just stayed there the whole time."

"Yeah, Daddy explained it to us," Alanna looked over at Randy, who smiled thinly at her.

John smiled down at her and smoothed back her hair before turning to Angel and repeating the action. "You know how I said sometimes it doesn't matter how much medicine they give you or how hard the doctors try to make you better? Well, that's what happened to me guys. The medicine didn't help me. Doctors couldn't figure out how to make me better."

Angel frowned up at him. "So, you're still sick? The thing in your head is still there?"

"But they let you come home. If you were still sick, why didn't they keep you in the hospital?" Alanna shrugged. "I don't understand,"

"Me, neither," said Angel.

John took a deep breath and looked over at Randy for support as his confidence and nerve began to falter. Randy slid closer to them and grabbed John's hand from where it lay behind Alanna. He squeezed it tightly and nodded encouragingly at him.

"Guys, after the doctors have tried all the medicines and done all they can, they tell you that it's OK to go home. I mean, if they can't help me, why should I stay there when I can be home with you two and Daddy, the people I love the most in this world?" John smiled down at both children once more but before he could continue, he was interrupted by his son.

"But you're still sick, Daddy! That's bad! What's gonna happen? Did the doctor tell you?"

John nodded and gently rubbed his back. "He told me that I should enjoy my time with all of you because I'm not gonna get better, baby." He took a deep breath and looked over at Randy before lowering his head, unsure of how to actually use the word 'die' around his children. His heart was racing a mile a minute and he was finding it very hard to breathe.

"Guys, do you know what an angel is?"

John looked up at Randy's soft spoken question but remained silent.

Angel giggled and smirked over at Randy. "Me?"

Randy smirked back and shook his head. "Besides you, brat. I mean an angel from Heaven."

"Yeah. They protect us from bad things. We learned about them in Church when we go with Grandma," responded Angel.

"We can't see them or feel them but they're still there. You can pray to your angel like you pray to God," added Alanna.

Randy nodded. "That's right. Angels are very important in Heaven and God trusts them to help him. We all have an angel near us already, don't we?"

Both kids nodded and Alanna answered, "Great-Grandpa Bob is our Angel,"

"Well, soon, we'll have another angel helping Great-Grandpa Bob looking after us," replied Randy, his eyes automatically rising to meet John's. "Daddy John will be in Heaven with Great-Grandpa Bob,"

Both Angel and Alanna frowned deeply and turned their confused stares onto John. John avoided their gazes, knowing he was soon going to see sadness in their eyes.

"But Great-Grandpa Bob became an angel after he died," responded Alanna.

"Yeah, he was an old man. Daddy's not old like him," added Angel.

"It's not only old people who die, guys. Sometimes younger people die, too. They can get hurt in an accident or they can get really sick like Daddy is and the doctors can't help them," Randy tried to keep his face calm even though inside he was screaming.

"But…" began Angel.

"Listen to me, both of you." John interrupted, unable to let Randy continue any longer. "The doctors have told me that since I'm not getting any better, I am going to die. I wanted to tell you now and not lie to you so that when it happened you would be at least a little prepared for it. I know that day will still be really sad for you both but what Daddy said is true. I won't ever leave you. I'll be your angel and I will watch over you every single day…"

"No! I don't want you as an angel! I want you here!" Alanna pulled away from John, her eyes wide.

"If you're an angel, we can't see you! We want you here like right now! As our Dad!" added Angel, the same horrified expression on his face as the one on his sister's.

"I know it. I would give anything to be able to stay but I cant," John's eyes filled with tears, his will to hold back all emotion shattering as he watched the expressions on his children's faces move from confusion to horror to devastation. "There's nothing I can do, guys. There's nothing the doctor's can do." He moved his hand over to wrap around Alanna but she moved further away, tears escaping her eyes now, too.

Randy pushed down the ball of emotion that threatened to choke him and reached for Alanna, pulling her into his arms. "Ally, please, baby. I know how you feel. I feel just as sad as you do, baby."

John turned away, unable to watch any longer. He pulled Angel into his arms, the small boy immediately wrapping his around John's neck.

"You promised me you would come home. I thought that meant you were OK,"

"I thought I would be, baby. I never thought I would get so sick that nothing could help me. I never would've lied to you, Angel," responded John, hugging the small boy tightly. He turned his gaze to look at Alanna, who rested her head on Randy's shoulder. "I never would've lied to either one of you. I would never want to leave you; ever! I didn't know I was going to get this sick. The doctors didn't either. They tried so hard; we all did. There was nothing they could do, though. It's no one's fault."

"Daddy's gonna go be with God now in Heaven and he's not gonna be sick anymore. God's gonna make him all better and he's still gonna be with us, guys. Just in a different way. And even though he wont be there with us everyday, it doesn't mean he's gone," added Randy softly. "He'll still be watching over us and we'll still have so many nice memories of Daddy. We'll talk about him and we'll always remember him…"

"You're not gonna be alone, guys. You still have Daddy Randy and our entire family. Everyone loves you two so much, babies. You're gonna be just fine…" John moved one hand to rest on Alanna's back while his other held Angel tightly to him. Alanna shook her head and scrambled off Randy's lap and into John's. "But we want you,"

Alanna gripped John tightly as if afraid he would disappear before her eyes that instant. "Please, Daddy,"

"I can't stop this from happening, Ally. I would love to be able to but I just can't, sweetheart," John held her tightly against him as his words bought on another flood of tears. Angel gripped onto John's other side, his teary eyes staring at up at him. "It's not fair,"

John nodded, some tears escaping his eyes, as well. "I know it's not fair, baby."

Randy watched silently as John continued to murmur words of comfort to their children. He lowered his own tear-filled eyes and thought of the long road still ahead of them. He knew more questions lay ahead not only from the children but from the rest of their family. That knowledge added to the hundreds of questions already spinning around in his own head made Randy wish the ground would open up and swallow him whole. John was so certain of his ability to hold it together even after his death but Randy had no idea how he would go on to live without him and that thought only added to the fear he already felt.


	86. Chapter 85

**Present Day**

Randy glanced at his watch for what felt like the tenth time in the past 5 minutes alone. He sighed in exasperation and zipped up the final garment bag, looking once more at the name tag and ensuring it was clearly labeled. The last thing he wanted was for the rack of tuxes to be delivered to Connecticut with incorrect labels and be the cause of chaos and confusion on Ted and Cody's wedding day. That would be what finally drove his mild mannered best friend over the brink of insanity. Of that, Randy was sure.

However, of what he wasn't sure was of how he had managed to spend over 3 hours now in Sophie's dress and tuxedo shop when according to the young seamstress, it was only meant to be an hour long visit, if that. Randy knew getting Alanna in and out of a dress in a timely manner would be a miracle but he'd never expected Angel to imitate her behavior. His final fitting with Sophie had taken less than half an hour to complete and he hadn't seen her since she disappeared into the dressing room with his two children.

Taking a step back from the garment rack, Randy sighed once more and looked over to the larger dressing room. "Guys, come on! What the hell could you possibly have to do? Just try the outfits on and if they fit, take 'em off so we can get the hell out of here!"

"I'm picking out my pocket square, Dad!" yelled Angel back.

"I'm fitting it in right now, Randy. I'll have him out in 30 seconds," added Sophie.

"No, I've seen him in his suit like 5 times already. Just take it off so we can go," Randy groaned and rubbed his head, which had started to pound an hour ago.

"No, Dad! Before I take it off you have to look at me! You haven't seen it with the pocket square."

Randy turned over at the sound of his son's excited voice, all annoyance and pain fading at the sight of the small boy. "Oh my God, look at you."

"I look like you and Daddy," Angel laughed. "Remember how you guys were dressed the night we met for the first time?"

Randy nodded and bent down towards his son and pulled him in for a close hug. "Of course I remember. It was one of the best nights of my life, kid," He pulled back and smiled, his eyes drifting over to the red pocket square Angel had chosen. "I like the red."

"It was Daddy's favorite color so…" Angel shrugged. "I like it."

Randy nodded and placed a kiss on his head and stood. "OK, so now that you've shown me how handsome you are, can you change so we can get out here? I'm starving,"

"Don't say that. You're just really hungry. Children in Africa are starving," Angel smirked over at his father as he mimicked him. Randy rolled his eyes and playfully shoved him out of the room. "Get the hell out of here,"

Randy smiled as he watched Angel disappear into the dressing room. He turned his attention to the room down the hall and sighed. "Sophie, how's it going with the princess in there? I'd like to get out of here at one point before nightfall. Wasn't this supposed to be an in and out trip?"

After a short laugh, Sophie's voice called out to him. "Give us two minutes, Randy. I'm putting the last pin in right now."

Randy shook his head. "It still doesn't fit?"

"It does. We're just arranging the waist sash and bow. The color was just picked,"

Randy turned over to look at Angel, who returned from the dressing room in his jeans and t-shirt and mumbled. "So that's probably gonna take another hour…"

Angel nodded and collapsed into the chair beside his father, immediately grabbing for Randy's phone and bringing to life one of the many game apps he had downloaded. Randy watched him play for a few minutes, glad for the distraction it provided. Just when he could take no more, though, Alanna's voice rang out of the second dressing room.

"Are you ready?"

Randy looked up and rolled his eyes. "We've been ready for hours, Al,"

"Are you sure?" she responded back in a singsong manner.

"Ally, will you just get out here? We're hungry," responded Angel, his own temper rising at his sister's teasing.

Alanna remained silent but shot her brother a quick glare as she emerged from the room. Sophie followed slowly behind, a measuring tape slung over her neck decorated with a slew of safety pins.

"How do I look?" Alanna smiled widely as she spun around in her white flower girl dress.

Randy's eyebrow rose as he scanned the dress, stopping at the bright red bow cinching Alanna's waist. "You picked red, too."

Alanna stopped her spinning and nodded, her eyes turning over to her brother. "Yeah, that's what took so long. I changed the bow from pink to red. After Angel told me he picked red, I wanted to match him and I liked his idea of wearing Daddy's favorite color so it could feel like a piece of him was with us on that day."

Randy smiled slowly and moved over to his daughter. He stared into her bright eyes and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Daddy will always be with you, baby," He turned to look at Angel over his shoulder and added, "He will always be with both of you."

Randy turned back to Alanna and spun her around one more time. "You look beautiful, sweetheart. Better than any princess I've ever seen."

Alanna smiled and pulled back. "Thanks, Dad. I'll take it off really fast so we can go eat, OK. I'm kinda hungry, too."

Randy nodded and watched as Alanna ran off to the dressing room. He sighed and looked up at Sophie. "I am so screwed, Soph,"

Sophie laughed and shook her head. "Why do you say that?"

"I have a beautiful son and a beautiful daughter. Both girls and boys are gonna knocking down my door in a few years," Randy groaned and shook his head. "I don't think I'm gonna like this."

Sophie shrugged and walked towards the dressing room to help Alanna. "I wish you luck, dear. You're gonna need it with these two."

Randy laughed and nodded. He motioned over to the rack and sighed. "Everything is on this thing, right, Sophie? You have to swear to me on your firstborn child this thing is gonna make it to Connecticut safely. Cody will have a heart attack if something doesn't go right that day and I don't want it to be the one thing he put me in charge of."

Sophie walked over to the garment rack and patted it. "You're gonna have to trust me, dear. I will ensure this gets put on a plane to the wedding. All the tuxes are on it and Alanna's dress will be placed on it as soon as she comes out, as well. Don't worry!"

Randy shook his head and turned away. "I don't know the meaning of that phrase. Somewhere down the line of Cody and Ted's wedding I have become as paranoid as them that something is going to go wrong." He sighed and lowered his tone. "And nothing can go wrong that day. It has to go perfectly because Ted and Cody deserve no less."

"I completely understand, Randy," Sophie smiled and walked over to him, patting his shoulder comfortingly. "Just have faith,"

Randy's eyes swung back to meet Sophie's. He frowned at her choice of words, remembering how many times he had repeated that phrase to John. "Yeah, well, despite how hard it is for me to do so, I have no choice this time."

Randy let out a soft sigh of relief as Alanna emerged from the dressing room holding her dress up high. He took if from her hands and passed it off to Sophie, who would make the final corrections and pack it up for its flight.

"OK, looks like we're all set! Let's get outta here and let Sophie finish up," Randy looked towards the kids and took his phone from Angel's outstretched hand. "Say goodbye and thank you to Sophie for her amazing patience."

Sophie laughed and bent to hug both children goodbye. Randy smiled and waved over at her as he led the kids towards the door. "Soph, call me if there are any problems or questions…"

"I know! I know!" Sophie shook her head and waved them away. "Will you just go already?"

Randy smiled sheepishly and nodded, stepping out into the bright sunlight. He took a deep breath and followed his children to the car. He had no choice but to rely on faith once more.

* * *

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Cody smiled happily and looped his arm around Randy's as they walked into his house.

Randy frowned and looked over at his young friend. "What the hell do you want now?"

Cody rolled his eyes and swung the bags of groceries he carried in his free hand onto Randy's counter. "Nothing! Damn, can't I just tell you how much I appreciate you as a friend without you getting suspicious?"

Randy shrugged and placed his own bags on the counter. "You could but lately whenever you tell me how much you love me it's because you need another wedding related favor or because you want me to cook for you."

Cody's eyes widened. "I do not!"

Randy smirked over at him and lifted a package of steaks out of a bag. "Of course you don't. So, what do you want with the steaks tonight?"

Cody's averted Randy's gaze by turning it over to the backyard, his lips curving into a small smile as he watched Ted run around the yard with Angel and Alanna. He sighed as the thought that had been driving him crazy all morning resurfaced once more.

"OK, Ran, you're right. I have been asking a lot of you and I'm sorry if it feels like I don't appreciate it because I do. I really do love you and I am so thankful I have you to help me keep my parents and Ted's parents from taking over this wedding planning. I'm also so happy you've been willing to do so much since Teddy and I are still traveling so much…"

"All right, Cody," interrupted Randy with a laugh. "I'm amazing; I get it. What do you want? You should already know I'll do anything."

"I know. It's just…a delicate matter," mumbled Cody.

Randy frowned and lowered the package of meat to the counter. "OK. I guess that rules out sex pointers for the wedding night since I'm sure you're more up to date on what's new in the sex department than I am."

Cody laughed and shook his head. "I think Ted and I will stick to what we've done for the past 6 years. It's worked so far." He sighed and looked back over at Ted in the backyard. "I love Ted and I can't wait till we get married but for the life of me, I have no clue what I'm going to say when I'm actually up there marrying him."

"For your vows?" Randy shrugged and turned over to begin placing groceries away. "Just stick to traditional ones. You don't have to say anything original. That's only if you want to."

"But I do want to! That's the problem!" Cody let out a frustrated groan. "Why am I blanking out? Why can't I put on paper all the amazing things about Ted that made me fall in love with him? I know what they are! They're spinning around in my head right now but the moment I pick up a pen, I go blank! What do I do, Ran?"

Randy slowly folded the empty paper bags and sighed inwardly as the memory of his wedding vows to John suddenly popped into his head. He quickly pushed it away and smiled. "Don't write it down. Don't think about it so much. Just say what's in your heart when you're standing up there in front of Ted. It's what I did. I had no clue what to say until the moment I was asked and I looked into John's eyes. It will just come to you naturally, Cody."

"I wish I could've seen that. Ice cold Randy Orton in the most open and vulnerable moment of his life, I'm sure," Cody rested his elbows on the counter and smiled over at Randy.

Randy shrugged and turned away. "Yeah, well…if you really wanna write something, I'll try to help in any way I can."

"No, I think I'll just let it come to me. I shouldn't force it." Cody frowned as he noticed Randy's back tense up. He regretted bringing up the conversation now as it seemed what he was worrying about all morning had actually happened. The last thing he wanted to do was make Randy remember his wedding to John and have him fall back into the deep sadness and depression he had been in for the bulk of the year. Cody knew how difficult it had to be for his friend to help him so much with the planning of his own wedding. He knew Randy did it because of his love for him and Ted and their many years of friendship.

"Let's just focus on dinner. I think maybe we should grill the steaks tonight since it's getting so late," Cody quickly stood and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

Randy turned over and sighed at Cody's skittish behavior. He instantly knew the younger man had noticed his tension. "Codes, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know," responded Cody quickly. He shook his head and walked over to the discarded package of steaks. "Let's just forget I bought this up, Ran."

"Cody, I don't mind talking about this. I don't mind doing anything related to your wedding. I'm fine," Randy raised an eyebrow and smiled. "I am!"

Cody nodded, his eyes lowered. "I know you are, Randy but I also know this has to be hard for you sometimes. I know how hard you're trying to get better and move on but I'm not stupid or blind. Some moments have to feel like torture for you and I hate that I'm the one responsible for making you feel like that. I don't wanna push you too much."

"Cody," Randy walked over to stand beside his friend. "You're right. Some parts of helping you plan this wedding have been hard because there are so many things that make me remember John and how much he would've loved to help. I mean, he would've loved going to see all those places with you and Ted and looking at all the different colors of wood for the chairs and he would've been so proud this morning seeing Angel and Al all dressed up. Those things make me sad. The fact that I'm helping you and Ted plan the rest of your lives together helps with the sadness, though. It bothered me at the beginning and I had my moments of selfishness when I didn't want to be around anything having to do with the wedding because I hated that you and Ted had a future to look forward to but I didn't have one with John anymore. I'm over that, though and I love helping you. I want nothing more than for you and Ted to live a long and happy life together."

"I know you do, Ran. I'm so thankful to have you in my life. You've literally always been there for me when I needed someone," Cody laughed and shook his head. "From protecting me from bullies when I was just a kid visiting Dad in the locker room to protecting me from the assholes in the locker room when I came out and started dating Teddy,"

Randy smiled and shrugged. "That's my job as the best friend, right?" He quickly shook his head and added, "Well, more like big brother at this point."

Cody nodded. "Definitely big brother. You and Dust are my saviors!"

"I always will be but right now I need you to be mine for a few minutes," Randy looked over at the steaks with a wary glance. "Can I trust you to prepare those steaks for the grill while I run upstairs and take a Tylenol? My head is killing me after all I've had to endure today with Al and Angel and then in the playground and market…I just need a minute of silence."

Cody smiled and waved Randy away. "Of course; just go! I have learned much from you about cooking over the years and I know I could do this. I've practiced on Teddy for months now and he's still breathing so…" He shrugged and laughed as Randy rolled his eyes and headed upstairs.

Randy quickly ran up the stairs to his room, his head pounding with each step and stars floating before his eyes. It was an intense pain but one he knew meant no danger. When he had started to suffer his own headaches, panic had set in and he had run into Dr. Johnson's office and immediately scheduled a battery of tests with Dr. Shapiro. The neurologist had told him a hundred times they were nothing to worry about; just migraines bought on by his own stress. Still fearful, Randy had seen two other doctors who corroborated what Dr. Shapiro had told him and he had finally relaxed. It still wasn't pleasant when the migraines hit him but he could live with them if they weren't dangerous. It also helped that they were coming around fewer and fewer in between.

Randy stepped into his bedroom and walked directly into the bathroom, quickly gulping down two Excedrin. He stared at his reflection and shook his head, disappointed at himself. The last thing he had wanted to do was show any tension or discomfort around Cody when talking about his wedding. He knew it would cause his friend pain but he just couldn't stop the memories Cody's words evoked.

Randy walked out of the bathroom and sat on the edge of his bed. He let his eyes wander around the room and stopped when they landed on a picture of him and John. His lips curved into a smile and he rested his head on the backboard of the bed, letting himself indulge in a memory…

* * *

"_I really hate Ted and Cody sometimes. They're always so…" Randy wrinkled his nose as he tried to think of a word to describe the younger couple. "I don't know. Like so lovey dovey and shit."_

_John laughed as he shot the basketball he held in his arms up. The ball fell through the hoop easily and he caught it on a bounce. "You do not hate them and they aren't so bad. They're just in love and like to show it."_

"_I'm in love and I'm not all over you every minute," Randy walked away from John and shook his head as he watched Ted wrap his arms around Cody's body, helping him hold the bat as they took turns in the batting cage. "I mean, look at them. They can't even enjoy a day in a sports park without groping each other!"_

"_Who cares?" John held the ball in one hand as he slowly approached his annoyed lover. "Want me to grope you right now so you can forget about them?"_

"_Stay the fuck away from me, Cena." Randy held up a finger and scolded John lightly, sidestepping him as he approached. "Anyway, I don't rock like that."_

_John loud laugh echoed through the court, drawing their other co-workers who were busy at their own games to look over at the men. "Don't rock like what? Like by showing human emotion to the person you love?"_

"_I show human emotion around you, asshole." Randy crossed his arms and glared at John. _

"_I know you do, baby. I'm just teasing you. I know how much you love me," John winked over at him before turning back to the basket and letting the ball drop from his hands into a bounce on the hardwood floor. _

"_You do? Even though I don't dry hump you from behind as you swing a bat or grope your ass when you try for a jump shot?" Randy smirked over at John and slowly walked towards him. _

"_Yeah, I still know," replied John with a small smile. He looked over at Randy from the corner of his eye. "It's all in your eyes, Orton. I can read them so clearly. They make it so obvious how much you wanna dry hump me and grope me. You're just fighting against it because deep down inside I know you're as old-fashioned as they come and you don't think certain displays should be made in public but I know you..."_

_Randy's smirk morphed into a smile and he shook his head. "Is that so? What are my eyes telling you right now?"_

_John turned over and locked gazes with the younger man. "That you would give anything to be home right now so I could throw you on the bed and fuck you until you pass out from what I would be making you feel."_

_Randy smiled and closed the gap between the men, slipping his arms around John's waist and pulling him tightly against him. Without a word they tilted their heads and joined lips. John held Randy tightly, his arms looping around his neck. The soft kiss soon deepened, their tongues tasting as both men moaned softly. Randy broke the kiss and moved his lips down John's neck, breathing in deeply the scent of his cologne. His hands moved up and down his back, feeling the muscles underneath the shirt he wore. He let his hands rest on the small of his back right above his waistline and his lips traveled John's neck up to his ear, biting the lobe gently. "Looks like you can read my eyes after all,"_

_John pulled back slightly, staring into Randy's eyes. "Like I said, I know you, Orton." He moved back in and kissed his lips gently once more. "I know how much you love me,"_

_"So fucking much," was all Randy could say before John joined their lips again. He could hear footsteps approach from behind him but didn't want to break apart from John and the sensations of his kiss. _

"_Seriously, can't you two keep your hands off each other for 2 minutes?"_

_Randy's eyes snapped open, instantly narrowing at Cody's voice behind him. _

"_Yeah, I mean, we are in public, guys and while we don't mind if you two show some affection, maybe you can tone it down a bit so we can all keep our lunches down."_

_John raised an eyebrow at Ted's scolding and shook his head slightly. He kept his eyes locked onto Randy's and whispered, "I kinda hate them, too, sometimes."_

_Randy's face lit up in a smile and he kissed John once more, tuning out the complaints of the young friends and losing himself in the man he loved. _

* * *

"Dad!"

Randy's eyes flew open at Alanna's yell. "What?"

"I've called you like 10 times, Dad. So rude," Alanna rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her small chest. "To think, I'm up here trying to get you so our house doesn't burn down."

Randy quickly stood from the bed. "I wasn't trying to be rude; I was just thinking." He frowned and shook his head. "Why is our house gonna burn down? I asked Cody to prepare the steaks not cook them."

Alanna shrugged. "Well, I don't know but he's actually doing something to them on the grill and there's way more smoke coming out of it than when you do it so Angel and I think maybe you should come down…"

Randy nodded and reached for her hand. "OK, let's go see what he's done."

Alanna smiled up at him and took his hand, following Randy down the hall. After a few steps she turned back to her father and smiled. "You were thinking about Daddy, weren't you?"

Randy stopped their trek down the stairs and looked over at his daughter. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"You were smiling," responded Alanna. "You don't do that a lot so I always know when you're thinking about him."

Randy nodded and squeezed her hand gently. "Well, Daddy always had a way of bringing smiles out of all us, didn't he?" He waited to see Alanna's nod before tugging her back down the stairs. "Now, come on. We gotta save our house!"


	87. Chapter 86

Randy stood at the edge of the doorway leading into his backyard, a small smile on his face. He watched the Cena men bent over the hood of a car, Angel tucked in between them as he helped them poke and prod at the half built engine.

"Guys, are you planning on coming up for air anytime soon? I got some lunch ready, if you're interested."

John was the first person to look up at the sound of Randy's voice. He smiled and left Angel in Matt's care as he walked over to him. "Thanks, babe but none of us are really hungry yet. Maybe later?"

Randy shook his head, the smile gone from his face. "Maybe not. It's almost 3 o'clock. You guys haven't eaten since like 8 this morning. You have to eat; all of you! Especially the little person over there,"

John sighed in defeat and shrugged. "Fine, you're right. I'll grab a platter and bring them out here, though. The boys don't wanna stop and Angel is so focused…"

"I'll get it, John. If you guys wanna eat out here I don't care as long as you actually do eat," Randy turned around and started to move away. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

John watched Randy walk away for a few seconds before turning to his brothers. "Guys, I'll be right back, OK. I'm gonna go grab us some lunch."

Dan quickly stepped forward and shook his head. "No, no! You stay and I'll get it."

John smiled and took a step away from his brother. "What did I tell you, all of you, about doing that? Don't jump up and offer to do things for me like I'm some kind of invalid. I can still do things for myself and until the day comes that I can't, I would appreciate it if you all let me do them."

"You're right, Johnny. I'm sorry; I forgot," replied Dan as he took a couple of steps away.

John nodded and pointed at his son. "What you can do for me is watch Angel. Matt lets him get away with a little too much and I don't want to walk back in here and find my son playing with a flame thrower or something."

Dan laughed and nodded, waving John off as he rejoined the group around the Mustang they were currently rebuilding. John turned and walked back into the house, the laughter of Alanna and her grandmother's reaching his ears. The sound bought a smile to his own face, as well because it was probably the first time he had heard the sound in the past week.

Things had calmed down some around the Orton-Cena home and they had all fallen into an odd routine; one where they all awaited John's death while trying to live day by day to the fullest. He and Randy had spoken to the Headmaster at Angel and Alanna's school and informed them of the situation at home. They had arranged with the school to let Ms. Mary, Angel's tutor from years earlier, come in a few times a week to work with the children at home and keep their education up to speed. Carol and John Sr. had rented a small house only a few blocks away in an effort to remain in St. Louis, close to John and his family but distant enough to give him and Randy the privacy they desired in their home. His brothers had all decided on a rotating schedule of visits in an effort to not disturb their own children's schooling and were flying into St. Louis every weekend, sharing the home their parents had rented. Somehow, though, Randy's parents, his parents, their siblings and even Sam, all found their way into the Orton-Cena home every morning and stayed throughout most of the day. Even Cody and Ted, when home from the road, had elected to return to St. Louis, ignoring their home in Tampa and their own families. While some days it did drive him crazy to always have someone in his face when he turned around, John knew he was blessed and shouldn't complain. Many days in chemotherapy and radiation with other patients he befriended had left him speechless. He had heard the stories of the people receiving treatment beside him. Some were wheeled in from nursing homes while others came in on their own and went home the same way. John had seen too many people there who didn't have the privilege he did of having a loving family beside him. For that reason alone, he would never complain.

"Cena, really, if you're gonna ignore me then you're gonna have to make your own damn lunch from now on,"

John blinked rapidly, his train of thought skidding to a halt. Randy stood before him with a scowl as he held out a platter of sandwiches. John smiled and shook his head, reaching for the platter and setting it down on the counter. "Sorry, babe. I was just thinking and it distracted me."

Randy frowned. "What are you thinking about? Do you feel OK?"

John raised an eyebrow. "What did I tell you about asking me that every 5 minutes?"

"To not ask you every 5 minutes," replied Randy. His lips curved into a smile and he shrugged. "But, if I remember correctly, I told you to fuck off and reminded you that I do what I want when I want to do it."

John rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine! I have to get it in my head that I can't break you. I've gotten nowhere in the past few years, have I?"

Randy smiled and walked over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Believe it or not, you have broken me. You see and get to experience a part of me nobody else does, Johnny."

"And I love it and I love you but I still wish you would listen to me," replied John, running his hand up Randy's chest to the back of his neck. "I'm fine. I feel good. Let me enjoy this feeling as long as I can. I swore I would tell you when I didn't feel good, Ran. I won't lie to you."

Randy leaned into John's touch and sighed. "I know, Johnny but there's a part of me that can't stop wondering when you won't be and if I can prolong that day by not letting you do too much today…" He trailed off and shrugged, his eyes downcast.

John squeezed the back of Randy's neck, drawing his gaze upward. "But, baby, by doing that, we're not living each day to the fullest. If you're looking at me like a ticking time bomb waiting for me to explode, you're not focusing on all the other amazing things happening in our lives right now or all the amazing things we could be making happen right now!"

Randy slowly smiled and moved in closer, letting his and John's body press completely together. "You're absolutely right, Johnny. When did you get so smart?"

"I have always been smart, Orton. I just toned it down to not make you feel bad," John smirked as Randy rolled his eyes. He held the younger man tightly against him and moved his face down to rest on Randy's shoulder, inhaling his scent deeply as his lips trailed the skin of his neck. "How about tonight we let Sammy take Angel with her and Ally and then you and I have a night just for ourselves like back when we were dating? We'll cook a dinner that I will probably end up letting you finish and drink some beers and stay up and watch movies and eat tons of junk food that we'll feel guilty about in the morning. Then, when we're bored of movies, we can just stay up talking about crazy things like alien life forms and whether mushrooms are a bad or good fungus or something."

Randy laughed and nodded. "Sounds perfect,"

John let his lips hover over Randy's as their eyes locked. "And when we're done with talking you can lay back and let me have my way with you,"

Randy raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "What if I wanna have my way with **you**?"

"You'll just have your wait your turn," responded John before pulling Randy into him, their lips meeting in a fierce kiss. Randy leaned into the kiss, his lips parting as John ran his tongue over them. His hands ran up John's chest to wrap themselves around his neck. John pulled him closer, gripping his waist tightly and moaned as their tongues stroked each other softly. He felt Randy sigh and slowly pulled back, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Randy smiled, his eyes closed as he rested his forehead on John's. "Can we kick everyone out right now?"

* * *

"You did a good job getting everyone out, baby." Randy smiled and bent to turn off the stove. "And you also did a good job at helping me with dessert,"

John looked over from the counter then back down at the desert Randy had let him prepare. "It's strawberries and chocolate sauce, Ran." He laughed and shrugged. "The kids could've made that! All that money I spent on cooking lessons…"

Randy shook his head. "Stop belittling yourself. You made the chocolate sauce from scratch." He moved over to John and dropped a kiss on the tip of his nose. "You set the table and I'll finish up the dinner."

John nodded and carried the tray with the sauce and berries into the dining room. He quickly dimmed the lights in the room and lit some candles to give it a soft, romantic glow. After ensuring the plates were set properly, he reached for the bottle of champagne he had chilling in a bucket and was just finished pouring Randy's glass when he entered the room, eyebrow raised.

"It's beautiful in here,"

"It's for us; our special night." John smiled and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the stereo system remote and pressed a button. The room instantly filled with soft, classical music. Randy smirked and lowered the platter with the lamb chops and roasted potatoes he had prepared for dinner to the table. "Wow, Cena. You're really pulling out all the stops here. There's no need, you know. You already got me; I'm yours."

John laughed and pointed to a chair. "Shut up and sit down."

Randy smiled and moved over to a chair. The backdoor leading to their yard was open and he could see the few stars that lit up the night sky from where he sat. The moonlight spilled into the room along with a gentle breeze, making it the perfect late summer night.

"So, I wanna start with the discussion on mushrooms," John sank into his chair and reached for a lamb chop and some potatoes. "You give me mushrooms sometimes in pasta and think I don't notice but I really worry about it, Ran. They're a fungus and some could be dangerous."

Randy slowly smiled as he served his own portion. "Are you serious? This is what you wanna talk about?"

John shrugged and nodded simultaneously. He swallowed the bite he had taken before responding. "Yes, for now. In a bit we can move on to aliens. I really believe there's something on Mars, Ran. I mean, they found water on that planet. Something has to live there…or if not there, somewhere on another planet! I mean, how conceited are we to think that in this vast universe there's no one but us?"

Randy's smile widened and he nodded. "I agree. I'll also stop putting mushrooms in your pasta but I promise you that none have been poisonous members of the fungi family."

John laughed and continued directing the conversation. He loved that in moments when he needed it most, Randy let him talk for hours; let him ramble about aliens and mushrooms and let him forget whatever troubles he may have at work or home or between family and friends. For once, though, he felt like his rambles were something Randy was actually enjoying as much as he was. The younger man never enjoyed discussing the difficult moments in life or talking about his worries and fears. He was enjoying the reprieve John was giving him as much as John was.

"All done?"

John looked down at his plate, surprised to see that in between the conversation he had finished his first and the second serving Randy had given him and only a few berries remained on his plate. "Yeah. It was delicious, baby, thank you."

Randy nodded and moved to stand. "Anytime, Johnny."

John quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. "Leave it. Don't get up. I'm not done with you yet,"

Randy eyed the dirty plates but fought the urge to get up and clean them. "OK, so then what do you want from me?"

"I wanna go out into the yard and just sit out there for a bit. It's such a nice night and pretty soon it'll get too cold so," John shrugged. "Just for a bit then we can go upstairs and watch The Godfather,"

"You'll watch The Godfather and I'll wash the dishes," responded Randy, standing up and pulling John to his feet. He heard his laugh follow them out into the yard and led them towards the patio chairs. John lowered himself to one and pulled Randy into his lap, letting him settle between his legs. Randy sighed contently as he let his head fall back against John's chest, turning over slightly to kiss the curve of his shoulder leading up to his neck. "This was a good idea. It's a beautiful night."

"The entire night has been amazing. Thanks for doing this, Ran," John kissed Randy's temple and held him close.

"You're thanking me for something that I love doing. I love spending time with you, Johnny and I love doing anything that will put a smile on your face," Randy pressed his lips to John's softly, pulling away before the kiss could intensify. "Plain and simple, I love you."

John ran one hand over the back of Randy's shirt, feeling his muscles through the layer of cotton that separated them. A low moan escaped Randy's lips as John's other hand moved down his chest towards the bottom of his shirt. John tugged it up and within seconds Randy felt his fingers on his skin, stroking his abs gently as his fingers traced invisible circles.

"Can we go up to bed now?"

Randy's heart began to race at the tone in John's voice but he held back his own excitement. He didn't want John's night of fun to end so quickly. "Sure. We're gonna watch The Godfather, aren't we?"

John raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Really not that interested in the movie anymore, babe,"

Randy placed a quick kiss on John's neck and stood up before he could protest. "Well, I am. Go set it up and I'll be up as soon as I load the dishwasher, OK."

John groaned in frustration but stood. "Fine. I don't get what you're doing but…fine, I'll go."

Randy smiled gratefully and disappeared back into the dining room. He busied himself with clearing the table while John exited the room and walked up to their bedroom. He could hear Randy's movements in the dining room and kitchen and busied himself in their bedroom. John walked over to their large television and inserted the DVD of one of his favorite movies. It was only a few minutes later as he stood in front of the large television that Randy entered the room, cleaning his hands on a towel.

"OK, let's do this. I've never actually paid attention to this movie so I may actually enjoy it." He shrugged and took the DVD case from John's hand. "Looks like action,"

John smiled and nodded. "Just a bit," He moved over to the bed and sank onto it, a happy smile on his face. "Tonight was just what I wanted, gorgeous. As usual, you made what I wanted to happen actually happen."

"Well, good. Now you can stop saying I'm the only one that gets his way around here," Randy rolled his eyes and lowered his body to lie besides John.

"You do always get your way around here. The kids adore you and I adore you," John turned over and smiled. "Who wouldn't adore you, though?"

"So very true you are, Johnny. I am very adorable and…"

John stopped Randy by placing his mouth over his in a slow kiss. He wrapped his arms around Randy's back and under his shirt, running up the warm skin. Randy moaned into the kiss, his hand trailing along John's jaw and neck. The kiss seemed to go on forever, and by the time it was over neither man could breathe, their hearts pounding in their chests.

"Very adorable and so fucking sexy," John whispered.

Randy didn't bother to respond this time, their lips meeting again, frantic and needy, and John moaned against it.

"I need to feel you," He whispered against Randy's mouth, his hands sliding down to the small of his back. "God, I need to feel you so bad."

"What about the movie?" Randy tried to gain control of his surging excitement and pull away from John's lips and touch but the older man wouldn't release him.

"I told you downstairs. I don't give a flying fuck about a movie right now," responded John in a growl. His hands went to the hem of Randy's shirt, peeling it up and over his head. He lowered himself down and hooked his fingers into the waistline of Randy's boxers, quickly pulling them off. Randy sat up and pulled John up towards him, their chests pressed together. He kissed him briefly, quickly pulling away to remove the older man's shirt.

"Good because I need to feel you, too." He couldn't help but bend his head down to capture John's nipple in his mouth and draw on it steadily. John's hands immediately went to his head, as his breath hitched in his throat.

"God, Ran." He breathed and Randy grinned against his chest, moving to the other nipple to do the very same thing. Randy moved his lips down John's chest to his abs, his fingers hovering over the waist of his boxer shorts. He quickly slid them off John's muscular legs and came back up to capture his lips.

They fell back into bed and wrapped themselves around each others bodies. They fit together almost perfectly, their legs tangled together, slowly grinding against each others hips and rubbing their cocks together.

"Keep your eyes open and locked on me," John groaned out as held Randy's face in his hands, gazing into his eyes as they rubbed together, watching the way they dilated with pleasure, the way his breath hitched and his lips parted with soft moans. Randy fought to keep his eyes open, letting his hands slide along John's hips and lower back, pulling him forward with each grinding thrust.

"Feels so good, baby." Randy whispered, and John nodded his head, leaning forward to capture his lips, his grinding beginning to go a little faster, his body aching with need and desire. Nothing compared to this; feeling Randy in his arms, touching him, tasting him, hearing his moans and cries of pleasure, hearing him say his name the way only he could.

"John, John..." Randy gasped out, breaking the kiss, "I'm so close already, baby. I want you. Fuck me, please, John, I need it. I need you."

John looked into his lover's eyes and positioned himself between Randy's now parted legs.

"I love you, Johnny." Randy whispered.

"I love you too, Ran. I love you more than anything." John gently stroked Randy's face, his voice thick with emotion.

"Me, too." Randy replied quietly, his eyes sparkling with emotion.

John leaned down over his lover, pressing his lips to the other man's, deep soul searing, bone trembling kisses that seemed to linger and go on forever. John finally pulled himself away from Randy's lips and trailed down his chest placing licks, nips and bites down his tan skin. The taste of Randy on his tongue was intoxicating and with each pass of his tongue over flesh John found himself moaning softly along with his lover.

"You taste so good." John growled, and a slow, sexy smile spread across Randy's lips. "Why don't you move lower then?" he whispered, a wink following the tease.

"Gladly," John lowered his head down and took Randy's cock into his mouth, sucking hard. Randy arched up, gasping loudly. His eyes closed at the sensation of John's mouth on him. His eyes turned hazy and he desperately tried to keep them open.

John never let up on his cock, his mouth sliding along the slick flesh, and all the while he glanced up the long line of his lover's body to watch his face, his expressions. He used his own pre-cum as lube as he reached down to stroke himself. John moved his fingers back up to Randy's entrance, rubbing slowly. One finger began to move within that tight ring, slowly, and it made Randy pant even harder.

"Tell me what you want," John whispered, finally pulling Randy's member from between his lips, looking up at him with emotion filled eyes

"Fuck me, Johnny." Randy whispered back, voice a bare breath of a whisper.

John groaned. He leaned his head down to brush a tender kiss to his lover's mouth, nibbling gently on his lower lip. The kiss lingered for a long moment then John forced himself to draw away with a low groan, smearing his cock with his pre-cum. Randy watched him closely, his own hand reaching forward to touch John's throbbing, leaking member.

John watched as Randy stroked him, the younger man's hand coated in the essence he was steadily leaking. He jerked forward, into Randy's touch as he groaned loudly. The sensation was almost too much to bear and he felt his cock begin to twitch.

"You keep doing that, and I'm going to cum before I ever manage to get inside of you." John finally gasped out after one long hard stroke, his breath coming in hard pants.

"But you feel so good," Randy whispered with a smile as he continued to stroke his lover again and again, a little quicker. He pulled his hand back momentarily and bought his fingers to his lips. "You taste so good, too,"

A moan broke through John's throat again, a shudder slithering along his spine "God, Randy, I want to be inside you; I need to be," As much as he wanted, he couldn't force himself to stop the strokes. It took another moment or so, but Randy finally stopped the teasing touches and pulled him down for another deep lingering kiss.

"I want you inside me," he murmured softly and John immediately nodded his head and positioned his cock against that tight opening. Randy pulled him closer by wrapping his arms around him.

John arched up and began to press his firm flesh slowly against that tight opening. Randy lifted his head and kissed him, murmuring against his lips. John pushed slowly into Randy until he was fully inside his younger lover. Randy broke the kiss to gasp as his fingernails dug into John's back.

"Fuck, you feel so good." John whispered. He cupped Randy's face and gazed into his eyes, his tongue tracing gently at his lover's lips and he stayed perfectly still, waiting for Randy to signify he was ready for movement.

It didn't take long and he was soon arching beneath John. His hands fluttered over the smooth flesh of John's back and then ended gripping his ass, pulling him closer, forcing him to grind against him. "Please... I need you to move." He gasped, and John grinned down and began slowly, drawing out inch by painfully slow inch before he slid home with just as much tender attention. It was driving Randy insane, and after the first few strokes like that, his breath was ragged and his eyes bright and glassy. "Fuck! Harder, baby." He gasped out.

Without a word, John drew out of him slowly, causing a pleasured gasp to come from Randy, and then he slammed home as hard as he could. Randy cried out, his eyes closing as he shuddered beneath John as he began a series of pounding hard thrusts. Randy writhed, screamed, begged and pleaded and John loved it. Drawing his hands up over his head, John held them pinned there as he gazed down into his face and continued to fuck him with intense stroke after stroke. He dipped his head down as Randy arched his head back into the pillow, baring the column of his throat. He licked and bit into the skin as Randy groaned loudly.

"John!" he cried, his body coiled and ready to explode. "So close."

John buried his face into Randy's neck as his cock slid into Randy's with such force it rocked the bed on its base, causing it to slam against the wall over and over. He moaned against Randy's sweaty skin and after only a couple more of his brutal strokes he felt himself raising up and then crashing down over the edge of an orgasm. He came in a rush, quick and hard and his teeth left red imprints on the skin at Randy's neck. John released Randy's hand as he shuddered through his own climax and his fingers slid quickly to John's neck, dragging his head down for a kiss, both men swallowing the others moans of pleasure.

They lay together, panting softly in each other arms, John still embedded deeply within Randy. It took quite some time for them to regain their heads, and when they did all they could do was look at one another and grin sleepily.

"That was amazing." Randy whispered.

"And now we can watch The Godfather," John responded with a smile. Randy rolled his eyes beneath him. "Great,"

John's smile widened. "Then we can stay up and discuss all the hidden messages,"

Randy yawned, his hands running up and down John's back. "Good luck with that,"

John finally laughed softly and pressed another kiss to Randy's lips. "Tonight has been perfect. I love you, Ran."

"It was perfect." Randy whispered back. "I love you, too."

The older man kissed his forehead before pulling out of him slowly. Randy groaned at the sensation and held onto John as he tried to move off the bed.

"Don't go." Randy mumbled, a pout on his lips. "Just stay here with me. I'll watch the stupid movie."

"I'm not going anywhere, babe." John turned over and grabbed the remote, turning on the television and letting the movie begin to play as Randy got comfortable, his head resting on John's chest. John kept an arm wrapped around his shoulders and held him close, his eyes drifting closed as he made a silent vow.

_I'll always be by your side._


	88. Chapter 87

**September 2014**

John clenched his fists at his sides, his heart racing with anticipation as his eyes followed his kids' climb up the large rock wall. Despite his anxiousness, a feeling of pride overtook him as both kids safely made it to the top with their instructors.

"Daddy, look!" Alanna waved down at him and John nodded. "I see you, baby. You did so well!"

"This was so much fun, Dad!" Angel's laughter reached down to John's ears and caused him to smile, as well. "I know, kiddo. I'm so glad you guys listened and learned how to do it. I'm so proud of you two."

"I knew we could do it, Daddy. It's just Dad who never lets us come up here," Alanna rolled her eyes as she and Angel began the descent back down.

"I wonder why he did today," Angel met Alanna's eyes and shrugged, the pair continuing to chat.

John smothered a smile as he turned away. He knew he only had about an hour more to keep his secret so he figured he better start thinking of a way to calm Randy's anger now. His husband would be livid the minute the children told him John had caved and let them climb the rock wall with him. It was something they had been asking to do for the past month since they'd joined the family activity center in downtown St. Louis and seen John do it. It had become one of his favorite stress relievers and one of the ways he kept his body in shape as best he could and his energy levels up. However, one look from Randy made the children stop asking to follow John up the wall and no amount of convincing from the older man could get Randy to budge. The children had no idea the only reason they were able to climb up the wall today was because he'd sent Randy on a wild goose chase to get medicine he knew would not be available.

"Dad, I'm gonna go to dance class now, OK?"

John snapped from his train of thought and bent to press a kiss on Alanna's head. "OK, princess. I'll see you in a little bit when Daddy gets here."

Alanna nodded and took off towards the large ballet studio. Angel watched her go then turned back to John. "We're not leaving yet, are we? I wanna go play some basketball and maybe climb the wall again."

John's eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. "Basketball, yes but climbing again, no. Go play with your friends and I'm gonna go sit and have some juice and a muffin or something while I wait for Daddy."

Angel frowned and gripped John's hands. "Are you tired? Do you feel sick? I can call Daddy and tell him to hurry so we can go now…"

John bent to his knees and pulled his son into his arms to hug him tightly. "I'm fine, Angel. I'm just not in the mood to do anything by myself so I'm gonna wait for Dad." He pulled back slowly, a smile on his face. "I'm also hungry. Do you mind?"

Angel rolled his eyes and pulled away. "Fine. I was just checking,"

"Well, there's no need. Go on and play. I'm fine," John kissed his son's head and pushed him off towards the basketball courts. He watched him go for a few seconds before standing and letting out a slow sigh.

While he never wanted to be the parent who lied to his children, John had to admit, he had been lying to them more often than not lately. He didn't want them to worry about his health but the truth was, he was tired. It was taking less and less to make him tired. He knew the kids were aware of his inability to function the way he had before and they were incredibly considerate of him but John still had a hard time accepting it. He wanted to still do as much as he could with his children and be there for as many milestones as he could. Climbing a rock wall for them was nothing but a fun game but to him it was an experience he would cherish for however long he had left. Watching his children bravely conquer something and the joy in their face as they did it was one of the things keeping him going.

A ringing in his pocket made John look down and he smiled inwardly, already certain of who would be on the other end of the call. He lifted the Blackberry to his ear and answered, "Hey, babe,"

"Johnny, it wasn't time for your refill yet and the pharmacist gave me a really weird look. She must think I'm trying to dope you up or something,"

John smiled and sat at the far end of the Muffin Bar counter. He reached for a plain one and took a bite before answering Randy. "I must've gotten the dates wrong. Sorry, babe,"

"It's fine. I picked up some stuff for the house anyway so it wasn't a lost trip. How's it going with the kids? They wearing you out yet?"

"Not at all. I just sent them off to ballet and basketball. They were very happy since…" John took another bite of his muffin and swallowed it down before taking a deep breath. "I let them climb the rock wall today."

"What? You let them do what?"

John pulled the phone away from his ear as the sound of Randy's voice intensified in his ear. "Ran, don't scream. I was with them the whole time and I made sure they were OK…"

"John, you know I didn't want them climbing that wall! How can you undermine me like that?" Randy sighed in his ear and John quickly responded. "I didn't, baby; I would never! The kids think you're OK with it and that's why I'm telling you. They think I managed to convince you and didn't bother to find out how since they've been so desperate to climb up that damn wall…"

"John, you know I didn't want them to do it, though. It's dangerous and something could've happen…"

"Ran," John cut off Randy's lecture. "They wanted to climb it and I wanted to show them that I have faith in them. I wanted them to conquer it and for them to see me watching them; knowing that I had faith in them. I won't be able to do that for many more things. I won't be able to tell them I'm proud of them for graduating high school and college or learning to drive or the hundred other things they're gonna achieve once I'm gone. I was able to watch them do this, though. I was able to hug them and tell them how proud I was of them for wanting to do something and then learning how to do it perfectly. I know you were scared something could happen but you have to trust I made sure nothing would. I'm sorry I lied to you and sent you to get pills I knew weren't ready…but I just wanted today with the kids."

Randy remained silent for a few seconds before finally answering, "So, even the meds were a lie?"

John laughed softly. "I'm really sorry, baby. I'll do anything you want to make it up to you."

"I'll see you in a few minutes. I'm pulling into the parking lot now," Randy ended the call and John sighed, placing the phone back into his sweats pocket. He walked to the other end of the bar and grabbed another plain muffin for Randy before heading for the garage entrance. John smiled at the guard at the door and motioned to his car, signaling his return in a few moments.

As John exited into the large underground parking lot, he saw Randy's car enter around the corner and slide into an empty spot. John quickly jogged towards where Randy parked and reached the driver's side door just as he pushed it open.

The younger man's eyes widened and he frowned. "Hey. I was gonna come in…"

John held out the muffin, a sheepish smile on his face. "I bought you a muffin as a peace offering. I don't want you to be mad at me."

Randy slowly smiled as he reached for the muffin. "I'm not mad at you, Johnny. I was annoyed but I guess I understand why you let them do it." He slowly peeled the wrapped off and picked off a piece. "It's just…they're my babies, Johnny. I want to protect them as much as I can. They're a part of you and me and I can't lose them. I wish I could just put them in a bubble and keep them safe from all harm; now more than ever."

"I know, baby," John leaned into Randy as he rested his body against the open car door. "Don't I always protect them, too, though? I promise you they'll be fine. I will always put their well-being before my own and even though it feels like I always let them get their way, I really don't. I know what I'm doing."

Randy nodded and pulled John in closer by his waist. "Yes, you do and you should. You learned from the best."

John leaned into Randy's hold and wrapped his arms around his neck. "So conceited, baby. Can't ever take a compliment."

Randy shrugged. "Yet, you love me,"

John laughed and nodded. "Always," He pressed a soft kiss onto Randy's lips and pulled away slowly. "Let's get inside and try to rush the kids into going home. I wanna start packing and hit the road before dark."

Randy groaned and followed John out of the car. "Great; another trip up to the woods. I can't wait,"

"Oh, come on, baby. You should be extra happy about this trip. You get to bring Cody along to complain with you and I get to bring Ted to actually go hiking with and fish with…" John smiled happily as he linked his hand with Randy's. "It's gonna be a great couple of days, babe."

Randy sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Well, at least I'll have company this time since the kids have decided I don't exist anymore and want to spend all their time with you now."

John's smile wavered and he nodded slowly. "You know why that is, Ran."

Randy instantly felt guilty when he saw the expression cross John's face. His hand subconsciously tightly around John's and he pulled them to a stop. "No, baby, I didn't mean anything by it…I don't really mind, you know that. I love that the kids are spending time with you and I want you guys to spend as much time as you can together…I was just teasing you."

"I know, Ran but it's not fair to exclude you and I think we have been the past couple of weeks," John smiled genuinely and shrugged. "That all stops now, though. Looks like you are gonna have no choice but to get dirty this time, my love. Fishing and hiking and bird watching…it's all in store for you this week!"

Randy groaned loudly once more and tugged John forward. "Great…"

* * *

"How many days do we have left here?" Cody grumbled as he walked into the kitchen of the large cabin he and Ted were sharing for the next few days with Randy, John and their children. "I don't think I can make it, Ran."

Randy looked over at him and shrugged before turning his attention back to the sandwiches he was preparing for lunch. "Well, that's too bad because you promised John you would."

"I promised John I would try and I have. I thought this was gonna be easy since you were gonna be here, too but it hasn't been easy especially since you've deserted me," Cody rolled his eyes. "You were supposed to moan and groan and complain with me. You weren't supposed to all of the sudden like all this fishing and hiking crap, Ran!"

"Cody, you were raised in Georgia with Dusty hunting anything that moved. You should be familiar with this shit. Besides," Randy smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know what I've realized? Hiking is really just walking,"

Cody held up a hand and shook his head. "OK, who are you and what have you done with my cranky best friend?"

Randy's smile faded and he sighed softly. "Your cranky best friend's husband is dying and pretty soon he won't be able to share anything with him so if said husband wants to go fishing and hiking, then that's where I'm going to go, too."

Cody's annoyed expression was quickly replaced by a solemn one. "Ran, I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't be complaining. This is John's weekend and he was nice enough to invite me and Ted along…"

"John loves you guys. For how amazing you've been to our kids, he will love you forever," interrupted Randy with a shrug.

"Still, he didn't have to ask us along. I'm glad he did, though." Cody lowered his gaze to the ground below. "Ted and I haven't talked about John much since he told us his...what can I call it; a deadline? I think we're both thinking that if we don't talk about it, we can prolong it somehow. It's easier to just stay busy and not acknowledge the fact that John won't be here this time next year...or even in a few months."

"I tried doing the same thing. Staying busy, doing anything I can to fill my mind with things other than John and anything having to do with cancer…" Randy shook his head. "There's no point in pretending it's not gonna happen, though, Codes. All we can do is let him set the mood and the pace. If he wants to talk about it, then we will. If he doesn't, then we won't bring it up. If he tells me he's not tired, no matter how much I think he's lying, I won't argue. If he wants to spend his final days here, I won't make him leave. So, pretty much, he's calling the shots right now."

Cody nodded and took a deep breath. "Then that means I have to learn to love it here. If John wants me here with him, I **will** learn to love it here."

Randy laughed softly. "If I was able to learn, so will you."

"It's very stinky here, though…" whispered Cody with a small smile.

"I know," replied Randy, laughing louder now.

The door swung open and the room filled with voices as Ted, John and the children entered the cabin. Randy's eyes swung over to the source of the noise and he quickly walked towards the living room and cabin entrance. He pulled the children into his arms and placed a kiss on their heads before turning to Ted and John.

"So, I see dinner's here. How much fish can I look forward to cleaning today?"

Ted laughed and held up a large basket. "Tons! I beat Johnny by like 10 fish. I told him he was no match for me,"

"Whatever, Dibiase. I just let you have the good part of the river since it was your first time here," John rolled his eyes and took the basket from Ted's hand. Randy smiled over at him and reached for the large basket. "All in all, though, was it a good day?"

"It was a very good day. What more can I ask for than a lovely day with my children and best friend and then getting to come home to you," John smiled and leaned in to place a soft kiss on Randy's lips.

Randy smiled and looped his free arm and hand around John's waist. "Are you hungry? I made lunch,"

John nodded. "Absolutely. That's why we came back. We're gonna eat, rest and then go for an afternoon walk because someone wants to see the deer and someone else wants to try and catch fireflies."

Randy raised an eyebrow pointedly at John. "Well, let's see how the afternoon plays out before making more plan. You've already had a busy morning..."

John laughed and nodded. "Fine but I promise you, I feel fine, Ran."

Randy kept his stare on John a few seconds longer before turning it on the children. He smiled as he looked over their messy and muddy appearances. "You two need some serious cleaning up before you go near my table and lunch." He held out his hands and grasped one child in each hand. "Let's go upstairs,"

Randy led the children upstairs and John watched them go with a smile before turning his gaze back to the kitchen, where Ted and Cody had retreated. He slowly walked into the room and took a seat at the table. "Guys, have I told you how happy I am to have you here?"

"Don't even try it with those filthy hands, Ted," Cody turned over after slapping Ted playfully on the hand for reaching for a sandwich. "We love being here, Johnny; Teddy especially. I'm sure he's gonna make us buy a cabin here now of our own."

"You got that right. I love it out here. You're gonna have to start making monthly trips here, Mr. Runnels," Ted dried his now clean hands on a towel and smirked. "I'm gonna take a hike up to the rental office we drove past coming here. Check out any properties they have for sale..."

Cody rolled his eyes and glared at John in mock annoyance. "Thanks a lot, Johnny."

John laughed and shook his head. "Hey, that makes me happy. I can't say I'm honestly sorry, Codes. Randy's gonna need some company when he's up here alone."

Cody's expression quickly changed and he shared a glance with Ted. John smiled at the look shared by the couple.

"Guys, it's OK. We can talk about it, you know." He cleared his throat and glanced up at the second landing where Randy was still occupied with the children. "It's actually one of the reasons I asked you to come up here with us. I want to talk to you about when I'm not around anymore. I need you guys to do some things for me and I need you to promise me you'll do them."

Ted moved over to the table and sat in the chair across from John. "Johnny, we have plenty of time to talk about all that. Why don't we just enjoy this week and not think of it?"

"Because we really don't have plenty of time, Teddy," responded John with a smile. "I need to get everything off my chest now because I don't know what morning it is that I won't wake up. Please, just let me talk about it."

Ted sighed and glanced over at Cody, who stood frozen near the sink. He turned back to John and nodded. "OK, Johnny, we can talk about anything you want."

John nodded and took a deep breath. "First of all, I just wanna tell you both how thankful I am to have had you in my life and how lucky I have been to call you friends. You've been there for me since the first day we met and more importantly, you've been there for Randy and our kids,"

"Well, it's easy to be there for someone who's there for us, John," replied Ted with a smile.

John shook his head, his eyes lowering at the compliment. "I'm gonna need you to keep it up even when I'm gone. I need you to stay in Randy's life and help him, support him. He's gonna need everyone who loves him in his life more than ever when I'm gone. He's stubborn and he's gonna try to push you away but you have to fight him. Please don't let him give up. Don't let him wallow in my death and give up on all the things he loves. Remind him how much I want him to keep going and remind him of those two kids we have. Please...just be there for him. He's not as strong as he wants everyone to think."

"I know, Johnny and we will," Ted reached for John's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I swear to you. We will always remain in Randy's life. He will know he has us to lean on and we will help him go on. Randy and the kids will never be alone."

"Thank you, Ted," John squeezed Ted's hand and moved his gaze over to Cody. The younger man hadn't budged from his spot near the sink. John sighed, aware of Cody's inability to talk about things as openly as Ted. "Codes, I know how hard this is for you. I know you don't want to talk about this and I wish I could spare you but not talking about it won't make things change. I don't have much time left and that's a fact. I'm OK with it now, though."

Cody shook his head, his hand gripping the edge of the sink. "But I'm not OK with it, John. I'll never be OK with it."

John nodded. "OK...it's fine, Codes and I understand. I won't push you. I know, even without my asking, that you will always be there for Randy."

"Of course," responded Cody quickly. "I could never turn my back on him. I'll try to be as strong as I can for him."

John held up a hand and slowly stood. "I don't expect you guys to turn into emotionless robots or something. It's natural to grieve the loss of someone you care about and I want you to be able to do that. I want everyone to be able to do that. I just don't want any of you to linger over it; no thinking of what could've been or of what-if's. Everyone has an opinion on what's happening to me. They say it's not fair, it's a tragedy, blah, blah, blah. None of that changes what's gonna happen, though. I've accepted it. I want you to grieve me and then move on. I won't be angry from wherever the hell I end up when I die if I see you all happy and moving on. Please, don't forget that and promise me you will. Promise me you will help Randy, too. You, especially, Codes."

"I promise, Johnny. I swear it," Cody swallowed down the lump in his throat, praying to keep it down as John wrapped him in a tight hug. He smiled as the older man pulled back and turned his eyes onto Ted. His boyfriend quickly walked over to him and pulled John into a hug, as well, before letting him go and wrapping Cody in his arms. John took a step back and walked over to the table once more, suddenly feeling drained.

"OK, now I need some food. All this emotional stuff is hard on the body."

Ted laughed and kissed Cody on the side of his head before moving over to the cupboard. He pulled out some plates and set them on the table near the platter of food Randy had prepared. "Dig in, guys. I'm sure Randy will be down in a bit with the kids..."

"I'm right here. It took longer than I thought to scrape the mud off these two," Randy smiled as he entered the room and pushed the kids towards the table. "What'd I miss?"

John pulled two chairs out for the kids and shared a smile with Cody and Ted before shaking his head. "Nothing, babe. Just talking about fish,"

Randy raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Sure..."

John laughed and extended his hand over to him. "Come sit and let's have lunch. We have to get ready for deer and fireflies later."

Randy's gaze moved over to Cody and Ted, who busied themselves organizing the food on plates and pouring drinks for the group as he moved towards the table. He slid into the chair besides John and reached for his hand under the table. John turned his eyes over to Randy and smiled, pulling his hand over to rest on his knee before turning his attention back to their children and friends.


	89. Chapter 88

**Present Day**

Randy smiled as he looked up at the clear blue sky. The sun shone brightly and not a cloud was in sight. He sighed inwardly in relief that his predictions to Cody had come true and his wedding day weather did indeed turn out to be perfect.

"Well, Codes, looks like it all fell into place perfectly. The venue looks amazing, all the people who love you are here and the weather couldn't be better." Randy turned over and looked at his young friend, who was pacing the small room. "Tell me you're happy,"

Cody nodded and then quickly shook his head. "Yeah, I am…I guess I am…I don't know," He stopped his paces and turned his widened blue eyes to Randy. "I don't know what I'm doing here. What am I doing?"

Randy looked down at his suit and then back at Cody. "Well, I don't know what you're doing but I'm here for your wedding. This is your wedding day."

Cody rolled his eyes and resumed his pacing. "My wedding day; God, stop saying that. That sounds too…I don't know; too real or something."

Randy nodded and smirked over at him. "It sounds real because it is real, Cody. You and Ted are getting married today for real not playing pretend." His smirk faded and he frowned over at Cody. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm freaking out is what's wrong with me!" Cody bit his lip anxiously and held his hand up. "Am I doing the right thing here? Are Ted and I making a huge mistake? We've had a great life together so far…maybe we shouldn't rock the boat, Ran."

Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. He walked over to where Cody stood and pulled him down onto the small sofa pushed against the wall. "Codes, you need to calm down. You're just having a moment of panic. It's completely normal, though. Everyone has one on their wedding day."

Cody shook his head. "No, this isn't a moment of panic. Maybe this is a moment from God. He's sending me a sign that Ted and I shouldn't be doing this."

"God is too busy with more important things to send you signs on your relationship, Codes," Randy laughed softly and gripped Cody's hand in his. "Just listen to me, will you? I would never let you do anything that I didn't think was right for you, Cody."

"I'm scared," replied Cody in a whisper. His eyes lowered to the ground and he sighed softly. "I love him so much and I'm scared to lose him. I don't want anything to break us apart. So many people fall apart when they get married. What if we do, Ran?"

"You're not going to," answered Randy sternly. "You guys have been together for too long to have these fears, Cody. You know each other like the back of your hands and you know how right you and Ted are for each other. Nothing can ever break you up. You and Ted are the strongest couple I know."

Cody wrinkled his forehead in a frown. "We are? Have you heard us fight? He tells me I drive him crazy sometimes."

Randy smiled and nodded. "You drive everyone crazy, Cody and every couple fights. That's actually healthy. I see a long, happy life ahead for you and Ted…if you get the hell out of this room."

Cody smiled and leaned back in the sofa, resting his head against a pillow. "I love Ted and I want nothing more than a long and happy life with him. I want to build a family with him and buy a big new house in Georgia with lots of rooms we can fill with kids. I'll even go out to that damn country house more often if he wants. I just want it to work, Ran."

"It will," said Randy quickly.

"How do you know?" shot back Cody just as quickly.

Randy tapped his foot on the floor anxiously and shrugged. "I just do; it's a feeling. I'm not psychic and I may be wrong…" He stopped at Cody's loud groan and glared at younger man momentarily. "But I don't think I'm wrong. I know you and Ted apart and I know you and Ted together and I think I'm a pretty good judge of character and couples. You and Ted are gonna make it, Codes."

"Even though we waited so long to get married? It's been more than 6 years, Ran. If we knew we were gonna be together, wouldn't we have gotten married right away? You and John were married after only a year; barely a year!" Cody stood in a huff and began to pace once more.

"Cody, you can't compare you and Ted to me and John. John and I lived other lives before we got together. We had already been through relationships and marriages that failed. It helped us realize that what we had was the real thing," Randy stood up, his eyes on the floor. "It's easy to know the real thing after all you've had is the bad; really bad."

He looked back up to see Cody staring at him, the look of confusion still in his eyes. "Cody, some people know from the first look while others need a couple more. It takes some couples a month to know they're meant to be while others need years and to even try other options first. It doesn't mean the love is any less strong, though. You and Ted needed these 6 years. You guys were so young and had such demanding careers and family issues to work out…the fact that you remained together and fought through it all side by side is what proves to me that you and Ted will make it through anything." Randy narrowed his eyes over at Cody. "And you know that's true, Cody. You know you want to walk out there and marry Ted."

Cody smiled slowly and nodded. "Yeah, I do." His smile widened and he laughed loudly. "I really do. Ted's an amazing man."

"He's pretty awesome. I mean, he's choosing to accept you for life," replied Randy with a smirk.

Cody rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fuck you. I'm amazing, too."

Randy shrugged and mumbled, "Sure, sure," He turned over to the door and started to walk towards it. "I'm gonna go check on Ted now that your meltdown is over. I'm supposed to be his best man, too but you're taking up all the attention,"

Cody turned to the small dresser and grabbed an envelope from the top. "Go, go! Make sure you tell Ted how much I love him and that I can't wait to see him out there and give him this."

Randy took the envelope from Cody's hand and walked out the door but Cody quickly called him back. "Ran, wait!"

"What..." began Randy as he turned back around but the rest of his question was lost as Cody launched himself at him and wrapped him up in a tight embrace. Randy stumbled backwards from the force of the hug and laughed. "Whoa, Codes…"

"I love you, Randy. Thank you so much for always being here and helping me through all the times I've just been too scared or wanted to give up."

Randy tightened his hold on his young friend and nodded against his shoulder. "I love you, too, Codes." He pulled away and smiled before motioning to the door. "I'll see you in a few minutes, OK."

Cody nodded and moved back into the room, shutting the door after Randy exited. Randy took a deep breath, a ball of emotion clogging his throat, and continued down the hall to the other small room where Ted was getting ready. He smiled at the throngs of people he passed in the hall that were running around the venue and putting the final touches on anything and everything.

The inside of the Candlewood Inn had indeed been taken over by everyone who loved Cody and Ted. Every room in the actual inn had been booked for wedding party guests and the families of the men. The large ballroom in the main floor of the inn was ready for the large reception planned and the spacious back grounds of the property had been set up beautifully for the 150 plus guests expected. Randy continued down the hall, letting employees dart past him as they headed for either the reception or to the grounds. He spotted James at the far end of the hall at the doorway leading to the grounds and smiled at him when their eyes connected. The man nodded at him and began a slow approach. Randy remained put, unable to be annoyed at the man who had dealt with all the drama Cody and Ted put him through and in the end done such an excellent job on their wedding.

"All is looking well?"

Randy nodded, his eyes darting over to the open doorway and spotting the guests mingling. "All is looking perfect. I have to thank you. This is exactly what Cody and Ted wanted. You and your team did a great job."

James smiled and shrugged, his face reddening with the compliment. "It's our job to make their dream wedding and I'm happy we were able to do it. I'm also happy the weather cooperated."

Randy laughed softly. "Oh, God, so am I. Cody would've had a full meltdown if even a stray cloud appeared. I don't know how I would've dealt with that one." He took a step back and looked over his shoulder. "I'd better go. I just gave Cody the best man pep talk to calm the nerves and I think its Ted's turn now…though I'm sure he wont need it as much as Cody did."

James nodded. "Well, you go handle your best man responsibilities and I will handle it all out here. Don't worry about a thing and don't let Cody or Ted worry, either. I've got it all under control."

"Thank you so much…again," Before he could stop himself, Randy reached forward and grasped one of James' hands and squeezed it tightly. James' eyes widened and he quickly looked down at his hand enveloped in Randy's. Randy felt his own eyes widen at the move, one so uncharacteristically him and quickly pulled back his hand. "Um, OK. I'm gonna go now…"

James nodded and Randy quickly turned and hurried down the hall, cursing himself inwardly. The door to Ted's room finally appeared and he sighed in relief as he knocked lightly. Ted quickly opened the door and smiled happily at him. "Finally, Ran! I've been waiting for you. You gotta have a drink with me, dude!"

"Sorry, Teddy," Randy closed the door behind him and took the shot glass Ted extended to him. The men clinked glasses and quickly swallowed the clear liquid down. Randy grimaced and closed his eyes as he set the glass back down. "You should've known it was gonna take me forever to get out of Cody's room."

Ted laughed and collapsed onto a large armchair. "Was he freaking out already? I keep expecting a meltdown phone call from him any minute."

Randy smiled and sat in a chair across from him. "No, no meltdown; just a few nerves. I told him it was perfectly normal."

Ted looked back at him, a skeptical expression on his face. "Are you sure? Cody doesn't do well in high pressure situations…"

"He's fine, Ted." Randy smiled at his friend. "How are you?"

"I'm perfect," Ted laughed and shook his head. "How could I not be? I've had the most amazing boyfriend for the past 6 years and after today I'm gonna be able to call him my husband. It doesn't get any better than that,"

Randy nodded. "No, it doesn't." He pulled the envelope from Cody out of his pocket and extended it towards Ted. "Cody sent this for you."

Ted frowned and reached for the envelope, quickly tearing it and pulling the piece of paper out. The frown slowly disappeared from his face and his eyes watered as he read the words on the page from Cody. After a few seconds, he lowered the letter and reached up to wipe his eyes. "Can you do me a favor, Ran?"

Randy smiled and nodded. "Anything,"

"See how much longer till we get this show on the road. I wanna marry my guy already," Ted laughed and stood up, walking to the door and holding it open for Randy.

Randy's smile widened and he motioned at the letter. "I'm guessing that wasn't an 'I'm sorry but I can't marry you' letter, then?"

Ted shook his head, his eyes still moist. "Not at all,"

Randy stood and walked over to his young friend. "I'm so happy for you and Cody, Teddy. You guys couldn't be more meant to be."

Ted pulled Randy into a hug, nodding against his shoulder. "Thanks, Ran. It means the world to me that you're here. You and John were the only ones who really supported us when we first started dating and you never stopped."

"It's because John and I knew a sure thing when we saw it," replied Randy. He pulled back and smiled. "And I know he's looking down on you two today and that he'll watch over you two forever."

Ted nodded. "Me, too."

Randy patted his back once more before exiting the room and heading for the grounds to see if all was ready to go. Ted closed the door after him and headed for his luggage in the corner of the room. He pulled his cell phone out of his overnight bag and quickly bought it to life, pressing the number one on his favorites list and bringing the phone to his ear. It rang only twice before Cody's voice sounded his ear.

"Are you seriously calling me right now? You better be dressed, Dibiase,"

Ted smiled and lowered himself back down to the armchair. "You seriously have your cell phone on? It's our wedding day, Runnels,"

Cody laughed in his ear. "Well, how would I be able to answer your call right now if I didn't have the phone on?"

Ted's smile widened at the sound of Cody's laughter. "I love your laugh, Cody. I wish I could see you."

"You will see me…in about 10 minutes," replied Cody softly. "Did Randy give you my letter?"

"Why do you think I'm calling? I loved it, baby. I wish I would've thought to write you one." Ted closed his eyes, the letter clutched in his hand. "Looks like you'll always be the romantic one between the two of us,"

"Like I didn't know that already," teased Cody. "Teddy, I know how you feel for me. I don't need a letter from you to know how much you love me."

"I do love you, Cody. You say you're blessed to have me? Well, I'm more blessed, baby. I could never love anyone more than I love you and I look forward to our lives together, too," Ted laughed softly. "I will happily tolerate you for the rest of our lives, Cody."

"Promise?" asked Cody with a laugh of his own. "Our marriage is like buying a suit on sale. There are no returns, Dibiase. You're not getting out of it."

"I won't ever want to," replied Ted. "I love you so much, Cody."

Cody sighed in his ear. "I love you so much, too, Teddy. I can't wait any longer. Let's just go out there and start walking and make the guy marry us right now."

Ted quickly stood and walked towards the door. "Few more minutes, baby. Randy went out to check if we were ready to go…"

"I want to see you and touch you. I feel like I haven't seen you in days. Has it only been one night apart?" Cody's voice lowered and Ted instantly felt his body react.

"One night too many," he answered, licking his suddenly dry lips.

"We may have to sneak out of the reception. I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it through the entire night with just a couple kisses,"

Ted cleared his throat and gripped the handle of the door. "If you don't stop talking like that I'm gonna walk out of this room and into yours right now, Cody."

Cody laughed softly. "That would probably delay the wedding…"

"Yes, so stop it," growled Ted playfully. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes but a push from behind made him swear and stumble forward. He spun around to see Randy standing in the now open doorway, a smile on his face.

"Are you ready? It's go time!"

"Teddy, is that Randy? Can we go now?"

Ted smiled and took a step forward towards Randy. "Yeah, it's him. Let's go get married, handsome,"

"See you out there, baby," responded Cody happily before ending the call. Ted lowered the phone from his ear and threw it onto the chair he had sat in earlier.

Randy stared at him expectantly and raised an eyebrow. "Ready?"

Ted held out the letter from Cody to Randy and smiled. "Read that and tell me what you think."

Randy reached for the letter, his eyes widening in surprise. "Are you sure?"

Ted nodded and waited patiently. Randy's eyes lowered, his lips curving into a smile as he read Cody's words to Ted…

_My beloved Teddy, _

_What can I say to the man who has been my world for the past 6 years? No word in my vocabulary can explain how much I love you, Ted, and I never thought I would be blessed to have someone in my life who loves me as much as you do. _

_When I first met you so many years ago as kids, I had no idea how you would change my life. I had no idea I would fall in love with you, that you would be the one person to truly understand me, or that you would be the person I had dreamed of meeting all my life. I had no idea that my life would lead me to you._

_You are the best man I have ever met, Ted. You are strong where I am weak, and I am strong where you are weak. You take care of me and comfort me when I need it (like when I have my meltdowns…I probably had one today). You encourage me to stand up for what I believe and you want my success before your own. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know and the fact that I am going to get to spend the rest of my life with you, my very best friend, is the greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for. How you can tolerate someone like me on a daily basis is something I don't think I will ever understand (but let's not examine that too closely…) and I thank God for you on a daily basis._

_I cannot wait to meet you under that beautiful arch you picked and profess our intentions before our friends and family. I look forward to waking up to your face every day, starting a family with you, growing old with you and even to working through the tough times that are sure to come in the future. I could never have picked a man more perfect for me than you._

_I love you, forever._

_Cody_

Randy lifted his eyes back to meet Ted's and nodded. "You're a lucky man, Ted. Let's get you married."

Ted's smile widened and he happily followed Randy out of the room and into his future.

* * *

Hours later, Randy swayed side to side with his daughter as she twirled around him dancing to the music blaring throughout the large reception. He laughed down at her as she tried to get him to shuffle her feet the way she wanted and she soon gave up and ran away to join her brother and the rest of the children running around their designated area of the party. He watched her and Angel join the group of dancing children for a few minutes before turning his eyes over to scan the rest of the people in attendance. His feet carried him around the room and he shot smiles at all of his old friends, co-workers from WWE who had come for the wedding. Deciding not to linger at any one table, Randy headed for the bar and settled himself in a seat with a glass of club soda. He spun around in his seat and continued scanning the room, smiling when his eyes landed on the newly married couple wrapped in each others arms in a corner of the room, Cody laughing as Ted whispered in his ear.

"They make a handsome couple,"

Randy turned over to his side and locked eyes with James. He nodded and quickly averted his eyes from the man, feeling uncomfortable now after his earlier action in the hall. "Yes, they do. They're very happy. Today was perfect. Have I thanked you yet?"

James laughed and nodded. "Only a couple hundred times. You're still very welcome," He motioned to the bartender. "Would you like a refill on your drink?"

Randy quickly shook his head and held up his glass. "No, I'm fine with my soda. Can't risk drinking anything stronger when I'm gonna have two kids high on sugar tonight. Joys of being a dad," He smiled as his eyes automatically landed on his children once more. "They're gonna outlast me tonight for sure."

"One night wont hurt, I guess," James leaned on the side of the bar, his eyes moving over everyone in the crowd. "This is a great wedding. Despite how big it is, I can feel that everyone here truly cares for Ted and Cody." He turned his eyes back over to Randy. "Does seeing all of this make you wonder if you'll ever remarry?"

Randy frowned, a short laugh escaping him. "Not at all. Marriage is the last thing on my mind and I really think it's gonna stay that way."

"Why would you say that? I don't think that's what your husband would've wanted for you," James quickly held up a hand when he saw Randy's eyes narrow. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds but…I know who your husband was now. From the things I've heard to the things Cody and Ted told me, I can gather that he was a very good man. I doubt he would want you to be alone for the rest of your life."

Randy's glare towards the man slowly softened and he turned away, remaining silent for a few minutes before speaking again. "You're right. John was a very good man and he would not want me to be alone for the rest of my life." He sighed and swirled the liquid in his cup around. "It's not as simple as people think to move on, though. I doubt I'm gonna wake up one day and just see myself as single and open to someone else in my life."

"I've never been through a loss like yours, Randy so I can't fully understand what you're feeling but I can imagine. I don't think anyone expects you to move on right away. There is no timeline or no little clock that's gonna ding one day and tell you the day to move on. You just have to let things happen naturally. It will all fall into place one day and only you will know when that day is and if it's right for you and your children." James reached his hand forward and took Randy's free hand from where he rested it on his knee. He squeezed it lightly, drawing Randy's surprised gaze up to meet his. "Don't close yourself off to love, though. John would've never wanted that for you. You deserve all the happiness he wanted for you. Falling in love again isn't betraying him. Anyone with eyes was able to see how much he loved you and I know he's still looking down on you and showering you with his love. He just wants you to be happy again."

Randy felt his eyes water and rapidly blinked, pushing back the tears. "I know. Thank you…again."

James nodded, his eyes turning over to the waiter who waved at him frantically. "I'd better go. You enjoy the rest of the night with your loved ones," He squeezed Randy's hand once more before gently letting it go. Randy nodded but remained silent, watching James walk away. He finally looked away and swallowed the rest of his soda before standing and joining the rest of the people on the dance floor. Alanna smiled at him as he approached and he extended his hands to her.

"How about you teach me that dance step one more time, princess?"

Alanna smiled happily and took Randy's hand, twirling away once more.


	90. Chapter 89

**Present Day**

Randy smiled as Cody approached him and launched himself into his arms. He hugged his young friend tightly and pulled back. "I'll take it you're happy, Codes?"

"So happy, Ran! Thank you so much for everything," responded Cody, with a smile. He looked over as Ted approached and his smile widened. Ted wrapped his arms around Cody's waist and kissed the side of his neck. "Are you done with my husband, Ran? I wanna get the hell out of here and start my honeymoon."

"Oh my God, Ted," Cody turned over and looped his arms around Ted's neck, laughing loudly. "I'm your husband! That sounds so weird but so good at the same time!"

Ted laughed and nodded. "It sounds pretty amazing to me, too, gorgeous. We'll get used to it soon enough." He kissed Cody on the lips lightly, only pulling back when he felt a clap to his back.

"All right. I've seen you two make out enough for one lifetime. I'm gonna take off now and relieve Mom from the kids," Randy hugged Ted tightly once more. "Congratulations again, Ted. I'm so happy for you guys."

Ted smiled and kept Cody wrapped in one arm. "Thanks so much, Ran. You've been amazing throughout all this."

"The best, best friend and best man we could ever have asked for," added Cody.

Randy shrugged. "All that mattered was making your day special, guys." He looked over towards the door of the ballroom and sighed.

The last guests to leave the wedding were now strolling out in the late morning hours. Ted and Cody had remained until the end to give everyone their thanks for attending and Randy remained since he had been named the unofficial chairperson of making sure things went as planned. It had been an exhausting night and while Ted and Cody looked as energized as when the night began, Randy was exhausted.

"Hey, wait a minute, Ran! I saw you talking to the hottie manager. Is the rep of single people at weddings gonna play out with you and him tonight?"

Randy frowned at Cody's question and his eyes automatically searched out James. The man was directing a line of waiters as they cleaned up the now empty tables. His face was stern and his eyes remain locked on his employees, ensuring they did their job to his level of expectation.

"What the hell are you talking about? What rep of single people?" he asked.

"You know," Cody lowered his voice dramatically. "Single people hook up with other single people at weddings. I guess something about the romance of the night makes them all horny or something,"

"Are you drunk?" asked Randy, his eyes widening. "Don't make me kick your ass on your wedding day, Cody."

"Your threats don't scare me. My husband will protect me," replied Cody with a smirk.

Ted laughed loudly and shook his head. "To an extent. Not if you go looking for trouble, though and you know a comment like that is trouble, babe."

Cody rolled his eyes and pulled away from Ted's embrace. "You know, we haven't consummated shit. I can still apply for an annulment and be done with you."

"You wouldn't dare," answered Ted, pulling Cody back in and kissing him deeply.

Randy rolled his eyes and headed for the exit, knowing full well Cody would follow him again. Sure enough, the patter of footsteps caught up to him as he reached the table he'd sat in. Randy pulled his jacket from the table and slid it on, ignoring Cody's presence until the younger man touched his shoulder.

"Ran, don't be mad at me. It was a silly joke that I shouldn't have made,"

Randy turned over and met Cody's sad gaze. "You're damn right. You know better than that."

Cody quickly nodded. "I do! It's just…I glanced over and saw you talking at the bar and you were holding hands and I thought that maybe he was saying something to get in your head...I thought maybe he was making you feel something again."

"We were just talking, Codes," answered Randy with a sigh. "He repeated to me the same thing everyone else repeats to me; that I need to start moving on and that John wouldn't want me to be alone forever. That's already in my head, Codes. I don't need help with that. You guys need help understanding that I will move on when I'm ready; not when you're ready."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll stop bugging you," Cody smiled and shrugged. "I'm just on a love high right now and I would love nothing more than for you to be happy and in love like me."

"I am happy and maybe one day I'll be in love, too," Randy threw an arm around Cody's shoulder. "Stop worrying about me and go enjoy your wedding night and enjoy your honeymoon. Need any tips; have any questions? "

Cody rolled his eyes as he laughed. "You're such a cornball, Ran." He looked back and motioned Ted over, the older man coming forward with their jackets.

"All OK now?" Ted raised an eyebrow at Randy, who nodded. "All is perfect. Go forth and be merry. I'm going upstairs to my room and kiss my children goodnight. Then, I'm going to crash and I don't want to hear from either of you for at least a week."

"It may be closer to two," Ted smirked over at Cody. "I won't be letting hubby out of bed for at least that long."

Randy shook his head. "That's great." He moved forward and hugged both men once more. "Have a safe trip. I love you both,"

He quickly exited the ballroom before Cody could stop him again and walked down the quiet hallway to the stairwell. The exhaustion started sinking in with each step Randy took and a loud yawn escaped him. Randy tugged on the tail of his tie and rounded the corner to go up the stairs but a voice stopped him.

"Finally calling it a night?"

Randy turned over and nodded at James' voice. The usual awkwardness he felt around the man was doubled now as Cody's earlier comment sounded in his head. "Uh, yeah. How about you?"

James shook his head and motioned back to the kitchen where the waiters were disappearing into with trays. "Not for awhile yet. I won't be able to go to sleep until I see this place clean and in order." He shrugged. "At least I won't have to go far when I eventually do crash. One of the perks of running this place is having a room right upstairs."

Randy nodded. "That's good," He looked over at the stairs. "I should get upstairs myself. I'm pretty sure my kids are still awake and they're probably driving my mother crazy. She lets them get away with murder and then I have to come in and be the bad guy,"

James laughed and shook his head. "I doubt that. You're a great dad. Even I could see that in the few encounters I've had with you and your children."

Randy smiled and shrugged. "Thanks. That's always nice to hear."

James crossed his arms over his chest. "I guess this is goodbye, then. Your friends are married and you'll all be leaving tomorrow morning."

"Yeah," Randy frowned at the sudden rush of emotion that filled him. "It's weird. Coming here almost every week to prepare for this wedding has become so routine for me and now its over. I'm going back home and my kids are going back to school and their own lives and I have no clue what I'm gonna do,"

"You can move to Connecticut and let me continue to make a fool of myself by flirting with you," responded James with a laugh. He shook his head and held a hand up. "Please, don't even acknowledge that. Just forget I said it. It's pathetic,"

Randy smiled. "No, it's OK." He lowered his gaze to the floor. "I know I've thanked you like a hundred times today alone so I won't anymore. I just hope that you know how much I appreciate what you did for my friends."

He sighed and looked up, meeting James' still embarrassed face. "John was the only guy I've ever been with. Before him I had only been with women. I thought it was the weirdest thing in the world when I started feeling things for John, not only because he was a guy but because he was a guy that was like my brother. After awhile, though, I realized that the reason why we were able to make it work so well and why we fell so hard, so fast was because there had always been something there. I think I knew really early on and I just pushed it away." Randy took a deep breath. "The reason I'm telling you this is because since John was the only guy I ever felt for, I don't know how to react when guys flirt with me. Even when John was still alive and we came out and we were suddenly pioneers for the gay world, it was weird when guys tried to make a move. I handled the girls who made moves a lot better; mostly because I felt embarrassed for them. I had no clue what the hell they thought I was going to do with them."

James laughed and shook his head. "Maybe convert you back,"

Randy shrugged, a smile on his face too. "You're a good man and you deserve a good man not a wreck like me. I still have no idea what I'm going to do without John and it's been almost a year since he's been gone. I look at you and I think I feel something but I don't know. What I do know is that it's not what I felt for John. Maybe if this were years later I would be able to put in words what I felt because I would be OK with moving on but right now I'm not. I can't be with you or with anyone until I know its right no matter how great the guy is. It has nothing to do with you personally."

"I know," whispered James. He shrugged. "Figured I'd give it one last shot."

James sighed and took a step away. "It was great meeting you, Randy. Despite the short time we knew each other, I won't forget you easily," He smiled at Randy one last time and turned away, disappearing behind the door all the other employees were going into.

Randy watched the door swing shut and sighed. "I won't forget you easily either," He turned on his heel and proceeded up the stairs to his room.

* * *

**October 2014**

Randy tugged the final suitcase into the house, dropping it on the floor in the foyer. He sighed as he looked over the mountain of suitcases that would surely turn into laundry for him.

As Randy stared at the fallen luggage, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind. He smiled and leaned back into the embrace, his eyes closing.

"Doesn't this mess just make you wanna keep going? Why didn't we just stay on the plane to Tampa? Disney World on Halloween is supposed to be amazing!"

Randy's eyes opened and he turned over in John's embrace. He kissed the older man gently and shook his head. "Because it's too much, John. We've been going nonstop for weeks now and it's not healthy. Despite how much you tell me you're not tired, I know you must be. We need to slow down and you need to get some rest."

"I'll rest when I'm dead," replied John with a smirk. Randy rolled his eyes and pulled away from the embrace, walking towards the living room. He eyed his children sprawled out on the couch before continuing on into the kitchen and pulling open the takeout menu drawer.

John entered the kitchen slowly, already aware of Randy's annoyance. "Don't be mad at me. It was a joke."

Randy lifted his eyes off the Chinese menu he scanned. "What have I told you about those jokes?"

"I'm sorry," John smiled. He lowered his body to a chair around the counter and shrugged. "I know you hate them and I continue to make them. It's just, I wanna keep going, Ran. I wanna keep going until I physically cant."

Randy sighed and placed the menu on the countertop. "I get that, babe but you need to get that we need rest, even you. We can't keep doing this. I'm tired and we have two kids who need to take a breather and as much as you don't want to admit it, you need to take a breather, too."

"I don't need a breather; I need to keep going," responded John with a roll of his eyes. "I'm fine. You're the one pooping out on me,"

"I'm not pooping out on you, John," Randy crossed his arms over his chest. "You're also not fine, John. You're tired. I can see it in your eyes."

John leaned back in the chair, a sigh escaping his lips. "Ran, I'm not tired…"

"John, you had a fever last night and you were barely able to eat anything then what you did eat came right back up…" Randy began, trailing off when he saw John's eyes lower. "Baby, taking a break isn't a bad idea. It won't mean anything."

"Yes, it will. It will mean that I'm getting worse," snapped John, rising from the chair and beginning to pace the room. "I need to keep going, Randy. If I don't I'll go crazy with the ticking in my fucking head."

Randy frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"The ticking clock in my head counting down two months," replied John, pointing to his forehead. "It's like a fucking bomb waiting to go off."

"Johnny,"

John held up his hand, rolling his eyes at the sorrow filled tone of Randy's voice. "Stop, don't. I don't need to be coddled. I've made my peace with it. The doctors told me two months and it's been two months so now it's just a matter of waiting. I could go to sleep and not wake up any night now or I could get a fever that sends me to a hospital and I never come home. Some days I wish it would just happen already and some days I spend it praying to God for more time."

Randy sighed and nodded. "I get that, John and the last thing I want is for you to go crazy with those thoughts. I'll do whatever you want but…"

John moved over to Randy and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him in close. "Well, then be my Louise, Thelma. Let's keep going," His lips curved into a smile as Randy rolled his eyes. "Seriously, John? You're so corny,"

Randy reluctantly smiled and rested his forehead against John's. "Can I have one day to do laundry and pay some bills before we leave then?"

John's smile widened as he pulled back. "Really? We can go?"

Randy nodded. "Yes, but you have to explain it to the family. They thought we were staying put here for a bit and now you're changing that plan."

"I will; I'll explain it to everyone! No one can deny me anything anyway," John dropped a kiss on Randy's lips and smiled. "Right?"

Randy shrugged and moved back over to the counter. He picked up the menu he'd discarded earlier and started going over it. "Mom might give you a hard time about it. She doesn't love you like I do." He looked up and stared at John sternly. "I have one condition to making this trip, Cena."

John raised an eyebrow. "Yes…"

"I want to see you eat all the food I put on your plate at dinner and I expect you to get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight." Randy shoved the menu towards John. "Now, pick your dinner."

"I love it when you get all demanding, Mr. Orton," John winked over at Randy before lowering his eyes to the menu.

Hours later, after all the dinner had been consumed and calls had been made to their family explaining that they would only be in St. Louis for the day, Randy and John sat in bed together, an action movie playing before them.

Just as John had predicted, everyone had easily accepted the change in plans he had initiated. While Randy's parents and Sam were disappointed to only have one day with them, they understood John's need to spend as much time with his husband and children and allowed him one more trip.

John jumped as Randy's hand landed on his head. The younger man pulled back quickly, a small smile on his face. "Sorry…form of habit. Just want to make sure you don't have a temperature."

John laughed and shook his head. "I know. I just don't want to think about being sick."

"Well," Randy bit his lip and lowered his voice. "You do feel a bit warm."

"It's because I'm near you," responded John with a wink. "You always get me all hot and bothered."

Randy rested his head on the pillow behind him and sighed. "John…"

"Fine; I'll take a fever pill or do whatever you want," John slid off the bed and headed for the bathroom. "I need to take my nightly cancer busting pill now anyway."

Randy slid off the bed and quickly followed John into the bathroom, pulling open the medicine cabinet and grabbing John two Tylenol to take after his usual nightly meds. He watched as John took all the pills with a smile on his face.

"Happy now, hubby?" John set the glass down near the sink and leaned on it, the smile turning into a smirk. Randy grabbed John's hand and tugged him forward, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Very happy, love. Now, we can get our 8 hours of sleep."

John followed Randy out of the bathroom, his hand slipping from the younger man's grip and sliding up to his back. He slipped his hand under Randy's t-shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. "I'm not sleepy yet,"

"You need to rest and let the medicine take effect, John," scolded Randy lightly.

"Then you'll have to do all the work," replied John. He tugged Randy down to the bed and smiled. "It's your job anyway, hubby."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? Aren't we partners…as in you get some and I get some?"

"Fine," John rolled his eyes playfully. "If I feel you do a good job then you'll get some. Only if I like what you do, though,"

"I think it's a given that you like what I do, Cena," Randy lowered his lips and leaned in, placing his mouth on John's.

John parted his lips and Randy licked them slowly before dipping his tongue inside and tasting him. He held on to John's lips as he moved his hand slowly down to his loose fitting boxers, feeling his cock twitch. Randy felt John throb under his hand and he continued to gently stroke him.

A groan erupted from John's lips and Randy pulled away with a smirk. "You like this, don't you?"

"God, yes." John's lips were swollen from his kiss. "Can't you tell?" He moved his hips to get closer to Randy's hand. Randy smiled and continued to softly run his fingers up and down John's hard length.

John closed his eyes. "More, baby."

Randy quickly kissed him again and suddenly pulled away. He tore off John's shirt and latched on to his nipple without moving his hand down below. He teased him, softly suckling him and biting him.

"God, Randy, you're killing me."

"I'm pleasuring you."

Randy moved down John's body, placing kisses on every inch. He slowly lowered his boxers down and peeled them off John's body. Randy gently took John's cock in his hands and kissed the head. He licked his lips, tasting the salty sweetness on them. He teased John with a couple more swirls of his tongue before moving his mouth as far down on him as he could go and sucking. John surged toward him and Randy pulled back a bit. He groaned at the loss of the feeling and Randy feasted on his ability to drive John out of control. He proceeded to once again go further down John's shaft and sucked wildly.

John's fingers dug into his hair and groaned. "Harder baby..." His head fell back onto the mattress and Randy sucked even harder, hollowing his cheeks around John's throbbing erection.

John lifted his hips and gave a loud groan, flooding Randy's mouth with his seed while screaming his name. His body jerked off the bed and the intense orgasm made his entire body tense. He collapsed back on the bed and Randy continued licking him clean until he stopped jerking.

John felt his heart rate slowly return to normal. "God, you almost killed me there, gorgeous."

Randy moved up John's body and brought their lips together. John wrapped his arms around Randy's neck as they kissed and slowly turned him over, flipping them so he was on top. Randy moaned as John ran his hands over his sides and inside his pajamas. Large thighs straddled Randy's legs, bringing their erections together, rubbing and grinding.

"John...please," Randy begged, feeling the bigger man's cock on him.

John continued kissing him, letting his mouth eventually slide down, showering Randy's neck and chest with kisses and tweaking his nipples between his fingers. Randy was already close and knew one touch to his cock and he would explode.

John sneaked a peek at Randy from under his lashes once finally reaching the waist band of his pajama bottoms. He lay a kiss on Randy's waist before pulling them down his legs. Randy sucked in a breath, his cock completely exposed along with his entire body. He tried to reach for John, wanting more contact with his body, but the man above him shook his head with a smile, "This is for you. It's my turn to make you smile." With those words, John bent down and took Randy's cock into his mouth.

"Oh God!" Randy arched off the bed, his hand snaking through John's short hair. John buried his nose against Randy's smooth skin, the entire length down his throat. He pulled up, letting a few inches slide out of his mouth, sucking hard, letting all but the head escape his wet heat.

Randy let go of John, propping himself up to watch his cock disappear into John's mouth again. John bobbed up and down, gliding his tongue under Randy's shaft, cupping his balls with warm fingers. Randy fell back against the bed, no longer able to support his upper body and moaned, gripping John's head in a vice.

"Close, John...so close..." Randy gasped and John slid off him, working him with one hand. John reached up and kissed him softly.

"I'm so hard, if I watch you cum, I'll lose it." John breathed against his mouth.

Randy nodded, understanding completely, "Then we come together."

John kissed him, groaning as Randy thrust against him.

"Now..." Randy begged. He wasn't above it; he needed this, needed John.

"Hold on, baby," John quickly moved to their bedside table and pulled open the drawer. He grabbed the bottle of lube inside and launched himself back onto the bed, watching as Randy stroked himself.

"You keep doing that and this will be over before we even start," John chuckled as he settled between Randy's spread legs, the bigger man's knees spreading Randy's thighs wider. "Lift up for me baby,"

A finger slipped into John's mouth, wetting it to prepare Randy. Randy closed his eyes, writhing in torture as that wet finger slowly encircled his tight hole. John grinned, covering Randy's body to steal another kiss as he slipped the tip of his thick finger inside.

"John," Randy moaned as John thrust the lone finger in and out of him, attacking his mouth at the same time. Another finger was added and Randy grinded his dick against John with need. After the third finger, Randy was out of his mind, "Enough, John, please..."

John's fingers pulled out, his slick tongue licking the surface of Randy's lips, "You ready, baby?" He rubbed his shaft against Randy, gripping both their cocks together, sliding them in and out of his fingers.

"Yes, fuck..." Randy arched, almost screaming in need.

John's palm moved flat under Randy's cock, running down over his balls, to the crack of his ass, slicking the skin there with the younger man's fluids.

"Please!" Randy writhed. He shivered as John applied the cold lube to his entrance, rubbing the excess on the thick cock that would fill him.

"You are so beautiful," John whispered, lining his cock up with Randy's entrance.

"You are," Randy's mouth parted, his head tilted back, when John covered his body, locking his legs around John's hips. John pushed slowly into him until the head popped inside. "More." He gasped, looking the older man in the eyes.

Randy pushed back against John as he pushed in, a few more inches at a time as he allowed Randy to adjust. It was too slow, agonizingly so, and Randy couldn't wait anymore. He needed John in a way that was indescribable

"John, please," Randy groaned, reaching down and pulling John's hips closer. John finally sank all the way inside him and both men moaned in pleasure.

"Fuck, you always feel so good," They started a rhythm between them, creating a luscious friction as their mouths locked in a searing kiss. Randy locked his arms around John's neck, not releasing him from the kiss as he lifted up to meet each of John's thrusts.

They finally broke apart, foreheads pressed together and eyes were glued to each other. John grabbed Randy's hips and slammed home, causing Randy to scream his name. He thrust into Randy with all the strength he had, pouring his raw need into the other man.

Randy started shaking, tightening his muscles around John's cock and causing him to groan in delight. "So tight, baby,"

John knew Randy was close from the way his chest heaved and the panting that escaped him. He slowed his rhythm, sliding back and forth over the spot that made Randy gasp for air, then pushing in as deep as he would go. He tightened his grip on Randy with one hand, using his other to grasp the glistening cock that twitched in front of him.

"John!" Randy bucked and screamed as his orgasm hit. John's pace was excruciating, still moving inside him, while at the same time, milking the cum that shot from his cock. Randy's eyes were squeezed shut, his body spent and shaking. John's own release came seconds later, filling Randy's inside as his muscles still clenched him tightly.

John braced his hands on either side of Randy's head, holding his full weight off the younger man underneath. He dropped his forehead to meet Randy's, pausing to take some deep breaths and regain his senses. Randy stared back at him, bright blue eyes that sparkled. John dropped his lips to his husband's, gently tracing the outline of them with his tongue before giving Randy a soft kiss. Randy sighed contently, a small smile on his face.

"You okay?" John nuzzled Randy's neck, nibbling along his smooth skin.

Randy laughed and tugged John's body down to lie on his, "Better than okay."

John smiled as Randy pulled his head to him for another kiss, this one not so gentle. "That was so good, Johnny,"

"Yes, it was, baby," John bit Randy's lip gently and brushed his fingertips over the bare skin underneath his hands. "Then again, it always is when you love someone as much as I love you,"

"I agree," Randy's voice was thick with emotion. He placed a kiss on John's sweat glistened forehead. "I love you, Johnny,"

"Let's go take a shower and work on those 8 hours of sleep now," John sucked Randy's earlobe into his mouth, running his teeth over the cartilage lightly. He moved his face up and locked eyes with Randy once more. "Gotta make sure you wake up energized and ready to leave again! Disney World, here we come!"

Randy smiled and slowly nodded. His smile widened as John lifted his body off his and bounced happily towards the bathroom. The exhaustion he'd felt earlier at having to make yet another family trip had passed and now all he wanted to continue doing was anything that made the smile remain on John's face.

* * *

Randy's eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the sliver of light entering the room through the drapes. He glanced at the clock near his bed and saw it was just a few minutes past 6 am. With a sigh, he let his eyes drift shut once more but found trying to go back to sleep impossible. His mind started whirring with plans for the day, the first being emptying the luggage and washing all the clothes inside. He would also have to find a flight for Tampa leaving the next day, make sure all the bills had been taken care and explain to their kids why they were going on yet one more trip.

Randy felt the exhaustion still in his body as he thought of the all he had to do. He shifted in the bed, his back coming in contact with the warmth from John's body. Slowly moving in an effort to not wake up the older man, Randy turned over and faced John's face. His eyes were closed and his face looked at ease finally, the worried frown gone from his face. Randy lifted his hand to John's face, moving his finger over the smooth skin. He absentmindedly traced his lips and moved down to his chest. Randy closed his eyes and moved close to John's body, his hand tracing over the muscles on his chest.

After only a few seconds, Randy's eyes snapped open. He quickly lifted his body up slightly and stared down at John, the hand pressing against his chest wavering. "John,"

Randy stared down into John's eyes, which remain closed. The hand he rested on John's chest pressed harder as he lowered his head to the older man's face. "Johnny,"

Randy moved back up slowly, pulling his hand back from John's body. There was no movement and John's eyes remained closed. Randy's heart began to race and his lips began to tremble. His brain screamed at him to do something; to react somehow even by screaming but he was frozen. John lay motionless beside him, the breath gone from his body and the beat of his heart stopped and there was nothing he could do.


	91. Chapter 90

"Randy,"

Randy's eyes slowly lifted off the tiled hospital floor. He blinked rapidly to clear the blurry image of his father kneeling before him.

"Do you feel up to answering a couple questions for the police and doctors, son?"

Randy frowned and stared into his father's face. "Police? Why?"

Bob reached a hand forward to rest on Randy's knee. "It's just routine, son. Whenever an ambulance is called the police come as well. They just want to confirm with you what happened and what the doctors told them since you couldn't tell them earlier."

Randy sighed and reluctantly nodded, his gaze following Bob as he stood and motioned two officers over to him. Bob sank into the chair besides Randy and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Mr. Orton, I'm sorry for your loss. We just have a couple routine questions for you and we'll make it as brief as possible,"

The young officer who spoke had a name tag reading Flynn and a sympathetic look on his face that looked real. Randy wondered if he knew who he or John were but before he could think about it any further, the man spoke once more.

"An ambulance was dispatched to your home a little before 6:30 am. Can you tell me what happened before that?"

Randy cleared his throat and shrugged, relaxing slightly when he felt Bob squeeze his shoulder. "I woke up and it was a little past 6. I thought John was still sleeping but when I touched him I didn't feel a heartbeat and he wasn't breathing." He lowered his head and took a deep breath. "I called my parents to come over so they can keep the kids away and then I called an ambulance."

"We've confirmed with the doctors on call here that Mr. Cena's medical record indicates he was suffering from Stage 4 brain cancer. Is that correct?"

Randy's eyes shifted over to the second officer. The older man sounded less sympathetic that his partner and looked eager to leave. "Yes,"

"So, then his death was expected?"

Randy frowned. "I wouldn't put it that way,"

Officer Flynn quickly stepped forward. "What he means, Mr. Orton, is that there's no reason for any further questioning. Again, I'm sorry for your loss."

Randy nodded and lowered his gaze back down to the floor. He felt Bob tug him closer and he rested his head on his father's shoulder.

"Randy, can I get you anything, son? John won't be out of the surgery for a couple more hours."

Randy shook his head. "I don't want anything." He let his eyes close but the moment of peace he was looking for would not come as the sound of his name made his eyes open once more.

"Mr. Orton, here are your copies of the organ donation release forms for Mr. Cena's surgery. On behalf of all the people on the organ donation wait list, I thank you one more time for thinking of others in this time of immense grief,"

The young nurse who extended Randy the pieces of paper smiled at him sadly. He reached for them numbly and shook his head. "John deserves the thanks, not me."

The nurse nodded. "He was a wonderful man to do this. Organ donations have decreased over the years and its reaching a critical state. It was wonderful of Mr. Cena to allow this." She patted Randy's hand and shot him another sad smile before walking away.

Bob squeezed Randy's shoulder once more, drawing his gaze back to him. "That girl was right about one thing; John was a wonderful man."

"Always thinking about others, even after his death," added Randy, his eyes watering again. He shook his head and stood, taking a deep breath. "You know, I could use a cup of coffee. Can you go get me one?"

Bob quickly stood, his hand moving down to grip Randy's arm. "Will you be OK alone?"

Randy smiled and shrugged. "Dad, I just lost the love of my life. I don't think I'll be OK for a long time but I promise you I wont completely fall apart in the 5 minutes it will take you to bring me coffee."

Bob nodded and gave Randy one more look of concern before turning and exiting the private waiting room SLU Hospital had given their family. Randy watched him go before letting out a sigh. He turned around, ignoring the looks the other members of his family shot at him, and disappeared into the bathroom.

Randy walked over to the sink and turned on the cold water, bringing some to his face. He stared at his face in the mirror, pale with dark circles under his swollen, reddened eyes. His hands shook before him as he lowered them and he clenched them tightly around the chain he wore on his neck, John's wedding ring dangling from the end.

Shutting off the water, Randy slumped to the floor of the bathroom and rested his head back against the wall, closing his eyes tightly. He could hear the murmurs of his family outside and he wanted nothing more than to be able to block them out. After a morning of questions, all he wanted was silence. No more questions, no more condolences…he wanted it all to stop.

Randy jumped as a knock rang out in the small bathroom. His eyes flew open and he stared at the door.

"Randy, you alright, son?"

"I'm fine," Randy quickly responded to his father-in-law's question. "I just need a minute alone,"

"Son, now is not the time to be alone. I know what you're feeling. Come out here and be with us. We're a family and we need each other more than ever right now," pleaded John Sr. through the door.

Randy frowned and clenched his jaw tightly. He stood up and walked to the closed bathroom door, resting against it lightly. "You know what I'm feeling? You actually think you know?" He laughed and shook his head.

"Randy…"

"You have no idea what I'm feeling," yelled Randy through the closed door, cutting off another one of his father-in-law's pleas as his fist connected with the door in anger. "None of you have any idea what I'm feeling!" He tried to calm his rage and grabbed the door handle, pulling it open and coming face to face with John Sr.'s face.

"Don't tell me what I need and don't pretend to understand what I'm going through. Until you wake up in bed and find your wife dead next to you, you will never know what I'm feeling." Randy stepped around John Sr.'s body and tried to exit the room but the man quickly grabbed his arm and held him back as best he could.

"Randy, we are all grieving for John, just in different ways." John Sr. shook his head and pressed his hand to his chest. "I lost my son this morning. Don't you think I feel just as horrible as you do right now?"

Randy remained silent, the hand he'd slammed in the wooden door now beginning to throb. "Can you let me go? Like I said earlier, I need a minute alone."

John Sr. sighed and released Randy's arm, the younger man wasting no time in moving away.

Randy kept his gaze down as he practically ran down the hallway, brushing past his father who was returning with a container of coffee. He ignored his attempt to talk to him as he headed for the stairwell, not in the mood to wait for the elevator.

Throwing the sweatshirt hat he wore over his head, Randy exited the large hospital and headed for the garden that had become his space of solace all the other times John had been inside that building. The area in the back of the hospital grounds was practically deserted, as was the norm and Randy soon collapsed onto one of the benches set up for people like him seeking quiet. He let his eyes close one more time, ignoring the guilt beginning to gnaw at him for snapping at his father-in-law, who like him, was grieving John's death just as strongly.

Randy took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart; the heart that hadn't stopped racing since hours earlier that morning when he'd called his parents' home and had to deliver the news of John's death. It was the worst call he'd ever had to make to his parents and he would've given anything to not have to make it but making the call was easier than having to deal with his children seeing John's body being carted out by the ambulance he'd called next. They had still seen John, of course, but having their grandfather there had helped.

Along with the ambulance and police, it seemed Randy's driveway had filled in minutes as the news of John's death spread among their family. He had stood by, silently, unable to answer anyone's questions or even cry. All he could do was watch as John's body was driven away and let himself be lead to a car by his father so they could follow.

From the moment they'd arrived at the hospital and been lead into the waiting room, Randy had barely uttered two words. He'd signed off on everything given to him, most of it only for ceremony as John had made all his wishes after death clear. The older man had practically planned his own funeral. For that, Randy had been thankful. In the state of mind he was, he could barely make a decision. All he wanted was to not have to make any…and that elusive silence.

Randy opened his eyes and stared up at the sky. He sighed and groaned inwardly. "God, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to lean on your family,"

Randy turned over, his eyes widening in shock at Carol's voice beside him. The woman had been practically comatose all day, mimicking Randy himself. "What are you doing down here?"

Carol shrugged and sat beside Randy, her arms wrapped around her middle as if guarding from the cold despite the warmth of the late October night. "I don't know. I guess, maybe I think you and I should be together right now." She looked over at Randy, her eyes moist. "I think you and I may be able to understand each other better than anyone up in that room."

Randy frowned. "Why?"

"Maybe because you and I loved John like no one else up in that room," Carol smiled. "I think its clear there's nothing like a mother's love…or the love of the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. You and me, Randy; we loved John more than anything. Shouldn't that bring us together right about now?"

Randy turned away, his own eyes filling with tears. "I think I need to be alone."

"You've always been such a bull, Randy. Sometimes I wonder how the hell John was even able to crack you," Carol shook her head as a small laugh escaped.

Randy felt his own lips curve into a smile even as a tear escaped his eyes. "John calls…called me a bull."

"He was so intuitive. Like mother, like son," responded Carol.

Randy nodded but remained silent. He stared down at his hands, the image of his wedding band blurring as his eyes filled with tears.

"It hasn't even been one day and I already miss him,"

Randy looked over at Carol at the sound of her whisper. He wiped his eyes clean and nodded once more. "I miss him, too. I don't know how I'm supposed to leave here without him. Whenever I've left this place I usually know I'm coming back for him."

"I know, darling," Carol reached for Randy's hand and squeezed it gently, tracing over his ring. "We'll get through this together, Randy; all of us. We're gonna need to stick together to do it, though. Can you promise me you're gonna stick close? John will haunt me forever if I let you get away."

Randy frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Carol smiled and shook her head. "Oh, darling, you know, John. The boy thought of everything. You had to know he was gonna make me promise to take care of you." She squeezed Randy's hand once more. "Not that he had to ask. You're my son as much as John and my boys are and I plan on being your pain in the ass second mother forever. Besides, you have my beautiful grandchildren."

Randy smiled and nodded. "I don't plan on going anywhere and I don't want you going anywhere, despite how much of a pain in the ass you are."

Carol laughed and slapped Randy's hand lightly. "Once you can get away with that but only once."

Randy wrapped an arm around Carol's shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. He shook his head on her shoulder and whispered, "I wish it had been me. Even with all you just said, I don't know how I'm supposed to live without John. I wish I could've traded places with him."

"Don't say things like that, Randy," scolded Carol as she pulled back. "John wouldn't want to hear you say things like that."

"It's the truth, though," Randy shrugged and stared back up at the sky. "He could've handled this much better than me. I can't do this without him,"

"Can't do what, darling?" asked Carol with a concerned stare.

"Everything!" responded Randy, his voice rising in frustration. "I can't be a father like him, a friend like him, a son like him…I can't even take care of stuff around the house like him."

"You can, Randy; you just don't want to," Carol stood up and held her hand out to him. "And you're going to do it. Now, let's go upstairs and start facing this. It's our new life, darling."

Randy shook his head, refusing to take her hand. "I don't want a new life,"

Carol shrugged, her hand not moving. "Tough shit. You got one,"

Randy frowned, shocked at the sense Carol was making when only hours earlier she sat numb in her husband's arms. He slowly took her hand and stood, walking only a few steps until she stopped them.

"I don't want a new life, either. I wish it had been me, too. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without him, either." Carol stared at him intently. "I'm hoping it'll come with time, though and maybe one day I wont be pretending to be OK but I actually will be,"

"Me, too," answered Randy, holding onto her hand tighter now.

Together, in silence, the pair walked back inside the hospital and rode back up to the floor John was on. They headed for their room as the nurses and doctors on the floor moved past them, barely acknowledging them as they rushed from room to room.

Upon entering the room, Randy looked up, his eyes locking immediately with his son. Angel broke free from Elaine's hold and tried to rush towards him but his Grandmother pulled him back.

"No, sweetheart, let's give Daddy a minute…"

Randy quickly shook his head and walked over to them. "No, Mom, it's OK," He held his arms open and pulled Angel into his arms, holding him tightly for a few seconds before looking over to his daughter.

"Come here, baby,"

Alanna leapt off Sam's lap and ran into his arms, joining Angel in the hug. Randy placed a kiss on both their heads and sank to the flood with them. "I love you two so much. I'm sorry I went outside for so long,"

Angel pulled back and shook his head. "It's OK,"

"But don't leave us again," added Alanna.

"I won't," Randy pulled his children closer to him and held them tight. He rested his head on the wall behind him and the room fell into silence.

A knock on the door jolted everyone from their thoughts and Rita suddenly appeared at the entryway to the room. She smiled sadly and focused her gaze on Randy. "John's organ procurement surgery is over. He's been moved back into his room. You can all have as long as you need with him until you're ready for his body to be moved to the morgue."

Randy nodded, his eyes instantly watering at the word morgue. He blinked them away quickly and turned back to his family. "I'm gonna go in first with the kids then you can all take turns or whatever…"

He stood up slowly and took each child by a hand, leading them out into the hall and towards John's private room. As they approached the door, Alanna stopped, a look of fear on her face.

"I'm scared. What's Daddy gonna look like?"

Randy smiled and bent towards her. "He's gonna look like Daddy sleeping. There's no need to be scared, baby."

"It'll be OK, Ally," added Angel.

Alanna nodded and let Randy lead her into John's room. Randy took a deep breath, his eyes landing on John's body on the stretcher. The older man did look like he was only sleeping and Randy breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed Rita had covered him up with a blanket but left his arms out.

Randy moved the large chair closer to John's bed and reached for his hand. He stroked John's now ring free hand and sighed. "Johnny, what am I gonna do without you?"

Feeling the tears begin to build once more, Randy quickly pushed them away and turned towards his children. He motioned them forward and lifted them onto his lap. "OK, guys, this is our last chance to tell Daddy how much we love him and how much we're gonna miss him to his face because from now on when we talk to Daddy we wont be able to see him. You guys remember why?"

"Because Daddy's going to Heaven," Angel reached his hand forward and traced John's hand along with Randy.

Randy nodded. "Right," He turned over to Alanna, who stared at John but made no move to touch him. "Ally, you can touch him if you want. He feels the same."

Alanna shook her head. "But he's not there. His soul is already in Heaven. Grandma told me,"

Randy sighed. "I know, baby. It's up to you but trust that Daddy still sees us and hears us."

"But I want him to wake up and come home. I don't want him in Heaven," Alanna curled into Randy's side. Randy held her close and placed a kiss on her head. "None of us do, baby. We can't change this, though,"

"Things aren't going to be the same. Daddy won't be able to talk to us in Heaven," Angel shook his head sadly. "We won't be able to hug him and kiss him and just hold his hand…"

Randy turned towards Angel and pulled him close, as well. "Daddy never wanted this. There was no way to stop him from getting sick. If there would've been a way to stop this, he would've done it. He never wanted to leave us, guys. Daddy loved us so much, especially you two. You were his whole reason for living and he wanted to give you everything and make sure you had the best futures waiting for you." He took a deep breath and rested his chin on Alanna's head. "I want nothing more than for this to be a really bad dream, too. I want Daddy to come home with me and never leave us but that's impossible."

Angel reached up to touch Randy's face, pulling away a wet finger. "You're crying, Dad,"

Randy nodded. "Yeah. It's OK to cry. I'm gonna miss all the things you said, too, baby. This is gonna take time, guys. We're not gonna get over it in one day." He looked over at John and took a deep breath as he stood.

Reaching a hand forward, Randy traced John's hand once more as he turned his attention to his body. "I'm not gonna say goodbye to you, baby. I believe I'll see you again so I'm just gonna say see you later. I promise to try and do as good a job as you used to do with everything, especially when it comes to being a dad. I'll try to not be so bullheaded and I'll try to behave," He smiled and bent his head to rest on John's still chest, lowering his voice. "I have never loved anyone like I love you, John and I never will. I will miss you every single day of my life and wait for the day we can be together again. I promise to try and keep all the promises I've made to you before and the ones I'm making to you now but try and help me a little, OK. I still need your help, baby. I'm not as strong as you think I am."

Randy lifted his head and traced down John's face. "I still can't believe this is the last time I'm gonna touch you; that I'll never hear your voice again or feel your arms around me…" He trailed off as his throat closed with emotion but quickly shook it off. "I love you so much, John. This isn't real to me yet. I don't know when it will be so…just look after us, baby."

Randy placed a kiss on John's hand and quickly stood, wiping a stray tear off his face. He looked at his children, who still sat on the armchair he'd abandoned and motioned them forward. "We have to go soon, guys so if you're gonna say anything…"

Angel quickly nodded and stood up, grabbing John's hand as Randy had done. "I'll miss you, Daddy. I know you're going to watch us from Heaven, though and take care of us. I promise to be good and listen to Daddy Randy always,"

Randy smiled as he watched Angel place a kiss on John's hand much like he did. He turned his gaze over to Alanna, who stood beside her brother, her small hand trembling as she placed it on John's. "I'll miss you, too, Daddy. I wish you were still here with us. At least you'll be in Heaven now with Great-Grandpa Bob. It's supposed to be real nice in Heaven and no one gets sick there so that's good,"

Alanna looked over at Randy, who nodded encouragingly. "And I promise to behave and listen to Daddy, too."

Randy walked over to them and bent to his knees, wrapping them in his arms. "I'm very proud of you two for being so strong. Daddy always said how lucky we were that God sent us the two most amazing kids and he was so right."

"Do we really have to go now? I don't want to leave Daddy all alone," Alanna held onto Randy tightly, her eyes wet with tears.

"Maybe we can just sit here for a little longer. Can we Dad?" added Angel, the same expression on his face.

Randy sighed and looked over at the closed room door. "There are a lot of people who want to come in here and say goodbye to Daddy, guys. We should let them come in…" He stopped when he saw their faces drop even more and sighed. "You know what; they'll understand."

He stood up and sat back in the chair, both kids arranged on his lap. They stared at John's still body for what seemed like hours, each lost in their own thoughts.


	92. Chapter 91

Randy paced the area in front of his bed pensively, trying to decide if he should just give in to his urge to collapse onto the large bed and bury himself under the covers or go back downstairs to the sea of people invading his house. He looked down at his black suit and longed to be able to rip it off and throw it into the fireplace at the corner of the room.

Deciding to just give into the urge, he lowered his body onto the large bed he shared with John for so many years and reached for his pillow, yanking off the clean pillowcase the cleaning woman, Laurie, had put on just a day before. Randy buried his nose in the pillow's fabric, trying to pull out any remainder of John's scent. Thankfully, despite the Laurie's efforts, he was rewarded with the faint scent of the older man's cologne. He inhaled deeply and remained on the bed, his hands clutched around John's pillow tightly as his eyes scanned the room and landed on the basket of laundry he had salvaged from Laurie the day before.

With a groan, Randy's eyes closed as he remembered his reaction to finding the older woman trying to remove traces of John…

* * *

_Randy burst into his bedroom, unable to deal with anymore questions from his family. Planning John's funeral was not how he had thought he wanted to spend his day. Adding to his stress was the nonstop ringing of the telephone with calls from people offering condolences and the flashes of light from the media who had decided to camp out in front of his house and shoot a picture of anything and everything that moved inside the house. _

_Randy stopped short as he entered the room, his eyes immediately locking with Laurie's as she stood in the middle of the room, a laundry basket in her hands. She smiled tentatively over at him but Randy's eyes narrowed as they moved around the room. _

"_What are you doing in here?"_

_Laurie looked around nervously, trying to see what was agitating Randy so much. "Just cleaning up some, Mr. Orton. I finished with the children's bedrooms and then came in here. I cleaned up and now changed the bed linens and am taking some laundry down to the machines. I already did a couple loads that were down there…"_

"_You changed the sheets?" interrupted Randy coldly as he pointed to his bed. "Who the hell told you to do that? Who the hell even let you in this house today?"_

_Laurie's eyes widened and the basket trembled in her hands. "Ms. Elaine let me in, Sir. She told me to just go about what I would normally do would this be a normal day because you were all in the kitchen planning John's, I mean Mr. Cena's funeral so I just came upstairs to work. I don't think she thought you would mind, Mr. Orton. I mean, you didn't call to cancel my visit today so I just assumed…"_

"_Well excuse me for not calling and canceling your visit," interrupted Randy once more, his tone bordering on menacing. "I was just a little busy what with my husband dying and all."_

_Laurie quickly shook her head. "I wasn't blaming you, Mr. Orton! That's not what I meant at all!"_

_Randy strode over to her and snatched the basket of clothes from her hands, dropping it on the floor between them. "Get the hell out of here. Now,"_

"_I'm sorry…what did I do wrong?" Laurie stammered as she took a step away from Randy's towering body. _

"_Does it look like I'm in the explaining mood to you? Just go! Get the fuck out!" Randy's voice rose and Laurie's eyes widened. She quickly stepped around him and ran out of the room, practically crashing into Sam as she did so. _

_Sam watched her go, her eyes also wide as they moved from the terrified cleaning woman to Randy. "What the hell is going on in here?"_

"_She's a fucking moron and I asked her to leave," responded Randy in annoyance. He picked up the discarded laundry basket and moved it back into the closet. "Can I ask you to do the same? I just want to be alone."_

_Sam frowned and shook her head in confusion. "Randy, you just went off on Laurie, one of the sweetest people known to man, and for what? I don't think you should be alone right now, sweetie."_

"_Oh my God, just go already, Sam! I don't even know what the fuck you're doing here!" Randy rolled his eyes. "And if you think Laurie is so sweet then by all means, hire her because she doesn't work here anymore."_

"_Why? What did she do that deserved that treatment, Randy?" asked Sam, her own voice rising in frustration. _

"_She came in here and started to clean! She took the sheets off and took John's clothes to the laundry and she moved shit around…it's like she's trying to make me forget this was his room, too! His body isn't even in the fucking ground yet! Who the hell does she think she is? Coming in here and touching his shit! What if I still want it around? What if I still want to sleep in sheets that smell like him and be able to grab a shirt he wore and put it on my damn self!" Randy stopped his rant when he saw Sam's eyes water and the all familiar look of pity enter them. "Just get out. Get the fuck out of here."_

"_Randy…" began Sam softly. _

"_Get. Out." responded Randy, his voice hardening. _

_Sam sighed and shook her head before turning on her heel and walking out the room. She closed the door behind her and Randy sighed in relief when it shut. He walked into the closet and bent to look at the laundry basket. Quickly pulling out one of the many t-shirts inside, Randy walked over to the bed and curled up, the shirt under his face now as he fell into a restless sleep, John's scent all around him. _

* * *

Randy cracked one eye as he heard his door creak open. His mother entered the room quietly, a small smile on her face as she noticed him watching her.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing up here? A lot of people came here today to pay their respects to our family and they want to see you."

"I don't care. I don't want to see them," responded Randy, his voice partially muffled by the pillow underneath.

Elaine nodded and sat beside Randy on the bed. She ran her hand over his back and sighed. "Sweetheart, none of us want to do this. None of us want to be here right now. We have to do it, though."

"Why? Why do we have to do this? Are peoples condolences supposed to magically make things better? Are they supposed to make me forget about John?" asked Randy with a roll of his eyes.

"Randy, of course not! No one expects you to not be grieving. We're all grieving John's death. All those people down there miss him so much, too. They were John's friends and loved him." Elaine moved her hand up to Randy's face, coaxing him to look at her. "Sweetheart, let us help you. Together is the only way we can start to recover from John's death. None of us can do it on our own, Randy, not even you."

Randy stared at his mother, his gaze hardening. "Don't try to guilt me, Mom. I want to deal with this on my own."

Elaine shrugged and held up a hand. "I'm not trying anything, Randy. I'm just giving you advice." She stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. Before reaching for the doorknob, she turned and looked back over at Randy. "I know you don't want to come downstairs and deal with all of this, sweetheart, but can you think about it? If only for the kids,"

Randy watched as she walked out of the room, the door closing behind her. He lowered his eyes to John's pillow still clutched in his hand and sighed deeply. His mother's words echoed in his head and he could practically hear John agreeing with her. With a loud groan, Randy swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, shoving the pillow back. After smoothing over some of the wrinkles he had created in his suit, he walked out of the room and headed back down to his living room, where all of his and John's combined family had gathered along with most of their friends.

Everywhere Randy looked, a familiar face smiled at him, their eyes full of the sadness he was sure filled his. He scanned the crowded room, searching for his children but saw no sight of them. His head creasing into a frown, Randy walked over to his mother-in-law.

"Where are the kids?"

Carol looked over to her side and the door leading to the backyard. "In the tree house. They were getting a little upset and overwhelmed so I let them go outside. They said they wanted to be in the tree house because Johnny would sit with them in there." She bit her lip anxiously. "I hope that's ok, dear…"

Randy stared at Carol as she spoke, his mind drifting off as he turned his eyes to the backyard door.

* * *

"_If you want that tree house up then it's because you're gonna sit with the kids every time they want to go inside it, Cena."_

_John smiled as he stared at Randy's irate face. "Yes, dear,"_

_Randy's eyes narrowed at John's use of one of his most dreaded nicknames. "Don't, Cena."_

"_I love how I become 'Cena' when you're pissed at me but I can't ever call you 'Dear' because you have a fit. You don't see me having a fit about you calling me anything besides my name." John shrugged and looked back over at the tree house. _

"_Fine." Randy sighed loudly. "John, I'm serious. I really don't like the idea of that thing so far up in a tree…"_

"_It's 10 feet off the ground; the exact recommended height for all tree houses to minimize injury in case of a fall, Randy," interrupted John with a smile. _

"_We have 2 babies, John…" started Randy once more but was quickly interrupted again by the older man. "Our kids are not babies, Randy. They're old enough to recognize that if they step too close to the edge, they can fall. They're also smart enough to not do it."_

_Randy rolled his eyes and turned away, his lips pressed shut. "Whatever. I still expect you to be with them every minute in that thing." _

"_I will be, baby, just for your peace of mind," replied John with a smile as he walked over to Randy and wrapped an arm around his waist. _

_Randy turned over in John's embrace and sighed. "I know they're growing up and that they're smart but they're still our babies, John. The thought of anything happening to one of them…I just can't stop thinking about what I would do if I lost them, too."_

_John rested his head against Randy's shoulder and nodded. "I know. If I was losing you I would probably cling to them like that, too. You have to let them grow up, though. After I'm gone, let them grow up and move on and please move on with them."_

_Randy remained silent, his eyes looking forward. _

_John tightened his hold on him and said, "Randy, things happen and you can't control them. Just let it be and don't it let ruin your life." He lifted his hand to Randy's face and forced it to tilt down so their eyes could meet. "You gotta have faith that everything is going to be ok, baby."_

* * *

"Randy…was it not ok?"

Randy turned over and smiled at Carol. "It's fine. They're old enough to be ok in there." He started for the door but glanced back once more. "I'm gonna go talk to them a bit."

The noise from the packed house was completely drowned out when Randy shut the backyard door and walked towards his children. The chilly air made him wrap his suit jacket closer around his body and he wondered if the kids had even bothered to put a jacket on. It seemed they would be in for a cold, gray winter but it suited Randy fine. All it did was mimic his current mood…the mood he would probably be in for a long time to come.

Randy stood at the base of the tree containing Alanna and Angel's beloved tree house and slowly climbed up the ladder. "Guys,"

"See? I told you Dad would come get us out of here."

Randy smiled at Angel's grumbling and slowly entered the large wooden home. "I'm not coming to get you out of here. I'm just coming to sit with you." He smiled at both kids, pleased to see they were dressed warmly. The smile faded when he took in the sad look on their faces and the way they sat huddled together against the far wall.

"This may be a stupid question but, are you guys holding up OK?"

Alanna shrugged and avoided Randy's gaze. "There are too many people inside. They wanna hug me and kiss me and I just want them all to go away." She raised her eyes up slowly. "When are they leaving? Can we just stay in here until they do?"

Randy shook his head. "No, baby. We can stay in here a little longer but not all afternoon. I know it's uncomfortable, guys but these people want to show us how much they love us and how much they loved Daddy John so we should go inside and be respectful. I know that's what Daddy would've wanted."

Alanna turned away once more and Randy sighed inwardly. He knew he was failing miserably at every aspect of explaining John's death to his children. Not only did they still not understand why he had died, Randy figured the day would never come that they understood. He was torn between the children, wanting to comfort them both but knowing each needed something different. Alanna was grieving for the man she had seen as a second father from the moment she was born while Angel was grieving for the man he saw as a father but barely got a chance to know.

"Guys…" he began but was quickly cut off by Angel.

"Dad, it's weird. We don't want to talk about how we're never gonna see Daddy again," Angel sighed. "I know I don't."

"Trust me, I don't either," snapped back Alanna, rolling her eyes toward her brother.

"Guys, don't start," Randy sank down onto the floor of the tree house and shrugged. "I don't know how to make this better for you but I do know that arguing isn't going to make this situation any better. I know it stinks. It's going to stink for a long time because…" He turned to Alanna and smiled sadly. "It's not fair you lost John, Al. He has loved you as his own from the first moment he laid eyes on you and I know the feeling is mutual. He was as much a father to you as I was and sometimes an even better one."

Randy laughed and mumbled. "A lot of the times," He lifted his eyes up to Angel, who stared at him intently. "It's not fair you lost John, either, kiddo. He always wanted a little boy for us to raise together and we couldn't have asked for a better one. We both fell in love with you the minute we met you. You should've had more time with him." He turned to Al and nodded. "Both of you should've had more time with him. He should've been allowed to see you grow up and build families of your own and it's not fair that he wasn't. We can't change it, though. This happened and now it's just us. I can't fix it for you as much as I want to fix it...even for me. I miss him so much, too, guys."

"We know," mumbled Alanna.

The tree house was suddenly silent as each person inside was lost in their own thoughts. Randy pushed his own inner turmoil aside as he watched his children try to process his words but could already feel himself dangerously close to the edge. It had only been a week since he'd last seen John alive and happy and it was already proving impossible to live without him. The well-wishers at John's funeral and his burial service earlier that morning had almost made him snap but he held it together for his children; the children who were clinging to him more now than ever and the ones he had to find strength inside for. He knew it would be difficult to stay so strong. Loss had been something he'd only dealt with once before after his Grandfather's death and it had only been John's support that had gotten him through. No one else had been able to break through the wall he had built up to deal with losing someone he loved so immensely.

But now, here he was. Not only had he lost someone he loved more than he thought possible, but he had two small lives depending on him. It was up to him to show them how to grieve and move on while always honoring John's memory. The problem was he had no idea how to do it. He had a large family reminding him he wasn't alone every time he turned around and offering him their support but he didn't know how to accept. John had been the only one to ever break him and now that he was gone, Randy didn't know how to allow anyone else in…or if it were even possible for anyone to get in as deeply as John had.

"Dad,"

Randy blinked and turned his attention to Alanna, who looked at him sheepishly. "Yeah, Al,"

"We're hungry. I guess that means we have to go inside…" She turned a hopeful gaze to her brother, who smiled.

"We couldn't just eat in here, could we, Dad?"

Randy smiled at Angel and shook his head. "No, kiddo, we couldn't. That would be a little too anti-social." He extended one hand to each child and tugged them in closer, hugging them tightly to his body and pressing a kiss on each child's head. "Let's get out of here and smile politely at all those people inside our home because they all truly love us, OK?"

Both kids nodded and slowly descended down the stairs. They waited for Randy to follow them and each gripped one of his hands tightly. Randy smiled down at them and headed forward, towards the backyard door. Before he was able to reach for the knob, Angel tugged on his hand and stopped him.

"Dad, wait! Can you stay with us in there?"

Randy frowned and opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Alanna.

"Yeah, Dad, please? You always run up to your room and leave us alone."

"What? You're not alone! You're surrounded by family…" Randy shook his head, a sudden feeling of guilt consuming him.

"We don't want anyone but you, Dad," responded Alanna softly.

Randy sighed and bent down, the guilt multiplying. "I'm sorry I left you guys. I shouldn't have. I was only thinking about how overwhelming it was for me to be around all those people and I should've been thinking about you guys…I promise I won't do that again. We'll stick to each other like glue, OK."

Both kids smiled at him and nodded and Randy sighed in relief. He stood up and reached for the door, letting the noise inside come out to meet them. His hand quickly grabbed for Alanna once more and the three headed inside, Randy praying his strength would carry him through the remainder of the day…and the rest of the days to come.


	93. Chapter 92

Randy stared at the doctor, a look of annoyance on his face. He looked up at the clock and realized the doctor was waiting for the answer to his question.

"I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

"You look a little distracted, Randy. Are you feeling OK?" Dr. Ames asked with a sympathetic look.

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm fine. I'm so fine that I shouldn't even be here right now."

"Well, then why are you here? Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Dr. Ames smiled, the pen hovering over the notebook in her lap.

"My husband died and according to my family I'm not handling it well. I think I'm handling it just fine but apparently my way is not good enough for them. They say I'm growing distant, even from my kids, which I think is a load of crap. I think I'm dealing with everything just fine and perfectly normally considering I lost my husband 2 months ago," replied Randy in annoyance. "I pretty much just came here to shut everyone up."

"Don't you think therapy can help you deal with your husband's death?" asked Dr. Ames with a frown.

"Deal with my husband's death? There is no dealing with it! I have to just face it and move on because it's a done deal! He's gone and he isn't coming back and I have to face it," Randy rolled his eyes once more. "I just have to do it in my own way. Conventional methods rarely work on me."

"Well, then what about your children? This must be incredibly difficult on them. I gather they're young children by the fact that you're so young. Are you considering getting therapy for them?"

Randy stared at Dr. Ames and nodded in response to her question, the only good one she had asked since they're session began, in his opinion. "Yes, of course I will. They're barely 7 and they don't understand how they could've lost one of their parents. It's unimaginable to a 7 year old that one day their father just won't be there. I mean, our daughter has had him in her life from the moment she was born and our son had only had him in his life for a few years but it doesn't feel that way at all. It's like he's always been ours…it's like we've always been one unit and now a giant piece of that unit is gone and they don't understand how or why! Hell, I barely understand it."

Dr. Ames nodded. "So, maybe a therapist can help them understand it and come to terms with it. I'm glad you're attempting it. I just wish you would attempt it for yourself and give it an honest shot."

"I'm not a kid, Dr. Ames. My kids may be able to listen to a shrink and one day be able to move on from John's death but I'm an adult. I know life sucks and no amount of therapy will change that, OK," replied Randy.

"That's a very cynical way to look at life, Randy," Dr. Ames said with a shake of her head.

Randy shrugged. "But it's the truth."

"I'm gonna give you an assignment. I want you to bring it back to me next week when we meet again," Dr. Ames shrugged. "I mean, if you decide to come back."

"What?" asked Randy with a frown.

"It might not be completely finished by next week but we can finish it as therapy goes on and hopefully you can pass it down to your kids one day. I want you to start a journal. It can be something as simple as a spiral notebook. Your assignment is to answer this question; who are you? Describe yourself as you want to be remembered by future generations." Dr. Ames smiled. "Start simply. Tell me about yourself and your life with everyone, including John, as if I'm a stranger and know nothing about you. Then, expand and write as if you're writing to your children and their children. How do you want them to remember you? What traits of yours do you hope they carry on and which do you hope they don't? Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand writing stuff down but I don't understand how that's therapy," responded Randy, his frown deepening.

"You'd be amazed at how therapeutic writing is. You'll be sharing with me what you write so we will be able to work on all those little things about yourself you may not want to pass on to your children," Dr. Ames smiled. "And, of course, by writing about John, we can start the process of healing from his death."

"Whatever you say, Doc. I'll think about giving it a try," Randy looked down at his watch. "Can I go now?"

Dr. Ames nodded and stood. She held her hand out for Randy to shake and he quickly shook it and said goodbye. Randy hurried out of the office and through the quiet halls to the parking lot. His first impression on Dr. Ames wasn't bad. She seemed smart and competent and didn't push him to talk. However, the whole idea of therapy seemed horrible to him. The last thing he wanted to do was relive John's death and that's what talking about it felt like.

Randy spotted his car in the hospital garage and quickly slid behind the driver's seat. He bought the engine to life and pulled his cell from his pocket so he could send Sam a message before he began to drive.

"On my way for the kids now…"

The messaging screen faded away as he pressed send and he held the phone in his hand for a minute longer, staring at the background picture. John's face smiled back at him, along with their children's, as the three posed together. Randy felt his own lips curve into a smile as he looked at the faces of the three people he loved most, one who he had lost too soon. With a loud sigh, he glanced back at the hospital building and groaned as he realized there was no harm in giving therapy a shot. It may just help…

* * *

**Present Day**

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I don't think I could do this." Randy closed his eyes, his breaths coming in pants.

"Randy, just keep taking deep breaths. You'll be fine. You're used to this. It's just been awhile but it'll click the minute you hear those people react." Ted wrapped an arm around Randy's shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly.

"No, this was a mistake. I shouldn't have agreed to this, Ted. I can't do this anymore. I should just be a stay at home dad for the rest of my life…or at least until the kids get married," Randy shrugged as his eyes darted to the stairs leading to the gorilla position, a position he hadn't been at in over a year.

"Stop it, Ran. You know you want to do this. The nerves are just getting to you." Ted turned Randy over to face him. "You couldn't have gotten a sweeter deal from Vince. You're the youngest person he's offered a contract like this to and he did it because he knows you're still amazing; just Monday TV, pay-per-views and some house show appearances in the area. And, if it isn't working, he'll let you out of it with no questions asked. You have to try it, Ran. You'll hate yourself if you don't."

Randy sighed. "But the kids…"

"The kids have a tutor and are used to bouncing back and forth between the bus and home and Grandma's and Grandpa's. Aren't they the ones who pushed you to do this?" asked Ted.

"Because Vince offered to buy them the horses they've always wanted," replied Randy with an eye roll.

Ted laughed. "Maybe but also because they know you miss this and they miss seeing you out there doing what you loved. They also know John would want you out there, Ran. It's a sin to waste your talent by sitting at home!" He grabbed Randy by the shoulders and shook him. "I should not have to convince you to do this, Randy! It's a great opportunity and you're just gonna have to do it. I will shove you through those curtains if I have to, understood?"

Randy rolled his eyes once more and remained silent. His eyes scanned the back of the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, the back of the arena so familiar to all the others he'd seen in his many years with WWE. The sound of his pounding heart was almost overwhelming in his ears and Randy shook his head, still in shock he was there.

When Vince McMahon had called a couple weeks before to once again try and convince him to come back to the WWE, even if only for television and special pay-per-views, he had quickly turned the man down. He appreciated Vince's persistence and a part of him did want to agree but another part of him just wouldn't let him accept. The thought of returning to a wrestling ring and knowing he would never be able to face John in one again was almost too much to bear. He didn't think he could survive the grind of traveling so much and all the other demands a WWE career put on someone without John by his side. Not to mention, over the past year he had grown accustomed to being with his children on a daily basis. The thought of being on the road away from them for weeks was not something he was willing to consider.

"Ran! You ready for action? We get to bring back Legacy tonight!"

Randy snapped from his thoughts at the sound of Cody's ever excited voice. He stared at his younger friend and shook his head. "No, I'm not ready for this."

Cody's eyes widened. "What? Why not? Are you sick or something?"

"Cody, get out of here. Let me handle this."

Cody turned his gaze to Ted and crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes narrowed. "Well. Excuse me for speaking. Should I just sit here quietly and every now and then bend to kiss your feet?"

Ted smiled slowly and shook his head. "Sitting quietly would suffice…if you could figure out how to do that, dear."

"You're such a jerk…and while we're still in the honeymoon stage. I could still divorce you, you know," responded Cody with a huff.

"The honeymoon is over, kid. We've been married for over 5 months, Codes and you threaten to divorce me at least three times a week." Ted winked over at his husband and turned his attention back to Randy.

"It's almost go time, Ran. You gotta decide if you're doing this or not and you gotta do it now."

Randy gulped and shook his head. "I still don't know…"

"Yes, you do. You want to do this, Randy but you're just scared. Don't let the fear overwhelm you! You're not alone here. You have me and Cody to help you and you have tons of other people on your side. This is what you're meant to do, Randy. Everybody knows it! Just do it." Ted sighed in frustration when he noticed the expression on Randy's face remain the same.

"Randy, don't be afraid."

Randy looked over at Cody, who slowly approached him with a smile.

"John is with you, Ran. He's smiling down on you right now because this is what he wants for you. He wants you to move on and start rebuilding your life. Do this for him and for your babies who will be watching you out there." Cody wrapped an arm around Randy's waist. "Didn't you promise John you would do this? You never break a promise, Ran."

Randy lowered his eyes at Cody's final statement, his mind flashing back to his trip to John's grave a few months ago to commemorate the first anniversary of his death.

* * *

"_It's such a pretty day!" Alanna frowned as soon as the words were out of her mouth. "Whoa, that sounds weird to say."_

"_I'll say it does. I mean, we're at a cemetery, Ally!" Angel sighed and looked up at the bright blue sky. "I guess it's true, though. Maybe we're gonna have a good winter."_

"_Or maybe it's just Daddy making it a really nice day for us," Alanna turned her gaze to Randy and smiled. "What do you think, Dad?"_

_Randy smiled and nodded. "I think that may be true. He knew we were gonna come today." He watched the kids run forward as John's mausoleum approached. They ran inside, eager to place the bundle of flowers they carried for his plaque. Randy shifted the tray he held in his hands and followed at a slower pace. He had never understood visiting loved ones in a cemetery. It didn't make sense to him to sit in a mausoleum and cry over John's body when the older man wasn't even there. It was just a shell, not really their John. However, it had to be done for all their sakes…and as much as he hated to admit it, visiting John's grave had helped them all. _

"_OK, Dad, break out the milkshakes!" _

_Randy smiled over at his son and handed him over the small cup containing the chocolate milkshake he loved. He passed one over to Alanna and then pulled his own out of the bag. Remaining quiet, he watched as the kids ran their fingers over John's plaque and placed the flowers in the iron holders on either side of the bronze. He lowered his body to the small stone bench and lowered his head, taking a sip of the cool drink as his kids began their usual chattering, speaking to John's memorial plaque as if they were speaking to the man himself. _

"_Dad, you have to tell Daddy John what you've been doing, too."_

_Randy looked up to meet Alanna's gaze. He shrugged once he realized the kids had finished telling John all about the start of the school year and the new things they'd learned, the new friends they'd made and all the other things that seemed so important to their lives. "I don't have anything to say." _

_He sighed and bit his lip. "I've gone to a couple meetings at the school and helped Ted and Cody some since they've been back and…"_

"_That's so boring, Dad," interrupted Angel. He shook his head at Randy and said, "You need to start doing more stuff."_

"_Yeah, Dad. You've been hanging around school a little too much lately. You need to do something fun," added Alanna with a smirk. Her eyes suddenly brightened and she jumped up. "Hey, why don't you start wrestling again?"_

"_Oh my God, yes! That would be so cool, Dad! I've missed traveling on the bus and seeing you in the ring so much!" quickly added Angel. _

_Randy laughed loudly and shook his head, emptying the rest of his milkshake. "Very funny, guys. You know that's not gonna happen."_

"_Why not?" asked Angel with a pout. _

_Randy frowned. "Guys, you know I retired. I'm done with wrestling and anything having to do with it. I don't know why you're acting so surprised about it."_

"_Well, we just don't understand, Dad." Alanna shrugged and shared a look with her brother. "You used to love it so much and you were so good at it. I don't understand how you could just stop one day."_

"_Yeah. I love soccer and I don't think I could just stop playing one day," Angel looked at Randy intently. "It's because of Daddy, right?"_

_Randy slowly smiled and nodded. "Kinda." His eyes moved downward, the smile fading from his face. "It would be really hard for me to go back to wrestling and the WWE because as much as I loved it, I know Daddy loved it more. One of the most fun parts about being there was that we could work together and I don't think I could go back there without John."_

"_But don't you think Daddy would want you to go back?" asked Alanna. "I do,"_

"_Me, too, Dad. He wouldn't want you to be unhappy and bored at home…" started Angel. _

"_Hey, I'm not unhappy or bored, guys! I'm having the time of my life being a stay-at-home dad. I love being able to kiss you both before you leave for school and then getting to pick you up. I love that we can have dinner together every night and going on school trips and being able to spend the morning fishing with Grandpa and being able to pack up whenever we want and go to Boston or Florida!" Randy's smile widened. "If I were to go back to work, we couldn't do any of that."_

_Angel shook his head. "Yes, we could, Dad. You and Daddy used to do it before! Sometimes we would stay with Grandma and Grandpa or Sammy but not for long. "_

"_And we went to Boston and Florida a lot. We even got to go to some other places because you had the bus," Alanna smiled. "Stop making excuses."_

_Randy rolled his eyes. "I'm not making excuses. Why don't you two stop scheming? Why are you pushing so hard all of the sudden? Has someone been whispering in your ear?" He watched with a raised eyebrow as both kids shared a look. "Come on, spill it."_

"_It's just…it's been a year since Daddy died now and things are a little better. They won't ever be all the way better because he's not here but at least they're better. It's like, we're all learning to be happy again and be a family without him, even though we miss him every day." Angel shrugged. "You were so angry before but now you're better. It's still not the same, though. Something is still missing."_

"_Well, yeah, but what's missing can never come back so I don't see how wrestling is gonna change that," responded Randy with a frown, his eyes darting over to John's plaque. _

"_Daddy, you're not doing what you promised Daddy John you would do. You promised him you would let us move on and that you would, too. You're not, though. You're paying so much attention to us but none to yourself. You're happy being with us but when you're alone, I know you're still sad," lectured Alanna with a shake of her head. Her tone lowered and she said, "I see your face sometimes when you think no one is watching…"_

_Randy sighed. "Guys, this is a little too deep for you guys to even be thinking about. I know what's best for us so let's just drop it. If the day comes that I want to return then I will make that decision on my own."_

"_We just want you to be happy, Daddy," replied Alanna. _

"_Yeah, Dad. You worry about us and we worry about you," added Angel. _

_Randy smiled. "How about we all stop worrying about each other and just be normal? It's normal to have good days and it's normal to have sad days. This is going to go on for the rest of our lives because we're never gonna forget Daddy…and that's the way it should be. We're all doing just fine, thankfully."_

_Both kids nodded, the space filling with quiet as everyone contemplated Randy's words. Randy looked up at the inside of the large mausoleum the disbelief that he was still in one visiting John just as intense as it was the first time he stepped in there. The large stone structure was big enough for many more members of their family to be buried alongside John but Randy could only hope it would be many, many years later. _

"_So, Johnny," started Randy, his eyes looked on John's memorial plate. "As you can see, not many things have changed in the last couple weeks since we've been to visit you and in the last year since you've been gone. Our two brilliant kids still think they know what's best for everyone, especially me, and are trying to get me to do what they think is best. I guess they'll never learn." He glanced quickly to his side and saw both kids roll their eyes but smile. "I don't really mind, though, just like I know you didn't. It just means they love me and I can't complain about my kids loving me."_

_Randy looked back at the kids. "Just like I hope they realize that my sticking to them like glue kinda means I love them, too."_

"_We know that, Dad," replied Angel with a laugh. _

"_I can't stand the thought of being away from you two. How could I go back on the road and leave you? I don't want you two being raised by your grandparents alone," Randy looked at Alanna. "Or your mother alone! I want to raise you and be a real Dad to you. I don't want you to grow up and have to struggle for memories of us together. I want your life to be full of them! I barely saw Grandpa when he was traveling and I was little and I don't want that life for you…especially now that John is gone."_

"_But Daddy," said Alanna. "You used to travel all the time when I was little and I still remember you being there all the time for me! You and Daddy John had a way of making it work so that I never felt like I missed you. I know you can do it again."_

"_Just think about it, Dad. We know you miss it and that it used to make you really happy." Angel shrugged. "I know you say you're happier now but maybe you can get even happier."_

_Randy smiled and slowly nodded. "Fine, guys. I'll think about it."_

* * *

"OK, you're right," Randy took a deep breath. "I know what I'm doing. I've done it for years. I'll be fine."

"Well, good because we're up," responded Ted with a laugh.

"It's gonna be great, Ran. We're gonna have a great match and these people are gonna go bat shit crazy when your music hits." Cody pulled Randy to him and hugged him tightly.

Randy nodded as Cody's music blared through the arena. "Thanks, Codes. I'm glad you're with me for all of this."

Cody winked at him before moving over to place a quick kiss on Ted's lips. He ran out through the black curtains and began his monologue, the sounds blurring to Randy.

"Don't run away when I go out there, you hear? I expect to see the Viper out there not some terrified rookie." Ted stared intently at Randy, who nodded. "Remember everything you taught me; all those lectures you would give me? Give them to yourself right now and remember who you are, understood?"

"I will," Randy patted Ted's back as his music rang out through the arena. He watched as his young friend disappeared through the curtains before turning his attention to the mirror to his right. Focusing on his eyes intently, he went over all his accomplishments in the ring in his head. He let the feeling of pride wash over him and pushed back the sudden shot of disappointment that flew through him as a shot of John in the ring beside him flashed through his head.

"I can do this. I know you're with me, Johnny. I hope I'm making you proud," Randy let his eyes close as he whispered to himself. He turned himself around and stared at the curtains, turning all his attention on Cody and Ted's words to the WWE Universe.

"And since we happen to be in St. Louis tonight, we figured we'd ask an old friend to join us in our match…"

"_I hear voices in my head…they council me, they understand, they talk to me…"_

The arena erupted in cheers at the sound of his entrance music and Randy let his eyes close once more as the sensation washed over him. He felt a soft breeze move past his face in a soft caress and a sudden smile came upon his face. There was never a moment where he was more sure of John's presence beside him that at that moment. He stepped out through the curtain, the cheers intensifying as the crowd got their first look at Randy Orton in more than a year. His fear and hesitation suddenly disappeared and he was filled with the confidence that had ruled him and his career for so many years.

Quickly sharing a quick glance with Ted and Cody, Randy's lips curved into a smirk and he took the microphone Cody extended to him.

"Just in case you've forgotten, my name is Randy Orton."

**The End**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the support for this story!**


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